Siamon Emery | Reclaiming Safety One Breath at a Time

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When you're ready, you'll allow the fears to come. The
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fears will come, this is the thing. But we have
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to create capacity first to allow the fear to be there.
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And the capacity is what as a society we do
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not have anymore. We have disassociation. We have screens on
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our telephones, whatever dopamine you can put your finger on,
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we have. So they're actually the capacity to sit and
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build resiliency, build robustness. Even robustness is where I like
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to lie more so than a resiliency, because robustness says
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your whole, you're really beautiful. Let's cold ourselves in dysregulating
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places consciously. Let's go, let's put ourself on the edge.
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Let's build that capacity in our nervous system to hold
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more and more fearful states. And we don't do that
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anymore as a society.
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Welcome to the Radical Responsibility Podcast. I'm doctor Fleet Mohler,
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and I'm excited to guide you on a journey of
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authentic transformation. In each episode, I'll bring you insids from
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leading experts to explore trauma recovery, maindfulance practices, positive psychology,
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and innovative breakthroughs in health, wellness and life optimization. This
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is a space for real conversations that inspire meaningful change,
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helping you find alignment with the person you are always
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meant to be. Let's get started. What if transformation isn't
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just about thinking differently, but feeling differently. Science shows us
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that true change happens when we align not just our minds,
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but also the neural networks in our hearts and guts.
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This heart mind connection is the key to deeper healing, resilience,
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and expanded awareness. That's why I created the Heart Mind
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All access, membership and community, a space designed to help
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you rewire your nervous system, cultivate heart intelligence, and live
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with greater clarity and purpose. With over one thousand hours
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of transformational teachings specifically curated to meet your needs, You'll
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learn from world renw now meditation teachers, neuroscientists, and experts
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in neuroplasticity, all sharing powerful tools to help you shift
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your mindset and heartset, regulate your emotions, and unlock your
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full potential. You'll also gain unlimited access to every summit
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and course we've ever produced, a treasure Trouble Wisdom worth
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over ten thousand dollars in growing plus Live gatherings and
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an inspiring global community to support your journey. If you're
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ready to step into a more heart centered, connected and
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conscious life, I invite you to join us. Clip the
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link to learn more and start your journey today. What
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if the key to healing isn't just in your mind,
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but store deep in your body's memory. In this powerful episode,
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I sit down with Simon Emery, an internationally respected mental
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strength coach and somatic regression practitioner. Simon shares his remarkable
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journey from a childhood's steeped and instability and addiction to
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becoming a guide or high performance and trauma survivors seeking
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true resilience and wholeness. We explore how trauma lives in
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the body, a moments of safety can be reclaimed and embodied,
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and why somatic work is essential for lasting transformation. If
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you're ready to explore healing to a deeper connection to
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your body and inner safety, this conversation is one you
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won't want to miss. Let's dive in Minding the Doctor
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Fleet Mall the founder Apartment in Stuit and your co
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host for this interview, and I'm very happy to be
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here today with Simon Emery.
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Welcome Simon, thanks to having me Slate. It's a pleasure
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to be here.
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Oh yes, well, it's my joy to get to have
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this conversation. Your work is very interesting, so maybe we
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can start with something personal and even your bio reference
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to the difficulties you experienced growing up. But I'm wondering
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in particular, maybe something about that and also how maybe
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there was a moment when you felt propoundly disconnected from
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your body, or maybe there was a moment when you
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felt propoundly reconnected and that influenced the trajector of your work.
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But anyway, something about how your work grew out of
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your experiences.
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Well, you know, growing up in Australia, I was the
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child of two intravenious drugged users. So whilst my mother
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was pregnant with me, she wasn't quite using at that stage.
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My father was. But when I was born, in the
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stress of a young child in the household and not
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having a partner who was willing to take the load
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as of a young child, my mother also been only
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nineteen years of age, she also chose to step out
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and start to you know, use heavily as well. So
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I became a commodity for them. As a way that
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they could use me to influence people around them and
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to you know, get their needs met through disassociating their
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own experience. And then I was just the kid tagged along,
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you know, through that whole experience. And I think my
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needs were never put first, ever, not once. My needs
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were supplementary to the needs of my parents' ability to
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you know, regulate and suit their own internal spaces, and
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you know, obviously from their experience, it was just what
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was best. So then was heroin.
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Wow. So how did that sharp you as you've found
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your way into adolescence and you know, begin trying to
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navigate like yourself, How did that the impact of that
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show up in your life?
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No one was safe in my experience, you know, my
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primary care givers who were meant to keep me in
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a safe coregulating saying that this world is safe. It's
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like nothing for me in that young years was safe.
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So it was filled with disassociation and self certained soothing.
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And that soothing looked a lot like things and chocolates
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and sweets and bad behavior. Because I always played him,
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because everybody felt so bad for me and so much
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sympathy for me, I always kind of was given a
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lot of things for free, and it's like, oh, here's
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the poor junkie kid. He have some money, have some sweets,
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have some things. So I was never really held accountable
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for my you know and understandable, let's be honest here,
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but I wasn't really really held accountable for my own
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actions for taking responsibility for me. So I was almost
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given carte blanche to just be that person, fully identify
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as this child or a lesson who was the child
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of junkies and in a really it's functional world. And
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so my whole childhood said to me that I had
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a dysfunctional experience. And so then I am justified in
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my behavior and in my belief system about who I
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am in a way that I show up in the world.
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So when how did that begin to turn around for you?
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When did you begin your own healing journey that led
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to the work you do now?
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I think it was by my late twenties. I've been
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through two very distinctly painful experiences. One was the breakdown
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of a relationship I was in I was engaged, and
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the other one was the business, you know, the work
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I was doing. So, you know, up until my twenties,
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I kind of managed to fumble along, and you know,
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I managed to get myself to a contracting job. Here,
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I managed to become actually do an apprenticeship and become
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a carpenter, and sort of with the resiliency of youth,
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you know, because youth you can just you've got so
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much energy and so much capacity to actually do a
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lot of things. So I for me at that time,
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I wasn't personally, I didn't really see too much wrong
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with me. I thought, oh, yeah, that was just my childhood.
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But you know, now I've got a job, and I've
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got a oh our friend, and now I'm doing this
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and so realistically, when we separated, when I was about
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twenty eight twenty nine is when. And you know, i'd
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been sort of up until that point, I'd also been
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indulging in alcohol, never really touched any hard drugs because
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obviously I was first and experienced about what the effects
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of what those drugs would do to people. So I
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was always just drinking a little bit and a little
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bit of recreational drugs. So nothing. But what really flicked
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the switch for me was the breakdown of this relationship
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at twenty twenty eight to twenty nine and then I
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started to really look at myself and think about maybe
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it wasn't the world that was the problem, it might
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be me. And now saying that doesn't mean that. Then
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all of a sudden, the switch flicked and I was
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everything was going in the right direction. It was just
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the ability to take ownership of some behavior was not
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even behavior, but just some circumstances in my life that
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were showing up. And as I did that, you know,
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then I went down the whole sort of rabbit hole
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of talking to counselors and doing some neural feedback work
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and doing a whole bunch of studying, this long process
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of going through different modalities and different therapists and different
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you know, and just each time just getting a little
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nuggative experience or a little nuggetive reflection, but really not
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fundamentally changing anything as such in my internal experience. Whilst
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it was good for the moment, it wasn't really shifting anything.
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I was still having those same urges and those same
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dark thoughts about my ability to actually show up for myself.
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It was always like, you know, I'm the kid who's
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had this experience as a child. That means I'm therefore
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tired with the anfeted with this childhood. So we always
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even though I could have all of this self awareness
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and this experience in this reflection, you know, going to
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India and studying, doing yogic studies in India, living in
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an ashram and in Australia and really focusing as much
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as I could, there was just it wasn't shifting at all.
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So that was about ten years Genia's work.
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Yeah. Yeah, and it sounds like there was a strong
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identification with your past, which can be something that can
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really be an obstacle even when people are doing their work.
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So what finally did shift things for you?
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Well, what finally shifted for me was but I started
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listening to some really beautiful thought leaders in the space,
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you know, and one of them first up was Gablon
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Marte because gabl Martet had really deep experience with addiction,
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and so I was looking at it through the lens
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of what he was presenting. And for me, my parents baby,
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because I always couldn't reconcile my parents' behavior. It was
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really tough why they would choose this experience and not
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choose me. So it was like I was the one
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who was not chosen and so, but then listening to
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him and talking about how diction shows up and how
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it's present and how people use it as a way
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to soothe, and then listening to him and go, okay,
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that makes a lot of sense. That really give me
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a bit of a direction. Okay, so it's kind of
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like disassociating, but reassociating with the body from a really
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comfortable place, because we've got this kind of uncomfortable in
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our body all the time that you know, I was experiencing.
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That would shift when I would have a few beers
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or you know, or have you know, have a little
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bit of this or that, nothing in particular, you know, drastic,
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or you know, have a bit of a chat with
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someone who could see me for wholeness. But it would
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always other experience would always creep back that you know,
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I'm not good enough, I'm not worthy, I feel like crap,
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I'm really anxious all the time. My anxiety is actually
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getting worse. And so then I started also listening to
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Dr Peter Levine and vessel Vandercolt and vessel vand Kolb
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was really amazing because his The Bodykeeps a Score, that
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book of his The Bodykeeper Score was a fundamental paradigm
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shift for me listening to how your ability to process
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trauma and hold trauma in your body was so fundamentally
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profound that actually it would create disease and chronic illness
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through it. You know. That was me looking at my
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experience going, well, that's going to be my future if
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I don't actually learn because as to how to actually
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deal with all of this trauma that's stored in my body.
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And so leading up to this too, it also spend
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a period of time in India and studying yogi and
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I ended up doing my toppli Re yogic studies there
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as well, and we did that whole and its deep
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meditation and deep processing in yogic spaces. Now, whilst that
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was beautiful in the time, it didn't really give me
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any relevancy to moving forward and holding myself. You know,
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every time I used to have this with a friend
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of mine who was a long time yogi, it's like,
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how do I keep doing the practice when I start
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to feel good again? Because what I would do is
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I would use it as a way. I would use
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the practices, you know, the yoga and the meditation and
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all of these things to stop myself feeling so bad
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when I was having a really dysregulating moment. And then
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once I'd processed that, and when I'd stopped doing the
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work as well, and then it would just this NonStop
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process of like you know, as something would show up,
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I do a bunch of yogat make it feel better,
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and then to go away, and then I'd just drop it.
