WEBVTT
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My name is Adela on Jngle and welcome to another
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episode of Legally Clueless. No, seriously, i have no clue
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what I'm doing, but I'm pretty sure I'm not the
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only one. Hey you welcome to this episode of Legally Clueless.
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This is what's coming up.
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Watch. I raised my hand and I'm like this and
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this is happening. I can't even remember what the actual complaints,
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so I am as I said, I'm in my midfoot
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is that was high school? A long time has passed,
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but like I just remember like going on and on
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and being vocal and the students are cheering me for
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like speaking out about this these issues. Right, hey, watcher,
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After that meeting, the whole senior prefect body went and
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had an emergency meeting about me. How dare she like
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question us and quansa, she's a cop, ninni nini, So
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I was like stripped off some of my privileges.
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That is doctor Coyle, Mariah. We're going to get into
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part one of our story in a bit, but before
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we do, thank you so much walking with the podcast.
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If you are an OG member, I have nothing but
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love for you. If this is your first time listening
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to the show Welcome Better Late than Never. We have
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tons of shows here at legally Clueless Africa. On Mondays
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we have this show where we have different Africans, mainly
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African women, sharing stories from their lived experience. And then
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on Wednesdays we have the midwig TI's where I unpack
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different topics that I have come across on my healing
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journey that I think may help another African woman. And
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on Thursdays we have for Mannalist Women that goes right
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here on our audio channels.
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As well as our YouTube.
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It features incredible women mannaliss Women. It's everything you need
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if you are on the journey to becoming the woman
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you've always wanted to be. Oh, I forgot to say.
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On Wednesdays, our news letter goes out as well, so
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you can register or sign up for a newsletter on
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our website which is legally Cluelessafrica dot com. And don't
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forget to join us in our cozy corner of the
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Internet on Instagram and TikTok. We're at Legally Clueless Africa. Okay,
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before we get into today's stories, I want to take
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a moment to acknowledge something we had initially planned to
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continue with part two of one Dura's story Part one
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round last week. However, Wandura is currently doing some very
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important and has done some very important in personal work,
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especially around her relationship with her mom at Legally Clueless.
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We deeply value our storytellers, so these oranges stories for content.
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These are real people's real lives, like real African women,
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real journeys, real healing, and so whereas we record the
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stories we have released forms, we're also very sympathetic to
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when a storytellers story is still ongoing in their real life,
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so we want to afford her the space to go
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through that process fully without pressure. I know every member
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of our community and every member of our team is
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sending on. There are tons of love and the door's open.
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We can't wait to hear how the story pans out.
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So you always have the space to come back and
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if you want to tell us how it pans out.
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Okay.
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And so today we are beginning a brand new story. Okay.
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So this is part one of doctor Koy Mriah's journey,
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and Coy's is very interesting because she's a storyteller in
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her own right, and in this episode, part one of
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her stories, she takes us through her childhood being raised
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by multiple mother figures the lineage of women who shaped
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her voice. I love that bit and I'm going to
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tell you why when you listen to part one, because
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it's something I really resonate with deeply right now. And
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So this is a story about identify, it's about voice,
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it's about being silenced. It's about black sheep. If you
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have been called that in your family, please keep listening.
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And it's really about finding your way back to yourself.
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A hundred African stories are legally clueless stories from Africa.
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So my name is doctor Kahe Moriah. I am Kenyan,
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Black African woman. I am a writer, a storyteller, a podcaster.
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In a different life, I was a health researcher for
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a very long time I grew up. The story of
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how I grew up is quite interesting because I'm a
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child of two cities, Nairobi and Mombasa. Mostly Nairobi. I
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would say I was raised in Arabi, went to school
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in Nairobi. But when I was quite young, I think
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I was around eight or nine years old, my parents
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moved to Mombasa. But because my dad and my mom
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didn't really want us changing schools and whatnot. So we
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remained in Airobi, my sister and I. When I say we,
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I mean my sister and I remained in Arabi and
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we used to live with my Auntie, my dad's elder sister,
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so we used to stay with her and her daughters
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in Arabia. During the holidays were all shipped to Mambassad
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So during school time we used to be my Aunti's children.
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During holidays we go to Mambasa and we have my
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parents' children. So that's why I say I'm a child
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of two cities. But I'm also blessed I have like
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two mothers because I was raised by two women and
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my dad. Obviously, in terms of the memories, you know,
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I said I was a storyteller, and as I have
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continued to grow, I'm not in my mid forties and
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then and reflecting, I realize my storytelling comes from my grandmother's,
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especially my paternal grandmother. She was such a brilliant storyteller.
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I have such warm memories of her like telling me stories,
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particularly this one story she tells of when they you know,
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when when the fighting was happening during the days of
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emergency during the colonial times. And then my dad was
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very young then, and he was a bit of a
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sickly child, and so and then my grandmother always describes
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how she had carried my father on her front beat
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and then my brother's my father's younger brother on the back,
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So she has two children she's carried, and then she's
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having to like crawl through like the forest and stuff
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because they're like escaping all these you know, the fightings.
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And on one side it's the Zungo, on the other
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side it's like, you know, the maumau and everything. So yeah,
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like you know, I just have this vivid memory of
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one day we were at my aunt's house and then
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she's telling me this story and she literally, this old
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woman literally crawls on the carpet to try and like
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show me, like this is what we were doing. And
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you know your dad was sick. Now he's at the front.
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Then you know your other uncle, uncle Karaoke.
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Is at the back.
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Blah blah blah. So for sure, my storytelling comes from
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a long lineage of women's storytellers. My writing also is
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part of my storytelling, and so I believe it's a
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gift that has been passed down to me. And so
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I'm at the point in my life where I'm like, Okay,
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there's a reason this gift was bequeathed to me. Maybe
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it was betweath to other bequeath to other people in
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the family, but I certainly got it. Got it. How
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can I use this gift in a way that honors
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my ancestors, that honors my lineage, that carries on, you know,
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that carries on or strengthens my lineage. So I take
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I'm increasingly now taking my storytelling gift very seriously, whether
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it's I guess through my writing, my podcasting. I have
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a podcast, I said, I'm a podcast. I have a
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podcast Conversations with Koe that's conversations with a k Coe
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spelled k Ui. That's part of my storytelling, and really
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really trying to think about how do I honor the
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women's storytellers of my lineage through my storytelling and also
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because I think so many of them were silenced for
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the survival of our lineage. There's so many things they
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could have said, but they didn't to help the survival
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of our lineage. And it's the only reason I'm here today,
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right Like my you know, my auntie, the auntie who
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I told you raised me who's my dad's elder sister
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and elder sister you know a few months ago telling
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me a story which I didn't even know about, how
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my grandmother was beaten up by the homegards Colonial homeguards
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because they they thought my grandmother was hiding Maumu because
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some of my grandfather's siblings, brothers and sisters had gone
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to the forest to fight, and so they thought my
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grandmother was hiding the mau mau and they came and
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they really beat up my grandmother in front of the kids.
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So my mount is not telling me a second hand story.
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She's like, yeah, you know, they beat your grandmother. We
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were there, we were crying, and your grandmother just stayed silent.
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Now you can imagine first of all the indignity of
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being beaten in front of her children, and then the
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fact that she's just being physically abused by this fellow
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young African men. And he actually in the end what
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saved her, old man, he was telling me is one
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of the home guards told the ones who are beating her, like,
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you know, leave this woman alone. You can't see she's
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a fellow. She's a fellow black African like you. That's
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when they stopped and they left, and then thankfully they
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didn't also arrest my grandmother because they could have done that.
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But I just imagine her in that moment and having
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to stay silent and endure this beating and this indignity.
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But if you think about it, it's only because she
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did that that our lineage has survived, right, because she
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might have fought back. She could have I don't know,
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talked back and then maybe gets bitten more, is killed,
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or is arrested or something. So I feel there have
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been very many women in my lineage, both my paternal
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and maternal lineage, who've had to be silent for the
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survival of their families and their liage lineage. And so
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I'm like, what a privilege that I can get to
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use my voice where they couldn't. So in many ways,
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it's also part of me honoring those women who came
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before me. You know, I think I was always slightly vocal,
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even as a child. So yeah, in terms of my
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lifestyle growing up and before, I wouldn't say before I
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became this vocal. I think I have always stood out
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in one way or the other. So when I was
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growing up, I was always stopping my class not to brag,
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but I was. I was like all through primary school,
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I was number one. I was number one, I was
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in the X one. In fact, there was one year
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I became number two. The teachers had to call me
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for a meeting to understand how I became number two.
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I'm not kidding. I was a very smart girl in
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primary school. Well, I mean, I guess throughout my life
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I've been smart, but you know, particularly excelling academically in
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primary school. So in that way I stood out. And
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then I always hear stories about how I was just
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a different child, Like you know, I always some family
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members be like, oh, you know you cried so much
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as a child, or you were I was always different.
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So I can't say it is now that I've started
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being vocal. I think I started using my voice more
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when I got into high school, and it got me
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into a lot of trouble because I went to the
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typical eight for four Kenyan school. I was not in
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we call them a group of schools. Group of schools
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I was not in one of those schools were talking
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and being vocal is tolerated. So I got into so
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much trouble for using my voice and by using my voice.
