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Welcome to the Radical Responsibility Podcast. I'm doctor Fleet Mal
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and I'm excited to guide you on a journey of
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authentic transformation. In each episode, I'll bring you insights from
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leading experts to explore trauma recovery, mindfulness practices, positive psychology,
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and innovative breakthroughs in health, wellness, and life optimization. This
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is a space for real conversations that inspire meaningful change,
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helping you find alignment with the person you are always
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meant to be. Let's get started. What if happiness wasn't
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something you had to chase, but something you could live
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from no matter what life throws your way. In today's episode,
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I'm joined by Marcy Schimhaff, a true pioneer in the
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field of happiness and well being. In our conversation, we
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explore what it really takes to stop living at the
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mercy of success, approval, or external conditions and start building
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the habits that create lasting fulfillment. Marcy's work shows us
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how to fill that gap from within and how that
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ship can transform not only our own lives, but the
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lives of everyone we touch. Let's get started. Miamis doctor
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Fleet Mall your co host for the session and I'm
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really happy to be here today with Marci showaw Welcome Marci.
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Thank you. It's great to be here with you fleet.
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What got you started in this exploration of happiness and
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the possibility of kind of unconditional happiness, happiness for no reason?
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Well what got me started?
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You know?
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People think, oh, Marcy, you were always happy, right, My
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answer is absolutely not. I was born depressed. I came
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out of the womb with existential angst. I had a
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great family, great parents. All things on the outside looked wonderful.
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I now think that, but I have this sort of
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dark cloud around me. I think that it was probably
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either ancestral trauma that I had inherited, or perhaps in
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past life PTSD. But I just really remember as a
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little kid all the other kids playing, and I thought,
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how could they play when they're such suffering in the world.
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So my solution as a kid to my unhappiness was
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something called sugar. I became a sugar addict at a
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young age, and by the time I was in high school,
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I was about thirty five pounds overweight. Obviously, the sugar
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solution it doesn't work. It makes things worse. So when
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I was in my twenties, I did what a lot
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of people do. I decided, I'm going to figure out
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this happiness thing and I'm going to get happy. And
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to do that, I set goals for myself because that's
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what people were doing. Set goals. Once you get those goals,
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then you'll be happy. And I'm just going to share
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with you. I had five goals. I'll share them with
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you fleet because I think a lot of people will relate.
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I wanted a successful career helping people. I wanted a
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wonderful husband or life partner, fabulous friends, a comfortable home,
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and the equivalent of Halle Berry's body. I got four
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out of the five. I don't have Halle Berry's body,
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but I have a health for which I'm very grateful.
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And I worked really hard in my twenties and thirties
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to get all my ducks in a row. And I
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had a turning point moment. It was in nineteen ninety eight,
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and I had three books in the top five on
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the New York Times bestseller list. At the same time,
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I had just finished giving a speech to eight thousand people.
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I had autographed five, four hundred and thirty two books.
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My client had hired a massage therapist to keep massage
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in my hands so I could keep on signing, and
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on one hand, I felt like an author rock star.
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But after autographing that last book, I went up to
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my hotel room, which was the penthouse suite that my
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client had gotten for me, and I walked over to
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these huge windows overlooking I was in Chicago, so it
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was overlooking Lake Michigan, and I took it that amazing view,
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and then I turned around and I collapsed onto the
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bed and I burst into tears. And I burst into
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tears because I realized that all of that emptiness that
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I'd had as a kid, it was still there. I
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still felt that that kind of despair, really, and I
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could no longer fool myself into thinking that just the
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next thing would make me happier. I'd realized it'd make
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me happier for a little while, but soon I'd go
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back to the same old place and I'd just be
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on this little hamster wheel, and I just said, I
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can't do this. And I decided, in that moment, I'm
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going to figure out what it takes to be happy.
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So I interviewed all of the top researchers out there
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and I interviewed one hundred unconditionally happy people, and I
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started doing what they were telling me. I started doing
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what they were doing, and I was shocked because it
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actually worked. It really worked.
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You know.
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I would say back then, if you were grading me
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in happiness, I was failing, I'd get a D in happiness.
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I would say today I'm an a I'm still a
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work in progress, but it's solid and this stuff works.
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And I got so excited about the fact that it
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worked that I ran out and shared it with people.
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It worked for them, and that's how it got me
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on this whole track of teaching happy for no reason.
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Well, let's talk about what you mean by happiness for
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no reasons. So I think it's quite natural that most
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of us associate happiness and unhappiness with the current circumstances
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of our life. Can be internal circumstances of how we're feeling,
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what's going on with our mind and body, but a
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lot of it's external circumstance, the quality of our relationships,
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our bank account, our home, our surroundings, whether things the
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world seems to be cooperating with us or not, things
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are going away or they're not. I think most people
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associate or their felt sense of happiness is pretty influenced
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by those things. So what do you mean by happiness
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for no reason?
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Yeah, so I had spent my life as most people
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do because our society teaches us to go for what
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I call happy for good reason. Happy for good reason
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is I'm going to be happy because I have a
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great job or a great spouse or whatever. All the
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conditions feel good on the outside. The problem is as
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soon as something happens with those and we know that
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life is the one thing we know about is certainly change.
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It's not a solid foundation for happiness. You know, that's
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not what I really wanted. I wanted lasting happiness, and
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so lasting happiness is what I call unconditional happiness, and
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it's what I've termed happy for no reason. What it
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means is an inner state of peace and well being
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that doesn't depend on your circumstances. It doesn't mean that
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you are walking around twenty four to seven with a
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silly grin on your face. You know you're going to
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have things happen in life. You're going to have people
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will die, you will feel grief, Things will happen. You
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might feel frustrated or upset, But with all those feelings,
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you have an inner backdrop of peace and well being
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that you carry with you wherever you go. And that
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is what I mean by happy for no reason. I
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think it was Depachopra who said that happiness for any
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reason is just another form of misery, because if we
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are attaching our happiness to that thing, then our life
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is all about I better protect and save that thing. Well,
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that's not freedom, and ultimately what we all want is freedom.
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It's really interesting, you know. I teach a model called
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radical Responsibility, the name of my book, and it's all
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about choice and ownership. And often we focus on the
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seemingly negative things in our life that we're unhappy about,
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and our instinct to blame that on circumstances or others,
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and how we can, even though it may seem very
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logical to do so. In some cases, the problems we
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give away of power because we can't control what's going
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on out there. So if I'm really unhappy and I
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feel it's caused by someone or something, I'm giving away
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power over my internal state. Now, we usually don't think
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about that in terms of happiness, but it's the same thing.
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If I'm happy and I attribute the causation of my
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happiness to something outside myself, then that's likely to change.
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In fact, it will change. We know, as you said,
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we know change is one thing we can count on.
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So then I'm not happy anymore. Right, So this basing,
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you know, attributing our causation of our internal state, whether
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it's happiness or unhappiness, that things outside of ourselves, is
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really continually giving our power away find our way back
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into that place that abiding inner peace and calm. That
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even if we're in the you know, having experience of
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loss and grief, it's still not it doesn't completely dominate
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the picture, or we're able to work with it in
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a healthier way because there is this backdrop of peace
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and calm and unconditional happiness. Yeah.
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Well, that right there is the million dollar question, and
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I'm glad we can spend some time talking about how
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do we create this interstate of peace and wellbeing. But
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before we get to that, I just want to share
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one thing based on what you said. If our circumstances
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were the real cause of happiness, then we would find
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a lot more happiness in Hollywood. If fame and money
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and success and looks all of that stuff. We're happiness.
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You know, we see happiness in Hollywood, we see depression,
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we see suicide. We don't see that. And for me,
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the thing that has helped best help me understand this,
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why this all is is some of the research that's
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been done on happiness and speaks some what's called the
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happiness set point and the happiness set point. It's like
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a thermostat setting, and no matter what happens to us,
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whether it's good or whether it's bad, we will tend
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to hover or go back to our thermostat setting unless
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we do something consciously to change it. So really the key,
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the mover in our happiness is our happiness set point.
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You know.
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It's why people win the lottery. You think, oh, I
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have to do is win the lottery and I'll be happier. Well,
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they are happier for a few months, but within a
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year they've returned to their original happiness set point. So
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the happiness set point is key. And how is the
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happiness set point determined? It's fifty percent genetic. You're born
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with it. I was not born with the good genes.
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It's ten percent your circumstances. Now, notice what a tiny
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piece of the pie That is ten percent, and yet
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that's what the whole world is focused on. Let me
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change my circumstances, it's not going to do that much.
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The other forty percent is our habits of thoughts and behavior.
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That's where we can really move the needle. And I'm
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going to take it a step further and talk about
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that genetic piece as well, because there are scientists in
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the field of epigenetics, which I'm sure you well know
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about and speak about, and you know doctor Bruce Liften,
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for example, biology of belief who found that when we
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changed those habits of thoughts, beliefs, and actions, we influence
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or can change our DNA. And what this says is
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that ninety percent them, the forty percent that's habits, the
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fifty percent that's DNA. Ninety percent of our happiness can
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be influenced by shifting our habits. The only difference between
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happy people and everybody else is that they have different habits.
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So that's really what we want to look at. And
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what I found is that the happiness habits, they are
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twenty one main happiness habits that I found, and they
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fell into seven main categories. So shall I go into those?
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Yeah, I just want to object one thing. I'm really
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happy that we're going there with the set point, and
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because this is what it's really all about. It's about
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that we all have these blueprints, these sort of maps
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and belief systems that do create this like a thermostat,
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and no matter what we do, we will come back
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to that set point, back to that blueprint, until we
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change the blueprint or change to set point. That's really
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what it's all about. What if transformation isn't just about
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thinking differently but feeling differently. Science shows us that true
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change happens when we align not just our minds, but
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also the neural networks in our hearts and guts. This
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heart mind connection is the key to deeper healing, resilience,
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and expanded awareness. That's why I created the Heart Mind
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All access, membership and community, a space designed to help
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you rewire your nervous system, cultivate heart intelligence, and live
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with greater clarity and purpose. With over one thousand hours
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and heartset, regulate your emotions and unlock your full potential.
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You'll also gain unlimited access to every summit and course
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thousand dollars in growing, plus live gatherings, and an inspiring
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I invite you to join us. Clip the link to
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learn more and start your journey today.
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This is why I'm so thrilled about and I just
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love the work that you do because it really it's
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all about this, It's all about what moves the needle
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really for people. Well, I found that there are these
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twenty one happiness habits and seven main categories they fall into.
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And I found that people have a hard time remembering
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seven of anything. So I created a metaphor or analogy
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called building your Inner Home for happiness. And a home
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has seven main areas. It's got a foundation, it's got
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four corner pillars, a roof, and a garden. So here's
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how it relates to these seven areas and fleet as
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we go through these, I'm going to invite I'm going
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to ask you to identify which of these seven you
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feel is the weakest for you, and I'm going to
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ask everybody else who's listening to do the same, because
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wherever we are the weakest, that's our achilles heel, and
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I think that's where we often can get started. So
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these seven areas, the foundation will start with is taking
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responsibility for your life and your happiness. So it's not
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showing in life as a victim of life. And you
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know that you're a victim when you're blaming, shaming, or complaining,
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blaming others for what's wrong and why you can't be happy, shaming,
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which is blaming yourself for what's wrong and why you
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can't be happy, and complaining blaming the circumstances for what's
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wrong and why you can't be happy. Anytime you go
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into those modes, or if you have a habit of
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going into those modes, you've lost the foundation for happiness.
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So what we say is take responsibility, be a victor
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in your life. Then there are the four corner pillars.
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There's the pillar of the mind, our thoughts. Do your
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thoughts do your beliefs rob you of your happiness? And
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this is a lot of what you're focusing on here.
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Then there's the pillar of the heart. The heart. I've
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never met a happy person who lived with the closed
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heart ever. No really happy people with you know, rummy
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closed up hearts. Happy people are generous, they are kind,
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they are loving, they are compassionate, they are forgiving, and
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all of those things that I've just said, those for
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others and for themselves. So self compassionate, self, forgiving, kind
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to themselves as well as to others. Then there's the
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pillar of the body. Do you have the biochemistry of happiness?
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Do you have enough serotonin and oxid and dopamine. And that's,
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by the way, where I was the weakest, and that's
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where I really needed to focus in when I started
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turning it around for myself. And then there's the pillar
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of the soul. The soul is how connected are you
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to the greater energy of life? And I don't care
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whether you call it God or spirit or the divine
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or nature, doesn't matter. But do you feel connected to
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this greater whole of life? Then there is the roof
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of your home for happiness, and the roof is your purpose.
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Are passionate in life? Are you living an inspired life?
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Are you doing what it is you are here on
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this planet to be doing what some would call your dharma,
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your life, work, life purpose. And then finally, there is
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the garden, and the garden is who you're surrounded by.
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Do you have a lot of roses and gardenias in
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your garden, a lot of people who inspire you and
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support you, or do you have a lot of weeds
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in the garden, people that drag you down. So those
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are the seven areas. I'll just quickly say them again
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so everybody can pick where they're the weakest and lead
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that up. Give you a chance to responsibility, taking responsibility
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for your life. The pillar of the mind, the pillar
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of the heart, the pillar of the soul, pillar of
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the body. And then there's your purpose or passion in life,
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and then there's your relationships. So I'm going to put
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you on the spot, where do you think you're the weakest.
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Well, I've been working on all seven for a long
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time now. Now I would say, which I'm very happy
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about and it definitely works. But I would say it's
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the heart. And I say that because I got some
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trauma in my background and I think it caused me
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to tend to approach life in a fairly guarded way,
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and I really have the capacity. It opened my heart,
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but very selectively about how and when and with whom.
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You know, I was willing to do that, which can
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make sense in some circumstances. But my tendency was to
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be guarded. And I've been very attracted in my life
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to certain experiences. Some of the work I do in
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the zen piecemaker work were going out in the streets
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with no money, going to oushwit's every year, going into prisons,
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going in a tough places. Is because I like being
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in these places. Because when I'm in those places, I
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can't kid myself about how open hearted I am or not,
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because you can literally feel the heart starting to close
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to protect yourself quite naturally, and then fortunately you can
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feel when it opens again, and it's really where the
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rubber meets the road. But I think that's been the
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ongoing challenge for me. I've opened, you know, I've avoided
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shaming myself for it, but I could see sometimes a
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slight tendency to that of just wishing, you know, just
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my natural propensity was just open the heart, and for
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me it's more like I feel like a little on
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the other side. My natural potentcy is be a little
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more guarded and then with the general effort, I can
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then open right, and it's you know, it's changed a
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lot over the years, but still there's I would say
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that's my weakness. Okay, so you can be guarded.
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Yeah, well, thank you for that. And I you know,
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I really appreciate your honesty and authenticity around that. And
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you know it's for all of us. We are all
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works in progress on these things. And I think by
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knowing where your tend to perhaps get caught up the most,
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it's wonderful to have the awareness and then you know,
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to notice, how can I be loving wherever I am?
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And those are some pretty big places to be bringing
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love to, you know, to Auschwitz or to you know,
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these other places where you're going. And I think about
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there's a story. You probably are familiar with it given
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your background, but it's a story that for me, it's
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the real test. And it was a story back when.
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It's about about a Buddhist monk and he was prisoner
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of war Chinese risen camp and was tortured regularly for
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ten years. And when he got out, he met with
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his holiness the Dalai Lama and the Dali Lama asked him,
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when did you feel that you were in the most danger,
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and his answer was, I thought I wouldn't be able
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to forgive. And he realized, he said, the way I
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could survive this was to know I could forgive in
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all moments. And you know, Nelson Mandela had a very
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similar story that he tells about ten years into his time,
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he just realized he wasn't going to be loving and
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forgiving it, he wouldn't survive. So I think that it's
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quite the ultimate test.
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Really, there was a wonderful winterful so I had the
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privilege of spending a day with His Holiness and four
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people from Tebec, three nuns and a man, a lay person,
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all of whom had spent time in Chinese communist prisons
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in Tibet and in China. And it was amazing how
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for all of them they'd grown up and been so
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deeply andculturated in a culture of forgiveness and compassion and
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openness that even though they are travel and bearing witness
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to the reality of what was happening there, so people
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be aware and hopefully bring change, but there was no
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entity in their hearts, and it was extraordinary their ability
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to do that. I'll have to say for me that
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even though I go to those places and I really
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appreciate being in a place where I can't kid myself
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about how open hearted I am or not, in many ways,
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there really work for me has been in my primary relationships,
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and I've been extraordinarily fortunate to have long term relationships
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with some extraordinary women, including my current loved wife, Sophie. Previously,
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I've lost a series of partners to cancer over the years,
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but I've been blessed to be with some extraordinary women
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who just would just kind of grab me and say, no,
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you're not going to die. You can stay here, keep
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your heart open. I know you're terrified. I may be
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angry at you, but just you know, hang in there.
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I gradually learned not to run away and that I
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could have my being and my heart open in the
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face of what felt really challenging and really overwhelming and threatening,
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probably due to my childhood experiences, and that I wasn't
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going to die, and that actually opening my heart was
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a better survival strategy than to close it focused on survival.
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But it really isn't the case in the end, but
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it works out better in the long run.
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Yes, I'm totally with you. And you know, the thing
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is also, as you well know, that we catch the
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emotions of the people around us like we catch their colds,
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you know, all emotional immunity. And people are always asking me, well, Marcy,
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I can't be happy because I've got this really negative
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person to be around. And my answer is that the
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strongest energy wins that if your love is bigger than
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somebody else's negativity, they're going to catch what you're having
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rather than vice versa. And a while ago, I was
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in a small group meeting with the Dalai Lama and
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there were maybe twenty of us, and there was this
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really negative guy in the room, and I remember thinking,
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oh my god, how's that going to go over? And
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so the Dalai Lama walks in and he's just he exudes,
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it's just contagious, and this really negative guy instantly shifted
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and was just the most open hearted and loving. So
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I think that we don't do it just for ourselves.
