My Daughter Predicted Her Own Death — And Never Stopped Talking to Me | Louise Crist | EP 477

WEBVTT
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Close your eyes and imagine.
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What if the things in life that caused us the greatest pain, the things that bring us grief, are challenges.
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Challenges designed to help us grow to ultimately become what we were always meant to be.
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We feel like we've been buried, but what if, like a seed, we've been planted?
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And having been planted, we grow to become a mighty tree.
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Now, open your eyes.
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Open your eyes to this way of viewing life.
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Come with me as we explore your true, infinite, eternal nature.
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This is Grief to Growth and I am your host, Brian Smith.
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Hi there, I'm Brian Smith and welcome to Grief to Growth.
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Whether this is your first time here, or you've been walking this path with me for a while, I'm truly glad you're here.
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This show is about making sense of life, especially when life doesn't make sense.
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We talk about grief, loss, and the questions that keep us up at night.
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Who are we and where do we go when we die?
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And is it possible that people who we consider to be lost are actually closer than we think?
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I bring guests on to help illuminate this path, no matter how dark it feels.
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And my guest today is Louise Christ.
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Louise is a registered nurse with decades of experience at the bedside.
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She's a certified grief educator.
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She's an author and she's a shining light parent like me, someone whose daughter is in spirit.
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Louise had her daughter Jillian or Jilly passing the spirit several years ago.
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And what's unfolded since then has been one of the most remarkable stories of continued connection that I've ever heard.
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Jilly began protecting her death at the age of four.
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She drew the scene of her fatal accident in detail two years before she passed.
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And she didn't stop communicating when she passed.
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As a matter of fact, if anything, she got louder.
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In this episode, we're going to explore what it looks like when love refuses to be interrupted by what we call death.
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We'll talk about the moments when Jilly made herself unmistakable be known to Louise, to her dad, to mediums, and even to strangers.
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And what that evidence means for all of us who are wondering about where our own children, our loved ones are, or whether they're still out there.
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We'll look at what all those decades of nursing taught Louise about the other side, long before she needed that knowledge for herself.
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And we'll talk about what it means to keep living and keep loving when the person you're loving is on the other side of the veil.
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This episode is for you.
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If you've lost a child and you wondered if it's still here, but it's also for anyone who's found a penny or found a wet feather or heard a song in just the right moment and thought, was that you?
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Louise's answer backed by story after story is yes, it's absolutely Jilly.
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After the episode, I invite you to continue the conversation over at my substat grief to growth.substack.com.
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That's grief, the numeral two growth.substack.com.
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Will there be an article about this?
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And you can talk with me and other listeners about the episode.
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So with that, let's get started.
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Let's welcome Louise.
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Thank you for having me.
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Yeah, it's great to have you here.
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A fellow shining light parent.
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So for people that don't know what that is, we are parents whose children are no longer here physically, but our children are still with us here in spirit.
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So I'm really excited to get to know about you and about Jilly.
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So first of all, tell me about Jilly.
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Jilly was born an old soul.
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She could, we had a mind meld thing even when I was pregnant with her.
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Sometimes you just do that.
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And she was always ahead of her time.
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Very, very smart, very intuitive.
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Didn't take much seriously, but very, very intuitive from a very young age.
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So she died when she was 19.
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She was 19 when she passed.
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So I know that you said she was intuitive and she started saying things as early as age of four.
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Yeah, we were playing dolls one day and she said something about her future babies.
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And she looked at me and said, I won't have babies.
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I won't live that long.
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Wow.
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And did this continue then?
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Because I know up until a couple of years before she passed, she was still saying things like that.
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Is that right?
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Yes.
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I took her to counseling and they said she doesn't seem to be upset by it.
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So just roll with it and say, aha, a lot.
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But it got deeper and deeper as she got older.
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And then she told me exactly how her car accident was going to happen about a month before it did.
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And it did.
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It happened exactly that way.
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So what did she tell you?
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We were driving down the road.
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I was driving and she was my passenger.
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And I did a U-turn and she grabbed my arm and said, Mom, this is how it's going to happen.
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And I said, what?
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She goes, the car accident I'm going to die in.
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It's going to happen on a turn.
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I'm going to get hit in the side.
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I hope my face isn't messed up.
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Will you take me to the Tanner when I'm dead?
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Take her to where?
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The Tanner.
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The Tanner.
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Okay.
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Yeah.
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So she could have a tan in the casket.
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Oh, wow.
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Okay.
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How do you respond to that?
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Yeah.
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So when she said this, it sounds like it was pretty matter of fact.
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Yeah.
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She wasn't upset about it or all during this time.
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Yep.
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Okay.
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And I hate to ask you this, but tell me about her passing.
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It sounds like it happened pretty similar to what she said.
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She was, uh, she had spent the night at a friend's house.
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And her and her, her, one of her best friends were driving Julie's car because the best friend didn't, her car wasn't working right at that point.
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So the best friend was driving.
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They didn't get enough sleep.
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They had had three rum and cokes the night before, but quit drinking at midnight.
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Got up at six or five 45 got on the road and she was dead five minutes later.
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They, they missed a stop sign that the road dog legs and they didn't know that in the dark and they hit a tree.
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They had a gas main and then a tree and she was hitting the side just like she said, broken neck and injury right here to her chin.
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Her face wasn't messed up.
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And the tanning place did call the funeral home wanting to know if they should bring the spray tanner because she had talked to them too.
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She had talked to them.
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Yeah.
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Previously before she died.
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And she told them.
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Bring the spray tanner to the funeral home.
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I want a good tan.
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Oh wow.
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Okay.
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How do you respond to that?
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Right.
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So what were your thoughts during this, this time, you know, all these years when she was saying these things?
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Well, she just, I guess it was a heads up.
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Yeah.
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At the time, did you, did you believe her?
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Did you?
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Okay.
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I mean, after, you know, you start saying, Oh, don't talk like that.
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Don't do that.
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My father-in-law passed nine weeks before she did and she picked out her casket.
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So that's the one I want.
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These are the songs I want.
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Very matter of fact.
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Okay.
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While they were there at the funeral home with him.
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And what were your, what were your beliefs about the afterlife?
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Did you guys talk about that?
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Or I mean, all the time.
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Okay.
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You did.
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Yeah.
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Okay.
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Because she was, she was able, like after my father-in-law died, we, things started happening around the house that we couldn't explain.
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And she said, Oh, that's just Papa talking from the other side.
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It's okay.
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What kind of things are happening?
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Oh, like her CD would randomly change in the middle of a song and she'd say, Papa, put that back.
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And it would go back to where it was.
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And just, you know, things falling off tables and shelves.
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And she just knew his entire urn fell off of just jumped off of her dresser onto the floor and didn't break.
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Wow.
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Okay.
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So, so I've just kind of flabbergasted by this because I can't, you know, my daughter Shaina made a couple of comments when she was around the age of 10.
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I think she started thinking things like she wasn't afraid to die.
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And she talked about, she said she didn't want to grow up.
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And she was, she was 15 when she passed.
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And even just a couple of weeks before she passed, she was playing with her cousins and my daughter, Kayla, and said something like, when I passed, I want to be, I want to be cremated and buried under a tree.
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And she was, she was 15 at the time.
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And they were like, Shaina, what are you talking?
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It was, and it was a random thing.
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It was like not part of the conversation.
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And we didn't know till after she passed and we were talking to Kayla about, know what we should do with her body.
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And she said, this is what Shaina said she wanted.
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So we had those indications, but nothing that's, that's specific.
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Did it upset you at all?
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Or you just, how did you take it?
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After years, you just kind of go, okay.
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Yeah.
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And then two nights before she died, she left both me and her dad notes on her dresser, thanking us for being good parents, teaching her about spirit and afterlife and praying and giving her a good house and all that.
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And she was the passenger in the car, not the driver.
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So yeah.
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And she, she wrote a note about a month before she died.
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We read it at her funeral.
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It was basically her eulogy.
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Okay.
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So what you are, are you a religious family or just spiritual or?
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Very spiritual.
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I took my kids to every major religion growing up and kind of exposed them to all of it so that they could make a better choice as an adult as far as what resonated with them.
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They all chose Catholicism, which surprised me.
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Interesting.
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But we went and now it's much more, it's bigger than that.
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I think it's much more spiritual than that.
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So after she passed and you, you had this understanding or this, this knowing, I guess that she was going to pass.
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How did that play into your group grieving process?
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Oh, thank God.
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I had a heads up.
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My grieving process as she, I got a call from the driver's mom that morning and the girls aren't home.
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They should have been home.
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Where are they?
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So I got in my car and started looking and I called her friends that she was with and they said, no, they left at five 45.
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It's now seven 30.
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It's a 25 minute trip.
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So they started looking from their end.
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I started looking from my end.
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And right after I got the call confirming about the accident and that she had died, I heard her as clear as day right here driving down the road saying, it's okay, mom, I jumped.
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I didn't feel a thing.
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It was like watching one of those weird shows on TV where they just do really crazy stupid things.
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And you go, wow, that's going to hurt, but it didn't.
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I said, okay.
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She came to her dad in a tree stand.
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He doesn't.
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He's not quite as open spiritually as I am.
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And his hands started blowing.
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He didn't know she was dead yet.
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He's like, what the heck is going on?
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Why is my body doing this?
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And just almost like he said, it was a very warm hug.
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It never happened before.
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Yeah.
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And I've heard of something similar to that happening.
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And it sounds like she, I was going to say was, she is a very powerful spirit that was able to do these things, you know, immediately.
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Oh, within seconds.
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Yeah.
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So we picked out her.
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I had my daughter, my youngest daughter, Sierra pick out her outfit because I would have put her in something princessy and that's not who she was.
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And so Sierra picked out her outfit.
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We had the necklace with a ring that somebody with Alzheimer's that was very precious to her, a given to her.
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And it was just a costume piece of jewelry and a little term that said faith in her baptism cross had the necklace laid out with the clothes.
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Went to go pack it all up to go to the funeral home.
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And the ring was missing off the necklace.
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It was like, that's really weird.
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We looked everywhere for it.
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Couldn't find it.
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This was two days after, three days after she died.
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Went to the funeral home, had the bag still sitting on the table.
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And my husband sat down across the room and had a grief plate.
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And he goes, what is that over there under the table?
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Not where we were.
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It was the ring.
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Oh, wow.
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We hadn't been there yet.
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Okay.
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Wow.
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I don't have an explanation for that.
