Peter Sage | Are You Living By Default or Design?

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Why does smokers smoke because they're smokers. If you have
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a smoker who's quit, you said a smoking Oh do
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you want a cigarette?
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Oh?
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No, I've quit, and they have the identity of a
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smoker who's quit, there is a ninety percent plus chance
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that they will be smoking again with an x amount
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of weeks or months. Why because their identities.
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I am a.
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Smoker who's engaging in the behavior of quitting, which is
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counted to my identity as a smoker. An identity will
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win over behavior every time, Whereas if you change your
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identity to I am a non smoker and somebody offers
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you a cigarette, it's effortless. Why because I don't smoke.
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Welcome to the Radical Responsibility Podcast. I'm doctor Fleet Maler,
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and I'm excited to guide you on a journey of
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authentic transformation. In each episode, I'll bring you insights from
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leading experts to explore trauma recovery, mindfulnance practices, positive psychology,
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and innovative breakthroughs in health, wellness and life optimization. This
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is a space for real converse stations that inspire meaningful change,
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helping you find alignment with the person you are always
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meant to be. Let's get started. Hey, friends, his fleet
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real quick here before we dive in. If fear or
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anxiety has been running the show in your life lately,
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like it has for a lot of us, you got
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to check out the Rewiring Fear and Anxiety Summit. I've
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teamed up with over fifty five leading experts to give
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you real, practical tools to break free from stress and
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take back control. It's free, it's powerful, and it could
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change your life. Head to Rewiringfearanxiety dot com and sign up. Now,
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all right, let's get into the show. What if the
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biggest limits on your success aren't external but the beliefs
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you've unconsciously adopted? Peter said, Serial entrepreneur, best selling offer
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and world renowned expert and human behavior joins me for
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a profound conversation on the power of belief systems, identity,
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and self mastery. We explore how neuroplasticity shapes our success,
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why questioning our deepest assumptance is the key to transformation,
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and how shifting your self image can elevate your performance
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in every area of life. Peter shares insights from decades
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of experience working with governments, members of royalty, Google, and
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NASA breaking down how our financial, professional, and personal limitations
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are often self imposed. Whether you're an entrepreneur, leader, or
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someone looking to break through to your next level, this
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episode is packed with game changing wisdom. This conversation will
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challenge you, inspire you, and if you're willing completely rewire
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how you see yourself in the world, let's dive in.
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Myw is doctor Fleet mull your co host with this session,
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and very happy to be here today with Peter Sage.
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Welcome Peter.
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That's thrue pleasure, really glad to be here, Thank you
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for the invite.
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Today we're focused on rewiring your beliefs, or rewiring our beliefs,
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or performance and success. So you've spoken often about the
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intersection of neuroplasticity, belief systems and shaping our success, and
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so I wonder if you could delve into how rewiring
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our neural pathways and neuralplasticity allows us to do that
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directly influences our capacity for high performance and success in
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our personal and professional lives.
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No, absolutely, and I think one of the first things
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to understand is to actually just revisit what the term
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belief actually is, because you know, if we're going to
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start walking down a corridor. Let's make sure we're all
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in the same corridor, right, And so a belief is
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essentially a feeling of certainty that you have about something
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to be true, or a feeling of certainty about something
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you know not to be true. But it is essentially
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a feeling of certainty. And when you realize there are
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many different types of belief. You can have global beliefs
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where you completely use your beliefs to whitewash a category
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of people, like all people from this country are fill
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in the bank. You know, rich people are fill in
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the bank. Well, you can have local beliefs and most
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common for most people that are looking to rewire their beliefs,
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especially around performance, not so much the external beliefs. It's
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the internal beliefs in terning. I mean, what do I
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believe about myself? Because that's a whole rabbit hole most
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people don't like to go down, or they start to
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avoid or get lost. And when you realize that we
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all star in a particular movie called the movie of
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our life, and I know that. You know, for example,
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you star in that movie called the movie of your life.
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And I know that for a certainty because you're the
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only person that's in every single scene of that movie.
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You know, there are no co stars in the movie
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of your life. And so if we start to realize
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that our entire experience of life, whether we choose to
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be the star, create the script that we want to
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act out, take the oscar at the end of the performance,
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or whether we just bomb and get the raspberry, doesn't
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have hardly anything to do with what most people ascribe,
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which is the externals. It's got everything to do with
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your belief as an actor in that movie, your self worth,
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your self belief, your self validation, your confidence, your value structure,
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so many different things. But it's all an internal game.
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So if we're talking about performance, most people get trapped
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in the externals around performance. Oh, I've got to do
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better in terms of against that benchmark. The only benchmark
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you want to be concerned with is the one in
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the mirror. Your biggest obstacles lie there famous Henry Ford quote.
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You believe you can, you believe you can't. You're right.
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So when it comes to understanding, the first belief that
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I invite people to question is the one they're most
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certain about. Why is that because once something is locked
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in it operates in the background. You know what separates
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human beings from the rest of the animal kingdom. We
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can't run faster, we don't have sharper teeth, we don't
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have claws, we can't out smell. How do we rise
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to the top of the food chain. Well, it's because
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we have something called a prefrontal cortex, which essentially allows
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us to outthink our competitors, not outrun them. And so
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when you look at the evolution of the crowning achievement
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of human biology, that from part of the brain. It's
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pretty valuable real estate, meaning that when we are able
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to use critical thinking and reasoning, something that animals can't do,
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certainly not to the extent that we can, and you
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are forming through those deductions that reasoning certain conclusions that
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we then adopt as what we call beliefs. Now, because
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that front real estate of the brain is so valuable,
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it's also the slowest form of thinking. By the way,
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that's why martial artists who are unconsciously competent do well
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versus people that know what to do. But they've got
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to think about it because it's slow. Now, when somebody
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throws a tennis ball at you, you're not expecting. You
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don't think about which hand to catch the ball with.
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Instinct takes over. And that's kind of where we're heading here,
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because that front part of the brain needs to be
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kept clear for critical tasks. So if we are supposedly
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intelligent and we make the same reasoning the same deductions
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over and over again, there's no need to hand it
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to the front part of the brain, So it hands
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it to the mid brain, and it becomes what we
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call a habit. And habits are based upon a lot
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of the beliefs that are now unquestioned. They are adopted.
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You've no longer pulling the rug up to look what's underneath,
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to question if what you put under there is still
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viable for you. In this day and age, most people
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are running around with belief systems that they had when
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they were teenagers, and they're yeah, let's call it close
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to our age. So you'd look pretty silly if you
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were wearing the same clothes you had as a teenager,
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or as a ten year old or a twelve year
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old walking around in your fifties sixty seventies. So why
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do people do it with beliefs? Because their trained condition
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would be a better tip to no longer question it,
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and it forms part of who we are in the
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autonomic process, and we have a label for that now,
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we call it a personality. But you can change beliefs
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very quickly. The problem is, when most people's beliefs are ingrained,
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the only thing that tends to change them are what
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we call a significant emotional event. Now, if you're an
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athlete looking to get better performance, if you're a CEO
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looking to dominate in industry, you can't afford to wait
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for a significant emotional event. You have to be able
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to have a process within yourself that says, Okay, I
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accept that I have a definition and identity, a sense
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of self, but what part of that am I still
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taking for granted? I'm a great believer that one of
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the most useful skills a person can develop is the
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ability to ask quality questions. Why questions are the steering
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wheel of the mind. Questions direct focus. Your brain is
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like a faithful labrador when it comes to questions. You
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throw the stick, It's gonna go fetch it, And a
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lot of people are trained to throw lousy sticks. Ah,
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why does this happen to me? Why does my life stuck?
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Why did I screw up again? Now you throw the stick.
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Your brain doesn't care what kind of stick. It is.
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A labrador. It's going to bound off and bring you
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back the stick, and it's going to say, oh, because
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you're a smart because your teacher said you'd never amount
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to anything, because your elder brother got all of the attention.
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Because because because, and you will eat that and you
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will resonate to that level of awareness. And the labrador
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gets this moldy, soggy stick out of the puddle and
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drops it on your clean, white carpet, and you feel miserable.
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So the first thing when it comes to beliefs or
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changing beliefs is to learn how to question beliefs, and
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most people aren't willing to do that because they're too
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busy being addicted to their own sense of self. And
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the one area that I see this impact people more
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than any others, there's a great example in this cascades
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down into all areas of life, specifically high performance. But
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if we use this as an example, because I think
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a lot of people relate to it, even if you're
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not an athlete or a high performance person, let's talk money.
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Most people's beliefs around money are massively counterproductive. And why
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is that? If you ask somebody what are your beliefs
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around money? What do you believe about money? You will
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get out of one hundred people a hundred different answers.
