What Hospice Nurses Know About Death— With Christa McDonald | EP 485

WEBVTT
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Close your eyes and imagine.
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What if the things in life that caused us the greatest pain, the things that bring us grief, are challenges.
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Challenges designed to help us grow to ultimately become what we were always meant to be.
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We feel like we've been buried, but what if, like a seed, we've been planted?
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And having been planted, we grow to become a mighty tree.
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Now, open your eyes.
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Open your eyes to this way of viewing life.
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Come with me as we explore your true, infinite, eternal nature.
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This is Grief to Growth, and I am your host, Brian Smith.
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Hey there, welcome to Grief to Growth.
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I'm Brian Smith, and whether you're joining us for the first time you've been here for a while, I want to let you know I'm really glad you're here.
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This show exists for those moments in life when life breaks you open, and you need to know there's something on the other side.
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We talk about grief, we talk about loss, about the questions that most people avoid.
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What happens when we die are people that we've lost still with us.
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And is it possible that love doesn't end when a body does?
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And I believe it doesn't.
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And every guest I bring on helps us make that case a little bit more clearly.
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Today, my guest is Christa McDonald, and Christa spent more than 20 years as a hospice nurse, standing at the threshold between this life and whatever comes next.
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Watching people take their final breaths and paying close attention to what those moments reveal.
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She's the author of eight lessons of dying have taught me.
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She's the founder of GLAD, G-L-A-D-D, Grieving Loss After Death and Dying, the world's first international online bereavement community.
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And she's a speaker whose work has reached grieving people around the globe.
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She runs a hospice home and has made her life's mission to change the way we think about death, dying, and what it means to truly live.
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In our conversation today, Christa and I are going to explore ideas that might unsettle you in the best possible way.
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We'll talk about what really happens when someone dies and why she believes the person and the body are not the same thing.
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We'll dig into the myth of closure, why it may be one of the most harmful things we say to grieving people, and we'll take a look at what it looks like to stay connected to someone you've lost even after they passed.
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We'll talk about broken heart syndrome, which turns out to be far more than a metaphor, and about one of the most underrated and under-taught skills many of us can develop, how to be truly present with someone who's dying.
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If you've ever sat with a loss so deep, it rewired you.
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If you've been told to move on and it's something and you just refuse that, if you've wondered whether the person you've lost can still somehow feel your love, this conversation was made for you.
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And if you want to continue this conversation after the episode, head over to grief2growth.substack.com.
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You'll find an article there about today's discussion where you can comment and connect with me and with other listeners.
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So with that, let's get started and welcome Kristin McDonald.
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Thank you.
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Thank you so much, Brian, for that introduction.
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I'm so grateful to be here, for sure.
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I'm glad to have you here.
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And first of all, I want to say thank you for the work that you do.
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It's not something that a lot of us would find as an attractive line of work.
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Right?
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We, it's the things that we tend to avoid.
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So I'm curious, how did you get into that line of work?
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Uh, yeah, so it chose me.
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I did not choose this, this field.
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And I always tell people I'm 45 now, but my mom is a retired nurse.
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So it really started, uh, I'm going to say, you know, when I was a little girl, but I'm going to say it started at 13 when she started taking me to the hospital.
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I was a candy striper.
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So I told everybody, I worked every weekend at 13, seven to three with my mother and it started, you know, I was long days, eight hour shifts.
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And it started with this one patient, Lucy, that she had no family.
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And I remember she was in room 306 and I would always go to her room just so I could sit, cause I was running all over the hospital helping people.
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And Lucy was in there for eight months back there.
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I'm going to say it was 1993.
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So we're going back a while when people were in the hospital a long time.
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So I developed this relationship with her.
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And then one day I came in and Lucy wasn't there.
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And the nurse was like, she, she died, Kristen.
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I'm like, wow, she died.
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And my mom said, Krista, get over it.
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I went to my mom's floor and I said, Lucy died.
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She's not there.
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She said, get over it.
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After, and I was 13, I was young.
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I always had a different connection and not so people, but I just had, I just knew that there was people that we couldn't say, and after Lucy passed, I kept seeing room, I kept seeing 306 on the clocks 306.
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I didn't tell anybody you're 13.
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I'm like 306.
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That's Lucy, Lucy, you know, fast forward to when I was 16, I was in 11th grade.
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And I was in school to be a nursing assistant.
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I say that it chose me because my mom, I guess really didn't give me a choice.
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You go into the hospital 13.
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So I grew up just loving old people, taking care of people.
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And at 16, I was in school and I was watching Mary and I was in, I remember I was in New York, I was in Bell Haven nursing home in Bellport.
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The light was shining in.
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I had Mary on her side.
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She was a bed bound patient.
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Um, you know, old in our eighties white hair.
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And I just remember the sun shining in and just being in this world out of nowhere, my teacher walks in and my teacher says, Krista, Mary's dead.
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And I'm like, Mary's dead.
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What?
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So I looked down, I just was in this place right now.
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Fast forward years later, people kind of say that was a near death experience.
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Cause I felt the most craziest piece in my life at that moment.
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My teacher came in, I go home crying.
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My mom says, get over it.
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You know, we're from Italian New Yorkers.
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Get over it, Krista.
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People die.
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It's guaranteed.
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You have to get over it.
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And I'm like, how do you get over this?
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This is so hard.
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So of course, you know, I had no choice with tough, right?
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From New, uh, New York, we, we have to get up and keep going.
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So after that from 16 to 17, I worked in a nursing home, uh, for, I, you know, I worked in a nursing home through to 11 and probably two, sometimes two people a day passed away.
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We were wrapping people and I'm taking care of the dying.
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The family's coming in and it's 16.
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You're just like, all right, this is what I'm doing.
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It's not making sense.
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So, um, fast forward at 17.
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I got into EMS. I became an EMT.
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So I was an EMT during, you know, 9 11.
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And I have, I just started to notice like just death in different ways.
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People died peacefully.
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People died traumatic, right?
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Gunshots.
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People had different, um, just different ways of, of that they were passing.
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And then I was just noticing just different signs when they did pass.
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So I became an, I got my RN at 22.
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So I did, you know, EMS till about 22, 23 got my RN and I started working for the visiting nurse service of New York, the hospice nurse, uh, she had cancer and she could no longer take the position.
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So I was trained at about, I was about 24.
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I'm going to say this is 2004, 2005 as the hospice nurse, like immediately.
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So I got this training and it was almost like you can't talk about it.
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We had to go in like clothes.
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I couldn't tell anybody that I was the nurse.
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It was very hush hush because nobody wanted to talk about death.
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Nobody wanted to even deal with it.
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And I had to go in there and just, you know, it was kind of, I always tell people, it's just a God given talent or gift that I was given to just talk about this and to tell people.
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So on my journey, I've seen many different deaths and I tell people, I'm like, people don't die.
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And I think that is the hardest part.
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Why people have, have a hard time grieving, right?
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So I think grieving starts, not everybody has the pleasure of knowing that they're going to lose somebody, right?
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If you are on hospice and you have that time, grieving can look a lot different, right?
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Cause we, we bring the family together.
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We bring the pieces together, but I tell people, even if it is traumatic or however it is, people don't die there, right?
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We get messages.
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We get signs.
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We get them all the time.
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I've had a different connection, but my whole life, thousands of patients out there, you guys have told me, Oh, my husband rings the bell at 10 o'clock every night.
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This happens.
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They're there.
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I feel them, right?
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So a lot of times people think that we just have this one life.
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You never hear again.
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We have no connection to that loved one when they're gone.
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And it's so not the truth.
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We have a connection, right?
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We're all souls having a human experience.
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And once we realize, so a lot of the times I start the grief process, right?
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When I have the opportunity with the families and I, you know, I asked them, I say, how, how are you going to, how are we going to know it's you when you're not here?
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You know, so people would start that connection, right?
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I'm a bird, I'm a butterfly.
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And I always tell people, so death, I helped my grandparents before the age of 23 and my grandparents on hospice.
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I've helped so many people die.
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And I think when I was younger, I just pushed it away.
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Right?
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I did have PTSD.
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I did some, you know, and I was like, wow.
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So I had to get help.
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I, I didn't understand all of that, but as, you know, as I got older, I realized that we have this connection and it wasn't as serious until about a year ago when I had my own personal experience with my stepdad, my stepdad, who I met it to, you know, he was a UPS man.
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He was the funniest man.
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I, I, I just don't know how, like I'm standing sometimes without him, but I had to go through this journey and it was hard.
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So January, he called me of 2025 and he had a stroke.
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Three months later, he passed.
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He had cancer in five different areas.
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So I was on this journey with him.
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And when he had the stroke and got sick, I said, did you ever think you would die?
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And he said that he said, I never thought about dying.
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And this is majority of what we do.
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We don't think about death and how we live is how we die.
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So if you live closed and angry, I guarantee you, you know, and that's where people, you know, it kills me when people are like morphine kills.
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No, it doesn't.
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We're on a soul journey.
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Morphine helps the people that didn't act right.
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And maybe do the right things in life.
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And that's just how I see it because I've helped thousands.
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So if you live angry, you live nasty, you know, that's why you're scared to die.
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Right.
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And I've seen so many people just pass away, right?
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Sometimes they're the 90 year old lady that just, she just lived life peacefully and it's different.
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So when he passed, it was just me and him.
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I did have family dynamics different like everybody.
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We all have family drama that we have to heal, but it was just me and him.
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Even when he took his last breath, I was holding his hand for about 20 minutes.
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I felt like I was in this place that I died just crying.
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I didn't know.
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And there was no support.
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The hospice companies, they're, they're short.
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I mean, I didn't, I actually got so upset with the hospice company.
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I didn't get the support.
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I'm like, I've been helping people die over 24.
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I didn't get the support.
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So I'm like, this is what people are going through.
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So after he, he passed, I just, uh, for probably the next two weeks, I just stand at a wall and I'm like, Oh, I helped so many people go.
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Where did he go?
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I just couldn't be, I couldn't find my balance.
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And that's where the glad came from.
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I had the vision of glad for probably the past 10 years in my video, you know, that I have that this guy, I had to deliver a letter that wasn't even my patient.
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And six months after his wife passed, he opened the door and his hand was shaking.
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And he's like, I don't know where to go.
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I don't know what to do.
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And you know, there was just no support for him.
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So I had this vision and over 10 years to write this book, once my stepdad passed, maybe about two, three weeks after he passed, the acronym came glad grieving loss after death and dying.
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I grew up in New York where sad students against drunk driving, mad mothers against, it was a popular thing.
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And I'm like, we're so done being sad and mad, we need glad because death could be just just beautiful.
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Death is as beautiful as life and people are missing the point that we just transition to a different way.
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We can't see them, but we're there.
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Before my stepdad passed, I said to him, I said, how am I going to know it's you?
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Right?
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Because I had to create these bonds.
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He was a funny guy.
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He goes, I'm going to be bird poop on your car.
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I said, bird poop, right?
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The day after he passed, my whole front windshield was full of bird poop.
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I couldn't handle it.
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I'm like, and I'm like, oh, my God, you know, who's helping me?
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But fast forward now, April 14th is the first live event for GLAAD.
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And that's the year that marks the year that he died.
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So GLAAD is the first national online bereavement program.
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It starts April.
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April 1st is when it launches.
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And we're going to have right now, we have between five to seven classes Monday through Sunday.
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We have amazing grief coaches that we've hired.
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So we have that part.
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Then we have the other part.
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That's a 24 seven bereavement hotline like a suicide hotline, because there's nothing when people that people don't realize how much suicide there is over loss.
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I think that we live in a grief avoidant society and people need to realize everybody, right, they go to Tony Robbins for a guarantee.
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I'm going to give you one.
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You're going to die.
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Your body is going to die.
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What are you going to do?
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And people don't live like that.
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We don't we live like we have forever.
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We treat people bad.
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We and then we wonder why we suffer at the end of life.
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And then people think morphine kills.
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No, you need the morphine because you didn't act right in life.
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And that's hard for people to hear.
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Anyway, so once he passed, I, you know, I had to go through this period of just learning to just deal with the grief.
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All right.
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He's gone.
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It's OK.
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Let me take a deep breath.
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Let me get through the next minute.
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Right.
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So I tell people bereavement can give yourself a year.
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You know, the companies give you three to five days to bereave.
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And it's not that's not the truth.
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There's nowhere to go.
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So that's the second part is the hotline.
00:14:05.480 --> 00:14:13.039
And the third part is that we're going to help 50 families a year and we're going to give them eight thousand dollars if they're you know, when they're at the end of their life and their terminal.
00:14:13.459 --> 00:14:24.120
Because I believe that if we could get in before when people are dying, right, if we have that gift that you can help grief and help just create that continuing bond so that we don't have so many people suffering.
00:14:24.379 --> 00:14:24.480
Right.
00:14:24.600 --> 00:14:29.419
So people don't realize that one death affects one death affects 15 people.
00:14:29.639 --> 00:14:29.740
Right.
00:14:30.279 --> 00:14:31.919
8500 people die a day.
00:14:32.279 --> 00:14:36.860
So we're talking about here on a scale of 30 to 40 millions that are affected by grief.
00:14:37.120 --> 00:14:38.039
Their health is affected.
00:14:38.139 --> 00:14:38.779
They have anxiety.
00:14:38.779 --> 00:14:40.679
They have depression and they don't know why.
00:14:41.159 --> 00:14:41.259
Right.
00:14:41.500 --> 00:14:44.299
So that's why that this was created to create that gap.
00:14:44.839 --> 00:14:50.839
You know, I'm in the process of getting this program into Medicare so that hospices know you go to GLAAD.
00:14:51.100 --> 00:14:55.039
If you're sad, you go to GLAAD because we're going to help you get through this through this.
00:14:55.139 --> 00:14:55.259
Right.
