Fear of Success Is Real And It Might Be Destroying Your Leadership Mindset and Business Culture

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What are you afraid of?
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Oh, so many things.
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You mean today?
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I mean the dark.
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The boogeyman.
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My calendar not sinking and not being in the space where I'm supposed to be.
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Is that the big one?
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Someone stealing my cell phone number.
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And then I have to deal with the multi-factor authentication, and I can't get into our banking, like.
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Oh, yeah, like big things.
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Those are very big things.
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Yeah. Now I get that.
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It's not public speaking.
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No, I don't think so.
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Now, there's many comedians that have talked about public speaking like it is a greater fear than death for so many people.
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They listed as the number one fear meaning like.
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Oh, I think I know.
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No. Yeah. No, I enjoy the public speaking.
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I deal with, is, a lot of comedians have said you're like, you're better off in the coffin than delivering the eulogy.
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I agree.
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Yeah. This is not about public speaking, though.
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This is 100% about fear in business.
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And I'm afraid it's time to start the episode.
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Oh, boy.
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I mean, she's the CEO.
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He's the marketing and operations guy.
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If it's broken, you need.
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The business fix.
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I have a crazy question for you.
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Yeah. When you were a little kid.
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Yes. What are you afraid of?
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Everything. Same. Same everything.
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Gave myself an ulcer in third grade.
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Afraid of everything?
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Yeah. Oh, I think that's the episode.
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Yeah. Know what it's like?
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Is there one specific thing that you remember as a standout as a kid?
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I was a, the world ending.
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Really? Yes. Yeah. Do you know how? Yes.
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Because I grew up Southern Baptist, so I was terrified of the world ending.
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Oh, so there's a.
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Lot of deep seeded religious fear I've had to work through as an. Adult.
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Makes sense.
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Yeah. That was not a problem for me. No.
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What was your fear?
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The dark.
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To this day, do not like the dark. Okay.
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There's been some things where, they appear over my shoulder and I'm like, no, not a fan.
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It's it makes motorcycle riding at night interesting.
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Yeah.
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Yeah. See, a lot of stuff.
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Hopefully we don't see any of this in our business.
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Oh, boy.
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I think we always start with something personal, so I thought I'd go really, really, really, really deep.
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About our childhood trauma. Right.
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Well, let's talk about childhood issues and then get everyone crying.
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And then to then fear in your business seems like nothing.
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There's many forms that fear in your business can come in.
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Wrong hire.
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Fear of losing a big client.
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I know people.
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They have a fear of losing their only client.
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The biggest problem with fear isn't that it exists.
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It is the fact that fear can make you make some bad decisions.
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Oh, yeah. Out even knowing it.
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Let's shine some light on the dark.
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Okay.
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Well, you know, when I think about fear in business, like what? What are some.
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You deal with people a lot. Yes.
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I love people.
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I hope not saying that.
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Don't say it.
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What are some of your people related fears?
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So there's several.
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I think that's fearful.
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I hope. So. I would also.
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I would say there are fears that that business leaders have a lot of and we kind of work on overcoming them.
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So the first is, you know, that fear of making a bad hire.
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So hiring is one of the most emotionally loaded decisions a leader.
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Makes every single time.
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Because when it goes wrong, that ripple effect is really real.
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And there's always that.
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Did I make the right decision that I about what if I don't make the right decision.
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And we think that it's again set in stone.
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So leaders fear hiring the wrong person because they've lived through the impact in the past, lost time, lost trust, team drama.
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Not to mention the guilt that often comes when you're like, I hired the wrong person, and now this person's got to suffer.
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A bit and it's okay to say it's the wrong fit.
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Let's just move on.
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Like the best thing that you can do oftentimes for people is to exit them to a new opportunity.
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But we get stuck in that fear, and that fear can paralyze decision making, or it causes leaders to settle for the safe.
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Like, you know what the devil I know versus a devil I don't know.
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So it's better we'll just deal with the employee that's kind of here, but not great.
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I mean, so instead of being strategic, you're just living your life as a hostage and paying people to behave.
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Why do you pay hostages?
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We don't pay hostages. Like, just stop.
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No, you're the hostage.
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Oh, or we treat oftentimes too.
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We treat hiring like last call at the bar.
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So we hire in panic mode like it's last call.
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I don't want to go home by myself, so I'm just going to pick somebody.
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Most people hire that way. Yeah.
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And instead of doing, you know, when we hire in panic mode, we're not in our values.
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So go back to your values.
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You hire slow, you hire for alignment.
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You create a system that helps you choose with confidence.
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If you don't know how to choose with confidence or you don't know how to hire somebody, I encourage you to find someone who can help you hire people.
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Usually fractional h.r consultant shameless plug can help you do those types of things.
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Teach you how to do them right.
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So there's that fear of like making the wrong hire.
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But then I think there's even a bigger fear that business owners have.
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And that is the fear of a key employee leaving.
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So when someone you trust becomes mission critical, it's easy to fall into a place of quiet panic about losing them.
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It's also easy to tolerate really bad behavior or bad performance because you're afraid, well, what happens if they leave?
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And then I have to do all the work?
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Or what happens if they leave and I have to find somebody else to do the work?
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It's okay.
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You can deal with it.
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So leaders worry about what happens if that person walks away, especially in small teams where one departure can create a big gap.
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Yeah.
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I mean, and there are times where you I mean, you say don't run your organization so lean that if something breaks, you can't fix it.
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But the other part is, you know, there is capacity constraints.
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I mean, there are times where, you know, not everybody can afford to have three employees that make $100,000 a year.
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So if you've got a key performer or you've got a key part of the organization, how do you shore some of that up?
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So building a culture where people want to stay is really important.
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That kind of helps us belay that fear.
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Designing a system that doesn't depend on them staying where you can bring other people in.
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We have these processes written down.
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We know what we need to do to be able to move the business forward.
