EP 3:47 Self-Empowered Chemsex Recovery with Damon

WEBVTT
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Going on a little rabbit trail here, but that's something I try to bring into my content is like pleasure is a core part of this.
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Like, yeah, public health is really good at identifying diseases and risk factors and protective factors, but it's not good at recognizing some of the other benefits outside of just health.
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And that's why I always try to bring into any sort of public health or social work that I do.
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Chemtex.
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Sexualized drug use among men who have sex with men, typically involving methamphetamine, methadrone, and GHB, among others.
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Chemsex misuse is a worldwide epidemic that needs attention, dialogue, and hope for those lost in it, which is the purpose of the Aftermath Podcast.
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Please note the views expressed by the host and guest on this podcast are not to be taken as medical advice, and the content around sex and drug use can be triggering.
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All right, welcome back to the Aftermath Podcast.
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I am so glad you're here today, and I'm really excited to introduce a new friend of mine, Damon Hunter.
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Um, I'm really loving what's happening, what I'm seeing on Instagram, which is more and more people talking about Tina, chemsex, um, uh, you know, methadrone, monkey dust.
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The if you look, if you're looking over seas in Europe, you see a lot of pages talking about chemsex.
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In the US, you don't so much.
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Um, especially what Damon talks about, which is harm reduction when it comes to chemsex.
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And so the two of us really align.
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And I'm so excited, Damon, that you are giving your time today to to the the podcast and to share your story.
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And thank you for being here.
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Yeah, absolutely.
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I appreciate the opportunity to talk about it and like, yeah, getting on Instagram or TikTok and like talking about harm reduction.
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It's it's my it's my passion, it's my bread and butter.
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Like you can tell in the videos out like this is something I love to do.
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Uh harm reduction just like runs through me, and I think we need to be discussing that more.
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Yes, this or agreed.
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Let's let's talk about that first.
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I'm gonna share your Instagram page real quick.
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So those of you most of you watch the podcast.
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So um here's a a picture of it's the Damon Hunter X is the Instagram handle.
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We'll put the handle in the show notes, obviously.
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But if you look um at his page, uh there's a lot of if you if you're in defeat, if you're into a lot of kinks and fetish, there's a lot there too.
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Um I happen to be I have a huge foot to myself.
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There's a lot that I know uh but if you look at this first reel, I'm gonna play part of it.
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Let's start by mixing that term from our vocabulary as it perpetuates stereotypes and puts judgment on people who use drugs.
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And let's talk about some ways that we can take care of our teeth if we're partying.
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Okay.
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First of all, thank you for picking out the language and and showing that you know, methmouth, meth head, you know, all these all these uh words that are thrown around.
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Um, and you know what I I see a lot is that men who are not using anymore, they're in recovery, tend to continue to throw that like dirty tweakers and stuff.
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And to me, to to me, that's a reflection that they still carry the shame from using.
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Yeah.
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Don't you agree?
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Absolutely.
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Yeah.
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Um, and I even think back like during my time when I was using, like, I would text them and be like, hey, you want to tweak today?
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And like I think when you're in the culture, it can be a little different how you use those terms.
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But when you come out of that culture, like you have to examine the language that you're using, right?
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Like saying met mouth does perpetuate those stereotypes, right?
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We all go in our head when we hear that of like those old billboards that were in like the 2000s, right?
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Of like someone's a teeth or the commercials that we would have.
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And so we're just perpetuating stereotypes.
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And on this one specifically, I talk about like dental care is a luxury in the US.
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Like, right, you don't know.
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Like, I myself was like very fortunate when it came to my teeth that I have good genetics, my parents were able to take me to the dentist growing up, even though we didn't have a lot of money.
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And then, like, when it came time and I started using like I read up on like how do I take care of my teeth during this?
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Um, and so it's like I had a combination of factors that protected me, and I'm not going to like pass judgment on people who don't have those different determinants of health happening.
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That's right.
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Yeah, thank you.
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And you know, one thing that I think helped my mouth too during use was I had somebody say, you know, make sure you're hydrated too, that your gums stay hydrated.
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And so I had a gallon jug because, you know, when you're using you lose everything and you don't think to drink water unless it's right in front of you.
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So to me, a gallon jug, I couldn't miss it.
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I couldn't knock it over.
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So I had it right there, you know, and I I drank a lot of water, and I really believe that that helped my teeth.
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Um, I get comments too, because I have a tooth out of order on the bottom of my mouth that I hope to get fixed someday, but people I get called methmouth because of that.
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It's like really yeah.
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That's right.
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So tell me, Damon, so you are you are a professor.
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Um professor, turn turn content farmer.
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Yes.
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So you make a lot of content, which I have watched.
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Very good.
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Very good content.
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Um, and actually, like I was doxxed in March of 2025 by Libsa TikTok.
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And we're not gonna get into all that on here, but like my research portfolio was harm reduction implementation science.
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So basically, like in rural areas specifically, how do we take a harm reduction intervention and implement it properly and then evaluate that implementation, make changes, how do we make sure that it's sustainable and like an unsteady funding climate for these programs?
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And then the other half of my research was rural queer health, where I focused on things like transgender surgical cancer screening, because trans men oftentimes still need to go get surgical cancer screenings if they haven't had bottom surgery.
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And so, like, how do we get people in these rural areas to physicians, but also how do we make sure that physicians know how to handle these types of situations?
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So I was like blending all that together with my research career and had an NIH funding grant and a couple other smaller private grants that I was building a chemsex harm reduction intervention.
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Um and then when everything happened, that kind of got stopped in the tracks.
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Uh but you know, I'm figuring out ways to do it differently now.
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Yeah, yeah, and doing it well.
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Tell me something.
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Why do you think the US is so scared of harm reduction?
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Like why why are we getting the pushback we are when we talk about it?
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I think there's like a myriad of factors, right?
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We can go back all the way to um like the funding issues, right?
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Of like federal dollars not being able to be used for syringe programs, which has been lifted and then it's kind of tried to be put back.
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It's like a real steady thing, but we just have this weird relationship with drugs overall.
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So if we go back to like the early 1900s, Chinese immigrants were coming over, they got associated with opium and kind of this scare around there.
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We think of marijuana and Mexican people specifically, and how that was used and racism was used against.
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And then we can go way in depth on the like crack cocaine epidemic, um, and the ways that like we just have these like scary things associated with drugs that are often racially motivated um factors influencing it.
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And so with harm reduction, it's like, oh, we're not telling people to just say no, like that that's scary, that's fearful when someone encounters something new, like that's a scary thing for someone.
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Um, and we just don't have the tools, resources, the language, the education around like what harm reduction actually is and how it's helping people.
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Yeah, yes, we don't.
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We don't.
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Yeah, if there's definitely some perspective shifts that uh that that need to happen.
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And well, I've just found that giving somebody uh respect and honoring them if they're going to use drugs, you know, it helps them come out of it when they're ready.
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Yeah, it does.
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I don't know why my light just shut off.
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Yeah, I would agree.
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There we go.
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Uh sorry about that.
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That's okay.
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Yeah, no, I mean I it's uh by calling them names like again, Tweaker and Methhead and you know, Crackhead and you know, all that kind of stuff, like you're you are pushing them into more use.
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You're not coaxing them out if they're when they're ready.
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We're already dealing with people who are often on the fringes of society.
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Um, and I will say a lot of my work when it comes to substance use and harm reduction is with the people that the wider society would label like the hardcore drug addicts, right?
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Like I oftentimes work with people who are experiencing high levels of homelessness or economic insecurity, stuff like that.
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Yeah.
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Um, and so they're already being marginalized and ostracized.
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Like, why are we pushing them further away?
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And harm reduction, just as you said, like provides that linkage, right?
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That like here's someone that can help you with whatever your problem or goal is that you have, and work with you in a way, we're not even gonna worry about that anymore.
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I can see work with you in a way that uh is actually aligned with what you want and what you need at that time, not what I think you need.
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And so harm reduction is just a very beautiful thing.
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And I do have to say, the one good thing to come out of like the three waves of the or the four waves of the opioid overdose epidemic that we've had over the past two decades is a little bit more acceptance of harm reduction.
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So seeing more Narcan pop up in places is really amazing.
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Seeing, you know, syringe disposal in bathrooms is really great.
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Um, but it's just not far enough.
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Like, I'll tell people about drug checking with FTIR machines, and they're like, oh, I don't know about that one.
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And I'm like, well, a test strip and go cover everything, especially with how many analogs we have coming out right now.
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Um I think even in the queer community, when we get into Ken Sex, it's like so much is happening there when it comes to harm reduction that like is holding it back.
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Um, that just seems to be getting a little worse in some ways right now.
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Can you talk more about that?
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Yeah, I think right now we're just seeing this like shift in our culture overall here in the US towards conservative conservatism, right?
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Um, we're seeing that pop up.
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But we're also getting these like queer people with like very puritanical ideals about sex, about drugs, about like what queer identity is.
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And while everyone can define that for themselves, like we have a messy history because we were also like put in places that made us be messy, and like we have to embrace those parts of us as well.
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Um, so you know from doing some of this content that like man, you'll post something about Tina and people come out of the woodwork to tell you.
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And it's like, frankly, it's not my decision what somebody wants to put in their fucking body.
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Like it's not right.
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Like I am here as a public health professional.
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If I'm working in my capacity as a licensed therapist, then that's the same view for me too.
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Like, I'm here to provide people with information, education, and tools that they need to make informed decisions about their life and about their health.
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That's right.
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That's right.
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Yeah, yeah.
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I mean, I get comments like, what you're doing is, you know, when I do talk about, you know, sometimes I'll give safety tips like have your biotein spray or I don't know, the bio Yeah.
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Right.
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And things like that.
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I had a whole pack.
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I had my Mederma, you know, because I was a I was an IV user.
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I would I would rub my arms down with Mederma all the time.
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Of course I stole it from CVS, but I but I had it.
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Um before they locked down CVS and turned it into a maximum security person.
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Yes.
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This was a lot, this was years ago, right?
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That's right.
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Yeah, you can't even buy a body wash at CVS anymore.
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That's right.
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Um but yeah, when I say something like that, you know, I get a lot of comments like, this is dangerous, you know, what you're doing, you're killing people.
