WEBVTT
00:00:00.479 --> 00:00:01.360
Chemsex.
00:00:01.760 --> 00:00:09.199
Sexualized drug use among men who have sex with men, typically involving methamphetamine, methadrone, and GHB, among others.
00:00:09.359 --> 00:00:18.399
Chemsex misuse is a worldwide epidemic that needs attention, dialogue, and hope for those lost in it, which is the purpose of the Aftermath Podcast.
00:00:18.640 --> 00:00:28.239
Please note the views expressed by the host and guest on this podcast are not to be taken as medical advice, and the content around sex and drug use can be triggering.
00:00:29.359 --> 00:00:31.519
Alright, welcome back to the Aftermath Podcast.
00:00:31.600 --> 00:00:39.679
In this solo episode, don't forget, if you could possibly forget, there is a supplemental study guide that goes along with this episode.
00:00:39.840 --> 00:00:41.600
The link will be in the show notes.
00:00:41.759 --> 00:00:52.159
And don't forget also, please remember to like, subscribe, rate the podcast so we can get the algorithm to place it in the ears and eyes of those who need it.
00:00:53.119 --> 00:01:03.600
Okay, so before I was forced into recovery by the North Carolina justice system, I made many, many attempts to stop using.
00:01:03.840 --> 00:01:10.799
And especially after I was arrested the first time because I was I was put on court ordered probation.
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And a contingency of that probation was I had to attend so many 12-step meetings.
00:01:16.719 --> 00:01:19.120
And I remember, I remember the first one.
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I remember just slinking into this Methodist church classroom.
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And I also remember giggling because I was like, methodist.
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Yep, that's what I am, a meth odist.
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Um at first, I really did love receiving those collared key tags.
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And they marked the milestones of your consecutive meth-free days if you're not familiar with uh NA, Narcotics Anonymous.
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I loved that until I found myself relapsing after each ceremonial key tag was given to me.
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In fact, the day I was released from probation at the courthouse, I drove straight from there to pick a guy up to party.
00:02:03.120 --> 00:02:10.159
I was on grinder sitting in the pews, as they look like church pews, waiting to be called up.
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By the time I had been arrested three more times, I was under this very harsh thumb of drug court.
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I could really see a pattern here.
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Milestones were a major trigger for me.
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And I recall expressing that fear the day I completed treatment and again the day I graduated from drug court.
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I really wanted to celebrate, but I also felt my stomach clenched because I was in this anticipatory fear of wait a minute, milestones make me relapse.
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And I want to know does that sound familiar to you?
00:02:47.919 --> 00:02:49.599
Because most likely it does.
00:02:49.840 --> 00:02:56.800
And most likely the feel-good trigger is one that has gotten very little attention from you and from the people that have helped you.
00:02:56.960 --> 00:03:02.879
So today we want to talk about why you want to use chems when life is looking good.
00:03:03.120 --> 00:03:05.439
So there is a clinical case for this.
00:03:05.599 --> 00:03:07.840
So let's look at a little research.
00:03:08.080 --> 00:03:08.560
In G.
00:03:08.800 --> 00:03:22.960
Alan Marlat's cognitive behavioral model of relapse, which has been the foundation for a lot of modern relapse prevention work, the trigger for a return to use is called a high-risk situation.
00:03:23.120 --> 00:03:25.120
I call them danger zones.
00:03:25.439 --> 00:03:36.639
And the taxonomy that Marlot built from studying actual using episodes, they divide them into situations, they divide the situations, they divide them up into categories, right?
00:03:36.800 --> 00:03:48.080
So the two biggest categories by far are what you normally would expect: negative emotional states like anger or anxiety, depression, boredom, loneliness.
00:03:48.240 --> 00:03:51.360
And the other is interpersonal conflict, right?
00:03:51.599 --> 00:03:57.840
So they accounted for more than half of all the relapse episodes in his analysis.
00:03:58.000 --> 00:04:04.080
So direct and indirect social pressure also accounted for more than 20%.
00:04:04.479 --> 00:04:09.199
So social pressure won't bother you if you don't put yourself in the social situation.
00:04:09.439 --> 00:04:18.079
Anyway, but then there's this other one: positive emotional states, celebrations, good news, wins.
00:04:18.319 --> 00:04:32.399
It's a minority of the episodes, and that's why it probably gets a little little attention, but studies show that at times users specifically try to enhance already positive emotions.
