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Welcome to She's Honestly Mental, a podcast for women who are done pretending they're fine when they're falling apart on the inside.
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I'm your host, Karina Rawlinson, ADHD Brain, Medicated Mind, and proud mental health hospital alumni.
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Still here, still showing up somehow.
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This is the space for the fillers, the fixers, and the ones who carry it all and still wonder if it's enough.
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We talk about the chaos, the connection, and everything in between because silence nearly killed me.
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And these conversations save lives.
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Alright, cacao in hand, headphones on, chaos semi-contained, let's get honestly mental.
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Welcome to today's episode of She's Honestly Mental.
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This one's a bit of a messy catch-up, but if you've ever had to keep functioning while everything's falling apart, this will hit home.
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I'm sharing what the last few months have been like.
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From parenting chaos to brand shoots, burnout and money meltdowns, and how I'm still standing.
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I am currently sitting in Perth in a hotel room.
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Up here again.
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Feels like it's just been absolutely insane.
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The last, gosh, I feel like since June.
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So were there like four months?
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The last four months, I probably have been to Perth on average twice a month.
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And one of those months, I was three weeks on the road to Broome.
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So math that.
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So I suppose it's a little bit of, you know, what I'm hoping to teach through the podcast is being aware of the language that we're using when we're talking to ourselves, but also educating people around what it's like for someone who is living with some mental health struggles and ways that those that are living with the mental health struggles can build some more tools to be able to get through life, right?
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And I've been doing some work.
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There's gonna be lots of like going from one thing to the other, but that's just the point of the podcast, right?
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I've been doing a lot of work on me, I suppose, and people are like, How long have you been in this business?
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I'm like, Well, about six years, because my first admission was in 2019, and we're now 2025.
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So yeah, I feel like I've been in business with this for about six years.
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How long have I actually been sharing She's Honestly Mental properly?
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Actually, it's been since we did the photo shoot with Belle and Cass and Casey and M.
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And that was wild.
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Did I tell you?
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I've done a massive fun photo shoot at Karen up.
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It was amazing.
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So Belle's a photographer, she's a fucking hoot.
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We did that in June, and what a ride that was.
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I'd supposed to have this photo shoot with Belle for the last two years, and it was when I was gonna be like focusing on my dual business or actually life coaching, and it was just gonna be a real like kind of aesthetic, sit there with my laptop kind of vibe.
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But then obviously two years happened and things have changed, and I really thought, fuck, she's honestly mental's gotta come to life.
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And so I worked with Cass from Emerson on the brand.
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I really committed to getting shit to look professional because I wanted it to be a professional.
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I didn't want it to be just like a hobby thing anymore.
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Like I really wanted She's Honestly Mental to be something in the world.
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And I suppose that's like kind of like the weight that I've been carrying a lot and what's kind of got me to this day specifically.
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But yeah, anyway, I digress.
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Worked on the brand with Cass.
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She's fucking epic.
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She just really pulled things out of my head that I know innately, but I haven't been able to put on paper.
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So when you see all the fancy branding and pretty colours and a few keywords and stuff like that, that's like it's come from my bones, like my genes.
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But it's like Cass has been the one that's been talented to be able to pull that information out of me, which is just like fuck man.
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And then so we went and did this photo shoot with Belle and the girls, and we were at Karen Up.
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We went to Archie Brothers, which is like a time zone kind of thing, but really epic.
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And I just was a big kid and it was fun and it was loud, and we literally like walked around the West Deck at Karen Up and just did wild photo things, and it was amazing because it was me.
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There's even some photos of my son like pushing me around in a trolley.
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This photo shoot happened, no shit, an hour after we got some news about my son that he potentially has this.
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I don't know.
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Anyway, he's been really struggling.
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He's never really slept well.
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He has these hallucinations, delirious episodes when he's extremely stressed or unwell.
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And it just happens for like days on end, like for nights and nights and nights, and it's really hard, and I feel really horrible for him because there's nothing that we can really do about it, and he's aware of it too.
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So we've been back and forth in Perth, we've seen a neurologist, and when we saw the neurologist this couple of hours before the photo shoot, she was going through everything, and she's like, oh, okay, well, this sounds like yeah, potentially ADHD anxiety, which we already knew about.
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He's dyslexic and like such a smart, sweet kid, but obviously I feel the same when it comes to school stuff, just such a struggle.
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And so then when we saw the neurologist, she's doing the whole like once-over check.
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And then she says, All right, cool, needs to do like a physical look.
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And she goes, Oh, do you have any birthmarks?
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And he's like, Yeah, I've got two.
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And I was like, I know that he's got one on the back of his leg, but then he's also got one on his hip, which we hadn't really looked at for a little while, but the one on his hip has actually freckled over the top of the birthmark, like over the they call it cafe au lay spots.