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So it wasn't a process that I was continually developing.
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And then finally I was reading this book and it
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was talking about childhood experiences and I think the book
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was from memory. It might have been the ifs, so
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the internal family systems I was looking at as well.
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But pretty much we'll ask me what periods in your
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childhood were you able to feel safe? And then understanding
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from the yogic perspective. For me, when I would do
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a yoga nindra, so yoga niindra is a body scanning. Basically,
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it's a body scanning meditation where we close the eyes
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down your life still. I usually lie still, and then
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we go through the hands, you know, right hand, index finger,
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middle finger, ring finger, pinky finger, thumb and we'd just
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go through process putting the consciousness in each individual body part,
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getting it out of the head, getting it into the body,
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and then I would use that process to calm my
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internal state. And then I just asked myself this question,
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when was the very first time that I can remember
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feeling safe? And what instantly come to me in that
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moment was I was four or five years old. I
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was at my grandmother's house, who I didn't live with
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all the time, but I would go there on occasion,
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and I was sitting on the sofa, the couch on
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a Saturday morning. It was about six thirty seven o'clock.
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Nobody else was up. It was just myself and my grandmother,
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and she had just brought to me the biggest bowl
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of cocoa pops you could imagine, chocolate cocoa pops with
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chocolate milk on top, with a pound of sugar on
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top of it as well, like any five year old
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boy would love, and then a big chocolate milk to
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drink as well. And she wrapped me up in discomforter
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in this beautiful dinner, and she turned the Saturday morning
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cartoons on from me, and in that moment, that vis
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real memory as a forty year old man came flooding
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back to my body experience and my whole experience in
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that moment just come right out of that hypervigilant, super
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unsafe experience that I was continually having in my body
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because I was unable to shut it down. And finally
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I felt my nervous system start to turn down, just
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to dial it. All of a sudden, that little boy
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who didn't feel safe all of a sudden had a
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memory from his childhood of feeling connected, love, safe, scene, warm,
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held all of the things that he desired his whole life.
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Wow, a very powerful experience. Yes, So you've integrated a
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lot of different things for your own healing process, and
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then as you developed into offering the work, and one
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of your integrations, I think you call it. I believe
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you trained in a somatic experiencing Peter Lean's worker issue,
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influenced by that, but you've dreopt this model you call
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somatic regression, and that terma is new to me. So
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you could talk about.
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That, sure, So I really wanted to come up with
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a term. It was really relevant for the work that
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I did. And so if we think about like sematic
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experiencing when we coin phrases or when we bring up
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sort of experiences in the body, we usually turn them
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around or we focus them around. In my experience, when
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I was doing it anyway, it was like, go to
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my happy place, or go to the place that makes
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me feel wonderful, you know, go to the beach, or
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go to the forest, or go to the ocean. Although
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it felt amazing, it wasn't really relevant to my personal experience.
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And so what I was able to fundamentally understand once
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I developed this process for myself is like, this is
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really a really unique experience for me, and it's my
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experience that I get to hold onto. It's actually an
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experience of my childhood of feeling deeply connected and safe.
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And so in my processing of that experience, I realized
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the sematic part of myself, so that you know, the
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body basically is still in a lot of ways, is
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still that little boy who feels so scared. So then
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through that process, I took also to other experiences in
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my child you know, to my uncle rescuing me one day,
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and to you know, the first day I learned to
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surf when I was seven, you know, and it was
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in bar And Bay, and it was in this beautiful place.
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So I continually from that understanding, I started to do
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the meditations, which was basically the yoga Nidra meditations, which
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would calm my body, which would get my mind into
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my body, you know, get my experience. Well, you look
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my attention into my body and out of my thinking brain,
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and then I would pull it. Once I brought my
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attention into my body, I was really easily able to
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bring up experiences from my childhood where I was able
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to reframe a lot of the experience. So the reframing
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was about where I was safe, where I was connected,
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where I was loved. And then when I would experience,
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then I would ask myself where do I feel this
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love in the body? And then I would think it
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club with my eyes closed, and I said, well, I
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feel it in my stomach, for instance. And so then
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I would take my left hand and I would place
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it over my stomach, and then I would hold myself
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in that experience of that little boy who feels so
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safed and loved and so Somatic regression basically means taking
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your body back to a time from your childhood, or
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from your adolescence, or even from your recently from being
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an adult. It doesn't really matter actually at the end
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of the day where we get to experience what it
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because we don't sometimes allow ourselves to do this, but
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we get to experience what it's life like again, to
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feel safe, to feel connected, to feel wanted, to feel loved,
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to realize everything always works out, to pull ourselves outside
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of that experience of unloved and unsafe. And that's where
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the somitic regression term basically was coined. It's like it's
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specific to each individual's experience. You will never ever not
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have that experience ever again or actually totally change your
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child It can actually reframe a lot of people's childhoods
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as well, because I actually you can imagine through and
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you know you're being yourself a doctor's through give. So basically,
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if we're always in a disregulated, fearful state, we're actually
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going to upregulate all of those neurons of fear and unsafety.
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So we're always going to be wired for cortisole and
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for the adrenaline, and so if we're always got those synapses,
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you know, basically ready to receive all of those hormones,
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that we're going to be constantly looking for those and
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then you know, adding to that specter as well. A
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fear conditioned to migdalo, which is always looking for fear
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for stuff, because we had to be safe. It was
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always had to be on alert, high alert always. Once
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we can turn those systems off in the brain and
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we can upregulate some oxytocin and some serotonin, we can
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actually start to balance out those neural pathways. And it's
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a feeling process. Fleet it's a really it's what's so understood.
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It's like the bottom up approach is to change a
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brain state. It's not a bloody well thinking process. It's
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actually a feeling process. And if we can feel connected
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and love to our body and allow our body to
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feel that, it pretty much will instantly changes our brain state.
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So yeah, and I think the bottom up work is
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so important. I mean, you know, not thinking your way
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to healing, not a process of healing, but I know
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you integrate mindfuls into your work, so there is sometimes
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just general mindful just awareness, like being present is considered
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part of the prefrontal cognitive top down awareness in a
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positive way. It's not necessarily cognitive worker changing your thought bearers,
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but it's just a general mindful us. So I wonder
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if there's an integration or a marriage there if you
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will the bottom up with some top down awareness that
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really helps cement these experiences and really ultimately rewire our
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nervous system for safety.
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It's got to start from the bottom up, though, Once
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we can actually get ourselves out of that hypervigilant state,
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once we create some capacity in our nervous system, we
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can then actually upregulate the prefrontal cortex, which gives us
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some rational thought, which then we can keep ourselves it's safe,
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we can keep ourself present. We can keep ourselves connected too,
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So it's still both. We don't isolate one from the other.
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It's still an interconnective process. It's still beautifully you want
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the brain on board. But where we've got that wrong
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for so long, I believe is we've pathologized the human
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experience too much, and we've given it all diagnosis and
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we've given it all validation and thinking processes, when an
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actual fact, all we needed to really do is to
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validate someone's human experience, say yes, that was tough, connect
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with them in a really beautiful, authentic way, and then
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teach them how to pull themselves out through feeling connected
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in love.
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Yeah, I mean it sounds like a beautiful process. I
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would imagine that almost anyone has, you know, some experience
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that they can find where they felt safe, connected, love.
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You know, there may be some folks that are highly
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traumatizeder came from really horrific backgrounds that just might not
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be able to and they might have to recreate that
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in a therapeutic situation, but they could be created and
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then they could begin to use that as a reference point.
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But I imagine most people, even those of us with
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you know, some really challenging backgrounds and so forth, if
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we go through that process with patients, there are moments
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where we have experienced that quality of safety and connectedness
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and so forth. Is that your experience in working with people?
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Yes, so most of the time, when most of my clients,
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when we first come up, when I onboard new clients,
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one of the first things they'll say to me is,
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I don't have a memory of safety. I do not
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have a memory of safety at all. I can't afford
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about it, and I haven't been able to think about anything.
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When I say, well, of course, if you think about
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how you've lived your life for the last twenty thirty
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forty years, if you've always been in a fear conditioned state.
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It's actually really not safe for you to remember a
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time when it was safe. You've actually had to be
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hyper vigilant your whole life because that actually what's kept
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you safe is being hyper vigilant. And so this is
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why this process is somatic process. This yoga nidra process
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that I use was through the computer here is quite
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easy as well, because we just get them to have
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an internal experience. I get them we can really just
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through this yoga nidra close the eyes down, take you
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through individually through the body, a simple breathing process, and
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then I just instigate some really simple words of just
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when was the first time you felt safe. I make
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sure that when I work with people, I am really
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safe in my body. So I get to corregulate through
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the screen. I talk really softly and calmly. I get
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people to feel in a really calm, connected state, and
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then all of a sudden a memory that they haven't
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thought of in thirty five years drops in and they're like,
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oh my god, I haven't thought about it that in
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thirty years. I remember sitting in the garden with my
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mother picking flowers, and she was telling me how beautiful
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all every flower I ever picked for us, and I
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felt so love and connected and we were laughing and
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the sun was out and I haven't thought about that
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since I was a six year old girl. And then
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you see the shoulders drop, You see the breath start
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to come down out of the upper thoracic It actually
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starts skinn because everybody's breathing up in here. We pull
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that breath down into the stomach and into actually engaging
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that vegas and of the vagual response, yeah, like a
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ventral vagual response. And then they yawn. Oh, and then
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they feel really sleepy. After a first or second session,
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everybody feels really sleepy. They're finally starting to understand what
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a connected, safe feeling in the body actually is feels like.
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And because we're reframed it like it is reframing, yes,
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but through the reframing and through the experiencing, through the reframing,
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we're changing the brain state fleet instantly in that moment,
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changing it from one of a fear conditioned to MIGDLA
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to a connected safe unregulated hippocampus then regulated to me
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to upregulated prefrontal cortex. Serotonin oxytocin start actually to be
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produced in a neural pathways, you know.
