WEBVTT
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:06.559
It may seem like a simple question, but if someone asks you and you don't know how to answer, what does it really say?
00:00:07.120 --> 00:00:18.399
Hi, this is Jordana, the CEO of the Recon Network and host of the In Brief podcast, and today we're talking about one of the simplest questions you can face in transition and one of the hardest to answer.
00:00:18.719 --> 00:00:20.320
What do you want now?
00:00:20.800 --> 00:00:29.280
Not what you should want or what makes sense, not what other people expect, but what you actually want out of this next phase of life.
00:00:29.440 --> 00:00:39.920
We're going to talk about why that question feels impossible to answer, why avoiding it keeps you stuck, and how to start answering it even when you have no idea where to begin.
00:00:41.600 --> 00:00:42.640
This is in brief.
00:00:42.960 --> 00:00:44.240
Let's get to it.
00:01:00.719 --> 00:01:03.759
And someone says, So what do you want to do?
00:01:04.000 --> 00:01:05.200
And you go to answer.
00:01:05.359 --> 00:01:06.879
It's a simple question, right?
00:01:07.120 --> 00:01:10.079
But instead, your brain just stops.
00:01:10.319 --> 00:01:15.920
You freeze, you stumble, you give an answer that sounds reasonable but doesn't actually mean anything.
00:01:16.159 --> 00:01:18.959
Or you say, I don't know.
00:01:19.439 --> 00:01:23.200
And then if you're like a lot of people, you feel embarrassed about it.
00:01:23.359 --> 00:01:26.000
Like you should know, because everyone else knows.
00:01:26.239 --> 00:01:30.079
And maybe the fact that you don't know means something is broken in you.
00:01:30.480 --> 00:01:31.519
But here's the truth.
00:01:31.760 --> 00:01:37.040
Most people don't know what they want because for most of their adult life, no one has ever asked them what they wanted.
00:01:37.200 --> 00:01:41.920
They were told what to do or they followed the expectations that their life had laid out onto them.
00:01:42.000 --> 00:01:44.079
And they got very, very good at it.
00:01:44.319 --> 00:01:48.560
And nowhere is this more true than in the military where your path was laid out for you daily.
00:01:48.719 --> 00:01:51.359
Your job was assigned, and every next step was clear.
00:01:51.519 --> 00:01:53.840
Your career progression had a structure.
00:01:54.000 --> 00:01:56.319
Everything was defined by the system.
00:01:56.879 --> 00:01:58.959
And that system wasn't a bad thing.
00:01:59.120 --> 00:02:03.840
It freed you up to focus on execution instead of existential questions.
00:02:04.000 --> 00:02:06.560
It inherently gave you clarity and purpose.
00:02:06.799 --> 00:02:10.960
But it also meant you never had to practice asking yourself, well, what do I want?
00:02:11.199 --> 00:02:15.120
And then you leave service and suddenly no one is telling you what to do.
00:02:15.280 --> 00:02:17.039
No one is handing you the next mission.
00:02:17.199 --> 00:02:19.520
No one is defining what success looks like.
00:02:19.680 --> 00:02:24.960
And for the first time in a long time, you realize you don't have an answer for the question of what do you want?
00:02:25.120 --> 00:02:28.159
Not because you're broken, but because you're out of practice.
00:02:28.479 --> 00:02:32.560
The important thing to realize is the question isn't just hard for you to answer.
00:02:32.800 --> 00:02:37.199
In reality, most people struggle with it because the question itself is too big.
00:02:37.439 --> 00:02:38.560
What do you want?
00:02:38.719 --> 00:02:39.599
It's vague.
00:02:39.759 --> 00:02:43.599
It asks you to summarize your entire future in a single response.
00:02:43.759 --> 00:02:45.919
And your brain doesn't work that way.
00:02:46.080 --> 00:02:52.639
Your brain needs constraints, it needs context, it needs smaller questions that build toward a bigger one.
00:02:52.879 --> 00:02:54.560
And then there's the should problem.
00:02:54.800 --> 00:03:02.719
Because even when you start to get a sense of what you might want, the should voice kicks in, often sounding like the voice of a friend, a teacher, or a parent.
00:03:02.960 --> 00:03:04.800
You should want something practical.
00:03:05.039 --> 00:03:07.039
You should want something that makes sense.
00:03:07.199 --> 00:03:12.080
You should want something that uses your experience, that pays well, that other people will respect.
00:03:12.159 --> 00:03:17.039
And the more you listen to that voice, the further you get from what you actually want.
00:03:17.199 --> 00:03:23.439
Because what you should want and what you do want may be two completely different things.