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There'll be some very common themes you have to work
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hard for. It doesn't grow on trees. Only rich people
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have it. I'm not smart enough, or I'm unlucky, or
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I make it but I can't keep it, or all
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of these affirmations, these beliefs just around the topic of money.
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And if you ask people quality questions, or if you
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invite them to ask themselves a quality question, where did
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that belief come from? Now you can parallel this to
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all sorts of high performance. Now, let's take money, because
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it's a universal Where did that belief come from? Because
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you weren't born with it. Money is not innate to
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the human experience. I did an experiment recently on social
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media where I got five thousand euros in cash with
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a big, thick elastic band, and I put it on
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a plate, and I took a three dollar Ribbi and
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I put it on the other plate, and I tried
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to convince my dog that the money was worth more
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than the ribbi. Guess which one he went for.
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Right.
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Animals don't understand money, neither does anybody else.
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Right.
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It's a man made construct. And so you weren't born
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with beliefs about money. You were born with beliefs and
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preferences about food, and your body will remind you of
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those if you go without it for too long. But
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money is a great example because the only place in
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the universe money means anything is in the mind of
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a human. Nobody else has beliefs around it. And you
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can scream at my dog all you want, take the
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cash because you can buy a lot more ribbuy it
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not happening. So if you ask the question, why do
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you believe that? And more often than not, there is
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a pattern of when we're growing up, we have an experience,
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let's call it an emotional event. And as a typical example,
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we see mom and dad arguing over money, which is
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the second leading cause. If you go to the American
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Marriage Housing Association, arguments over money is the number two cause.
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Number one is infidelity. Number three is irreconcilable differences whatever,
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oh that means. But when it comes to arguments over money,
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a lot of kids their first impression of money is
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seeing mom and Dad argue over how scarce it is.
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So if you ask somebody, do you still believe that?
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Or is that belief still true for you? That's the
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first point most people intersection with questioning beliefs starts to
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arise like, well, hang on a itt well, no, it
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may have been true for mom and dad, but yeah,
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And then a great follow up question, what other beliefs
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would you have to buy into in order to support
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that false belief. I'd have to believe that opportunities only
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exist for other people. I'd have to believe that you
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still have to work forty hours a week in a
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factory to get barely along by. I'd have to believe
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that I'm not smart enough to figure out how to
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generate wealth in other areas. And now you start pulling
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the cards away from this deck of this house of
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cards and things start to topple, or because you learned
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the skill of how to question the limiting beliefs that
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are holding you back, and most people just don't do
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we fill up with.
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A couple of things there, Peter. So I'm getting the
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process of changing our beliefs, transforming our beliefs, and in
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the process of rewiring the brain begins with questioning them
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to begin with, right, and you're alluding to how we
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got them in the first place, off and emotional experiences
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in our childhood, the download we get from our parents
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and other authority figures and the culture and our family
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and so forth. So before we go on further with
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how to change all that, it seems to me one
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of the and you kind of reference this, one of
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the real obstacles to changing our beliefs is the sense
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of self identity that's wrapped around those beliefs. Well, that's
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just the way I am. I've always been that way.
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I hear that continually from people. Right, Well, I want
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to change, I like to do this, but that's just
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who I am. I don't expect that to change. Right.
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They don't have the sense of how malleable our beliefs are,
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that their narratives that they're changeable. And the other one.
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It's great that you use money as an example, because
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I've often heard it said that we all have, you know,
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a set of beliefs around money or a blueprint of
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a kind of internalized blueprint around money, and even we
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may be trying to improve our financial situation when we
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start hitting the ceiling of that belief of how much,
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you know, we're supposed to be able to have, how
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well we're supposed to be able to do, you know,
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we'll unconsciously sort of undermine ourselves to get back down
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in that bandwidth that fits in with our beliefs. Now,
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if we get too low, we may do something to
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get busy and get ourselves back to a certain standard,
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but we're kind of locked into there by our belief structures.
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So I wonder if that resonates with you, and then
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we can sort of continue talking about how we begin
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the process of changing the beliefs.
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Absolutely. I call it the financial thermostat. You have a
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certain financial temperature that you're comfortable with, but you also
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have a thermostat in the brain that if it gets
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too hot, then the air conditioning kicks in. Now you're lazy,
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you're not motivated to follow upon the opportunities that are presented.
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You are making excuses yourself sabotaging or it gets too cold.
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You know, you're a fifty thousand dollars a year person,
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and all of a sudden you're now earning twenty thousand
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a year. You're going to get off your back. You're
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going to start hustling, You're going to start being proactive,
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You're gonna start making more because that range, that temperature range,
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is where you're comfortable. Now. The question is who gave
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you the range of other than you? And you may
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have taken some cues, you may have adopted that at
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some level, but ultimately you're not born with a banding.
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I don't care what your parents would do it. You
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still have the ability, you said, to change that. They
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are very malable. And it's a point where you talk
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about it's just who I am, it's what I do well.
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That's like saying, well I'm overweight, it's just who I am.
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Or no, you eat too much and you haven't mastered
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your relationship to food. It's not who you are. It's
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a lack of a discipline or skill or a even
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if you have the desire, you may not have a strategy.
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So if we peel that back again to certain again,
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childhood is a great example because prior to seven years old,
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your critical thinking function isn't operating. Your brain will not
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operate a beta brave weaned length which required for critical
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thinking until you're about seven years old, which is why
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Aristotle said, give me the child for seven years, and
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I'll give you the man. Prior to that, you'll break
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predominantly in alpha and theater. Theater is hypnosis. It's where
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we dream. When we dream, we don't have critical thinking.
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That's why you can dream and be like, oh, hang on,
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there's Uncle Fred. He died five years ago. What's he
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doing here? Oh, it must be a dream. We don't
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have that conversation. We just talked to Uncle Fred. Exact
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critical thinking isn't operating anywhere from four to seven cyclists
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per second or four to seven hurts when it comes
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to our brain waves. And if you look at evolution,
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it makes sense because a child doesn't have enough experience
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until they're about seven to start making judgments of their own,
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which is why we have mirror neurons to learn from
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our environment from people that hopefully know what they're doing. Right.
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Good old mom and dad didn't always work out. But
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let's do a school example. At Sayes geography class. I
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just got back from Egypt two days ago, ten day trip,
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amazing trip. Let's say you got little Johnny and he's
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in class now, six years old, is in geography, and
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the teacher says, hey, Johnny, where's Egypt? Right? And Johnny's
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all excited because he knows the answer, and he opens
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the drug he says, I know exactly where Egypt is.
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It's on page forty seven of the geography book Teachers
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like wise Guy, I'll see you after class idiot. Now
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at that point, a lot of things are happening inside
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Johnny's brain. Very quickly, he just felt the emotion of stupid,
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not good enough, embarrassed, emotions that most people do almost
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anything to avoid having to feel, especially at that age,
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and very quick connections are being made, and based upon
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his relationship to those connections will set the template for
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who he thinks he is for the rest of his life.
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And then forty years later, sits in a session with
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you and just says, Oh, it's just who I am,
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So let's look at what are the options. Johnny noticed
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the rest of the class laughed at him, so he
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decides that he's going to become the class clown because
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he gets his significance now from throwing the spitballs and
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being the wise guy, because that got him some sort
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of sense of validation. But raising his hand in an
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academic sense didn't cut it, or he may feel so
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emotionally bottled up about all of the people laughing at him.
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He didn't think they were laughing because it was funny.
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He thought they were laughing at him because the teacher
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made him look stupid. So what happens He lashes out
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and they back down, and now little Johnny links anger
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to the restoration of significance, and mister Angry is born.
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And twenty five years later, his poor wife is making
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excuses for him at dinner pies. Oh he's got a
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temperate Okay, just don't he gets triggered really easily. No,
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it doesn't get triggered. He's running a pattern that he
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developed at six years old that he's never had the
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emotional maturity to grow out of. Or maybe that was
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so painful that Johnny says, I'm never going to be
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subject to not being smart enough again. So he decides
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to double down, takes every class he can, goes on
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to be an a student, gets every single degree on
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the wall or to cover up the internal insecurity of
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the fear that he's not enough. And here's the challenge.
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No amount of no amount of doctorates, no amount of
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MBAs are ever going to fulfill the internal validation that
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he needs, using an external stuff to paper over the
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cracks of the broken self image. So the only way
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Johnny can actually get through that experience and grow from
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it is to do the one thing he will refuse
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to do, and that is to risk raising his hand
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again to answer another question, to be vulnerable enough to
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be stupid. Most people will run their entire life away
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from that. And you hear it in ways, Oh I
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can't get up to sing karaoke, I can't sing, I
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can't sing as a classic, because that's like saying dogs
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can't bark. For thousands of generations, you were taught through
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songs around the campfire, because ninety eight percent of the
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world is illiterate. What you're saying is, oh, I don't
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want to risk myself being judged by others. It's the
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classic shy anyone that's shying for anyone listening here, that's shy.