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Yeah, so rather reframing purely from a cognitive angle, it's
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really an experiential reframing and then could lead to a
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cognitive reframing. But essentially you're having an organic experience that's
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actually reframing.
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Which is specific to the client. So then that memory
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will stay rigidly with you for the rest of your life.
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You get to call on that. So it's what I could.
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That's a resource and you would use for the rest
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of your life. And so when my clients, when we
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come to an end of the process that I use that,
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people like, oh my god, I'm really scared. This is
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not going to stay with me. And I'm like, no,
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this is yours. This is specific to your human experience.
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This never leaves you. Now you will always have this
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as a resource.
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Yeah, it was also interesting what you said. I do
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a lot of work with correction professionals and other public
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safety and first responders, police and they live in a
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hyper vigil and state and they don't know how to
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turn it off ever, and it because of that, they're
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experiencing all the illnesses and you know, terrible health consequences,
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and so I use all kinds of different self regulation
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by your mind techniques. So I try to give them
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a window in the beginning to shift that. But I
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have one process that I lead often with them, not
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just with those folks, but with them in particular, that
478
00:23:16.519 --> 00:23:20.000
I call safe, resource and connected and so contemplation where
479
00:23:20.039 --> 00:23:23.279
I actually ask them to contemplate feeling safe and then
480
00:23:23.319 --> 00:23:26.680
contemplating feeling resource, and contemplate feeling connected to their loved
481
00:23:26.720 --> 00:23:29.440
ones and others. But even bringing up safety initially, I
482
00:23:29.440 --> 00:23:32.880
really have to frame it and help them ease them
483
00:23:32.920 --> 00:23:37.319
in to being even willing to acknowledge a moment of safety,
484
00:23:37.400 --> 00:23:40.440
even relative safety, even for just this moment, because for
485
00:23:40.559 --> 00:23:43.759
someone who's lived in that high provisional state, even the
486
00:23:43.759 --> 00:23:46.480
notion of safety feels unsafe. Kind of like you were
487
00:23:46.559 --> 00:23:49.519
pointing before, it's like vulnerable being safe as being vulnerable
488
00:23:49.519 --> 00:23:53.400
and I can't be vulnerable. That's not safe to be safe, right, Yeah.
489
00:23:52.839 --> 00:23:55.200
Absolutely, it's totally not safe. And their experience is in
490
00:23:55.279 --> 00:23:57.160
the moment that let their god damn, the moment they
491
00:23:57.160 --> 00:24:01.079
become vulnerable. That's when you get that visceral nervous system response,
492
00:24:01.119 --> 00:24:03.839
you know that basically that survival drive response that says,
493
00:24:04.160 --> 00:24:06.599
if I feel safe, I'm going to die.
494
00:24:07.039 --> 00:24:10.599
Yeah, that's really fascinating. So you talked about once someone
495
00:24:10.599 --> 00:24:13.599
can contact this one of these experiences, I mean that
496
00:24:13.759 --> 00:24:15.200
as their own, they have it, they're not going to
497
00:24:15.279 --> 00:24:17.359
lose touch with it. And you called it in a resource,
498
00:24:17.680 --> 00:24:20.319
so I know you upsize the importance of building in
499
00:24:20.359 --> 00:24:23.000
a resources for resilience. I wonder if you could talk
500
00:24:23.039 --> 00:24:25.440
more about some of the maybe perhaps other practice, the
501
00:24:25.519 --> 00:24:28.839
techniques where you help people build that more resource, the
502
00:24:28.880 --> 00:24:32.359
inner architecture, so that they have that resilience.
503
00:24:32.200 --> 00:24:35.200
Once we find that resource and then we hold that
504
00:24:35.279 --> 00:24:37.160
rEFInd that resource. I asked them where do they feel
505
00:24:37.200 --> 00:24:39.119
in the body if it's in the stomach or in
506
00:24:39.160 --> 00:24:40.960
the chest, or in the back of the shoulders, or
507
00:24:40.960 --> 00:24:42.359
where if it's in the hands, where at the top
508
00:24:42.400 --> 00:24:45.359
of the legs. I then get them to hold themselves
509
00:24:45.359 --> 00:24:46.880
there or I either get the right hand to hold
510
00:24:46.920 --> 00:24:49.519
over the over the chest or left hand wherever it is,
511
00:24:49.759 --> 00:24:52.200
and then we get to anchor that experience in the body. Right,
512
00:24:52.240 --> 00:24:55.039
So then there's the resource, then the anchor. Okay, so
513
00:24:55.079 --> 00:24:57.240
that anchor at the moment we start to feel overwhelmed.
514
00:24:57.240 --> 00:25:00.200
Sometimes we can actually combind it twos combind and memory
515
00:25:00.279 --> 00:25:02.960
and the anchor. So we hold ourselves, We feel the
516
00:25:03.000 --> 00:25:05.759
warmth of our hand, we feel the connection of the experience,
517
00:25:06.359 --> 00:25:08.319
We full the warmth of softness in our body. We
518
00:25:08.359 --> 00:25:11.039
start to identify and pull that out and go and
519
00:25:11.079 --> 00:25:13.200
that's fine. This and this is how I speak to
520
00:25:13.240 --> 00:25:16.759
people about it. So basically, you're now the mother and
521
00:25:16.839 --> 00:25:20.160
the father to that little version of yourself that is
522
00:25:20.319 --> 00:25:23.559
terrified in this moment. And so that version of yourself,
523
00:25:23.599 --> 00:25:26.240
that little boy or little girl, what do they really want?
524
00:25:26.279 --> 00:25:28.440
And so when I think about it, from my personal experience,
525
00:25:28.799 --> 00:25:32.480
all I wanted from my childhood was consistency of emotional
526
00:25:32.680 --> 00:25:36.640
output and always to be there when I felt unsafe, right.
527
00:25:36.720 --> 00:25:40.839
And so now when I start to feel that unsafe
528
00:25:40.880 --> 00:25:43.039
space or when I start to go, oh, this is
529
00:25:43.079 --> 00:25:45.359
not you know, emotionally, I'm not really in the right
530
00:25:45.400 --> 00:25:48.359
space at the moment, I understand that that's actually still
531
00:25:48.359 --> 00:25:51.960
an experience from my childhood that's still unprocessed in my body.
532
00:25:52.319 --> 00:25:54.319
And so the way that I process it is, and
533
00:25:54.359 --> 00:25:56.039
the way that I helped my clients to process this
534
00:25:56.200 --> 00:25:59.559
is we then, through building capacity in our nervous system,
535
00:26:00.000 --> 00:26:03.440
actually start to allow some of the grief from those
536
00:26:03.640 --> 00:26:08.319
really disregulating experiences to come in. We allow the sadness,
537
00:26:08.519 --> 00:26:11.359
and it usually comes once we start to feel really safe,
538
00:26:11.599 --> 00:26:13.400
once we start to have a capacity now of a
539
00:26:13.400 --> 00:26:15.359
nervous system, once we bring that down, once we bring
540
00:26:15.359 --> 00:26:17.640
that allostatic load down to like a three out of
541
00:26:17.640 --> 00:26:19.240
ten or two out of ten rather than a seven
542
00:26:19.319 --> 00:26:21.400
or eight out of ten consistently, and we're trying to
543
00:26:21.440 --> 00:26:23.200
hold everything down because if we go into a ten
544
00:26:23.240 --> 00:26:25.440
out of ten, that's you know, nervous member the old saying,
545
00:26:25.440 --> 00:26:29.319
nervous breakdown, that's nervous breakdown territory. So we always just
546
00:26:29.400 --> 00:26:32.599
could keep ourselves contained, which means we can't allow ourselves
547
00:26:32.599 --> 00:26:35.079
to feel sad, and we can't allow ourselves We've got
548
00:26:35.119 --> 00:26:36.759
to be rigid, and we've got to be stoic, and
549
00:26:36.799 --> 00:26:38.640
we've got to be all these things for everybody. Right
550
00:26:38.839 --> 00:26:42.839
the moment we create capacity, the tears come, which is beautiful.
551
00:26:43.039 --> 00:26:47.400
The processing comes, the fear comes, the sadness, all of
552
00:26:47.440 --> 00:26:50.160
it comes. It all just naturally starts to come through
553
00:26:50.200 --> 00:26:52.519
and we just hold hold it, we allow it to
554
00:26:52.559 --> 00:26:55.240
be there. It's so welcome, that human experience of you
555
00:26:55.400 --> 00:27:01.000
feeling sad, feeling lonely, feeling disconnected, feeling scared, so welcome here.
556
00:27:01.039 --> 00:27:03.799
That's that little version of yourself that wants to say, hey,
557
00:27:04.319 --> 00:27:07.039
don't suppress me, don't run away from me, help me
558
00:27:07.119 --> 00:27:09.559
feel safe. You're the one who has to help me
559
00:27:09.640 --> 00:27:12.400
feel safe. Now that experience for me, that's how profound
560
00:27:12.400 --> 00:27:14.319
it was for me. That's all of it I ever wanted.
561
00:27:14.680 --> 00:27:17.279
And so now me being the adult, I'm the adult.
562
00:27:17.359 --> 00:27:20.680
I made it. Hey, I'm here. I'm now the parent
563
00:27:21.039 --> 00:27:23.240
to that experience of that little boy, the mother and
564
00:27:23.319 --> 00:27:25.279
the father to that little binner. Sometimes I've got to
565
00:27:25.319 --> 00:27:28.359
call bullshit when's bullshit has to be called about that experience, Go, hey,
566
00:27:28.680 --> 00:27:31.079
that's ridiculous, stop thinking that. And then other days I've
567
00:27:31.119 --> 00:27:33.759
got to stop and go, Okay, yeah I feel it. Yeah,
568
00:27:33.799 --> 00:27:36.319
no problem. And so I get to be that at
569
00:27:36.400 --> 00:27:39.039
the capacity to have that internal dialogue with myself now
570
00:27:39.319 --> 00:27:41.200
and now here's the rub. I don't have to do
571
00:27:41.240 --> 00:27:44.000
it very often anymore, if at all, because all of
572
00:27:44.039 --> 00:27:47.640
a sudden that internally I've managed to process that experience,
573
00:27:47.720 --> 00:27:50.880
that internal experience from my childhood, that aspect of it,
574
00:27:50.880 --> 00:27:52.599
and this is how I frame it with my clients.