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You know, and I'm like, no, actually you are.
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You're killing people.
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And that's something that like I try to show my content.
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And since I've shifted away from like my crazy Tina stories about like having people say they're pissed for me.
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Yeah, right.
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Like those were like really kind of controversial, like, let's get some engagement up and just like talk about it.
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But what I was able to do is just parlay those into like, I don't have shame about these things that I've done in my past.
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And like you shouldn't either.
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Like, can I maybe have guilt over the way that I treated some people in my life?
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Yeah, guilt is healthy, but shame does nothing for me, and it doesn't do anything for anybody else.
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So I can have guilt, but not shame.
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And people, I don't know, they just some of them do not respond well to that.
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But I would say also, like, I get more positive comments or DMs from people from those sorts of videos, and I do negative ones.
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Um, people reaching out, like, hey, thank you.
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Like, I didn't know someone else had gone through this, or like that was actually a really helpful video.
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Do you think we can make another one talking about X topic, whatever it is?
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And it's like, yes, like ask me your questions, like let me be your professor on Kem Sex, because like that's what I love to do.
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It's like I live and breathe harm reduction and chem sex.
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And so I don't know, it it's a weird time for it all right now, especially with censorship too.
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It's like, okay, can we please talk public health?
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Like please.
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Yeah, that's right.
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Yeah, yeah, I have the same experience.
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Anytime I come out with something that I did, you know, or you know, I had a podcast where I had a a gentleman who has helped sex offenders, you know, it was kind of controversial.
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But, you know, I have the thing is oh, there's a lot of guys out there who watched and enjoyed prepubescent porn on Zoom rooms or otherwise, you know, that are still trapped in that.
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You know, still trapped in that shame.
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When I come out and talk about these things openly, like you're saying, I get it it's so freeing for men all around the world because they they haven't told a soul.
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They're still living in their own personal hell about it.
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Yeah, and I I hate like 12 steps as a general thing in my life, but like they have some good sayings like your secrets keep you sick, right?
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Like, and that's something I think with chem sex or even like you were talking about with like people who may be sex offenders or have had those thoughts and stuff.
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It's like you need to tell somebody because at the very least it's a pressure relief valve where it's not building up inside of you.
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And the second you can find a trusted person to talk to and be like, hey, I tried meth for the first time the other night.
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I'm not sure how I feel about it.
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And that person can just be open and loving towards you.
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That can change its directory for somebody, right?
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Like their use and their life may go a completely different direction by just having that open person.
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Yeah, exactly right.
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Exactly right.
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And that is a I get the question I get a lot is, you know, what is my first step if I want to stop?
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And I'll say tell somebody.
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Tell somebody the person that scares you the most, mom or brother or you know, friend.
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It's like there but this this the stigma is so strong, especially in in especially in our own population.
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I say I say I say queer population now instead of community, because I feel like there's two different connotations to that word.
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Yeah, yeah, I think you're absolutely right.
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Like a queer community is like a safe group that you can tell this to, but just like a queer population is not necessarily that.
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That's right.
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But no, absolutely.
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First I was just telling people, and I even think in my own life and use, like, man, if I could have told like my best friend at the time, hey, I am trying this and I think I like it too much, like there could have been a lot of missteps avoided, but I'm also not gonna spend time dwelling on that because like what the fuck is that gonna do now?
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That's right, that's right.
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Well, you mentioned 12 steps.
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Do you what do you think is going what's going to happen with that in terms of chem sex recovery?
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I honestly don't know.
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I try to stay as far away from like the 12-step world as possible.
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Even in my research, like I would have questions about it, or I would, you know, survey questions about it, or I would have interview questions where I would ask people about their experiences.
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And I just don't know.
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Like I have issues with 12-step on a whole, but I also know it's really great because there's not a lot of free support for people using drugs.
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Right.
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Um, and so like that free peer-based thing is really great.
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There's just some ideologies that move through it.
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And I think with chemsex, it's gonna be really dependent on location as well.
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Um, so like I quit using in a rural area, and so it was like all the 12-step meetings were just like single ones, right?
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Like there wasn't a queer person's recovery meeting to go to.
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Um, we didn't have that type of access.
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So it's like I can't really talk to a bunch of straight people about like, oh yeah, I only use Tina to like have really crazy intense sex, like that it's not the same.
00:18:08.559 --> 00:18:18.720
Um, but I have also met people who did have like queer 12-step options for them, and for some of them it was a really useful thing, and for others it wasn't.
00:18:18.880 --> 00:18:27.759
I just know that when it comes to 12 steps, there can be a lot of fear that it breeds in someone, right?
00:18:27.920 --> 00:18:36.640
Oh, your your addiction's doing push-ups in the parking lot, and it's like, well, if I've always got to be that on guard for something, like how can I live my life?
00:18:36.720 --> 00:18:45.440
Because I'm just afraid that the smallest thing I do is going to cause me, you know, to end up in a Motel 6 with a pipe in my hand.
00:18:45.599 --> 00:18:46.000
Yep.
00:18:46.240 --> 00:18:49.920
Uh and that may not actually be the case.
00:18:50.160 --> 00:18:57.279
So again, I don't know, but if it works for someone, great, just don't push it on other people.
00:18:58.079 --> 00:19:09.839
Um, and I think though we will see like more tailored interventions in chemsex coming out, at least from like a therapeutic perspective, we've already seen some of that as well start um coming into the US.
00:19:10.400 --> 00:19:18.079
But again, the funding climate's really weird right now when it comes to that, because like a lot of those interventions are grant funded and that's how they're developed.
00:19:18.240 --> 00:19:24.000
So if the money isn't there for people to develop these interventions, then like who's gonna do it?
00:19:24.160 --> 00:19:29.119
Some private company that like may also be stealing your data or something, right?
00:19:29.200 --> 00:19:29.839
Right, right.
00:19:30.079 --> 00:19:33.759
We just don't know um where that's at.
00:19:34.480 --> 00:19:35.039
That's right.
00:19:35.200 --> 00:19:36.400
Yeah, thank you.
00:19:36.640 --> 00:19:39.599
Yeah, this addiction doing push-ups in the parking lot.
00:19:39.680 --> 00:19:50.799
I did a whole podcast on that because I I I I did I just feel like it's so traditional Christian correlated, you know, like the devil's the devil's always waiting.
00:19:51.119 --> 00:19:53.519
You know, the monkey on your back.
00:19:53.599 --> 00:19:57.759
Yeah, it's like let me put you in a place of fear so I can control you, basically.
00:19:58.000 --> 00:19:58.640
Exactly.
00:19:58.880 --> 00:20:10.400
And for so many queer people who already deal with religious trauma, going to a 12-step meeting is being just like thrust right back there because that's how I felt too.
00:20:10.480 --> 00:20:13.519
I was like, oh god, I feel like I'm back in the church again now.
00:20:13.920 --> 00:20:22.079
Um, and I just couldn't live my life that way, and I couldn't base my abstinence off of something like that.
00:20:22.240 --> 00:20:22.720
Mm-hmm.
00:20:22.880 --> 00:20:23.279
Mm-hmm.
00:20:23.440 --> 00:20:24.400
Yeah, yeah.
00:20:24.720 --> 00:20:36.400
Well, on your page, and I do suggest, listeners, that you check out Damon Hunter X's page, um, you tell a lot of stina stories on there.
00:20:36.480 --> 00:20:39.680
So do you would you mind telling us a little bit about your experience?
00:20:40.240 --> 00:20:40.799
Yeah.
00:20:40.960 --> 00:20:46.000
Um, so I am very much like a country kid, lived in rural areas all my life.
00:20:46.240 --> 00:20:50.480
So um also in like extremely religious households.
00:20:50.559 --> 00:20:56.000
So, like when I came out my sophomore year of college, I didn't have a lot of support for my family.
00:20:56.160 --> 00:20:59.440
My frat brothers were actually super receptive to it.
00:20:59.599 --> 00:21:03.279
Not that I became super popular, it wasn't like a fratman scene.
00:21:03.599 --> 00:21:11.119
Um, but it didn't hurt my relationship with any of them, and I found a lot of support there when my family didn't provide that.
00:21:11.599 --> 00:21:17.680
But as things went along, like I was introduced to Tina one time and I said, No, I'm good.
00:21:17.839 --> 00:21:18.799
I don't think I need it.
00:21:18.960 --> 00:21:28.160
I'll just stick with my like alcohol, shrooms, coke, maybe some, maybe some Molly, you know, I'll stick with this list of stuff, but not do that.
00:21:28.559 --> 00:21:33.519
And then one day, about two weeks later, I get online and I'm like, you know what?
00:21:33.599 --> 00:21:34.240
I think I want to try it.
00:21:34.400 --> 00:21:38.799
So I get on Grinder and I find a guy and I'm like, hey, I'll try partying with you.
00:21:39.039 --> 00:21:50.000
And if there's one thing I know from experience is that like people, some people who are trapped in that cycle love nothing more than a new person to party with.
00:21:50.240 --> 00:21:58.559
Um I'm not gonna, I don't want to say it's predatory, but there is a predatory like nature to some people when it comes to it.
00:21:58.960 --> 00:21:59.759
And I think.
00:22:00.160 --> 00:22:16.079
That's you know what I found was someone like that, but I was also in a space where I was like, I had a lot of shit going on and I needed to escape, and that became an escape for me, and like my use like spiraled very quickly.
00:22:16.240 --> 00:22:19.519
I did not have good control mechanisms in place for this.
00:22:19.680 --> 00:22:29.200
I didn't have a social support network in place to discuss this with, and honestly, my my queer network was next to none at that point.
00:22:29.440 --> 00:22:33.839
Um, it was basically just like people I fucked, and that was it.
00:22:33.920 --> 00:22:38.799
I didn't really have a good queer family um or friend group.
00:22:39.279 --> 00:22:45.519
And so I just kind of quit, kept using, and eventually like I couldn't pay for my Tina anymore.
00:22:45.599 --> 00:22:55.359
So I ended up like embezzling from the bank that I worked with, um, which led me to catch a federal charge for embezzlement slash theft by a bank employee because of my use.
00:22:55.599 --> 00:22:56.240
Wow.
00:22:57.279 --> 00:23:02.400
But I was like, you know, a young white guy with no criminal history.