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Yeah.
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Well, that's, I don't have an explanation for it, but I know it's called an airport when something physically moves from one location and our dimension to another location and dimension, which with no means of transport.
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Right.
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And she does that a lot.
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She does.
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She still, she still does that.
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Oh yeah.
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All the time.
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Okay.
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Not just me, friends, family, sometimes multiple people in the same day or at the same time.
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Wow.
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Well, I just, I just, I'm really blown away by this.
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But other thing I want to ask you about, because you mentioned, she said she just jumped and for parents whose children have passed and almost every parent I've talked to has this, this almost nightmare about their last moments.
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Were they scared?
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Were they alone?
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Were they in pain?
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Explain to me what she meant by when she said, I just jumped.
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She said her last memory.
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Well, right before impact, she knew that she wasn't going to survive that.
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And she said, our bodies are designed when death is inevitable to just snap out of them.
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The body continues to have that experience, but the soul doesn't have to experience the pain.
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Yeah.
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Yeah, I actually interviewed someone who mentioned something similar to that.
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She was young when she was in an accident also.
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And she said she found herself, I think it was before the impact out of her body, above the car, looking down and she could choose whether she wanted to be in the body when it happened or to stay out.
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And she chose to stay out.
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Yep.
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And her friend jumped as well.
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Oh, wow.
00:15:28.519 --> 00:15:31.600
Came back and Julie said, no, you, I have to go.
00:15:31.799 --> 00:15:33.240
You have to stay and I'll help you.
00:15:33.740 --> 00:15:34.179
Oh, wow.
00:15:34.319 --> 00:15:34.579
Okay.
00:15:35.539 --> 00:15:41.339
So they, they met and, and out of body in between times, I'm just saying.
00:15:41.500 --> 00:15:42.199
That's what Julie said.
00:15:42.399 --> 00:15:42.519
Yes.
00:15:42.819 --> 00:15:43.059
Okay.
00:15:43.559 --> 00:15:43.779
Okay.
00:15:44.259 --> 00:15:46.120
The driver doesn't remember the accident.
00:15:46.179 --> 00:15:48.839
She had a traumatic brain injury and some other things.
00:15:48.839 --> 00:15:50.120
So she doesn't remember it.
00:15:50.220 --> 00:15:50.579
Thank goodness.
00:15:51.059 --> 00:15:51.360
Okay.
00:15:52.679 --> 00:15:56.559
But there's never been any, there's only been love for her.
00:15:56.659 --> 00:16:02.299
Yeah, because she didn't get up that morning and intending to have an accident that killed her best friend.
00:16:02.620 --> 00:16:03.100
Right.
00:16:03.419 --> 00:16:04.579
But she carries that grief.
00:16:05.360 --> 00:16:06.279
Yeah, of course.
00:16:06.659 --> 00:16:07.139
And that guilt.
00:16:08.639 --> 00:16:10.439
So remind me again, when did this happen?
00:16:11.319 --> 00:16:12.860
November 19th of 2011.
00:16:13.419 --> 00:16:13.759
Okay.
00:16:14.259 --> 00:16:14.439
All right.
00:16:14.620 --> 00:16:16.860
Just to get a timeframe, timeframe on that.
00:16:17.220 --> 00:16:30.079
And another thing that, that parents are, we, a lot of us really struggle with is anger, you know, anger at, at the person, you know, she, you said your, your daughter was not the driver that was someone else.
00:16:31.480 --> 00:16:33.139
How would you, how did you feel this?
00:16:33.139 --> 00:16:35.000
Now, this is one of her really good friends too.
00:16:35.559 --> 00:16:37.679
So I would imagine that kind of complicates things.
00:16:38.240 --> 00:16:39.860
Did you have any anger at her?
00:16:40.699 --> 00:16:55.299
I didn't, but other family members did because the day before this happened, Jilli and I were driving down to a doctor's appointment and we were behind a truck on the highway and something told me to just get over one lane.
00:16:55.299 --> 00:16:59.439
And as soon as I did, something came flying off the truck that would have hit us and killed us.
00:17:00.220 --> 00:17:02.759
And Jilli grabbed her and said, mom, we could have died just then.
00:17:03.360 --> 00:17:05.680
She was dead less than 18 hours later.
00:17:05.779 --> 00:17:07.339
Anyway, I could have been that driver.
00:17:09.640 --> 00:17:11.420
So I have to ask you this thing.
00:17:13.100 --> 00:17:19.039
We talk about soul planning and people wonder sometimes about like, do we have a time to go?
00:17:19.140 --> 00:17:20.120
What are your thoughts on that?
00:17:20.579 --> 00:17:21.019
Absolutely.
00:17:22.440 --> 00:17:22.920
Absolutely.
00:17:23.700 --> 00:17:26.120
She came, she comes to me in dreams sometimes.
00:17:26.860 --> 00:17:34.700
And she, she told me that if it hadn't been that day, it would have been a day very close to that.
00:17:34.819 --> 00:17:38.059
There might have been more people involved, but it was her time to go.
00:17:38.779 --> 00:17:42.140
She had, she had thrown the pebble in the pond that needed to be there.
00:17:42.140 --> 00:17:46.680
And now the ripples were going to go out and she could help more on the other side than she could on this side.
00:17:47.319 --> 00:17:48.440
Okay, wow.
00:17:49.720 --> 00:17:54.039
Yeah, I know, um, Elizabeth was on the founder of helping parents here.
00:17:54.200 --> 00:18:00.860
I think Morgan, her son came to her or came through a meeting one time and said something similar, like he died at Mount Everest.
00:18:00.860 --> 00:18:04.839
And he's like, if it hadn't been there, it would have been, it doesn't matter.
00:18:04.839 --> 00:18:05.940
It didn't matter where I was.
00:18:05.940 --> 00:18:07.400
It was going to be around that time.
00:18:09.720 --> 00:18:10.860
And that reframes grief.
00:18:12.079 --> 00:18:26.720
Yeah, I think that completely reframes grief because we've talked about, you know, again, some of the most difficult emotions to deal with, with grief are anger, um, guilt, uh, you know, the, the why, why did this have to happen?
00:18:26.720 --> 00:18:33.378
And it sounds like, I mean, from, from, from your experience, at least a lot of those questions have been answered.
00:18:33.920 --> 00:18:37.220
Well, chapter two in my book is the why she gave me my answer.
00:18:37.878 --> 00:18:38.898
Okay, tell me about that.
00:18:39.579 --> 00:18:44.759
Um, she, she showed me, and I've never forgotten any detail of this.
00:18:45.559 --> 00:18:50.660
She put me into a forest out in Oregon and showed me a beam of light coming down.
00:18:50.660 --> 00:18:54.500
And it was, it was Jesus sitting in a rocking chair, holding this little girl.
00:18:54.899 --> 00:18:59.339
And I walked up and I realized it was her, but I could not move.
00:18:59.940 --> 00:19:00.819
I had to just observe.
00:19:01.759 --> 00:19:09.660
And she basically said, Hey, you know, heaven is fun, but I want to learn about forgiveness and I want to learn about love and I want to learn about patience.
00:19:10.079 --> 00:19:14.660
And God basically said, well, you have all those things already in heaven.
00:20:21.409 --> 00:20:23.189
So should I want to go to earth and learning?
00:20:23.849 --> 00:20:24.789
So he said, all right.
00:20:24.929 --> 00:20:37.169
And they had this whole conversation about what she was going to learn and the lessons she was going to have and how each time she learned something, she was helping somebody else learn something and how it was bigger than just her.
00:20:38.629 --> 00:20:39.309
Yeah, yeah.
00:20:39.709 --> 00:20:41.449
And what my role in that would be.
00:20:42.329 --> 00:20:43.250
Okay, wow.
00:20:44.309 --> 00:20:48.149
You know, you know, again, it's, I'm having this conversation with you.
00:20:48.269 --> 00:20:57.629
I think about all the issues that we go through again, the wise, the unfairness of it all, you know, a life, as we say, cut short at 19.
00:20:58.169 --> 00:21:03.889
Um, so there are no pat answers and it's people still going to have questions.
00:21:04.389 --> 00:21:04.709
Sure.
00:21:05.069 --> 00:21:11.789
But, um, I think these answers can be very helpful to people to at least soften the edges.
00:21:14.449 --> 00:21:22.589
And if you look at the driver specifically, are you aware of any support groups for people who accidentally caused someone's death?
00:21:23.490 --> 00:21:23.829
I'm not.
00:21:24.069 --> 00:21:24.250
No.
00:21:25.589 --> 00:21:25.789
Yeah.
00:21:27.209 --> 00:21:31.009
So they carry that grief and that shame and that weight.
00:21:34.659 --> 00:21:49.059
And to even have that thought or have that understanding as, as the mother of the daughter who passed shows, you know, a level that a lot of us really aspire to reach because a lot of us struggle to, to forgive that person.
00:21:49.240 --> 00:21:53.219
And whether it's the driver or if our child's overdose, it might be the drug deal.
00:21:53.379 --> 00:22:00.459
It might be the doctor that my daughter had a cardiologist and, you know, I was like, why, why didn't he catch this?
00:22:00.599 --> 00:22:02.019
Why didn't he run this test?
00:22:02.719 --> 00:22:11.919
You know, you know, all those, all those types of things that we, we look for these, these answers because we're looking at it from a perspective where we don't really understand.
00:22:12.199 --> 00:22:12.559
Right.
00:22:13.419 --> 00:22:13.619
Right.
00:22:14.439 --> 00:22:15.939
But it's, it's, it's patterns.
00:22:16.639 --> 00:22:30.059
I mean, I, my experience with all the kids that have gone home before us and all the parents, those kids just, they have a special quality and I can't put my finger on it, but it's just different.
00:22:31.459 --> 00:22:32.419
I've noticed that too.
00:22:33.639 --> 00:22:41.399
I've talked to a lot of parents whose children, you know, have left before, before they do 25, let's say, you know, just picking, picking a number.
00:22:41.959 --> 00:22:46.259
And they do seem to live life at a faster pace.
00:22:47.719 --> 00:22:51.619
They seem to be more connected, you know, to people around them.
00:22:52.559 --> 00:22:59.579
And there is this, yeah, I've noticed that with, with almost every parent I've talked to, whose child has left early.
00:22:59.939 --> 00:23:04.559
So that's, it's like, I don't know, it may be, it may be more sense of urgency.
00:23:04.939 --> 00:23:05.379
Yeah.
