WEBVTT
00:00:06.080 --> 00:00:08.320
Welcome to toddlers made easy.
00:00:08.480 --> 00:00:09.119
I'm Dr.
00:00:09.199 --> 00:00:14.000
Catherine, a pediatrician with more than 40 years of experience, and your host.
00:00:14.160 --> 00:00:17.199
Today we're talking about those first days of school.
00:00:17.440 --> 00:00:25.519
If you're wondering how your child is going to handle drop-off or you're worried they'll cry every single morning, well, you're certainly not alone.
00:00:25.760 --> 00:00:33.280
One of the hardest school drop-offs I ever experienced wasn't with one of my patients, it was with my own daughter.
00:00:33.520 --> 00:00:38.560
Every morning my youngest would wrap herself around my leg and refuse to let go.
00:00:38.799 --> 00:00:41.679
She cried and she cried and she cried.
00:00:41.840 --> 00:00:44.240
I felt awful, I felt guilty.
00:00:44.399 --> 00:00:51.280
And even though I was a pediatrician and understood child development, none of these made saying goodbye any easier.
00:00:51.439 --> 00:00:55.439
And then one day I asked my youngest a single question.
00:00:55.679 --> 00:00:58.560
Her answer completely changed our mornings.
00:00:58.719 --> 00:01:01.679
Now I'm going to share that question with you in a few minutes.
00:01:01.920 --> 00:01:11.359
It's a question you can ask whenever your child is struggling, whether it's school or bedtime, getting dressed, picky eating, or really almost any challenge.
00:01:11.599 --> 00:01:18.239
But first, let's talk about what's actually happening during those first days of school and how to make them easier.
00:01:18.480 --> 00:01:21.280
Starting school is a huge transition.
00:01:21.519 --> 00:01:24.959
Imagine being dropped into a place you've never been before.
00:01:25.120 --> 00:01:28.879
There's new adults, new children, new rules, new routines.
00:01:29.040 --> 00:01:33.920
You're expected to separate from the person who helps you feel safest in the world.
00:01:34.159 --> 00:01:39.359
And when we look at it that way, it makes perfect sense that children have big feelings.
00:01:39.519 --> 00:01:46.959
They might feel excited, they might feel nervous, they may feel curious, and all of those feelings are completely normal.
00:01:47.200 --> 00:01:53.280
One of the easiest ways to support your child actually begins before school even starts.
00:01:53.599 --> 00:02:02.319
You see, the less rushed your mornings feel, the more emotional energy everyone has for the important part, which is saying goodbye.
00:02:02.560 --> 00:02:07.439
One thing that worked beautifully in our family was choosing clothes the night before.
00:02:07.680 --> 00:02:17.759
Rather than opening a closet full of possibilities in the morning, which was already rushed and stressful, I'd choose two outfits that worked and let my child pick one.
00:02:17.919 --> 00:02:30.400
Sometimes I'd put them into a clear plastic bag so they could see their choices easily, and instead of having to decide on a shirt and a pant and socks and everything else, they had only one decision to make.
00:02:30.639 --> 00:02:34.400
Each of the options I was happy with, so it didn't matter what they chose.
00:02:34.800 --> 00:02:40.000
It sounds simple, but reducing little decisions often prevents battles.
00:02:40.159 --> 00:02:42.159
And the same thing goes for lunches.
00:02:42.400 --> 00:02:45.280
If you can, prepare lunches the night before.
00:02:45.520 --> 00:02:47.599
Even better, invite your child to help.
00:02:47.759 --> 00:02:49.680
Children love feeling capable.
00:02:49.840 --> 00:02:56.000
Helping pack a lunch gives a child a sense of ownership over their school day before it even begins.
00:02:56.240 --> 00:03:03.120
Also, a few days before school starts, begin walking your child through exactly what they can expect.
00:03:03.280 --> 00:03:17.039
Talk about the drive to school, meeting the teacher, putting their backpack away, playing, snack time, story time, recess, lunch, and then remind them, I'm going to come back and pick you up, and then we'll go home.
00:03:17.280 --> 00:03:19.759
Children feel safer when they know what's coming.
00:03:20.000 --> 00:03:23.360
It's also helpful to prepare them for their feelings.
00:03:23.599 --> 00:03:29.199
You might say, you might feel excited, you might feel nervous, you might even feel like crying.
