EP 3:21 Using Yoga in Chemsex Recovery with Malu

WEBVTT
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What is are you in the frequency of an addict?
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And this is I say this all the time is ask yourself, are you behaving as this person who uses meth?
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Are you in the frequency?
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Or have you bought into I'm an addict?
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Because if I'm just if I'm an addict, I'm gonna act like one, I'm gonna think like one, I'm gonna talk like one.
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I'm gonna ChemStext.
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Sexualized drug use among men who have sex with men, typically involving methamphetamine, methadrone, and GHB, among others.
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Chemstext misuse is a worldwide epidemic that needs attention, dialogue, and hope for those lost in it, which is the purpose of the Aftermath Podcast.
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Please note the views expressed by the host and guest on this podcast are not to be taken as medical advice, and the content around sex and drug use can be triggering.
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All right, welcome back to the Aftermath Podcast.
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Glad to have you here.
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Thank you for choosing us.
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Thank you for joining.
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Appreciate you listening very much.
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Don't forget to like and subscribe and share and all the good things to the podcast so the algorithm can get it to the people who need to see it or need to hear it.
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We are now on Apple Podcast Video.
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So you can watch the podcast on Apple now and Spotify and YouTube.
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So I think we're all into watching them, it seems like.
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That seems to be the trend now for some reason.
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Um, but uh thank you for being here.
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And today we have a a topic that we haven't covered yet that I am ready to get into, and that is yoga in sobriety.
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Um, I have a client who is crazy about yoga.
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Um, and he is, you know, he just attributes yoga to his recovery um for many, many, many reasons, and I'm sure we'll get into them today.
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So my guest today is a a yoga for gay men and recovery practitioner.
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I'm gonna let you introduce yourself.
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I'm probably butchering what you would call yourself, uh Malu, um, and all the way from Hawaii.
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So with Malu, welcome.
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Hi, Dallas.
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Yeah, thank you so much.
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Um, yeah, so um I'm Malu.
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I'm um so I have been a yoga teacher for 20 years.
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Um sorry.
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My dog is barking now.
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That's okay.
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So uh yeah, so I've been a yoga teacher for 20 years.
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Um, and I didn't really kind of start out in uh working with gay men, but I just kind of fell into it because a lot of gay men started coming to my classes.
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I think they just see they saw somebody who was like them and they wanted to be there.
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So um, so that's kind of how my origin in that.
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But um yoga really played a huge part in my um recovery journey, which is mostly it's it's a it's more of an alcohol story where I I think you know a lot of gay men can really um connect with the idea of using alcohol as the way that we sort of deal with difficult emotions.
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So for me, uh I actually I walked into my first AA meeting in 2012.
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And so it's been a while, but it, you know, it's uh it's one of those journeys that it's like you have peaks and valleys.
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And so um since then I've I've discovered that yoga, which became a part of my story so early on, um, maybe about seven years before I walked into an um AA meeting, um, that I I I I never really put the two together.
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But then eventually I started seeing like how much the um, you know, the practice really, really supported um the sobriety journey.
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And after I started really um using it as one of my main tools, I started introducing it to other men who um who who have you know numbing behaviors, alcohol, substances, uh, pornography, whatever, whatever is going on in someone's life.
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Um often uh you know, yoga can be a really good addition to whatever um, you know, whatever main modality they're using in their recovery, whether it's a step meeting or if they're working with a therapist or a counselor, like it's really good to have um yoga there because of the coping skills that it um helps you to develop.
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Hmm.
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Interesting.
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Um and is that what it what attracted you to yoga in the first place anyway?
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You said it started seven years before.
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Yeah, so I actually so I started teaching in um in 2007.
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Okay, but before that, I actually didn't I took my first yoga class in 2002.
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So I was in college at the time when I took my first yoga class.
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Um, and I did it as one of those like, you know, the the college offers is like it's really an easy one credit class.
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I was like, I'll take yoga.
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Yeah.
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And so that was how I got introduced to it.
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And I just loved it because I was never really one of those physical people who who really um uh connected with like being in the gym.
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I wasn't like one of those, one of those people, but um for me yoga became it became my physical, like my physical exercise, you know, after I was introduced to it.
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And um, but then like I said, I saw it it took a while to connect the pieces that it's like, wait a minute, there's there's a lot of deeper elements to a yoga, to your yoga practice than you might first be introduced to when you say like take a class at a gym or to go to a yoga studio.
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You're really you're really scratching the surface in a lot of those group classes.
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But once I started doing my teacher training and learning um the deeper elements of yoga, I found a very specific teacher um actually that helped me make those connections.
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So his name is Rod Stryker.
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He's been my teacher um since 2014, actually.
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Um he uh he uh has a a sort of a therapeutic approach to yoga where it's not about trying to achieve some perfect um you know physical pose or like try to do really difficult things like handstand or like you know balancing on you know one hand with one leg behind your you know your your neck or something.
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It's not it's not it's not that, right?
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Like it's not poses for the sake of poses.
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It's a lot of this like nervous system regulation kind of work.
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It's really working with um the breath, pranayama.
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It's really trying to work with the energetics of the um of what uh what what we have going on in the body and in our sort of um in our going on in the head and in the body.
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So um, so yeah, it was a it it it was a journey to kind of make those connections, but once I did, I was like, wow, like there's really there, there's there's a lot within yoga that um that actually is can be a bridge for a lot of people between the work that they're doing with say a counselor or a therapist and this and the stuff that they have going on at home, right?
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Like it's like sometimes it's like how do I take what I learned on the couch to to what's what's happening in my regular life, right?
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Oh, I see.
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And that's where I think yoga can be kind of the bridge for people.
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Interesting.
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Okay.
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Well, when did you notice?
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So you you obviously had a problematic issue with alcohol.
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When did when did you notice that yoga was kind of complementing and helping you integrate?
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Yeah, so I was so um it was a bit of a journey, like I said.
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I so I was actually living in New York City at the time when I walked into my first, you know, it was a kind of a dusty church basement kind of situation.
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Yeah.
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Walked into one of those, like, you know, the bad coffee and the, you know, like feeling really awkward, not wanting to say anything about your story because you there's a lot of shame involved in like, you know, a numbing, any kind of numbing behavior, right?
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Like we kind of keep it often, it's like we keep it to ourselves.
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We don't reveal it.
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And it was never like the thing with for me with um using alcohol, a lot of it was really social.
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Like it was just, but it was one of those things where it was like, I needed to do it all the time, where it was like I was on the go.
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I was, you know, I was working um in communications and PR in New York City, and like it's like you're on the go, you're just stressed out, strung out, like you just can't can't um turn the brain off at night or whatever.
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So it was a lot of um going to the bar after work kind of thing.
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And then it just became what it what it became is this kind of like it was my main coping strategy, right?
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Like, okay, I'm stressed out.
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What are we doing?
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Like, what are we doing at when five o'clock hits?
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We're going to the bar with coworkers, and then that just kind of spiraled where it just became then it became something that I was doing on my own at home.
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Like, okay, I'm gonna go buy a bottle of gin and like I'm gonna have two or three drinks a night.
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But it was never like it's you know, it's always a problem to kind of numb your emotions, but I I I think compared to most, that like I have not had it as bad as some others.
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Like I it was a um it was definitely a problem because it was causing me to be disregulated.
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Like it's one of those things where it's like the drink helps in the moment, but then once that moment passes, it's like, but then you're left with this additional dysregulation from the from you know, the the whatever it were whatever it was doing to numb you out.
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The problem doesn't go away.
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It resurfaces, but often with a vengeance.
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And so it was like, so then I was just showing up in the world as like just not a good person, you know, like angry, upset with like kind of the smallest things, like the train is late, and I mean, you know, I'm just really like kind of ups just going through it, spiraling.
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And so when those things started to click for me, that's when it was like, I really need, I need something, I need another coping mechanism.
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Like the thing is the coping mechanism was staring me in the face the whole time, and I didn't really, I didn't really latch on to it.
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It was the yoga, you know what I mean?
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Like it was looking at me, but what I was doing, so Dallas, I'm you have to entertain me using these like Sanskrit words because it is kind of the language I speak.
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Okay, but it's like so I was living in a rajazic city.
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So Rajazic means active.
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Okay.
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Really like if you think of like the way a train moves, like really fast, that's a rajazik quality.
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So I was living in a Rajazic city, okay, doing a Rajazic job because I'm like, you know, I'm I'm communicating, I'm trying to meet deadlines, I've, you know, there are uh there's a lot of pressure to perform.
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So there's that happening.
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Then I'm doing a rajazic yoga practice, meaning a highly physical, very movement-based, very sweaty, very exercisy.
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And and then I was adding kind of fuel to the fire with alcohol.
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So all of a sudden I've got this like, like, is it any wonder that my um my nervous system was essentially out of whack, right?
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Like it was just it was like a brush fire that I just kept adding more, more gasoline to.
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Yeah.