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I don't mean to create trouble necessarily. I just mean
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I have always been an activist at hat now that
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I think I get from my maternal grandmother. So I've
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always hated injustice. So when I was in high school,
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I would see things that I felt unjust, and then
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I'd be the person speaking up and calling out in
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justice eight for four. You can imagine how much trouble
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that would get me into. So when I was in
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high school, I remember by the time I finished from four,
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I had really silenced myself because at some point I
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was like, you know what, I just need to get
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through this thing, man, I just need to get through
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this Nimalisa too. If I're to your acc let me
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be done with this thing and move on with my
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life because otherwise, Yeah, I always say it is providence
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that I ended up going to study abroad shortly after
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high school. I had a gap year, and then I
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went and studied in Australia for my undergraduate and all
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of that. I honestly believe it is providence that took
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me to a place where it was now okay again
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to question things like you're in the lecture hole. I'm
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just in this young kids questioning a whole senior professor.
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I'm like, what what you know? So slowly I started
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getting my voice back. But there was just that period
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where and I mean, and that's a really big issue
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I had with the eight f FOS system. It kind
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of it's trying to what is the word not confirm,
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like let us show you your place? You know, it's
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trying to I don't know what the right expression is
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I'm looking for, but it's like it's trying to cut
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you down to size, like who do you think you are?
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Who do you think you are? Questioning? Questioning authority, questioning
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the teachers, you know, saying that this thing is wrong,
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Like your job as a student is to be seen
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and not to be heard. Can you like fall in line?
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And so they almost successfully did that because then I
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started silencing myself and then luckily for me, I went
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to this other environment it was like no, actually it's
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okay to question authority, to question even very senior professors.
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So slowly I think I started getting my voice back.
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It wasn't without its challenges, you know, leaving abroad and everything.
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So one thing that happened in high school that really
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made me start silencing myself. When I was in Form three,
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I was a junior prefect. We had senior prefects and
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junior prefects. We just call them cops, junior corps, senior corps.
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So senior corps were of course the film falls right
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then junior corps were like yeah, film threes, and you'd
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help the senior corps in one way or another. And
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then I remember every year we used to have what
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they called school meetings, annual school meetings, I think it
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used to be at the beginning of the of the year,
257
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so all the senior cops would be and it choosed
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to happen in the school hall or auditorium, so all
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the senior corps would be seated at the stage on
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the you know, on the stage. Then the rest of
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the school is sitted look in the auditorium and then
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you know, I guess, like you're supposed to raise issues.
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It was all very yeah, I guess, more of a
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ticbox activity or like now, the senior prefects would say
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what they had to say. So me at that point,
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I'm a junior prefect, but I'm sitated with the masses.
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So see me, I'm a student like any other student.
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What I raise my hand and I'm like this and
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this is happening. I can't even remember what the actual
270
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complain and so as I said, I'm in my midfoot
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is that was high school. A long time has passed,
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but like I just remember like going on and on
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and being vocal, and the students are cheering me for
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like speaking out about these issues, right, hey watcher. After
275
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that meeting, the whole senior prefect body went and had
276
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an emergency meeting about me. How dare she like question
277
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ass and quansa, she's a cop? Ninni, nini. So I
278
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was like stripped off some of my privileges. I think
279
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I was even like quote unquote suspended from being a
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prefect for like three weeks. I don't know what all
281
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this because in a forum where you, as a student
282
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are supposedly supposed to raise issues, I had done exactly that,
283
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spoken on behalf of the other girls raised some issues
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and I was penalized heavily for it. So that was
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like the first instance, but there were like a few
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of those things. So it signals to me like, oh, ok,
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I guess I need to be silent. I need to
288
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not speak out if I see in justice. Let me
289
00:17:07.079 --> 00:17:09.599
just be quiet. It's a problem to speak out, you know.
290
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There was just things things like that, or like getting
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in trouble with like a teacher because I raised an
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issue like I'm the kind of a person I have
293
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just always hated in justice of any kind, and I
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can't I can't tell myself. I was just like, this
295
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is wrong. It's wrong, and it's wrong, and even if
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you paint it, I don't know how it is wrong
297
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and it is wrong and it is wrong, you know.
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So anyway, so there were instances like that that made
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me slowly start silencing myself. Then now what happened when
300
00:17:35.839 --> 00:17:37.960
when I got to from four Because in the school
301
00:17:37.960 --> 00:17:43.640
I was there, the most of the senior prefectuire appointed
302
00:17:43.680 --> 00:17:45.920
by the teachers, but the head girl and deputy head
303
00:17:45.920 --> 00:17:49.319
girl were elected by the student body. What do the
304
00:17:49.359 --> 00:17:52.680
girls do? They elect me to be deputy head girl
305
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and yeah, that one she'll speak for us.
306
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Me.
307
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I'm like, sorry, me, me, I just want to finish
308
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this from four and get the help hear, because I'm
309
00:18:01.440 --> 00:18:03.920
not about to speak for anyone. I have already. I
310
00:18:03.960 --> 00:18:07.160
have been panelized enough for speaking. I just want to
311
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be quiet, put my head down, finish this school and
312
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just go and never come back, you know. So that's
313
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what I did. So, like in my final year, I
314
00:18:17.160 --> 00:18:20.400
really tried to be non controversial, if that's the right word,
315
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you know, like just well Melissa to finitely sc and
316
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then yeah and then leave. So you see, that's what
317
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I'm trying to say. Like a message was passed to
318
00:18:32.119 --> 00:18:36.279
me that speaking up is wrong, So what do I do.
319
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I start silencing my voice, I start not speaking up.
320
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Even when I'm now in a position when I can
321
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actually speak up for the girls, I choose not to
322
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because I'm like, may, this is my final Yah, I'm
323
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only focusing on getting my KCS done and doing it well.
324
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And then I bounce like please what she does out
325
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what you sort you know. So that's what I mean basically.
326
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But yeah, I didn't seem to have in primary school.
327
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I think I just really focused on academics. I don't
328
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remember ever feeling the need to like really start really
329
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speak out, you know. I was just kind of cruising
330
00:19:10.119 --> 00:19:12.960
through doing well in academics. So I feel like it's
331
00:19:13.000 --> 00:19:17.200
in my teenage years that this thing of speaking out
332
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against injustice really really started blossoming in me. And then
333
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it was almost shut down, and then thankfully it was
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recovered again after high school. Home is home. You know,
335
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I'm so deeply grateful, especially for my dad, because my
336
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dad has just always let all his children be like you,
337
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you are the way you are, and I will accept
338
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you the way you are. You are my second born
339
00:19:46.839 --> 00:19:52.119
daughter who is always bigger in kele and questioning things,
340
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and that's who you are. And yeah, so I'm so
341
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grateful for him because there were many other voices around
342
00:20:04.359 --> 00:20:08.759
me in the home setup that were not as affirming.
343
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But then it was the thing that kept me going, like, actually,
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there's nothing wrong with you. You're not you're you might
345
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be a black sheep, but there's nothing wrong with you.
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Was the fact that I had this one solid person
347
00:20:27.119 --> 00:20:29.079
who just made me feel like I was just I was,
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I was just okay, I was just a normal person
349
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with my personality as it was. Because I do feel
350
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like when you stand out, it's had it's hard being
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a different child. I think it's had on you the child.
352
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It's probably had also on the other people, right, And
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if you don't have someone affirming you, you could very
354
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easily go and look for belonging and affirmation in all
355
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the wrong places because you try, you like, you're just
356
00:21:00.680 --> 00:21:03.880
trying to belong, You're just trying to be affirmed, You're
357
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just trying to be validated. And if you're not getting
358
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that from the source, like the home setup, it can
359
00:21:09.960 --> 00:21:12.680
be very easy to go look for it in the
360
00:21:12.720 --> 00:21:18.680
wrong places. So I've always felt that, I mean, I
361
00:21:19.559 --> 00:21:20.799
don't know if I really believe in this thing that
362
00:21:20.839 --> 00:21:23.279
I don't know, a child chooses their parents. I don't
363
00:21:23.279 --> 00:21:26.119
necessarily I don't feel this so that way about it.
364
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But I do feel the universe choose the right father
365
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for me, because at least he was a stable voice,
366
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and a farming voice, a validating voice, a voice that
367
00:21:37.519 --> 00:21:40.720
made me feel you still belong. Yeah you might be
368
00:21:40.799 --> 00:21:43.279
a bit different, but you still belong, you know. And
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00:21:43.519 --> 00:21:47.039
that did so much for me, because yeah, there's you know,
370
00:21:47.079 --> 00:21:49.759
there would be other people, maybe whether in the home
371
00:21:50.000 --> 00:21:54.640
or like in the environs of the bigger family, who
372
00:21:56.240 --> 00:21:59.480
it's like their life's purposels to discredit me or to
373
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make me feel bad about who I am, right about
374
00:22:02.359 --> 00:22:06.160
the person that I am. So yeah, it really does help,
375
00:22:06.240 --> 00:22:08.480
even if it's just one voice. And I hope anyone
376
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who's listening to this who's like a parent or you know,
377
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a sibling, a parent, whatever it might be here, cousin
378
00:22:18.000 --> 00:22:20.720
someone you know, if you can just be that one
379
00:22:20.799 --> 00:22:24.680
a firming voice for someone who is different, it really
380
00:22:24.799 --> 00:22:28.680
makes so much, like it means so much to that person.
381
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Just one voice can really make a difference in someone's life.
