The Trap of Comparison: Thief of Joy and Cause of Complacency

WEBVTT
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Welcome to the Optimizing Beyond podcast. I'm
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Josh Negron, and this show is all about sharing
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lessons, ideas, and strategies that sharpen your
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thinking, strengthen your habits, and push you
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to grow beyond comfort zones. Let's dive in.
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Comparison is the thief of joy and the cause
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for complacency at the same time. How can this
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be? It seems like it might hem you in from both
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sides. Here's the main idea. We're told to measure
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our progress, but what happens when we mistake
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outperforming the average for actually reaching
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our potential? Today we're going to talk about
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the trap of relative success. We're gonna cover
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how to stop looking at the wrong scoreboards,
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how to filter the rooms you put yourself in,
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and how to find the right people to keep your
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momentum alive. Welcome back to the show today.
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As I was prepping for this episode, I was just
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captivated by that unique idea that we can both
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be trapped by over -performing and under -performing
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at the same time. And I thought that was really
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an interesting dual -sided trap. And this all
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hinges on the idea of comparison. And you may
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be asking yourself, comparison actually hem in
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high achievers from both sides? And that's a
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really good question. And I would say from the
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very beginning here, it'll hem you in from looking
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up or looking down. And let's break that down.
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So looking up, you may have heard the quote before,
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comparison is the thief of joy. And that's the
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idea of you might be successful, you might have
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reached a certain level of success. However,
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there's always going to be somebody who's more
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successful than you. And if you look at them
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in the wrong way, look up, and you don't have
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enough discipline to fight the negative thoughts
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of looking up, and you're overwhelmed with envy,
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inadequacy, and regret. then that's the consequence
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we're talking about right here, the looking up
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and having it steal your joy. Now, conversely,
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looking down, what does that look like? I think
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we all know looking down is something that breeds
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complacency. You look at someone else who's not
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as successful as you or maybe doesn't have the
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same things, and you might look at yourself and
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say, well, At least I'm not like that guy. You
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could use that with your relative success, maybe
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with your health, or any sort of things that
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you want to justify why you're at where you're
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at and you're pretty comfortable there. At that
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point, you're just looking at the average person
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and you're just saying, well, I'm better than
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most and that's good enough. So that consequence
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is you're looking down and you're allowing the
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comparison to hem you in on that side to justify
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you to stop pushing, which essentially takes
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your foot off the gas and stops you from getting
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better that 1 % every single day we always talk
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about. So then how do you address this? Now,
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as I mentioned earlier, it also depends on your
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mindset. So when you're looking up, you don't
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always have to have those negative emotions.
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You don't always have to wrestle with inadequacy,
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envy, or regret by what you may or may not have
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done. I'm sure most of you have heard of the
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idea of fish in the pond. And it's often said
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that if you find yourself being the biggest fish
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in a pond, then you need to find a bigger pond.
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And this touches on multiple areas of like mentorship
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and having the right inspirations and business
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specifically where this is most often used. And
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this has so much truth and it's why it's so widely
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used. But by that very same token, it addresses
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one very glaring limitation. If you've done a
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good amount of work on yourself over time. Regardless
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of your actual success level, maybe from an external
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standpoint, just going to a larger pond does
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not always guarantee you what you're looking
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for. In other words, when you go to a larger
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room, as they say, you're going to be encountering
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people who are more successful, at least from
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a worldly standpoint, but successful people are
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unhappy all the time. We have endless examples
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of celebrities and famous people that have all
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the wealth and success that they could possibly
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dream of, and they are absolutely miserable people.
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But hey, we all want a shot, don't we? Aside
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from that, that's the danger of just searching
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the bigger room. I'm arguing that it also requires
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a certain amount of discernment from you. Just
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because somebody is a millionaire or even a billionaire
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doesn't necessarily mean their advice is for
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you. In other words, just because they have more
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doesn't mean they're more fulfilled. And this
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is where discernment comes into play. If you
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have been optimizing your mindset for a long
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time, then this is my encouragement to you. There's
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nothing wrong with you seeking to filter out
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those people. that aren't really gonna offer
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you anything, even though from an external standpoint,
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you'd almost be silly not to listen to them.