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We do it because it impacts everybody around as we
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can feel it. You know, they say the research shows
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that our happiness affects at least five people out so
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that means you being happier is affecting your neighbor's cousins, sons,
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school teacher, you know. And so this is we do
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it for ourselves, we do it for our families, we
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do it for the world absolutely.
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So in a moment, I'd like to explore, many of
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us are dealing with what are sometimes called limiting core beliefs,
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and generally they have to do with beliefs about ourselves
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where we're not enough. But we're not smart enough, tall enough,
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rich enough, famous enough, happy enough, you know, hasment enough,
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beautiful enough, what have you? Or there's not enough in
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the world to go around, there's not enough land, water, fame,
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you know, and so forth, And so we tend to
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get into that scarcity mentality. But before going there, I
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just want to also contextualize for our conversation, there seems
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to be kind of a in some ways a relative
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and ultimate view of this or different ways to work.
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On the one end, there's like limiting core beliefs. I think,
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I'm sure there's way we can work with those. We
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can look at them, understand them, to construct them, change them,
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transform them. But would you agree that in some ways
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what you're calling happiness for no reason is actually our
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natural state once the things that are in the way
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clear away, so it's not like something we're trying to
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get we don't have. And then on a relative level,
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of course, there's all kinds of things we can do
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to clear away those things. But I wonder if you
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would agree with that.
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One hundred percent. Absolutely, I really believe that who we
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are in essence is joy, unconditional happiness, love, all of
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those things and everything else. These beliefs have been superimposed
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on that. So I'm with you. I think there's really
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two ways to approach these limiting beliefs. One is to
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approach it from the level of identity. You know, I'm
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not those beliefs. Who is the person that is seeing
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those beliefs or experiencing that. It's reidentification, it's you know,
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the spiritual path of who am I and reidentifying with
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the essence of who we are, which is much more
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than the personality, you know, recognizing the soul and identifying
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as the soul. And then of course there is the
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personality stuff too, and there are powerful, brilliant, amazing ways
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to deal with helping shift those limiting beliefs so that
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they're more functional. I would say, but ultimately, what we're
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on the planet for is to awakening to the truth
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that isn't even who I am.
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Amazing and the power of identity. On the negative side,
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I think that's often what really blocks change because I
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hear from so many people who many are working in
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all kinds of settings, with all kinds of folks in
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the criminal justice system, a lot you know, of hearing
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people say things like, well, that's just the way I am.
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And you know, we have whatever set of you know,
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habit and thinking patterns and beliefs, behavioral tendencies, and we
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just get identified with that. We think that's just who
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I am, and that's not likely to change, and that
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over identification, right, Whereas if we can develop some kind
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of consciousness practice, kind of awareness practice, where we can
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look at that stuff and say, okay, that's all there
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and it's influencing what's going on in my life right now,
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but it's not me because there's somebody here looking at that.
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Who's that exactly exactly. It's consciousness, it's awareness. It's not
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something that we're used to doing. It's not and I think,
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of course spiritual practices are direct us in that way.
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But yes, you know, it's interesting because it's so clear
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that we as humans have what scientists call the negativity bias.
477
00:25:31.920 --> 00:25:34.319
You know, they say that the average person has sixty
478
00:25:34.400 --> 00:25:37.559
thousand thoughts a day, and for the average person, eighty
479
00:25:37.599 --> 00:25:41.079
percent of those thoughts are negative. We inherited the tendency
480
00:25:41.119 --> 00:25:44.200
from our caveman ancestors who needed to remember the negatives
481
00:25:44.200 --> 00:25:47.799
to survive. We no longer need that. I imagine you may
482
00:25:47.839 --> 00:25:50.359
be familiar with doctor Rick Hanson, who's a dear friend
483
00:25:50.359 --> 00:25:53.200
of mine and wrote Hardwiring Happiness, and he likes to
484
00:25:53.200 --> 00:25:56.240
call it the Velcrow Teflon syndrome, that our minds are
485
00:25:56.279 --> 00:25:58.599
like velcrow for the negative they stick to us, but
486
00:25:58.759 --> 00:26:02.000
like teflon for the positive. And what I've seen is
487
00:26:02.039 --> 00:26:06.279
that happy people do work on those old beliefs and
488
00:26:06.440 --> 00:26:10.039
reprogramming them, you know, so that happy people have reversed
489
00:26:10.039 --> 00:26:13.000
that tendency so that the positive stick to them, they
490
00:26:13.079 --> 00:26:15.839
velcrow them, and the negative slide off of them. And
491
00:26:15.880 --> 00:26:19.519
there are certainly brilliant and amazing ways to develop new
492
00:26:19.559 --> 00:26:21.720
neural pathways in the brain. You know, be on the
493
00:26:21.720 --> 00:26:25.200
lookout for the good, savor it for at least thirty
494
00:26:25.279 --> 00:26:29.599
twenty seconds, and you know, really spend more time on that,
495
00:26:30.240 --> 00:26:33.119
and there are also some fabulous tools these days for
496
00:26:33.200 --> 00:26:37.400
helping release the old, more negative belief systems. So I'm
497
00:26:37.559 --> 00:26:41.680
all for that angle, and I'm also all for the
498
00:26:41.720 --> 00:26:44.960
angle of recognition of the truth of who we really are,
499
00:26:45.119 --> 00:26:49.200
which to me is really the spiritual orientation of identification
500
00:26:49.319 --> 00:26:49.799
is the soul.
501
00:26:50.000 --> 00:26:52.640
Yeah, I think it's really important to hold both because
502
00:26:52.880 --> 00:26:55.599
I love where Cancer's work. He's a close friend and colleague,
503
00:26:55.839 --> 00:26:58.240
and I kind of like to say, you know, the
504
00:26:58.319 --> 00:27:00.599
human condition is what it is. We do have peer
505
00:27:00.599 --> 00:27:02.960
and survival based biology, or we wouldn't be here as
506
00:27:02.960 --> 00:27:05.119
a species. I mean, it's job one for any species
507
00:27:05.160 --> 00:27:09.079
as survival, but it doesn't need to completely dominate our lives.
508
00:27:09.119 --> 00:27:12.400
And in modern society, our survival isn't as at stake
509
00:27:12.559 --> 00:27:14.359
all the time as it was now for some people
510
00:27:14.359 --> 00:27:16.599
on the planet it still is very much, but many
511
00:27:16.640 --> 00:27:19.359
of us do live lives of tremendous privilege and where
512
00:27:19.440 --> 00:27:21.559
there's always risk, and there's always danger in life, but
513
00:27:21.720 --> 00:27:25.640
it's not the way our brains evolved on the savannah
514
00:27:25.759 --> 00:27:28.279
when there was no protection and there were much larger
515
00:27:28.319 --> 00:27:30.720
creatures that would have enjoyed us. For breakfast and lunch
516
00:27:30.720 --> 00:27:33.839
and so forth. So there is this negativity bias, and
517
00:27:33.880 --> 00:27:37.039
it does set us up for negativity and it explains
518
00:27:37.039 --> 00:27:38.640
a lot of what we see in the world around us,
519
00:27:38.720 --> 00:27:42.400
just to focus on negativity and drama, and that all
520
00:27:42.440 --> 00:27:45.319
the popular media is just dominated by negative and talk
521
00:27:45.400 --> 00:27:47.839
to drama ever more so in the politics and everywhere.
522
00:27:48.240 --> 00:27:50.279
Instead of you know, seeing all that and thinking, oh,
523
00:27:50.359 --> 00:27:53.519
how horrible that is, can have compassion and understand that's
524
00:27:53.559 --> 00:27:56.240
just the human condition. You could say, run them up,
525
00:27:56.279 --> 00:27:58.880
but it really is just doing its thing unless we
526
00:27:58.920 --> 00:28:01.559
proactively do others. So on the one hand, we can say,
527
00:28:01.599 --> 00:28:04.160
and I very much believe that happiness is our natural state.
528
00:28:04.240 --> 00:28:07.640
Joy is our natural state, that we are innately unconditional, good,
529
00:28:08.200 --> 00:28:11.599
whole and joyful beings. And at the same time, when
530
00:28:11.640 --> 00:28:14.039
we're born a body, we do have this ex fear
531
00:28:14.039 --> 00:28:17.200
in survival biology, and so we do need to exercise
532
00:28:17.319 --> 00:28:20.000
consciousness to rise above that. And as human beings we
533
00:28:20.039 --> 00:28:23.160
all have that capacity, right, but it does it takes
534
00:28:23.160 --> 00:28:26.240
both and becoming conscious. We can realize that that fear
535
00:28:26.240 --> 00:28:29.400
and survival based biology has a place, but it's not
536
00:28:29.559 --> 00:28:31.559
meant to run the show and run our minds and
537
00:28:31.640 --> 00:28:34.599
dominate our lives. Right, So I think it's helpful for
538
00:28:34.640 --> 00:28:37.039
people to understand what they're up against in terms of
539
00:28:37.079 --> 00:28:39.160
their own biology. Right, that we're kind of set up,
540
00:28:39.240 --> 00:28:42.279
like Rick Hanson says, you know, we've evolved. Our brains
541
00:28:42.319 --> 00:28:44.759
have evolved to be like Belcrow for negativity and memory
542
00:28:44.799 --> 00:28:47.799
of risk and so forth danger, and like Teflon for
543
00:28:47.920 --> 00:28:51.000
positive experiences that I wonder if we could talk about
544
00:28:51.000 --> 00:28:53.480
for a moment, because I just want to play the
545
00:28:53.519 --> 00:28:56.799
devil's advocate a bit here, Right, So today we hear
546
00:28:56.920 --> 00:29:01.559
sometimes terms like spiritual bypassing. We hear even terms like
547
00:29:01.640 --> 00:29:04.079
toxic happiness, which I think it is a kind of
548
00:29:04.119 --> 00:29:06.519
counterproductive term. I understand where people are going with it,
549
00:29:06.599 --> 00:29:08.960
but I'm not sure it's such a helpful term. But
550
00:29:09.039 --> 00:29:11.599
suffice it to say, you know, there is an endemic
551
00:29:11.680 --> 00:29:15.559
of depression and anxiety and addiction and solicidality in the world,
552
00:29:15.640 --> 00:29:18.880
and especially among younger people, but really in all age groups.
553
00:29:19.240 --> 00:29:20.960
And if we look at the world around us, there
554
00:29:21.000 --> 00:29:23.839
is a lot that one could be anxious about. And
555
00:29:24.039 --> 00:29:26.920
we're all facing the existential threat of human cause climate
556
00:29:27.000 --> 00:29:30.359
change today, and you know, we see all this divisiveness
557
00:29:30.359 --> 00:29:33.319
in our politics and all the war and forced migration,
558
00:29:33.640 --> 00:29:36.079
everything's going on now. I think we need to keep
559
00:29:36.119 --> 00:29:39.440
things from perspective that reality. If you look at the data,
560
00:29:39.559 --> 00:29:42.240
we're doing better than we ever have as a human race,
561
00:29:42.599 --> 00:29:45.119
except for one thing, except that we're up against this
562
00:29:45.319 --> 00:29:48.680
existential threat of human costs climate change. That changes the game.
563
00:29:49.000 --> 00:29:52.240
But nonetheless, you know, because against the negative activity bias,
564
00:29:52.279 --> 00:29:54.519
and you have to know that the news media is
565
00:29:54.559 --> 00:29:57.839
completely driven by the negativity bias, and that's feeding our
566
00:29:57.880 --> 00:29:59.759
addiction to negativity, right.
567
00:30:00.119 --> 00:30:02.559
I understand it. It's an addiction. It's a chemical addition
568
00:30:03.079 --> 00:30:05.880
to cortisol. You know, I want to watch that news
569
00:30:05.880 --> 00:30:08.279
because that news is going to feed me. It's going
570
00:30:08.319 --> 00:30:10.559
to give me that cortisol, or it's going to increase
571
00:30:10.599 --> 00:30:12.759
maybe my dopamine. And so we.
572
00:30:12.759 --> 00:30:15.519
Whatever there chemical mixes in our brain, most of the time,
573
00:30:15.559 --> 00:30:17.960
we become addicted to it, habituated to it, and addicted
574
00:30:18.000 --> 00:30:20.720
to it. Right, So what do we say to people?
575
00:30:20.839 --> 00:30:23.519
You know, you're talking about being happy and being happy
576
00:30:23.559 --> 00:30:25.839
for no reason, and I look around, there's a lot
577
00:30:25.880 --> 00:30:28.440
of suffering. There's a lot to be worried about. I
578
00:30:28.480 --> 00:30:31.839
struggle with even feeling the right to be happy. How
579
00:30:32.079 --> 00:30:34.440
you kind of had that experience as a young girl, right,
580
00:30:34.839 --> 00:30:36.960
you know, how dare I be happy when so many
581
00:30:36.960 --> 00:30:37.839
people are suffering?
582
00:30:38.240 --> 00:30:40.400
It's such a it's such a great question. And so
583
00:30:40.440 --> 00:30:43.079
many people that are so many people are empaths, so
584
00:30:43.119 --> 00:30:45.759
we feel what's going on in the world. We feel
585
00:30:45.799 --> 00:30:48.759
the pain of people all around us. The first, very
586
00:30:48.799 --> 00:30:52.079
practical answer to that is, it does nobody any good
587
00:30:52.640 --> 00:30:57.079
for you to be wallowing in the misery, because that
588
00:30:57.319 --> 00:31:00.720
just that certainly doesn't help the equation. It's really more
589
00:31:00.759 --> 00:31:03.759
of that foundation I spoke about, which is about taking
590
00:31:03.799 --> 00:31:07.759
responsibility for your life and your happiness, where you have
591
00:31:07.799 --> 00:31:11.599
the ability, no matter what the circumstances are, to choose
592
00:31:11.680 --> 00:31:14.759
how you're going to come at them. I mean, maybe
593
00:31:14.759 --> 00:31:17.000
one of the best examples of that is Victor Frankel.
594
00:31:17.039 --> 00:31:19.279
I mean I read Man Search for Meaning when I
595
00:31:19.319 --> 00:31:21.559
was in high school, and that book just probably one
596
00:31:21.599 --> 00:31:23.759
of the most meaningful books I ever read. You know
597
00:31:23.799 --> 00:31:27.480
where he says, here we are with hardly anything, and
598
00:31:27.559 --> 00:31:31.119
yet we found a way to give away our bread.
599
00:31:31.559 --> 00:31:34.799
We always have the ability to choose our attitude what
600
00:31:34.839 --> 00:31:37.799
it is we're focusing on. And so I think the
601
00:31:37.839 --> 00:31:43.079
power of focus cannot be underestimated that it doesn't help
602
00:31:43.720 --> 00:31:45.839
the people in war right now if I am just
603
00:31:46.160 --> 00:31:50.559
absolutely devastated. What does help is if I take back
604
00:31:50.680 --> 00:31:55.640
power in my own life, find my own place of strength, alignment,
605
00:31:56.240 --> 00:32:00.480
and clarity, and from that come at this from a
606
00:32:00.519 --> 00:32:02.400
place of what can I do now? Where am I
607
00:32:02.519 --> 00:32:06.440
inspired to take action? So it's more from me taking
608
00:32:06.480 --> 00:32:09.319
action from where I'm inspired to. You know, I may
609
00:32:09.359 --> 00:32:13.200
be inspired to deal with climate. Somebody else may be
610
00:32:13.279 --> 00:32:16.880
inspired to help people who are refugees. I mean it
611
00:32:17.079 --> 00:32:19.319
just it's where are you placed on the planet to
612
00:32:19.319 --> 00:32:22.039
do what you are here to be doing? And I
613
00:32:22.079 --> 00:32:26.039
can't know what that other person's other people's destiny is.
614
00:32:26.079 --> 00:32:28.440
I don't understand all of the big picture of life,
615
00:32:28.839 --> 00:32:32.440
but I will say this the most important question. One
616
00:32:32.480 --> 00:32:36.200
of my very favorite quotes of Einstein is Einstein said
617
00:32:36.680 --> 00:32:40.400
that the most important question we can ask ourselves is
618
00:32:40.480 --> 00:32:44.200
this a benevolent universe? And people are happy? We'll always
619
00:32:44.240 --> 00:32:47.119
say yes. Now, that doesn't mean that everything is going
620
00:32:47.160 --> 00:32:50.039
their way. What it means is they believe that life
621
00:32:50.079 --> 00:32:53.519
is here in an evolutionary way to help support us
622
00:32:53.559 --> 00:32:57.640
all in our greater awakening. And so rather than looking
623
00:32:57.720 --> 00:33:01.759
at how terrible this is in my life. Look at
624
00:33:02.039 --> 00:33:04.720
what's the gift in this, what's the lesson in this?
625
00:33:04.839 --> 00:33:06.920
What's in this for me? That life is for me,
626
00:33:07.039 --> 00:33:10.279
not against me? And I would say that that is
627
00:33:10.400 --> 00:33:12.839
an attitude to take for the greater world. I don't
628
00:33:12.880 --> 00:33:16.559
know why there is the war that we have, but
629
00:33:16.680 --> 00:33:18.720
what I know is I'm going to live the best
630
00:33:18.839 --> 00:33:21.720
life I can live, and then I'm going to act
631
00:33:21.799 --> 00:33:24.720
where I most feel inspired to act to make the
632
00:33:24.720 --> 00:33:28.359
world a better place. And I've always been very cautious
633
00:33:28.519 --> 00:33:33.039
of spiritual bypass. It is not that it's not ignoring
634
00:33:33.079 --> 00:33:37.359
what's there. It's seeing what is really there and choosing
635
00:33:37.359 --> 00:33:42.119
what I call radical gratitude anyway, and radical gratitude is
636
00:33:42.160 --> 00:33:45.640
for me, gratitude for three things. It's gratitude for what
637
00:33:45.880 --> 00:33:48.920
is that you love that's easy to feel gratitude for.