00:23:06.059 --> 00:23:07.619
Like they knew they didn't have long.
00:23:07.779 --> 00:23:10.859
They better pack every minute of life into what they had.
00:23:11.279 --> 00:23:11.719
Yeah.
00:23:12.159 --> 00:23:13.240
And that's what we should all be doing.
00:23:13.959 --> 00:23:15.979
Yeah, we should, we should all be doing that.
00:23:16.119 --> 00:23:20.879
But, you know, we live in denial of, of what's inevitable for all of us.
00:23:20.879 --> 00:23:26.240
And we think we're all going to grow old and, you know, and have our health.
00:23:26.240 --> 00:23:29.500
And we, we tend to take those things for granted.
00:23:31.179 --> 00:23:34.579
But you, as you and I know, that's, you know, that's not guaranteed to anyone.
00:23:34.939 --> 00:23:35.379
Yeah.
00:23:35.779 --> 00:23:37.679
Child loss puts that in perspective in a hurry.
00:23:38.319 --> 00:23:39.500
Life is not guaranteed.
00:23:40.039 --> 00:23:40.839
Yeah, absolutely.
00:23:42.079 --> 00:23:47.879
And based on what I've learned, you know, on just my patients that we've resuscitated, that we've gotten back.
00:23:48.439 --> 00:23:54.639
The other side, I have never ever had a patient that we resuscitated sit up and say, thank you.
00:23:55.859 --> 00:23:57.479
Thank you for bringing the back of me.
00:23:58.559 --> 00:24:00.439
Most of them are like, why did you do that?
00:24:00.639 --> 00:24:01.559
Do you know where I was?
00:24:01.939 --> 00:24:03.059
Don't ever do that again.
00:24:05.199 --> 00:24:07.479
So during your, I mean, we, we haven't even gotten to that.
00:24:07.579 --> 00:24:10.359
You had a lot, you had a long career as, as a nurse.
00:24:10.799 --> 00:24:16.939
And I think nurses, from my understanding anyway, correct me if I'm wrong, see death a lot more often than the doctors do.
00:24:17.659 --> 00:24:24.219
So, and I, my understanding also is the doctors tend to, they'll deny the afterlife for much, much longer.
00:24:24.219 --> 00:24:26.939
But nurses seem to really know and really get it.
00:24:27.019 --> 00:24:27.519
Is that true?
00:24:28.139 --> 00:24:31.379
Yes, we have an intuition about us.
00:24:31.559 --> 00:24:38.779
You know, we know something's not right, but we have the ability to call the doctor and say, Hey, get in here.
00:24:38.919 --> 00:24:41.319
I don't know what it is, but it's something get in here.
00:24:41.500 --> 00:24:42.439
And they usually listen.
00:24:44.599 --> 00:24:50.219
So what kind of, what kind of, you mentioned a little bit, but what kind of things did you hear from people that you brought back?
00:24:51.219 --> 00:25:00.659
Well, my favorite story was an Amish gentleman that we got in in cardiac arrest and I was on the code team, which is everybody that responds to that.
00:25:01.319 --> 00:25:09.419
And I was, I was kind of a support person in the background, but I looked up and I've always had the ability to see people when they leave their bodies.
00:25:09.619 --> 00:25:14.019
It looks like the vapors off of the gas grill a few moments after death.
00:25:14.619 --> 00:25:20.579
And I saw that on him and I happened to look up in the corner and kind of saw what I recognized was him.
00:25:21.719 --> 00:25:24.839
And he was nodding and said, yes, which means keep going, keep going.
00:25:25.000 --> 00:25:25.459
I'll come back.
00:25:26.339 --> 00:25:26.639
Okay.
00:25:27.279 --> 00:25:28.639
So we got him back.
00:25:28.979 --> 00:25:30.019
He went to ICU.
00:25:30.240 --> 00:25:33.699
Next time I worked, he happened to be in the unit that I was working.
00:25:33.819 --> 00:25:36.000
And I stopped and said, Hey, I'm glad you're doing good.
00:25:36.659 --> 00:25:38.299
I was on the team the other night.
00:25:38.379 --> 00:25:39.399
He said, Oh, I remember you.
00:25:39.559 --> 00:25:41.119
You were down in the corner doing blah, blah, blah.
00:25:41.859 --> 00:25:44.659
And I go, Oh, what else do you remember?
00:25:44.819 --> 00:25:48.099
And he goes, well, I went to heaven and I said, you want to tell me about that?
00:25:48.240 --> 00:25:48.939
And I said, sure.
00:25:49.559 --> 00:25:53.740
So he said, I, I heard what sounded like a gunshot going off over here.
00:25:53.740 --> 00:25:56.019
And then I was sucked out of my body like a straw.
00:25:56.740 --> 00:25:58.740
And all of a sudden I was going down in this long tunnel.
00:25:58.879 --> 00:26:05.979
At the end of this tunnel was a bright light and Jesus was standing there and I ran up to him and I, he gives the best hugs and he gave me a hug.
00:26:06.119 --> 00:26:09.679
And, and then he held me out at arms length and said, you have to go back.
00:26:10.500 --> 00:26:13.359
And this gentleman said, why I followed all the rules.
00:26:13.459 --> 00:26:15.379
I've been a good ombudsman my whole life.
00:26:15.939 --> 00:26:16.839
What did I do wrong?
00:26:16.839 --> 00:26:20.979
And he said, I want you to go back and tell your people it's not about rules.
00:26:21.259 --> 00:26:21.979
It's about love.
00:26:23.000 --> 00:26:27.899
Well, well, for that to come out of an ombudsman is just not even on my radar.
00:26:28.139 --> 00:26:34.879
You know, but every time that I saw him after that, and he lived probably another six or seven years, same story.
00:26:35.159 --> 00:26:37.199
And he would just ball telling me that story.
00:26:37.659 --> 00:26:40.099
He goes, heaven is not anything like you can imagine.
00:26:40.399 --> 00:26:42.839
And if that ever happens again, thanks, but no, thanks.
00:26:43.099 --> 00:26:43.939
Don't bring me back.
00:26:45.359 --> 00:26:45.799
Interesting.
00:26:46.159 --> 00:26:46.339
Yeah.
00:26:47.639 --> 00:26:52.659
So obviously you're very intuitive yourself and connected to this.
00:26:52.759 --> 00:26:55.979
And you mentioned seeing people as like vapors coming out for gas grill.
00:26:56.119 --> 00:26:57.799
So like a shimmering kind of in the air.
00:26:57.839 --> 00:26:57.939
Yes.
00:26:58.279 --> 00:26:58.500
Okay.
00:26:58.679 --> 00:27:00.399
But I've taught other people to see that too.
00:27:01.039 --> 00:27:01.379
Okay.
00:27:01.679 --> 00:27:01.779
Really?
00:27:02.139 --> 00:27:02.240
Wow.
00:27:02.319 --> 00:27:02.419
Yeah.
00:27:02.919 --> 00:27:03.479
Other nurses.
00:27:04.159 --> 00:27:07.019
You just have to be paying attention and we don't because it's so busy.
00:27:07.099 --> 00:27:07.819
It's so chaotic.
00:27:08.199 --> 00:27:17.959
And if you just kind of let your eyes relax and look at the chest about three to five minutes after they die, it just kind of looks like Wow.
00:27:18.359 --> 00:27:18.639
Okay.
00:27:20.279 --> 00:27:29.859
So I think I, it seems to me like some of this is like, I don't know if it's genetic or it's kind of passed along this intuition is this ability.
00:27:31.179 --> 00:27:34.119
Is that been your experience or have there been other people in your family as well?
00:27:35.159 --> 00:27:35.299
Yes.
00:27:35.539 --> 00:27:41.740
Both my daughter, all three of my daughters are in fact, my oldest daughter speaks animals quite well.
00:27:42.000 --> 00:27:43.139
She's an animal whisperer.
00:27:43.519 --> 00:27:43.839
Oh, wow.
00:27:44.199 --> 00:27:44.299
Okay.
00:27:44.299 --> 00:27:51.039
And she's got some crazy amazing stories because she hears the people on the other side and they tell the animals.
00:27:51.240 --> 00:27:53.519
The animal tells her and then she tells the family member.
00:27:54.279 --> 00:27:54.559
Oh, wow.
00:27:54.919 --> 00:27:55.019
Okay.
00:27:57.599 --> 00:28:00.240
So you have, you said how many daughters?
00:28:00.899 --> 00:28:01.059
Three.
00:28:02.379 --> 00:28:03.659
And so do you have any sons?
00:28:04.259 --> 00:28:04.359
Nope.
00:28:05.019 --> 00:28:05.219
Okay.
00:28:05.279 --> 00:28:09.699
Because it's really interesting because it does seem to be more prominent in women to me.
00:28:10.059 --> 00:28:10.159
Yeah.
00:28:10.159 --> 00:28:18.899
And I wanted, I was curious cause I don't know if you're my Mark Anthony because both of his parents were natural born mediums also.
00:28:19.139 --> 00:28:21.399
So it does kind of go through family sometimes.
00:28:22.059 --> 00:28:22.219
Yes.
00:28:22.599 --> 00:28:25.939
And I think my grandmother probably was, but it wasn't talked about back then.
00:28:26.339 --> 00:28:26.539
Right.
00:28:26.779 --> 00:28:27.719
Yeah, exactly.
00:28:28.459 --> 00:28:34.319
But you did also mentioned that you've, you've taught other people nurses, I assume to see the same thing.
00:28:34.799 --> 00:28:35.000
Yes.
00:28:35.319 --> 00:28:37.079
And I don't know how much of that is just nursing.
00:28:37.079 --> 00:28:45.639
We rely so much on our intuition and nonverbal and cues and how much of that is a gift.
00:28:46.439 --> 00:28:46.539
Yeah.
00:28:46.719 --> 00:28:47.039
Yeah.
00:28:47.419 --> 00:28:53.119
And the type of people that go into nursing, you know, they're going to be, they're going to be caring people and empathetic people and stuff like that.
00:28:53.359 --> 00:28:56.299
So it's probably some of some of that as well.
00:28:56.740 --> 00:28:56.979
Yes.
00:28:57.439 --> 00:29:02.359
So, and you mentioned your husband is not quite as, as connected as you are, but he did have that experience.
00:29:02.519 --> 00:29:04.119
Has he had other experiences since then?
