WEBVTT
00:00:06.000 --> 00:00:08.000
Welcome to Taldrus Made Easy.
00:00:08.080 --> 00:00:08.640
I'm Dr.
00:00:08.720 --> 00:00:10.080
Catherine, your host.
00:00:10.320 --> 00:00:17.679
After caring for thousands of children and raising four of my own, I've learned something that surprises many parents.
00:00:17.920 --> 00:00:20.640
A tantrum isn't really misbehavior.
00:00:20.800 --> 00:00:23.839
It's just a little kid acting their age.
00:00:24.079 --> 00:00:31.839
Unfortunately, when your child is lying on the grocery store screaming while everyone seems to be watching you, that's pretty easy to forget.
00:00:32.079 --> 00:00:48.719
But before we dive in, if you're raising a little kid or a preschooler and looking for practical, effective parenting strategies that solve everyday challenges without chipping away at your child's dignity, I'd love to invite you to take a look at toddlers Made Easy course.
00:00:48.960 --> 00:00:57.520
Inside, I show you how to handle tantrums, bedtime battles, picky eating, and so much more while protecting the early years.
00:00:57.679 --> 00:01:00.079
You'll find the link in the show notes.
00:01:00.240 --> 00:01:07.120
Now let's talk about one of the biggest mistakes loving parents unintentionally make during a tantrum.
00:01:07.280 --> 00:01:11.680
It's an easy mistake to make because on the surface, it just feels right.
00:01:11.840 --> 00:01:18.480
But let me tell you about one of my own parenting moments that still makes me cringe before we get into the mistake.
00:01:18.719 --> 00:01:26.000
Many years ago, many, many years ago, I was on my weekend rounds at the hospital and my three and a half-year-old daughter came with me.
00:01:26.239 --> 00:01:31.120
My kids often tagged along when I was working, and she just loved coming to the hospital with me.
00:01:31.359 --> 00:01:40.640
We walked into the room of an 18-month-old little girl named Danielle, who was sitting in her crib with the cutest pink stuffed giraffe with the biggest smile.
00:01:40.879 --> 00:01:44.400
The moment my daughter saw it, she wanted that giraffe.
00:01:44.560 --> 00:01:46.640
Of course I told her she couldn't have it.
00:01:46.799 --> 00:01:51.840
Well that was the beginning of one of the most memorable tantrums of my parenting career.
00:01:52.000 --> 00:01:56.079
She threw herself onto the floor of the pediatric ward and she screamed.
00:01:56.239 --> 00:01:58.480
The doctors and nurses stopped and looked.
00:01:58.640 --> 00:02:05.280
Families I knew watched the whole thing, and I remember thinking, Oh, please let her jump up and say, only kidding.
00:02:05.519 --> 00:02:06.400
But she didn't.
00:02:06.560 --> 00:02:08.479
At the time, I was mortified.
00:02:08.639 --> 00:02:17.520
I wasn't just embarrassed as a mom, I was embarrassed as a pediatrician, and I remember wondering if everyone was thinking, shouldn't she know how to handle this better?
00:02:17.759 --> 00:02:21.759
Looking back now though, I see that moment completely differently.
00:02:21.919 --> 00:02:23.919
I don't see a spoiled little child.
00:02:24.080 --> 00:02:28.000
I see a three-year-old whose emotions completely overwhelmed her.
00:02:28.159 --> 00:02:29.759
She wasn't being manipulative.
00:02:29.919 --> 00:02:33.680
She wasn't giving me a hard time, she was having a hard time.
00:02:33.840 --> 00:02:37.919
And that one shift in perspective really changed everything for me.
00:02:38.159 --> 00:02:46.879
Now, I called this a big-hearted interpretation because it's choosing a kind and positive way to look at our kids' behavior.
00:02:47.039 --> 00:02:50.319
And something powerful happens when we shift our thinking.
00:02:50.560 --> 00:02:54.240
We don't have to try to be calm, we actually are calm.