00:14:55.600 --> 00:14:58.159
Because at the end of the day, we know that nobody really dies.
00:14:58.319 --> 00:15:00.059
We're all souls having a human experience.
00:15:00.059 --> 00:15:00.779
We're energy.
00:15:01.259 --> 00:15:03.240
And I hear I see my stepdad.
00:15:03.779 --> 00:15:04.600
He was a UPS driver.
00:15:04.779 --> 00:15:05.939
I see UPS trucks all over.
00:15:06.279 --> 00:15:08.379
And I'm at a point now where we're laughing together.
00:15:08.379 --> 00:15:08.679
Right.
00:15:08.860 --> 00:15:09.759
Once you believe that.
00:15:10.259 --> 00:15:12.799
But a lot of the times I tell people they they're so closed.
00:15:12.799 --> 00:15:13.100
Right.
00:15:13.220 --> 00:15:13.779
They don't want to.
00:15:13.899 --> 00:15:15.720
They just become so close.
00:15:15.779 --> 00:15:16.679
And that's not what we're here for.
00:15:16.740 --> 00:15:19.240
We have to be open because you don't know how long you live.
00:15:19.259 --> 00:15:20.879
And we all have gifts in this world to live.
00:15:20.980 --> 00:15:25.720
You have to go on with your purpose because your loved one would want to see you live the best possible life ever.
00:15:25.899 --> 00:15:26.220
Right.
00:15:26.439 --> 00:15:27.120
So yeah.
00:15:27.539 --> 00:15:34.179
So this it's all changing, you know, from 2000 and 2000, let's say when I got into this right.
00:15:34.319 --> 00:15:35.740
We're fast forwarding so many years.
00:15:36.120 --> 00:15:38.679
Death and dying is being talked about back then.
00:15:38.779 --> 00:15:40.639
I couldn't even let anybody know I was a hospice nurse.
00:15:40.839 --> 00:15:43.339
Like don't tell anybody you're dying when we all are going to do it.
00:15:43.559 --> 00:15:48.120
So I think as a community and I feel the big shift coming in that people are are aware.
00:15:48.439 --> 00:15:48.759
All right.
00:15:48.939 --> 00:15:49.779
People don't die.
00:15:49.939 --> 00:15:50.559
I have one life.
00:15:50.659 --> 00:15:51.379
Let me live better.
00:15:51.480 --> 00:15:53.240
Let me be conscious of who I am.
00:15:53.480 --> 00:15:56.720
And that's what that's really what I think there's so many pieces to this.
00:15:56.779 --> 00:16:01.600
It's not just death dying, but you want to live the best life possible because you won't get as much morphine.
00:16:02.139 --> 00:16:04.019
I have thousands of testimonials.
00:16:04.220 --> 00:16:05.319
I see the people that are good.
00:16:05.480 --> 00:16:07.339
People is nothing to do with religious.
00:16:07.659 --> 00:16:08.019
I don't care.
00:16:08.139 --> 00:16:09.019
It's not about religion.
00:16:09.679 --> 00:16:11.899
People at the end of their life, they write letters to God.
00:16:12.079 --> 00:16:15.740
They say, God, Jesus, whatever you call them, if you don't believe in God and Jesus, call him Big Bird.
00:16:15.899 --> 00:16:16.199
I don't care.
00:16:16.240 --> 00:16:18.879
But there's a higher power that's not in control of us.
00:16:19.319 --> 00:16:20.399
And I always tell people.
00:16:21.959 --> 00:16:25.039
Everybody says, what's big, one big lesson from my book.
00:16:25.179 --> 00:16:36.679
And I'm going to give you the one big lesson is presence, presence, because people is the number one lesson because in my career, I always hated to make those phone calls like they're dying.
00:16:36.879 --> 00:16:39.740
Can you come if they're in the excuses I get?
00:16:39.980 --> 00:16:40.519
I can't come.
00:16:40.679 --> 00:16:41.199
I can't do that.
00:16:41.360 --> 00:16:42.339
Like somebody's dying.
00:16:42.659 --> 00:16:43.439
Like, who are we?
00:16:43.579 --> 00:16:45.240
What has happened to this society?
00:16:45.519 --> 00:16:46.220
People are dying.
00:16:46.459 --> 00:16:48.220
We need you to be present.
00:16:48.459 --> 00:16:51.699
Even if we don't have to say words, even with you, there's no words.
00:16:51.839 --> 00:16:53.000
There will never be any words.
00:16:53.120 --> 00:16:54.459
But I'm going to tell you she's still here.
00:16:54.579 --> 00:16:56.000
So why do we have to say I'm sorry?
00:16:56.559 --> 00:16:57.519
Connect with her differently.
00:16:57.600 --> 00:16:59.419
And she took you to these places, right?
00:16:59.600 --> 00:17:01.399
People take us that we can't see the places.
00:17:01.819 --> 00:17:07.640
So when you're in that sacred space or you really put yourself out there and you're present, if somebody's dying, you know that they're sick.
00:17:07.920 --> 00:17:11.059
It's not about the blessings, but I'm telling you your whole life will look different.
00:17:11.160 --> 00:17:12.400
Because that's what we're here for.
00:17:12.519 --> 00:17:15.480
We're here to support each other on a soul spiritual level.
00:17:15.480 --> 00:17:16.519
It's not about money.
00:17:16.740 --> 00:17:18.140
Nobody takes their money with you.
00:17:18.299 --> 00:17:20.079
They don't take your things in your money with you.
00:17:20.259 --> 00:17:21.440
Nobody does ever.
00:17:21.700 --> 00:17:25.339
You take your legacy, who you are, what you that's what you take away.
00:17:25.440 --> 00:17:27.240
So I always tell people, write your legacy now.
00:17:27.279 --> 00:17:27.960
Start writing it.
00:17:28.079 --> 00:17:33.779
If you die, you want people to know that you're a Costco member, Amazon member, or you wrote a book and change the world is your choice.
00:17:33.779 --> 00:17:34.860
You choose it, right?
00:17:34.860 --> 00:17:37.759
Because when we're angry and we keep this all aside, it hurts us.
00:17:38.079 --> 00:17:39.319
And that's not what we're here for.
00:17:39.440 --> 00:17:41.140
So there's a big message, right?
00:17:41.200 --> 00:17:43.460
We want to spread a lot of love, but people are going to die.
00:17:43.579 --> 00:17:44.819
So how are you treating that person?
00:17:45.019 --> 00:17:46.480
Because they might not be here tomorrow.
00:17:46.480 --> 00:17:49.420
And I can tell you thousands of stories everybody took for granted.
00:17:49.880 --> 00:17:51.279
And I even did with my stepdad.
00:17:52.400 --> 00:17:54.559
So that's I can keep going, Brian.
00:17:54.799 --> 00:17:55.380
I get passionate.
00:17:55.680 --> 00:17:57.900
Yeah, I can tell you that's great.
00:17:58.100 --> 00:18:01.039
I love I love when people are living their passion.
00:18:01.319 --> 00:18:04.660
You know, it's like like you said, you know, it's not a field.
00:18:04.660 --> 00:18:09.220
But the things that the thing that you do, the thing I do, it's not something that people typically choose, right?
00:18:09.319 --> 00:18:11.319
You don't say, this is what I want to be when I grow up.
00:18:11.420 --> 00:18:14.440
But I think I think our circumstances put us into that.
00:18:14.799 --> 00:18:20.059
Now, I heard you mentioned it sounds like you have a different connection to the other side than most of us do.
00:18:20.200 --> 00:18:21.460
Did I did I pick up on that correctly?
00:18:21.759 --> 00:18:22.539
Yeah, absolutely.
00:18:22.878 --> 00:18:23.098
Absolutely.
00:18:23.259 --> 00:18:24.039
I don't like titles.
00:18:24.200 --> 00:18:27.799
I always told people that I always got a lot of how did you know that?
00:18:28.000 --> 00:18:30.638
And I always said, you know, I mean, I got the name, my God.
00:18:30.858 --> 00:18:32.839
I said, I'm Christ with an AI work for God.
00:18:32.858 --> 00:18:34.180
I have a different connection.
00:18:34.180 --> 00:18:38.299
He gives me because my job is to make sure your heart and soul is right to get out of this world.
00:18:38.579 --> 00:18:39.598
I really can't really.
00:18:39.819 --> 00:18:43.839
I don't really see too much of the hard, the bad, because I don't I'm the light.
00:18:43.859 --> 00:18:44.139
Right.
00:18:44.359 --> 00:18:45.839
That's what I always I always felt like.
00:18:46.059 --> 00:18:49.480
So at the end of, you know, I like to see families come together.
00:18:49.480 --> 00:18:51.599
I have a gift that I'm like, oh, where's your son?
00:18:51.740 --> 00:18:52.599
Why don't do this?
00:18:52.720 --> 00:18:53.180
Don't do that.
00:18:53.259 --> 00:18:56.579
You know, we all have so many things that we hold against our mother and father.
00:18:56.839 --> 00:18:57.859
And that's a big thing, too.
00:18:58.000 --> 00:18:58.859
We got to heal that stuff.
00:18:58.899 --> 00:18:59.079
Right.
00:18:59.220 --> 00:19:00.500
Our parents do the best that we can.
00:19:01.200 --> 00:19:05.440
So but yeah, I get messages of how to reconnect people had to create that.
00:19:05.700 --> 00:19:08.559
You know, it's not just oh, you had a you know, you have a ring.
00:19:08.859 --> 00:19:09.579
It's not about a ring.
00:19:09.700 --> 00:19:10.779
This is, you know, my book.
00:19:10.920 --> 00:19:14.759
I have the soul worker, the type, you know, is my my LLC of my coaching program.
00:19:14.839 --> 00:19:18.759
It's a soul worker because I see things on a soul level and people go, how'd you know that?
00:19:18.899 --> 00:19:20.339
And I'm like, because I'm priced with an eye.
00:19:20.440 --> 00:19:22.379
I'm here to make your light shine like mine.
00:19:22.740 --> 00:19:24.819
And that's sometimes hard for people to realize.
00:19:24.819 --> 00:19:28.019
But yeah, this I was born like this death, dying life living.
00:19:28.200 --> 00:19:28.579
It's me.
00:19:28.599 --> 00:19:29.539
It's just who I am.
00:19:29.619 --> 00:19:30.200
I didn't party.
00:19:30.759 --> 00:19:31.759
People think, oh, you're partied.
00:19:31.799 --> 00:19:32.420
I never partied.
00:19:32.500 --> 00:19:33.759
I was partying on the ambulance.
00:19:34.819 --> 00:19:34.960
Wow.
00:19:35.559 --> 00:19:35.660
Wow.
00:19:36.000 --> 00:19:36.099
Yeah.
00:19:36.779 --> 00:19:42.700
So, you know, and again, I think a lot of people, the reason why we don't we don't like to talk about death.
00:19:42.899 --> 00:19:44.319
We don't know the hospice thing.
00:19:44.379 --> 00:19:48.339
The reason it freaks us out because we don't know, you know, people don't have an understanding.
00:19:48.639 --> 00:19:49.819
Now you say we don't die.
00:19:49.859 --> 00:19:50.579
And I love that.
00:19:50.839 --> 00:19:53.859
It's actually the title after my daughter passed away.
00:19:54.200 --> 00:19:56.599
The first podcast I listened to was called We Don't Die.
00:19:57.359 --> 00:20:00.240
And I'm like, yeah, that's that's the case.
00:20:00.240 --> 00:20:01.960
And the people understood that.
00:20:01.960 --> 00:20:04.579
Then the fear drops away.
00:20:06.019 --> 00:20:08.700
Oh, immediately, immediately drops away.
00:20:08.980 --> 00:20:12.960
And, you know, I look at it because I really don't know right where we go.
00:20:13.200 --> 00:20:14.579
Nobody 100 percent knows.
00:20:14.579 --> 00:20:18.680
Yes, we've had near death experiences, but I always go back to Mary at 16.
00:20:19.819 --> 00:20:22.039
If that's where we go, I want to go there.
00:20:22.160 --> 00:20:23.519
I'm scared to stay here on Earth.
00:20:23.859 --> 00:20:24.660
I want to be there.
00:20:25.200 --> 00:20:27.039
That was the most peaceful place, right?
00:20:28.519 --> 00:20:33.279
It's hard to say, but I do know that there is a huge soul connection on how you live is how you die.
00:20:33.579 --> 00:20:35.559
And that's what really people have to get to.
00:21:42.009 --> 00:21:43.029
And we live in this world.
00:21:43.209 --> 00:21:46.229
We live in such a we get hurt all the time.
00:21:46.369 --> 00:21:47.209
We're so sensitive.
00:21:47.409 --> 00:21:48.449
Oh, they offended me.
00:21:48.529 --> 00:21:49.349
Oh, they this and that.
00:21:49.469 --> 00:21:52.769
We live in such a society where it's like and it shouldn't be like that.
00:21:52.809 --> 00:21:53.029
Right.
00:21:53.169 --> 00:21:53.709
We're here to love.
00:21:53.889 --> 00:21:55.229
We're just all we're coming and going.
00:21:55.669 --> 00:21:57.309
Oh, some you can't see, some you can see.
00:21:57.329 --> 00:21:58.309
And that's what we're doing here.
00:21:58.389 --> 00:22:00.009
We're just on this journey coming and going.
00:22:00.449 --> 00:22:03.169
We want to help these souls because this earth isn't easy.
00:22:03.169 --> 00:22:05.109
But yeah, no, people people don't die.
00:22:05.750 --> 00:22:10.509
I mean, I got that a lot from just my my if this isn't just me, this is all from the thousands of people.
00:22:10.609 --> 00:22:11.929
I help thousands of people pass.
00:22:12.329 --> 00:22:15.049
And I don't care what they believe in religion wise.
00:22:15.089 --> 00:22:15.709
Doesn't matter.