382
00:22:33.920 --> 00:22:37.160
It's can make a difference as to whether they make
383
00:22:37.200 --> 00:22:39.839
the right choices or they're like, they don't understand me,
384
00:22:39.920 --> 00:22:41.519
they don't like me. I'm gonna you know, I'm gonna
385
00:22:41.559 --> 00:22:43.839
now go. You know, that's how you end up making
386
00:22:43.920 --> 00:22:47.440
bad choices because you're looking for belonging and affirmation and
387
00:22:47.559 --> 00:22:49.480
love and all of these things. You know, when I
388
00:22:49.599 --> 00:22:52.440
say there were some other voices that we're trying to,
389
00:22:52.680 --> 00:22:54.880
I don't know. Maybe demean is actually the right one,
390
00:22:54.960 --> 00:22:57.240
but I feel it was more to discredit, you know,
391
00:22:58.640 --> 00:23:02.759
you know, just people who always make you feel there's
392
00:23:02.799 --> 00:23:06.839
something wrong with you, there's something not right with you.
393
00:23:06.960 --> 00:23:10.160
And in fact, actually the right way to prisit is
394
00:23:10.160 --> 00:23:12.519
they'll always make you feel like you are the problem.
395
00:23:13.559 --> 00:23:17.359
You are always the problem anything that you are the problem.
396
00:23:17.839 --> 00:23:22.680
And not only do they tell you that, either directly
397
00:23:22.880 --> 00:23:26.240
or in circle ways, they make sure to recruit other
398
00:23:26.400 --> 00:23:31.160
people into their thinking of you are the problem. So,
399
00:23:31.200 --> 00:23:33.559
you know, it's one thing if I think you are
400
00:23:33.599 --> 00:23:36.119
the problem, and then it's just like it's just me
401
00:23:36.200 --> 00:23:38.160
and you. We just we have our we have our beef,
402
00:23:38.200 --> 00:23:38.519
it's just.
403
00:23:38.599 --> 00:23:38.920
Me and you.
404
00:23:39.200 --> 00:23:41.119
It's a whole other thing if I'm not trying to
405
00:23:41.200 --> 00:23:45.640
recruit a whole crowd of people to agree with me
406
00:23:45.880 --> 00:23:49.079
that you are the problem. And you know what is
407
00:23:49.160 --> 00:23:51.960
most annoying about that, And especially as I've grown older
408
00:23:51.960 --> 00:23:54.079
and I'm really just kind of trying to live my
409
00:23:54.160 --> 00:23:56.839
life and live it authentically and do my own healing work,
410
00:23:57.559 --> 00:24:00.880
is it's exhausting because at some point I'm like, you know,
411
00:24:00.960 --> 00:24:03.640
maybe you need to focus on your own life, your
412
00:24:03.680 --> 00:24:06.799
own journey, your own healing. Like the level of energy
413
00:24:06.880 --> 00:24:10.559
you used to discredit me and to recruit others into
414
00:24:10.640 --> 00:24:13.759
your discrediting me, if you could use half of that
415
00:24:14.119 --> 00:24:18.519
energy to really just work on yourself, do your inner wark,
416
00:24:18.759 --> 00:24:21.519
and go through your own journey of healing, you wouldn't
417
00:24:21.519 --> 00:24:25.680
feel the need to always be co e you or
418
00:24:25.720 --> 00:24:28.279
the problem, co you or the problem. When you cannash
419
00:24:28.400 --> 00:24:30.160
that all the time, when you kinnash that, you know,
420
00:24:30.559 --> 00:24:32.079
just to say that, for sure, there were there were
421
00:24:32.160 --> 00:24:35.960
voices around me who back then and I would set,
422
00:24:36.000 --> 00:24:38.240
to an extent even to date, kind of made it
423
00:24:38.359 --> 00:24:42.880
their life's mission to discredit me, and not just to
424
00:24:42.960 --> 00:24:46.400
discredit me, to make me feel like I was a problem,
425
00:24:46.480 --> 00:24:48.480
I have always been the problem, and then to recruit
426
00:24:48.680 --> 00:24:54.640
others into that, into into that there, you know, there
427
00:24:54.680 --> 00:24:58.599
thinking of their belief that COI is the problem. As
428
00:24:58.640 --> 00:25:00.839
I've grown older, I realize it has a lot to
429
00:25:00.920 --> 00:25:03.400
do with their own insecurities and very little to do
430
00:25:03.519 --> 00:25:06.000
with me. But of course this is realization I got
431
00:25:06.240 --> 00:25:08.799
much later in adulthood. You can imagine when you're younger,
432
00:25:09.759 --> 00:25:14.839
it's heavy. It's a heavy burden to be like when
433
00:25:14.880 --> 00:25:17.960
you I'm a problem. Maybe maybe they're right, Maybe there's
434
00:25:18.000 --> 00:25:20.880
something wrong with me. Maybe I am a problem. Maybe
435
00:25:20.960 --> 00:25:23.480
actually I am a problem? Like why am I like this?
436
00:25:23.759 --> 00:25:27.160
Maybe you know, so it took so long for me
437
00:25:27.279 --> 00:25:28.839
to get to a point where I'm like, actually, no,
438
00:25:30.079 --> 00:25:32.559
God did not make any mistake with me, or whatever
439
00:25:32.680 --> 00:25:35.920
creator anyone believes in, they did not make any mistake
440
00:25:36.000 --> 00:25:37.799
with me. There is a reason I am the way
441
00:25:37.839 --> 00:25:39.960
I am. There's a reason I'm so vocal there's a
442
00:25:40.039 --> 00:25:43.039
reason I speak my mind. There's a reason I'm opinionated,
443
00:25:43.279 --> 00:25:47.839
and when I say what I have to say, there's
444
00:25:47.839 --> 00:25:51.599
a reason I'm so academically gifted. I'm not bragging. It
445
00:25:51.759 --> 00:25:55.400
was given to me. I didn't ask anyone. I didn't,
446
00:25:55.759 --> 00:25:59.599
you know, there's a reason I have thrived academically and professionally.
447
00:26:00.160 --> 00:26:05.000
It's not because I did anything. It was just something
448
00:26:05.079 --> 00:26:08.960
that was gifted to me. My responsibility is to use
449
00:26:09.039 --> 00:26:12.799
my gifts to the best of my ability. Any gift
450
00:26:12.880 --> 00:26:16.039
that has been bestowed upon me, it's my responsibility to
451
00:26:16.240 --> 00:26:18.880
use that to the best of my ability, right, and
452
00:26:19.039 --> 00:26:21.920
that's what I've been doing. But to all that, in
453
00:26:22.039 --> 00:26:24.359
fact that I'm saying in some ways paints a picture
454
00:26:24.440 --> 00:26:27.960
for you as to this thing I said before the
455
00:26:28.039 --> 00:26:32.160
Black Sheep. I think it was I always Now I
456
00:26:32.240 --> 00:26:35.960
say I'm a black Lioness and I row. But back
457
00:26:36.079 --> 00:26:39.119
then it was like feeling feeling like a black ship
458
00:26:39.160 --> 00:26:42.799
in the sense of I really think there's something wrong
459
00:26:42.880 --> 00:26:49.839
with me, you know, like like I'm not like everyone else,
460
00:26:50.279 --> 00:26:53.319
you know, and I care, Like why do I care
461
00:26:53.359 --> 00:26:58.799
about social injustice? I care about activism, I care about
462
00:26:58.839 --> 00:27:02.680
doing the right thing. I will always stand by my
463
00:27:02.839 --> 00:27:05.359
values and my beliefs, even if everyone else is going
464
00:27:05.519 --> 00:27:09.799
right me. If my I'm like guys, the right thing
465
00:27:09.880 --> 00:27:12.039
to do is left, I do not care the whole
466
00:27:12.039 --> 00:27:15.880
crowd is going right me. I will go left even
467
00:27:15.920 --> 00:27:18.200
if I'm going alone. So, you know, those kinds of
468
00:27:18.279 --> 00:27:23.440
things make you like stand out and seem different. And
469
00:27:23.559 --> 00:27:26.960
I think people sometimes don't appreciate that. If you're not
470
00:27:27.000 --> 00:27:29.119
the kind of person who easily goes with the crowd,
471
00:27:30.480 --> 00:27:33.200
then like people will always make you feel like you're
472
00:27:33.240 --> 00:27:36.480
a problem, like whyn't you joining the crowd? Or and
473
00:27:36.880 --> 00:27:39.519
why are you doing your things differently? Why? Why do
474
00:27:39.599 --> 00:27:44.079
you think differently about things? Why? Then you know, sometimes
475
00:27:44.160 --> 00:27:48.200
it's like she thinks she's better than everyone else. I don't. Actually,
476
00:27:48.359 --> 00:27:51.759
I just I am who I am, and I live
477
00:27:51.799 --> 00:27:53.359
my life as I live it, and I believe what
478
00:27:53.400 --> 00:27:55.240
I believe, and I stand firm in my beliefs. And
479
00:27:55.240 --> 00:27:56.839
I'm the kind of person who even if what I
480
00:27:56.880 --> 00:27:59.400
believed was wrong, I'll own it. I'll be like in
481
00:27:59.519 --> 00:28:02.319
that more meant in time, I actually believed it was right,
482
00:28:02.400 --> 00:28:04.359
and I did what I believed was right, even if
483
00:28:04.440 --> 00:28:06.039
it has stand out to be the wrong thing. I
484
00:28:06.200 --> 00:28:09.960
stand by by it then, but I'm also flexible enough
485
00:28:10.039 --> 00:28:13.519
to change my mind and say, Okay, having now reviewed it,
486
00:28:14.319 --> 00:28:17.039
perhaps that was not the right thing, But in that moment,
487
00:28:17.440 --> 00:28:20.640
I thought it was the right thing. Yeah. So that's
488
00:28:20.680 --> 00:28:22.599
what I mean by like black sheep. It doesn't so
489
00:28:22.759 --> 00:28:24.799
much at tea, you know. You know, the black sheep
490
00:28:24.880 --> 00:28:28.200
can be like, oh, I used to drink party or drugs. No,
491
00:28:28.440 --> 00:28:30.359
not really, I was just the black sheep. In terms
492
00:28:30.400 --> 00:28:32.880
of I live, I lived my life differently. I have
493
00:28:33.319 --> 00:28:37.960
very different beliefs I have. I stand firm by my beliefs.