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I don't want to burst your bubble, but I'm gonna
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burst your bubble. There is no such thing as shy.
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Hi is a softener to cover up a pattern of
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what's really going on, which is, please don't let you
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discover me, because I'm scared of what you'll see and
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I'm scheduled judgement for him. That's shy. Get over it,
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put your hand up again, get in the game. Or perfectionists.
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You could become a Johnny perfectionist. And what's a perfectionist?
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There is no perfectionism. Affectionist is another softness to make
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you feel good or altruistic about running the pattern, which
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is really called I'm scared of screwing up.
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Once we recognize, Peter, that we have inherited and or
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developed these beliefs, these self limiting beliefs, and we're running
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various emotional patterns, and we realize we have some emotional
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patents and beliefs, in habits and behaviors that are getting
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in our way that are no longer serving us, and
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we would really like to begin to change that. And
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you mentioned questioning our beliefs. What else can we do?
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I know that you talk a lot about and you
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just mentioned they're the process of emotional maturity, which I
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think would have something to do with having a greater
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awareness around how we function emotionally behaviorally, but then be
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able to get more into driver's set. But there's a
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kind of reprogramming. It's necessarily there and one questioning beliefs,
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possibly deconstructing beliefs looking at the underlying assumptions they're based on.
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All of that kind of work. You also mentioned in
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dream states and some other brainway states, the critical mind
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is not so present. So there's the whole world of
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trying to program in new beliefs using affirmations and so
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forth when we're in states that are more open and
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more receptive. So I'm just curious about what you think
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is some of the ideal strategies, especially oriented around our
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performance professional performance and our success in life, of beginning
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to develop a set of beliefs that are more in
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support of our aspirations rather than constantly fighting against these
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old ones from our childhood.
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Well, one of the first things to look at is
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a phrase I learned from Tony Robbins. I worked alongside
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Tony as an experienced trainer for fifteen years, and Tony
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says something very profound. He said that the strongest force
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in the human personality is the need to remain consistent
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with how you define yourself, in other words, your identity. Now,
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once you have an identity that you buy into, it
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governs a lot of automatic behavior it's like, if you
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have the identity of as a parent when your kids
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are around, and you have that identity, you're going to
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act as a parent. When your kids are no longer
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around and you're there with your lover, you're not acting
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like a parent, You're acting like a partner. And that's
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dound of the identity that you're moving into or out
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of at that time. There's many different levels of identity,
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but when it comes to performance, as just briefly the
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letting go of the old, because it's not about fighting it.
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The reason most people can't get rid of old beliefs
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is because they make the fundamental mistake, the kind of
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the rookie error, of thinking they are their beliefs. They
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attach their identity to the belief and the first step
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to letting go, to unscrewing the rust on the screws,
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is to realize it's not me, it's just my beliefs.
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Do you create a separation from that label. A great
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example is in the medical profession. If you say, oh,
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I am a diabetic, I'm like, no, you're not. I am.
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I went to my doctor and my a one sees
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through the roof and yeah, I need to inject in.
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Say I'm a diabetic. Nah, your body is currently suffering
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from a condition that they call diabetes. So now you're
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separating the disease from self, which creates a gap that
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allows you to then look objectively at how you want
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to treat the disease. But if you say I am
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a after that, your screwed. Nowhere to go. I just do
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what that I am as a diabetic. I take in
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chilin white. That's what diabetics do. So you undo the
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label and realize that you know, so I've got cancer. No,
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you don't. What do you mean I do? I've just
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come up from my own cologies. Now your body has cancer.
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Your sense of identity. What makes you you is invisible.
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It's the most incredible part of being a human being
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when you realize the two words human relates to physical.
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Body being is non physical. You can't put being in
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a bottle. And what makes you you is the invisible.
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It's your hopes, dreams, values, goals, personality in your beliefs,
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and if you take all of that out of you
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and put it into somebody else, it's you with a
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different body. So the human being is the perfect encapsulation
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of physical and non physical in one encapsulation. And if
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you combine that the non physical beliefs with the physical body,
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you've got nowhere to go, so to say, it's not me,
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it's just the beliefs that I have. Now you can
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start to open a gap. Now as an athlete's if
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you talk about high performance, you can start to say, Okay,
477
00:24:28.279 --> 00:24:32.920
what kind of identity would best serve me as the
478
00:24:33.000 --> 00:24:36.799
person I most want to become. Are you an employee
479
00:24:37.440 --> 00:24:40.240
with hopes of one day starting your own business? Or
480
00:24:40.279 --> 00:24:44.680
are you a dynamic undercover entrepreneur in waiting? Two different identities,
481
00:24:44.680 --> 00:24:46.920
that is, one's going to spot opportunities a lot faster
482
00:24:47.000 --> 00:24:50.759
than the other. Are you a track athlete or let's
483
00:24:50.799 --> 00:24:53.119
say Tiger Woods tig Wards a great example. What made
484
00:24:53.160 --> 00:24:56.480
Tiger Woods different? Yes, his dad give him the initial impetus,
485
00:24:56.519 --> 00:24:59.480
but if you read any of the autobiographies, became clear
486
00:24:59.680 --> 00:25:01.880
why he was going to become who we know him
487
00:25:01.920 --> 00:25:04.440
to be on the course, talking about off the course.
488
00:25:04.480 --> 00:25:06.920
But he could have chosen any identity. He could have
489
00:25:07.000 --> 00:25:08.799
chosen like some of his friends that he wanted to
490
00:25:08.839 --> 00:25:11.400
be a golf professional. He could have chose the identity
491
00:25:11.400 --> 00:25:15.000
I want to be a PGA Tour winner. But he didn't.
492
00:25:15.240 --> 00:25:17.680
He chose a different identity. He said, no, are going
493
00:25:17.759 --> 00:25:20.359
to become the greatest golfer of all time. Now with
494
00:25:20.440 --> 00:25:22.599
that level of identity, when his friends that want to
495
00:25:22.640 --> 00:25:25.000
be professionals quit hitting balls for the day, what do
496
00:25:25.000 --> 00:25:27.119
you think Tiger's still doing? So the first thing to
497
00:25:27.160 --> 00:25:29.400
look at when you want to do performance is what
498
00:25:29.480 --> 00:25:32.519
do you believe about who you are? And rather than
499
00:25:32.559 --> 00:25:34.720
look back over your shoulder at all the failures that
500
00:25:34.759 --> 00:25:38.000
you keep siding to try to put yourself down, ask okay,
501
00:25:38.039 --> 00:25:40.920
what kind of identity would best serve me in terms
502
00:25:40.920 --> 00:25:43.000
of where I want to go? And a great example
503
00:25:43.000 --> 00:25:45.039
here to see the power of this is smoking. Why
504
00:25:45.039 --> 00:25:49.640
does smokers smoke? Because they're smokers. Now, if you have
505
00:25:50.079 --> 00:25:52.519
a smoker who's quit, If you say a smoker, oh,
506
00:25:52.519 --> 00:25:54.440
do you want a cigarette? Oh, I've quit, and they
507
00:25:54.480 --> 00:25:57.160
have the identity of a smoker who's quit, there is
508
00:25:57.200 --> 00:25:59.839
a ninety percent plus chance that they will be smoking
509
00:25:59.839 --> 00:26:02.240
again with an x amount of weeks or months. Why
510
00:26:02.759 --> 00:26:06.359
because their identities. I am a smoker who's engaging in
511
00:26:06.400 --> 00:26:10.839
the behavior of quitting, which is counted to my identity
512
00:26:10.880 --> 00:26:14.319
as a smoker, An identity will win over behavior every time.
513
00:26:14.559 --> 00:26:17.160
Whereas if you change your identity to I am a
514
00:26:17.240 --> 00:26:21.680
non smoker and somebody offers you a cigarette, it's effortless.
515
00:26:21.960 --> 00:26:26.240
Why because I don't smoke? Whereas well, do you want
516
00:26:26.279 --> 00:26:29.039
to see I've quit and you've got this push pulling
517
00:26:29.079 --> 00:26:32.440
willpower going on. So just by shifting your identity in
518
00:26:32.519 --> 00:26:35.640
relation to that old habit, you can increase your chances
519
00:26:35.680 --> 00:26:39.839
of winning exponentially. How does that apply in business? How
520
00:26:39.880 --> 00:26:41.680
does that apply as an athlete? How does that apply
521
00:26:41.720 --> 00:26:44.039
as a high performance parent? You get the idea.
