WEBVTT
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:06.080
Have you ever taken a path that seemed right and realized way down the line that you made the wrong choice?
00:00:06.320 --> 00:00:10.640
Hi, this is Jordana, the CEO of the Recon Network and host of the Imbrief Podcast.
00:00:10.720 --> 00:00:15.919
And today we're talking about one of the hardest things to admit in transition, that you need to start over.
00:00:16.079 --> 00:00:28.480
And unfortunately, we aren't just talking about the beginning when you first leave service, but doing it after, when the job you took doesn't fit or the city you moved to isn't working, or the path you committed to leads somewhere that you don't want to go.
00:00:28.719 --> 00:00:30.320
It happens a lot.
00:00:30.480 --> 00:00:39.520
And we're going to talk about why starting over doesn't mean you failed, how to recognize when it's time to shift, and how to actually do it without carrying the weight of what didn't work.
00:00:41.679 --> 00:00:42.719
This is in brief.
00:00:43.039 --> 00:00:44.240
Let's get to it.
00:00:53.600 --> 00:00:56.799
Let's start with something most people don't talk about.
00:00:57.039 --> 00:00:59.520
Starting over isn't a one-time thing.
00:00:59.679 --> 00:01:03.359
It's not just the moment that you leave the military and step into civilian life.
00:01:03.600 --> 00:01:06.159
Sure, that's a start, but it's not the only one.
00:01:06.400 --> 00:01:08.879
Because transition doesn't end when you land somewhere.
00:01:09.040 --> 00:01:11.120
It ends when you land somewhere that fits.
00:01:11.359 --> 00:01:15.280
And for a lot of people, the first place they land isn't it.
00:01:15.519 --> 00:01:20.159
So you take a job, you commit to a program or a position, and for a while it's fine.
00:01:20.319 --> 00:01:22.159
It's not perfect, but it's stable.
00:01:22.319 --> 00:01:24.400
It's not what you wanted, but it makes sense.
00:01:24.560 --> 00:01:30.159
And then months or years later, you look up and you realize this isn't working.
00:01:30.400 --> 00:01:32.079
And now you have to make a choice.
00:01:32.319 --> 00:01:35.200
Do you stay because leaving feels like admitting failure?
00:01:35.359 --> 00:01:39.920
Or do you start over again and deal with the weight of knowing you got it wrong the first time?
00:01:40.159 --> 00:01:41.200
It's the worst.
00:01:41.359 --> 00:01:44.239
And here's what makes the second start harder than the first.
00:01:44.480 --> 00:01:46.640
The first time you start over, it makes sense.
00:01:46.799 --> 00:01:50.879
You're leaving the military and everyone expects you to start fresh.
00:01:51.040 --> 00:01:53.760
But the second time, that feels like a failure.
00:01:53.920 --> 00:01:56.400
You made a decision and now you're undoing it.
00:01:56.560 --> 00:02:02.560
And that looks like you didn't know what you were doing, or at least you feel like it does.
00:02:02.799 --> 00:02:06.560
But here's the truth: starting over isn't failure, it's course correction.
00:02:06.640 --> 00:02:11.520
And course correction is what capable people do when they realize they're on the wrong path.
00:02:11.759 --> 00:02:14.560
The mistake isn't taking the path that didn't work.
00:02:14.719 --> 00:02:18.719
The mistake is staying on it after you figured out that it didn't work.
00:02:19.360 --> 00:02:23.520
So let's talk about why the first path after service so often doesn't work.
00:02:23.680 --> 00:02:26.080
Because it's not random and it's not just you.
00:02:26.240 --> 00:02:32.159
Almost half of those who leave service will make one or more switches in the first year.
00:02:32.479 --> 00:02:39.599
But here's what typically happens when you leave the military, you're making decisions from a place of incomplete information.
00:02:39.759 --> 00:02:42.800
You don't know what civilian work actually feels like.
00:02:42.960 --> 00:02:49.840
You don't know what kind of environment you need to thrive in, and you don't know what your non-negotiables are yet because you haven't had to test them.
