53. The Anti-Guru Guide to Healing Yourself with Karena Dawn

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For me, anxiety was my blueprint to as a kid.
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In my house, I was a mouse.
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It was better to be unseen, unheard.
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I carried that with me into school.
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And I just, I had to keep the piece.
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I felt like, you know, calming and soothing
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is what people interpreted me as or experienced me as.
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But that was my trauma mechanism.
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Like, I had to become calming and peaceful
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so that I didn't add fuel to my outside world.
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When we think about anxiety,
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if there's an emotion that you feel like you've held on to
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since you were a little kid,
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look at the source for the instigation of all of that.
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Before we dive into today's episode,
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I wanted to say that wellness was never meant to be a solo journey.
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My name is Mona Sharma, celebrity nutritionist,
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and that's why I created the Rooted Academy.
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A space where we can cut through the noise
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and bring together real conversations,
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real support, and real healing.
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If you're ready to be part of a wellness movement
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that actually guides you towards tangible changes
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that last, join us inside Rooted by visiting monasharma.com.
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Hey, everyone. Good morning.
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Good afternoon from wherever you're joining.
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I was just saying, I'm so thrilled to be here
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with one of my dear friends, Karina Don,
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who just launched a fantastic book
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that had me in tears last night.
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Let's dive right in.
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This podcast is all about merging Eastern and Western medicine,
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but also with all of our guests,
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this understanding of how we become more rooted
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in our health and our happiness,
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and also this knowingness that we have to heal,
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and how our journeys all look different.
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But I'd love to know from you personally,
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what helps you feel more rooted every day?
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Do you have a practice that you have every morning or every night?
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Well, I think this will be something
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that's going to come across basic,
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but from what has healed me from my own past childhood trauma
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and what is so important to me.
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And although I find it as something
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that everyone knows, but they maybe they don't.
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I work out.
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Yeah, I wake up.
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I have a moment of solitude and quiet,
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and I make, I meditate and I work out,
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and I make sure to step outside.
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And some days, every day is different.
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Yeah, some days I don't have all the time in the world.
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And some days my meditation is 30 seconds,
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two minutes, five minutes, if it can be 20.
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And sometimes my workout is 10 minutes.
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Yeah, but I just always have to go back to that,
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because that I would say is what saved me
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in my early 20s when I needed to get rooted.
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Again, what made you happy?
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You moved your body.
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And for those of you who don't know,
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so Karina's the co-founder of Tone It Up,
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you've empowered millions of people
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for what, over a decade now, at least.
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16 years.
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16 years?
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Okay, almost two decades now to move their body.
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And you and I first met a woman's health.
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The magazine event.
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And it's kind of no coincidence.
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Like, we really were teaching people
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they had on their mornings.
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You would move me with meditation and with food also.
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And it's no wonder that we're here.
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So, movement is so, so pillar.
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And I can imagine that you really feel it
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when you're not moving your body.
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It's become who you are.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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And I didn't move my body today
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because I started six AM and straight into it.
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I was like reporting, podcastfully,
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uh, or not, uh,
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adaptations for the app and doing all this and prepping.
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Which is fine.
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Some days you take a day off and that's okay.
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Totally.
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So with that said, then, do you notice
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are there things in your life where you start drifting?
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You notice that you might have habits that upward them.
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And I'm asking this because I know that you've met people
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along your journey who,
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Health and Wellness has become so prescriptive
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that often the things that they're doing to feel more rooted
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is actually the thing that's uprooting them
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and causing them more stress or worry or anxiety.
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Do you have any practices where you know
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that you feel uprooted?
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When you say that,
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I feel like Health and Wellness
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is having this transition right now.
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And then there's a lot of possibly
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anxiety or shame if you don't follow this certain protocol.
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Yeah.
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There's so much information out there.
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You should be doing this, this, this.
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If you're not, if you have this,
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you have this deficiency of vitamins
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and it's very overwhelming.
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Yeah.
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For me, I'm a basic,
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basic girl.
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Like the same thing.
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Just get up and move and be healthy.
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And I, for me,
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even with technology, even in my businesses,
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like, I don't do like the slacks.
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Or the, I just, I try to keep it basic
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because that keeps me grounded and rooted.
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Yeah, I love it.
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Sometimes we have to really simplify and go back.
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And I think the reason why you're all
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so probably mentioning just knowing you,
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a lot of people who sit in that chair
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have gone through an incredible journey.
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You certainly have,
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which is what you've talked about in your book.
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But when we talk about,
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there's so many people listening
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who probably carry this silent,
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emotional pain.
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When my health was at its worst
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and my heart palpitations came on,
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I knew I was holding on to so much within me.
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It could be grief.
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It could be trauma.
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It could be shame.
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It could be sadness.
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It could be worried.
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And we keep showing up every single day.
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And kind of just like stuffing everything down,
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pretending like everything's okay.
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Create the social media platforms
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that like look so perfect on the outside.
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But what would you say to listeners
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who've been holding on to things for years?
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I hold on to things for years.
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And I would say
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speaking up is the number one thing.
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Advocating for yourself.
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For, I mean, the reason I wrote the book
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and the audiobook is once I realized that
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I could speak up.
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And then that would help a lot of people
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also then speak up.
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And I think bringing in a community
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through that way was
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really transforming for myself.
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And selfishly, I did a lot of this.
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But then also, I feel like I'm here on this earth
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and survive so much so that I can help others.
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Yeah.
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Did you ever go through a period
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where I know for me,
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I wouldn't talk a lot about
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like the emotional trauma
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or the pain or even my anxiety and depression.
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Because I didn't feel worthy of doing it.
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I didn't come, you know,
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got forbid people listening to this
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of experience sexual trauma or abuse
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or living in war-torn countries
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or witnessing death in front of them, right?
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It's trauma.
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That's major trauma.
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And I felt like, well, how can I complain
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to begin this like privileged world
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to have so much privilege around me?
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I didn't give myself permission
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to just express or even feel my sadness inside.
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My mom also, she had it pretty rough.
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Like, she grew up poor.
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She had an alcoholic father.
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Her little sister died in front of her
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when she was younger.
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Like, there's so much trauma.
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How can I complain?
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So, what happened in or was there a shift for you
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that allowed you to just finally come out
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and decide to share with someone
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you knew that your story could inspire people?
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And I get that too.
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I mean, my grandparents immigrated from the Ukraine in 1950
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and they went through trauma
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and my grandma was pregnant with my father
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and had an abusive family.
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And then, you know, here I am and go ahead.
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But then now, if you look at, it's like, if you look at me now
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and where we are and what we've done
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and the hard work to overcome generational trauma.
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But then there is that guilt of, you know,
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like, should I be speaking about this?
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But yes, because that inspires everyone
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that we can come through different generational trauma.
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Tell the stories of our ancestors.
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Tell them how we can overcome
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and take that pain and turn it into purpose.
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And once I realized I was worthy of myself
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and sharing everything and helping people,
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it was a self-confidence thing.
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I mean, I definitely, even in the beginning, I've toned up.
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I was like, nobody can know about my past.
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Yeah.
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Like, oh my gosh.
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It's not perfect.
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What are they going to think?
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Yeah.
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And this was a time on Instagram and just come out.
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And even, you know, my business partner at the time
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was like, no one can know.
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And I had this, which had a stigma.
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And okay, no one can know
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because you're a fitness guru.
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You have to be perfect.
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And then that was the holding me back
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from moving forward in so many ways,
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personally and professionally.
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And when I finally was like,
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screw this.
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I am me.
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Yeah.
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Like, this is who you are.
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Be a good person and do you share
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because so many people feel like they're alone.
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And once you're able to come out of your shell
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and out of your hiding, so many people,
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you're sharing your story and helping so many people.
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Oh my God.
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Yeah.
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Zach Bush was on here yesterday.
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And that really stood out.
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He said to me, we have the capacity
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to change the world, the more vulnerable we are,
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the more authenticity,
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the more authenticity we're willing to let the world see
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within us is what's going to change the world
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and make impact.
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Yeah.
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It's scary.
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I literally, when I book him out,
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I was like, covering my face.
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And I was like, did I make a mistake?
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Should I not have said all of this?
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Should I not have, you know,
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and then I just like, let it go.
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And I'm like, what a freak.
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Oh, yeah.
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How to be.
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Girl, when I started this podcast,
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I thought I was going to die every episode.
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I don't want you.
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You're not going to die.
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Do you know who's going to judge me?
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It's okay.
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And they judge you.
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What the heck?
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It's fine.
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Yeah.
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So we're making fun, but it's funny
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00:10:13.840 --> 00:10:16.480
because it's not funny at all.
273
00:10:16.480 --> 00:10:17.600
We're making fun of this,
274
00:10:17.600 --> 00:10:18.960
but there's so many people out there
275
00:10:18.960 --> 00:10:20.720
who have experienced trauma.
276
00:10:20.720 --> 00:10:22.320
And the work that I do with my clients
277
00:10:22.480 --> 00:10:24.560
and I'm sure that you've seen even through exercise,
278
00:10:24.560 --> 00:10:25.840
you know, people look at us.
279
00:10:25.840 --> 00:10:27.440
What's the perfect workout protocol?
280
00:10:27.440 --> 00:10:29.760
What's the perfect nutrition plan?
281
00:10:29.760 --> 00:10:31.120
And within five or 10 minutes,
282
00:10:31.120 --> 00:10:33.440
I have people talking about trauma that happened
283
00:10:33.440 --> 00:10:35.360
when there were five, six or seven years old.
284
00:10:36.240 --> 00:10:38.480
And for listeners, like, I'm sure
285
00:10:38.480 --> 00:10:39.520
there's a lot of people out there
286
00:10:39.520 --> 00:10:41.360
who can remember a time in their life
287
00:10:42.080 --> 00:10:44.480
as a child or even for a moment,
288
00:10:45.120 --> 00:10:47.680
they were forced to see things
289
00:10:47.680 --> 00:10:49.680
that only an adult should have seen
290
00:10:49.680 --> 00:10:51.120
or experience things
291
00:10:51.120 --> 00:10:52.720
that only an adult should have seen.
292
00:10:52.720 --> 00:10:56.320
And for you, I know that you can talk about this
293
00:10:56.320 --> 00:10:58.640
because you had to become an adult
294
00:10:58.640 --> 00:11:00.160
at a really young age.
295
00:11:00.160 --> 00:11:01.920
So I'm sure listeners are curious,
296
00:11:01.920 --> 00:11:03.440
like, what is it about your story?
297
00:11:03.440 --> 00:11:06.160
Can you dive into the story of your mother?
298
00:11:06.160 --> 00:11:06.560
Yeah.
299
00:11:07.600 --> 00:11:09.760
So, grew up in Indiana.
300
00:11:09.760 --> 00:11:11.520
It seemed like a perfect family.
301
00:11:12.240 --> 00:11:13.600
It's this older sister.
302
00:11:13.600 --> 00:11:17.520
When I was at 10, 11, my mother started,
303
00:11:17.520 --> 00:11:19.680
things started to shift within the house.
304
00:11:20.160 --> 00:11:23.040
And we weren't allowed to wear any clothing
305
00:11:23.040 --> 00:11:24.160
with a grip and image.
306
00:11:24.160 --> 00:11:25.440
We weren't allowed to listen to music.
307
00:11:25.440 --> 00:11:26.560
It couldn't watch TV.
308
00:11:27.280 --> 00:11:29.040
I couldn't hang out with a lot of my friends
309
00:11:29.040 --> 00:11:32.240
because their parents were part of a cult.
310
00:11:32.240 --> 00:11:32.960
Code on code.
311
00:11:32.960 --> 00:11:34.000
And this is from my mother.