522
00:26:44.279 --> 00:26:46.759
I can attest to that one because I was able
523
00:26:46.799 --> 00:26:50.559
to finally stop smoking forty years ago, and after struggling
524
00:26:50.599 --> 00:26:52.640
for a number of years. It was when I shifted
525
00:26:52.640 --> 00:26:55.839
my identity, you're becoming a smoker, and at that point
526
00:26:55.880 --> 00:26:59.240
it became absolutely effortless, and I've never smoked again. So
527
00:26:59.440 --> 00:27:01.920
that's absolutely to it. I love you're talking about identity
528
00:27:01.960 --> 00:27:04.640
because this is such an efficient use of our time
529
00:27:04.680 --> 00:27:09.480
and energy, our available energy mental, physical, emotional energy, and
530
00:27:09.480 --> 00:27:12.200
willpower and so forth. Because we could try to change
531
00:27:12.200 --> 00:27:15.319
every little belief, every little behavior piece meal, but when
532
00:27:15.400 --> 00:27:18.799
we focus on the identity, that brings a whole set
533
00:27:19.000 --> 00:27:22.799
of beliefs and behaviors along with it. So just like
534
00:27:22.880 --> 00:27:27.160
we talked about that money blueprint before, rather than struggling against,
535
00:27:27.160 --> 00:27:29.759
it's easier just going and change the blueprint. You know,
536
00:27:29.920 --> 00:27:32.200
then your system is cooperating with you to stay in
537
00:27:32.240 --> 00:27:34.920
that new blueprint. Here with identity, if we take on
538
00:27:35.039 --> 00:27:38.039
that identity, it's going to shift things. So in terms
539
00:27:38.079 --> 00:27:41.240
of identities, you know, in the world of affirmation, sometimes
540
00:27:41.279 --> 00:27:45.240
people will say, you know, like I'm a successful entrepreneur,
541
00:27:45.240 --> 00:27:48.119
I'm a sexcit keep repeating that. That may have, you know,
542
00:27:48.240 --> 00:27:51.000
some impact, But what if they say one of those
543
00:27:51.000 --> 00:27:53.599
things between that kind of affirmation and kind of information
544
00:27:53.720 --> 00:27:56.480
would where if someone would say to themselves repeatedly on
545
00:27:56.519 --> 00:27:59.200
a regular basis of the morning something, I'm absolutely committed
546
00:27:59.240 --> 00:28:01.279
to doing every thing I need to do to train
547
00:28:01.359 --> 00:28:03.960
myself to become the successful entrepreneur. I know I can
548
00:28:04.039 --> 00:28:06.599
be something like that where there's a commitment about that
549
00:28:06.680 --> 00:28:09.039
I want to There's a distinction between the power of
550
00:28:09.119 --> 00:28:11.319
kind of programming our mind in those different ways.
551
00:28:11.640 --> 00:28:13.599
Great topic, and one of the first things that I
552
00:28:13.640 --> 00:28:16.920
will say is that affirmations rarely work for the majority
553
00:28:16.960 --> 00:28:19.160
of people, and sometimes they work, but others kind of
554
00:28:19.200 --> 00:28:21.119
like what they call the law attraction. People can't figure
555
00:28:21.119 --> 00:28:23.440
it out, so it's hazards, so they give up. But
556
00:28:23.720 --> 00:28:25.599
when you start to look at what's really going on,
557
00:28:26.079 --> 00:28:30.599
you have I'm going to simplify things tremendously. Now I'm
558
00:28:30.640 --> 00:28:33.559
a simple guy. You have a thinking center let's call
559
00:28:33.599 --> 00:28:35.799
it the head, and you have a feeling censor, let's
560
00:28:35.799 --> 00:28:38.599
call it the heart. And for an affirmation to have power,
561
00:28:38.640 --> 00:28:41.240
the heart and mind have to be united. Is that
562
00:28:41.359 --> 00:28:44.640
I'm a successful entrepreneur, right, And you say that with
563
00:28:44.680 --> 00:28:46.680
your head and your heart's feeling like yeah. But if
564
00:28:46.680 --> 00:28:48.920
you've seen your bangbalance some of the last two ideas
565
00:28:48.920 --> 00:28:52.279
I tried and bond, there's no congruency. So you've got
566
00:28:52.319 --> 00:28:56.039
to create something that the statement means that your heart
567
00:28:56.160 --> 00:28:59.880
and mind can buy into and doing your best to
568
00:29:00.200 --> 00:29:04.160
become something that's easy because you're not fighting pastoral current
569
00:29:04.200 --> 00:29:07.839
references that run counter to what you're trying to say. Yeah,
570
00:29:07.920 --> 00:29:09.400
you stand in front of the mirror, say oh, I'm wealthy,
571
00:29:09.440 --> 00:29:12.119
unwealthy and wealthy, and yeah, someone comes and takes your furniture.
572
00:29:12.319 --> 00:29:14.799
You're deluding yourself. You stand in front of the mirror
573
00:29:14.960 --> 00:29:18.440
and say, yeah, I was born with the ability to
574
00:29:18.640 --> 00:29:23.039
generate abundance. I know that abundance is my birthright, and
575
00:29:23.119 --> 00:29:26.319
I'm going to do everything I can to attune myself
576
00:29:26.640 --> 00:29:29.960
into that frequency and live life at a level where
577
00:29:29.960 --> 00:29:32.839
I finally deserve what it is that I get. Now,
578
00:29:32.839 --> 00:29:35.480
that's a different you can buy into that. It's not saying, oh,
579
00:29:35.519 --> 00:29:38.720
I'm a millionaire and your credit card debts through the roof,
580
00:29:39.000 --> 00:29:41.920
because then there's no congruency. So yeah, having an alignment,
581
00:29:42.359 --> 00:29:47.680
having an affirmation that is aspirational rather than counter factual,
582
00:29:48.119 --> 00:29:50.079
is a big part of that. As long as you
583
00:29:50.079 --> 00:29:53.160
can buy in set yourself up to win. You don't
584
00:29:53.160 --> 00:29:55.160
say I'm an athlete and you say, oh, I'm an
585
00:29:55.160 --> 00:29:57.599
Olympic Gold. If you're not willing to go to be
586
00:29:57.640 --> 00:30:01.599
Olympic Gold, it's not gonna work. And speaking back to
587
00:30:01.680 --> 00:30:06.319
identity there, but more you've got what I teach once
588
00:30:06.640 --> 00:30:10.160
a Health and Vitality retreat. It's something I'm passionate about.
589
00:30:10.200 --> 00:30:13.160
Health and fitness is something I love you. I'm fifty
590
00:30:13.200 --> 00:30:15.160
two years old. I'm about to go and row across
591
00:30:15.200 --> 00:30:18.000
the Atlantic in a couple of months for raising money
592
00:30:18.000 --> 00:30:19.759
for mental health and all that kind of stuff, so
593
00:30:19.799 --> 00:30:22.000
I keep in shape health and not so much health.
594
00:30:22.000 --> 00:30:24.200
Health is just inherent as part of the body programming.
595
00:30:24.240 --> 00:30:27.400
But vitality is different. You know, that's spark dynamics and
596
00:30:27.400 --> 00:30:30.000
that bounce out of bed early, stay up lately, ever,
597
00:30:30.119 --> 00:30:32.759
vessels of life. So I teach this health and vitalitary istry.
598
00:30:32.799 --> 00:30:34.559
And one of the things that I teach on the retreat.
599
00:30:34.960 --> 00:30:38.279
We do a couple of days physical mastery, then we
600
00:30:38.319 --> 00:30:42.440
do mental emotional mastery. I'm finally energetic, more spiritual side.
601
00:30:42.480 --> 00:30:47.279
But the biggest jump in strength increase and we benchmark,
602
00:30:47.319 --> 00:30:49.160
we take blood work. It's like, you know, this isn't
603
00:30:49.160 --> 00:30:51.000
what we were. It's all is when I get to the
604
00:30:51.440 --> 00:30:55.160
emotional mastery day and people are confronted with the fact
605
00:30:55.200 --> 00:30:58.359
that the mind is either your best or your worst
606
00:30:58.359 --> 00:31:02.599
training partner. And it's not about the new fangled ab
607
00:31:02.720 --> 00:31:05.440
exerciser that you saw at three am on the infomercial.
608
00:31:05.839 --> 00:31:09.400
It's not about the new latest fangle smangled diet plan
609
00:31:09.519 --> 00:31:13.160
or super pill. The biggest differentiated in the results that
610
00:31:13.200 --> 00:31:17.200
you get is who is walking in the gym. What
611
00:31:17.359 --> 00:31:20.200
is the identity you have as you go through that door.
