EP 31 - Why Denial Is Blocking Your Growth (and What to Do About It)

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let's talk about why denial is blocking your growth
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and what to do about it
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are you ready to shine come on
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it's a shiny one you got this
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welcome to the Shiny Mind Show with Doctor Shiny
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where you are going to experience
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nourishing moments of truth
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to go within yourself
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and start to live in alignment with your truth
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today we are going to talk about denials
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what denials are
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how they show up and what they're costing you
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I see them everywhere
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that's why I wanted to talk about it today
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denial is where you avoid a specific truth
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because it's uncomfortable
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you subconsciously deny it
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you subconsciously avoid it
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it's not a very direct conscious choice all the time
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although this might also happen
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from the neuroscience perspective
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the amygdala in your brain
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is the part of you that is
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responsible for your survival
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your survival also includes
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the survival of your emotions
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the survival of your comfort zone around you
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the survival of your ego so when amygdala is active
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seconding the environment 6,000 times a second
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what are you gonna do you are unconsciously
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subconsciously
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going to avoid things that are uncomfortable why
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because your amygdala is doing that
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in order for you to become aware
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of this subconscious patterns
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this subconscious avoidance patterns that you have
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you need to become aware of what you are unaware of
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and that's why we need to start right there
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talking about denials
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the way denial show
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up in our life can be in multiple ways
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I'm gonna give you two examples
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how denials show up in our life okay
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first example
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this one is where you know
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you might have something that you need to work on
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but it is so uncomfortable
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instead of looking in the mirror and facing that
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you simply deny it
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that is how amygdala play its game of survival
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I am going to give two concrete
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practical examples
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about how denial shows up in our life
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that way you can see if you have that pattern as well
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okay the first one is actually from my personal life
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when I was in my relationship
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and one of my past relationships
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I would go into a place of denying whatever
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my boyfriend would tell me
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he would tell me
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you need to look at this about yourself
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and because of that this and that happened
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I would never ever get there
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to even consider that I would show up that way
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in my world that would be a no
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no because I wouldn't see myself as that person
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as the person that I am hearing in that feedback
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therefore
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it would be super painful for me to even consider
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and ask myself did I really do that
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did I really say that
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did I really hurt your feelings
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I didn't want to become that person
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I didn't want to become that woman
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therefore I avoided it I denied it
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it cost me years
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and until I finally decided to face my shadows
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and own whatever I was denying
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like it like when I really owned it
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when I let go of the denial
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the avoidance I was so free
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was super free
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and it actually was a level of integration in my body
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that I felt literally in my bones
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something shifted inside of me
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I'm pretty sure you're gonna resonate okay
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this is my personal life
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I had the same example in my work life
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so when I was in the advertising world
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I was super efficient super productive
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I was managing eight multinational brands all at once
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from Avon to BP to Gillette to Kotex
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multiple brands super productive
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super efficient
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and my team actually was not at my speed
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was not at my level of productivity
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and I would actually criticize them
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I would tell them that they need to be faster
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they need to be more efficient
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and it would actually hurt their feelings
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and then I would receive the feedback
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but I would never
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ever take it because to me it was about them
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like they were not being efficient enough
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they were not productive enough for me
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I was perfect so I denied it
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I avoided it again
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because it was super uncomfortable to even consider
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that I could be that person
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can you relate
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if you relate please pause
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and then
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please take the time to go ask yourself that question
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do I really do that is there any possibility
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is it like even slightly true
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if you don't insert that consciousness
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if you don't ever ask that question
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you're never gonna have the chance to
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integrate that
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lower frequency within yourself and rise above that
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I promise you it is going to happen and I promise you
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you're gonna survive
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this amygdala is sometimes a little bit false okay
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when when it it actually protects us from dying
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when when there's a bear chasing us
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you know amydala triggers the cortisol and adrenaline
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and all that so it is helpful because we survive
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but when it is about protecting our ego
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then it is false so I need you to
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in white to become conscious about that
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because denying it is never helping you grow
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denying it is always costing you your growth
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and that's why you want to ask yourself
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you want to open a window and see
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is it even slightly true