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So, like, once I discovered through this teacher I spoke about, Rod Stryker, once I really became enmeshed in his techniques, I started to see that there was so much within the yoga practice that it didn't have to be what you kind of see on television, like the kind of like really fast, really vigorous yoga practices, that there's a therapeutic way of of working that is that is helping you to slow down using yoga as medicine.
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Um, and that's when things started to really shift because it was like I had this practice, but I was just practicing in a way that wasn't serving, um, wasn't really serving what I was going through.
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You know what I mean?
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Like, and and I think that's the like this is probably too much, but it's like if like like let's say I was a I was more of a sluggish person.
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I was like, I just had a really hard time just like getting moving throughout the day.
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I never met deadlines.
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I, you know, I was constantly late to work.
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That really vigorous practice would have been really good for me, but I wasn't that person.
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I was a person who was like go, go, go, go, go.
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And then I was adding more go go go to it with my yoga.
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So yoga should be something that balances you, not takes you further out of balance.
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Interesting.
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Yeah.
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Okay, so if rah if rajazik is active in the train moving, then what's sluggish?
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What's the word for that?
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So that would be kaffa.
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So it's like I it's like and there's inertia is like would be a really good translation for that.
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Okay.
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There's someone who is very inert where it's like they don't, they they can't feel their feelings or they let their feelings make them very heavy.
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Um, and but then where you want to be is a is a state called sattvik, which essentially means clear.
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So if you think of water, water is clear, and there's like a purity to water, and that's where you want to be.
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You don't want to be overly like, you know, in the kind of like the fiery part of things, but you also don't want to be like earth, like too heavy.
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You want to be somewhere in the middle, which is like is where subvict comes.
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And that's actually the yo.
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So the yoga that I try to introduce to people is how can I move you to a subject state?
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So let's say you are on one s one or the other side of the equation.
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I want to move you back to middle.
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So and so trying to figure out where do you exist on that scale and then try to move you back to balance.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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I mean, what yeah, what you're regulating the the emotional, right?
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The nervous system by getting you to suffocate.
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Exactly.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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Yeah, interesting.
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So uh some of the things that is that you said I wanted to come back to, um, and that is what I'm imagining here, you said that that yoga is a complement to recovery.
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That it that while you're in therapy, while you're in coaching, yoga could be kind of the way I'm seeing it is like a physical integration.
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Like you said, what you picked up on the couch, you know, now you want to kind of integrate it maybe into your body or or try to process it somehow.
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And I I do see a lot of this.
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I see a lot of guys taking on information, information, like all the knowledge and the knowledge and the tools and the epiphanies of, you know, this is oh wow, this is my trauma.
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This is why I'm here.
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This is my, you know, but then what?
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They don't know what to do with it.
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Like you could do, you can have talk therapy to try to process it, but I feel like the right type of yoga could really help that move through your system in a way that probably you can't articulate.
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Is that right?
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Exactly.
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And I think that is where, and you know, I've been in therapy since I was in college.
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So I have a lot of complex PTSD from childhood, and you know, just being in an environment that was there was a lot of alcohol use, there was just a lot of chaos in the home, a lot of moving, a lot of, you know, divorce.
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Like there was just like ne nothing was ever stable, right?
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And I kind of I so I was doing the therapy to unpack all of that stuff.
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But yeah, like you do need something else.
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Like, you know, there are, you know, obviously there are going to be therapeutic um relationships that where you're gonna learn the coping skills, but you actually need to practice them.
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And often I think because you don't have your therapist with you 24-7, like sometimes it's like you actually do need this additional guidance on like, how do I actually live this thing out?
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Because, or else it just becomes it just becomes a form of active procrastination, right?
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Like reading the recovery lit, right, listening to podcasts, doing all of that stuff, like that's just a way of like actively procrastinating on transformation.
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But if you can take that and then use it and actually put it into practice, that's where the that's actually where the transformation occurs.
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That's right.
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And so that's actually what I do with people is like, so um I work with I I call it like sober embodiment.
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Like, how do you begin to embody your sobriety?
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So, like, um, and I always tell like I always tell people that I work with, like, there is a difference between abstinence and sobriety.
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So we need to understand that.
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Just because I am not I have not had a drink, like, doesn't necessarily mean that I'm sober.
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If I'm out there, if I'm if I'm throwing a fit because the the line, you know, the clerk at the drugstore is taking too long and there the line is building up, like that means I'm actually, I'm not actually sober.
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I might be abstinent, but I'm, you know, there's that dry drunk title, right?
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So it's like that's where if we can start to embody our sobriety, like, and so I take people through uh it's a like a three-step kind of thing where it's like, okay, first we're gonna deal with triggers and cravings.
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We're really gonna, I'm gonna give you all the tools that you need to begin to work with those triggers and cravings so that you don't have to, like, if something comes up, like you're stressed out because of something that happened at work, you know, your boyfriend breaks up with you, you know, you get bad news, like it shouldn't be that shouldn't be the linchpin of like you falling back into a behavior because something happened, right?
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How can we work with the difficult things that happen in life and be able to stay in the difficulty, stay in, be, but be the be the steadiness in the midst of chaos.
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So that's one piece of it.
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And then the other piece of it is the self-study piece, and it's really beginning to understand like, what is my addiction story?
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Like there's a there's a guy that wrote um, his name is uh Tommy Rosen, I believe is his name.
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Um, he wrote Recovery 2.0 and he's a yoga teacher.
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And he talks, so he talks about there's an addiction frequency and there's an addiction story.
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The addiction story is usually it's some version of I need this in order to feel yeah, um, like myself.
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In order to function, I need this, right?
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And so it's like some version of that, but we need to tease that out.
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We need to understand what is my addiction story, and then how does that story inform a certain frequency that we're living on?
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Like, I I move through the world on a certain frequency.
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So if it's if that frequency is wired to addiction, like then everything about my life it begins to serve that addiction, right?
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Like it's like, um, but if we can change your frequency because you begin to understand the frequency that you're living on, that's the other piece, the self-study, you know, really going through.
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And that's where I I introduce a lot of meditation and like really starting to um be self-reflective.
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I also do a lot of self-compassion work during a self-study phase because a lot of it can, you know, you can feel triggered about certain memories coming up or whatever.
00:20:45.599 --> 00:21:01.119
And that's where we need to just like we need to just give ourselves some love and grace that we're a human being, like, you know, we're and we're on this like process of becoming, but we are also being, so we're already perfect, exactly as we are.
00:21:01.359 --> 00:21:02.319
So then there's that.
00:21:02.480 --> 00:21:10.559
And then there's the bigger piece, which is um an identity piece, which is really about who who are you becoming?
00:21:10.640 --> 00:21:15.920
Like what is your core, what is the core person that you are stepping into?
00:21:16.319 --> 00:21:26.400
Right now you are you're you're standing in someone else's shoes, and your real identity has faded into the background because the addictive self has stepped forward.
00:21:26.640 --> 00:21:29.680
The addictive self is the person who's in control right now.
00:21:29.839 --> 00:21:39.119
So, how can I get your authentic self to step back into the foreground so that the addictive self is no longer in control?
00:21:39.440 --> 00:21:59.279
And so that's where we start to use um techniques that some people are a little like they don't really know how to process this, but so it's called Yoga Nidra, and it's um it's a process of deep relaxation that we then introduce like a mantra that is, but it, you know, it's more like an affirmation.
00:21:59.599 --> 00:22:10.400
So It's like, you know, it could be something as simple as like, you know, I'm a man who makes choices that isn't aligned with my values, right?
00:22:10.640 --> 00:22:18.160
And then that way it's like, it's not necessarily speaking directly to addiction, but it could speak to almost anything happening in your life.
00:22:18.319 --> 00:22:23.839
Like you don't throw a fit because the clerk is taking too long with a customer, right?
00:22:24.160 --> 00:22:32.640
You are able to stay calm and just find your patience because that is aligned with your values.
00:22:32.880 --> 00:22:43.279
The same with picking up a drink or using a substance or like doom scrolling, you know, like if those things are not aligned with your values, you don't do them.
00:22:43.440 --> 00:22:50.240
And so um finding a vision that somebody has, I think you talk about like having a vision, and then that is the thing.
00:22:50.319 --> 00:23:01.519
It's we're we're talking the same thing, different different language, but we use a a very kind of deep relaxation technique in order to seed that into the subconscious.
00:23:01.680 --> 00:23:26.079
So in some ways, it it has some relation to like um self-hip hypnosis type type um things, where it's like you want to get to a state where the it's the state between uh waking and dreaming where it's like you, you know, like right before you fall asleep, there's this kind of like there's this, there's this uh kind of uh Housean feeling that you have.
00:23:26.240 --> 00:23:33.759
That's actually what we try to get you to, where it's just like you're you're you're aware, but your body is asleep.
00:23:33.920 --> 00:23:43.839
You know, there's a tr there's a trace of awareness, and that's where we use our sunculpa, our affirmation to um, and it's not one and done.
00:23:44.000 --> 00:23:47.599
Like, you know, it's it's like take it's like taking your vitamins, right?