612
00:31:20.200 --> 00:31:22.920
And we teach people how to build the gym identities
613
00:31:22.960 --> 00:31:25.599
out of the archetypes of human personality. You don't want
614
00:31:25.640 --> 00:31:28.119
the lover sitting on the leg press, right, Nor do
615
00:31:28.160 --> 00:31:29.880
you want the magician that's going to talk you out
616
00:31:29.880 --> 00:31:32.920
of why Okay, it hurts and I'll do more tomorrow. No,
617
00:31:33.720 --> 00:31:36.200
you want the warrior. You want somebody that's showing up
618
00:31:36.200 --> 00:31:38.599
for the fight, Somebody that loves the taste of blood
619
00:31:38.640 --> 00:31:41.960
off his own sword. Right. If you pardoner metaphor, right,
620
00:31:42.039 --> 00:31:44.039
someone's going to walk up to that machine, at that
621
00:31:44.359 --> 00:31:48.079
bench press and say I'm back. Who walks in the gym.
622
00:31:48.119 --> 00:31:51.000
The identity you have going in is going to create
623
00:31:51.039 --> 00:31:54.440
your personal bests or it's going to sell you out
624
00:31:54.920 --> 00:31:58.119
on it was a waste of time showing up, same gym,
625
00:31:58.240 --> 00:32:03.880
same training program, body, same everything, different identity. I who
626
00:32:03.880 --> 00:32:06.720
you consciously choose to enter the gym ass.
627
00:32:07.079 --> 00:32:09.680
You've spoken about a flaw in the personal growth personal
628
00:32:09.759 --> 00:32:13.759
evolution industry as an acronym. I GUESSOP. I don't know
629
00:32:13.839 --> 00:32:16.000
if you call it goop. I wonder if you could
630
00:32:16.000 --> 00:32:18.680
talk about that and how, because there's so many ways,
631
00:32:18.759 --> 00:32:20.160
you know, I mean, I think we all have a
632
00:32:20.240 --> 00:32:23.720
longing to improve ourselves and be our best selves, and
633
00:32:24.359 --> 00:32:26.039
but there's so many things that can get in our way.
634
00:32:26.079 --> 00:32:29.119
We undermine ourselves, We self sabotage ourselves as a constant
635
00:32:29.119 --> 00:32:31.920
world a distraction. There's a lot of misunderstanding and mistaken
636
00:32:31.960 --> 00:32:35.799
beliefs about personal growth. So understanding some of the pitfalls
637
00:32:35.839 --> 00:32:37.880
I think can be very helpful. So I'd love to
638
00:32:37.920 --> 00:32:40.240
hear about this one called goop so well.
639
00:32:40.279 --> 00:32:42.880
It ties into what I mentioned, what you referenced earlier
640
00:32:42.960 --> 00:32:48.039
about the difference between physical and emotional maturity. See, we
641
00:32:48.079 --> 00:32:52.640
don't get to choose whether we mature physically. It's part
642
00:32:52.640 --> 00:32:55.279
of the rule set. And you can take whatever vitamins
643
00:32:55.319 --> 00:32:57.119
you want and put on whatever fancy creams you want.
644
00:32:57.160 --> 00:32:58.880
I'm pretty sure that you and I look different now
645
00:32:58.880 --> 00:33:01.200
to what we did thirty years ago. Right, I'm gonna
646
00:33:01.240 --> 00:33:03.160
look a little different thirty years from now. That's just
647
00:33:03.200 --> 00:33:07.519
part of the wall set. But emotional maturity is a choice,
648
00:33:07.799 --> 00:33:10.400
And this way we come back to beliefs. There are
649
00:33:10.559 --> 00:33:13.279
a few key beliefs that if you would have just shift,
650
00:33:13.599 --> 00:33:17.240
it would transform your entire experience of who you are
651
00:33:17.359 --> 00:33:19.920
and your relationships to life, and goup forms are part
652
00:33:19.960 --> 00:33:22.319
of that. I'll give you an example well, one of
653
00:33:22.359 --> 00:33:25.880
the greatest days in a human being's life, in my
654
00:33:26.000 --> 00:33:29.519
perception and my belief, on the journey to emotional maturity,
655
00:33:29.880 --> 00:33:35.119
is the day that you finally become okay not being liked.
656
00:33:35.519 --> 00:33:37.839
I suppose how most people spend a lot of their
657
00:33:37.839 --> 00:33:40.240
life running around looking for somewhere else to reattach their
658
00:33:40.279 --> 00:33:44.200
umbilical cord. So when I say be okay not being liked,
659
00:33:44.200 --> 00:33:48.160
I don't mean purposely be disliked. I mean you're not
660
00:33:48.279 --> 00:33:54.200
driven by this really nasty, disgusting, debilitating disease that so
661
00:33:54.319 --> 00:33:58.160
many people suffer from called goot or a good opinion
662
00:33:58.279 --> 00:34:02.160
of other people. To get out of goop. I'll take
663
00:34:02.160 --> 00:34:04.640
you through an awareness I allude right at the beginning
664
00:34:04.640 --> 00:34:07.440
of our conversation today that we star in a movie
665
00:34:07.480 --> 00:34:09.760
called the Movie of our life, and nobody else stars
666
00:34:09.760 --> 00:34:11.559
in our movie. Even if you're a Siamese twin, you're
667
00:34:11.559 --> 00:34:13.679
gonna dream differently, You're going to be in different scenes
668
00:34:13.880 --> 00:34:17.079
to each other. But if you are the star of
669
00:34:17.119 --> 00:34:20.480
the movie of your life, by definition, that means everybody
670
00:34:20.480 --> 00:34:22.760
else only plays one of two roles. You won't have
671
00:34:22.800 --> 00:34:27.079
a handful of supporting cast, which is a spouse. You know, sibling,
672
00:34:27.119 --> 00:34:29.199
a best friend, of a work or what have you.
673
00:34:29.320 --> 00:34:32.400
People that appear regularly in scenes in your life. But
674
00:34:32.559 --> 00:34:36.239
the vast majority of people and people that you suffer
675
00:34:36.280 --> 00:34:40.880
from goop from nothing more than film extras in your movie.
676
00:34:41.079 --> 00:34:44.280
That's not being belittling. Let me give you the definition
677
00:34:44.280 --> 00:34:47.000
of filmmature. A filmmaxter is somebody who you're no longer
678
00:34:47.039 --> 00:34:49.840
thinking about when they're not in your current scene. Person
679
00:34:49.840 --> 00:34:52.559
that serves you a Starbucks, personal put gas in your car,
680
00:34:52.599 --> 00:34:55.639
the person walking down the street when you walk past them.
681
00:34:54.840 --> 00:34:57.960
And we're all thinking, and here's the challenge. Because we're
682
00:34:57.960 --> 00:35:00.199
the star of our movie, we think that every he
683
00:35:00.239 --> 00:35:01.239
sees us as the star.
684
00:35:01.159 --> 00:35:01.639
Of our mood.
685
00:35:01.880 --> 00:35:04.960
But they don't because they're not starring in our movie.
686
00:35:05.039 --> 00:35:07.639
They're starring in a different movie, their own, which means,
687
00:35:07.639 --> 00:35:10.159
by definition, we only ever play one of two roles
688
00:35:10.159 --> 00:35:13.840
in everybody else's movie. Best a handful of people supporting cast,
689
00:35:14.119 --> 00:35:16.320
but ninety nine point nine percent of people you meet
690
00:35:16.320 --> 00:35:18.920
in your movie throughout your the entire length of your lifetime,
691
00:35:18.960 --> 00:35:21.400
your movie on nothing more. You are nothing more than
692
00:35:21.400 --> 00:35:25.760
a film extra in their movie, which means that most
693
00:35:25.800 --> 00:35:28.760
people don't care enough about you to even bother to
694
00:35:28.840 --> 00:35:32.119
given opinion. Do you know why, Because they're too busy
695
00:35:32.199 --> 00:35:35.480
being worried about what they think you're thinking of them.
696
00:35:35.840 --> 00:35:38.840
So everybody's walking around in this bubble of self importance thinking, oh,
697
00:35:38.840 --> 00:35:40.360
I wonder what people are thinking of me in my
698
00:35:40.400 --> 00:35:42.639
bubble of self importance, not realizing that everybody else is
699
00:35:42.639 --> 00:35:44.599
walking around in their bubble of self importance, thinking and
700
00:35:44.679 --> 00:35:46.559
wonder what people are thinking of me in my bubble
701
00:35:46.559 --> 00:35:49.920
of self importance. Boom, you pop that bubble. You have freedom,
702
00:35:50.480 --> 00:35:54.599
social freedom, goop freedom you no longer Yeah, oh, I
703
00:35:54.639 --> 00:35:57.079
can't go to the supermarket without putting on my lipstick
704
00:35:57.199 --> 00:36:00.760
or my makeup. Why, Oh, because I'll get judge. People
705
00:36:00.800 --> 00:36:03.039
don't care. They're too busy starring in their own movie
706
00:36:03.039 --> 00:36:05.599
being worried about you judging them for their shade of lipstick.