00:04:32.800 --> 00:04:36.240
It also affects that reward loop in your brain.
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So you're not trying to escape something, you're trying to amplify something.
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Meth does the amplification better than almost anything on earth, right?
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Which means for a man in chemsex recovery, a celebration is not a neutral event.
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A celebration can set off that reward loop.
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And why your brain does this is that there's this mechanism, as plainly as I can understand it, is that during active use, your brain learned a rule.
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Big feeling, use.
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Not big, bad feeling, but big feeling.
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So the nervous system doesn't file pleasure, pain, good, bad, and separate cabinets, it just files intensity, emotion.
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So a promotion at work and a breakup are going to both spike arousal, both flood you with dopamine, both push you outside your normal operating range.
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And if the learned response to intensity is going to use, is for you to use, then intensity itself is going to be your trigger.
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So regardless of whether the intensity is good or if it's bad, it's just intensity.
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And then there's that big one that I remember, I remember this whispering in my ear.
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I deserve it.
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You deserve it.
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I deserve it.
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That's that same whisper that will convince me to eat a double cheeseburger fries and a side of milkshake after I've been in the gym for 30 to 60 days, and I've been fasting and I've been exercising and I look better.
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I deserve this.
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It doesn't make any sense.
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So you've been white knuckling it here.
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You've been saying no to everything.
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And now something genuinely good has happened.
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And there's a voice that's telling you that you've earned a reward.
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And how meth become a reward, who knows?
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But in your brain doesn't know that it's meth, just knows reward.
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It sounds very reasonable, and that's what's going to make it dangerous for you because there's this logic of I deserve a reward.
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And that comes exactly at the moment when your defenses are low because everything's going good.
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Because why would you be defending yourself against good news?
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But I believe the brain also knows exactly when to say these things, how to say them in what tone, individually to you to talk you into this.
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In the church, they say they they use this phrase that the devil learns from your mistakes even when you don't.
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So that's true, but let's talk about the devil.
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Little do some of these Christians realize the devil is the part of your brain talking to you during the state of being.
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Some call it the ego, EGO, which could be st could stand for edging God out, right?
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But that what it is is the old thought patterns, the neural pathways pushing to get their way.
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The milestones are the sneakiest version of this.
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30 days, 60, 90 a year.
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Get a chip, you get a coin, you get a key tag, you post on social media, you get an alarm on your app that you're keeping your days, keep track of your days.
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Congratulations from everybody who loves you.
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Underneath all of that, you start to hear that whisper.
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I've proven myself.
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I can do this.
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So maybe I can handle a little one.
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Maybe I can do one.
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Maybe I'm at a point where I'm stronger now.
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My resistance is built up.
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That's okay.
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Those are natural.
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And it's not proof that your recovery is all wrong, that you're failing, and you're bad.
00:08:39.759 --> 00:08:43.679
It's just proof that your brain is doing exactly what a brain does.
00:08:44.559 --> 00:08:47.759
But this is going to land the hardest on your milestone days.
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Milestone days are precisely when nobody also is going to think to check on you, to ask you those questions because you don't think that you're in a danger zone, a high risk situation, because you look like you're winning.
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You look like you're fine.
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This is exactly the kind of information to share with your recovery team as soon as you understand and see and are aware of the process.
00:09:14.320 --> 00:09:19.039
So I want you to go and listen to episode 348 if you haven't, of the podcast.
00:09:19.279 --> 00:09:22.399
And I talk about hiring and training your team.
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Your team needs to know this information so they can be there to support you in the right way.
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You have to train them.
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You have to inform them.
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Help them understand how your brain operates, especially if they've never been in any kind of addiction.
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And then you proactively put your safeguards in place before a milestone arrives or whatever positive emotional event might be coming up.
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So name this category for yourself.
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You don't need a term for it.
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Some people, I had one client call it an inflationary experience.
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But what you do need to accept is that good news is, can be a high-risk situation, a danger zone.
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Write it on your list.
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Could be the promotion coming up.
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You meet a guy, it's a new relationship, seems to be going well.
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Reconciliation with family, of course, the milestone, going on vacation, the first really good week in months, you're feeling good, your body's looking good.
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Those are the days you need your guard up.
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There's something in the 12 steps that they say.
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What is it?
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When you're feeling bad, go to a meeting.
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When you're feeling good, go to two.
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It's the same thing.
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Plan the celebration.
