WEBVTT
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Welcome to the Optimizing Beyond podcast. I'm
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Josh Negron, and this show is all about sharing
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lessons, ideas, and strategies that sharpen your
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thinking, strengthen your habits, and push you
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to grow beyond comfort zones. Let's dive in.
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All right, and we are back with Miss Ashley,
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my co -host here for the show today. Welcome
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back, Miss Ashley. Thank you. I'm excited. So
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today's episode is called The One You Feed, and
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you may recognize this as a Cherokee proverb.
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So I'll read the little excerpt of how it goes.
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It states that one evening, an old Cherokee told
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his grandson about a battle that goes on inside
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everyone. He said, my son, the battle is between
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two wolves inside us all. The kid asked, which
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wolf is which? And he said, one is evil. It is
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anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed,
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arrogance, self -pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority,
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lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. That's
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quite a list. And then he said, but the other
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is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity,
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humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity,
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truth, compassion, and faith. He said, this battle's
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going on inside of you and inside every other
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person. The grandson thought about this for a
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minute and then asked his grandfather, well,
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which wolf wins? And he said, simply, the one
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you feed. Right? So what is this? When you first
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hear this, Ashley, what does this mean to you?
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I think it tells us that we have a choice. We
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have a decision. What are we going to allow into
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our lives? What are we going to focus on? What
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are we going to allow to grow? I mean, think
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about it like even in like plant terms, right?
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Like if you plant a garden, if you don't go in
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and weed out the bad things, the weeds are going
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to take over your plants. And eventually they're
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going to choke them out and kill them. So the
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same thing applies to the things that we allow
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into our lives. Do we focus on and allow? the
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good or the evil to grow because over time those
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things are going to continue to grow and eventually
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one is going to push out the other whichever
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way that you choose to focus in your life and
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so it's just highlighting the importance of focusing
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on the good things in life and good positive
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character traits and feeding those and working
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on those so that you don't allow the evil things
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to win Now, would you go as far as to say that
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it's kind of default that the evil wolf gets
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fed? Or do you think it's kind of more even?
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Yeah. Well, I mean, I would say like, if you
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read that list, like that's kind of default who
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we are as humans, right? It's those things are
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usually the path of least resistance. They are
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the things that are going to just come a little
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bit easier. You think about like a toddler as
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they're learning things, their kind of default
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mode is selfish, me, mine, inherently always
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looking out for yourself. And so as you raise
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up a child, you have to teach them that there
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is a different way to do life. And you have to
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work to have those good positive character traits.
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And you, you know, you have to work to overcome
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what is kind of innately within each of us as
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a human. So for me, I just think that those things
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can be so much easier. It is way easier. initially
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to be negative and to focus on the bad things
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because that's just the way life is. And it's
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hard and it's horrible and it's whatever you
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want to say, but you have to make a conscious
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effort to look at the other side of things. It's
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funny. I was thinking about kids too, as you
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said that sometimes people forget that kids can
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be that way. It's like, if you think children
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are naturally great, put them in a room unsupervised
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and see what happens after several hours. Nobody
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would ever do that because it's just, it's not
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a great idea. Yeah, absolutely. And that's why,
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I mean, we've talked about practices before,
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like gratitude is my favorite. that kind of programs
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you to look for the good, which I think gratitude,
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honestly, is probably some of the best food for
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that good wolf. Correct. Just to begin with,
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honestly. Yeah, for sure. One thing that I always
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like to remind people when I explain this concept
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is that typically, like you said, the default
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mode tends to be the negative. I think that's
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probably also why, you know, when you look into,
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you know, this age of digital, this digital age,
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There's oftentimes the discussion around news
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and media and that what gets the clicks, what's
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the most popular is negative news, right? And
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that circulates faster and more prevalently.
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And there's a reason why, right? So I think this
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is kind of the default mode of most people. And
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so when I'm helping someone rewire their mindset,
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I find they get... impatient with the process
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right they're like man i've been doing these
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maybe let's say they've been doing gratitudes
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for 60 days or 90 days and they're not seeing
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the results that they want and they're still
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having a lot of negative thoughts or maybe not
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giving the benefit of the doubt or having the
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law of positive intent like we talked about before
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and so it can be really frustrating and i have
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to remind them i listen like you know how old
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are you you know and 20 30 whatever and it's
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like you've been feeding the bad wolf for a hot
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minute Like easily double digits. And now you're
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starting to finally feed the good wolf, which
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depending on your situation might've just been
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a little malnourished or he might've been absolutely
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starving. Right. And so I think that it's helpful
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for people to understand that there's kind of
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like a time reference here too, in that, you
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know, the same way in that, like, if you've been
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programming, Or should I say, if you've been
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feeding that particular wolf for a long time,
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that it's going to take a decent degree of intentional
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feeding on the other side to get the result that
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you want, right? Absolutely. And so this is so
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important that people have realistic expectations
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of it. And so much so, this concept, I mean,
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you know why this is close to our hearts. Like,
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I mean, I even have a tattoo, right? Correct.
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There's two wolves there. There's the fiery one
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and then there's one that's blue. I wanted both
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to be fierce looking because so many of the images
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out there showed this fierce, aggressive, intimidating
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wolf on one end and then the other half is this
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docile, almost worthless looking wolf. I really
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was like, man, I don't particularly like that
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illustration. And so when I worked with my tattoo
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artist, I was like, hey, like, I think I want
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to have a united, relatively symmetrical image
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of a wolf snarling, even for the good side. Because
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I think you can have a lot of those qualities
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and do it with very intense intentionality and
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passion. And I was like, and I want you to, with
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color and different accents, I want you to kind
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of illustrate one side as being evil and the
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other side being good. And so we kind of took
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it that direction. I'm happy with it. I think
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it's a great reminder for me to remember the
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wolf that I fed for many, many years and then
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the one that I've been feeding intentionally
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now. So in that, I think the reason why this
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concept works is it's starting to be proved in
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science, right? Like neuroscience is doing so
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much of this, like Dr. Caroline Leaf leads this
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a lot. I know that we talk about a lot in a lot
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of psychological programs that neurons that fire
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together wire together, right? So kind of walk
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us through what that concept means to you. Yeah,
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I think you think about like Dr. Caroline Leaf
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refers to our habits and the practices that we
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have and the way in which it works in our brain.
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And you think about each habit like a tree, right?
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And so over time, that tree is growing and getting
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stronger and bigger. And the branches are getting
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bigger around and they're getting longer and
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they're growing. Well, the same thing happens
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in our brains, right? And so whatever habits
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that we've picked up and we've developed, they're
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creating these tree branches within our brains.
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And our brains are going to take the path of
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least resistance around the ones that are already
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there and head down those branches. And so what
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we have to do is make sure that what we're feeding
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our brains is healthy things. You know, it's
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interesting. I actually just got done listening
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to Joe Rogan's podcast with Jelly Roll, which
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literally came out yesterday, and him talking
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about rewiring his brain. um to lose all of this
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weight right like he's lost like 200 plus pounds
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i think it's getting close to 300 pounds at this
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point over the last couple of years and so him
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talking about like he the things that he had
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to do to rewire his brain to not be addicted
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to food right he's like i had to change my algorithm
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i had to start praying for different friends
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i had to change the way that we ate i had to
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ask my wife to hide the food i had to make a
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different decision decision about when I was
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going to work out and who I was going to work
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out with. And I mean, everything to literally
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change and rewire his brain to be able to lose
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this weight. So he would be around for his wife
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and his kids. Right. And realizing that like,
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oh, there's not really any 500 pound 40 year
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olds. And if I want to make it to my next birthday.
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I have to take control of my life and do that.
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So extreme example, but also an example of someone
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who said, I am no longer feeding the evil bad
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wolf inside of who I am. i'm going to shift and
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change and do that and so it was just super cool
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to hear him and he talked so much about his brain
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and and that rewiring and having people around
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him to help him be able to do that and honestly
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like he talked a lot about his circle and having
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to find a new circle and having to start to surround
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himself with different people who would help
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keep him on that better path and who would help
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in that process and aiding him in doing that.
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And so that was just, I would encourage anyone
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to go and to watch that. It was such a cool three
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hours, just listening to him talk about that
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journey. Absolutely. And I want to point out
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here because neurons that fire together, wire
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together that, you know, you talk about food
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addiction. Alcoholism is another one that's easily
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plugged in. Any sort of repetitive, unwanted
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behavior like that, a lot of times that can be
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linked towards trauma or something in the past
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that causes someone to have the propensity to
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do something like this repeatedly. And so it's
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important, we're talking about optimization and
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trying to make those changes. Depending on the
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background and the cause of those things that
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you're trying to change, it's important to note
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that sometimes you may need to see a professional.
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to unwind and unravel those negative thought
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trees or that evil wolf per se, depending on
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what illustration we want to use to help you
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kind of understand where that's coming from,
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understand your triggers, which can help you,
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you know, why was jelly roll dependent on food?
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Like I'm sure he explored that. Correct, and
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he said he had to go back to the basics and to
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really start to understand that and dig into
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that root. and to not just go, well, this is
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just who I am. He had to, in addition to changing
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food and starting to move and do all of these
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things, right? He had to actually go back and
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get to that root cause. and to really dig in
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and yeah, get that professional help. So, you
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know, we would always tell someone if there's
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something that you're dealing with, I mean, any
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of us can use help in processing the things that
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are going on in our minds and in our hearts and
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in our souls. And so I would always recommend
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for someone who has been feeding that bad wolf
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for so long to Go get help. Take those next steps.
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Put good people in your corner who are there
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for you and who want to help you rewire your
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brain. Yeah, for sure. I've got a dear friend
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right now that decided, you know, for the month
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of December, he's like, I mean, he's not an alcoholic
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or anything, but he's like, you know, for the
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month of December, I don't want to drink for
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this month and just prove to myself that I don't
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need to. And it's kind of a personal journey
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for him that he chose to do. And I totally support
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it. And in that, randomly, there was a reel that
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showed up from the Sean Ryan show. And he says,
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one of the things that I, this was Sean talking,
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and he's like, one of the things I get a lot
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of crap about is. that i have so much alcohol
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around the studio because he's sober he's like
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five years sober i think he said and he's like
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so i get a lot of crap for like well if you're
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like if you're proud of being sober like why
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you got so much booze around in the studio or
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whatever like and then what if you have somebody
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on the show that you know is trying to be you
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know trying to be sober and then you've got all
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this stuff and he goes you know and he said an
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interesting take you know because we talk about
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like make sure it's kind of like different strategies
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for different people per se right like you know,
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early on when somebody's trying, you know, maybe,
00:13:48.889 --> 00:13:52.090
maybe to, to, to be dry or to be sober, wouldn't
00:13:52.090 --> 00:13:54.409
recommend them to have a bunch of alcohol around
00:13:54.409 --> 00:13:56.309
or go to the bar. Like, you know, it's, it's
00:13:56.309 --> 00:13:58.049
the, you know, the people that you surround yourself
00:13:58.049 --> 00:14:00.250
with, all those things count, you know, but he
00:14:00.250 --> 00:14:02.570
said, and this is five years in his journey.