00:23:47.680 --> 00:23:49.039
You gotta do it regularly.
00:23:49.200 --> 00:23:50.160
It's a practice.
00:23:50.400 --> 00:24:04.400
But eventually that thing that may seem really that vision may seem really far off, but after doing this for a while, like all of a sudden you'll notice like you could be sitting in traffic and you're just not having the same reaction that you used to.
00:24:04.640 --> 00:24:13.519
And that's your authentic self stepping forward into that vision of of who you want to embody.
00:24:13.759 --> 00:24:26.079
And so it's really powerful, you know, like, and that's the kind of that's what I mean when I say there's the kind of yoga that you might experience when you step into like a kind of generic, like, you know, group fitness class.
00:24:26.400 --> 00:24:38.559
But there's this other kind of yoga that a lot of people have no idea about because it's so it's such deep work that you can't introduce it to a random person stepping into a a group class.
00:24:38.799 --> 00:24:45.599
You need to actually be doing like real personal work with someone in order for them to find those teachings.
00:24:45.920 --> 00:24:47.759
Yeah, yeah, I would say so.
00:24:47.920 --> 00:24:48.559
Yeah.
00:24:48.960 --> 00:24:51.359
Yeah, let me that's so much.
00:24:51.680 --> 00:24:52.559
Sorry, there was a lot there.
00:24:54.720 --> 00:24:57.680
There was a lot, but let me uh I'll I'll come back to it.
00:24:58.480 --> 00:25:06.079
One thing I've noticed you talking about, and you talk about on your uh your um Instagram page too, is the numbing behaviors, right?
00:25:06.400 --> 00:25:06.720
Yes.
00:25:06.960 --> 00:25:11.440
So I got stressed and I wanted alcohol to numb that out.
00:25:11.759 --> 00:25:19.359
I went to the bar, eventually I started using by myself, and then I became more dysregulated, which made me want to drink more.
00:25:20.559 --> 00:25:22.000
That is not that different.
00:25:22.160 --> 00:25:25.039
That is not different than the chemsex cycle either.
00:25:25.359 --> 00:25:26.400
Yeah, right.
00:25:26.720 --> 00:25:29.119
I get stressed out, I need to or or whatever it is.
00:25:29.200 --> 00:25:50.720
I'm lonely, I'm bored, or I'm I'm I have internalized homophobia, I have whatever shame there is, I want to express myself sexually in an uninhibited way, whatever that is, I'm gonna go do meth to get that, which actually compounds the problem later, right?
00:25:50.960 --> 00:25:52.640
It's the cycle of it.
00:25:52.880 --> 00:26:02.640
And so I'm saying all that to say, if you're listening for the listeners, is that this it can be overlaid perfectly with chemsex.
00:26:03.119 --> 00:26:03.359
Absolutely.
00:26:03.759 --> 00:26:04.960
Perfectly with chem sex.
00:26:05.440 --> 00:26:07.359
Um, this is not just an alcohol.
00:26:07.440 --> 00:26:15.759
We're we're talking about Malu's experience as alcohol, but that this is exactly the same type of of situation.
00:26:16.000 --> 00:26:20.160
Not to mention every time I do yoga, I'm crying.
00:26:20.720 --> 00:26:26.880
Like there's something released somewhere and moving around.
00:26:27.039 --> 00:26:33.039
Um, I've been crying a lot this season of the podcast for some reason, but there's something you are releasing.
00:26:33.680 --> 00:26:44.000
And and if you are, if you've used meth, also what I've heard from from um my clients is that doing yoga also gets it to come out of your pores.
00:26:44.160 --> 00:26:46.160
It it's detoxing you as well.
00:26:46.319 --> 00:26:52.240
If you want to come down and detox, drink a bunch of water and do some yoga and just get your tissues stretching.
00:26:52.559 --> 00:27:00.559
Um it really does, it really does kind of help you move through emotions that you probably don't know how to articulate.
00:27:00.640 --> 00:27:02.000
You don't know how to put words.
00:27:02.160 --> 00:27:05.680
I don't know how I feel, but whatever I'm feeling is moving through me.
00:27:06.160 --> 00:27:06.720
Yep.
00:27:06.960 --> 00:27:11.200
You know, so Dallas, so there's so remember I was talking about the three, my three steps.
00:27:11.359 --> 00:27:18.319
So that first step, I didn't give you a sense because I feel like I'm gonna just overwhelm you with Sanskrit words, but the first step is called tapas.
00:27:18.640 --> 00:27:21.599
So it's tapas literally means fire.
00:27:21.839 --> 00:27:23.440
It means we are gonna cook.
00:27:23.599 --> 00:27:25.519
Like I'm gonna cook to you, right?
00:27:25.759 --> 00:27:33.759
Like, and so that's where you, I mean, a lot of people might grab like a lot of people when they first start yoga, they love hot yoga.
00:27:33.839 --> 00:27:37.039
Yeah, but there's a reason, there's a particular reason for it.
00:27:37.200 --> 00:27:40.160
It's because it is a purification process.
00:27:40.319 --> 00:27:43.200
Yes, and like there's a physical purification.
00:27:43.519 --> 00:27:52.880
You're like you said, you're moving your tissues around, like the muscles are moving, the you know, the sinews are like finding different places they've never been before.
00:27:53.039 --> 00:27:55.680
And it's like you're wringing out a towel, you know what I mean?
00:27:55.839 --> 00:28:03.279
Like it's like all this, all this stuff that was like kind of stuck in there, like you're kind of wringing it out.
00:28:03.359 --> 00:28:17.200
I know physic physiology is probably that's not it's not as simple as that, but it's like, but it is a purification process from a yogic standpoint because our patterns are all deeply related.
00:28:17.359 --> 00:28:21.759
So if you walk in a certain way, there's a reason for that, right?
00:28:21.920 --> 00:28:23.519
Like your gait, right?
00:28:23.599 --> 00:28:31.519
The your the way that you walk, there's a you are patterned or like the way that you you brush your teeth in the morning.
00:28:31.599 --> 00:28:33.759
Do you start at the top or you starting at the bottom?
00:28:33.920 --> 00:28:37.519
Like my teacher always talks about this as a really good example of a pattern.
00:28:37.680 --> 00:28:39.839
So it's like there's a reason for that.
00:28:40.000 --> 00:28:45.920
Like you started doing it that way, and you will always do it that way because you developed a pattern.
00:28:46.240 --> 00:28:49.119
So it's in this sort of tapas, right?
00:28:49.200 --> 00:28:57.680
When we're building the heat where we're cooking in the in the oven that we can start to untangle the patterning.
00:28:57.920 --> 00:29:14.720
That's where, and I think sometimes people don't realize, like like you said, the emotional release, like how much of like this is not a real, like uh, this isn't a a real scientific explanation, but a lot of people say our issues are stored in our tissues.
00:29:14.880 --> 00:29:15.200
Yes.
00:29:15.359 --> 00:29:17.519
You know, science doesn't really play that out.
00:29:17.599 --> 00:29:19.920
Like there's a lot of really we don't do science here anyway.
00:29:20.079 --> 00:29:30.160
Yeah, there's a lot of really good science that doesn't necessarily play this out, but like let's talk about the fact that it's like if I had an injury as a child, right?
00:29:30.400 --> 00:29:38.000
Um, let's say I broke my arm because I fell out of a tree when I was five years old, that injury stays with me for the rest of my life, right?
00:29:38.079 --> 00:29:47.200
Like there is a fracture that um that healed itself that now is like you know, there's a spar tissue around it or whatever, and that stays with us.
00:29:47.359 --> 00:29:55.920
And it's the same on a psychological level, where so in yoga we talk about um something called a vasana.
00:29:56.240 --> 00:29:58.960
So there it's a basically it's a pattern.
00:29:59.039 --> 00:30:10.640
That's a that's the easiest way to, but vasanas don't come out of nowhere, they could they come because there was an initial impression that was made on the on the psyche, right?
00:30:11.200 --> 00:30:24.079
I did this one thing and it felt good, and I was able to to for for a momentary, you know, for a moment in my life, I was able to step away from my troubles.
00:30:24.240 --> 00:30:34.319
I was able to step away from the sadness and the grief, my internalized homophobia, whatever it is, I was able to, I found relief, and now I want that thing again.
00:30:34.480 --> 00:30:35.119
Yeah, right.
00:30:35.200 --> 00:30:36.960
So then we go back.
00:30:37.200 --> 00:30:40.240
So it's like, so these are called samskadas.
00:30:40.400 --> 00:30:43.680
So if you think of the word scar, that's kind of what's happening.
00:30:43.759 --> 00:30:52.240
It's like I created a I created an opening, a wound, and I'm gonna keep opening it until it becomes a pattern, which is a scar.
00:30:52.640 --> 00:30:58.400
And so it's like, and that is happening on a psychological level from the yogic perspective, right?
00:30:58.720 --> 00:31:09.599
That every time we do anything, if we continue to revisit that thing over and over and over again, it be eventually becomes a vasana or a pattern.
