WEBVTT
00:00:06.080 --> 00:00:08.320
Welcome to Toddlers Made Easy.
00:00:08.480 --> 00:00:09.119
I'm Dr.
00:00:09.199 --> 00:00:10.800
Catherine, your host.
00:00:11.039 --> 00:00:16.239
Today's episode is a little different because it's especially for grandparents.
00:00:16.399 --> 00:00:27.280
One thing I've heard over and over is this: I want to support my children and be the best grandparent I can be, but sometimes I don't understand today's parenting choices.
00:00:27.440 --> 00:00:30.079
And that's completely understandable.
00:00:30.320 --> 00:00:42.479
There are countless books, podcasts, and social media accounts that explain today's parenting to parents, but there really aren't many resources that explain those same ideas to grandparents.
00:00:42.640 --> 00:00:44.880
And that's why I created this episode.
00:00:45.119 --> 00:00:52.240
So if you think the grandparents might appreciate a review of some of today's parenting styles, please share this with them.
00:00:52.560 --> 00:01:04.239
My goal is simply to help explain some of the parenting approaches grandparents will likely see with young families today so they can better understand what many parents are trying to accomplish.
00:01:04.400 --> 00:01:10.480
My hope is simply that understanding the why will make it easier for everyone to support each other.
00:01:10.640 --> 00:01:12.400
So let's start with a story.
00:01:12.640 --> 00:01:14.719
A grandmom recently shared this with me.
00:01:14.879 --> 00:01:19.599
She said, I leaned in for a goodbye kiss and my granddaughter Molly, she turned away.
00:01:19.760 --> 00:01:22.879
I smiled and I said, Come on, sweetheart, give Nana a kiss.
00:01:23.040 --> 00:01:28.640
Everyone froze for a second, and then her mom said, That's okay, Molly, you can wave instead.
00:01:28.799 --> 00:01:31.120
Now I have to admit, my feelings were hurt.
00:01:31.280 --> 00:01:33.439
I kept wondering, what just happened?
00:01:33.680 --> 00:01:38.719
If you've ever experienced something like that, let me explain the thinking behind it.
00:01:38.879 --> 00:01:44.719
Many parents today are teaching what's called body autonomy, and they teach it from a very young age.
00:01:44.879 --> 00:01:54.079
So instead of expecting children to hug or kiss relatives whether they want to or not, they're being taught that they're the boss of their bodies.
00:01:54.239 --> 00:02:02.079
It emphasizes that their body belongs only to them and helps them learn boundaries, which is something we all want.
00:02:02.319 --> 00:02:08.159
So for instance, a parent may say, Would you like to give grandma a hug, a high five, or a wave?
00:02:08.319 --> 00:02:17.280
Parents hope that when children learn they can say yes or no to everyday affection, they'll grow up understanding healthy boundaries and consent.
00:02:17.439 --> 00:02:24.639
Now for grandparents, let's admit it, it can feel deeply personal and hurtful, but it really isn't about rejecting anybody.
00:02:24.800 --> 00:02:31.360
It's about giving kids practice making decisions about their own bodies, which is a good thing.
00:02:31.680 --> 00:02:35.120
Next, imagine you're having dinner with your grandkids.
00:02:35.360 --> 00:02:43.120
Your grandson takes two bites of broccoli and quietly places the rest into a little bowl beside his plate, and then he just keeps eating.
00:02:43.280 --> 00:02:45.919
Well you might be wondering, what's that bowl for?
00:02:46.159 --> 00:02:48.000
It's called a no thank you bowl.
00:02:48.240 --> 00:02:49.599
It's really a great idea.
00:02:49.759 --> 00:02:58.080
So instead of asking children to finish everything on their plate, some families use this bowl for foods a child chooses not to eat.
00:02:58.240 --> 00:03:09.199
It's a great way to reduce mealtime pressure, and it allows kids to try something without feeling pressured, and also an added benefit as it also reduces food being thrown on the floor.
00:03:09.439 --> 00:03:13.680
Now I saw this firsthand one morning while my granddaughter was eating yogurt with berries.
00:03:13.840 --> 00:03:20.400
Some of the berries were sour, so she just quietly picked out the little ones and placed them in her no thank you bowl.