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You want to plan the celebration in advance.
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You don't want to let go of this proactivity you need in recovery.
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The relapse rarely is going to happen at that party.
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It happens in the transition, the hours after, when the dopamine dives.
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When you want to go higher, when the event is over and you're alone with this residue of this big feeling, and you don't have a plan and you're by yourself and you're left to your own devices.
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Chances are I deserve it.
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Right?
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I needed a reward.
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So you want to decide before the good news arrives how you're going to market.
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So I'm all about doing like a fire drill, practicing beforehand.
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Okay, I get great news.
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I go out on a great date, whatever it is, right?
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This is what I do after.
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This is who I contact.
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They know they're on alert.
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They know what to say, they know how to contact me.
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You want to know who you're going to be with after.
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Don't be alone.
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Who's going to be with you or where what are you going to be doing at 10 p.m.
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midnight?
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When you talk about Marlat's model, it calls for that he calls this a coping response.
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And the point is that this all has to exist before the situation comes.
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You do these fire drills until the actual really happens.
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Keep your people on alert, not just standby, but alert.
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The men who do this best in my program are not the ones with the strongest willpower.
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They're the ones who can be proactive.
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They're the ones who support network knows how to check in, when to check in, why to check in, and when something good happens, they're also on alert.
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So tell the people close to you when I get good news, that's a red zone for me.
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Call me.
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So in this state, you also want to keep the consistency.
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You want to keep doing boring things also on these good days.
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You want to keep doing what you were doing as if you were in new recovery for a while.
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Consistency, consistent daily action does not get a day off because you feel happy.
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You cannot base this on how you feel right now until you get a handle on it.
00:13:14.480 --> 00:13:27.840
In fact, the good days are the ones that's going to test whether your recovery is just a set of checkboxes and habits, or is it a real strong infrastructure?
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If your routine only shows up when you're struggling, that is not a routine.
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So I want you to go and listen to also to episode 346.
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That is, you already want it bad enough.
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So in that episode, I'm talking about wanting it is not enough.
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Being willing to do what it takes is what gets you through.
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So the thing I want you to take from this is that, again, you are not weak, you're not failing, you're not doing bad.
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If good experiences, you're not self-sabotaging.
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I want you to get uh get away from all these self-defeating, disempowering words.
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When you use after good news, that's just part of it.
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You're human and your nervous system learned a rule a long time ago that your conscious mind, the prefrontal cortex, is not agreeing to.
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It doesn't make sense inside.
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But you have to stop treating your life like a threat assessment where only the bad days are dangerous.
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The bad days, they'll be obvious.
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They announce themselves, right?
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You're going to feel them coming and you're going to brace yourself.
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But the good days, those are the ones that slip through.
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They don't announce anything, they just feel good.
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It feels like relief.
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Which is why you have to learn to hear them coming too.
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Now, this is not the rest of your life, and I'm not saying you have to be on guard and your addiction is not doing push-ups in the parking lot.
00:15:07.440 --> 00:15:17.120
What I'm saying is in a certain stage of this, plan for the inflationary experiences, the good news triggers.
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Plan for them, put your safeguards in place, get through them several times, and you are creating new neural pathways.
00:15:25.679 --> 00:15:28.879
You are creating new habits and new self-trust in yourself.
00:15:29.120 --> 00:15:33.200
And then eventually, you just get to live your life.
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You get to have good days, you get to have bad days, and you're not going to use.
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You just get to be an ormy.
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I don't know what length of time that is.
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But this is the way, this is just how it works.
00:15:46.639 --> 00:15:53.840
So I want you to tell me in the comments about your experiences with feel good triggers, and I'll bet you milestones are one of them.
00:15:54.080 --> 00:15:55.600
But how do you deal with them?
00:15:55.679 --> 00:15:57.759
I'd like to know how you deal with them.
00:15:57.840 --> 00:16:00.639
Um, and I'd like to know your thoughts on what I had to say today.
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All right.
00:16:01.200 --> 00:16:04.399
I hope this helps everybody, and I'll see you next week.
00:00:00.479 --> 00:00:01.360
Chemsex.
00:00:01.760 --> 00:00:09.199
Sexualized drug use among men who have sex with men, typically involving methamphetamine, methadrone, and GHB, among others.
00:00:09.359 --> 00:00:18.399
Chemsex misuse is a worldwide epidemic that needs attention, dialogue, and hope for those lost in it, which is the purpose of the Aftermath Podcast.
