WEBVTT
00:00:00.239 --> 00:00:09.919
We all know the value of strong relationships at every stage of our life, but have you ever felt like building new relationships meant betraying the people that you left behind?
00:00:10.240 --> 00:00:11.519
Hi, this is Jordana.
00:00:11.679 --> 00:00:26.480
I'm the CEO of the Recon Network and host of the InBroof Podcast, and today we're talking about one of the quietest struggles in transition, what to do with the brotherhood or sisterhood that you built in service, and how to honor what it meant without letting it keep you stuck.
00:00:26.640 --> 00:00:37.439
Here's how to build new relationships without feeling like you're replacing the old ones, and how to stop treating community like something you lost and start treating it like something that you're building toward.
00:00:39.039 --> 00:00:40.240
This is in brief.
00:00:40.399 --> 00:00:41.679
Let's get to it.
00:00:54.799 --> 00:01:03.600
There were a group of people who understood the job without explanation, and who you trusted in ways that you haven't trusted anyone probably since.
00:01:03.840 --> 00:01:07.040
You shared something that most people will never experience.
00:01:07.120 --> 00:01:13.120
And that bond, that sense of being part of something bigger than yourself, wasn't just nice to have.
00:01:13.359 --> 00:01:17.680
It was foundational to who you were and how you operated on a daily basis.
00:01:17.920 --> 00:01:21.840
And then you leave, and suddenly you're surrounded by people who don't really get it.
00:01:21.920 --> 00:01:25.760
They don't speak your language, and they don't understand why certain things matter.
00:01:25.920 --> 00:01:31.359
And no matter how good those people are, no matter how much they care about you, there's a gap.
00:01:31.439 --> 00:01:35.359
And that gap makes you feel alone in a way that's hard to explain.
00:01:35.599 --> 00:01:38.000
So here's the first thing I want to say clearly.
00:01:38.319 --> 00:01:41.040
You are not going to replace that.
00:01:41.280 --> 00:01:46.319
You're not going to find another group of people who understand you in that same way.
00:01:46.640 --> 00:01:53.680
And if you spend your time in civilian life looking for a replica of what you had back then, you're going to be disappointed.
00:01:53.920 --> 00:01:58.400
The bond you had in service was built in a context that doesn't exist anymore.
00:01:58.560 --> 00:02:02.079
It was shared risk, shared mission, shared identity.
00:02:02.239 --> 00:02:07.040
And you can't recreate that by joining a group or finding people with similar backgrounds.
00:02:07.200 --> 00:02:10.080
Outside of service, it's just different.
00:02:10.319 --> 00:02:11.919
But here's what you can do.
00:02:12.080 --> 00:02:13.599
You can build something new.
00:02:13.840 --> 00:02:15.840
Not better, not worse, just different.
00:02:16.000 --> 00:02:21.120
And that new thing doesn't erase what you had, but it expands what's possible from here.
00:02:21.360 --> 00:02:26.560
And this is where a lot of people get stuck because there's often strong emotional pull attached to this.
00:02:26.800 --> 00:02:27.439
Guilt.
00:02:27.840 --> 00:02:29.360
Guilt about moving on.
00:02:29.599 --> 00:02:33.840
Guilt about building relationships with people who don't get you the way others did.
00:02:34.080 --> 00:02:41.360
Guilt about the fact that your life is moving forward while some of the people you served with might still be stuck or struggling or even gone.
00:02:41.599 --> 00:02:43.840
That guilt can make you hold back.
00:02:44.000 --> 00:02:48.879
It makes you keep one foot in the past because letting go feels like betrayal.
00:02:49.120 --> 00:02:52.400
But the reality is that building a new community isn't betrayal.
00:02:52.479 --> 00:02:53.680
It's survival.
00:02:53.919 --> 00:03:03.520
You can't live your entire life in the rearview mirror, but you can honor what you had and you can keep those relationships alive and you can stay connected to the people who matter.
00:03:03.919 --> 00:03:06.240
But you also have to build forward.
00:03:06.479 --> 00:03:12.800
And building forward means letting new people in, even if they don't understand everything, and even if the bond isn't the same.
00:03:13.039 --> 00:03:18.319
So let's talk about what this new community actually looks like because it's not going to look like what you had.
00:03:18.479 --> 00:03:21.120
It's going to be more fragmented, more specific.
00:03:21.280 --> 00:03:24.000
You're going to have different people for different parts of your life.
00:03:24.159 --> 00:03:30.879
There's the people you work with, the people you share a hobby with, there's the people you talk about hard stuff with, and the people who make you laugh.
00:03:31.039 --> 00:03:36.159
And none of them individually are going to fill a role that your military community filled.
00:03:36.400 --> 00:03:41.680
But together they can build something that holds you and supports you as you move forward into a new stage.
