The Emotional Intelligence Gap: Is Your Leadership Hurting Your Business?

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When we say the word emotional intelligence, what do you think?
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Process.
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Really?
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Yeah.
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Process and a set of tools in terms of what things that you use to prove that you have intelligence around how to navigate your own emotions are.
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Do you think that's like we're going to talk about there's a, there's a slight gap between what people do and what people think.
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Yeah.
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Most of us are emotionally stupid, not intelligent.
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That's what we're going to talk about it this week.
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Stay tuned.
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She's the CEO.
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He's the marketing and operations guy.
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If it's broken, you need the business fix.
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There have been many times where I have been sitting in the room and you see the like.
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I had a view into the parking lot and I can see the boss get out of the car.
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Okay.
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And you're as you watch that, you're trying to figure out, do I need to go to the bathroom now and hide?
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Do I like is this the day where I pop my head out of my cubicle and say, hey.
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Or is this where I just quietly work?
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Right.
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Put my headphones on type things?
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Yes.
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Right.
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Do I go to the bathroom?
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Do I call in sick even though I'm already here?
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Huh?
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The emotional weather patterns of people.
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Yes.
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And the problem is, is like.
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I want to address this in a way that it is like most business owners, most good managers are emotional beings.
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Yeah.
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It's what makes us good.
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Yes.
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It's what makes us passionate about what we're doing.
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Yes.
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We don't want to neuter that.
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Not completely.
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We want to temper it.
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And we want to make sure that.
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I guess I'm going to refer to the last week's episode.
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We want to make sure that you use your emotions for good and not as a weapon.
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They are a useful tool.
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Uh, the example that I always like to give when it comes to that is I've said this about people before too.
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I have said this person is an absolute weapon.
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We just need to make sure that they are tied down on our ship, because otherwise they are going to roll around with the seas and probably shoot a hole in her own bow.
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Yes.
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Don't be that person in your own business where you're the loose cannon rolling around on the ship that may shoot a hole in your own bow.
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Yeah.
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Everybody's terrified which direction you're going to go, right?
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Right.
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Not to mention cannons are heavy.
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So they not only are they worried about the cannon ball damage, they're also worried about getting run over.
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Yes.
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Um, I've always been very well balanced and have never been highly emotional.
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Right.
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Me neither.
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Right.
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I just had to say that to always conducted myself with the utmost emotional intelligence skills.
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Right.
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Right.
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I've always been really good at this.
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Where I talk to everybody else who's done it wrong.
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It hasn't, I haven't I've needed no work on this and just continue to be just perfect about this and yeah.
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Um.
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Yeah.
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Liar.
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The nice thing is, is you're going to tackle the human side of this and there's operations to it.
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And I like that.
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And I'm going to talk about like the operational side of this, because I'm not going to be as good talking about the human side of this.
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That's okay.
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That's why we do this together.
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Correct.
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And to me, I feel like I'm showing emotional intelligence by saying like, look, go ahead Chrissy.
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Yeah.
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So with this, we both know founders and we both work with them.
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Let's see emotional intelligence as HR fluff.
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Yeah, absolutely.
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They see it as the what the hell?
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That's this like rainbow unicorn.
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Make them feel good to do their job.
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Right.
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Right here.
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Just have pizza instead.
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Instead from the visionary and personnel standpoint.
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Yeah.
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Why?
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Like why is a leader's lack of self-awareness typically the single fastest way that employee retention and team trust get destroyed?
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Yeah.
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So first off, for those people that think emotional intelligence is soft, it's generally because they don't want to admit how expensive their own reactivity can be.
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Holy cow.
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That.
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I mean, should we call the episode there?
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We're done.
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I mean mic drop, right.
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You are the problem now, right?
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Well, to me, I feel like what we should just do is take that one line.
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Most of our podcasts are anywhere between thirty five and fifty five minutes.
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The next thirty five or fifty five minutes is just going to be that one line playing over and over again.
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Leaders call emotional intelligence soft because they do not want to admit how explosive their own reactivity can be.
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Yes.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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So and I say that as somebody who I've I've done it wrong.
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Right.
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I have had to learn the hard way from some of these things by reacting the wrong way or not the most appropriate way or not the most ideal way, however you want to couch it to like, give yourself like some encouragement, you can fix these things we've done mess this up, both of us.
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We have really badly.
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It's been an expensive lesson that I've had to learn more than once.
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So just to say, for me, it's definitely plural lessons.
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So we're going to talk about it because, you know, emotional intelligence is not about being calm every second of every day.
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Because I think that's the other thing is like people pivot to like, well, I just need to be able to just show no emotion.
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No, that's not realistic because we're human.
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No one wants to follow a robot.
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No. And we get frustrated.
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We get tired, we get disappointed, we get overwhelmed.
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And it's okay for our team to see some of those things.
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Occasionally, low emotional intelligence becomes a business problem when the leader's mood becomes the operating system.
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And that's.
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Yeah.
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And that's when the team stops executing and starts interpreting.
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They stop asking what's the priority?
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And then they start asking, well, what's the version of her that we're getting today?
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Right.
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Is it sunshine?
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Is it silence?
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Is it tornadic activity?
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Like what?
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What a tornado?
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Yes.
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What mood is he or she going to do?
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Like, what are we going to get?
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And that costs the business more than leaders really want to admit.
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Because when your team can't predict how you're going to respond, they're going to stop bringing you the truth.
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And Loic doesn't just make people uncomfortable, it makes the business less honest.
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So an employee stop saying, here's what went wrong.
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I think this process is broken or I need help.
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They start managing your mood instead of managing the work, and high performers are usually the first ones to feel that because high performers want to solve problems, they want to tell the truth, they want to make the business better.
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But if every piece of feedback turns into defensiveness from you as the leader, if it turns into blame, it turns into an emotional explosion.
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They stop trying.
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Or worse yet, they leave.
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And that's the hidden cost of that emotional intelligence, or lack thereof.
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It's not just turnover.
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It's the silence that happens before the turnover.
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You know, in the meeting where everyone nods, but nobody believes what's going on.
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It's the manager who softens the truth because they don't want to deal with the fallout or the employee who saves the problem, but but decides it's not worth the reaction.
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You know, I see an issue, but you know, it's not worth Chrissy's reaction on that.
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So I'm just not going to bring it to her.
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That is a problem.
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And it's incredibly dangerous for a CEO or business owner or even a manager because you're leading from filtered information.
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I it's funny you say that because I see it all the time where there's the CEO That has the yes men.
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Yes.
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And when you see that, you're like, dude, you have no idea what's happening in your business.
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No, you think you have alignment, but what you really have is compliance.
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Yep.
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And silent compliance is not trust itself.
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Protection.
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So emotionally intelligent leadership is learning to pause, perceive, and proceed with clarity.
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We have three P's.
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I know I brought the letter people back, three P's.
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They're back.
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They're back.
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I mean, I got to bring I actually got to bring the letter people back.
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You need to bring it back in.
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Yeah.
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So I think the framework is really simple.
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It's pause perceive proceed.
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So these are the three things you need to know or do as you're starting to build your emotional intelligence.
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So when you're like, well, I don't think every I think everything's fine.
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Nobody ever brings me a problem.
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Listen to me right now.
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You're the problem.
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You're the problem.
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So we're gonna pause, perceive, proceed.
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So first pause, pause before you react.
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Before you send the message, call the meeting.
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Correct the employee.
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Change the direction.
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All right.
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And unload your stress on your team.
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Stop long enough to regulate your emotion.
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All right.
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Not forever.
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It's not like you have to stop and not do anything long enough to make your emotional state and make sure that it is not everyone else's emergency.
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Okay.
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Calm yourself.
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Pause.
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Then we're going to check yourself.
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Check yourself before you wreck your organization, not just yourself.
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It's check yourself before you wreck everything around you.
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Okay.
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You're setting me up for all the good things like this.
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Here, Christie.
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Thank you.
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You're gonna have a good time.
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All right, so then you're going to perceive we're going to ask ourselves what's actually happening here.
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Emotional awareness around this.
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Is this a people issue?
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Is this a process.
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Is this a communication.
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Is it a capacity issue or am I just, you know, triggered?
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How do we use that word triggered because this feels personal and attack towards me.
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Can I can I add something to what is actually happening here.
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Yes.
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You need to ask it as what is actually happening here.
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Yeah.
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Not what the hell?
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No. It's what is actually happening here.
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That is the question in that tone.
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What is actually happening?
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Not what the hell?
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Bob?
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No. All right.
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And that step really matters.
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That's probably you.
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Pause first perceive and ask that question.
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That step matters because leaders have to separate the event from the story they are telling themselves about the event, because it's not about what happened.
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It's the story that we tell ourselves huge.
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And then it's proceed.
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So once we've paused, we've perceived we're going to proceed.
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And that is proceed with a few things.
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Clarity, facts and accountability.
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Do not proceed with your ego driving the bus.
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Why not?
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Um, because you're gonna wreck it because it's gonna crash and it's gonna you're gonna kill it.
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All your employees are on the bus and you're gonna crash and they're watching you drive them and they're like, oh my gosh, if they, they're not capable of getting us where we need to go, they're all going to leave eventually.
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You cannot live in this way forever.
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I know people are like, well, this is the way it's always been.
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No it's not.
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Eventually they're going to leave.
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So self awareness is is an executive responsibility.
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Yes.
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It's really important.
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So you have to remember.
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Can you recognize what those things are that cause you to elevate dare I say again recognize your triggers.
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Can you understand the impact that your reaction is going to have on the room?