00:31:10.400 --> 00:31:22.319
So in in our in the yogic, you know, methodology, as we as we move you through various practices, the idea is like let's start to unwind these patterns.
00:31:22.400 --> 00:31:22.559
Yeah.
00:31:22.799 --> 00:31:26.559
So that you aren't stuck repeating the same story over and over again.
00:31:26.799 --> 00:31:27.119
You know?
00:31:27.359 --> 00:31:27.599
Yep.
00:31:27.759 --> 00:31:28.240
Mm-hmm.
00:31:28.319 --> 00:31:28.799
Mm-hmm.
00:31:29.039 --> 00:31:29.920
Exactly right.
00:31:30.160 --> 00:31:35.519
And I'm gonna get I'm gonna get to everything here, but I want to pick up on what you just said.
00:31:36.000 --> 00:31:47.599
One of the one of the things, so my client who loves yoga, he he also he does he will follow through with whatever suggestions I make, which is which is lovely to have a client like that.
00:31:48.000 --> 00:31:56.880
Um, but I I I explain I'm explaining this to my clients is that your subconscious is always battling to repeat.
00:31:57.119 --> 00:32:03.680
It loves the it loves to repeat, it loves that set in stone kind of every day doing the same thing.
00:32:03.839 --> 00:32:17.920
You know, this is why like you sometimes you drive home and you don't remember driving home or or whatever, and you you're it's always it's comfortable in that predictability and so patterns, you know, vasanas, patterns, patterns, patterns.
00:32:18.079 --> 00:32:26.000
So I suggest to my clients, like you will fall back into relapse patterns subconsciously all the time.
00:32:26.640 --> 00:32:30.559
And a relapse will start weeks, months sometimes.
00:32:31.039 --> 00:32:40.319
It's all one big pattern, one big vasana, you know, and that and you will fall into that very easily.
00:32:40.480 --> 00:32:57.680
So I suggest doing things like getting out of the bed on the other side, eating, trying to eat with your left hand, walking backwards, you know, or whatever, something to interrupt the normal pattern because it leaves your subconscious guessing, like, oh, what's next?
00:32:57.839 --> 00:32:59.119
We haven't done this before.
00:32:59.359 --> 00:33:03.279
And that puts you in charge of your subconscious at that point.
00:33:03.759 --> 00:33:04.160
Yep.
00:33:04.240 --> 00:33:05.039
And you know what?
00:33:05.200 --> 00:33:11.599
And that's why yoga is so good because it you're forcing your body to move in ways like you don't naturally move.
00:33:11.759 --> 00:33:12.079
Yeah.
00:33:12.240 --> 00:33:12.480
Right?
00:33:12.880 --> 00:33:29.440
Where it's like, if I have you on your legs are like on in sort of train tracks, but one leg is forward, one leg is back, and then I have you bend forward and then twist to your right, you don't do you don't just randomly do that when you're you know you're you're walking down the street.
00:33:29.519 --> 00:33:32.799
That is not a normal, that is not a normal movement.
00:33:33.039 --> 00:33:54.240
So actually what you're doing is you're rewiring your brain in the process because when you every time you are learning some new pose, or um, or even if you're learning pranayama, like what you're doing is you are re you're creating a new pattern, a different pattern, right?
00:33:54.640 --> 00:34:05.440
And if you couple that with the trigger or the craving, right, where it's like you have a like you use them as replacement, um, like a coping skill, right?
00:34:05.519 --> 00:34:08.000
You use it as a replacement behavior.
00:34:08.239 --> 00:34:17.360
Um, you are actually you're suddenly you're starting to create a new connection where it's like, oh, this thing happens to me and I do this instead.
00:34:17.599 --> 00:34:24.639
And then your brain is, and it's like, and I have to promise people all the time, because it's like, well, you know what, but tequila is so good.
00:34:24.800 --> 00:34:26.320
It's like, yes, yes, it is.
00:34:26.559 --> 00:34:30.320
But but the thing is, like, it's it's gonna get you there faster.
00:34:30.400 --> 00:34:39.840
But the thing is, like, so is so is sitting down for for 12 minutes and doing, you know, some breathing and a short meditation.
00:34:40.079 --> 00:35:04.159
Like the level of calm and relief that you can experience is, you know, is it's not gonna be comparable, but it's gonna be good for you, you know, and so it's like it's and it is a practice, and that's where I think you actually do need a little bit of structure and guidance because like when you're not, you know, you're not carrying Dallas around in your, you know, in your pocket 24-7.
00:35:04.480 --> 00:35:11.679
So you need something else to help you, you know, take those things that you're learning into your life.
00:35:11.840 --> 00:35:15.039
And that's kind of where yoga, you know, it can be helpful.
00:35:15.199 --> 00:35:24.800
Like you, and one thing, one thing I try to do with people is to figure out how we can develop a personal daily practice for you.
00:35:24.960 --> 00:35:27.599
Yes, it can be as little as seven minutes.
00:35:27.760 --> 00:35:35.119
Like, I mean, we're not talking about a huge time commitment here, yeah, but how can we find a daily practice for you?
00:35:35.280 --> 00:35:41.360
And it could be any combination of things, a pranayama or a breathing technique and meditation.
00:35:41.840 --> 00:35:47.840
Three poses, you know, and coupled with a breathing technique, great.
00:35:48.079 --> 00:35:59.119
Like whatever, whatever you think is doable in your life, let's start, like let's develop that thing and then let's start doing that thing and let's create a habit of doing this thing.
00:35:59.199 --> 00:36:08.800
Because like the other thing too is a lot of people will tell me, oh, I know you said that our my practice is only 10 should is only 10 minutes a day, but I ended up doing 45.
00:36:09.280 --> 00:36:10.639
Great, yeah, great.
00:36:10.880 --> 00:36:22.800
Like I'm you know, I'm stoked for that because like I would have been happy if you told me you did 10, but the fact that you decided, like, oh, 10 minutes came and went, and I still want to keep doing this, like that's great.
00:36:22.960 --> 00:36:35.280
You know, that means like you are your brain is is starting to find a new pattern, it's creating a new vasana, but it is a it is it is a positive one, right?
00:36:35.440 --> 00:36:49.920
It is it's life-giving, it gives you the energy to to be in the world, and it is, you know, hopefully making you a more joyful person, you know, productive person, all of those things too.
00:36:51.920 --> 00:37:02.719
And I would think so, because I think it's probably easy to go to yoga and go through the motions too, without intent without intentional.
00:37:02.880 --> 00:37:04.079
I was doing that, yeah.
00:37:04.239 --> 00:37:06.000
Yeah, totally, yeah.
00:37:06.320 --> 00:37:11.199
And and then my guess is it's gonna help to have somebody like you though as well.
00:37:11.360 --> 00:37:18.400
So I'm doing yoga and I'm processing all this big shit in recovery, it starts to come through.
00:37:19.199 --> 00:37:45.280
No, you don't have Dallas in your pocket, but it would be nice to have someone with you know like you to kind of process and know maybe using more yoga techniques, because you know, the the deeper elements you mentioned, the deeper elements of yoga to practice to process this, because it is like you said, it's there's I'm sure you I'm sure you would use breathing, you would do poses to calm the nervous system, you would move through whatever whatever's moving through.
00:37:45.440 --> 00:37:54.320
Because if you go and do yoga with intention and then all this stuff is coming up, and then you're managing it on your own, you may find yourself in a dysregulated state, right?
00:37:54.559 --> 00:38:04.960
Yeah, and you know, like when I would teach group classes, I would always have people come up to me at the end and be like, I, you know, all I did was going to child's pose and I just started crying.
00:38:05.039 --> 00:38:05.840
What's going on?
00:38:06.079 --> 00:38:17.039
And I was like, Well, you're having a release, like you're having an emotional release, like, you know, and there was something there on a psychological level that you were holding on to very tightly.
00:38:17.360 --> 00:38:26.880
And suddenly that you've gotten your nervous system to calm down, gotten the muscles to calm down, like you were able to have the release, right?
00:38:27.199 --> 00:38:49.280
Some people will have, you know, some people like, especially if you're uh you're coming from a more like trauma like background, you might have certain traumatic, you know, uh, I guess like a f flashback or even an emotional flashback where it's like the emotions feel like a certain harken back to a specific time in your life.
00:38:49.519 --> 00:39:23.519
Um but that's where, you know, and a yoga teacher should be able to help you either find self-compassion, like especially if it's like you're having you're you're flashing back to a to a difficult situation in life, like they should be able to help you find re-regulation in the moment, help you learn, like help you to sit with it, and then also offer compassion to that part of you that like that needs love and has never been loved, like to give you that, give you a tool to be able to find that self-compassion.
00:39:23.679 --> 00:39:28.960
But then the, you know, a yoga teacher should also like it kind of know our we know our limits, right?
00:39:29.119 --> 00:39:41.840
I'm not a therapist, so I'm gonna, you know, there are certain things that I'm gonna say, well, that's something you have to kind of talk through with a therapist, but I can give you skills to be able to sit with those things, right?