00:02:54.479 --> 00:03:02.639
So today I want to help you make that same shift, starting with what's actually happening inside your child's brain when a tantrum begins.
00:03:02.879 --> 00:03:10.560
The emotional part of the brain develops years before the part responsible for reasoning and planning and self-control.
00:03:10.719 --> 00:03:15.280
So when a little kid has big feelings, those emotions completely take over.
00:03:15.520 --> 00:03:21.680
A young child can't talk themselves down because the thinking part of their brain is still under construction.
00:03:21.840 --> 00:03:25.120
And that's by trying to reason with the child mid-tantrum.
00:03:25.280 --> 00:03:26.479
It seldom works.
00:03:26.719 --> 00:03:28.879
We say things like calm down.
00:03:29.120 --> 00:03:30.879
We've talked about this already.
00:03:31.199 --> 00:03:32.240
Use your words.
00:03:32.400 --> 00:03:41.759
And all of those phrases make perfect sense to us because our thinking brain is online, but your child's thinking brain is not yet there.
00:03:42.000 --> 00:03:46.240
As I said earlier, a tantrum isn't a behavioral problem.
00:03:46.479 --> 00:03:49.599
It's an overwhelmed child with an overwhelmed brain.
00:03:49.759 --> 00:03:54.319
Now when we understand that, we stop asking, how do I stop this tantrum?
00:03:54.560 --> 00:03:58.560
And instead you ask, how do I help my child through this?
00:03:58.800 --> 00:04:01.919
And that one question really changes everything.
00:04:02.159 --> 00:04:05.280
Parents often tell me a tantrum comes out of nowhere.
00:04:05.439 --> 00:04:09.039
Usually, though, when we look back, we can see what tipped the scales.
00:04:09.280 --> 00:04:16.160
Often it's something that seems completely insignificant to us, the wrong color cup, ice cream that's too cold.
00:04:16.319 --> 00:04:22.720
We've all smiled at stories like that, but to a little kid, those disappointments feel enormous.
00:04:22.959 --> 00:04:29.759
Transitions are another common trigger, leaving the playground, turning off the iPad, getting into the car.
00:04:29.920 --> 00:04:34.399
When something enjoyable ends, it can feel like a genuine loss to a child.
00:04:34.560 --> 00:04:39.519
But honestly, the easiest tantrum to manage is the one that never happens.
00:04:39.680 --> 00:04:43.680
And one of my favorite prevention strategies is something I call prep.
00:04:43.920 --> 00:04:45.680
The P stands for preview.
00:04:45.920 --> 00:04:49.839
Before you leave the house, tell your child exactly what's going to happen.
00:04:50.079 --> 00:04:54.079
You might say, we're going to the grocery store, we'll buy milk, bread, and fruit.
00:04:54.240 --> 00:04:55.519
You'll write in the cart.
00:04:55.759 --> 00:04:58.959
We're not buying toys today, then we'll come home for lunch.
00:04:59.120 --> 00:05:00.800
And that takes less than a minute.
00:05:00.959 --> 00:05:05.279
But young kids will handle change so much better when there are fewer surprises.
00:05:05.680 --> 00:05:07.680
Now the R stands for rehearse.
00:05:07.920 --> 00:05:10.480
When you arrive, remind your child of the plan.
00:05:10.639 --> 00:05:12.800
We're buying milk, bread, and fruit today.
00:05:12.959 --> 00:05:14.879
Remember, we're not buying toys today.
00:05:15.040 --> 00:05:16.800
And the E stands for engage.
00:05:16.959 --> 00:05:18.639
Ask your child to tell you the plan.
00:05:18.800 --> 00:05:20.079
What are we buying today?
00:05:20.319 --> 00:05:25.519
Children are much more likely to remember the expectations when they say them out loud themselves.
00:05:25.680 --> 00:05:28.560
And lastly, the final piece stands for practice.
00:05:28.800 --> 00:05:33.120
So this is really for big events that take a lot of reinforcement.
