WEBVTT
00:00:07.040 --> 00:00:18.079
Welcome back to toddlers made easy, the podcast that keeps it short, simple, and supportive, because parenting a toddler doesn't leave you much time for fluff.
00:00:18.239 --> 00:00:18.879
I'm Dr.
00:00:18.960 --> 00:00:26.320
Catherine, pediatrician, parent of four now grown children, and your guide in big-hearted parenting.
00:00:26.559 --> 00:00:34.560
Having navigated the full journey from toddlerhood to adulthood, I'm here to share what truly works in the long run.
00:00:34.799 --> 00:00:41.200
I remember those nights all too well, standing exhausted in my child's room at 2 a.m.
00:00:41.600 --> 00:00:43.359
for the third night in a row.
00:00:43.679 --> 00:00:48.640
Go back to bed, I'd whisper, trying not to sound too frustrated.
00:00:48.799 --> 00:00:54.079
Now, if this scene sounds familiar, today's episode is especially for you.
00:00:54.320 --> 00:01:04.799
I'm sharing a big-hearted strategy that transformed our nighttime interruptions years ago, and it's so simple, you can start tonight.
00:01:04.959 --> 00:01:07.840
I call it the Midnight Helper approach.
00:01:08.079 --> 00:01:19.040
And by the end of this bite-sized episode, you'll have a practical tool to help your little one feel secure enough to stay in bed when those middle of the night wakeups happen.
00:01:19.359 --> 00:01:26.000
Looking back now with adult children, I can tell you these sleep foundations really do matter.
00:01:26.239 --> 00:01:27.920
So let's dive in.
00:01:28.239 --> 00:01:32.640
A good place to begin is to consider what's happening during those 2 a.m.
00:01:32.879 --> 00:01:33.760
wake-up calls.
00:01:34.079 --> 00:01:41.840
Talters aren't waking up just to test our patience, although it certainly can feel that way, but the reality is much more understandable.
00:01:42.079 --> 00:01:46.079
Waking up in the night can feel genuinely scary for a little one.
00:01:46.239 --> 00:01:48.159
Everything looks different in the dark.
00:01:48.400 --> 00:01:57.920
Shadows make familiar objects seem strange, the house makes unfamiliar sounds, and sometimes children just feel unsure without you there.
00:01:58.079 --> 00:02:04.000
Because if you think about it, it's really the only time they're actually without an adult present.
00:02:04.319 --> 00:02:11.439
Most importantly, young kids don't yet have the skills to calm themselves down when their feelings get big.
00:02:11.680 --> 00:02:15.680
And that's completely normal for their developmental stage.
00:02:15.919 --> 00:02:24.560
Now the traditional approach of repeatedly saying, go back to bed, often doesn't work because it doesn't address the underlying need.
00:02:24.719 --> 00:02:31.759
And that's why your child keeps getting up night after night, despite bribes or despite begs and pleading.
00:02:31.919 --> 00:02:37.919
Your child isn't necessarily being defiant, they're just looking for some comfort and security.
00:02:38.159 --> 00:02:55.680
But there's a beautifully simple technique that's backed by research that can transform these wakeups into stay-in-bed moments, without you having to get up multiple times at night or without your child sneaking into your bed or asking to come and get in your bed.
00:02:55.919 --> 00:03:04.560
Now, this is a strategy I've seen work not just with my own children, but with countless families in my pediatric practice over the years.
00:03:04.719 --> 00:03:13.039
And this approach was actually developed and researched by a doctor by the name of Avi Sade, and forgive me if I'm not saying his name correctly.
00:03:13.199 --> 00:03:26.479
He's a renowned sleep physician who found that helping children feel a sense of purpose during nighttime wakeups significantly reduces their anxiety and helps them return to sleep more readily.
00:03:26.719 --> 00:03:28.479
And here's how it works.
00:03:28.719 --> 00:03:34.319
Choose a new stuffed animal to be your child's special nighttime comfort buddy.
00:03:34.479 --> 00:03:40.240
The key is that this should be a new stuffed animal, one that hasn't been part of their bedtime routine before.
