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Lisa Skinner: Welcome back to
another brand new episode of the
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truth lies and Alzheimer's show.
I'm Lisa Skinner, your host, and
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today I want to talk about a
very important subject, and
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this, to me, is something that
all families should take into
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consideration when they have
small children, adolescent
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children, even teenagers, and
they are experiencing a loved
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one, like a grandparent who is
living with Alzheimer's disease
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or related dementia. And the
reason why this has become an
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important topic to me is because
in the 30 years that I have been
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helping families navigate the
heartbreaking challenges of
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living with Alzheimer's disease
or related dementia, I have
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heard over and over and over
again from adult children that
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when they were little, and I'm
talking about young children to
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adolescent age to teenage, that
they remember having a
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grandparent who was living with
Alzheimer's disease dementia,
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and it freaked them out, and
they're still carrying this with
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them into their adulthood,
because it was such a scary or
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an intimidating experience for
them to see a grandparent who
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was talking about things that
didn't make sense and displaying
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behaviors that they didn't
understand. And you know, I can
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really relate to that, because
you all know my story dating
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back 50 years when I went to
visit my grandmother and she
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starts telling me about birds
living in her mattress that come
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out at night and peck her face.
And I'm sitting there just
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flabbergasted that my sweet
little grandmother is telling me
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these preposterous stories. And
as it turns out, a lot of adult
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children that I've talked to in
the last 30 years tell me they
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were kind of traumatized by
visiting a grandparent
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experiencing their dementia, but
nobody ever explained anything
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to them. Nobody ever gave them a
warning about it. When they went
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to visit. They just the parents
just took them there, and this
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was not the grandparent that
they were expecting to be
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visiting. So I thought it would
be really important for me to
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share with you some
recommendations and tips and
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advice on how to talk to your
children if you do have a family
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member who is living with
Alzheimer's disease or related
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dementia, and some of the
appropriate and and positive
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ways to approach the subject.
But the point being, and I
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emphasize this strongly, the
point being, is prepare them for
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it. It shouldn't come out of
left field that, oh, we're going
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to go visit grandma at the
memory care unit, and they don't
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even know what a memory care
unit is. And you go there, and
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they have no idea that their
grandma has this, has
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Alzheimer's disease. And then
they see all these, you know,
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peculiar things that might, you
know, really leave a mark on
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them. So here are some examples
of how you can implement talking
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to children about Alzheimer's
disease. And again, the ages are
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going to vary, so you need to
adapt your approach to be age
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appropriate depending on the age
of the child. So number one is,
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you want to use age appropriate
language. For a young child, you
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might say something like,
grandma's brain is sick and it
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makes her forget things.
Sometimes, for an older child,
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you can adjust that to say,
Alzheimer's is a disease that
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affects the brain and causes
memory loss and confusion. And
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then you might also use other
specific examples, like so,
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because grandma's brain is sick,
she also might talk about things
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that to you are not going to
make sense. Sense, but they
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definitely make sense to her, so
just accept what she's saying,
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because it has to do with the
changing brain that's happening
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to her right now, something like
that. Number two, be honest,
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Grandpa has Alzheimer's disease,
which is a condition that
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affects his memory and his
thinking abilities. Explain the
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basics to them use a simple
analogy, like comparing the
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brain to a computer that isn't
working properly anymore. This
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might sound a little odd, but
you want to emphasize to your
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children that it's not
contagious, because kids have
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wild imaginations, and they know
they catch germs when they're at
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school and places like that. So
even though that sounds a little
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odd and peculiar. Just reassure
them that Alzheimer's disease is
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not like a cold or the flu. You
cannot catch it from grandma. By
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all means, encourage them to ask
questions. Here's an example. Do
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you have any questions about
what Alzheimer's disease is or
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how it's affecting grandma, and
let them ask you whatever is on
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their minds. Discuss the changes
in behavior that we see with
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Alzheimer's disease, and you
might say something to the
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effect of sometimes grandma may
repeat things or get confused.
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Is it because of her illness and
not because she doesn't love us?
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It's also important to highlight
ways that we can support our
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grandparents or our loved ones,
by saying something to the
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effect of, you know, we can help
Grandma by being patient, by
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spending time with her and
showing her love and
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understanding, and then, of
course, validate their feelings.