00:02:50.080 --> 00:02:51.840
So you do what is normal.
00:02:52.000 --> 00:02:59.439
You take the first good offer, the one that pays well, the one that sounds impressive or makes logical sense, and then you live in it.
00:02:59.599 --> 00:03:03.039
And only then can you realize that it's not what you thought it was.
00:03:03.199 --> 00:03:07.439
Maybe the pay doesn't make up for culture or the title doesn't make up for the work.
00:03:07.520 --> 00:03:12.639
And by the time you realize it, you've already invested months, sometimes even years.
00:03:12.879 --> 00:03:16.960
And walking away feels like throwing a lot of it away.
00:03:17.199 --> 00:03:23.439
But here's what you need to understand: the time you've already invested isn't the reason to stay.
00:03:23.680 --> 00:03:34.080
In fact, there's a whole concept based on this idea called the sunk cost fallacy, where you feel like you've invested too much to leave something, even when leaving is clearly the bigger payout.
00:03:34.240 --> 00:03:35.759
That's the sunk cost part.
00:03:35.840 --> 00:03:43.280
And the fallacy is that our brains really, really want to think we are capable of turning anything around, so we stay.
00:03:43.680 --> 00:03:48.159
Instead, what we need to be doing is taking the information that we've learned.
00:03:48.319 --> 00:03:49.439
This isn't working.
00:03:49.599 --> 00:03:55.759
So that knowledge, that clarity about what we don't want is what makes the next step smarter.
00:03:56.000 --> 00:04:03.919
So when you do start over, whether it's a second time or an 11th, you're not starting from zero, you're starting with experience.
00:04:04.719 --> 00:04:07.520
But here's the fear that will keep you stuck if you let it.
00:04:07.759 --> 00:04:10.080
You get in your head, what if I'm wrong again?
00:04:10.240 --> 00:04:12.960
What if I leave this and the next thing doesn't work either?
00:04:13.199 --> 00:04:16.240
What if I keep starting over and I never land anywhere?
00:04:16.560 --> 00:04:21.360
That fear is real, but so is the anxiety that you're building over it.
00:04:21.920 --> 00:04:27.680
But staying in something that doesn't fit because you're afraid the next thing won't fit either is not a strategy.
00:04:27.920 --> 00:04:30.079
In fact, here's what that point of view misses.
00:04:30.240 --> 00:04:32.560
Every time you start over, you get better at it.
00:04:32.720 --> 00:04:34.959
You know more about what you need or what you want.
00:04:35.040 --> 00:04:40.399
You know more what to look for, you know more about questions to ask before you commit to something.
00:04:40.639 --> 00:04:43.360
That first start is really just a guess.
00:04:43.519 --> 00:04:45.920
The second start becomes informed.
00:04:46.000 --> 00:04:49.439
And if there's a third or fourth, it's even sharper.
00:04:49.759 --> 00:04:53.120
At that point, it's not failure, it's iteration.
00:04:53.680 --> 00:04:59.199
So let's talk about how you actually start over without feeling like you're dismantling everything you've just built.
00:04:59.519 --> 00:05:02.319
First, separate decision from identity.
00:05:02.560 --> 00:05:06.639
Leaving a job doesn't mean you're a quitter, and leaving a city doesn't mean you're unstable.
00:05:06.800 --> 00:05:10.639
It just means that you're willing to adjust when data changes.
00:05:10.879 --> 00:05:13.600
Second, identify what you keep.
00:05:13.920 --> 00:05:16.160
Starting over doesn't mean you lose everything.
00:05:16.319 --> 00:05:21.439
You do keep the skills you built, some relationships you might have made, and clarity about what doesn't work.
00:05:21.680 --> 00:05:25.519
Hold on to what is necessary to move forward and what is helpful.
00:05:25.759 --> 00:05:30.480
Third, tell people, but not everyone, just the people who matter.
00:05:30.720 --> 00:05:33.839
Because the shame of starting over can grow in silence.