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Knowledge sharing, cross training, open communication reduces that power that fear has over your leadership.
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And then you start to dissipate that, well, you know what?
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If that person leaves, we're going to find someone else to do the work.
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We are not going to go under simply because one person is gone.
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Now, I will say this if that person runs your entire business and you don't know how your business runs, that may be your reason to fear.
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But we can solve that problem, right?
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Right? Right.
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If you have that fear, you need to work on eliminating.
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Eliminating that fear now and then.
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Another one I would say is fear culture changing as you grow.
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So this is one of those sneakiest fears because I feel like it's just happening in the background, but it shapes everything that you do.
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So as as businesses grow, founders often fear losing that intimacy, flexibility or values that made the company special.
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They fear you.
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No culture drift.
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And you have to remember that culture doesn't really drift.
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It evolves by design or neglect.
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There's no such thing as drift.
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I just want to say that your.
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I love how, I love how you put that it's either design or neglect.
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It's it's it's one or the other. Right.
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You're either nurturing this or it gonna die.
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Yeah.
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Well, and I think to growth doesn't have to mean dilution of your culture.
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No, no, it just means being crystal clear about who you are and making sure that your values show up in your hiring, and they show up in feedback and they show up in decision making, how you align your values and how you parrot those values to everyone within your organization is really key in making sure that your culture doesn't evolve by neglect.
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It has to evolve by design.
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I think, like I love your point about growth hasn't doesn't have to mean dilution.
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To me, like if you're growing that should actually be something that's strengths and strengthens your culture.
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Because as you have more people yes it takes it.
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I don't want to say one, but one bad apple can spoil the better part of the bunch.
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But if you've got one bad apple in 100, or if you've got one bad apple in ten, it's a very different effect.
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Yeah.
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Well and looking at it as a stronger weave in your fabric. Yes.
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That's really how this is.
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As you know, as you add people you're strengthening the fabric of your organization.
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So finding the right people, the right threads that can kind of put your organization together is important.
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And I'll say one more point about fear is really how vision and values help you navigate fear.
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So it's not just about the I've got the fears of all these things.
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So for me, this is a crazy thing.
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Like every time.
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This is a this is going to be Christie ism.
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This is well, this is this is Christie's experience.
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So every time I've led through fear and really it's more for me about uncertainty when I've led through fear.
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Well, it's because I've anchored in our why and when I've I've led through fear in a not so great way because I haven't anchored in the why.
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Sure. So fierce. Loud.
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It's really loud and vision is quiet and it's steady.
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And that's why leaders have to practice anchoring back into purpose.
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Makes sense.
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Yeah, makes total sense.
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It's interesting.
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I see something that in so much of business owners fear, we lose a key person.
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Can you recover from that? Yes.
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As long as you set yourself up for it.
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I mean, even if you haven't set yourself up to.
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Figure it. Out, you're going to figure it out.
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You have a. Choice.
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When it comes to fear, Alex Honnold said something great about this.
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He was the first person to climb El Cap, which is like a 20 700ft vertical wall, free solo, no ropes, no nothing.
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He's he was talking on a podcast, and he said, he goes, I see people in airports that he goes, they've missed their flight and they're having an absolute meltdown. Yes.
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He goes, there.
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He goes like you would think they are dying.
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Yeah.
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And he goes, they have this fear because they haven't experienced real fear.
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Yeah.
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He goes I mean people are most people aren't in dangerous situations. No, are some but most of us that are living in suburbia are not in dangerous situations every day.
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Right, right, right.
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So he's like, look, that lack of fear in their daily lives means they your tolerance for fear gets jacked all out of whack.
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Yeah.
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And so now something slightly raw, slightly goes wrong, fear kicks in and they just go nuts.
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Yeah, it it goes.
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It's that ability to look at fear and say what actually is the danger.
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Yeah.
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What are the results of this?
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Because I know and I guarantee you and I have both done this, I know I have where you start thinking about the worst thing that's going to happen when you do this, and then it happens and you're like, oh, okay.
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Well, I guess we got through that. Yeah.
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It happens all the time.
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Did it suck? Yes.
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Did we figure it out as we walked through the situation? Yes.
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Yeah. Was it convenient?
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No. Was it what I wanted? No.
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But should I have feared it?
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No. Yeah.
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Did I not want it? Correct.
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Was it undesirable? Correct.
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But should I have been, like, hiding in the corner and making my decisions because of this hypothetical thing that could happen to us?
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No. Just do your do what you can to put the right things in place.
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Yeah?
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Yeah.
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Great.
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It the thing that I find is so many people have a fear of failure. Yes.
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You always say is recovering perfectionist. Yes.
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I believe you've had this fear for perhaps.
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Perhaps, perhaps an intense fear of failure.
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To the point now that we we talk about failing fast. So fail fast.
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First attempt.
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And learning fast is fueling agility, speed and tenacity.
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So really looking at it as this is, in some of the different assessments I've done, some of the learning that I've done.
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So it's like you. Learn the course.
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And of course, as I've taken since I've talked about professional online, they've talked about, you know, I learn best through failure.
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And I'm like, are you kidding me?
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There's a lot of efforts that came after that.
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Like failure is actually what fuels you forward.
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That's what you are.
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You are your best is well, I mean, granted, I wrote a book called Reluctantly Resilient, which is all about, you know, failure.
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But it's it's the learning in the perspective of moving.
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So that fear of failure.
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Oh, my gosh, that's why I had an ulcer in third grade.
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I mean, it was it was that constant something's going to happen.
00:14:01.740 --> 00:14:06.615
So yeah, let's talk about, you know, those those common fears that you see business owners deal with.
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What are those things? Josh you know we talk about failure.
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But what are some of those other ones.
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Fear of failure is one.
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And what most people don't don't realize is that it's not that bad.
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Yeah.
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It's not generally you don't die, right?
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As long as you don't die.
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No one else noticed.