00:03:24.000 --> 00:03:26.800
But avoiding the question isn't really an option either.
00:03:27.039 --> 00:03:32.639
When you just keep moving without ever stopping to figure out what you actually want, you end up taking paths that don't fit.
00:03:32.879 --> 00:03:35.520
Jobs that may make sense but drain you.
00:03:35.759 --> 00:03:39.840
You build a life that looks good on paper, but it doesn't feel like yours.
00:03:40.080 --> 00:03:49.120
And the reason for that is in not answering, you optimize for everything except the thing that actually matters, whether or not this is what you want.
00:03:49.840 --> 00:03:53.520
But here's the good news: you don't have to answer the question all at once.
00:03:53.680 --> 00:03:57.120
You don't have to know what you want to do with your life right now.
00:03:57.280 --> 00:04:02.719
You just have to know what you want right now, not forever, just for now.
00:04:03.039 --> 00:04:07.439
And now is a much smaller, much more answerable question.
00:04:07.759 --> 00:04:08.879
So let's break it down.
00:04:09.039 --> 00:04:11.680
Instead of asking, what do you want?
00:04:11.919 --> 00:04:14.319
Ask yourself a version of the question.
00:04:14.560 --> 00:04:16.879
Like, what do I want more of?
00:04:17.040 --> 00:04:18.560
What do I want less of?
00:04:18.879 --> 00:04:21.360
What made me feel alive in the last year?
00:04:21.519 --> 00:04:23.920
What kind of people do I want to be around?
00:04:24.079 --> 00:04:26.319
What kind of problems do I want to solve?
00:04:26.560 --> 00:04:30.079
Or what does a good day look like to me right now?
00:04:30.560 --> 00:04:32.240
Those questions are specific.
00:04:32.399 --> 00:04:33.279
They're concrete.
00:04:33.439 --> 00:04:36.720
And they don't require you to have your entire future figured out.
00:04:36.879 --> 00:04:41.439
They just require you to pay attention to what's true for you in this moment.
00:04:42.000 --> 00:04:46.160
Here's the other thing worth mentioning because so many people will streak right by it.
00:04:46.480 --> 00:04:49.360
You are allowed to want something impractical.
00:04:49.839 --> 00:04:53.680
You're allowed to want something that doesn't make sense to anyone else.
00:04:53.839 --> 00:05:00.720
You're allowed to want something that doesn't align with your background or your experience or what everyone expects from you.
00:05:00.959 --> 00:05:04.720
Because what you want doesn't have to justify itself.
00:05:04.959 --> 00:05:06.800
It just has to be true.
00:05:07.199 --> 00:05:14.079
And your nervous system is going to resist this question every single time because wanting something means risking disappointment.
00:05:14.319 --> 00:05:16.879
It means naming something that might not happen.
00:05:17.040 --> 00:05:23.120
And your system would rather keep you safe when there's no risk of failure than let you name something that you actually care about.
00:05:23.360 --> 00:05:27.279
So when you feel resistance to answering this question, it's not a sign that you're doing it wrong.
00:05:27.360 --> 00:05:30.639
It's a sign that you're actually getting close to something real.
00:05:31.120 --> 00:05:32.399
So here's how to start.
00:05:32.639 --> 00:05:34.240
Don't go big, go small.
00:05:34.399 --> 00:05:36.399
Don't ask, what do I want to do with my life?
00:05:36.560 --> 00:05:38.480
Ask, what do I want today?
00:05:38.720 --> 00:05:40.800
What do I want to accomplish this week?
00:05:40.959 --> 00:05:43.040
What do I want from this conversation?
00:05:43.279 --> 00:05:46.000
What do I want to feel like when I wake up tomorrow?
00:05:46.240 --> 00:05:50.240
Start with small questions because those answers are accessible.
00:05:50.480 --> 00:05:55.680
And once you start answering the small version of the question, the bigger version starts to come into the focus.
00:05:55.839 --> 00:05:59.680
And that's because figuring out what you want is practice, not a revelation.
00:05:59.839 --> 00:06:02.480
It's not something you sit down and figure out once.
00:06:02.639 --> 00:06:07.680
It's something you learn by paying attention to what pulls you forward and what pushes you away.
00:06:08.079 --> 00:06:09.439
So here's what I want you to do.
00:06:09.600 --> 00:06:13.360
This week, ask yourself one small version of the question every day.
00:06:13.680 --> 00:06:14.800
What do I want today?
00:06:15.040 --> 00:06:16.879
What do I want more of in my life?
00:06:17.120 --> 00:06:18.480
Write down the answer.