00:22:15.829 --> 00:22:16.969
They were all like I see them.
00:22:17.149 --> 00:22:17.429
Right.
00:22:17.549 --> 00:22:20.509
So a lot of the times it's the programming of the world to write.
00:22:20.629 --> 00:22:22.009
You get one life, you get one.
00:22:22.229 --> 00:22:22.909
You don't come back.
00:22:22.949 --> 00:22:23.869
You have no connection.
00:22:24.189 --> 00:22:26.349
But we pray to a God we can't see people see.
00:22:26.589 --> 00:22:29.789
Jesus came back all this stuff, but we could talk to people that we don't see.
00:22:29.969 --> 00:22:31.209
Why are our loved ones any different?
00:22:31.250 --> 00:22:31.689
They're not.
00:22:32.109 --> 00:22:34.169
Yeah, that's you bring up a really, really good point.
00:22:34.309 --> 00:22:40.329
I work a lot with mediums and and I hear religious people saying, oh, no, you're not supposed to talk to the dead.
00:22:40.329 --> 00:22:42.949
You know, it's like, well, you put it very well.
00:22:43.069 --> 00:22:44.349
We pray to a guy we can't see.
00:22:44.509 --> 00:22:47.009
We know Jesus came, you know, and people pray to Jesus.
00:22:47.309 --> 00:22:48.409
Jesus is dead.
00:22:48.409 --> 00:22:49.949
If you want to use that word.
00:22:50.509 --> 00:22:53.689
So why this taboo about like, well, they're gone.
00:22:54.149 --> 00:22:55.369
You know, let them go.
00:22:56.269 --> 00:22:57.329
No, they're not gone.
00:22:57.490 --> 00:22:58.549
You can't let that nobody ever.
00:22:58.689 --> 00:22:59.709
You don't let anybody go.
00:23:00.109 --> 00:23:01.109
You just change form.
00:23:01.309 --> 00:23:01.909
They're just there.
00:23:02.250 --> 00:23:03.549
And you know that too with your daughter.
00:23:03.549 --> 00:23:06.469
You get messages if it's you see her birthday on the clock.
00:23:06.649 --> 00:23:07.429
You see license plates.
00:23:07.649 --> 00:23:08.709
You see animals.
00:23:08.949 --> 00:23:10.169
You see what you see that all.
00:23:10.329 --> 00:23:15.609
And then I'm like, and sometimes it like right now is very prominent right in my life for some reason, my stepdad.
00:23:16.029 --> 00:23:19.849
And he's always I've seen a thousand UPS trucks in the past three days.
00:23:19.869 --> 00:23:20.849
And I'm like, what do you want?
00:23:21.009 --> 00:23:21.609
And I laugh.
00:23:22.169 --> 00:23:23.229
I'm like, there you are again.
00:23:23.509 --> 00:23:26.750
And sometimes they have a message for us that we're not listening either.
00:23:26.990 --> 00:23:27.990
And that's the truth, right?
00:23:28.089 --> 00:23:29.109
When we keep getting the same.
00:23:29.269 --> 00:23:35.909
They're talking to us just like God talks to us right from our they tell us from our our soul, our our gut, our intuition.
00:23:36.569 --> 00:23:37.929
Yeah, that's how God speaks to us.
00:23:38.009 --> 00:23:39.529
If you don't think your loved one does, too.
00:23:39.829 --> 00:23:43.529
You know, as sometimes people don't realize here's the other part, right?
00:23:43.649 --> 00:23:44.569
It's hard when they're young.
00:23:45.389 --> 00:23:45.769
Fifteen.
00:23:46.069 --> 00:23:47.909
My stepson passed when he was 22.
00:23:48.029 --> 00:23:49.109
This was over 10 years ago.
00:23:49.369 --> 00:23:51.149
Losses like that when they're young or hard.
00:23:51.869 --> 00:23:53.629
And a lot of people don't understand them, right?
00:23:53.809 --> 00:23:54.769
Because they're like, oh, they're kids.
00:23:54.969 --> 00:24:02.109
But when you realize we are just coming and going and your daughter had such a gift like her presence, her impact on this world, I could feel it.
00:24:02.209 --> 00:24:03.289
It was gigantic, right?
00:24:03.289 --> 00:24:07.889
And God's like, all right, you're done for us to realize because people aren't doing the right thing sometimes, right?
00:24:08.229 --> 00:24:09.649
Even little babies, they come in.
00:24:09.829 --> 00:24:10.649
They're just like people.
00:24:11.029 --> 00:24:11.929
Death doesn't have any.
00:24:12.049 --> 00:24:17.329
Yes, it's worse when they're young, but sometimes when they are young, it's because they made such a gigantic impact in this world.
00:24:17.649 --> 00:24:20.169
And also, sometimes this world is too hard for people.
00:24:20.289 --> 00:24:21.250
They don't look at it like that.
00:24:21.629 --> 00:24:21.750
Right.
00:24:21.869 --> 00:24:32.189
So if you believe in God, which a lot of people in this world believe in God or a power that we can't see, we got to trust that when he takes out a loved one, no matter what age they are, that that he knows what he's doing.
00:24:32.189 --> 00:24:34.449
That higher power there, he knows what we're doing.
00:24:34.569 --> 00:24:40.409
Maybe we can't handle it, but that's why we need a community here to be like, you know, you feel him, you see, you see, you do it.
00:24:40.649 --> 00:24:44.689
I something came up about to have a community to be like, we don't die, right?
00:24:44.829 --> 00:24:48.369
But the living we have to go on and do our purpose and our souls mission.
00:24:48.369 --> 00:24:49.990
And that's what we have to do.
00:24:50.009 --> 00:24:51.109
But we need a community.
00:24:51.129 --> 00:24:52.609
And that's where glad was started.
00:24:52.629 --> 00:24:53.969
And that's what's going to fill the gap.
00:24:54.169 --> 00:24:55.109
Yeah, I love that.
00:24:55.250 --> 00:24:59.709
And you know, and you also mentioned like religion doesn't really make it.
00:24:59.849 --> 00:25:06.490
I mean, I'm not going to say it doesn't make a difference, but it doesn't mean you're going to have an easy death and not being religious doesn't mean you're going to have a hard death there.
00:25:06.709 --> 00:25:07.729
It's really that connection.
00:25:07.869 --> 00:25:08.409
I love what you said.
00:25:08.469 --> 00:25:14.809
It's the way the way that we way that we live, because again, religion, unfortunately, a lot of times cuts us off.
00:25:15.009 --> 00:25:16.369
It says that we die.
00:25:16.529 --> 00:25:19.149
I mean, they'll say that we're going to rise again someday.
00:25:19.769 --> 00:25:23.990
But there's still this idea that that that we're gone and we can't communicate with them.
00:25:24.029 --> 00:25:31.269
And that I believe is, you know, it doesn't take the grief away knowing what you and I know, but it softens it.
00:25:31.469 --> 00:25:32.829
It makes it so much easier.
00:25:33.829 --> 00:25:34.089
It does.
00:25:34.649 --> 00:25:34.949
It does.
00:25:35.209 --> 00:25:35.449
It does.
00:25:35.689 --> 00:25:37.269
And I said that about religion, right?
00:25:37.490 --> 00:25:39.589
Because having my job, it's hard, right?
00:25:39.789 --> 00:25:41.029
Because I people like, what do you think?
00:25:41.169 --> 00:25:42.829
There's 10,000 religions out there.
00:25:42.969 --> 00:25:43.589
There really is.
00:25:43.909 --> 00:25:47.609
And not one of them ever told you like you don't really die.
00:25:47.929 --> 00:25:53.909
So, yeah, people absolutely do suffer, you know, just and I find this is a hard one.
00:25:54.049 --> 00:26:01.829
But sometimes the people that are so religious have a hard time at the end of their life because they've been so stuck to this one way, right?
00:26:02.029 --> 00:26:06.409
And it's made them judge people and judge their family, their friends, their children.
00:26:06.709 --> 00:26:08.129
And it sets them in this place.
00:26:08.369 --> 00:26:14.869
And then they wonder like, so, yeah, it has, you know, and like I said, I have helped atheists.
00:26:15.089 --> 00:26:24.149
I've helped people that are handcuffed to the bed pass and the two words that I've heard over and over and over thousands of times, please God, please Jesus, I'm sorry.
00:26:24.469 --> 00:26:24.929
Forgive me.
00:26:25.189 --> 00:26:28.409
I never heard, you know, like Islam, a Muslim, a Christian.
00:26:28.409 --> 00:26:30.929
I never heard, please Christianity, please Islamic.
00:26:31.209 --> 00:26:33.169
I heard God and Jesus my whole career.
00:26:33.569 --> 00:26:36.609
That's why I said I call them God, call them whatever you want, but we're not in control.
00:26:37.929 --> 00:26:41.449
You mentioned earlier you said something about morphine and people passing.
00:26:41.750 --> 00:26:42.789
What was that?
00:26:43.009 --> 00:26:43.609
Explain that to me.
00:26:44.449 --> 00:26:45.709
So at the end of life, right?
00:26:45.889 --> 00:26:48.069
Because people think you just take your last breath and you pass.
00:26:48.229 --> 00:26:48.769
That was Mary.
00:26:48.969 --> 00:26:50.069
Mary just took her last breath.
00:26:50.229 --> 00:26:52.169
After that, though, it was just traumatic death.
00:26:52.429 --> 00:26:53.789
And then especially on hospice, right?
00:26:53.949 --> 00:26:55.509
So I owned a hospice house.
00:26:55.750 --> 00:26:56.089
I've worked.
00:26:56.469 --> 00:27:00.389
I've had the pleasure of almost 10 years traveling America as a hospice nurse.
00:27:00.589 --> 00:27:07.169
So I've worked in a lot of inpatient hospice houses and people think that inpatient hospice houses are just where you go to peacefully pass.
00:27:07.409 --> 00:27:07.869
And it's not.
00:27:08.269 --> 00:27:10.029
You need to have uncontrolled symptoms.
00:27:10.149 --> 00:27:13.329
A lot of people at the end of life because they didn't write.
00:27:13.490 --> 00:27:14.990
My stepdad needed some crisis care.
00:27:15.029 --> 00:27:15.969
He never thought he was dying.
00:27:16.009 --> 00:27:17.189
So he didn't do the work, right?
00:27:17.309 --> 00:27:25.289
When you don't think you're dying and all of a sudden you're dying and he realized that he didn't live the best person he possibly can in this this world, right?
00:27:25.929 --> 00:27:28.309
So when people are dying, the body shuts down, right?
00:27:28.429 --> 00:27:30.750
On a physical level and they shut down.
00:27:30.869 --> 00:27:31.729
A lot of people are scared.
00:27:31.909 --> 00:27:33.149
They didn't do what they wanted to do.
00:27:33.229 --> 00:27:34.490
They didn't say what they wanted to say.
00:27:34.689 --> 00:27:36.169
Some of them were handcuffed to the bed.
00:27:36.490 --> 00:27:36.589
Right.
00:27:36.629 --> 00:27:37.209
Who did you kill?
00:27:37.429 --> 00:27:37.849
I don't know.
00:27:38.189 --> 00:27:45.229
So when the body is like shutting down and the soul is like, oh, my God, and everything's fighting, people need morphine, right?
00:27:45.389 --> 00:27:50.389
I've seen people and this is where the hospice, the inpatient hospice comes in because it's like an ER, right?
00:27:50.529 --> 00:27:51.049
They go in.
00:27:51.089 --> 00:27:52.289
We're putting IVs.
00:27:52.289 --> 00:27:56.829
We're putting morphine, IV to control their symptoms because it becomes a right.
00:27:57.369 --> 00:28:06.429
And then what happens is is because the at the end of life, the terminal agitation, the restlessness, all of those symptoms become unmanageable that they need medicine, right?
00:28:06.609 --> 00:28:11.809
So once they start getting lorazepam or morphine or something, it calms the body and it allows them to die.
00:28:12.289 --> 00:28:16.309
But people don't realize that your loved one was a crazy person in life, right?
00:28:16.549 --> 00:28:19.289
Once she once the person dies, they're like, oh, yeah, he heard this one.
00:28:19.409 --> 00:28:19.889
He did this.
00:28:19.889 --> 00:28:20.509
He did that.
00:28:20.669 --> 00:28:21.149
He did that.
00:28:21.509 --> 00:28:23.649
And you kind of see that they didn't live the best life.
00:28:23.789 --> 00:28:25.689
So how are you going to have the best ending like that, right?
00:28:25.769 --> 00:28:26.129
They're scared.
00:28:26.629 --> 00:28:28.490
So that's where all this medicine comes in.
00:28:28.750 --> 00:28:30.609
And that's where I'm not a morphine.
00:28:31.109 --> 00:28:34.069
Like, if I could avoid medicine, I'm going to go to your heart and soul.
00:28:34.209 --> 00:28:35.349
We're going to get your son in here.
00:28:35.689 --> 00:28:35.849
Right.
00:28:35.909 --> 00:28:40.189
We're going to get your long lost daughter in here and we're going to fill your heart and soul before you pass.
00:28:40.189 --> 00:28:41.949
And your family is going to remember peace.
00:28:42.329 --> 00:28:45.909
Now you get stuck with morphine because you didn't fill your heart and soul and live your life.
00:28:46.389 --> 00:28:49.009
So when people say morphine kills, it kills me.
00:28:49.149 --> 00:28:50.529
I'm like, morphine doesn't kill.
00:28:50.929 --> 00:28:54.469
Believe me, I've had people give bottles and they go, Christa, they didn't die.
00:28:54.629 --> 00:28:55.549
I'm like, morphine doesn't kill.
00:28:55.689 --> 00:28:56.549
This is a soul journey.
00:28:57.009 --> 00:28:57.829
Let's write them a letter.