638
00:33:49.559 --> 00:33:53.440
It's gratitude for the icky stuff. It's gratitude for what's
639
00:33:53.480 --> 00:33:56.119
in front of you that you don't love, but you
640
00:33:56.160 --> 00:33:59.279
have gratitude because you trust that this is in your favor.
641
00:33:59.359 --> 00:34:02.039
Life is in your favor and there's a reason for it.
642
00:34:02.079 --> 00:34:04.799
And then it's gratitude for the future. It's gratitude for
643
00:34:04.839 --> 00:34:07.599
what it is that you want to be bringing in
644
00:34:07.960 --> 00:34:10.840
and visioning. So I think you know that is that's
645
00:34:10.880 --> 00:34:13.559
the best answer I've come to for that question. I'd
646
00:34:13.559 --> 00:34:16.639
love to hear your answer to that. Actually, well, I.
647
00:34:16.559 --> 00:34:19.119
Do believe it's we live in a benevolent universe. But
648
00:34:19.360 --> 00:34:21.280
you know, I've been chaining in a Buddhist tradition and
649
00:34:21.280 --> 00:34:23.840
it's idea is only in Buddhism, but it's so emphasized there.
650
00:34:23.840 --> 00:34:28.000
I'm understanding this kind of distinction between looking at reality
651
00:34:28.159 --> 00:34:30.679
from the kind of relative window or the kind of
652
00:34:30.800 --> 00:34:34.199
ultimate window. And ultimately, yes, I believe the universe is
653
00:34:34.239 --> 00:34:37.039
benevolent and we're part of life, and it's an evolutionary
654
00:34:37.519 --> 00:34:40.800
play of consciousness. It is ultimately benevolent, and whose nature
655
00:34:40.880 --> 00:34:44.199
is what's its nature is ultimately love. On a relative level,
656
00:34:44.280 --> 00:34:47.480
life can be very challenging, and on a relative level,
657
00:34:47.480 --> 00:34:50.440
the universe can seem pretty impersonal in many ways. So
658
00:34:50.920 --> 00:34:53.679
but I think it is important to find our way
659
00:34:53.719 --> 00:34:58.440
into an experience of benevolence, that our nature is benevolence,
660
00:34:58.480 --> 00:35:03.239
that the nature of life has benevolence. And also from
661
00:35:03.280 --> 00:35:05.880
that question, when we're looking at all that unhappiness and
662
00:35:05.920 --> 00:35:09.679
suffering the world. As you said, you know, my unhappiness
663
00:35:09.760 --> 00:35:14.360
is not going to contribute to changing that. My empathy,
664
00:35:14.519 --> 00:35:18.639
my compassion and I think can be very helpful. But
665
00:35:19.360 --> 00:35:21.679
I think can be helpful to have the insight that
666
00:35:21.760 --> 00:35:24.599
all that suffering we see out in the world is
667
00:35:24.639 --> 00:35:28.920
an expression of unhappy it's unhappy people that are creating
668
00:35:28.960 --> 00:35:32.039
the suffering with and for themselves and brothers. It's coming
669
00:35:32.039 --> 00:35:34.599
out of trauma. It's coming out of our collective trauma.
670
00:35:35.119 --> 00:35:39.159
And you know, hurt people, hurt people, unhappy people act
671
00:35:39.199 --> 00:35:42.039
in ways that create more suffering, and which is not
672
00:35:42.119 --> 00:35:44.639
to blame them, it's just the way it works. So
673
00:35:45.159 --> 00:35:47.119
if we're really concerned about to say of the world,
674
00:35:47.320 --> 00:35:51.000
what we want to contribute to that is more happiness
675
00:35:51.400 --> 00:35:54.119
and more gratitude and more love. And so it can
676
00:35:54.159 --> 00:35:56.679
be seemed a little bit counterintuitive, but I think it's
677
00:35:56.719 --> 00:35:59.280
really important to think about these things deeply because I
678
00:35:59.320 --> 00:36:02.360
know so many people who are naturally empathic and they
679
00:36:02.400 --> 00:36:04.039
get caught up in what's going on in the world
680
00:36:04.039 --> 00:36:06.320
and spend you know, do the doom scrolling on their
681
00:36:06.360 --> 00:36:09.440
phones and focused on the news. And I hear constantly
682
00:36:09.440 --> 00:36:12.320
from people, even people who are longtime meditators. I keep
683
00:36:12.320 --> 00:36:14.679
getting caught up in the news and I get so
684
00:36:14.679 --> 00:36:17.679
so depressed and so anxious, you know, And so I
685
00:36:17.679 --> 00:36:20.159
think it's important to think deeply about these things. And
686
00:36:20.239 --> 00:36:23.360
I think the way you express it is extremely helpful.
687
00:36:23.360 --> 00:36:27.639
That it's not an either or thing, being empathic and
688
00:36:27.760 --> 00:36:30.599
not turning away from reality and being willing to show
689
00:36:30.679 --> 00:36:34.239
up in life and also doing the work to have
690
00:36:34.280 --> 00:36:37.199
that internal state of peace and common happiness. So I
691
00:36:37.199 --> 00:36:39.920
think what we're pointing to there is resilience. And I
692
00:36:40.000 --> 00:36:42.639
wonder if you could talk a bit about resilience, because
693
00:36:43.039 --> 00:36:46.679
you know, life is very challenging and things are it seem,
694
00:36:46.840 --> 00:36:48.519
even though I think in some ways you could say
695
00:36:48.599 --> 00:36:50.280
things are better than they've ever been, but there are
696
00:36:50.320 --> 00:36:52.960
some real challenges today and climate change is a big one,
697
00:36:53.000 --> 00:36:54.760
and that's going to have all kinds of effects if
698
00:36:54.760 --> 00:36:56.960
we're not able to turn it around. So how do
699
00:36:57.079 --> 00:37:00.360
we develop that resilience to be in the world without
700
00:37:00.400 --> 00:37:04.079
spiritual bypassing, you know, be in touch with reality and
701
00:37:04.119 --> 00:37:07.199
not have that drive us back into despairing and happiness,
702
00:37:07.199 --> 00:37:10.239
but be able to stay in that place of unconditional
703
00:37:10.280 --> 00:37:13.000
happiness and peace and calm and bring that to the world.
704
00:37:13.519 --> 00:37:16.440
Yeah, well it's a great question, and yes, I think
705
00:37:16.480 --> 00:37:20.119
resilience is key to everything. And it's it comes back
706
00:37:20.119 --> 00:37:22.000
to the model that I had as a building your
707
00:37:22.039 --> 00:37:25.760
inner home for happiness. Generally, if something's going to get
708
00:37:25.760 --> 00:37:28.280
you down, it's going to get you down in that
709
00:37:28.360 --> 00:37:32.280
one area that's your achilles heel. So I find for
710
00:37:32.400 --> 00:37:35.440
me if something else is if something is going on
711
00:37:35.480 --> 00:37:38.559
in my life that might drag my happiness down, the
712
00:37:38.599 --> 00:37:40.880
place I need to start is the place of the body,
713
00:37:41.239 --> 00:37:44.079
because that's where I am. That's my weak link. I
714
00:37:44.239 --> 00:37:47.840
tend to have low serotonin. So I've learned certain practices
715
00:37:47.880 --> 00:37:51.320
that I can do that just instantly raise my not instantly,
716
00:37:51.400 --> 00:37:54.880
but very wonderfully raise my serotonin. I mean, they're crazy
717
00:37:54.960 --> 00:37:57.360
things that I would never have known about had I
718
00:37:57.480 --> 00:37:59.400
not done the research. And I'll give you just a
719
00:37:59.440 --> 00:38:01.840
quick exampull of this. A friend of mine who's a
720
00:38:01.880 --> 00:38:04.920
chigong master, she needs so she needs song master. His
721
00:38:05.039 --> 00:38:07.800
name is Ajil Marin, and I was telling him about,
722
00:38:07.840 --> 00:38:10.559
you know, low serotonin, and he said, Marcie, the fastest
723
00:38:10.599 --> 00:38:13.239
way you can raise your serotonin is by doing this
724
00:38:13.320 --> 00:38:17.800
simple practice called a sunning meditation. You stand out in
725
00:38:17.840 --> 00:38:19.840
the sun, and I'll tell you what to do. If
726
00:38:19.840 --> 00:38:22.960
there's no sun and you close your eyes super important.
727
00:38:22.960 --> 00:38:25.119
You do this with your eyes closed, you face the
728
00:38:25.159 --> 00:38:28.039
sun and you let the sun's rays come in through
729
00:38:28.079 --> 00:38:30.599
your closed eyelids, hitting the middle of your brain, the
730
00:38:30.599 --> 00:38:35.119
pineal gland, and then showering that light, that warmth down
731
00:38:35.280 --> 00:38:37.440
through your whole system. He said, if you were to
732
00:38:37.440 --> 00:38:40.239
do that two to three minutes a day, twice a day,
733
00:38:40.280 --> 00:38:42.559
for two to three minutes, within a week, you will
734
00:38:42.559 --> 00:38:45.920
have reset your serotonin. And so I tried it and
735
00:38:46.000 --> 00:38:50.480
it was amazing. It really really helped. And now when
736
00:38:50.480 --> 00:38:51.960
people come to me and they say they tend it
737
00:38:51.960 --> 00:38:54.800
towards low serotonin, I say, just try this little thing
738
00:38:54.880 --> 00:38:57.880
and see what happens. The reason I bring this up
739
00:38:58.400 --> 00:39:01.320
is that for each person where their weak link happen,
740
00:39:01.559 --> 00:39:06.400
where if something challenges their happiness and they need resilience,
741
00:39:06.480 --> 00:39:09.079
the very first line of defense is to go towards
742
00:39:09.280 --> 00:39:12.239
where your weaker link is. So, for example, for you,
743
00:39:12.360 --> 00:39:14.599
I'd say, you know, where can you open your heart
744
00:39:14.679 --> 00:39:18.320
more around what's going on? Since you mentioned the heart,
745
00:39:18.760 --> 00:39:22.199
so I think that's you know. My best advice for
746
00:39:22.280 --> 00:39:25.039
people is to just be aware of where they most
747
00:39:25.280 --> 00:39:29.079
are going to catch that happiness slipstream the most easily.
748
00:39:29.480 --> 00:39:31.719
I'm going to try that practice. I love that. I
749
00:39:31.760 --> 00:39:34.159
have about two and a half hour self care routina
750
00:39:34.199 --> 00:39:36.239
I do in the morning and all kinds of different things,
751
00:39:36.320 --> 00:39:38.360
and I try to get out in early sun as well.
752
00:39:38.400 --> 00:39:40.880
And I've done various things in relation to sign and
753
00:39:40.880 --> 00:39:42.599
Soli line and sover, but i haven't done that one
754
00:39:42.639 --> 00:39:43.920
in particular, So I'm going to try it.
755
00:39:44.159 --> 00:39:46.079
Yeah, it's a great one. By the way, people always
756
00:39:46.119 --> 00:39:47.559
ask me, well, what do I do if I'm if
757
00:39:47.599 --> 00:39:50.679
it's raining out, or if there's no sun, if even
758
00:39:50.719 --> 00:39:53.280
if there's clouds and you can feel the rays coming
759
00:39:53.280 --> 00:39:54.880
through the clouds, you could still do it. But if
760
00:39:54.920 --> 00:39:57.000
it's raining out or you for whatever reason you can't
761
00:39:57.000 --> 00:39:59.760
go outside, you can do this similar practice, but with
762
00:39:59.840 --> 00:40:03.159
eyes opened this time looking at something beautiful in nature,
763
00:40:03.159 --> 00:40:06.719
whether it's flowers or trees or whatever. It won't go
764
00:40:06.840 --> 00:40:10.480
as quickly for you. But nature is naturally serotonin producing.
765
00:40:10.760 --> 00:40:14.199
It's good to remember that we are energetic beings. And
766
00:40:14.280 --> 00:40:16.480
as my friend Dan Siegel says, energy is not a
767
00:40:16.519 --> 00:40:19.719
rule concept, it's scientific, it's real. We are energetic beings,
768
00:40:20.199 --> 00:40:22.960
and we're essentially the most basic level made of light,
769
00:40:23.079 --> 00:40:25.280
made of pothon, So we are light beings, and so
770
00:40:25.320 --> 00:40:28.480
it's quite natural that, like flowers turned towards the sun,
771
00:40:28.840 --> 00:40:32.079
quite makes sense that we would as well. So one
772
00:40:32.159 --> 00:40:34.760
of your primary offerings in the world is now the
773
00:40:34.920 --> 00:40:37.360
year of miracles. I wonder if you could talk about
774
00:40:37.360 --> 00:40:39.320
that a little bit and what you call living in
775
00:40:39.360 --> 00:40:40.519
the miracle zone.
776
00:40:40.840 --> 00:40:45.400
Yeah, Well, about twelve years ago, I found myself waking
777
00:40:45.519 --> 00:40:48.199
up every morning and feeling like I'm not just happy,
778
00:40:48.199 --> 00:40:51.719
but I'm living this miraculous life. It felt like like
779
00:40:51.880 --> 00:40:53.840
I didn't know what would happen during the day, but
780
00:40:53.920 --> 00:40:57.199
I knew that amazing opportunities would come my way or
781
00:40:57.440 --> 00:40:59.800
people would show up that just had exactly the right
782
00:41:00.039 --> 00:41:02.679
answers for me. And I was in that state of flow,
783
00:41:03.320 --> 00:41:05.679
and I felt like I'm living in what I call
784
00:41:05.760 --> 00:41:07.920
the miracle zone. So here's the thing. I looked up
785
00:41:07.960 --> 00:41:11.280
the definition of the word miracle and the miracle. According
786
00:41:11.280 --> 00:41:15.199
to the Dictionary, miracle mean is a surprise and welcome
787
00:41:15.239 --> 00:41:19.280
event that can't be explained by science, and that's often
788
00:41:19.320 --> 00:41:23.880
attributed to divine grace. So I can't create miracles, miracles
789
00:41:24.000 --> 00:41:26.440
or a gift of the divine. But what we can
790
00:41:26.519 --> 00:41:29.880
do is we can create the circumstances for miracles to
791
00:41:29.880 --> 00:41:31.920
show up in our lives. We can be in that
792
00:41:32.079 --> 00:41:35.559
flow of life. And you know athletes know at the
793
00:41:35.679 --> 00:41:39.039
zone when they're athletically in the zone. Well, I say,
794
00:41:39.039 --> 00:41:41.559
in life, we can be in the zone. And so
795
00:41:41.679 --> 00:41:44.599
that's what I've found. Just as there are principles and
796
00:41:44.639 --> 00:41:47.159
habits that help us live a happier life, there are
797
00:41:47.199 --> 00:41:49.639
principles and habits that help us live more in the
798
00:41:49.639 --> 00:41:53.360
miracle zone. And so I put together this program twelve
799
00:41:53.440 --> 00:41:57.159
years ago called Your Year of Miracles, and I am
800
00:41:57.320 --> 00:42:00.760
blown away. It's a year long program. We've had five
801
00:42:00.840 --> 00:42:04.440
thousand people a year from eighty seven countries, and it's
802
00:42:04.519 --> 00:42:07.480
the energy is so amazing because you're not doing it alone,
803
00:42:07.639 --> 00:42:10.719
you're doing it with this whole collective. We've had miracles
804
00:42:10.760 --> 00:42:14.800
in all ways with people, of course, healings, miraculous healings.
805
00:42:15.079 --> 00:42:19.760
We've had people who've you know, never felt good about themselves,
806
00:42:19.800 --> 00:42:23.000
just feeling falling in love with themselves. We've had people
807
00:42:23.039 --> 00:42:26.159
meeting their life partners. We've had all kinds of businesses
808
00:42:26.199 --> 00:42:28.880
coming out of the blue, putting yourself in the miracle zone.
809
00:42:28.960 --> 00:42:31.480
You have no idea what's going to what may unfold
810
00:42:31.519 --> 00:42:34.039
for you, But what I've seen is just quite sobbing.
811
00:42:34.519 --> 00:42:37.519
So you're connecting the miracle zone with this state of
812
00:42:37.599 --> 00:42:40.920
flow you reference the athletes call the zone and has
813
00:42:40.960 --> 00:42:44.039
been called the flow. Watching some of Holly's book about
814
00:42:44.079 --> 00:42:47.440
flow states, and you know, many of us, because of
815
00:42:47.480 --> 00:42:50.679
stress and living in core beliefs and a negativity bias
816
00:42:50.760 --> 00:42:53.679
and all of it, and trauma, find ourselves with nervous
817
00:42:53.719 --> 00:42:56.480
systems that are fairly disregulated and living in a state
818
00:42:56.480 --> 00:42:59.400
of dysregulation, which is kind of the opposite of the
819
00:42:59.400 --> 00:43:02.320
flow state. Talking about and so how do we find
820
00:43:02.320 --> 00:43:04.840
our way back into flow? And I think a lot
821
00:43:04.880 --> 00:43:07.159
of things we've been talking about it are just that
822
00:43:07.280 --> 00:43:11.440
and your seven the seven elements of your twenty one habits, Yes,
823
00:43:11.800 --> 00:43:13.960
are probably ways that we can find our way back
824
00:43:13.960 --> 00:43:17.840
into flow. I wonder about just kind of really sort
825
00:43:17.880 --> 00:43:22.679
of direct embodiment approaches to finding our way into flow.
826
00:43:22.800 --> 00:43:26.519
And they developed that internal coherence, which is a palpable
827
00:43:26.559 --> 00:43:29.760
flow state which can be very healing and bring our
828
00:43:29.760 --> 00:43:31.719
nervous system into more state of harmony.