00:23:02.559 --> 00:23:10.480
So I got off with um just like time served for a day I spent with the marshals and secret service agents when they arrested me.
00:23:10.799 --> 00:23:20.880
And five years of supervised release, which in the federal system, supervised release is it's not parole, but think of it like a parole or probation after you've been incarcerated.
00:23:21.119 --> 00:23:21.440
Okay.
00:23:21.680 --> 00:23:23.680
Um, so you have to do like regular check-ins.
00:23:23.839 --> 00:23:28.319
I had to wear a house arrest monitor, but like I wasn't actually done using.
00:23:28.480 --> 00:23:30.559
Um, so I kept using, right?
00:23:30.720 --> 00:23:37.680
I literally had a house arrest monitor on, like hitting the Tina bowl, yeah, buying drugs with a house arrest monitor on.
00:23:37.920 --> 00:23:46.160
Uh I did, you know, I had somebody slam me for the first time while I was still on house arrest, which was just a whole other game for me.
00:23:46.240 --> 00:23:46.400
Yeah.
00:23:46.559 --> 00:23:46.799
Right then.
00:23:47.279 --> 00:23:48.799
The two, the two hairy guys, right?
00:23:48.880 --> 00:23:49.920
I saw I heard that story.
00:23:50.559 --> 00:23:50.799
Yeah.
00:23:51.039 --> 00:23:51.599
Very hairy.
00:23:51.759 --> 00:23:53.680
I'm I'm a sucker for body hair.
00:23:54.000 --> 00:23:59.759
Um and like once I slammed, I was like, oh shit, like I'm not gonna be able to get off of this.
00:23:59.920 --> 00:24:02.240
Like, I'm gonna have to die or go to prison.
00:24:02.480 --> 00:24:10.640
Um, and because I kept using and failing drug tests and some other stuff that came along, like I eventually did have to go to prison for a while.
00:24:10.799 --> 00:24:17.680
Um and I ended up down in Forest City, Arkansas, which weird enough, because you know, like everything is connected somehow.
00:24:17.759 --> 00:24:22.079
There were guys down there in prison that I met that were part of the St.
00:24:22.160 --> 00:24:29.759
Louis party and play scene, but I didn't know then because they were in prison before I had started like integrating with that group.
00:24:29.839 --> 00:24:32.640
So then it's like, oh, you know so-and-so, you know so-and-so.
00:24:32.960 --> 00:24:37.599
Oh, you used to be their supplier, like weird stuff like that happening.
00:24:37.759 --> 00:24:38.079
Yeah.
00:24:38.240 --> 00:24:42.480
Um, but it was actually just like really difficult to leave it behind.
00:24:42.559 --> 00:24:49.519
And I do not believe that incarceration is a solution for substance use at all.
00:24:49.680 --> 00:24:52.559
Like, we we can't criminalize substance use.
00:24:53.920 --> 00:24:57.680
For me, it was a time where I said, oh fuck, like I don't want to come here again.
00:24:57.839 --> 00:25:06.319
I need to just do what I need to do for my supervised release, get that finished, and then if I want to use Tina again after that, I can do it.
00:25:07.519 --> 00:25:10.880
So that was basically like my plan doing it.
00:25:11.039 --> 00:25:14.880
And it was hard to stay off of it um for a long time.
00:25:15.519 --> 00:25:24.079
But the crazy thing, and I don't think we discussed this before, and it's something I don't talk about on my page because it has to have a lot of nuance behind it.
00:25:24.480 --> 00:25:30.559
The thing that actually kept me from continuing teeny use was my psychiatrist or the person.
00:25:30.799 --> 00:25:35.039
Um this was 2015.
00:25:35.599 --> 00:25:42.480
Um and it was right before I went to prison because I had just kept using and then stopping and using and stopping.
00:25:43.519 --> 00:25:49.599
And she was there, we met like every two months, and nothing was working right.
00:25:49.680 --> 00:25:55.680
We tried different antidepressants, we tried mood stabilizers, we tried antipsychotics, just anything to change my brain chemistry.
00:25:56.160 --> 00:25:58.799
So maybe I wouldn't use and it wasn't working.
00:25:58.960 --> 00:26:04.160
And then one day she goes, Have you ever been diagnosed with ADHD in your life?
00:26:04.400 --> 00:26:04.720
Uh huh.
00:26:04.960 --> 00:26:08.000
And I go, No, I got straight A's in school.
00:26:08.079 --> 00:26:12.240
I was like in the top of my class, I was on scholarship for undergrad.
00:26:12.400 --> 00:26:15.039
Like, I don't have ADHD.
00:26:15.119 --> 00:26:16.240
I'm not, I'm not like that.
00:26:16.400 --> 00:26:18.960
And she goes, Okay, well, I would like to talk to your mom.
00:26:19.359 --> 00:26:20.880
And I gave her consent.
00:26:20.960 --> 00:26:23.200
And so she ended up having a talk with my mom.
00:26:23.599 --> 00:26:30.079
And then she came back and she's like, I think you've been like diagnosed, I think you've been dealing with ADHD your whole life.
00:26:30.319 --> 00:26:35.920
And like you never were diagnosed because you followed the rules and you got good grades.
00:26:36.000 --> 00:26:38.480
And it's like, yeah, I was scared of going to hell if I didn't listen to my parents.
00:26:38.559 --> 00:26:40.480
Like, of course I was gonna follow the rules.
00:26:41.759 --> 00:26:54.240
And so we started on that with well butrin at a pretty high dose to try to manage some of the ADHD symptoms that wasn't working very well, and then eventually she's like, I'm gonna prescribe you Bivance.
00:26:54.720 --> 00:26:55.039
Okay.
00:26:55.759 --> 00:26:59.279
And for people who don't know, like Vivance is what they call a pro drug.
00:26:59.920 --> 00:27:06.799
So that means that it's only metabolized like through the liver and it doesn't like get activated until then as well.
00:27:07.279 --> 00:27:10.319
And the thing with Vivance is you can't snort it and you can't shoot it.
00:27:10.480 --> 00:27:13.440
If you do, you're just wasting the medication at that point.
00:27:14.720 --> 00:27:17.599
And there's actually like a limit to how much your body can process.
00:27:17.839 --> 00:27:18.079
Okay.
00:27:18.319 --> 00:27:26.400
So she prescribed me a 70 milligram bibands in the morning, and then I took half of another 70 around 1 p.m.
00:27:27.119 --> 00:27:29.680
And that was my dose for about six months.
00:27:30.240 --> 00:27:34.079
Because I guess I'd be in total like 105 milligrams of bivans.
00:27:34.720 --> 00:27:37.119
And this wasn't like a recommended treatment.
00:27:37.200 --> 00:27:46.880
This is not an indicated use of bivans, but she did it, and then it was like, wow, I'm like getting my life together while I'm on these medications now.
00:27:47.039 --> 00:27:54.000
Um, and then when I got out of prison, I went back to the bi bands and I was like, okay, this is really going well.
00:27:54.079 --> 00:27:58.720
I've got my job, I'm applying to go back to school now, I'm doing it.
00:27:59.119 --> 00:28:03.359
And then I took myself off the bi bands because I was like, I can do it without it.
00:28:03.759 --> 00:28:04.480
Stupid.
00:28:04.640 --> 00:28:16.079
Uh I didn't, while I didn't end up using meth again after that, I did start like having an issue with alcohol, which was a whole other thing because I like actually taught myself how to moderate my alcohol consumption during that period of time.
00:28:16.240 --> 00:28:20.559
And I'm a big proponent of moderation for people on certain substances.
00:28:21.599 --> 00:28:28.079
But then eventually I got back on the Bibance and I take a 40 milligram, which is a pretty low dose of it.
00:28:28.319 --> 00:28:33.200
I take 40 milligrams every morning, and that helps my ADHD.
00:28:33.440 --> 00:28:36.160
And so, really, like that Vivance was life-changing to me.
00:28:36.240 --> 00:28:41.920
And if you go into like PubMed or look at clinical trials for this, there's been some with Vivance on there.
00:28:42.079 --> 00:29:01.680
There's been other ones with like ProVigil or NuVigil, um which are often used for like daytime drowsiness medications, where people have experimented with like giving one of these stimulants for people who use stimulants because we don't we don't have Suboxone or such effects.
00:29:02.079 --> 00:29:02.319
Right.
00:29:02.559 --> 00:29:02.960
Right.
00:29:03.359 --> 00:29:12.640
And there's like mixed success on those studies, but I know for me it worked, but also you can't just be like prescribing that stuff all the time.
00:29:13.039 --> 00:29:16.319
Um but that really was a life changer for me.
00:29:16.400 --> 00:29:21.119
And I just wanted to like bring that up and talk about it in a bit more detail that like this was my case.
00:29:21.200 --> 00:29:30.319
It's not the case for everyone, but I was really fortunate to have a psychiatrist that recognized what was going on and to be able to help me.
00:29:30.400 --> 00:29:36.880
And then even like during COVID when we had all the like medication shortages, I ran out of my Vivands for a couple months.
00:29:36.960 --> 00:29:45.519
But it was like I had built so many other supports and tools in my life that when I ran out of my Vivands, I didn't go looking for Tina.
00:29:46.400 --> 00:29:46.640
Yeah.
00:29:46.799 --> 00:29:48.000
Um I just didn't.
00:29:48.160 --> 00:29:51.279
Was it difficult to uh maintain my life?
00:29:51.359 --> 00:29:51.599
Yes.
00:29:51.759 --> 00:29:56.240
Was it a little bit more like uh craving focused at that time?
00:29:56.400 --> 00:29:57.440
Yeah, it was.
00:29:58.240 --> 00:30:03.920
Um, but I was able to use those tools until the bi bands started being in stock again after that.
00:30:05.279 --> 00:30:05.839
Interesting.
00:30:06.559 --> 00:30:12.960
Yeah, do you know this uh this idea of ADHD and its link linkage to chemsex?
00:30:13.519 --> 00:30:29.680
I know there's some studies that are happening, but I'm hoping that more and more do come out because it's so it's more and more people I talk to are finding out they have ADHD in their chemsex recovery, um, and it really helps them turn a corner.