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No one else care. Correct.
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People really don't care as much as you think they do.
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We just had this conversation with our daughter, who's a senior in high school, and she's like, but what is everything?
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It were like many people really don't give a crap, no, we love you.
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We give a crap.
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But most people don't, right?
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No one else cares as much as you do. Yeah.
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The other thing is, is there's there's people that have this fear of losing control.
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I've seen this in so many businesses. Yes.
00:14:44.740 --> 00:14:47.822
When it comes to empowering people and making decisions.
00:14:47.822 --> 00:14:50.197
I have to be the most important person.
00:14:50.197 --> 00:14:50.947
Oh, God.
00:14:50.947 --> 00:14:53.531
I don't want to be the most important person ever.
00:14:53.531 --> 00:14:53.947
Never.
00:14:55.197 --> 00:14:58.197
I want my people to be important.
00:14:58.697 --> 00:15:00.240
You talked a little bit about it.
00:15:00.240 --> 00:15:01.947
Like what happens if this key person leaves?
00:15:01.947 --> 00:15:02.947
You'll find someone else.
00:15:02.947 --> 00:15:05.656
You will, will it be inconvenient in the meantime?
00:15:05.656 --> 00:15:06.781
Yeah, yeah.
00:15:06.781 --> 00:15:10.906
And chances are you kind of if you build the business, you can deal with it.
00:15:11.156 --> 00:15:12.322
Exactly.
00:15:12.322 --> 00:15:17.115
The other piece to that is I heard imagine that I listened to some podcasts.
00:15:17.990 --> 00:15:20.615
Yeah. Strange.
00:15:20.615 --> 00:15:24.947
We have, like, some people, like, look at fear of losing control.
00:15:25.865 --> 00:15:31.322
It's, it was a philosophical side that this thing just hit me right upside the head.
00:15:31.322 --> 00:15:37.947
We have control over absolutely nothing.
00:15:37.947 --> 00:15:38.740
Correct.
00:15:38.740 --> 00:15:43.115
We have influence over a lot of things, especially as business owners.
00:15:43.115 --> 00:15:45.781
We have a high level of influence.
00:15:45.781 --> 00:15:47.072
We do not have control.
00:15:47.072 --> 00:15:55.447
No. If you have a key employee and someone like they're happy, they're wonderful or they're you're like this is great.
00:15:55.447 --> 00:15:58.115
They're like, hey, I love working with you.
00:15:58.115 --> 00:16:02.822
And someone down the street comes in and says, hey, I am going to pay them three times the amount.
00:16:02.822 --> 00:16:03.365
Guess what?
00:16:03.365 --> 00:16:04.490
They're gone.
00:16:04.490 --> 00:16:06.947
You have zero control over that.
00:16:08.072 --> 00:16:09.490
Don't fear it.
00:16:09.490 --> 00:16:12.447
Do what you can to influence it. Correct.
00:16:12.447 --> 00:16:14.156
But don't fear it.
00:16:14.156 --> 00:16:15.572
It's the one thing that I see.
00:16:15.572 --> 00:16:19.490
And. And the problem is, is people make these decisions out of fear.
00:16:19.490 --> 00:16:22.072
Like I don't want to lose control.
00:16:22.072 --> 00:16:25.740
You don't have control of control, yada yada.
00:16:25.740 --> 00:16:27.365
You you never had it, you know?
00:16:27.365 --> 00:16:28.822
It's just not there.
00:16:28.822 --> 00:16:29.740
It's an illusion.
00:16:29.740 --> 00:16:31.740
It is something that you have made in your head.
00:16:31.740 --> 00:16:34.115
You have a high level of influence.
00:16:34.115 --> 00:16:50.615
If you want to keep your high level of influence, do the things that help you keep your high level of influence operating on fear is the number one thing that will make you look weak, and will be the number one thing that will push people away.
00:16:50.947 --> 00:17:02.281
It is the same story of the guy that smothers the girl and follows her everywhere because he's worried about something bad happening, or he's worried about I'm not good enough for whatever.
00:17:02.781 --> 00:17:04.905
Don't show people that you aren't good enough.
00:17:04.905 --> 00:17:06.530
Show them that you are. Yeah.
00:17:07.740 --> 00:17:09.447
Huge thing with that and that.
00:17:09.447 --> 00:17:16.115
That is really my biggest point with fear is when people let it take the wheel instead of logic and reason.
00:17:16.530 --> 00:17:18.240
What is the worst thing that happens?
00:17:18.240 --> 00:17:20.822
And not only just what is the worst thing that happens?
00:17:20.822 --> 00:17:23.822
What is the actual probability?
00:17:23.822 --> 00:17:26.072
Yes, that that will happen.
00:17:26.072 --> 00:17:29.155
When you look at that, the worst thing we all we all go to it.
00:17:29.655 --> 00:17:32.947
The probability of that worst thing is pretty slim.
00:17:33.365 --> 00:17:34.947
Yeah.
00:17:34.947 --> 00:17:37.947
I use motorcycles as an example.
00:17:38.405 --> 00:17:42.030
My parents hate the fact that I have a motorcycle.
00:17:43.030 --> 00:17:46.030
I have about 100,000 miles on motorcycles.
00:17:46.780 --> 00:17:49.530
They think every mile I'm going to die.
00:17:49.530 --> 00:17:50.698
Yeah.
00:17:50.698 --> 00:17:52.240
Hasn't happened a hundred thousand times.
00:17:52.240 --> 00:17:54.865
Now, granted, it may happen someday.
00:17:54.865 --> 00:17:59.365
Yeah, but the likelihood is pretty darn low.
00:17:59.740 --> 00:18:01.990
Am I going to do something stupid on the motorcycle? Yes.
00:18:03.115 --> 00:18:03.905
Potentially.
00:18:03.905 --> 00:18:04.655
Potentially.
00:18:04.655 --> 00:18:06.698
Likelihood of that is probably pretty high.