00:14:02.649 --> 00:14:04.370
So it's interesting, you know, he's felt he's
00:14:04.370 --> 00:14:07.129
fed that other wolf for so long. He's like, it's
00:14:07.129 --> 00:14:10.830
actually, he's like, I actually like having it
00:14:10.830 --> 00:14:16.120
around because it makes me feel stronger. He's
00:14:16.120 --> 00:14:18.080
like, cause it's right there. I can see it. And
00:14:18.080 --> 00:14:20.639
I'm like, I don't want it. I don't need it. That's
00:14:20.639 --> 00:14:22.320
not me anymore. So it was really like, and I
00:14:22.320 --> 00:14:24.000
sent that to my friend and I was like, Hey, this
00:14:24.000 --> 00:14:27.100
is cool. Like he, and he said a couple other
00:14:27.100 --> 00:14:28.820
words that just like kind of hit home with him.
00:14:28.860 --> 00:14:30.700
And he was like, man, that's like, I love that.
00:14:30.740 --> 00:14:32.200
That's how I feel. Like, that's how I want to
00:14:32.200 --> 00:14:35.480
be. So, so yeah, it's just, it's so entirely
00:14:35.480 --> 00:14:40.049
powerful to just know and look back. to figure
00:14:40.049 --> 00:14:42.269
out where those things are coming from, right?
00:14:42.350 --> 00:14:46.009
Because it all is driven by certain things in
00:14:46.009 --> 00:14:48.490
our lives, right? So one interesting thing that
00:14:48.490 --> 00:14:51.909
I've heard Jordan Peterson talking about is this
00:14:51.909 --> 00:14:54.870
concept kind of makes it sound like if you stop
00:14:54.870 --> 00:14:58.350
feeding the negative wolf or the bad wolf or
00:14:58.350 --> 00:15:01.509
these dark trees in your mind that they'll go
00:15:01.509 --> 00:15:03.809
away. And he's like, they don't actually. They
00:15:03.809 --> 00:15:07.789
don't ever fully go away. In most cases, now
00:15:07.789 --> 00:15:09.610
we're talking, he kind of always talks in general
00:15:09.610 --> 00:15:14.289
terms in his vast knowledge of psychology. And
00:15:14.289 --> 00:15:18.509
that initially was kind of troublesome to me.
00:15:18.529 --> 00:15:20.669
I was like, man, like that kind of sucks. And
00:15:20.669 --> 00:15:23.409
what he meant by that is like, be careful what
00:15:23.409 --> 00:15:27.809
you expose yourself to. Because when you open
00:15:27.809 --> 00:15:30.509
certain doors, you can never fully shut them
00:15:30.509 --> 00:15:33.549
again. It's kind of like you can't unhear something,
00:15:33.649 --> 00:15:37.200
right? And so you can't unhear, you can't unlearn
00:15:37.200 --> 00:15:41.840
something. And so he was saying that encouraging
00:15:41.840 --> 00:15:44.759
people to be judicious about what they took in,
00:15:44.899 --> 00:15:47.360
what they listened to, whether that be music
00:15:47.360 --> 00:15:51.840
or movies, TV, those kinds of things. I would
00:15:51.840 --> 00:15:53.879
say social media is probably the biggest one.
00:15:54.419 --> 00:15:59.179
And so that was a very key thing that brings
00:15:59.179 --> 00:16:03.029
forth... a sense for me of responsibility of
00:16:03.029 --> 00:16:06.929
what I ingest and listen to. Right. Yeah. There's
00:16:06.929 --> 00:16:08.929
a movie that I watched recently and I was like,
00:16:08.970 --> 00:16:10.470
I'm not even gonna mention it. And I was like,
00:16:10.509 --> 00:16:12.090
man, I'm fast forwarding through this more than
00:16:12.090 --> 00:16:14.190
I've ever fast forwarded through something. And
00:16:14.190 --> 00:16:17.230
it's not even like super bad per se. Right. And
00:16:17.230 --> 00:16:20.570
so just, just that taking inventory and taking
00:16:20.570 --> 00:16:23.409
stock of that. Cause he's like, those things
00:16:23.409 --> 00:16:26.190
never fully leave us and they're, they kind of
00:16:26.190 --> 00:16:30.679
build. So just be wise and careful. Cause he
00:16:30.679 --> 00:16:33.519
always likens ideas and thoughts to like living
00:16:33.519 --> 00:16:36.080
things. And he's like, they're very similar to
00:16:36.080 --> 00:16:38.159
living things. And the illustration he gives
00:16:38.159 --> 00:16:40.440
for that is, is like, imagine when you have an
00:16:40.440 --> 00:16:43.740
idea and someone shoots it down, he's like, you
00:16:43.740 --> 00:16:47.100
actually feel some form of like emotional pain.
00:16:48.080 --> 00:16:51.740
And he's like, that's the idea dying, which is
00:16:51.740 --> 00:16:53.600
just crazy. You know, you don't typically think
00:16:53.600 --> 00:16:56.100
of, think of it in that way. So if that's true,
00:16:56.139 --> 00:16:59.769
if there are like, kind of in a way in your mind,
00:16:59.789 --> 00:17:01.870
living things because there's neurons, neurons
00:17:01.870 --> 00:17:05.930
are alive. Correct. If they're, if they're nefarious
00:17:05.930 --> 00:17:08.289
or not healthy or not good, then you're kind
00:17:08.289 --> 00:17:10.670
of just making things harder for yourself. Right.
00:17:10.769 --> 00:17:13.430
Right. Which is, which is crazy. And then here
00:17:13.430 --> 00:17:18.170
is the crazy, like craziest layer added to this.
00:17:18.230 --> 00:17:21.349
They're starting to see how they call this epigenetics.
00:17:22.410 --> 00:17:25.549
And how genetics can potentially have some of
00:17:25.549 --> 00:17:28.069
this encoded in them and what you pass on to
00:17:28.069 --> 00:17:31.009
your children. So I talked to another friend
00:17:31.009 --> 00:17:34.269
very, very recently who was saying like, my childhood
00:17:34.269 --> 00:17:37.509
was entirely different from my son's. It was
00:17:37.509 --> 00:17:41.170
much, like his is so much better than mine. And
00:17:41.170 --> 00:17:43.769
I'll keep it vague out of respect to him. But
00:17:43.769 --> 00:17:47.349
he's like, I'm seeing, nevertheless, I'm seeing
00:17:47.349 --> 00:17:52.500
a lot of the same traits. where he's like, I
00:17:52.500 --> 00:17:56.559
linked my negative traits to my negative experiences,
00:17:56.799 --> 00:17:59.920
but he didn't have those. So why in the world
00:17:59.920 --> 00:18:04.140
is he dealing with that? And so it's crazy because
00:18:04.140 --> 00:18:07.059
I've looked into some of this and how you can
00:18:07.059 --> 00:18:10.440
potentially inherit bad habits, addictions, and
00:18:10.440 --> 00:18:14.700
struggles from your parents. That is crazy town.
00:18:14.960 --> 00:18:18.359
So how much more responsibility do you need to
00:18:18.359 --> 00:18:21.910
feel to really you don't want to pass these things
00:18:21.910 --> 00:18:25.009
along to your loved ones, right? That is just
00:18:25.009 --> 00:18:27.569
intense. What does that make you think about
00:18:27.569 --> 00:18:29.750
when you hear that? Well, I think it's one of
00:18:29.750 --> 00:18:31.950
those, there are things that are going to be,
00:18:31.950 --> 00:18:33.089
like we talked about earlier, that are going
00:18:33.089 --> 00:18:35.369
to be innate within us and we're going to have
00:18:35.369 --> 00:18:38.690
to work to overcome them. It can be really easy
00:18:38.690 --> 00:18:41.150
to blame a lot of things either direction, right?
00:18:41.269 --> 00:18:44.750
Like, well, that's just who I am or that's just
00:18:44.750 --> 00:18:47.769
the way I was raised or whatever. Or on the flip
00:18:47.769 --> 00:18:52.529
side of, You know, maybe it's you blame everything
00:18:52.529 --> 00:18:55.890
on your circumstances, right? Or whatever that
00:18:55.890 --> 00:18:59.150
that looks like. And so you have to work both
00:18:59.150 --> 00:19:02.589
ways to overcome those things. It is interesting
00:19:02.589 --> 00:19:05.069
the older that I get that I'm like, now I understand
00:19:05.069 --> 00:19:07.930
why I do that the way that I do or why I see
00:19:07.930 --> 00:19:10.109
the world through this particular lens about
00:19:10.109 --> 00:19:14.390
this topic or this subject. And so I think you
00:19:14.390 --> 00:19:17.329
just really have to be very self -aware. Um,
00:19:17.549 --> 00:19:21.390
and, and be able to stop and pause for a second
00:19:21.390 --> 00:19:25.349
and evaluate like, which, which wolf am I going
00:19:25.349 --> 00:19:27.930
to feed in this circumstance and in this situation?
00:19:28.069 --> 00:19:30.470
And then again, back to that root cause of those
00:19:30.470 --> 00:19:32.789
things and figuring that out. And that's some
00:19:32.789 --> 00:19:36.009
ways that we rewire and change those neurons
00:19:36.009 --> 00:19:39.170
is it has to be that acknowledgement and that
00:19:39.170 --> 00:19:42.890
stopping. It also happens in reps, right? Like
00:19:42.890 --> 00:19:44.589
you talked about earlier, like it's not going
00:19:44.589 --> 00:19:48.079
to just be this. quick, super easy kind of a
00:19:48.079 --> 00:19:50.039
thing, right? Jelly Roll actually talks about,
00:19:50.059 --> 00:19:51.460
he's like, man, I wish that people losing weight
00:19:51.460 --> 00:19:55.000
wouldn't give themselves just like 60 or 90 days,
00:19:55.059 --> 00:19:57.640
right? Everybody wants this exact thing right
00:19:57.640 --> 00:20:01.299
now. And he actually talked about a Tony, I think
00:20:01.299 --> 00:20:03.460
it's a Tony Robbins quote that talks about that
00:20:03.460 --> 00:20:06.400
people grossly overestimate what they can accomplish
00:20:06.400 --> 00:20:11.180
in 24 hours or even in a month and severely underestimate
00:20:11.180 --> 00:20:14.299
what they can accomplish in a year. right and
00:20:14.299 --> 00:20:19.119
so we we want that new habit now and to take
00:20:19.119 --> 00:20:21.000
effect now and we want to see results from it
00:20:21.000 --> 00:20:24.579
now we are instant gratification people but just
00:20:24.579 --> 00:20:29.119
like it took all of this time to rewire and to
00:20:29.119 --> 00:20:32.579
grow this tree branch it's gonna take lots of
00:20:32.579 --> 00:20:36.950
time to build this new one and to have the neurons
00:20:36.950 --> 00:20:40.569
go and fire to this smaller branch, which then
00:20:40.569 --> 00:20:43.269
over time is going to grow while the other one
00:20:43.269 --> 00:20:48.549
shrinks. And so I think you have to be very self
00:20:48.549 --> 00:20:51.009
-aware and you have to do a lot of like pausing
00:20:51.009 --> 00:20:54.950
and evaluating and be willing to genuinely be
00:20:54.950 --> 00:20:57.509
honest with yourself because until you can do
00:20:57.509 --> 00:21:01.269
that, it's so much harder to feed that good wolf.