00:03:29.360 --> 00:03:32.400
And every one of those feelings, sweetheart, are just fine.
00:03:32.639 --> 00:03:34.639
Another thing to consider is sleep.
00:03:34.719 --> 00:03:37.439
It's another piece that often gets overlooked.
00:03:37.599 --> 00:03:45.199
Now, if bedtime has drifted later during the summer, try moving it earlier, a few days, even a week before school begins.
00:03:45.439 --> 00:03:52.240
I'd also encourage waking your child a little earlier than absolutely necessary so you don't need to rush.
00:03:52.479 --> 00:03:55.039
Rushing increases everyone's stress.
00:03:55.280 --> 00:04:01.360
A calm morning gives you space for breakfast and connection and hugs and a peaceful goodbye.
00:04:01.520 --> 00:04:04.560
Now let's talk about one of the biggest worries parents have.
00:04:04.800 --> 00:04:06.960
How do I avoid goodbye tears?
00:04:07.199 --> 00:04:10.240
Well, goodbye tears aren't completely avoidable.
00:04:10.479 --> 00:04:14.240
One of the kindest things you can say is it's okay to cry.
00:04:14.400 --> 00:04:18.959
I'm gonna miss you two, sweetheart, because we love each other so, so much.
00:04:19.439 --> 00:04:24.319
Or you could say, I know you wish I could stay, I'll be back right after school.
00:04:24.480 --> 00:04:27.439
And then gently help your child picture what comes next.
00:04:27.600 --> 00:04:29.680
What toy do you think you'll play with first?
00:04:29.920 --> 00:04:32.240
Who do you think you might sit beside today?
00:04:32.399 --> 00:04:37.519
You see, you're helping their brain move beyond the goodbye and toward the rest of the day.
00:04:37.759 --> 00:04:40.160
There are also a few things I'd avoid.
00:04:40.399 --> 00:04:47.759
I'd avoid saying, please don't cry, or you're fine, or be a big girl, or be a big boy.
00:04:48.000 --> 00:04:55.360
Many children hear those words and think, if crying is for babies, then maybe I should be a baby because I really need to cry.
00:04:55.600 --> 00:04:58.800
Instead, let your child know their feelings are welcome.
00:04:59.040 --> 00:05:00.000
All feelings.
00:05:00.319 --> 00:05:02.160
Feelings aren't the problem.
00:05:02.399 --> 00:05:05.439
And one more thing, please don't sneak away.
00:05:05.600 --> 00:05:07.199
I know it can be tempting.
00:05:07.360 --> 00:05:14.959
Parents sometimes tell me, well, I slipped out while my child was distracted because I thought it would be easier for everyone.
00:05:15.199 --> 00:05:16.560
And it makes sense.
00:05:16.800 --> 00:05:22.160
It might make that one goodbye shorter, but it often makes tomorrow's goodbye harder.
00:05:22.319 --> 00:05:26.639
Predictable goodbyes build trust, even when they're tearful.
00:05:26.879 --> 00:05:35.120
Now, remember my daughter, after months and really months of difficult mornings, I stopped just trying to solve the crying.
00:05:35.199 --> 00:05:41.680
And instead, I got curious and I asked her, hey sweetheart, what would make saying goodbye easier?
00:05:41.839 --> 00:05:46.319
She thought about it for a moment and said, I want Marissa to walk me to my class.
00:05:46.560 --> 00:05:48.240
Honestly, that was it.
00:05:48.399 --> 00:05:53.920
From that morning on, her big sister walked beside her and drop-offs became easy.
00:05:54.160 --> 00:06:00.800
That experience has stayed with me for years because it reminded me of something I think about almost every day.
00:06:01.040 --> 00:06:06.000
Children are remarkable problem solvers if we give them a chance.
00:06:06.240 --> 00:06:08.480
Sometimes they already know what they need.
00:06:08.720 --> 00:06:10.079
We just have to ask.
00:06:10.240 --> 00:06:16.000
And there's one more little ritual I want to share that can help kids feel connected after you've said goodbye.
00:06:16.160 --> 00:06:22.160
I use this strategy with my granddaughter when she has sleepovers and then misses her mom and dad.
00:06:22.319 --> 00:06:24.240
I call it flying kisses.