312
00:11:35.520 --> 00:11:37.120
I was turned against my father
313
00:11:37.120 --> 00:11:38.560
from my mother's delusions.
314
00:11:38.560 --> 00:11:41.920
And then as she became a missing person quite often,
315
00:11:43.440 --> 00:11:46.720
we finally found her in a mental hospital.
316
00:11:47.360 --> 00:11:50.240
And she was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia.
317
00:11:50.880 --> 00:11:55.200
And at the time, 11 years old,
318
00:11:56.080 --> 00:11:57.200
I can't spell that.
319
00:11:57.200 --> 00:11:58.640
No one's talking about it.
320
00:11:58.640 --> 00:12:00.000
We're talking early 90s.
321
00:12:00.960 --> 00:12:02.800
And so I went to the library.
322
00:12:02.800 --> 00:12:03.680
I rented a book.
323
00:12:04.400 --> 00:12:05.120
All by myself.
324
00:12:05.680 --> 00:12:07.200
And I read it.
325
00:12:07.200 --> 00:12:08.880
And when I was in school,
326
00:12:08.880 --> 00:12:10.800
I was reading this book instead of
327
00:12:11.680 --> 00:12:13.280
listening to the teacher
328
00:12:13.280 --> 00:12:15.840
and trying to understand what was going on in my home.
329
00:12:15.920 --> 00:12:16.960
When that made me
330
00:12:17.760 --> 00:12:20.720
withdraw from a lot of socialization
331
00:12:20.720 --> 00:12:22.480
and my friends because I thought
332
00:12:22.480 --> 00:12:24.880
like I was the weird kid with the weird mom.
333
00:12:25.920 --> 00:12:28.720
And yeah, so that was my childhood.
334
00:12:28.720 --> 00:12:30.640
And then I go through this decade of darkness
335
00:12:31.360 --> 00:12:34.160
where it was, I wanted to escape
336
00:12:34.880 --> 00:12:35.920
start smoking cigarettes,
337
00:12:36.640 --> 00:12:37.840
drinking, doing
338
00:12:38.960 --> 00:12:41.200
drugs like not for 10 years.
339
00:12:41.200 --> 00:12:42.240
Like really bad.
340
00:12:43.040 --> 00:12:46.400
And also a teenage suicide survivor.
341
00:12:46.400 --> 00:12:48.640
Because I was tired of being at home
342
00:12:48.640 --> 00:12:50.080
with my parents fighting.
343
00:12:50.080 --> 00:12:50.880
My mom gone.
344
00:12:50.880 --> 00:12:52.400
I was so lost because no one,
345
00:12:52.400 --> 00:12:53.840
my dad was going through his stuff.
346
00:12:53.840 --> 00:12:55.840
My sister was going through her stuff.
347
00:12:55.840 --> 00:12:58.400
And so I was alone and I was taking like
348
00:12:59.200 --> 00:13:01.440
raising myself basically at that point.
349
00:13:02.320 --> 00:13:04.480
And I ended up in LA
350
00:13:05.040 --> 00:13:07.120
because a private investigator
351
00:13:07.120 --> 00:13:09.760
after many disappearances of my mom,
352
00:13:10.480 --> 00:13:12.320
I found her in LA.
353
00:13:12.320 --> 00:13:14.240
And I thought I can go to LA.
354
00:13:14.240 --> 00:13:15.040
I was 18.
355
00:13:15.840 --> 00:13:18.160
And I was like, I can bring mom back.
356
00:13:20.160 --> 00:13:20.960
Wasn't possible.
357
00:13:21.600 --> 00:13:22.560
Fell in love with LA.
358
00:13:23.280 --> 00:13:25.040
And moved here three months later.
359
00:13:25.840 --> 00:13:28.720
And still was going through a very dark period.
360
00:13:28.720 --> 00:13:30.400
And then I had that aha moment.
361
00:13:30.880 --> 00:13:33.280
You know, when you just, it clicks in you.
362
00:13:33.280 --> 00:13:35.840
Like, this is not meant to be.
363
00:13:35.840 --> 00:13:36.960
You are not your mother.
364
00:13:37.840 --> 00:13:40.640
I mean, my grandfather
365
00:13:40.640 --> 00:13:41.840
died by suicide.
366
00:13:41.840 --> 00:13:43.360
And he had schizophrenia.
367
00:13:43.360 --> 00:13:45.280
And I always thought I was destined
368
00:13:45.280 --> 00:13:47.840
to be my mother
369
00:13:47.840 --> 00:13:50.240
and this curse upon our family,
370
00:13:50.240 --> 00:13:50.960
this illness.
371
00:13:51.760 --> 00:13:53.760
And then once I just listened to myself
372
00:13:53.760 --> 00:13:54.800
and said, this is not you.
373
00:13:55.520 --> 00:13:56.480
You are meant to live.
374
00:13:56.480 --> 00:13:57.440
You are meant to survive.
375
00:13:57.440 --> 00:13:58.480
You're meant to be better.
376
00:13:59.360 --> 00:14:00.880
I just switched.
377
00:14:02.400 --> 00:14:06.160
And I left Hollywood club nights
378
00:14:06.160 --> 00:14:09.200
and raves for sunrise surfs.
379
00:14:09.200 --> 00:14:11.920
And going back to like what made me happy.
380
00:14:11.920 --> 00:14:13.920
And that was as a kid,
381
00:14:13.920 --> 00:14:16.080
I did a marathon.
382
00:14:17.040 --> 00:14:17.520
Wow.
383
00:14:17.520 --> 00:14:18.720
Signed up for triathlon.
384
00:14:19.360 --> 00:14:20.640
I followed through.
385
00:14:20.640 --> 00:14:21.680
I believed in myself.
386
00:14:21.680 --> 00:14:23.920
And the reason that triathlon
387
00:14:23.920 --> 00:14:26.720
was such an imperative moment for me
388
00:14:27.440 --> 00:14:29.360
because it was the first time
389
00:14:29.600 --> 00:14:31.520
that I actually signed up for something.
390
00:14:31.520 --> 00:14:32.720
And I followed through.
391
00:14:32.720 --> 00:14:33.840
And I believed in myself.
392
00:14:33.840 --> 00:14:35.440
And I crossed a finished line and said,
393
00:14:36.160 --> 00:14:38.400
OK, I can do anything.
394
00:14:40.400 --> 00:14:41.920
And that goes from there.
395
00:14:42.720 --> 00:14:44.080
Do you know how much of a miracle
396
00:14:44.800 --> 00:14:46.320
that is like looking back?
397
00:14:46.320 --> 00:14:48.000
Can you believe that you were brave enough
398
00:14:48.000 --> 00:14:49.040
to make that happen?
399
00:14:50.240 --> 00:14:51.040
I know.
400
00:14:51.280 --> 00:14:54.160
And that's in that story of me
401
00:14:55.360 --> 00:14:57.360
in my early 20s still inspires me
402
00:14:57.360 --> 00:14:58.320
to keep going.
403
00:14:58.320 --> 00:14:58.880
Right.
404
00:14:58.880 --> 00:15:00.800
When I get stuck in those moments
405
00:15:01.600 --> 00:15:04.000
where I'm like, do I keep going?
406
00:15:04.000 --> 00:15:04.640
Yeah.
407
00:15:04.640 --> 00:15:06.880
No, Karen, your superpower is resilience.
408
00:15:06.880 --> 00:15:07.600
You got this.
409
00:15:08.160 --> 00:15:10.000
Your superpower is resilience.
410
00:15:10.000 --> 00:15:10.800
You've got this.
411
00:15:11.600 --> 00:15:14.480
And I have to ask, was your mom, was she drinking?
412
00:15:14.480 --> 00:15:15.840
Was she doing drugs?
413
00:15:15.840 --> 00:15:17.520
Also, like did that expedite
414
00:15:18.000 --> 00:15:19.040
her mental health issues?
415
00:15:19.040 --> 00:15:22.560
No, no drugs are up on our house growing up.
416
00:15:22.560 --> 00:15:23.040
It was just.
417
00:15:25.200 --> 00:15:26.400
And like at that time,
418
00:15:26.400 --> 00:15:28.640
there's still a stigma around mental health issues.
419
00:15:28.640 --> 00:15:30.320
Like I can't even imagine the stigma
420
00:15:30.320 --> 00:15:32.320
around mental health issues back then.
421
00:15:32.320 --> 00:15:32.800
Yeah.
422
00:15:33.280 --> 00:15:34.480
You know, there wasn't access.
423
00:15:34.480 --> 00:15:35.600
You didn't have television at home.
424
00:15:35.600 --> 00:15:37.200
There was an access to more information
425
00:15:37.200 --> 00:15:40.080
to learn about this or perhaps like other cases
426
00:15:40.080 --> 00:15:42.240
or doctors or hospitals or news talking
427
00:15:42.240 --> 00:15:44.640
about the rise in mental health issues at that time.
428
00:15:45.280 --> 00:15:47.360
So here you are as a child.
429
00:15:47.360 --> 00:15:49.280
Your external world technically
430
00:15:49.280 --> 00:15:50.960
should have been shaping your reality.
431
00:15:51.600 --> 00:15:53.760
And the path that that could have set you down,
432
00:15:53.760 --> 00:15:55.520
but there is an inner knowingness of you,
433
00:15:56.400 --> 00:15:57.760
knowing that your life could be different
434
00:15:57.760 --> 00:15:58.960
that caused you to change.
435
00:15:58.960 --> 00:15:59.680
Yeah.
436
00:15:59.680 --> 00:15:59.920
Yeah.
437
00:15:59.920 --> 00:16:00.640
Okay, that's enough.
438
00:16:00.640 --> 00:16:01.760
So they can go and cry right there.
439
00:16:01.840 --> 00:16:04.480
Yeah, that's that was a miracle to then
440
00:16:04.480 --> 00:16:08.720
and the state that I was in to then somehow shift those thoughts
441
00:16:08.720 --> 00:16:11.200
and believe that I can change.
442
00:16:11.200 --> 00:16:13.360
And then do that change.
443
00:16:13.360 --> 00:16:13.680
Yeah.
444
00:16:14.960 --> 00:16:16.160
I'm wondering of a lot of people
445
00:16:16.160 --> 00:16:18.560
who may have been through something similar to you,
446
00:16:18.560 --> 00:16:21.600
whether it was mental health or crisis at home
447
00:16:21.600 --> 00:16:24.960
or challenging siblings or parents,
448
00:16:24.960 --> 00:16:28.240
you know, the ability to process it is a really big thing
449
00:16:28.240 --> 00:16:30.640
because I think when you become an adult,
450
00:16:30.720 --> 00:16:32.080
what happens in the past?
451
00:16:32.080 --> 00:16:32.720
It's done.
452
00:16:32.720 --> 00:16:33.440
It's in the past.
453
00:16:33.440 --> 00:16:35.360
There's nothing that you can do about it.
454
00:16:35.360 --> 00:16:37.840
But in my world, we now know that
455
00:16:37.840 --> 00:16:41.600
our bodies hold on to emotions and to trauma
456
00:16:41.600 --> 00:16:44.800
and in our vated, we call this accumulation,
457
00:16:44.800 --> 00:16:47.920
even for things like rheumatoid arthritis
458
00:16:47.920 --> 00:16:49.200
or any issues with joints.
459
00:16:49.200 --> 00:16:52.000
We looking at my mom, her rheumatoid arthritis,
460
00:16:52.000 --> 00:16:53.920
we say it's stored emotions and trauma
461
00:16:53.920 --> 00:16:55.760
within the joints that weren't released.
462
00:16:56.480 --> 00:16:58.480
And it's a beautiful idea to think about
463
00:16:58.480 --> 00:17:00.400
and of course, people who do the work
464
00:17:00.400 --> 00:17:02.640
don't get rid of their disease all the time.