00:03:40.479 --> 00:03:46.879
So if you can find one, a stuffed animal, particularly one that looks a little sad, this is ideal.
00:03:47.039 --> 00:03:49.360
And you'll understand why in a moment.
00:03:49.520 --> 00:03:58.400
So you're going to frame this stuffed animal as a little being who also sometimes feels scared at night, just like you, and needs some comfort.
00:03:58.639 --> 00:04:02.240
This simple shift is going to give your child an important job.
00:04:02.479 --> 00:04:09.919
Instead of focusing on their own fears in the night, they get to be the brave one who provides comfort to someone else.
00:04:10.080 --> 00:04:17.199
And it's a powerful way to help your toddler feel more in control and capable during those nighttime moments.
00:04:17.439 --> 00:04:23.040
So toddlers are kind and they're giving little people and they want to help others.
00:04:23.279 --> 00:04:26.399
So this kind of support will come naturally to them.
00:04:26.639 --> 00:04:29.600
So let me explain this in a little bit more detail.
00:04:29.839 --> 00:04:38.079
During the day, not at bedtime when everyone's tired, but during the day, present the stuffed animal to your child with a little story.
00:04:38.319 --> 00:04:42.160
You might say something like, Look, I want you to meet Hippo.
00:04:42.560 --> 00:04:51.839
He sometimes feels a little scared at night because he's away from all of his family and friends, and he becomes a little scared and even a little sad.
00:04:52.240 --> 00:05:00.399
Do you think you could help him feel better by giving him hugs and maybe even telling him a story if he wakes up feeling scared or sad?
00:05:00.800 --> 00:05:06.160
What you're doing here is you're tapping into your child's natural kindness and compassion.
00:05:06.560 --> 00:05:13.279
Toddhars really love to help and take responsibility, and they truly do take this job seriously.
00:05:13.519 --> 00:05:17.040
They feel proud to be the one who can comfort their new friend.
00:05:17.279 --> 00:05:21.439
Now this approach works because it shifts the dynamics entirely.
00:05:21.680 --> 00:05:30.160
Instead of your child feeling helpless and needing you, they get to be the helper, the brave one who can make someone else feel better.
00:05:30.480 --> 00:05:38.160
Once you've introduced the comfort buddy during the daytime, it's time to incorporate it into your bedtime routine.
00:05:38.399 --> 00:05:45.040
So make tucking in the comfort buddy or the stuffed animal a special part of your nightly ritual.
00:05:45.360 --> 00:05:49.920
This should be a consistent, predictable part of getting ready for sleep.
00:05:50.160 --> 00:05:54.399
You might say something like, Let's go tuck in Hippo because it's bedtime.
00:05:54.639 --> 00:05:56.800
He needs a hug and a goodnight kiss.
00:05:57.040 --> 00:06:00.800
Then have your child give Hippo a hug and a kiss goodnight.
00:06:01.040 --> 00:06:08.240
This establishes the pattern of comforting actions that your child can repeat if they wake up in the middle of the night.
00:06:08.480 --> 00:06:12.399
So next practice what to do if Hippo wakes up scared.
00:06:12.639 --> 00:06:17.439
Let's practice what you'll do if Hippo wakes up feeling scared or sad in the night.
00:06:17.680 --> 00:06:20.079
Can you show me how you'll give him a big hug?
00:06:20.240 --> 00:06:24.560
And maybe tell him it's still nighttime and everything is okay.
00:06:24.800 --> 00:06:31.519
Have your child physically go through the motions of hugging the stuffed animal and whispering comforting words.
00:06:31.759 --> 00:06:37.839
This rehearsal helps them feel prepared and it builds their confidence and it's muscle memory.
00:06:38.240 --> 00:06:42.079
Finally, as you're leaving the room, give a gentle reminder.
00:06:42.319 --> 00:06:48.160
Remember, if Hippo wakes up feeling scared tonight, you know exactly how to help him feel better.
00:06:48.319 --> 00:06:53.040
You can give him a big hug and tell him everything is okay.