00:03:42.000 --> 00:03:48.080
On the other hand, there's the need to stay connected to the people you served with because you should if you can.
00:03:48.319 --> 00:03:50.319
Those relationships matter.
00:03:50.879 --> 00:03:54.639
But the hard part is that not all of those relationships will survive.
00:03:54.879 --> 00:03:59.199
Some people will move on, some people will stay stuck, some people will drift.
00:03:59.360 --> 00:04:00.960
And you can't control that.
00:04:01.120 --> 00:04:10.719
What you can control is showing up, reaching out, checking in, not waiting for them to call first, and not assuming they're fine just because they're not saying otherwise.
00:04:10.960 --> 00:04:13.680
After all, staying connected doesn't mean staying the same.
00:04:13.840 --> 00:04:15.039
You can grow and change.
00:04:15.199 --> 00:04:18.399
And the people who really mattered, they'll still be there.
00:04:18.639 --> 00:04:24.000
And here's the thing: you don't have to pick between the people you served with and the people you're meeting now.
00:04:24.079 --> 00:04:25.120
You can have both.
00:04:25.279 --> 00:04:28.800
You can stay connected to your military community and build new relationships.
00:04:29.040 --> 00:04:32.240
You can honor what you had and still move forward.
00:04:32.399 --> 00:04:34.639
Both of those things can be true at the same time.
00:04:34.720 --> 00:04:38.000
And the people who really care about you will understand that.
00:04:38.480 --> 00:04:41.839
Here's the thing about building new relationships outside of the military, though.
00:04:42.000 --> 00:04:43.920
They're not going to understand everything.
00:04:44.079 --> 00:04:44.879
And that's okay.
00:04:45.040 --> 00:04:46.959
You don't need them to understand everything.
00:04:47.040 --> 00:04:49.360
You just need them to be willing to care.
00:04:49.680 --> 00:04:53.120
And most people, when they care about you, are capable of that.
00:04:53.360 --> 00:04:54.879
But you have to give them the chance.
00:04:55.040 --> 00:04:56.160
You have to let them in.
00:04:56.319 --> 00:05:00.639
And that means being honest about where you are, even when it feels risky.
00:05:01.360 --> 00:05:03.439
Now your nervous system is going to resist this.
00:05:03.519 --> 00:05:10.720
In civilian life, there's no vetting process, and sometimes the uncertainty of who you can trust and who you shouldn't makes your system want to close off.
00:05:10.879 --> 00:05:17.519
But if you wait for absolute certainty in any relationship, no matter where it was built, you'll never build anything.
00:05:17.680 --> 00:05:21.839
So you take small risks, share a little, see how they handle it.
00:05:22.000 --> 00:05:24.160
And over time, that will build trust.
00:05:24.319 --> 00:05:33.839
Not the instant life or death trust that you had in service, but a different kind, a quieter kind, the kind that's built through a hundred small moments of showing up for each other.
00:05:34.079 --> 00:05:38.879
This isn't about forcing yourself to be someone you're not or pretending your military experience doesn't matter.
00:05:39.040 --> 00:05:46.639
And it's definitely not about cutting ties with the people who were there for you, who will likely become some of the strongest relationships you ever forged.
00:05:46.800 --> 00:05:58.800
This is about recognizing that your life is bigger than any one chapter, and the community you build going forward can honor where you've been while also making space for where you're going.
00:05:59.120 --> 00:06:00.800
So here's what I want you to do.
00:06:01.040 --> 00:06:04.560
This week, reach out to one person from your military community.
00:06:04.720 --> 00:06:07.279
Just check in, ask how they're doing.
00:06:07.439 --> 00:06:12.639
Then reach out to one person in your civilian life who you've been meaning to connect with, but maybe you haven't.
00:06:12.879 --> 00:06:14.959
Suggest coffee or a quick call.
00:06:15.120 --> 00:06:18.800
Suggest anything that creates space for a real conversation.
00:06:19.040 --> 00:06:24.319
Know that building community going forward isn't either or, it's both and.
00:06:49.360 --> 00:06:54.720
Leaving the military can feel chaotic, especially when you feel you should have a plan right away.
00:06:54.959 --> 00:06:58.079
But not knowing what's next doesn't mean you're failing.
00:06:58.240 --> 00:07:00.000
It means you're in transition.
00:07:00.240 --> 00:07:16.560
At the Recon Network, we help veterans and military spouses navigate transition by focusing on stability, direction, and alignment before outcomes are expected, so you can map your future without rushing the wrong move or spending years building a life out of sync with your purpose.
00:07:16.800 --> 00:07:18.800
Don't rush your next step.
00:07:18.959 --> 00:07:21.519
Navigate it with intention with Recon.
00:07:22.079 --> 00:07:26.399
Learn more about our programs and services at recon.vet.