707
00:36:05.880 --> 00:36:08.559
So goop is a when you wake up and realize it.
708
00:36:08.599 --> 00:36:11.079
I'm finally okay not being liked because I realize it
709
00:36:11.199 --> 00:36:13.920
somebody else's projection from their movie. It's not a reflection
710
00:36:14.000 --> 00:36:16.559
of how I'm showing up in mind. That's an empowering
711
00:36:16.639 --> 00:36:19.559
belief to have. There's probably one other in the time
712
00:36:19.639 --> 00:36:21.480
we have that I'd give people to look at. And
713
00:36:21.519 --> 00:36:25.599
this is a game changer. When you finally come to
714
00:36:25.760 --> 00:36:31.320
terms the fact that life is a growth centric experience,
715
00:36:32.000 --> 00:36:37.239
not a comfort centric experience, you will stop fighting the
716
00:36:37.360 --> 00:36:41.079
lessons and challenges that this loving universe is trying to
717
00:36:41.119 --> 00:36:43.000
give you under the guise of what you're labeling as
718
00:36:43.079 --> 00:36:45.639
problems you're running away from. And when you finally come
719
00:36:45.679 --> 00:36:49.280
to terms with that life is growth centric, go to nature.
720
00:36:49.639 --> 00:36:52.039
You take any mammal. Last time I checked, we were
721
00:36:52.039 --> 00:36:56.199
in that category. Mammals, if they perceive an external situation
722
00:36:56.320 --> 00:36:58.920
as a threat, it can lose up to thirty percent
723
00:36:58.960 --> 00:37:01.639
of their muscle strength. If that same mammal perceives the
724
00:37:01.679 --> 00:37:05.480
same external situation as a challenge, it can gain up
725
00:37:05.519 --> 00:37:07.920
to thirty percent of this muscle strength. Cortisol will flood
726
00:37:08.000 --> 00:37:11.280
the muscles and it will stand there and get stronger
727
00:37:11.559 --> 00:37:14.159
rather than flee. And then if it's attacked, it's got
728
00:37:14.159 --> 00:37:16.960
nothing to fight back with. So what's it trying to
729
00:37:17.000 --> 00:37:20.039
teach us? So if we realize that if I see
730
00:37:20.119 --> 00:37:22.639
life as a growth centric experience, let's go to the
731
00:37:22.679 --> 00:37:25.280
athlete in the gym. Let's just say that you're an athlete,
732
00:37:25.280 --> 00:37:27.320
but nobody ever told you you were an athlete, and
733
00:37:27.360 --> 00:37:29.480
you shop at this gym you've been forced to go to,
734
00:37:29.719 --> 00:37:33.480
and there's this psychopath called a personal trainer that's trying
735
00:37:33.519 --> 00:37:35.679
to make you do push ups until you throw up,
736
00:37:35.800 --> 00:37:38.639
run on the treadmill till you can't breathe, and your
737
00:37:38.760 --> 00:37:41.760
mindset is, how can I do as little as possible
738
00:37:41.840 --> 00:37:43.960
to tick the right boxes so I can get out
739
00:37:43.960 --> 00:37:46.400
of there. But let's just say that you knew you're
740
00:37:46.400 --> 00:37:49.039
an athlete and your mission was not I am going
741
00:37:49.039 --> 00:37:51.639
for Olympic gold. How do you show up in the gym.
742
00:37:51.719 --> 00:37:54.239
I'll tell you. If you're not throwing up in thirty minutes,
743
00:37:54.280 --> 00:37:56.800
you want your money back. You've got a whole different
744
00:37:56.880 --> 00:37:59.880
perspective on the challenge in front of you because of
745
00:38:00.119 --> 00:38:02.280
the identity and the mission that you know. You're here now.
746
00:38:02.519 --> 00:38:05.880
You were born an athlete into the gym of life.
747
00:38:06.199 --> 00:38:08.360
And most people bitch about the fact they don't like
748
00:38:08.400 --> 00:38:10.440
the workout and then wonder why the personal trainer is
749
00:38:10.519 --> 00:38:12.840
chasing around trying to force them on the treadmill. You
750
00:38:12.880 --> 00:38:14.639
could chunk it down one more level. Let's go to
751
00:38:14.679 --> 00:38:17.119
the body of the athlete. Now, when you're doing your
752
00:38:17.159 --> 00:38:20.360
barbell curls, and you get to that last burning reb
753
00:38:20.719 --> 00:38:23.960
What is the muscle fiber doing from this it's perspective.
754
00:38:24.320 --> 00:38:28.039
It's sending messages to the brain pain, Stop, what are
755
00:38:28.039 --> 00:38:30.440
you doing? I'm being broken down. You're destroying me here,
756
00:38:30.480 --> 00:38:33.039
I can't handle any more. They're the messages that you're getting.
757
00:38:33.239 --> 00:38:35.880
And if you take the perspective of the muscle fiber,
758
00:38:36.000 --> 00:38:37.719
you're going to sell out. But if you set the
759
00:38:37.719 --> 00:38:40.760
perspective of the athlete, you're proud. You just busted out
760
00:38:40.840 --> 00:38:43.199
not one, but two more reps with everything you got,
761
00:38:43.239 --> 00:38:45.119
and you can't lift your arms for the next ten minutes.
762
00:38:45.360 --> 00:38:48.239
You're walking around with a smile. The question that I
763
00:38:48.320 --> 00:38:51.599
invite everybody to look at is which perspective do you
764
00:38:51.639 --> 00:38:54.679
want to live from? Perspective that life is a growth
765
00:38:54.679 --> 00:38:57.360
centric experience, in which case you will be rewarded, or
766
00:38:57.400 --> 00:38:59.679
the perspective of still thinking that we live under the
767
00:38:59.719 --> 00:39:02.519
illusion that life is a comfort centric experience, in which
768
00:39:02.519 --> 00:39:04.119
case you're going to run from your problems and get
769
00:39:04.199 --> 00:39:06.719
chased by them even faster. Now, don't get me wrong,
770
00:39:06.800 --> 00:39:09.559
a growth centric experience not every single day is the
771
00:39:09.639 --> 00:39:11.599
last burning wreck. But if you don't know how to
772
00:39:11.639 --> 00:39:14.239
take that on from the perspective of the athlete. You're
773
00:39:14.239 --> 00:39:15.400
in for a sorry movie.
774
00:39:15.719 --> 00:39:19.079
Absolutely, And I think that's really a major distinction in
775
00:39:19.159 --> 00:39:23.000
life is to really understand how many levels were a
776
00:39:23.039 --> 00:39:26.280
little bit hardwired to be comfort seeking creatures and that's
777
00:39:26.360 --> 00:39:28.400
counter productive to anything we want to do in life.
778
00:39:28.400 --> 00:39:31.159
And having that focus on growth that we're also hardwire
779
00:39:31.239 --> 00:39:35.079
per growth and something I know you talk about leading
780
00:39:35.119 --> 00:39:37.320
a heart centric life and you mentioned me poor the
781
00:39:37.360 --> 00:39:39.440
importance of connecting the head and the heart, even if
782
00:39:39.440 --> 00:39:42.519
we really want to create affirmations that will really change
783
00:39:42.519 --> 00:39:45.679
our beliefs. And you also mentioned Tony Robbins before that
784
00:39:45.719 --> 00:39:47.320
you worked with him, and one of the things that
785
00:39:47.320 --> 00:39:49.519
Tony Alpin says, I don't know if he originated, but
786
00:39:49.599 --> 00:39:53.039
I always really resonated with this. He says, what really
787
00:39:53.119 --> 00:39:57.800
leads to lasting sense of fulfillment, life, satisfaction, happiness, the
788
00:39:57.920 --> 00:40:01.639
genuine lasting kind is the deeply peld sense that we're growing,
789
00:40:01.920 --> 00:40:04.079
that we're growing, that we know we're going, We deeply
790
00:40:04.119 --> 00:40:06.840
feel we're growing, we're changing, we're growing, we're challenging ourselves,
791
00:40:06.880 --> 00:40:09.719
we're growing. And the other is the deeply peld sense
792
00:40:09.760 --> 00:40:12.199
that we're contributing. So I wonder if you could talk
793
00:40:12.199 --> 00:40:15.199
about that part of the per moment, that would really
794
00:40:15.320 --> 00:40:18.119
complete the cycle of the change in identity, a change
795
00:40:18.199 --> 00:40:20.159
of how we're being to get into this flow that
796
00:40:20.199 --> 00:40:23.559
would really need to optimize and performance and success when
797
00:40:23.599 --> 00:40:25.599
we bring in the contribution factor.
798
00:40:25.880 --> 00:40:30.840
Absolutely, and it's a symbiotic relationship. We have to grow first.