00:30:30.160 --> 00:30:43.920
Yeah, and we know that people with ADHD are more likely to use substances um in an unhealthy or uh like dangerous way, but it's not an unfixable problem.
00:30:44.000 --> 00:30:45.839
It's just like one that we have to address.
00:30:45.920 --> 00:31:05.759
And that's something that like even in my research, like I was trying to incorporate questions in there about ADHD childhood diagnoses, childhood treatment of it, um, include any adult diagnoses of it or treatment as an adult to try to understand like where things are at um among people who do participate in chem sex.
00:31:06.480 --> 00:31:11.200
Um so I think we'll see some more, at least I'm hoping so as well.
00:31:11.359 --> 00:31:23.440
Um, and it would be great to have like a Suboxone type medication, but I also have issues with Suboxone and the way the programs are implemented, um, and oftentimes just like further stigmatize people.
00:31:24.240 --> 00:31:25.039
Yeah, yeah.
00:31:25.279 --> 00:31:27.759
And so I'm always like very cautious about that.
00:31:28.079 --> 00:31:28.880
Yeah, yeah.
00:31:30.160 --> 00:31:43.599
Can you tell us a little bit about you mentioned that you had built support and tools so that when your Vivance ran out, you had a it sounds like you had a safety net or installation there, protection tools.
00:31:43.759 --> 00:31:46.079
What can you tell us about what that looked like for you?
00:31:46.640 --> 00:31:50.160
Yeah, I'll tell you the number one thing building a queer community.
00:31:50.880 --> 00:31:53.759
That was the biggest thing I had built in my life.
00:31:53.920 --> 00:32:08.240
Um, and when you get into the research, that's one of the big things that we noticed too is like people in the chem sex culture are looking for a sense of belonging oftentimes, they're looking for acceptance, they're looking for people who are gonna be non-judgmental towards them.
00:32:08.400 --> 00:32:15.759
And so it makes sense that to help someone stay abstinent, you would also want to build a community like that.
00:32:15.920 --> 00:32:16.319
Yeah.
00:32:16.480 --> 00:32:20.799
Um yeah, and so building that was really difficult, right?
00:32:20.960 --> 00:32:23.920
Living in a rural area, it's not super accessible.
00:32:24.000 --> 00:32:35.759
But what I did is um the queer youth center uh here in town that we have that serves like all the lower 16 counties of southern Illinois, they were looking for volunteers.
00:32:35.920 --> 00:32:51.839
And so I just signed up to be a volunteer because I was like, look, I can go on a Friday night once or twice a month and go hang out with these kids, make sure they don't do anything too dangerous or stupid, and also get to meet some other queer adults that are volunteering at the same time.
00:32:52.000 --> 00:32:57.839
And so that's what I did, and then made some of my like most amazing friends during that as well.
00:32:58.160 --> 00:33:02.000
So, like, that's part of that community and that support that I built up.
00:33:02.240 --> 00:33:08.079
Um, and another one for me, and it may not work for everyone, but education was a really big support for me.
00:33:08.559 --> 00:33:19.039
So, like once things had started stabilizing, I finally went back and finished my bachelor's, and then I went right in and got my master's in social work and then went right into my PhD as well.
00:33:19.200 --> 00:33:24.559
So, like keeping myself in education was a safety net.
00:33:24.720 --> 00:33:29.359
Um, there's drawbacks to that as well, uh, besides the student loan debt.
00:33:29.519 --> 00:33:38.240
Uh, the other drawbacks are like that education and research environment is not always conducive to non-judgmentalness.
00:33:38.400 --> 00:33:51.440
Uh, even in like social work, I was actually blown away by how many people in my social work program or ones that I met when I was providing therapy are just like super stigmatizing towards people who use drugs.
00:33:51.519 --> 00:33:57.359
And I'm like, oh shit, like you do not like people who use drugs, and you're working with them every day of your life.
00:33:57.599 --> 00:34:04.079
Um, but education was that support for me because it gave me other goals in my life as well.
00:34:04.319 --> 00:34:04.559
Yeah.
00:34:04.720 --> 00:34:13.920
And then when it came to tools, it was just like building what I call like, I don't use the term sober that much, but what I would call like sober connections.
00:34:14.159 --> 00:34:21.920
So I did have a friend who he was actually my sponsor in the 12 steps, and then we left the 12-step programs about the same time.
00:34:22.159 --> 00:34:24.639
Um, and this is a straight man, mind you.
00:34:24.800 --> 00:34:32.000
Uh but like he was like really understanding about what I experienced.
00:34:32.159 --> 00:34:36.719
He really wanted to know more about party and play and what that scene was like.
00:34:37.119 --> 00:34:42.239
Um, and so he was someone that I could rely on too and be like, hey man, my vibance ran out.
00:34:42.320 --> 00:34:44.800
Like, I'm actually feeling a little nervous about this.
00:34:45.039 --> 00:34:48.400
Can we meet for coffee and just like talk?
00:34:48.800 --> 00:34:55.679
And then he would like send little check-ins, not every day, but just like a couple times a week, send a text and be like, hey, how are you holding up with everything?
00:34:55.760 --> 00:34:58.239
And it's like, actually, I'm pretty good right now.
00:34:58.559 --> 00:35:04.480
Um, and then puzzles and gardening, anything to keep my hands busy.
00:35:04.639 --> 00:35:06.079
Yeah, that was the last one.
00:35:06.320 --> 00:35:14.559
Was even like when I was in rehab the first time, I had crochet hooks with me and rehab because of like I need to keep my fucking hands busy.
00:35:14.800 --> 00:35:20.960
I need anything, and now I cross stitch, and like that's part of like anxiety coping too now.
00:35:21.280 --> 00:35:37.679
Um, but those were really like the main thing to support, finding activities and hobbies, and then like finding a goal in my life that I was working to or working towards that I could build some motivation intrinsically and extrinsically.
00:35:37.760 --> 00:35:42.239
Um, I'm like using Tina doesn't help me reach this goal right now.
00:35:42.559 --> 00:35:43.360
It just doesn't.
00:35:43.920 --> 00:35:44.480
That's right.
00:35:44.800 --> 00:35:45.519
That's right.
00:35:45.840 --> 00:35:49.039
Yeah, so uh listeners uh that I hear a lot.
00:35:49.199 --> 00:35:57.280
So what what happens uh often is when you're in between your Tina life and your new life is what I call is a liminal space.
00:35:58.079 --> 00:35:58.480
Right.
00:35:58.800 --> 00:36:04.880
And then you you have all this space and you're kind of I call it buffering or I call it glitching, right?
00:36:05.440 --> 00:36:08.559
Um and so I hear from a lot of men, I'm just so bored.
00:36:09.840 --> 00:36:10.400
Right.
00:36:10.639 --> 00:36:15.199
And and I'll never be able to meet gay men, queer men without grind.
00:36:15.679 --> 00:36:16.719
I'll never be able to.
00:36:16.800 --> 00:36:19.599
There's no way other than grinder.
00:36:20.559 --> 00:36:21.679
And uh it's so funny.
00:36:21.760 --> 00:36:25.920
I'm so glad you said volunteer for a queer organization.
00:36:26.079 --> 00:36:28.239
This is what I suggest, this is what I did.
00:36:28.559 --> 00:36:38.639
There no matter where you are, you're you're in a rural area, you know, if you're in a big city, there are so many nonprofits and queer-related nonprofits that you can volunteer for.
00:36:38.800 --> 00:36:43.760
And I promise you, you're going to meet queer people who aren't on Grindr.
00:36:44.000 --> 00:36:50.000
Like Grindr is not a reflection of every gay person out there, every gay man out there.
00:36:50.159 --> 00:36:51.119
I promise.
00:36:52.079 --> 00:36:52.400
Yeah.
00:36:52.559 --> 00:36:52.800
Right.
00:36:52.960 --> 00:37:01.039
And if it helps, if it encourages people to volunteer, I will say uh my husband was the volunteer coordinator at the youth center, but we hadn't met then.
00:37:01.119 --> 00:37:03.199
So like I met my husband through volunteering.
00:37:03.519 --> 00:37:08.000
So if someone is on here, like, well, I just can't find anybody today either.
00:37:08.079 --> 00:37:09.280
I found my husband now.
00:37:10.079 --> 00:37:10.639
Love it.
00:37:10.800 --> 00:37:11.360
I love that.
00:37:11.519 --> 00:37:12.719
I love all of that.
00:37:12.880 --> 00:37:23.280
Um, and you're you meant education, but you like you're saying, some kind of goal to like when you're bored, I think you don't have a strong enough vision for work.
00:37:23.760 --> 00:37:24.000
Right?
00:37:24.159 --> 00:37:25.519
You yeah, what life can be.
00:37:26.000 --> 00:37:26.320
Right.
00:37:26.480 --> 00:37:29.440
Right what life can be what you want it to be.
00:37:30.480 --> 00:37:34.719
Yeah, and I think a lot of queer people like we're not used to thinking, like, what can our life be?
00:37:34.880 --> 00:37:43.599
Like we're showing these stories and we grew up with TV and media that was just like, oh, the gay person dies tragically, or like has something tragic.
00:37:43.760 --> 00:37:45.760
You know, it's always this tragic ending for them.
00:37:45.840 --> 00:37:54.960
And it's like, well, no, we can actually have like different endings and different like ways, but it's like you gotta think about it and you gotta trial and error things.
00:37:55.119 --> 00:38:00.719
I went through a baking phase, I went through a phase where I was fermenting my own sauerkraut and beat Kabas.
00:38:01.119 --> 00:38:08.400
Like, I did a lot of puzzles at one point, uh, you know, the crochet, the cross stitching.
00:38:08.719 --> 00:38:20.800
There were just so many things, but it's like, what do I need that's going to sustain me, keep me busy, and also like contribute to the type of person I want to be.
00:38:21.039 --> 00:38:21.440
Mm-hmm.
00:38:21.840 --> 00:38:22.480
That's right.
00:38:22.639 --> 00:38:23.199
That's right.
00:38:23.360 --> 00:38:24.159
Exactly right.
00:38:24.320 --> 00:38:24.960
I love that.
00:38:25.039 --> 00:38:26.000
That's great advice.
00:38:26.239 --> 00:38:27.280
Very good advice.
00:38:27.440 --> 00:38:31.519
Uh, I know a lot of a lot of guys who are crocheting right now, too.