00:06:53.360 --> 00:06:59.120
This approach works on multiple levels where simply saying go back to bed often fails.
00:06:59.439 --> 00:07:07.279
First, it acknowledges that nighttime can feel scary, validating your child's feelings instead of dismissing them.
00:07:07.519 --> 00:07:10.079
Second, it gives your child agency.
00:07:10.319 --> 00:07:15.839
They're not helpless in the face of scary things, they have a specific job they can do.
00:07:16.079 --> 00:07:20.319
And third, it creates a lovely physiological shift.
00:07:20.480 --> 00:07:25.600
In comforting their stuffed animal, children actually end up comforting themselves.
00:07:25.839 --> 00:07:34.800
The words they say to Hippo, it's okay, I'm here, it's still nighttime, are precisely the reassuring words they need to hear.
00:07:34.959 --> 00:07:41.439
And fourth, it breaks the habit of needing you to come into their room multiple times at night to comfort them.
00:07:41.839 --> 00:07:44.879
They have their own solution right there in bed with them.
00:07:45.199 --> 00:07:51.040
The parents in our community have reported that this approach starts working within just a few nights.
00:07:51.279 --> 00:08:00.399
One mum told me her daughter went from calling out three to four times each night to staying in bed with her special bunny, whom she would comfort back to sleep.
00:08:00.639 --> 00:08:03.519
So let's address a couple of questions that might come up.
00:08:03.839 --> 00:08:06.000
What if my child still calls for me?
00:08:06.240 --> 00:08:12.079
Well, if this happens, keep your response brief and redirect back to their special job.
00:08:12.319 --> 00:08:15.360
Remember, Hippo needs you to help him feel safe.
00:08:15.519 --> 00:08:16.959
Can you give him a big hug?
00:08:17.120 --> 00:08:19.360
I'll check on you both in a few minutes.
00:08:19.600 --> 00:08:22.240
And then wait a few minutes before checking back.
00:08:22.639 --> 00:08:25.519
Often you'll find your child has gone back to sleep.
00:08:25.839 --> 00:08:28.959
What if your child doesn't connect with the stuffed animal?
00:08:29.120 --> 00:08:33.759
Well, try involving them in choosing the comfort buddy or frame it differently.
00:08:34.000 --> 00:08:36.320
This is Hippo's first night in a new home.
00:08:36.480 --> 00:08:38.080
He's feeling a little nervous.
00:08:38.240 --> 00:08:40.080
Can you help him feel welcome?
00:08:40.320 --> 00:08:45.440
Find the story that resonates with your child's interests and personality.
00:08:45.679 --> 00:08:47.840
So here's the takeaway for today.
00:08:48.080 --> 00:08:53.519
Nighttime wakeups are normal and can be managed without tears and with less frustration.
00:08:53.759 --> 00:09:03.279
The comfort buddy approach transforms these moments by giving your child the empowering role of comforter rather than the person needing comfort.
00:09:03.600 --> 00:09:12.240
This research back strategy works because it addresses the underlying need for security while teaching self-soothing skills.
00:09:12.399 --> 00:09:18.879
And remember, if this strategy doesn't work perfectly the first night, stay consistent, keep trying.
00:09:19.120 --> 00:09:24.639
Learning new bedtime habits, it takes time for toddlers and really for anyone.
00:09:24.879 --> 00:09:29.679
But with persistence, you'll start seeing fewer midnight visits to your bedroom.
00:09:29.840 --> 00:09:37.600
Now, if you'd like more sleep strategies like this one, I have a lovely masterclass called Help Your Child Fall Asleep Without You.
00:09:37.759 --> 00:09:42.559
It's a complete guide to establishing bedtime routines that actually work.
00:09:42.799 --> 00:09:45.279
There's no crying it out whatsoever.
00:09:45.519 --> 00:09:47.919
You'll find a link to it in the show notes.
00:09:48.159 --> 00:09:49.840
Thank you for being here today.
00:09:50.080 --> 00:09:55.519
Sweet dreams to you and your little ones, and until next time, stay big hearted.