465
00:17:02.640 --> 00:17:04.400
I wish that that were the case,
466
00:17:04.400 --> 00:17:07.920
but it sounds like it really took a breaking point for you.
467
00:17:07.920 --> 00:17:08.720
Yeah.
468
00:17:08.720 --> 00:17:10.560
Well, even at that breaking point,
469
00:17:10.560 --> 00:17:13.760
to speaking about how your body holds the trauma,
470
00:17:13.760 --> 00:17:18.320
I had broken out in a rash all over my torso in my arms.
471
00:17:18.320 --> 00:17:21.920
And I, at the time, went to a free clinic in Hollywood.
472
00:17:22.560 --> 00:17:25.840
And the doctor was like,
473
00:17:25.840 --> 00:17:27.920
is there, are you stressed out?
474
00:17:27.920 --> 00:17:30.080
Are you doing, like, you have psoriasis?
475
00:17:30.800 --> 00:17:32.560
And I was like, yeah.
476
00:17:32.560 --> 00:17:33.840
And I was telling her my story.
477
00:17:33.840 --> 00:17:35.600
And she's like, I'm not going to prescribe you.
478
00:17:35.600 --> 00:17:37.440
This is like a miracle back in.
479
00:17:38.240 --> 00:17:39.840
I moved to Hollywood in 1990.
480
00:17:39.840 --> 00:17:42.880
So it's probably in 2001.
481
00:17:42.880 --> 00:17:43.360
Yeah.
482
00:17:43.360 --> 00:17:48.080
And she's like, I'm not prescribing you any prescriptions.
483
00:17:48.080 --> 00:17:50.640
She's like, I want you to do yoga.
484
00:17:50.640 --> 00:17:53.280
And I want you to get some vitamin D.
485
00:17:53.920 --> 00:17:56.960
And I was like, okay, she's like, you're stressed out.
486
00:17:56.960 --> 00:18:00.080
Your body's reacting to whatever's going on.
487
00:18:00.080 --> 00:18:02.400
And so what I did, I would go to the beach.
488
00:18:02.400 --> 00:18:04.000
And I would get some vitamin D.
489
00:18:04.000 --> 00:18:06.720
It helped heal psoriasis.
490
00:18:06.720 --> 00:18:08.880
And then I couldn't afford yoga at the time.
491
00:18:08.880 --> 00:18:13.120
So I volunteered at a place in the valley called Angel City Yoga.
492
00:18:13.120 --> 00:18:14.800
I don't know if it's still there.
493
00:18:14.800 --> 00:18:15.920
And I would volunteer.
494
00:18:15.920 --> 00:18:18.560
So I could take free yoga classes.
495
00:18:18.560 --> 00:18:19.920
And I started with Kundalini.
496
00:18:19.920 --> 00:18:20.960
Wow.
497
00:18:20.960 --> 00:18:24.240
And I talk about this story with this doctor
498
00:18:24.240 --> 00:18:26.560
at a free clinic in Hollywood.
499
00:18:26.560 --> 00:18:28.800
You can imagine the people that are there.
500
00:18:28.800 --> 00:18:31.280
And she gave me the best advice.
501
00:18:31.280 --> 00:18:33.600
And that was, I don't know who she is.
502
00:18:33.600 --> 00:18:34.600
God bless that.
503
00:18:34.600 --> 00:18:35.600
Welcome in.
504
00:18:35.600 --> 00:18:36.240
Bless.
505
00:18:36.240 --> 00:18:37.520
But let's have her in that for a second.
506
00:18:37.520 --> 00:18:40.480
Because I think that, you know,
507
00:18:40.480 --> 00:18:42.600
I try to be an optimist as much as I can.
508
00:18:42.600 --> 00:18:46.000
And looking back at my journey as well, listening to your story,
509
00:18:46.000 --> 00:18:49.040
there were strategic people that came into my life
510
00:18:49.040 --> 00:18:52.880
at a certain time to help kind of switch tracks.
511
00:18:52.880 --> 00:18:55.440
And I have a feeling that a lot of people
512
00:18:55.440 --> 00:18:58.480
don't have that faith to follow the breadcrumbs
513
00:18:58.480 --> 00:18:59.840
to go in the opposite direction.
514
00:18:59.840 --> 00:19:03.320
So it's really big to you about you that you did.
515
00:19:03.320 --> 00:19:04.880
Because it's interesting.
516
00:19:04.880 --> 00:19:07.400
It's way more comfortable to suffer, right?
517
00:19:07.400 --> 00:19:09.040
And it's like, if all we know is suffering,
518
00:19:09.040 --> 00:19:10.760
it's easier to live there than to do.
519
00:19:10.760 --> 00:19:12.800
It's a tremendous amount of work to change our behavior
520
00:19:12.800 --> 00:19:14.920
and our mindset, especially that age.
521
00:19:14.920 --> 00:19:16.360
And I'm like, yoga?
522
00:19:16.360 --> 00:19:16.880
Yeah.
523
00:19:16.880 --> 00:19:18.800
Yoga?
524
00:19:18.800 --> 00:19:22.280
And then to be able to say, OK, I can't afford a yoga class.
525
00:19:22.280 --> 00:19:23.000
How do I do this?
526
00:19:23.000 --> 00:19:25.280
OK, let me walk into a yoga studio and be like,
527
00:19:25.280 --> 00:19:27.520
I'd like to volunteer my time.
528
00:19:27.520 --> 00:19:32.200
And it is very hard to make a positive change.
529
00:19:32.200 --> 00:19:36.520
It's easy to stay complacent, and where you are.
530
00:19:36.520 --> 00:19:37.720
Yeah, yeah.
531
00:19:37.720 --> 00:19:39.960
So I think it's an important message for anyone.
532
00:19:39.960 --> 00:19:45.400
Just get outside of your comfort zone and just do it.
533
00:19:45.400 --> 00:19:48.760
Yeah, the overwhelm doesn't have to be a full season, right?
534
00:19:48.760 --> 00:19:52.040
We can accept it as a day and know that it's going to pass.
535
00:19:52.040 --> 00:19:53.480
But let's talk about that because I
536
00:19:53.480 --> 00:19:55.520
think that especially now with the state of the world,
537
00:19:55.520 --> 00:19:58.920
a lot of people might be stuck in that worry or anxiety
538
00:19:58.920 --> 00:20:00.440
or even fear.
539
00:20:00.440 --> 00:20:03.320
And even sickness, right?
540
00:20:03.320 --> 00:20:05.960
When you and I are speaking at these big conferences,
541
00:20:05.960 --> 00:20:07.600
I'm sure people approach you and it's like,
542
00:20:07.600 --> 00:20:09.880
I'm suffering whether it's digestive issues
543
00:20:09.880 --> 00:20:12.920
or stress or poor sleep or hormone issues,
544
00:20:12.920 --> 00:20:16.840
you can't get pregnant, headaches, migraines, you name it.
545
00:20:16.840 --> 00:20:19.760
They might believe that they actually can't heal.
546
00:20:19.760 --> 00:20:21.480
I met with people on the other end often.
547
00:20:21.480 --> 00:20:24.360
I've tried everything and nothing is working.
548
00:20:24.360 --> 00:20:26.520
So what would you say to people?
549
00:20:26.520 --> 00:20:28.440
I know you speak about this all the time.
550
00:20:28.440 --> 00:20:29.800
What are your thoughts on helping people
551
00:20:29.800 --> 00:20:31.160
see light at the end of the tunnel
552
00:20:31.160 --> 00:20:35.080
so that they don't get anchored in that belief?
553
00:20:35.080 --> 00:20:36.160
Oh, gosh.
554
00:20:36.160 --> 00:20:40.400
I'm not familiar, but I'm experiencing more.
555
00:20:40.400 --> 00:20:44.720
Yeah, I speak from experience.
556
00:20:44.720 --> 00:20:48.080
There is a light at the end of the tunnel
557
00:20:48.080 --> 00:20:50.680
and have faith in yourself, believe in yourself,
558
00:20:50.680 --> 00:20:53.920
believe in your purpose, your health.
559
00:20:53.920 --> 00:20:57.040
And I was, I was told my husband,
560
00:20:57.040 --> 00:21:02.040
like, I'm not ashamed to ask for anything,
561
00:21:03.240 --> 00:21:06.760
like just trying because there's nothing to lose
562
00:21:06.760 --> 00:21:10.160
if you don't try and you lose.
563
00:21:10.160 --> 00:21:12.840
And if you ask, can you try?
564
00:21:12.840 --> 00:21:17.000
Then maybe we don't get what you want or you do.
565
00:21:17.000 --> 00:21:18.760
So just putting yourself out there
566
00:21:18.760 --> 00:21:23.320
and that's taken years for me to understand as well.
567
00:21:23.320 --> 00:21:25.160
Yeah, I guess I was asking for help, right?
568
00:21:25.160 --> 00:21:26.800
That's a really big one.
569
00:21:26.800 --> 00:21:31.680
And we think about community.
570
00:21:31.680 --> 00:21:34.720
And a community was such a big part for you for toned up
571
00:21:34.720 --> 00:21:38.000
and of course for big silence also.
572
00:21:38.000 --> 00:21:42.040
We don't think about, it's about bitching and complaining, right?
573
00:21:42.040 --> 00:21:44.040
Like women are sick and tired of bitching
574
00:21:44.040 --> 00:21:45.440
and complaining to each other.
575
00:21:45.440 --> 00:21:46.600
No more.
576
00:21:46.600 --> 00:21:49.640
But I think there's another perspective
577
00:21:49.640 --> 00:21:51.520
or lens that you can put on that
578
00:21:51.520 --> 00:21:54.960
where if your friend is asking you how are you,
579
00:21:55.960 --> 00:21:57.640
tell them how you really are.
580
00:21:57.640 --> 00:21:59.360
Yeah, I know we're answering, I'm fine.
581
00:21:59.360 --> 00:22:01.120
I'm fine, I'm stressed.
582
00:22:01.120 --> 00:22:02.760
Oh my God, I'm busy, right?
583
00:22:02.760 --> 00:22:04.920
It's like, no, how are you?
584
00:22:04.920 --> 00:22:05.760
Yeah.
585
00:22:05.760 --> 00:22:07.480
I'm really going through something right now
586
00:22:07.480 --> 00:22:08.680
and I need some support.
587
00:22:08.680 --> 00:22:10.640
And maybe being the person on the other end
588
00:22:10.640 --> 00:22:13.360
to say, okay, let's, what support do you need?
589
00:22:13.360 --> 00:22:14.400
Who do we need to find?
590
00:22:14.400 --> 00:22:15.320
What's the resource?
591
00:22:15.320 --> 00:22:16.240
How can we come together?
592
00:22:16.240 --> 00:22:18.160
Like really being proactive as a friend,
593
00:22:18.160 --> 00:22:19.640
you could save the other person.
594
00:22:19.640 --> 00:22:21.280
Yeah.
595
00:22:21.280 --> 00:22:24.480
I intentionally check in with people all the time.
596
00:22:24.480 --> 00:22:26.320
I love that sincerely.
597
00:22:26.320 --> 00:22:30.840
And I also stopped answering, how are you?
598
00:22:30.840 --> 00:22:35.840
But I also will answer the question appropriately.
599
00:22:36.200 --> 00:22:37.200
Yeah.
600
00:22:37.200 --> 00:22:40.520
But then I also like to shift the conversation to,
601
00:22:40.520 --> 00:22:43.120
what are we looking forward to today?
602
00:22:43.120 --> 00:22:44.200
What are the pause?