00:18:06.698 --> 00:18:12.990
But in the same sense, in terms of worst case scenarios and putting myself in worst case scenario situations, no, I don't do that.
00:18:13.030 --> 00:18:14.365
Yeah. It's not out of fear.
00:18:14.365 --> 00:18:20.490
It's because of I'm trying to influence where exactly I am at.
00:18:21.030 --> 00:18:25.573
Oh, when people get this fear of success.
00:18:26.448 --> 00:18:26.905
Yeah.
00:18:26.905 --> 00:18:30.490
It's one of those things that my brain doesn't.
00:18:30.948 --> 00:18:33.948
I, I don't know how people get that.
00:18:34.240 --> 00:18:35.323
Okay.
00:18:35.323 --> 00:18:38.323
I don't know where it comes from.
00:18:39.490 --> 00:18:42.780
So I guess what I would like to ask, I mean, like, how does that show up?
00:18:42.780 --> 00:18:45.490
How does. I mean, what happens with that?
00:18:45.490 --> 00:18:46.405
Yeah. Good question.
00:18:46.405 --> 00:18:49.740
So what happens if things actually go well.
00:18:49.905 --> 00:18:50.740
Yeah. Yeah.
00:18:50.740 --> 00:18:54.405
So fear of success and this is interesting and often shows up.
00:18:54.405 --> 00:18:57.280
And again some of the work that I've done, it shows up as overthinking.
00:18:57.280 --> 00:19:01.490
And it shows up as delaying quietly shrinking or the momentum.
00:19:01.698 --> 00:19:04.698
Just as momentum starts to build we start to shrink.
00:19:04.740 --> 00:19:10.905
And in part, that's because you're moving into a space that you've never been before and it feels uncomfortable.
00:19:11.323 --> 00:19:14.865
I see that the vibration of who you are right now is safe.
00:19:15.780 --> 00:19:22.573
So I'm Christie in this business right now I'm Chrissy in this leadership role or I'm Chrissy in this this role in the community.
00:19:22.865 --> 00:19:24.280
This feels safe.
00:19:24.280 --> 00:19:24.530
Chris.
00:19:24.530 --> 00:19:27.448
She's been called to do something bigger than that.
00:19:27.448 --> 00:19:28.948
What happens if it doesn't go well?
00:19:28.948 --> 00:19:30.405
What happens if it's fear like?
00:19:30.405 --> 00:19:41.073
And you may be asking to do this like you may be naturally moving towards that, but we will shrink ourselves because we often fear, because higher level of success, higher level of accountability.
00:19:41.073 --> 00:19:42.948
It just it feels different.
00:19:42.948 --> 00:19:44.280
It's a different vibration.
00:19:44.280 --> 00:19:49.490
So, you know, sometimes people worry about being more visible, more responsible.
00:19:49.490 --> 00:19:52.490
What means what if I have to take care of more people?
00:19:52.573 --> 00:19:56.948
What if I let them down like I'm I'm okay to be in this level.
00:19:57.280 --> 00:19:58.280
I'm safe here.
00:19:58.280 --> 00:19:59.698
I can take care of them.
00:19:59.698 --> 00:20:01.530
Fear can really keep us stuck.
00:20:01.530 --> 00:20:07.615
And I think that's something that we have to deal with, especially with managers, middle managers in a business.
00:20:07.990 --> 00:20:11.030
Well, I've never led ten people.
00:20:11.030 --> 00:20:13.448
I've only led this project.
00:20:13.448 --> 00:20:18.780
Okay, well, maybe that's a that's an indication that we need some additional professional development.
00:20:18.780 --> 00:20:20.490
Maybe we need some additional skill set.
00:20:20.490 --> 00:20:25.323
But the other part is, you know, coaching and pushing people because, you know, success requires expansion.
00:20:25.823 --> 00:20:30.780
So expansion is always going to feel uncomfortable at first because it's getting bigger.
00:20:31.740 --> 00:20:35.865
So I when people are like, oh, you know, I've dealt, I've dealt with this room and I'm okay with this.
00:20:35.865 --> 00:20:37.448
Everybody knows me every lead.
00:20:37.448 --> 00:20:41.865
I have to go over here and I'm only going to know ten people instead of 100 people.
00:20:42.365 --> 00:20:43.698
I won't do that.
00:20:43.698 --> 00:20:45.490
And, you know, here's what I will say.
00:20:45.490 --> 00:20:48.155
And I don't know if we're going to agree or disagree.
00:20:48.155 --> 00:20:52.240
If somebody doesn't want to grow, it's okay.
00:20:52.240 --> 00:20:54.655
Like you don't like, I'm not going to grow, damn it.
00:20:54.655 --> 00:20:58.990
I'm not going to force somebody to do something that they're really not comfortable with.
00:20:58.990 --> 00:21:07.323
However, for me, I am going to force myself to do things because I know that I need to keep moving forward, and that's how I'm going to continue to ascend.
00:21:07.323 --> 00:21:09.573
But you cannot force people's ascension.
00:21:09.573 --> 00:21:10.530
No, no.
00:21:10.530 --> 00:21:17.115
And I also realize, too, that there is a certain skill level that people want to get to, and there's a certain aspiration that they want to get to.
00:21:17.115 --> 00:21:19.530
They don't want to push past that and that is okay.
00:21:19.530 --> 00:21:20.823
Yeah, 100%.
00:21:21.990 --> 00:21:24.905
There is healthy fear.
00:21:24.905 --> 00:21:26.448
Yeah, there is caution.
00:21:26.448 --> 00:21:31.490
There is a reason why as a, as humans, we're alive.
00:21:32.448 --> 00:21:34.530
Fear is kind of this evolutionary thing.
00:21:34.530 --> 00:21:38.115
If you look at, like, rabbits, they're prey animals.
00:21:38.115 --> 00:21:41.115
They are they have they are scared a damn near everything.