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When people are like, when, when CEOs and managers go, well, my people are resilient.
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They can just do it.
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They'll be fine.
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Maybe once, maybe twice.
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But you create this pattern.
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They're not going to stay here.
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They're not going to stay through your emotional temper tantrum storms.
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Eventually they're going to go.
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There are other places where I can work.
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I mean, a great question that you can ask yourself is, can you receive bad news without punishing the messenger?
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Oh big one.
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Yeah.
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If someone in my organization brings me news that I don't necessarily want to hear, I say thank you for telling me.
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We always say thank you even if we don't like it.
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Because if the answer is no, I can't take feedback or news without punishing the messenger.
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Your team is going to stop telling you what you need to know.
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And once that happens, your execution starts breaking down before your numbers show it.
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So the goal is not to be emotionless.
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The goal is really to become trustworthy.
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Pause before you react.
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Perceive what is actually happening.
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Proceed with clarity, not ego.
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Because again, emotionally intelligent leadership is learning to pause, perceive and proceed.
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To the three P's there.
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Pause.
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Proceed.
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Just pause.
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Perceive.
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You always find a way to tie these in.
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I'm trying really hard.
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That's like my mission is to make it simple.
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So I have worked with a number, um, but one in particular that always comes up with this that led with emotional volatility.
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I mean, the slightest bit of stress they just lose their shit is the only way I can put it.
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Yep.
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Um, they would always blame others.
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And no matter what you did, the goalposts would move.
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What happens to like, the psychological safety of a team when like, I know some of them are like, we have to push, we have to push, we have to.
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And they get all like, uh, they get all amped up about it.
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What happens to people?
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Like, does that get them to work harder?
00:14:51.893 --> 00:14:54.460
Or is this survival mode?
00:14:54.460 --> 00:14:56.526
Oh, they default to survival mode.
00:14:56.526 --> 00:14:57.926
It's like, duh.
00:14:57.926 --> 00:14:59.460
But and they may still look busy.
00:14:59.460 --> 00:15:00.759
And that's what makes it tricky.
00:15:00.759 --> 00:15:03.460
I have done that so many times where I'm like, boss is coming.
00:15:03.460 --> 00:15:04.426
Type a random email.
00:15:04.426 --> 00:15:06.259
Yeah, it could be complete gibberish.
00:15:06.259 --> 00:15:06.526
Yeah.
00:15:06.526 --> 00:15:09.060
Survival mode can look productive from the outside.
00:15:09.060 --> 00:15:10.060
It's answering emails.
00:15:10.060 --> 00:15:11.026
They're still in meetings.
00:15:11.026 --> 00:15:12.093
It sounds good.
00:15:12.093 --> 00:15:13.660
That sounds like a great idea.
00:15:13.660 --> 00:15:16.926
So the boss, they're just saying yes, they all become those.
00:15:16.926 --> 00:15:18.326
Yes, that sounds wonderful.
00:15:18.326 --> 00:15:22.326
They're moving around and doing things, but internally they are not giving you their best thinking.
00:15:22.326 --> 00:15:23.692
No, their managing risk.
00:15:23.692 --> 00:15:26.225
They're choosing their words carefully.
00:15:26.225 --> 00:15:29.026
They're avoiding hard conversations, they're delaying bad news.
00:15:29.026 --> 00:15:30.493
And that's not high performance.
00:15:30.493 --> 00:15:31.759
That's emotional containment.
00:15:31.759 --> 00:15:33.759
They're just doing it for the sake of your feelings.
00:15:33.759 --> 00:15:37.560
So, you know, again, psychological safety doesn't mean everyone feels warm and fuzzy all day.
00:15:37.560 --> 00:15:47.293
It means people know they can tell the truth, ask questions, admit mistakes, raise a concern without being punished, humiliated, or dealing with your emotional blasts.
00:15:47.293 --> 00:15:59.360
So leaders with low EQ destroy that safety because the team learns the real rule, which is do not bring problems to the leader when they're in a bad mood or don't challenge that idea.
00:15:59.360 --> 00:16:00.626
Yep, that's Barb's idea.
00:16:00.626 --> 00:16:03.060
We're not going to challenge it because she's in charge.
00:16:03.060 --> 00:16:04.326
Don't ask clarifying questions.
00:16:04.326 --> 00:16:05.460
Don't admit you're confused.
00:16:05.460 --> 00:16:06.893
Don't ask for more information.
00:16:06.893 --> 00:16:08.326
You know, survive the meeting.
00:16:08.326 --> 00:16:09.893
We'll fix it later.
00:16:09.893 --> 00:16:10.725
That's what that is.
00:16:10.725 --> 00:16:14.926
And now problems are underground, and the leader thinks the team is fine because nobody's bringing any problems.
00:16:14.926 --> 00:16:17.493
Everybody says everything's fine.
00:16:17.493 --> 00:16:19.526
I mean, everyone said yes to my idea.
00:16:19.526 --> 00:16:26.759
Well, yeah, because the last time they told you no, you threw a temper tantrum, a hissy fit, and wouldn't talk to anybody for two weeks.
00:16:26.759 --> 00:16:29.926
And then you brought them all pizza and they're like, well, we'll just eat the pizza.
00:16:29.926 --> 00:16:35.160
We'll keep getting paid while we're looking for our other job that we want to do where somebody isn't going to yell at us and we're just going to wait.
00:16:35.160 --> 00:16:46.093
So instead of just like creating that environment where you've got silence and you think that silence is acceptance, it's not, I promise you, sometimes silence is the sound of people giving up.
00:16:46.093 --> 00:16:46.759
Let's pause.
00:16:46.759 --> 00:16:47.826
Perceive.
00:16:47.826 --> 00:16:48.660
Let's perceive.
00:16:48.660 --> 00:16:50.960
Silence is the sound of people giving up?
00:16:50.960 --> 00:16:51.526
Yes.
00:16:51.526 --> 00:16:53.192
Oh, that's if you're in.
00:16:53.192 --> 00:16:53.593
Yes.
00:16:53.593 --> 00:17:00.960
If you're in meetings that require a high level of innovation and no one is talking, it's just you as the business leader or the manager.
00:17:02.192 --> 00:17:04.725
Silence is the sound of people giving up.
00:17:04.725 --> 00:17:06.692
I truly love that.
00:17:06.692 --> 00:17:07.692
I truly love that.
00:17:07.692 --> 00:17:07.893
Yeah.
00:17:07.893 --> 00:17:09.725
So that's why we pause, perceive and proceed.
00:17:09.725 --> 00:17:12.759
Because once truth leaves the room, performance is going to follow it.
00:17:12.759 --> 00:17:21.593
So if we don't pause before we react, perceive what is actually happening and proceed in a way that keeps truth in the room, we're going to continue to do it wrong.
00:17:21.593 --> 00:17:24.593
I feel like like truth doesn't even follow it.
00:17:24.593 --> 00:17:27.759
I feel like if once you're.
00:17:27.759 --> 00:17:29.526
I feel like performance doesn't even follow it.
00:17:29.526 --> 00:17:34.526
I feel like once truth leaves the room, it had performance on its back.
00:17:34.526 --> 00:17:35.792
Like it's dragging it with it.
00:17:35.792 --> 00:17:36.925
They were piggyback.
00:17:36.925 --> 00:17:37.192
Yeah.
00:17:37.192 --> 00:17:41.225
I mean, they're walking hand in hand like peace.
00:17:41.225 --> 00:17:42.460
Peace out.
00:17:42.460 --> 00:17:43.160
Peace out.
00:17:43.160 --> 00:17:45.192
They're they're skipping out of the room.
00:17:45.192 --> 00:17:46.826
They're frolicking.
00:17:46.826 --> 00:17:57.725
How do you get a leader who genuinely believes their emotional outbursts are just high standards and passion?
00:17:57.725 --> 00:17:59.125
How do you like I've.
00:17:59.125 --> 00:18:00.593
And I've been around that, too.
00:18:00.593 --> 00:18:02.792
They're like, we're passionate about the business.
00:18:02.792 --> 00:18:06.125
And I'm like, no, it seems like you're really passionate about being angry most of the time.
00:18:06.125 --> 00:18:06.725
Yeah.
00:18:06.725 --> 00:18:10.925
Uh, how do you get them to run that EQ diagnostic?
00:18:10.925 --> 00:18:19.326
So part of it is having someone who's brave enough to tell them, again, this is why a lot of times entrepreneurs work with coaches and I think everyone should to some degree.
00:18:19.326 --> 00:18:25.660
Yes, passion and reactivity are not the same thing.
00:18:25.660 --> 00:18:30.593
And I think a lot of high standards, passionate people, I'm putting that in.
00:18:30.593 --> 00:18:33.692
Quotations are reactive.
00:18:33.692 --> 00:18:34.059
Yes.
00:18:34.059 --> 00:18:36.625
So passion creates energy.
00:18:36.625 --> 00:18:40.460
Excitement reactivity creates fear.
00:18:40.460 --> 00:18:42.460
Passion gives people something to believe in.
00:18:42.460 --> 00:18:45.292
Reactivity teaches people what to avoid.
00:18:45.292 --> 00:18:49.360
And a lot of leaders confuse the two because they're attached to their own intensity.
00:18:49.360 --> 00:18:53.026
They'll say, I'm just passionate, but the team sees them as unpredictable.
00:18:53.026 --> 00:18:58.160
They'll say, I have high standards and the team experiences it as moving the goalposts.
00:18:58.160 --> 00:19:00.259
If you have high standards and your high standards, keep moving.