00:05:34.000 --> 00:05:43.040
When you keep it to yourself, your brain spins stories about what it means, who it means you are, what it means you can do, or what you're capable of.
00:05:43.279 --> 00:05:48.720
But when you say it out loud, I took a job and it wasn't the right fit, so I'm making a change.
00:05:49.040 --> 00:05:52.319
Most people will respond with understanding, not judgment.
00:05:52.639 --> 00:05:54.399
Because a lot of people have been there.
00:05:54.560 --> 00:05:55.279
And guess what?
00:05:55.439 --> 00:06:00.319
The ones who haven't aren't the ones whose opinions should shape your decisions about it.
00:06:00.639 --> 00:06:05.279
Your nervous system is going to resist starting over, so just be ready for it.
00:06:05.439 --> 00:06:09.199
Starting over means uncertainty, and uncertainty feels like a threat.
00:06:09.360 --> 00:06:12.000
Your system wants stability, it wants predictability.
00:06:12.160 --> 00:06:15.759
So even if the predictable thing is bad, it's at least known.
00:06:15.839 --> 00:06:18.959
And starting over throws you back into unknown territory.
00:06:19.120 --> 00:06:22.160
So your little lizard brain will give you every reason to stay.
00:06:22.319 --> 00:06:24.399
It'll tell you it's really not that bad.
00:06:24.560 --> 00:06:26.000
You should give it more time.
00:06:26.160 --> 00:06:27.439
Leaving is reckless.
00:06:27.600 --> 00:06:29.600
Look at everything you've built here.
00:06:30.480 --> 00:06:34.800
But as we've discussed, leaning into that is just a fallacy.
00:06:35.120 --> 00:06:40.720
There is no trophy for staying somewhere that you shouldn't be longer than you should be there.
00:06:41.519 --> 00:06:47.360
So if you're in a place right now where you know, really know that you need to start over, here's what I want you to do.
00:06:47.600 --> 00:06:49.439
Write down what staying costs.
00:06:49.680 --> 00:06:51.439
Not in theory, in reality.
00:06:51.680 --> 00:06:54.959
What does it cost you to stay in this job for another year?
00:06:55.199 --> 00:06:58.160
What does it cost you to stay exactly where you are?
00:06:58.480 --> 00:07:00.959
Or keep pretending that the path is working.
00:07:01.279 --> 00:07:02.399
Write it down.
00:07:02.720 --> 00:07:06.160
The cost of starting over feels immediate and visible.
00:07:06.319 --> 00:07:10.959
There are things that you are losing in hopes that you will gain something.
00:07:11.199 --> 00:07:14.639
But the cost of staying is slow and invisible.
00:07:14.879 --> 00:07:19.040
And you need to be able to see it clearly before you can make an accurate call.
00:07:19.519 --> 00:07:23.920
Starting over isn't going backward, it's adjusting course with better information.
00:07:24.079 --> 00:07:35.040
And every time you're willing to do that, every time you're willing to walk away from something that isn't working, instead of forcing yourself to stay in it, you get closer to a thing that actually fits.
00:07:35.279 --> 00:07:40.399
And it's not because you got lucky, it's because you kept moving until you found it.
00:07:43.759 --> 00:07:49.199
Leaving the military can feel chaotic, especially when you feel you should have a plan right away.
00:07:49.360 --> 00:07:52.560
But not knowing what's next doesn't mean you're failing.
00:07:52.720 --> 00:07:54.399
It means you're in transition.
00:07:54.639 --> 00:08:10.959
At the Recon Network, we help veterans and military spouses navigate transition by focusing on stability, direction, and alignment before outcomes are expected, so you can map your future without rushing the wrong move or spending years building a life out of sync with your purpose.
00:08:11.279 --> 00:08:13.199
Don't rush your next step.
00:08:13.439 --> 00:08:16.000
Navigate it with intention with Recon.
00:08:16.560 --> 00:08:20.879
Learn more about our programs and services at Recon.vet.