00:00:07.040 --> 00:00:18.079
Welcome back to toddlers made easy, the podcast that keeps it short, simple, and supportive, because parenting a toddler doesn't leave you much time for fluff.
00:00:18.239 --> 00:00:18.879
I'm Dr.
00:00:18.960 --> 00:00:26.320
Catherine, pediatrician, parent of four now grown children, and your guide in big-hearted parenting.
00:00:26.559 --> 00:00:34.560
Having navigated the full journey from toddlerhood to adulthood, I'm here to share what truly works in the long run.
00:00:34.799 --> 00:00:41.200
I remember those nights all too well, standing exhausted in my child's room at 2 a.m.
00:00:41.600 --> 00:00:43.359
for the third night in a row.
00:00:43.679 --> 00:00:48.640
Go back to bed, I'd whisper, trying not to sound too frustrated.
00:00:48.799 --> 00:00:54.079
Now, if this scene sounds familiar, today's episode is especially for you.
00:00:54.320 --> 00:01:04.799
I'm sharing a big-hearted strategy that transformed our nighttime interruptions years ago, and it's so simple, you can start tonight.
00:01:04.959 --> 00:01:07.840
I call it the Midnight Helper approach.
00:01:08.079 --> 00:01:19.040
And by the end of this bite-sized episode, you'll have a practical tool to help your little one feel secure enough to stay in bed when those middle of the night wakeups happen.
00:01:19.359 --> 00:01:26.000
Looking back now with adult children, I can tell you these sleep foundations really do matter.
00:01:26.239 --> 00:01:27.920
So let's dive in.
00:01:28.239 --> 00:01:32.640
A good place to begin is to consider what's happening during those 2 a.m.
00:01:32.879 --> 00:01:33.760
wake-up calls.
00:01:34.079 --> 00:01:41.840
Talters aren't waking up just to test our patience, although it certainly can feel that way, but the reality is much more understandable.
00:01:42.079 --> 00:01:46.079
Waking up in the night can feel genuinely scary for a little one.
00:01:46.239 --> 00:01:48.159
Everything looks different in the dark.
00:01:48.400 --> 00:01:57.920
Shadows make familiar objects seem strange, the house makes unfamiliar sounds, and sometimes children just feel unsure without you there.
00:01:58.079 --> 00:02:04.000
Because if you think about it, it's really the only time they're actually without an adult present.
00:02:04.319 --> 00:02:11.439
Most importantly, young kids don't yet have the skills to calm themselves down when their feelings get big.
00:02:11.680 --> 00:02:15.680
And that's completely normal for their developmental stage.
00:02:15.919 --> 00:02:24.560
Now the traditional approach of repeatedly saying, go back to bed, often doesn't work because it doesn't address the underlying need.
00:02:24.719 --> 00:02:31.759
And that's why your child keeps getting up night after night, despite bribes or despite begs and pleading.
00:02:31.919 --> 00:02:37.919
Your child isn't necessarily being defiant, they're just looking for some comfort and security.
00:02:38.159 --> 00:02:55.680
But there's a beautifully simple technique that's backed by research that can transform these wakeups into stay-in-bed moments, without you having to get up multiple times at night or without your child sneaking into your bed or asking to come and get in your bed.
00:02:55.919 --> 00:03:04.560
Now, this is a strategy I've seen work not just with my own children, but with countless families in my pediatric practice over the years.
00:03:04.719 --> 00:03:13.039
And this approach was actually developed and researched by a doctor by the name of Avi Sade, and forgive me if I'm not saying his name correctly.
00:03:13.199 --> 00:03:26.479
He's a renowned sleep physician who found that helping children feel a sense of purpose during nighttime wakeups significantly reduces their anxiety and helps them return to sleep more readily.
00:03:26.719 --> 00:03:28.479
And here's how it works.
00:03:28.719 --> 00:03:34.319
Choose a new stuffed animal to be your child's special nighttime comfort buddy.
00:03:34.479 --> 00:03:40.240
The key is that this should be a new stuffed animal, one that hasn't been part of their bedtime routine before.