00:21:41.323 --> 00:21:42.448
And they should be.
00:21:42.448 --> 00:21:45.448
That is what has allowed rabbits to survive.
00:21:46.030 --> 00:21:49.030
Where where do you see healthy and unhealthy fear?
00:21:50.490 --> 00:21:53.115
Is. Not all fears bad?
00:21:53.115 --> 00:21:54.780
I mean, I agree with you.
00:21:53.115 --> 00:21:54.780
Not all fears bad.
00:21:54.780 --> 00:21:55.780
Sometimes it's wisdom.
00:21:55.780 --> 00:21:57.780
Wisdom whispering, other times.
00:21:57.780 --> 00:21:59.198
Wisdom whispering.
00:21:59.198 --> 00:21:59.905
And whispering.
00:21:59.905 --> 00:22:02.823
Sometimes fear is wisdom whispering.
00:22:02.823 --> 00:22:05.740
Other times it's trauma. Screaming.
00:22:05.740 --> 00:22:09.615
It is, Or is wisdom whispering to you?
00:22:09.615 --> 00:22:12.615
Or is trauma screaming?
00:22:13.405 --> 00:22:15.115
So I think.
00:22:15.115 --> 00:22:17.240
I know it's it's.
00:22:17.240 --> 00:22:18.448
Called professional development.
00:22:18.448 --> 00:22:20.280
I do this is what you get for me.
00:22:21.323 --> 00:22:23.823
I oh, God, it could be a hallmark card.
00:22:23.823 --> 00:22:24.740
I was about to say.
00:22:24.740 --> 00:22:27.448
I'm usually the ones with the with the sayings like that.
00:22:27.448 --> 00:22:29.740
Oh, boy. You're out of the bag.
00:22:29.740 --> 00:22:33.490
Yeah, I, I should just leave, Here.
00:22:33.490 --> 00:22:36.573
So here's all healthy fear. Caution.
00:22:36.780 --> 00:22:40.115
You get caution from healthy fear, you get planning from healthy fear.
00:22:40.115 --> 00:22:42.780
You get humility. 100% from. Healthy fear.
00:22:42.780 --> 00:22:43.865
Yes, that is good.
00:22:43.865 --> 00:22:46.990
Yes. It's okay to have a little bit of fear.
00:22:47.073 --> 00:22:47.490
All right?
00:22:47.490 --> 00:22:50.740
It slows you down just enough to think before you leave.
00:22:50.905 --> 00:22:51.280
Yeah.
00:22:51.280 --> 00:22:54.490
You know, and potentially also drag everybody else with you.
00:22:55.073 --> 00:22:58.365
I will say that fear probably keeps me a little bit more.
00:22:58.365 --> 00:23:01.198
More rooted to not drag people kicking and screaming.
00:23:01.198 --> 00:23:02.615
But there's paralyzing fear.
00:23:02.615 --> 00:23:08.155
And that's something that there are times where I have struggled with this, and there are times I still struggle with this so paralyzing fear.
00:23:08.155 --> 00:23:14.365
It keeps you frozen even when you've got clarity available, even when you've got the ability to think through.
00:23:14.365 --> 00:23:16.030
It feeds on perfectionism.
00:23:16.030 --> 00:23:18.698
It feeds on pressure.
00:23:16.030 --> 00:23:18.698
It feeds on self-doubt.
00:23:18.698 --> 00:23:22.990
And that's really what keeps us move, that keeps us from moving into a bigger room.
00:23:23.490 --> 00:23:23.823
All right.
00:23:23.823 --> 00:23:27.990
So the key to recognizing the type of fear is the source.
00:23:28.155 --> 00:23:30.615
So are you being thoughtful?
00:23:30.615 --> 00:23:33.530
Is your fear thoughtful or is your fear avoidant?
00:23:33.530 --> 00:23:36.155
Those are the questions you need to ask yourself.
00:23:36.155 --> 00:23:36.530
Yeah.
00:23:36.530 --> 00:23:42.030
And so for me, being able to answer that question helps separate the two.
00:23:42.030 --> 00:23:46.073
And that clarity usually comes through action not more waiting.
00:23:46.323 --> 00:23:48.905
It's what do I need to do to move past this?
00:23:48.905 --> 00:23:51.365
Is this something that why am I fearful?
00:23:51.365 --> 00:23:54.073
Am I fearful because I haven't done this before?
00:23:54.073 --> 00:24:00.198
Am I fearful because there is a legitimate risk that could be extremely detrimental?
00:24:00.573 --> 00:24:09.780
Or is there a risk that it could just be a little bit of ego bruising, as in like if I fail, who's going to be watching me?
00:24:09.780 --> 00:24:13.155
Are the chance that's going know why exactly are the other kids?
00:24:13.155 --> 00:24:26.198
Well, you said you were going to do this and you decided to do that like a great example for me, for a long time I would have fear because it was, you know, if I change my mind and I don't want to do it, then I failed.
00:24:26.698 --> 00:24:27.780
It's like, no, no, no, no.
00:24:27.780 --> 00:24:32.615
Changing your mind, pivoting, moving in a different direction is not a failure.
00:24:32.780 --> 00:24:34.698
It's just decision making. Correct.
00:24:34.698 --> 00:24:40.115
And so I mean, having, you know, taking on a third generation family business.
00:24:40.115 --> 00:25:46.375
So purchasing that, transitioning it, doing a startup and then taking a startup, restructuring it out of receivership, that was another company that I dealt with in Texas.
00:25:46.375 --> 00:26:02.500
I mean, there are lots of lessons from things that I've never done before moving in different rooms, dealing with different types of levels of of individuals, whether it's investors, whether it's government, regulatory bodies, like how do you kind of work through those things.
00:26:02.500 --> 00:26:05.293
And so for me, it's also asking those questions like, what am I doing?
00:26:05.293 --> 00:26:08.293
Am I being thoughtful or am I being avoidant of something?