494
00:28:38.000 --> 00:28:42.160
I hate any kind of prejudice. So whether you know,
495
00:28:42.279 --> 00:28:45.839
whether it's like, I'll be that person whom even if
496
00:28:45.920 --> 00:28:48.839
I'm with relatives then someone says something tribal me, I'll
497
00:28:48.880 --> 00:28:52.720
be that person who'll call it out. I'm like, okay, like,
498
00:28:52.880 --> 00:28:55.880
let's interrogate that that thing you just said, like you know,
499
00:28:56.000 --> 00:28:57.599
and I'll even even if I take it back to
500
00:28:57.759 --> 00:29:00.960
like the history of divide and conquered in colonial times
501
00:29:01.039 --> 00:29:02.960
and all of these things. So you know, people don't
502
00:29:03.079 --> 00:29:06.599
like that. So I went to Australia shortly after high school.
503
00:29:06.720 --> 00:29:09.920
I think I was abround nineteen twenty, so I finished KCC,
504
00:29:10.079 --> 00:29:12.720
I had a gap year and then I went to Australia,
505
00:29:12.880 --> 00:29:18.119
stayed in Australia for about catch more African stories. In
506
00:29:18.279 --> 00:29:20.440
the next episode of Legally.
507
00:29:20.160 --> 00:29:25.519
Cullis that was part one of doctor Coy Mriah's story,
508
00:29:25.839 --> 00:29:29.799
and so much, so much, first and foremost, before I
509
00:29:29.839 --> 00:29:32.119
get to like my key takeaway, I do have to
510
00:29:32.240 --> 00:29:39.359
say I a poet, and I write and written word
511
00:29:39.720 --> 00:29:43.559
is a gift that comes very easily to me. Writing
512
00:29:43.720 --> 00:29:47.599
poetry or prose gives me such a high. I was
513
00:29:47.640 --> 00:29:49.839
telling my girlfriends the other day, I feel like it's
514
00:29:49.880 --> 00:29:54.160
an augasm. Once I've finished a piece, it's like who
515
00:29:54.519 --> 00:30:01.480
you know? That release. And I remember for the longest
516
00:30:01.599 --> 00:30:07.079
time not knowing how to share my poetry because it
517
00:30:07.160 --> 00:30:10.960
just didn't feel like it's fitted in with the mold
518
00:30:11.160 --> 00:30:13.839
that the world had put me into. Doesn't make sense.
519
00:30:14.000 --> 00:30:17.720
I don't know if you have a talent or something
520
00:30:17.839 --> 00:30:20.400
that you gravitate towards and you don't know where to
521
00:30:20.519 --> 00:30:25.519
put it in this profile that the world has carved
522
00:30:25.559 --> 00:30:28.960
out for you, does this I really hope this lands.
523
00:30:29.400 --> 00:30:32.680
So I never knew what to do with my poetry,
524
00:30:33.000 --> 00:30:35.480
and I would write and keep it to myself and
525
00:30:36.519 --> 00:30:41.599
you know, write and maybe share very little. And over
526
00:30:41.640 --> 00:30:46.759
the last couple of years, I have had this acknowledgment that, hey, Adele,
527
00:30:47.319 --> 00:30:53.480
in your lineage, you were the one who was seen
528
00:30:53.720 --> 00:31:00.400
as fit to carry this talent of poetry, of written word.
529
00:31:02.599 --> 00:31:06.079
Carry it, don't run away from it. Carry it. It
530
00:31:06.200 --> 00:31:10.079
doesn't have to make sense to anyone. People don't even
531
00:31:10.119 --> 00:31:14.759
have to understand your poetry. But there is a divine
532
00:31:15.279 --> 00:31:20.960
and an ancestral divineness as to you being the one
533
00:31:21.160 --> 00:31:28.400
in your lineage receiving this talent. Oh, you have to
534
00:31:28.480 --> 00:31:33.039
lean into it. And honestly speaking, the more I lean
535
00:31:33.119 --> 00:31:36.920
into it, the more it makes sense. Why why this
536
00:31:37.079 --> 00:31:40.480
is my thing? There's so much healing I'm able to
537
00:31:41.359 --> 00:31:45.119
spark in other African women through my writing, and so
538
00:31:45.240 --> 00:31:49.599
much healing for myself that I'm able to spark internally
539
00:31:50.240 --> 00:31:54.039
through my writing. And Man, when when I was listening
540
00:31:54.160 --> 00:31:56.839
to Dr Corey talk about that, I was just like
541
00:31:57.599 --> 00:32:02.720
me to this is me too. So that's like one
542
00:32:02.839 --> 00:32:08.200
major thing that I took away. But also how early
543
00:32:08.640 --> 00:32:11.079
so many of us learned to shrink ourselves. It happens
544
00:32:11.119 --> 00:32:15.200
so early in life, and it's so sad to just
545
00:32:15.359 --> 00:32:20.559
even think about how many incredible people have been shrunk
546
00:32:20.599 --> 00:32:24.279
and we will never get to experience them because of
547
00:32:25.400 --> 00:32:28.039
the world teaching them that their voice is too much
548
00:32:28.119 --> 00:32:31.240
and they need to tone down, and that asking questions
549
00:32:31.359 --> 00:32:34.640
is disrespectful and that standing farm and who you are
550
00:32:34.759 --> 00:32:37.319
makes you difficult and that's a terrible thing, you know
551
00:32:37.319 --> 00:32:41.599
what I mean. And it's crazy because that same voice
552
00:32:41.920 --> 00:32:44.920
that they try to mute or tone back or tone
553
00:32:44.960 --> 00:32:50.079
down mother or even silence, is the very thing that
554
00:32:50.319 --> 00:32:55.640
makes you who you are. It's like the essence of you,
555
00:32:56.359 --> 00:32:58.119
you know what I mean. I just hope this part
556
00:32:58.200 --> 00:33:04.079
one inspires you to never toned down, arrive as your
557
00:33:04.359 --> 00:33:11.039
whole loud self always and if a room has a
558
00:33:11.119 --> 00:33:14.759
problem with that, they can adjust, and if they refuse to,
559
00:33:15.279 --> 00:33:18.759
you don't need to be in that room. Oh anyway,
560
00:33:19.240 --> 00:33:21.039
So Part two of Coise Story is gonna be out
561
00:33:21.119 --> 00:33:24.000
next week, so make sure you subscribe wherever you're listening
562
00:33:24.039 --> 00:33:25.880
to this on so you do not miss out on that.
563
00:33:26.599 --> 00:33:32.000
And we're gonna get into Australia and what happens when
564
00:33:32.079 --> 00:33:35.519
she fully steps into her voice? You know, Oh, I
565
00:33:35.559 --> 00:33:39.799
can't wait. I can't wait because I know, especially if
566
00:33:39.920 --> 00:33:44.000
you are the person who has spoken up in a
567
00:33:44.200 --> 00:33:48.519
workplace and gotten a bit of flack for it. You're
568
00:33:48.559 --> 00:33:52.599
gonna identify with part two. So until we get to
569
00:33:52.680 --> 00:33:55.559
part two, I'd love to hear from you. If you
570
00:33:56.240 --> 00:33:57.960
have ever been made to feel like your voice was
571
00:33:58.000 --> 00:34:00.519
too much and you're identified with the story, please drop
572
00:34:00.559 --> 00:34:03.240
a comment wherever you're listening to this on and if
573
00:34:03.319 --> 00:34:06.880
you are inspired to share your story on this show,
574
00:34:07.359 --> 00:34:10.559
fill out our story telephone and one of our correspondents
575
00:34:10.679 --> 00:34:13.360
is going to get back to you. Thank you so
576
00:34:13.639 --> 00:34:16.239
much for listening to this episode to the very end.
577
00:34:16.559 --> 00:34:19.320
I've got nothing, nothing, nothing but love for you, and
578
00:34:19.800 --> 00:34:22.880
my goodness, I'm like smiling like a cheshire cat saying this.
579
00:34:23.480 --> 00:34:26.360
I truly, truly, truly believe that you have every single
580
00:34:26.519 --> 00:34:31.199
thing it takes to heal. That's it for this episode
581
00:34:31.239 --> 00:34:34.400
of Legally Clueless. You can share this podcast with your friends,
582
00:34:34.519 --> 00:34:37.079
you can keep it for yourself. I'm not judging. Just
583
00:34:37.159 --> 00:34:39.760
make sure you're here next week for the next episode.
1
00:00:00.640 --> 00:00:03.000
My name is Adela on Jngle and welcome to another
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00:00:03.040 --> 00:00:07.320
episode of Legally Clueless. No, seriously, i have no clue
3
00:00:07.360 --> 00:00:09.679
what I'm doing, but I'm pretty sure I'm not the
4
00:00:09.679 --> 00:00:16.679
only one. Hey you welcome to this episode of Legally Clueless.
5
00:00:16.760 --> 00:00:18.320
This is what's coming up.