00:29:04.819 --> 00:29:17.619
He was one of the ones that had so much anger for the driver that I had to, I had to physically hide her for the funeral because I was afraid other people would tear her apart because Jelly was very popular.
00:29:19.719 --> 00:29:23.439
But he was one of those that had anger and he just wanted that last hug.
00:29:23.819 --> 00:29:25.799
He wanted one last hug and dog gone.
00:29:25.919 --> 00:29:26.919
He was so ripped off.
00:29:27.039 --> 00:29:28.279
He didn't get that last hug.
00:29:29.379 --> 00:29:34.899
So about three months after she died, we were home and it was just, he and I were both sleeping.
00:29:35.399 --> 00:29:44.759
I had this dream that she was going into a gymnasium and she looked over her shoulder and gave me her, her very particular cackle that let me know that she was up to something good.
00:29:45.579 --> 00:29:46.639
That was the end of my dream.
00:29:46.879 --> 00:29:51.359
At the same time, my husband who worked night shift and come home was meditating.
00:29:51.579 --> 00:29:56.000
I didn't even know he knew how to meditate and he was asking Jelly for that last hug.
00:29:57.339 --> 00:29:57.799
Okay.
00:29:58.779 --> 00:30:03.339
And he closed his eyes and somebody came in and sat down on the bed next to him.
00:30:03.419 --> 00:30:05.419
And then laid down next to him.
00:30:05.740 --> 00:30:08.240
And his story has never changed, never.
00:30:08.959 --> 00:30:12.459
He said his left half of his body changed like a half a degree.
00:30:12.879 --> 00:30:15.459
He felt the hug and then he felt her go.
00:30:16.199 --> 00:30:24.079
But that only happened the night before that we had had a gymnastic meet and they had honored Jelly and the driver had come.
00:30:24.639 --> 00:30:25.719
And Mark is the announcer.
00:30:26.599 --> 00:30:35.019
So during a lull, which never happens in meets, he went over and he put his arm around the driver and said, I forgive you.
00:30:35.259 --> 00:30:35.599
Oh, wow.
00:30:36.139 --> 00:30:38.299
And Jelly came the next morning.
00:30:39.059 --> 00:30:39.299
Oh, wow.
00:30:40.000 --> 00:30:40.339
Wow.
00:30:40.599 --> 00:30:53.079
That's powerful because I think I, I not think I know forgiveness can, can hold us back from our, our not holding on to that anger can hold us back from, from being able to make that connection.
00:30:53.779 --> 00:30:57.819
That is so powerful that, you know, that happened, you know, after he was able to do that.
00:30:58.179 --> 00:30:58.519
Yes.
00:30:59.159 --> 00:31:00.679
And that changed his trajectory.
00:31:02.099 --> 00:31:02.659
Yeah.
00:31:04.879 --> 00:31:14.599
So Jelly, obviously a force, you know, obviously, you know, someone who is here, was here to do great things.
00:31:14.939 --> 00:31:21.459
But you also mentioned earlier, like something about like, she felt like she could do more from the other side and she could do it here.
00:31:21.740 --> 00:31:22.219
Explain that.
00:31:24.779 --> 00:31:27.899
She's the one that got me into the helping parents heal.
00:31:28.379 --> 00:31:33.240
I had gone to a conference from Neil Donald Walsh who wrote Conversations with God.
00:31:33.879 --> 00:31:37.019
And the conference was Home with God in a Life that Never Ends.
00:31:37.719 --> 00:31:44.279
And he encouraged me to write the book and he encouraged me to go to my first helping parents heal conference, which I didn't know anything about.
00:31:45.479 --> 00:31:54.299
And at that conference, I went with my sister and I'd had a reading from one of the mediums that I didn't know her name was Nina.
00:31:54.719 --> 00:31:59.799
And during the reading, as a nurse, I also do Reiki and other things.
00:32:00.599 --> 00:32:02.399
This medium start having a headache.
00:32:02.699 --> 00:32:04.319
And I went around to work on her headache.
00:32:04.819 --> 00:32:06.399
And I kept hearing the name Jared.
00:32:07.099 --> 00:32:07.319
Jared.
00:32:07.799 --> 00:32:11.339
And it sounded like somebody was right outside of her hotel room door yelling Jared.
00:32:12.559 --> 00:32:16.539
I'm like, Do you know, do you know any Jared's, you know, I should answer the door.
00:32:16.699 --> 00:32:18.139
And she's like, What are you talking about?
00:32:18.579 --> 00:32:19.479
So you don't hear that?
00:32:19.719 --> 00:32:20.619
Nope, I don't hear that.
00:32:21.619 --> 00:32:22.599
Three different times.
00:32:22.599 --> 00:32:23.159
No, Jared.
00:32:23.299 --> 00:32:25.019
And I'm like, Okay, whatever.
00:32:25.419 --> 00:32:27.559
Went down to lunch that day, our first conference.
00:32:27.740 --> 00:32:28.559
I'm standing in line.
00:32:28.639 --> 00:32:31.299
This blonde chick is behind me that I don't know from Adam.
00:32:31.699 --> 00:32:33.839
And I turn around and I hear Jared.
00:32:34.179 --> 00:32:36.240
And I'm like, Hmm.
00:32:37.319 --> 00:32:38.399
And she starts glowing.
00:32:38.539 --> 00:32:40.039
There's no reason she should be glowing.
00:32:40.139 --> 00:32:41.639
There's no skylights.
00:32:42.019 --> 00:32:44.279
And I'm like, All right, I'll bite.
00:32:45.579 --> 00:32:48.559
Hey, do you by chance have no anybody named Jared?
00:32:48.719 --> 00:32:51.339
And she went, That's my son in spirit.
00:32:51.500 --> 00:32:52.399
How did you know that?
00:32:52.599 --> 00:32:53.139
Hmm.
00:32:53.819 --> 00:32:54.539
No, wow.
00:32:55.659 --> 00:33:02.079
And it turns out that Jillian Jared had so much in common that it led to healing for both of us.
00:33:02.099 --> 00:33:03.039
And that's what she does.
00:33:03.099 --> 00:33:06.379
She finds people who have a lot of things in common with us.
00:33:06.799 --> 00:33:08.919
You couldn't even try to have these things in common.
00:33:09.319 --> 00:33:11.879
And then somehow they crossed my path.
00:33:13.259 --> 00:33:14.219
Yeah, yeah.
00:33:15.019 --> 00:33:19.799
So I know we talked about the sign of finding the ring at the funeral home.
00:33:20.279 --> 00:33:22.399
You've had other amazing signs from her.
00:33:22.979 --> 00:33:24.559
Oh, a whole book full of signs.
00:33:24.779 --> 00:33:24.879
Yeah.
00:33:25.839 --> 00:33:27.719
Well, give me another one of your favorites.
00:33:28.219 --> 00:33:29.059
Oh, my favorites.
00:33:30.679 --> 00:33:32.479
A clean, clean or PG.
00:33:34.019 --> 00:33:34.619
Either one.
00:33:34.759 --> 00:33:35.639
This is a podcast.
00:33:35.859 --> 00:33:36.599
You can say whatever you like.
00:33:38.579 --> 00:33:39.379
Well, let's see.
00:33:39.439 --> 00:33:40.299
I'll give you a clean one.
00:33:40.539 --> 00:33:44.179
My husband to deal with his grief decided he's a gardener.
00:33:44.659 --> 00:33:45.539
I can't garden.
00:33:45.719 --> 00:33:47.500
I can kill a plant just looking at it.
00:33:48.500 --> 00:33:55.299
So he went out and dug this very large area in a part of the yard that we had never done anything with.
00:33:55.559 --> 00:33:56.859
No animals buried there.
00:33:56.979 --> 00:33:57.439
No, nothing.
00:33:57.619 --> 00:33:59.500
Just under a walnut tree in the corner.
00:34:00.719 --> 00:34:01.779
So he goes out and he digs.
00:34:02.039 --> 00:34:04.279
He was about a foot deep.
00:34:04.439 --> 00:34:08.360
He gets to this gigantic walnut tree root and he can't get it out.
00:34:08.480 --> 00:34:18.960
So he gets out the saws off, cuts off this route, digging underneath, getting all the rocks and pebbles comes up with what he thinks might be a button because this house is an 1860 house.
00:34:20.380 --> 00:34:21.440
Comes in, rinses it off.
00:34:21.440 --> 00:34:25.000
And it's a 2009 Virgin Island quarter.
00:34:25.400 --> 00:34:25.960
Wow.
00:34:27.179 --> 00:34:29.679
Which is significant 2009.
00:34:30.039 --> 00:34:32.960
I mean, how would that get a foot under a tree root?
00:34:33.300 --> 00:34:33.500
Right.
00:34:34.199 --> 00:34:41.059
The Virgin Island quarter had a palm tree, a beach, a seagull, and you could tell it was a beach scene.
00:34:41.880 --> 00:34:44.480
Julie wore Hollister clothing all the time.
00:34:45.039 --> 00:34:45.960
Seagulls were her thing.
00:34:46.840 --> 00:34:54.179
Her favorite, favorite thing to do as soon as the weather in Michigan hit 30 degrees was put on her bathing suit, go out on the roof and sun tan.
00:34:57.240 --> 00:34:57.679
Wow.
00:34:58.840 --> 00:35:07.300
Now the Virgin Island, of course, that for people that may not remember, we had those quarters back in the day that we had quarters for each standard and then realize there was one for the Virgin Islands.
00:35:07.440 --> 00:35:08.760
But I stayed at their own quarter.
00:35:09.500 --> 00:35:10.380
I didn't either.
00:35:10.840 --> 00:35:11.099
Yeah.
00:35:11.260 --> 00:35:13.240
That was a very appropriate one for her.
00:35:13.579 --> 00:35:13.740
Yeah.
00:35:13.900 --> 00:35:14.440
That is wild.
00:35:15.320 --> 00:35:17.039
That is really wild.
00:35:17.039 --> 00:35:21.280
So, yeah, I don't even know where to begin to explain that.
00:35:21.440 --> 00:35:31.500
And it's really interesting because, again, we talked about earlier the app ports and that is a, I know there are physical mediums that do stuff like that.
00:35:32.179 --> 00:35:36.400
But, you know, I find dimes, you know, for me, it's dimes.
00:35:36.559 --> 00:35:43.500
And like the other day I came in the kitchen and there was a dime laying on our kitchen counter, which is, you know, that's not really a miracle.
00:35:43.820 --> 00:35:46.099
But my wife and I, I hardly ever use change.