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so moving forward
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how can you become aware of your denials
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and how can you avoid them
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what what can you do about it
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first of all
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I want to remind you my formula for change
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change equals awareness multiplied by willingness
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if you don't have awareness
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what are you going to be willing to change
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you don't even know what to change
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so first of all
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you need to have awareness how are you denying
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how are you avoiding uncomfortable truths
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so in order for you to become aware
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you're gonna need to do what is uncomfortable
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before that uncomfortable truth comes to you
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in a surprising way you need to ask for it
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so what am I recommending
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I am recommending you to go search for feedback
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literally from your friends
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from your colleagues from your parents
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from your siblings from your immediate environment
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from your loved ones ask for feedback
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I promise you you are gonna survive
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yeah it's gonna be uncomfortable
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it's going to be painful at first
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when you overcome the very first moment of
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oh my god I am this imperfect person
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and then I have these
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parts of me that I don't like hearing about yeah
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it's gonna happen be prepared for that okay
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take a nice deep breath
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and be prepared for that and apply the formula okay
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now I'm aware of this what am I willing to do about it
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how am I willing to change this
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you always are in charge
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you always have the last word to say
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do you wanna keep living with the denials
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do you wanna keep avoiding what is costing you
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or do you wanna change something
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or are you willing to do something about it
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so that you can live the life that you deserve
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you can become the person you are meant to
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and when I say ask for feedback
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of course we talked about asking external feedback
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right
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so what I am also inviting you to do is two things
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when you ask for the feedback
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ask also for the feed forward
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what do I mean by feed forward
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something that can work for that person
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so let's imagine your mom is telling you
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okay you have been super angry lately
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and that is my feedback
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what is the feed forward so
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perhaps if you take a 5 minute meditation time
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before you do some activities
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perhaps you can manage your anger
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so moving forward this information can help you
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this way to do something about it
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that's the feed forward not only ask for feedback
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but also ask for feed forward
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their perspective on how to overcome this
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shadow frequency shadow perspective
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shadow behaviour that you have the pattern right
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so how can you overcome that shadow pattern of yourself
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so that's what they're going to tell you
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and the second thing that I want you to do is
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to sit down with yourself
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and then give yourself the feedback
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and the feed forward
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make a list of what you are not completely happy about
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your behaviors about your patterns
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about your denials avoidances and language patterns
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talk patterns perhaps self talk
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what you're saying to yourself inside
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when you are not honoring your values
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when you are not speaking your truth
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when you are trying to people please
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and betraying yourself
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there are items that you tolerate
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there are things that you do
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and it is all unconscious
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until you make a decision to become aware
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sit with yourself and ask yourself
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where am I falling short of my true self
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when you ask that and then make the list for yourself
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and then also ask yourself okay
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what am I going to do about it
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what am I willing to do about it
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awareness multiply by willingness
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then you are freely choosing to overcome your denials
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to overcome your
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behaviors and patterns that you have been avoiding
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and then you are the one who is choosing it
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nobody else you are the one who is choosing to step up
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isn't that delicious
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this is how you can become your best self
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and then
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this is also how you can inspire others to do the same
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when you go ask for feedback and feed forward
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guess what you're doing
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you're inspiring others to do the same
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guess what it is happening energetically
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as you work on yourself your inner work
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is also going to energetically open up new levels
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and the new layers for others to do the same
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so that is how you can overcome your denials
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and then grow into your more delicious self
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I hope you like this video
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I hope you are going to integrate
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all parts of you that are just not integrated yet
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that's just that's just the point of it
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you are amazing you are delicious
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you may just be focusing on what is not working
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right now you may just be focusing on what is painful
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instead of what you can do
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about that pain
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because that pain is not going to kill you
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I promise you what doesn't kill you
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is gonna make you stronger right
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so now please share with me
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what is one denial you are gonna work on today
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please share it in the comments
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like this video if you resonated with it
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share it with your friends
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who also need to face their own denials
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and then become true brutally honest with themselves
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because that's how we can make this world
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a better place
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thank you for watching and thank you for letting
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my light enter into your neurons
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until next time keep shining your light