6
00:00:18.480 --> 00:00:21.440
Watch. I raised my hand and I'm like this and
7
00:00:21.519 --> 00:00:25.359
this is happening. I can't even remember what the actual complaints,
8
00:00:25.399 --> 00:00:27.480
so I am as I said, I'm in my midfoot
9
00:00:27.559 --> 00:00:29.800
is that was high school? A long time has passed,
10
00:00:30.559 --> 00:00:34.719
but like I just remember like going on and on
11
00:00:34.759 --> 00:00:36.840
and being vocal and the students are cheering me for
12
00:00:37.039 --> 00:00:42.320
like speaking out about this these issues. Right, hey, watcher,
13
00:00:42.479 --> 00:00:46.600
After that meeting, the whole senior prefect body went and
14
00:00:46.679 --> 00:00:51.479
had an emergency meeting about me. How dare she like
15
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question us and quansa, she's a cop, ninni nini, So
16
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I was like stripped off some of my privileges.
17
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That is doctor Coyle, Mariah. We're going to get into
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part one of our story in a bit, but before
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00:01:04.560 --> 00:01:07.159
we do, thank you so much walking with the podcast.
20
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If you are an OG member, I have nothing but
21
00:01:10.480 --> 00:01:12.879
love for you. If this is your first time listening
22
00:01:12.879 --> 00:01:16.920
to the show Welcome Better Late than Never. We have
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00:01:17.040 --> 00:01:20.640
tons of shows here at legally Clueless Africa. On Mondays
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00:01:20.640 --> 00:01:24.599
we have this show where we have different Africans, mainly
25
00:01:24.640 --> 00:01:28.560
African women, sharing stories from their lived experience. And then
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00:01:28.719 --> 00:01:32.159
on Wednesdays we have the midwig TI's where I unpack
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different topics that I have come across on my healing
28
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journey that I think may help another African woman. And
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00:01:39.239 --> 00:01:43.599
on Thursdays we have for Mannalist Women that goes right
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here on our audio channels.
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As well as our YouTube.
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It features incredible women mannaliss Women. It's everything you need
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if you are on the journey to becoming the woman
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you've always wanted to be. Oh, I forgot to say.
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On Wednesdays, our news letter goes out as well, so
36
00:02:02.200 --> 00:02:05.599
you can register or sign up for a newsletter on
37
00:02:05.680 --> 00:02:08.800
our website which is legally Cluelessafrica dot com. And don't
38
00:02:08.840 --> 00:02:11.960
forget to join us in our cozy corner of the
39
00:02:12.000 --> 00:02:17.039
Internet on Instagram and TikTok. We're at Legally Clueless Africa. Okay,
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before we get into today's stories, I want to take
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a moment to acknowledge something we had initially planned to
42
00:02:22.960 --> 00:02:25.360
continue with part two of one Dura's story Part one
43
00:02:25.439 --> 00:02:29.599
round last week. However, Wandura is currently doing some very
44
00:02:29.599 --> 00:02:33.479
important and has done some very important in personal work,
45
00:02:33.759 --> 00:02:37.159
especially around her relationship with her mom at Legally Clueless.
46
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We deeply value our storytellers, so these oranges stories for content.
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These are real people's real lives, like real African women,
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real journeys, real healing, and so whereas we record the
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stories we have released forms, we're also very sympathetic to
50
00:02:57.159 --> 00:03:01.759
when a storytellers story is still ongoing in their real life,
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so we want to afford her the space to go
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through that process fully without pressure. I know every member
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00:03:08.479 --> 00:03:11.000
of our community and every member of our team is
54
00:03:11.080 --> 00:03:15.039
sending on. There are tons of love and the door's open.
55
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We can't wait to hear how the story pans out.
56
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So you always have the space to come back and
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if you want to tell us how it pans out.
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Okay.
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And so today we are beginning a brand new story. Okay.
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So this is part one of doctor Koy Mriah's journey,
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and Coy's is very interesting because she's a storyteller in
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her own right, and in this episode, part one of
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her stories, she takes us through her childhood being raised
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by multiple mother figures the lineage of women who shaped
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her voice. I love that bit and I'm going to
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tell you why when you listen to part one, because
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it's something I really resonate with deeply right now. And
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So this is a story about identify, it's about voice,
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00:04:02.080 --> 00:04:06.960
it's about being silenced. It's about black sheep. If you
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have been called that in your family, please keep listening.
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And it's really about finding your way back to yourself.
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A hundred African stories are legally clueless stories from Africa.
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So my name is doctor Kahe Moriah. I am Kenyan,
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Black African woman. I am a writer, a storyteller, a podcaster.
75
00:04:38.160 --> 00:04:40.839
In a different life, I was a health researcher for
76
00:04:40.879 --> 00:04:43.800
a very long time I grew up. The story of
77
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how I grew up is quite interesting because I'm a
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child of two cities, Nairobi and Mombasa. Mostly Nairobi. I
79
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would say I was raised in Arabi, went to school
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in Nairobi. But when I was quite young, I think
81
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I was around eight or nine years old, my parents
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moved to Mombasa. But because my dad and my mom
83
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didn't really want us changing schools and whatnot. So we
84
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remained in Airobi, my sister and I. When I say we,
85
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I mean my sister and I remained in Arabi and
86
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we used to live with my Auntie, my dad's elder sister,
87
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so we used to stay with her and her daughters
88
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in Arabia. During the holidays were all shipped to Mambassad
89
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So during school time we used to be my Aunti's children.
90
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During holidays we go to Mambasa and we have my
91
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parents' children. So that's why I say I'm a child
92
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of two cities. But I'm also blessed I have like
93
00:05:38.879 --> 00:05:41.839
two mothers because I was raised by two women and
94
00:05:41.879 --> 00:05:45.040
my dad. Obviously, in terms of the memories, you know,
95
00:05:45.079 --> 00:05:47.560
I said I was a storyteller, and as I have
96
00:05:48.319 --> 00:05:52.480
continued to grow, I'm not in my mid forties and
97
00:05:52.839 --> 00:05:59.480
then and reflecting, I realize my storytelling comes from my grandmother's,
98
00:06:00.399 --> 00:06:06.360
especially my paternal grandmother. She was such a brilliant storyteller.
99
00:06:07.519 --> 00:06:12.319
I have such warm memories of her like telling me stories,
100
00:06:12.399 --> 00:06:15.360
particularly this one story she tells of when they you know,
101
00:06:15.519 --> 00:06:17.560
when when the fighting was happening during the days of
102
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emergency during the colonial times. And then my dad was
103
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very young then, and he was a bit of a
104
00:06:24.319 --> 00:06:29.000
sickly child, and so and then my grandmother always describes
105
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how she had carried my father on her front beat
106
00:06:34.000 --> 00:06:37.399
and then my brother's my father's younger brother on the back,
107
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So she has two children she's carried, and then she's
108
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having to like crawl through like the forest and stuff
109
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because they're like escaping all these you know, the fightings.
110
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And on one side it's the Zungo, on the other
111
00:06:48.639 --> 00:06:52.839
side it's like, you know, the maumau and everything. So yeah,
112
00:06:52.879 --> 00:06:55.600
like you know, I just have this vivid memory of
113
00:06:55.639 --> 00:06:57.439
one day we were at my aunt's house and then
114
00:06:57.439 --> 00:06:59.879
she's telling me this story and she literally, this old
115
00:07:00.040 --> 00:07:03.639
woman literally crawls on the carpet to try and like
116
00:07:04.079 --> 00:07:06.639
show me, like this is what we were doing. And
117
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you know your dad was sick. Now he's at the front.
118
00:07:08.720 --> 00:07:11.319
Then you know your other uncle, uncle Karaoke.
119
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Is at the back.
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Blah blah blah. So for sure, my storytelling comes from
121
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a long lineage of women's storytellers. My writing also is
122
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part of my storytelling, and so I believe it's a
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gift that has been passed down to me. And so
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I'm at the point in my life where I'm like, Okay,
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there's a reason this gift was bequeathed to me. Maybe
126
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it was betweath to other bequeath to other people in
127
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the family, but I certainly got it. Got it. How
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can I use this gift in a way that honors
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my ancestors, that honors my lineage, that carries on, you know,
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that carries on or strengthens my lineage. So I take
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I'm increasingly now taking my storytelling gift very seriously, whether
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it's I guess through my writing, my podcasting. I have
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a podcast, I said, I'm a podcast. I have a
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podcast Conversations with Koe that's conversations with a k Coe
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spelled k Ui. That's part of my storytelling, and really
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really trying to think about how do I honor the
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women's storytellers of my lineage through my storytelling and also
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because I think so many of them were silenced for
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the survival of our lineage. There's so many things they
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could have said, but they didn't to help the survival
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of our lineage. And it's the only reason I'm here today,
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right Like my you know, my auntie, the auntie who
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I told you raised me who's my dad's elder sister
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and elder sister you know a few months ago telling
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me a story which I didn't even know about, how
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my grandmother was beaten up by the homegards Colonial homeguards
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because they they thought my grandmother was hiding Maumu because
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some of my grandfather's siblings, brothers and sisters had gone
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to the forest to fight, and so they thought my
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grandmother was hiding the mau mau and they came and
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they really beat up my grandmother in front of the kids.
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So my mount is not telling me a second hand story.
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She's like, yeah, you know, they beat your grandmother. We
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were there, we were crying, and your grandmother just stayed silent.
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Now you can imagine first of all the indignity of
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being beaten in front of her children, and then the
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fact that she's just being physically abused by this fellow
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young African men. And he actually in the end what
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saved her, old man, he was telling me is one
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of the home guards told the ones who are beating her, like,
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you know, leave this woman alone. You can't see she's
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a fellow. She's a fellow black African like you. That's
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when they stopped and they left, and then thankfully they
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didn't also arrest my grandmother because they could have done that.
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But I just imagine her in that moment and having
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to stay silent and endure this beating and this indignity.