00:35:46.099 --> 00:35:47.159
I hardly ever use cash.
00:35:48.240 --> 00:35:51.679
And I asked her and she said, no, I didn't have any, it's like, but it's laying there.
00:35:51.860 --> 00:35:54.280
And, you know, we find stuff like that, but fine.
00:35:54.920 --> 00:35:57.360
This is like, okay, I'm not just going to put it on the counter.
00:35:57.539 --> 00:35:58.500
I'm going to put it underground.
00:35:59.099 --> 00:35:59.340
Yeah.
00:35:59.659 --> 00:36:03.420
You know, I'm going to put something in a place where we haven't even been before.
00:36:03.740 --> 00:36:04.139
Right.
00:36:04.440 --> 00:36:07.179
And the seagull, I mean, we played Freebird at her funeral.
00:36:07.320 --> 00:36:08.800
That's her theme song is Freebird.
00:36:08.920 --> 00:36:09.519
Oh, really?
00:36:10.079 --> 00:36:11.420
So it was very appropriate.
00:36:12.380 --> 00:36:15.240
And at her funeral, people kept walking up and handing me quarters.
00:36:15.240 --> 00:36:16.340
Did you drop this?
00:36:16.519 --> 00:36:17.219
Did you drop this?
00:36:17.340 --> 00:36:18.340
And I'm like, I'm wearing a dress.
00:36:18.440 --> 00:36:19.300
I don't have pockets.
00:36:20.000 --> 00:36:20.099
Yeah.
00:36:20.619 --> 00:36:20.780
Yeah.
00:36:21.800 --> 00:36:25.199
Probably five to seven dollars worth of quarters in her casket with her.
00:36:25.740 --> 00:36:26.300
Oh, wow.
00:36:26.960 --> 00:36:27.320
Wow.
00:36:27.900 --> 00:36:28.119
Okay.
00:36:28.460 --> 00:36:29.820
I'm like, watch them over there.
00:36:30.099 --> 00:36:30.360
I don't know.
00:36:30.480 --> 00:36:32.340
I couldn't figure out the whole quarter thing.
00:36:32.380 --> 00:36:32.999
Why quarters?
00:36:33.120 --> 00:36:34.780
Why not dimes or nickels or whatever?
00:36:35.220 --> 00:36:41.920
And then she told me in a dream one night, she goes, remember when I was little, you made me memorize our address and our phone number.
00:36:42.039 --> 00:36:44.920
And you put a quarter in my pocket whenever I went somewhere.
00:36:44.920 --> 00:36:46.280
So I could call home.
00:36:46.640 --> 00:36:47.360
Oh, man.
00:36:47.499 --> 00:36:47.880
Okay.
00:36:48.360 --> 00:36:49.200
She's calling home.
00:36:50.260 --> 00:36:50.820
That is wild.
00:36:51.780 --> 00:36:58.880
You know, it's funny because after Shayna passed, I was like, you know, people say finding or finding coins is a sign.
00:36:58.980 --> 00:37:04.640
And so I was like, I said to Shayna, I said, I wanted to be dimes because, you know, pennies you find all over the place.
00:37:04.820 --> 00:37:06.840
So I just, I just chose dimes.
00:37:07.039 --> 00:37:13.120
And I mean, not that I don't find other coins, but when I find a coin, it's almost always a dime.
00:37:13.120 --> 00:37:13.900
Yes.
00:37:18.120 --> 00:37:19.920
So I can't explain.
00:37:20.059 --> 00:37:24.160
It's one of those no other explanations, but they're always in really weird places.
00:37:24.160 --> 00:37:28.079
Like my brother vacuumed his entire room came back and there's one in the middle of the floor.
00:37:29.000 --> 00:37:29.820
Yeah, yeah.
00:37:32.000 --> 00:37:40.280
Another friend found one in a pair of boys underwear in the fly wrapped around a drain tube under the sink.
00:37:41.200 --> 00:37:42.019
Oh, okay.
00:37:43.400 --> 00:37:44.920
Is that where you store quarters?
00:37:45.079 --> 00:37:48.680
I'm not a guy, but I'm, yeah, you know.
00:37:49.240 --> 00:37:50.840
Yeah, that is that is great.
00:37:51.000 --> 00:37:51.440
That's crazy.
00:37:51.680 --> 00:37:57.400
So in the times, you know, since she's passed, you know, she's she's gotten you in helping parents.
00:37:57.559 --> 00:38:00.980
And if I remember correctly, you recently retired from nursing.
00:38:01.300 --> 00:38:01.740
I did.
00:38:02.160 --> 00:38:03.300
Yeah, I did.
00:38:04.039 --> 00:38:05.340
Which was very trippy.
00:38:05.800 --> 00:38:06.320
Yeah.
00:38:07.220 --> 00:38:08.180
I'm getting used to that.
00:38:08.280 --> 00:38:09.360
That might be another book.
00:38:09.940 --> 00:38:10.240
Yeah.
00:38:11.019 --> 00:38:11.220
Yeah.
00:38:11.220 --> 00:38:15.220
So do you have plans for what you want to do in this next phase?
00:38:17.019 --> 00:38:19.240
I think another book is going to happen.
00:38:19.440 --> 00:38:22.599
I'm already starting to I've got a lot of information for another book.
00:38:23.880 --> 00:38:27.220
I mean, Jillies didn't stop after book one.
00:38:27.980 --> 00:38:29.579
There's two, three, four, five, six.
00:38:29.820 --> 00:38:31.140
I mean, I could just keep writing.
00:38:31.420 --> 00:38:31.840
Yeah.
00:38:32.620 --> 00:38:40.760
But part of it is a new ministry may not be the right word, but I can't think of a better word.
00:38:41.220 --> 00:38:43.420
Is to just volunteer this year.
00:38:43.840 --> 00:38:47.980
Spend my time, talent, giving, giving back and seeing what happens.
00:38:48.700 --> 00:38:49.760
And I know she'll guide me.
00:38:50.400 --> 00:38:57.200
Yeah, I think ministry is an appropriate word from the original meaning of ministry, because to minister to someone is to serve.
00:38:57.860 --> 00:39:02.880
So we think of it in a religious term, but I believe it is a ministry to do that.
00:39:03.099 --> 00:39:08.980
And she's given you so much to work with.
00:39:08.980 --> 00:39:22.860
And as I said, you and I spoke a little bit earlier, I said I have to have you on the podcast, because every question that parents ask me after they've lost a child, you can answer.
00:39:23.180 --> 00:39:34.840
And again, it doesn't take all these things away, but it can add some meaning to it, it can add some context to it, it can add some relief, because again, I've talked to so many parents, like, you know, did they suffer?
00:39:35.120 --> 00:39:36.860
Did they experience pain?
00:39:37.579 --> 00:39:48.640
And I've talked to people who've had near-death experiences and people have been through this where I'm like, no, even when you see someone suffering in their body suffering in the hospital, for example, They don't remember it.
00:39:49.019 --> 00:39:51.300
They're gone, they're not there.
00:39:52.039 --> 00:39:57.539
And my mother-in-law had dementia, and so did my father-in-law.
00:39:58.120 --> 00:40:02.539
And I'm convinced that their spirits were, I mean, I'm not saying they were gone, but they were back and forth.
00:40:02.860 --> 00:40:05.280
It was like, sometimes they were here, sometimes they were there.
00:40:05.720 --> 00:40:06.720
My mom was that way.
00:40:06.720 --> 00:40:11.360
I woke up one night and my mom was standing next to my bed and I went, what are you doing here?
00:40:12.260 --> 00:40:13.420
I called the nursing home.
00:40:13.579 --> 00:40:14.140
Hey, can you go?
00:40:14.320 --> 00:40:15.180
Oh, no, she's fine.
00:40:15.380 --> 00:40:16.079
She's sound asleep.
00:40:17.039 --> 00:40:17.680
Oh, wow.
00:40:18.519 --> 00:40:18.880
Okay.
00:40:19.340 --> 00:40:21.099
So she was there in spirit next to your dad.
00:40:21.460 --> 00:40:21.920
Yeah, yeah.
00:40:22.980 --> 00:40:26.700
And unfortunately, when my father-in-law went through it, it was before I knew all this stuff.
00:40:26.820 --> 00:40:32.920
So he would say things like, I saw, you know, so-and-so the other night, or I saw this person and we knew he hadn't.
00:40:33.320 --> 00:40:38.120
And it wasn't until years later I put together every person he said he saw was dead.
00:40:38.380 --> 00:40:38.500
Yes.
00:40:38.860 --> 00:40:40.640
He never said he saw someone who was alive.
00:40:40.980 --> 00:40:42.640
No, they were all coming again.
00:40:43.360 --> 00:40:43.460
Yeah.
00:40:44.519 --> 00:40:53.070
And I wish as nurses for, if you're a healthcare professional, it's kind of beaten into you that death is failure.
00:40:55.130 --> 00:40:56.090
Death is not failure.
00:40:56.390 --> 00:40:56.650
Absolutely.
00:40:56.750 --> 00:40:57.730
We're all going to die.
00:40:58.130 --> 00:40:59.349
Just like we were all born.
00:40:59.930 --> 00:41:02.130
I want to do that a little more gracefully.
00:41:02.670 --> 00:41:03.150
Yeah.
00:41:03.550 --> 00:41:08.309
And I think that is a really good point, and I understand it in the medical profession.
00:41:08.470 --> 00:41:09.190
I mean, that's your job.
00:41:09.289 --> 00:41:11.390
Your job is to keep people in their bodies.
00:41:12.150 --> 00:41:16.390
But on the other hand, we do have a time to go.
00:41:16.930 --> 00:41:27.970
And I've talked to enough people, and I'm to the point now where I don't view it as a tragedy because a person happens to go when they're young, because that was their time.
00:41:28.470 --> 00:41:28.730
Yes.
00:41:29.110 --> 00:41:34.750
And whatever happened to your daughter, was it building blocks so it doesn't happen to anyone else?
00:41:35.150 --> 00:41:35.530
Yeah.
00:41:35.530 --> 00:41:38.769
Or what if they learned something that they didn't know out of that?
00:41:40.150 --> 00:41:40.590
Yeah, yeah.
00:41:40.970 --> 00:41:51.570
Yeah, because it was interesting because she did have, we knew she had a diagnosed heart condition, which was very mild and they weren't even, she wasn't even on medication or anything.