829
00:43:32.280 --> 00:43:35.960
Oh, I absolutely couldn't agree with you more about these
830
00:43:36.000 --> 00:43:40.239
embodiment practices and you know, practices that really help us
831
00:43:40.920 --> 00:43:44.719
experience more freedom in the body. And you know, there
832
00:43:44.719 --> 00:43:48.360
are so many beautiful practices out there. I work in
833
00:43:48.400 --> 00:43:50.599
the Year of Miracles. My co leader in the program
834
00:43:50.679 --> 00:43:52.760
is one of my co leaders is doctor Sue Worter,
835
00:43:53.159 --> 00:43:56.320
who wrote the Energy Codes, and it's all about embodiment.
836
00:43:56.440 --> 00:43:59.159
And you know, there are simple practices also that you
837
00:43:59.199 --> 00:44:01.840
can do. Just putting one hand on your heart, the
838
00:44:01.840 --> 00:44:05.159
other hand on your belly helps the vagus nerve, helps
839
00:44:05.280 --> 00:44:08.800
settle the whole body down. There's all kinds of tools
840
00:44:08.880 --> 00:44:12.280
out there that are just wonderful and I'm all for
841
00:44:12.559 --> 00:44:15.360
all of them for me. And what I've seen works
842
00:44:15.360 --> 00:44:18.320
best is to get a toolkit together of the things
843
00:44:18.320 --> 00:44:21.639
that work best for you, whether it's tapping or whether
844
00:44:21.719 --> 00:44:24.840
it's you know, certain kind of breathing. But I think
845
00:44:25.079 --> 00:44:29.719
you know, twenty thirty minutes to devote to two practices
846
00:44:29.760 --> 00:44:35.239
that really help establish your body in the flow state.
847
00:44:35.519 --> 00:44:36.239
It's important.
848
00:44:36.719 --> 00:44:39.519
So you know, your bio said you were associated with
849
00:44:39.599 --> 00:44:42.599
the movie The Secret. The film The Secret, so I
850
00:44:42.639 --> 00:44:44.400
wanted to just ask you a question about and this
851
00:44:44.519 --> 00:44:47.039
kind of connects with the idea of your miracles. This
852
00:44:47.119 --> 00:44:50.000
is the whole world of manifesting and this idea of manifesting,
853
00:44:50.480 --> 00:44:53.599
and you know, there is one area of that that
854
00:44:53.840 --> 00:44:57.400
can seem sometimes a little simplistic, a little naive. Now,
855
00:44:57.599 --> 00:45:00.639
friend and colleague James Doughty from standpor coming.
856
00:45:00.480 --> 00:45:04.039
Out Love, James Dody the science a manifestation.
857
00:45:04.519 --> 00:45:06.559
And you know, in truth, we are energetic beings, so
858
00:45:06.559 --> 00:45:09.320
we're always manifesting something. Right, So the guy says, what
859
00:45:09.400 --> 00:45:11.519
are we manifesting? And you know, even in the most
860
00:45:11.559 --> 00:45:14.119
simplistic forms, you know, if I sit there and visualize
861
00:45:14.119 --> 00:45:16.719
the Rolls Royce, it's going to show up in my driveway. Well,
862
00:45:17.079 --> 00:45:19.880
who knows, maybe quantum reality could do that. I'm really
863
00:45:19.960 --> 00:45:22.519
not going to disregard anything, but I think in terms
864
00:45:22.519 --> 00:45:26.239
of being practical and advising people to do things, there
865
00:45:26.239 --> 00:45:30.920
seems to be a more kind of pragmatic, science based approach.
866
00:45:31.280 --> 00:45:34.239
I don't mean use science in terms of reductionistic, mainstream
867
00:45:34.280 --> 00:45:37.719
limited type, but you know, just approach to this idea
868
00:45:37.760 --> 00:45:42.199
of manifestation and how we're working with our internal state,
869
00:45:42.360 --> 00:45:45.280
with our beliefs, with our thoughts, with our emuscial states.
870
00:45:45.440 --> 00:45:48.199
That does impact what's showing up in our life, how
871
00:45:48.199 --> 00:45:50.000
we're showing up, and what shows up in our lives.
872
00:45:50.000 --> 00:45:51.480
So I wonder if you could just talk about this
873
00:45:51.679 --> 00:45:54.920
phenomena of that's sometimes called manifestation.
874
00:45:55.519 --> 00:46:00.159
Yeah, so everything as we know is energy, and we
875
00:46:00.239 --> 00:46:03.280
are always at a certain energetic vibration and that Scott,
876
00:46:03.400 --> 00:46:06.559
it matches what happens is the outer world tends to
877
00:46:06.599 --> 00:46:10.559
mirror or match where our energetic vibration is. I don't
878
00:46:10.639 --> 00:46:14.119
think that the idea of manifestation, though, is that we
879
00:46:14.400 --> 00:46:17.920
become the universe is an order taker and that our
880
00:46:18.039 --> 00:46:20.000
job is to just put in an order and I
881
00:46:20.079 --> 00:46:22.760
want that, and I'm going to get that That's kind
882
00:46:22.760 --> 00:46:25.719
of not what we're here for. I think what we're
883
00:46:25.760 --> 00:46:30.039
here for is to become aligned with what is the
884
00:46:30.039 --> 00:46:32.920
call of the moment from us and for the universe.
885
00:46:33.440 --> 00:46:36.000
And it may look like a Rolls Royce in your driveway,
886
00:46:36.000 --> 00:46:38.960
but it might not. So it's not being attached to
887
00:46:39.239 --> 00:46:43.000
let me just use this little tool to create the
888
00:46:43.079 --> 00:46:47.000
Rolls Royce in the driveway. It's really let me align
889
00:46:47.159 --> 00:46:51.679
my life with a higher state of consciousness, a higher vibration,
890
00:46:52.239 --> 00:46:55.360
and then use my attention, which is a very powerful
891
00:46:55.400 --> 00:46:58.239
tool to put my attention and energy. You know, I
892
00:46:58.400 --> 00:47:01.360
learned long ago a form that was sort of my
893
00:47:01.599 --> 00:47:04.599
little formula for manifesting, and it was three steps. I
894
00:47:04.719 --> 00:47:10.039
liked them because they rhymed intention, tension, and no tension. Intention. Yeah,
895
00:47:10.079 --> 00:47:13.159
you get clear about what it is feels most aligned.
896
00:47:13.360 --> 00:47:16.519
Not something that's going to just fulfill your ego, but
897
00:47:16.599 --> 00:47:20.840
it feels like it's sol driven, a soul based intention,
898
00:47:20.960 --> 00:47:23.559
and that's what we work with in your year of Miracles.
899
00:47:24.000 --> 00:47:26.519
And then put your attention on it, your thoughts, your words,
900
00:47:26.519 --> 00:47:32.639
your feelings, and your actions. But then finally let go, relax, surrender,
901
00:47:33.360 --> 00:47:36.400
know and trust that the universe is doing with that
902
00:47:37.079 --> 00:47:40.320
in the best way for you. So it's not about
903
00:47:40.400 --> 00:47:44.000
forcing an outcome. It's about putting an intention there, putting
904
00:47:44.039 --> 00:47:47.800
your attention on it, and then also having enough spaciousness
905
00:47:47.800 --> 00:47:50.079
in your life that there is no tension and that
906
00:47:50.159 --> 00:47:52.920
what shows up is what's best when you've put forward
907
00:47:53.480 --> 00:47:55.719
what it is you think is the best intention.
908
00:47:56.239 --> 00:48:00.039
What is your sense of grace and the movement of
909
00:48:00.079 --> 00:48:02.920
the divine, the sacred and grace and how that works
910
00:48:02.960 --> 00:48:03.639
in our lives.
911
00:48:04.079 --> 00:48:06.880
Oh, there's a great quote from Rama Krishnai. I think
912
00:48:06.920 --> 00:48:11.400
who said the winds of grace are always blowing. We
913
00:48:11.480 --> 00:48:14.800
just need to raise our sale. I think grace is
914
00:48:14.840 --> 00:48:18.119
the way life is, and what our job is to
915
00:48:18.159 --> 00:48:20.719
put is to raise our sale, is to put ourselves
916
00:48:20.760 --> 00:48:23.440
in that flow of grace. That's the miracle zone.
917
00:48:23.760 --> 00:48:28.519
Oh beautiful, beautiful. Well, since we are talking about rewiring
918
00:48:28.519 --> 00:48:32.559
our beliefs here, if there's one, you know, most kind
919
00:48:32.599 --> 00:48:37.599
of persistent or pernicious belief that blocks joy and happiness
920
00:48:37.599 --> 00:48:39.199
for people, what would you say.
921
00:48:39.039 --> 00:48:42.880
That is any variation of I'm not enough. You know,
922
00:48:42.960 --> 00:48:46.599
I think that every limiting belief comes back to I'm
923
00:48:46.639 --> 00:48:49.199
not enough, I'm not good enough, I'm not this enough,
924
00:48:49.239 --> 00:48:51.559
I'm not bad enough, or I'm just I'm not okay.
925
00:48:52.159 --> 00:48:56.840
It's a general feeling of not okayness inside and goes
926
00:48:56.880 --> 00:48:59.199
back to that in this identification with who we really are.
927
00:48:59.400 --> 00:49:01.559
I think that's somewhat part of the human condition. I mean,
928
00:49:01.599 --> 00:49:04.320
the more unconditional love we get from our parents, the
929
00:49:04.400 --> 00:49:06.079
less of that we're going to have. I'm not sure
930
00:49:06.119 --> 00:49:09.400
it's really possible to escape childhood without having some of that.
931
00:49:09.800 --> 00:49:13.920
And then, unfortunately, we have this whole consumerist culture that's
932
00:49:13.960 --> 00:49:16.440
all built around the message of not enough this you know,
933
00:49:16.519 --> 00:49:18.960
you know you're not enough, But if you buy this product,
934
00:49:19.000 --> 00:49:21.480
you might just be cool enough, you know, to have
935
00:49:21.559 --> 00:49:24.320
someone like you love you, or be included until the
936
00:49:24.360 --> 00:49:25.639
next version comes out, of course.
937
00:49:25.800 --> 00:49:29.400
Yeah, I mean it's a multi billion dollars industry, hundreds
938
00:49:29.400 --> 00:49:31.800
of billions of dollar industry telling us you're not okay
939
00:49:31.840 --> 00:49:32.320
the way you.
940
00:49:32.320 --> 00:49:36.320
Are, and children are growing up just bathed in that message, right, Yeah,
941
00:49:36.440 --> 00:49:39.800
really that's kind of that's really heartbreaking thing about our
942
00:49:39.880 --> 00:49:45.159
current situation. But it is possible to discover that unconditional
943
00:49:45.199 --> 00:49:48.280
worthiness in exactly all the ways you've been talking about.
944
00:49:48.719 --> 00:49:51.320
Not only is it possible, it is why we're on
945
00:49:51.360 --> 00:49:54.920
the planet. It's what we're here for. We are here
946
00:49:55.039 --> 00:50:00.360
to recognize, feel, live, know the truth of our nity,
947
00:50:00.480 --> 00:50:02.639
the truth of the essence of who we are, which
948
00:50:02.679 --> 00:50:04.960
is love. That's what we come on planet Earth for.
949
00:50:05.599 --> 00:50:08.760
Well, no doubt that's your purpose. And so grateful that
950
00:50:08.840 --> 00:50:12.039
you're out there sharing that message so widely. So how
951
00:50:12.039 --> 00:50:14.599
can people find out more about your work, Marcian, about
952
00:50:14.599 --> 00:50:16.480
the Year of Miracles and the other things you offer.
953
00:50:16.719 --> 00:50:18.920
Yeah, well you can go to your Year of Miracles
954
00:50:19.000 --> 00:50:23.440
dot com. And actually we've got a really wonderful assessment
955
00:50:23.519 --> 00:50:26.719
or requiz there on finding out what is your miracle
956
00:50:26.840 --> 00:50:30.480
superpower because we each have a particular angle in and
957
00:50:30.519 --> 00:50:33.239
a superpower. So yeah, that you can find on your
958
00:50:33.320 --> 00:50:36.639
Year of Miracles dot com and on you could also
959
00:50:36.840 --> 00:50:40.079
find us on Happy for No Reason dot com and
960
00:50:40.199 --> 00:50:43.280
there I've got a gift of twenty one happiness habits,
961
00:50:43.320 --> 00:50:45.079
all of them, in a practice to go with each
962
00:50:45.079 --> 00:50:48.400
one of those habits. And I just I really want
963
00:50:48.440 --> 00:50:51.320
to acknowledge and honor everybody who's here because I think
964
00:50:51.360 --> 00:50:54.000
that we have a divine appointment when we come together.
965
00:50:54.079 --> 00:50:56.760
Whether you doesn't matter what, we don't know, time and
966
00:50:56.800 --> 00:50:59.400
space doesn't matter what. When you're listening to this, there
967
00:50:59.440 --> 00:51:02.719
isn't a double appointment to be in this conversation. And
968
00:51:02.760 --> 00:51:06.199
I really acknowledge and honor everybody who is in this
969
00:51:06.239 --> 00:51:08.760
conversation because I think this is the conversation to be
970
00:51:08.800 --> 00:51:10.159
had on the planet these days.
971
00:51:10.280 --> 00:51:13.079
Well, I hope everybody who's watching this recognizes that it's
972
00:51:13.119 --> 00:51:15.280
not by accident that we end up where we are,
973
00:51:15.400 --> 00:51:18.639
and we're all here for a reason. In this particular moment,
974
00:51:18.760 --> 00:51:20.599
having this conversation with Marci So.
975
00:51:20.920 --> 00:51:23.280
And Flee, you know, I just also want to say
976
00:51:23.320 --> 00:51:25.840
that the reason I have such a passion about this
977
00:51:25.960 --> 00:51:28.960
and I believe you do too, because as we spoke
978
00:51:29.000 --> 00:51:33.239
about earlier, when we shift ourselves, we shift the planet.
979
00:51:33.280 --> 00:51:35.280
People often say to me, is it selfish to want
980
00:51:35.280 --> 00:51:37.960
to be happier? And my answer is, it's the least
981
00:51:37.960 --> 00:51:41.199
selfish thing you can do, because when you shift your consciousness,
982
00:51:41.199 --> 00:51:43.840
when you shift your happiness level, it shifts the world.
983
00:51:43.880 --> 00:51:46.239
And there's a beautiful Chinese proverb that I always love
984
00:51:46.280 --> 00:51:48.039
to share about this. It goes like this. It says,
985
00:51:48.440 --> 00:51:50.840
when there is light in the soul, there will be
986
00:51:50.840 --> 00:51:53.440
beauty in the person. When there is beauty in the person,
987
00:51:53.480 --> 00:51:55.800
there will be harmony in the house. When there is
988
00:51:55.840 --> 00:51:57.840
harmony in the house, there will be order in the nation.
989
00:51:58.480 --> 00:52:00.480
And when there is order in the nation, there will
990
00:52:00.519 --> 00:52:03.800
be peace in this world. And my prayer and my
991
00:52:03.880 --> 00:52:05.880
wish for every single one of us is that we
992
00:52:05.960 --> 00:52:09.079
know that light in our own souls and through that
993
00:52:09.119 --> 00:52:11.559
we help create more peace here on this climate of ours.
994
00:52:12.079 --> 00:52:15.360
Thank you so much, Marcy Chmov Happiness for no reason,
995
00:52:15.840 --> 00:52:18.960
the Year of Miracles. Please keep going with your work.
996
00:52:19.000 --> 00:52:21.400
Thank you so much. Thank you for joining me on
997
00:52:21.440 --> 00:52:25.599
the Radical Responsibility Podcast. Remember, real change happens when we
998
00:52:25.639 --> 00:52:28.639
commit to our growth, face our challenges with compassion, and
999
00:52:28.719 --> 00:52:32.039
stay open to transformation. If you found this episode helpful,
1000
00:52:32.280 --> 00:52:34.719
I encourage you to subscribe and help us spread the
1001
00:52:34.760 --> 00:52:38.719
message of healing and personal empowerment. Stay grounded, stay present,
1002
00:52:38.920 --> 00:52:40.719
and stay true to you. Take care
1
00:00:02.600 --> 00:00:06.519
Welcome to the Radical Responsibility Podcast. I'm doctor Fleet Mal
2
00:00:06.679 --> 00:00:09.119
and I'm excited to guide you on a journey of
3
00:00:09.199 --> 00:00:12.880
authentic transformation. In each episode, I'll bring you insights from
4
00:00:12.960 --> 00:00:18.280
leading experts to explore trauma recovery, mindfulness practices, positive psychology,
5
00:00:18.320 --> 00:00:23.000
and innovative breakthroughs in health, wellness, and life optimization. This
6
00:00:23.079 --> 00:00:26.640
is a space for real conversations that inspire meaningful change,
7
00:00:26.719 --> 00:00:29.600
helping you find alignment with the person you are always
8
00:00:29.600 --> 00:00:36.119
meant to be. Let's get started. What if happiness wasn't
9
00:00:36.159 --> 00:00:39.079
something you had to chase, but something you could live
10
00:00:39.159 --> 00:00:42.359
from no matter what life throws your way. In today's episode,
11
00:00:42.399 --> 00:00:45.320
I'm joined by Marcy Schimhaff, a true pioneer in the
12
00:00:45.399 --> 00:00:48.320
field of happiness and well being. In our conversation, we
13
00:00:48.439 --> 00:00:50.759
explore what it really takes to stop living at the
14
00:00:50.880 --> 00:00:55.079
mercy of success, approval, or external conditions and start building
15
00:00:55.119 --> 00:00:58.719
the habits that create lasting fulfillment. Marcy's work shows us
16
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how to fill that gap from within and how that
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ship can transform not only our own lives, but the
18
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lives of everyone we touch. Let's get started. Miamis doctor
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Fleet Mall your co host for the session and I'm
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really happy to be here today with Marci showaw Welcome Marci.
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00:01:13.879 --> 00:01:15.719
Thank you. It's great to be here with you fleet.
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What got you started in this exploration of happiness and
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the possibility of kind of unconditional happiness, happiness for no reason?