00:26:08.293 --> 00:26:15.418
And I think for me now, more of the fear that I deal with and like, oh, I don't want to do that, I'm not doing that.
00:26:15.418 --> 00:26:17.418
It's probably a better way to say, I will say, I'm not doing that.
00:26:17.418 --> 00:26:19.710
And it's like, wait a second, I'm being avoidant.
00:26:19.710 --> 00:26:26.210
Not because it's not the right decision, but because it feels uncomfortable and it's going to require me to be a different person.
00:26:26.210 --> 00:26:29.668
I have to grow to be that person, to be able to truly make that decision.
00:26:30.460 --> 00:26:34.250
It's funny, I like I have a very different way of looking at it.
00:26:35.835 --> 00:26:38.835
I am a probabilities person.
00:26:39.335 --> 00:26:40.835
Nice.
00:26:40.835 --> 00:26:43.543
And it's it's also how I look at people.
00:26:43.543 --> 00:26:43.875
Yeah.
00:26:43.875 --> 00:26:49.335
If someone does these three things, there is a pretty high probability that they're going to do the fourth.
00:26:49.335 --> 00:26:53.875
If they do these five things, there's a medium probability that they'll do the sixth.
00:26:53.960 --> 00:26:57.668
It's from looking at patterns and things, looking at people, looking at stuff like that.
00:26:57.668 --> 00:27:00.168
I do the same thing when it comes to fear. Yeah.
00:27:00.168 --> 00:27:04.585
So I look at once again, is this a high probability of happening?
00:27:04.585 --> 00:27:07.668
And when it's the big thing I'm like, well typically no.
00:27:07.750 --> 00:27:08.835
Yeah.
00:27:08.835 --> 00:27:18.750
The growth piece I can understand is how that's uncomfortable because it, it it is it's like every network, like when you go to a new networking group, it's that same fear.
00:27:18.750 --> 00:27:19.543
I mean.
00:27:19.543 --> 00:27:21.168
Everyone's going to hate me. Right?
00:27:21.168 --> 00:27:27.250
You are like, we both walk into a room and we're both like, hi, we can talk to anyone.
00:27:27.250 --> 00:27:32.585
That does not mean I didn't sit in the car for two minutes going, okay, you got this. You got this.
00:27:32.585 --> 00:27:35.335
70 hands like this, like power post, power post power post.
00:27:35.335 --> 00:27:36.293
You can do it.
00:27:36.293 --> 00:27:37.710
You don't. That.
00:27:37.710 --> 00:27:39.085
Do you think I've done this?
00:27:39.085 --> 00:27:43.210
I feel my people know when I walk them through the office.
00:27:43.210 --> 00:27:43.875
I've got my hands up.
00:27:43.875 --> 00:27:46.875
They're like, oh, crap, she's going to have a difficult conversation.
00:27:46.875 --> 00:27:48.793
Yeah, I, I it. Works.
00:27:48.793 --> 00:27:51.210
I do not have the power pose your. Hands on your head.
00:27:51.210 --> 00:27:53.960
It's just it's pulling your hands above your heart.
00:27:53.960 --> 00:27:58.668
So it's like it's specifically like it's a great quick trick to put you in a better state.
00:27:59.710 --> 00:28:00.793
Interesting.
00:28:00.793 --> 00:28:02.168
I'll try it sometime.
00:28:02.168 --> 00:28:03.835
Yeah.
00:28:02.168 --> 00:28:03.835
We'll have a conversation about state.
00:28:03.835 --> 00:28:05.375
I'm sure you'll be like, oh, crap.
00:28:05.375 --> 00:28:08.375
Just all that personal email and stuff.
00:28:09.918 --> 00:28:12.710
For me, once again, though, it really comes back to that probability.
00:28:12.710 --> 00:28:15.250
Like, what is the probability that this is going to happen?
00:28:15.250 --> 00:28:16.960
It's low.
00:28:16.960 --> 00:28:18.710
What is the probability this is going to happen?
00:28:18.710 --> 00:28:19.793
Well, this is medium.
00:28:19.793 --> 00:28:22.000
And I mean, it doesn't need to be direct numbers.
00:28:22.000 --> 00:28:24.168
It's just have an idea. Yeah.
00:28:24.168 --> 00:28:27.460
And take the time to put that type of stuff into perspective.
00:28:27.460 --> 00:28:37.000
If you put it into perspective, suddenly the fear winds itself out and you can be like, okay, there is a low likelihood of things happening to me here.
00:28:38.168 --> 00:28:44.668
If you find that that doesn't win the fear out, you need to look at two things you need to look at.
00:28:44.668 --> 00:28:53.543
Am I stuck in an emotional state and just not able to calculate this, or is this something that actually is a concern?
00:28:53.543 --> 00:28:58.750
Yeah, you need to you set it down, don't do anything with it and come back and relook at it later.
00:28:59.085 --> 00:29:00.500
Do you know who Tim Ferriss is?
00:29:00.500 --> 00:29:02.668
I know the name.
00:29:00.500 --> 00:29:05.460
So Tim Ferriss I mean like OG podcaster at some point like he hasn't.
00:29:05.460 --> 00:29:08.293
Yeah. But wrote the four hour workweek.
00:29:08.293 --> 00:29:11.125
He does a Ted talk about reverse engineering fear.
00:29:11.125 --> 00:29:13.960
Oh, and relate some very similar things that you're talking to.
00:29:13.960 --> 00:29:16.918
You know, what are all of the things that could go wrong?
00:29:16.918 --> 00:29:18.293
What are all the things that could go right?
00:29:18.293 --> 00:29:21.585
But I mean, if I know what could go wrong, then I don't need to fear it.
00:29:22.043 --> 00:29:24.210
Right? Because I can navigate. So yeah.
00:29:24.210 --> 00:29:25.668
And you can be prepared.