00:03:20.560 --> 00:03:28.479
You may also hear this phrase parents decide what, when, and where food is served, and children decide whether to eat and how much.
00:03:28.719 --> 00:03:33.439
Parents still choose the menu, but children decide how much their bodies need.
00:03:33.680 --> 00:03:36.960
No fuss, just simply solving the problem themselves.
00:03:37.199 --> 00:03:39.759
Another surprise for some grandparents is dessert.
00:03:39.919 --> 00:03:46.639
Rather than saying eat your vegetables and then you can have dessert, some families sometimes serve dessert with a meal.
00:03:46.800 --> 00:03:52.560
Now the goal here is to make sweets feel less like a reward and more like just another food.
00:03:52.800 --> 00:03:54.560
Let's talk about tantrums now.
00:03:54.800 --> 00:04:00.719
So picture this your granddaughter wanted the blue cup, and instead she was given the red one.
00:04:00.800 --> 00:04:05.680
And within seconds she's crying, screaming, and lying on the floor.
00:04:05.919 --> 00:04:12.560
You brace yourself for a timeout, but instead her mom kneels down and says, You really wanted that blue cup.
00:04:12.719 --> 00:04:14.479
I get it, you're disappointed.
00:04:14.719 --> 00:04:19.199
Well, many parents today see tantrums differently than we did years ago.
00:04:19.439 --> 00:04:27.040
Rather than viewing them as manipulation, they're seeing them as a sign that a young child's nervous system has become overwhelmed.
00:04:27.199 --> 00:04:30.959
We understand this now as a result of brain science.
00:04:31.120 --> 00:04:35.040
It's an increased understanding of how a child's brain develops.
00:04:35.199 --> 00:04:43.439
Now that doesn't mean kids get whatever they want, because you'll also hear parents say, all feelings are okay, but not all behaviors are okay.
00:04:43.600 --> 00:04:48.879
So a child is allowed to feel angry, but they're not allowed to hit, bite, or throw things.
00:04:49.120 --> 00:04:59.759
A parent's job is to stay calm during a tantrum and help the child through those overwhelming emotions and teach better coping skills once the tantrum is over.
00:05:00.079 --> 00:05:02.480
It sounds like it makes good common sense.
00:05:02.720 --> 00:05:15.040
Many parents are also discovering that it's possible to overdo the emotional validation part, the part where you say something about the feelings like you're really disappointed, you didn't get the blue cup.
00:05:15.279 --> 00:05:20.560
But the goal is really to acknowledge the feelings without letting them run the show.
00:05:20.639 --> 00:05:28.319
And that's where boundaries come in, and parents are learning that they can be both empathetic and hold boundaries at the same time.
00:05:28.560 --> 00:05:32.240
Now, potty training, it looks really different these days too.
00:05:32.399 --> 00:05:41.759
Maybe you've offered to take your grandchild to the park only to discover that now there's a portable potty that comes along and everyone wants to know where the nearest washroom is.
00:05:42.000 --> 00:05:44.480
Potty training today, it just looks different.
00:05:44.639 --> 00:05:50.160
Many parents encourage kids to notice the feeling that tells them it's time to pee or poop.
00:05:50.319 --> 00:05:57.360
Some families even spend a day or two with their child going bare bottom, so these body signals are easier to recognize.
00:05:57.600 --> 00:06:06.240
Others stop using diapers during the day once potty training begins, accepting that there'll be some accidents and it's a normal part of learning.
00:06:06.399 --> 00:06:09.199
You may also notice that praise sounds different.
00:06:09.439 --> 00:06:18.879
Instead of someone saying, good job, you might hear, oh, you noticed your body was telling you it's time to pee and you made it to the potty.
00:06:19.120 --> 00:06:19.600
Nice.
00:06:19.839 --> 00:06:21.360
Or how did that feel?
00:06:21.600 --> 00:06:26.480
The goal is to help children recognize and trust their own body signals.
00:06:26.639 --> 00:06:32.720
Some parents also avoid saying, wow, you peed in the potty, you're such a big boy or big girl now.