00:19:00.259 --> 00:19:06.393
Once your team achieves them, congratulations! You keep moving the goalposts and you're a jerk.
00:19:06.393 --> 00:19:13.726
If someone says, you know, I just want excellence, but the team experiences it as nothing is ever good enough.
00:19:13.726 --> 00:19:14.160
That's.
00:19:14.160 --> 00:19:16.625
I mean, again, keep moving the goalposts.
00:19:16.625 --> 00:19:17.093
Keep.
00:19:17.093 --> 00:19:18.059
It's never good enough.
00:19:18.059 --> 00:19:18.860
I just want excellence.
00:19:18.860 --> 00:19:21.393
I just need you to do better to me.
00:19:21.393 --> 00:19:26.460
Like the passion piece, the passion and reactivity.
00:19:26.460 --> 00:19:31.293
Passion truly is what gets you through the hard times.
00:19:31.293 --> 00:19:35.059
Yes, it's not what makes you yell.
00:19:35.059 --> 00:19:37.460
No. Passion is what drives the hard times.
00:19:37.460 --> 00:19:40.093
Reactivity is what makes you yell.
00:19:40.093 --> 00:19:43.960
Well, to me, passion is the explanation of why we're doing the thing.
00:19:43.960 --> 00:19:45.925
Yes, here's why it is important.
00:19:45.925 --> 00:19:47.360
Here's how we're helping.
00:19:47.360 --> 00:19:52.460
Here's how your contribution is helping us to continue to care for our customers.
00:19:52.460 --> 00:19:53.425
That's passion.
00:19:53.425 --> 00:19:54.925
That's excitement about a product.
00:19:54.925 --> 00:19:57.660
It's excitement about people and purpose.
00:19:57.660 --> 00:19:59.660
I can't believe that this happened.
00:19:59.660 --> 00:20:00.759
That is reactivity.
00:20:00.759 --> 00:20:02.226
That is not passion.
00:20:03.360 --> 00:20:04.860
It's not.
00:20:04.860 --> 00:20:07.093
And so here's what I mean.
00:20:07.093 --> 00:20:08.460
I've heard this so many times.
00:20:08.460 --> 00:20:10.326
I love you probably have.
00:20:10.326 --> 00:20:15.360
So the EQ diagnostic around this for a leader starts with impact not intent.
00:20:15.360 --> 00:20:19.160
So don't ask yourself did I mean well.
00:20:19.160 --> 00:20:20.660
Most leaders mean well.
00:20:20.660 --> 00:20:20.860
Meanwhile.
00:20:20.860 --> 00:20:21.925
Okay.
00:20:21.925 --> 00:20:22.492
What did I mean?
00:20:22.492 --> 00:20:23.026
Well, yes.
00:20:23.026 --> 00:20:24.559
You want your business to be successful.
00:20:24.559 --> 00:20:26.860
Rarely is there someone saying, I want this to tank.
00:20:26.860 --> 00:20:27.893
No you don't.
00:20:27.893 --> 00:20:28.559
Did you mean well?
00:20:28.559 --> 00:20:30.259
Yeah, you probably did.
00:20:30.259 --> 00:20:34.492
Ask yourself what happened in the room after I reacted.
00:20:34.492 --> 00:20:36.559
Yes, after I said this.
00:20:36.559 --> 00:20:39.826
This way or through my stapler.
00:20:39.826 --> 00:20:41.326
What happened?
00:20:41.326 --> 00:20:41.893
All right.
00:20:41.893 --> 00:20:43.360
Did people get clearer?
00:20:43.360 --> 00:20:45.559
Did the conversation get more honest?
00:20:45.559 --> 00:20:48.026
Did the problem move forward?
00:20:48.026 --> 00:20:50.226
I mean, or did people shut down?
00:20:50.226 --> 00:20:51.160
Did they get defensive?
00:20:51.160 --> 00:20:55.226
Did people get quiet if no one responded after I yelled?
00:20:55.226 --> 00:20:57.460
Maybe that was the wrong choice.
00:20:57.460 --> 00:20:57.893
All right.
00:20:57.893 --> 00:20:59.160
So I mean, that's the mirror.
00:20:59.160 --> 00:21:02.226
And I would ask the leader to look at those patterns.
00:21:02.226 --> 00:21:03.960
I love how calmly you said that.
00:21:03.960 --> 00:21:04.526
Yeah.
00:21:04.526 --> 00:21:08.259
Then maybe that's the wrong choice.
00:21:08.259 --> 00:21:10.026
And it's all data, right?
00:21:10.026 --> 00:21:11.093
And it really is.
00:21:11.093 --> 00:21:16.559
I mean, if the leader is brave enough, this is like, I would say like, do this.
00:21:16.559 --> 00:21:18.992
If you are brave enough, ask your direct reports.
00:21:18.992 --> 00:21:26.860
one question and it's this what is the one thing I do under stress that makes your job harder?
00:21:28.125 --> 00:21:29.326
And then listen.
00:21:30.660 --> 00:21:33.326
Don't defend, don't explain, don't punish the honesty.
00:21:33.326 --> 00:21:35.192
Just listen.
00:21:35.192 --> 00:21:41.960
If you really want to get better at this or see if you have issues around it, ask that question.
00:21:41.960 --> 00:21:45.660
What's the one thing I do under stress that makes your job harder?
00:21:45.660 --> 00:21:49.226
I'm afraid of the answer to that question at times, but I will ask it.
00:21:49.226 --> 00:21:50.293
What's the one thing that.
00:21:50.293 --> 00:21:52.692
Well, you've got four million ideas.
00:21:52.692 --> 00:21:53.559
Oh, okay.
00:21:53.559 --> 00:21:55.526
And from an operational perspective too.
00:21:55.526 --> 00:21:56.460
That's brilliant.
00:21:56.460 --> 00:22:06.726
Now, the thing that I like with that, well, you know, where my brain goes to is I am only like, I have to write down four things that I am allowed to say to that.
00:22:06.726 --> 00:22:07.293
Okay.
00:22:07.293 --> 00:22:08.460
Thank you.
00:22:08.460 --> 00:22:10.860
Um, we need to look into this together.
00:22:10.860 --> 00:22:11.226
Yes.
00:22:11.226 --> 00:22:17.692
Like things like that, that are all like, basically thank you adjacent.
00:22:17.692 --> 00:22:19.793
And that's all that you can say.
00:22:19.793 --> 00:22:23.660
Make it an improv game if you have to, but I totally agree with that.
00:22:23.660 --> 00:22:30.860
Well, and if you're completely incapable of asking that question yourself, but you want to know what the answer is, then that's when you hire someone to help ask that question for you.
00:22:30.860 --> 00:22:34.625
We know people, yes, do it all the time.
00:22:34.625 --> 00:22:37.125
We know people that can help with that.
00:22:37.125 --> 00:22:37.660
Yeah.
00:22:37.660 --> 00:22:40.860
So we know as we work through those frameworks, you know, we've talked about Dearman Give Fast.
00:22:40.860 --> 00:22:49.360
That's a really great way to kind of talk through how to get your needs met, having those concerns, you're really by asking the question around, what can I do?
00:22:49.360 --> 00:22:51.559
Or what do I do that makes your job harder?
00:22:51.559 --> 00:22:54.925
You're building that clarity of respect and that's leadership maturity.
00:22:54.925 --> 00:22:58.925
And it's really a leader who can pause, perceive, and proceed is not less passionate.
00:22:58.925 --> 00:23:00.059
They are more trustworthy.
00:23:00.059 --> 00:23:02.593
And this is not about passion.
00:23:02.593 --> 00:23:11.593
This is about building trust in your organization so that you can continue to move forward and you don't react, you just act.
00:23:11.593 --> 00:23:15.360
If this truly is it is about moving forward.
00:23:15.360 --> 00:23:16.059
That's what it is.
00:23:16.059 --> 00:23:18.425
And it's creating a way to move forward.
00:23:18.425 --> 00:23:18.726
Yeah.
00:23:18.726 --> 00:23:19.160
Yeah.
00:23:19.160 --> 00:23:21.226
So let's talk about operations, right?
00:23:21.226 --> 00:23:21.726
Yeah.
00:23:21.726 --> 00:23:26.460
How does a leader's lack of emotional intelligence manifest as operational debt.
00:23:26.460 --> 00:23:28.860
And how do you build the system?
00:23:28.860 --> 00:23:38.425
So emotional volatility doesn't ruin the daily execution, because we know some of our listeners may have to deal with a reactive leader.
00:23:38.425 --> 00:23:46.259
And so sometimes we have to build the system while the leader works on the coaching and getting awareness around that issue.
00:23:46.259 --> 00:23:48.192
Sadly, sometimes we have to work around it.
00:23:48.192 --> 00:23:50.492
So how do we build it?
00:23:50.492 --> 00:23:53.726
I have done that in a few situations.
00:23:53.726 --> 00:24:08.860
Uh, to me, the there's a couple of pieces that I look that happen that as businesses scale and as business as people work in businesses, the one that I want to talk about first is the kayak versus the rowboat analogy here.
00:24:08.860 --> 00:24:15.259
So when you're running a solo operation, there's one person, or maybe there's just two other people with you.
00:24:15.259 --> 00:24:16.425
Flick of the wrist.
00:24:16.425 --> 00:24:17.893
You can turn that boat around.
00:24:17.893 --> 00:24:18.492
Yeah.
00:24:18.492 --> 00:24:21.093
Um, you've got a ten person team.