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:06.080
Have you ever taken a path that seemed right and realized way down the line that you made the wrong choice?
00:00:06.320 --> 00:00:10.640
Hi, this is Jordana, the CEO of the Recon Network and host of the Imbrief Podcast.
00:00:10.720 --> 00:00:15.919
And today we're talking about one of the hardest things to admit in transition, that you need to start over.
00:00:16.079 --> 00:00:28.480
And unfortunately, we aren't just talking about the beginning when you first leave service, but doing it after, when the job you took doesn't fit or the city you moved to isn't working, or the path you committed to leads somewhere that you don't want to go.
00:00:28.719 --> 00:00:30.320
It happens a lot.
00:00:30.480 --> 00:00:39.520
And we're going to talk about why starting over doesn't mean you failed, how to recognize when it's time to shift, and how to actually do it without carrying the weight of what didn't work.
00:00:41.679 --> 00:00:42.719
This is in brief.
00:00:43.039 --> 00:00:44.240
Let's get to it.
00:00:53.600 --> 00:00:56.799
Let's start with something most people don't talk about.
00:00:57.039 --> 00:00:59.520
Starting over isn't a one-time thing.
00:00:59.679 --> 00:01:03.359
It's not just the moment that you leave the military and step into civilian life.
00:01:03.600 --> 00:01:06.159
Sure, that's a start, but it's not the only one.
00:01:06.400 --> 00:01:08.879
Because transition doesn't end when you land somewhere.
00:01:09.040 --> 00:01:11.120
It ends when you land somewhere that fits.
00:01:11.359 --> 00:01:15.280
And for a lot of people, the first place they land isn't it.
00:01:15.519 --> 00:01:20.159
So you take a job, you commit to a program or a position, and for a while it's fine.
00:01:20.319 --> 00:01:22.159
It's not perfect, but it's stable.
00:01:22.319 --> 00:01:24.400
It's not what you wanted, but it makes sense.
00:01:24.560 --> 00:01:30.159
And then months or years later, you look up and you realize this isn't working.
00:01:30.400 --> 00:01:32.079
And now you have to make a choice.
00:01:32.319 --> 00:01:35.200
Do you stay because leaving feels like admitting failure?
00:01:35.359 --> 00:01:39.920
Or do you start over again and deal with the weight of knowing you got it wrong the first time?
00:01:40.159 --> 00:01:41.200
It's the worst.
00:01:41.359 --> 00:01:44.239
And here's what makes the second start harder than the first.
00:01:44.480 --> 00:01:46.640
The first time you start over, it makes sense.
00:01:46.799 --> 00:01:50.879
You're leaving the military and everyone expects you to start fresh.
00:01:51.040 --> 00:01:53.760
But the second time, that feels like a failure.
00:01:53.920 --> 00:01:56.400
You made a decision and now you're undoing it.
00:01:56.560 --> 00:02:02.560
And that looks like you didn't know what you were doing, or at least you feel like it does.
00:02:02.799 --> 00:02:06.560
But here's the truth: starting over isn't failure, it's course correction.
00:02:06.640 --> 00:02:11.520
And course correction is what capable people do when they realize they're on the wrong path.
00:02:11.759 --> 00:02:14.560
The mistake isn't taking the path that didn't work.
00:02:14.719 --> 00:02:18.719
The mistake is staying on it after you figured out that it didn't work.
00:02:19.360 --> 00:02:23.520
So let's talk about why the first path after service so often doesn't work.
00:02:23.680 --> 00:02:26.080
Because it's not random and it's not just you.
00:02:26.240 --> 00:02:32.159
Almost half of those who leave service will make one or more switches in the first year.
00:02:32.479 --> 00:02:39.599
But here's what typically happens when you leave the military, you're making decisions from a place of incomplete information.
00:02:39.759 --> 00:02:42.800
You don't know what civilian work actually feels like.
00:02:42.960 --> 00:02:49.840
You don't know what kind of environment you need to thrive in, and you don't know what your non-negotiables are yet because you haven't had to test them.