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So at this point, you're looking not just for
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bigger fish in general, you're looking for bigger
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fish that have what you are looking for as far
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as what matches up with your values, your mindset,
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and your ideas of fulfillment. Now, you might
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be saying to yourself, well, sure, but you said
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at the very beginning, looking up is one of the
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things that can be a trap. And you might be saying,
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For me, when I do that, that's when I have the
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negative emotions you talked about. So how do
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we address those things? And that's a super good
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question. I would always encourage someone to
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stretch themselves by putting themselves around
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people in bigger rooms and challenging themselves
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to think bigger around people who naturally think
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that way. So that's always gonna be in my advice.
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But when you catch yourself regularly slipping
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into envy or maybe getting trapped in this self
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-abusive cycle where you look at your own past
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and you're filled with regret and, frustration
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of, again, what you did or didn't do. This takes
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practice. I hear so many people say, oh man,
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I'm so behind. And yet you can find plenty of
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stories of successful people who didn't quite
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break through until after 40 and even 50 and
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beyond. So I think the first thing is recognizing
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that this is a self -critical spiral or how you
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are daydreaming yourself with what they have.
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None of these things are going to lead you to
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anywhere constructive. So the first step is recognizing
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when you're having those moments and speaking
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truth into those moments. Remember, removing
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something that you don't want gets a lot easier
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when you're able to replace it with something
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that you know is true. So if there's a lie, you
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need to have a truth on quick draw to put in
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there. for those of you who are looking at your
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past and being really self -critical, you can't
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control anything back there. You can only learn
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from it. So you can only control today and beyond.
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So plant that truth in there and move forward.
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What can you learn from them today? So in summary,
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saying something like, I cannot change the past.
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I can only focus on my decisions and my actions
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in the future. And this will help you fight regret.
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kill covetousness, and forces your focus back
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to what you can actually control. Now, I know
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a lot of small business owners, and one of the
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things that I hear more often than I'd like is
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the discouragement of just having to do it all
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alone. And they're doing awesome. They're already
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outperforming the average, but how do they keep
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their daily progression when there's nobody around
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to help them grow? It's literally just their
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sheer willpower, and at some point when it's
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all you and all by yourself, it can get pretty
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exhausting. And so for me, that's where it's
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important to really begin to focus on your inner
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circle. They say you will become who you are
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around the most. The show me your five friends
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and I'll show you who you're going to become.
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Those kinds of concepts that we've talked about
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before. Now, there's really two ways that you
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can do this. The first one is mentorship. We've
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talked about this before in previous episodes.
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This can be a paid mentor, some other types of
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mentorship. The easiest, quickest path to getting
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high yield is going to be be paid mentorship.
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If you're a business owner, good news, that can
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be something that your business pays for. And
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this is often the highest ROI mentorship just
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simply because there is an established transaction.
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A lot of times, if you're not paying somebody,
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then they can reschedule, they can push you off,
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and really, what are you gonna call them to?
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They're giving it to you for free. And so paid
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mentorship really puts an expectation for them
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to deliver, for them to be present, and to offer
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value. If not, then the deal's off. So if you're
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looking for an easy, quick boost, a paid mentorship
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is one of the easiest ways to do that. But that
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isn't the only way. It's the easiest, it's the
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quickest, certainly isn't the cheapest, but.
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It's an avenue that if you want to snap your
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fingers today, you can have a mentorship tomorrow.
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But another solution is finding what I like to
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call a running mate. This is somebody who's likely
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pretty close to the same area you are in so many
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respects, in mentality specifically. And then
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likely somebody who has different strengths than
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yours and likely strengths that will shore up
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some of your weaknesses is one of the ideal ways
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that you can do this. And this creates a type
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of mutual momentum that is really, really unique.