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But if you think about it, it's only because she
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did that that our lineage has survived, right, because she
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might have fought back. She could have I don't know,
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talked back and then maybe gets bitten more, is killed,
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or is arrested or something. So I feel there have
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been very many women in my lineage, both my paternal
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and maternal lineage, who've had to be silent for the
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survival of their families and their liage lineage. And so
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I'm like, what a privilege that I can get to
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use my voice where they couldn't. So in many ways,
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it's also part of me honoring those women who came
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before me. You know, I think I was always slightly vocal,
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even as a child. So yeah, in terms of my
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lifestyle growing up and before, I wouldn't say before I
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became this vocal. I think I have always stood out
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in one way or the other. So when I was
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growing up, I was always stopping my class not to brag,
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but I was. I was like all through primary school,
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I was number one. I was number one, I was
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in the X one. In fact, there was one year
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I became number two. The teachers had to call me
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for a meeting to understand how I became number two.
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I'm not kidding. I was a very smart girl in
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primary school. Well, I mean, I guess throughout my life
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I've been smart, but you know, particularly excelling academically in
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primary school. So in that way I stood out. And
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then I always hear stories about how I was just
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a different child, Like you know, I always some family
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members be like, oh, you know you cried so much
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as a child, or you were I was always different.
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So I can't say it is now that I've started
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being vocal. I think I started using my voice more
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when I got into high school, and it got me
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into a lot of trouble because I went to the
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typical eight for four Kenyan school. I was not in
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we call them a group of schools. Group of schools
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I was not in one of those schools were talking
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and being vocal is tolerated. So I got into so
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much trouble for using my voice and by using my voice.
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I don't mean to create trouble necessarily. I just mean
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I have always been an activist at hat now that
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I think I get from my maternal grandmother. So I've
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always hated injustice. So when I was in high school,
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I would see things that I felt unjust, and then
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I'd be the person speaking up and calling out in
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justice eight for four. You can imagine how much trouble
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that would get me into. So when I was in
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high school, I remember by the time I finished from four,
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I had really silenced myself because at some point I
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was like, you know what, I just need to get
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through this thing, man, I just need to get through
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this Nimalisa too. If I're to your acc let me
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be done with this thing and move on with my
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life because otherwise, Yeah, I always say it is providence
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that I ended up going to study abroad shortly after
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high school. I had a gap year, and then I
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went and studied in Australia for my undergraduate and all
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of that. I honestly believe it is providence that took
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me to a place where it was now okay again
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to question things like you're in the lecture hole. I'm
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just in this young kids questioning a whole senior professor.
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I'm like, what what you know? So slowly I started
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getting my voice back. But there was just that period
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where and I mean, and that's a really big issue
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I had with the eight f FOS system. It kind
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of it's trying to what is the word not confirm,
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like let us show you your place? You know, it's
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trying to I don't know what the right expression is
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I'm looking for, but it's like it's trying to cut
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you down to size, like who do you think you are?
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Who do you think you are? Questioning? Questioning authority, questioning
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the teachers, you know, saying that this thing is wrong,
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Like your job as a student is to be seen
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and not to be heard. Can you like fall in line?
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And so they almost successfully did that because then I
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started silencing myself and then luckily for me, I went
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to this other environment it was like no, actually it's
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okay to question authority, to question even very senior professors.
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So slowly I think I started getting my voice back.
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It wasn't without its challenges, you know, leaving abroad and everything.
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So one thing that happened in high school that really
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made me start silencing myself. When I was in Form three,
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I was a junior prefect. We had senior prefects and
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junior prefects. We just call them cops, junior corps, senior corps.
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So senior corps were of course the film falls right
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then junior corps were like yeah, film threes, and you'd
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help the senior corps in one way or another. And
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then I remember every year we used to have what
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they called school meetings, annual school meetings, I think it
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used to be at the beginning of the of the year,
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so all the senior cops would be and it choosed
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to happen in the school hall or auditorium, so all
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the senior corps would be seated at the stage on
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the you know, on the stage. Then the rest of
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the school is sitted look in the auditorium and then
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you know, I guess, like you're supposed to raise issues.
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It was all very yeah, I guess, more of a
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ticbox activity or like now, the senior prefects would say
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what they had to say. So me at that point,
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I'm a junior prefect, but I'm sitated with the masses.
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So see me, I'm a student like any other student.
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What I raise my hand and I'm like this and
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this is happening. I can't even remember what the actual
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complain and so as I said, I'm in my midfoot
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is that was high school. A long time has passed,
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but like I just remember like going on and on
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and being vocal, and the students are cheering me for
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like speaking out about these issues, right, hey watcher. After
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that meeting, the whole senior prefect body went and had
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an emergency meeting about me. How dare she like question
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ass and quansa, she's a cop? Ninni, nini. So I
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was like stripped off some of my privileges. I think
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I was even like quote unquote suspended from being a
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prefect for like three weeks. I don't know what all
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this because in a forum where you, as a student
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are supposedly supposed to raise issues, I had done exactly that,
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spoken on behalf of the other girls raised some issues
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and I was penalized heavily for it. So that was
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like the first instance, but there were like a few
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of those things. So it signals to me like, oh, ok,
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I guess I need to be silent. I need to
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not speak out if I see in justice. Let me
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just be quiet. It's a problem to speak out, you know.
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There was just things things like that, or like getting
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in trouble with like a teacher because I raised an
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issue like I'm the kind of a person I have
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just always hated in justice of any kind, and I
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can't I can't tell myself. I was just like, this
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is wrong. It's wrong, and it's wrong, and even if
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you paint it, I don't know how it is wrong
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and it is wrong and it is wrong, you know.
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So anyway, so there were instances like that that made
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me slowly start silencing myself. Then now what happened when
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when I got to from four Because in the school
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I was there, the most of the senior prefectuire appointed
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by the teachers, but the head girl and deputy head
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girl were elected by the student body. What do the
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girls do? They elect me to be deputy head girl
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and yeah, that one she'll speak for us.
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Me.
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I'm like, sorry, me, me, I just want to finish
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this from four and get the help hear, because I'm
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not about to speak for anyone. I have already. I
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have been panelized enough for speaking. I just want to
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be quiet, put my head down, finish this school and
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just go and never come back, you know. So that's
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what I did. So, like in my final year, I
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really tried to be non controversial, if that's the right word,
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you know, like just well Melissa to finitely sc and
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then yeah and then leave. So you see, that's what
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I'm trying to say. Like a message was passed to
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me that speaking up is wrong, So what do I do.
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I start silencing my voice, I start not speaking up.
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Even when I'm now in a position when I can
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actually speak up for the girls, I choose not to
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because I'm like, may, this is my final Yah, I'm
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only focusing on getting my KCS done and doing it well.
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And then I bounce like please what she does out
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what you sort you know. So that's what I mean basically.
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But yeah, I didn't seem to have in primary school.
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I think I just really focused on academics. I don't
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remember ever feeling the need to like really start really
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speak out, you know. I was just kind of cruising
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through doing well in academics. So I feel like it's
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in my teenage years that this thing of speaking out
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against injustice really really started blossoming in me. And then
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it was almost shut down, and then thankfully it was
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recovered again after high school. Home is home. You know,
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I'm so deeply grateful, especially for my dad, because my
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dad has just always let all his children be like you,
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you are the way you are, and I will accept
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you the way you are. You are my second born
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daughter who is always bigger in kele and questioning things,
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and that's who you are. And yeah, so I'm so
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grateful for him because there were many other voices around
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me in the home setup that were not as affirming.
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But then it was the thing that kept me going, like, actually,
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there's nothing wrong with you. You're not you're you might
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be a black sheep, but there's nothing wrong with you.
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Was the fact that I had this one solid person
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who just made me feel like I was just I was,
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I was just okay, I was just a normal person
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with my personality as it was. Because I do feel
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like when you stand out, it's had it's hard being
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a different child. I think it's had on you the child.
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It's probably had also on the other people, right, And
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if you don't have someone affirming you, you could very
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easily go and look for belonging and affirmation in all
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the wrong places because you try, you like, you're just
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trying to belong, You're just trying to be affirmed, You're
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just trying to be validated. And if you're not getting
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that from the source, like the home setup, it can
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be very easy to go look for it in the
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wrong places. So I've always felt that, I mean, I
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don't know if I really believe in this thing that
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I don't know, a child chooses their parents. I don't
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necessarily I don't feel this so that way about it.
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But I do feel the universe choose the right father
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for me, because at least he was a stable voice,
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and a farming voice, a validating voice, a voice that
367
00:21:37.519 --> 00:21:40.720
made me feel you still belong. Yeah you might be
368
00:21:40.799 --> 00:21:43.279
a bit different, but you still belong, you know. And
369
00:21:43.519 --> 00:21:47.039
that did so much for me, because yeah, there's you know,
370
00:21:47.079 --> 00:21:49.759
there would be other people, maybe whether in the home
371
00:21:50.000 --> 00:21:54.640
or like in the environs of the bigger family, who
372
00:21:56.240 --> 00:21:59.480
it's like their life's purposels to discredit me or to
373
00:21:59.559 --> 00:22:02.319
make me feel bad about who I am, right about
374
00:22:02.359 --> 00:22:06.160
the person that I am. So yeah, it really does help,
375
00:22:06.240 --> 00:22:08.480
even if it's just one voice. And I hope anyone
376
00:22:08.519 --> 00:22:12.599
who's listening to this who's like a parent or you know,
377
00:22:13.079 --> 00:22:17.119
a sibling, a parent, whatever it might be here, cousin
378
00:22:18.000 --> 00:22:20.720
someone you know, if you can just be that one
379
00:22:20.799 --> 00:22:24.680
a firming voice for someone who is different, it really
380
00:22:24.799 --> 00:22:28.680
makes so much, like it means so much to that person.