00:06:32.959 --> 00:06:43.600
You see, young kids have mixed feelings about growing up, and so telling them to be a big girl or a big boy just adds more pressure, and so the phrase is avoided.
00:06:43.839 --> 00:06:46.000
But that takes me to another point.
00:06:46.240 --> 00:06:48.879
Even how we praise kids is different today.
00:06:49.120 --> 00:06:52.399
Imagine your grandchild proudly brings you a drawing.
00:06:52.639 --> 00:06:59.839
Instead of saying, wow, you're such a great artist, the focus now is on the process, not the end result.
00:07:00.079 --> 00:07:06.879
So you'll hear, you worked really hard on that drawing, or I noticed how carefully you chose those colors.
00:07:07.120 --> 00:07:18.000
Research shows that kids have more grit when we notice their effort, persistence, and problem solving instead of giving them a label like a great artist or a great athlete.
00:07:18.160 --> 00:07:23.120
It's a small shifted language, but it's one you'll probably hear often.
00:07:23.360 --> 00:07:34.480
Now, I have one final thought I want to share with you, and it's not about new trends, it's about the importance of grandparents because I think we all could use a pat on the back.
00:07:34.720 --> 00:07:38.560
Research shows that grandparents are resilience builders.
00:07:38.800 --> 00:07:45.120
Close grandparent relationships reduce childhood depression and anxiety rates by up to 20%.
00:07:45.680 --> 00:07:48.639
Grandparents are so much more than babysitters.
00:07:48.879 --> 00:08:02.879
So if you enjoyed today's episode and you'd like to better understand toddlers, whether you're a parent, a grandparent, or another important adult in a young child's life, I'd love to invite you to join my toddlers made easy course.
00:08:03.040 --> 00:08:16.399
Inside, I'll help you understand why toddlers behave the way they do and give you practical, evidence-based tools for handling tantrums, cooperation, meal times, potty training, and so much more.
00:08:16.560 --> 00:08:18.959
You can find all the details in the show notes.
00:08:19.199 --> 00:08:20.720
Thank you so much for listening.
00:08:20.879 --> 00:08:24.160
Keep up the good work, and I'll see you next week.
00:00:06.080 --> 00:00:08.320
Welcome to Toddlers Made Easy.
00:00:08.480 --> 00:00:09.119
I'm Dr.
00:00:09.199 --> 00:00:10.800
Catherine, your host.
00:00:11.039 --> 00:00:16.239
Today's episode is a little different because it's especially for grandparents.
00:00:16.399 --> 00:00:27.280
One thing I've heard over and over is this: I want to support my children and be the best grandparent I can be, but sometimes I don't understand today's parenting choices.
00:00:27.440 --> 00:00:30.079
And that's completely understandable.
00:00:30.320 --> 00:00:42.479
There are countless books, podcasts, and social media accounts that explain today's parenting to parents, but there really aren't many resources that explain those same ideas to grandparents.
00:00:42.640 --> 00:00:44.880
And that's why I created this episode.
00:00:45.119 --> 00:00:52.240
So if you think the grandparents might appreciate a review of some of today's parenting styles, please share this with them.
00:00:52.560 --> 00:01:04.239
My goal is simply to help explain some of the parenting approaches grandparents will likely see with young families today so they can better understand what many parents are trying to accomplish.
00:01:04.400 --> 00:01:10.480
My hope is simply that understanding the why will make it easier for everyone to support each other.
00:01:10.640 --> 00:01:12.400
So let's start with a story.
00:01:12.640 --> 00:01:14.719
A grandmom recently shared this with me.
00:01:14.879 --> 00:01:19.599
She said, I leaned in for a goodbye kiss and my granddaughter Molly, she turned away.
00:01:19.760 --> 00:01:22.879
I smiled and I said, Come on, sweetheart, give Nana a kiss.
00:01:23.040 --> 00:01:28.640
Everyone froze for a second, and then her mom said, That's okay, Molly, you can wave instead.
00:01:28.799 --> 00:01:31.120
Now I have to admit, my feelings were hurt.
00:01:31.280 --> 00:01:33.439
I kept wondering, what just happened?
00:01:33.680 --> 00:01:38.719
If you've ever experienced something like that, let me explain the thinking behind it.