00:06:24.480 --> 00:06:31.279
Before you leave, blow your child a kiss and say, remember, if you miss me today, blow me a kiss.
00:06:31.439 --> 00:06:36.160
I'm gonna catch it wherever I am, and I'll send one right back to you.
00:06:36.399 --> 00:06:40.560
Of course they can't actually see your kiss coming back, but that's not really the point.
00:06:40.720 --> 00:06:46.480
The ritual reminds kids that love and connection don't disappear just because you're a part.
00:06:46.560 --> 00:06:51.360
And sometimes that tiny reminder is enough to help a child through a difficult moment.
00:06:51.519 --> 00:06:56.160
It certainly has helped me with my grandchild when she's feeling a little lonely.
00:06:56.319 --> 00:07:02.800
Another simple way to help your child feel connected during the school day is to tuck a little note into their lunchbox.
00:07:02.959 --> 00:07:05.040
It doesn't have to be anything fancy.
00:07:05.279 --> 00:07:10.160
A little heart, a smiley face, I love you, I'm thinking about you.
00:07:10.399 --> 00:07:15.839
Those little reminders tell your child, even though we're apart, you're still on my mind.
00:07:16.079 --> 00:07:18.800
Here's something that has helped many kids as well.
00:07:19.040 --> 00:07:26.000
Walking into a classroom beside a familiar friend often feels much less overwhelming than walking in alone.
00:07:26.160 --> 00:07:30.800
And sometimes it's those small little changes that really make the biggest difference.
00:07:31.040 --> 00:07:33.759
Now let's fast forward to the end of the school day.
00:07:34.000 --> 00:07:39.759
Many parents are waiting, excited with the one big question, so sweetheart, how did your day go?
00:07:40.000 --> 00:07:42.240
And your child just ignores the question.
00:07:42.480 --> 00:07:44.879
Well, if that sounds familiar, don't worry.
00:07:45.199 --> 00:07:48.800
Most young kids aren't ready to talk the minute they leave school.
00:07:48.959 --> 00:07:59.279
Think about it, everything they've done that day, they've been listening, following directions, waiting their turn, managing new friendships, learning new routines, trying really hard to do the right thing.
00:07:59.439 --> 00:08:01.680
And by the time they get home, they're tired.
00:08:01.839 --> 00:08:06.480
And for many kids, home is where all those feelings finally come pouring out.
00:08:06.720 --> 00:08:10.000
That's why after school meltdowns are so common.
00:08:10.240 --> 00:08:13.439
Your child is showing you that home feels safe.
00:08:13.600 --> 00:08:17.759
They've been holding it together all day long, and now they're letting go.
00:08:17.920 --> 00:08:23.759
You may be surprised by how much more they share later in the evening when they're not feeling so overwhelmed.
00:08:24.000 --> 00:08:26.959
At bedtime, spent a few minutes talking about the day.
00:08:27.199 --> 00:08:30.319
You could ask questions like, what was the best part of the day?
00:08:30.480 --> 00:08:32.320
What was something that felt tricky?
00:08:32.480 --> 00:08:40.639
Now, before we finish, I just want to come back to that question again that changed everything for my daughter when I asked what would make drop-offs easier.
00:08:40.799 --> 00:08:42.399
It's such a simple question.
00:08:42.639 --> 00:08:46.879
Kids are great problem solvers when we remember to ask them.
00:08:47.120 --> 00:08:52.240
I never would have guessed that my daughter wanted her older sister to walk her to her class.
00:08:52.480 --> 00:09:02.399
Now, if today's episode gave you a few new ideas for making the first days of school easier, I think you'll enjoy what's inside the toddlers made easy course.
00:09:02.639 --> 00:09:16.159
In this course, I show you how to handle everyday challenges like tantrums and hitting and biting and bedtime and listening and sibling conflicts and so much more in ways that bring out the best in your child.
00:09:16.399 --> 00:09:23.039
I call this approach big-hearted parenting because yes, we want difficult behaviors to stop.
00:09:23.679 --> 00:09:31.200
But we also want our children to feel safe, to build confidence, and to strengthen our relationship along the way.
00:09:31.440 --> 00:09:34.480
And that's what big-hearted parenting is all about.
00:09:34.720 --> 00:09:36.960
You'll find the link in the show notes.