381
00:22:29.400 --> 00:22:33.480
Just one voice can really make a difference in someone's life.
382
00:22:33.920 --> 00:22:37.160
It's can make a difference as to whether they make
383
00:22:37.200 --> 00:22:39.839
the right choices or they're like, they don't understand me,
384
00:22:39.920 --> 00:22:41.519
they don't like me. I'm gonna you know, I'm gonna
385
00:22:41.559 --> 00:22:43.839
now go. You know, that's how you end up making
386
00:22:43.920 --> 00:22:47.440
bad choices because you're looking for belonging and affirmation and
387
00:22:47.559 --> 00:22:49.480
love and all of these things. You know, when I
388
00:22:49.599 --> 00:22:52.440
say there were some other voices that we're trying to,
389
00:22:52.680 --> 00:22:54.880
I don't know. Maybe demean is actually the right one,
390
00:22:54.960 --> 00:22:57.240
but I feel it was more to discredit, you know,
391
00:22:58.640 --> 00:23:02.759
you know, just people who always make you feel there's
392
00:23:02.799 --> 00:23:06.839
something wrong with you, there's something not right with you.
393
00:23:06.960 --> 00:23:10.160
And in fact, actually the right way to prisit is
394
00:23:10.160 --> 00:23:12.519
they'll always make you feel like you are the problem.
395
00:23:13.559 --> 00:23:17.359
You are always the problem anything that you are the problem.
396
00:23:17.839 --> 00:23:22.680
And not only do they tell you that, either directly
397
00:23:22.880 --> 00:23:26.240
or in circle ways, they make sure to recruit other
398
00:23:26.400 --> 00:23:31.160
people into their thinking of you are the problem. So,
399
00:23:31.200 --> 00:23:33.559
you know, it's one thing if I think you are
400
00:23:33.599 --> 00:23:36.119
the problem, and then it's just like it's just me
401
00:23:36.200 --> 00:23:38.160
and you. We just we have our we have our beef,
402
00:23:38.200 --> 00:23:38.519
it's just.
403
00:23:38.599 --> 00:23:38.920
Me and you.
404
00:23:39.200 --> 00:23:41.119
It's a whole other thing if I'm not trying to
405
00:23:41.200 --> 00:23:45.640
recruit a whole crowd of people to agree with me
406
00:23:45.880 --> 00:23:49.079
that you are the problem. And you know what is
407
00:23:49.160 --> 00:23:51.960
most annoying about that, And especially as I've grown older
408
00:23:51.960 --> 00:23:54.079
and I'm really just kind of trying to live my
409
00:23:54.160 --> 00:23:56.839
life and live it authentically and do my own healing work,
410
00:23:57.559 --> 00:24:00.880
is it's exhausting because at some point I'm like, you know,
411
00:24:00.960 --> 00:24:03.640
maybe you need to focus on your own life, your
412
00:24:03.680 --> 00:24:06.799
own journey, your own healing. Like the level of energy
413
00:24:06.880 --> 00:24:10.559
you used to discredit me and to recruit others into
414
00:24:10.640 --> 00:24:13.759
your discrediting me, if you could use half of that
415
00:24:14.119 --> 00:24:18.519
energy to really just work on yourself, do your inner wark,
416
00:24:18.759 --> 00:24:21.519
and go through your own journey of healing, you wouldn't
417
00:24:21.519 --> 00:24:25.680
feel the need to always be co e you or
418
00:24:25.720 --> 00:24:28.279
the problem, co you or the problem. When you cannash
419
00:24:28.400 --> 00:24:30.160
that all the time, when you kinnash that, you know,
420
00:24:30.559 --> 00:24:32.079
just to say that, for sure, there were there were
421
00:24:32.160 --> 00:24:35.960
voices around me who back then and I would set,
422
00:24:36.000 --> 00:24:38.240
to an extent even to date, kind of made it
423
00:24:38.359 --> 00:24:42.880
their life's mission to discredit me, and not just to
424
00:24:42.960 --> 00:24:46.400
discredit me, to make me feel like I was a problem,
425
00:24:46.480 --> 00:24:48.480
I have always been the problem, and then to recruit
426
00:24:48.680 --> 00:24:54.640
others into that, into into that there, you know, there
427
00:24:54.680 --> 00:24:58.599
thinking of their belief that COI is the problem. As
428
00:24:58.640 --> 00:25:00.839
I've grown older, I realize it has a lot to
429
00:25:00.920 --> 00:25:03.400
do with their own insecurities and very little to do
430
00:25:03.519 --> 00:25:06.000
with me. But of course this is realization I got
431
00:25:06.240 --> 00:25:08.799
much later in adulthood. You can imagine when you're younger,
432
00:25:09.759 --> 00:25:14.839
it's heavy. It's a heavy burden to be like when
433
00:25:14.880 --> 00:25:17.960
you I'm a problem. Maybe maybe they're right, Maybe there's
434
00:25:18.000 --> 00:25:20.880
something wrong with me. Maybe I am a problem. Maybe
435
00:25:20.960 --> 00:25:23.480
actually I am a problem? Like why am I like this?
436
00:25:23.759 --> 00:25:27.160
Maybe you know, so it took so long for me
437
00:25:27.279 --> 00:25:28.839
to get to a point where I'm like, actually, no,
438
00:25:30.079 --> 00:25:32.559
God did not make any mistake with me, or whatever
439
00:25:32.680 --> 00:25:35.920
creator anyone believes in, they did not make any mistake
440
00:25:36.000 --> 00:25:37.799
with me. There is a reason I am the way
441
00:25:37.839 --> 00:25:39.960
I am. There's a reason I'm so vocal there's a
442
00:25:40.039 --> 00:25:43.039
reason I speak my mind. There's a reason I'm opinionated,
443
00:25:43.279 --> 00:25:47.839
and when I say what I have to say, there's
444
00:25:47.839 --> 00:25:51.599
a reason I'm so academically gifted. I'm not bragging. It
445
00:25:51.759 --> 00:25:55.400
was given to me. I didn't ask anyone. I didn't,
446
00:25:55.759 --> 00:25:59.599
you know, there's a reason I have thrived academically and professionally.
447
00:26:00.160 --> 00:26:05.000
It's not because I did anything. It was just something
448
00:26:05.079 --> 00:26:08.960
that was gifted to me. My responsibility is to use
449
00:26:09.039 --> 00:26:12.799
my gifts to the best of my ability. Any gift
450
00:26:12.880 --> 00:26:16.039
that has been bestowed upon me, it's my responsibility to
451
00:26:16.240 --> 00:26:18.880
use that to the best of my ability, right, and
452
00:26:19.039 --> 00:26:21.920
that's what I've been doing. But to all that, in
453
00:26:22.039 --> 00:26:24.359
fact that I'm saying in some ways paints a picture
454
00:26:24.440 --> 00:26:27.960
for you as to this thing I said before the
455
00:26:28.039 --> 00:26:32.160
Black Sheep. I think it was I always Now I
456
00:26:32.240 --> 00:26:35.960
say I'm a black Lioness and I row. But back
457
00:26:36.079 --> 00:26:39.119
then it was like feeling feeling like a black ship
458
00:26:39.160 --> 00:26:42.799
in the sense of I really think there's something wrong
459
00:26:42.880 --> 00:26:49.839
with me, you know, like like I'm not like everyone else,
460
00:26:50.279 --> 00:26:53.319
you know, and I care, Like why do I care
461
00:26:53.359 --> 00:26:58.799
about social injustice? I care about activism, I care about
462
00:26:58.839 --> 00:27:02.680
doing the right thing. I will always stand by my
463
00:27:02.839 --> 00:27:05.359
values and my beliefs, even if everyone else is going
464
00:27:05.519 --> 00:27:09.799
right me. If my I'm like guys, the right thing
465
00:27:09.880 --> 00:27:12.039
to do is left, I do not care the whole
466
00:27:12.039 --> 00:27:15.880
crowd is going right me. I will go left even
467
00:27:15.920 --> 00:27:18.200
if I'm going alone. So, you know, those kinds of
468
00:27:18.279 --> 00:27:23.440
things make you like stand out and seem different. And
469
00:27:23.559 --> 00:27:26.960
I think people sometimes don't appreciate that. If you're not
470
00:27:27.000 --> 00:27:29.119
the kind of person who easily goes with the crowd,
471
00:27:30.480 --> 00:27:33.200
then like people will always make you feel like you're
472
00:27:33.240 --> 00:27:36.480
a problem, like whyn't you joining the crowd? Or and
473
00:27:36.880 --> 00:27:39.519
why are you doing your things differently? Why? Why do
474
00:27:39.599 --> 00:27:44.079
you think differently about things? Why? Then you know, sometimes
475
00:27:44.160 --> 00:27:48.200
it's like she thinks she's better than everyone else. I don't. Actually,
476
00:27:48.359 --> 00:27:51.759
I just I am who I am, and I live
477
00:27:51.799 --> 00:27:53.359
my life as I live it, and I believe what
478
00:27:53.400 --> 00:27:55.240
I believe, and I stand firm in my beliefs. And
479
00:27:55.240 --> 00:27:56.839
I'm the kind of person who even if what I
480
00:27:56.880 --> 00:27:59.400
believed was wrong, I'll own it. I'll be like in
481
00:27:59.519 --> 00:28:02.319
that more meant in time, I actually believed it was right,
482
00:28:02.400 --> 00:28:04.359
and I did what I believed was right, even if
483
00:28:04.440 --> 00:28:06.039
it has stand out to be the wrong thing. I
484
00:28:06.200 --> 00:28:09.960
stand by by it then, but I'm also flexible enough
485
00:28:10.039 --> 00:28:13.519
to change my mind and say, Okay, having now reviewed it,
486
00:28:14.319 --> 00:28:17.039
perhaps that was not the right thing, But in that moment,
487
00:28:17.440 --> 00:28:20.640
I thought it was the right thing. Yeah. So that's
488
00:28:20.680 --> 00:28:22.599
what I mean by like black sheep. It doesn't so
489
00:28:22.759 --> 00:28:24.799
much at tea, you know. You know, the black sheep
490
00:28:24.880 --> 00:28:28.200
can be like, oh, I used to drink party or drugs. No,
491
00:28:28.440 --> 00:28:30.359
not really, I was just the black sheep. In terms
492
00:28:30.400 --> 00:28:32.880
of I live, I lived my life differently. I have
493
00:28:33.319 --> 00:28:37.960
very different beliefs I have. I stand firm by my beliefs.