00:01:38.879 --> 00:01:44.719
Many parents today are teaching what's called body autonomy, and they teach it from a very young age.
00:01:44.879 --> 00:01:54.079
So instead of expecting children to hug or kiss relatives whether they want to or not, they're being taught that they're the boss of their bodies.
00:01:54.239 --> 00:02:02.079
It emphasizes that their body belongs only to them and helps them learn boundaries, which is something we all want.
00:02:02.319 --> 00:02:08.159
So for instance, a parent may say, Would you like to give grandma a hug, a high five, or a wave?
00:02:08.319 --> 00:02:17.280
Parents hope that when children learn they can say yes or no to everyday affection, they'll grow up understanding healthy boundaries and consent.
00:02:17.439 --> 00:02:24.639
Now for grandparents, let's admit it, it can feel deeply personal and hurtful, but it really isn't about rejecting anybody.
00:02:24.800 --> 00:02:31.360
It's about giving kids practice making decisions about their own bodies, which is a good thing.
00:02:31.680 --> 00:02:35.120
Next, imagine you're having dinner with your grandkids.
00:02:35.360 --> 00:02:43.120
Your grandson takes two bites of broccoli and quietly places the rest into a little bowl beside his plate, and then he just keeps eating.
00:02:43.280 --> 00:02:45.919
Well you might be wondering, what's that bowl for?
00:02:46.159 --> 00:02:48.000
It's called a no thank you bowl.
00:02:48.240 --> 00:02:49.599
It's really a great idea.
00:02:49.759 --> 00:02:58.080
So instead of asking children to finish everything on their plate, some families use this bowl for foods a child chooses not to eat.
00:02:58.240 --> 00:03:09.199
It's a great way to reduce mealtime pressure, and it allows kids to try something without feeling pressured, and also an added benefit as it also reduces food being thrown on the floor.
00:03:09.439 --> 00:03:13.680
Now I saw this firsthand one morning while my granddaughter was eating yogurt with berries.
00:03:13.840 --> 00:03:20.400
Some of the berries were sour, so she just quietly picked out the little ones and placed them in her no thank you bowl.
00:03:20.560 --> 00:03:28.479
You may also hear this phrase parents decide what, when, and where food is served, and children decide whether to eat and how much.
00:03:28.719 --> 00:03:33.439
Parents still choose the menu, but children decide how much their bodies need.
00:03:33.680 --> 00:03:36.960
No fuss, just simply solving the problem themselves.
00:03:37.199 --> 00:03:39.759
Another surprise for some grandparents is dessert.
00:03:39.919 --> 00:03:46.639
Rather than saying eat your vegetables and then you can have dessert, some families sometimes serve dessert with a meal.
00:03:46.800 --> 00:03:52.560
Now the goal here is to make sweets feel less like a reward and more like just another food.
00:03:52.800 --> 00:03:54.560
Let's talk about tantrums now.
00:03:54.800 --> 00:04:00.719
So picture this your granddaughter wanted the blue cup, and instead she was given the red one.
00:04:00.800 --> 00:04:05.680
And within seconds she's crying, screaming, and lying on the floor.
00:04:05.919 --> 00:04:12.560
You brace yourself for a timeout, but instead her mom kneels down and says, You really wanted that blue cup.
00:04:12.719 --> 00:04:14.479
I get it, you're disappointed.
00:04:14.719 --> 00:04:19.199
Well, many parents today see tantrums differently than we did years ago.
00:04:19.439 --> 00:04:27.040
Rather than viewing them as manipulation, they're seeing them as a sign that a young child's nervous system has become overwhelmed.
00:04:27.199 --> 00:04:30.959
We understand this now as a result of brain science.
00:04:31.120 --> 00:04:35.040
It's an increased understanding of how a child's brain develops.
00:04:35.199 --> 00:04:43.439
Now that doesn't mean kids get whatever they want, because you'll also hear parents say, all feelings are okay, but not all behaviors are okay.
00:04:43.600 --> 00:04:48.879
So a child is allowed to feel angry, but they're not allowed to hit, bite, or throw things.