24
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Well what got me started?
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You know?
26
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People think, oh, Marcy, you were always happy, right, My
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answer is absolutely not. I was born depressed. I came
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out of the womb with existential angst. I had a
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great family, great parents. All things on the outside looked wonderful.
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I now think that, but I have this sort of
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dark cloud around me. I think that it was probably
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either ancestral trauma that I had inherited, or perhaps in
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past life PTSD. But I just really remember as a
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little kid all the other kids playing, and I thought,
35
00:02:01.400 --> 00:02:03.560
how could they play when they're such suffering in the world.
36
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So my solution as a kid to my unhappiness was
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something called sugar. I became a sugar addict at a
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young age, and by the time I was in high school,
39
00:02:13.759 --> 00:02:17.120
I was about thirty five pounds overweight. Obviously, the sugar
40
00:02:17.360 --> 00:02:20.680
solution it doesn't work. It makes things worse. So when
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I was in my twenties, I did what a lot
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of people do. I decided, I'm going to figure out
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this happiness thing and I'm going to get happy. And
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00:02:28.919 --> 00:02:31.840
to do that, I set goals for myself because that's
45
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what people were doing. Set goals. Once you get those goals,
46
00:02:34.759 --> 00:02:37.120
then you'll be happy. And I'm just going to share
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with you. I had five goals. I'll share them with
48
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you fleet because I think a lot of people will relate.
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00:02:41.960 --> 00:02:45.639
I wanted a successful career helping people. I wanted a
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wonderful husband or life partner, fabulous friends, a comfortable home,
51
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and the equivalent of Halle Berry's body. I got four
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out of the five. I don't have Halle Berry's body,
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but I have a health for which I'm very grateful.
54
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And I worked really hard in my twenties and thirties
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to get all my ducks in a row. And I
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had a turning point moment. It was in nineteen ninety eight,
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and I had three books in the top five on
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the New York Times bestseller list. At the same time,
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I had just finished giving a speech to eight thousand people.
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I had autographed five, four hundred and thirty two books.
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My client had hired a massage therapist to keep massage
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in my hands so I could keep on signing, and
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on one hand, I felt like an author rock star.
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But after autographing that last book, I went up to
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my hotel room, which was the penthouse suite that my
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client had gotten for me, and I walked over to
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these huge windows overlooking I was in Chicago, so it
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was overlooking Lake Michigan, and I took it that amazing view,
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and then I turned around and I collapsed onto the
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bed and I burst into tears. And I burst into
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tears because I realized that all of that emptiness that
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I'd had as a kid, it was still there. I
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still felt that that kind of despair, really, and I
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could no longer fool myself into thinking that just the
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next thing would make me happier. I'd realized it'd make
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me happier for a little while, but soon I'd go
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back to the same old place and I'd just be
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on this little hamster wheel, and I just said, I
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can't do this. And I decided, in that moment, I'm
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going to figure out what it takes to be happy.
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So I interviewed all of the top researchers out there
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and I interviewed one hundred unconditionally happy people, and I
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started doing what they were telling me. I started doing
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what they were doing, and I was shocked because it
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actually worked. It really worked.
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You know.
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I would say back then, if you were grading me
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in happiness, I was failing, I'd get a D in happiness.
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I would say today I'm an a I'm still a
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work in progress, but it's solid and this stuff works.
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And I got so excited about the fact that it
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worked that I ran out and shared it with people.
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It worked for them, and that's how it got me
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on this whole track of teaching happy for no reason.
95
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Well, let's talk about what you mean by happiness for
96
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no reasons. So I think it's quite natural that most
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of us associate happiness and unhappiness with the current circumstances
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of our life. Can be internal circumstances of how we're feeling,
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what's going on with our mind and body, but a
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lot of it's external circumstance, the quality of our relationships,
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our bank account, our home, our surroundings, whether things the
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world seems to be cooperating with us or not, things
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are going away or they're not. I think most people
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associate or their felt sense of happiness is pretty influenced
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by those things. So what do you mean by happiness
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for no reason?
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Yeah, so I had spent my life as most people
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do because our society teaches us to go for what
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I call happy for good reason. Happy for good reason
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is I'm going to be happy because I have a
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great job or a great spouse or whatever. All the
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conditions feel good on the outside. The problem is as
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soon as something happens with those and we know that
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life is the one thing we know about is certainly change.
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It's not a solid foundation for happiness. You know, that's
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not what I really wanted. I wanted lasting happiness, and
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so lasting happiness is what I call unconditional happiness, and
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it's what I've termed happy for no reason. What it
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means is an inner state of peace and well being
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that doesn't depend on your circumstances. It doesn't mean that
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you are walking around twenty four to seven with a
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silly grin on your face. You know you're going to
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have things happen in life. You're going to have people
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will die, you will feel grief, Things will happen. You
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might feel frustrated or upset, But with all those feelings,
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you have an inner backdrop of peace and well being
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that you carry with you wherever you go. And that
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is what I mean by happy for no reason. I
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think it was Depachopra who said that happiness for any
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reason is just another form of misery, because if we
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are attaching our happiness to that thing, then our life
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is all about I better protect and save that thing. Well,
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that's not freedom, and ultimately what we all want is freedom.
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It's really interesting, you know. I teach a model called
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radical Responsibility, the name of my book, and it's all
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about choice and ownership. And often we focus on the
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seemingly negative things in our life that we're unhappy about,
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and our instinct to blame that on circumstances or others,
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and how we can, even though it may seem very
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logical to do so. In some cases, the problems we
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give away of power because we can't control what's going
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on out there. So if I'm really unhappy and I
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feel it's caused by someone or something, I'm giving away
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power over my internal state. Now, we usually don't think
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about that in terms of happiness, but it's the same thing.
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If I'm happy and I attribute the causation of my
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happiness to something outside myself, then that's likely to change.
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In fact, it will change. We know, as you said,
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we know change is one thing we can count on.
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So then I'm not happy anymore. Right, So this basing,
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you know, attributing our causation of our internal state, whether
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it's happiness or unhappiness, that things outside of ourselves, is
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really continually giving our power away find our way back
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into that place that abiding inner peace and calm. That
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even if we're in the you know, having experience of
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loss and grief, it's still not it doesn't completely dominate
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the picture, or we're able to work with it in
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a healthier way because there is this backdrop of peace
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and calm and unconditional happiness. Yeah.
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Well, that right there is the million dollar question, and
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I'm glad we can spend some time talking about how
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do we create this interstate of peace and wellbeing. But
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before we get to that, I just want to share
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one thing based on what you said. If our circumstances
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were the real cause of happiness, then we would find
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a lot more happiness in Hollywood. If fame and money
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and success and looks all of that stuff. We're happiness.
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You know, we see happiness in Hollywood, we see depression,
169
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we see suicide. We don't see that. And for me,
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the thing that has helped best help me understand this,
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why this all is is some of the research that's
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been done on happiness and speaks some what's called the
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happiness set point and the happiness set point. It's like
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a thermostat setting, and no matter what happens to us,
175
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whether it's good or whether it's bad, we will tend
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to hover or go back to our thermostat setting unless
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we do something consciously to change it. So really the key,
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the mover in our happiness is our happiness set point.
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You know.
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It's why people win the lottery. You think, oh, I
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have to do is win the lottery and I'll be happier. Well,
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they are happier for a few months, but within a
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year they've returned to their original happiness set point. So
184
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the happiness set point is key. And how is the
185
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happiness set point determined? It's fifty percent genetic. You're born
186
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with it. I was not born with the good genes.
187
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It's ten percent your circumstances. Now, notice what a tiny
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piece of the pie That is ten percent, and yet
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that's what the whole world is focused on. Let me
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change my circumstances, it's not going to do that much.
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The other forty percent is our habits of thoughts and behavior.
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That's where we can really move the needle. And I'm
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going to take it a step further and talk about
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that genetic piece as well, because there are scientists in
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the field of epigenetics, which I'm sure you well know
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about and speak about, and you know doctor Bruce Liften,
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for example, biology of belief who found that when we
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changed those habits of thoughts, beliefs, and actions, we influence
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or can change our DNA. And what this says is
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that ninety percent them, the forty percent that's habits, the
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fifty percent that's DNA. Ninety percent of our happiness can
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be influenced by shifting our habits. The only difference between
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happy people and everybody else is that they have different habits.
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So that's really what we want to look at. And
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what I found is that the happiness habits, they are
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twenty one main happiness habits that I found, and they
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fell into seven main categories. So shall I go into those?
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Yeah, I just want to object one thing. I'm really
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happy that we're going there with the set point, and
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because this is what it's really all about. It's about
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that we all have these blueprints, these sort of maps
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and belief systems that do create this like a thermostat,
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and no matter what we do, we will come back
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to that set point, back to that blueprint, until we
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change the blueprint or change to set point. That's really
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what it's all about. What if transformation isn't just about
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thinking differently but feeling differently. Science shows us that true
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change happens when we align not just our minds, but
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also the neural networks in our hearts and guts. This
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heart mind connection is the key to deeper healing, resilience,
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and expanded awareness. That's why I created the Heart Mind
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All access, membership and community, a space designed to help
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you rewire your nervous system, cultivate heart intelligence, and live
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with greater clarity and purpose. With over one thousand hours
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of transformational teachings specifically curated to meet your needs. You'll
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all sharing powerful tools to help you shift your mindset
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and heartset, regulate your emotions and unlock your full potential.
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You'll also gain unlimited access to every summit and course
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we've ever produced, a Treasure Trouble Wisdom worth over ten
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thousand dollars in growing, plus live gatherings, and an inspiring
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global community to support your journey. If you're ready to
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step into a more heart centered, connected and conscious life,
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I invite you to join us. Clip the link to
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learn more and start your journey today.
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This is why I'm so thrilled about and I just
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love the work that you do because it really it's
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all about this, It's all about what moves the needle
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really for people. Well, I found that there are these
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twenty one happiness habits and seven main categories they fall into.
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And I found that people have a hard time remembering
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seven of anything. So I created a metaphor or analogy
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called building your Inner Home for happiness. And a home
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has seven main areas. It's got a foundation, it's got
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four corner pillars, a roof, and a garden. So here's
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how it relates to these seven areas and fleet as
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we go through these, I'm going to invite I'm going
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to ask you to identify which of these seven you
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feel is the weakest for you, and I'm going to
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ask everybody else who's listening to do the same, because
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wherever we are the weakest, that's our achilles heel, and
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I think that's where we often can get started. So
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these seven areas, the foundation will start with is taking
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responsibility for your life and your happiness. So it's not
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showing in life as a victim of life. And you
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know that you're a victim when you're blaming, shaming, or complaining,
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blaming others for what's wrong and why you can't be happy, shaming,
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which is blaming yourself for what's wrong and why you
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can't be happy, and complaining blaming the circumstances for what's
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wrong and why you can't be happy. Anytime you go
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into those modes, or if you have a habit of
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going into those modes, you've lost the foundation for happiness.
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So what we say is take responsibility, be a victor
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in your life. Then there are the four corner pillars.
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There's the pillar of the mind, our thoughts. Do your
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thoughts do your beliefs rob you of your happiness? And
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this is a lot of what you're focusing on here.
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Then there's the pillar of the heart. The heart. I've
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never met a happy person who lived with the closed
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heart ever. No really happy people with you know, rummy
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closed up hearts. Happy people are generous, they are kind,
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they are loving, they are compassionate, they are forgiving, and
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all of those things that I've just said, those for
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others and for themselves. So self compassionate, self, forgiving, kind
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to themselves as well as to others. Then there's the
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pillar of the body. Do you have the biochemistry of happiness?
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Do you have enough serotonin and oxid and dopamine. And that's,
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by the way, where I was the weakest, and that's
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where I really needed to focus in when I started
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turning it around for myself. And then there's the pillar
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of the soul. The soul is how connected are you
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to the greater energy of life? And I don't care
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whether you call it God or spirit or the divine
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or nature, doesn't matter. But do you feel connected to
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this greater whole of life? Then there is the roof
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of your home for happiness, and the roof is your purpose.
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Are passionate in life? Are you living an inspired life?
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Are you doing what it is you are here on
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this planet to be doing what some would call your dharma,
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your life, work, life purpose. And then finally, there is
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the garden, and the garden is who you're surrounded by.
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Do you have a lot of roses and gardenias in
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your garden, a lot of people who inspire you and
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support you, or do you have a lot of weeds
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in the garden, people that drag you down. So those
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are the seven areas. I'll just quickly say them again
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so everybody can pick where they're the weakest and lead
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that up. Give you a chance to responsibility, taking responsibility
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for your life. The pillar of the mind, the pillar
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of the heart, the pillar of the soul, pillar of
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the body. And then there's your purpose or passion in life,
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and then there's your relationships. So I'm going to put
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you on the spot, where do you think you're the weakest.
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Well, I've been working on all seven for a long
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time now. Now I would say, which I'm very happy
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about and it definitely works. But I would say it's
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the heart. And I say that because I got some
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trauma in my background and I think it caused me
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to tend to approach life in a fairly guarded way,
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and I really have the capacity. It opened my heart,
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but very selectively about how and when and with whom.
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You know, I was willing to do that, which can
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make sense in some circumstances. But my tendency was to
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be guarded. And I've been very attracted in my life
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to certain experiences. Some of the work I do in
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the zen piecemaker work were going out in the streets
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with no money, going to oushwit's every year, going into prisons,
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going in a tough places. Is because I like being
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in these places. Because when I'm in those places, I
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can't kid myself about how open hearted I am or not,
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because you can literally feel the heart starting to close
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to protect yourself quite naturally, and then fortunately you can
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feel when it opens again, and it's really where the
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rubber meets the road. But I think that's been the
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ongoing challenge for me. I've opened, you know, I've avoided
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shaming myself for it, but I could see sometimes a
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slight tendency to that of just wishing, you know, just
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my natural propensity was just open the heart, and for
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me it's more like I feel like a little on
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the other side. My natural potentcy is be a little
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more guarded and then with the general effort, I can
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then open right, and it's you know, it's changed a
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lot over the years, but still there's I would say
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that's my weakness. Okay, so you can be guarded.
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Yeah, well, thank you for that. And I you know,
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I really appreciate your honesty and authenticity around that. And
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you know it's for all of us. We are all
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works in progress on these things. And I think by
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knowing where your tend to perhaps get caught up the most,
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it's wonderful to have the awareness and then you know,
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to notice, how can I be loving wherever I am?
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And those are some pretty big places to be bringing
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love to, you know, to Auschwitz or to you know,
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these other places where you're going. And I think about
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there's a story. You probably are familiar with it given
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your background, but it's a story that for me, it's
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the real test. And it was a story back when.
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It's about about a Buddhist monk and he was prisoner
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of war Chinese risen camp and was tortured regularly for
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ten years. And when he got out, he met with
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his holiness the Dalai Lama and the Dali Lama asked him,
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when did you feel that you were in the most danger,
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and his answer was, I thought I wouldn't be able
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to forgive. And he realized, he said, the way I
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could survive this was to know I could forgive in
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all moments. And you know, Nelson Mandela had a very
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similar story that he tells about ten years into his time,
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he just realized he wasn't going to be loving and
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forgiving it, he wouldn't survive. So I think that it's
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quite the ultimate test.
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Really, there was a wonderful winterful so I had the
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privilege of spending a day with His Holiness and four
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people from Tebec, three nuns and a man, a lay person,
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all of whom had spent time in Chinese communist prisons
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in Tibet and in China. And it was amazing how
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for all of them they'd grown up and been so
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deeply andculturated in a culture of forgiveness and compassion and
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openness that even though they are travel and bearing witness
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to the reality of what was happening there, so people
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be aware and hopefully bring change, but there was no
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entity in their hearts, and it was extraordinary their ability
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to do that. I'll have to say for me that
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even though I go to those places and I really
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appreciate being in a place where I can't kid myself
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about how open hearted I am or not, in many ways,
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there really work for me has been in my primary relationships,
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and I've been extraordinarily fortunate to have long term relationships
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with some extraordinary women, including my current loved wife, Sophie. Previously,
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I've lost a series of partners to cancer over the years,
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but I've been blessed to be with some extraordinary women
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who just would just kind of grab me and say, no,
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you're not going to die. You can stay here, keep
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your heart open. I know you're terrified. I may be
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angry at you, but just you know, hang in there.
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I gradually learned not to run away and that I
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could have my being and my heart open in the
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face of what felt really challenging and really overwhelming and threatening,
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probably due to my childhood experiences, and that I wasn't
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going to die, and that actually opening my heart was
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a better survival strategy than to close it focused on survival.
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But it really isn't the case in the end, but
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it works out better in the long run.
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Yes, I'm totally with you. And you know, the thing
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is also, as you well know, that we catch the
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emotions of the people around us like we catch their colds,
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you know, all emotional immunity. And people are always asking me, well, Marcy,
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I can't be happy because I've got this really negative
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person to be around. And my answer is that the
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strongest energy wins that if your love is bigger than
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somebody else's negativity, they're going to catch what you're having
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rather than vice versa. And a while ago, I was
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in a small group meeting with the Dalai Lama and
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there were maybe twenty of us, and there was this
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really negative guy in the room, and I remember thinking,
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oh my god, how's that going to go over? And
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so the Dalai Lama walks in and he's just he exudes,
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it's just contagious, and this really negative guy instantly shifted
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and was just the most open hearted and loving. So
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I think that we don't do it just for ourselves.
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We do it because it impacts everybody around as we
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can feel it. You know, they say the research shows
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that our happiness affects at least five people out so
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that means you being happier is affecting your neighbor's cousins, sons,
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school teacher, you know. And so this is we do
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it for ourselves, we do it for our families, we
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do it for the world absolutely.