603
00:22:44.200 --> 00:22:45.280
What are we happy about?
604
00:22:45.280 --> 00:22:46.560
What are we excited about?
605
00:22:46.560 --> 00:22:49.480
So it's not just a continued negative,
606
00:22:49.480 --> 00:22:52.080
like there's a lot going on,
607
00:22:52.080 --> 00:22:56.320
but I also want to recognize the positive things.
608
00:22:56.320 --> 00:22:57.200
That's such a good point.
609
00:22:57.200 --> 00:22:59.360
Okay, so yeah, I can hear that.
610
00:22:59.360 --> 00:23:01.040
So people listening might think,
611
00:23:01.040 --> 00:23:01.880
I ask, how are you?
612
00:23:01.880 --> 00:23:03.440
That's like opening Pandora's box.
613
00:23:03.440 --> 00:23:04.680
It's a loaded one.
614
00:23:04.920 --> 00:23:05.920
What am I going to do?
615
00:23:05.920 --> 00:23:08.360
That's wrong in this, and I'm like,
616
00:23:08.360 --> 00:23:12.120
but you're seeing what's great going on right now.
617
00:23:12.120 --> 00:23:15.840
Because I think we can so easily just dust over
618
00:23:15.840 --> 00:23:17.680
the good things going on.
619
00:23:17.680 --> 00:23:19.840
Yeah, and you said something really interesting.
620
00:23:21.040 --> 00:23:23.800
Maybe some people are afraid of asking that
621
00:23:23.800 --> 00:23:25.280
because they might be in a position
622
00:23:25.280 --> 00:23:27.040
of not being able to celebrate themselves
623
00:23:27.040 --> 00:23:30.080
when their friend is celebrating all of these things
624
00:23:30.080 --> 00:23:31.600
in life and feeling joyful.
625
00:23:31.600 --> 00:23:34.040
And maybe that's like, oh, you're doing so well.
626
00:23:34.040 --> 00:23:35.840
And I'm not right now.
627
00:23:35.840 --> 00:23:38.440
But I think that there's opportunity in that
628
00:23:38.440 --> 00:23:40.760
to let that person be a mirror for you,
629
00:23:40.760 --> 00:23:43.360
like let that ignite the feeling of peace
630
00:23:43.360 --> 00:23:47.240
of showing you that change can happen at any point.
631
00:23:47.240 --> 00:23:50.480
Just like receive the reflection of the other person
632
00:23:50.480 --> 00:23:53.840
that might be reflecting optimism and sense of peace.
633
00:23:53.840 --> 00:23:55.800
And things are going to work out.
634
00:23:55.800 --> 00:23:59.320
The world has your back, shift your consciousness,
635
00:23:59.320 --> 00:24:02.120
look at people like you who've done the work to change.
636
00:24:02.120 --> 00:24:02.920
Yeah.
637
00:24:02.920 --> 00:24:05.600
I want to take a quick break from today's episode
638
00:24:05.600 --> 00:24:08.880
to ask if you knew your stress response is unique to you,
639
00:24:08.880 --> 00:24:11.280
your hormones, your genetics, your lifestyle,
640
00:24:11.280 --> 00:24:14.400
all play a role in how stress affects your body.
641
00:24:14.400 --> 00:24:16.920
My name is Mona Sharma, celebrity nutritionist,
642
00:24:16.920 --> 00:24:20.080
and that's why I created the stress personality quiz,
643
00:24:20.080 --> 00:24:23.040
a simple science back tool to help you understand
644
00:24:23.040 --> 00:24:25.320
your stress type and how to manage it.
645
00:24:25.320 --> 00:24:28.240
Go ahead and take the quiz now at monasharma.com
646
00:24:28.240 --> 00:24:30.160
forward slash quiz.
647
00:24:30.160 --> 00:24:32.320
A study that I was looking at when I was researching
648
00:24:32.320 --> 00:24:37.600
for your book, so childhood trauma, which you went through,
649
00:24:37.600 --> 00:24:39.880
increases the risk of depression and anxiety
650
00:24:39.880 --> 00:24:43.520
by two to three times in adulthood.
651
00:24:43.520 --> 00:24:46.720
And as you mentioned, now generational trauma.
652
00:24:46.720 --> 00:24:49.160
So I've worked with the scientists out of Johns Hopkins,
653
00:24:49.160 --> 00:24:52.520
and then they can now study generational trauma,
654
00:24:52.520 --> 00:24:55.600
passed down by parents through a bulk accords
655
00:24:55.600 --> 00:24:57.160
to our children.
656
00:24:57.160 --> 00:25:01.560
And I think now a lot of people, even if they haven't been
657
00:25:01.560 --> 00:25:06.200
through that big traumatic event in their life,
658
00:25:06.200 --> 00:25:08.760
in recognizing that they still, like, something's off.
659
00:25:08.760 --> 00:25:09.720
I don't feel good.
660
00:25:09.720 --> 00:25:12.480
Life on the outside, I should be so grateful,
661
00:25:12.480 --> 00:25:15.360
but I have anxiety every single day.
662
00:25:15.360 --> 00:25:18.800
How did you let go of the guilt that wasn't there for you to carry?
663
00:25:22.320 --> 00:25:23.320
I would have a question.
664
00:25:23.320 --> 00:25:24.360
Yeah.
665
00:25:24.360 --> 00:25:25.920
I just was talking about this.
666
00:25:25.920 --> 00:25:28.080
Dr. Anna Kabeca, you should have her on.
667
00:25:28.080 --> 00:25:28.680
She's amazing.
668
00:25:28.680 --> 00:25:31.400
I just interviewed her.
669
00:25:31.400 --> 00:25:33.440
Right before I came here, and we were talking
670
00:25:33.440 --> 00:25:35.680
about generational trauma.
671
00:25:35.680 --> 00:25:41.080
And how do I let go of the guilt?
672
00:25:41.080 --> 00:25:49.160
Number one, anxiety hit me in 2017, which was later.
673
00:25:49.160 --> 00:25:50.640
But I actually think it's finally
674
00:25:50.640 --> 00:25:53.920
because we were giving anxiety at word.
675
00:25:53.920 --> 00:25:58.240
That maybe I had that as a child, and that's what I was masking.
676
00:25:58.320 --> 00:26:01.720
So I probably always had that.
677
00:26:01.720 --> 00:26:06.040
And I believe I also had some situational depression
678
00:26:06.040 --> 00:26:07.240
that I didn't have a word.
679
00:26:07.240 --> 00:26:09.000
I didn't have a name.
680
00:26:09.000 --> 00:26:10.160
And so I probably had that.
681
00:26:10.160 --> 00:26:13.960
So now when things hit, and as I am older,
682
00:26:13.960 --> 00:26:16.480
midlife, I can't believe we're midlife.
683
00:26:16.480 --> 00:26:17.480
No, I'm not.
684
00:26:17.480 --> 00:26:20.000
I just had dinner with the Freilass, and I was like,
685
00:26:20.000 --> 00:26:23.440
I've known him since I was 22, and I was like, we're midlife.
686
00:26:23.440 --> 00:26:24.040
I know.
687
00:26:24.040 --> 00:26:25.480
I'm trying to own it.
688
00:26:25.480 --> 00:26:26.320
I'm owning it.
689
00:26:27.320 --> 00:26:28.920
I'm like, all my speaking engagements
690
00:26:28.920 --> 00:26:32.040
are about Perry and Minipaz.
691
00:26:32.040 --> 00:26:33.560
But that's also interesting, and maybe
692
00:26:33.560 --> 00:26:36.240
our ability to share this story now.
693
00:26:36.240 --> 00:26:37.640
I'm going to go on off.
694
00:26:37.640 --> 00:26:41.080
So back to the question, how do I?
695
00:26:41.080 --> 00:26:41.840
What was it?
696
00:26:41.840 --> 00:26:42.800
With anxiety.
697
00:26:42.800 --> 00:26:46.000
Yeah, how do you let go of the guilt that wasn't there?
698
00:26:46.000 --> 00:26:48.440
I think because I give it a name,
699
00:26:48.440 --> 00:26:51.640
I realize the feeling, the emotion,
700
00:26:51.640 --> 00:26:54.840
and even to my husband, if I wake up with anxiety,
701
00:26:54.840 --> 00:26:57.600
and I know where it's coming from,
702
00:26:57.600 --> 00:26:59.560
I know if I wake up with anxiety,
703
00:26:59.560 --> 00:27:01.680
I know what the root is.
704
00:27:01.680 --> 00:27:05.120
And I either need to go meditate,
705
00:27:05.120 --> 00:27:07.360
go for, I call them anxiety walks.
706
00:27:07.360 --> 00:27:09.840
I just move my body, get outside in nature,
707
00:27:09.840 --> 00:27:11.680
or get in a cold plunge.
708
00:27:11.680 --> 00:27:13.640
Right, processing, processing.
709
00:27:13.640 --> 00:27:16.480
I know how to help that now.
710
00:27:16.480 --> 00:27:18.280
That's so interesting that you brought that up too,
711
00:27:18.280 --> 00:27:20.560
because as we learn more and more
712
00:27:20.560 --> 00:27:22.520
about nervous system regulation,
713
00:27:22.560 --> 00:27:24.440
it's not always the here and now,
714
00:27:24.440 --> 00:27:26.560
the event that's happening in this moment.
715
00:27:26.560 --> 00:27:27.560
Yeah.
716
00:27:27.560 --> 00:27:30.720
That is the thing that's causing you anxiety,
717
00:27:30.720 --> 00:27:33.280
but it's the resonance and the memory within you
718
00:27:33.280 --> 00:27:35.520
that's triggering the anxiety nerve
719
00:27:35.520 --> 00:27:38.080
that you might have held on to since childhood.
720
00:27:38.080 --> 00:27:38.920
Yeah.
721
00:27:38.920 --> 00:27:40.200
And yeah.
722
00:27:40.200 --> 00:27:43.560
I even get anxiety by coming back to LA.
723
00:27:43.560 --> 00:27:44.560
Oh, yeah.
724
00:27:44.560 --> 00:27:45.800
That's it.
725
00:27:46.800 --> 00:27:49.160
Only because there's so much history here,
726
00:27:49.160 --> 00:27:51.880
and I was making the most 20 years,
727
00:27:51.880 --> 00:27:53.440
and my choice to leave.
728
00:27:53.440 --> 00:27:54.840
And then I love LA,
729
00:27:54.840 --> 00:27:57.440
and there's so much greatness here,
730
00:27:57.440 --> 00:27:58.960
but there's a lot of,
731
00:27:58.960 --> 00:28:01.800
I realize like every time I come here,
732
00:28:01.800 --> 00:28:03.520
I'm like, I have to grant myself.
733
00:28:03.520 --> 00:28:04.520
Mm-hmm.
734
00:28:04.520 --> 00:28:06.360
Oh my gosh, LA is magnificent.
735
00:28:06.360 --> 00:28:08.560
As a Canadian, it is magnificent,
736
00:28:08.560 --> 00:28:12.440
but there's an undercurrent here that is intense.
737
00:28:12.440 --> 00:28:15.280
I do so and realize how intense I was
738
00:28:15.280 --> 00:28:16.800
for so many years here too.
739
00:28:16.800 --> 00:28:17.640
Yeah.
740
00:28:17.640 --> 00:28:18.240
And there's great people here,
741
00:28:18.240 --> 00:28:20.920
and I mean, you're moving to the beautiful place
742
00:28:20.920 --> 00:28:22.600
and nature, which is...
743
00:28:22.600 --> 00:28:23.440
I knew that.