00:38:31.840 --> 00:38:32.719
It's a popular one.
00:38:32.880 --> 00:38:36.320
Even if you just sit there and make chains, that's all you need to do.
00:38:36.719 --> 00:38:38.800
Don't do knitting if you're not skilled at it.
00:38:38.960 --> 00:38:40.480
Like, knitting is frustrating to me.
00:38:40.639 --> 00:38:44.000
It was not, it would not be a good like boredom breaker.
00:38:44.159 --> 00:38:44.800
Yeah.
00:38:45.519 --> 00:38:48.480
Um, but I also see a lot of people get into fitness, right?
00:38:48.639 --> 00:38:56.719
And so, like fitness is a huge one, which also be careful in the fitness industry because like you don't just want to like get off Tina and go straight to gear, right?
00:38:56.800 --> 00:39:04.000
Or peptides that everyone's doing now, or you don't want to develop some like body dysmorphia shit happening because your body is also gonna change after Tina.
00:39:04.320 --> 00:39:07.679
But fitness is a great one to work towards as well.
00:39:07.840 --> 00:39:09.199
Um, also like dogs.
00:39:09.360 --> 00:39:12.960
I got dogs, and like I was like, oh no, these are my kids.
00:39:13.039 --> 00:39:18.719
Like, I even now if I have a day where I'm like, mm, it'd be so nice to just like party and like go for a minute.
00:39:18.880 --> 00:39:20.960
I'm like, okay, well, I can't do that.
00:39:21.119 --> 00:39:25.519
I can do it, but I'm not going to do it because like my babies also need me.
00:39:25.599 --> 00:39:33.679
And like I'm not going to be an attentive dog dad if I'm opening and closing a grinder and snippies every 20 seconds.
00:39:35.440 --> 00:39:36.320
That's right.
00:39:36.719 --> 00:39:37.440
Exactly right.
00:39:37.519 --> 00:39:37.920
I love that.
00:39:38.079 --> 00:39:39.199
I love that too.
00:39:39.440 --> 00:39:43.920
So what was your experience like if you don't mind telling us?
00:39:44.079 --> 00:39:47.360
I mean, you you you're very open with your sexuality.
00:39:47.599 --> 00:39:50.079
They still need your X page.
00:39:51.199 --> 00:39:53.199
Yeah, a little too open sometimes.
00:39:53.679 --> 00:39:55.039
And your Instagram.
00:39:55.280 --> 00:40:01.599
So was there was there something, you know, what was your what was your sexual reintegration process like?
00:40:02.880 --> 00:40:04.239
Uh what was it like?
00:40:04.400 --> 00:40:07.119
I think it's still ongoing, right?
00:40:07.199 --> 00:40:11.360
Like 11 years after quitting, it's still evolving.
00:40:11.599 --> 00:40:17.760
Um like when I was using, that's when I got really into pig play, right?
00:40:17.920 --> 00:40:18.079
Okay.
00:40:18.320 --> 00:40:22.079
Uh let me just like like let me do it.
00:40:22.400 --> 00:40:32.480
Uh when I got into leather um or some BDSM in there or bathhouses, like that was all tied to Tina for me.
00:40:32.800 --> 00:40:36.239
And my journey has been kind of like up and down with it.
00:40:36.320 --> 00:40:44.000
Um, when it comes to specific kinks or head spaces I want to get in, I didn't go into a lot of head spaces for a long time.
00:40:44.079 --> 00:40:48.239
Like if I had sex, it was very what I would say, vanilla, right?
00:40:48.320 --> 00:40:54.639
Like some making out, some touching, some sucking, and then some fucking, and that would be it, which is great, right?
00:40:54.719 --> 00:40:58.480
Like just being able to do that after Tina is hard enough.
00:40:58.960 --> 00:41:06.159
Um, but then I got to the point where I was like, no, I like need something else sexually because that nurtures me.
00:41:06.400 --> 00:41:14.000
Um, and by this point in time, I had met my husband, we were still dating, and I remember the first time I was like, Can I sniff your pits?
00:41:14.559 --> 00:41:24.960
And like I had someone safe that I could ask that to that wasn't going to do this behavior and it be associated with Tina, right?
00:41:25.360 --> 00:41:27.360
And we had a talk after that too.
00:41:27.440 --> 00:41:36.480
I was like, you know, I want to get into pig play again, I want to wear leather again, but like this is all tied to my teenies, so I'm actually really nervous about it.
00:41:36.639 --> 00:41:39.519
I'm nervous about like getting in that headspace.
00:41:39.599 --> 00:41:48.320
And I will say, at in my like mid to late 20s, my language around my sexuality was not um where it is now.
00:41:48.480 --> 00:41:51.199
So these conversations were very rough back then.
00:41:51.679 --> 00:41:55.679
Uh right, like they were not, they were not well spoken or detailed.
00:41:55.840 --> 00:42:03.199
Um, but it was again just like having a safe person that I could be like, hey, I wanna, I wanna try this um and see how I do.
00:42:03.360 --> 00:42:05.519
And then afterwards, he would just give a quick check-in.
00:42:05.679 --> 00:42:07.679
He's like, hey, where are you at right now?
00:42:07.840 --> 00:42:10.239
Like, is there anything you need from me?
00:42:10.480 --> 00:42:11.599
And that was it, right?
00:42:12.159 --> 00:42:15.760
I'm I'm a double Aquarius, I've I'm an Aquarius sun and rising.
00:42:15.840 --> 00:42:19.840
So, like the last thing you want to do is be like checking on me and like, are you okay?
00:42:19.920 --> 00:42:21.519
Or like, get the fuck away from me.
00:42:21.679 --> 00:42:25.519
But just that simple check-in afterwards of like, where are you?
00:42:25.760 --> 00:42:27.039
What do you need from me?
00:42:27.280 --> 00:42:27.760
I like that.
00:42:27.920 --> 00:42:31.280
And I found that the more we did that, it was like, oh, I'm actually okay.
00:42:31.440 --> 00:42:33.679
Like, I'm great, like this was super enjoyable.
00:42:33.760 --> 00:42:35.679
I can't wait for us to do this again.
00:42:36.320 --> 00:42:40.960
Um the first time I went to a bathhouse, that took a lot of planning too.
00:42:41.039 --> 00:42:43.119
Uh, because I love public sex spaces.
00:42:43.199 --> 00:42:47.280
There's nothing I love more than like having sex where other people can see me.
00:42:47.440 --> 00:42:47.760
Yeah.
00:42:49.360 --> 00:42:50.480
I like to share the love.
00:42:50.639 --> 00:42:55.760
I like to lay in the sling and just wait for the line to run through me, right?
00:42:56.880 --> 00:42:57.199
Right.
00:42:57.519 --> 00:42:59.760
But now I'm now I'm thinking of plans for the weekend.
00:43:00.000 --> 00:43:05.840
Uh but uh I was so scared to go to the bathhouse for the first time.
00:43:06.000 --> 00:43:11.039
Um and the bathhouse we went to is my husband and I and some friends, is actually Club St.
00:43:11.119 --> 00:43:13.280
Louis, which by the way, Club St.
00:43:13.360 --> 00:43:18.800
Louis is the first time I did Tina that first night, I was at that bathhouse.
00:43:18.880 --> 00:43:22.639
So that was also my first bathhouse experience, was the same location.
00:43:22.960 --> 00:43:23.519
Wow.
00:43:23.840 --> 00:43:24.079
Wow.
00:43:24.239 --> 00:43:24.480
Yeah.
00:43:24.639 --> 00:43:26.880
And talk about like exposure therapy.
00:43:26.960 --> 00:43:29.039
That was some fucking exposure therapy.
00:43:29.440 --> 00:43:32.639
But I told my husband ahead of time, I was like, I really want to do this.
00:43:32.800 --> 00:43:33.280
Yeah.
00:43:33.519 --> 00:43:38.159
At least when we get there, if you're comfortable with it, just stay near me.
00:43:38.320 --> 00:43:40.159
And it's just gonna be you and I.
00:43:40.400 --> 00:43:40.800
Right?
00:43:40.880 --> 00:43:43.039
Like, I don't want to involve anybody else.
00:43:43.119 --> 00:43:46.639
You know, we'll see our friends there and they'll go about and do some of their own stuff.
00:43:46.800 --> 00:43:50.960
But like, I just want you and I there right now.
00:43:51.280 --> 00:43:59.599
And then if I feel okay, then we'll start like testing some waters other ways, and that helps so much because I had that plan.
00:44:00.159 --> 00:44:01.199
Before I went in there.
00:44:01.360 --> 00:44:07.840
I also had a plan with him of like, hey, if I start feeling really overwhelmed, here's what I'm going to do.
00:44:08.000 --> 00:44:10.239
Like, I'm not just going to leave, right?
00:44:10.400 --> 00:44:11.760
That's not what I want to do.
00:44:11.920 --> 00:44:25.119
I don't just want to exit the situation, but like I'm going to go to the locker room and just like take a shower and like kind of bring myself back down, use that like water temperature regulation, right, to just help me.
00:44:25.360 --> 00:44:27.679
And the crazy thing is, I didn't end up having to do that.
00:44:27.760 --> 00:44:32.719
I just had to shower for other reasons, uh, you know, to get like some of the sweat and lube off of me.
00:44:32.800 --> 00:44:33.119
Yeah.
00:44:33.519 --> 00:44:40.079
But um that was a really eye-opening experience to the point where even like I'll go to bathhouses now by myself.
00:44:40.239 --> 00:44:45.360
Like, I went to the Toronto Steam Works by myself a couple of years ago, and that was my first time in there.
00:44:45.440 --> 00:44:49.199
And like, holy fuck, I can do this.
00:44:49.599 --> 00:45:06.000
I can do this, I can go lay in a sling, I can get railed for hours, I can do all these kind of like nasty things that I love doing without Tina and actually fully enjoy it and embody it.
00:45:06.239 --> 00:45:08.719
Not in just in that moment, but afterwards.
00:45:09.039 --> 00:45:10.000
Right, right.
00:45:10.320 --> 00:45:11.840
Thank you for saying that.
00:45:12.480 --> 00:45:16.239
Thank you for saying that because so many men are stuck.