00:24:21.093 --> 00:24:23.059
You are no longer in a kayak.
00:24:23.059 --> 00:24:24.860
You're steering a ten person crew boat.
00:24:24.860 --> 00:24:27.226
Those are forty to fifty feet long.
00:24:27.226 --> 00:24:32.692
You cannot throw your weight to one side and expect everyone in the company to spin on a dime.
00:24:32.692 --> 00:24:43.259
So the problem is, is when you get an emotionally volatile boss that makes sudden, unannounced pivots, suddenly you've got all the paddles in the boat clashing.
00:24:43.259 --> 00:24:57.026
Um, water starts to come in like the boat's rocking violently and you have zero momentum in any direction because everyone's now trying to go in every direction.
00:24:57.026 --> 00:25:04.293
To me, it low EQ leaders in so many in so many ways, they act like they're still paddling a kayak.
00:25:04.293 --> 00:25:06.059
They are still paddling a kayak.
00:25:06.059 --> 00:25:06.960
Correct.
00:25:06.960 --> 00:25:08.925
The problem is, is they're in a bigger boat.
00:25:08.925 --> 00:25:09.425
Yes.
00:25:09.425 --> 00:25:17.259
And so they're completely oblivious to the chaos and the friction that they cause around the entire crew.
00:25:17.259 --> 00:25:18.125
Yeah.
00:25:18.125 --> 00:25:25.726
Um, so like the other piece to this is the mood based SOP override.
00:25:25.726 --> 00:25:30.625
Oh, I know I've addressed this before and this is, this is the problem.
00:25:30.625 --> 00:25:38.160
And I love when you said the, um, uh, I've mandated this for thee, not for me thing.
00:25:38.160 --> 00:25:44.726
And so, so many managers, especially owners, do this.
00:25:44.726 --> 00:25:48.826
I was at a company, we were more than one hundred and seventy people.
00:25:48.826 --> 00:25:52.893
And the owners, like I own it, rules are whatever I want them to be.
00:25:52.893 --> 00:25:54.559
Yeah, I'll do what I want.
00:25:54.559 --> 00:25:56.093
You do what I pay you to do.
00:25:56.093 --> 00:25:57.326
No.
00:25:57.326 --> 00:25:57.826
Yes.
00:25:57.826 --> 00:26:00.326
He had actually said that at one point.
00:26:00.326 --> 00:26:01.425
Um, right.
00:26:01.425 --> 00:26:03.925
There's a reason why you're here now, right?
00:26:03.925 --> 00:26:05.226
Correct.
00:26:05.226 --> 00:26:14.559
So the problem is, is when what happens in so many cases when operational pressure, for whatever reason spikes, be it we've got a supplier issue.
00:26:14.559 --> 00:26:15.526
Be it we just.
00:26:15.526 --> 00:26:16.492
Congratulations.
00:26:16.492 --> 00:26:18.093
You just got a big order.
00:26:18.093 --> 00:26:18.692
Yeah.
00:26:18.692 --> 00:26:20.093
Low EQ leaders.
00:26:20.093 --> 00:26:28.192
Often they panic and they blurt out immediate rules or verbal overrides and that they're trying to relieve their personal anxiety.
00:26:28.192 --> 00:26:29.192
Yeah.
00:26:29.192 --> 00:26:38.160
Um, the other one that I've seen too is a metric dips or a client complaint complains a single bad review or one KPI drop.
00:26:38.160 --> 00:26:39.526
Instant panic.
00:26:40.660 --> 00:26:43.660
Have I mentioned that once is not a pattern?
00:26:43.660 --> 00:26:48.593
Well, and what someone says in a sentence may not actually be the reality.
00:26:48.593 --> 00:26:51.526
Their complaint may not be accurate.
00:26:51.526 --> 00:26:53.960
Like I'm not saying that like they don't have a right to complain.
00:26:53.960 --> 00:27:00.925
I'm just saying you need to research what happened because there are times where we get complaints on the insurance side and it has nothing to do with us.
00:27:00.925 --> 00:27:03.160
They're like, this person's unhappy, you need to do something about it.
00:27:03.160 --> 00:27:05.726
And it's like, well, let's listen to what they have to say.
00:27:05.726 --> 00:27:07.026
Oh, they're mad.
00:27:07.026 --> 00:27:10.692
Because anthem didn't return their phone call when they said they were going.
00:27:10.692 --> 00:27:12.759
That has nothing to do with us.
00:27:12.759 --> 00:27:13.860
You are unresponsive.
00:27:13.860 --> 00:27:16.192
I'm like, no, no, no, we're very responsive.
00:27:16.192 --> 00:27:21.660
I can't control whether or not a robot's going to call them back, but I'll call them and say, hey, have you talked to this?
00:27:21.660 --> 00:27:26.059
No, no, we're going to change our whole process because some other business didn't do what they were supposed to do.
00:27:26.059 --> 00:27:27.759
No, no. Not happening.
00:27:27.759 --> 00:27:33.793
No. The other thing that I see is too, is whenever a deadline is fast approaching, like time pressures, I get it.
00:27:33.793 --> 00:27:34.860
We feel them all the time.
00:27:34.860 --> 00:27:36.460
We do.
00:27:36.460 --> 00:27:39.526
Bosses freak out, so they'll start.
00:27:39.526 --> 00:27:41.326
Just do it this way.
00:27:41.326 --> 00:27:42.460
No, no, that's.
00:27:42.460 --> 00:27:44.559
That's when stuff really breaks.
00:27:44.559 --> 00:27:47.326
Um, an issue happened earlier in production.
00:27:47.326 --> 00:27:50.259
Sometimes it could be a supplier issue.
00:27:50.259 --> 00:27:51.860
They're carrying that.
00:27:51.860 --> 00:27:56.660
There's a morning breakdown and so their afternoon is already ruined.
00:27:56.660 --> 00:27:58.326
Don't don't let that do it.
00:27:58.326 --> 00:28:07.460
The other thing is too is instead of like, let's say there's a missed handoff somewhere, instead of auditing the process, they emotionally just start micromanaging everything.
00:28:08.559 --> 00:28:08.860
Damn it.
00:28:08.860 --> 00:28:10.726
I got to do everything myself around here.
00:28:10.726 --> 00:28:12.660
No, don't do that.
00:28:12.660 --> 00:28:16.160
Um, the other thing that I think is too is like, this is.
00:28:16.160 --> 00:28:20.992
And any one of those typically result in the illusion of speed.
00:28:20.992 --> 00:28:24.425
And this is the trap that so many owners and managers fall into.
00:28:24.425 --> 00:28:26.425
This is learned helplessness for your team.
00:28:26.425 --> 00:28:27.093
Correct.
00:28:27.093 --> 00:28:31.826
It's faster if I just yell out the override right now than follow the documentation protocol.
00:28:31.826 --> 00:28:33.893
Yep, it is for the next eight minutes.
00:28:33.893 --> 00:28:37.026
The next ten years you will spend undoing this.
00:28:37.026 --> 00:28:41.960
I don't understand why they can't work independently because you train them not to correct.
00:28:41.960 --> 00:28:44.726
The other thing is too is there's that system blindness.
00:28:44.726 --> 00:28:59.692
You have no idea how changing this affects accounting, how it changes inventory, how it changes like it like one of the things that I go back to my dad when he was teaching, he toured BMW factory in South Carolina.
00:28:59.692 --> 00:29:02.826
Now, mind you, this is twenty five to thirty years ago.
00:29:02.826 --> 00:29:06.692
You know how much inventory they had on hand in terms of engines.
00:29:06.692 --> 00:29:08.593
Twelve minutes.
00:29:08.593 --> 00:29:09.492
Wow.
00:29:09.492 --> 00:29:13.425
What happens if you change a process that changes something?
00:29:13.425 --> 00:29:14.692
30s.
00:29:14.692 --> 00:29:19.425
It does not take long for you to run out of twelve minutes of engine inventory then.
00:29:19.425 --> 00:29:20.226
Yeah.
00:29:20.226 --> 00:29:21.826
Don't do that.
00:29:21.826 --> 00:29:22.425
Mhm.
00:29:22.425 --> 00:29:33.125
So it's that system blindness that really like, once again, when you react emotionally to stuff like this, you're going to screw everything else up throughout the rest of the company.
00:29:33.125 --> 00:29:34.293
Yes.
00:29:34.293 --> 00:29:38.660
Even if and maybe especially if you are the owner.
00:29:38.660 --> 00:29:39.093
Yeah.
00:29:39.093 --> 00:29:42.125
Because once again, we know, you know everything.
00:29:42.125 --> 00:29:44.925
Absolutely perfect.
00:29:46.726 --> 00:29:49.526
Something else that I see is the interpretation tax.
00:29:49.526 --> 00:29:56.692
Like so many times it's that it's that bandwidth loss because they're trying to figure out what kind of mood you're in today.
00:29:56.692 --> 00:29:57.660
Yeah.
00:29:57.660 --> 00:29:59.492
They in a good mood or a bad mood.
00:29:59.492 --> 00:30:04.160
Like I said, I would watch certain bosses get out of the car and they'd be like, do they look grumpy?
00:30:04.160 --> 00:30:06.526
Uh, and to me, it's like.
00:30:08.826 --> 00:30:09.860
What I always like to.
00:30:09.860 --> 00:30:23.826
To ask any owner or manager about this is to say like, how would you like to get a massive boost in output from your current workforce without hiring a single extra person?
00:30:23.826 --> 00:30:25.059
How do I do that?
00:30:25.059 --> 00:30:26.326
Right.