00:06:18.639 --> 00:06:24.079
Not the answer that makes sense, not the answer that you're worried that someone else might find and read.
00:06:24.319 --> 00:06:25.439
The true answer.
00:06:25.759 --> 00:06:34.240
Even if it's small, even if it feels selfish, even if you have no idea how to make it happen, just write it down.
00:06:34.639 --> 00:06:40.720
Because the act of naming what you want, even in small ways, starts to rebuild the muscle.
00:06:40.879 --> 00:06:44.800
It starts to train your brain to pay attention to your own preferences again.
00:06:44.959 --> 00:06:49.040
And over time, those small answers start to add up to something bigger.
00:06:49.279 --> 00:06:53.279
Not a perfect plan, not a finished picture, just a direction.
00:06:53.519 --> 00:06:56.399
And direction is really all you need to start moving.
00:06:57.120 --> 00:06:59.839
So the question, what do you want, isn't a test.
00:07:00.000 --> 00:07:02.399
It's not something you're supposed to have figured out already.
00:07:02.480 --> 00:07:09.040
It's an invitation to start paying attention, to start listening to yourself instead of just reacting to what's in front of you.
00:07:09.199 --> 00:07:14.480
To start building a life based on what actually fits you and not just what makes sense.
00:07:14.800 --> 00:07:17.040
You don't have to know what you want forever.
00:07:17.199 --> 00:07:19.439
You just have to know what you want now.
00:07:19.680 --> 00:07:22.720
And that is a question worth answering.
00:07:26.079 --> 00:07:30.399
Most transition programs assume you already know what you want.
00:07:30.639 --> 00:07:32.560
But if you don't, then what?
00:07:33.040 --> 00:07:38.319
At the Recon Network, we run free events year-round to meet you where you are.
00:07:38.480 --> 00:07:50.639
From our annual VET Summit to online workshops and even in-person local events, we provide real training, real conversations, and practical insights you can use the same day.
00:07:50.800 --> 00:07:55.600
With a goal to get you the tools you need to find direction and meaning now.
00:07:56.240 --> 00:08:00.240
So if you don't know what you want or where you want to go, don't worry.
00:08:00.399 --> 00:08:02.560
There's no cost, no pressure.
00:08:02.800 --> 00:08:04.959
Just support when you need it.
00:08:05.199 --> 00:08:10.800
So find your next event at recon.bet and join us for something new.
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:06.559
It may seem like a simple question, but if someone asks you and you don't know how to answer, what does it really say?
00:00:07.120 --> 00:00:18.399
Hi, this is Jordana, the CEO of the Recon Network and host of the In Brief podcast, and today we're talking about one of the simplest questions you can face in transition and one of the hardest to answer.
00:00:18.719 --> 00:00:20.320
What do you want now?
00:00:20.800 --> 00:00:29.280
Not what you should want or what makes sense, not what other people expect, but what you actually want out of this next phase of life.
00:00:29.440 --> 00:00:39.920
We're going to talk about why that question feels impossible to answer, why avoiding it keeps you stuck, and how to start answering it even when you have no idea where to begin.
00:00:41.600 --> 00:00:42.640
This is in brief.
00:00:42.960 --> 00:00:44.240
Let's get to it.
00:01:00.719 --> 00:01:03.759
And someone says, So what do you want to do?
00:01:04.000 --> 00:01:05.200
And you go to answer.
00:01:05.359 --> 00:01:06.879
It's a simple question, right?
00:01:07.120 --> 00:01:10.079
But instead, your brain just stops.
00:01:10.319 --> 00:01:15.920
You freeze, you stumble, you give an answer that sounds reasonable but doesn't actually mean anything.
00:01:16.159 --> 00:01:18.959
Or you say, I don't know.
00:01:19.439 --> 00:01:23.200
And then if you're like a lot of people, you feel embarrassed about it.
00:01:23.359 --> 00:01:26.000
Like you should know, because everyone else knows.
00:01:26.239 --> 00:01:30.079
And maybe the fact that you don't know means something is broken in you.
00:01:30.480 --> 00:01:31.519
But here's the truth.
00:01:31.760 --> 00:01:37.040
Most people don't know what they want because for most of their adult life, no one has ever asked them what they wanted.
00:01:37.200 --> 00:01:41.920
They were told what to do or they followed the expectations that their life had laid out onto them.
00:01:42.000 --> 00:01:44.079
And they got very, very good at it.
00:01:44.319 --> 00:01:48.560
And nowhere is this more true than in the military where your path was laid out for you daily.
00:01:48.719 --> 00:01:51.359
Your job was assigned, and every next step was clear.
00:01:51.519 --> 00:01:53.840
Your career progression had a structure.