00:41:51.690 --> 00:41:54.190
They were just like, come back every couple of years, we'll take a look at it.
00:41:54.690 --> 00:42:00.650
And then after she passed, the coroner calls and said, well, she had a structural defect that was congenital.
00:42:01.110 --> 00:42:01.230
Yeah.
00:42:01.710 --> 00:42:04.230
And she said, I think that's what caused her passing.
00:42:04.230 --> 00:42:06.730
And the cardiologists disagreed.
00:42:07.090 --> 00:42:09.950
So people ask me and I'm like, I don't know.
00:42:10.390 --> 00:42:13.870
But they did want to take her heart and study it, you know, at Children's Hospital.
00:42:14.210 --> 00:42:15.530
I don't know whatever happened with that.
00:42:16.769 --> 00:42:19.730
But again, I don't view it as a tragedy anyway.
00:42:20.110 --> 00:42:24.309
You know, we all have a time to come in, we all have a time to go out.
00:42:24.730 --> 00:42:27.150
And I think from the other side, people aren't going home.
00:42:27.809 --> 00:42:31.230
I only got to be there 19 years, I only got to be there 15 years.
00:42:31.370 --> 00:42:32.670
I don't think that's a regret.
00:42:33.030 --> 00:42:33.390
No.
00:42:33.390 --> 00:42:35.890
No, she just packed a lot into it.
00:42:36.309 --> 00:42:40.030
Yeah, we can waste any time with fluff because there was no time for fluff.
00:42:40.630 --> 00:42:40.730
Yeah.
00:42:40.870 --> 00:42:48.910
And that's the thing I thought about it after she in the past, you know, and I was talking to some about this the other day, it's I could say what I only had 15 years with her.
00:42:49.329 --> 00:42:55.650
But I could also say we had a great 15 years, you know, we homeschool my daughter, we got to spend a lot of time together.
00:42:55.650 --> 00:42:56.750
I was working for mom.
00:42:57.289 --> 00:43:01.390
So we packed more than those 15 years and a lot of people packing into a lifetime.
00:43:01.390 --> 00:43:06.230
So it's not the quantity of life, it's the quality of your life.
00:43:06.870 --> 00:43:09.450
And looking back, I'm so glad we homeschooled.
00:43:09.450 --> 00:43:09.890
Oh, did you?
00:43:10.130 --> 00:43:12.930
All that extra time I didn't get to have or I wouldn't have had.
00:43:13.210 --> 00:43:13.870
Wow, you did.
00:43:14.010 --> 00:43:14.570
Okay, that's why.
00:43:15.309 --> 00:43:15.430
Yeah.
00:43:16.849 --> 00:43:26.130
So, you know, and that's the other thing is, you know, I can just tell from talking to you your connection with her was and is a very special connection.
00:43:26.690 --> 00:43:26.789
Yeah.
00:43:27.210 --> 00:43:33.950
And a lot of people, they don't, they don't have that, they don't have that real soul connection that you use that you have.
00:43:35.769 --> 00:43:55.309
I have one of my roles in being an affiliate leader is reaching out to newbies, whether their death happened last week or 15 years ago, and just kind of checking in on them and sharing ways to maybe hear from your child.
00:43:56.809 --> 00:44:06.269
So what I recommended to one who had put her child's picture in the drawer 15 years, 14 years ago and never took it out because she didn't know anybody that lost a child.
00:44:06.490 --> 00:44:08.269
And that's what you're supposed to do, right?
00:44:08.490 --> 00:44:10.550
Because you just put it away and you don't talk about it.
00:44:11.349 --> 00:44:15.450
And I said, Farrah Gibson came up with this and I passed it on to her.
00:44:15.570 --> 00:44:28.170
Just, you know, close your eyes, pretend like you're taking or you're unzipping your ursuit, put it over there in a pile, go to the edge of the, in my mind, it was the Grand Canyon and you go, Hey, Jillie, I love you.
00:44:29.269 --> 00:44:31.490
And then, what do you hear back?
00:44:32.710 --> 00:44:34.930
And she tried it the first time, nothing happened.
00:44:35.230 --> 00:44:40.570
The second time she tried it, she goes, I heard his voice for the first time in 14 years.
00:44:42.630 --> 00:44:44.309
And from there, it just took off.
00:44:44.450 --> 00:44:45.610
His picture is back out.
00:44:45.750 --> 00:44:51.789
She's talking to it all the time, but Jillie and her son have so many similarities.
00:44:52.269 --> 00:44:58.650
Again, she found me another person that, Oh, yeah, I mean, right down to our grandparents names are the same.
00:44:59.370 --> 00:45:01.849
Her husband and my stepdad had the same business.
00:45:02.250 --> 00:45:05.230
I mean, it's just her initials are the same as my mom's.
00:45:06.530 --> 00:45:07.710
Just stuff like that.
00:45:08.329 --> 00:45:08.430
Yeah.
00:45:09.289 --> 00:45:15.730
Well, we, you know, helping parents heal, we believe a lot of times our children are the ones that bring us together.
00:45:16.130 --> 00:45:18.890
So we'll go to the conferences and we'll meet people.
00:45:19.309 --> 00:45:22.750
And we do seem to meet people that we have things in common with.
00:45:22.750 --> 00:45:29.289
You know, the synchronicities and the things that line up that when we listen.
00:45:29.550 --> 00:45:31.769
And that's the thing is learning how to listen.
00:45:32.050 --> 00:45:38.050
I talk to so many people who say, Well, I talk to them, but they don't talk back to me.
00:45:38.130 --> 00:45:40.990
And I'm like, you have to learn how to hear.
00:45:41.110 --> 00:45:42.349
It's like learning a different language.
00:45:42.870 --> 00:45:44.610
Yes, and it's a quiet language.
00:45:45.510 --> 00:45:48.950
Yeah, explain that because I don't think people are going to understand what that means.
00:45:49.309 --> 00:45:52.030
You can't hear it when your head is full of noise.
00:45:52.030 --> 00:45:56.550
Yeah, like I get my best communication from her in the shower.
00:45:57.710 --> 00:45:58.690
Nice and quiet.
00:46:00.370 --> 00:46:02.510
That's literally kind of downloads.
00:46:03.170 --> 00:46:05.470
Yeah, that I get from her when I'm sleeping.
00:46:05.769 --> 00:46:08.990
But if I'm full of noise and stress and all that, it's harder to hear.
00:46:09.870 --> 00:46:19.490
Yeah, I think we're explaining that because I think we are our heads are so full of thoughts all the time and worries, etc.
00:46:20.130 --> 00:46:25.130
That we can't get quiet and it is it is more of a whisper than it is a shout.
00:46:25.349 --> 00:46:29.510
Yes, and you've got you've got to learn to get quiet and you have to learn to trust it.
00:46:29.650 --> 00:46:31.610
That's the other thing that I've come to learn.
00:46:31.769 --> 00:46:44.670
It's like it'll come across as maybe your imagination and it's really easy to rationalize away until a car pulls out in front of you with a license plate that says Jake Christ on it in another state.
00:46:45.710 --> 00:46:46.970
Yeah, it's quiet.
00:46:46.970 --> 00:46:49.030
But if you're not looking, you're not seeing it.
00:46:49.030 --> 00:46:50.690
Yeah, well, that's the thing also.
00:46:50.950 --> 00:46:52.150
You have to you have to be lucky.
00:46:52.349 --> 00:47:00.990
And it reminds me one of my stories with Shana it was it was five years after she had passed to the day and I was taking her mother to therapy.
00:47:01.210 --> 00:47:12.710
She had knee surgery I was taking her to therapy and you know, it was a five year angel versus so I was like, you know, not in a great mood or anything and I've kind of zoned out my wife goes look at that and I looked up in front of us.
00:47:12.809 --> 00:47:16.190
There was the car truck in front of us had stencils on the back.
00:47:16.289 --> 00:47:17.250
I'm right here.
00:47:17.250 --> 00:47:17.890
Yes.
00:47:18.990 --> 00:47:23.829
Yeah, but I would have I would have completely missed if my wife hadn't pointed it out.
00:47:24.010 --> 00:47:31.890
Yep, or that billboard or the next song on the radio or I was just thinking that and Freebird came on or Yeah, yeah.
00:47:31.890 --> 00:47:43.030
Well, that reminds me another one I was Freebird because my friend's son's song is Sweet Home Alabama and we were in Sedona at the helping we were at the Helping Parents Hill Conference.
00:47:43.030 --> 00:47:58.789
We got up to Sedona and we're standing in the store Sedona and she mentioned her son's name and Sweet Home Alabama starts playing on like the music and I'm like, that's not a song you hear a lot of times in a spiritual shop in Sedona, Arizona.
00:47:59.550 --> 00:48:06.530
Well, mine is Jilly wrote a college paper on the song If I Die Young by I think it's the band Perry maybe or something.
00:48:06.849 --> 00:48:08.809
I wrote a whole college paper about that.
00:48:09.530 --> 00:48:15.789
I go into Menards and I'm looking at the decorations going which one should I put on her grave and I'll be darned that song doesn't come on.
00:48:16.450 --> 00:48:17.289
Wow, yeah.
00:48:17.309 --> 00:48:23.150
It's from twenty two thousand nine ten five you know.
00:48:23.470 --> 00:48:24.210
Yeah, yeah.
00:48:24.690 --> 00:48:26.809
And why would why would you play that song at Menards?
00:48:27.190 --> 00:48:28.650
Yeah, yeah.
00:48:29.410 --> 00:48:31.750
And power tools shouldn't go together.
00:48:32.030 --> 00:48:32.829
Yeah, exactly.
00:48:33.590 --> 00:48:40.150
And it's I love sharing these stories because again, it's so easy to overlook these things if you're not looking.
00:48:40.349 --> 00:48:44.590
So when people tell me I don't get signs or not communicated with me.
00:48:44.590 --> 00:48:50.269
But I just imagine our loved ones on the outside going, look, I sent you this.
00:48:50.470 --> 00:48:51.130
I sent you this.
00:48:51.130 --> 00:48:52.230
You're not paying attention.
00:48:52.570 --> 00:48:53.870
I'm drawing so hard.
00:48:54.349 --> 00:48:58.269
I went to when I first started some of my holistic work.
00:48:58.269 --> 00:49:02.470
I was doing cranial sacral therapy and somato emotional release.
00:49:03.269 --> 00:49:08.050
And after my dad died, I looked for 15 years.