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It's okay to feel sad or
confused about grandma's
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illness. I feel that way
sometimes too you can offer your
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children resources by providing
a children's book about
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Alzheimer's disease or showing
them a video that explains the
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condition in a way that they can
understand or relate to. You can
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seek professional help if
needed, if you ever feel
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overwhelmed or have a lot of
questions about grandma's
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Alzheimer's disease, we can talk
to a counselor together to help
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us understand and cope with it
better. By using these specific
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examples, you can have a more
effective and supportive
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conversation with children about
Alzheimer's disease, and of
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course, again, remember to adapt
your approach based on their
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age, their understanding and
their emotional needs. Another
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approach is to use storytelling,
create a simple story or
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narrative to explain Alzheimer's
disease to your children. You
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can use characters or scenarios
that they can relate to in order
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to make the concept more
understandable and relatable.
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You can involve them in
caregiving, depending on their
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age and maturity level, involve
them in simple caregiving tasks
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for the loved one with
Alzheimer's. This can help them
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feel like they are contributing
and also understand the
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challenges that their loved one
may be facing on a day to day
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basis. Have them you know,
interact with them in an
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activity or something like that.
Encourage empathy and
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compassion. Teach your children
about empathy and compassion
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towards individuals with
Alzheimer's. Help them
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understand that their loved one
may actually
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may act differently due to the
disease, and that patience and
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kindness are important when
interacting with them, maintain
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routines and open communication
Because children may feel more
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secure when routines are
maintained. Doesn't that sound
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familiar? We emphasize that
people living with Alzheimer's
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disease, people feel safe and
secure in routines and
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familiarity, and this includes
as the loved one's condition
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progresses in. Encourage open
communication about any changes
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or challenges that arise due to
Alzheimer's. You can also
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address misconceptions and
stigmas, and believe me, there
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are a lot of them still
circulating around there. When
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it comes to Alzheimer's disease,
discuss any misconceptions or
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stigmas surrounding Alzheimer's
that the child may have picked
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up from others, educate them
about the facts and help them
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develop a positive and
understanding attitude towards
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the condition. Provide
opportunities for expression,
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encourage children to express
their feelings through art,
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through journaling or other
creative outlets. This can help
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them process their emotions and
cope with the changes that come
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with Alzheimer's disease and
celebrate memories. That's what
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they're going to take with them
the rest of their lives are the
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memories that they formed when
they were younger and their
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grandparents were healthy. So
encourage children to share and
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celebrate memories of the loved
one who's now living with
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Alzheimer's disease, reminiscing
about happy times can be a
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positive way to connect with the
person and maintain a sense of
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connection. That's what I carry
with me with my grandmother,
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yeah, the the day that I visited
her, that, you know, rats were
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invading her home and birds peck
at her face. That was not the
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grandmother I grew up with, and
I knew something was wrong, but
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the memories that I carry with
me in my head and my heart are
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the ones of us baking cookies
together and laughing and and
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helping her cater her parties
and doing things like that. And
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that's the grandma I choose to
remember. Keep an eye on how the
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child is coping with the
situation and be prepared to
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adjust your approach as needed.
Children may have ongoing
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questions or concerns, so be
ready to address them as they
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arise, especially if you're
visiting fairly regularly,
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because you know that this is a
progressive illness, and their
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cognitive abilities will
continue to decline. Encourage
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patience and understanding.
Emphasize the importance of
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patience and understanding when
interacting with the loved one
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with dementia, explain to the
child that their loved one may
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need extra time or assistance
with tasks due to their
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condition, be their role model.
If they see positive
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interactions coming from you,
it'll help them understand
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having positive interactions
with themselves. Explain to
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children that changes in
behavior such as forgetfulness,
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repetition or Mood swings are
part of Alzheimer's disease, and
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you can help them understand
that these changes are not
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intentional, and that their
loved one still cares for them
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and try to maintain a sense of
normalcy. While Alzheimer's
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disease can bring changes to
family dynamics, try to maintain
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a sense of normalcy in the
child's daily life as much as
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possible, consistency and
routine can provide a sense of
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stability for children during
challenging times and educate
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them about the progression of
the disease, depending on the
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age of the child and their
understanding of what the
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disease is doing to their loved
one. Provide information about
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how the disease progresses over
time. Help them understand that
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the loved one's condition may
change, and their support and
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love remain important. Encourage
open discussions about
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Alzheimer's disease within your
family, involving other family
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members in the conversation can
positively provide additional
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support for both the child and
the loved one with Alzheimer's.
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I like to celebrate small
victories, acknowledge and
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celebrate small achievement.
Segments or meaningful moments
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with your loved one who has
Alzheimer's disease, and
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encourage children to focus on
positive interactions and
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memories to maintain a sense of
connection and joy. So I'm
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hoping that this will start to
change people's paradigm about
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Alzheimer's disease. For
decades, nobody talked about it.