744
00:28:23.440 --> 00:28:27.160
Yeah, we'll talk about that also,
745
00:28:27.160 --> 00:28:28.800
but maybe for listeners now,
746
00:28:28.800 --> 00:28:30.200
like when we think about anxiety,
747
00:28:30.200 --> 00:28:32.320
if there's an emotion that you feel like you've held on to
748
00:28:32.320 --> 00:28:33.560
since you were a little kid,
749
00:28:34.520 --> 00:28:37.680
look at the source or the instigation of all of that,
750
00:28:37.680 --> 00:28:41.240
whether you feel like you have worth to complain about it
751
00:28:41.240 --> 00:28:42.840
or not, just do some investigating.
752
00:28:42.840 --> 00:28:45.080
Often it's done best with a practitioner
753
00:28:45.080 --> 00:28:46.880
to kind of hold space for you.
754
00:28:46.880 --> 00:28:50.200
For me, anxiety was my blueprint to as a kid.
755
00:28:50.200 --> 00:28:52.360
In my house, I was a mouse.
756
00:28:52.360 --> 00:28:54.840
It was better to be unseen, unheard.
757
00:28:54.840 --> 00:28:57.480
I carried that with me into school,
758
00:28:57.480 --> 00:28:59.720
and I just, I had to keep the pieces.
759
00:28:59.720 --> 00:29:02.320
I felt like, you know, calming and soothing
760
00:29:02.320 --> 00:29:05.640
is what people interpreted me as or experienced me as,
761
00:29:05.640 --> 00:29:07.560
but that was my trauma mechanism.
762
00:29:07.560 --> 00:29:09.840
Like, I had to become calming and peaceful
763
00:29:09.840 --> 00:29:12.680
so that I didn't add fuel to my outside world.
764
00:29:12.680 --> 00:29:15.680
And sure enough, it's kind of turned into my superpower,
765
00:29:15.680 --> 00:29:17.080
right? It's what I do for a living.
766
00:29:17.080 --> 00:29:18.960
It's probably the most calming compliment
767
00:29:19.040 --> 00:29:21.280
that I'm so grateful to receive.
768
00:29:21.280 --> 00:29:23.600
And I'm happy to hold that for other people.
769
00:29:23.600 --> 00:29:27.320
And like you, had your journey not have paved the way
770
00:29:27.320 --> 00:29:28.680
for you to this moment,
771
00:29:28.680 --> 00:29:31.880
you wouldn't be able to take this message out into the world.
772
00:29:31.880 --> 00:29:34.520
And to your point about being midlife,
773
00:29:34.520 --> 00:29:36.720
you know, women are talking about owning our age
774
00:29:36.720 --> 00:29:38.440
and getting to this point.
775
00:29:38.440 --> 00:29:42.400
But I think that like the confronting aspect of it,
776
00:29:42.400 --> 00:29:43.640
and tell me if you feel the same way,
777
00:29:43.640 --> 00:29:46.440
it's just that time's going by so fast.
778
00:29:46.920 --> 00:29:50.200
Now, here we are midlife with finally built up the courage
779
00:29:50.200 --> 00:29:53.040
to talk about the stuff that got us to this point.
780
00:29:53.040 --> 00:29:55.520
And it hopes to help the other people in the world.
781
00:29:55.520 --> 00:29:58.040
But it's like, oh man, it's going by so fast.
782
00:29:58.040 --> 00:29:58.880
I know.
783
00:29:58.880 --> 00:29:59.720
Pump the brakes.
784
00:29:59.720 --> 00:30:02.160
Keep me here for a little bit longer.
785
00:30:02.160 --> 00:30:05.000
I think what I'm learning in this,
786
00:30:05.000 --> 00:30:07.920
and which probably causes my current anxieties
787
00:30:07.920 --> 00:30:12.640
and I was like, oh, I'm like, I'm grateful I got here
788
00:30:12.640 --> 00:30:16.120
because there could have been an alternative as a teenager.
789
00:30:16.120 --> 00:30:18.240
So I always switch that in my head.
790
00:30:18.240 --> 00:30:19.560
I'm like, I get to be here.
791
00:30:19.560 --> 00:30:20.560
I am here.
792
00:30:20.560 --> 00:30:25.040
Like, what can I do today to make today a great day?
793
00:30:25.040 --> 00:30:28.840
And also, this is something that my husband does now.
794
00:30:28.840 --> 00:30:31.440
Recently, I'm like, this come from.
795
00:30:31.440 --> 00:30:34.720
He asked me, how can I make your day better?
796
00:30:34.720 --> 00:30:38.280
Like, yeah.
797
00:30:38.280 --> 00:30:39.280
That's love.
798
00:30:39.280 --> 00:30:41.120
That's a great one.
799
00:30:41.120 --> 00:30:43.760
OK, I got a honey duest.
800
00:30:43.760 --> 00:30:46.640
But it feels better because it's not just like,
801
00:30:46.640 --> 00:30:47.880
what do you need me to do?
802
00:30:47.880 --> 00:30:48.400
Yeah.
803
00:30:48.400 --> 00:30:49.040
How can I?
804
00:30:49.040 --> 00:30:50.200
How can I get better?
805
00:30:50.200 --> 00:30:52.440
That's beautiful.
806
00:30:52.440 --> 00:30:54.560
One of the things I was most interested in learning
807
00:30:54.560 --> 00:30:56.400
about you after I learned your story
808
00:30:56.400 --> 00:31:00.840
and really just visualizing what that was like for a little girl
809
00:31:00.840 --> 00:31:02.680
to just feel so alone.
810
00:31:02.680 --> 00:31:06.560
And to move through every single emotion,
811
00:31:06.560 --> 00:31:09.240
how did you get to a point of forgiveness?
812
00:31:09.240 --> 00:31:09.760
Mm.
813
00:31:09.760 --> 00:31:14.440
Yeah, that was hard.
814
00:31:14.440 --> 00:31:16.960
Forgiveness and learning to love again
815
00:31:16.960 --> 00:31:21.920
were the biggest things because I had to forgive my mother
816
00:31:21.920 --> 00:31:23.760
for something that wasn't her fault.
817
00:31:23.760 --> 00:31:26.440
Mental illness is a disease.
818
00:31:26.440 --> 00:31:30.520
That is not her fault that that happened and that she had
819
00:31:30.520 --> 00:31:35.280
that disease and that she wasn't able to be there.
820
00:31:35.320 --> 00:31:39.240
And also because I loved her so much
821
00:31:39.240 --> 00:31:42.120
and then she couldn't be there.
822
00:31:42.120 --> 00:31:43.800
So there was abandonment.
823
00:31:43.800 --> 00:31:45.520
So those were the two biggest things
824
00:31:45.520 --> 00:31:50.080
that I had to work through therapy and self-work.
825
00:31:50.080 --> 00:31:51.240
How do you get there?
826
00:31:51.240 --> 00:31:52.440
Therapy and self-work.
827
00:31:52.440 --> 00:31:53.440
Yeah.
828
00:31:53.440 --> 00:31:56.440
Self-help books, connecting with self,
829
00:31:56.440 --> 00:32:02.120
learning how to be present and safe within your own body,
830
00:32:02.120 --> 00:32:03.880
learning to trust yourself.
831
00:32:03.880 --> 00:32:05.360
I think that's one of the biggest things
832
00:32:05.360 --> 00:32:08.000
is learning who you are.
833
00:32:08.000 --> 00:32:12.720
If you can trust you, if you don't trust you
834
00:32:12.720 --> 00:32:17.040
and who you are, it'll be hard to trust anyone else.
835
00:32:17.040 --> 00:32:21.080
And if you don't love you, you can't love anyone else.
836
00:32:21.080 --> 00:32:24.040
And it's your responsibility to trust and love yourself
837
00:32:24.040 --> 00:32:27.000
so that you can be the best version of yourself
838
00:32:27.000 --> 00:32:29.080
to trust and love someone else.
839
00:32:29.080 --> 00:32:34.080
And then be able to believe that you love you
840
00:32:34.320 --> 00:32:38.800
and then be able to believe that that person
841
00:32:38.800 --> 00:32:41.320
you can trust in love and accept their love.
842
00:32:43.200 --> 00:32:44.040
Wild.
843
00:32:44.040 --> 00:32:46.000
I say this and look at my kids all the time
844
00:32:46.000 --> 00:32:49.440
and I'm like, I was little, I was never taught to love myself.
845
00:32:49.440 --> 00:32:50.280
Yeah.
846
00:32:50.280 --> 00:32:54.080
Every cell, every part of me, I was never taught.
847
00:32:54.080 --> 00:32:56.520
And as kids, we see it now,
848
00:32:56.520 --> 00:32:58.640
we're taught to conform, to fit in,
849
00:32:58.640 --> 00:32:59.920
to be like other people.
850
00:32:59.920 --> 00:33:03.320
For different, we feel shame, shame,
851
00:33:03.320 --> 00:33:05.440
just like the feeling of shame in your body
852
00:33:05.440 --> 00:33:07.400
if you've felt that before.
853
00:33:07.400 --> 00:33:08.960
It's not serving.
854
00:33:08.960 --> 00:33:13.760
You're not in alignment with healing or feeling good at all.
855
00:33:13.760 --> 00:33:15.520
There's no potential to go out in the world
856
00:33:15.520 --> 00:33:18.400
and help other people when you're in the feeling of shame.
857
00:33:18.400 --> 00:33:21.400
So when you were able to get to that point of self-love,
858
00:33:21.400 --> 00:33:22.480
did that come through?
859
00:33:22.480 --> 00:33:24.600
You said therapy is a talk therapy?
860
00:33:24.600 --> 00:33:27.840
Is it therapy through a woman who allowed you
861
00:33:27.840 --> 00:33:30.320
to or supported you in processing emotion?
862
00:33:32.000 --> 00:33:36.200
Everything I've done EMDR, I've done talk therapy.
863
00:33:36.200 --> 00:33:38.800
I've done, I've worked with a wonderful woman
864
00:33:38.800 --> 00:33:41.240
who's based here in LA, Gwinn Dittmar,
865
00:33:41.240 --> 00:33:44.240
who helped me with my inner child work
866
00:33:44.240 --> 00:33:47.360
and assignments to take home and journaling
867
00:33:47.360 --> 00:33:48.600
and all the things.
868
00:33:49.800 --> 00:33:53.040
That was just so much,
869
00:33:53.040 --> 00:33:54.800
it's so much effort to go into this
870
00:33:54.800 --> 00:33:57.160
because when you experience so much trauma
871
00:33:57.160 --> 00:33:59.400
and to unravel all of that,
872
00:34:00.720 --> 00:34:03.040
but it's the most beautiful gift once you actually
873
00:34:03.040 --> 00:34:07.400
can unravel it and realize what's on the other side.
874
00:34:07.400 --> 00:34:09.280
Can you share about EMDR?
875
00:34:09.280 --> 00:34:11.280
Yeah, I'm terrible at what is it?
876
00:34:11.280 --> 00:34:12.120
Yeah.
877
00:34:12.120 --> 00:34:16.960
I movement directional something.
878
00:34:16.960 --> 00:34:18.160
Something I know I should know.
879
00:34:18.160 --> 00:34:19.920
It's gonna be a world-new window.
880
00:34:19.920 --> 00:34:21.960
That I did it and I did nine sessions
881
00:34:22.160 --> 00:34:24.120
and it helps you remove trauma.
882
00:34:24.120 --> 00:34:27.120
So for me, I used, and I always say,
883
00:34:27.120 --> 00:34:29.080
there's a great podcast on the big silence
884
00:34:29.080 --> 00:34:31.840
where Gabby Bernstein explains it perfectly,
885
00:34:33.320 --> 00:34:36.040
but for me, I used a device on my thumbs
886
00:34:36.040 --> 00:34:41.040
that had some movement and the therapist asked you questions
887
00:34:41.040 --> 00:34:42.480
and it connects to your brain
888
00:34:42.480 --> 00:34:44.560
and you're going back to certain traumas
889
00:34:44.560 --> 00:34:49.560
and bringing back memories and then healing them.