00:00:18.640 --> 00:00:28.239
Please note the views expressed by the host and guest on this podcast are not to be taken as medical advice, and the content around sex and drug use can be triggering.
00:00:29.359 --> 00:00:31.519
Alright, welcome back to the Aftermath Podcast.
00:00:31.600 --> 00:00:39.679
In this solo episode, don't forget, if you could possibly forget, there is a supplemental study guide that goes along with this episode.
00:00:39.840 --> 00:00:41.600
The link will be in the show notes.
00:00:41.759 --> 00:00:52.159
And don't forget also, please remember to like, subscribe, rate the podcast so we can get the algorithm to place it in the ears and eyes of those who need it.
00:00:53.119 --> 00:01:03.600
Okay, so before I was forced into recovery by the North Carolina justice system, I made many, many attempts to stop using.
00:01:03.840 --> 00:01:10.799
And especially after I was arrested the first time because I was I was put on court ordered probation.
00:01:10.959 --> 00:01:16.400
And a contingency of that probation was I had to attend so many 12-step meetings.
00:01:16.719 --> 00:01:19.120
And I remember, I remember the first one.
00:01:19.280 --> 00:01:24.239
I remember just slinking into this Methodist church classroom.
00:01:24.719 --> 00:01:29.359
And I also remember giggling because I was like, methodist.
00:01:30.079 --> 00:01:32.719
Yep, that's what I am, a meth odist.
00:01:32.879 --> 00:01:38.079
Um at first, I really did love receiving those collared key tags.
00:01:38.239 --> 00:01:45.120
And they marked the milestones of your consecutive meth-free days if you're not familiar with uh NA, Narcotics Anonymous.
00:01:45.599 --> 00:01:54.560
I loved that until I found myself relapsing after each ceremonial key tag was given to me.
00:01:54.879 --> 00:02:02.959
In fact, the day I was released from probation at the courthouse, I drove straight from there to pick a guy up to party.
00:02:03.120 --> 00:02:10.159
I was on grinder sitting in the pews, as they look like church pews, waiting to be called up.
00:02:10.800 --> 00:02:18.319
By the time I had been arrested three more times, I was under this very harsh thumb of drug court.
00:02:18.639 --> 00:02:21.439
I could really see a pattern here.
00:02:21.919 --> 00:02:25.039
Milestones were a major trigger for me.
00:02:25.199 --> 00:02:32.960
And I recall expressing that fear the day I completed treatment and again the day I graduated from drug court.
00:02:33.520 --> 00:02:44.879
I really wanted to celebrate, but I also felt my stomach clenched because I was in this anticipatory fear of wait a minute, milestones make me relapse.
00:02:45.360 --> 00:02:47.759
And I want to know does that sound familiar to you?
00:02:47.919 --> 00:02:49.599
Because most likely it does.
00:02:49.840 --> 00:02:56.800
And most likely the feel-good trigger is one that has gotten very little attention from you and from the people that have helped you.
00:02:56.960 --> 00:03:02.879
So today we want to talk about why you want to use chems when life is looking good.
00:03:03.120 --> 00:03:05.439
So there is a clinical case for this.
00:03:05.599 --> 00:03:07.840
So let's look at a little research.
00:03:08.080 --> 00:03:08.560
In G.
00:03:08.800 --> 00:03:22.960
Alan Marlat's cognitive behavioral model of relapse, which has been the foundation for a lot of modern relapse prevention work, the trigger for a return to use is called a high-risk situation.
00:03:23.120 --> 00:03:25.120
I call them danger zones.
00:03:25.439 --> 00:03:36.639
And the taxonomy that Marlot built from studying actual using episodes, they divide them into situations, they divide the situations, they divide them up into categories, right?
00:03:36.800 --> 00:03:48.080
So the two biggest categories by far are what you normally would expect: negative emotional states like anger or anxiety, depression, boredom, loneliness.
00:03:48.240 --> 00:03:51.360
And the other is interpersonal conflict, right?
00:03:51.599 --> 00:03:57.840
So they accounted for more than half of all the relapse episodes in his analysis.
00:03:58.000 --> 00:04:04.080
So direct and indirect social pressure also accounted for more than 20%.
00:04:04.479 --> 00:04:09.199
So social pressure won't bother you if you don't put yourself in the social situation.