00:28:57.829 --> 00:28:58.669
Let's talk to them.
00:28:58.769 --> 00:29:00.829
Let's get people on the phone that they haven't.
00:29:01.029 --> 00:29:03.269
Let's say those things that they need to hear.
00:29:03.349 --> 00:29:05.209
It's not just about, oh, it's okay to go.
00:29:05.369 --> 00:29:06.469
People sometimes need to hear.
00:29:06.509 --> 00:29:07.309
I'm sorry, I love you.
00:29:07.369 --> 00:29:08.209
Whatever it is.
00:29:08.589 --> 00:29:11.649
So at that end, like that's where a lot, so much comes in.
00:29:11.750 --> 00:29:15.449
I have a gigantic download to help people heal in that aspect.
00:29:15.709 --> 00:29:20.990
So if I hear you correctly, it sounds like you're saying that agitation is coming more from a soul level than a physical level.
00:29:20.990 --> 00:29:22.069
Thousand percent.
00:29:22.709 --> 00:29:23.109
Thousand percent.
00:29:23.269 --> 00:29:24.289
But this is hard to tell the world.
00:29:24.429 --> 00:29:25.129
They don't want to hear that.
00:29:25.349 --> 00:29:28.649
They want to say, you killed my my my loved one with the morphine.
00:29:29.129 --> 00:29:35.869
No, your loved one needed the morphine because they were like, there's people I could I could tell you, Brian, that there's people I seem flip out of bed.
00:29:35.969 --> 00:29:36.809
I'm like, what happened?
00:29:37.029 --> 00:29:42.449
You know, like the end of, you know, this lady, I remember she she I remember she said to me, she goes, I hate God.
00:29:42.689 --> 00:29:43.709
I'm a she was a pagan.
00:29:43.929 --> 00:29:44.250
I don't know.
00:29:44.389 --> 00:29:45.029
I remember whatever.
00:29:45.169 --> 00:29:46.209
I don't follow all of that.
00:29:46.429 --> 00:29:47.189
But she did.
00:29:47.389 --> 00:29:48.029
She hated God.
00:29:48.509 --> 00:29:49.809
And I said, oh my God.
00:29:49.849 --> 00:29:52.609
And the daughter was so upset because the daughter is like this, who is this mother?
00:29:53.129 --> 00:29:56.869
Then two hours later, the lady was like flips out of bed, snaps her neck.
00:29:57.289 --> 00:29:58.049
She was still alive.
00:29:58.149 --> 00:30:00.209
And I'm like, well, I've I could tell that's one story.
00:30:00.209 --> 00:30:04.569
But I could tell you things that are like traumatizing to me that I'm like, what the heck happened?
00:30:04.929 --> 00:30:14.809
You know, so and people don't understand that energy is real, too, because even in my hospice house, when I had somebody passing, right, he didn't tell the truth on some things.
00:30:14.949 --> 00:30:17.029
He had a baby with somebody else.
00:30:17.429 --> 00:30:18.949
My lights kept going off in my house.
00:30:19.029 --> 00:30:21.229
My refrigerator doors kept opening and closing.
00:30:21.869 --> 00:30:24.329
And because he did it because we had to get the energy right.
00:30:24.549 --> 00:30:24.769
So right.
00:30:24.869 --> 00:30:25.750
So I got to say my prayers.
00:30:25.849 --> 00:30:26.769
I got to bring in the light.
00:30:27.029 --> 00:30:29.909
And the end of life is not beautiful.
00:30:29.909 --> 00:30:32.149
And that's why this world wants to blame it on morphine.
00:30:32.229 --> 00:30:33.669
But you got to blame it on your soul.
00:30:33.809 --> 00:30:36.329
How you acted in this world, what you did, right?
00:30:36.389 --> 00:30:37.109
How do you wake up?
00:30:37.189 --> 00:30:38.009
How do you treat people?
00:30:38.089 --> 00:30:38.809
Do you say thank you?
00:30:38.829 --> 00:30:39.669
Do you say I love you?
00:30:39.750 --> 00:30:40.809
Are you scamming people?
00:30:41.750 --> 00:30:44.529
Because eventually that nobody wins when you're not doing the right thing.
00:30:44.669 --> 00:30:48.250
And this, you know, you got to be obedient somehow if you're scared of death.
00:30:48.250 --> 00:30:51.109
So the people that are scared of death are usually I'm like, how you living, buddy?
00:30:51.509 --> 00:30:57.329
Yeah, well, that's interesting because, you know, it sounds like people are maybe scared of judgment.
00:30:57.549 --> 00:31:01.889
You know, they're like, OK, I know I'm not quote, right.
00:31:02.809 --> 00:31:04.589
And you said the woman that hated God.
00:31:04.729 --> 00:31:08.229
It reminds me of a book I read many years ago called The Irresistible Love of God.
00:31:08.849 --> 00:31:14.229
And this guy was making a case for universalism that we all eventually reconciled to our maker.
00:31:14.709 --> 00:31:18.129
But his point was if you really knew God, you couldn't hate God if you.
00:31:18.129 --> 00:31:21.649
And so it's that projection of the judgment.
00:31:21.889 --> 00:31:24.750
And you know, and Jesus said, you know, judge not lest you be judged.
00:31:24.949 --> 00:31:28.949
And I think that the more I you know, meditate on those words.
00:31:29.189 --> 00:31:33.689
I would think he was saying is if you're a judgmental person, you're really just pointing at yourself.
00:31:34.949 --> 00:31:35.349
Exactly.
00:31:35.829 --> 00:31:36.129
Yeah.
00:31:36.649 --> 00:31:37.449
Oh, I got chills.
00:31:37.649 --> 00:31:38.129
It's so true.
00:31:38.609 --> 00:31:38.750
Yeah.
00:31:39.089 --> 00:31:42.789
So that that fear that we have again, it's it's the fear of the unknown.
00:31:42.889 --> 00:31:46.369
It's the fear of judgment, the fear of God's not going to approve of me.
00:31:46.429 --> 00:31:48.809
It's the fear of I don't know what's next.
00:31:48.990 --> 00:31:51.069
And so all the things we're talking about can reduce that.
00:31:51.669 --> 00:31:57.369
But you I want to go back to what you talked about, Mary at the very beginning, would you call that a shared death experience that you had with her?
00:31:58.929 --> 00:32:01.569
Looking back on it, absolutely now.
00:32:02.049 --> 00:32:05.889
But I do feel that because, you know, people that know me though is like, this is weird.
00:32:05.990 --> 00:32:08.709
I feel like half of me just lives in that sense, too.
00:32:08.909 --> 00:32:11.369
So people are always like, how do you do this, Krista?
00:32:11.449 --> 00:32:14.669
And I'm like, you know, I laugh and I joke.
00:32:14.829 --> 00:32:20.809
I say I tell people I'm a mummy because I don't have any medical diagnoses, but I've had like 14 things removed in my body.
00:32:20.969 --> 00:32:21.929
So I'm like, maybe I'm a mummy.
00:32:22.049 --> 00:32:22.409
Who knows?
00:32:22.549 --> 00:32:22.889
I don't know.
00:32:23.269 --> 00:32:24.929
But, you know, it just.
00:32:26.769 --> 00:32:31.149
It's just it shows me it's a call, you know, and it's almost like I I love it.
00:32:31.449 --> 00:32:32.549
Like that's where I belong.
00:32:32.649 --> 00:32:33.529
Like it's it's home.
00:32:33.549 --> 00:32:40.509
If I'm not in that environment, when I'm out there in the world with the living like my mom always said that.
00:32:40.649 --> 00:32:46.169
She's like, Krista, you should be scared of the living, not the dead, because when that happened with Mary, you know, when you see it could be scary.
00:32:46.549 --> 00:32:47.229
I was younger, right?
00:32:47.329 --> 00:32:50.149
You see signs, you see this and that happens to so many people.
00:32:50.869 --> 00:32:54.549
But what I want to just circle back to that lady real fast on the bed.
00:32:54.789 --> 00:32:55.649
You know what?
00:32:55.829 --> 00:32:57.789
Because people people will say, oh, what do you do?
00:32:57.829 --> 00:32:59.269
Because I always get confirmation, right?
00:32:59.389 --> 00:33:00.029
I call him God.
00:33:00.169 --> 00:33:00.909
People could call him whatever.
00:33:00.909 --> 00:33:02.069
But I always get a confirmation.
00:33:02.849 --> 00:33:06.089
So in that aspect that, you know, the daughter wasn't in the room, but I did pray with her.
00:33:06.089 --> 00:33:06.269
Right.
00:33:06.469 --> 00:33:07.029
God loves you.
00:33:07.109 --> 00:33:07.789
Jesus loves you.
00:33:07.949 --> 00:33:08.629
Not a religion.
00:33:09.409 --> 00:33:10.849
There's a there's a power that loves you.
00:33:10.929 --> 00:33:13.149
And this woman actually was an amazing person.
00:33:13.529 --> 00:33:13.750
Why not?
00:33:13.809 --> 00:33:15.189
Because I always find out people's lives.
00:33:15.389 --> 00:33:16.729
I got to know what they did, who they are.
00:33:16.990 --> 00:33:18.329
She was an amazing person.
00:33:18.509 --> 00:33:19.289
And she had a bit.
00:33:19.289 --> 00:33:22.709
She was she had a lot of sexual abuse when she was younger.
00:33:22.709 --> 00:33:22.949
Right.
00:33:23.089 --> 00:33:24.409
So it's like this world.
00:33:24.709 --> 00:33:26.709
We hold on to them.
00:33:26.709 --> 00:33:28.629
But I pray with her.
00:33:28.629 --> 00:33:29.149
I got there.
00:33:29.149 --> 00:33:34.269
And the reason why I know that she's good is because right before she passed, the tear came down high.
00:33:34.729 --> 00:33:37.829
And then I cried and I'm like and I look up and I'm like, thank you.
00:33:38.049 --> 00:33:41.129
So I know that I did my job like because they hear right.
00:33:41.309 --> 00:33:44.409
Even 20 minutes after somebody passes, they hear hearing is the last to go.
00:33:44.869 --> 00:33:47.750
So what I go hard and a lot of times families can't handle that.
00:33:47.829 --> 00:33:48.369
I'm like, you leave.
00:33:48.490 --> 00:33:49.049
I'll get them there.
00:33:49.129 --> 00:33:49.809
I'm like, I love you.
00:33:49.889 --> 00:33:50.549
You got this.
00:33:50.769 --> 00:33:51.469
God loves you.
00:33:51.549 --> 00:33:52.689
She's like, you did a good job.
00:33:52.869 --> 00:33:53.429
Job well done.
00:33:53.750 --> 00:33:55.490
Because the truth is, is all of us do it.
00:33:55.529 --> 00:33:57.649
Even if we live angry in this world, we all have.
00:33:57.709 --> 00:34:00.269
We all have amazing, beautiful gifts inside of us.
00:34:00.369 --> 00:34:03.809
Every one of us, even if people think you know, there's evil is pain.
00:34:03.969 --> 00:34:05.309
That's what's on top of us.
00:34:05.389 --> 00:34:07.529
So as people want to hear and that's what she needed.
00:34:07.649 --> 00:34:08.349
She needed presents.
00:34:08.829 --> 00:34:10.909
She needed to hear that she did do an amazing job.
00:34:11.050 --> 00:34:12.449
I don't care that she didn't love God.
00:34:12.849 --> 00:34:13.789
That wasn't her truth.
00:34:14.190 --> 00:34:14.949
She was a good woman.
00:34:15.090 --> 00:34:15.730
She didn't kill anything.
00:34:15.949 --> 00:34:17.230
You know, she had pain.
00:34:17.710 --> 00:34:18.190
She had pain.
00:34:18.369 --> 00:34:23.650
And that's what people don't understand that we're covered with pain and people look at it and judge us for it.
00:34:24.630 --> 00:34:26.730
Now, it's interesting because you're you're a hospice nurse.
00:34:26.789 --> 00:34:30.170
But as I hear you speak, I'm getting like death doula.
00:34:30.550 --> 00:34:36.789
You know, there are people that help people pass in the other world because it sounds like you're doing more spiritual work than physical work.
00:34:37.590 --> 00:34:39.809
I'll tell you, Brian, I have a lot of titles, right?
00:34:39.889 --> 00:34:41.250
I got my death doula certification.
00:34:41.250 --> 00:34:42.769
I have a life coach certification.
00:34:43.110 --> 00:34:43.530
That's the search.
00:34:43.750 --> 00:34:48.670
I have every type of certification, but I really tell, you know, I tell people I help you live, die, grieve.
00:34:49.210 --> 00:34:50.809
I help you get through that whole thing, right?
00:34:50.929 --> 00:34:51.690
I could be a life coach.
00:34:51.869 --> 00:34:52.869
That could be anything you want.
00:34:53.070 --> 00:34:55.469
But the truth is, is that people will die.
00:34:55.829 --> 00:34:57.530
People don't really the physical body dies.
00:34:57.690 --> 00:34:58.490
People don't really die.
00:34:58.630 --> 00:35:00.789
You have to start that connection before they pass.
00:35:00.789 --> 00:35:01.829
If you have that opportunity.
00:35:02.309 --> 00:35:04.130
But if you don't, here's the other part, right?
00:35:04.610 --> 00:35:05.570
Like I'm 45.
00:35:05.909 --> 00:35:08.610
But if I if something does happen to me now, I'm prepared.
00:35:08.949 --> 00:35:09.110
Right.
00:35:09.650 --> 00:35:15.530
People don't want to think about their DNA, their health care proxy, their their like when I'm excited to go.
00:35:15.730 --> 00:35:19.170
My boys know when I go, I want to be a diamond because you can take the ashes.
00:35:19.230 --> 00:35:20.469
It's like two thousand dollars.
00:35:20.590 --> 00:35:21.809
You become a diamond, right?