890
00:34:50.240 --> 00:34:52.080
I'd probably describe that terribly,
891
00:34:52.080 --> 00:34:56.560
but it worked though because I stopped at the time I did it
892
00:34:56.560 --> 00:35:00.120
because my mom would trigger me
893
00:35:00.120 --> 00:35:02.480
where I could be out for two days.
894
00:35:02.480 --> 00:35:03.480
I could get a migraine.
895
00:35:03.480 --> 00:35:05.400
I was triggered, triggered, triggered.
896
00:35:05.400 --> 00:35:07.320
If she would say one thing or something
897
00:35:07.320 --> 00:35:12.320
and after I did EMDR, I'd never got triggered again.
898
00:35:13.840 --> 00:35:16.840
Like in the way that I would be triggered, you know?
899
00:35:16.880 --> 00:35:19.640
Yeah, I haven't done an EMDR session,
900
00:35:19.640 --> 00:35:22.760
but I have recommended it to handful of my clients
901
00:35:22.760 --> 00:35:24.240
and one client specifically
902
00:35:24.240 --> 00:35:27.760
who would experience sexual trauma as a child
903
00:35:27.760 --> 00:35:28.920
from what I understand.
904
00:35:28.920 --> 00:35:31.600
So you're retraining through stimulation
905
00:35:31.600 --> 00:35:34.800
and triggering memories, the movement of your eyes
906
00:35:34.800 --> 00:35:36.920
and how you're acuing the brain
907
00:35:36.920 --> 00:35:39.720
and triggering the brain to retrain the brain
908
00:35:39.720 --> 00:35:42.480
in those traumatic events, which is amazing.
909
00:35:42.480 --> 00:35:45.480
You're rewiring the brain to kind of a lesson
910
00:35:45.480 --> 00:35:49.040
at grip of the intensity of that moment,
911
00:35:49.040 --> 00:35:50.120
which is so powerful.
912
00:35:50.120 --> 00:35:51.160
And I wanted to own in on that
913
00:35:51.160 --> 00:35:53.480
because you mentioned a few different therapies.
914
00:35:53.480 --> 00:35:54.400
I'm sure over the years,
915
00:35:54.400 --> 00:35:56.200
you probably had to like shop around
916
00:35:56.200 --> 00:35:59.600
for different therapists who really supported you.
917
00:35:59.600 --> 00:36:01.360
Yeah. And then there's therapists
918
00:36:01.360 --> 00:36:05.240
saying like, I don't really vibe, which is totally fine.
919
00:36:05.240 --> 00:36:07.400
And it's really hard to find a good therapist.
920
00:36:07.400 --> 00:36:10.080
I loved the one I did at EMDR with
921
00:36:10.080 --> 00:36:12.320
when I first talked her on the phone
922
00:36:12.320 --> 00:36:13.520
and we got to know each other.
923
00:36:14.360 --> 00:36:16.760
And she had a great, she's from the UK.
924
00:36:16.760 --> 00:36:19.360
She had a great accent, which was very soothing.
925
00:36:19.360 --> 00:36:20.840
That helps.
926
00:36:20.840 --> 00:36:22.560
But she's like, you should always feel like
927
00:36:22.560 --> 00:36:24.640
you can have a cup of tea with your therapist
928
00:36:24.640 --> 00:36:25.720
and feel comfortable.
929
00:36:25.720 --> 00:36:27.880
And she's like, if you don't like me, that's fine.
930
00:36:27.880 --> 00:36:30.240
But if you want to come and have a sit down on the couch
931
00:36:30.240 --> 00:36:31.760
and have a cup of tea,
932
00:36:31.760 --> 00:36:34.480
and you feel good, then we'll work together.
933
00:36:34.480 --> 00:36:35.320
Wow.
934
00:36:36.840 --> 00:36:37.760
I'm thinking about you.
935
00:36:37.760 --> 00:36:40.120
So a woman coming into life telling you,
936
00:36:40.120 --> 00:36:42.600
it's you're in a safe environment
937
00:36:42.680 --> 00:36:44.840
to feel like you're at home to talk about the things
938
00:36:44.840 --> 00:36:46.760
that are subsiding free.
939
00:36:46.760 --> 00:36:47.760
Yeah.
940
00:36:47.760 --> 00:36:49.240
Yeah, it's the feeling of coming home.
941
00:36:49.240 --> 00:36:51.040
I find I've met with many therapists
942
00:36:51.040 --> 00:36:52.680
and forgive me if there are some therapists
943
00:36:52.680 --> 00:36:54.120
who are listening to this.
944
00:36:54.120 --> 00:36:56.240
I just feel like we're moving away from therapists
945
00:36:56.240 --> 00:36:58.880
who simply do talk therapy.
946
00:36:58.880 --> 00:37:00.400
I need action.
947
00:37:00.400 --> 00:37:04.160
Yeah, and look like I talk about my issues enough
948
00:37:04.160 --> 00:37:05.000
in my mind.
949
00:37:05.000 --> 00:37:07.400
I've replayed the stories probably millions of times
950
00:37:07.400 --> 00:37:09.400
and every time I do that,
951
00:37:09.400 --> 00:37:12.120
I'm reliving the scenario that's making me feel
952
00:37:12.120 --> 00:37:14.080
like I'm not enough that I'm not worthy
953
00:37:14.080 --> 00:37:15.920
and that I don't love myself.
954
00:37:15.920 --> 00:37:20.000
Then you find somebody and that person allows you
955
00:37:20.000 --> 00:37:23.400
to talk about it and then gives you a different perspective.
956
00:37:23.400 --> 00:37:25.720
Maybe does timeline therapy with you to go back
957
00:37:25.720 --> 00:37:27.440
to that memory as a child.
958
00:37:27.440 --> 00:37:29.280
Maybe helps you process emotion.
959
00:37:29.280 --> 00:37:33.360
So you literally feel the emotion coming out of your body.
960
00:37:33.360 --> 00:37:35.680
And then it just every single time it dissipates
961
00:37:35.680 --> 00:37:38.720
and it gets lighter and lighter and lighter until it's gone.
962
00:37:38.720 --> 00:37:41.560
So I think for listeners, like maybe you haven't found,
963
00:37:41.600 --> 00:37:43.040
if you haven't found the right therapist
964
00:37:43.040 --> 00:37:44.200
or if you haven't tried EMDR,
965
00:37:44.200 --> 00:37:47.360
if you haven't found a modality that really is helped
966
00:37:47.360 --> 00:37:50.000
you feel at release, keep looking, ask around.
967
00:37:50.000 --> 00:37:52.680
Like this is one of those opportunities for you to ask.
968
00:37:52.680 --> 00:37:56.600
Yeah, I mean, finding a therapist is like finding not a friend,
969
00:37:56.600 --> 00:37:59.600
but sort of you don't have to just automatically be matched
970
00:37:59.600 --> 00:38:02.760
and be like, we're having you're the right person for me.
971
00:38:02.760 --> 00:38:05.320
The first question I ask my clients when I work with them,
972
00:38:05.320 --> 00:38:08.800
which always surprises them, is who's part of your care team?
973
00:38:09.800 --> 00:38:11.840
You know, most people think that it's gotta be like
974
00:38:11.840 --> 00:38:13.800
a personal trainer and a key puncture.
975
00:38:13.800 --> 00:38:15.880
So I'm like, no, it could be a best friend.
976
00:38:15.880 --> 00:38:17.880
It could be a sibling.
977
00:38:17.880 --> 00:38:21.680
It could be somebody in your life who just is a confident,
978
00:38:21.680 --> 00:38:24.440
but find a care team, people who can support you,
979
00:38:24.440 --> 00:38:26.000
people who become your 911.
980
00:38:26.000 --> 00:38:28.240
I think that that's so essential.
981
00:38:28.240 --> 00:38:31.680
Yeah, and also not, it doesn't have to be all or nothing
982
00:38:31.680 --> 00:38:35.080
or like you have to have a team of 10 people like two or three people.
983
00:38:35.080 --> 00:38:35.920
Two or three people.
984
00:38:35.920 --> 00:38:36.920
Yeah.
985
00:38:37.000 --> 00:38:38.840
Or a community, right?
986
00:38:38.840 --> 00:38:39.680
Yeah.
987
00:38:39.680 --> 00:38:41.560
So maybe this is a good segue of free to tell us about
988
00:38:41.560 --> 00:38:43.160
the big silence.
989
00:38:43.160 --> 00:38:44.160
Yeah.
990
00:38:44.160 --> 00:38:49.160
So I found in the big silence in 2021 we have the foundation,
991
00:38:50.120 --> 00:38:52.400
which provides therapy for all program,
992
00:38:52.400 --> 00:38:56.000
where we provide therapy through our therapist program.
993
00:38:56.000 --> 00:39:01.320
I found it because it was part of what I felt,
994
00:39:01.320 --> 00:39:03.520
when I was with my mom and she passed away,
995
00:39:03.520 --> 00:39:06.760
she, I felt like she didn't live her best life.
996
00:39:06.760 --> 00:39:09.080
And she never wanted to share her story
997
00:39:09.080 --> 00:39:11.720
or talk about her mental illness.
998
00:39:11.720 --> 00:39:13.760
She never wanted to talk about her mental illness
999
00:39:13.760 --> 00:39:17.320
because she said that there's a stigma
1000
00:39:17.320 --> 00:39:19.200
and people would think that she's dangerous.
1001
00:39:19.200 --> 00:39:22.880
And so she just hid behind a curtain,
1002
00:39:22.880 --> 00:39:27.880
lived homeless in and out and lived a solo lifestyle.
1003
00:39:28.960 --> 00:39:33.040
And I wanted to make sure that number one,
1004
00:39:33.040 --> 00:39:35.120
no one had to grow up like little Karina,
1005
00:39:35.120 --> 00:39:37.240
not knowing what's going on in number two,
1006
00:39:37.240 --> 00:39:40.240
no one had to suffer in silence like my mom.
1007
00:39:41.400 --> 00:39:44.720
And so I wanted to start the podcast.
1008
00:39:44.720 --> 00:39:46.480
I wrote the book.
1009
00:39:46.480 --> 00:39:48.520
Before my mom passed, I told her everything
1010
00:39:48.520 --> 00:39:52.440
and she fully, she said, she finally admitted to me,
1011
00:39:52.440 --> 00:39:54.400
she said, it's not just my physical health,
1012
00:39:54.400 --> 00:39:56.120
it's my mental health.
1013
00:39:56.120 --> 00:40:00.120
And she gave me the permission to use her story
1014
00:40:00.120 --> 00:40:02.600
to help heal others.
1015
00:40:02.600 --> 00:40:04.960
So big silence is just all the things
1016
00:40:04.960 --> 00:40:06.480
that people don't want to talk about
1017
00:40:06.480 --> 00:40:08.480
because we're too scared.
1018
00:40:08.480 --> 00:40:10.720
But those are the stories that help us heal.
1019
00:40:11.720 --> 00:40:14.720
What are great resource for men and for women?
1020
00:40:14.720 --> 00:40:17.360
Just like come together where they can share
1021
00:40:17.360 --> 00:40:20.040
or have that vulnerability
1022
00:40:20.040 --> 00:40:22.080
or they might not feel safe to talk about it
1023
00:40:22.080 --> 00:40:24.160
and their communities or their environment
1024
00:40:24.160 --> 00:40:26.680
or employees or hope colleagues.