00:00:00.239 --> 00:00:09.919
We all know the value of strong relationships at every stage of our life, but have you ever felt like building new relationships meant betraying the people that you left behind?
00:00:10.240 --> 00:00:11.519
Hi, this is Jordana.
00:00:11.679 --> 00:00:26.480
I'm the CEO of the Recon Network and host of the InBroof Podcast, and today we're talking about one of the quietest struggles in transition, what to do with the brotherhood or sisterhood that you built in service, and how to honor what it meant without letting it keep you stuck.
00:00:26.640 --> 00:00:37.439
Here's how to build new relationships without feeling like you're replacing the old ones, and how to stop treating community like something you lost and start treating it like something that you're building toward.
00:00:39.039 --> 00:00:40.240
This is in brief.
00:00:40.399 --> 00:00:41.679
Let's get to it.
00:00:54.799 --> 00:01:03.600
There were a group of people who understood the job without explanation, and who you trusted in ways that you haven't trusted anyone probably since.
00:01:03.840 --> 00:01:07.040
You shared something that most people will never experience.
00:01:07.120 --> 00:01:13.120
And that bond, that sense of being part of something bigger than yourself, wasn't just nice to have.
00:01:13.359 --> 00:01:17.680
It was foundational to who you were and how you operated on a daily basis.
00:01:17.920 --> 00:01:21.840
And then you leave, and suddenly you're surrounded by people who don't really get it.
00:01:21.920 --> 00:01:25.760
They don't speak your language, and they don't understand why certain things matter.
00:01:25.920 --> 00:01:31.359
And no matter how good those people are, no matter how much they care about you, there's a gap.
00:01:31.439 --> 00:01:35.359
And that gap makes you feel alone in a way that's hard to explain.
00:01:35.599 --> 00:01:38.000
So here's the first thing I want to say clearly.
00:01:38.319 --> 00:01:41.040
You are not going to replace that.
00:01:41.280 --> 00:01:46.319
You're not going to find another group of people who understand you in that same way.
00:01:46.640 --> 00:01:53.680
And if you spend your time in civilian life looking for a replica of what you had back then, you're going to be disappointed.
00:01:53.920 --> 00:01:58.400
The bond you had in service was built in a context that doesn't exist anymore.
00:01:58.560 --> 00:02:02.079
It was shared risk, shared mission, shared identity.
00:02:02.239 --> 00:02:07.040
And you can't recreate that by joining a group or finding people with similar backgrounds.
00:02:07.200 --> 00:02:10.080
Outside of service, it's just different.
00:02:10.319 --> 00:02:11.919
But here's what you can do.
00:02:12.080 --> 00:02:13.599
You can build something new.
00:02:13.840 --> 00:02:15.840
Not better, not worse, just different.
00:02:16.000 --> 00:02:21.120
And that new thing doesn't erase what you had, but it expands what's possible from here.
00:02:21.360 --> 00:02:26.560
And this is where a lot of people get stuck because there's often strong emotional pull attached to this.
00:02:26.800 --> 00:02:27.439
Guilt.
00:02:27.840 --> 00:02:29.360
Guilt about moving on.
00:02:29.599 --> 00:02:33.840
Guilt about building relationships with people who don't get you the way others did.
00:02:34.080 --> 00:02:41.360
Guilt about the fact that your life is moving forward while some of the people you served with might still be stuck or struggling or even gone.
00:02:41.599 --> 00:02:43.840
That guilt can make you hold back.
00:02:44.000 --> 00:02:48.879
It makes you keep one foot in the past because letting go feels like betrayal.
00:02:49.120 --> 00:02:52.400
But the reality is that building a new community isn't betrayal.
00:02:52.479 --> 00:02:53.680
It's survival.
00:02:53.919 --> 00:03:03.520
You can't live your entire life in the rearview mirror, but you can honor what you had and you can keep those relationships alive and you can stay connected to the people who matter.
00:03:03.919 --> 00:03:06.240
But you also have to build forward.
00:03:06.479 --> 00:03:12.800
And building forward means letting new people in, even if they don't understand everything, and even if the bond isn't the same.
00:03:13.039 --> 00:03:18.319
So let's talk about what this new community actually looks like because it's not going to look like what you had.
00:03:18.479 --> 00:03:21.120
It's going to be more fragmented, more specific.
00:03:21.280 --> 00:03:24.000
You're going to have different people for different parts of your life.
00:03:24.159 --> 00:03:30.879
There's the people you work with, the people you share a hobby with, there's the people you talk about hard stuff with, and the people who make you laugh.
00:03:31.039 --> 00:03:36.159
And none of them individually are going to fill a role that your military community filled.
00:03:36.400 --> 00:03:41.680
But together they can build something that holds you and supports you as you move forward into a new stage.