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One of these relationships is often described
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in the book. traction with the relationships
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between visionaries and integrators. And this
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is where this complementary relationship in business
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really is what Gino describes as rocket fuel,
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where it's beyond addition into multiplication,
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to where one plus one does not equal two. It
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is an exponential number. And as these two people
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continue to grow, then that causes a tremendous
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amount of friction. which isn't always pleasant,
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by the way. You have to be willing to lean in
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and commit to it instead of walking away. But
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if you're willing to put in the work, put up
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with the uncomfortability, and sometimes the
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intense tension that comes with that, what you
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can find is the compounding growth becomes absolutely
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unchartable. Now, I happen to have a relationship
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like this, and I've heard people say, man, I
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wish I could find something like that. And I'll
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tell you, there isn't a completed menu that you
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can find somebody who's a perfect fit for this.
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and can suddenly make all things right. That
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doesn't work with any relationship. So sometimes
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you may be surprised who might be a great candidate
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for something like this. That being said, I've
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said before that if you don't have something
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like this, then I encourage you to spend time
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making yourself the best version of you that
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you can possibly be. Because if you're not a
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significant asset or an addition to somebody
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else, then your ability to find a running mate
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like this, that kind of idea is going to be very,
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very slim to none. You have to also be somebody
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who somebody would want to choose if the role.
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were reversed. So I cover that in several previous
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episodes and I'll link them below where you can
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work through how to potentially attract this
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type of person to help you scale and help you
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grow as well. So how do you find out where you're
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at? If you're like, yeah, I mean, sometimes I
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take my foot off the gas. Other times I just
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go bananas. So like, how do I know where I'm
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at? So this week, I want you to run through an
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audit of your progress, your circle, and your
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mind in these four practical areas. Number one
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is run the joy thief and complain. check. So
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do you ever look up and lose joy on a regular
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basis? Do you look at people who are more successful
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than you and think, gosh dang it, if I only had
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this or I'm so behind, I wish I wouldn't have
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done X, Y, Z when I was this year's old. You
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find yourself getting frustrated in that way.
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Or do you find yourself taking your foot off
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the gas because you look at people who are just
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not doing much of anything and you're like, you
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know, I'm pretty good. Do any of those resonate
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with you? And if so, that's the first step. and
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recognizing which side of this trap we're talking
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about is catching you. So then number two is
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speaking truth into the daydream. So when envy
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or regret creep in, I'd like you to stop and
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say, I cannot change the past. I can only focus
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my directions and my actions in the future. Remember,
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keep yourself grounded. Looking back at shoulda,
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woulda, couldas is not gonna help you here. The
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way to remove those negative energies, those
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negative emotions, is gonna be to replace them
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with truth. And number three, let's apply the
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bigger pond filter. Take an audit. What kind
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of rooms are you getting into? Are you comfortable
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in the rooms that you're in? Are you being challenged?
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Are people pushing you? Then you may need to
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find a different room. But remember, be selective.
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You don't have to settle for somebody who's more
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successful but is on his fifth marriage. No,
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no thanks, dude. I don't need that. Now that
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isn't to say that somebody who is very successful
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but maybe has a shattered home life cannot offer
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you anything. One of my - rules personally is
00:12:17.590 --> 00:12:20.429
that I think I can learn something from almost
00:12:20.429 --> 00:12:23.730
anything and anybody, but that takes a tremendous
00:12:23.730 --> 00:12:26.669
amount of attention to detail in recognizing
00:12:26.669 --> 00:12:29.629
when I can find those little nuggets of truth
00:12:29.629 --> 00:12:32.090
that are hidden everywhere, but that isn't somebody
00:12:32.090 --> 00:12:34.389
that I'm necessarily going to want to be that
00:12:34.389 --> 00:12:36.690
close to for everything, if that makes sense.
00:12:37.049 --> 00:12:38.950
So be selective in the rooms that you choose.