00:21:02.200 --> 00:21:05.319
Yeah, absolutely. Now you had a very specific
00:21:05.319 --> 00:21:08.380
instance where the rubber met the road, if you
00:21:08.380 --> 00:21:11.240
will. Yeah. Share that with us. How was that
00:21:11.240 --> 00:21:16.220
for you? Yeah. So this is kind of one of those,
00:21:16.299 --> 00:21:19.779
I laugh and say it's like pre and post. There's
00:21:19.779 --> 00:21:22.180
one of those kind of defining moments in your
00:21:22.180 --> 00:21:27.450
life. So in September of... 2020, you and I were
00:21:27.450 --> 00:21:30.250
on a trip with some friends out in Little Sahara
00:21:30.250 --> 00:21:33.490
in the desert out there playing on ATVs and UTVs
00:21:33.490 --> 00:21:36.849
and in the course of everything ended up rolling
00:21:36.849 --> 00:21:41.309
our ATV and it rolled the direction of the seat
00:21:41.309 --> 00:21:43.390
that I was sitting in. And I don't know if I
00:21:43.390 --> 00:21:45.930
reached out, if I grabbed the door handle, you
00:21:45.930 --> 00:21:48.529
know, everything's a bit of a blur at this point,
00:21:48.569 --> 00:21:50.869
but ended up dislocating my elbow. Which, by
00:21:50.869 --> 00:21:53.130
the way, is one of the most painful things that
00:21:53.130 --> 00:21:57.609
you can do. And so as a byproduct of that, fortunately,
00:21:57.650 --> 00:21:59.789
I didn't break any bones. I did have a small
00:21:59.789 --> 00:22:04.109
tear in one of my ligaments and had to, you know,
00:22:04.109 --> 00:22:06.369
work through that. But in that moment, like,
00:22:06.450 --> 00:22:09.750
there were so many things that I could have spiraled.
00:22:10.410 --> 00:22:13.190
so many ways in which that I could have just
00:22:13.190 --> 00:22:16.789
decided to feed the negative wolf, like living
00:22:16.789 --> 00:22:20.329
in a pity party of why me, I was the fittest
00:22:20.329 --> 00:22:22.509
I had ever been. Obviously like that was towards
00:22:22.509 --> 00:22:26.250
the very end of COVID. And so we had spent basically
00:22:26.250 --> 00:22:29.549
from March until that September working out every
00:22:29.549 --> 00:22:32.289
day with friends, sometimes, you know, six days
00:22:32.289 --> 00:22:34.269
a week, you couldn't go off to eat. We were cooking
00:22:34.269 --> 00:22:39.579
at home. Like I was fit. Right. And so, um, You
00:22:39.579 --> 00:22:42.480
know, that pity party of why me? I'm never going
00:22:42.480 --> 00:22:44.940
to get this back. What is this going to look
00:22:44.940 --> 00:22:48.759
like? How am I going to do everything? Fortunately,
00:22:49.059 --> 00:22:53.200
it was my non -dominant hand. So that was helpful.
00:22:53.480 --> 00:22:56.819
But like, how am I going to work? And so I had
00:22:56.819 --> 00:22:59.839
to make a conscious decision, never mind the
00:22:59.839 --> 00:23:03.160
fact that you were driving. So am I going to...
00:23:03.879 --> 00:23:07.240
blame you be mad at you stonewall you hold a
00:23:07.240 --> 00:23:10.720
grudge against you like there's so many ways
00:23:10.720 --> 00:23:13.880
that that situation could have gone and could
00:23:13.880 --> 00:23:16.220
have headed and the mental spiral that could
00:23:16.220 --> 00:23:19.859
have happened post accident right because yeah
00:23:19.859 --> 00:23:21.599
well i went to the hospital and got my arm reset
00:23:21.599 --> 00:23:25.819
then we're talking about months of PT and having
00:23:25.819 --> 00:23:28.460
to do that every day and the pain and the hurt,
00:23:28.539 --> 00:23:32.099
and then rebuilding that arm to be back in the
00:23:32.099 --> 00:23:35.119
gym, to pick up a barbell, to be able to even
00:23:35.119 --> 00:23:39.259
like be active in any form again. Right. And
00:23:39.259 --> 00:23:43.220
so I had to every single day make the conscious
00:23:43.220 --> 00:23:48.259
decision to feed the good wolf to go, okay, well,
00:23:48.380 --> 00:23:51.180
what can I learn today? What did I accomplish
00:23:51.180 --> 00:23:54.660
today? What new little skill did I get back today?
00:23:54.859 --> 00:23:56.859
And you know what? It presented an opportunity
00:23:56.859 --> 00:24:00.519
for me to allow people to love on us, to take
00:24:00.519 --> 00:24:03.339
care of us, to humble myself and say, I need
00:24:03.339 --> 00:24:06.640
help. I can't do everything anymore, right? And
00:24:06.640 --> 00:24:08.920
we developed this routine in the kitchen because
00:24:08.920 --> 00:24:11.740
I had done all of the cooking. And so we had
00:24:11.740 --> 00:24:14.880
to just develop this new routine. And I look
00:24:14.880 --> 00:24:18.440
back now and go, man, like our marriage is different
00:24:18.440 --> 00:24:23.250
for the better. Because of that season post -accident,
00:24:23.329 --> 00:24:27.230
right? And my reliance on other people and being
00:24:27.230 --> 00:24:32.809
willing to accept help and to go through that
00:24:32.809 --> 00:24:36.470
situation with a smile on my face, to not grumble
00:24:36.470 --> 00:24:41.430
and complain and to be angry, right? Like old
00:24:41.430 --> 00:24:45.710
me, bitter, yeah. Old me would have just leaned
00:24:45.710 --> 00:24:49.539
into that, into the bad. And would have been,
00:24:49.640 --> 00:24:52.299
you know, emotionally destructive. I would have
00:24:52.299 --> 00:24:55.559
been unkind to you, unkind to people around me
00:24:55.559 --> 00:24:57.819
because I was in a lot of pain and I hurt. And
00:24:57.819 --> 00:25:01.019
I would have let that affect everything around
00:25:01.019 --> 00:25:06.039
me. Like a Dr. House situation. Yes, like a Dr.
00:25:06.079 --> 00:25:08.119
House situation. Exactly. But because of all
00:25:08.119 --> 00:25:09.859
of the work that we had been doing mentally,
00:25:10.099 --> 00:25:12.579
you know, and this was honestly like before I
00:25:12.579 --> 00:25:15.759
knew this concept of the two wolves really existed,
00:25:15.880 --> 00:25:18.779
right? The thing that we had been doing was working
00:25:18.779 --> 00:25:21.539
on gratitude. Up until that point, that was really
00:25:21.539 --> 00:25:25.339
the only major habit shift that I had made in
00:25:25.339 --> 00:25:27.900
my life was starting the habit of gratitude.
00:25:28.319 --> 00:25:31.079
That's it. That's really the only one. And so
00:25:31.079 --> 00:25:34.160
it's amazing what even one little habit and one
00:25:34.160 --> 00:25:38.359
little step will do and how it can change your
00:25:38.359 --> 00:25:41.319
outlook on hard situations. Because the reality
00:25:41.319 --> 00:25:44.940
is, is that life is going to be hard. But it's
00:25:44.940 --> 00:25:47.000
going to be what you do with those circumstances
00:25:47.000 --> 00:25:49.859
and how you handle them and how you respond to
00:25:49.859 --> 00:25:53.519
them that define so much of who we are and the
00:25:53.519 --> 00:25:55.299
way that we view ourselves and the way that people
00:25:55.299 --> 00:25:58.339
around us view them. I mean, we can all think
00:25:58.339 --> 00:26:01.019
of people who have had some of the most difficult
00:26:01.019 --> 00:26:03.460
things happen to them. I mean, I think about
00:26:03.460 --> 00:26:06.579
our friends that lost their adult daughter in
00:26:06.579 --> 00:26:10.859
a car accident, right? But you see them and even
00:26:10.859 --> 00:26:14.759
through it all, the joy. And the choosing to
00:26:14.759 --> 00:26:17.319
focus on the light that their daughter had brought
00:26:17.319 --> 00:26:19.920
to those around them and to honor her in a beautiful
00:26:19.920 --> 00:26:22.799
way and to, you know, support other people who
00:26:22.799 --> 00:26:24.279
were going into the same profession that she
00:26:24.279 --> 00:26:27.819
was going into, right? And to look for the good
00:26:27.819 --> 00:26:30.599
that could possibly come out of this deepest
00:26:30.599 --> 00:26:33.480
hurt of their entire lives, right? But again,
00:26:33.660 --> 00:26:36.579
it's that conscious choice and it's that choice
00:26:36.579 --> 00:26:40.599
to feed the good and turn the hard into a positive.
00:26:41.349 --> 00:26:44.349
Hmm. Yeah, so true. And as you were talking about
00:26:44.349 --> 00:26:48.970
the accident, I was thinking about the self -destructive
00:26:48.970 --> 00:26:52.049
mental patterns that I had to fight against to
00:26:52.049 --> 00:26:54.769
the feelings of, you know, I was driving. So
00:26:54.769 --> 00:26:57.589
the feelings of guilt that I had hurt the person
00:26:57.589 --> 00:27:01.150
most important to me. And I remember, you know,
00:27:01.170 --> 00:27:03.390
my best friend, you know, just as I was packing
00:27:03.390 --> 00:27:06.059
up and really. You were being consoled by other
00:27:06.059 --> 00:27:07.980
people and I was packing up so we could go to
00:27:07.980 --> 00:27:10.259
the hospital. And he came in and just stopped
00:27:10.259 --> 00:27:12.119
me for a minute and just hugged me for quite
00:27:12.119 --> 00:27:15.519
a while because he knew the self -blame that
00:27:15.519 --> 00:27:19.460
I was wrestling through. And I was glad that
00:27:19.460 --> 00:27:22.490
I didn't let it consume me. Because then it would
00:27:22.490 --> 00:27:25.490
have been similar. Like, woe is me. I'm the worst.
00:27:25.650 --> 00:27:27.769
I hurt her. And it would have been very, very
00:27:27.769 --> 00:27:30.809
self -destructive. I had already worked on fighting
00:27:30.809 --> 00:27:33.569
negative self -talk and starving that wolf for
00:27:33.569 --> 00:27:36.269
a long time. So I had some habits already built
00:27:36.269 --> 00:27:39.390
up where I could fight the words in my head that
00:27:39.390 --> 00:27:43.089
were trying to come out. Like we said, when rubber
00:27:43.089 --> 00:27:46.230
met the road. When something mild happens at
00:27:46.230 --> 00:27:48.589
work that's annoying, it's one thing to choose
00:27:48.589 --> 00:27:52.059
to feed the good wolf. But when something tragic
00:27:52.059 --> 00:27:55.700
happens, that's when you're tested more and you
00:27:55.700 --> 00:27:58.579
have some tough choices to make. And I just remember
00:27:58.579 --> 00:28:01.140
that as you were talking where key people that
00:28:01.140 --> 00:28:04.019
even that day were like, hey, it's not your fault.