00:39:42.239 --> 00:39:47.760
So, you know, meditation, pranayama, like, you know, I've got tools.
00:39:47.920 --> 00:39:49.760
I'm helping, I can give you tools.
00:39:49.920 --> 00:39:59.760
And then often what I help people to uh do is so there's a writing technique I like to teach people where it's like we write our fears and resentments.
00:40:00.079 --> 00:40:05.679
So it's like when things come up, things are going on in your life and you feel really dysregulated.
00:40:05.840 --> 00:40:13.440
One of the things I do is I, and this is a technique that I learned, and I give it to people because it really does.
00:40:13.599 --> 00:40:23.280
I do find that it helps, but it's a you basically write, I you know, I fear that, you know, my partner is mad at me.
00:40:23.519 --> 00:40:25.599
I fear that I am not good enough.
00:40:25.840 --> 00:40:30.079
I fear, and and and fear here isn't literal, like I'm scared of something.
00:40:30.239 --> 00:40:37.519
It's not like a phobia, but it's just you've like anything that it has an emotional charge in your life, you phrase it as a fear.
00:40:37.599 --> 00:40:42.239
Like I fear I'm gonna be like the bus is gonna be late today and I'm gonna be late for work.
00:40:42.400 --> 00:40:50.320
I, you know, or I resent the bus driver because uh, you know, I'm I fear I'm going to be late for work.
00:40:50.480 --> 00:40:51.920
So you do this work, right?
00:40:52.079 --> 00:41:13.039
You and that is one, like you're you're kind of getting it all out, and then you kind of sign this document at the end saying, and now I release my fear, these fears and resentments, so that I can take, you know, into the world, you know, my best self or however you personally want to sign off on it.
00:41:13.199 --> 00:41:16.079
But it's good to say, I release this, I don't want this.
00:41:16.320 --> 00:41:24.480
Yeah, and then usually I encourage people to ditch it, like just throw it away, tear it up, whatever, but get rid of it.
00:41:24.719 --> 00:41:28.320
And that is, and that's a tech, that's one of the techniques I teach.
00:41:28.480 --> 00:41:38.480
Like, I usually teach obviously more detail, but it's like, but once you start to then do this on your own, like this is part of the self-study stuff.
00:41:38.559 --> 00:41:43.679
Like you start to see the patterns, like my God, I constantly, and I say this to myself all the time.
00:41:43.840 --> 00:41:45.760
I fear I am not enough, right?
00:41:45.840 --> 00:41:52.800
Like that is like a constant, and when you start to notice, like that's a that's that's clearly pointing you to a story.
00:41:53.360 --> 00:41:55.119
It's a part of your story, right?
00:41:55.280 --> 00:42:01.119
And how can you then like how can you rewrite that story, right?
00:42:02.000 --> 00:42:10.639
And yeah, sorry, there I did a little bit of rambling, but yeah, that's the kind of stuff like if somebody came up to me after a class, like that's the kind of stuff I would be offering, you know.
00:42:11.199 --> 00:42:12.559
Yeah, yes, yeah.
00:42:12.880 --> 00:42:18.159
So for you listening, you heard me talk about you've heard me talk about journaling a lot.
00:42:18.559 --> 00:42:22.880
And actually, I just had a thought, I need to do a whole podcast on journaling.
00:42:23.119 --> 00:42:38.320
Um that the this is one of the big, big benefits of journaling is getting the fears, the resentment, the emotions out of here, out of your mind, all the noise, out of everything, onto paper.
00:42:38.960 --> 00:42:43.280
It doesn't you don't realize how powerful that is until you start doing it.
00:42:43.760 --> 00:42:46.559
There there's something about it releases through your hand.
00:42:46.639 --> 00:43:02.320
I mean, it releases out of you and putting it on paper and then getting rid of it, like you said, there is something really I there is science behind this too, um, with with journaling and writing things down, but there is something very powerful about this.
00:43:02.639 --> 00:43:17.599
And if you're feeling some kind of I I I fucked something up, or I'm, you know, um I've been rejected by whatever because I'm ugly, un in an uncensored way, just write all that down.
00:43:17.840 --> 00:43:18.559
You know, yeah.
00:43:18.960 --> 00:43:23.360
And that is that's kind of shadow work, but it's also like it's moving it out.
00:43:23.679 --> 00:43:31.039
Because if you don't, it it's gonna static and it's gonna be static and it's gonna filter your thoughts, your behaviors, your words the rest of the day.
00:43:31.280 --> 00:43:33.920
Getting it out on the paper sometimes just releases it.
00:43:34.079 --> 00:43:34.639
It really does.
00:43:34.800 --> 00:43:39.360
And and some and sometimes I'll be honest with you, sometimes I even do it in the middle of the day.
00:43:39.440 --> 00:43:42.079
I'll just like I'm having, you know what I mean?
00:43:42.159 --> 00:43:43.840
I'm having, I'm stressed out.
00:43:43.920 --> 00:43:45.920
Like life is getting hard right now.
00:43:46.079 --> 00:43:50.079
And I'll just take a minute and like, and I will do my writing.
00:43:50.239 --> 00:43:52.079
I'll do write my fears and resentments.
00:43:52.159 --> 00:43:56.000
And some people ask me, well, why do you why are we only doing fears and resentments?
00:43:56.079 --> 00:43:57.360
Why aren't we doing other emotions?
00:43:57.519 --> 00:43:59.519
And the thing is because these are root emotions.
00:43:59.679 --> 00:43:59.760
Yeah.
00:44:00.239 --> 00:44:07.199
Like resentment is often at the is is what is festering underneath anger, right?
00:44:07.440 --> 00:44:09.760
It's festering underneath your depression.
00:44:10.000 --> 00:44:12.800
Depression is anger turned in at the self.
00:44:12.960 --> 00:44:15.920
It is a self-infliction of anger.
00:44:16.079 --> 00:44:22.559
You know, it and you know, your anxieties are part of is there's underneath it, there's this fear.
00:44:22.800 --> 00:44:26.239
What is the fear that is causing you to be anxious?
00:44:26.400 --> 00:44:28.880
Like some people it's like, oh, well, I'm gonna be late for work.
00:44:29.039 --> 00:44:29.840
Like that's a fear.
00:44:29.920 --> 00:44:30.480
Okay, great.
00:44:30.639 --> 00:44:31.840
But there's something underneath that.
00:44:32.000 --> 00:44:35.039
There is what's under what's underneath that I'm gonna be late for work.
00:44:35.119 --> 00:44:37.199
Like, okay, you're scared you're gonna get fired.
00:44:37.360 --> 00:44:38.000
Yeah, okay.
00:44:38.079 --> 00:44:40.960
So what's underneath I'm scared I'm gonna be fired?
00:44:41.199 --> 00:44:41.519
Yeah.
00:44:41.679 --> 00:44:46.639
That I'm gonna end up, you know, without a home because I don't have a paycheck.
00:44:46.880 --> 00:44:47.599
Keep going.
00:44:47.920 --> 00:44:48.079
Right.
00:44:48.320 --> 00:44:56.559
What are the and so and so in this way, like it is journaling, but it's not like you're not trying to figure out your life.
00:44:56.719 --> 00:44:56.880
Right.
00:44:57.039 --> 00:44:58.239
It's not that kind of journey, right?
00:44:58.480 --> 00:45:02.800
Like I'm just all I'm doing is naming the emotions and getting them out.
00:45:02.960 --> 00:45:04.320
Like, yep.
00:45:04.639 --> 00:45:07.360
We're not there's enough self-discovery, right?
00:45:07.519 --> 00:45:08.880
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:45:09.119 --> 00:45:10.320
I just talked about that.
00:45:10.480 --> 00:45:12.480
I think I I don't know where it was.
00:45:12.719 --> 00:45:16.400
There's so many, there's so much I put out this fuck ton of content.
00:45:16.559 --> 00:45:19.519
I don't remember where I say things, but there was I was explaining this.
00:45:19.599 --> 00:45:20.559
What's underneath that?
00:45:20.639 --> 00:45:23.599
And underneath that, and underneath that, and underneath that.
00:45:23.679 --> 00:45:24.000
Yes.
00:45:24.239 --> 00:45:24.719
Perfect.
00:45:24.800 --> 00:45:25.760
I I love it.
00:45:26.000 --> 00:45:35.599
Um, okay, I want to talk about your three, your I forgot what you call them here, but your your three levels or three principles or pillars.
00:45:35.840 --> 00:45:38.480
But the first one yeah, triggers cravings.
00:45:38.559 --> 00:45:41.440
The first one you call uh uh tupus or tapas.
00:45:43.039 --> 00:45:43.519
Heat.
00:45:43.760 --> 00:45:58.480
So here's why I call you know, my program is recovery alchemy, because alchemy is like, you know, it's the heat that burns off the impurities that brings out the you know the light inside or the gold inside.
00:45:58.719 --> 00:46:04.320
What you're saying is so in line with my philosophies in my program, and I love it.