00:04:09.439 --> 00:04:18.079
Anyway, but then there's this other one: positive emotional states, celebrations, good news, wins.
00:04:18.319 --> 00:04:32.399
It's a minority of the episodes, and that's why it probably gets a little little attention, but studies show that at times users specifically try to enhance already positive emotions.
00:04:32.800 --> 00:04:36.240
It also affects that reward loop in your brain.
00:04:36.480 --> 00:04:41.360
So you're not trying to escape something, you're trying to amplify something.
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Meth does the amplification better than almost anything on earth, right?
00:04:46.560 --> 00:04:53.439
Which means for a man in chemsex recovery, a celebration is not a neutral event.
00:04:53.759 --> 00:04:57.120
A celebration can set off that reward loop.
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And why your brain does this is that there's this mechanism, as plainly as I can understand it, is that during active use, your brain learned a rule.
00:05:08.879 --> 00:05:10.800
Big feeling, use.
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Not big, bad feeling, but big feeling.
00:05:15.759 --> 00:05:22.959
So the nervous system doesn't file pleasure, pain, good, bad, and separate cabinets, it just files intensity, emotion.
00:05:23.279 --> 00:05:35.120
So a promotion at work and a breakup are going to both spike arousal, both flood you with dopamine, both push you outside your normal operating range.
00:05:35.360 --> 00:05:45.920
And if the learned response to intensity is going to use, is for you to use, then intensity itself is going to be your trigger.
00:05:46.959 --> 00:05:53.040
So regardless of whether the intensity is good or if it's bad, it's just intensity.
00:05:53.439 --> 00:05:59.519
And then there's that big one that I remember, I remember this whispering in my ear.
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I deserve it.
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You deserve it.
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I deserve it.
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That's that same whisper that will convince me to eat a double cheeseburger fries and a side of milkshake after I've been in the gym for 30 to 60 days, and I've been fasting and I've been exercising and I look better.
00:06:15.920 --> 00:06:17.120
I deserve this.
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It doesn't make any sense.
00:06:20.079 --> 00:06:22.399
So you've been white knuckling it here.
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You've been saying no to everything.
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And now something genuinely good has happened.
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And there's a voice that's telling you that you've earned a reward.
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And how meth become a reward, who knows?
00:06:38.399 --> 00:06:42.319
But in your brain doesn't know that it's meth, just knows reward.
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It sounds very reasonable, and that's what's going to make it dangerous for you because there's this logic of I deserve a reward.
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And that comes exactly at the moment when your defenses are low because everything's going good.
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Because why would you be defending yourself against good news?
00:07:03.439 --> 00:07:15.279
But I believe the brain also knows exactly when to say these things, how to say them in what tone, individually to you to talk you into this.
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In the church, they say they they use this phrase that the devil learns from your mistakes even when you don't.
00:07:26.480 --> 00:07:30.000
So that's true, but let's talk about the devil.
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Little do some of these Christians realize the devil is the part of your brain talking to you during the state of being.
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Some call it the ego, EGO, which could be st could stand for edging God out, right?
00:07:43.519 --> 00:07:50.560
But that what it is is the old thought patterns, the neural pathways pushing to get their way.
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The milestones are the sneakiest version of this.
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30 days, 60, 90 a year.
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Get a chip, you get a coin, you get a key tag, you post on social media, you get an alarm on your app that you're keeping your days, keep track of your days.
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Congratulations from everybody who loves you.
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Underneath all of that, you start to hear that whisper.
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I've proven myself.
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I can do this.
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So maybe I can handle a little one.
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Maybe I can do one.
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Maybe I'm at a point where I'm stronger now.
00:08:30.399 --> 00:08:32.159
My resistance is built up.
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That's okay.
00:08:35.200 --> 00:08:35.919
Those are natural.
00:08:36.000 --> 00:08:39.600
And it's not proof that your recovery is all wrong, that you're failing, and you're bad.
00:08:39.759 --> 00:08:43.679
It's just proof that your brain is doing exactly what a brain does.
00:08:44.559 --> 00:08:47.759
But this is going to land the hardest on your milestone days.
00:08:47.919 --> 00:09:02.159
Milestone days are precisely when nobody also is going to think to check on you, to ask you those questions because you don't think that you're in a danger zone, a high risk situation, because you look like you're winning.
00:09:02.240 --> 00:09:03.840
You look like you're fine.