00:28:04.119 --> 00:28:06.160
You know, you didn't do it on purpose. Obviously,
00:28:06.279 --> 00:28:09.000
you know, stop. Don't even go there. Like nothing
00:28:09.000 --> 00:28:13.170
good goes down that path. I was just so thankful
00:28:13.170 --> 00:28:16.470
for those words of wisdom. Like you said, I chose
00:28:16.470 --> 00:28:20.690
what path to go. It was the good wolf and I fed
00:28:20.690 --> 00:28:24.450
that one intentionally. It's still something
00:28:24.450 --> 00:28:26.690
we talk about today. Like you said, it was pre
00:28:26.690 --> 00:28:30.650
-post. It changed how you work out even now.
00:28:31.730 --> 00:28:34.009
That's something that you and I both have to
00:28:34.009 --> 00:28:36.910
live with but not have to have resentment and
00:28:36.910 --> 00:28:39.960
bitterness attached to it. And that is super
00:28:39.960 --> 00:28:43.259
key. And I feel like that event was responsible
00:28:43.259 --> 00:28:45.940
for bringing us closer together when it could
00:28:45.940 --> 00:28:49.140
have definitely done the opposite, more likely
00:28:49.140 --> 00:28:51.930
done the opposite, to be honest. Correct. And
00:28:51.930 --> 00:28:53.990
I think if we both hadn't individually been working
00:28:53.990 --> 00:28:56.549
on those things, there is a high likelihood that
00:28:56.549 --> 00:28:59.809
it would have driven a wedge in our relationship.
00:29:00.029 --> 00:29:02.529
And so there's those key defining moments that
00:29:02.529 --> 00:29:04.730
you look back and you go, I am so glad that I
00:29:04.730 --> 00:29:06.710
made this other decision and started working
00:29:06.710 --> 00:29:09.529
on this other thing ahead of time. So that, like
00:29:09.529 --> 00:29:11.549
you said, when the rubber met the road, we were
00:29:11.549 --> 00:29:15.980
to fight. Absolutely. Absolutely. So guys, we
00:29:15.980 --> 00:29:18.839
hope this concept can really speak to you in
00:29:18.839 --> 00:29:21.940
the choices that you have before you. You know,
00:29:21.980 --> 00:29:25.059
what wolf choose today? What wolf are you going
00:29:25.059 --> 00:29:29.480
to choose to feed? Think about your thought patterns
00:29:29.480 --> 00:29:32.339
and the things that you consume that they do
00:29:32.339 --> 00:29:36.279
have the ability to stack and grow upon each
00:29:36.279 --> 00:29:41.509
other. And so if you're constantly reading. ingesting
00:29:41.509 --> 00:29:44.890
things that are toxic negative hateful those
00:29:44.890 --> 00:29:47.049
kinds of things will build over time and and
00:29:47.049 --> 00:29:50.309
what what goes in will also then come out that
00:29:50.309 --> 00:29:52.690
will just be a product of the seeds that you're
00:29:52.690 --> 00:29:55.109
planting in this little guy right there so it's
00:29:55.109 --> 00:29:57.130
such a such a powerful thing and then and then
00:29:57.130 --> 00:29:59.589
something you can even pass on to to your kids
00:29:59.589 --> 00:30:02.730
which is which is just crazy and I mean even
00:30:02.730 --> 00:30:05.170
even out of the epigenetics they also see what
00:30:05.170 --> 00:30:07.339
you do and monkey see monkey do. And they're
00:30:07.339 --> 00:30:09.440
going to, they're going to, you know, if you're
00:30:09.440 --> 00:30:11.400
highly anxious because of the things you read
00:30:11.400 --> 00:30:13.460
on social media, they're probably going to be
00:30:13.460 --> 00:30:15.960
highly anxious too. You know, it's the most anxious,
00:30:16.099 --> 00:30:20.099
anxious time in history these days. So I don't
00:30:20.099 --> 00:30:22.460
think that's by accident. So hope you found something
00:30:22.460 --> 00:30:25.339
useful here, guys, in this conversation and a
00:30:25.339 --> 00:30:28.579
powerful illustration in the two wolves scenario
00:30:28.579 --> 00:30:32.089
and helping you keep that. top of mind so that
00:30:32.089 --> 00:30:34.609
you can try to take hold of, even if it's just
00:30:34.609 --> 00:30:37.529
one meal that you're feeding in a different direction.
00:30:37.670 --> 00:30:39.150
That's what I want. That's what I want for you.
00:30:39.309 --> 00:30:41.930
Just that extra meal, shifting it from one wolf
00:30:41.930 --> 00:30:44.450
to the other, that's going to, like we say, compound
00:30:44.450 --> 00:30:47.109
over time and going to make a big effect in your
00:30:47.109 --> 00:30:49.690
life overall, like we talked about five years
00:30:49.690 --> 00:30:51.910
ago, accident. And now it's like, man, this is
00:30:51.910 --> 00:30:54.250
crazy, right? So thanks for listening to the
00:30:54.250 --> 00:30:57.009
Optimizing Beyond podcast. Remember, growth happens
00:30:57.009 --> 00:30:59.529
when you take action. So subscribe, share this
00:30:59.529 --> 00:31:01.849
with a friend. and most importantly, put what
00:31:01.849 --> 00:31:03.950
you learned into practice. And until next time,
00:31:03.990 --> 00:31:06.549
keep moving forward because as we know, daily
00:31:06.549 --> 00:31:08.390
anything changes everything.
00:00:02.089 --> 00:00:05.169
Welcome to the Optimizing Beyond podcast. I'm
00:00:05.169 --> 00:00:07.389
Josh Negron, and this show is all about sharing
00:00:07.389 --> 00:00:11.109
lessons, ideas, and strategies that sharpen your
00:00:11.109 --> 00:00:13.949
thinking, strengthen your habits, and push you
00:00:13.949 --> 00:00:17.070
to grow beyond comfort zones. Let's dive in.
00:00:17.989 --> 00:00:21.329
All right, and we are back with Miss Ashley,
00:00:21.510 --> 00:00:23.910
my co -host here for the show today. Welcome
00:00:23.910 --> 00:00:28.640
back, Miss Ashley. Thank you. I'm excited. So
00:00:28.640 --> 00:00:32.479
today's episode is called The One You Feed, and
00:00:32.479 --> 00:00:36.380
you may recognize this as a Cherokee proverb.
00:00:36.600 --> 00:00:40.539
So I'll read the little excerpt of how it goes.
00:00:41.060 --> 00:00:43.880
It states that one evening, an old Cherokee told
00:00:43.880 --> 00:00:46.619
his grandson about a battle that goes on inside
00:00:46.619 --> 00:00:50.340
everyone. He said, my son, the battle is between
00:00:50.340 --> 00:00:53.880
two wolves inside us all. The kid asked, which
00:00:53.880 --> 00:00:57.950
wolf is which? And he said, one is evil. It is
00:00:57.950 --> 00:01:01.429
anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed,
00:01:01.710 --> 00:01:06.469
arrogance, self -pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority,
00:01:06.510 --> 00:01:10.530
lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. That's
00:01:10.530 --> 00:01:12.870
quite a list. And then he said, but the other
00:01:12.870 --> 00:01:17.049
is good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity,
00:01:17.209 --> 00:01:21.269
humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity,
00:01:21.709 --> 00:01:25.730
truth, compassion, and faith. He said, this battle's
00:01:25.730 --> 00:01:28.030
going on inside of you and inside every other
00:01:28.030 --> 00:01:30.609
person. The grandson thought about this for a
00:01:30.609 --> 00:01:33.269
minute and then asked his grandfather, well,
00:01:33.430 --> 00:01:38.129
which wolf wins? And he said, simply, the one
00:01:38.129 --> 00:01:42.269
you feed. Right? So what is this? When you first
00:01:42.269 --> 00:01:43.989
hear this, Ashley, what does this mean to you?
00:01:44.150 --> 00:01:46.670
I think it tells us that we have a choice. We
00:01:46.670 --> 00:01:50.590
have a decision. What are we going to allow into
00:01:50.590 --> 00:01:53.849
our lives? What are we going to focus on? What
00:01:53.849 --> 00:01:57.090
are we going to allow to grow? I mean, think
00:01:57.090 --> 00:01:59.769
about it like even in like plant terms, right?
00:01:59.890 --> 00:02:03.689
Like if you plant a garden, if you don't go in
00:02:03.689 --> 00:02:08.169
and weed out the bad things, the weeds are going
00:02:08.169 --> 00:02:10.969
to take over your plants. And eventually they're
00:02:10.969 --> 00:02:13.150
going to choke them out and kill them. So the
00:02:13.150 --> 00:02:14.990
same thing applies to the things that we allow
00:02:14.990 --> 00:02:20.060
into our lives. Do we focus on and allow? the
00:02:20.060 --> 00:02:24.000
good or the evil to grow because over time those
00:02:24.000 --> 00:02:27.120
things are going to continue to grow and eventually
00:02:27.120 --> 00:02:29.419
one is going to push out the other whichever
00:02:29.419 --> 00:02:31.860
way that you choose to focus in your life and
00:02:31.860 --> 00:02:35.060
so it's just highlighting the importance of focusing
00:02:35.060 --> 00:02:39.659
on the good things in life and good positive
00:02:39.659 --> 00:02:43.060
character traits and feeding those and working
00:02:43.060 --> 00:02:46.240
on those so that you don't allow the evil things
00:02:46.240 --> 00:02:51.280
to win Now, would you go as far as to say that
00:02:51.280 --> 00:02:54.800
it's kind of default that the evil wolf gets
00:02:54.800 --> 00:02:56.860
fed? Or do you think it's kind of more even?
00:02:57.500 --> 00:02:59.639
Yeah. Well, I mean, I would say like, if you
00:02:59.639 --> 00:03:02.860
read that list, like that's kind of default who
00:03:02.860 --> 00:03:06.080
we are as humans, right? It's those things are
00:03:06.080 --> 00:03:08.819
usually the path of least resistance. They are
00:03:08.819 --> 00:03:10.800
the things that are going to just come a little
00:03:10.800 --> 00:03:14.460
bit easier. You think about like a toddler as
00:03:14.460 --> 00:03:16.620
they're learning things, their kind of default
00:03:16.620 --> 00:03:21.560
mode is selfish, me, mine, inherently always
00:03:21.560 --> 00:03:24.780
looking out for yourself. And so as you raise
00:03:24.780 --> 00:03:27.400
up a child, you have to teach them that there
00:03:27.400 --> 00:03:29.599
is a different way to do life. And you have to
00:03:29.599 --> 00:03:32.879
work to have those good positive character traits.