799
00:40:31.320 --> 00:40:33.800
You cannot give that which you don't have. You can't
800
00:40:33.840 --> 00:40:36.440
give from empty. We call out the martyr pat and
801
00:40:36.480 --> 00:40:39.039
it's really a self protection mechanism against the fear of
802
00:40:39.079 --> 00:40:42.480
being judged or rejected, or the fear that you're not enough.
803
00:40:42.760 --> 00:40:45.119
So I will keep giving and giving and giving, and
804
00:40:45.199 --> 00:40:48.320
so there's nothing left hoping that you'll be my friend,
805
00:40:48.360 --> 00:40:50.239
that you won't reject me, that you'll think good of me,
806
00:40:50.320 --> 00:40:52.559
that you'll be nice to me. And we see that
807
00:40:52.599 --> 00:40:55.320
a lot in women, unfortunately, just because of their tendency
808
00:40:55.360 --> 00:40:57.599
to nurture and they want to be the Mars they wanted.
809
00:40:57.639 --> 00:40:58.559
My mother was the same.
810
00:40:58.679 --> 00:41:01.559
Well, society offers that identity to women, right, that's how
811
00:41:01.599 --> 00:41:04.239
you're going to get your needs mad in a world
812
00:41:04.280 --> 00:41:05.880
of caregiving. Why I've don't allow of the training we
813
00:41:05.880 --> 00:41:09.599
actually call that sometimes pathological altruism. People will follow that
814
00:41:09.719 --> 00:41:11.559
course to their own detriment, even.
815
00:41:11.800 --> 00:41:14.320
Absolutely, and then wonder why, you know, if I've only
816
00:41:14.320 --> 00:41:16.400
got two love points in my love bank, but if
817
00:41:16.400 --> 00:41:18.280
I give one of them to you, will you give
818
00:41:18.320 --> 00:41:20.599
me some back? And of course get to empty pretty fast,
819
00:41:20.599 --> 00:41:23.519
And then wonder why they're miserable. So you have to
820
00:41:23.599 --> 00:41:27.239
grow first? Why because you need to mature. You hear
821
00:41:27.280 --> 00:41:29.400
in a growth centric environment and you hit the nail
822
00:41:29.400 --> 00:41:31.400
on the head. The body has a nervous system that
823
00:41:31.480 --> 00:41:34.679
is hardwired for comfort, which is very useful sitting on
824
00:41:34.719 --> 00:41:37.639
an ance nest right or too close to a fire.
825
00:41:37.960 --> 00:41:41.159
But your soul, the thing that makes you you spoke
826
00:41:41.159 --> 00:41:44.039
about earlier, that is hardwired for growth. That we are
827
00:41:44.119 --> 00:41:47.679
in earth school. We're here to learn how to grow
828
00:41:48.159 --> 00:41:51.280
so that we can contribute. And there's no middle ground.
829
00:41:51.280 --> 00:41:52.880
If you take a tree and you see a tree
830
00:41:52.880 --> 00:41:55.559
that's ever been felled, there's rings in that tree that
831
00:41:55.960 --> 00:41:58.800
show the age of the tree. And what you don't
832
00:41:58.880 --> 00:42:02.320
see half way through that ring is where there's a
833
00:42:02.360 --> 00:42:04.079
big gap where it decided to take a couple of
834
00:42:04.159 --> 00:42:06.840
years off from grown. No, it is a continuous but
835
00:42:06.920 --> 00:42:09.800
if you're not growing, you're going backwards. So if we
836
00:42:09.880 --> 00:42:13.760
know that growth is a continual experience. We know that physiologically,
837
00:42:14.079 --> 00:42:17.800
but motionally, mentally, and energetically. We're here to grow up.
838
00:42:18.119 --> 00:42:20.639
We're here to become an elder. We're here to become
839
00:42:21.039 --> 00:42:24.559
somebody that can contribute back to society. And the more
840
00:42:24.639 --> 00:42:27.800
that tree grows, the more shade it can provide, the
841
00:42:27.800 --> 00:42:31.199
more fruit it can provide, the more homes to critters
842
00:42:31.239 --> 00:42:34.599
and insects it can provide. It is growing and contributing.
843
00:42:34.639 --> 00:42:37.800
It's symbiotic. It's the rules of nature. See, animals don't
844
00:42:37.800 --> 00:42:40.039
die of old age in nature. If you figured that out,
845
00:42:40.239 --> 00:42:43.280
the animal equivalent of a retirement hope. When an animal
846
00:42:43.320 --> 00:42:47.599
can no longer contribute, it contributes itself to somebody else's lunch.
847
00:42:47.960 --> 00:42:50.559
The lions go for the old and sick and the young.
848
00:42:50.599 --> 00:42:52.079
But yeah, the old and the sick, and you can't
849
00:42:52.119 --> 00:42:55.119
run away from a lion anymore. Guess what, right? So,
850
00:42:55.760 --> 00:42:59.480
if you realize that being able to grow so that
851
00:42:59.519 --> 00:43:05.480
we can contribute is not some sort of altruistic philosophy
852
00:43:05.719 --> 00:43:10.079
that has its basis in stoism or alters or anything, now,
853
00:43:10.199 --> 00:43:12.760
it's the laws of nature. I didn't make them up.
854
00:43:13.000 --> 00:43:14.519
I just look out of my window. And see it
855
00:43:14.519 --> 00:43:16.840
operating everywhere. And if you want to try to buck
856
00:43:16.880 --> 00:43:19.599
that trend, good luck. You can swim upstream for a while,
857
00:43:19.639 --> 00:43:21.159
but at the end of the day, the current's gonna win.
858
00:43:21.400 --> 00:43:24.800
Growth and contribution is ultimately why we're here, but you
859
00:43:24.840 --> 00:43:26.280
need to get it in the right order. I need
860
00:43:26.320 --> 00:43:28.280
to grow first so that I can contribute. And if
861
00:43:28.320 --> 00:43:32.159
I'm growing selfishly, I just want to acquire lots of money.
862
00:43:32.159 --> 00:43:33.719
I just want to be rich. I want the gold
863
00:43:33.760 --> 00:43:35.920
medal on the track so that I can prove that
864
00:43:35.960 --> 00:43:39.000
I'm the best. That's got a time limit before life
865
00:43:39.039 --> 00:43:42.239
will start giving you some nudges or some slaps if
866
00:43:42.239 --> 00:43:44.400
you're like, nah, I want to be able to grow
867
00:43:44.480 --> 00:43:46.800
my wealth. And you see this with the people that
868
00:43:46.840 --> 00:43:49.840
finally get to the top of success mountain financially, what
869
00:43:49.880 --> 00:43:52.000
do they do. They give most of it away, They
870
00:43:52.039 --> 00:43:57.280
become philanthropic, They become people to get more satisfaction giving
871
00:43:57.280 --> 00:43:59.599
it away than they did actually making it. And so
872
00:43:59.719 --> 00:44:04.440
growth and contribution are inherent. And if your business or
873
00:44:04.480 --> 00:44:07.599
your departments, if you're not associated to it from a
874
00:44:07.599 --> 00:44:11.079
place of how can I add value? How can I
875
00:44:11.360 --> 00:44:15.159
use this as a vehicle to serve to contribute to
876
00:44:15.280 --> 00:44:17.800
give more into the game that I'm taking out of
877
00:44:17.840 --> 00:44:20.840
the game. Then Nature's going to put some pretty tough
878
00:44:20.920 --> 00:44:24.079
walls up. You're going to exhaust yourself banging your head
879
00:44:24.079 --> 00:44:26.079
to try to knock down as soon as you align
880
00:44:26.199 --> 00:44:28.400
with the current of the river, you don't have to
881
00:44:28.440 --> 00:44:31.719
swim very hard to move fight the current. Different story.
882
00:44:32.199 --> 00:44:35.199
So, as we near the end of our conversation here, Peter,
883
00:44:35.360 --> 00:44:36.800
I'm going to ask you how people can learn more
884
00:44:36.800 --> 00:44:39.400
about your work. But first that one last question. You
885
00:44:39.400 --> 00:44:40.960
know you've worked with a lot of people, a lot
886
00:44:41.000 --> 00:44:43.679
of clients, You do a lot of speaking. Is there
887
00:44:43.800 --> 00:44:47.360
one belief that you run into again and again that
888
00:44:47.559 --> 00:44:50.840
most gets in the way of people's performance and success
889
00:44:50.840 --> 00:44:52.840
in life? You probably alluded to some already, but I
890
00:44:52.880 --> 00:44:54.639
wonder if there's one that is right up there in
891
00:44:54.679 --> 00:44:56.800
the top five or something, or even number one that
892
00:44:56.880 --> 00:44:59.079
really tends to get in the way of people's performance
893
00:44:59.119 --> 00:45:00.000
and success in life.