575
00:27:52.720 --> 00:27:55.880
That aspect of myself now feels really safe with me,
576
00:27:56.400 --> 00:27:59.279
and so rarely will I try and rarely will that
577
00:27:59.319 --> 00:28:02.359
little boy try and get my attention anymore. He'll just go, oh, no,
578
00:28:02.480 --> 00:28:04.400
Simon's you know, my dad's got it. He's fine. And
579
00:28:04.400 --> 00:28:06.279
this is how I help people to understand how they
580
00:28:06.279 --> 00:28:09.720
can integrate more of their experiences, like, yes, you get
581
00:28:09.759 --> 00:28:11.720
to you know, even though you didn't get the experience
582
00:28:11.720 --> 00:28:13.759
that you wanted to say in childhood. And you know,
583
00:28:13.799 --> 00:28:15.359
and that's what I want to say to you here.
584
00:28:15.359 --> 00:28:17.799
It's not always the childhood experience that we can go through.
585
00:28:17.799 --> 00:28:19.400
It can be an adolescent experience. It can be a
586
00:28:19.400 --> 00:28:22.039
deeply traumatic relationship breakdown. It can be the death of
587
00:28:22.079 --> 00:28:26.400
our parents in adulthood. They're all still human experiences, and
588
00:28:26.799 --> 00:28:30.359
no one experienced trumps the other. Yeah, it's all just
589
00:28:31.000 --> 00:28:34.440
you know, your ability to process pain, trauma, you know,
590
00:28:34.640 --> 00:28:37.880
extreme events. We really haven't been taught. And I think
591
00:28:38.240 --> 00:28:40.319
what I've introduced and what I've been able to process
592
00:28:40.359 --> 00:28:43.960
myself is really fundamental to changing my human experience and
593
00:28:44.039 --> 00:28:47.759
fundamentally changing everyone I work with lives wonderful.
594
00:28:48.160 --> 00:28:51.480
Yeah, your reference having shifted that relationship to that young boy,
595
00:28:51.559 --> 00:28:54.119
that part of you, and that sort of brings to
596
00:28:54.160 --> 00:28:57.319
mind the interim family systems. In this process of integration,
597
00:28:57.559 --> 00:29:00.160
you're developing what an IFS they call selp enter you
598
00:29:00.200 --> 00:29:03.000
as a capital less so all those parts are feeling
599
00:29:03.160 --> 00:29:06.359
safe and but they're not struggling to grab your attention
600
00:29:06.519 --> 00:29:09.400
or you don't have managers and buy all that jumping
601
00:29:09.440 --> 00:29:13.000
in and because you're developing this inner resourcefulness and this
602
00:29:13.200 --> 00:29:15.440
sense of integrated celf structure.
603
00:29:15.559 --> 00:29:17.880
Yes, from a lived experience. So what I found really
604
00:29:17.880 --> 00:29:20.880
difficult with IFS was it was really complicated. There was
605
00:29:20.920 --> 00:29:23.599
really sementy terminologies, and it was like I was losing
606
00:29:23.640 --> 00:29:25.240
a lot of it and I was like, oh crap,
607
00:29:25.279 --> 00:29:26.599
all I have to be I just need to be
608
00:29:26.640 --> 00:29:28.599
the father to the boy here he wants to be
609
00:29:28.640 --> 00:29:30.720
a little rat bag, or I need to be the
610
00:29:30.720 --> 00:29:32.640
mother he to the little boy who feels really scared.
611
00:29:32.880 --> 00:29:35.279
That's it. And then I just create that capacity and
612
00:29:35.319 --> 00:29:37.559
like I said, we have that experience and it's always
613
00:29:37.680 --> 00:29:40.000
relevant to me. And this is what the beauty is
614
00:29:40.000 --> 00:29:43.440
where everyone I work with, everyone's experience is their own.
615
00:29:43.680 --> 00:29:45.279
It's their relevancy to their own.
616
00:29:46.119 --> 00:29:48.680
Yeah, I think that's really important. I love that one
617
00:29:48.720 --> 00:29:50.880
framework for this kind of work that I like Dan
618
00:29:50.960 --> 00:29:53.559
Siegel's framework the window of tolerance. Some of us like
619
00:29:53.599 --> 00:29:56.079
to call it the window of resilience, and it's the
620
00:29:56.160 --> 00:29:58.920
comfort zone. It's that bandwidth a life even challenges that
621
00:29:58.960 --> 00:30:01.880
we can handle in a relational way from our best self,
622
00:30:01.920 --> 00:30:03.839
in other words, And when we get triggered out of
623
00:30:03.839 --> 00:30:07.119
that window of tolerance, we're either getting triggered into shutting down,
624
00:30:07.200 --> 00:30:10.480
disassociating or hyper arousal, We're getting triggered into acting out
625
00:30:10.640 --> 00:30:13.279
or various rigidity behaviors. When we get triggered to up
626
00:30:13.319 --> 00:30:16.799
regulated right, and basically for all of us, that shrinks
627
00:30:16.799 --> 00:30:18.680
over the life side, you know, all of us with
628
00:30:18.839 --> 00:30:21.200
all the bumps and bruises of life that we get into,
629
00:30:21.240 --> 00:30:23.920
all kinds of avoidant mechanisms and things we avoid because
630
00:30:23.920 --> 00:30:27.119
it was we got shamed for, it was embarrassing, ers fit, whatever.
631
00:30:27.480 --> 00:30:29.960
But with trauma, it can really shrink, it can get
632
00:30:30.000 --> 00:30:32.519
really small. So a lot of times one framework for
633
00:30:32.640 --> 00:30:35.559
understanding is work is we're gradually reclaiming our life. We're
634
00:30:35.559 --> 00:30:40.680
gradually broadening amplifying that that window of tolerance or zona resilience.
635
00:30:41.079 --> 00:30:44.119
And one way to do that is to gently lean
636
00:30:44.240 --> 00:30:48.160
into the discomfort, So lean into the fears and again
637
00:30:48.519 --> 00:30:51.240
Peter Lean's work, who you reference with semantic experience and
638
00:30:51.319 --> 00:30:53.599
idea of pendulating, You lean in a little bit, n
639
00:30:53.880 --> 00:30:57.039
come back to that anchor of safety that you discovered
640
00:30:57.119 --> 00:30:59.799
through your somatic progression. Right, you find that anchor, then
641
00:30:59.799 --> 00:31:02.519
you can lean in the edges, lean back, and gradually
642
00:31:02.559 --> 00:31:05.119
we can expand that and reclaim the work. So, I
643
00:31:05.119 --> 00:31:08.119
know you talk about working with fear and working with
644
00:31:08.200 --> 00:31:10.200
our feers, So I wanted if you could talk about
645
00:31:10.200 --> 00:31:12.440
that part of your work, how you help people once
646
00:31:12.480 --> 00:31:15.559
they have that anchor, once they have more inner resources,
647
00:31:15.559 --> 00:31:18.640
that they can continue to work working with biosed fears
648
00:31:18.640 --> 00:31:19.480
and things that come up.
649
00:31:19.519 --> 00:31:21.039
You know, fear is going to be the limitter in
650
00:31:21.079 --> 00:31:23.079
anything that we do, right, and so the way that
651
00:31:23.160 --> 00:31:25.680
I actually talk to people about sitting with their fears
652
00:31:25.680 --> 00:31:28.599
and helping with their fears, it's still virtually the same process.
653
00:31:28.599 --> 00:31:31.279
So yes, while titration and my pendulation is actually a
654
00:31:31.279 --> 00:31:35.079
beautiful experience, sometimes the client really doesn't know how to
655
00:31:35.119 --> 00:31:37.960
approach it from that space. And I'll just reference to
656
00:31:38.079 --> 00:31:42.720
client recently who was using high dose SSRIs and sleeping
657
00:31:42.759 --> 00:31:45.160
medication and all of these things and She was really
658
00:31:45.240 --> 00:31:49.559
fearful about actually, you know, timing off all of us.
659
00:31:49.559 --> 00:31:51.319
She knew that she had to stop. She knew that
660
00:31:51.440 --> 00:31:52.680
was that had come to you know, she'd be on
661
00:31:52.680 --> 00:31:54.400
them for twenty years and she was getting into it
662
00:31:54.720 --> 00:31:56.319
to a lot of years. She knew that was not
663
00:31:56.359 --> 00:31:58.119
going to be The ability for her to use them
664
00:31:58.160 --> 00:32:01.440
going forward was really limited. But her fear was so deep.
665
00:32:01.799 --> 00:32:04.559
And so the way that we work together is we
666
00:32:04.720 --> 00:32:09.640
kept developing more deeply the anchor. We kept developing more
667
00:32:09.759 --> 00:32:12.960
deeply the resource. We kept looking and as we developed
668
00:32:12.960 --> 00:32:15.960
a deeper connection to safety and a deeper resource of
669
00:32:16.000 --> 00:32:18.640
connection to the body. Now, this woman had lost her
670
00:32:18.720 --> 00:32:22.039
husband to cancer five years previously. She had two children.
671
00:32:22.599 --> 00:32:24.839
It was a sudden loss, and she'd also lost her
672
00:32:24.880 --> 00:32:26.799
dream job in that moment as well. So not only
673
00:32:26.799 --> 00:32:29.680
had she lost her husband of forty years, you know,
674
00:32:29.759 --> 00:32:33.559
her closest confidant, her everything, she'd also lost the job
675
00:32:33.680 --> 00:32:35.680
where she had lots of friends and everything at the
676
00:32:35.720 --> 00:32:39.359
same time. So she then shut everything down to come
677
00:32:39.400 --> 00:32:41.680
super she had to beat the matriarch of the family.
678
00:32:41.759 --> 00:32:44.680
She never cried, she never processed, she never did any
679
00:32:44.680 --> 00:32:47.039
of the things. It was so fearful all of that fish.