1025
00:40:26.680 --> 00:40:30.200
And you mentioned men, big silence is men and women
1026
00:40:30.200 --> 00:40:33.520
and June is men's mental health awareness month.
1027
00:40:33.520 --> 00:40:36.560
And we're doing, for the second year in a row,
1028
00:40:36.560 --> 00:40:39.960
men's golf tournament to support men's mental health.
1029
00:40:39.960 --> 00:40:44.960
And it's amazing to show up in a room
1030
00:40:45.760 --> 00:40:49.320
with so many men mostly from the trade industry
1031
00:40:49.320 --> 00:40:52.720
and to have them talk about their stories
1032
00:40:52.720 --> 00:40:56.120
and how they're feeling and men, like 100 of men
1033
00:40:56.120 --> 00:40:58.680
or so just coming on a mic and being like,
1034
00:40:58.760 --> 00:41:00.160
this is my story.
1035
00:41:00.160 --> 00:41:04.280
It's so important to have men open up as well
1036
00:41:04.280 --> 00:41:07.200
because women will just talk, we'll go and go
1037
00:41:07.200 --> 00:41:09.280
but men keep so much inside.
1038
00:41:09.280 --> 00:41:10.120
Oh my God, yeah.
1039
00:41:10.120 --> 00:41:12.560
And I'm here for the movement for women,
1040
00:41:12.560 --> 00:41:15.080
especially around health and wellness.
1041
00:41:15.080 --> 00:41:17.480
But I feel like there's a time right now
1042
00:41:17.480 --> 00:41:20.280
where men need support mentally.
1043
00:41:20.280 --> 00:41:22.400
And I'm thinking about my son growing up
1044
00:41:22.400 --> 00:41:25.960
and how we're teaching men, how to be in this world
1045
00:41:25.960 --> 00:41:27.440
and talk about your problems.
1046
00:41:27.440 --> 00:41:30.720
So don't be too vulnerable and let a woman feel empowered
1047
00:41:30.720 --> 00:41:33.320
but not too empowered and still, you know,
1048
00:41:33.320 --> 00:41:35.560
like it's so complicated and confusing
1049
00:41:35.560 --> 00:41:38.520
and mentally I think that it's time that we support them.
1050
00:41:38.520 --> 00:41:42.360
Also, we all need to be supported.
1051
00:41:42.360 --> 00:41:43.440
Yeah, no matter who we all,
1052
00:41:43.440 --> 00:41:46.760
we all need support no matter what your journey was.
1053
00:41:46.760 --> 00:41:49.720
And I think that what is such a gift for you
1054
00:41:49.720 --> 00:41:52.840
as an outsider looking in, what are the chances
1055
00:41:52.840 --> 00:41:56.840
that you had this incredible success of town it up
1056
00:41:56.840 --> 00:41:59.560
that gave you the means to be able to care for your mom
1057
00:41:59.560 --> 00:42:03.040
in the end and finally have this closure for you.
1058
00:42:03.040 --> 00:42:04.480
Like I remember coming on your podcast
1059
00:42:04.480 --> 00:42:07.040
and I'm like, do you have closure from your mom?
1060
00:42:07.040 --> 00:42:08.800
Like this woman who gave you so much harm
1061
00:42:08.800 --> 00:42:11.360
but ultimately in the end, so much love
1062
00:42:11.360 --> 00:42:14.320
and a story that's helping you impact the lives
1063
00:42:14.320 --> 00:42:15.800
of millions of people.
1064
00:42:18.000 --> 00:42:21.560
A question of closure, I do.
1065
00:42:21.560 --> 00:42:24.480
Yeah, I'm so happy.
1066
00:42:24.480 --> 00:42:26.200
It's the last few days with her
1067
00:42:26.200 --> 00:42:30.280
and she's visited me and some dreams and...
1068
00:42:30.280 --> 00:42:31.600
Yeah, yeah.
1069
00:42:32.880 --> 00:42:35.120
I do have closure with that.
1070
00:42:35.120 --> 00:42:39.040
There's no regret just being her caretaker
1071
00:42:39.040 --> 00:42:41.080
at the end and giving it my all.
1072
00:42:42.600 --> 00:42:45.640
That's what I do in all situations.
1073
00:42:45.640 --> 00:42:49.000
I know that there's nothing or that I could do but to love.
1074
00:42:49.000 --> 00:42:51.040
Yeah, it's so beautiful.
1075
00:42:51.040 --> 00:42:53.480
I think a lot of people, maybe listeners also,
1076
00:42:53.480 --> 00:42:55.680
or just we're not given that opportunity
1077
00:42:55.680 --> 00:42:58.120
or the person on the other end will not be a receiver.
1078
00:42:58.120 --> 00:43:00.200
They don't want to discuss it.
1079
00:43:00.200 --> 00:43:02.440
They're happy living in that world of resentment
1080
00:43:02.440 --> 00:43:04.040
or sadness or judgment.
1081
00:43:04.040 --> 00:43:08.040
So it's a beautiful, beautiful thing.
1082
00:43:08.040 --> 00:43:09.600
So what advice do you have for someone
1083
00:43:09.600 --> 00:43:11.880
who wants to begin the healing journey?
1084
00:43:11.880 --> 00:43:13.880
Hearing your story, feeling inspired,
1085
00:43:13.880 --> 00:43:16.840
maybe feeling that tension come up within.
1086
00:43:16.840 --> 00:43:18.360
Where do they start?
1087
00:43:18.360 --> 00:43:21.360
And maybe this is like if traditional therapy
1088
00:43:21.360 --> 00:43:23.280
feels out of reach for them.
1089
00:43:23.280 --> 00:43:24.120
Where would they start?
1090
00:43:26.440 --> 00:43:31.440
Oh, get ready for a long hard ride
1091
00:43:31.560 --> 00:43:33.560
but know that you are worth it.
1092
00:43:33.560 --> 00:43:36.200
Get ready to be uncomfortable
1093
00:43:36.200 --> 00:43:38.280
but then comfortability is coming.
1094
00:43:39.280 --> 00:43:43.280
So do something that challenges you every day
1095
00:43:43.280 --> 00:43:45.000
and it can be a mini challenge.
1096
00:43:45.000 --> 00:43:49.320
If it's just getting up and grounding yourself
1097
00:43:49.320 --> 00:43:52.040
and breathing for 30 seconds the first day.
1098
00:43:52.040 --> 00:43:54.360
And then the next mini challenge is
1099
00:43:54.360 --> 00:43:57.160
I'm gonna go outside and walk.
1100
00:43:57.160 --> 00:44:00.800
The next challenge is I'm gonna ask a friend
1101
00:44:00.800 --> 00:44:03.640
to talk to me and be vulnerable.
1102
00:44:03.640 --> 00:44:06.200
It's like those mini challenges
1103
00:44:06.200 --> 00:44:08.880
that you can build into something bigger.
1104
00:44:08.880 --> 00:44:10.680
And so each day it's like a mini step.
1105
00:44:10.680 --> 00:44:12.960
How can I make myself uncomfortable today?
1106
00:44:12.960 --> 00:44:14.360
Right.
1107
00:44:14.360 --> 00:44:16.160
And then build on that.
1108
00:44:16.160 --> 00:44:20.040
Micro things to get uncomfortable going through it
1109
00:44:20.040 --> 00:44:23.840
which leads to comfort on the other side.
1110
00:44:23.840 --> 00:44:25.680
And a lot of people are going through things right now
1111
00:44:25.680 --> 00:44:28.680
but what an interesting approach to think about.
1112
00:44:28.680 --> 00:44:31.120
All right, maybe you start with journaling
1113
00:44:31.120 --> 00:44:33.240
in the same way that you asked yourself that question.
1114
00:44:33.240 --> 00:44:36.080
What if my life doesn't have to look this way?
1115
00:44:36.080 --> 00:44:37.600
What if I don't have to feel this way?
1116
00:44:37.600 --> 00:44:39.120
What if this isn't my destiny?
1117
00:44:39.120 --> 00:44:41.120
What if I'm sick and tired of living
1118
00:44:41.120 --> 00:44:42.840
and feeling the way that I do?
1119
00:44:42.840 --> 00:44:46.720
I just start daydreaming about what the future could look like.
1120
00:44:46.720 --> 00:44:49.600
And then from there going out and building your support.
1121
00:44:49.600 --> 00:44:51.800
Like, all right, being ready and prepared
1122
00:44:51.800 --> 00:44:54.120
to dive deeper into the discomfort
1123
00:44:54.120 --> 00:44:56.560
and maybe the sadness that comes up
1124
00:44:56.560 --> 00:44:59.040
but knowing you're fully supported to get there.
1125
00:44:59.040 --> 00:45:01.080
And no, that sadness is great.
1126
00:45:01.080 --> 00:45:06.280
Yeah, grief is, I'm great-ish, it's not great
1127
00:45:06.280 --> 00:45:09.120
but you know, we have to have the grief to have the joy.
1128
00:45:09.120 --> 00:45:13.280
I'm finding myself, I used to think that I was a crier
1129
00:45:13.280 --> 00:45:14.360
that I would just let things out
1130
00:45:14.360 --> 00:45:16.800
but I'm finding myself now
1131
00:45:16.800 --> 00:45:18.760
in the moments where like discomfort comes up
1132
00:45:18.760 --> 00:45:22.000
like almost forcing myself to like, all right, let it out.
1133
00:45:22.000 --> 00:45:24.320
And sometimes it's just a really good cry
1134
00:45:24.320 --> 00:45:28.600
and from there, yeah, it just feels like, oh, wow.
1135
00:45:28.600 --> 00:45:30.120
I don't know if you wanted that.
1136
00:45:30.120 --> 00:45:33.280
It's sticking in a shame around shutting it here.
1137
00:45:33.280 --> 00:45:36.120
Like, no, you're letting yourself feel.
1138
00:45:36.120 --> 00:45:39.440
We are meant to feel every emotion.
1139
00:45:39.440 --> 00:45:41.880
Yeah, even breath, right?
1140
00:45:41.880 --> 00:45:43.440
Nervator, we just acknowledge our breath
1141
00:45:43.440 --> 00:45:45.120
and breath is something that we do through movement
1142
00:45:45.120 --> 00:45:47.160
and that's probably something that was, you know,
1143
00:45:47.160 --> 00:45:48.840
movement with our breath is something
1144
00:45:48.840 --> 00:45:50.640
that brings the physical release.
1145
00:45:50.640 --> 00:45:53.800
So, all right, I want to get to a couple questions
1146
00:45:53.800 --> 00:45:57.360
from this amazing audience and I was asking,
1147
00:45:57.360 --> 00:45:59.080
I want to show up for myself
1148
00:45:59.080 --> 00:46:01.920
but I feel stuck in survival mode.
1149
00:46:01.920 --> 00:46:03.280
How can I shift?
1150
00:46:04.320 --> 00:46:07.160
Again, no expert, just personal experience.
1151
00:46:07.160 --> 00:46:08.640
Yeah.
1152
00:46:08.640 --> 00:46:11.560
How can you show up for yourself and your survive?
1153
00:46:11.560 --> 00:46:15.680
I have felt in survival mode in many times
1154
00:46:18.000 --> 00:46:23.000
and showing up for yourself is a choice and inner work
1155
00:46:23.800 --> 00:46:26.680
and know that you can.
1156
00:46:26.680 --> 00:46:28.640
And what is that showing up for yourself?
1157
00:46:28.640 --> 00:46:31.320
Is it, does it go back to the many practices,
1158
00:46:31.320 --> 00:46:34.480
the many steps that we take each day
1159
00:46:34.480 --> 00:46:35.880
to just show up with yourself?