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So in a moment, I'd like to explore, many of
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us are dealing with what are sometimes called limiting core beliefs,
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and generally they have to do with beliefs about ourselves
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where we're not enough. But we're not smart enough, tall enough,
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rich enough, famous enough, happy enough, you know, hasment enough,
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beautiful enough, what have you? Or there's not enough in
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the world to go around, there's not enough land, water, fame,
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you know, and so forth, And so we tend to
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get into that scarcity mentality. But before going there, I
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just want to also contextualize for our conversation, there seems
427
00:22:46.400 --> 00:22:48.880
to be kind of a in some ways a relative
428
00:22:48.920 --> 00:22:51.920
and ultimate view of this or different ways to work.
429
00:22:52.119 --> 00:22:54.759
On the one end, there's like limiting core beliefs. I think,
430
00:22:54.839 --> 00:22:56.880
I'm sure there's way we can work with those. We
431
00:22:56.920 --> 00:22:59.480
can look at them, understand them, to construct them, change them,
432
00:22:59.519 --> 00:23:03.039
transform them. But would you agree that in some ways
433
00:23:03.319 --> 00:23:07.400
what you're calling happiness for no reason is actually our
434
00:23:07.519 --> 00:23:11.000
natural state once the things that are in the way
435
00:23:11.240 --> 00:23:13.559
clear away, so it's not like something we're trying to
436
00:23:13.559 --> 00:23:16.119
get we don't have. And then on a relative level,
437
00:23:16.160 --> 00:23:17.880
of course, there's all kinds of things we can do
438
00:23:17.960 --> 00:23:19.720
to clear away those things. But I wonder if you
439
00:23:19.759 --> 00:23:20.720
would agree with that.
440
00:23:21.000 --> 00:23:25.359
One hundred percent. Absolutely, I really believe that who we
441
00:23:25.400 --> 00:23:30.279
are in essence is joy, unconditional happiness, love, all of
442
00:23:30.319 --> 00:23:34.160
those things and everything else. These beliefs have been superimposed
443
00:23:34.240 --> 00:23:36.640
on that. So I'm with you. I think there's really
444
00:23:36.680 --> 00:23:40.559
two ways to approach these limiting beliefs. One is to
445
00:23:40.680 --> 00:23:44.200
approach it from the level of identity. You know, I'm
446
00:23:44.200 --> 00:23:48.079
not those beliefs. Who is the person that is seeing
447
00:23:48.119 --> 00:23:52.160
those beliefs or experiencing that. It's reidentification, it's you know,
448
00:23:52.200 --> 00:23:55.519
the spiritual path of who am I and reidentifying with
449
00:23:55.599 --> 00:23:58.160
the essence of who we are, which is much more
450
00:23:58.200 --> 00:24:03.680
than the personality, you know, recognizing the soul and identifying
451
00:24:03.759 --> 00:24:06.720
as the soul. And then of course there is the
452
00:24:06.759 --> 00:24:11.359
personality stuff too, and there are powerful, brilliant, amazing ways
453
00:24:11.720 --> 00:24:15.640
to deal with helping shift those limiting beliefs so that
454
00:24:15.680 --> 00:24:19.559
they're more functional. I would say, but ultimately, what we're
455
00:24:19.559 --> 00:24:22.519
on the planet for is to awakening to the truth
456
00:24:22.519 --> 00:24:23.799
that isn't even who I am.
457
00:24:24.160 --> 00:24:27.640
Amazing and the power of identity. On the negative side,
458
00:24:28.039 --> 00:24:32.400
I think that's often what really blocks change because I
459
00:24:32.480 --> 00:24:34.759
hear from so many people who many are working in
460
00:24:34.759 --> 00:24:36.920
all kinds of settings, with all kinds of folks in
461
00:24:36.960 --> 00:24:39.960
the criminal justice system, a lot you know, of hearing
462
00:24:40.000 --> 00:24:42.799
people say things like, well, that's just the way I am.
463
00:24:43.200 --> 00:24:45.319
And you know, we have whatever set of you know,
464
00:24:45.400 --> 00:24:49.480
habit and thinking patterns and beliefs, behavioral tendencies, and we
465
00:24:49.599 --> 00:24:51.720
just get identified with that. We think that's just who
466
00:24:51.759 --> 00:24:54.720
I am, and that's not likely to change, and that
467
00:24:54.839 --> 00:24:58.400
over identification, right, Whereas if we can develop some kind
468
00:24:58.400 --> 00:25:01.839
of consciousness practice, kind of awareness practice, where we can
469
00:25:01.880 --> 00:25:03.960
look at that stuff and say, okay, that's all there
470
00:25:04.440 --> 00:25:06.640
and it's influencing what's going on in my life right now,
471
00:25:06.680 --> 00:25:09.799
but it's not me because there's somebody here looking at that.
472
00:25:09.839 --> 00:25:15.839
Who's that exactly exactly. It's consciousness, it's awareness. It's not
473
00:25:16.000 --> 00:25:18.680
something that we're used to doing. It's not and I think,
474
00:25:18.720 --> 00:25:22.400
of course spiritual practices are direct us in that way.
475
00:25:22.799 --> 00:25:26.920
But yes, you know, it's interesting because it's so clear
476
00:25:27.000 --> 00:25:31.720
that we as humans have what scientists call the negativity bias.
477
00:25:31.920 --> 00:25:34.319
You know, they say that the average person has sixty
478
00:25:34.400 --> 00:25:37.559
thousand thoughts a day, and for the average person, eighty
479
00:25:37.599 --> 00:25:41.079
percent of those thoughts are negative. We inherited the tendency
480
00:25:41.119 --> 00:25:44.200
from our caveman ancestors who needed to remember the negatives
481
00:25:44.200 --> 00:25:47.799
to survive. We no longer need that. I imagine you may
482
00:25:47.839 --> 00:25:50.359
be familiar with doctor Rick Hanson, who's a dear friend
483
00:25:50.359 --> 00:25:53.200
of mine and wrote Hardwiring Happiness, and he likes to
484
00:25:53.200 --> 00:25:56.240
call it the Velcrow Teflon syndrome, that our minds are
485
00:25:56.279 --> 00:25:58.599
like velcrow for the negative they stick to us, but
486
00:25:58.759 --> 00:26:02.000
like teflon for the positive. And what I've seen is
487
00:26:02.039 --> 00:26:06.279
that happy people do work on those old beliefs and
488
00:26:06.440 --> 00:26:10.039
reprogramming them, you know, so that happy people have reversed
489
00:26:10.039 --> 00:26:13.000
that tendency so that the positive stick to them, they
490
00:26:13.079 --> 00:26:15.839
velcrow them, and the negative slide off of them. And
491
00:26:15.880 --> 00:26:19.519
there are certainly brilliant and amazing ways to develop new
492
00:26:19.559 --> 00:26:21.720
neural pathways in the brain. You know, be on the
493
00:26:21.720 --> 00:26:25.200
lookout for the good, savor it for at least thirty
494
00:26:25.279 --> 00:26:29.599
twenty seconds, and you know, really spend more time on that,
495
00:26:30.240 --> 00:26:33.119
and there are also some fabulous tools these days for
496
00:26:33.200 --> 00:26:37.400
helping release the old, more negative belief systems. So I'm
497
00:26:37.559 --> 00:26:41.680
all for that angle, and I'm also all for the
498
00:26:41.720 --> 00:26:44.960
angle of recognition of the truth of who we really are,
499
00:26:45.119 --> 00:26:49.200
which to me is really the spiritual orientation of identification
500
00:26:49.319 --> 00:26:49.799
is the soul.
501
00:26:50.000 --> 00:26:52.640
Yeah, I think it's really important to hold both because
502
00:26:52.880 --> 00:26:55.599
I love where Cancer's work. He's a close friend and colleague,
503
00:26:55.839 --> 00:26:58.240
and I kind of like to say, you know, the
504
00:26:58.319 --> 00:27:00.599
human condition is what it is. We do have peer
505
00:27:00.599 --> 00:27:02.960
and survival based biology, or we wouldn't be here as
506
00:27:02.960 --> 00:27:05.119
a species. I mean, it's job one for any species
507
00:27:05.160 --> 00:27:09.079
as survival, but it doesn't need to completely dominate our lives.
508
00:27:09.119 --> 00:27:12.400
And in modern society, our survival isn't as at stake
509
00:27:12.559 --> 00:27:14.359
all the time as it was now for some people
510
00:27:14.359 --> 00:27:16.599
on the planet it still is very much, but many
511
00:27:16.640 --> 00:27:19.359
of us do live lives of tremendous privilege and where
512
00:27:19.440 --> 00:27:21.559
there's always risk, and there's always danger in life, but
513
00:27:21.720 --> 00:27:25.640
it's not the way our brains evolved on the savannah
514
00:27:25.759 --> 00:27:28.279
when there was no protection and there were much larger
515
00:27:28.319 --> 00:27:30.720
creatures that would have enjoyed us. For breakfast and lunch
516
00:27:30.720 --> 00:27:33.839
and so forth. So there is this negativity bias, and
517
00:27:33.880 --> 00:27:37.039
it does set us up for negativity and it explains
518
00:27:37.039 --> 00:27:38.640
a lot of what we see in the world around us,
519
00:27:38.720 --> 00:27:42.400
just to focus on negativity and drama, and that all
520
00:27:42.440 --> 00:27:45.319
the popular media is just dominated by negative and talk
521
00:27:45.400 --> 00:27:47.839
to drama ever more so in the politics and everywhere.
522
00:27:48.240 --> 00:27:50.279
Instead of you know, seeing all that and thinking, oh,
523
00:27:50.359 --> 00:27:53.519
how horrible that is, can have compassion and understand that's
524
00:27:53.559 --> 00:27:56.240
just the human condition. You could say, run them up,
525
00:27:56.279 --> 00:27:58.880
but it really is just doing its thing unless we
526
00:27:58.920 --> 00:28:01.559
proactively do others. So on the one hand, we can say,
527
00:28:01.599 --> 00:28:04.160
and I very much believe that happiness is our natural state.
528
00:28:04.240 --> 00:28:07.640
Joy is our natural state, that we are innately unconditional, good,
529
00:28:08.200 --> 00:28:11.599
whole and joyful beings. And at the same time, when
530
00:28:11.640 --> 00:28:14.039
we're born a body, we do have this ex fear
531
00:28:14.039 --> 00:28:17.200
in survival biology, and so we do need to exercise
532
00:28:17.319 --> 00:28:20.000
consciousness to rise above that. And as human beings we
533
00:28:20.039 --> 00:28:23.160
all have that capacity, right, but it does it takes
534
00:28:23.160 --> 00:28:26.240
both and becoming conscious. We can realize that that fear
535
00:28:26.240 --> 00:28:29.400
and survival based biology has a place, but it's not
536
00:28:29.559 --> 00:28:31.559
meant to run the show and run our minds and
537
00:28:31.640 --> 00:28:34.599
dominate our lives. Right, So I think it's helpful for
538
00:28:34.640 --> 00:28:37.039
people to understand what they're up against in terms of
539
00:28:37.079 --> 00:28:39.160
their own biology. Right, that we're kind of set up,
540
00:28:39.240 --> 00:28:42.279
like Rick Hanson says, you know, we've evolved. Our brains
541
00:28:42.319 --> 00:28:44.759
have evolved to be like Belcrow for negativity and memory
542
00:28:44.799 --> 00:28:47.799
of risk and so forth danger, and like Teflon for
543
00:28:47.920 --> 00:28:51.000
positive experiences that I wonder if we could talk about
544
00:28:51.000 --> 00:28:53.480
for a moment, because I just want to play the
545
00:28:53.519 --> 00:28:56.799
devil's advocate a bit here, Right, So today we hear
546
00:28:56.920 --> 00:29:01.559
sometimes terms like spiritual bypassing. We hear even terms like
547
00:29:01.640 --> 00:29:04.079
toxic happiness, which I think it is a kind of
548
00:29:04.119 --> 00:29:06.519
counterproductive term. I understand where people are going with it,
549
00:29:06.599 --> 00:29:08.960
but I'm not sure it's such a helpful term. But
550
00:29:09.039 --> 00:29:11.599
suffice it to say, you know, there is an endemic
551
00:29:11.680 --> 00:29:15.559
of depression and anxiety and addiction and solicidality in the world,
552
00:29:15.640 --> 00:29:18.880
and especially among younger people, but really in all age groups.
553
00:29:19.240 --> 00:29:20.960
And if we look at the world around us, there
554
00:29:21.000 --> 00:29:23.839
is a lot that one could be anxious about. And
555
00:29:24.039 --> 00:29:26.920
we're all facing the existential threat of human cause climate
556
00:29:27.000 --> 00:29:30.359
change today, and you know, we see all this divisiveness
557
00:29:30.359 --> 00:29:33.319
in our politics and all the war and forced migration,
558
00:29:33.640 --> 00:29:36.079
everything's going on now. I think we need to keep
559
00:29:36.119 --> 00:29:39.440
things from perspective that reality. If you look at the data,
560
00:29:39.559 --> 00:29:42.240
we're doing better than we ever have as a human race,
561
00:29:42.599 --> 00:29:45.119
except for one thing, except that we're up against this
562
00:29:45.319 --> 00:29:48.680
existential threat of human costs climate change. That changes the game.
563
00:29:49.000 --> 00:29:52.240
But nonetheless, you know, because against the negative activity bias,
564
00:29:52.279 --> 00:29:54.519
and you have to know that the news media is
565
00:29:54.559 --> 00:29:57.839
completely driven by the negativity bias, and that's feeding our
566
00:29:57.880 --> 00:29:59.759
addiction to negativity, right.
567
00:30:00.119 --> 00:30:02.559
I understand it. It's an addiction. It's a chemical addition
568
00:30:03.079 --> 00:30:05.880
to cortisol. You know, I want to watch that news
569
00:30:05.880 --> 00:30:08.279
because that news is going to feed me. It's going
570
00:30:08.319 --> 00:30:10.559
to give me that cortisol, or it's going to increase
571
00:30:10.599 --> 00:30:12.759
maybe my dopamine. And so we.
572
00:30:12.759 --> 00:30:15.519
Whatever there chemical mixes in our brain, most of the time,
573
00:30:15.559 --> 00:30:17.960
we become addicted to it, habituated to it, and addicted
574
00:30:18.000 --> 00:30:20.720
to it. Right, So what do we say to people?
575
00:30:20.839 --> 00:30:23.519
You know, you're talking about being happy and being happy
576
00:30:23.559 --> 00:30:25.839
for no reason, and I look around, there's a lot
577
00:30:25.880 --> 00:30:28.440
of suffering. There's a lot to be worried about. I
578
00:30:28.480 --> 00:30:31.839
struggle with even feeling the right to be happy. How
579
00:30:32.079 --> 00:30:34.440
you kind of had that experience as a young girl, right,
580
00:30:34.839 --> 00:30:36.960
you know, how dare I be happy when so many
581
00:30:36.960 --> 00:30:37.839
people are suffering?
582
00:30:38.240 --> 00:30:40.400
It's such a it's such a great question. And so
583
00:30:40.440 --> 00:30:43.079
many people that are so many people are empaths, so
584
00:30:43.119 --> 00:30:45.759
we feel what's going on in the world. We feel
585
00:30:45.799 --> 00:30:48.759
the pain of people all around us. The first, very
586
00:30:48.799 --> 00:30:52.079
practical answer to that is, it does nobody any good
587
00:30:52.640 --> 00:30:57.079
for you to be wallowing in the misery, because that
588
00:30:57.319 --> 00:31:00.720
just that certainly doesn't help the equation. It's really more
589
00:31:00.759 --> 00:31:03.759
of that foundation I spoke about, which is about taking
590
00:31:03.799 --> 00:31:07.759
responsibility for your life and your happiness, where you have
591
00:31:07.799 --> 00:31:11.599
the ability, no matter what the circumstances are, to choose
592
00:31:11.680 --> 00:31:14.759
how you're going to come at them. I mean, maybe
593
00:31:14.759 --> 00:31:17.000
one of the best examples of that is Victor Frankel.
594
00:31:17.039 --> 00:31:19.279
I mean I read Man Search for Meaning when I
595
00:31:19.319 --> 00:31:21.559
was in high school, and that book just probably one
596
00:31:21.599 --> 00:31:23.759
of the most meaningful books I ever read. You know
597
00:31:23.799 --> 00:31:27.480
where he says, here we are with hardly anything, and
598
00:31:27.559 --> 00:31:31.119
yet we found a way to give away our bread.
599
00:31:31.559 --> 00:31:34.799
We always have the ability to choose our attitude what
600
00:31:34.839 --> 00:31:37.799
it is we're focusing on. And so I think the
601
00:31:37.839 --> 00:31:43.079
power of focus cannot be underestimated that it doesn't help
602
00:31:43.720 --> 00:31:45.839
the people in war right now if I am just
603
00:31:46.160 --> 00:31:50.559
absolutely devastated. What does help is if I take back
604
00:31:50.680 --> 00:31:55.640
power in my own life, find my own place of strength, alignment,
605
00:31:56.240 --> 00:32:00.480
and clarity, and from that come at this from a
606
00:32:00.519 --> 00:32:02.400
place of what can I do now? Where am I
607
00:32:02.519 --> 00:32:06.440
inspired to take action? So it's more from me taking
608
00:32:06.480 --> 00:32:09.319
action from where I'm inspired to. You know, I may
609
00:32:09.359 --> 00:32:13.200
be inspired to deal with climate. Somebody else may be
610
00:32:13.279 --> 00:32:16.880
inspired to help people who are refugees. I mean it
611
00:32:17.079 --> 00:32:19.319
just it's where are you placed on the planet to
612
00:32:19.319 --> 00:32:22.039
do what you are here to be doing? And I
613
00:32:22.079 --> 00:32:26.039
can't know what that other person's other people's destiny is.