00:09:37.200 --> 00:09:39.519
Thanks for spending this time with me today.
00:09:39.679 --> 00:09:43.120
Keep up the good work, and I'll see you next week.
00:00:06.080 --> 00:00:08.320
Welcome to toddlers made easy.
00:00:08.480 --> 00:00:09.119
I'm Dr.
00:00:09.199 --> 00:00:14.000
Catherine, a pediatrician with more than 40 years of experience, and your host.
00:00:14.160 --> 00:00:17.199
Today we're talking about those first days of school.
00:00:17.440 --> 00:00:25.519
If you're wondering how your child is going to handle drop-off or you're worried they'll cry every single morning, well, you're certainly not alone.
00:00:25.760 --> 00:00:33.280
One of the hardest school drop-offs I ever experienced wasn't with one of my patients, it was with my own daughter.
00:00:33.520 --> 00:00:38.560
Every morning my youngest would wrap herself around my leg and refuse to let go.
00:00:38.799 --> 00:00:41.679
She cried and she cried and she cried.
00:00:41.840 --> 00:00:44.240
I felt awful, I felt guilty.
00:00:44.399 --> 00:00:51.280
And even though I was a pediatrician and understood child development, none of these made saying goodbye any easier.
00:00:51.439 --> 00:00:55.439
And then one day I asked my youngest a single question.
00:00:55.679 --> 00:00:58.560
Her answer completely changed our mornings.
00:00:58.719 --> 00:01:01.679
Now I'm going to share that question with you in a few minutes.
00:01:01.920 --> 00:01:11.359
It's a question you can ask whenever your child is struggling, whether it's school or bedtime, getting dressed, picky eating, or really almost any challenge.
00:01:11.599 --> 00:01:18.239
But first, let's talk about what's actually happening during those first days of school and how to make them easier.
00:01:18.480 --> 00:01:21.280
Starting school is a huge transition.
00:01:21.519 --> 00:01:24.959
Imagine being dropped into a place you've never been before.
00:01:25.120 --> 00:01:28.879
There's new adults, new children, new rules, new routines.
00:01:29.040 --> 00:01:33.920
You're expected to separate from the person who helps you feel safest in the world.
00:01:34.159 --> 00:01:39.359
And when we look at it that way, it makes perfect sense that children have big feelings.
00:01:39.519 --> 00:01:46.959
They might feel excited, they might feel nervous, they may feel curious, and all of those feelings are completely normal.
00:01:47.200 --> 00:01:53.280
One of the easiest ways to support your child actually begins before school even starts.
00:01:53.599 --> 00:02:02.319
You see, the less rushed your mornings feel, the more emotional energy everyone has for the important part, which is saying goodbye.
00:02:02.560 --> 00:02:07.439
One thing that worked beautifully in our family was choosing clothes the night before.
00:02:07.680 --> 00:02:17.759
Rather than opening a closet full of possibilities in the morning, which was already rushed and stressful, I'd choose two outfits that worked and let my child pick one.
00:02:17.919 --> 00:02:30.400
Sometimes I'd put them into a clear plastic bag so they could see their choices easily, and instead of having to decide on a shirt and a pant and socks and everything else, they had only one decision to make.
00:02:30.639 --> 00:02:34.400
Each of the options I was happy with, so it didn't matter what they chose.
00:02:34.800 --> 00:02:40.000
It sounds simple, but reducing little decisions often prevents battles.
00:02:40.159 --> 00:02:42.159
And the same thing goes for lunches.
00:02:42.400 --> 00:02:45.280
If you can, prepare lunches the night before.
00:02:45.520 --> 00:02:47.599
Even better, invite your child to help.
00:02:47.759 --> 00:02:49.680
Children love feeling capable.
00:02:49.840 --> 00:02:56.000
Helping pack a lunch gives a child a sense of ownership over their school day before it even begins.
00:02:56.240 --> 00:03:03.120
Also, a few days before school starts, begin walking your child through exactly what they can expect.
00:03:03.280 --> 00:03:17.039
Talk about the drive to school, meeting the teacher, putting their backpack away, playing, snack time, story time, recess, lunch, and then remind them, I'm going to come back and pick you up, and then we'll go home.
00:03:17.280 --> 00:03:19.759
Children feel safer when they know what's coming.