00:01:54.000 --> 00:01:56.319
Everything was defined by the system.
00:01:56.879 --> 00:01:58.959
And that system wasn't a bad thing.
00:01:59.120 --> 00:02:03.840
It freed you up to focus on execution instead of existential questions.
00:02:04.000 --> 00:02:06.560
It inherently gave you clarity and purpose.
00:02:06.799 --> 00:02:10.960
But it also meant you never had to practice asking yourself, well, what do I want?
00:02:11.199 --> 00:02:15.120
And then you leave service and suddenly no one is telling you what to do.
00:02:15.280 --> 00:02:17.039
No one is handing you the next mission.
00:02:17.199 --> 00:02:19.520
No one is defining what success looks like.
00:02:19.680 --> 00:02:24.960
And for the first time in a long time, you realize you don't have an answer for the question of what do you want?
00:02:25.120 --> 00:02:28.159
Not because you're broken, but because you're out of practice.
00:02:28.479 --> 00:02:32.560
The important thing to realize is the question isn't just hard for you to answer.
00:02:32.800 --> 00:02:37.199
In reality, most people struggle with it because the question itself is too big.
00:02:37.439 --> 00:02:38.560
What do you want?
00:02:38.719 --> 00:02:39.599
It's vague.
00:02:39.759 --> 00:02:43.599
It asks you to summarize your entire future in a single response.
00:02:43.759 --> 00:02:45.919
And your brain doesn't work that way.
00:02:46.080 --> 00:02:52.639
Your brain needs constraints, it needs context, it needs smaller questions that build toward a bigger one.
00:02:52.879 --> 00:02:54.560
And then there's the should problem.
00:02:54.800 --> 00:03:02.719
Because even when you start to get a sense of what you might want, the should voice kicks in, often sounding like the voice of a friend, a teacher, or a parent.
00:03:02.960 --> 00:03:04.800
You should want something practical.
00:03:05.039 --> 00:03:07.039
You should want something that makes sense.
00:03:07.199 --> 00:03:12.080
You should want something that uses your experience, that pays well, that other people will respect.
00:03:12.159 --> 00:03:17.039
And the more you listen to that voice, the further you get from what you actually want.
00:03:17.199 --> 00:03:23.439
Because what you should want and what you do want may be two completely different things.
00:03:24.000 --> 00:03:26.800
But avoiding the question isn't really an option either.
00:03:27.039 --> 00:03:32.639
When you just keep moving without ever stopping to figure out what you actually want, you end up taking paths that don't fit.
00:03:32.879 --> 00:03:35.520
Jobs that may make sense but drain you.
00:03:35.759 --> 00:03:39.840
You build a life that looks good on paper, but it doesn't feel like yours.
00:03:40.080 --> 00:03:49.120
And the reason for that is in not answering, you optimize for everything except the thing that actually matters, whether or not this is what you want.
00:03:49.840 --> 00:03:53.520
But here's the good news: you don't have to answer the question all at once.
00:03:53.680 --> 00:03:57.120
You don't have to know what you want to do with your life right now.
00:03:57.280 --> 00:04:02.719
You just have to know what you want right now, not forever, just for now.
00:04:03.039 --> 00:04:07.439
And now is a much smaller, much more answerable question.
00:04:07.759 --> 00:04:08.879
So let's break it down.
00:04:09.039 --> 00:04:11.680
Instead of asking, what do you want?
00:04:11.919 --> 00:04:14.319
Ask yourself a version of the question.
00:04:14.560 --> 00:04:16.879
Like, what do I want more of?
00:04:17.040 --> 00:04:18.560
What do I want less of?
00:04:18.879 --> 00:04:21.360
What made me feel alive in the last year?
00:04:21.519 --> 00:04:23.920
What kind of people do I want to be around?
00:04:24.079 --> 00:04:26.319
What kind of problems do I want to solve?
00:04:26.560 --> 00:04:30.079
Or what does a good day look like to me right now?
00:04:30.560 --> 00:04:32.240
Those questions are specific.
00:04:32.399 --> 00:04:33.279
They're concrete.
00:04:33.439 --> 00:04:36.720
And they don't require you to have your entire future figured out.
00:04:36.879 --> 00:04:41.439
They just require you to pay attention to what's true for you in this moment.
00:04:42.000 --> 00:04:46.160
Here's the other thing worth mentioning because so many people will streak right by it.
00:04:46.480 --> 00:04:49.360
You are allowed to want something impractical.
00:04:49.839 --> 00:04:53.680
You're allowed to want something that doesn't make sense to anyone else.