614
00:32:26.079 --> 00:32:28.440
I don't understand all of the big picture of life,
615
00:32:28.839 --> 00:32:32.440
but I will say this the most important question. One
616
00:32:32.480 --> 00:32:36.200
of my very favorite quotes of Einstein is Einstein said
617
00:32:36.680 --> 00:32:40.400
that the most important question we can ask ourselves is
618
00:32:40.480 --> 00:32:44.200
this a benevolent universe? And people are happy? We'll always
619
00:32:44.240 --> 00:32:47.119
say yes. Now, that doesn't mean that everything is going
620
00:32:47.160 --> 00:32:50.039
their way. What it means is they believe that life
621
00:32:50.079 --> 00:32:53.519
is here in an evolutionary way to help support us
622
00:32:53.559 --> 00:32:57.640
all in our greater awakening. And so rather than looking
623
00:32:57.720 --> 00:33:01.759
at how terrible this is in my life. Look at
624
00:33:02.039 --> 00:33:04.720
what's the gift in this, what's the lesson in this?
625
00:33:04.839 --> 00:33:06.920
What's in this for me? That life is for me,
626
00:33:07.039 --> 00:33:10.279
not against me? And I would say that that is
627
00:33:10.400 --> 00:33:12.839
an attitude to take for the greater world. I don't
628
00:33:12.880 --> 00:33:16.559
know why there is the war that we have, but
629
00:33:16.680 --> 00:33:18.720
what I know is I'm going to live the best
630
00:33:18.839 --> 00:33:21.720
life I can live, and then I'm going to act
631
00:33:21.799 --> 00:33:24.720
where I most feel inspired to act to make the
632
00:33:24.720 --> 00:33:28.359
world a better place. And I've always been very cautious
633
00:33:28.519 --> 00:33:33.039
of spiritual bypass. It is not that it's not ignoring
634
00:33:33.079 --> 00:33:37.359
what's there. It's seeing what is really there and choosing
635
00:33:37.359 --> 00:33:42.119
what I call radical gratitude anyway, and radical gratitude is
636
00:33:42.160 --> 00:33:45.640
for me, gratitude for three things. It's gratitude for what
637
00:33:45.880 --> 00:33:48.920
is that you love that's easy to feel gratitude for.
638
00:33:49.559 --> 00:33:53.440
It's gratitude for the icky stuff. It's gratitude for what's
639
00:33:53.480 --> 00:33:56.119
in front of you that you don't love, but you
640
00:33:56.160 --> 00:33:59.279
have gratitude because you trust that this is in your favor.
641
00:33:59.359 --> 00:34:02.039
Life is in your favor and there's a reason for it.
642
00:34:02.079 --> 00:34:04.799
And then it's gratitude for the future. It's gratitude for
643
00:34:04.839 --> 00:34:07.599
what it is that you want to be bringing in
644
00:34:07.960 --> 00:34:10.840
and visioning. So I think you know that is that's
645
00:34:10.880 --> 00:34:13.559
the best answer I've come to for that question. I'd
646
00:34:13.559 --> 00:34:16.639
love to hear your answer to that. Actually, well, I.
647
00:34:16.559 --> 00:34:19.119
Do believe it's we live in a benevolent universe. But
648
00:34:19.360 --> 00:34:21.280
you know, I've been chaining in a Buddhist tradition and
649
00:34:21.280 --> 00:34:23.840
it's idea is only in Buddhism, but it's so emphasized there.
650
00:34:23.840 --> 00:34:28.000
I'm understanding this kind of distinction between looking at reality
651
00:34:28.159 --> 00:34:30.679
from the kind of relative window or the kind of
652
00:34:30.800 --> 00:34:34.199
ultimate window. And ultimately, yes, I believe the universe is
653
00:34:34.239 --> 00:34:37.039
benevolent and we're part of life, and it's an evolutionary
654
00:34:37.519 --> 00:34:40.800
play of consciousness. It is ultimately benevolent, and whose nature
655
00:34:40.880 --> 00:34:44.199
is what's its nature is ultimately love. On a relative level,
656
00:34:44.280 --> 00:34:47.480
life can be very challenging, and on a relative level,
657
00:34:47.480 --> 00:34:50.440
the universe can seem pretty impersonal in many ways. So
658
00:34:50.920 --> 00:34:53.679
but I think it is important to find our way
659
00:34:53.719 --> 00:34:58.440
into an experience of benevolence, that our nature is benevolence,
660
00:34:58.480 --> 00:35:03.239
that the nature of life has benevolence. And also from
661
00:35:03.280 --> 00:35:05.880
that question, when we're looking at all that unhappiness and
662
00:35:05.920 --> 00:35:09.679
suffering the world. As you said, you know, my unhappiness
663
00:35:09.760 --> 00:35:14.360
is not going to contribute to changing that. My empathy,
664
00:35:14.519 --> 00:35:18.639
my compassion and I think can be very helpful. But
665
00:35:19.360 --> 00:35:21.679
I think can be helpful to have the insight that
666
00:35:21.760 --> 00:35:24.599
all that suffering we see out in the world is
667
00:35:24.639 --> 00:35:28.920
an expression of unhappy it's unhappy people that are creating
668
00:35:28.960 --> 00:35:32.039
the suffering with and for themselves and brothers. It's coming
669
00:35:32.039 --> 00:35:34.599
out of trauma. It's coming out of our collective trauma.
670
00:35:35.119 --> 00:35:39.159
And you know, hurt people, hurt people, unhappy people act
671
00:35:39.199 --> 00:35:42.039
in ways that create more suffering, and which is not
672
00:35:42.119 --> 00:35:44.639
to blame them, it's just the way it works. So
673
00:35:45.159 --> 00:35:47.119
if we're really concerned about to say of the world,
674
00:35:47.320 --> 00:35:51.000
what we want to contribute to that is more happiness
675
00:35:51.400 --> 00:35:54.119
and more gratitude and more love. And so it can
676
00:35:54.159 --> 00:35:56.679
be seemed a little bit counterintuitive, but I think it's
677
00:35:56.719 --> 00:35:59.280
really important to think about these things deeply because I
678
00:35:59.320 --> 00:36:02.360
know so many people who are naturally empathic and they
679
00:36:02.400 --> 00:36:04.039
get caught up in what's going on in the world
680
00:36:04.039 --> 00:36:06.320
and spend you know, do the doom scrolling on their
681
00:36:06.360 --> 00:36:09.440
phones and focused on the news. And I hear constantly
682
00:36:09.440 --> 00:36:12.320
from people, even people who are longtime meditators. I keep
683
00:36:12.320 --> 00:36:14.679
getting caught up in the news and I get so
684
00:36:14.679 --> 00:36:17.679
so depressed and so anxious, you know, And so I
685
00:36:17.679 --> 00:36:20.159
think it's important to think deeply about these things. And
686
00:36:20.239 --> 00:36:23.360
I think the way you express it is extremely helpful.
687
00:36:23.360 --> 00:36:27.639
That it's not an either or thing, being empathic and
688
00:36:27.760 --> 00:36:30.599
not turning away from reality and being willing to show
689
00:36:30.679 --> 00:36:34.239
up in life and also doing the work to have
690
00:36:34.280 --> 00:36:37.199
that internal state of peace and common happiness. So I
691
00:36:37.199 --> 00:36:39.920
think what we're pointing to there is resilience. And I
692
00:36:40.000 --> 00:36:42.639
wonder if you could talk a bit about resilience, because
693
00:36:43.039 --> 00:36:46.679
you know, life is very challenging and things are it seem,
694
00:36:46.840 --> 00:36:48.519
even though I think in some ways you could say
695
00:36:48.599 --> 00:36:50.280
things are better than they've ever been, but there are
696
00:36:50.320 --> 00:36:52.960
some real challenges today and climate change is a big one,
697
00:36:53.000 --> 00:36:54.760
and that's going to have all kinds of effects if
698
00:36:54.760 --> 00:36:56.960
we're not able to turn it around. So how do
699
00:36:57.079 --> 00:37:00.360
we develop that resilience to be in the world without
700
00:37:00.400 --> 00:37:04.079
spiritual bypassing, you know, be in touch with reality and
701
00:37:04.119 --> 00:37:07.199
not have that drive us back into despairing and happiness,
702
00:37:07.199 --> 00:37:10.239
but be able to stay in that place of unconditional
703
00:37:10.280 --> 00:37:13.000
happiness and peace and calm and bring that to the world.
704
00:37:13.519 --> 00:37:16.440
Yeah, well it's a great question, and yes, I think
705
00:37:16.480 --> 00:37:20.119
resilience is key to everything. And it's it comes back
706
00:37:20.119 --> 00:37:22.000
to the model that I had as a building your
707
00:37:22.039 --> 00:37:25.760
inner home for happiness. Generally, if something's going to get
708
00:37:25.760 --> 00:37:28.280
you down, it's going to get you down in that
709
00:37:28.360 --> 00:37:32.280
one area that's your achilles heel. So I find for
710
00:37:32.400 --> 00:37:35.440
me if something else is if something is going on
711
00:37:35.480 --> 00:37:38.559
in my life that might drag my happiness down, the
712
00:37:38.599 --> 00:37:40.880
place I need to start is the place of the body,
713
00:37:41.239 --> 00:37:44.079
because that's where I am. That's my weak link. I
714
00:37:44.239 --> 00:37:47.840
tend to have low serotonin. So I've learned certain practices
715
00:37:47.880 --> 00:37:51.320
that I can do that just instantly raise my not instantly,
716
00:37:51.400 --> 00:37:54.880
but very wonderfully raise my serotonin. I mean, they're crazy
717
00:37:54.960 --> 00:37:57.360
things that I would never have known about had I
718
00:37:57.480 --> 00:37:59.400
not done the research. And I'll give you just a
719
00:37:59.440 --> 00:38:01.840
quick exampull of this. A friend of mine who's a
720
00:38:01.880 --> 00:38:04.920
chigong master, she needs so she needs song master. His
721
00:38:05.039 --> 00:38:07.800
name is Ajil Marin, and I was telling him about,
722
00:38:07.840 --> 00:38:10.559
you know, low serotonin, and he said, Marcie, the fastest
723
00:38:10.599 --> 00:38:13.239
way you can raise your serotonin is by doing this
724
00:38:13.320 --> 00:38:17.800
simple practice called a sunning meditation. You stand out in
725
00:38:17.840 --> 00:38:19.840
the sun, and I'll tell you what to do. If
726
00:38:19.840 --> 00:38:22.960
there's no sun and you close your eyes super important.
727
00:38:22.960 --> 00:38:25.119
You do this with your eyes closed, you face the
728
00:38:25.159 --> 00:38:28.039
sun and you let the sun's rays come in through
729
00:38:28.079 --> 00:38:30.599
your closed eyelids, hitting the middle of your brain, the
730
00:38:30.599 --> 00:38:35.119
pineal gland, and then showering that light, that warmth down
731
00:38:35.280 --> 00:38:37.440
through your whole system. He said, if you were to
732
00:38:37.440 --> 00:38:40.239
do that two to three minutes a day, twice a day,
733
00:38:40.280 --> 00:38:42.559
for two to three minutes, within a week, you will
734
00:38:42.559 --> 00:38:45.920
have reset your serotonin. And so I tried it and
735
00:38:46.000 --> 00:38:50.480
it was amazing. It really really helped. And now when
736
00:38:50.480 --> 00:38:51.960
people come to me and they say they tend it
737
00:38:51.960 --> 00:38:54.800
towards low serotonin, I say, just try this little thing
738
00:38:54.880 --> 00:38:57.880
and see what happens. The reason I bring this up
739
00:38:58.400 --> 00:39:01.320
is that for each person where their weak link happen,
740
00:39:01.559 --> 00:39:06.400
where if something challenges their happiness and they need resilience,
741
00:39:06.480 --> 00:39:09.079
the very first line of defense is to go towards
742
00:39:09.280 --> 00:39:12.239
where your weaker link is. So, for example, for you,
743
00:39:12.360 --> 00:39:14.599
I'd say, you know, where can you open your heart
744
00:39:14.679 --> 00:39:18.320
more around what's going on? Since you mentioned the heart,
745
00:39:18.760 --> 00:39:22.199
so I think that's you know. My best advice for
746
00:39:22.280 --> 00:39:25.039
people is to just be aware of where they most
747
00:39:25.280 --> 00:39:29.079
are going to catch that happiness slipstream the most easily.
748
00:39:29.480 --> 00:39:31.719
I'm going to try that practice. I love that. I
749
00:39:31.760 --> 00:39:34.159
have about two and a half hour self care routina
750
00:39:34.199 --> 00:39:36.239
I do in the morning and all kinds of different things,
751
00:39:36.320 --> 00:39:38.360
and I try to get out in early sun as well.
752
00:39:38.400 --> 00:39:40.880
And I've done various things in relation to sign and
753
00:39:40.880 --> 00:39:42.599
Soli line and sover, but i haven't done that one
754
00:39:42.639 --> 00:39:43.920
in particular, So I'm going to try it.
755
00:39:44.159 --> 00:39:46.079
Yeah, it's a great one. By the way, people always
756
00:39:46.119 --> 00:39:47.559
ask me, well, what do I do if I'm if
757
00:39:47.599 --> 00:39:50.679
it's raining out, or if there's no sun, if even
758
00:39:50.719 --> 00:39:53.280
if there's clouds and you can feel the rays coming
759
00:39:53.280 --> 00:39:54.880
through the clouds, you could still do it. But if
760
00:39:54.920 --> 00:39:57.000
it's raining out or you for whatever reason you can't
761
00:39:57.000 --> 00:39:59.760
go outside, you can do this similar practice, but with
762
00:39:59.840 --> 00:40:03.159
eyes opened this time looking at something beautiful in nature,
763
00:40:03.159 --> 00:40:06.719
whether it's flowers or trees or whatever. It won't go
764
00:40:06.840 --> 00:40:10.480
as quickly for you. But nature is naturally serotonin producing.
765
00:40:10.760 --> 00:40:14.199
It's good to remember that we are energetic beings. And
766
00:40:14.280 --> 00:40:16.480
as my friend Dan Siegel says, energy is not a
767
00:40:16.519 --> 00:40:19.719
rule concept, it's scientific, it's real. We are energetic beings,
768
00:40:20.199 --> 00:40:22.960
and we're essentially the most basic level made of light,
769
00:40:23.079 --> 00:40:25.280
made of pothon, So we are light beings, and so
770
00:40:25.320 --> 00:40:28.480
it's quite natural that, like flowers turned towards the sun,
771
00:40:28.840 --> 00:40:32.079
quite makes sense that we would as well. So one
772
00:40:32.159 --> 00:40:34.760
of your primary offerings in the world is now the
773
00:40:34.920 --> 00:40:37.360
year of miracles. I wonder if you could talk about
774
00:40:37.360 --> 00:40:39.320
that a little bit and what you call living in
775
00:40:39.360 --> 00:40:40.519
the miracle zone.
776
00:40:40.840 --> 00:40:45.400
Yeah, Well, about twelve years ago, I found myself waking
777
00:40:45.519 --> 00:40:48.199
up every morning and feeling like I'm not just happy,
778
00:40:48.199 --> 00:40:51.719
but I'm living this miraculous life. It felt like like
779
00:40:51.880 --> 00:40:53.840
I didn't know what would happen during the day, but
780
00:40:53.920 --> 00:40:57.199
I knew that amazing opportunities would come my way or
781
00:40:57.440 --> 00:40:59.800
people would show up that just had exactly the right
782
00:41:00.039 --> 00:41:02.679
answers for me. And I was in that state of flow,
783
00:41:03.320 --> 00:41:05.679
and I felt like I'm living in what I call
784
00:41:05.760 --> 00:41:07.920
the miracle zone. So here's the thing. I looked up
785
00:41:07.960 --> 00:41:11.280
the definition of the word miracle and the miracle. According
786
00:41:11.280 --> 00:41:15.199
to the Dictionary, miracle mean is a surprise and welcome
787
00:41:15.239 --> 00:41:19.280
event that can't be explained by science, and that's often
788
00:41:19.320 --> 00:41:23.880
attributed to divine grace. So I can't create miracles, miracles
789
00:41:24.000 --> 00:41:26.440
or a gift of the divine. But what we can
790
00:41:26.519 --> 00:41:29.880
do is we can create the circumstances for miracles to
791
00:41:29.880 --> 00:41:31.920
show up in our lives. We can be in that
792
00:41:32.079 --> 00:41:35.559
flow of life. And you know athletes know at the
793
00:41:35.679 --> 00:41:39.039
zone when they're athletically in the zone. Well, I say,
794
00:41:39.039 --> 00:41:41.559
in life, we can be in the zone. And so
795
00:41:41.679 --> 00:41:44.599
that's what I've found. Just as there are principles and
796
00:41:44.639 --> 00:41:47.159
habits that help us live a happier life, there are
797
00:41:47.199 --> 00:41:49.639
principles and habits that help us live more in the
798
00:41:49.639 --> 00:41:53.360
miracle zone. And so I put together this program twelve
799
00:41:53.440 --> 00:41:57.159
years ago called Your Year of Miracles, and I am
800
00:41:57.320 --> 00:42:00.760
blown away. It's a year long program. We've had five
801
00:42:00.840 --> 00:42:04.440
thousand people a year from eighty seven countries, and it's
802
00:42:04.519 --> 00:42:07.480
the energy is so amazing because you're not doing it alone,
803
00:42:07.639 --> 00:42:10.719
you're doing it with this whole collective. We've had miracles
804
00:42:10.760 --> 00:42:14.800
in all ways with people, of course, healings, miraculous healings.
805
00:42:15.079 --> 00:42:19.760
We've had people who've you know, never felt good about themselves,
806
00:42:19.800 --> 00:42:23.000
just feeling falling in love with themselves. We've had people
807
00:42:23.039 --> 00:42:26.159
meeting their life partners. We've had all kinds of businesses
808
00:42:26.199 --> 00:42:28.880
coming out of the blue, putting yourself in the miracle zone.
809
00:42:28.960 --> 00:42:31.480
You have no idea what's going to what may unfold
810
00:42:31.519 --> 00:42:34.039
for you, But what I've seen is just quite sobbing.