00:49:08.550 --> 00:49:09.950
Never thought I got a sign.
00:49:10.250 --> 00:49:13.450
Never thought I got a sign because I wanted a specific sign.
00:49:13.930 --> 00:49:17.349
I wanted him to send me an E or okay.
00:49:17.789 --> 00:49:18.809
I went to John Edward.
00:49:18.950 --> 00:49:24.670
John Edward comes out and he goes Christopher Robin Tigger who I never took that as a sign.
00:49:24.730 --> 00:49:25.490
Oh, wow.
00:49:27.170 --> 00:49:28.450
There are the people around me.
00:49:28.630 --> 00:49:28.789
Okay.
00:49:29.490 --> 00:49:38.190
I finally I got on the table once and went into this very relaxed state and my dad came in and I said, where have you been?
00:49:38.829 --> 00:49:44.610
And he goes, you've been so busy looking for that damn E or you haven't seen the thousands of signs that I have sent you.
00:49:44.610 --> 00:49:45.410
Oh, wow.
00:49:46.170 --> 00:49:46.269
Wow.
00:49:46.450 --> 00:49:47.789
Oh, okay.
00:49:48.490 --> 00:49:48.870
Yeah.
00:49:50.610 --> 00:49:51.829
So Louise, I'm curious.
00:49:52.110 --> 00:49:54.630
I mean, you obviously have this connection, this intuition.
00:49:54.910 --> 00:49:55.650
Do you do?
00:49:55.650 --> 00:49:56.730
Do you do mediumship?
00:49:58.269 --> 00:50:06.849
I've been told I have that capability, but I'm right now I am understudying with somebody.
00:50:07.190 --> 00:50:07.670
Okay.
00:50:07.990 --> 00:50:08.970
Just exploring it.
00:50:09.490 --> 00:50:12.930
I don't know what's medium and what's just nurses intuition.
00:50:13.650 --> 00:50:13.870
Yeah.
00:50:13.870 --> 00:50:22.849
Yeah, but I have a tendency when I put my hands on people through all the other work that I've done to see images that I guess other people don't see.
00:50:22.950 --> 00:50:24.170
I just thought other nurses did.
00:50:24.269 --> 00:50:25.190
That's what we do.
00:50:25.650 --> 00:50:29.170
Okay, but I found out that that's not really the case.
00:50:29.870 --> 00:50:30.730
Yeah, I was interested.
00:50:30.930 --> 00:50:40.329
I know a lot of people go from massage therapy to becoming mediums because that touching people and that kind of a setting things start, you know, things start coming through.
00:50:40.750 --> 00:50:41.230
They do.
00:50:41.690 --> 00:50:41.890
They do.
00:50:42.030 --> 00:50:42.910
And Julie did that too.
00:50:42.910 --> 00:50:50.130
I mean, she would just put her hands on, you know, it wasn't necessarily a healing, but that warmth of your hand feels good.
00:50:50.269 --> 00:50:55.110
And if you're putting that energy behind it and that love behind it, it works for little kids.
00:50:55.650 --> 00:50:56.870
It goes away.
00:50:57.309 --> 00:50:57.710
Yeah.
00:50:58.750 --> 00:51:05.370
Well, you know, and it's interesting because I again, I have a lot of friends who are mediums and they will differentiate between psychic ability and mediumship ability.
00:51:05.370 --> 00:51:12.570
And they'll have big debates about whether someone's working psychically or through mediumship as a lay person.
00:51:13.030 --> 00:51:13.950
I frankly don't care.
00:51:14.370 --> 00:51:15.570
It's like, I don't care.
00:51:16.050 --> 00:51:20.050
Yeah, it's you're reading energy, you're reading spirit, you know, whatever.
00:51:20.309 --> 00:51:34.990
And I know not everybody's meant to be, you know, medium as far as working for other people, but clearly you have that that connection, which is, but it also has enabled you to be able to share these fantastic stories and to work with people and helping parents heal.
00:51:35.250 --> 00:51:44.530
And, you know, as a affiliate leader for people who don't know what that is, there's a group of people that they come in in the organization and you kind of help, you know, help them get acclimated.
00:51:44.910 --> 00:51:46.030
Peer to peer.
00:51:46.570 --> 00:51:53.390
And I'm going in, I knew before Jelly even died, I knew probably 40 families that had lost kids.
00:51:54.410 --> 00:51:57.590
And I thought, well, that's kind of a disproportionate number.
00:51:57.730 --> 00:51:58.950
It must be because I'm a nurse.
00:51:59.890 --> 00:52:00.630
Yeah, yeah.
00:52:01.670 --> 00:52:02.809
No, it wasn't.
00:52:03.630 --> 00:52:04.470
Yeah, you're right.
00:52:04.630 --> 00:52:16.769
And the thing is, we can, as we start to open up this and look at it, we can start to see the patterns in our life, you know, you know, we look at things and it might feel very random.
00:52:17.650 --> 00:52:19.210
And again, we ask those questions.
00:52:19.910 --> 00:52:21.030
Why, you know, why?
00:52:21.269 --> 00:52:24.910
And we scream those questions, you know, at the universe, which is fine.
00:52:25.349 --> 00:52:29.450
But I love that exercise, you know, you talk about like going out and standing on the edge of the Grand Canyon.
00:52:29.490 --> 00:52:31.150
So go ask that question.
00:52:31.329 --> 00:52:33.150
But then listen, but listen for the answer.
00:52:33.470 --> 00:52:34.769
Yeah, yeah.
00:52:34.849 --> 00:52:37.930
And it might take two or three times and it's such a quiet little whisper.
00:52:38.410 --> 00:52:41.309
But when you hear it, it's your child's voice.
00:52:42.390 --> 00:52:43.130
Yeah, yeah.
00:52:44.130 --> 00:52:46.190
I don't know how else to describe that.
00:52:47.070 --> 00:52:52.289
So I know we talked, we touched on a little bit about your book, but tell people more about your book.
00:52:53.370 --> 00:53:01.710
My book is, I wrote it over the seven year period and it was kind of my journey into grief.
00:53:02.170 --> 00:53:06.450
The first chapter is that day because every story has to start somewhere.
00:53:06.570 --> 00:53:09.670
I tell people who've lost kids, avoid that if you don't want to read it.
00:53:10.070 --> 00:53:11.809
Second chapter was my why.
00:53:12.829 --> 00:53:19.769
The third chapter was the ring showing up at the funeral home and the things that really started happening within 72 hours of her death.
00:53:20.590 --> 00:53:25.470
And the rest of it is just kind of a back and forth between I can't get out of bed today too.
00:53:25.829 --> 00:53:34.050
I am so joyous and so full because I got this or I figured out that love is grief is love with nowhere to go.
00:53:34.849 --> 00:53:36.210
So today is Jillian's birthday.
00:53:36.390 --> 00:53:37.250
She would be 34.
00:53:37.550 --> 00:53:39.070
I can't give her a present.
00:53:40.050 --> 00:53:52.930
So instead, because she wanted to be a neonatal nurse, what I do is make little baby gift baskets and take them down to our local NICU and her birthday 20s get to have a random present from a stranger.
00:53:53.870 --> 00:53:55.870
Yeah, well, that makes me feel good.
00:53:56.010 --> 00:53:59.250
Yeah, thanks for mentioning that because today we are recording this on her birthday.
00:53:59.510 --> 00:54:01.450
So happy birthday to Jillian.
00:54:01.829 --> 00:54:02.090
Thank you.
00:54:02.329 --> 00:54:03.670
Thank you for doing this today.
00:54:04.670 --> 00:54:12.670
And you know, the thing is when we say things like I can't give her a birthday present, not a physical present, but we can do something that's actually more important.
00:54:13.710 --> 00:54:17.110
That's actually more heartfelt and having that connection.
00:54:18.370 --> 00:54:30.150
I see you guys giving each other presents back and forth and I know she's right here and I know she's very proud of what you're doing and how you're taking this and you're paying it forward.
00:54:30.410 --> 00:54:39.610
You're helping other people go through this thing which none of us would choose intentionally or consciously.
00:54:40.430 --> 00:54:44.030
I'm really intrigued by the name of your book, Always Remember to Kiss Me Good Night.
00:54:44.150 --> 00:54:45.010
Where did that come from?
00:54:48.410 --> 00:54:49.690
That sign right there.
00:54:50.450 --> 00:54:51.490
Your background is blurred.
00:54:51.990 --> 00:54:52.150
Oh, sorry.
00:54:52.370 --> 00:54:53.030
It's blurred out.
00:54:53.590 --> 00:54:58.530
Gee, I have a sign above my bed that says Always Kiss Me Good Night.
00:54:59.050 --> 00:54:59.630
Oh, okay.
00:55:00.070 --> 00:55:01.570
And that was her first sign.
00:55:03.870 --> 00:55:11.230
So when I started the book, I didn't know what to call it and I kept looking up at that and she kept saying, that's it, that's it.
00:55:11.329 --> 00:55:20.410
Well, I just added Always Remember to Kiss Me Good Night and then when we came time for the cover of the book, my editor wanted a tree at sunset.
00:55:21.150 --> 00:55:22.470
I don't know why she wanted that but she did.
00:55:23.070 --> 00:55:27.090
So I sent her gazillions for pictures of trees at sunset because I'm a photographer.
00:55:28.289 --> 00:55:29.530
Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope.
00:55:30.130 --> 00:55:38.130
One day at work, I'm walking down the hospital corridor and they had a student artwork up and there's a picture of a tree at sunset and I went, Julie drew one of those.
00:55:38.130 --> 00:55:43.309
It's in my living room framed and I took a picture of it and sent it to the author and she goes, this is the exact picture I want.
00:55:43.690 --> 00:55:44.010
Oh, wow.
00:55:44.190 --> 00:55:46.250
But Julie literally drew the cover of the book.
00:55:46.910 --> 00:55:47.630
Wow, wow.
00:55:48.130 --> 00:55:52.470
Yeah, I love all the connections and I love the fact that you're open to it.
00:55:52.570 --> 00:56:04.370
You know, it's funny because the reason I asked you about that is the night that Shayna passed away, she, we were watching TV in the family room and we were just like saying it's time to go to bed, which she never wanted to but it was time to go to bed.
00:56:04.829 --> 00:56:10.110
So she went upstairs and she was in the bathroom when I was going to bed and I did not kiss her good night that night.