00:35:21.990 --> 00:35:22.570
Plan your death.
00:35:22.789 --> 00:35:23.650
You could become a tree.
00:35:24.110 --> 00:35:28.570
And you know, so many family issues happen because people don't talk about it.
00:35:28.610 --> 00:35:28.710
Right.
00:35:28.949 --> 00:35:30.690
Only thing guaranteed in life we're all going to die.
00:35:30.769 --> 00:35:32.010
So what do you want yours to look like?
00:35:32.030 --> 00:35:32.730
You want to be cremated?
00:35:32.789 --> 00:35:33.550
You want to be a rock?
00:35:33.750 --> 00:35:35.170
What do you want to be right?
00:35:35.309 --> 00:35:38.329
If I die, put a beneficiary on your bank accounts.
00:35:38.329 --> 00:35:40.769
People live so selfish, right?
00:35:40.929 --> 00:35:43.369
But when you die, you don't take that with you.
00:35:43.710 --> 00:35:48.730
So I've just seen families, even wives, like husbands and husbands don't put the wife as a beneficiary.
00:35:49.090 --> 00:35:50.110
Why you're going to die?
00:35:50.269 --> 00:35:51.309
You want to leave her suffering?
00:35:51.650 --> 00:35:51.809
Right.
00:35:52.090 --> 00:35:53.070
Would you want that happening?
00:35:53.210 --> 00:35:55.829
So we live how we live is how we don't want that.
00:35:55.889 --> 00:35:56.990
And that's what I want to change.
00:35:57.110 --> 00:35:57.449
That death.
00:35:57.610 --> 00:35:58.409
It's the only thing guaranteed.
00:35:58.570 --> 00:35:59.269
Let's look at it different.
00:35:59.449 --> 00:36:00.530
Let's be like it's OK.
00:36:01.510 --> 00:36:02.769
And you know, that's why this is.
00:36:02.969 --> 00:36:04.309
It's not this is not just glad.
00:36:04.469 --> 00:36:06.070
This is a movement like it's a shift.
00:36:06.070 --> 00:36:09.610
It's a big movement like mad and sad so that people know where to go to.
00:36:10.409 --> 00:36:12.690
Yeah, what you say, it is something that I've said myself.
00:36:12.949 --> 00:36:16.530
It's like, you know, that there's an old saying the only thing guaranteeing life is death and taxes.
00:36:16.670 --> 00:36:17.889
And I'm like, no, it's just death.
00:36:18.269 --> 00:36:25.769
It's like when you draw your first breath, the only thing that literally the only thing is guaranteed is that someday you're going to draw your last breath.
00:36:26.389 --> 00:36:35.410
And again, we have this fear of it because for a lot of people, it's like I look at it's like you're running toward a cliff that's just got a big black hole, right?
00:36:35.410 --> 00:36:37.789
You have no idea what's on the other side of that.
00:36:37.910 --> 00:36:44.349
Of course you're going to fear that and even religion, a lot of times doesn't help because it doesn't really tell us practically.
00:36:44.749 --> 00:36:45.710
What do we do?
00:36:45.890 --> 00:36:46.570
What's it we know?
00:36:46.590 --> 00:36:48.269
Where do do we really keep going?
00:36:48.829 --> 00:36:53.990
You know, and when my daughter passed, I was I had known about like near death experiences.
00:36:53.990 --> 00:36:55.670
I knew about medium ships like that.
00:36:55.930 --> 00:36:59.730
I knew people did continue, but I didn't realize I could still have a relationship with her.
00:37:00.130 --> 00:37:06.190
And that's the thing that I think is really missing now, even if we do believe, yeah, we'll see him again someday.
00:37:06.910 --> 00:37:07.990
We start to let go.
00:37:08.230 --> 00:37:14.510
You know, there's that letting go and people tell you to move on or resolve it or whatever that is.
00:37:15.829 --> 00:37:16.349
I know.
00:37:16.550 --> 00:37:18.789
And when I, I mean, your daughter is so beautiful, right?
00:37:18.870 --> 00:37:23.230
And when I say stuff like this, but like when things keep coming in my head a million times, I have to say them.
00:37:23.530 --> 00:37:26.230
So your daughter is, she's an earth angel, right?
00:37:26.510 --> 00:37:27.170
She can't, she is.
00:37:27.349 --> 00:37:28.570
And people don't believe that, right?
00:37:28.590 --> 00:37:32.550
You come to this world and that's why it stinks and it's hard to express that about children.
00:37:32.970 --> 00:37:35.070
But when I see her, she was an, she was an angel.
00:37:35.289 --> 00:37:35.970
You could see that.
00:37:36.289 --> 00:37:37.950
She's not, she came here, right?
00:37:37.990 --> 00:37:46.610
We all have different purposes as hard as the physical part of it is, but that girl, she's not just physical her soul.
00:37:46.930 --> 00:37:50.289
She has, and she's been, and that's why I see your grief too.
00:37:50.610 --> 00:37:51.870
This is because of her, right?
00:37:52.010 --> 00:37:54.349
So you're shining and every, it's all together.
00:37:54.610 --> 00:37:55.250
I love it.
00:37:55.329 --> 00:37:57.289
I can't explain it a hundred percent, but.
00:37:57.750 --> 00:37:59.309
I completely agree with you.
00:37:59.410 --> 00:38:04.890
And of course we all think our children are special, but I was telling you before we start recording, I work with Helping Parents Heal.
00:38:05.170 --> 00:38:07.250
I found it shortly after my daughter passed away.
00:38:07.789 --> 00:38:10.870
And I just interviewed a woman the other day, her daughter was 19 when she passed.
00:38:11.550 --> 00:38:20.070
But this girl, and I never met her of course, but you could tell she's, and she goes, when she was four years old, I would say something like, when you grew up, she goes, I'm not gonna grow up.
00:38:20.250 --> 00:38:21.110
I'm not gonna have children.
00:38:22.070 --> 00:38:23.990
She drew the scene of her accident.
00:38:24.190 --> 00:38:25.430
She passed in a car accident.
00:38:25.930 --> 00:38:27.190
She drew the scene of the accident.
00:38:27.370 --> 00:38:32.110
She told her mother, she knew that she was only gonna be here for a short time.
00:38:32.110 --> 00:38:41.250
And I've had the privilege of talking to a lot of parents who have lost children young and they all have this like special quality that the way that they live.
00:38:41.550 --> 00:38:44.410
So this was introduced to me six months after she passed.
00:38:44.490 --> 00:38:49.550
I was talking to a medium and she told me, the exact same things you're telling me.
00:38:49.690 --> 00:38:55.829
Yeah, no, she's, and that's the hard part that for parents to explain that because here's the thing, right?
00:38:56.430 --> 00:38:57.550
Death wakes you up.
00:38:57.910 --> 00:38:58.010
Yes.
00:38:58.210 --> 00:38:58.690
It changes you.
00:38:58.730 --> 00:39:01.490
It changes you at a core that you can't even explain.
00:39:01.950 --> 00:39:06.470
So your soul needed her to come in and do this, right?
00:39:06.730 --> 00:39:10.890
It needed you so that your soul awakens and now look at you changing the world.
00:39:11.530 --> 00:39:14.789
But if we look at it like she had to die, she didn't die.
00:39:14.950 --> 00:39:15.849
She just changed form.
00:39:16.230 --> 00:39:18.390
She had to change form because you weren't getting it right.
00:39:18.670 --> 00:39:20.210
She's here to help us, all of us.
00:39:20.309 --> 00:39:21.030
You're here to help me.
00:39:21.370 --> 00:39:22.730
We're all here like that.
00:39:23.309 --> 00:39:26.809
Children are a hard one because a lot of those children, they are earth angels, right?
00:39:27.190 --> 00:39:32.590
We can go deeper into that, but we'll keep it where it is now because it can go really deep.
00:39:33.110 --> 00:39:36.250
And when you go really deep though, it really can help people that lost children.
00:39:36.349 --> 00:39:38.150
Because they're like, oh, now I get it, right?
00:39:38.590 --> 00:39:42.550
It stinks that it's so young, but your daughter, yeah, hardcore earth angel.
00:39:42.910 --> 00:39:43.610
Let's do that.
00:39:43.769 --> 00:39:44.630
That's what we're here for.
00:39:44.809 --> 00:39:44.990
We're here.
00:39:47.190 --> 00:39:51.829
We're here to talk about the surface because I want to answer the hard questions.
00:39:52.030 --> 00:39:52.950
People have lost children.
00:39:53.210 --> 00:40:00.710
I'm thinking about a person right now that just lost her husband, you know, just suddenly, you know, at the age of like, not even 60.
00:40:01.390 --> 00:40:02.710
And these are the questions.
00:40:02.910 --> 00:40:07.849
I mean, you hospice, okay, one thing, your 80 year old, 90 year old grandmother passes away.
00:40:08.190 --> 00:40:10.289
We can pretty much accept that.
00:40:10.769 --> 00:40:12.809
But let's talk about the hard cases, right?
00:40:13.130 --> 00:40:18.329
Why did some people only get, you know, 15 years or 50 years?
00:40:20.390 --> 00:40:21.170
It's all right.
00:40:21.250 --> 00:40:22.269
I'll go deep here for you.
00:40:22.530 --> 00:40:24.710
It's, you know, cause I just see it differently.
00:40:24.950 --> 00:40:25.530
It's hard.
00:40:25.630 --> 00:40:28.950
I haven't articulated it like this to the world, but I'm going to go there.
00:40:29.390 --> 00:40:32.329
So we're all, if we realize that we're on a spiritual journey, right?
00:40:32.530 --> 00:40:35.130
I'm a physical, you know this where a body, I'm a, I'm a body.
00:40:35.230 --> 00:40:40.750
I'm a soul having a physical experience, but when people die, right?
00:40:41.309 --> 00:40:43.390
And this is why my job is so important.
00:40:43.530 --> 00:40:46.309
And people, the thousands of people, it's not like, oh, I help thousands of people.
00:40:46.450 --> 00:40:50.269
If I don't get that heart and soul right, they come back and do it again.
00:40:50.890 --> 00:40:55.110
So reincarnation is hard for people because religion tells you you don't reincarnate.
00:40:55.170 --> 00:40:59.750
If you don't believe in reincarnation, I can't help you because you will be so lost in this world.
00:40:59.750 --> 00:41:01.550
So reincarnation, right?
00:41:02.370 --> 00:41:04.150
So a soul dies, right?
00:41:04.289 --> 00:41:05.590
A traumatic soul dies.
00:41:07.170 --> 00:41:10.410
Let's, I'm going to give you, let me give you a cancer example, right?
00:41:10.550 --> 00:41:15.789
So you have somebody that dies maybe, let's just say 65 years old full of cancer and dies, right?
00:41:16.210 --> 00:41:18.110
Was maybe kind of similar to my stepdad.
00:41:18.250 --> 00:41:19.630
He didn't think he'd ever die.
00:41:19.769 --> 00:41:20.789
He didn't care about his health.
00:41:21.130 --> 00:41:25.710
He lived according to like women and the things, the distractions in life that we shouldn't, right?
00:41:26.050 --> 00:41:27.010
So he died.
00:41:27.349 --> 00:41:28.750
He had all this cancer.
00:41:28.750 --> 00:41:30.230
He didn't do his soul's lessons.
00:41:30.769 --> 00:41:33.070
He died the same, he died the same way, right?
00:41:33.630 --> 00:41:37.309
So you incarnate again, you come back, you incarnate.
00:41:37.610 --> 00:41:43.710
And a lot of times those people that were full of cancer and so sick at the end of their life are the ones that usually come back, right?
00:41:45.050 --> 00:41:50.309
Have childhood cancer or here for maybe 10, 15 years, they get all the love in their lessons.
00:41:50.470 --> 00:41:54.390
Cause a lot of times every illness is attached to an emotion and we can go really deep into this.
00:41:54.610 --> 00:42:00.570
My stepdad didn't get the love I've like right in that he needed once he didn't get the love in this lifetime, his soul.
00:42:00.750 --> 00:42:01.730
That's why he lived so angry.
00:42:01.950 --> 00:42:02.150
He did.
00:42:02.829 --> 00:42:07.090
Because he got him and my parents got divorced over 20 years ago and he lived with such anger.
00:42:07.510 --> 00:42:12.190
So I fought hard for those three months to fill his soul, take him to St. Augustine, buy him ice cream.
00:42:12.230 --> 00:42:16.730
Every morning at 7.30 he'd wake up and I'd be like, but I would do circus for him.
00:42:16.829 --> 00:42:18.130
And he's like, you're crazy.
00:42:18.590 --> 00:42:22.010
So people think I'm crazy, but I'm making sure your heart and soul is right.
00:42:22.050 --> 00:42:27.890
Because we're here, we're here for love and we're just love and peace and not taking this world so serious for heaven on earth.
00:42:28.550 --> 00:42:33.870
So children, sometimes too, on the spiritual level it's kind of what you believe, right?
00:42:34.030 --> 00:42:34.870
This is from people.
00:42:35.030 --> 00:42:40.809
This isn't just for me, but like people that have Down syndrome, kids that have Down syndrome, they killed themselves in a past life.
00:42:41.110 --> 00:42:47.630
So they're brought here to get all the love that their soul needs in order to become them and to flourish and to get to their true authentic self.
00:42:48.610 --> 00:42:50.950
So your daughter, we all have a soul mission, right?
00:42:51.050 --> 00:42:53.930
Your daughter knew she was coming here for 15 years to help you.
00:42:54.030 --> 00:42:54.590
You knew this.
00:42:54.630 --> 00:42:56.450
We just have to awaken to the truth of it.
00:42:56.910 --> 00:43:03.309
So when we realize that souls are all just coming and going and we all have different purposes, that's why when children die young, it stinks.