00:03:40.479 --> 00:03:46.879
So if you can find one, a stuffed animal, particularly one that looks a little sad, this is ideal.
00:03:47.039 --> 00:03:49.360
And you'll understand why in a moment.
00:03:49.520 --> 00:03:58.400
So you're going to frame this stuffed animal as a little being who also sometimes feels scared at night, just like you, and needs some comfort.
00:03:58.639 --> 00:04:02.240
This simple shift is going to give your child an important job.
00:04:02.479 --> 00:04:09.919
Instead of focusing on their own fears in the night, they get to be the brave one who provides comfort to someone else.
00:04:10.080 --> 00:04:17.199
And it's a powerful way to help your toddler feel more in control and capable during those nighttime moments.
00:04:17.439 --> 00:04:23.040
So toddlers are kind and they're giving little people and they want to help others.
00:04:23.279 --> 00:04:26.399
So this kind of support will come naturally to them.
00:04:26.639 --> 00:04:29.600
So let me explain this in a little bit more detail.
00:04:29.839 --> 00:04:38.079
During the day, not at bedtime when everyone's tired, but during the day, present the stuffed animal to your child with a little story.
00:04:38.319 --> 00:04:42.160
You might say something like, Look, I want you to meet Hippo.
00:04:42.560 --> 00:04:51.839
He sometimes feels a little scared at night because he's away from all of his family and friends, and he becomes a little scared and even a little sad.
00:04:52.240 --> 00:05:00.399
Do you think you could help him feel better by giving him hugs and maybe even telling him a story if he wakes up feeling scared or sad?
00:05:00.800 --> 00:05:06.160
What you're doing here is you're tapping into your child's natural kindness and compassion.
00:05:06.560 --> 00:05:13.279
Toddhars really love to help and take responsibility, and they truly do take this job seriously.
00:05:13.519 --> 00:05:17.040
They feel proud to be the one who can comfort their new friend.
00:05:17.279 --> 00:05:21.439
Now this approach works because it shifts the dynamics entirely.
00:05:21.680 --> 00:05:30.160
Instead of your child feeling helpless and needing you, they get to be the helper, the brave one who can make someone else feel better.
00:05:30.480 --> 00:05:38.160
Once you've introduced the comfort buddy during the daytime, it's time to incorporate it into your bedtime routine.
00:05:38.399 --> 00:05:45.040
So make tucking in the comfort buddy or the stuffed animal a special part of your nightly ritual.
00:05:45.360 --> 00:05:49.920
This should be a consistent, predictable part of getting ready for sleep.
00:05:50.160 --> 00:05:54.399
You might say something like, Let's go tuck in Hippo because it's bedtime.
00:05:54.639 --> 00:05:56.800
He needs a hug and a goodnight kiss.
00:05:57.040 --> 00:06:00.800
Then have your child give Hippo a hug and a kiss goodnight.
00:06:01.040 --> 00:06:08.240
This establishes the pattern of comforting actions that your child can repeat if they wake up in the middle of the night.
00:06:08.480 --> 00:06:12.399
So next practice what to do if Hippo wakes up scared.
00:06:12.639 --> 00:06:17.439
Let's practice what you'll do if Hippo wakes up feeling scared or sad in the night.
00:06:17.680 --> 00:06:20.079
Can you show me how you'll give him a big hug?
00:06:20.240 --> 00:06:24.560
And maybe tell him it's still nighttime and everything is okay.
00:06:24.800 --> 00:06:31.519
Have your child physically go through the motions of hugging the stuffed animal and whispering comforting words.
00:06:31.759 --> 00:06:37.839
This rehearsal helps them feel prepared and it builds their confidence and it's muscle memory.
00:06:38.240 --> 00:06:42.079
Finally, as you're leaving the room, give a gentle reminder.
00:06:42.319 --> 00:06:48.160
Remember, if Hippo wakes up feeling scared tonight, you know exactly how to help him feel better.
00:06:48.319 --> 00:06:53.040
You can give him a big hug and tell him everything is okay.