00:45:16.800 --> 00:45:19.840
You know, they're there's they they celebrate their celibacy.
00:45:21.039 --> 00:45:26.559
And and I do find that, not to come against the 12 steps, I do find that very common with CMA.
00:45:27.679 --> 00:45:36.480
Um, it it the people that are commenting or messaging me on social media will say, 15 years clean, 15 years celibate.
00:45:37.039 --> 00:45:40.960
You know, I'll never go back because they're afraid of sex.
00:45:42.079 --> 00:45:42.639
Right.
00:45:42.960 --> 00:45:43.440
Yeah.
00:45:43.679 --> 00:45:46.480
And that's reasonable too, I think, for people to feel that.
00:45:46.639 --> 00:46:09.920
I remember like I have had actually not I remember, like I have had multiple grinder accounts and the point of like over the years of my abstinence because like people would start talking to me that were people that I used or people I didn't use with, um, that would also hit me up because they were partying and it's like, nope, I'm gonna close this account and just like start a new one.
00:46:10.079 --> 00:46:10.320
Yeah.
00:46:10.480 --> 00:46:10.719
Right.
00:46:10.800 --> 00:46:18.400
And like managing the apps was difficult, but also like trying to be celibate is not an option for me.
00:46:18.480 --> 00:46:20.159
Like, it just wasn't an option.
00:46:20.480 --> 00:46:29.280
I like sex too much, I like my body too much, I like other people's bodies too much, and I can't deny myself of that.
00:46:29.760 --> 00:46:35.199
And it really was like even just hookups in the early days were like really scary.
00:46:35.360 --> 00:46:39.440
And I for a long time would scream people ahead of time, like, hey, are you partying?
00:46:39.599 --> 00:46:45.199
If they say yes, then I would say, Nope, uh, not gonna do it.
00:46:45.519 --> 00:46:49.440
But that's also changed over time, where I can pick it up, right?
00:46:49.519 --> 00:46:50.639
I think you probably can too.
00:46:50.719 --> 00:46:56.639
Where like you can pick it up without them even saying anything, without even having a capital T listed in their profile.
00:46:56.800 --> 00:46:59.119
Like you can kind of suss it out.
00:47:00.960 --> 00:47:12.239
And if I miss that sometimes, which happens, I'll show up to someone's place and you know, I'll see a pipe and I'll be like, hey, like, do you mind putting that away while I fuck you?
00:47:12.480 --> 00:47:15.840
Because you know, if they've got the pipe out there bottoming, most likely.
00:47:16.079 --> 00:47:18.159
Uh just say that.
00:47:18.320 --> 00:47:20.480
But it's like, yeah, I'm still gonna fuck you.
00:47:20.800 --> 00:47:24.800
Uh, but like, you need to put that away and out of sight for me.
00:47:25.039 --> 00:47:32.239
And then I also have conversations with them afterwards where it's like, hey, if we do this again, like I'd really prefer it if you're not under the influence.
00:47:32.400 --> 00:47:37.760
But if you are, just making sure that like paraphernalia is not around.
00:47:38.079 --> 00:47:49.119
And I have actually had great responses from people for that sort of language of just being really open, or like even on Grindr now, if people are like, Hey, you party?
00:47:49.280 --> 00:47:56.960
And I'd be like, No, I don't, but like, make sure you stay safe and hydrated and enjoy the play, instead of just blocking people.
00:47:57.199 --> 00:48:08.159
Um again, though, I couldn't do that in the early years, but I'm at a point now where on the apps, like, yeah, I can tell you, be safe, have fun, stay hydrated, and the conversation can just end there.
00:48:08.800 --> 00:48:17.199
And like, I can also like not be stigmatizing people on these apps who also feel like shit about themselves.
00:48:17.519 --> 00:48:18.000
Right.
00:48:18.320 --> 00:48:18.719
Right.
00:48:18.880 --> 00:48:19.599
I love that.
00:48:19.840 --> 00:48:35.039
Yeah, so for those of you who love the bathhouse or you know, the gay campground, well, I don't know, anything like that where you may have found Tina before, you found it the I mean the very first time at that same bathhouse.
00:48:35.280 --> 00:48:45.440
Yeah, first time at a bathhouse, first time using Tina, like but you were able to go back because I I call it a calculated risk, right?
00:48:45.840 --> 00:48:56.079
Is you are going back, but you're doing it with safety, so many safeguards, and you had conversations and you put things, you know, you put tools in place and you were really proactive about it.
00:48:56.719 --> 00:48:59.599
Um yeah, and I think it so it's possible.
00:48:59.920 --> 00:49:01.280
It's it is possible.
00:49:01.840 --> 00:49:09.679
And I want to say too that for anybody listening, like there is going to be times where like you think your safeguards are going to work and like they don't.
00:49:09.920 --> 00:49:14.400
Those safeguards fail sometimes, and maybe the safeguard needs to be revisited.
00:49:14.559 --> 00:49:23.360
Maybe there are other factors at play that like just make it to where the safeguard can't work in this exact context or situation.
00:49:23.519 --> 00:49:32.719
And like if that safeguard slips and you end up using, like it's not a reset, it's just not like I don't consider it that, right?
00:49:32.800 --> 00:49:39.280
Like where I am very open that I say, like I have 11 years of abstinence from Tina because of my like continued use.
00:49:39.440 --> 00:49:41.840
But like, has there been a slip-up in there?
00:49:41.920 --> 00:49:51.840
Yeah, there was a slip up in there where like I was actually really suicidal and thought like if I slam Tina after not doing it for a long time, I could give myself a stroke and die.
00:49:52.480 --> 00:49:53.679
Stupid plan, don't do it.
00:49:53.760 --> 00:49:55.679
Just get fit and I'll figure out to do that.
00:49:55.920 --> 00:50:11.599
Um but I did, but like I don't consider that I mean, like, oh, all these years have to be reset because like they were safeguards that I have that slipped in that moment, but that doesn't mean everything prior to that is for that's right.
00:50:11.760 --> 00:50:12.159
That's right.
00:50:12.320 --> 00:50:15.679
Um, so like if those safeguards slip, like talk to your person.
00:50:15.760 --> 00:50:18.639
And that's what I did with that um like suicide attempt, right?
00:50:18.719 --> 00:50:23.679
With Tina's like I called my person immediately and was like, hey, I just did something really stupid.
00:50:24.320 --> 00:50:27.679
Like, I just need you to provide support.
00:50:27.760 --> 00:50:31.519
I don't need anything else right now, just provide support and be a listening ear.
00:50:31.679 --> 00:50:36.960
You can be mad about it, you have a right to be mad about it, but like I can't have you be mad about it today.
00:50:37.199 --> 00:50:38.239
Yes, I love that.
00:50:38.480 --> 00:50:39.199
And that's what he did.
00:50:39.360 --> 00:50:40.719
He's like, I'm gonna give you space.
00:50:40.800 --> 00:50:46.639
He's like, you know, I'm mad at you about this already, yeah, but we'll handle that when you're in a different place than you are right now.
00:50:46.880 --> 00:50:48.239
And that's what we fucking did.
00:50:48.320 --> 00:50:51.039
We just talked about it like adults and handled it.
00:50:51.760 --> 00:50:52.719
I love that.
00:50:52.960 --> 00:50:53.599
I love that.
00:50:53.679 --> 00:51:00.480
I I really hope that if you if you're supporting someone that you listen to that is yes, you might be mad at them.
00:51:00.639 --> 00:51:03.599
You may want to, you know, you may want to let into them, right?
00:51:03.679 --> 00:51:09.760
Or maybe you even warned them first and they did it anyway, and you know, you were I told you so once to come up.
00:51:09.920 --> 00:51:11.599
Save all that shit.
00:51:12.000 --> 00:51:15.199
Yeah, save all that for later support first.
00:51:15.840 --> 00:51:22.159
Yeah, and also like don't hold it in because I know other guys who are like not who are non-confrontational, right?
00:51:22.480 --> 00:51:33.760
And like they won't say that they're mad at somebody for doing it or upset or hurt, and it's like you also can't hold that in because like the other person knows that's under the surface, right?
00:51:33.840 --> 00:51:38.719
If they're a support person, they probably know you well enough, but like it's not going to help anyone.
00:51:38.800 --> 00:51:51.280
Like, I also had to learn to deal with some of the consequences if I did choose to use, and one of that in that scenario, like the consequence was someone that I really love was mad and upset with me and disappointed.
00:51:51.679 --> 00:52:03.840
And like, that's a consequence that I need to be able to experience and learn from safely and not have it be like, oh, this person's mad at me.
00:52:03.920 --> 00:52:09.760
Well, I might as well go be the best damn tweaker they've ever seen, which was like my old mentality of like, oh, you think I'm a tweaker?
00:52:09.840 --> 00:52:11.760
Let me fucking show you what I can do.
00:52:12.320 --> 00:52:14.079
Uh you know, not that mentality.
00:52:14.159 --> 00:52:23.199
It's like, no, I need to hear this and I need to learn and grow from it, and be able to like handle conflict without needing a substance for it.
00:52:23.920 --> 00:52:24.400
That's right.
00:52:24.639 --> 00:52:35.280
Handle conflict, um, not being able, not having to escape with the substance you mentioned, escape, belonging, acceptance, being in a place of non-judgment.
00:52:35.440 --> 00:52:38.639
That's why the chemsex uh scene is growing.
00:52:39.119 --> 00:52:42.639
Because we don't have that in the population we belong to.
00:52:43.119 --> 00:52:51.440
Yeah, and I think too, like as things are happening politically in the US, it's kind of becoming a more acceptable escape.
00:52:51.599 --> 00:52:58.880
And so that's where, like, again, for me with harm reduction is like if you're going to choose this as your escape, great, you have bodily autonomy, it's not my choice.
00:52:59.039 --> 00:53:03.519
Just let me provide you with the information to use it a little safely.
00:53:03.679 --> 00:53:05.039
Like, use it safer.
00:53:05.199 --> 00:53:07.760
Let's make sure you know the right way to do it.
00:53:08.719 --> 00:53:14.960
I learned how to slam from another person, which is how a lot of harm reduction is spread, is peer-to-peer education.
00:53:15.280 --> 00:53:19.920
It's like, okay, well, let's make sure that we have accurate information out there for people.