00:43:03.490 --> 00:43:05.610
I've had my own experience, believe me, it stinks.
00:43:06.030 --> 00:43:12.650
But I've become like, that's grateful, like I'm grateful because that little child came in here to awaken us adults that aren't doing the right thing.
00:43:13.070 --> 00:43:13.730
And that's the truth.
00:43:14.769 --> 00:43:15.950
Souls, people die.
00:43:16.230 --> 00:43:18.610
Everything in this world is a soul lesson.
00:43:18.809 --> 00:43:27.970
And until you start to become obedient to the truth and block out these distractions of the world and you know what I'm saying, all these distractions make us become people that we're not.
00:43:28.450 --> 00:43:32.329
If it's the addictions, the porn, the this, the that, all these distractions of the world, right?
00:43:32.670 --> 00:43:37.610
And then when we die, our soul is so corrupt by what we put in our mind, our body, mind and soul.
00:43:37.769 --> 00:43:41.710
So what you're putting in your body, mind and soul, who you're being every day is a big deal.
00:43:42.110 --> 00:43:47.870
But I do believe that if you don't finish your lessons in this lifetime, you come back, right?
00:43:48.250 --> 00:43:49.450
Maybe it is for five years.
00:43:49.590 --> 00:43:52.070
You come back with cancer and then the kid dies of cancer.
00:43:52.450 --> 00:43:52.970
But guess what?
00:43:52.990 --> 00:43:58.010
In those seven years, those parents gave that kid the most love it's ever gotten, its whole soul's life, right?
00:43:58.170 --> 00:43:59.630
However old that soul is.
00:44:00.670 --> 00:44:03.570
So it could get really, it could get deep.
00:44:03.789 --> 00:44:08.789
But when you realize that death is not real, we were all humans just having a physical experience right now.
00:44:08.890 --> 00:44:11.450
My body could be gone tomorrow, but my soul ain't.
00:44:11.510 --> 00:44:13.370
You're going to know I'm still here when I'm gone, right?
00:44:13.809 --> 00:44:14.890
Somehow, I promise you.
00:44:15.210 --> 00:44:15.309
Yeah.
00:44:15.349 --> 00:44:19.570
And look at all these famous people in history, you know, that we still talk about here.
00:44:19.630 --> 00:44:20.110
They're here.
00:44:20.610 --> 00:44:25.210
Well, you know, it's nobody ever really goes, but we want to like peel the layers.
00:44:25.430 --> 00:44:30.849
I tell people the onion peel all the onion layers so that we do have our heart and soul is just pure light.
00:44:31.329 --> 00:44:33.510
And we don't have all this evil stuff going on.
00:44:33.809 --> 00:44:36.950
And that's why people are scared to die because how you live is how you die.
00:44:37.309 --> 00:44:39.809
So, you know, the kids though, that's it.
00:44:40.090 --> 00:44:45.930
I always that that is a hard one and it's hard for parents to believe that that's the problem with kids.
00:44:45.950 --> 00:44:49.670
And I always give many props to pediatric hospice nurses.
00:44:50.230 --> 00:44:53.990
They are the most amazing, special, like I can't even I'm like, who are you?
00:44:53.990 --> 00:44:54.450
Who are you?
00:44:54.550 --> 00:44:58.730
Because kids are hard, but kids come in to teach us old people that aren't doing it.
00:44:59.030 --> 00:45:01.349
And maybe even old is 20, 25, 30.
00:45:01.470 --> 00:45:04.789
It doesn't, but the kids, they come to teach us a lesson and change our life.
00:45:04.870 --> 00:45:08.590
So we have to say thank you, just like to your daughter, her little earth angel that came.
00:45:08.930 --> 00:45:18.010
Yes, the physical hurts so much, but you have so much more blessings when you and the deliciousness of when you can't see them of your life if you choose to accept them.
00:45:18.150 --> 00:45:19.110
Yeah, exactly.
00:45:19.930 --> 00:45:23.390
So we we've talked a lot about death and dying.
00:45:23.390 --> 00:45:25.450
Let's talk about the grieving process.
00:45:25.730 --> 00:45:28.450
And I know one of the things that you say is that closure is a myth.
00:45:28.970 --> 00:45:31.010
So why why is it that you say that?
00:45:31.789 --> 00:45:33.230
Yeah, because we don't close anything.
00:45:33.470 --> 00:45:34.710
I love just transforms, right?
00:45:34.750 --> 00:45:36.470
If people don't die, we don't close anything.
00:45:36.570 --> 00:45:45.470
We just transform it into a different, you know, I always tell people though, I always tell my patients, give yourself a year because I don't care how spiritual we could be and nobody dies.
00:45:45.670 --> 00:45:46.210
It hurts.
00:45:46.570 --> 00:45:57.349
The physical loss of somebody is traumatic, you know, and I think what my stepdad and like I said, me and him was so close and you know, it was like the physical loss.
00:45:57.530 --> 00:45:59.670
I was like, oh, like get this off me.
00:45:59.809 --> 00:46:01.329
Like I didn't understand it.
00:46:01.490 --> 00:46:02.970
Like I had I have helped grief.
00:46:03.110 --> 00:46:07.230
I've had grief through patients and families, but until it hit so personal like that.
00:46:07.950 --> 00:46:09.510
So I tell people, give yourself a year.
00:46:09.670 --> 00:46:10.250
You have to.
00:46:10.370 --> 00:46:12.829
You have to give yourself a year and go through moment by moment.
00:46:12.829 --> 00:46:14.110
If you want to cry, you cry.
00:46:14.329 --> 00:46:15.789
If you want to dance, you dance.
00:46:15.930 --> 00:46:19.230
But if you feel like, oh my God, this is so this is crazy.
00:46:19.230 --> 00:46:20.250
Go change your physiology.
00:46:20.470 --> 00:46:21.490
Go for a walk, right?
00:46:21.630 --> 00:46:22.170
Write them a letter.
00:46:22.170 --> 00:46:23.349
A lot of times I did.
00:46:23.450 --> 00:46:23.950
I wrote a letter.
00:46:24.170 --> 00:46:27.610
I know you shouldn't do it, but I got a balloon and attached a letter and let it up in the air.
00:46:28.070 --> 00:46:31.150
I always had a candle lit without a doubt the first six months.
00:46:31.289 --> 00:46:32.809
There was this candle I got off Amazon.
00:46:33.230 --> 00:46:36.309
And when the batteries went out, I'm like, you know, like it was him.
00:46:36.590 --> 00:46:40.090
So it was just these little things that I just had, like to honor him, right?
00:46:40.590 --> 00:46:44.890
Like, but I tell people the whole first year to go through the birthdays, the holidays, the everything like that.
00:46:45.370 --> 00:46:50.010
In that process, though, you are you're healing, you are, you know, you're healing.
00:46:50.010 --> 00:46:56.269
And then you are getting the little the messages when the signs and the messages come in, though, you can't always accept them if the grief is so bad.
00:46:56.370 --> 00:46:56.570
Right.
00:46:56.769 --> 00:46:56.930
Right.
00:46:57.050 --> 00:46:59.050
So you have to process like, OK, they're not here.
00:46:59.390 --> 00:47:00.230
Death is not real.
00:47:00.470 --> 00:47:01.269
People don't die.
00:47:01.390 --> 00:47:04.010
I have to find a way to recreate this because I'm going to die.
00:47:04.269 --> 00:47:04.590
Yeah.
00:47:05.349 --> 00:47:11.570
And there are so many people's houses that I went into to that, you know, they had shrines all over the house because they didn't grieve properly.
00:47:11.570 --> 00:47:14.849
And they it's been 25, 30 years and they still haven't grieved the loss.
00:47:15.190 --> 00:47:18.550
So the first year and it's day by day, minute by minute.
00:47:18.789 --> 00:47:20.230
And that's why this hotline, right?
00:47:20.230 --> 00:47:26.870
Because if something happens, you feel like in the middle of the night you call and it's a live grief coach that you can get to talk you through it.
00:47:27.710 --> 00:47:28.970
Let's talk more about your organization.
00:47:29.269 --> 00:47:30.630
You went there briefly before.
00:47:30.950 --> 00:47:34.550
But for people that you say, it's the first online bereavement community.
00:47:34.930 --> 00:47:37.090
So tell me more detail about it.
00:47:37.329 --> 00:47:37.470
Yeah.
00:47:37.710 --> 00:47:45.210
So it's launching on April 1st and it's the first national online bereavement program with the 24 7 hotline.
00:47:45.990 --> 00:47:51.130
So 24 7 people will be able to call talk to a grief coach if they have, you know, that's the one.
00:47:51.349 --> 00:47:54.289
And then the other one is the seven days a week, the different classes.
00:47:54.530 --> 00:47:55.090
So we have different.
00:47:55.090 --> 00:47:57.210
But it's not from a religious standpoint of you.
00:47:57.289 --> 00:47:58.430
It's just helping people grieve.
00:47:58.610 --> 00:48:02.210
You lost a spouse, you lost a child, you know, and then we have different ones.
00:48:02.210 --> 00:48:07.950
Like if you have an immediate loss, we have different classes that you could come on five to seven that we're starting with right now.
00:48:07.950 --> 00:48:09.590
That'll be, you know, Monday through Friday.
00:48:09.590 --> 00:48:11.530
And then on the weekends, we'll have different classes.
00:48:11.530 --> 00:48:14.610
We'll have also things like chair yoga, sound bath.
00:48:14.610 --> 00:48:18.470
We'll have different modalities of healing, not just the classes alone.
00:48:18.990 --> 00:48:21.230
And then we're going to do fun things twice a month.
00:48:21.370 --> 00:48:22.829
We're going to have a singles group for the widows.
00:48:23.470 --> 00:48:28.269
And, you know, like I said, in Sarasota, Florida, April 14th is the first live event.
00:48:28.950 --> 00:48:31.970
And ticket sales are going to be on the coming up this week.
00:48:32.110 --> 00:48:37.370
So we'll have 150 people just in a space to just hold people, hold space together.
00:48:37.890 --> 00:48:39.030
Just for the grieving.
00:48:39.410 --> 00:48:39.510
Yeah.
00:48:39.670 --> 00:48:43.090
And then in May, we're going to do a 5K walk.
00:48:43.349 --> 00:48:46.110
It's going to be the last walk that people come.
00:48:46.250 --> 00:48:57.930
We're going to have one in Austin, Texas and Annapolis, Maryland that people come for the last walk so that we could just walk and just love and honor our loved ones that passed and to celebrate them more because we're not people think, oh, you're dead.
00:48:58.050 --> 00:48:58.610
Don't talk about them.
00:48:58.610 --> 00:49:00.510
No, they're really alive and they're really helping.
00:49:00.710 --> 00:49:01.710
They're helping us.
00:49:02.410 --> 00:49:02.510
Yeah.
00:49:02.650 --> 00:49:05.990
So you're going to be doing some physical things and also some online things.
00:49:06.110 --> 00:49:06.590
It sounds like.
00:49:06.870 --> 00:49:07.190
Yeah.
00:49:07.390 --> 00:49:12.370
Well, the online program will be will always just be it's the online program Monday for Friday.
00:49:12.370 --> 00:49:17.210
We have over 55 classes and then the event we're going to hold for right now.
00:49:17.269 --> 00:49:27.309
I want to hold it four times a year, a live event so that people can just come together like four times a year and you know, just physically support each other because that's what's missing in the presence.
00:49:27.309 --> 00:49:28.730
It's the first lesson in my book.
00:49:28.849 --> 00:49:30.849
It's the it's people being seen.
00:49:30.849 --> 00:49:33.630
You know, yeah, we can't take this world so serious.
00:49:33.789 --> 00:49:34.970
We don't have to clean the bathroom.
00:49:35.070 --> 00:49:37.970
We don't have to do anything because you're going to have to die one day.
00:49:37.970 --> 00:49:39.430
And what does that look like?
00:49:39.870 --> 00:49:50.870
Yeah, well, you know, the thing is that we don't we don't know how to properly grieve and and and then people, you know, the person in grief doesn't feel like they can be themselves.
00:49:51.210 --> 00:49:54.230
They can't, you know, people are tired of seeing me sad, you know, etc.
00:49:54.670 --> 00:49:57.829
The person that's trying to support them says stupid things.
00:49:57.970 --> 00:49:59.309
They don't know what to say.
00:49:59.630 --> 00:50:01.390
So it just it gets very awkward.
00:50:01.710 --> 00:50:05.110
And one of the things about grief, I believe is we're not meant to do it alone.
00:50:05.670 --> 00:50:13.010
You know, the idea that just suck it up and do it do it alone is not the way we're meant to operate as human beings.
00:50:13.210 --> 00:50:14.190
Yeah, yeah.
00:50:14.190 --> 00:50:16.030
And we can't we can't just get over it.
00:50:16.190 --> 00:50:17.829
It's not it's not something that happens.
00:50:18.490 --> 00:50:18.930
Yeah.
00:50:19.309 --> 00:50:29.150
And so what we've talked about is really leading us into, you know, we talked about there is no closure that the grief model that I like to talk about is continuing bonds, right?
00:50:30.150 --> 00:50:32.329
That that it's not a matter of getting over.
00:50:32.450 --> 00:50:33.570
It's not a matter of moving on.
00:50:33.710 --> 00:50:37.430
It's developing that new relationship like you've done with your stepfather.
00:50:38.090 --> 00:50:40.789
Yeah, and don't ignore it because that's what people do too, right?
00:50:40.910 --> 00:50:43.730
They might see their birthday and they're like, and they just shut it down.
00:50:43.730 --> 00:50:48.510
But if you see something that and if you just cry out of nowhere, they're there with you.
00:50:48.590 --> 00:50:49.349
They're telling you, right?
00:50:49.430 --> 00:50:51.490
Because all of a sudden, I'll just cry in the beginning.