00:12:39.070 --> 00:12:41.610
If it's full of people who you just don't respect
00:12:41.610 --> 00:12:43.909
for a myriad of different reasons, there's plenty
00:12:43.909 --> 00:12:46.509
of other rooms with successful people that share
00:12:46.509 --> 00:12:48.889
your values and your views. And then the fourth
00:12:48.889 --> 00:12:51.590
one, are you constantly running this race alone?
00:12:51.830 --> 00:12:53.870
Who's helping you out? Who's in your corner?
00:12:54.070 --> 00:12:56.350
If there isn't anybody, let's take some consideration.
00:12:56.669 --> 00:12:59.309
Do you need to consider hiring a mentor? I know
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a lot of times small business owners are very,
00:13:01.769 --> 00:13:04.960
hmm. Let's be nice. Very frugal individuals,
00:13:05.279 --> 00:13:08.399
as am I. And the idea of paying a mentor can
00:13:08.399 --> 00:13:11.429
sometimes be challenging. I totally get that.
00:13:11.509 --> 00:13:13.730
But remember, that is the quickest way to not
00:13:13.730 --> 00:13:16.250
be the only one. That being said, is there also
00:13:16.250 --> 00:13:18.830
somebody around you that can be that running
00:13:18.830 --> 00:13:21.129
mate for you? It doesn't even need to be someone
00:13:21.129 --> 00:13:22.929
like a business partner. It could be another
00:13:22.929 --> 00:13:25.009
business owner. You don't have to go into business
00:13:25.009 --> 00:13:27.649
together, but you're doing a similar thing and
00:13:27.649 --> 00:13:30.129
you're sharing what you're experiencing, how
00:13:30.129 --> 00:13:32.370
you're managing employees, how you're creating
00:13:32.370 --> 00:13:34.889
culture in the way that you want it, and how
00:13:34.889 --> 00:13:36.909
you're handling challenging situations. That
00:13:36.909 --> 00:13:40.559
can be an amazing running mate scenario. So put
00:13:40.559 --> 00:13:43.240
yourself out there. Again, also working on, are
00:13:43.240 --> 00:13:45.740
you the person that someone would want to choose?
00:13:45.980 --> 00:13:48.460
So if there is an awesome business owner in your
00:13:48.460 --> 00:13:50.460
town that you're like, man, I would love to have
00:13:50.460 --> 00:13:53.059
that person as my running mate, as my brother
00:13:53.059 --> 00:13:55.840
in arms through this race. If you walked up to
00:13:55.840 --> 00:13:58.200
them right now and asked, would they say yes?
00:13:58.440 --> 00:14:01.940
Would you offer them any value in return? That's
00:14:01.940 --> 00:14:04.080
an amazing question. And that's why we're always
00:14:04.080 --> 00:14:06.419
pushing to do the things daily that can help
00:14:06.419 --> 00:14:08.779
us be better tomorrow. Because you never know
00:14:08.779 --> 00:14:10.759
what's around the corner and what opportunities
00:14:10.759 --> 00:14:13.379
you might leave on the table if you're not the
00:14:13.379 --> 00:14:15.639
best version of you that you can possibly be.
00:14:15.799 --> 00:14:17.799
And so that's it. I want you to look at your
00:14:17.799 --> 00:14:20.259
life and reflect on these four things and see,
00:14:20.379 --> 00:14:22.620
are any of these challenging you today? Just
00:14:22.620 --> 00:14:25.080
pick one and see what you can change in order
00:14:25.080 --> 00:14:27.820
to stop being trapped by looking up or looking
00:14:27.820 --> 00:14:29.879
down. Thanks for listening to the Optimizing
00:14:29.879 --> 00:14:32.299
Beyond podcast. Remember... Growth happens when
00:14:32.299 --> 00:14:34.480
you take action. So subscribe, share this with
00:14:34.480 --> 00:14:36.440
a friend, and most importantly, put what you
00:14:36.440 --> 00:14:39.220
learned into practice. Until next time, remember,
00:14:39.460 --> 00:14:42.720
keep moving forward because daily anything changes
00:14:42.720 --> 00:14:43.460
everything.