00:05:33.279 --> 00:05:39.199
So for practice, you would pretend you're the little kid who doesn't want to leave the park or let your child play the parent.
00:05:39.360 --> 00:05:43.439
Switch roles, act out what happens when somebody hears the word no.
00:05:43.600 --> 00:05:49.199
Children often learn more through five minutes of pretend play than they do from a long lecture.
00:05:49.439 --> 00:05:52.160
Now a few other habits make a big difference too.
00:05:52.480 --> 00:05:58.720
Protecting sleep whenever you can, since a tired child has a much harder time managing frustration.
00:05:58.959 --> 00:06:07.040
Offer two acceptable choices instead of open-ended questions, so your child gets that sense of independence while you keep the boundary.
00:06:07.199 --> 00:06:12.720
And look for chances to let your child do things independently, even if it takes a little longer.
00:06:12.879 --> 00:06:19.279
Now of course you're not going to be able to do that all the time, but when you can, because little kids love feeling capable.
00:06:19.519 --> 00:06:25.839
And finally, after everyone is calm, teach the skill your child was missing when they had the tantrum.
00:06:25.920 --> 00:06:30.959
So let's say your child melts down because you handed them the purple cup instead of the blue cup they wanted.
00:06:31.120 --> 00:06:38.639
Well later, once the tears are over, you might say, Next time, can you tell mummy, mummy, may I have the blue cup, please?
00:06:38.800 --> 00:06:41.040
And that's how you teach the missing skill.
00:06:41.120 --> 00:06:43.759
And it's what prevents the next tantrum.
00:06:43.920 --> 00:06:46.560
Now back to the mistake I promised to explain.
00:06:46.800 --> 00:06:52.480
When we think of tantrums as misbehavior, we respond with frustration and anger.
00:06:52.720 --> 00:06:59.439
But when we understand a tantrum is a good kid having a hard time, we can bring calm to that situation.
00:06:59.680 --> 00:07:02.160
Now I'm not saying children shouldn't have limits.
00:07:02.319 --> 00:07:03.759
They absolutely should.
00:07:03.920 --> 00:07:11.120
If your child is hitting or biting or kicking or throwing, it's our job to step in immediately and keep everyone safe.
00:07:11.360 --> 00:07:14.639
But a tantrum isn't a child scheming to get their way.
00:07:14.800 --> 00:07:18.959
It's a child whose emotions have become bigger than their ability to manage them.
00:07:19.120 --> 00:07:27.680
And when we mistake that for deliberate misbehavior, kids hear, you're trying to drive me crazy, or your feelings are wrong.
00:07:27.920 --> 00:07:29.120
And you know what happens?
00:07:29.279 --> 00:07:33.920
Kids feel rejection right when they actually need connection.
00:07:34.160 --> 00:07:39.279
So what works instead is sharing your calm and offering support at the right moment.
00:07:39.439 --> 00:07:46.079
Your child learns that you can handle their big feelings and you send the message you can rely on me, sweetheart.
00:07:46.240 --> 00:07:50.399
I remember watching a dad at the airport after a flight delay had been announced.
00:07:50.560 --> 00:07:53.360
His four year old completely fell apart.
00:07:53.600 --> 00:07:56.879
I want to go on the airplane now, he screamed.
00:07:57.040 --> 00:08:01.759
And he cried, and he stomped his feet, and people all around turned to look.
00:08:01.920 --> 00:08:03.040
Does that sound familiar?
00:08:03.120 --> 00:08:04.079
I'm sure it does.
00:08:04.240 --> 00:08:14.399
The father didn't lecture, he didn't bargain, he didn't threaten, he simply stayed close, and ever so often he quietly said I know buddy.
00:08:14.560 --> 00:08:15.360
Nothing more.
00:08:15.519 --> 00:08:18.879
He wasn't trying to stop the feelings or fix the feelings.
00:08:19.120 --> 00:08:21.680
He was just letting his son know he wasn't alone.