680
00:32:47.079 --> 00:32:49.720
She thought that if she allowed herself to feel that
681
00:32:49.759 --> 00:32:52.160
grief and go into that fearful state, that it would
682
00:32:52.240 --> 00:32:55.079
never end. That that's it. Once we go, Once we
683
00:32:55.119 --> 00:32:58.039
allowed those fears and that grief and that trauma to
684
00:32:58.119 --> 00:33:00.480
come on, to allow it to come in, then that's
685
00:33:00.519 --> 00:33:03.960
my life going forward from now on. So she suppressed it,
686
00:33:04.039 --> 00:33:06.319
pushed it down, wouldn't go near the fear. And then
687
00:33:06.359 --> 00:33:08.319
as she suppressed it down and as more and more
688
00:33:08.440 --> 00:33:11.799
her human experience was saying, hey, we need to feel
689
00:33:11.839 --> 00:33:13.880
this fear and allow this to come up, she would
690
00:33:13.880 --> 00:33:16.599
suppress it more with higher doses and higher doses. So
691
00:33:17.160 --> 00:33:20.359
when we started working together, her first experience was, I
692
00:33:20.359 --> 00:33:22.079
feel really scared. I don't know where to sit, I
693
00:33:22.119 --> 00:33:24.359
don't know what's going on. I can't I just can't
694
00:33:24.400 --> 00:33:26.160
be here. I can't do anything. And just getting her
695
00:33:26.200 --> 00:33:28.200
to sit still just in the moment was really tough,
696
00:33:28.640 --> 00:33:30.200
and she said, I need to get off these drugs.
697
00:33:30.240 --> 00:33:31.359
I need to do this, I need to do that.
698
00:33:31.440 --> 00:33:34.559
She placed all of these expectations and conditions on her healing,
699
00:33:34.839 --> 00:33:36.200
and she was like, but I can't go near the
700
00:33:36.200 --> 00:33:37.759
fear and I can't go here. So she as you
701
00:33:37.799 --> 00:33:40.799
said before, With trauma, it gets that lane of tolerancy,
702
00:33:40.880 --> 00:33:44.319
that area of tolerancy, that alistatic load becomes smaller and smaller,
703
00:33:44.319 --> 00:33:46.680
to the point where you can barely get out of bed.
704
00:33:46.920 --> 00:33:49.319
And so I just explained to her the first talk
705
00:33:49.359 --> 00:33:51.119
I spaed to, I said, there's nothing wrong with you.
706
00:33:51.480 --> 00:33:54.720
There never was anything wrong with you. You're beautifully whole.
707
00:33:54.960 --> 00:33:57.640
You've just had an experience where you believe that you're not.
708
00:33:58.000 --> 00:34:00.279
And this is where we started. And then we went
709
00:34:00.359 --> 00:34:03.720
back systematically through some of her experiences with her husband.
710
00:34:03.759 --> 00:34:07.200
She felt connected. And then five years she hadn't cried
711
00:34:07.279 --> 00:34:09.400
this one, she didn't even cry that the death of
712
00:34:09.440 --> 00:34:13.039
her husband's funeral. The tears for two hours streamed down
713
00:34:13.079 --> 00:34:15.440
her face. And then as I just held her through
714
00:34:15.480 --> 00:34:17.880
that and said, all of her experiences are welcome here,
715
00:34:17.920 --> 00:34:20.199
All of youers welcome here, every version of you was,
716
00:34:20.639 --> 00:34:23.760
the tears came, The tears came, more tears came. Now
717
00:34:24.119 --> 00:34:27.920
we worked together pretty intensively for twelve weeks. As we
718
00:34:28.039 --> 00:34:31.360
developed more and more internal resources and more and more anchoring,
719
00:34:31.800 --> 00:34:34.000
she kept saying to me, I need to take the
720
00:34:34.039 --> 00:34:35.760
medicine down, I need to come off the metate and
721
00:34:35.800 --> 00:34:37.440
this is what I said to her. I said, the
722
00:34:37.519 --> 00:34:40.320
moment that you allow yourself to feel safe and connected,
723
00:34:40.719 --> 00:34:43.000
you will not need to use those drugs as a
724
00:34:43.039 --> 00:34:47.480
disassociation anymore. And literally, three weeks later, the more connected
725
00:34:47.599 --> 00:34:49.960
she felt to her body, she'd come off all of
726
00:34:50.000 --> 00:34:53.960
her SSRIs, three weeks after twenty years on SSRIs, she'd
727
00:34:53.960 --> 00:34:56.960
come off all of them in a really holistic way
728
00:34:57.039 --> 00:34:59.920
with you, simply just coming down slowly on her own volition.
729
00:35:00.400 --> 00:35:02.719
And then three weeks after that she'd stop all of
730
00:35:02.719 --> 00:35:06.360
her payments and all of her sleeping meds. Wow, amazing,
731
00:35:06.960 --> 00:35:10.079
so deepening. So the process of fear doesn't look like
732
00:35:10.159 --> 00:35:15.360
titration exposure therapy, and my experience actually can When you're ready,
733
00:35:15.920 --> 00:35:18.679
you'll allow the fears to come. The fears will come,
734
00:35:19.000 --> 00:35:21.519
This is the thing. But we have to create capacity
735
00:35:21.559 --> 00:35:23.480
first to allow the fear to be there. And the
736
00:35:23.519 --> 00:35:26.920
capacity is what as a society we do not have anymore.
737
00:35:27.239 --> 00:35:31.559
We have disassociation. We have screens on our telephones, we
738
00:35:31.760 --> 00:35:35.000
have you know, whatever dopamine you can put your finger on,
739
00:35:35.480 --> 00:35:38.360
we have, So they're actually the capacity to sit and
740
00:35:38.400 --> 00:35:41.679
build resiliency, build robustness. Even robustness is where I like
741
00:35:41.719 --> 00:35:45.519
to lie more so than resiliency, because robustness says your whole,
742
00:35:45.800 --> 00:35:51.000
you're really beautiful. Let's clude ourselves in dysregulating places consciously,
743
00:35:51.239 --> 00:35:53.440
let's go, let's put ourself on the edge. Let's build
744
00:35:53.480 --> 00:35:56.159
that capacity in our nervous system to hold more and
745
00:35:56.239 --> 00:35:59.079
more fearful states. And we don't do that anymore as
746
00:35:59.079 --> 00:35:59.679
a society.
747
00:36:00.159 --> 00:36:03.039
No, quite the opposite. And there's there's also a lot
748
00:36:03.039 --> 00:36:05.480
about trying to create kind of bubbles of safety for
749
00:36:05.559 --> 00:36:07.800
people where they won't have to deal with any challenge
750
00:36:07.840 --> 00:36:10.000
as all. It's like going completely and reverse direction.
751
00:36:10.039 --> 00:36:11.800
It's completely the opposite direction.
752
00:36:11.920 --> 00:36:15.519
Yeah, so I really love where you're sharing. You know,
753
00:36:15.639 --> 00:36:18.360
this ability and agree we're not talking about exposure of
754
00:36:18.440 --> 00:36:21.000
therapy here. That may be affects it in some cases.
755
00:36:21.000 --> 00:36:24.079
But I think pendulating and Stephen Levine's model and other
756
00:36:24.199 --> 00:36:27.199
similar work is doing it from a place of resourceness.
757
00:36:27.400 --> 00:36:29.519
And you know, as I was listening to you, I
758
00:36:29.599 --> 00:36:33.039
really got that our ability to lean in, if you will,
759
00:36:33.119 --> 00:36:37.599
to what may be fearful or uncomfortable is really has
760
00:36:37.599 --> 00:36:39.800
to do with the depth of the anchor. The deeper
761
00:36:39.880 --> 00:36:42.719
the anchor, the more we can lean in, right, and
762
00:36:42.800 --> 00:36:46.199
so by in your work of semantic aggression, by finding
763
00:36:46.199 --> 00:36:50.039
these anchors that are really personal to that person there,
764
00:36:50.199 --> 00:36:53.480
that person's particular experience, they go back and experience it
765
00:36:53.519 --> 00:36:56.000
in a fully embodied way, so that experiencing it through
766
00:36:56.039 --> 00:36:59.559
the body, and they have that and building those kind
767
00:36:59.599 --> 00:37:01.920
of inner resources. I think in building on those and
768
00:37:01.920 --> 00:37:04.639
building on those, that is what gives us the ability
769
00:37:04.840 --> 00:37:06.880
to lean in further and do the work you're to say,
770
00:37:07.119 --> 00:37:10.599
develop robustness. I also like that term robustness also. I
771
00:37:10.599 --> 00:37:14.440
would think this gives someone begins to give one access to,
772
00:37:14.679 --> 00:37:17.440
at least in my experience, in the depth of our
773
00:37:17.559 --> 00:37:19.760
And I love what you were communicating to that client
774
00:37:19.800 --> 00:37:22.000
there that you're not broken, there's nothing wrong with you,
775
00:37:22.400 --> 00:37:24.920
which is absolutely the truth with all of us. There
776
00:37:25.000 --> 00:37:26.880
is a lot of stuff on us our but some
777
00:37:27.079 --> 00:37:29.880
level we've been hurt, we've been damaged, we've been you know,
778
00:37:29.960 --> 00:37:32.960
but there is a deeper level of our being that
779
00:37:33.079 --> 00:37:35.760
has never been touched by trauma. And my view it
780
00:37:35.840 --> 00:37:38.360
is really the depth of resource and the deeper we
781
00:37:38.440 --> 00:37:43.000
can go and through inner means and embodiment practices, and
782
00:37:43.360 --> 00:37:46.199
there's a depth down there which is really connecting with
783
00:37:46.280 --> 00:37:49.199
source on some level, and the pathway through the body
784
00:37:49.239 --> 00:37:50.760
for me is the best way to get there. There
785
00:37:50.760 --> 00:37:53.079
may be other experiences that allow us to connect with that,
786
00:37:53.480 --> 00:37:56.519
but when we go to the body, we're connecting with source,
787
00:37:56.559 --> 00:37:58.920
and now the body and the nervousest and remembers how
788
00:37:58.920 --> 00:38:04.159
to get there rewired for access to source, and that source, well,
789
00:38:04.320 --> 00:38:06.880
then allow it gives us maybe that could be the
790
00:38:06.960 --> 00:38:09.599
ultimate anchor. Really, the more experience we had with that
791
00:38:09.840 --> 00:38:12.480
can be the ultimate anchor which we can then relate
792
00:38:12.519 --> 00:38:14.800
with the challenges of our lives and continue to grow
793
00:38:14.800 --> 00:38:15.280
and evolve.