00:50:51.490 --> 00:50:54.250
I just cried and I'm like, Oh, and I got chills or something.
00:50:54.269 --> 00:50:55.470
And I'm like, that's them there, right?
00:50:55.530 --> 00:50:57.950
If I saw the UPS truck, they're telling you I'm here.
00:50:58.110 --> 00:50:58.430
I'm here.
00:50:58.789 --> 00:50:58.910
Yeah.
00:50:59.050 --> 00:51:00.950
And people, they don't know how to grieve properly.
00:51:00.950 --> 00:51:01.849
So they shut it down.
00:51:01.950 --> 00:51:03.570
And then they just stay in this place.
00:51:03.570 --> 00:51:05.950
And then, right, anxiety, depression, and so on.
00:51:06.010 --> 00:51:06.210
Yeah.
00:51:06.769 --> 00:51:07.490
Yeah, you know, it's interesting.
00:51:07.730 --> 00:51:11.630
So I heard a medium say that it really flipped not flip me on this thought.
00:51:12.470 --> 00:51:14.550
People say, I was missing them so much.
00:51:14.550 --> 00:51:17.410
I just started crying and they think it's because of their absence.
00:51:17.990 --> 00:51:20.010
And this medium said, no, it's because of their presence.
00:51:20.490 --> 00:51:22.890
It's because you're actually feeling them.
00:51:23.230 --> 00:51:27.750
And I've been sharing that with clients and it just totally changes everything, right?
00:51:28.250 --> 00:51:30.470
Suddenly, you have this grief burst out of nowhere.
00:51:31.210 --> 00:51:33.870
And you start and it's because you're feeling them close to you.
00:51:33.970 --> 00:51:34.410
Yeah.
00:51:34.970 --> 00:51:35.210
Oh, yeah.
00:51:35.550 --> 00:51:36.289
And it could happen.
00:51:36.490 --> 00:51:37.309
I mean, it still happens.
00:51:37.470 --> 00:51:38.710
It happened like two days ago.
00:51:39.450 --> 00:51:41.150
This one Led Zeppelin song comes on.
00:51:41.269 --> 00:51:41.570
Thank you.
00:51:41.570 --> 00:51:42.470
He loved Led Zeppelin.
00:51:42.610 --> 00:51:45.050
I wasn't a Led Zeppelin, but he loved Led Zeppelin and the Thank You song.
00:51:45.250 --> 00:51:52.090
And I'm like, you know, and I couldn't and I knew that it was him because, you know, life, he knows, he knows what I'm going through.
00:51:52.110 --> 00:51:53.329
It hasn't been 100% easy.
00:51:53.829 --> 00:51:53.930
Yeah.
00:51:53.970 --> 00:51:56.570
And I felt like he just came in and he's like, it's good.
00:51:56.750 --> 00:51:57.970
And I was like, and I needed that.
00:51:58.030 --> 00:52:00.170
And I'm like, thanks, you know, because he was always there.
00:52:00.269 --> 00:52:00.829
I would text him.
00:52:00.930 --> 00:52:03.730
I would write, but he's still coming in for me.
00:52:03.730 --> 00:52:03.950
Yeah.
00:52:04.809 --> 00:52:08.309
And that's the perspective that we really want to help people get to.
00:52:08.390 --> 00:52:08.570
Right.
00:52:09.010 --> 00:52:13.750
As opposed to people saying it's been a year and I'm still crying what's wrong with me.
00:52:13.950 --> 00:52:17.110
It's more like I'm crying because the love is still there.
00:52:17.910 --> 00:52:23.370
And instead of hearing that song and crying and feeling bad about it and saying, I wish I hadn't cried.
00:52:23.590 --> 00:52:27.090
It's more like, yeah, that connection is still there.
00:52:27.990 --> 00:52:35.890
So that's a total 180 degree flip from what a lot of people are saying about grief because it's like, get over it, put it behind you and move on.
00:52:36.390 --> 00:52:36.690
Yeah.
00:52:37.130 --> 00:52:39.090
And yeah, it doesn't, it doesn't work like that.
00:52:39.570 --> 00:52:41.170
Yeah, it doesn't work like that.
00:52:41.570 --> 00:52:47.269
And when you realize, like in the beginning of grief, like I tell people too, I mean, I was struggling for my life the first three months.
00:52:47.510 --> 00:52:48.410
I went on a jet ski.
00:52:48.910 --> 00:52:51.510
I remember I said to my son, I'm like, get on the jet ski.
00:52:51.690 --> 00:52:53.950
He was all he was, you know, he's like, what are you doing?
00:52:54.070 --> 00:52:57.750
And we went on this parasailing because I felt so dead that I was just reaching.
00:52:58.070 --> 00:53:00.530
There really isn't like, you know, there's no formula.
00:53:00.809 --> 00:53:07.050
I'm like, cry if you want to cry, but try to always go back to the good memories and the good feeling emotions when you go there.
00:53:07.050 --> 00:53:10.150
But I was reaching for like life in the beginning.
00:53:10.150 --> 00:53:20.190
And thanks for sharing that because none of us gets to bypass this, you know, the people will say, well, we're Krista, you've been, you've been around death since you were 13.
00:53:20.370 --> 00:53:22.450
You know, you've done, you've done all this stuff.
00:53:22.670 --> 00:53:24.829
Why did it affect you this way?
00:53:24.930 --> 00:53:26.950
It shouldn't, you know that he's still here.
00:53:27.410 --> 00:53:28.390
It still affects you.
00:53:28.490 --> 00:53:29.630
We still have to go through it.
00:53:29.990 --> 00:53:30.210
It does.
00:53:30.410 --> 00:53:38.610
And I think the physical, like when he actually was passing in me holding his hand, when you bring up the near death experience and it made me think of how many people will like this.
00:53:38.610 --> 00:53:39.670
So I was in that bed.
00:53:39.670 --> 00:53:43.849
I mean, I remember, I mean, on the side, like in the bed holding his hand for like 20 minutes.
00:53:44.050 --> 00:53:45.870
And that was, I couldn't breathe, Brian.
00:53:46.110 --> 00:53:50.530
I was like, and I'm like, Krista, you did this thousands of times.
00:53:50.730 --> 00:53:54.650
And then I was like, how many people like, you know, I wasn't there for every death.
00:53:54.670 --> 00:53:55.630
You can't be right.
00:53:56.150 --> 00:53:58.329
And I'm like, how many people went through this part?
00:53:59.349 --> 00:54:02.450
That can be traumatizing because you're just like, what just happened?
00:54:02.610 --> 00:54:06.370
Did I and it was almost like, you know, it brought me back to Mary where it was like, what?
00:54:06.789 --> 00:54:10.269
And then with my stepdad, I was gasping for like, I couldn't even breathe.
00:54:11.050 --> 00:54:12.170
And I was like, what's happening?
00:54:12.630 --> 00:54:22.910
So even that's why I say the death dying, the living life, death dying, the dying part, people don't, we don't talk about it as much because it's so traumatizing.
00:54:23.010 --> 00:54:26.410
And I had a patient son call me yesterday and he said, Krista, I keep thinking about her ending.
00:54:26.930 --> 00:54:30.930
And right, and whatever I say, I'm like, nope, we can't go there.
00:54:30.950 --> 00:54:32.170
It's not about somebody's ending.
00:54:32.210 --> 00:54:33.309
And we don't talk about that.
00:54:33.490 --> 00:54:35.050
So an ending can be so traumatizing.
00:54:35.250 --> 00:54:37.289
And that doesn't and people can't grieve.
00:54:37.510 --> 00:54:39.630
How do you grieve when you traumatize by the ending?
00:54:40.070 --> 00:54:40.349
Right.
00:54:40.769 --> 00:54:43.030
Well, the ending, that does haunt a lot of us.
00:54:43.269 --> 00:54:46.690
And I want to ask you, have you seen terminal acidity?
00:54:46.870 --> 00:54:51.329
Have you seen people suddenly who have dementia become lucid?
00:54:51.930 --> 00:54:56.110
And have you seen people like talking to loved ones as they're crossing over?
00:54:56.650 --> 00:54:58.289
Thousands and thousands and thousands of times.
00:54:58.510 --> 00:55:00.950
It's like thousands of times.
00:55:01.450 --> 00:55:01.550
Yeah.
00:55:01.970 --> 00:55:03.070
It's they talk to the law.
00:55:03.150 --> 00:55:05.010
Oh, look, they're so and so I'm like, you're going.
00:55:05.190 --> 00:55:09.590
Yeah, you know, and you know, I've seen people thousands of people.
00:55:09.890 --> 00:55:10.769
I've heard Jesus.
00:55:11.230 --> 00:55:12.410
I really have Jesus.
00:55:12.769 --> 00:55:13.870
God, Jesus is there.
00:55:14.150 --> 00:55:16.309
I'm like, yeah, that's what I want.
00:55:16.430 --> 00:55:20.930
I want to communicate to people because people sometimes will think and not everybody dies in hospice.
00:55:21.269 --> 00:55:23.510
And they say, well, she died alone and he died alone.
00:55:24.210 --> 00:55:28.789
And, you know, I work with John Edward and he always says famously, no one ever dies alone.
00:55:28.950 --> 00:55:31.829
I've heard a lot of people say that you don't die alone.
00:55:32.289 --> 00:55:35.550
And I love that someone said, it's like, you're not born alone, right?
00:55:35.970 --> 00:55:38.370
When you come into the world, people welcome you in.
00:55:38.510 --> 00:55:39.630
You don't die alone either.
00:55:40.530 --> 00:55:41.110
No, you don't.
00:55:41.450 --> 00:55:44.289
But I tell people it goes back to how you live is how you die.
00:55:44.970 --> 00:55:46.250
People like to be alone.
00:55:46.789 --> 00:55:49.250
There's so many thousands of stories, right?
00:55:49.390 --> 00:55:50.490
I'm like, just leave the room.
00:55:51.090 --> 00:55:51.970
They did the whole idea.
00:55:52.610 --> 00:55:53.610
No, I have to be here.
00:55:53.890 --> 00:55:54.470
Get over it.
00:55:54.670 --> 00:55:55.289
That's your ego.
00:55:55.769 --> 00:55:58.370
Wherever you are when somebody passes, you're supposed to be.
00:55:58.710 --> 00:56:00.130
People are like, I should have been there.
00:56:00.210 --> 00:56:01.190
No, you shouldn't have been.
00:56:01.370 --> 00:56:02.010
It was all planned.
00:56:02.170 --> 00:56:03.269
You weren't supposed to be there.
00:56:03.530 --> 00:56:05.890
And there was some deaths where I'm like, thank God I wasn't there.
00:56:05.890 --> 00:56:09.170
Because that ending, you got to know that you're protected.
00:56:09.370 --> 00:56:10.809
Wherever you are, you're supposed to be.
00:56:10.910 --> 00:56:12.530
That's another one that people hang up on.
00:56:12.970 --> 00:56:13.530
Yes, exactly.
00:56:13.530 --> 00:56:14.050
I wasn't there.
00:56:14.329 --> 00:56:14.910
I'm like...
00:56:14.910 --> 00:56:18.170
Yeah, I was hanging up by the bed the whole time, waiting for them to die.
00:56:18.210 --> 00:56:20.769
And I went to get a cup of coffee and they died when I wasn't there.
00:56:21.070 --> 00:56:21.750
Yeah, yeah.
00:56:21.809 --> 00:56:22.690
And I've had families.
00:56:22.870 --> 00:56:25.230
I mean, I've always had to be strategic and I've been nice.
00:56:25.390 --> 00:56:26.809
I've never, you know, because it's hard.
00:56:27.110 --> 00:56:28.950
But I'm always like, just leave the room for a minute.
00:56:29.250 --> 00:56:31.769
You know, I said, I'm telling you he wants to.
00:56:32.390 --> 00:56:36.550
And sometimes people have a hard time because people, when people are dying, they think they have to control it.
00:56:36.910 --> 00:56:37.250
You don't.
00:56:37.349 --> 00:56:38.090
You got to let it flow.
00:56:38.630 --> 00:56:39.329
You got to let it flow.
00:56:39.730 --> 00:56:41.329
But nobody's ever alone.
00:56:41.670 --> 00:56:42.730
Alone can have two meanings here.
00:56:42.950 --> 00:56:48.650
So when I say no one dies alone, I mean, they might be alone physically in the room, but there's somebody meeting them on the other side.
00:56:49.030 --> 00:56:50.470
And some people want that privacy.
00:56:50.769 --> 00:56:53.170
They don't, they don't want to die in front of other people.
00:56:53.650 --> 00:56:55.190
A lot of people want that private.
00:56:55.390 --> 00:56:56.530
You know, people die alone.
00:56:57.150 --> 00:56:57.530
I can't.
00:56:57.630 --> 00:57:00.769
I'm telling you more people die alone than with people there.
00:57:01.410 --> 00:57:01.510
Interesting.
00:57:02.150 --> 00:57:03.610
Yeah, very much so.
00:57:03.610 --> 00:57:05.470
Yeah, nobody's, nobody's ever alone.
00:57:05.910 --> 00:57:12.269
I was the weird nurse though that I would, you know, I never, I would work a thousand hours if there was somebody that really was going down.
00:57:12.950 --> 00:57:22.870
I'd never put, I'd go back to the place and like, I would just be, you know, if I felt like I was called, because some people like, I felt like I'm like, you don't want to die alone and I would go there and then they die.
00:57:23.130 --> 00:57:28.910
You know, so, you know, it's, you know, you're just, everybody's different, but majority of people do want to die alone, for sure.
00:57:30.010 --> 00:57:37.570
Another thing I wanted to ask you about is broken heart syndrome we've all heard that term and some people think it's just a metaphor or myth.
00:57:38.190 --> 00:57:39.710
What have you got to say about broken heart syndrome?