00:56:10.390 --> 00:56:27.570
I just said to the door, you know, I love you and I didn't kiss her good night that night but it was really interesting because I felt, you know, a little bit of guilt about that after a while but I remember when I would say to Shayna because I told her I loved her a lot and her mother did too and she'd say, you don't have to tell me you love me all the time.
00:56:27.710 --> 00:56:28.530
I already know it.
00:56:29.349 --> 00:56:31.230
But I need to say it.
00:56:31.670 --> 00:56:32.190
Yeah, yeah.
00:56:33.530 --> 00:56:51.150
But yeah, it's, you know, again, people sometimes have guilt around those last, you know, those last moments or again thinking about the last moments of our daughter or our children and I know that they want us to remember the totality of their lives and also to keep in mind that that's not the totality of their lives.
00:56:51.150 --> 00:56:52.890
That's just the part when they were here.
00:56:53.390 --> 00:56:55.690
That's one minute of their entire life.
00:56:56.250 --> 00:56:56.349
Yeah.
00:56:56.349 --> 00:56:58.030
You want to define them in that one minute?
00:56:58.470 --> 00:56:58.930
Yeah.
00:57:00.329 --> 00:57:02.030
Julie was way more than that.
00:57:02.250 --> 00:57:03.269
Way more than death.
00:57:03.890 --> 00:57:04.710
Yeah, exactly.
00:57:04.990 --> 00:57:05.769
And still is.
00:57:06.269 --> 00:57:14.550
And like I said, you know, still is because it took me a long time to come to this realization because again, I could think of Shane as like she only was here for 15 years.
00:57:14.910 --> 00:57:20.150
She was only here for 15 years but she's still active and just as Julie is still active.
00:57:20.610 --> 00:57:21.150
Yeah, yeah.
00:57:21.650 --> 00:57:24.289
And you know, what did I do with that situation?
00:57:24.970 --> 00:57:26.289
Okay, let's put it into use.
00:57:26.390 --> 00:57:30.730
Let's get that gas main taken out so it's not 56 inches off the road.
00:57:31.230 --> 00:57:37.030
You know, let's get rumble strips on a road that doesn't clearly dogleg in the dark.
00:57:37.210 --> 00:57:37.769
You can't see it.
00:57:37.789 --> 00:57:40.370
Let's get a light up above so they can see that intersection.
00:57:41.370 --> 00:57:42.730
Those are things that I've done.
00:57:43.910 --> 00:57:44.710
Yeah, yeah.
00:57:45.349 --> 00:57:50.150
You know, I can't buy my grandchildren from her any presents because there aren't any.
00:57:50.590 --> 00:57:50.849
Right.
00:57:52.250 --> 00:57:53.910
Why can't I buy him for a stranger?
00:57:54.849 --> 00:57:55.110
That's good.
00:57:55.230 --> 00:57:57.610
That gift is going to find exactly the right person.
00:57:57.829 --> 00:58:03.730
I did it one year, took it out to an Amish birthing center and this family came in and they were just sure it was a girl.
00:58:03.730 --> 00:58:04.769
So all they had was dresses.
00:58:04.769 --> 00:58:05.450
It was a boy.
00:58:06.670 --> 00:58:11.130
And you know, here comes this basket with exactly everything they need for the first month.
00:58:12.970 --> 00:58:19.870
Yeah, and that's and that's finding, you know, something to do with the with the grief to do with the line.
00:58:20.410 --> 00:58:26.930
Yeah, with the love and you know, I hear and I think you said earlier grief is love with no place to go.
00:58:27.970 --> 00:58:32.890
But the more I do this work and the more I get into this like there is some place where the love to go.
00:58:32.890 --> 00:58:33.130
Right.
00:58:33.329 --> 00:58:43.329
So that that is when we have that deep intense grief is when we don't think we have anywhere to put our love when we don't realize that we can still have this continuing relationship.
00:58:43.510 --> 00:58:44.250
It's not over.
00:58:45.010 --> 00:58:48.490
Yes, and everything I do in Julie's honor honors Julie.
00:58:49.390 --> 00:58:57.510
Yeah, and honors our connection and our love and feels as physically to me like a hug as I can get from the other side.
00:58:58.090 --> 00:58:58.930
Yeah, yeah.
00:58:59.370 --> 00:59:00.309
I'll take it.
00:59:00.750 --> 00:59:01.130
Yes.
00:59:01.590 --> 00:59:03.090
Yeah, I completely agree with that.
00:59:03.309 --> 00:59:04.610
And yeah, we still miss.
00:59:04.610 --> 00:59:09.190
I still miss, you know, my daughter here physically that's that's not going to change.
00:59:09.670 --> 00:59:14.690
And I understand the people that still I mean, we still want that we are biological beings.
00:59:15.829 --> 00:59:19.930
But we can also we can have a different type of thing.
00:59:19.990 --> 00:59:23.110
Like you said, a different way of learning a different relationship.
00:59:23.769 --> 00:59:34.309
And I thank you, Louise, for helping people to understand about how we can how we can make that shift and how we can and we can learn, you know, like you said, you've taught nurses how to how to see energy.
00:59:34.309 --> 00:59:36.789
I'm going to call it, you know, see the spirit leaving the body.
00:59:38.010 --> 00:59:45.010
And, you know, we can we can learn this this language is new way of speaking or actually gets should say an old way of speaking.
00:59:45.190 --> 00:59:46.470
I think we come in knowing this.
00:59:46.930 --> 00:59:50.450
Yeah, you know, your daughter at four having that premonition.
00:59:51.210 --> 00:59:53.210
A lot of times kid, they lose that.
00:59:53.530 --> 00:59:58.390
So they'll say things like that when we're young and then they'll stop because the parents will shut it down.
00:59:59.050 --> 00:59:59.849
Don't think like that.
00:59:59.950 --> 01:00:00.769
Don't talk like that.
01:00:00.870 --> 01:00:01.910
That's that's just silly.
01:00:01.970 --> 01:00:02.590
It's fantasy.
01:00:03.150 --> 01:00:06.510
And we eventually we internalize that and we lose the connection.
01:00:09.170 --> 01:00:17.630
And when you're you know this that that desperation right after they die and that oh my gosh, I'm never going to see them again.
01:00:17.730 --> 01:00:21.470
I'm never going to be able to touch them or feel them or anything and that just panic.
01:00:22.030 --> 01:00:23.789
Yes, it can't be over.
01:00:23.990 --> 01:00:24.610
I'm not ready.
01:00:25.170 --> 01:00:26.950
Yes, yes, that that is.
01:00:28.030 --> 01:00:29.170
That I love that.
01:00:29.390 --> 01:00:29.970
Thank you.
01:00:30.070 --> 01:00:36.130
That's such an important point because I breaks my heart when I hear someone say I'm never going to see them again.
01:00:37.370 --> 01:00:39.769
And like that's not that's not true.
01:00:41.329 --> 01:00:43.890
Yeah, and you will see them again.
01:00:43.990 --> 01:00:45.710
Maybe not with your physical eyes.
01:00:46.170 --> 01:00:48.150
Not about these eyes but you will see them again.
01:00:48.570 --> 01:00:52.910
And not only that even more so you can still communicate with them now.
01:00:53.329 --> 01:00:53.829
Absolutely.
01:00:54.530 --> 01:00:55.710
Yeah, and they will answer you.
01:00:55.829 --> 01:00:59.730
It's a it's kind of a one-sided conversation because they answer quietly.
01:00:59.730 --> 01:01:00.789
But it's there.
01:01:01.590 --> 01:01:03.250
Yeah, yeah, it is.
01:01:03.630 --> 01:01:06.289
And so yeah, so thank you for doing what you do.
01:01:06.470 --> 01:01:06.849
Thank you.
01:01:07.430 --> 01:01:10.190
Remind people of the name of the book and where they can get it.
01:01:11.110 --> 01:01:11.950
It's on Amazon.
01:01:12.730 --> 01:01:22.990
And again, always remember to kiss me goodnight and all the proceeds from all the profits from the book funded the scholarships that we give out to future health care professionals in Julie's honor.
01:01:23.610 --> 01:01:26.450
And to date, we've given out 115 scholarships.
01:01:27.329 --> 01:01:32.470
Our very first one has taken care she became a nurse and is taking care of three members of our family.
01:01:32.750 --> 01:01:33.809
So it was a good investment.
01:01:34.230 --> 01:01:34.510
Oh, wow.
01:01:35.150 --> 01:01:37.070
And we we repeat them.
01:01:37.250 --> 01:01:42.269
So even college seniors can get one because you don't really get funding as a college senior.
01:01:42.390 --> 01:01:49.470
But if they pick something and you know, we'll fund them every year as long as they as long as they give me another application.
01:01:49.890 --> 01:01:56.610
But one of my favorite parts with that that's different is they have to write a personal statement that tells me who they think they are.
01:01:57.150 --> 01:02:02.470
And then I my request is they have to write me a one page essay on who is your hero and why.
01:02:03.650 --> 01:02:04.930
And that tells me what they value.
01:02:05.890 --> 01:02:13.470
And then unbeknownst to the kids, spoiler alert here, we take the hero alert or we take the hero letter and mail it to the hero.
01:02:13.930 --> 01:02:14.610
Oh, wow.
01:02:16.150 --> 01:02:22.490
Because if you're someone's hero, you should know that because you might not have think you've ever done anything important in your life and look how you affected this kid.
01:02:24.110 --> 01:02:26.490
Well, I love the way that you're affecting the world.
01:02:27.150 --> 01:02:27.349
Thanks.
01:02:27.349 --> 01:02:33.210
And and the light you're putting in the world, the Jilly's putting in the world through you.
01:02:33.470 --> 01:02:36.690
I think I said we are God's hands and feet.
01:02:36.910 --> 01:02:38.190
We are loved ones hands and feet.
01:02:38.349 --> 01:02:41.010
We can we can carry their support.
01:02:41.250 --> 01:02:45.349
They can't do physically things in this world anymore, but we can do them for them.
01:02:45.490 --> 01:02:47.010
I want to say happy birthday to Jilly.
01:02:47.769 --> 01:02:49.450
And I'm really honored to have you here today.
01:02:49.750 --> 01:02:51.370
Thank you so much for having me.
01:02:51.430 --> 01:02:52.289
This was so much fun.
01:02:52.870 --> 01:02:53.870
Yeah, it's great to see you.
01:02:53.870 --> 01:02:54.550
Have a good afternoon.
01:02:54.550 --> 01:02:55.370
Thanks.