00:46:04.480 --> 00:46:14.400
Um, but that heat of the you're talking about the heat of the moving of the muscles and and other type of literal heat too, and it's the heat of work.
00:46:15.199 --> 00:46:15.760
Discipline.
00:46:16.320 --> 00:46:17.280
Discipline, right.
00:46:17.440 --> 00:46:34.239
And it's the heat for for you in ChemSecks Recovery, it's that heat of deciding whether or not to click on grinder or not, deciding whether or not to to contact that user buddy, deciding whether or not to completely disassociate and scroll all night.
00:46:34.320 --> 00:46:41.679
You know, it's in the heat of that, and and when you're triggered, so you're talking about handling the triggers and the cravings.
00:46:41.920 --> 00:46:46.880
When you are activated is a better word, but triggered, we're gonna say, because it's more recognizable.
00:46:47.039 --> 00:46:49.280
But when you're triggered, that's the heat.
00:46:49.679 --> 00:46:53.039
That's that heat turning up, and it's there for a reason.
00:46:53.519 --> 00:46:57.280
It's there to burn off some of those impurities that got you here.
00:46:57.519 --> 00:47:06.159
But oftentimes with the trigger, we either give into it, right, or we we run from it, we suppress it, you know, we try to get our attention off of it.
00:47:06.239 --> 00:47:13.599
But that heat is sitting in that trigger, sitting in that craving and allowing it to run through your body.
00:47:13.760 --> 00:47:15.760
That's and you do feel the heat.
00:47:15.920 --> 00:47:19.840
You will sweat without yoga, right?
00:47:20.159 --> 00:47:32.960
Uh, but wow, what a what a way to complement chemsex recovery is to turn the heat up on the mat, as well as setting, learning how to breathe through and set with triggers and cravings.
00:47:33.199 --> 00:47:35.119
Did I say all that correctly?
00:47:35.360 --> 00:47:35.920
That's great.
00:47:36.000 --> 00:47:36.639
And you know what?
00:47:37.039 --> 00:47:39.519
It's it's exactly that's exactly right.
00:47:39.679 --> 00:47:42.800
And you know what's so funny that you said uh the alchemy piece?
00:47:42.880 --> 00:47:47.199
So my teacher, Rod Stryker, his method is called tantra yoga alchemy.
00:47:47.519 --> 00:47:49.920
So it's like we're like we're totally aligned.
00:47:51.119 --> 00:47:52.079
But you know what?
00:47:52.239 --> 00:48:00.559
So so one thing that I do, so one thing that builds tapas that people it's funny because people are like, oh, this is so easy.
00:48:00.719 --> 00:48:01.760
Like yoga is easy.
00:48:01.840 --> 00:48:12.559
And I'm like, okay, here's what what what happens if I put you, what happens if I put you in a pose and I keep you there for a really long time and I tell you, don't move a muscle.
00:48:12.800 --> 00:48:20.239
Yeah, don't blink, don't, you know, like don't make any of these little micro adjustments, don't lift your big toe.
00:48:20.400 --> 00:48:24.079
Like, if you note it, like you don't move.
00:48:24.320 --> 00:48:32.320
And people find it so difficult because it's like, how do I hold this pose, but I don't move, like I can't make a micro adjustment.
00:48:32.480 --> 00:48:35.679
My neck, it's starting, I'm starting to feel the tension building, right?
00:48:35.760 --> 00:48:37.280
But I can't move my shoulder.
00:48:37.519 --> 00:48:43.440
Like the and that is actually it's it's you're building a skill in that moment.
00:48:43.679 --> 00:48:47.599
You are building, you are learning to sit with discomfort.
00:48:47.760 --> 00:48:56.639
And the thing that I I saw as somebody who like, you know, went to my AA meetings and stuff is I did not like discomfort.
00:48:56.800 --> 00:49:00.239
I don't want to feel discomfort, I want to escape it.
00:49:00.480 --> 00:49:08.960
And so learning to sit with your discomfort on your yoga mat is a great, it's like you are the labyrint in the lab, right?
00:49:09.119 --> 00:49:19.280
You are you're learning what could what is bubbling up right now when I am when I am holding this pose because Malu said I have to hold it for another three more breaths.
00:49:19.440 --> 00:49:20.960
Like, yeah, what's coming up?
00:49:21.199 --> 00:49:34.480
Notice what's what is coming because that is gonna inform that is gonna inform what you do in those moments where you said, like, do I open this, do I open the grinder right now, or can I sit with this emotion?
00:49:34.719 --> 00:49:35.360
Yes, right?
00:49:35.519 --> 00:49:36.960
Yeah, can I watch it?
00:49:37.199 --> 00:49:38.960
Yeah, you know, yeah, yeah.
00:49:39.199 --> 00:49:39.679
Right.
00:49:39.920 --> 00:49:46.000
Can I feel a little lonely for five minutes, ten minutes?
00:49:46.320 --> 00:49:47.599
Can I sit with it?
00:49:47.840 --> 00:49:52.800
Do I have to immediately everything's an emergency, it seemed, you know, in Kimsa in recovery.
00:49:52.880 --> 00:49:54.960
It's like, I'm horny, I I gotta do something.
00:49:55.199 --> 00:50:03.920
You know, I I it yeah, I gotta fuck, I gotta masturbate, I gotta fuck somebody, you know, or I gotta jump on grinder, or I'm lonely, I gotta do like it's like sit in it.
00:50:04.639 --> 00:50:05.440
Sit in it.
00:50:05.599 --> 00:50:11.920
That is uh it seems too simplified for people because they want this big secret.
00:50:12.960 --> 00:50:19.760
It's sitting in it without with just observing it, sitting in it.
00:50:19.920 --> 00:50:23.840
Um, so trigger you triggers and cravings was your first part.
00:50:24.079 --> 00:50:30.400
Self-study was your second part, your addiction story and your addiction frequency.
00:50:31.679 --> 00:50:38.079
Let me just say, what is are you in the frequency of an addict?
00:50:39.039 --> 00:50:46.400
And this is I say this all the time is ask yourself are you behaving as a person who uses meth?
00:50:47.199 --> 00:50:51.280
Are you in the frequency or have you bought into I am an addict?
00:50:51.840 --> 00:50:59.119
Because if I'm just if I'm an addict, I'm gonna act like one, I'm gonna think like one, I'm gonna talk like one, I'm gonna be one.
00:50:59.920 --> 00:51:00.320
Right?
00:51:00.559 --> 00:51:03.119
So I what is your frequency?
00:51:03.679 --> 00:51:06.880
Is it I am somebody who uses meth or is it somebody who doesn't use meth?
00:51:07.119 --> 00:51:09.760
And and what are the characteristics of somebody who uses meth?
00:51:10.480 --> 00:51:19.599
Inconsistency, non-responsive, um, dishonest, those are the top three I can think of.
00:51:19.760 --> 00:51:23.679
Um disrespectful to their family and friends.
00:51:23.840 --> 00:51:28.320
Um and in and so are you showing up as that?
00:51:28.960 --> 00:51:32.239
Meaning inconsistency, a consistent daily action.
00:51:32.400 --> 00:51:42.800
You talked about a personal daily practice, ten minutes, seven minutes, whatever, three poses in a seven minutes, a consistent daily practice.
00:51:43.360 --> 00:51:58.960
Consistency means I'm acting like somebody who doesn't use myth, responsiveness, being open about my cravings and my triggers, um, be showing up on time, you know, being there, showing showing up for myself, like dishonest.
00:51:59.119 --> 00:52:01.920
Are you being completely vulnerable and transparent?
00:52:02.239 --> 00:52:05.599
So this is uh what frequency are you in?
00:52:05.679 --> 00:52:13.599
I've never used the word frequency because it people get think I'm woo-woo anyway, but you know, this is such a good vibration.
00:52:14.559 --> 00:52:15.199
Vibration.
00:52:15.440 --> 00:52:20.880
Are you in the vibratory place of somebody who uses or not?
00:52:21.280 --> 00:52:24.239
Ask yourself that all day long.
00:52:25.519 --> 00:52:32.559
And you know, Dallas, like, and it's uh the it we there's an addiction frequency, but there's all kinds of other frequencies.
00:52:32.639 --> 00:52:32.719
Yeah.
00:52:32.960 --> 00:52:38.719
And we pick up on we pick up on these frequencies whenever we are in in touch with somebody.
00:52:38.880 --> 00:52:43.280
There's the nervous frequency, and you can just tell, oh, this is a nervous person.
00:52:43.440 --> 00:52:49.199
This person is is just she she's she's she she's anxious about everything.
00:52:50.800 --> 00:52:53.440
So and that is a net can be a natural baseline.
00:52:53.519 --> 00:53:03.039
I'm not saying that there's anything like necessarily like good, bad, or indifferent about those frequencies, but then figuring out that you want to vibrate at a different frequency.
00:53:03.199 --> 00:53:04.639
And what is that frequency?
00:53:04.719 --> 00:53:08.880
And it's I like the way that you tie it to behaviors where it's like, you know what?