00:04:53.839 --> 00:05:00.720
You're allowed to want something that doesn't align with your background or your experience or what everyone expects from you.
00:05:00.959 --> 00:05:04.720
Because what you want doesn't have to justify itself.
00:05:04.959 --> 00:05:06.800
It just has to be true.
00:05:07.199 --> 00:05:14.079
And your nervous system is going to resist this question every single time because wanting something means risking disappointment.
00:05:14.319 --> 00:05:16.879
It means naming something that might not happen.
00:05:17.040 --> 00:05:23.120
And your system would rather keep you safe when there's no risk of failure than let you name something that you actually care about.
00:05:23.360 --> 00:05:27.279
So when you feel resistance to answering this question, it's not a sign that you're doing it wrong.
00:05:27.360 --> 00:05:30.639
It's a sign that you're actually getting close to something real.
00:05:31.120 --> 00:05:32.399
So here's how to start.
00:05:32.639 --> 00:05:34.240
Don't go big, go small.
00:05:34.399 --> 00:05:36.399
Don't ask, what do I want to do with my life?
00:05:36.560 --> 00:05:38.480
Ask, what do I want today?
00:05:38.720 --> 00:05:40.800
What do I want to accomplish this week?
00:05:40.959 --> 00:05:43.040
What do I want from this conversation?
00:05:43.279 --> 00:05:46.000
What do I want to feel like when I wake up tomorrow?
00:05:46.240 --> 00:05:50.240
Start with small questions because those answers are accessible.
00:05:50.480 --> 00:05:55.680
And once you start answering the small version of the question, the bigger version starts to come into the focus.
00:05:55.839 --> 00:05:59.680
And that's because figuring out what you want is practice, not a revelation.
00:05:59.839 --> 00:06:02.480
It's not something you sit down and figure out once.
00:06:02.639 --> 00:06:07.680
It's something you learn by paying attention to what pulls you forward and what pushes you away.
00:06:08.079 --> 00:06:09.439
So here's what I want you to do.
00:06:09.600 --> 00:06:13.360
This week, ask yourself one small version of the question every day.
00:06:13.680 --> 00:06:14.800
What do I want today?
00:06:15.040 --> 00:06:16.879
What do I want more of in my life?
00:06:17.120 --> 00:06:18.480
Write down the answer.
00:06:18.639 --> 00:06:24.079
Not the answer that makes sense, not the answer that you're worried that someone else might find and read.
00:06:24.319 --> 00:06:25.439
The true answer.
00:06:25.759 --> 00:06:34.240
Even if it's small, even if it feels selfish, even if you have no idea how to make it happen, just write it down.
00:06:34.639 --> 00:06:40.720
Because the act of naming what you want, even in small ways, starts to rebuild the muscle.
00:06:40.879 --> 00:06:44.800
It starts to train your brain to pay attention to your own preferences again.
00:06:44.959 --> 00:06:49.040
And over time, those small answers start to add up to something bigger.
00:06:49.279 --> 00:06:53.279
Not a perfect plan, not a finished picture, just a direction.
00:06:53.519 --> 00:06:56.399
And direction is really all you need to start moving.
00:06:57.120 --> 00:06:59.839
So the question, what do you want, isn't a test.
00:07:00.000 --> 00:07:02.399
It's not something you're supposed to have figured out already.
00:07:02.480 --> 00:07:09.040
It's an invitation to start paying attention, to start listening to yourself instead of just reacting to what's in front of you.
00:07:09.199 --> 00:07:14.480
To start building a life based on what actually fits you and not just what makes sense.
00:07:14.800 --> 00:07:17.040
You don't have to know what you want forever.
00:07:17.199 --> 00:07:19.439
You just have to know what you want now.
00:07:19.680 --> 00:07:22.720
And that is a question worth answering.
00:07:26.079 --> 00:07:30.399
Most transition programs assume you already know what you want.
00:07:30.639 --> 00:07:32.560
But if you don't, then what?
00:07:33.040 --> 00:07:38.319
At the Recon Network, we run free events year-round to meet you where you are.
00:07:38.480 --> 00:07:50.639
From our annual VET Summit to online workshops and even in-person local events, we provide real training, real conversations, and practical insights you can use the same day.
00:07:50.800 --> 00:07:55.600
With a goal to get you the tools you need to find direction and meaning now.
00:07:56.240 --> 00:08:00.240
So if you don't know what you want or where you want to go, don't worry.
00:08:00.399 --> 00:08:02.560
There's no cost, no pressure.
00:08:02.800 --> 00:08:04.959
Just support when you need it.
00:08:05.199 --> 00:08:10.800
So find your next event at recon.bet and join us for something new.