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We all just our families just
wanted to hide their heads in
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the sand. I think I remember
telling you that after that
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visit that I had with my
grandmother, and she told me all
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these, you know, preposterous
stories. And I went home and I
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asked my mother, what's wrong
with grandma? And she said, Oh,
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Grandma has been diagnosed with
senile dementia. That's what
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they called it back then. I
said, Mom, I just went to visit
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her, and she's telling me all
these outrageous stories. Why
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didn't you say something, why
didn't you prepare me for it?
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And her answer to me was because
we don't talk about those
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things. And I'm telling you
this, I'm sharing this with you
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because I can't tell you how
many adult children that I have
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worked with over the last three
decades, who have told me
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exactly the same thing, we need
to change this and be open about
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it, pull our heads out of the
Sands, because I'm hoping in 30
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years, I don't know if I'll
still be around, but if I am,
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and I'm helping, still Helping
Families, I want to hear from
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those adult children how
wonderful their experience was
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visiting their grandparents in
spite of their Alzheimer's
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disease, because our family was
very open and honest about it,
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and prepared us For what to
expect when we went to visit,
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I'm hoping we could start to see
a lot more of that attitude
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change. With regard to this
disease, it's very slow. I have
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not seen things change that
dramatically since the day I
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visited my grandmother that was
going back about 50 years, I'm
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starting to see a little bit of
progress in that department,
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just since covid, but we're not
nearly where we need to be. So
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that's why I wanted to talk
about this with everybody today.
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Please, please talk to your
children about Alzheimer's
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disease. If you do have that
happening in your family circle,
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they'll thank you for it later,
instead of hearing, oh my gosh,
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I was so traumatized by visiting
my grandparent who lived with
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Alzheimer's disease and and, you
know, it just freaked me out.
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We're so far beyond that stage
in our existence. So anyway, I
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hope this has given you
something to think about, and
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you know, there are a lot of
resources out there to help
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children better understand this
disease. It's not going away, so
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a lot of us are going to be
dealing with the this in our in
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our family circles and our
family dynamics. So anyway,
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that's what I have planned for
you today. I hope this has been
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really helpful, and I'll be back
next week with another brand new
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episode of the truth, lies and
Alzheimer's show. Again. I'm
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Lisa Skinner, your host, and I
hope you all have a marvelous,
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fantastic week. Hope to see you
back here again next week. Bye,
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Bye, for now.
00:00:00,480 --> 00:00:04,260
Lisa Skinner: Welcome back to
another brand new episode of the
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truth lies and Alzheimer's show.
I'm Lisa Skinner, your host, and
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today I want to talk about a
very important subject, and
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this, to me, is something that
all families should take into
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consideration when they have
small children, adolescent
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children, even teenagers, and
they are experiencing a loved
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one, like a grandparent who is
living with Alzheimer's disease
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or related dementia. And the
reason why this has become an
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important topic to me is because
in the 30 years that I have been
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helping families navigate the
heartbreaking challenges of
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living with Alzheimer's disease
or related dementia, I have
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heard over and over and over
again from adult children that
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when they were little, and I'm
talking about young children to
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adolescent age to teenage, that
they remember having a
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grandparent who was living with
Alzheimer's disease dementia,
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and it freaked them out, and
they're still carrying this with
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them into their adulthood,
because it was such a scary or
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an intimidating experience for
them to see a grandparent who
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was talking about things that
didn't make sense and displaying
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behaviors that they didn't
understand. And you know, I can
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really relate to that, because
you all know my story dating
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back 50 years when I went to
visit my grandmother and she
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starts telling me about birds
living in her mattress that come
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out at night and peck her face.
And I'm sitting there just
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flabbergasted that my sweet
little grandmother is telling me
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these preposterous stories. And
as it turns out, a lot of adult
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children that I've talked to in
the last 30 years tell me they
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were kind of traumatized by
visiting a grandparent
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experiencing their dementia, but
nobody ever explained anything
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to them. Nobody ever gave them a
warning about it. When they went
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to visit. They just the parents
just took them there, and this
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was not the grandparent that
they were expecting to be
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visiting. So I thought it would
be really important for me to
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share with you some
recommendations and tips and
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advice on how to talk to your
children if you do have a family
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member who is living with
Alzheimer's disease or related
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dementia, and some of the
appropriate and and positive
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ways to approach the subject.
But the point being, and I
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emphasize this strongly, the
point being, is prepare them for
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it. It shouldn't come out of
left field that, oh, we're going
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to go visit grandma at the
memory care unit, and they don't
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even know what a memory care
unit is. And you go there, and
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they have no idea that their
grandma has this, has
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Alzheimer's disease. And then
they see all these, you know,
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peculiar things that might, you
know, really leave a mark on
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them. So here are some examples
of how you can implement talking
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to children about Alzheimer's
disease. And again, the ages are
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going to vary, so you need to
adapt your approach to be age
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appropriate depending on the age
of the child. So number one is,
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you want to use age appropriate
language. For a young child, you
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might say something like,
grandma's brain is sick and it
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makes her forget things.