811
00:42:34.519 --> 00:42:37.519
So you're connecting the miracle zone with this state of
812
00:42:37.599 --> 00:42:40.920
flow you reference the athletes call the zone and has
813
00:42:40.960 --> 00:42:44.039
been called the flow. Watching some of Holly's book about
814
00:42:44.079 --> 00:42:47.440
flow states, and you know, many of us, because of
815
00:42:47.480 --> 00:42:50.679
stress and living in core beliefs and a negativity bias
816
00:42:50.760 --> 00:42:53.679
and all of it, and trauma, find ourselves with nervous
817
00:42:53.719 --> 00:42:56.480
systems that are fairly disregulated and living in a state
818
00:42:56.480 --> 00:42:59.400
of dysregulation, which is kind of the opposite of the
819
00:42:59.400 --> 00:43:02.320
flow state. Talking about and so how do we find
820
00:43:02.320 --> 00:43:04.840
our way back into flow? And I think a lot
821
00:43:04.880 --> 00:43:07.159
of things we've been talking about it are just that
822
00:43:07.280 --> 00:43:11.440
and your seven the seven elements of your twenty one habits, Yes,
823
00:43:11.800 --> 00:43:13.960
are probably ways that we can find our way back
824
00:43:13.960 --> 00:43:17.840
into flow. I wonder about just kind of really sort
825
00:43:17.880 --> 00:43:22.679
of direct embodiment approaches to finding our way into flow.
826
00:43:22.800 --> 00:43:26.519
And they developed that internal coherence, which is a palpable
827
00:43:26.559 --> 00:43:29.760
flow state which can be very healing and bring our
828
00:43:29.760 --> 00:43:31.719
nervous system into more state of harmony.
829
00:43:32.280 --> 00:43:35.960
Oh, I absolutely couldn't agree with you more about these
830
00:43:36.000 --> 00:43:40.239
embodiment practices and you know, practices that really help us
831
00:43:40.920 --> 00:43:44.719
experience more freedom in the body. And you know, there
832
00:43:44.719 --> 00:43:48.360
are so many beautiful practices out there. I work in
833
00:43:48.400 --> 00:43:50.599
the Year of Miracles. My co leader in the program
834
00:43:50.679 --> 00:43:52.760
is one of my co leaders is doctor Sue Worter,
835
00:43:53.159 --> 00:43:56.320
who wrote the Energy Codes, and it's all about embodiment.
836
00:43:56.440 --> 00:43:59.159
And you know, there are simple practices also that you
837
00:43:59.199 --> 00:44:01.840
can do. Just putting one hand on your heart, the
838
00:44:01.840 --> 00:44:05.159
other hand on your belly helps the vagus nerve, helps
839
00:44:05.280 --> 00:44:08.800
settle the whole body down. There's all kinds of tools
840
00:44:08.880 --> 00:44:12.280
out there that are just wonderful and I'm all for
841
00:44:12.559 --> 00:44:15.360
all of them for me. And what I've seen works
842
00:44:15.360 --> 00:44:18.320
best is to get a toolkit together of the things
843
00:44:18.320 --> 00:44:21.639
that work best for you, whether it's tapping or whether
844
00:44:21.719 --> 00:44:24.840
it's you know, certain kind of breathing. But I think
845
00:44:25.079 --> 00:44:29.719
you know, twenty thirty minutes to devote to two practices
846
00:44:29.760 --> 00:44:35.239
that really help establish your body in the flow state.
847
00:44:35.519 --> 00:44:36.239
It's important.
848
00:44:36.719 --> 00:44:39.519
So you know, your bio said you were associated with
849
00:44:39.599 --> 00:44:42.599
the movie The Secret. The film The Secret, so I
850
00:44:42.639 --> 00:44:44.400
wanted to just ask you a question about and this
851
00:44:44.519 --> 00:44:47.039
kind of connects with the idea of your miracles. This
852
00:44:47.119 --> 00:44:50.000
is the whole world of manifesting and this idea of manifesting,
853
00:44:50.480 --> 00:44:53.599
and you know, there is one area of that that
854
00:44:53.840 --> 00:44:57.400
can seem sometimes a little simplistic, a little naive. Now,
855
00:44:57.599 --> 00:45:00.639
friend and colleague James Doughty from standpor coming.
856
00:45:00.480 --> 00:45:04.039
Out Love, James Dody the science a manifestation.
857
00:45:04.519 --> 00:45:06.559
And you know, in truth, we are energetic beings, so
858
00:45:06.559 --> 00:45:09.320
we're always manifesting something. Right, So the guy says, what
859
00:45:09.400 --> 00:45:11.519
are we manifesting? And you know, even in the most
860
00:45:11.559 --> 00:45:14.119
simplistic forms, you know, if I sit there and visualize
861
00:45:14.119 --> 00:45:16.719
the Rolls Royce, it's going to show up in my driveway. Well,
862
00:45:17.079 --> 00:45:19.880
who knows, maybe quantum reality could do that. I'm really
863
00:45:19.960 --> 00:45:22.519
not going to disregard anything, but I think in terms
864
00:45:22.519 --> 00:45:26.239
of being practical and advising people to do things, there
865
00:45:26.239 --> 00:45:30.920
seems to be a more kind of pragmatic, science based approach.
866
00:45:31.280 --> 00:45:34.239
I don't mean use science in terms of reductionistic, mainstream
867
00:45:34.280 --> 00:45:37.719
limited type, but you know, just approach to this idea
868
00:45:37.760 --> 00:45:42.199
of manifestation and how we're working with our internal state,
869
00:45:42.360 --> 00:45:45.280
with our beliefs, with our thoughts, with our emuscial states.
870
00:45:45.440 --> 00:45:48.199
That does impact what's showing up in our life, how
871
00:45:48.199 --> 00:45:50.000
we're showing up, and what shows up in our lives.
872
00:45:50.000 --> 00:45:51.480
So I wonder if you could just talk about this
873
00:45:51.679 --> 00:45:54.920
phenomena of that's sometimes called manifestation.
874
00:45:55.519 --> 00:46:00.159
Yeah, so everything as we know is energy, and we
875
00:46:00.239 --> 00:46:03.280
are always at a certain energetic vibration and that Scott,
876
00:46:03.400 --> 00:46:06.559
it matches what happens is the outer world tends to
877
00:46:06.599 --> 00:46:10.559
mirror or match where our energetic vibration is. I don't
878
00:46:10.639 --> 00:46:14.119
think that the idea of manifestation, though, is that we
879
00:46:14.400 --> 00:46:17.920
become the universe is an order taker and that our
880
00:46:18.039 --> 00:46:20.000
job is to just put in an order and I
881
00:46:20.079 --> 00:46:22.760
want that, and I'm going to get that That's kind
882
00:46:22.760 --> 00:46:25.719
of not what we're here for. I think what we're
883
00:46:25.760 --> 00:46:30.039
here for is to become aligned with what is the
884
00:46:30.039 --> 00:46:32.920
call of the moment from us and for the universe.
885
00:46:33.440 --> 00:46:36.000
And it may look like a Rolls Royce in your driveway,
886
00:46:36.000 --> 00:46:38.960
but it might not. So it's not being attached to
887
00:46:39.239 --> 00:46:43.000
let me just use this little tool to create the
888
00:46:43.079 --> 00:46:47.000
Rolls Royce in the driveway. It's really let me align
889
00:46:47.159 --> 00:46:51.679
my life with a higher state of consciousness, a higher vibration,
890
00:46:52.239 --> 00:46:55.360
and then use my attention, which is a very powerful
891
00:46:55.400 --> 00:46:58.239
tool to put my attention and energy. You know, I
892
00:46:58.400 --> 00:47:01.360
learned long ago a form that was sort of my
893
00:47:01.599 --> 00:47:04.599
little formula for manifesting, and it was three steps. I
894
00:47:04.719 --> 00:47:10.039
liked them because they rhymed intention, tension, and no tension. Intention. Yeah,
895
00:47:10.079 --> 00:47:13.159
you get clear about what it is feels most aligned.
896
00:47:13.360 --> 00:47:16.519
Not something that's going to just fulfill your ego, but
897
00:47:16.599 --> 00:47:20.840
it feels like it's sol driven, a soul based intention,
898
00:47:20.960 --> 00:47:23.559
and that's what we work with in your year of Miracles.
899
00:47:24.000 --> 00:47:26.519
And then put your attention on it, your thoughts, your words,
900
00:47:26.519 --> 00:47:32.639
your feelings, and your actions. But then finally let go, relax, surrender,
901
00:47:33.360 --> 00:47:36.400
know and trust that the universe is doing with that
902
00:47:37.079 --> 00:47:40.320
in the best way for you. So it's not about
903
00:47:40.400 --> 00:47:44.000
forcing an outcome. It's about putting an intention there, putting
904
00:47:44.039 --> 00:47:47.800
your attention on it, and then also having enough spaciousness
905
00:47:47.800 --> 00:47:50.079
in your life that there is no tension and that
906
00:47:50.159 --> 00:47:52.920
what shows up is what's best when you've put forward
907
00:47:53.480 --> 00:47:55.719
what it is you think is the best intention.
908
00:47:56.239 --> 00:48:00.039
What is your sense of grace and the movement of
909
00:48:00.079 --> 00:48:02.920
the divine, the sacred and grace and how that works
910
00:48:02.960 --> 00:48:03.639
in our lives.
911
00:48:04.079 --> 00:48:06.880
Oh, there's a great quote from Rama Krishnai. I think
912
00:48:06.920 --> 00:48:11.400
who said the winds of grace are always blowing. We
913
00:48:11.480 --> 00:48:14.800
just need to raise our sale. I think grace is
914
00:48:14.840 --> 00:48:18.119
the way life is, and what our job is to
915
00:48:18.159 --> 00:48:20.719
put is to raise our sale, is to put ourselves
916
00:48:20.760 --> 00:48:23.440
in that flow of grace. That's the miracle zone.
917
00:48:23.760 --> 00:48:28.519
Oh beautiful, beautiful. Well, since we are talking about rewiring
918
00:48:28.519 --> 00:48:32.559
our beliefs here, if there's one, you know, most kind
919
00:48:32.599 --> 00:48:37.599
of persistent or pernicious belief that blocks joy and happiness
920
00:48:37.599 --> 00:48:39.199
for people, what would you say.
921
00:48:39.039 --> 00:48:42.880
That is any variation of I'm not enough. You know,
922
00:48:42.960 --> 00:48:46.599
I think that every limiting belief comes back to I'm
923
00:48:46.639 --> 00:48:49.199
not enough, I'm not good enough, I'm not this enough,
924
00:48:49.239 --> 00:48:51.559
I'm not bad enough, or I'm just I'm not okay.
925
00:48:52.159 --> 00:48:56.840
It's a general feeling of not okayness inside and goes
926
00:48:56.880 --> 00:48:59.199
back to that in this identification with who we really are.
927
00:48:59.400 --> 00:49:01.559
I think that's somewhat part of the human condition. I mean,
928
00:49:01.599 --> 00:49:04.320
the more unconditional love we get from our parents, the
929
00:49:04.400 --> 00:49:06.079
less of that we're going to have. I'm not sure
930
00:49:06.119 --> 00:49:09.400
it's really possible to escape childhood without having some of that.
931
00:49:09.800 --> 00:49:13.920
And then, unfortunately, we have this whole consumerist culture that's
932
00:49:13.960 --> 00:49:16.440
all built around the message of not enough this you know,
933
00:49:16.519 --> 00:49:18.960
you know you're not enough, But if you buy this product,
934
00:49:19.000 --> 00:49:21.480
you might just be cool enough, you know, to have
935
00:49:21.559 --> 00:49:24.320
someone like you love you, or be included until the
936
00:49:24.360 --> 00:49:25.639
next version comes out, of course.
937
00:49:25.800 --> 00:49:29.400
Yeah, I mean it's a multi billion dollars industry, hundreds
938
00:49:29.400 --> 00:49:31.800
of billions of dollar industry telling us you're not okay
939
00:49:31.840 --> 00:49:32.320
the way you.
940
00:49:32.320 --> 00:49:36.320
Are, and children are growing up just bathed in that message, right, Yeah,
941
00:49:36.440 --> 00:49:39.800
really that's kind of that's really heartbreaking thing about our
942
00:49:39.880 --> 00:49:45.159
current situation. But it is possible to discover that unconditional
943
00:49:45.199 --> 00:49:48.280
worthiness in exactly all the ways you've been talking about.
944
00:49:48.719 --> 00:49:51.320
Not only is it possible, it is why we're on
945
00:49:51.360 --> 00:49:54.920
the planet. It's what we're here for. We are here
946
00:49:55.039 --> 00:50:00.360
to recognize, feel, live, know the truth of our nity,
947
00:50:00.480 --> 00:50:02.639
the truth of the essence of who we are, which
948
00:50:02.679 --> 00:50:04.960
is love. That's what we come on planet Earth for.
949
00:50:05.599 --> 00:50:08.760
Well, no doubt that's your purpose. And so grateful that
950
00:50:08.840 --> 00:50:12.039
you're out there sharing that message so widely. So how
951
00:50:12.039 --> 00:50:14.599
can people find out more about your work, Marcian, about
952
00:50:14.599 --> 00:50:16.480
the Year of Miracles and the other things you offer.
953
00:50:16.719 --> 00:50:18.920
Yeah, well you can go to your Year of Miracles
954
00:50:19.000 --> 00:50:23.440
dot com. And actually we've got a really wonderful assessment
955
00:50:23.519 --> 00:50:26.719
or requiz there on finding out what is your miracle
956
00:50:26.840 --> 00:50:30.480
superpower because we each have a particular angle in and
957
00:50:30.519 --> 00:50:33.239
a superpower. So yeah, that you can find on your
958
00:50:33.320 --> 00:50:36.639
Year of Miracles dot com and on you could also
959
00:50:36.840 --> 00:50:40.079
find us on Happy for No Reason dot com and
960
00:50:40.199 --> 00:50:43.280
there I've got a gift of twenty one happiness habits,
961
00:50:43.320 --> 00:50:45.079
all of them, in a practice to go with each
962
00:50:45.079 --> 00:50:48.400
one of those habits. And I just I really want
963
00:50:48.440 --> 00:50:51.320
to acknowledge and honor everybody who's here because I think
964
00:50:51.360 --> 00:50:54.000
that we have a divine appointment when we come together.
965
00:50:54.079 --> 00:50:56.760
Whether you doesn't matter what, we don't know, time and
966
00:50:56.800 --> 00:50:59.400
space doesn't matter what. When you're listening to this, there
967
00:50:59.440 --> 00:51:02.719
isn't a double appointment to be in this conversation. And
968
00:51:02.760 --> 00:51:06.199
I really acknowledge and honor everybody who is in this
969
00:51:06.239 --> 00:51:08.760
conversation because I think this is the conversation to be
970
00:51:08.800 --> 00:51:10.159
had on the planet these days.
971
00:51:10.280 --> 00:51:13.079
Well, I hope everybody who's watching this recognizes that it's
972
00:51:13.119 --> 00:51:15.280
not by accident that we end up where we are,
973
00:51:15.400 --> 00:51:18.639
and we're all here for a reason. In this particular moment,
974
00:51:18.760 --> 00:51:20.599
having this conversation with Marci So.
975
00:51:20.920 --> 00:51:23.280
And Flee, you know, I just also want to say
976
00:51:23.320 --> 00:51:25.840
that the reason I have such a passion about this
977
00:51:25.960 --> 00:51:28.960
and I believe you do too, because as we spoke
978
00:51:29.000 --> 00:51:33.239
about earlier, when we shift ourselves, we shift the planet.
979
00:51:33.280 --> 00:51:35.280
People often say to me, is it selfish to want
980
00:51:35.280 --> 00:51:37.960
to be happier? And my answer is, it's the least
981
00:51:37.960 --> 00:51:41.199
selfish thing you can do, because when you shift your consciousness,
982
00:51:41.199 --> 00:51:43.840
when you shift your happiness level, it shifts the world.
983
00:51:43.880 --> 00:51:46.239
And there's a beautiful Chinese proverb that I always love
984
00:51:46.280 --> 00:51:48.039
to share about this. It goes like this. It says,
985
00:51:48.440 --> 00:51:50.840
when there is light in the soul, there will be
986
00:51:50.840 --> 00:51:53.440
beauty in the person. When there is beauty in the person,
987
00:51:53.480 --> 00:51:55.800
there will be harmony in the house. When there is
988
00:51:55.840 --> 00:51:57.840
harmony in the house, there will be order in the nation.
989
00:51:58.480 --> 00:52:00.480
And when there is order in the nation, there will
990
00:52:00.519 --> 00:52:03.800
be peace in this world. And my prayer and my
991
00:52:03.880 --> 00:52:05.880
wish for every single one of us is that we
992
00:52:05.960 --> 00:52:09.079
know that light in our own souls and through that
993
00:52:09.119 --> 00:52:11.559
we help create more peace here on this climate of ours.
994
00:52:12.079 --> 00:52:15.360
Thank you so much, Marcy Chmov Happiness for no reason,
995
00:52:15.840 --> 00:52:18.960
the Year of Miracles. Please keep going with your work.
996
00:52:19.000 --> 00:52:21.400
Thank you so much. Thank you for joining me on
997
00:52:21.440 --> 00:52:25.599
the Radical Responsibility Podcast. Remember, real change happens when we
998
00:52:25.639 --> 00:52:28.639
commit to our growth, face our challenges with compassion, and
999
00:52:28.719 --> 00:52:32.039
stay open to transformation. If you found this episode helpful,
1000
00:52:32.280 --> 00:52:34.719
I encourage you to subscribe and help us spread the
1001
00:52:34.760 --> 00:52:38.719
message of healing and personal empowerment. Stay grounded, stay present,
1002
00:52:38.920 --> 00:52:40.719
and stay true to you. Take care