00:53:20.079 --> 00:53:25.679
Like, let's make sure that we're boiling our water if we don't have sterile water because we're sticking something in our veins.
00:53:25.840 --> 00:53:35.840
Like, yeah, you know, let's make sure that we are using sterile syringes, or let's make sure that we booty bump properly, because like you need that information if you're going to do this.
00:53:36.159 --> 00:53:40.719
Um, or you maybe you don't party, but you have people in your life that do.
00:53:40.800 --> 00:53:46.719
And like that's going to give you a really good side to support them with.
00:53:46.880 --> 00:53:48.159
Is like, hey, that's cool.
00:53:48.239 --> 00:53:50.320
Like, do you mind if we talk about some of your use?
00:53:50.400 --> 00:53:52.960
Like, is there anything you need with supplies and stuff?
00:53:53.119 --> 00:53:54.960
Like, we can offer that.
00:53:55.119 --> 00:54:06.320
I have friends right now that still actively use Met, that still actively use Coke, and like they're good friends of mine because like they're not going to be asking me for it.
00:54:06.480 --> 00:54:08.000
I'm not going to ask them for it.
00:54:08.079 --> 00:54:14.480
And I know that if I do, there'll be about five people that get a phone call who will be like on my ass.
00:54:14.559 --> 00:54:15.280
Uh right.
00:54:15.440 --> 00:54:27.360
Like we can just use these tools and our experiences to like help other people and make sure that like if you're going to party, it's safe and you take care of yourself the best that you can.
00:54:27.760 --> 00:54:28.000
Yeah.
00:54:28.320 --> 00:54:28.639
Yeah.
00:54:28.960 --> 00:54:29.280
Yes.
00:54:29.440 --> 00:54:29.920
Thank you.
00:54:30.159 --> 00:54:35.760
And and I just want to underscore something when you were talking about your your sexual reintegration process.
00:54:35.920 --> 00:54:44.079
So for the you listening, just for in case you missed it, is the safe environment and having somebody say, you know, where are you?
00:54:44.800 --> 00:54:47.519
And what and what can I do to support, or what do you need from me?
00:54:48.800 --> 00:54:59.920
So it so it's important, I think, for uh us as we're coming out of chemsex recovery and we're with partner, a partner or partners who don't have experience with it, they want to help, but they don't know how.
00:55:00.719 --> 00:55:02.559
So I think it's important for us to train them.
00:55:02.719 --> 00:55:06.800
Like this is what I'd like you to, this is the space that I need to heal.
00:55:07.360 --> 00:55:11.440
And these are the questions I'd like you to ask, not like you said, you okay, what can I do?
00:55:11.519 --> 00:55:13.440
You know, like, oh, oh, oh, are you triggered?
00:55:13.599 --> 00:55:13.920
You know.
00:55:14.079 --> 00:55:14.880
Or whatever.
00:55:17.280 --> 00:55:17.840
Right.
00:55:18.480 --> 00:55:18.719
Right.
00:55:18.960 --> 00:55:19.920
Yeah, are you triggered?
00:55:20.000 --> 00:55:24.239
That's I'm not responsible for anybody else's triggers, and you're not responsible for my triggers.
00:55:24.320 --> 00:55:25.280
That's kind of the way I put it.
00:55:25.360 --> 00:55:30.880
Uh and that really is, it's just conversations, and that goes in line with like consent, too, right?
00:55:31.039 --> 00:55:32.000
Because let's get serious.
00:55:32.159 --> 00:55:34.639
When we were partying, we were not good at consent.
00:55:34.719 --> 00:55:37.599
And there's a lot of like gray area when it comes to consent.
00:55:37.679 --> 00:55:42.639
There's some research on that as well, just like consensual boundaries get really mixed.
00:55:42.800 --> 00:55:54.400
But it's like having those types of conversations actually improve my ability to navigate consent in any context as well, because now I'm navigating it in this very specific way.
00:55:54.480 --> 00:55:58.960
So it's easy to navigate with someone like where my boundaries are with impact play.
00:55:59.039 --> 00:56:02.559
Like, yes, you can slap me as hard as you want, but if you punch me in the face, don't take my teeth out.
00:56:02.639 --> 00:56:08.000
That's an easy conversation when you talk to someone about like, hey, this might trigger me into using drugs.
00:56:08.159 --> 00:56:12.719
Uh it just it builds your skills, it builds your confidence.
00:56:12.960 --> 00:56:17.440
There's a good um couple articles by Plattners, the author.
00:56:17.599 --> 00:56:24.239
He talks about like this theory of self-control when it comes to chem sex, and he's got two really good articles on it.
00:56:24.719 --> 00:56:39.360
And I first heard that, like read that article title, and I was like, this is gonna be some like bullshit, self-control, pull yourself up by your bootstraps type of stuff that like I'm not gonna subscribe to.
00:56:39.519 --> 00:56:43.360
Yeah, and then I read it and I was like, oh, this guy actually makes a lot of sense.
00:56:43.440 --> 00:56:56.880
Like you can have control while you're using, you can have control after, and like he actually discusses ways to do that, and I can have control to make sure that I can enjoy pleasure because that's intrinsically linked to Kim sex, is pleasure.
00:56:57.360 --> 00:56:59.519
And that's where a lot of public health fails too.
00:56:59.599 --> 00:57:07.440
I'm going on a little rabbit trail here, but that's something I try to bring into my content is like pleasure is a core part of this.
00:57:07.599 --> 00:57:20.320
Like, yeah, public health is really good at identifying diseases and risk factors and protective factors, but it's not good at recognizing some of the other benefits outside of just health.
00:57:20.559 --> 00:57:35.039
And that's why I always try to bring into any sort of public health or social work that I do is just like we need pleasure as humans, whether that pleasure is, you know, going on a walk by the beach or that pleasure is getting railed by 10 guys in a dark room.
00:57:35.199 --> 00:57:37.039
Like there's something there.
00:57:37.119 --> 00:57:40.639
And when it comes to chem sex, we can't we can't separate the two.
00:57:40.960 --> 00:57:46.400
We can't we can't look at it from purely what what's called the risk paradigm in public health.
00:57:46.559 --> 00:57:53.039
Like we have to have risk and protective factors that look at pleasure and what's happening there.
00:57:53.440 --> 00:57:54.239
Yeah, right.
00:57:54.480 --> 00:57:55.440
Good, great.
00:57:56.000 --> 00:57:56.320
I love that.
00:57:56.559 --> 00:57:56.960
I love it.
00:57:57.440 --> 00:57:57.920
Thank you.
00:57:58.079 --> 00:58:03.280
Um one more thing, one more thing, and I want to uh wrap up in this uh you mentioned screening.
00:58:04.079 --> 00:58:08.159
So I just did I just did some content about this and because I had an experience.
00:58:08.239 --> 00:58:13.599
So I've I'm putting myself uh back into the sexual journey myself.
00:58:13.760 --> 00:58:18.239
Um so I I was hit up by a thruple.
00:58:19.440 --> 00:58:32.559
And this was like they they were like the the the uh epitome of like uh gay, you know, like muscally built perfect gay, like a thruple hit hit me up.
00:58:33.519 --> 00:58:44.719
And so I was a little suspicious uh about that anyway, but uh but it because it was so have to have it, right?
00:58:44.800 --> 00:58:49.760
Like, you know, you want you want you want to fuck, come to my come to our room right now and we'll fuck, right?
00:58:50.320 --> 00:58:56.719
So that was a little bit of a sign, and then it's you and it's look look, if you've been in this, you know.
00:58:56.960 --> 00:58:59.920
So then the the responses were very delayed.
00:59:00.079 --> 00:59:09.039
Uh the way that the text was like the weird spacing between the letters, you know, wrong spelling, like it started to make sense.
00:59:09.280 --> 00:59:13.760
I ignored it because it's a thruple, it's muscular thruple in a hotel room.
00:59:14.000 --> 00:59:15.039
So I'm I'm on my way.
00:59:15.360 --> 00:59:17.440
So then I get there.
00:59:17.840 --> 00:59:19.679
He's like, oh wait, don't come up.
00:59:19.760 --> 00:59:23.280
We spilled a bunch of water everywhere and we're trying to clean it up.
00:59:25.119 --> 00:59:26.400
There was not a water spell.
00:59:26.559 --> 00:59:30.000
This is uh yeah, this is a messy situation that I'm all into.
00:59:30.400 --> 00:59:34.400
Um I I just you just know you you will know intuitively too.
00:59:34.480 --> 00:59:40.719
I mean, besides full disclosure, due due diligence and ask, you also are going to know of the times.
00:59:41.119 --> 00:59:41.440
Yeah.
00:59:41.599 --> 00:59:47.199
And like, have there been people that we've probably hooked up with that like got through all the screening?
00:59:47.440 --> 00:59:47.760
Sure.
00:59:48.000 --> 00:59:51.039
And even when we're there, we have no indication, sure.
00:59:51.280 --> 00:59:56.480
But like that screening can just be a helpful tool to know if this is something you can pursue.
00:59:56.559 --> 01:00:03.119
And then if you're like, nope, like I shouldn't pursue this, then each individual needs to choose like how they handle that.
01:00:03.199 --> 01:00:10.880
Because then it can be like, well, I'm not gonna talk to them now, but in like three days I have a really bad day, and I'm like, well, I'm gonna reach out to this person because I know they have Tina.
01:00:11.280 --> 01:00:19.440
And it's like developing systems that work for you, and then also having multiple systems for when one of those doesn't work.
01:00:19.840 --> 01:00:22.639
Um I think the screening can help a lot.
01:00:22.880 --> 01:00:24.239
Um, yeah.
01:00:24.559 --> 01:00:26.239
Yeah, yeah, it's a work.
01:00:26.559 --> 01:00:28.639
Well, what did I miss today, Damon?
01:00:28.800 --> 01:00:32.400
Anything that you wish we would have covered or went deeper into?
01:00:33.119 --> 01:00:34.639
I think that leave it.
01:00:34.800 --> 01:00:42.239
I think we actually covered everything like quite well because we got to talk about like the sex um and like rebuilding sexual identity.
01:00:43.039 --> 01:00:49.360
I got to talk about like some of my research and like framing this through public health and social work.