00:03:42.000 --> 00:03:48.080
On the other hand, there's the need to stay connected to the people you served with because you should if you can.
00:03:48.319 --> 00:03:50.319
Those relationships matter.
00:03:50.879 --> 00:03:54.639
But the hard part is that not all of those relationships will survive.
00:03:54.879 --> 00:03:59.199
Some people will move on, some people will stay stuck, some people will drift.
00:03:59.360 --> 00:04:00.960
And you can't control that.
00:04:01.120 --> 00:04:10.719
What you can control is showing up, reaching out, checking in, not waiting for them to call first, and not assuming they're fine just because they're not saying otherwise.
00:04:10.960 --> 00:04:13.680
After all, staying connected doesn't mean staying the same.
00:04:13.840 --> 00:04:15.039
You can grow and change.
00:04:15.199 --> 00:04:18.399
And the people who really mattered, they'll still be there.
00:04:18.639 --> 00:04:24.000
And here's the thing: you don't have to pick between the people you served with and the people you're meeting now.
00:04:24.079 --> 00:04:25.120
You can have both.
00:04:25.279 --> 00:04:28.800
You can stay connected to your military community and build new relationships.
00:04:29.040 --> 00:04:32.240
You can honor what you had and still move forward.
00:04:32.399 --> 00:04:34.639
Both of those things can be true at the same time.
00:04:34.720 --> 00:04:38.000
And the people who really care about you will understand that.
00:04:38.480 --> 00:04:41.839
Here's the thing about building new relationships outside of the military, though.
00:04:42.000 --> 00:04:43.920
They're not going to understand everything.
00:04:44.079 --> 00:04:44.879
And that's okay.
00:04:45.040 --> 00:04:46.959
You don't need them to understand everything.
00:04:47.040 --> 00:04:49.360
You just need them to be willing to care.
00:04:49.680 --> 00:04:53.120
And most people, when they care about you, are capable of that.
00:04:53.360 --> 00:04:54.879
But you have to give them the chance.
00:04:55.040 --> 00:04:56.160
You have to let them in.
00:04:56.319 --> 00:05:00.639
And that means being honest about where you are, even when it feels risky.
00:05:01.360 --> 00:05:03.439
Now your nervous system is going to resist this.
00:05:03.519 --> 00:05:10.720
In civilian life, there's no vetting process, and sometimes the uncertainty of who you can trust and who you shouldn't makes your system want to close off.
00:05:10.879 --> 00:05:17.519
But if you wait for absolute certainty in any relationship, no matter where it was built, you'll never build anything.
00:05:17.680 --> 00:05:21.839
So you take small risks, share a little, see how they handle it.
00:05:22.000 --> 00:05:24.160
And over time, that will build trust.
00:05:24.319 --> 00:05:33.839
Not the instant life or death trust that you had in service, but a different kind, a quieter kind, the kind that's built through a hundred small moments of showing up for each other.
00:05:34.079 --> 00:05:38.879
This isn't about forcing yourself to be someone you're not or pretending your military experience doesn't matter.
00:05:39.040 --> 00:05:46.639
And it's definitely not about cutting ties with the people who were there for you, who will likely become some of the strongest relationships you ever forged.
00:05:46.800 --> 00:05:58.800
This is about recognizing that your life is bigger than any one chapter, and the community you build going forward can honor where you've been while also making space for where you're going.
00:05:59.120 --> 00:06:00.800
So here's what I want you to do.
00:06:01.040 --> 00:06:04.560
This week, reach out to one person from your military community.
00:06:04.720 --> 00:06:07.279
Just check in, ask how they're doing.
00:06:07.439 --> 00:06:12.639
Then reach out to one person in your civilian life who you've been meaning to connect with, but maybe you haven't.
00:06:12.879 --> 00:06:14.959
Suggest coffee or a quick call.
00:06:15.120 --> 00:06:18.800
Suggest anything that creates space for a real conversation.
00:06:19.040 --> 00:06:24.319
Know that building community going forward isn't either or, it's both and.
00:06:49.360 --> 00:06:54.720
Leaving the military can feel chaotic, especially when you feel you should have a plan right away.
00:06:54.959 --> 00:06:58.079
But not knowing what's next doesn't mean you're failing.
00:06:58.240 --> 00:07:00.000
It means you're in transition.
00:07:00.240 --> 00:07:16.560
At the Recon Network, we help veterans and military spouses navigate transition by focusing on stability, direction, and alignment before outcomes are expected, so you can map your future without rushing the wrong move or spending years building a life out of sync with your purpose.
00:07:16.800 --> 00:07:18.800
Don't rush your next step.
00:07:18.959 --> 00:07:21.519
Navigate it with intention with Recon.
00:07:22.079 --> 00:07:26.399
Learn more about our programs and services at recon.vet.