00:06:53.360 --> 00:06:59.120
This approach works on multiple levels where simply saying go back to bed often fails.
00:06:59.439 --> 00:07:07.279
First, it acknowledges that nighttime can feel scary, validating your child's feelings instead of dismissing them.
00:07:07.519 --> 00:07:10.079
Second, it gives your child agency.
00:07:10.319 --> 00:07:15.839
They're not helpless in the face of scary things, they have a specific job they can do.
00:07:16.079 --> 00:07:20.319
And third, it creates a lovely physiological shift.
00:07:20.480 --> 00:07:25.600
In comforting their stuffed animal, children actually end up comforting themselves.
00:07:25.839 --> 00:07:34.800
The words they say to Hippo, it's okay, I'm here, it's still nighttime, are precisely the reassuring words they need to hear.
00:07:34.959 --> 00:07:41.439
And fourth, it breaks the habit of needing you to come into their room multiple times at night to comfort them.
00:07:41.839 --> 00:07:44.879
They have their own solution right there in bed with them.
00:07:45.199 --> 00:07:51.040
The parents in our community have reported that this approach starts working within just a few nights.
00:07:51.279 --> 00:08:00.399
One mum told me her daughter went from calling out three to four times each night to staying in bed with her special bunny, whom she would comfort back to sleep.
00:08:00.639 --> 00:08:03.519
So let's address a couple of questions that might come up.
00:08:03.839 --> 00:08:06.000
What if my child still calls for me?
00:08:06.240 --> 00:08:12.079
Well, if this happens, keep your response brief and redirect back to their special job.
00:08:12.319 --> 00:08:15.360
Remember, Hippo needs you to help him feel safe.
00:08:15.519 --> 00:08:16.959
Can you give him a big hug?
00:08:17.120 --> 00:08:19.360
I'll check on you both in a few minutes.
00:08:19.600 --> 00:08:22.240
And then wait a few minutes before checking back.
00:08:22.639 --> 00:08:25.519
Often you'll find your child has gone back to sleep.
00:08:25.839 --> 00:08:28.959
What if your child doesn't connect with the stuffed animal?
00:08:29.120 --> 00:08:33.759
Well, try involving them in choosing the comfort buddy or frame it differently.
00:08:34.000 --> 00:08:36.320
This is Hippo's first night in a new home.
00:08:36.480 --> 00:08:38.080
He's feeling a little nervous.
00:08:38.240 --> 00:08:40.080
Can you help him feel welcome?
00:08:40.320 --> 00:08:45.440
Find the story that resonates with your child's interests and personality.
00:08:45.679 --> 00:08:47.840
So here's the takeaway for today.
00:08:48.080 --> 00:08:53.519
Nighttime wakeups are normal and can be managed without tears and with less frustration.
00:08:53.759 --> 00:09:03.279
The comfort buddy approach transforms these moments by giving your child the empowering role of comforter rather than the person needing comfort.
00:09:03.600 --> 00:09:12.240
This research back strategy works because it addresses the underlying need for security while teaching self-soothing skills.
00:09:12.399 --> 00:09:18.879
And remember, if this strategy doesn't work perfectly the first night, stay consistent, keep trying.
00:09:19.120 --> 00:09:24.639
Learning new bedtime habits, it takes time for toddlers and really for anyone.
00:09:24.879 --> 00:09:29.679
But with persistence, you'll start seeing fewer midnight visits to your bedroom.
00:09:29.840 --> 00:09:37.600
Now, if you'd like more sleep strategies like this one, I have a lovely masterclass called Help Your Child Fall Asleep Without You.
00:09:37.759 --> 00:09:42.559
It's a complete guide to establishing bedtime routines that actually work.
00:09:42.799 --> 00:09:45.279
There's no crying it out whatsoever.
00:09:45.519 --> 00:09:47.919
You'll find a link to it in the show notes.
00:09:48.159 --> 00:09:49.840
Thank you for being here today.
00:09:50.080 --> 00:09:55.519
Sweet dreams to you and your little ones, and until next time, stay big hearted.