00:53:09.039 --> 00:53:26.719
Like, there's a frequency that is honest, there's a frequency that shows up and is disciplined and is like the has a time every single day that he does his sitting, you know, for seven minutes and he never misses he never misses his sitting, right?
00:53:26.800 --> 00:53:34.800
Yeah, and it's like, you know, I'm sorry guys, I you know, I have I'm gonna be 15 minutes late because I have to sit and do my meditation first.
00:53:35.039 --> 00:53:35.679
Yeah.
00:53:35.920 --> 00:53:38.079
And which is do you want to be that person?
00:53:38.239 --> 00:53:40.719
I would I that's the person I want to be, you know.
00:53:41.039 --> 00:53:41.519
That's right.
00:53:41.599 --> 00:53:42.000
That's right.
00:53:42.159 --> 00:53:43.920
Which is another characteristics I forgot.
00:53:44.079 --> 00:53:45.119
Boundaries.
00:53:45.360 --> 00:53:48.000
When you're using meth, you have no fucking boundaries.
00:53:48.239 --> 00:53:48.719
Love it.
00:53:48.880 --> 00:53:49.119
Right?
00:53:49.280 --> 00:53:51.760
If you're somebody who doesn't use meth, you have boundaries.
00:53:51.920 --> 00:54:04.079
Sorry, guys, I can't come out tonight, you know, because like you said, or I I'm gonna be late, you know, just boundaries about this is this is what I tolerate, this is what I don't tolerate, this is what I do and what I don't do, that kind of thing.
00:54:04.239 --> 00:54:09.039
Um, and and I don't say yes when I mean no, those type of behaviors, right?
00:54:09.280 --> 00:54:26.000
And I think the self, the other piece of that, uh, and it ties into the identity piece, is like trying to identify it is a it's a boundary issue where it's like, what things are you are you just like you just won't cross that line anymore.
00:54:26.239 --> 00:54:41.280
Like even if other people are doing it, are you willing to sacrifice like a momentary discomfort of telling someone no so that you can stick to the vision that you have of what your life is gonna be, you know?
00:54:42.079 --> 00:54:42.559
Mm-hmm.
00:54:42.800 --> 00:54:44.000
Yeah, yes.
00:54:44.239 --> 00:54:52.639
So identity is your third, and I've seen you comment on some of the my content all the time, Dallas.
00:54:52.880 --> 00:54:54.320
I'm in your comments all the time.
00:54:55.199 --> 00:55:01.760
Um, when I'm talking about this prophetic vision, like you said, who are you becoming?
00:55:02.400 --> 00:55:04.400
Who who are you becoming?
00:55:04.719 --> 00:55:06.159
Who do you want to be?
00:55:06.320 --> 00:55:11.599
This is the thing I I just I this of the this is the foundation of my program.
00:55:11.760 --> 00:55:20.639
And I think the foundation of any it is where it starts, and you don't think it starts here, but how do you show up after you're finished with myth?
00:55:21.119 --> 00:55:22.480
What does your life look like?
00:55:22.719 --> 00:55:27.920
Sit down and get into the state you mentioned between waking and sleeping.
00:55:28.000 --> 00:55:29.920
I call it twilight state.
00:55:30.400 --> 00:55:30.800
Love it.
00:55:31.440 --> 00:55:37.119
Get into that state and start to imagine what is a what is the perfect day for me?
00:55:38.000 --> 00:55:39.760
What is the dream that I have?
00:55:39.920 --> 00:55:40.719
Where am I?
00:55:40.880 --> 00:55:41.760
How am I dressed?
00:55:41.840 --> 00:55:42.719
What do I look like?
00:55:42.880 --> 00:55:43.760
Who am I with?
00:55:43.920 --> 00:55:44.800
What do I live in?
00:55:44.960 --> 00:55:45.679
Where am I?
00:55:45.920 --> 00:55:48.800
And what is the state of consciousness?
00:55:48.960 --> 00:55:50.159
How does that feel?
00:55:50.800 --> 00:55:54.559
I'll bet that it I'll bet the first thing you want to feel is peace.
00:55:55.679 --> 00:56:00.079
You want to feel content, you want to feel love for yourself, right?
00:56:00.400 --> 00:56:01.519
Feel all of that.
00:56:01.760 --> 00:56:03.039
But who am I becoming?
00:56:03.119 --> 00:56:04.159
How do I show up?
00:56:04.320 --> 00:56:08.320
If you don't know where you're going, you're not going to move forward.
00:56:08.960 --> 00:56:17.199
And so many of you, so many guys though have been using for 10 years, 20 years, they don't know life besides meth is part of their ecosystem.
00:56:18.480 --> 00:56:30.400
But the thing is, is that it's hard to imagine, but you can't be a new identity unless you start to imagine what that viscerally connect to who that new identity is.
00:56:30.880 --> 00:56:31.119
Yeah.
00:56:31.199 --> 00:56:36.719
And you know what I tell people too is it's you, you are already that thing, right?
00:56:36.960 --> 00:56:44.320
When I have you develop a sunculpa, yeah, you are writing about someone who already exists.
00:56:44.639 --> 00:56:45.360
He's there.
00:56:45.760 --> 00:56:48.880
He's just not, he's just not in charge.
00:56:49.199 --> 00:56:51.039
He's back here, right?
00:56:51.199 --> 00:57:02.960
Because like I'm not, I'm not inventing a life where I'm saying I'm gonna have a million dollars, I wear Visachi suits, and I'm, you know, no, like that, that is totally not, has no relation to who I am.
00:57:03.280 --> 00:57:14.480
But when I create a sankulpa about the kind or your you you call a vision, when you create that vision, that vision is actually an authentic person that exists.
00:57:14.800 --> 00:57:15.119
Yes.
00:57:15.360 --> 00:57:21.920
He is you, and all you have to do is somehow allow him to step forward.
00:57:22.159 --> 00:57:40.000
You have to get, you have to get the addictive self to move out of the way, which is all that other stuff we talked about, tapas and your um, and and doing your your self self-reflection so that you can get him to step out of the way, and then you allow that authentic stuff to step forward.
00:57:40.159 --> 00:57:44.480
Yeah, and so it's like you are like it's I call it being and becoming.
00:57:44.719 --> 00:57:53.039
Being because you are already perfect, yeah, but becoming because you are stepping into something that is even more perfect, right?
00:57:53.119 --> 00:57:55.440
Like you are on a process of evolution.
00:57:56.880 --> 00:57:58.000
That's exactly right.
00:57:58.239 --> 00:58:03.280
I call it my perfected self, my my best and highest self, right?
00:58:03.519 --> 00:58:04.320
Yes, exactly.
00:58:04.559 --> 00:58:06.239
Highest self, highest self.
00:58:06.400 --> 00:58:22.159
And I I tell my clients, you know, I think it goes over some people's heads or they ignore it, or or I feel I sound kooky, but sometimes I have to borrow energy from him because to me, he's already faced what I'm facing.
00:58:22.880 --> 00:58:27.199
And sometimes I prayed to him and I'll say, like, I I don't know what to do here.
00:58:28.079 --> 00:58:30.480
But I'm I'm I'm open to an answer from you.
00:58:31.039 --> 00:58:33.840
Yeah, that's my higher self, which is me.
00:58:34.320 --> 00:58:36.880
The perfected version of me is my higher self.
00:58:37.039 --> 00:58:37.280
Right.
00:58:37.440 --> 00:58:38.639
My my higher power.
00:58:38.960 --> 00:58:52.960
And you want him in charge, you know, and he's not always in charge because we are human beings and we have we put on masks, we put on, we take on um habits, we you know, we've gone, we've been through a life.
00:58:53.360 --> 00:58:53.679
Right.
00:58:53.920 --> 00:58:56.400
Which are those impurities, right?
00:58:56.559 --> 00:59:09.039
The impurities, the habits, the beliefs, the the intrusive thoughts, like all of that shit that's been given to us, put on us by the world without our consent.
00:59:09.679 --> 00:59:15.840
And so this work of life is burning that off and unpeeling that off so we can have our true self back.
00:59:16.079 --> 00:59:18.960
It's really a return, a return to home, uh return to self, right?
00:59:19.199 --> 00:59:25.760
So I just want to like, yeah, and I I so the thing I always so I do I do a lot of work within the heart.
00:59:26.000 --> 00:59:41.760
And so in yogic philosophy, there is this idea of jytir, which is like if you imagine a flame at the center of your chest, or sometimes it's described as a pearl or a pinprick of light, like a star in your chest.
00:59:42.159 --> 00:59:47.440
That is the jytir means the light that is beyond all sorrows.
00:59:47.599 --> 00:59:49.760
And that is your true identity.
00:59:49.920 --> 00:59:53.920
Your true identity is this light that is beyond all sorrows.
00:59:54.159 --> 01:00:04.000
And so the our work is to connect with the light that is beyond all that dwells in all of us, like you know, or if you want to be woo-woo, we are all stardust, right?
01:00:04.159 --> 01:00:13.199
Right, but it's like how how do I can how do I get myself aligned with, like you said, the high that highest self, right?