00:30:26.326 --> 00:30:27.326
Be predictable.
00:30:27.326 --> 00:30:28.526
Yeah, exactly.
00:30:28.526 --> 00:30:31.625
Like productivity and leadership.
00:30:31.625 --> 00:30:39.293
Like, so there's been some productivity and research leadership research done by Gallup, Harvard Business Review and bamboo HR.
00:30:39.293 --> 00:30:39.726
Yeah.
00:30:39.726 --> 00:30:40.893
I looked at an HR site.
00:30:40.893 --> 00:30:42.259
Aren't you aren't you proud of me?
00:30:42.259 --> 00:30:43.226
I'm proud of you.
00:30:43.226 --> 00:30:47.425
It's it consistently shows there was varying numbers on this.
00:30:47.425 --> 00:30:47.759
Yes.
00:30:47.759 --> 00:30:49.492
Pretty wide varying numbers on this.
00:30:49.492 --> 00:30:51.460
So I didn't necessarily want to put a number.
00:30:51.460 --> 00:31:02.726
But very consistently, employees lose a significant amount of their daily cognitive daily cognitive bandwidth navigating manager volatility.
00:31:02.726 --> 00:31:09.460
Top that off with unspoken expectations and emotional Uh, unpredictability.
00:31:09.460 --> 00:31:10.192
Guess what?
00:31:10.192 --> 00:31:13.925
I've got no time to execute my core processes.
00:31:13.925 --> 00:31:15.526
Yes, because I am too busy figuring.
00:31:15.526 --> 00:31:26.526
Trying to figure out what mood Josh is in today and losing any time regarding cognitive bandwidth because of your manager and lack of emotional intelligence is not acceptable.
00:31:26.526 --> 00:31:27.360
No it's not.
00:31:27.360 --> 00:31:29.660
It should be close to zero, right?
00:31:29.660 --> 00:31:32.326
There are plenty of other things that employees should be worrying about.
00:31:32.326 --> 00:31:42.460
I mean, we talk about presenteeism where you're at your job, but you're not doing your job because of the things emotional volatility of a manager or leader should never be a contributor to presenteeism.
00:31:42.460 --> 00:31:44.660
And it is, and it needs to be eliminated.
00:31:44.660 --> 00:31:54.593
The question that I love about that too, is the like, you have to ask the question and you're never going to get an honest answer, but you will get an honest reaction.
00:31:54.593 --> 00:31:55.526
Yes.
00:31:55.526 --> 00:31:58.793
Um, if you say, hey, how does my mood affect your work?
00:31:58.793 --> 00:31:59.925
Uh huh.
00:31:59.925 --> 00:32:07.860
If you see an oh shit look on their face, they're always going, you know, they're always gonna be like, oh, no, no, no real effect.
00:32:07.860 --> 00:32:08.259
Yes.
00:32:08.259 --> 00:32:55.155
But if there's even one person that has an oh shit look on their face and you will see it as plain as day, because once again, they don't know how you're gonna react.
00:32:55.155 --> 00:32:55.690
Yes.
00:32:55.690 --> 00:32:59.355
Why the hell is he asking me this question?
00:32:59.355 --> 00:33:01.322
This is scary stuff.
00:33:01.322 --> 00:33:07.155
Unless you're okay, then they're going to be like, no, there's no problem or confused.
00:33:07.155 --> 00:33:08.289
Why are you asking me this?
00:33:08.289 --> 00:33:09.955
Correct, correct.
00:33:09.955 --> 00:33:14.990
Um, to me, the hard reality, you can unlock that large jump in performance when you're predictable.
00:33:14.990 --> 00:33:18.923
We have we mentioned consistency about clarity, consistency, and care.
00:33:18.923 --> 00:33:20.789
That's one of the keys of leadership.
00:33:20.789 --> 00:33:21.322
Right?
00:33:21.322 --> 00:33:24.955
We I believe we've talked about consistency a lot.
00:33:24.955 --> 00:33:26.855
Model what you mandate right.
00:33:26.855 --> 00:33:30.355
Like pass the mirror test, maybe ad nauseum here.
00:33:30.355 --> 00:33:32.056
Um, there's a reason for that.
00:33:32.056 --> 00:33:41.389
When results are predictable, you've got the documented SOPs that dictate exactly how to get things done and what done looks like.
00:33:41.389 --> 00:33:45.123
yeah, you don't have to manage that anymore, right?
00:33:45.123 --> 00:33:46.155
It just happens.
00:33:46.155 --> 00:33:46.722
Yes.
00:33:46.722 --> 00:33:47.855
Imagine that.
00:33:47.855 --> 00:33:49.690
And people aren't guessing.
00:33:49.690 --> 00:33:51.123
How are you going to react to this?
00:33:51.123 --> 00:33:56.822
And when something does go wrong, they're going to realize he is here to help me fix this.
00:33:56.822 --> 00:33:58.990
Not he's going to lose his shit.
00:33:58.990 --> 00:33:59.822
Yes.
00:33:59.822 --> 00:34:06.389
I'm going to get punished because I asked a question, or because I looked the wrong way, or because, you know, his favorite sports team lost something.
00:34:06.389 --> 00:34:08.222
Like there's all the things.
00:34:09.356 --> 00:34:10.556
All the things.
00:34:10.556 --> 00:34:12.123
Sox are on the wrong feet.
00:34:12.123 --> 00:34:19.222
It's just, you know, to me, there's there's three things real quick with this that I always find funny is there's three ways employees handle this.
00:34:19.222 --> 00:34:23.023
There's the good mood, which is the, the unfunded expansion.
00:34:23.023 --> 00:34:27.222
Like, hey, how, how, how's everyone doing on staff today?
00:34:27.222 --> 00:34:30.023
The problem is, you know what I find so funny about that?
00:34:30.023 --> 00:34:33.523
Oh, that's a question like, why are they in a good mood?
00:34:33.523 --> 00:34:35.155
One hundred percent.
00:34:35.155 --> 00:34:35.990
They're never in a good mood.
00:34:35.990 --> 00:34:36.856
Why are they in a good mood?
00:34:36.856 --> 00:34:37.056
Right?
00:34:37.056 --> 00:34:37.990
We're all getting fired.
00:34:37.990 --> 00:34:39.356
It's instantly suspect.
00:34:39.356 --> 00:34:39.690
Yes.
00:34:39.690 --> 00:34:41.255
It's instantly suspect.
00:34:41.255 --> 00:34:45.023
There's the bad mood, at which point they are going to duck and cover.
00:34:45.023 --> 00:34:48.623
And then there is the where the hell did that come from?
00:34:48.623 --> 00:34:50.089
Oh yeah, I love that one.
00:34:50.089 --> 00:34:51.690
Yeah yeah yeah.
00:34:51.690 --> 00:34:53.022
Like you see it all the time.
00:34:53.022 --> 00:34:53.355
Yeah.
00:34:53.355 --> 00:35:02.755
Because you have like, they can be in a great mood and they see like, what's, what's this garbage can doing full like, dude, you were just in a great mood.
00:35:02.755 --> 00:35:05.655
Like you just had spent a night with a supermodel.
00:35:05.655 --> 00:35:06.022
Yep.
00:35:06.022 --> 00:35:08.789
You become a meteorologist for weather patterns around mood.
00:35:08.789 --> 00:35:14.190
And all of a sudden there's a tornado because there's a a rapper outside of a garbage can here.
00:35:14.190 --> 00:35:21.222
Uh, these are the things that I just like once again, like high EQ when it comes to operations means low friction.
00:35:21.222 --> 00:35:21.789
Yeah.
00:35:21.789 --> 00:35:22.889
They're not worried about you.
00:35:22.889 --> 00:35:24.389
They're worried about getting stuff done.
00:35:24.389 --> 00:35:27.389
And let's face it, we all want people to get stuff done.
00:35:27.389 --> 00:35:27.755
Yes.
00:35:27.755 --> 00:35:28.855
It's kind of why they're there.
00:35:28.855 --> 00:35:30.255
Exactly.
00:35:30.255 --> 00:35:34.455
So there is the fifteen second emotional circuit breaker.
00:35:34.455 --> 00:35:37.222
Some people may need longer.
00:35:37.222 --> 00:35:50.389
Uh, for me, a deep breath is usually good enough, but what we want to talk about here is separating the event from the response pattern interrupt, right.
00:35:50.389 --> 00:35:52.289
There are two things.
00:35:52.289 --> 00:35:52.622
When.
00:35:52.622 --> 00:35:56.089
So when an operational fire happens, a client cancels a deadline.
00:35:56.089 --> 00:36:00.622
Missed low EQ leaders are going to react instantly with emotion.
00:36:00.622 --> 00:36:03.155
There's going to be anger, frustration, panic.
00:36:03.155 --> 00:36:13.255
High EQ operators are going to take that mandatory fifteen second, maybe fifteen minute pause just to be like, okay, look.
00:36:13.255 --> 00:36:15.022
Now here's the big thing about this.
00:36:15.022 --> 00:36:19.222
We all talk and everyone, this is where my marketing piece is going to step in.
00:36:19.222 --> 00:36:25.989
Everyone's like, business moves fast because we all see people running through offices with papers and advertisements.
00:36:25.989 --> 00:36:28.055
That's how we know business moves fast.
00:36:28.055 --> 00:36:28.822
Guess what?
00:36:28.822 --> 00:36:30.589
It doesn't move that fast.
00:36:30.589 --> 00:36:36.155
No, that fifteen seconds, that five minute like calmness.