00:08:21.839 --> 00:08:29.680
And a few minutes later the screaming turned into sobbing and a little bit of whining, and that's when you know the storm is beginning to pass.
00:08:29.839 --> 00:08:34.080
And that's when the father opened up his arms and his little boy walked right into them.
00:08:34.240 --> 00:08:37.759
So watching this reminded me how much timing matters.
00:08:37.919 --> 00:08:42.159
When kids are in that angry part of a tantrum, they're not ready to be comforted.
00:08:42.559 --> 00:08:44.559
Even hug can feel like too much.
00:08:44.720 --> 00:08:49.039
But as those intense emotions begin to settle, they need connection.
00:08:49.200 --> 00:08:54.480
And that's when they're ready to crawl into your lap, and that's when they're ready for your hand on their back.
00:08:54.720 --> 00:08:59.440
Children borrow our calm until their brain catches up.
00:08:59.600 --> 00:09:02.320
That's our number one job during a tantrum.
00:09:02.480 --> 00:09:04.960
And here's something else I'd love you to remember.
00:09:05.200 --> 00:09:11.600
Success isn't measured by how quickly the tantrum ends, and it isn't having a child who never cries.
00:09:12.000 --> 00:09:18.240
Success is a child who knows they're loved even when they have big, uncontrollable feelings.
00:09:18.480 --> 00:09:21.600
That's one of the greatest gifts we can give our kids.
00:09:21.840 --> 00:09:26.320
So, yes, discipline can be kind, loving, and still firm.
00:09:26.480 --> 00:09:30.159
Now, as we wrap up today, I want to leave you with one final thought.
00:09:30.320 --> 00:09:33.840
A tantrum is just a toddler acting their age.
00:09:34.000 --> 00:09:43.120
Use it as a mantra in the heat of the moment, and you'll find yourself responding differently because you'll see the good kid underneath the hard moment.
00:09:43.440 --> 00:09:50.720
If today's episode was helpful and it resonated with you, I think you'll really enjoy my toddlers made easy course.
00:09:50.879 --> 00:10:08.399
Inside, I take everything we've talked about today and I show you exactly how to put it into practice, from tantrums and bedtime to picky eating and sibling conflict, and all of those everyday parenting challenges that can leave even the most loving parents second guessing themselves.
00:10:08.639 --> 00:10:12.480
My goal isn't simply to help you stop unwanted behaviors.
00:10:12.639 --> 00:10:27.360
My goal is to help you solve everyday parenting challenges without chipping away at your child's self-esteem so you can protect the early years while raising a child who feels secure, capable, and deeply connected to you.
00:10:27.519 --> 00:10:29.759
You'll find the link in the show notes.
00:10:29.919 --> 00:10:33.679
Keep up the good work, and I'll see you next week.
00:00:06.000 --> 00:00:08.000
Welcome to Taldrus Made Easy.
00:00:08.080 --> 00:00:08.640
I'm Dr.
00:00:08.720 --> 00:00:10.080
Catherine, your host.
00:00:10.320 --> 00:00:17.679
After caring for thousands of children and raising four of my own, I've learned something that surprises many parents.
00:00:17.920 --> 00:00:20.640
A tantrum isn't really misbehavior.
00:00:20.800 --> 00:00:23.839
It's just a little kid acting their age.
00:00:24.079 --> 00:00:31.839
Unfortunately, when your child is lying on the grocery store screaming while everyone seems to be watching you, that's pretty easy to forget.
00:00:32.079 --> 00:00:48.719
But before we dive in, if you're raising a little kid or a preschooler and looking for practical, effective parenting strategies that solve everyday challenges without chipping away at your child's dignity, I'd love to invite you to take a look at toddlers Made Easy course.
00:00:48.960 --> 00:00:57.520
Inside, I show you how to handle tantrums, bedtime battles, picky eating, and so much more while protecting the early years.
00:00:57.679 --> 00:01:00.079
You'll find the link in the show notes.