794
00:38:15.840 --> 00:38:19.400
We've just been given an experience from people who don't
795
00:38:19.440 --> 00:38:23.360
know any any better themselves about their human experience as well.
796
00:38:23.519 --> 00:38:25.639
So when we say, if we just say, okay, I
797
00:38:25.760 --> 00:38:28.360
was giving this experience from my parents, who are also
798
00:38:28.960 --> 00:38:32.000
severely traumatized from their parents, who are also severely traumatized
799
00:38:32.039 --> 00:38:33.719
from their parents, you know, so on and so forth
800
00:38:33.760 --> 00:38:36.760
down alone. Who does that trauma belong to? Then doesn't
801
00:38:36.760 --> 00:38:40.239
belong to me? It's not mine. I'm actually perfect, I'm
802
00:38:40.280 --> 00:38:44.599
actually absolutely connected to source, you know. And the divine
803
00:38:44.679 --> 00:38:48.960
always never was. I'm always whole, always was whole, cannot
804
00:38:49.119 --> 00:38:52.280
never not be whole. The deeper I connect into my
805
00:38:52.440 --> 00:38:56.000
bodily experience of safety and connection. The deeper I connect
806
00:38:56.239 --> 00:38:59.559
to source, the deeper and the more resiliency and the
807
00:38:59.599 --> 00:39:02.400
more vastness and the more love and connection I feel
808
00:39:02.440 --> 00:39:05.760
to everything else around me as well, it really isn't.
809
00:39:06.119 --> 00:39:09.000
It isn't mutually exclusive. You know, healing and connection, connection
810
00:39:09.079 --> 00:39:11.000
to everything you know. You don't just heal and then
811
00:39:11.039 --> 00:39:12.800
all looking. Then this connection over here is like no,
812
00:39:12.880 --> 00:39:15.360
all of a sudden, it all comes together. And then
813
00:39:15.360 --> 00:39:18.119
when you can, you know, not identify with the trauma
814
00:39:18.119 --> 00:39:21.159
and not identify with your experience because it was only
815
00:39:21.239 --> 00:39:23.360
just you know, something that happened to you, from something
816
00:39:23.719 --> 00:39:26.239
from somebody who didn't know better themselves, who are acting
817
00:39:26.239 --> 00:39:28.280
out of their own trauma. Then actually then you don't
818
00:39:28.239 --> 00:39:29.840
read solves like it just had got nothing to do
819
00:39:29.880 --> 00:39:33.519
with me. This is everything for them with love, I'm
820
00:39:33.559 --> 00:39:37.960
actually whole, I'm actually loved, I'm actually safe, So I'm connected.
821
00:39:38.559 --> 00:39:40.800
How do you then help people? I mean, I want
822
00:39:40.960 --> 00:39:43.159
the more deeply we can connect, and I think maybe
823
00:39:43.239 --> 00:39:45.880
where I'm about to ask, it just becomes natural and organic.
824
00:39:45.960 --> 00:39:48.960
But at the same time, are there practices you get
825
00:39:48.960 --> 00:39:52.000
people to kind of bring this kind of deeper somatic
826
00:39:52.360 --> 00:39:55.800
awareness and embodiment and wholeness into their daily life, just
827
00:39:55.880 --> 00:39:58.440
kind of practices they begin to integrate into their daily
828
00:39:58.480 --> 00:40:01.079
life to bring it back to their relationships, back to
829
00:40:01.199 --> 00:40:03.000
their work life, or whatever it might be.
830
00:40:03.320 --> 00:40:06.920
So, yes, everybody gets timework. Let's say the homework really
831
00:40:07.039 --> 00:40:11.360
is in the beginning, it's not putting too much pressure
832
00:40:11.400 --> 00:40:14.840
on yourself to always feel safe, because what will happen
833
00:40:14.880 --> 00:40:17.840
sometimes in our first experience of feeling safety is then
834
00:40:17.880 --> 00:40:21.760
we'll use that as another disassociation, right, right, And so
835
00:40:21.960 --> 00:40:25.360
it's a really slow process of like, okay, so this week,
836
00:40:25.440 --> 00:40:27.320
tomorrow morning, for the rest of this week, when you
837
00:40:27.320 --> 00:40:30.199
have your morning coffee or your morning routine or whatever,
838
00:40:30.440 --> 00:40:32.559
I just want you to remember about that memory we
839
00:40:32.639 --> 00:40:34.599
just had. I just want to remember about that time
840
00:40:34.880 --> 00:40:36.320
you know that you sat in the garden with your
841
00:40:36.320 --> 00:40:37.960
mother and pick flowers. That's what I want you to
842
00:40:38.000 --> 00:40:39.639
wake up with every morning, because you know, I know
843
00:40:39.760 --> 00:40:42.519
myself that when I wake up, you know, we get
844
00:40:42.519 --> 00:40:44.440
a cortersole spike. And if we've got a nervous system
845
00:40:44.440 --> 00:40:47.159
that's trained to be running on cortisol and adrenaline, let's
846
00:40:47.239 --> 00:40:49.480
just as we wake up with that Cortersole Spike. Let's
847
00:40:49.559 --> 00:40:51.599
just have sit back down and let's just have that
848
00:40:51.760 --> 00:40:54.480
memory of that experience with our mother in the garden
849
00:40:54.920 --> 00:40:57.159
for three minutes, only three minutes. I want you to
850
00:40:57.159 --> 00:40:58.800
set the climb the time or on your watch or
851
00:40:58.840 --> 00:41:00.400
on your phone, and I want you to sit there
852
00:41:00.440 --> 00:41:02.960
quietly with your eyes closed and just sit there with
853
00:41:03.000 --> 00:41:04.920
your anchor. Where do we find in the chest? Have
854
00:41:05.000 --> 00:41:06.920
your coffee, You're right hand for you, and drink your coffee.
855
00:41:07.000 --> 00:41:09.480
Don't put any pressure on yourself, enjoy the moment. Let's
856
00:41:09.480 --> 00:41:12.079
have all of it whatever, have your tea. Three minutes
857
00:41:12.119 --> 00:41:16.320
only connect in every morning, right, okay? Because it's like,
858
00:41:16.480 --> 00:41:18.199
if you think about it from a child's point of view,
859
00:41:18.480 --> 00:41:21.039
you're the parent. You haven't been there for that child
860
00:41:21.039 --> 00:41:23.719
for thirty five, forty fifty sixty years. All of a
861
00:41:23.719 --> 00:41:26.199
sudden you come in and go, Hi, let's who I'm
862
00:41:26.199 --> 00:41:27.719
going to help you here, to help you feel safe
863
00:41:28.000 --> 00:41:30.440
that aspect of yourself, that childhood, you know, that body
864
00:41:30.440 --> 00:41:32.559
of the experience, that child is going to go, Yeah,
865
00:41:32.679 --> 00:41:35.079
I don't believe you. We've got to start slowly but
866
00:41:35.119 --> 00:41:38.159
surely show up consistently every day, and we do it
867
00:41:38.159 --> 00:41:41.280
in really small increments just and then the following week
868
00:41:41.320 --> 00:41:44.000
it's five minutes. And then the following week after that,
869
00:41:44.079 --> 00:41:46.199
I give you I record the meditation, and I get
870
00:41:46.239 --> 00:41:49.480
you to do the meditation every morning or every three mornings.
871
00:41:49.519 --> 00:41:52.159
And then the following week we do a longer meditation
872
00:41:52.280 --> 00:41:54.480
with the connection with the resources in it as well,
873
00:41:54.599 --> 00:41:56.599
and I get you to listen to that, and then
874
00:41:56.599 --> 00:42:00.360
I get you to listen to that five times. It's
875
00:42:00.360 --> 00:42:05.760
a slowly but surely consistently showing up for yourself every
876
00:42:05.800 --> 00:42:09.119
morning in a really easy way. The meditation. The body
877
00:42:09.199 --> 00:42:11.159
is not a body stillness meditation. We don't you know
878
00:42:11.159 --> 00:42:13.639
how to sit there and lotus and be perfectly still
879
00:42:13.679 --> 00:42:16.880
and perfect after right, No, the body's fully welcome here
880
00:42:16.880 --> 00:42:19.079
if you want to scratch, move and stretch and do
881
00:42:19.119 --> 00:42:20.880
all this stuff, just but just making sure you keep
882
00:42:20.920 --> 00:42:23.760
your eyes closed. All aspects of you are really welcome.
883
00:42:24.079 --> 00:42:26.320
Just show up every morning for three minutes, then for
884
00:42:26.400 --> 00:42:28.079
five minutes, and then you know, and then we'll have
885
00:42:28.119 --> 00:42:29.840
one of you know. And so when I do it
886
00:42:29.920 --> 00:42:32.239
through the different weeks, we will also roll through like
887
00:42:32.800 --> 00:42:36.400
safe love. When everything works out, you know, love again,
888
00:42:36.639 --> 00:42:39.079
and so we'll just roll through all of those experiences,
889
00:42:39.159 --> 00:42:40.920
you know, as we start to work, as we develop
890
00:42:40.960 --> 00:42:42.679
more and more that connection to ourselves.
891
00:42:42.840 --> 00:42:44.679
Well, in a moment, if you're willing, I'd love to
892
00:42:44.719 --> 00:42:47.119
invite you to lead us and a brief practice of
893
00:42:47.199 --> 00:42:50.000
some kind, maybe five minutes or so. Well before that,
894
00:42:50.159 --> 00:42:54.480
one final question, So, you had this experience practicing yoga
895
00:42:54.599 --> 00:42:57.239
nidro basically this kind of body scan work there kind
896
00:42:57.239 --> 00:43:00.400
of particular like really working with the fingers, and it's
897
00:43:00.639 --> 00:43:04.679
very kind of detailed body scan, and then you spontaneously
898
00:43:04.719 --> 00:43:07.559
had this memory, right, and that kind of created all
899
00:43:07.599 --> 00:43:09.920
this few and changed the game for you. So when
900
00:43:09.920 --> 00:43:12.920
you're coaching people and leading them to this process, I
901
00:43:12.920 --> 00:43:15.760
assume you're using yoga NRA with them in some form,
902
00:43:16.159 --> 00:43:19.920
and then are you just hoping they will spontaneously have
903
00:43:20.000 --> 00:43:21.920
that memory or do prime it in some way? Is
904
00:43:21.920 --> 00:43:24.639
there something in the guidance you're offering that you're guiding
905
00:43:24.679 --> 00:43:27.800
them to be more likely to rediscover a memory like that.