00:03:32.919 --> 00:03:35.439
And you, you know, you have to work to overcome
00:03:35.439 --> 00:03:39.740
what is kind of innately within each of us as
00:03:39.740 --> 00:03:42.960
a human. So for me, I just think that those things
00:03:42.960 --> 00:03:47.479
can be so much easier. It is way easier. initially
00:03:47.479 --> 00:03:50.719
to be negative and to focus on the bad things
00:03:50.719 --> 00:03:52.900
because that's just the way life is. And it's
00:03:52.900 --> 00:03:54.840
hard and it's horrible and it's whatever you
00:03:54.840 --> 00:03:57.900
want to say, but you have to make a conscious
00:03:57.900 --> 00:04:02.599
effort to look at the other side of things. It's
00:04:02.599 --> 00:04:04.500
funny. I was thinking about kids too, as you
00:04:04.500 --> 00:04:08.770
said that sometimes people forget that kids can
00:04:08.770 --> 00:04:11.490
be that way. It's like, if you think children
00:04:11.490 --> 00:04:15.090
are naturally great, put them in a room unsupervised
00:04:15.090 --> 00:04:18.589
and see what happens after several hours. Nobody
00:04:18.589 --> 00:04:20.509
would ever do that because it's just, it's not
00:04:20.509 --> 00:04:23.930
a great idea. Yeah, absolutely. And that's why,
00:04:23.990 --> 00:04:26.269
I mean, we've talked about practices before,
00:04:26.350 --> 00:04:29.819
like gratitude is my favorite. that kind of programs
00:04:29.819 --> 00:04:32.579
you to look for the good, which I think gratitude,
00:04:32.800 --> 00:04:36.180
honestly, is probably some of the best food for
00:04:36.180 --> 00:04:39.040
that good wolf. Correct. Just to begin with,
00:04:39.079 --> 00:04:41.839
honestly. Yeah, for sure. One thing that I always
00:04:41.839 --> 00:04:44.899
like to remind people when I explain this concept
00:04:44.899 --> 00:04:48.480
is that typically, like you said, the default
00:04:48.480 --> 00:04:51.560
mode tends to be the negative. I think that's
00:04:51.560 --> 00:04:54.319
probably also why, you know, when you look into,
00:04:54.420 --> 00:04:57.139
you know, this age of digital, this digital age,
00:04:58.060 --> 00:05:01.120
There's oftentimes the discussion around news
00:05:01.120 --> 00:05:04.360
and media and that what gets the clicks, what's
00:05:04.360 --> 00:05:07.980
the most popular is negative news, right? And
00:05:07.980 --> 00:05:10.720
that circulates faster and more prevalently.
00:05:10.860 --> 00:05:13.360
And there's a reason why, right? So I think this
00:05:13.360 --> 00:05:16.079
is kind of the default mode of most people. And
00:05:16.079 --> 00:05:20.259
so when I'm helping someone rewire their mindset,
00:05:20.560 --> 00:05:25.170
I find they get... impatient with the process
00:05:25.170 --> 00:05:27.170
right they're like man i've been doing these
00:05:27.170 --> 00:05:29.089
maybe let's say they've been doing gratitudes
00:05:29.089 --> 00:05:31.930
for 60 days or 90 days and they're not seeing
00:05:31.930 --> 00:05:33.509
the results that they want and they're still
00:05:33.509 --> 00:05:36.009
having a lot of negative thoughts or maybe not
00:05:36.009 --> 00:05:37.910
giving the benefit of the doubt or having the
00:05:37.910 --> 00:05:39.790
law of positive intent like we talked about before
00:05:39.790 --> 00:05:42.589
and so it can be really frustrating and i have
00:05:42.589 --> 00:05:44.889
to remind them i listen like you know how old
00:05:44.889 --> 00:05:48.069
are you you know and 20 30 whatever and it's
00:05:48.069 --> 00:05:51.949
like you've been feeding the bad wolf for a hot
00:05:51.949 --> 00:05:55.709
minute Like easily double digits. And now you're
00:05:55.709 --> 00:05:59.370
starting to finally feed the good wolf, which
00:05:59.370 --> 00:06:02.870
depending on your situation might've just been
00:06:02.870 --> 00:06:05.550
a little malnourished or he might've been absolutely
00:06:05.550 --> 00:06:10.509
starving. Right. And so I think that it's helpful
00:06:10.509 --> 00:06:13.310
for people to understand that there's kind of
00:06:13.310 --> 00:06:16.850
like a time reference here too, in that, you
00:06:16.850 --> 00:06:19.629
know, the same way in that, like, if you've been
00:06:19.629 --> 00:06:22.220
programming, Or should I say, if you've been
00:06:22.220 --> 00:06:25.220
feeding that particular wolf for a long time,
00:06:25.399 --> 00:06:28.120
that it's going to take a decent degree of intentional
00:06:28.120 --> 00:06:30.500
feeding on the other side to get the result that
00:06:30.500 --> 00:06:33.720
you want, right? Absolutely. And so this is so
00:06:33.720 --> 00:06:35.540
important that people have realistic expectations
00:06:35.540 --> 00:06:38.519
of it. And so much so, this concept, I mean,
00:06:38.540 --> 00:06:40.800
you know why this is close to our hearts. Like,
00:06:40.860 --> 00:06:45.279
I mean, I even have a tattoo, right? Correct.
00:06:45.420 --> 00:06:47.540
There's two wolves there. There's the fiery one
00:06:47.540 --> 00:06:49.579
and then there's one that's blue. I wanted both
00:06:49.579 --> 00:06:54.920
to be fierce looking because so many of the images
00:06:54.920 --> 00:06:59.680
out there showed this fierce, aggressive, intimidating
00:06:59.680 --> 00:07:03.240
wolf on one end and then the other half is this
00:07:03.240 --> 00:07:07.300
docile, almost worthless looking wolf. I really
00:07:07.300 --> 00:07:09.480
was like, man, I don't particularly like that
00:07:09.480 --> 00:07:12.800
illustration. And so when I worked with my tattoo
00:07:12.800 --> 00:07:15.019
artist, I was like, hey, like, I think I want
00:07:15.019 --> 00:07:19.720
to have a united, relatively symmetrical image
00:07:19.720 --> 00:07:23.720
of a wolf snarling, even for the good side. Because
00:07:23.720 --> 00:07:25.699
I think you can have a lot of those qualities
00:07:25.699 --> 00:07:28.720
and do it with very intense intentionality and
00:07:28.720 --> 00:07:32.060
passion. And I was like, and I want you to, with
00:07:32.060 --> 00:07:35.000
color and different accents, I want you to kind
00:07:35.000 --> 00:07:37.480
of illustrate one side as being evil and the
00:07:37.480 --> 00:07:38.860
other side being good. And so we kind of took
00:07:38.860 --> 00:07:40.980
it that direction. I'm happy with it. I think
00:07:40.980 --> 00:07:43.899
it's a great reminder for me to remember the
00:07:43.899 --> 00:07:46.100
wolf that I fed for many, many years and then
00:07:46.100 --> 00:07:47.519
the one that I've been feeding intentionally
00:07:47.519 --> 00:07:51.430
now. So in that, I think the reason why this
00:07:51.430 --> 00:07:53.970
concept works is it's starting to be proved in
00:07:53.970 --> 00:07:56.629
science, right? Like neuroscience is doing so
00:07:56.629 --> 00:07:59.750
much of this, like Dr. Caroline Leaf leads this
00:07:59.750 --> 00:08:03.750
a lot. I know that we talk about a lot in a lot
00:08:03.750 --> 00:08:05.870
of psychological programs that neurons that fire
00:08:05.870 --> 00:08:08.889
together wire together, right? So kind of walk
00:08:08.889 --> 00:08:12.750
us through what that concept means to you. Yeah,
00:08:12.790 --> 00:08:15.410
I think you think about like Dr. Caroline Leaf
00:08:15.410 --> 00:08:18.949
refers to our habits and the practices that we
00:08:18.949 --> 00:08:21.310
have and the way in which it works in our brain.
00:08:21.410 --> 00:08:24.329
And you think about each habit like a tree, right?
00:08:24.910 --> 00:08:28.470
And so over time, that tree is growing and getting
00:08:28.470 --> 00:08:31.269
stronger and bigger. And the branches are getting
00:08:31.269 --> 00:08:33.789
bigger around and they're getting longer and
00:08:33.789 --> 00:08:36.129
they're growing. Well, the same thing happens
00:08:36.129 --> 00:08:39.149
in our brains, right? And so whatever habits
00:08:39.149 --> 00:08:41.970
that we've picked up and we've developed, they're
00:08:41.970 --> 00:08:45.350
creating these tree branches within our brains.
00:08:45.389 --> 00:08:47.769
And our brains are going to take the path of
00:08:47.769 --> 00:08:50.450
least resistance around the ones that are already
00:08:50.450 --> 00:08:54.210
there and head down those branches. And so what
00:08:54.210 --> 00:08:57.450
we have to do is make sure that what we're feeding
00:08:57.450 --> 00:09:03.110
our brains is healthy things. You know, it's
00:09:03.110 --> 00:09:05.169
interesting. I actually just got done listening
00:09:05.169 --> 00:09:08.929
to Joe Rogan's podcast with Jelly Roll, which
00:09:08.929 --> 00:09:12.009
literally came out yesterday, and him talking
00:09:12.009 --> 00:09:17.309
about rewiring his brain. um to lose all of this
00:09:17.309 --> 00:09:20.549
weight right like he's lost like 200 plus pounds
00:09:20.549 --> 00:09:22.990
i think it's getting close to 300 pounds at this
00:09:22.990 --> 00:09:25.370
point over the last couple of years and so him
00:09:25.370 --> 00:09:27.809
talking about like he the things that he had
00:09:27.809 --> 00:09:31.529
to do to rewire his brain to not be addicted
00:09:31.529 --> 00:09:34.730
to food right he's like i had to change my algorithm
00:09:34.730 --> 00:09:37.009
i had to start praying for different friends
00:09:37.009 --> 00:09:40.210
i had to change the way that we ate i had to
00:09:40.210 --> 00:09:44.350
ask my wife to hide the food i had to make a
00:09:44.350 --> 00:09:46.309
different decision decision about when I was
00:09:46.309 --> 00:09:47.929
going to work out and who I was going to work
00:09:47.929 --> 00:09:50.429
out with. And I mean, everything to literally
00:09:50.429 --> 00:09:54.950
change and rewire his brain to be able to lose
00:09:54.950 --> 00:09:57.210
this weight. So he would be around for his wife
00:09:57.210 --> 00:09:59.309
and his kids. Right. And realizing that like,
00:09:59.389 --> 00:10:03.350
oh, there's not really any 500 pound 40 year
00:10:03.350 --> 00:10:05.929
olds. And if I want to make it to my next birthday.
00:10:06.960 --> 00:10:08.559
I have to take control of my life and do that.
00:10:08.659 --> 00:10:12.259
So extreme example, but also an example of someone
00:10:12.259 --> 00:10:15.980
who said, I am no longer feeding the evil bad
00:10:15.980 --> 00:10:19.779
wolf inside of who I am. i'm going to shift and
00:10:19.779 --> 00:10:22.840
change and do that and so it was just super cool
00:10:22.840 --> 00:10:25.519
to hear him and he talked so much about his brain
00:10:25.519 --> 00:10:28.740
and and that rewiring and having people around
00:10:28.740 --> 00:10:32.000
him to help him be able to do that and honestly
00:10:32.000 --> 00:10:34.360
like he talked a lot about his circle and having
00:10:34.360 --> 00:10:37.500
to find a new circle and having to start to surround
00:10:37.500 --> 00:10:40.580
himself with different people who would help
00:10:40.580 --> 00:10:44.639
keep him on that better path and who would help
00:10:44.919 --> 00:10:47.120
in that process and aiding him in doing that.