00:01:00.240 --> 00:01:07.120
Now let's talk about one of the biggest mistakes loving parents unintentionally make during a tantrum.
00:01:07.280 --> 00:01:11.680
It's an easy mistake to make because on the surface, it just feels right.
00:01:11.840 --> 00:01:18.480
But let me tell you about one of my own parenting moments that still makes me cringe before we get into the mistake.
00:01:18.719 --> 00:01:26.000
Many years ago, many, many years ago, I was on my weekend rounds at the hospital and my three and a half-year-old daughter came with me.
00:01:26.239 --> 00:01:31.120
My kids often tagged along when I was working, and she just loved coming to the hospital with me.
00:01:31.359 --> 00:01:40.640
We walked into the room of an 18-month-old little girl named Danielle, who was sitting in her crib with the cutest pink stuffed giraffe with the biggest smile.
00:01:40.879 --> 00:01:44.400
The moment my daughter saw it, she wanted that giraffe.
00:01:44.560 --> 00:01:46.640
Of course I told her she couldn't have it.
00:01:46.799 --> 00:01:51.840
Well that was the beginning of one of the most memorable tantrums of my parenting career.
00:01:52.000 --> 00:01:56.079
She threw herself onto the floor of the pediatric ward and she screamed.
00:01:56.239 --> 00:01:58.480
The doctors and nurses stopped and looked.
00:01:58.640 --> 00:02:05.280
Families I knew watched the whole thing, and I remember thinking, Oh, please let her jump up and say, only kidding.
00:02:05.519 --> 00:02:06.400
But she didn't.
00:02:06.560 --> 00:02:08.479
At the time, I was mortified.
00:02:08.639 --> 00:02:17.520
I wasn't just embarrassed as a mom, I was embarrassed as a pediatrician, and I remember wondering if everyone was thinking, shouldn't she know how to handle this better?
00:02:17.759 --> 00:02:21.759
Looking back now though, I see that moment completely differently.
00:02:21.919 --> 00:02:23.919
I don't see a spoiled little child.
00:02:24.080 --> 00:02:28.000
I see a three-year-old whose emotions completely overwhelmed her.
00:02:28.159 --> 00:02:29.759
She wasn't being manipulative.
00:02:29.919 --> 00:02:33.680
She wasn't giving me a hard time, she was having a hard time.
00:02:33.840 --> 00:02:37.919
And that one shift in perspective really changed everything for me.
00:02:38.159 --> 00:02:46.879
Now, I called this a big-hearted interpretation because it's choosing a kind and positive way to look at our kids' behavior.
00:02:47.039 --> 00:02:50.319
And something powerful happens when we shift our thinking.
00:02:50.560 --> 00:02:54.240
We don't have to try to be calm, we actually are calm.
00:02:54.479 --> 00:03:02.639
So today I want to help you make that same shift, starting with what's actually happening inside your child's brain when a tantrum begins.
00:03:02.879 --> 00:03:10.560
The emotional part of the brain develops years before the part responsible for reasoning and planning and self-control.
00:03:10.719 --> 00:03:15.280
So when a little kid has big feelings, those emotions completely take over.
00:03:15.520 --> 00:03:21.680
A young child can't talk themselves down because the thinking part of their brain is still under construction.
00:03:21.840 --> 00:03:25.120
And that's by trying to reason with the child mid-tantrum.
00:03:25.280 --> 00:03:26.479
It seldom works.
00:03:26.719 --> 00:03:28.879
We say things like calm down.
00:03:29.120 --> 00:03:30.879
We've talked about this already.
00:03:31.199 --> 00:03:32.240
Use your words.
00:03:32.400 --> 00:03:41.759
And all of those phrases make perfect sense to us because our thinking brain is online, but your child's thinking brain is not yet there.
00:03:42.000 --> 00:03:46.240
As I said earlier, a tantrum isn't a behavioral problem.
00:03:46.479 --> 00:03:49.599
It's an overwhelmed child with an overwhelmed brain.