894
00:45:00.440 --> 00:45:03.800
There's many, But if I was to pick a major culprit,
895
00:45:04.000 --> 00:45:06.159
what comes up again and again when I ask people
896
00:45:06.159 --> 00:45:08.679
the question, what's the biggest lie you tell yourself? And
897
00:45:09.039 --> 00:45:13.079
consistent answer is I'm not worthy, I'm not good enough.
898
00:45:13.480 --> 00:45:15.840
I don't deserve. You can see where it comes from,
899
00:45:15.960 --> 00:45:18.719
especially with a school system that's designed to break people
900
00:45:18.760 --> 00:45:20.880
that don't fit a certain criteria, and how they can
901
00:45:21.239 --> 00:45:24.800
have it back useless information to questions that are largely
902
00:45:24.800 --> 00:45:27.280
irrelevant in today's world, so they can get a piece
903
00:45:27.280 --> 00:45:29.360
of paper signed by somebody they never met to validate
904
00:45:29.400 --> 00:45:32.920
their intelligence. That's another conversation. But the belief that you
905
00:45:33.800 --> 00:45:37.320
need to do something in order to be worthy of
906
00:45:37.360 --> 00:45:40.000
love is essentially what it comes down to. And the
907
00:45:40.039 --> 00:45:42.800
reality is, if I was to give you one affirmation
908
00:45:43.199 --> 00:45:45.679
to leave with today that could probably make the biggest shift.
909
00:45:45.880 --> 00:45:48.559
It would be this, no matter what I've done, no
910
00:45:48.599 --> 00:45:50.760
matter what I've not done, I'm worthy of love.
911
00:45:51.239 --> 00:45:53.599
Beautiful, and you know I completely agree with you. And
912
00:45:53.639 --> 00:45:56.719
I think getting in touch with that unconditional self worth,
913
00:45:56.760 --> 00:46:00.559
that unconditional which builds on a kind of unconditional confidence,
914
00:46:00.679 --> 00:46:02.960
is really foundational life and one of the ways we discovered.
915
00:46:02.960 --> 00:46:05.119
I mean, I think there's all kinds of contemplative ways
916
00:46:05.119 --> 00:46:08.599
we can discover that, you know, introspective, meditative ways and
917
00:46:08.639 --> 00:46:11.280
so forth, but also by just getting in the game.
918
00:46:11.320 --> 00:46:13.719
When we get in the game, we jump into full
919
00:46:13.800 --> 00:46:15.639
learn how to swim. We get in the game, we
920
00:46:15.719 --> 00:46:18.719
start touching into even it's not dependent then I'm playing
921
00:46:18.719 --> 00:46:21.280
that game, but we touch into something deep in ourselves
922
00:46:21.280 --> 00:46:25.000
that we realize was always there, and that's that unconditional worthiness.
923
00:46:25.039 --> 00:46:27.559
So yeah, I think that's a great place to bring
924
00:46:27.599 --> 00:46:30.360
our conversation to a close here. So, Peter, how do
925
00:46:30.400 --> 00:46:31.880
people find out more about your work?
926
00:46:32.199 --> 00:46:35.199
My website is petersage dot com. I'm all over social
927
00:46:35.199 --> 00:46:36.840
I to try to give as much as I can. Yeah,
928
00:46:36.840 --> 00:46:39.480
if you've got people that are just seeking some general
929
00:46:40.039 --> 00:46:43.400
furthered insight into some of my philosophy, that's great. My book,
930
00:46:43.639 --> 00:46:46.480
The Inside Track is probably has been very blessed to
931
00:46:46.519 --> 00:46:48.000
have been called by some of the greatest names and
932
00:46:48.000 --> 00:46:51.559
personal growth, from Brian Tracy to Kevin Tradeouja, John Astraft
933
00:46:51.599 --> 00:46:54.199
to John de Martini to Les Brown to one of
934
00:46:54.239 --> 00:46:57.519
the greatest books ever written in terms of demonstrating techniques
935
00:46:57.559 --> 00:47:03.039
on how to live, how conquer adversity under harsh conditions.
936
00:47:03.519 --> 00:47:05.400
So yeah, I'm available to try to help as many
937
00:47:05.440 --> 00:47:07.360
people as I can. I will be gone on the
938
00:47:07.400 --> 00:47:10.079
ocean for two months and there that's how long it's
939
00:47:10.079 --> 00:47:12.440
going to take me to row across the Atlantic and
940
00:47:12.480 --> 00:47:15.280
that's rowing two hours on, two hours off. That's twenty
941
00:47:15.320 --> 00:47:16.599
four to seven for two months.
942
00:47:16.880 --> 00:47:19.719
I'm kind of astounded. I'm even singer having a conversation
943
00:47:19.800 --> 00:47:22.719
with someone who's about their raw cost the authentic that's
944
00:47:22.800 --> 00:47:25.239
pretty amazing. Will you have a kind of a tender
945
00:47:25.400 --> 00:47:26.760
boat with you? Are you're going to be out there
946
00:47:26.800 --> 00:47:27.360
by yourself.
947
00:47:27.599 --> 00:47:30.960
It's called the World's Toughest Row. And we're Team Cheerfulness,
948
00:47:31.480 --> 00:47:34.280
taken after the adage cheerfulness in the face of adversity.
949
00:47:34.360 --> 00:47:37.480
So yeah, teencheerfulness dot Com as our website and there's
950
00:47:37.480 --> 00:47:41.320
about thirty boats from yeah, fours five, So I'm in
951
00:47:41.360 --> 00:47:44.199
the pears. So that's myself as a childhood friend. And
952
00:47:44.400 --> 00:47:46.400
somebody has to be rowing at all times otherwise there's
953
00:47:46.440 --> 00:47:49.199
no engine. It's a small boat. You've got solar panels,
954
00:47:49.239 --> 00:47:52.800
you've got a desalinator, powdered food, and you've got to
955
00:47:52.840 --> 00:47:56.400
be self sufficient. The nearest human being is probably in
956
00:47:56.440 --> 00:47:59.679
the International Space Station. The nearest land is five kilometers
957
00:47:59.760 --> 00:48:03.920
under you, and the nearest boat if there's an emergency
958
00:48:04.039 --> 00:48:06.000
is any one's time about four days away.
959
00:48:06.199 --> 00:48:09.360
Wow. It take roughly two months to make the crossing.
960
00:48:09.199 --> 00:48:11.840
Depends on the weather. Everything's weather dependent, and the Atlantic
961
00:48:11.920 --> 00:48:14.760
can kind of make you like a toothpick in a jacuzzi.
962
00:48:15.400 --> 00:48:17.159
It's going to over two months. Has never been a
963
00:48:17.199 --> 00:48:19.599
period of calm for two months. So we're going to
964
00:48:19.679 --> 00:48:21.559
hit a storm. We're going to hit this. It just expects.
965
00:48:21.559 --> 00:48:23.480
It's part of the game, that's part of the gym
966
00:48:23.519 --> 00:48:25.679
workout that if I want to be the athlete that
967
00:48:25.679 --> 00:48:27.400
I want to be, I'm going to have to go
968
00:48:27.440 --> 00:48:28.519
out and deal with Well.
969
00:48:28.559 --> 00:48:31.360
I certainly commend you on that. So you're certainly walking
970
00:48:31.400 --> 00:48:34.280
to talk anyway. So that's great up. That's inspiring to
971
00:48:34.320 --> 00:48:37.840
our audience, really illuminating in inspiring conversation.
972
00:48:38.679 --> 00:48:40.360
Thank you. I love what you're doing. I love what
973
00:48:40.400 --> 00:48:42.400
you're bringing to the people that I know are going
974
00:48:42.480 --> 00:48:45.360
to benefit and certainly in today's society and today's time
975
00:48:45.360 --> 00:48:47.320
in history, I think we need this more than ever.
976
00:48:47.599 --> 00:48:49.280
Thank you and wish you all the best with that
977
00:48:49.320 --> 00:48:52.360
Alatin crossing either wind, be it your back there, Thank
978
00:48:52.400 --> 00:48:55.079
you be well. Thank you for joining me on the
979
00:48:55.159 --> 00:48:59.119
Radical Responsibility Podcast. Remember, a real change happens when we
980
00:48:59.159 --> 00:49:02.159
commit to our growth, face our challenges with compassion, and
981
00:49:02.280 --> 00:49:05.599
stay open to transformation. If you found this episode helpful.
982
00:49:05.840 --> 00:49:08.280
I encourage you to subscribe and help us spread the
983
00:49:08.320 --> 00:49:12.280
message of healing and personal empowerment. Stay grounded, stay present,
984
00:49:12.440 --> 00:49:14.239
and stay true to you. Take care