00:10:47.159 --> 00:10:49.519
And so that was just, I would encourage anyone
00:10:49.519 --> 00:10:52.639
to go and to watch that. It was such a cool three
00:10:52.639 --> 00:10:54.360
hours, just listening to him talk about that
00:10:54.360 --> 00:10:58.360
journey. Absolutely. And I want to point out
00:10:58.360 --> 00:11:01.059
here because neurons that fire together, wire
00:11:01.059 --> 00:11:03.620
together that, you know, you talk about food
00:11:03.620 --> 00:11:06.620
addiction. Alcoholism is another one that's easily
00:11:06.620 --> 00:11:10.019
plugged in. Any sort of repetitive, unwanted
00:11:10.019 --> 00:11:12.500
behavior like that, a lot of times that can be
00:11:12.500 --> 00:11:15.360
linked towards trauma or something in the past
00:11:15.360 --> 00:11:17.580
that causes someone to have the propensity to
00:11:17.580 --> 00:11:19.980
do something like this repeatedly. And so it's
00:11:19.980 --> 00:11:22.200
important, we're talking about optimization and
00:11:22.200 --> 00:11:24.899
trying to make those changes. Depending on the
00:11:24.899 --> 00:11:27.200
background and the cause of those things that
00:11:27.200 --> 00:11:29.600
you're trying to change, it's important to note
00:11:29.600 --> 00:11:32.179
that sometimes you may need to see a professional.
00:11:32.809 --> 00:11:36.909
to unwind and unravel those negative thought
00:11:36.909 --> 00:11:39.669
trees or that evil wolf per se, depending on
00:11:39.669 --> 00:11:42.070
what illustration we want to use to help you
00:11:42.070 --> 00:11:44.129
kind of understand where that's coming from,
00:11:44.210 --> 00:11:46.730
understand your triggers, which can help you,
00:11:46.769 --> 00:11:49.649
you know, why was jelly roll dependent on food?
00:11:49.730 --> 00:11:51.009
Like I'm sure he explored that. Correct, and
00:11:51.009 --> 00:11:56.350
he said he had to go back to the basics and to
00:11:56.350 --> 00:11:58.509
really start to understand that and dig into
00:11:58.509 --> 00:12:02.559
that root. and to not just go, well, this is
00:12:02.559 --> 00:12:07.240
just who I am. He had to, in addition to changing
00:12:07.240 --> 00:12:09.379
food and starting to move and do all of these
00:12:09.379 --> 00:12:12.580
things, right? He had to actually go back and
00:12:12.580 --> 00:12:17.970
get to that root cause. and to really dig in
00:12:17.970 --> 00:12:20.570
and yeah, get that professional help. So, you
00:12:20.570 --> 00:12:22.649
know, we would always tell someone if there's
00:12:22.649 --> 00:12:24.250
something that you're dealing with, I mean, any
00:12:24.250 --> 00:12:27.269
of us can use help in processing the things that
00:12:27.269 --> 00:12:29.750
are going on in our minds and in our hearts and
00:12:29.750 --> 00:12:32.210
in our souls. And so I would always recommend
00:12:32.210 --> 00:12:35.629
for someone who has been feeding that bad wolf
00:12:35.629 --> 00:12:40.110
for so long to Go get help. Take those next steps.
00:12:40.250 --> 00:12:42.809
Put good people in your corner who are there
00:12:42.809 --> 00:12:45.970
for you and who want to help you rewire your
00:12:45.970 --> 00:12:48.909
brain. Yeah, for sure. I've got a dear friend
00:12:48.909 --> 00:12:51.289
right now that decided, you know, for the month
00:12:51.289 --> 00:12:53.669
of December, he's like, I mean, he's not an alcoholic
00:12:53.669 --> 00:12:55.269
or anything, but he's like, you know, for the
00:12:55.269 --> 00:12:57.309
month of December, I don't want to drink for
00:12:57.309 --> 00:12:59.690
this month and just prove to myself that I don't
00:12:59.690 --> 00:13:02.169
need to. And it's kind of a personal journey
00:13:02.169 --> 00:13:05.289
for him that he chose to do. And I totally support
00:13:05.289 --> 00:13:08.129
it. And in that, randomly, there was a reel that
00:13:08.129 --> 00:13:11.570
showed up from the Sean Ryan show. And he says,
00:13:11.649 --> 00:13:13.490
one of the things that I, this was Sean talking,
00:13:13.549 --> 00:13:14.750
and he's like, one of the things I get a lot
00:13:14.750 --> 00:13:18.159
of crap about is. that i have so much alcohol
00:13:18.159 --> 00:13:20.879
around the studio because he's sober he's like
00:13:20.879 --> 00:13:22.779
five years sober i think he said and he's like
00:13:22.779 --> 00:13:24.559
so i get a lot of crap for like well if you're
00:13:24.559 --> 00:13:26.740
like if you're proud of being sober like why
00:13:26.740 --> 00:13:28.460
you got so much booze around in the studio or
00:13:28.460 --> 00:13:30.279
whatever like and then what if you have somebody
00:13:30.279 --> 00:13:33.500
on the show that you know is trying to be you
00:13:33.500 --> 00:13:35.159
know trying to be sober and then you've got all
00:13:35.159 --> 00:13:37.840
this stuff and he goes you know and he said an
00:13:37.840 --> 00:13:39.340
interesting take you know because we talk about
00:13:39.340 --> 00:13:42.879
like make sure it's kind of like different strategies
00:13:42.879 --> 00:13:46.129
for different people per se right like you know,
00:13:46.129 --> 00:13:48.830
early on when somebody's trying, you know, maybe,
00:13:48.889 --> 00:13:52.090
maybe to, to, to be dry or to be sober, wouldn't
00:13:52.090 --> 00:13:54.409
recommend them to have a bunch of alcohol around
00:13:54.409 --> 00:13:56.309
or go to the bar. Like, you know, it's, it's
00:13:56.309 --> 00:13:58.049
the, you know, the people that you surround yourself
00:13:58.049 --> 00:14:00.250
with, all those things count, you know, but he
00:14:00.250 --> 00:14:02.570
said, and this is five years in his journey.
00:14:02.649 --> 00:14:04.370
So it's interesting, you know, he's felt he's
00:14:04.370 --> 00:14:07.129
fed that other wolf for so long. He's like, it's
00:14:07.129 --> 00:14:10.830
actually, he's like, I actually like having it
00:14:10.830 --> 00:14:16.120
around because it makes me feel stronger. He's
00:14:16.120 --> 00:14:18.080
like, cause it's right there. I can see it. And
00:14:18.080 --> 00:14:20.639
I'm like, I don't want it. I don't need it. That's
00:14:20.639 --> 00:14:22.320
not me anymore. So it was really like, and I
00:14:22.320 --> 00:14:24.000
sent that to my friend and I was like, Hey, this
00:14:24.000 --> 00:14:27.100
is cool. Like he, and he said a couple other
00:14:27.100 --> 00:14:28.820
words that just like kind of hit home with him.
00:14:28.860 --> 00:14:30.700
And he was like, man, that's like, I love that.
00:14:30.740 --> 00:14:32.200
That's how I feel. Like, that's how I want to
00:14:32.200 --> 00:14:35.480
be. So, so yeah, it's just, it's so entirely
00:14:35.480 --> 00:14:40.049
powerful to just know and look back. to figure
00:14:40.049 --> 00:14:42.269
out where those things are coming from, right?
00:14:42.350 --> 00:14:46.009
Because it all is driven by certain things in
00:14:46.009 --> 00:14:48.490
our lives, right? So one interesting thing that
00:14:48.490 --> 00:14:51.909
I've heard Jordan Peterson talking about is this
00:14:51.909 --> 00:14:54.870
concept kind of makes it sound like if you stop
00:14:54.870 --> 00:14:58.350
feeding the negative wolf or the bad wolf or
00:14:58.350 --> 00:15:01.509
these dark trees in your mind that they'll go
00:15:01.509 --> 00:15:03.809
away. And he's like, they don't actually. They
00:15:03.809 --> 00:15:07.789
don't ever fully go away. In most cases, now
00:15:07.789 --> 00:15:09.610
we're talking, he kind of always talks in general
00:15:09.610 --> 00:15:14.289
terms in his vast knowledge of psychology. And
00:15:14.289 --> 00:15:18.509
that initially was kind of troublesome to me.
00:15:18.529 --> 00:15:20.669
I was like, man, like that kind of sucks. And
00:15:20.669 --> 00:15:23.409
what he meant by that is like, be careful what
00:15:23.409 --> 00:15:27.809
you expose yourself to. Because when you open
00:15:27.809 --> 00:15:30.509
certain doors, you can never fully shut them
00:15:30.509 --> 00:15:33.549
again. It's kind of like you can't unhear something,
00:15:33.649 --> 00:15:37.200
right? And so you can't unhear, you can't unlearn
00:15:37.200 --> 00:15:41.840
something. And so he was saying that encouraging
00:15:41.840 --> 00:15:44.759
people to be judicious about what they took in,
00:15:44.899 --> 00:15:47.360
what they listened to, whether that be music
00:15:47.360 --> 00:15:51.840
or movies, TV, those kinds of things. I would
00:15:51.840 --> 00:15:53.879
say social media is probably the biggest one.
00:15:54.419 --> 00:15:59.179
And so that was a very key thing that brings
00:15:59.179 --> 00:16:03.029
forth... a sense for me of responsibility of
00:16:03.029 --> 00:16:06.929
what I ingest and listen to. Right. Yeah. There's
00:16:06.929 --> 00:16:08.929
a movie that I watched recently and I was like,
00:16:08.970 --> 00:16:10.470
I'm not even gonna mention it. And I was like,
00:16:10.509 --> 00:16:12.090
man, I'm fast forwarding through this more than
00:16:12.090 --> 00:16:14.190
I've ever fast forwarded through something. And
00:16:14.190 --> 00:16:17.230
it's not even like super bad per se. Right. And
00:16:17.230 --> 00:16:20.570
so just, just that taking inventory and taking
00:16:20.570 --> 00:16:23.409
stock of that. Cause he's like, those things
00:16:23.409 --> 00:16:26.190
never fully leave us and they're, they kind of
00:16:26.190 --> 00:16:30.679
build. So just be wise and careful. Cause he
00:16:30.679 --> 00:16:33.519
always likens ideas and thoughts to like living
00:16:33.519 --> 00:16:36.080
things. And he's like, they're very similar to
00:16:36.080 --> 00:16:38.159
living things. And the illustration he gives
00:16:38.159 --> 00:16:40.440
for that is, is like, imagine when you have an
00:16:40.440 --> 00:16:43.740
idea and someone shoots it down, he's like, you
00:16:43.740 --> 00:16:47.100
actually feel some form of like emotional pain.
00:16:48.080 --> 00:16:51.740
And he's like, that's the idea dying, which is
00:16:51.740 --> 00:16:53.600
just crazy. You know, you don't typically think
00:16:53.600 --> 00:16:56.100
of, think of it in that way. So if that's true,
00:16:56.139 --> 00:16:59.769
if there are like, kind of in a way in your mind,
00:16:59.789 --> 00:17:01.870
living things because there's neurons, neurons
00:17:01.870 --> 00:17:05.930
are alive. Correct. If they're, if they're nefarious
00:17:05.930 --> 00:17:08.289
or not healthy or not good, then you're kind
00:17:08.289 --> 00:17:10.670
of just making things harder for yourself. Right.