00:03:49.759 --> 00:03:54.319
Now when we understand that, we stop asking, how do I stop this tantrum?
00:03:54.560 --> 00:03:58.560
And instead you ask, how do I help my child through this?
00:03:58.800 --> 00:04:01.919
And that one question really changes everything.
00:04:02.159 --> 00:04:05.280
Parents often tell me a tantrum comes out of nowhere.
00:04:05.439 --> 00:04:09.039
Usually, though, when we look back, we can see what tipped the scales.
00:04:09.280 --> 00:04:16.160
Often it's something that seems completely insignificant to us, the wrong color cup, ice cream that's too cold.
00:04:16.319 --> 00:04:22.720
We've all smiled at stories like that, but to a little kid, those disappointments feel enormous.
00:04:22.959 --> 00:04:29.759
Transitions are another common trigger, leaving the playground, turning off the iPad, getting into the car.
00:04:29.920 --> 00:04:34.399
When something enjoyable ends, it can feel like a genuine loss to a child.
00:04:34.560 --> 00:04:39.519
But honestly, the easiest tantrum to manage is the one that never happens.
00:04:39.680 --> 00:04:43.680
And one of my favorite prevention strategies is something I call prep.
00:04:43.920 --> 00:04:45.680
The P stands for preview.
00:04:45.920 --> 00:04:49.839
Before you leave the house, tell your child exactly what's going to happen.
00:04:50.079 --> 00:04:54.079
You might say, we're going to the grocery store, we'll buy milk, bread, and fruit.
00:04:54.240 --> 00:04:55.519
You'll write in the cart.
00:04:55.759 --> 00:04:58.959
We're not buying toys today, then we'll come home for lunch.
00:04:59.120 --> 00:05:00.800
And that takes less than a minute.
00:05:00.959 --> 00:05:05.279
But young kids will handle change so much better when there are fewer surprises.
00:05:05.680 --> 00:05:07.680
Now the R stands for rehearse.
00:05:07.920 --> 00:05:10.480
When you arrive, remind your child of the plan.
00:05:10.639 --> 00:05:12.800
We're buying milk, bread, and fruit today.
00:05:12.959 --> 00:05:14.879
Remember, we're not buying toys today.
00:05:15.040 --> 00:05:16.800
And the E stands for engage.
00:05:16.959 --> 00:05:18.639
Ask your child to tell you the plan.
00:05:18.800 --> 00:05:20.079
What are we buying today?
00:05:20.319 --> 00:05:25.519
Children are much more likely to remember the expectations when they say them out loud themselves.
00:05:25.680 --> 00:05:28.560
And lastly, the final piece stands for practice.
00:05:28.800 --> 00:05:33.120
So this is really for big events that take a lot of reinforcement.
00:05:33.279 --> 00:05:39.199
So for practice, you would pretend you're the little kid who doesn't want to leave the park or let your child play the parent.
00:05:39.360 --> 00:05:43.439
Switch roles, act out what happens when somebody hears the word no.
00:05:43.600 --> 00:05:49.199
Children often learn more through five minutes of pretend play than they do from a long lecture.
00:05:49.439 --> 00:05:52.160
Now a few other habits make a big difference too.
00:05:52.480 --> 00:05:58.720
Protecting sleep whenever you can, since a tired child has a much harder time managing frustration.
00:05:58.959 --> 00:06:07.040
Offer two acceptable choices instead of open-ended questions, so your child gets that sense of independence while you keep the boundary.
00:06:07.199 --> 00:06:12.720
And look for chances to let your child do things independently, even if it takes a little longer.
00:06:12.879 --> 00:06:19.279
Now of course you're not going to be able to do that all the time, but when you can, because little kids love feeling capable.
00:06:19.519 --> 00:06:25.839
And finally, after everyone is calm, teach the skill your child was missing when they had the tantrum.
00:06:25.920 --> 00:06:30.959
So let's say your child melts down because you handed them the purple cup instead of the blue cup they wanted.