00:29:25.668 --> 00:29:31.000
You could, I mean, always I mean, once again, if I'm walking into a shitstorm.
00:29:31.000 --> 00:29:34.000
Yep. I want to know which way the wind's blowing.
00:29:34.585 --> 00:29:37.250
From an from an actionable standpoint.
00:29:37.250 --> 00:29:37.835
Yeah.
00:29:37.835 --> 00:29:41.500
The one and I starting out is identifying the fear.
00:29:41.500 --> 00:29:43.085
What are you afraid of?
00:29:44.835 --> 00:29:53.710
Yeah, I mean, sissy, just the way it sounded like, really figuring out, like, what are the top four things that are holding you back?
00:29:53.710 --> 00:29:56.793
What what what are you afraid of when you look at that?
00:29:56.793 --> 00:30:00.835
And you can pull the emotional piece out of that, that becomes just huge.
00:30:01.168 --> 00:30:05.168
That ties into that worst case scenario, the worst case scenario.
00:30:05.168 --> 00:30:08.960
Look at it for two reasons a what is the absolute worst thing that happens?
00:30:08.960 --> 00:30:11.293
Will our business melt down to the ground?
00:30:08.960 --> 00:30:11.293
Yeah.
00:30:11.293 --> 00:30:13.460
Well, what's the probability of that happening?
00:30:13.460 --> 00:30:15.585
Probably slim to none.
00:30:15.585 --> 00:30:18.585
What is the worst probable case?
00:30:18.875 --> 00:30:20.750
Is it uncomfortable? Sure.
00:30:20.750 --> 00:30:21.793
Is it survivable?
00:30:21.793 --> 00:30:24.793
Yeah.
00:30:25.750 --> 00:30:27.710
What are some other actionable pieces from your end?
00:30:27.710 --> 00:30:29.418
So I would say creating a plan.
00:30:29.418 --> 00:30:34.335
I mean, really working on developing that specific plan to address the fear, breaking it down into small, manageable steps.
00:30:34.335 --> 00:30:40.918
I know that my fear oftentimes as a business owner, I'm homeless at least once a week, depending on like, what's it like?
00:30:40.918 --> 00:30:42.875
That's where my my spiral will go to.
00:30:42.875 --> 00:30:45.835
And I think part of it too, is acknowledging it with other people.
00:30:45.835 --> 00:30:48.918
Because when you say, hey, I've got this fear and they're like, yeah, I do half the time too.
00:30:48.918 --> 00:30:52.875
You're like, wait a second, okay, I'm not I'm not abnormal.
00:30:52.875 --> 00:30:54.875
No, don't I don't have a problem here.
00:30:54.875 --> 00:30:57.500
And I will say to about, you know, communicating with your team.
00:30:57.500 --> 00:31:09.043
So talking to your team about what's making you anxious and then also talking to your team about, you know, it's okay to fail because if your team is scared to fail, they will never truly innovate.
00:31:09.043 --> 00:31:10.585
They'll only perform.
00:31:10.585 --> 00:31:12.043
And so it's really important.
00:31:12.043 --> 00:31:15.960
You can't build resilience if people believe that mistakes are career ending.
00:31:16.210 --> 00:31:21.710
And so communicating with your team, I think is one of the biggest points that you can make, especially get people.
00:31:23.210 --> 00:31:23.585
Yeah.
00:31:23.585 --> 00:31:30.793
The the take action piece on that too is just, just a huge I mean, make sure you overcome that fear, confront it.
00:31:31.750 --> 00:31:37.960
There's been times where I've had lost jobs, and, Oh, my God, this is the end.
00:31:37.960 --> 00:31:40.918
The first time it happened to me, I'm like, Life is over.
00:31:40.918 --> 00:31:43.418
Right?
00:31:40.918 --> 00:31:43.418
My life is over. The sun came up next day.
00:31:43.418 --> 00:31:48.125
And I had a two month vacation and then found a really great job after that.
00:31:48.125 --> 00:31:51.125
And I was like, oh, well, that was pretty cool.
00:31:53.000 --> 00:31:57.710
So yeah, taking that action is a great way to overcome that fear.
00:31:57.710 --> 00:32:11.585
What like and like I said, as you look into so many businesses, what is the single biggest sign where you walk through the door and you look around, you're like, oh, this guy is a fraidy cat.
00:32:12.543 --> 00:32:14.710
Yeah.
00:32:14.710 --> 00:32:20.210
Over rationalization, because fear disguise disguises itself as logic.
00:32:21.168 --> 00:32:24.168
So we say we're not ready yet.
00:32:24.293 --> 00:32:26.168
We can't do that. We're not ready.
00:32:26.168 --> 00:32:27.293
We don't have that skill set.
00:32:27.293 --> 00:32:31.125
Let's just we're going to stabilize before we try something new.
00:32:31.500 --> 00:32:34.500
And what that is, is you're often avoiding that vulnerability.
00:32:35.125 --> 00:32:38.750
So fear based leadership whispers that taking a risk could expose you.
00:32:38.750 --> 00:32:40.500
And in doing so it limits growth.
00:32:40.500 --> 00:32:43.125
Because it's really about again that fear of failure.
00:32:43.125 --> 00:32:45.960
So I'm just going to over rationalize why we can't do it. Yeah.
00:32:45.960 --> 00:32:49.250
We just we can't we can't I appreciate that feedback.
00:32:49.543 --> 00:32:52.000
That's a really great idea.
00:32:52.000 --> 00:32:52.960
Well maybe look at that.
00:32:52.960 --> 00:32:54.375
Next year in our strategic plan.
00:32:54.375 --> 00:32:56.710
We're going to table that for now.
00:32:56.710 --> 00:32:57.918
Put a pin in it.
00:32:57.918 --> 00:33:00.375
That we should we do an episode on corporate lingo.
00:33:00.375 --> 00:33:02.335
Yes I. Love it.