00:36:36.155 --> 00:36:37.489
Guess what?
00:36:37.489 --> 00:36:41.689
That is going to save you once again decades of culture rebuilding.
00:36:41.689 --> 00:36:42.455
Yeah.
00:36:42.455 --> 00:36:46.022
So hearing the advertisement business moves fast.
00:36:46.022 --> 00:36:46.722
Guess what?
00:36:46.722 --> 00:36:48.955
It doesn't move that fast.
00:36:48.955 --> 00:36:50.489
Are you an E.R. doctor?
00:36:50.489 --> 00:36:50.889
No.
00:36:50.889 --> 00:36:53.455
No. Then take the time to think things through.
00:36:53.455 --> 00:36:54.489
What happened?
00:36:54.489 --> 00:36:58.689
What's the result that I want from this?
00:36:58.689 --> 00:37:05.189
Your employees cowering underneath the workbench is probably not the result that you want.
00:37:05.189 --> 00:37:09.089
They're going to be happy that you took fifteen minutes to correct.
00:37:09.089 --> 00:37:15.722
Because then you have to say, what do I need to do to get to where I want?
00:37:15.722 --> 00:37:18.189
Like those three questions, what the hell happened?
00:37:18.189 --> 00:37:22.289
What's the result that I want and what are the actionable steps to get there?
00:37:22.289 --> 00:37:29.722
If you think about those three things, usually screaming isn't isn't in there.
00:37:29.722 --> 00:37:30.922
It's never one of them.
00:37:30.922 --> 00:37:33.522
It's usually not to know.
00:37:33.522 --> 00:37:35.355
And the problem is, is we've all done this.
00:37:35.355 --> 00:37:43.122
We've all sent the the Slack message we've all hit send on an email and gone, oh damn, I wish I could recall that.
00:37:44.189 --> 00:37:47.122
Oh, they already read it, right?
00:37:47.122 --> 00:37:47.955
Oops.
00:37:47.955 --> 00:37:49.055
Right.
00:37:49.055 --> 00:37:49.889
Don't send it.
00:37:49.889 --> 00:37:51.955
Everyone's called the angry meeting.
00:37:51.955 --> 00:37:58.355
I mean, they've looked at the like, all of those things are just awful, horrible things.
00:37:58.355 --> 00:38:01.722
Um, think about the speed at which this needs to be handled.
00:38:01.722 --> 00:38:10.522
In most cases, an extra 30s will do amazing, amazing things to make sure it is handled well.
00:38:10.522 --> 00:38:14.455
And that is part of the emotional, like emotional knowledge.
00:38:14.455 --> 00:38:23.155
The other thing that we've talked about this too, shifting from who screwed this up to where did the machine or where did the process break?
00:38:23.155 --> 00:38:23.455
Yeah.
00:38:23.455 --> 00:38:24.755
How can we improve this?
00:38:24.755 --> 00:38:25.789
Yes.
00:38:25.789 --> 00:38:29.755
Uh, we want to fix a process flaw.
00:38:29.755 --> 00:38:32.589
It's not like if Bob dropped the ball.
00:38:32.589 --> 00:38:35.822
Bob may have dropped the ball, but why?
00:38:35.822 --> 00:38:37.189
Asking why.
00:38:37.189 --> 00:38:40.422
Like how did this break is different than you idiot.
00:38:40.422 --> 00:38:42.389
And help me understand.
00:38:42.389 --> 00:38:42.922
Right.
00:38:42.922 --> 00:38:45.189
Help me understand how this process did this.
00:38:45.189 --> 00:38:48.589
Help me understand where we how we got here.
00:38:48.589 --> 00:38:49.289
Correct.
00:38:49.289 --> 00:38:54.155
Help! Help me understand.
00:38:54.155 --> 00:38:55.922
Sounds a lot better than.
00:38:55.922 --> 00:38:57.589
Why the heck did you do this?
00:38:57.589 --> 00:38:57.855
Right?
00:38:57.855 --> 00:38:59.022
Just help me understand.
00:38:59.022 --> 00:39:01.022
Or are you idiot or you idiot.
00:39:01.022 --> 00:39:07.222
Because like the the second piece that you asked there, you could almost interchange that with.
00:39:07.222 --> 00:39:07.989
You idiot.
00:39:07.989 --> 00:39:11.755
You can just add it to the end, right?
00:39:11.755 --> 00:39:13.155
Why did this happen, you idiot?
00:39:13.155 --> 00:39:16.189
No. Help me understand how this happened.
00:39:16.189 --> 00:39:16.722
Right?
00:39:16.722 --> 00:39:18.289
How did this break?
00:39:18.289 --> 00:39:20.189
How did this break is a great way to ask it.
00:39:20.189 --> 00:39:23.222
Because once again, you have now taken it off of them.
00:39:23.222 --> 00:39:25.189
It still may very well be their fault.
00:39:25.189 --> 00:39:32.122
Yeah, but you, you're approaching this from a neutral ground instead of a neener neener, I caught you.
00:39:32.122 --> 00:39:34.089
Yes, you are the.
00:39:34.089 --> 00:39:35.289
You are a boss.
00:39:35.289 --> 00:39:36.022
You're not a flock.
00:39:36.022 --> 00:39:37.389
Camera, correct.
00:39:37.389 --> 00:39:39.955
Change it from you to we.
00:39:39.955 --> 00:39:41.055
And let's work on this together.
00:39:41.055 --> 00:39:44.255
Because if you're leading them, it's your fault too.
00:39:44.255 --> 00:39:46.555
So one hundred percent.
00:39:46.555 --> 00:39:47.755
We've talked about it so many times.
00:39:47.755 --> 00:39:48.955
I feel like people are like, that's not me.
00:39:48.955 --> 00:39:50.222
That's my people.
00:39:50.222 --> 00:39:51.289
You are your people.
00:39:51.289 --> 00:39:54.422
Yeah, I, oh, I hate that.
00:39:54.422 --> 00:39:56.022
So how do we operationalize this?
00:39:56.022 --> 00:39:58.189
To me, it's directness is kindness.
00:39:58.189 --> 00:39:58.789
Yeah.
00:39:58.789 --> 00:40:02.189
Do you know who should be surprised in business?
00:40:02.189 --> 00:40:05.189
You, your employees shouldn't never.
00:40:05.189 --> 00:40:07.055
Do you know who shouldn't be surprised?
00:40:07.055 --> 00:40:07.889
Your staff.
00:40:07.889 --> 00:40:08.789
Mhm.
00:40:08.789 --> 00:40:12.889
If you're consistent and talk to them about something, they should be expecting it.
00:40:12.889 --> 00:40:13.489
Yeah.
00:40:13.489 --> 00:40:19.055
If the process broke, they should be expecting you to talk to them about it, not scream about it.
00:40:19.055 --> 00:40:24.255
They know the temperature of the room because they are the ones that set it.
00:40:24.255 --> 00:40:34.122
Now you can come in and screw with a thermostat all you want to, but typically if you do something to screw with the thermostat, they are still the ones that are going to set the temperature.
00:40:34.122 --> 00:40:34.922
And guess what?
00:40:34.922 --> 00:40:38.489
Typically, if you screw with the thermostat, they're going to set it to cold.
00:40:38.489 --> 00:40:42.122
It's your job to maintain the thermostat, correct.
00:40:42.122 --> 00:40:45.855
Build those formal friction logs or process postmortems.
00:40:45.855 --> 00:40:53.289
So that way employees can highlight operational problems without feeling like they are complaining or risking your wrath.
00:40:53.289 --> 00:40:55.955
The other thing is to is protect the machine from the founder.
00:40:55.955 --> 00:40:58.022
Define the destination, not the clicks.
00:40:58.022 --> 00:41:03.955
If the founders role is to state the end result, one should be done, not.
00:41:03.955 --> 00:41:08.322
Here's the step by step thing that I am forcing everyone to do.
00:41:08.322 --> 00:41:10.889
Let the people that are good at the thing do the thing.
00:41:10.889 --> 00:41:12.255
Make sure they do it consistently.
00:41:12.255 --> 00:41:17.022
Make sure they have a process for it because you're going to let them build that runway.
00:41:17.022 --> 00:41:21.355
They're the ones that draft the SOPs when it comes to editing podcast.
00:41:21.355 --> 00:41:21.955
Guess what?
00:41:21.955 --> 00:41:24.955
I am not the one that currently is drafting the SOPs.
00:41:24.955 --> 00:41:28.955
The people that do it, they are the ones we get the end result.
00:41:28.955 --> 00:41:30.122
I like how it looks now.
00:41:30.122 --> 00:41:33.322
Do I check things and say look for places to improve on.
00:41:33.322 --> 00:41:35.322
Absolutely all of the time.
00:41:35.322 --> 00:41:41.122
But they know what they're doing because part of it is I am looking for that cross-departmental debt.
00:41:41.122 --> 00:41:48.589
I'm making sure that what they're doing isn't causing me or anyone else in the company any undue issues.
00:41:48.589 --> 00:41:54.589
The results we want consistency and intentionality over fluff.
00:41:54.589 --> 00:41:56.089
Fluff cannot be maintained.
00:41:56.089 --> 00:41:59.622
No, like I've got some stuffed animals from when I was a kid.
00:41:59.622 --> 00:42:00.889
They are no longer fluffy.
00:42:00.889 --> 00:42:03.922
No it's not.
00:42:03.922 --> 00:42:05.689
It's not the fluffy unicorn room.
00:42:05.689 --> 00:42:08.689
No, it's not tiptoeing around real work.