00:03:20.000 --> 00:03:23.360
It's also helpful to prepare them for their feelings.
00:03:23.599 --> 00:03:29.199
You might say, you might feel excited, you might feel nervous, you might even feel like crying.
00:03:29.360 --> 00:03:32.400
And every one of those feelings, sweetheart, are just fine.
00:03:32.639 --> 00:03:34.639
Another thing to consider is sleep.
00:03:34.719 --> 00:03:37.439
It's another piece that often gets overlooked.
00:03:37.599 --> 00:03:45.199
Now, if bedtime has drifted later during the summer, try moving it earlier, a few days, even a week before school begins.
00:03:45.439 --> 00:03:52.240
I'd also encourage waking your child a little earlier than absolutely necessary so you don't need to rush.
00:03:52.479 --> 00:03:55.039
Rushing increases everyone's stress.
00:03:55.280 --> 00:04:01.360
A calm morning gives you space for breakfast and connection and hugs and a peaceful goodbye.
00:04:01.520 --> 00:04:04.560
Now let's talk about one of the biggest worries parents have.
00:04:04.800 --> 00:04:06.960
How do I avoid goodbye tears?
00:04:07.199 --> 00:04:10.240
Well, goodbye tears aren't completely avoidable.
00:04:10.479 --> 00:04:14.240
One of the kindest things you can say is it's okay to cry.
00:04:14.400 --> 00:04:18.959
I'm gonna miss you two, sweetheart, because we love each other so, so much.
00:04:19.439 --> 00:04:24.319
Or you could say, I know you wish I could stay, I'll be back right after school.
00:04:24.480 --> 00:04:27.439
And then gently help your child picture what comes next.
00:04:27.600 --> 00:04:29.680
What toy do you think you'll play with first?
00:04:29.920 --> 00:04:32.240
Who do you think you might sit beside today?
00:04:32.399 --> 00:04:37.519
You see, you're helping their brain move beyond the goodbye and toward the rest of the day.
00:04:37.759 --> 00:04:40.160
There are also a few things I'd avoid.
00:04:40.399 --> 00:04:47.759
I'd avoid saying, please don't cry, or you're fine, or be a big girl, or be a big boy.
00:04:48.000 --> 00:04:55.360
Many children hear those words and think, if crying is for babies, then maybe I should be a baby because I really need to cry.
00:04:55.600 --> 00:04:58.800
Instead, let your child know their feelings are welcome.
00:04:59.040 --> 00:05:00.000
All feelings.
00:05:00.319 --> 00:05:02.160
Feelings aren't the problem.
00:05:02.399 --> 00:05:05.439
And one more thing, please don't sneak away.
00:05:05.600 --> 00:05:07.199
I know it can be tempting.
00:05:07.360 --> 00:05:14.959
Parents sometimes tell me, well, I slipped out while my child was distracted because I thought it would be easier for everyone.
00:05:15.199 --> 00:05:16.560
And it makes sense.
00:05:16.800 --> 00:05:22.160
It might make that one goodbye shorter, but it often makes tomorrow's goodbye harder.
00:05:22.319 --> 00:05:26.639
Predictable goodbyes build trust, even when they're tearful.
00:05:26.879 --> 00:05:35.120
Now, remember my daughter, after months and really months of difficult mornings, I stopped just trying to solve the crying.
00:05:35.199 --> 00:05:41.680
And instead, I got curious and I asked her, hey sweetheart, what would make saying goodbye easier?
00:05:41.839 --> 00:05:46.319
She thought about it for a moment and said, I want Marissa to walk me to my class.
00:05:46.560 --> 00:05:48.240
Honestly, that was it.
00:05:48.399 --> 00:05:53.920
From that morning on, her big sister walked beside her and drop-offs became easy.
00:05:54.160 --> 00:06:00.800
That experience has stayed with me for years because it reminded me of something I think about almost every day.
00:06:01.040 --> 00:06:06.000
Children are remarkable problem solvers if we give them a chance.
00:06:06.240 --> 00:06:08.480
Sometimes they already know what they need.
00:06:08.720 --> 00:06:10.079
We just have to ask.
00:06:10.240 --> 00:06:16.000
And there's one more little ritual I want to share that can help kids feel connected after you've said goodbye.