906
00:43:28.079 --> 00:43:31.880
A lot of people have active aversion in the initial part.
907
00:43:32.079 --> 00:43:35.760
They'll actually resist knowing that, and so if they can't,
908
00:43:35.840 --> 00:43:37.480
they sit there and go, I can't remember anything. I
909
00:43:37.519 --> 00:43:40.800
can't remember anything. I'm like, okay, that's fine, that's totally okay.
910
00:43:40.840 --> 00:43:43.840
We don't need to go there. What about from your adolescence?
911
00:43:43.920 --> 00:43:47.199
From the teenagers? Nothing there? And then finally, if we
912
00:43:47.239 --> 00:43:50.079
can't get somewhere, then I'll say when was the last
913
00:43:50.079 --> 00:43:52.559
time you felt safe? And then we'll go to the
914
00:43:52.599 --> 00:43:54.559
last time and it might only be two weeks ago
915
00:43:54.719 --> 00:43:58.119
with their husband or wife or whoever it was they felt.
916
00:43:58.159 --> 00:44:00.639
And then we expand out. Then as we expend so
917
00:44:00.880 --> 00:44:02.960
any it doesn't have to be from your this is
918
00:44:02.960 --> 00:44:05.159
the experience. It doesn't have to be from your childhood.
919
00:44:05.320 --> 00:44:07.440
It could literally be from a week ago. And then
920
00:44:07.440 --> 00:44:09.679
if we have a visceral experience of understanding, and then
921
00:44:09.719 --> 00:44:13.119
once I get you to drop in finally to the connection,
922
00:44:13.320 --> 00:44:16.440
and then bam, we'll get one from your childhood. It'll
923
00:44:16.480 --> 00:44:16.800
come in.
924
00:44:17.079 --> 00:44:20.320
So they are doing yoga, you're with that kind of question,
925
00:44:20.440 --> 00:44:22.119
with that inquiry when did I feel?
926
00:44:22.559 --> 00:44:25.000
Yeah, yeah, it'll be lett and we can do it
927
00:44:25.039 --> 00:44:26.719
right now. We'll do it seven minute one now if
928
00:44:26.719 --> 00:44:28.239
you like, I'll just do a really quick one with
929
00:44:28.280 --> 00:44:30.920
you and I'll show you actually the process, the abrieved
930
00:44:30.960 --> 00:44:33.159
version process. You know obviously when i'd work with on
931
00:44:33.159 --> 00:44:34.880
one and we go to it very much deeper space.
932
00:44:35.199 --> 00:44:36.880
So if you like to, I'd be more than happy
933
00:44:36.920 --> 00:44:39.960
to lead you through it. It's yep, seven minute one perfect,
934
00:44:40.039 --> 00:44:42.519
let's do it, okay. I'll get you just to close
935
00:44:42.559 --> 00:44:44.360
your eyes down for me, please, now, my friend, And
936
00:44:44.400 --> 00:44:46.360
I'll just allow myself just to give myself a few
937
00:44:46.360 --> 00:44:48.760
breaths because I've been talking a lot, so just allow
938
00:44:48.800 --> 00:44:51.000
me to connect into my body in this moment as well.
939
00:44:51.199 --> 00:44:52.840
Now whilst I'm doing that, I'll just get you to
940
00:44:52.920 --> 00:44:55.320
take your awareness now just to the body, just to
941
00:44:55.360 --> 00:44:58.519
the whole body, just witnessing in this moment there's any
942
00:44:58.559 --> 00:45:02.960
stiffness or any not labeling it, not giving it a reason,
943
00:45:03.440 --> 00:45:05.920
just witnessing it and just allowing it to be there.
944
00:45:06.159 --> 00:45:09.039
No experience is better than the other, stiff or soft,
945
00:45:09.400 --> 00:45:11.559
both are welcome. And just letting go of the body
946
00:45:11.599 --> 00:45:13.639
for the moment. Now, taking your awareness to the breath,
947
00:45:13.920 --> 00:45:18.519
to that wonderful easy inhalation and exhalation at the nasal passage.
948
00:45:19.480 --> 00:45:24.000
Life giving requires zero effort, happens all on its own
949
00:45:24.239 --> 00:45:28.280
inhalation and exhalation, witnessing the coolness of the air being
950
00:45:28.360 --> 00:45:32.440
drawn in through the nasal passage and the warmth of
951
00:45:32.480 --> 00:45:36.840
the exhalation and that same nasal passage. Witnessing the contrast
952
00:45:36.920 --> 00:45:40.000
of experiences, and just paying attention to where the air
953
00:45:40.119 --> 00:45:43.199
is rising, where it's accumulating in the body. Is it
954
00:45:43.239 --> 00:45:45.880
in the chest, is it in the stomach, or is
955
00:45:45.880 --> 00:45:50.440
it somewhere in between, Just witnessing that rise and fall
956
00:45:51.079 --> 00:45:53.000
under the breath. And now we're just going to do
957
00:45:53.039 --> 00:45:55.760
a very short body rotation. I'm going to ask you
958
00:45:55.840 --> 00:45:58.159
just to bring to mind the best you can, visualize
959
00:45:58.199 --> 00:46:01.480
the best you can behind the closed eye, each individual
960
00:46:01.480 --> 00:46:04.119
body part that I call out, visualizing it as best
961
00:46:04.159 --> 00:46:06.840
you can, as I said, and dropping it the moment
962
00:46:07.000 --> 00:46:10.280
I call out the next individual body part, starting with
963
00:46:10.320 --> 00:46:17.079
the right hand index finger, middle finger, ring finger, pinky finger, thumb,
964
00:46:17.320 --> 00:46:22.840
back of the hand, palm of the hand, wrist, elbow form,
965
00:46:23.039 --> 00:46:26.480
upper arm pit, right side of the rib cage, the
966
00:46:26.559 --> 00:46:33.360
right waist, the right hip, sitting bone, thigh, hamstring, back
967
00:46:33.400 --> 00:46:40.239
of the knee, front of the knee, the knee, cap, chin, calf, muscle, ankle, heel,
968
00:46:41.039 --> 00:46:43.840
arch of the right foot, top of the right foot,
969
00:46:44.400 --> 00:46:48.760
ball of the right foot, big toe, second toe, third toe,
970
00:46:49.400 --> 00:46:53.440
fourth toe, and the right foot pinky toe. Awareness in
971
00:46:53.519 --> 00:46:58.599
the whole right side of the body. Awareness in the
972
00:46:59.000 --> 00:47:02.480
whole right side of the body, dropping the right side
973
00:47:02.480 --> 00:47:06.159
and coming over the left hand index finger, middle finger,
974
00:47:06.880 --> 00:47:11.960
ring finger, pinky finger, thumb, back of the hand, palm
975
00:47:12.000 --> 00:47:19.360
of the head, wrist, forearm, elbow, upper arm, armpit, left
976
00:47:19.559 --> 00:47:27.760
side of the rip cage, the left waist, hip, sitting bone, thigh, hamstring,
977
00:47:28.559 --> 00:47:36.599
back of the knee, front of the knee, the knee, cap, shin, calf, muscle, ankle, heel,
978
00:47:37.400 --> 00:47:40.199
arch of the left foot, top of the left foot,
979
00:47:40.639 --> 00:47:45.119
ball of the left foot, pinky toe, fourth toe, third toe,
980
00:47:45.920 --> 00:47:50.400
second toe, and the left foot big toe. Awareness in
981
00:47:50.480 --> 00:47:55.840
the whole left side of the body. Fleet the whole
982
00:47:56.679 --> 00:48:00.440
left side of the body, taking you away now to
983
00:48:00.480 --> 00:48:03.679
the base of the neck, the shoulders, the upper back,
984
00:48:04.320 --> 00:48:10.719
the collar bones, the chest, shoulder blades, the solar plexus,
985
00:48:11.159 --> 00:48:17.480
middle of the back, lower back, stomach, pelvis, and the
986
00:48:17.559 --> 00:48:21.480
coctis bone at the base of the spine. Awareness in
987
00:48:21.599 --> 00:48:28.199
the whole torso, fleet, the whole torso, awenness in the
988
00:48:28.280 --> 00:48:33.360
whole right side, the whole left side, the whole torso,
989
00:48:33.599 --> 00:48:39.480
and now the whole body fleet. Awareness at the whole body,
990
00:48:40.079 --> 00:48:42.360
keeping your awareness at the body and just witnessing the
991
00:48:42.360 --> 00:48:45.840
breast and again witnessing in the body the rise and
992
00:48:45.920 --> 00:48:50.440
the fall of the wonderful inhalation and exhalation, witnessing the
993
00:48:50.440 --> 00:48:54.760
softness of the breast, coolness of the inhalation, warmth of
994
00:48:54.840 --> 00:48:57.440
the exhalation. Now, in this moment, Fleet, I just want
995
00:48:57.440 --> 00:48:59.440
you to bring to mind, in this moment, and in
996
00:48:59.480 --> 00:49:05.320
this moment last time you can recall feeling loved, feeling
997
00:49:05.360 --> 00:49:07.960
like with your eyes closed now just recalling the very
998
00:49:08.000 --> 00:49:11.239
first time you've felt loved. And now, if you think
999
00:49:11.239 --> 00:49:13.920
you have an experience whilst keeping your eyes closed and
1000
00:49:14.000 --> 00:49:16.519
keeping your awareness on your body, can you share that
1001
00:49:16.599 --> 00:49:18.400
experience of love with me in this moment.
1002
00:49:18.679 --> 00:49:22.320
The last experience was in the embrace of my wife
1003
00:49:22.599 --> 00:49:25.519
just today. The early is experience that came up for
1004
00:49:25.679 --> 00:49:30.679
me was just in the presence really of my grandfather.