00:57:40.190 --> 00:57:41.370
We got thousands of stories.
00:57:41.570 --> 00:57:48.190
I mean, that hits personally too, you know, after, when I was younger, my grandfather had cancer and then less than a year later, my grandmother was dead.
00:57:48.329 --> 00:57:49.269
She wasn't even sick.
00:57:49.809 --> 00:57:55.110
My other aunt, she died and like six weeks later, my healthy uncle had a massive heart attack and died.
00:57:55.829 --> 00:58:16.670
So I think that, I mean, that's just, you know, two stories, but that's such a common story that broken heart syndrome, that's why GLAAD was created too, because I feel like that if we do come in sooner than if people have those support, but then I love those stories too, because then there's those people that are married 60, 70 years and that's their plan, you know, they don't want to be here without that person.
00:58:16.870 --> 00:58:18.370
I don't blame them, you know what I'm saying?
00:58:18.849 --> 00:58:20.829
So, but it is a real, it's a real thing.
00:58:20.990 --> 00:58:23.090
And sometimes, you know, we GLAAD, right?
00:58:23.269 --> 00:58:27.090
You come in, we can help that, but then sometimes I think people have just loved so hard.
00:58:27.150 --> 00:58:27.870
They're like, I'm out.
00:58:28.010 --> 00:58:29.550
I ain't doing this without this person.
00:58:31.090 --> 00:58:32.730
And they don't realize it.
00:58:32.730 --> 00:58:36.289
Like my aunt and uncle, my uncle was always like rough with my aunt.
00:58:36.650 --> 00:58:40.370
You never would think that they had the love of a lifetime, but when she, they were married forever.
00:58:40.430 --> 00:58:42.070
When he died, he's like, what am I doing now?
00:58:42.230 --> 00:58:43.150
I'm out, you know?
00:58:43.450 --> 00:58:46.390
Yeah, and it's interesting because you're right.
00:58:46.650 --> 00:58:47.789
Everybody's got a different plan.
00:58:47.910 --> 00:58:53.970
For some people, it's like, yeah, your plan is to go on and have, you know, have another a long life in the body here.
00:58:54.430 --> 00:58:59.130
But some people, I think about my sister-in-law, her father passed and I think it was six weeks later.
00:58:59.610 --> 00:59:03.450
Her mother was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and was just like gone.
00:59:03.630 --> 00:59:05.150
I mean, like within a few weeks.
00:59:05.950 --> 00:59:08.289
And it was, but that man was her whole life.
00:59:08.650 --> 00:59:08.930
Exactly.
00:59:09.090 --> 00:59:10.269
And they're happy with it.
00:59:10.370 --> 00:59:11.230
People are like, oh my God.
00:59:11.269 --> 00:59:12.530
I'm like, no, that's better for them.
00:59:14.550 --> 00:59:15.630
It's not always a tragedy.
00:59:15.890 --> 00:59:19.730
And that's the other thing about, you know, I was talking to somebody there about the medical profession.
00:59:20.370 --> 00:59:23.010
Typically, doctors look at death as the enemy.
00:59:23.769 --> 00:59:27.789
Death is something, death is failure that we're not supposed to, you know, people aren't supposed to die.
00:59:28.130 --> 00:59:31.010
But like I said, you and I know that everybody does.
00:59:31.010 --> 00:59:34.430
We want to make people comfortable and do everything we can.
00:59:34.710 --> 00:59:37.910
But ultimately, it's not up to us when someone goes.
00:59:38.610 --> 00:59:40.010
No, no, it's not.
00:59:40.530 --> 00:59:43.349
And about the broken heart, I'll circle real fast.
00:59:44.329 --> 00:59:49.690
My nephew was like 23 or something when he lost his best friend in a car accident.
00:59:49.870 --> 00:59:51.630
His best friend just had a baby a month old.
00:59:51.990 --> 00:59:53.530
This was maybe like seven years ago.
00:59:54.070 --> 00:59:56.130
And my nephew, you know, he was 20 something years old.
00:59:56.349 --> 00:59:59.289
Maybe two months later, he was diagnosed with leukemia.
01:00:01.250 --> 01:00:04.030
People don't realize that stress, the shock.
01:00:04.349 --> 01:00:05.730
I mean, he just had leukemia, right?
01:00:05.930 --> 01:00:07.490
People had non-Hodgkin's lymphoma.
01:00:07.590 --> 01:00:11.410
That's another one people are diagnosed with because it's like a nervous, like you just get diagnosed.
01:00:11.590 --> 01:00:12.430
It's like a nervous thing.
01:00:13.010 --> 01:00:20.269
So if that, right, if that gap, I'm sure even, you know, people that were friends with your daughter, like when they're that young, they don't know how to deal with that.
01:00:20.590 --> 01:00:22.309
That's like, my friend just died.
01:00:23.030 --> 01:00:32.550
So yeah, I mean, that could turn into a broken heart syndrome that people don't realize, like even just a friendship, but young, young kids don't know how to deal with that shock if they lost a best friend.
01:00:33.090 --> 01:00:34.349
Yeah, but that's a great point.
01:00:34.789 --> 01:00:36.809
So I know, Chris, you've written a book.
01:00:37.230 --> 01:00:38.530
So tell people about your book.
01:00:39.150 --> 01:00:43.150
Yeah, so the book, yeah, it's going to be coming out by April 1st.
01:00:43.150 --> 01:00:43.809
It'll be out.
01:00:44.250 --> 01:00:52.450
It's eight lessons that dying has taught me and it's something that I just, I've wanted to write for over 10 years and it's just lessons that I've learned.
01:00:52.450 --> 01:00:53.750
You know, I've been grateful.
01:00:54.309 --> 01:00:58.110
You know, everyone's like, oh, what you do, but it's it's all because of my patients.
01:00:58.430 --> 01:00:59.590
The family is like what I've learned.
01:00:59.590 --> 01:01:03.170
I wouldn't be who I am if I didn't see what I've seen and then who I am.
01:01:03.510 --> 01:01:08.070
So yeah, so I'm grateful and you know, I'm already starting on my second book.
01:01:09.050 --> 01:01:12.390
Yeah, so the title is, hey kid, I'm still here.
01:01:12.970 --> 01:01:16.670
Okay, yeah, so and it has a UPS truck on the cover.
01:01:18.309 --> 01:01:22.710
So it's, it's helping people to create that connection.
01:01:22.930 --> 01:01:26.829
You know, I think the eight lessons that dying has taught me is for people to get their heart and soul right.
01:01:28.390 --> 01:01:35.269
You know, like how they live, you know, so and then, you know, the next book will show people how to take keep that connection.
01:01:36.010 --> 01:01:40.530
well, one of the lessons I've gotten from you today is we need to be prepared, right?
01:01:40.849 --> 01:01:42.430
We know this is coming.
01:01:42.690 --> 01:02:12.110
So there's the practical stuff that you mentioned, you know, DNRs and life insurance and beneficiaries and stuff like that, but also getting our soul ready, our soul ready to, you know, you were talking about reincarnation stuff and there's this idea of karma, which is I think greatly misunderstood by a lot of people, but what I just kept picturing was like, us picking up this junk while we're here in this world and kind of and carrying that with us into once we cross back over and then having to get rid of that junk, right?
01:02:12.410 --> 01:02:14.130
So why not get rid of it now?
01:02:14.950 --> 01:02:15.930
I love that.
01:02:16.250 --> 01:02:17.470
That's oh, I got chills.
01:02:17.530 --> 01:02:18.870
That's exactly what it is.
01:02:19.110 --> 01:02:22.170
Get rid of your junk now, because when you come back, you want no junk.
01:02:22.390 --> 01:02:23.670
You want to live the best life, right?
01:02:23.990 --> 01:02:26.670
We are here, heaven on earth, we're trying to create.
01:02:26.990 --> 01:02:29.030
So people take this world way too serious.
01:02:29.730 --> 01:02:30.750
It's not that serious.
01:02:32.050 --> 01:02:40.930
Yeah, yeah, but you know, the thing is, I think about, you know, we kind of touch briefly on near-death experiences, one of the common experiences and near-death experiences, the life review.
01:02:41.809 --> 01:02:44.630
And so I'm like, why not live your life this way?
01:02:44.809 --> 01:02:46.329
Start doing your life for you now.
01:02:47.010 --> 01:02:51.150
So start, start, you know, saying what did I do today that I could have done better?
01:02:51.230 --> 01:02:52.550
What did I do today that I did well?
01:02:52.710 --> 01:02:54.110
It doesn't always have to be negative, right?
01:02:54.590 --> 01:02:57.050
We can also, I did something really great today.
01:02:57.050 --> 01:02:58.750
I could have done this a little bit better.
01:02:58.910 --> 01:03:00.570
You can start making that a daily practice.
01:03:01.210 --> 01:03:01.370
Exactly.
01:03:01.950 --> 01:03:04.450
I have that page in the back of my book, like, write your eulogy.
01:03:04.950 --> 01:03:05.269
Yeah.
01:03:05.490 --> 01:03:07.070
Your eulogy while you're alive.
01:03:07.570 --> 01:03:13.190
And I love that because I have a couple of patients that had celebrations of life that knew that they were dying and they're like, I'm dying.
01:03:13.370 --> 01:03:14.450
Let me celebrate my life.
01:03:15.150 --> 01:03:19.910
And you know, and it was good and they just celebrated and they were like, I don't want anybody to be sad, you know?
01:03:20.769 --> 01:03:21.130
Yeah.
01:03:21.410 --> 01:03:25.730
And speaking of eulogies, you know, it's funny because when someone passes, we say all these great things.
01:03:25.829 --> 01:03:28.410
We sit down and we think about all the great things about the person.
01:03:28.730 --> 01:03:29.809
Why don't we do that while they're living?
01:03:30.269 --> 01:03:32.849
Why can't we start saying nice things to people now?
01:03:33.590 --> 01:03:34.470
It is very true.
01:03:34.670 --> 01:03:38.829
But then again, that's why everybody has to take accountability because we can't always say those nice things.
01:03:38.970 --> 01:03:41.890
And you know, this world that we're living in is getting a little harsh.
01:03:42.050 --> 01:03:43.870
That's why we all got to like sizzle down.
01:03:44.630 --> 01:03:46.110
It's not that serious.
01:03:46.470 --> 01:03:55.349
History has been happening for, you know, and that's why I do believe that as a collective, we need to bring more heaven on earth, right?
01:03:55.809 --> 01:03:59.329
Because when we bring that heaven on earth, then maybe we're all connected to the ones we can't see.
01:03:59.410 --> 01:04:00.130
And it's just a flow.
01:04:00.289 --> 01:04:01.789
It's a better flow of love and light.
01:04:02.410 --> 01:04:04.550
And we don't have to fear living in this world.
01:04:04.849 --> 01:04:04.990
Right.
01:04:05.610 --> 01:04:10.309
So Christa, if people want to reach out to you or and I know you do you do coaching also.
01:04:10.530 --> 01:04:16.210
So if people want to reach out to you, how can they find you and tell people about the other services job besides GLAAD?
01:04:16.950 --> 01:04:23.570
Yeah, so with GLAAD, so with the GLAAD, we're always looking for donations for GLAAD because it is the nonprofit.
01:04:23.870 --> 01:04:25.470
So that's GLAADcommunity.com.
01:04:25.470 --> 01:04:27.590
You could see on my background here.
01:04:28.550 --> 01:04:31.410
But my own personal is ChristaMcDonald.com.
01:04:31.550 --> 01:04:32.309
That's my website.
01:04:33.250 --> 01:04:35.670
And in Instagram, it's grieved with Christa.
01:04:36.890 --> 01:04:38.530
And that goes in my Facebook too.
01:04:38.930 --> 01:04:40.030
You know, I'm 45, Brian.
01:04:40.150 --> 01:04:42.250
I'm getting I have help with the social media stuff.
01:04:42.329 --> 01:04:46.570
I'm telling you, I feel like I'm a hundred because I'm getting there, but it's all coming together.
01:04:46.570 --> 01:04:50.510
But that's, you know, I'm going to get those buttons and tabs soon and be cool.
01:04:50.809 --> 01:04:52.370
But yeah, that's where you can find me.
01:04:53.090 --> 01:04:53.829
I'm 65.
01:04:53.829 --> 01:05:00.910
And yeah, the social media stuff, it's changing constantly.
01:05:01.090 --> 01:05:05.950
It's so funny because I had a friend text me this morning and said, can you show me how to use Substack?
01:05:06.829 --> 01:05:09.309
Because, you know, a lot of people, you know, it's always changing.
01:05:09.510 --> 01:05:11.610
But, you know, people can reach you.
01:05:11.890 --> 01:05:16.110
We will put the links in the show notes, but it's GLAADcommunity.com.
01:05:17.510 --> 01:05:19.430
GLAADD.com and ChristaMcDonald.
01:05:20.610 --> 01:05:22.390
It's M-C-D-O-N-A-L-D.
01:05:22.570 --> 01:05:23.849
So again, those will be in the notes.
01:05:23.990 --> 01:05:27.630
I just want to say that loud for people that might be listening and not watching.
01:05:28.269 --> 01:05:30.630
But Christa, it's been a pleasure getting to meet you.
01:05:30.809 --> 01:05:34.110
You are a force and I appreciate what you're doing in the world.
01:05:34.610 --> 01:05:34.890
You too.
01:05:35.030 --> 01:05:35.950
Same, same Brian.
01:05:36.210 --> 01:05:36.829
I appreciate you.
01:05:37.510 --> 01:05:37.990
All right.
01:05:38.090 --> 01:05:38.950
Enjoy the rest of your day.
01:05:39.430 --> 01:05:39.650
All right.
01:05:39.750 --> 01:05:40.110
You too.
01:05:40.370 --> 01:05:40.890
Thank you.
01:06:02.650 --> 01:06:03.030
Bye.