00:04:49.120 --> 00:04:59.759
A parent's job is to stay calm during a tantrum and help the child through those overwhelming emotions and teach better coping skills once the tantrum is over.
00:05:00.079 --> 00:05:02.480
It sounds like it makes good common sense.
00:05:02.720 --> 00:05:15.040
Many parents are also discovering that it's possible to overdo the emotional validation part, the part where you say something about the feelings like you're really disappointed, you didn't get the blue cup.
00:05:15.279 --> 00:05:20.560
But the goal is really to acknowledge the feelings without letting them run the show.
00:05:20.639 --> 00:05:28.319
And that's where boundaries come in, and parents are learning that they can be both empathetic and hold boundaries at the same time.
00:05:28.560 --> 00:05:32.240
Now, potty training, it looks really different these days too.
00:05:32.399 --> 00:05:41.759
Maybe you've offered to take your grandchild to the park only to discover that now there's a portable potty that comes along and everyone wants to know where the nearest washroom is.
00:05:42.000 --> 00:05:44.480
Potty training today, it just looks different.
00:05:44.639 --> 00:05:50.160
Many parents encourage kids to notice the feeling that tells them it's time to pee or poop.
00:05:50.319 --> 00:05:57.360
Some families even spend a day or two with their child going bare bottom, so these body signals are easier to recognize.
00:05:57.600 --> 00:06:06.240
Others stop using diapers during the day once potty training begins, accepting that there'll be some accidents and it's a normal part of learning.
00:06:06.399 --> 00:06:09.199
You may also notice that praise sounds different.
00:06:09.439 --> 00:06:18.879
Instead of someone saying, good job, you might hear, oh, you noticed your body was telling you it's time to pee and you made it to the potty.
00:06:19.120 --> 00:06:19.600
Nice.
00:06:19.839 --> 00:06:21.360
Or how did that feel?
00:06:21.600 --> 00:06:26.480
The goal is to help children recognize and trust their own body signals.
00:06:26.639 --> 00:06:32.720
Some parents also avoid saying, wow, you peed in the potty, you're such a big boy or big girl now.
00:06:32.959 --> 00:06:43.600
You see, young kids have mixed feelings about growing up, and so telling them to be a big girl or a big boy just adds more pressure, and so the phrase is avoided.
00:06:43.839 --> 00:06:46.000
But that takes me to another point.
00:06:46.240 --> 00:06:48.879
Even how we praise kids is different today.
00:06:49.120 --> 00:06:52.399
Imagine your grandchild proudly brings you a drawing.
00:06:52.639 --> 00:06:59.839
Instead of saying, wow, you're such a great artist, the focus now is on the process, not the end result.
00:07:00.079 --> 00:07:06.879
So you'll hear, you worked really hard on that drawing, or I noticed how carefully you chose those colors.
00:07:07.120 --> 00:07:18.000
Research shows that kids have more grit when we notice their effort, persistence, and problem solving instead of giving them a label like a great artist or a great athlete.
00:07:18.160 --> 00:07:23.120
It's a small shifted language, but it's one you'll probably hear often.
00:07:23.360 --> 00:07:34.480
Now, I have one final thought I want to share with you, and it's not about new trends, it's about the importance of grandparents because I think we all could use a pat on the back.
00:07:34.720 --> 00:07:38.560
Research shows that grandparents are resilience builders.
00:07:38.800 --> 00:07:45.120
Close grandparent relationships reduce childhood depression and anxiety rates by up to 20%.
00:07:45.680 --> 00:07:48.639
Grandparents are so much more than babysitters.
00:07:48.879 --> 00:08:02.879
So if you enjoyed today's episode and you'd like to better understand toddlers, whether you're a parent, a grandparent, or another important adult in a young child's life, I'd love to invite you to join my toddlers made easy course.
00:08:03.040 --> 00:08:16.399
Inside, I'll help you understand why toddlers behave the way they do and give you practical, evidence-based tools for handling tantrums, cooperation, meal times, potty training, and so much more.
00:08:16.560 --> 00:08:18.959
You can find all the details in the show notes.
00:08:19.199 --> 00:08:20.720
Thank you so much for listening.
00:08:20.879 --> 00:08:24.160
Keep up the good work, and I'll see you next week.