00:09:04.320 --> 00:09:14.080
This is exactly the kind of information to share with your recovery team as soon as you understand and see and are aware of the process.
00:09:14.320 --> 00:09:19.039
So I want you to go and listen to episode 348 if you haven't, of the podcast.
00:09:19.279 --> 00:09:22.399
And I talk about hiring and training your team.
00:09:22.639 --> 00:09:29.120
Your team needs to know this information so they can be there to support you in the right way.
00:09:29.279 --> 00:09:30.879
You have to train them.
00:09:31.120 --> 00:09:32.879
You have to inform them.
00:09:33.519 --> 00:09:39.600
Help them understand how your brain operates, especially if they've never been in any kind of addiction.
00:09:39.759 --> 00:09:50.399
And then you proactively put your safeguards in place before a milestone arrives or whatever positive emotional event might be coming up.
00:09:51.440 --> 00:09:54.879
So name this category for yourself.
00:09:55.039 --> 00:09:57.440
You don't need a term for it.
00:09:57.759 --> 00:10:02.879
Some people, I had one client call it an inflationary experience.
00:10:03.200 --> 00:10:10.720
But what you do need to accept is that good news is, can be a high-risk situation, a danger zone.
00:10:10.960 --> 00:10:12.399
Write it on your list.
00:10:12.960 --> 00:10:14.799
Could be the promotion coming up.
00:10:14.960 --> 00:10:18.639
You meet a guy, it's a new relationship, seems to be going well.
00:10:18.960 --> 00:10:28.480
Reconciliation with family, of course, the milestone, going on vacation, the first really good week in months, you're feeling good, your body's looking good.
00:10:28.720 --> 00:10:31.360
Those are the days you need your guard up.
00:10:32.000 --> 00:10:34.159
There's something in the 12 steps that they say.
00:10:34.240 --> 00:10:34.879
What is it?
00:10:36.720 --> 00:10:38.399
When you're feeling bad, go to a meeting.
00:10:38.559 --> 00:10:40.080
When you're feeling good, go to two.
00:10:40.240 --> 00:10:41.200
It's the same thing.
00:10:41.440 --> 00:10:42.879
Plan the celebration.
00:10:43.120 --> 00:10:46.000
You want to plan the celebration in advance.
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You don't want to let go of this proactivity you need in recovery.
00:10:51.039 --> 00:10:54.080
The relapse rarely is going to happen at that party.
00:10:54.159 --> 00:10:57.840
It happens in the transition, the hours after, when the dopamine dives.
00:10:58.639 --> 00:11:11.039
When you want to go higher, when the event is over and you're alone with this residue of this big feeling, and you don't have a plan and you're by yourself and you're left to your own devices.
00:11:11.519 --> 00:11:14.720
Chances are I deserve it.
00:11:15.039 --> 00:11:15.679
Right?
00:11:16.639 --> 00:11:18.159
I needed a reward.
00:11:19.200 --> 00:11:24.000
So you want to decide before the good news arrives how you're going to market.
00:11:24.240 --> 00:11:29.600
So I'm all about doing like a fire drill, practicing beforehand.
00:11:29.679 --> 00:11:30.960
Okay, I get great news.
00:11:31.120 --> 00:11:34.720
I go out on a great date, whatever it is, right?
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This is what I do after.
00:11:36.639 --> 00:11:38.080
This is who I contact.
00:11:38.399 --> 00:11:40.480
They know they're on alert.
00:11:40.559 --> 00:11:43.360
They know what to say, they know how to contact me.
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You want to know who you're going to be with after.
00:11:46.320 --> 00:11:47.600
Don't be alone.
00:11:48.399 --> 00:11:51.919
Who's going to be with you or where what are you going to be doing at 10 p.m.
00:11:52.240 --> 00:11:53.120
midnight?
00:11:53.840 --> 00:11:59.919
When you talk about Marlat's model, it calls for that he calls this a coping response.
00:12:00.240 --> 00:12:07.600
And the point is that this all has to exist before the situation comes.
00:12:08.480 --> 00:12:13.600
You do these fire drills until the actual really happens.
00:12:14.639 --> 00:12:19.120
Keep your people on alert, not just standby, but alert.
00:12:19.279 --> 00:12:25.679
The men who do this best in my program are not the ones with the strongest willpower.
00:12:25.840 --> 00:12:28.639
They're the ones who can be proactive.