00:06:16.160 --> 00:06:22.160
I use this strategy with my granddaughter when she has sleepovers and then misses her mom and dad.
00:06:22.319 --> 00:06:24.240
I call it flying kisses.
00:06:24.480 --> 00:06:31.279
Before you leave, blow your child a kiss and say, remember, if you miss me today, blow me a kiss.
00:06:31.439 --> 00:06:36.160
I'm gonna catch it wherever I am, and I'll send one right back to you.
00:06:36.399 --> 00:06:40.560
Of course they can't actually see your kiss coming back, but that's not really the point.
00:06:40.720 --> 00:06:46.480
The ritual reminds kids that love and connection don't disappear just because you're a part.
00:06:46.560 --> 00:06:51.360
And sometimes that tiny reminder is enough to help a child through a difficult moment.
00:06:51.519 --> 00:06:56.160
It certainly has helped me with my grandchild when she's feeling a little lonely.
00:06:56.319 --> 00:07:02.800
Another simple way to help your child feel connected during the school day is to tuck a little note into their lunchbox.
00:07:02.959 --> 00:07:05.040
It doesn't have to be anything fancy.
00:07:05.279 --> 00:07:10.160
A little heart, a smiley face, I love you, I'm thinking about you.
00:07:10.399 --> 00:07:15.839
Those little reminders tell your child, even though we're apart, you're still on my mind.
00:07:16.079 --> 00:07:18.800
Here's something that has helped many kids as well.
00:07:19.040 --> 00:07:26.000
Walking into a classroom beside a familiar friend often feels much less overwhelming than walking in alone.
00:07:26.160 --> 00:07:30.800
And sometimes it's those small little changes that really make the biggest difference.
00:07:31.040 --> 00:07:33.759
Now let's fast forward to the end of the school day.
00:07:34.000 --> 00:07:39.759
Many parents are waiting, excited with the one big question, so sweetheart, how did your day go?
00:07:40.000 --> 00:07:42.240
And your child just ignores the question.
00:07:42.480 --> 00:07:44.879
Well, if that sounds familiar, don't worry.
00:07:45.199 --> 00:07:48.800
Most young kids aren't ready to talk the minute they leave school.
00:07:48.959 --> 00:07:59.279
Think about it, everything they've done that day, they've been listening, following directions, waiting their turn, managing new friendships, learning new routines, trying really hard to do the right thing.
00:07:59.439 --> 00:08:01.680
And by the time they get home, they're tired.
00:08:01.839 --> 00:08:06.480
And for many kids, home is where all those feelings finally come pouring out.
00:08:06.720 --> 00:08:10.000
That's why after school meltdowns are so common.
00:08:10.240 --> 00:08:13.439
Your child is showing you that home feels safe.
00:08:13.600 --> 00:08:17.759
They've been holding it together all day long, and now they're letting go.
00:08:17.920 --> 00:08:23.759
You may be surprised by how much more they share later in the evening when they're not feeling so overwhelmed.
00:08:24.000 --> 00:08:26.959
At bedtime, spent a few minutes talking about the day.
00:08:27.199 --> 00:08:30.319
You could ask questions like, what was the best part of the day?
00:08:30.480 --> 00:08:32.320
What was something that felt tricky?
00:08:32.480 --> 00:08:40.639
Now, before we finish, I just want to come back to that question again that changed everything for my daughter when I asked what would make drop-offs easier.
00:08:40.799 --> 00:08:42.399
It's such a simple question.
00:08:42.639 --> 00:08:46.879
Kids are great problem solvers when we remember to ask them.
00:08:47.120 --> 00:08:52.240
I never would have guessed that my daughter wanted her older sister to walk her to her class.
00:08:52.480 --> 00:09:02.399
Now, if today's episode gave you a few new ideas for making the first days of school easier, I think you'll enjoy what's inside the toddlers made easy course.
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In this course, I show you how to handle everyday challenges like tantrums and hitting and biting and bedtime and listening and sibling conflicts and so much more in ways that bring out the best in your child.
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I call this approach big-hearted parenting because yes, we want difficult behaviors to stop.
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But we also want our children to feel safe, to build confidence, and to strengthen our relationship along the way.
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And that's what big-hearted parenting is all about.
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You'll find the link in the show notes.
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Thanks for spending this time with me today.
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Keep up the good work, and I'll see you next week.