00:33:04.125 --> 00:33:07.750
That'll be the episode where I put a job sheet for that wall.
00:33:08.750 --> 00:33:09.210
All right.
00:33:09.210 --> 00:33:14.625
So what's a simple tool or method a business owner can use to get a clear picture of what their fears actually are?
00:33:14.668 --> 00:33:18.793
Rationalizing it, not over rationalizing it, rationalize it.
00:33:19.168 --> 00:33:27.375
Look at the probabilities of things like spend time when you're not in oh, oh, oh mode.
00:33:27.375 --> 00:33:30.168
Yeah, go in, be like, hey, look, I'm relaxed.
00:33:30.168 --> 00:33:32.625
What is this?
00:33:30.168 --> 00:33:32.625
What's the probability of this?
00:33:32.625 --> 00:33:33.875
Okay, great.
00:33:33.875 --> 00:33:36.500
What's this?
00:33:33.875 --> 00:33:36.500
What's the probability of this?
00:33:36.500 --> 00:33:40.960
Look at it rationally, not over rationalizing like, well, we can't do this.
00:33:40.960 --> 00:33:46.750
I mean, you're you're I love how you said we can't do the thing because of the thing and the thing and the thing and the thing.
00:33:47.710 --> 00:33:49.500
That's over rationalization.
00:33:49.500 --> 00:33:52.875
If you say, look, there's like a 5% chance this bad thing happens.
00:33:53.668 --> 00:33:55.293
Okay, great. Go ahead and do it.
00:33:55.293 --> 00:33:57.710
That's entrepreneurship 100%.
00:33:57.710 --> 00:34:01.335
If, if and deciding to what you're comfortable with.
00:34:01.710 --> 00:34:02.043
Yeah.
00:34:02.043 --> 00:34:14.210
If you're only like if death is a thing I guess I would say it is if there's 100 moms and one of them is poisoned, I'm probably not going to eat them in M&Ms.
00:34:14.710 --> 00:34:23.543
But in many other cases, if there is a 1% chance something bad happens in my business, I'm probably going to take probably probably going to take that chance.
00:34:23.543 --> 00:34:24.710
Yeah.
00:34:24.710 --> 00:34:31.335
I'm not going to eat the M&M, so decide where that percentage is and go from there.
00:34:31.335 --> 00:34:37.625
To me, the the other thing that I would say with that is bring other people in. Yeah.
00:34:37.960 --> 00:34:40.460
Ask ask a coach, ask a friend.
00:34:40.460 --> 00:34:47.210
Ask an employee like, hey, what do you think the odds are this of the the the the bomb happening?
00:34:47.210 --> 00:34:50.085
If we do this, they're going to have a really good idea.
00:34:50.085 --> 00:34:51.625
They're probably gonna have a better idea than you will.
00:34:51.625 --> 00:35:02.210
Let's say finding a group of people, whether they're business owners or it's a coach or it's just someone else that knows you and can have that, that transparency and willingness to say, are you just freaking out?
00:35:03.750 --> 00:35:04.418
Like, what?
00:35:04.418 --> 00:35:06.500
Are you really afraid?
00:35:04.418 --> 00:35:06.500
I just need a Xanax?
00:35:06.500 --> 00:35:08.375
Well, it's a good question.
00:35:08.375 --> 00:35:11.209
No, it it it very much is because it is.
00:35:11.209 --> 00:35:19.167
It is that what's tough is as business owners, it is tough to stretch yourself to say, what am I actually, afraid of?
00:35:19.875 --> 00:35:28.209
Sometimes you need to sit across the table from someone with a couple of microphones and headphones on and talk it out over the period of 3634.
00:35:28.292 --> 00:35:30.500
That's that's a good time.
00:35:30.500 --> 00:35:34.250
To everyone that, is ready to face their fears head on.
00:35:35.584 --> 00:35:38.042
Go ahead and call Chrissy.
00:35:38.042 --> 00:35:39.125
She will help guide you through.
00:35:39.125 --> 00:35:40.084
I'm excited.
00:35:40.084 --> 00:35:43.084
I will probably make them worse for you.
00:35:44.125 --> 00:35:47.500
We would love for you to go visit Business Fix podcast.com.
00:35:47.500 --> 00:35:58.334
If you would like to have us talk about culture, any one of those things, or if you just have a question, we would love for you to go into the website and give us a topic, because we've got a list of topics.
00:35:58.792 --> 00:36:01.959
But I'm really curious as to what people want to hear about us.
00:36:02.334 --> 00:36:06.459
We've we've done some of those before and they've turned out to be really great suggestions.
00:36:06.459 --> 00:36:08.917
Review, subscription, all those other stuff.
00:36:08.917 --> 00:36:13.500
The comments, any of that we would always appreciate.
00:36:13.500 --> 00:36:15.417
Next week.
00:36:15.417 --> 00:36:15.917
Yeah.
00:36:15.917 --> 00:36:19.250
Personal social media.
00:36:19.584 --> 00:36:20.959
Oh, boy.
00:36:20.959 --> 00:36:22.584
Right.
00:36:22.584 --> 00:36:23.000
Right.
00:36:23.000 --> 00:36:25.584
That's a loaded topic in so many ways.
00:36:25.584 --> 00:36:33.042
It is, this is one that I definitely think people are going to want to tune into, especially, I think from an HR perspective.
00:36:33.125 --> 00:36:36.792
Yeah, you're going to have some good information.
00:36:36.792 --> 00:36:44.500
And especially as this younger generation comes up, so much of it's there and they do not always realize who has access.
00:36:45.250 --> 00:36:47.209
We've got all sorts of stuff to talk about.
00:36:47.209 --> 00:36:49.000
Big good time. Yes. Do me a favor.
00:36:49.000 --> 00:36:49.959
Take care of yourself.
00:36:49.959 --> 00:36:54.459
If you can't take care of someone else too, we will see you very, very soon.