00:17:10.769 --> 00:17:13.430
Right. Which is, which is crazy. And then here
00:17:13.430 --> 00:17:18.170
is the crazy, like craziest layer added to this.
00:17:18.230 --> 00:17:21.349
They're starting to see how they call this epigenetics.
00:17:22.410 --> 00:17:25.549
And how genetics can potentially have some of
00:17:25.549 --> 00:17:28.069
this encoded in them and what you pass on to
00:17:28.069 --> 00:17:31.009
your children. So I talked to another friend
00:17:31.009 --> 00:17:34.269
very, very recently who was saying like, my childhood
00:17:34.269 --> 00:17:37.509
was entirely different from my son's. It was
00:17:37.509 --> 00:17:41.170
much, like his is so much better than mine. And
00:17:41.170 --> 00:17:43.769
I'll keep it vague out of respect to him. But
00:17:43.769 --> 00:17:47.349
he's like, I'm seeing, nevertheless, I'm seeing
00:17:47.349 --> 00:17:52.500
a lot of the same traits. where he's like, I
00:17:52.500 --> 00:17:56.559
linked my negative traits to my negative experiences,
00:17:56.799 --> 00:17:59.920
but he didn't have those. So why in the world
00:17:59.920 --> 00:18:04.140
is he dealing with that? And so it's crazy because
00:18:04.140 --> 00:18:07.059
I've looked into some of this and how you can
00:18:07.059 --> 00:18:10.440
potentially inherit bad habits, addictions, and
00:18:10.440 --> 00:18:14.700
struggles from your parents. That is crazy town.
00:18:14.960 --> 00:18:18.359
So how much more responsibility do you need to
00:18:18.359 --> 00:18:21.910
feel to really you don't want to pass these things
00:18:21.910 --> 00:18:25.009
along to your loved ones, right? That is just
00:18:25.009 --> 00:18:27.569
intense. What does that make you think about
00:18:27.569 --> 00:18:29.750
when you hear that? Well, I think it's one of
00:18:29.750 --> 00:18:31.950
those, there are things that are going to be,
00:18:31.950 --> 00:18:33.089
like we talked about earlier, that are going
00:18:33.089 --> 00:18:35.369
to be innate within us and we're going to have
00:18:35.369 --> 00:18:38.690
to work to overcome them. It can be really easy
00:18:38.690 --> 00:18:41.150
to blame a lot of things either direction, right?
00:18:41.269 --> 00:18:44.750
Like, well, that's just who I am or that's just
00:18:44.750 --> 00:18:47.769
the way I was raised or whatever. Or on the flip
00:18:47.769 --> 00:18:52.529
side of, You know, maybe it's you blame everything
00:18:52.529 --> 00:18:55.890
on your circumstances, right? Or whatever that
00:18:55.890 --> 00:18:59.150
that looks like. And so you have to work both
00:18:59.150 --> 00:19:02.589
ways to overcome those things. It is interesting
00:19:02.589 --> 00:19:05.069
the older that I get that I'm like, now I understand
00:19:05.069 --> 00:19:07.930
why I do that the way that I do or why I see
00:19:07.930 --> 00:19:10.109
the world through this particular lens about
00:19:10.109 --> 00:19:14.390
this topic or this subject. And so I think you
00:19:14.390 --> 00:19:17.329
just really have to be very self -aware. Um,
00:19:17.549 --> 00:19:21.390
and, and be able to stop and pause for a second
00:19:21.390 --> 00:19:25.349
and evaluate like, which, which wolf am I going
00:19:25.349 --> 00:19:27.930
to feed in this circumstance and in this situation?
00:19:28.069 --> 00:19:30.470
And then again, back to that root cause of those
00:19:30.470 --> 00:19:32.789
things and figuring that out. And that's some
00:19:32.789 --> 00:19:36.009
ways that we rewire and change those neurons
00:19:36.009 --> 00:19:39.170
is it has to be that acknowledgement and that
00:19:39.170 --> 00:19:42.890
stopping. It also happens in reps, right? Like
00:19:42.890 --> 00:19:44.589
you talked about earlier, like it's not going
00:19:44.589 --> 00:19:48.079
to just be this. quick, super easy kind of a
00:19:48.079 --> 00:19:50.039
thing, right? Jelly Roll actually talks about,
00:19:50.059 --> 00:19:51.460
he's like, man, I wish that people losing weight
00:19:51.460 --> 00:19:55.000
wouldn't give themselves just like 60 or 90 days,
00:19:55.059 --> 00:19:57.640
right? Everybody wants this exact thing right
00:19:57.640 --> 00:20:01.299
now. And he actually talked about a Tony, I think
00:20:01.299 --> 00:20:03.460
it's a Tony Robbins quote that talks about that
00:20:03.460 --> 00:20:06.400
people grossly overestimate what they can accomplish
00:20:06.400 --> 00:20:11.180
in 24 hours or even in a month and severely underestimate
00:20:11.180 --> 00:20:14.299
what they can accomplish in a year. right and
00:20:14.299 --> 00:20:19.119
so we we want that new habit now and to take
00:20:19.119 --> 00:20:21.000
effect now and we want to see results from it
00:20:21.000 --> 00:20:24.579
now we are instant gratification people but just
00:20:24.579 --> 00:20:29.119
like it took all of this time to rewire and to
00:20:29.119 --> 00:20:32.579
grow this tree branch it's gonna take lots of
00:20:32.579 --> 00:20:36.950
time to build this new one and to have the neurons
00:20:36.950 --> 00:20:40.569
go and fire to this smaller branch, which then
00:20:40.569 --> 00:20:43.269
over time is going to grow while the other one
00:20:43.269 --> 00:20:48.549
shrinks. And so I think you have to be very self
00:20:48.549 --> 00:20:51.009
-aware and you have to do a lot of like pausing
00:20:51.009 --> 00:20:54.950
and evaluating and be willing to genuinely be
00:20:54.950 --> 00:20:57.509
honest with yourself because until you can do
00:20:57.509 --> 00:21:01.269
that, it's so much harder to feed that good wolf.
00:21:02.200 --> 00:21:05.319
Yeah, absolutely. Now you had a very specific
00:21:05.319 --> 00:21:08.380
instance where the rubber met the road, if you
00:21:08.380 --> 00:21:11.240
will. Yeah. Share that with us. How was that
00:21:11.240 --> 00:21:16.220
for you? Yeah. So this is kind of one of those,
00:21:16.299 --> 00:21:19.779
I laugh and say it's like pre and post. There's
00:21:19.779 --> 00:21:22.180
one of those kind of defining moments in your
00:21:22.180 --> 00:21:27.450
life. So in September of... 2020, you and I were
00:21:27.450 --> 00:21:30.250
on a trip with some friends out in Little Sahara
00:21:30.250 --> 00:21:33.490
in the desert out there playing on ATVs and UTVs
00:21:33.490 --> 00:21:36.849
and in the course of everything ended up rolling
00:21:36.849 --> 00:21:41.309
our ATV and it rolled the direction of the seat
00:21:41.309 --> 00:21:43.390
that I was sitting in. And I don't know if I
00:21:43.390 --> 00:21:45.930
reached out, if I grabbed the door handle, you
00:21:45.930 --> 00:21:48.529
know, everything's a bit of a blur at this point,
00:21:48.569 --> 00:21:50.869
but ended up dislocating my elbow. Which, by
00:21:50.869 --> 00:21:53.130
the way, is one of the most painful things that
00:21:53.130 --> 00:21:57.609
you can do. And so as a byproduct of that, fortunately,
00:21:57.650 --> 00:21:59.789
I didn't break any bones. I did have a small
00:21:59.789 --> 00:22:04.109
tear in one of my ligaments and had to, you know,
00:22:04.109 --> 00:22:06.369
work through that. But in that moment, like,
00:22:06.450 --> 00:22:09.750
there were so many things that I could have spiraled.
00:22:10.410 --> 00:22:13.190
so many ways in which that I could have just
00:22:13.190 --> 00:22:16.789
decided to feed the negative wolf, like living
00:22:16.789 --> 00:22:20.329
in a pity party of why me, I was the fittest
00:22:20.329 --> 00:22:22.509
I had ever been. Obviously like that was towards
00:22:22.509 --> 00:22:26.250
the very end of COVID. And so we had spent basically
00:22:26.250 --> 00:22:29.549
from March until that September working out every
00:22:29.549 --> 00:22:32.289
day with friends, sometimes, you know, six days
00:22:32.289 --> 00:22:34.269
a week, you couldn't go off to eat. We were cooking
00:22:34.269 --> 00:22:39.579
at home. Like I was fit. Right. And so, um, You
00:22:39.579 --> 00:22:42.480
know, that pity party of why me? I'm never going
00:22:42.480 --> 00:22:44.940
to get this back. What is this going to look
00:22:44.940 --> 00:22:48.759
like? How am I going to do everything? Fortunately,
00:22:49.059 --> 00:22:53.200
it was my non -dominant hand. So that was helpful.
00:22:53.480 --> 00:22:56.819
But like, how am I going to work? And so I had
00:22:56.819 --> 00:22:59.839
to make a conscious decision, never mind the
00:22:59.839 --> 00:23:03.160
fact that you were driving. So am I going to...
00:23:03.879 --> 00:23:07.240
blame you be mad at you stonewall you hold a
00:23:07.240 --> 00:23:10.720
grudge against you like there's so many ways
00:23:10.720 --> 00:23:13.880
that that situation could have gone and could
00:23:13.880 --> 00:23:16.220
have headed and the mental spiral that could
00:23:16.220 --> 00:23:19.859
have happened post accident right because yeah
00:23:19.859 --> 00:23:21.599
well i went to the hospital and got my arm reset
00:23:21.599 --> 00:23:25.819
then we're talking about months of PT and having
00:23:25.819 --> 00:23:28.460
to do that every day and the pain and the hurt,
00:23:28.539 --> 00:23:32.099
and then rebuilding that arm to be back in the
00:23:32.099 --> 00:23:35.119
gym, to pick up a barbell, to be able to even
00:23:35.119 --> 00:23:39.259
like be active in any form again. Right. And
00:23:39.259 --> 00:23:43.220
so I had to every single day make the conscious
00:23:43.220 --> 00:23:48.259
decision to feed the good wolf to go, okay, well,
00:23:48.380 --> 00:23:51.180
what can I learn today? What did I accomplish
00:23:51.180 --> 00:23:54.660
today? What new little skill did I get back today?