Sometimes, for an older child,
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you can adjust that to say,
Alzheimer's is a disease that
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affects the brain and causes
memory loss and confusion. And
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then you might also use other
specific examples, like so,
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because grandma's brain is sick,
she also might talk about things
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that to you are not going to
make sense. Sense, but they
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definitely make sense to her, so
just accept what she's saying,
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because it has to do with the
changing brain that's happening
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to her right now, something like
that. Number two, be honest,
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Grandpa has Alzheimer's disease,
which is a condition that
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affects his memory and his
thinking abilities. Explain the
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basics to them use a simple
analogy, like comparing the
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brain to a computer that isn't
working properly anymore. This
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might sound a little odd, but
you want to emphasize to your
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children that it's not
contagious, because kids have
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wild imaginations, and they know
they catch germs when they're at
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school and places like that. So
even though that sounds a little
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odd and peculiar. Just reassure
them that Alzheimer's disease is
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not like a cold or the flu. You
cannot catch it from grandma. By
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all means, encourage them to ask
questions. Here's an example. Do
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you have any questions about
what Alzheimer's disease is or
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how it's affecting grandma, and
let them ask you whatever is on
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their minds. Discuss the changes
in behavior that we see with
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Alzheimer's disease, and you
might say something to the
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effect of sometimes grandma may
repeat things or get confused.
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Is it because of her illness and
not because she doesn't love us?
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It's also important to highlight
ways that we can support our
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grandparents or our loved ones,
by saying something to the
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effect of, you know, we can help
Grandma by being patient, by
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spending time with her and
showing her love and
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understanding, and then, of
course, validate their feelings.
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It's okay to feel sad or
confused about grandma's
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illness. I feel that way
sometimes too you can offer your
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children resources by providing
a children's book about
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Alzheimer's disease or showing
them a video that explains the
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condition in a way that they can
understand or relate to. You can
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seek professional help if
needed, if you ever feel
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overwhelmed or have a lot of
questions about grandma's
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Alzheimer's disease, we can talk
to a counselor together to help
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us understand and cope with it
better. By using these specific
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examples, you can have a more
effective and supportive
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conversation with children about
Alzheimer's disease, and of
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course, again, remember to adapt
your approach based on their
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age, their understanding and
their emotional needs. Another
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approach is to use storytelling,
create a simple story or
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narrative to explain Alzheimer's
disease to your children. You
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can use characters or scenarios
that they can relate to in order
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to make the concept more
understandable and relatable.
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You can involve them in
caregiving, depending on their
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age and maturity level, involve
them in simple caregiving tasks
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for the loved one with
Alzheimer's. This can help them
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feel like they are contributing
and also understand the
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challenges that their loved one
may be facing on a day to day
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basis. Have them you know,
interact with them in an
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activity or something like that.
Encourage empathy and
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compassion. Teach your children
about empathy and compassion
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towards individuals with
Alzheimer's. Help them
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understand that their loved one
may actually
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may act differently due to the
disease, and that patience and
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kindness are important when
interacting with them, maintain
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routines and open communication
Because children may feel more
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secure when routines are
maintained. Doesn't that sound
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familiar? We emphasize that
people living with Alzheimer's
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disease, people feel safe and
secure in routines and
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familiarity, and this includes
as the loved one's condition
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progresses in. Encourage open
communication about any changes
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or challenges that arise due to
Alzheimer's. You can also
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address misconceptions and
stigmas, and believe me, there
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are a lot of them still
circulating around there. When
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it comes to Alzheimer's disease,
discuss any misconceptions or
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stigmas surrounding Alzheimer's
that the child may have picked
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up from others, educate them
about the facts and help them
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develop a positive and
understanding attitude towards
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the condition. Provide
opportunities for expression,
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encourage children to express
their feelings through art,
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through journaling or other
creative outlets. This can help
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them process their emotions and
cope with the changes that come
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with Alzheimer's disease and
celebrate memories. That's what
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they're going to take with them
the rest of their lives are the
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memories that they formed when
they were younger and their
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grandparents were healthy. So
encourage children to share and
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celebrate memories of the loved
one who's now living with
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Alzheimer's disease, reminiscing
about happy times can be a
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positive way to connect with the
person and maintain a sense of
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connection. That's what I carry
with me with my grandmother,
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yeah, the the day that I visited
her, that, you know, rats were
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invading her home and birds peck
at her face. That was not the
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grandmother I grew up with, and
I knew something was wrong, but
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the memories that I carry with
me in my head and my heart are
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the ones of us baking cookies
together and laughing and and
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helping her cater her parties
and doing things like that. And
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that's the grandma I choose to
remember. Keep an eye on how the
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child is coping with the
situation and be prepared to
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adjust your approach as needed.