00:12:28.799 --> 00:12:38.799
They're the ones who support network knows how to check in, when to check in, why to check in, and when something good happens, they're also on alert.
00:12:39.200 --> 00:12:44.240
So tell the people close to you when I get good news, that's a red zone for me.
00:12:44.480 --> 00:12:45.360
Call me.
00:12:47.120 --> 00:12:52.720
So in this state, you also want to keep the consistency.
00:12:52.879 --> 00:12:57.120
You want to keep doing boring things also on these good days.
00:12:57.360 --> 00:13:03.919
You want to keep doing what you were doing as if you were in new recovery for a while.
00:13:04.240 --> 00:13:09.840
Consistency, consistent daily action does not get a day off because you feel happy.
00:13:10.000 --> 00:13:14.320
You cannot base this on how you feel right now until you get a handle on it.
00:13:14.480 --> 00:13:27.840
In fact, the good days are the ones that's going to test whether your recovery is just a set of checkboxes and habits, or is it a real strong infrastructure?
00:13:28.480 --> 00:13:33.840
If your routine only shows up when you're struggling, that is not a routine.
00:13:34.240 --> 00:13:38.080
So I want you to go and listen to also to episode 346.
00:13:38.399 --> 00:13:41.360
That is, you already want it bad enough.
00:13:41.600 --> 00:13:46.240
So in that episode, I'm talking about wanting it is not enough.
00:13:46.399 --> 00:13:50.000
Being willing to do what it takes is what gets you through.
00:13:51.519 --> 00:13:59.279
So the thing I want you to take from this is that, again, you are not weak, you're not failing, you're not doing bad.
00:13:59.360 --> 00:14:02.559
If good experiences, you're not self-sabotaging.
00:14:02.720 --> 00:14:07.840
I want you to get uh get away from all these self-defeating, disempowering words.
00:14:09.279 --> 00:14:13.120
When you use after good news, that's just part of it.
00:14:13.279 --> 00:14:25.440
You're human and your nervous system learned a rule a long time ago that your conscious mind, the prefrontal cortex, is not agreeing to.
00:14:26.159 --> 00:14:28.480
It doesn't make sense inside.
00:14:28.720 --> 00:14:36.240
But you have to stop treating your life like a threat assessment where only the bad days are dangerous.
00:14:36.879 --> 00:14:39.279
The bad days, they'll be obvious.
00:14:39.360 --> 00:14:41.039
They announce themselves, right?
00:14:41.519 --> 00:14:44.320
You're going to feel them coming and you're going to brace yourself.
00:14:44.960 --> 00:14:49.120
But the good days, those are the ones that slip through.
00:14:49.519 --> 00:14:52.320
They don't announce anything, they just feel good.
00:14:52.559 --> 00:14:54.000
It feels like relief.
00:14:54.879 --> 00:14:59.600
Which is why you have to learn to hear them coming too.
00:15:00.159 --> 00:15:06.720
Now, this is not the rest of your life, and I'm not saying you have to be on guard and your addiction is not doing push-ups in the parking lot.
00:15:07.440 --> 00:15:17.120
What I'm saying is in a certain stage of this, plan for the inflationary experiences, the good news triggers.
00:15:17.360 --> 00:15:25.519
Plan for them, put your safeguards in place, get through them several times, and you are creating new neural pathways.
00:15:25.679 --> 00:15:28.879
You are creating new habits and new self-trust in yourself.
00:15:29.120 --> 00:15:33.200
And then eventually, you just get to live your life.
00:15:33.360 --> 00:15:36.799
You get to have good days, you get to have bad days, and you're not going to use.
00:15:37.039 --> 00:15:38.399
You just get to be an ormy.
00:15:39.120 --> 00:15:41.600
I don't know what length of time that is.
00:15:43.279 --> 00:15:46.320
But this is the way, this is just how it works.
00:15:46.639 --> 00:15:53.840
So I want you to tell me in the comments about your experiences with feel good triggers, and I'll bet you milestones are one of them.
00:15:54.080 --> 00:15:55.600
But how do you deal with them?
00:15:55.679 --> 00:15:57.759
I'd like to know how you deal with them.
00:15:57.840 --> 00:16:00.639
Um, and I'd like to know your thoughts on what I had to say today.
00:16:00.799 --> 00:16:01.120
All right.
00:16:01.200 --> 00:16:04.399
I hope this helps everybody, and I'll see you next week.