01:00:51.440 --> 01:00:53.119
And then pleasure, that was the other big one.
01:00:53.199 --> 01:00:55.440
So it's like for me, yeah.
01:00:55.519 --> 01:00:58.239
I think I got everything I wanted.
01:00:59.119 --> 01:01:01.440
I have a question for those of us who don't know.
01:01:01.599 --> 01:01:03.519
What is an FTR machine?
01:01:04.079 --> 01:01:07.440
So FTIR stands for oh my god, I'm gonna get the second word right.
01:01:07.519 --> 01:01:08.239
It's Fourier.
01:01:10.000 --> 01:01:12.239
I can't think of what the T stands for, infrared.
01:01:12.400 --> 01:01:15.840
So essentially you typically see these in like chemistry labs.
01:01:16.400 --> 01:01:25.599
And so these are spectrometers that can look at a substance and then give you an output analysis of like what it is.
01:01:26.079 --> 01:01:26.400
Okay.
01:01:27.679 --> 01:01:37.760
We are very lucky here where I live with one of the grants that I worked on, where we were actually able to buy the harm reduction organization down here a mobile unit.
01:01:37.840 --> 01:01:40.559
It's about that big, plug it into a laptop.
01:01:40.800 --> 01:01:46.000
And in a rural area, they don't have like a brick and mortar store that people go to for their harm reduction supplies.
01:01:46.079 --> 01:01:50.480
They actually take the van and deliver it right to your doorstep, which is awesome for a lot of different reasons.
01:01:50.639 --> 01:01:54.559
And actually, I just finished a manuscript yesterday on their like delivery model.
01:01:55.199 --> 01:01:57.119
So we can put this on the van.
01:01:57.280 --> 01:01:59.920
And then there's two ways of testing the drugs in there.
01:02:00.079 --> 01:02:10.159
The first way is you basically like hand them the baggie or like a small baggie of it, and it goes into the machine, and it just gives you a really basic analysis, right?
01:02:10.320 --> 01:02:17.679
It'll say meth is in here, or like give you some other stuff that may be there, other chemicals or adulterants.
01:02:18.239 --> 01:02:25.119
And that first type doesn't destroy the sample, like you get your baggie back and you can go do what you want with it.
01:02:25.360 --> 01:02:35.760
It also has another way of doing an analysis, which is this really deep, detailed analysis of like what the levels of everything in there are.
01:02:36.079 --> 01:02:50.960
Um, it produces this really beautiful graph, and it actually trying to think if I have something, the best way to do it, it does destroy the sample, but the sample size is like slightly larger than the tip of a pen or like the ball of a pen.
01:02:51.280 --> 01:02:58.880
So it's like a very small sample that it destroys, but by doing so, you get this huge analysis of the drug.
01:02:59.199 --> 01:02:59.440
Wow.
01:02:59.599 --> 01:03:14.000
Um, and I will say for any listeners too, that like what we know right now is that the stimulant supply is typically not adulterated with um like fentanyl or analogs, right?
01:03:14.159 --> 01:03:25.920
Um yes, there can be contamination in there, so I don't want to say don't use fentanyl test strips or um any others that you're using, but that's not the most adulterated drug supply.
01:03:26.000 --> 01:03:29.760
It's like other opioids are what get adulterated more often.
01:03:29.920 --> 01:03:36.639
What we typically see more with like meth specifically, um, because I'm gonna talk about that one rather than coke, is a little different.
01:03:36.800 --> 01:03:43.599
But with meth, what we typically see is if there's contamination, somebody didn't clean a scale properly, right?
01:03:43.679 --> 01:03:46.239
Like the dealer waited out on the scale, right?
01:03:46.400 --> 01:03:50.000
And there was like maybe a little bit of fat residue on there or something.
01:03:50.239 --> 01:03:52.400
Yeah, and that's where most of the contamination is.
01:03:52.559 --> 01:03:56.480
However, like if you are partying, like you still want to do a little test strip.
01:03:56.559 --> 01:03:58.239
It doesn't hurt really.
01:03:58.400 --> 01:04:11.519
Like I've even had people do where like they go ahead and uh backfill their syringe and get that ready, and then they just like put a couple drops on the test strip, which we can discuss the merits of whether or not that works.
01:04:11.599 --> 01:04:17.679
But for them, they're engaging in some sort of harm reduction activity, they're keeping Narcane around just in case.
01:04:17.920 --> 01:04:28.960
And so that's where FTIRs can really come in handy is like we could actually test the drugs and start figuring out where certain contaminants are at.
01:04:29.039 --> 01:04:42.719
There's a really great place out of North Carolina where you can actually send all of your results and they compile it for the entire country and create like alert systems as well for hey, like this analog was found in this region.
01:04:42.960 --> 01:04:45.519
So if you bought from here, like be careful.
01:04:45.840 --> 01:04:46.239
Wow.
01:04:46.559 --> 01:04:47.679
Yeah, that's FTIR.
01:04:47.840 --> 01:04:49.679
God, is it Fourier transmissions?
01:04:50.159 --> 01:04:51.039
FTIR.
01:04:51.119 --> 01:04:53.280
You said yeah, I think it's Fourier transmission.
01:04:53.360 --> 01:04:55.840
I could have that wrong, but it's Fourier is the first one.
01:04:56.000 --> 01:04:57.920
Okay, and it's a spectrometer.
01:04:58.320 --> 01:04:58.639
Okay.
01:04:58.880 --> 01:05:01.119
I did not I had never heard of that before.
01:05:01.360 --> 01:05:08.800
Yeah, they're fun, they're like$30,000 uh just for the machine without all the cartridges that you need through it.
01:05:08.960 --> 01:05:15.280
But um a lot of cities will have a harm reduction organization that has an FTIR machine in there.
01:05:15.440 --> 01:05:16.960
I can't speak for all cities.
01:05:17.039 --> 01:05:19.199
Sorry, I'm gonna I don't want to put this in there.
01:05:19.360 --> 01:05:24.000
Uh I can't speak for all states because every state has different rules for it.
01:05:24.159 --> 01:05:29.760
But in Illinois, where I'm at, right, we have good Samaritan laws for overdoses, which are really great.
01:05:29.840 --> 01:05:38.400
So if someone overdoses, you call for 911 or you take them to the hospital, like you're not going to get in charge, you're not gonna get charged for the substance use, right?
01:05:38.480 --> 01:05:42.559
Which is important when we talk about G and people like Ging out and needing medical care.
01:05:42.960 --> 01:05:43.360
Yeah.
01:05:43.599 --> 01:05:52.320
But in Illinois, what we also have is that, um, like with the harm reduction laws, is that getting your drugs tested is not illegal.
01:05:52.480 --> 01:06:01.119
So if someone is getting their drugs tested by the organization, they're not going to, in theory, get arrested for that.
01:06:01.280 --> 01:06:04.880
The organization is not going to get shut down for it either.
01:06:05.039 --> 01:06:11.519
Um, so it's important to just like know what the harm reduction and good Samaritan laws are in your state because that's a great protection to have.
01:06:11.599 --> 01:06:16.719
Is like someone can bring their drugs somewhere, they get it tested, and the cops aren't gonna bust them for that.
01:06:17.840 --> 01:06:18.320
Wow.
01:06:18.480 --> 01:06:18.960
Wow.
01:06:19.280 --> 01:06:20.159
Good information.
01:06:20.320 --> 01:06:20.719
Thank you.
01:06:20.880 --> 01:06:21.760
Yeah, thank you for that.
01:06:21.840 --> 01:06:22.800
I'm glad I asked.
01:06:23.119 --> 01:06:24.079
Yeah, me too.
01:06:24.239 --> 01:06:26.719
I I love science and harm reduction.
01:06:27.199 --> 01:06:29.440
So anytime I can talk about it.
01:06:29.840 --> 01:06:30.719
I can tell.
01:06:30.960 --> 01:06:31.599
I can tell.
01:06:31.760 --> 01:06:33.599
Well, thank you so much for today.
01:06:33.760 --> 01:06:36.639
I think you are really really inspiring.
01:06:37.039 --> 01:06:40.159
And I just love your I love your outlook.
01:06:40.320 --> 01:06:42.239
I love your attitude, your energy.
01:06:42.400 --> 01:06:42.800
It's great.
01:06:43.039 --> 01:06:43.920
Dan, I'm glad we met it.
01:06:44.079 --> 01:06:45.119
Yeah, no, thank you.
01:06:45.280 --> 01:06:58.480
I really appreciate this and a chance to get to like talk to your listeners and like hopefully provide them with more information and like help grow your work too, because like this is also something that's needed for us.
01:06:58.719 --> 01:07:01.760
Um and it's not something that everybody can do.
01:07:01.920 --> 01:07:07.280
Um, but I think it probably helps your own recovery or abstinence, just like it helps mine.
01:07:07.760 --> 01:07:08.159
It does.
01:07:08.719 --> 01:07:09.119
Great work.
01:07:09.599 --> 01:07:10.079
It does.
01:07:10.239 --> 01:07:16.320
Yeah, I mean, I I am open that when I first started it, it it was to save myself.
01:07:16.960 --> 01:07:21.599
You know, I mean, I uh my son was moving out and I had no clock block anymore.
01:07:21.840 --> 01:07:24.559
And my first thought was, oh, I could party now.
01:07:24.800 --> 01:07:25.119
Yeah.
01:07:25.360 --> 01:07:33.440
And you know, plus the fact that there was no services when I went through, and you know, I knew that there was a a place for this.
01:07:33.599 --> 01:07:40.400
I knew it needed to happen, yes, but I also knew for my own good helping others was going to help me.
01:07:40.559 --> 01:07:42.480
So yeah, absolutely.
01:07:42.639 --> 01:07:43.840
Well, keep up the work.
01:07:44.000 --> 01:07:45.280
Yeah, thank you.
01:07:45.679 --> 01:07:46.079
Thank you.
01:07:46.239 --> 01:07:48.159
All right, guys, I hope you enjoyed this today.
01:07:48.239 --> 01:07:55.519
If you want to join in the conversation, you can comment on Spotify, you can comment on YouTube, you can DM either one of us on Instagram, and we'll be happy to talk with you.
01:07:55.599 --> 01:07:57.920
And until then, we'll see you next week.