01:00:14.800 --> 01:00:15.440
Yes.
01:00:16.239 --> 01:00:22.480
And finally, you mentioned mantras or uh something, some word you said nidra or something.
01:00:22.880 --> 01:00:23.760
Sunkoppa.
01:00:24.239 --> 01:00:25.039
Okay, some gopa.
01:00:25.199 --> 01:00:25.519
Yeah.
01:00:25.760 --> 01:00:34.880
So listen, guys, if you don't know what else to do, if you don't know how to what to pray or to meditate, or you don't you're having trouble coming up with a vision, use a mantra.
01:00:35.199 --> 01:00:36.400
And it can be very simple.
01:00:36.960 --> 01:00:40.239
I am someone who is chem sex free.
01:00:41.840 --> 01:00:42.559
All you have to say.
01:00:43.519 --> 01:00:50.480
And here's the thing is then when you say it, you have to be certain that it's going that your desire.
01:00:50.639 --> 01:00:51.840
I'll I this is what I believe.
01:00:51.920 --> 01:00:57.840
I believe any desire you have has it can only be in existence if there's a way to it.
01:00:58.639 --> 01:01:00.559
If there's a path to that desire.
01:01:01.280 --> 01:01:06.480
If that's my true desire to become chem sex-free, the path to that is out is laid out for me.
01:01:07.519 --> 01:01:11.199
In that path could be a relapse or two or three.
01:01:11.840 --> 01:01:15.840
That could be part of the path to get to where I want to go.
01:01:16.960 --> 01:01:23.280
But I think it's our our job to just is to trust that that everything is working in our favor.
01:01:23.360 --> 01:01:25.599
And I am somebody who is chem sex-free.
01:01:25.760 --> 01:01:28.800
No matter what the five senses tell me, that's who I am.
01:01:30.639 --> 01:01:32.079
That's my my saying.
01:01:32.320 --> 01:01:32.880
No, I love that.
01:01:33.199 --> 01:01:35.280
Yes, and it's and I I it's right.
01:01:35.440 --> 01:01:36.159
And you know what?
01:01:36.239 --> 01:01:43.360
Like, actually, if anyone takes anything from this, like after this podcast is over, go write your own sunculpa.
01:01:43.519 --> 01:01:54.559
Make it present tense, you know, sit down and think about that vision of that person that you want to be, and uh write a sentence that is aligned with that person, right?
01:01:54.880 --> 01:01:57.360
What does that how does that person move through the world?
01:01:57.519 --> 01:02:02.800
I am joyful and I make choices out of compassion for myself and others.
01:02:02.960 --> 01:02:09.519
I what you know, and I these can be very simple, but you have it be something that you repeat to yourself.
01:02:09.760 --> 01:02:14.639
Put it on a post-it, stick it on your mirror so you don't have to look at it when you write brush your teeth.
01:02:14.960 --> 01:02:17.760
Repeat it to yourself when you see yourself in the mirror.
01:02:17.920 --> 01:02:22.719
I am beautiful and I I make choices that reflect my beauty.
01:02:22.960 --> 01:02:35.840
Like do and and and incorporate and it actually, and then another thing that I tell people to do is as you're falling to sleep, every night as you're falling to sleep, because you're gonna reach that state, right?
01:02:36.000 --> 01:02:40.079
That state before you fall asleep, which is where it reaches the subconscious.
01:02:40.239 --> 01:02:47.519
Yeah, and if you are repeating your mantra or your sunkopa, whatever you want to affirmation, you're repeating it to yourself as you fall asleep.
01:02:47.599 --> 01:02:53.199
That is that's a beautiful way to fall asleep because it's you're gonna seed it into the subconscious.
01:02:53.440 --> 01:02:54.400
Yes, yeah.
01:02:54.639 --> 01:03:06.639
Yeah, my my client who loves yoga is going to love this because he he took his he took his prophetic vision from the program and he has it on his bathroom mirror, and he has it up here and here, so he's in the middle of it.
01:03:06.800 --> 01:03:10.079
And then when he travels, he puts it in the bathroom mirror of his hotel.
01:03:11.840 --> 01:03:14.800
Very dedicated and very successful in the in the program.
01:03:15.039 --> 01:03:17.599
So Malu, wow.
01:03:17.840 --> 01:03:19.840
Wow, this was uh this was deep.
01:03:19.920 --> 01:03:20.639
This was great.
01:03:20.800 --> 01:03:22.079
I love this discussion.
01:03:22.239 --> 01:03:23.599
This gave me energy.
01:03:23.840 --> 01:03:26.800
Um and so did I leave anything out though?
01:03:26.960 --> 01:03:27.920
Did I forget anything?
01:03:28.079 --> 01:03:31.840
Is there something that you wish we had talked about that we didn't?
01:03:32.880 --> 01:03:35.679
Um, no, I think that that covers a lot of it.
01:03:35.840 --> 01:03:40.880
I think you know, yoga, however you can find it, like go toward it.
01:03:41.039 --> 01:03:43.360
Like take a class at your local studio.
01:03:43.440 --> 01:03:45.760
You can also find me on Instagram.
01:03:45.920 --> 01:03:52.960
I actually have a a free mini course, which I offer on my Instagram if you just want to take a taste of some practices.
01:03:53.199 --> 01:03:53.360
Good.
01:03:53.679 --> 01:04:02.559
And it's like it's a four video, you can binge it in you know, less than an hour and get on your way and developing your personal practice.
01:04:02.800 --> 01:04:03.119
Yeah.
01:04:03.360 --> 01:04:03.760
Yes.
01:04:03.920 --> 01:04:04.239
Yes.
01:04:04.480 --> 01:04:07.119
Please go follow Malu on Instagram.
01:04:07.280 --> 01:04:17.360
And you know, it's interesting that one of the one of the reels that's pinned here is talking about five poses for loneliness instead of going to the bar.
01:04:18.159 --> 01:04:21.920
Um, but who knew you're lonely at home?
01:04:22.159 --> 01:04:24.079
Do some yoga moves.
01:04:24.400 --> 01:04:25.440
You know, release it.
01:04:26.000 --> 01:04:26.639
Move it around.
01:04:26.880 --> 01:04:27.119
Exactly.
01:04:27.280 --> 01:04:27.519
Journal.
01:04:28.239 --> 01:04:29.199
Like there's so much you can do.
01:04:29.840 --> 01:04:30.800
Move your body.
01:04:30.960 --> 01:04:34.960
Don't turn on Netflix or porn or TikTok.
01:04:35.199 --> 01:04:36.239
Or do this first.
01:04:36.400 --> 01:04:37.199
Do this first.
01:04:37.519 --> 01:04:38.079
Do this first.
01:04:38.559 --> 01:04:42.320
Yeah, like do this first and then see how you feel, you know.
01:04:42.880 --> 01:04:43.760
Exactly right.
01:04:43.840 --> 01:04:44.800
You're exactly right.
01:04:45.039 --> 01:04:49.679
Because you do something you you do something you need to do to do something you want to do.
01:04:49.840 --> 01:05:03.360
Oftentimes that works, but if you do, if you did some yoga first and you got out of and released some shit, then when you get on to TikTok or get on social media, you're you're probably looking through it at that point through a different lens.
01:05:03.679 --> 01:05:05.519
Yeah, you changed your frequency, right?
01:05:05.760 --> 01:05:07.039
Yeah, frequency.
01:05:07.360 --> 01:05:07.760
Yes.
01:05:07.840 --> 01:05:08.239
That's right.
01:05:09.440 --> 01:05:10.639
There it is again.
01:05:10.880 --> 01:05:12.320
Uh thank you for being here.
01:05:12.480 --> 01:05:16.719
I really in your comments often, early and often.
01:05:17.280 --> 01:05:18.320
I'm gonna get into yours.
01:05:18.559 --> 01:05:19.679
I'm gonna get into yours.
01:05:19.920 --> 01:05:23.760
I yeah, um, I want to scroll more.
01:05:24.719 --> 01:05:26.719
Nobody ever, you know, nobody ever said that, right?
01:05:26.880 --> 01:05:28.480
Um, I do want to scroll more.
01:05:28.559 --> 01:05:31.679
I've just been creating, creating, creating, and not consuming.
01:05:32.159 --> 01:05:32.480
I know.
01:05:32.639 --> 01:05:36.559
So it's a it's a whole job ending never ending.
01:05:36.960 --> 01:05:39.039
All right, guys, I hope you enjoyed this episode.
01:05:39.199 --> 01:05:43.280
If you're uh want to make a comment, please comment on Spotify or YouTube.
01:05:43.679 --> 01:05:44.719
Contact me directly.
01:05:44.800 --> 01:05:46.320
I'm everywhere at all times.
01:05:46.480 --> 01:05:52.719
And I please you could also contact Malou, and we'll put his uh Instagram and contact information in the show notes.
01:05:52.880 --> 01:05:54.880
All right, have a great day.
01:05:55.039 --> 01:05:56.480
See you next week.