Children may have ongoing
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questions or concerns, so be
ready to address them as they
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arise, especially if you're
visiting fairly regularly,
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because you know that this is a
progressive illness, and their
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cognitive abilities will
continue to decline. Encourage
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patience and understanding.
Emphasize the importance of
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patience and understanding when
interacting with the loved one
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with dementia, explain to the
child that their loved one may
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need extra time or assistance
with tasks due to their
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condition, be their role model.
If they see positive
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interactions coming from you,
it'll help them understand
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having positive interactions
with themselves. Explain to
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children that changes in
behavior such as forgetfulness,
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repetition or Mood swings are
part of Alzheimer's disease, and
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you can help them understand
that these changes are not
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intentional, and that their
loved one still cares for them
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and try to maintain a sense of
normalcy. While Alzheimer's
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disease can bring changes to
family dynamics, try to maintain
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a sense of normalcy in the
child's daily life as much as
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possible, consistency and
routine can provide a sense of
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stability for children during
challenging times and educate
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them about the progression of
the disease, depending on the
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age of the child and their
understanding of what the
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disease is doing to their loved
one. Provide information about
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how the disease progresses over
time. Help them understand that
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the loved one's condition may
change, and their support and
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love remain important. Encourage
open discussions about
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Alzheimer's disease within your
family, involving other family
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members in the conversation can
positively provide additional
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support for both the child and
the loved one with Alzheimer's.
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I like to celebrate small
victories, acknowledge and
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celebrate small achievement.
Segments or meaningful moments
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with your loved one who has
Alzheimer's disease, and
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encourage children to focus on
positive interactions and
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memories to maintain a sense of
connection and joy. So I'm
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hoping that this will start to
change people's paradigm about
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Alzheimer's disease. For
decades, nobody talked about it.
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We all just our families just
wanted to hide their heads in
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the sand. I think I remember
telling you that after that
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visit that I had with my
grandmother, and she told me all
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these, you know, preposterous
stories. And I went home and I
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asked my mother, what's wrong
with grandma? And she said, Oh,
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Grandma has been diagnosed with
senile dementia. That's what
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they called it back then. I
said, Mom, I just went to visit
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her, and she's telling me all
these outrageous stories. Why
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didn't you say something, why
didn't you prepare me for it?
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And her answer to me was because
we don't talk about those
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things. And I'm telling you
this, I'm sharing this with you
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because I can't tell you how
many adult children that I have
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worked with over the last three
decades, who have told me
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exactly the same thing, we need
to change this and be open about
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it, pull our heads out of the
Sands, because I'm hoping in 30
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years, I don't know if I'll
still be around, but if I am,
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and I'm helping, still Helping
Families, I want to hear from
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those adult children how
wonderful their experience was
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visiting their grandparents in
spite of their Alzheimer's
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disease, because our family was
very open and honest about it,
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and prepared us For what to
expect when we went to visit,
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I'm hoping we could start to see
a lot more of that attitude
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change. With regard to this
disease, it's very slow. I have
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not seen things change that
dramatically since the day I
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visited my grandmother that was
going back about 50 years, I'm
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starting to see a little bit of
progress in that department,
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just since covid, but we're not
nearly where we need to be. So
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that's why I wanted to talk
about this with everybody today.
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Please, please talk to your
children about Alzheimer's
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disease. If you do have that
happening in your family circle,
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they'll thank you for it later,
instead of hearing, oh my gosh,
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I was so traumatized by visiting
my grandparent who lived with
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Alzheimer's disease and and, you
know, it just freaked me out.
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We're so far beyond that stage
in our existence. So anyway, I
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hope this has given you
something to think about, and
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you know, there are a lot of
resources out there to help
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children better understand this
disease. It's not going away, so
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a lot of us are going to be
dealing with the this in our in
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our family circles and our
family dynamics. So anyway,
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that's what I have planned for
you today. I hope this has been
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really helpful, and I'll be back
next week with another brand new
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episode of the truth, lies and
Alzheimer's show. Again. I'm
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Lisa Skinner, your host, and I
hope you all have a marvelous,
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fantastic week. Hope to see you
back here again next week. Bye,
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Bye, for now.