494
00:28:38.000 --> 00:28:42.160
I hate any kind of prejudice. So whether you know,
495
00:28:42.279 --> 00:28:45.839
whether it's like, I'll be that person whom even if
496
00:28:45.920 --> 00:28:48.839
I'm with relatives then someone says something tribal me, I'll
497
00:28:48.880 --> 00:28:52.720
be that person who'll call it out. I'm like, okay, like,
498
00:28:52.880 --> 00:28:55.880
let's interrogate that that thing you just said, like you know,
499
00:28:56.000 --> 00:28:57.599
and I'll even even if I take it back to
500
00:28:57.759 --> 00:29:00.960
like the history of divide and conquered in colonial times
501
00:29:01.039 --> 00:29:02.960
and all of these things. So you know, people don't
502
00:29:03.079 --> 00:29:06.599
like that. So I went to Australia shortly after high school.
503
00:29:06.720 --> 00:29:09.920
I think I was abround nineteen twenty, so I finished KCC,
504
00:29:10.079 --> 00:29:12.720
I had a gap year and then I went to Australia,
505
00:29:12.880 --> 00:29:18.119
stayed in Australia for about catch more African stories. In
506
00:29:18.279 --> 00:29:20.440
the next episode of Legally.
507
00:29:20.160 --> 00:29:25.519
Cullis that was part one of doctor Coy Mriah's story,
508
00:29:25.839 --> 00:29:29.799
and so much, so much, first and foremost, before I
509
00:29:29.839 --> 00:29:32.119
get to like my key takeaway, I do have to
510
00:29:32.240 --> 00:29:39.359
say I a poet, and I write and written word
511
00:29:39.720 --> 00:29:43.559
is a gift that comes very easily to me. Writing
512
00:29:43.720 --> 00:29:47.599
poetry or prose gives me such a high. I was
513
00:29:47.640 --> 00:29:49.839
telling my girlfriends the other day, I feel like it's
514
00:29:49.880 --> 00:29:54.160
an augasm. Once I've finished a piece, it's like who
515
00:29:54.519 --> 00:30:01.480
you know? That release. And I remember for the longest
516
00:30:01.599 --> 00:30:07.079
time not knowing how to share my poetry because it
517
00:30:07.160 --> 00:30:10.960
just didn't feel like it's fitted in with the mold
518
00:30:11.160 --> 00:30:13.839
that the world had put me into. Doesn't make sense.
519
00:30:14.000 --> 00:30:17.720
I don't know if you have a talent or something
520
00:30:17.839 --> 00:30:20.400
that you gravitate towards and you don't know where to
521
00:30:20.519 --> 00:30:25.519
put it in this profile that the world has carved
522
00:30:25.559 --> 00:30:28.960
out for you, does this I really hope this lands.
523
00:30:29.400 --> 00:30:32.680
So I never knew what to do with my poetry,
524
00:30:33.000 --> 00:30:35.480
and I would write and keep it to myself and
525
00:30:36.519 --> 00:30:41.599
you know, write and maybe share very little. And over
526
00:30:41.640 --> 00:30:46.759
the last couple of years, I have had this acknowledgment that, hey, Adele,
527
00:30:47.319 --> 00:30:53.480
in your lineage, you were the one who was seen
528
00:30:53.720 --> 00:31:00.400
as fit to carry this talent of poetry, of written word.
529
00:31:02.599 --> 00:31:06.079
Carry it, don't run away from it. Carry it. It
530
00:31:06.200 --> 00:31:10.079
doesn't have to make sense to anyone. People don't even
531
00:31:10.119 --> 00:31:14.759
have to understand your poetry. But there is a divine
532
00:31:15.279 --> 00:31:20.960
and an ancestral divineness as to you being the one
533
00:31:21.160 --> 00:31:28.400
in your lineage receiving this talent. Oh, you have to
534
00:31:28.480 --> 00:31:33.039
lean into it. And honestly speaking, the more I lean
535
00:31:33.119 --> 00:31:36.920
into it, the more it makes sense. Why why this
536
00:31:37.079 --> 00:31:40.480
is my thing? There's so much healing I'm able to
537
00:31:41.359 --> 00:31:45.119
spark in other African women through my writing, and so
538
00:31:45.240 --> 00:31:49.599
much healing for myself that I'm able to spark internally
539
00:31:50.240 --> 00:31:54.039
through my writing. And Man, when when I was listening
540
00:31:54.160 --> 00:31:56.839
to Dr Corey talk about that, I was just like
541
00:31:57.599 --> 00:32:02.720
me to this is me too. So that's like one
542
00:32:02.839 --> 00:32:08.200
major thing that I took away. But also how early
543
00:32:08.640 --> 00:32:11.079
so many of us learned to shrink ourselves. It happens
544
00:32:11.119 --> 00:32:15.200
so early in life, and it's so sad to just
545
00:32:15.359 --> 00:32:20.559
even think about how many incredible people have been shrunk
546
00:32:20.599 --> 00:32:24.279
and we will never get to experience them because of
547
00:32:25.400 --> 00:32:28.039
the world teaching them that their voice is too much
548
00:32:28.119 --> 00:32:31.240
and they need to tone down, and that asking questions
549
00:32:31.359 --> 00:32:34.640
is disrespectful and that standing farm and who you are
550
00:32:34.759 --> 00:32:37.319
makes you difficult and that's a terrible thing, you know
551
00:32:37.319 --> 00:32:41.599
what I mean. And it's crazy because that same voice
552
00:32:41.920 --> 00:32:44.920
that they try to mute or tone back or tone
553
00:32:44.960 --> 00:32:50.079
down mother or even silence, is the very thing that
554
00:32:50.319 --> 00:32:55.640
makes you who you are. It's like the essence of you,
555
00:32:56.359 --> 00:32:58.119
you know what I mean. I just hope this part
556
00:32:58.200 --> 00:33:04.079
one inspires you to never toned down, arrive as your
557
00:33:04.359 --> 00:33:11.039
whole loud self always and if a room has a
558
00:33:11.119 --> 00:33:14.759
problem with that, they can adjust, and if they refuse to,
559
00:33:15.279 --> 00:33:18.759
you don't need to be in that room. Oh anyway,
560
00:33:19.240 --> 00:33:21.039
So Part two of Coise Story is gonna be out
561
00:33:21.119 --> 00:33:24.000
next week, so make sure you subscribe wherever you're listening
562
00:33:24.039 --> 00:33:25.880
to this on so you do not miss out on that.
563
00:33:26.599 --> 00:33:32.000
And we're gonna get into Australia and what happens when
564
00:33:32.079 --> 00:33:35.519
she fully steps into her voice? You know, Oh, I
565
00:33:35.559 --> 00:33:39.799
can't wait. I can't wait because I know, especially if
566
00:33:39.920 --> 00:33:44.000
you are the person who has spoken up in a
567
00:33:44.200 --> 00:33:48.519
workplace and gotten a bit of flack for it. You're
568
00:33:48.559 --> 00:33:52.599
gonna identify with part two. So until we get to
569
00:33:52.680 --> 00:33:55.559
part two, I'd love to hear from you. If you
570
00:33:56.240 --> 00:33:57.960
have ever been made to feel like your voice was
571
00:33:58.000 --> 00:34:00.519
too much and you're identified with the story, please drop
572
00:34:00.559 --> 00:34:03.240
a comment wherever you're listening to this on and if
573
00:34:03.319 --> 00:34:06.880
you are inspired to share your story on this show,
574
00:34:07.359 --> 00:34:10.559
fill out our story telephone and one of our correspondents
575
00:34:10.679 --> 00:34:13.360
is going to get back to you. Thank you so
576
00:34:13.639 --> 00:34:16.239
much for listening to this episode to the very end.
577
00:34:16.559 --> 00:34:19.320
I've got nothing, nothing, nothing but love for you, and
578
00:34:19.800 --> 00:34:22.880
my goodness, I'm like smiling like a cheshire cat saying this.
579
00:34:23.480 --> 00:34:26.360
I truly, truly, truly believe that you have every single
580
00:34:26.519 --> 00:34:31.199
thing it takes to heal. That's it for this episode
581
00:34:31.239 --> 00:34:34.400
of Legally Clueless. You can share this podcast with your friends,
582
00:34:34.519 --> 00:34:37.079
you can keep it for yourself. I'm not judging. Just
583
00:34:37.159 --> 00:34:39.760
make sure you're here next week for the next episode.