00:23:54.859 --> 00:23:56.859
And you know what? It presented an opportunity
00:23:56.859 --> 00:24:00.519
for me to allow people to love on us, to take
00:24:00.519 --> 00:24:03.339
care of us, to humble myself and say, I need
00:24:03.339 --> 00:24:06.640
help. I can't do everything anymore, right? And
00:24:06.640 --> 00:24:08.920
we developed this routine in the kitchen because
00:24:08.920 --> 00:24:11.740
I had done all of the cooking. And so we had
00:24:11.740 --> 00:24:14.880
to just develop this new routine. And I look
00:24:14.880 --> 00:24:18.440
back now and go, man, like our marriage is different
00:24:18.440 --> 00:24:23.250
for the better. Because of that season post -accident,
00:24:23.329 --> 00:24:27.230
right? And my reliance on other people and being
00:24:27.230 --> 00:24:32.809
willing to accept help and to go through that
00:24:32.809 --> 00:24:36.470
situation with a smile on my face, to not grumble
00:24:36.470 --> 00:24:41.430
and complain and to be angry, right? Like old
00:24:41.430 --> 00:24:45.710
me, bitter, yeah. Old me would have just leaned
00:24:45.710 --> 00:24:49.539
into that, into the bad. And would have been,
00:24:49.640 --> 00:24:52.299
you know, emotionally destructive. I would have
00:24:52.299 --> 00:24:55.559
been unkind to you, unkind to people around me
00:24:55.559 --> 00:24:57.819
because I was in a lot of pain and I hurt. And
00:24:57.819 --> 00:25:01.019
I would have let that affect everything around
00:25:01.019 --> 00:25:06.039
me. Like a Dr. House situation. Yes, like a Dr.
00:25:06.079 --> 00:25:08.119
House situation. Exactly. But because of all
00:25:08.119 --> 00:25:09.859
of the work that we had been doing mentally,
00:25:10.099 --> 00:25:12.579
you know, and this was honestly like before I
00:25:12.579 --> 00:25:15.759
knew this concept of the two wolves really existed,
00:25:15.880 --> 00:25:18.779
right? The thing that we had been doing was working
00:25:18.779 --> 00:25:21.539
on gratitude. Up until that point, that was really
00:25:21.539 --> 00:25:25.339
the only major habit shift that I had made in
00:25:25.339 --> 00:25:27.900
my life was starting the habit of gratitude.
00:25:28.319 --> 00:25:31.079
That's it. That's really the only one. And so
00:25:31.079 --> 00:25:34.160
it's amazing what even one little habit and one
00:25:34.160 --> 00:25:38.359
little step will do and how it can change your
00:25:38.359 --> 00:25:41.319
outlook on hard situations. Because the reality
00:25:41.319 --> 00:25:44.940
is, is that life is going to be hard. But it's
00:25:44.940 --> 00:25:47.000
going to be what you do with those circumstances
00:25:47.000 --> 00:25:49.859
and how you handle them and how you respond to
00:25:49.859 --> 00:25:53.519
them that define so much of who we are and the
00:25:53.519 --> 00:25:55.299
way that we view ourselves and the way that people
00:25:55.299 --> 00:25:58.339
around us view them. I mean, we can all think
00:25:58.339 --> 00:26:01.019
of people who have had some of the most difficult
00:26:01.019 --> 00:26:03.460
things happen to them. I mean, I think about
00:26:03.460 --> 00:26:06.579
our friends that lost their adult daughter in
00:26:06.579 --> 00:26:10.859
a car accident, right? But you see them and even
00:26:10.859 --> 00:26:14.759
through it all, the joy. And the choosing to
00:26:14.759 --> 00:26:17.319
focus on the light that their daughter had brought
00:26:17.319 --> 00:26:19.920
to those around them and to honor her in a beautiful
00:26:19.920 --> 00:26:22.799
way and to, you know, support other people who
00:26:22.799 --> 00:26:24.279
were going into the same profession that she
00:26:24.279 --> 00:26:27.819
was going into, right? And to look for the good
00:26:27.819 --> 00:26:30.599
that could possibly come out of this deepest
00:26:30.599 --> 00:26:33.480
hurt of their entire lives, right? But again,
00:26:33.660 --> 00:26:36.579
it's that conscious choice and it's that choice
00:26:36.579 --> 00:26:40.599
to feed the good and turn the hard into a positive.
00:26:41.349 --> 00:26:44.349
Hmm. Yeah, so true. And as you were talking about
00:26:44.349 --> 00:26:48.970
the accident, I was thinking about the self -destructive
00:26:48.970 --> 00:26:52.049
mental patterns that I had to fight against to
00:26:52.049 --> 00:26:54.769
the feelings of, you know, I was driving. So
00:26:54.769 --> 00:26:57.589
the feelings of guilt that I had hurt the person
00:26:57.589 --> 00:27:01.150
most important to me. And I remember, you know,
00:27:01.170 --> 00:27:03.390
my best friend, you know, just as I was packing
00:27:03.390 --> 00:27:06.059
up and really. You were being consoled by other
00:27:06.059 --> 00:27:07.980
people and I was packing up so we could go to
00:27:07.980 --> 00:27:10.259
the hospital. And he came in and just stopped
00:27:10.259 --> 00:27:12.119
me for a minute and just hugged me for quite
00:27:12.119 --> 00:27:15.519
a while because he knew the self -blame that
00:27:15.519 --> 00:27:19.460
I was wrestling through. And I was glad that
00:27:19.460 --> 00:27:22.490
I didn't let it consume me. Because then it would
00:27:22.490 --> 00:27:25.490
have been similar. Like, woe is me. I'm the worst.
00:27:25.650 --> 00:27:27.769
I hurt her. And it would have been very, very
00:27:27.769 --> 00:27:30.809
self -destructive. I had already worked on fighting
00:27:30.809 --> 00:27:33.569
negative self -talk and starving that wolf for
00:27:33.569 --> 00:27:36.269
a long time. So I had some habits already built
00:27:36.269 --> 00:27:39.390
up where I could fight the words in my head that
00:27:39.390 --> 00:27:43.089
were trying to come out. Like we said, when rubber
00:27:43.089 --> 00:27:46.230
met the road. When something mild happens at
00:27:46.230 --> 00:27:48.589
work that's annoying, it's one thing to choose
00:27:48.589 --> 00:27:52.059
to feed the good wolf. But when something tragic
00:27:52.059 --> 00:27:55.700
happens, that's when you're tested more and you
00:27:55.700 --> 00:27:58.579
have some tough choices to make. And I just remember
00:27:58.579 --> 00:28:01.140
that as you were talking where key people that
00:28:01.140 --> 00:28:04.019
even that day were like, hey, it's not your fault.
00:28:04.119 --> 00:28:06.160
You know, you didn't do it on purpose. Obviously,
00:28:06.279 --> 00:28:09.000
you know, stop. Don't even go there. Like nothing
00:28:09.000 --> 00:28:13.170
good goes down that path. I was just so thankful
00:28:13.170 --> 00:28:16.470
for those words of wisdom. Like you said, I chose
00:28:16.470 --> 00:28:20.690
what path to go. It was the good wolf and I fed
00:28:20.690 --> 00:28:24.450
that one intentionally. It's still something
00:28:24.450 --> 00:28:26.690
we talk about today. Like you said, it was pre
00:28:26.690 --> 00:28:30.650
-post. It changed how you work out even now.
00:28:31.730 --> 00:28:34.009
That's something that you and I both have to
00:28:34.009 --> 00:28:36.910
live with but not have to have resentment and
00:28:36.910 --> 00:28:39.960
bitterness attached to it. And that is super
00:28:39.960 --> 00:28:43.259
key. And I feel like that event was responsible
00:28:43.259 --> 00:28:45.940
for bringing us closer together when it could
00:28:45.940 --> 00:28:49.140
have definitely done the opposite, more likely
00:28:49.140 --> 00:28:51.930
done the opposite, to be honest. Correct. And
00:28:51.930 --> 00:28:53.990
I think if we both hadn't individually been working
00:28:53.990 --> 00:28:56.549
on those things, there is a high likelihood that
00:28:56.549 --> 00:28:59.809
it would have driven a wedge in our relationship.
00:29:00.029 --> 00:29:02.529
And so there's those key defining moments that
00:29:02.529 --> 00:29:04.730
you look back and you go, I am so glad that I
00:29:04.730 --> 00:29:06.710
made this other decision and started working
00:29:06.710 --> 00:29:09.529
on this other thing ahead of time. So that, like
00:29:09.529 --> 00:29:11.549
you said, when the rubber met the road, we were
00:29:11.549 --> 00:29:15.980
to fight. Absolutely. Absolutely. So guys, we
00:29:15.980 --> 00:29:18.839
hope this concept can really speak to you in
00:29:18.839 --> 00:29:21.940
the choices that you have before you. You know,
00:29:21.980 --> 00:29:25.059
what wolf choose today? What wolf are you going
00:29:25.059 --> 00:29:29.480
to choose to feed? Think about your thought patterns
00:29:29.480 --> 00:29:32.339
and the things that you consume that they do
00:29:32.339 --> 00:29:36.279
have the ability to stack and grow upon each
00:29:36.279 --> 00:29:41.509
other. And so if you're constantly reading. ingesting
00:29:41.509 --> 00:29:44.890
things that are toxic negative hateful those
00:29:44.890 --> 00:29:47.049
kinds of things will build over time and and
00:29:47.049 --> 00:29:50.309
what what goes in will also then come out that
00:29:50.309 --> 00:29:52.690
will just be a product of the seeds that you're
00:29:52.690 --> 00:29:55.109
planting in this little guy right there so it's
00:29:55.109 --> 00:29:57.130
such a such a powerful thing and then and then
00:29:57.130 --> 00:29:59.589
something you can even pass on to to your kids
00:29:59.589 --> 00:30:02.730
which is which is just crazy and I mean even
00:30:02.730 --> 00:30:05.170
even out of the epigenetics they also see what
00:30:05.170 --> 00:30:07.339
you do and monkey see monkey do. And they're
00:30:07.339 --> 00:30:09.440
going to, they're going to, you know, if you're
00:30:09.440 --> 00:30:11.400
highly anxious because of the things you read
00:30:11.400 --> 00:30:13.460
on social media, they're probably going to be
00:30:13.460 --> 00:30:15.960
highly anxious too. You know, it's the most anxious,
00:30:16.099 --> 00:30:20.099
anxious time in history these days. So I don't
00:30:20.099 --> 00:30:22.460
think that's by accident. So hope you found something
00:30:22.460 --> 00:30:25.339
useful here, guys, in this conversation and a
00:30:25.339 --> 00:30:28.579
powerful illustration in the two wolves scenario
00:30:28.579 --> 00:30:32.089
and helping you keep that. top of mind so that
00:30:32.089 --> 00:30:34.609
you can try to take hold of, even if it's just
00:30:34.609 --> 00:30:37.529
one meal that you're feeding in a different direction.
00:30:37.670 --> 00:30:39.150
That's what I want. That's what I want for you.
00:30:39.309 --> 00:30:41.930
Just that extra meal, shifting it from one wolf
00:30:41.930 --> 00:30:44.450
to the other, that's going to, like we say, compound
00:30:44.450 --> 00:30:47.109
over time and going to make a big effect in your
00:30:47.109 --> 00:30:49.690
life overall, like we talked about five years
00:30:49.690 --> 00:30:51.910
ago, accident. And now it's like, man, this is
00:30:51.910 --> 00:30:54.250
crazy, right? So thanks for listening to the
00:30:54.250 --> 00:30:57.009
Optimizing Beyond podcast. Remember, growth happens
00:30:57.009 --> 00:30:59.529
when you take action. So subscribe, share this
00:30:59.529 --> 00:31:01.849
with a friend. and most importantly, put what
00:31:01.849 --> 00:31:03.950
you learned into practice. And until next time,
00:31:03.990 --> 00:31:06.549
keep moving forward because as we know, daily
00:31:06.549 --> 00:31:08.390
anything changes everything.