00:06:31.120 --> 00:06:38.639
Well later, once the tears are over, you might say, Next time, can you tell mummy, mummy, may I have the blue cup, please?
00:06:38.800 --> 00:06:41.040
And that's how you teach the missing skill.
00:06:41.120 --> 00:06:43.759
And it's what prevents the next tantrum.
00:06:43.920 --> 00:06:46.560
Now back to the mistake I promised to explain.
00:06:46.800 --> 00:06:52.480
When we think of tantrums as misbehavior, we respond with frustration and anger.
00:06:52.720 --> 00:06:59.439
But when we understand a tantrum is a good kid having a hard time, we can bring calm to that situation.
00:06:59.680 --> 00:07:02.160
Now I'm not saying children shouldn't have limits.
00:07:02.319 --> 00:07:03.759
They absolutely should.
00:07:03.920 --> 00:07:11.120
If your child is hitting or biting or kicking or throwing, it's our job to step in immediately and keep everyone safe.
00:07:11.360 --> 00:07:14.639
But a tantrum isn't a child scheming to get their way.
00:07:14.800 --> 00:07:18.959
It's a child whose emotions have become bigger than their ability to manage them.
00:07:19.120 --> 00:07:27.680
And when we mistake that for deliberate misbehavior, kids hear, you're trying to drive me crazy, or your feelings are wrong.
00:07:27.920 --> 00:07:29.120
And you know what happens?
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Kids feel rejection right when they actually need connection.
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So what works instead is sharing your calm and offering support at the right moment.
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Your child learns that you can handle their big feelings and you send the message you can rely on me, sweetheart.
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I remember watching a dad at the airport after a flight delay had been announced.
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His four year old completely fell apart.
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I want to go on the airplane now, he screamed.
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And he cried, and he stomped his feet, and people all around turned to look.
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Does that sound familiar?
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I'm sure it does.
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The father didn't lecture, he didn't bargain, he didn't threaten, he simply stayed close, and ever so often he quietly said I know buddy.
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Nothing more.
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He wasn't trying to stop the feelings or fix the feelings.
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He was just letting his son know he wasn't alone.
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And a few minutes later the screaming turned into sobbing and a little bit of whining, and that's when you know the storm is beginning to pass.
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And that's when the father opened up his arms and his little boy walked right into them.
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So watching this reminded me how much timing matters.
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When kids are in that angry part of a tantrum, they're not ready to be comforted.
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Even hug can feel like too much.
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But as those intense emotions begin to settle, they need connection.
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And that's when they're ready to crawl into your lap, and that's when they're ready for your hand on their back.
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Children borrow our calm until their brain catches up.
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That's our number one job during a tantrum.
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And here's something else I'd love you to remember.
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Success isn't measured by how quickly the tantrum ends, and it isn't having a child who never cries.
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Success is a child who knows they're loved even when they have big, uncontrollable feelings.
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That's one of the greatest gifts we can give our kids.
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So, yes, discipline can be kind, loving, and still firm.
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Now, as we wrap up today, I want to leave you with one final thought.
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A tantrum is just a toddler acting their age.
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Use it as a mantra in the heat of the moment, and you'll find yourself responding differently because you'll see the good kid underneath the hard moment.
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If today's episode was helpful and it resonated with you, I think you'll really enjoy my toddlers made easy course.
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Inside, I take everything we've talked about today and I show you exactly how to put it into practice, from tantrums and bedtime to picky eating and sibling conflict, and all of those everyday parenting challenges that can leave even the most loving parents second guessing themselves.
00:10:08.639 --> 00:10:12.480
My goal isn't simply to help you stop unwanted behaviors.
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My goal is to help you solve everyday parenting challenges without chipping away at your child's self-esteem so you can protect the early years while raising a child who feels secure, capable, and deeply connected to you.
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You'll find the link in the show notes.
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Keep up the good work, and I'll see you next week.