1160
00:46:35.880 --> 00:46:39.560
And maybe even in a journal you plan out for a week,
1161
00:46:39.640 --> 00:46:42.760
how am I going to show up for myself
1162
00:46:42.760 --> 00:46:44.440
for seven days in a row?
1163
00:46:44.440 --> 00:46:47.640
Simple things, very simple, start simple.
1164
00:46:48.680 --> 00:46:49.680
And what do I acknowledge?
1165
00:46:49.680 --> 00:46:51.600
Like, do you ever sit back and acknowledge?
1166
00:46:51.600 --> 00:46:52.960
I did this with my husband this morning.
1167
00:46:52.960 --> 00:46:54.880
I'm like, it's too much.
1168
00:46:54.880 --> 00:46:56.760
There's too much happening right now.
1169
00:46:56.760 --> 00:47:00.280
Life feels really hard and a lot of positivity is happening
1170
00:47:00.280 --> 00:47:02.240
but there's so many buckets in my life
1171
00:47:02.240 --> 00:47:04.440
that just feel like overwhelming
1172
00:47:04.440 --> 00:47:06.880
and just feeling it and acknowledging them
1173
00:47:06.880 --> 00:47:09.640
instead of trying to just hold it in and as a woman,
1174
00:47:09.640 --> 00:47:13.520
yeah, I can do it all but like, this is a lot of me right now.
1175
00:47:13.520 --> 00:47:15.560
Yeah, I ignore, it's fine.
1176
00:47:15.560 --> 00:47:19.080
And shift that from, there's so much going on
1177
00:47:19.080 --> 00:47:21.480
to I get to have so much going on
1178
00:47:21.480 --> 00:47:24.280
because I, if I can, it's that, no.
1179
00:47:24.280 --> 00:47:28.840
And then I'm also like, I don't like that.
1180
00:47:28.840 --> 00:47:31.280
So I like to keep doing things.
1181
00:47:31.280 --> 00:47:33.680
Yeah, you and I have seen the beauty that exists
1182
00:47:33.680 --> 00:47:36.240
in this world and I think we have to really counter
1183
00:47:36.240 --> 00:47:39.520
blessings and gratitude, it sounds so cliche
1184
00:47:39.520 --> 00:47:42.080
but if we can just be grateful for this vessel
1185
00:47:42.080 --> 00:47:44.000
and look at the beauty around us, right?
1186
00:47:44.000 --> 00:47:45.720
I think it's something that we have to come back to.
1187
00:47:45.720 --> 00:47:47.360
It's so powerful.
1188
00:47:47.360 --> 00:47:48.880
Just one more as a Stacey.
1189
00:47:48.880 --> 00:47:51.160
Is it normal to feel anxiety
1190
00:47:51.160 --> 00:47:53.560
even when everything on the outside looks good?
1191
00:47:55.080 --> 00:47:55.920
Yes.
1192
00:47:55.920 --> 00:47:57.400
Yeah.
1193
00:47:57.400 --> 00:47:58.240
It's a lot.
1194
00:47:58.240 --> 00:47:59.240
Yeah.
1195
00:48:00.240 --> 00:48:01.080
Yeah.
1196
00:48:01.080 --> 00:48:02.600
The world is so complex.
1197
00:48:02.600 --> 00:48:04.280
All of our lives are so complex
1198
00:48:04.280 --> 00:48:08.240
and if we get older and wiser, it's more complex.
1199
00:48:08.240 --> 00:48:09.080
Yeah.
1200
00:48:09.080 --> 00:48:10.960
And you have more responsibility
1201
00:48:10.960 --> 00:48:15.560
and that responsibility can turn into all of these thoughts
1202
00:48:15.560 --> 00:48:17.200
and can cause anxiety.
1203
00:48:17.200 --> 00:48:21.320
So how do you bring yourself back from that anxiety
1204
00:48:21.320 --> 00:48:23.840
whether it's grounding, meditation, you know,
1205
00:48:23.840 --> 00:48:26.080
just, you just got to bring yourself back.
1206
00:48:26.080 --> 00:48:29.080
Find what works for you to bring yourself back
1207
00:48:29.080 --> 00:48:31.320
to the present moment because the anxiety
1208
00:48:32.280 --> 00:48:34.080
is worrying about the past
1209
00:48:34.080 --> 00:48:35.480
or worrying about the future.
1210
00:48:35.480 --> 00:48:36.320
Yeah.
1211
00:48:36.320 --> 00:48:37.640
So how do you get back to right here?
1212
00:48:37.640 --> 00:48:38.640
Right.
1213
00:48:38.640 --> 00:48:40.040
And maybe the introspection again, right?
1214
00:48:40.040 --> 00:48:43.080
I think it takes a lot of courage to ask yourself,
1215
00:48:43.080 --> 00:48:46.000
I'm feeling anxiety, where is this anxiety coming from?
1216
00:48:46.000 --> 00:48:49.000
What is my body trying to communicate with you with me?
1217
00:48:49.000 --> 00:48:51.200
And having worked with so many different types of clients,
1218
00:48:51.200 --> 00:48:54.880
the anxiety stems from so many different sources
1219
00:48:54.880 --> 00:48:57.160
whether it's living in the past or the future,
1220
00:48:57.160 --> 00:48:59.880
whether it's dysbiosis within the gum microbiome,
1221
00:49:00.000 --> 00:49:01.680
whether it's something physically happening
1222
00:49:01.680 --> 00:49:03.600
in the body or inflammation,
1223
00:49:03.600 --> 00:49:05.320
the source is different for all of us
1224
00:49:05.320 --> 00:49:08.240
by really having the courage to do the introspection
1225
00:49:08.240 --> 00:49:09.880
is really key.
1226
00:49:09.880 --> 00:49:13.560
I want to make sure, I want to mention the audiobook
1227
00:49:13.560 --> 00:49:15.880
that's coming out right now for the big silence.
1228
00:49:17.000 --> 00:49:19.000
I was brought to tears in the first few pages
1229
00:49:19.000 --> 00:49:22.040
and I think just as a woman, as a man,
1230
00:49:22.040 --> 00:49:24.640
whatever your background is, it's so important.
1231
00:49:24.640 --> 00:49:25.400
You say in your book,
1232
00:49:25.400 --> 00:49:28.040
my goal is to serve as a beacon of hope and inspiration,
1233
00:49:28.040 --> 00:49:30.760
guiding you on your own unique path to dream,
1234
00:49:30.760 --> 00:49:33.960
to hope and to love what could be better.
1235
00:49:33.960 --> 00:49:36.240
And dream, hope and love,
1236
00:49:36.240 --> 00:49:38.080
I think that the more that we can attune
1237
00:49:38.080 --> 00:49:40.840
our healing journey to those three things,
1238
00:49:40.840 --> 00:49:44.480
it lessens the grip of what my perfect diet should be
1239
00:49:44.480 --> 00:49:46.960
and what's the hardcore protocol for exercise?
1240
00:49:46.960 --> 00:49:48.680
Like none of that matters.
1241
00:49:48.680 --> 00:49:50.520
It goes away, you start leading with love
1242
00:49:50.520 --> 00:49:53.240
for yourself and compassion for others.
1243
00:49:53.240 --> 00:49:55.960
So can you tell us a little bit about,
1244
00:49:55.960 --> 00:49:57.840
tell us about the book, tell us about the audiobook,
1245
00:49:57.840 --> 00:49:59.440
how to find you?
1246
00:49:59.440 --> 00:50:02.560
Yeah, well, you can go to crenadon.com,
1247
00:50:02.560 --> 00:50:04.520
bigsilence.com.
1248
00:50:04.520 --> 00:50:06.440
The book is in memoir.
1249
00:50:06.440 --> 00:50:11.440
It's, I wanted to write it as, almost as if a movie.
1250
00:50:12.200 --> 00:50:14.200
And even when I did the audiobook,
1251
00:50:14.200 --> 00:50:16.440
I had, it was a tough one to do,
1252
00:50:16.440 --> 00:50:17.800
but I actually had to get in,
1253
00:50:17.800 --> 00:50:20.560
it was kind of like acting to get into characters
1254
00:50:20.560 --> 00:50:24.160
because I have like, my dad, my sister,
1255
00:50:24.160 --> 00:50:26.320
and all these different,
1256
00:50:28.120 --> 00:50:30.160
it was really fun and hard to record,
1257
00:50:30.160 --> 00:50:31.800
but I think you'll love it.
1258
00:50:31.800 --> 00:50:35.200
Oh, in the audiobook, I have these bonus sections.
1259
00:50:35.200 --> 00:50:36.800
So there's eight sections in the book,
1260
00:50:36.800 --> 00:50:38.040
and then I brought in a friend of mine
1261
00:50:38.040 --> 00:50:40.480
who's a therapist, and so she deep dives
1262
00:50:41.480 --> 00:50:44.160
into each section of going back
1263
00:50:44.160 --> 00:50:46.440
and asking me all these questions.
1264
00:50:47.440 --> 00:50:49.680
So there's definitely a bonus footage in there too.
1265
00:50:49.680 --> 00:50:51.040
So good.
1266
00:50:51.040 --> 00:50:54.120
You have incredible content online.
1267
00:50:54.120 --> 00:50:55.480
You've got a few platforms.
1268
00:50:55.480 --> 00:50:58.160
Where do you, where are you most active with your audience?
1269
00:50:58.160 --> 00:50:59.000
I'm saying Instagram.
1270
00:50:59.000 --> 00:50:59.840
Instagram?
1271
00:50:59.840 --> 00:51:01.000
Yeah, crenadon.
1272
00:51:01.000 --> 00:51:01.840
Yeah.
1273
00:51:01.840 --> 00:51:03.440
Yeah, you can find all the rest.
1274
00:51:03.440 --> 00:51:05.840
Yeah, I wanted to call that out because I really,
1275
00:51:05.840 --> 00:51:08.840
I don't think that we're deficient in protocols
1276
00:51:08.840 --> 00:51:11.760
or gurus or, you know, what the next best thing
1277
00:51:11.760 --> 00:51:13.880
is gonna be, I really think that
1278
00:51:13.880 --> 00:51:15.720
through compassion and through storytelling
1279
00:51:15.720 --> 00:51:18.680
is how we're gonna inspire change in this world.
1280
00:51:18.680 --> 00:51:20.360
And for our listeners who join in today,
1281
00:51:20.360 --> 00:51:23.000
whether you're listening now or when this gets published,
1282
00:51:23.000 --> 00:51:26.280
I think it's safe to say that we all have silence within us.
1283
00:51:26.280 --> 00:51:28.640
And I would say that even on my healing journey,
1284
00:51:28.640 --> 00:51:30.120
which I am still on,
1285
00:51:30.120 --> 00:51:31.440
we will always be on it.
1286
00:51:31.440 --> 00:51:32.280
We will always be.
1287
00:51:32.280 --> 00:51:33.280
And that's okay.
1288
00:51:33.280 --> 00:51:35.200
It's almost like by doing the work,
1289
00:51:35.200 --> 00:51:38.240
we're getting to another level of being able to release
1290
00:51:38.240 --> 00:51:43.080
and hold capacity of deeper layers of suffering within us.
1291
00:51:43.080 --> 00:51:45.760
So I hope that our listeners are inspired today.
1292
00:51:45.760 --> 00:51:48.200
It just like release a little bit of that silence
1293
00:51:48.200 --> 00:51:51.640
to be willing to look at it and using your story
1294
00:51:51.640 --> 00:51:52.960
to reclaim their joy.
1295
00:51:52.960 --> 00:51:54.560
Thank you so much for being here today.
1296
00:51:54.560 --> 00:51:55.680
Thank you for having me.
1297
00:51:55.680 --> 00:51:56.880
Yeah, until next time.