00:02:50.080 --> 00:02:51.840
So you do what is normal.
00:02:52.000 --> 00:02:59.439
You take the first good offer, the one that pays well, the one that sounds impressive or makes logical sense, and then you live in it.
00:02:59.599 --> 00:03:03.039
And only then can you realize that it's not what you thought it was.
00:03:03.199 --> 00:03:07.439
Maybe the pay doesn't make up for culture or the title doesn't make up for the work.
00:03:07.520 --> 00:03:12.639
And by the time you realize it, you've already invested months, sometimes even years.
00:03:12.879 --> 00:03:16.960
And walking away feels like throwing a lot of it away.
00:03:17.199 --> 00:03:23.439
But here's what you need to understand: the time you've already invested isn't the reason to stay.
00:03:23.680 --> 00:03:34.080
In fact, there's a whole concept based on this idea called the sunk cost fallacy, where you feel like you've invested too much to leave something, even when leaving is clearly the bigger payout.
00:03:34.240 --> 00:03:35.759
That's the sunk cost part.
00:03:35.840 --> 00:03:43.280
And the fallacy is that our brains really, really want to think we are capable of turning anything around, so we stay.
00:03:43.680 --> 00:03:48.159
Instead, what we need to be doing is taking the information that we've learned.
00:03:48.319 --> 00:03:49.439
This isn't working.
00:03:49.599 --> 00:03:55.759
So that knowledge, that clarity about what we don't want is what makes the next step smarter.
00:03:56.000 --> 00:04:03.919
So when you do start over, whether it's a second time or an 11th, you're not starting from zero, you're starting with experience.
00:04:04.719 --> 00:04:07.520
But here's the fear that will keep you stuck if you let it.
00:04:07.759 --> 00:04:10.080
You get in your head, what if I'm wrong again?
00:04:10.240 --> 00:04:12.960
What if I leave this and the next thing doesn't work either?
00:04:13.199 --> 00:04:16.240
What if I keep starting over and I never land anywhere?
00:04:16.560 --> 00:04:21.360
That fear is real, but so is the anxiety that you're building over it.
00:04:21.920 --> 00:04:27.680
But staying in something that doesn't fit because you're afraid the next thing won't fit either is not a strategy.
00:04:27.920 --> 00:04:30.079
In fact, here's what that point of view misses.
00:04:30.240 --> 00:04:32.560
Every time you start over, you get better at it.
00:04:32.720 --> 00:04:34.959
You know more about what you need or what you want.
00:04:35.040 --> 00:04:40.399
You know more what to look for, you know more about questions to ask before you commit to something.
00:04:40.639 --> 00:04:43.360
That first start is really just a guess.
00:04:43.519 --> 00:04:45.920
The second start becomes informed.
00:04:46.000 --> 00:04:49.439
And if there's a third or fourth, it's even sharper.
00:04:49.759 --> 00:04:53.120
At that point, it's not failure, it's iteration.
00:04:53.680 --> 00:04:59.199
So let's talk about how you actually start over without feeling like you're dismantling everything you've just built.
00:04:59.519 --> 00:05:02.319
First, separate decision from identity.
00:05:02.560 --> 00:05:06.639
Leaving a job doesn't mean you're a quitter, and leaving a city doesn't mean you're unstable.
00:05:06.800 --> 00:05:10.639
It just means that you're willing to adjust when data changes.
00:05:10.879 --> 00:05:13.600
Second, identify what you keep.
00:05:13.920 --> 00:05:16.160
Starting over doesn't mean you lose everything.
00:05:16.319 --> 00:05:21.439
You do keep the skills you built, some relationships you might have made, and clarity about what doesn't work.
00:05:21.680 --> 00:05:25.519
Hold on to what is necessary to move forward and what is helpful.
00:05:25.759 --> 00:05:30.480
Third, tell people, but not everyone, just the people who matter.
00:05:30.720 --> 00:05:33.839
Because the shame of starting over can grow in silence.