00:42:08.689 --> 00:42:14.522
It's being consistent and it's being intentional every single day.
00:42:14.522 --> 00:42:20.655
I want controlled intensity versus unpredictable whiplash all of the time.
00:42:20.655 --> 00:42:24.055
And this is where we talk about that, that that that passion with it.
00:42:24.055 --> 00:42:24.622
Yeah.
00:42:24.622 --> 00:42:33.689
Transparent emotions with without chaos is really the ways that you can show emotion If you are upset, your employees know if you're upset.
00:42:33.689 --> 00:42:38.255
Yeah, it should be directed where the upset edness should go.
00:42:38.255 --> 00:42:39.755
They're typically not it.
00:42:39.755 --> 00:42:42.455
No. The last thing.
00:42:42.455 --> 00:42:43.555
Predictability.
00:42:43.555 --> 00:42:46.689
Consistency drives execution.
00:42:46.689 --> 00:42:48.155
Have we said something along those lines?
00:42:48.155 --> 00:42:48.955
I believe we have.
00:42:48.955 --> 00:42:52.522
There's a reason why I've said this about fifteen, fifteen times today.
00:42:52.522 --> 00:43:00.055
Consistency when leadership is predictable and intentional, staff spends zero energy managing your emotions.
00:43:00.055 --> 00:43:00.555
Yeah.
00:43:00.555 --> 00:43:01.855
Imagine that.
00:43:01.855 --> 00:43:03.922
Because now they can spend all of that.
00:43:03.922 --> 00:43:07.489
Like they have one hundred percent of their energy every day.
00:43:07.489 --> 00:43:12.522
If they are devoting fifteen percent of it to what the hell's the boss like today?
00:43:12.522 --> 00:43:14.289
They're down to eighty five percent.
00:43:14.289 --> 00:43:14.522
Yeah.
00:43:14.522 --> 00:43:17.855
Managing your emotions is not a revenue producing activity.
00:43:17.855 --> 00:43:19.522
It's not for them.
00:43:19.522 --> 00:43:20.789
You need you.
00:43:20.789 --> 00:43:24.655
Managing your emotions is a really high revenue for you.
00:43:24.655 --> 00:43:25.189
Yes.
00:43:25.189 --> 00:43:26.355
It's a multiplier.
00:43:26.355 --> 00:43:26.655
Yes.
00:43:26.655 --> 00:43:28.722
Because it makes it so they don't have to.
00:43:28.722 --> 00:43:28.922
Yeah.
00:43:28.922 --> 00:43:30.322
Which would you rather have them do?
00:43:30.322 --> 00:43:33.689
Doing the things that make your business successful or managing you.
00:43:35.322 --> 00:43:38.989
Let's talk passion.
00:43:38.989 --> 00:43:39.689
We talked about this.
00:43:39.689 --> 00:43:41.155
Yeah, let's do it.
00:43:41.155 --> 00:43:43.622
I'm just passionate about perfection.
00:43:43.622 --> 00:43:46.355
Is that like ever a reason to blow a fuse?
00:43:46.355 --> 00:43:50.389
No no no. It's just poor self-control.
00:43:50.389 --> 00:43:51.822
No passion may explain the feeling.
00:43:51.822 --> 00:43:53.189
It does not excuse the behavior.
00:43:53.189 --> 00:43:54.422
It's not leadership.
00:43:54.422 --> 00:44:00.922
When we do that, when we blow things around with people, when we blow up and call it passion, we're making the team absorb what they haven't learned to regulate.
00:44:00.922 --> 00:44:03.522
That's bad on the owner, bad on the leader.
00:44:03.522 --> 00:44:05.722
That's emotional outsourcing.
00:44:05.722 --> 00:44:08.422
Here's the one that I'm really excited to talk about.
00:44:08.422 --> 00:44:14.089
How do you test for genuine emotional intelligence during an interview?
00:44:14.089 --> 00:44:21.022
When candidates know all the right corporate buzzwords, we're gonna we're gonna have to do something about interviews here soon.
00:44:21.022 --> 00:44:28.555
But I probably I truly love this because if you hire the right leaders, you're in great shape.
00:44:28.555 --> 00:44:29.489
Yes.
00:44:29.489 --> 00:44:30.789
So there are four that you can do.
00:44:30.789 --> 00:44:32.655
Like tell me about a time.
00:44:32.655 --> 00:44:34.855
So the four things you can say like and tell me about a time.
00:44:34.855 --> 00:44:38.222
Tell me about a time your reaction made a situation harder.
00:44:38.222 --> 00:44:41.855
Tell me about feedback that was difficult for you to hear.
00:44:41.855 --> 00:44:48.855
Tell me about a time you had to repair trust, or tell me about a time you were wrong as a leader.
00:44:48.855 --> 00:44:51.089
So tell me about a time situationally.
00:44:51.089 --> 00:44:57.422
So those situational tell me at times can be really helpful and understanding where someone's going.
00:44:57.422 --> 00:45:04.855
Now there are some people that are gonna lie to you, whatever, but you're going to be able to tell in that pause and that reflection how they're doing.
00:45:04.855 --> 00:45:07.555
So I listen for three things and they're all three P's.
00:45:07.555 --> 00:45:08.989
So did they pause?
00:45:08.989 --> 00:45:12.622
Did they perceive their own role and did they proceed differently?
00:45:12.622 --> 00:45:14.689
So I don't need perfect leaders.
00:45:14.689 --> 00:45:16.489
I need leaders who can repair.
00:45:16.489 --> 00:45:18.555
And here's your red flag.
00:45:18.555 --> 00:45:29.122
If every story ends with them being right and everyone else being difficult or wrong, or they didn't understand me, or they didn't appreciate who I was.
00:45:29.122 --> 00:45:30.222
That's not confidence.
00:45:30.222 --> 00:45:31.089
That is a warning.
00:45:31.089 --> 00:45:32.889
Do not hire that person.
00:45:32.889 --> 00:45:34.222
They are not going to be coachable.
00:45:34.222 --> 00:45:36.622
They are going to be a brilliant jerk in your organization.
00:45:36.622 --> 00:45:40.189
If they're even qualified to do the work that they say they can.
00:45:40.189 --> 00:45:40.689
Don't do it.
00:45:40.689 --> 00:45:46.722
So yeah, you just ask about times that they've had situation that you've made harder, difficult to hear feedback.
00:45:46.722 --> 00:45:48.489
Tell me about something that was difficult to hear.
00:45:48.489 --> 00:45:52.022
And they may say, the first time I ever had a job, I was put on a performance improvement plan.
00:45:52.022 --> 00:45:52.722
And this is what happened.
00:45:52.722 --> 00:45:55.855
And it really hurt my feelings because I thought I was doing great.
00:45:55.855 --> 00:45:57.689
Great.
00:45:57.689 --> 00:45:59.455
That's where you want to hear people talk about.
00:45:59.455 --> 00:46:01.355
Tell me about something that you did where you had your repair trust.
00:46:01.355 --> 00:46:05.522
But if they're like, I've never had to repair trust because everyone trusts me implicitly.
00:46:05.522 --> 00:46:07.622
You're like, no, they don't.
00:46:07.622 --> 00:46:08.122
You don't say that.
00:46:08.122 --> 00:46:09.689
You go, okay, you just take notes.
00:46:09.689 --> 00:46:11.589
You're like, did you not used cars before?
00:46:11.589 --> 00:46:12.289
Exactly.
00:46:14.022 --> 00:46:14.355
Yeah.
00:46:14.355 --> 00:46:15.355
I mean, what do you think?
00:46:15.355 --> 00:46:20.522
To me, it's it's ask for concrete failure stories and watch their attribution.
00:46:20.522 --> 00:46:20.855
Yes.
00:46:20.855 --> 00:46:30.589
If they blame their previous team boss or market for every issue, if they like, I have no problem saying like, this environment was not the right environment for me.
00:46:30.589 --> 00:46:35.689
But if there was a bunch of like, if everything was an issue from someone in the past, yes.
00:46:35.689 --> 00:46:36.922
Guess what they lack.
00:46:36.922 --> 00:46:40.489
Lack the self-awareness, you know?
00:46:40.489 --> 00:46:44.522
And what's funny about this is the lack of bad things.
00:46:44.522 --> 00:46:56.355
Once again, the office was so brilliant and it made it so like when Michael Scott was interviewing for the job and he's like, they're like, tell me three good things about you.
00:46:56.355 --> 00:46:58.855
And he's like, well, why don't you ask me about three bad things about me?
00:46:58.855 --> 00:47:00.455
And he's like, okay, start with those.
00:47:00.455 --> 00:47:02.255
And he's like, I care too much.
00:47:02.255 --> 00:47:07.655
I try too hard and people meet and it's like, dude, like, well, it's just like dating too.
00:47:07.655 --> 00:47:15.289
If like you're, you're one hundred percent on a first date and somebody tells you all of the terrible things that all of their exes did and why they were brilliant, you're like, we're not getting to date too.
00:47:15.289 --> 00:47:21.289
I had had that in multiple cases years ago where I was like, yep, nope.
00:47:21.289 --> 00:47:24.389
Um, every single one of your exes was psychotic.
00:47:24.389 --> 00:47:25.389
Every one of them.
00:47:25.389 --> 00:47:25.889
Huh?
00:47:25.889 --> 00:47:32.322
Remember what I said before about if you like, if you're looking around the room for the jerk and you don't see the jerk, it's probably.
00:47:32.322 --> 00:47:33.089
It's you.