1005
00:49:31.559 --> 00:49:34.519
In the presence of my grandfather, it was just something
1006
00:49:34.519 --> 00:49:38.480
about feeling a total acceptance. It wasn't so much like
1007
00:49:38.760 --> 00:49:42.480
a warm embrace love, just a total acceptance for who
1008
00:49:42.559 --> 00:49:46.199
I was and wherever I am, And there was just
1009
00:49:46.239 --> 00:49:50.360
no agenda about me being a anyone other than who
1010
00:49:50.360 --> 00:49:53.119
I was, So just this feeling of total acceptance.
1011
00:49:53.360 --> 00:49:57.000
You weren't required to be anyone other than Fleet Mall
1012
00:49:57.079 --> 00:49:59.360
as a little boy, and the love of that man.
1013
00:50:00.159 --> 00:50:02.559
You think of your grandfather in this moment. Is there
1014
00:50:02.639 --> 00:50:05.440
somewhere in your body right now that you can feel
1015
00:50:05.480 --> 00:50:09.199
that love from your grandfather, feel that warmth of the
1016
00:50:09.280 --> 00:50:13.000
love of just the acceptance. Can you feel that acceptance?
1017
00:50:13.519 --> 00:50:16.480
Yeah, I think I feel it primarily in the whole area.
1018
00:50:16.599 --> 00:50:18.760
And so now I want you to take your right
1019
00:50:18.800 --> 00:50:21.960
hand for me, please and place it directly over your heart.
1020
00:50:22.119 --> 00:50:24.800
Thank you holding it to your heart. And now I
1021
00:50:24.880 --> 00:50:26.880
just want you to bring to mind the memory of
1022
00:50:26.880 --> 00:50:29.679
your grandfather. I want you to start to witness the
1023
00:50:29.760 --> 00:50:33.199
warmth of the hand as it starts to enter that heart,
1024
00:50:33.280 --> 00:50:39.159
spaces into the chest cavity, feeling the whole chest now
1025
00:50:39.519 --> 00:50:43.639
starting to expand with the warmth and the memory of
1026
00:50:43.719 --> 00:50:46.960
the acceptance of your grandfather and the love of your grandfather.
1027
00:50:47.079 --> 00:50:50.239
In that moment, you weren't required to be anything more
1028
00:50:50.679 --> 00:50:53.760
than who you are, and that felt so loving. And
1029
00:50:53.800 --> 00:50:55.920
now I just want you to feel that warmth. Now
1030
00:50:56.039 --> 00:50:58.519
start to radiate into the back, to the middle of
1031
00:50:58.559 --> 00:51:02.159
the back. Now start radiate to the left side of
1032
00:51:02.199 --> 00:51:05.920
the chest, left side of the rib cage now and
1033
00:51:05.960 --> 00:51:09.960
now feel the right side of that rib cage. You
1034
00:51:10.039 --> 00:51:13.079
start to feel it starts to rise up to the
1035
00:51:13.119 --> 00:51:15.719
upper chest, into the bottom of the collar bones, now
1036
00:51:16.199 --> 00:51:21.280
to the armpits, into the shoulder blades, hol upper part
1037
00:51:21.320 --> 00:51:25.719
of your torso warmth and connected to the memory of
1038
00:51:25.760 --> 00:51:30.320
your loving grandfather, to the safety and love of that experience.
1039
00:51:30.679 --> 00:51:32.440
And now I'm just going to leave you quietly for
1040
00:51:32.519 --> 00:51:35.960
one minute, Fleet, to allow any other memories to rise
1041
00:51:36.000 --> 00:51:38.519
in this moment, knowing full world too that there's no
1042
00:51:38.639 --> 00:51:43.360
other memories that need to be here starting now one minute, heykay, Fleet,
1043
00:51:43.360 --> 00:51:45.400
I'd like you just to remove your hand now for me, please,
1044
00:51:45.440 --> 00:51:49.159
placing it back down onto your body, letting go with
1045
00:51:49.199 --> 00:51:51.880
the memory of your grandfather in this moment, holding the
1046
00:51:51.920 --> 00:51:54.320
warmth in your body though, and in your own time,
1047
00:51:54.639 --> 00:51:56.599
and take as long as you need you can open
1048
00:51:56.639 --> 00:51:59.119
your eyes and join us back on the podcast.
1049
00:51:59.719 --> 00:52:02.000
Thank you, Thank you very much. It was wonderful.
1050
00:52:02.480 --> 00:52:05.519
That is a very abbreviated version of what we would take.
1051
00:52:05.559 --> 00:52:07.000
I would take you much that I would take that
1052
00:52:07.039 --> 00:52:09.559
experience right round your body. We would deepen into the experience.
1053
00:52:09.559 --> 00:52:11.920
I would ask you more questions. It was a really
1054
00:52:12.000 --> 00:52:14.239
quickly young and Nindra style. It was a lot more,
1055
00:52:14.360 --> 00:52:16.000
much more of a breast side. That was a very
1056
00:52:16.000 --> 00:52:16.719
short version.
1057
00:52:17.039 --> 00:52:19.800
So yeah, no, I get that, but it's a good introduction.
1058
00:52:19.880 --> 00:52:22.360
I really get it. Yeah, that's wonderful. Thank you so
1059
00:52:22.440 --> 00:52:23.800
much for offering that.
1060
00:52:23.800 --> 00:52:25.840
That's okay. How did you feel? How do you feel?
1061
00:52:25.920 --> 00:52:28.400
I could see the light smile starts to arise on
1062
00:52:28.440 --> 00:52:28.800
your own.
1063
00:52:29.000 --> 00:52:32.119
So wonderful. I've known my entire life. Relationship with my
1064
00:52:32.159 --> 00:52:35.159
grandfather was really a resource for me, and I spent
1065
00:52:35.239 --> 00:52:36.719
a lot of time with him when I was very young.
1066
00:52:36.800 --> 00:52:38.960
He had a farm and he worked in the city
1067
00:52:38.960 --> 00:52:40.360
where I lived, but he also had a farm he
1068
00:52:40.440 --> 00:52:41.960
went to on weekend. So I spent a lot of
1069
00:52:41.960 --> 00:52:44.280
my weekends with him. And you know, like, you know,
1070
00:52:44.360 --> 00:52:46.000
your parents were trying to get you grow up right,
1071
00:52:46.079 --> 00:52:47.880
so my parents were it was all, you know. But
1072
00:52:48.039 --> 00:52:50.920
he was just like so non judgmental, and he would,
1073
00:52:51.320 --> 00:52:53.159
you know, he told me to he'd put me on
1074
00:52:53.199 --> 00:52:55.199
his lap, have me drive the car the last couple
1075
00:52:55.199 --> 00:52:57.880
of miles to the farm. You know, he helped private
1076
00:52:57.960 --> 00:53:01.760
actor ride a horse Dalton saying, and always he would
1077
00:53:01.760 --> 00:53:03.679
just show here, try this, and you'd go away. And
1078
00:53:04.039 --> 00:53:06.159
he'd let me, you know, he had such a gentle
1079
00:53:06.239 --> 00:53:08.599
way of introducing me as things and helping me learn
1080
00:53:08.719 --> 00:53:12.000
skills that it's always been a tremendous resource in my life.
1081
00:53:12.039 --> 00:53:14.719
Now, what a wonderful experience. So you can call on
1082
00:53:14.920 --> 00:53:16.639
that memory and see how And this is where we
1083
00:53:16.800 --> 00:53:19.519
change it up in this experience as we actually recall
1084
00:53:19.559 --> 00:53:21.639
how it feels you feel it in your heart. Hey,
1085
00:53:22.079 --> 00:53:23.679
sleep with that. And now when you have a cup
1086
00:53:23.719 --> 00:53:26.079
of tea or whatever you do this afternoon or tomorrow morning,
1087
00:53:26.320 --> 00:53:28.000
when you go and hang out with your grandfather in
1088
00:53:28.079 --> 00:53:30.280
the shared in the workshop, you know, in the barn
1089
00:53:30.400 --> 00:53:32.280
an afternoon, or back on the trap, you know, and
1090
00:53:32.400 --> 00:53:34.280
these are the things that start to really bring us
1091
00:53:34.320 --> 00:53:36.960
back into our body and connect us back to our
1092
00:53:37.280 --> 00:53:40.559
human experience, connect us back to source. Is these memories
1093
00:53:40.599 --> 00:53:41.559
of connection and love.
1094
00:53:42.079 --> 00:53:45.599
Wow, beautiful or peutiful or sime memory. Thank you so
1095
00:53:45.719 --> 00:53:47.159
much for the amazing work that you do.
1096
00:53:47.559 --> 00:53:49.880
Oh no, you're more than welcome for you please, I'm
1097
00:53:50.039 --> 00:53:52.639
very very honored to be a part of your process.
1098
00:53:52.719 --> 00:53:54.840
And thank you so much for inviting me on. Yeah,
1099
00:53:55.039 --> 00:53:55.280
thank you.
1100
00:53:55.880 --> 00:53:57.840
Where can people find out more about your work.
1101
00:53:58.079 --> 00:54:00.360
So you can just go to my web page Simon
1102
00:54:00.480 --> 00:54:03.840
Emery dot com. That's s I A for Adam M
1103
00:54:03.880 --> 00:54:08.719
O n E M for Mark E r y dot
1104
00:54:08.880 --> 00:54:10.800
com and you can just book a scroll down to
1105
00:54:10.840 --> 00:54:12.360
the bottom of the page and you can book a
1106
00:54:12.440 --> 00:54:14.440
free thirty minute call. We can have a longer form
1107
00:54:14.519 --> 00:54:15.719
chat about your experience.
1108
00:54:16.119 --> 00:54:19.119
Wonderful. Thank you so much, Be well, Thank you flick
1109
00:54:19.280 --> 00:54:22.119
fun Now, thank you for joining me on the Radical
1110
00:54:22.159 --> 00:54:26.159
Responsibility Podcast. Remember, real change happens when we commit to
1111
00:54:26.239 --> 00:54:29.440
our growth, face our challenges with compassion, and stay open
1112
00:54:29.480 --> 00:54:33.039
to transformation. If you found this episode helpful, I encourage
1113
00:54:33.079 --> 00:54:35.360
you to subscribe and help us spread the message of
1114
00:54:35.480 --> 00:54:39.480
healing and personal empowerment. Stay grounded, stay present, and stay
1115
00:54:39.599 --> 00:54:40.800
true to you. Take care