00:05:34.000 --> 00:05:43.040
When you keep it to yourself, your brain spins stories about what it means, who it means you are, what it means you can do, or what you're capable of.
00:05:43.279 --> 00:05:48.720
But when you say it out loud, I took a job and it wasn't the right fit, so I'm making a change.
00:05:49.040 --> 00:05:52.319
Most people will respond with understanding, not judgment.
00:05:52.639 --> 00:05:54.399
Because a lot of people have been there.
00:05:54.560 --> 00:05:55.279
And guess what?
00:05:55.439 --> 00:06:00.319
The ones who haven't aren't the ones whose opinions should shape your decisions about it.
00:06:00.639 --> 00:06:05.279
Your nervous system is going to resist starting over, so just be ready for it.
00:06:05.439 --> 00:06:09.199
Starting over means uncertainty, and uncertainty feels like a threat.
00:06:09.360 --> 00:06:12.000
Your system wants stability, it wants predictability.
00:06:12.160 --> 00:06:15.759
So even if the predictable thing is bad, it's at least known.
00:06:15.839 --> 00:06:18.959
And starting over throws you back into unknown territory.
00:06:19.120 --> 00:06:22.160
So your little lizard brain will give you every reason to stay.
00:06:22.319 --> 00:06:24.399
It'll tell you it's really not that bad.
00:06:24.560 --> 00:06:26.000
You should give it more time.
00:06:26.160 --> 00:06:27.439
Leaving is reckless.
00:06:27.600 --> 00:06:29.600
Look at everything you've built here.
00:06:30.480 --> 00:06:34.800
But as we've discussed, leaning into that is just a fallacy.
00:06:35.120 --> 00:06:40.720
There is no trophy for staying somewhere that you shouldn't be longer than you should be there.
00:06:41.519 --> 00:06:47.360
So if you're in a place right now where you know, really know that you need to start over, here's what I want you to do.
00:06:47.600 --> 00:06:49.439
Write down what staying costs.
00:06:49.680 --> 00:06:51.439
Not in theory, in reality.
00:06:51.680 --> 00:06:54.959
What does it cost you to stay in this job for another year?
00:06:55.199 --> 00:06:58.160
What does it cost you to stay exactly where you are?
00:06:58.480 --> 00:07:00.959
Or keep pretending that the path is working.
00:07:01.279 --> 00:07:02.399
Write it down.
00:07:02.720 --> 00:07:06.160
The cost of starting over feels immediate and visible.
00:07:06.319 --> 00:07:10.959
There are things that you are losing in hopes that you will gain something.
00:07:11.199 --> 00:07:14.639
But the cost of staying is slow and invisible.
00:07:14.879 --> 00:07:19.040
And you need to be able to see it clearly before you can make an accurate call.
00:07:19.519 --> 00:07:23.920
Starting over isn't going backward, it's adjusting course with better information.
00:07:24.079 --> 00:07:35.040
And every time you're willing to do that, every time you're willing to walk away from something that isn't working, instead of forcing yourself to stay in it, you get closer to a thing that actually fits.
00:07:35.279 --> 00:07:40.399
And it's not because you got lucky, it's because you kept moving until you found it.
00:07:43.759 --> 00:07:49.199
Leaving the military can feel chaotic, especially when you feel you should have a plan right away.
00:07:49.360 --> 00:07:52.560
But not knowing what's next doesn't mean you're failing.
00:07:52.720 --> 00:07:54.399
It means you're in transition.
00:07:54.639 --> 00:08:10.959
At the Recon Network, we help veterans and military spouses navigate transition by focusing on stability, direction, and alignment before outcomes are expected, so you can map your future without rushing the wrong move or spending years building a life out of sync with your purpose.
00:08:11.279 --> 00:08:13.199
Don't rush your next step.
00:08:13.439 --> 00:08:16.000
Navigate it with intention with Recon.
00:08:16.560 --> 00:08:20.879
Learn more about our programs and services at Recon.vet.