00:47:33.089 --> 00:47:33.589
Yeah.
00:47:33.589 --> 00:47:34.722
What about the can?
00:47:34.722 --> 00:47:41.389
Can a transparent, real time data act as a buffer against low EQ outbursts?
00:47:41.389 --> 00:47:42.089
Mhm.
00:47:42.089 --> 00:47:45.289
It can, but it's only if the leader lets the data interrupt their story.
00:47:45.289 --> 00:47:48.955
I mean, reactive leaders create stories fast.
00:47:48.955 --> 00:47:50.255
They don't care.
00:47:50.255 --> 00:47:50.855
They're lazy.
00:47:50.855 --> 00:47:52.322
No one's paying attention.
00:47:52.322 --> 00:47:53.189
This always happens.
00:47:53.189 --> 00:47:54.922
I mean, data can slow that down.
00:47:54.922 --> 00:47:59.289
It gives the team something objective to look at together, but it doesn't create emotional intelligence.
00:47:59.289 --> 00:48:00.955
No. Definitely doesn't.
00:48:00.955 --> 00:48:09.255
I mean, to me, like if the operation, the base operational metrics are visible to everyone, there's no room for mood management here.
00:48:09.255 --> 00:48:10.255
There's no need for it.
00:48:10.255 --> 00:48:13.655
No. And leaders, those types of leaders can weaponize those numbers anyway.
00:48:13.655 --> 00:48:14.089
Yeah.
00:48:14.089 --> 00:48:19.155
For me, if the data is out there and the data is right and it's good and we're close to our goals.
00:48:19.155 --> 00:48:19.689
Shut up.
00:48:19.689 --> 00:48:21.255
We're gonna just handle the problem.
00:48:21.255 --> 00:48:23.689
Let's fix this problem so we can move forward.
00:48:23.689 --> 00:48:26.355
Uh, so for me, key takeaways from today.
00:48:26.355 --> 00:48:31.689
Uh, fifteen second circuit breaker pause.
00:48:31.689 --> 00:48:32.355
Bri.
00:48:32.355 --> 00:48:34.989
I, I'm going to do this the best way I can.
00:48:34.989 --> 00:48:40.122
Pause for fifteen seconds and consult your data before responding.
00:48:40.122 --> 00:48:45.422
Never write a policy or send a reprimand while angry.
00:48:45.422 --> 00:48:45.955
How is that?
00:48:45.955 --> 00:48:47.089
Was that that was good.
00:48:47.089 --> 00:48:50.822
I'd say it a little bit more directly with like, never write a policy or send a reprimand while angry.
00:48:50.822 --> 00:48:53.289
But that was a very peaceful way to say it.
00:48:53.289 --> 00:48:57.155
I just want I just wanted to do it in a calming voice for people.
00:48:57.155 --> 00:48:58.089
I appreciate that.
00:48:58.089 --> 00:49:02.089
So I would say, you know, let's run that upward feedback audit.
00:49:02.089 --> 00:49:03.955
So we are going to ask our direct reports.
00:49:03.955 --> 00:49:07.555
What is one thing I do under stress that makes your job harder.
00:49:07.555 --> 00:49:10.822
And then we're going to listen for the answer without defending ourselves.
00:49:10.822 --> 00:49:11.922
Yep.
00:49:11.922 --> 00:49:15.322
Respect your own processes.
00:49:15.322 --> 00:49:18.989
If you want to make a change in workflow because of a mistake, great.
00:49:18.989 --> 00:49:25.989
Document the change in the library instead of just yelling everyone on the floor! Hey, guys, we're doing it this way now.
00:49:25.989 --> 00:49:28.422
Yeah, I'd say we separate identity from performance.
00:49:28.422 --> 00:49:31.855
We frame corrections around specific behaviors and process metrics.
00:49:31.855 --> 00:49:36.455
We do not do that around an employee's character or intelligence.
00:49:36.455 --> 00:49:38.089
Truly love that.
00:49:38.089 --> 00:49:42.555
Additionally, give your team the gift of a predictable leader.
00:49:42.555 --> 00:49:44.055
Give the gift of kindness.
00:49:44.055 --> 00:49:45.489
Give the gift of predictability.
00:49:45.489 --> 00:49:46.789
Predictability.
00:49:46.789 --> 00:49:52.455
The less time that they spend trying to figure out like, is it Jekyll or Hyde showing up today?
00:49:52.455 --> 00:49:55.655
The more time they spend growing your business.
00:49:55.655 --> 00:50:06.755
Question for you can a leader with a low EQ ever successfully scale a business past twenty employees, be it the business?
00:50:06.755 --> 00:50:08.822
Could it be a middle manager?
00:50:08.822 --> 00:50:10.022
Whatever I mean possible?
00:50:10.022 --> 00:50:10.255
Yes.
00:50:10.255 --> 00:50:10.789
Sustainable?
00:50:10.789 --> 00:50:19.422
No, I totally I, I feel like beyond twenty people, you, you can't micromanage through sheer force of will.
00:50:19.422 --> 00:50:24.089
Your emotional volatility will cause a turnover loop that just capture growth.
00:50:24.089 --> 00:50:25.355
It really will.
00:50:25.355 --> 00:50:34.022
What's the best way to deliver constructive feedback or bad news to an emotionally explosive boss like leading up, so to say?
00:50:34.022 --> 00:50:34.322
All right.
00:50:34.322 --> 00:50:38.955
We anchor in what happened, what the impact is and what decision needs to be made.
00:50:38.955 --> 00:50:42.022
We don't lead with emotion, opinion, or long story.
00:50:42.022 --> 00:50:43.589
Here's what happened.
00:50:43.589 --> 00:50:44.855
Here's what it's causing.
00:50:44.855 --> 00:50:45.955
Here's what we need to do.
00:50:45.955 --> 00:50:47.222
Yep.
00:50:47.222 --> 00:50:50.822
Anchor everything in data and sop's from my perspective.
00:50:50.822 --> 00:50:53.922
Don't say I feel like this isn't working.
00:50:53.922 --> 00:50:54.889
There are no feelings.
00:50:54.889 --> 00:50:56.689
There are no feelings in this.
00:50:56.689 --> 00:51:03.522
The SOP target was x. Current output is y. Here are two operational items to fix the gap.
00:51:03.522 --> 00:51:03.822
All right.
00:51:03.822 --> 00:51:05.222
Question for you.
00:51:05.222 --> 00:51:06.822
Emotional intelligence.
00:51:06.822 --> 00:51:12.689
Is it something that old school hardened operator can actually learn, or is it an innate personality trait?
00:51:13.822 --> 00:51:16.589
Uh, old dogs can learn new tricks.
00:51:16.589 --> 00:51:19.689
Uh, some of the Most.
00:51:19.689 --> 00:51:27.322
Some of the best leaders I have have been older, much, much older and very high EQ.
00:51:27.322 --> 00:51:33.455
And once again, still commanded an incredible amount of respect for people.
00:51:33.455 --> 00:51:33.722
Yeah.
00:51:33.722 --> 00:51:38.222
If you can tie it to value one hundred, you get a higher adoption curve.
00:51:38.222 --> 00:51:45.655
I mean, if they show that they truly care about you, um, it's, it's an amazing thing and it drives people to do so much better.
00:51:45.655 --> 00:51:46.089
Mhm.
00:51:46.089 --> 00:51:47.355
It's just added work.
00:51:48.855 --> 00:51:55.522
That being said, we don't know what we're talking about next time, although I think we have some ideas, don't we?
00:51:55.522 --> 00:51:56.822
Yes we do.
00:51:58.122 --> 00:51:59.222
We have a list.
00:51:59.222 --> 00:51:59.722
We do.
00:51:59.722 --> 00:52:10.722
And for every single one of you that has been commenting on posts, commenting on YouTube, we appreciate it because you are you are helping guide us as leaders came from that.
00:52:10.722 --> 00:52:11.189
Yes.
00:52:11.189 --> 00:52:12.255
In the last couple episodes.
00:52:12.255 --> 00:52:12.489
Yeah.
00:52:12.489 --> 00:52:13.822
As leaders, we do listen.
00:52:13.822 --> 00:52:16.622
We like we and Chrissy didn't get mad at me.
00:52:16.622 --> 00:52:22.289
This whole thing, um, she did a little bit with the Pip one, but that was different.
00:52:22.289 --> 00:52:23.689
It was past trauma.
00:52:23.689 --> 00:52:24.589
People do that wrong.
00:52:24.589 --> 00:52:27.989
I think we probably need another Pip episode sometime, but not anytime soon.
00:52:27.989 --> 00:52:29.089
I need to relax.
00:52:29.089 --> 00:52:29.489
Yeah.
00:52:29.489 --> 00:52:29.989
Yes.
00:52:29.989 --> 00:52:30.922
For sure.
00:52:30.922 --> 00:52:32.722
That being said, do us a favor.
00:52:32.722 --> 00:52:35.989
Go to Business Fix podcast dot com.
00:52:35.989 --> 00:52:37.755
We would love to hear from you.
00:52:37.755 --> 00:52:40.355
As I said, leave stuff in the comments.
00:52:40.355 --> 00:52:43.455
Like we've had some reels going absolutely bananas.
00:52:43.455 --> 00:52:48.055
We thank you for that because it lets us know what you want to hear more of.
00:52:48.055 --> 00:52:50.122
That being said, do us a favor.
00:52:50.122 --> 00:52:50.955
Take care of yourself.
00:52:50.955 --> 00:52:56.955
If you can take care of someone else too, we will see you very, very soon.