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And when you've got them like that, they can say that it's a sign of neurofibromatosis, and that's where you can have like tumours and stuff going on your nervous system, you can have them in your brain, they can be in your eyes, you can have these like lich nodules in your eyes, and so she was like, right, you're in Perth, let's get you an MRI, like let's get it done really quickly.
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And I'm just like, Oh, supposed to be at a photo shoot in an hour.
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Seriously, the photo shoot, it wasn't important.
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Like it was important, but when it comes to this stuff, like it wasn't important.
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But I was like, fuck, okay, how do I make this work?
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And also try and not fall apart at this potential thing that your child could have tumours, not have tumours, who fucking knows.
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But this neurologist wants you to get checked ASAP.
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She's like, okay, well, you're you're up from the country, we'll just get this done while you're here.
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And no shit, she rang the MRI place because of course she wanted like a particular model of machine so that they can get the images that they needed, and she rang and she's like, Yep, they can see you at 3.30 this afternoon.
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I'm like, fuck.
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So if you're in Perth, like I had to get from wherever this appointment was, it was kind of like just north of the city.
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I don't really know Perth, but then up to Caranot, which is kind of like out on the coast-ish.
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And then I had to get back down south for this MRI and still somehow do my photo shoot.
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And it was only then going to be about an hour, and I was like, fuck, fuck, fuck.
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Anyway, got in the car, started driving, and I thought, let me just ring the MRI place back again.
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And they said to me, Yeah, actually, we can see you first thing tomorrow.
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And I'm like, brilliant.
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So I was able to go and do the photo shoot, knowing that we had an appointment for tomorrow.
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I had to change flights, rebook accommodation, extend the car hire, blah, blah, blah.
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But right now I had to go and like pull the mask on of like, you're a really fun, cool person who's super honest about mental health, and go and pull that essence into a brand shoot.
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Fuck.
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But I did.
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I told the girls about it and they were amazing and really supportive.
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But then we were like, right, let's go, let's get this shit done.
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And it was so much fun.
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And then as soon as we finished and they all walked away, I just broke down a bit.
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But I couldn't fully break down because my son was there.
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And it just was like as a mummy, you have all of these emotions, and you're trying to protect your child, you don't want them to freak out.
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And I mean, he's 12, like he's a smart kid.
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But at the time, I was like, hey mate, we're just going to Archie Brothers.
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Like he knew that we had the photo shoot, and I was like, here's $200.
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You can spend two hours at Archie Brothers while we do the photo shoot and have the fucking best time.
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And he did.
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But then once the photo shoot was done, I was like, fuck, we don't have pajamas.
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Like we were literally just flying up for the day.
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We didn't have spare clothes.
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So, you know, it was like, fuck, we need to go get some clothes.
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We need to go and get some socks, some jocks, I need to get another night's accommodation.
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And it just was a lot.
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I'm sharing this because I know I'm not the only one trying to hold it all together while everything feels like it's too much.
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And so then we had his appointments.
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We flew home that next afternoon.
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And then I was home for two days and we jumped in the car and went to broom.
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And it was fine.
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I just got the shit done.
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Jared carried a lot of the load at home.
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He's like, just pack your clothes.
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That's all you've got to do.
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So I was like, clothes and books.
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That's it.
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I had it all in there.
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And we went and spent three weeks up north, and it was amazing.
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It was so good.
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And then came home and I was home for a week and a half.
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And then I went to Bali, which is obviously where I recorded the first few episodes of the podcast.
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That was a whirlwind.
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I had to come home.
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Well, I didn't have to come home early.
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I actually left 12 hours early or whatever because Nula, our family daycare lady, she was actually sick the entire time we were in Bali.
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So Ruben couldn't go to daycare.
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And then there was other stuff going on as well.
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And it was just insane.
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And I felt so, so horrible because Jared was at home carrying that load of being a dad and running our business and all of the other things, which do not get me wrong, like he is the goat when it comes to being a dad and doing all of the things.
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But I have learnt that there's certain times of the year, i.e.
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harvest, that putting the pressure on is not ideal.
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And so I flew home a little bit earlier from Bali because we had an event in Perth.
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He ended up driving up because he's like, well, like Ruben's sick.
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I can't send him to Daycar.
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I can't do anything.
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So I'm just gonna jump in the car and come to Perth.
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And I was like, perfect.
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I might actually fly in a little bit earlier.
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Gives me time for the next day to prep myself for the events for the next night.
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And it just was this one thing after the next.
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So flew home early, met them in Perth.
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Ruben was kind of okay.
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He'd been having those temps and stuff.
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Turns out he had influenza and he had it for two weeks and it was shit.
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And the funniest thing, so we had the event on the Friday night, which was my brother and my sister-in-law were having an engagement party.
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They got married, which was amazing.
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I was so stoked for them.
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And then our plan was the next morning to get up at three to drive back to Esmerance.
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And so when you live 800 kilometres from anywhere, you're traveling at dumb hours of the day and night.
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And so we were like, right, we'll leave at three, it'll be fine.
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Fucking 1.30 in the morning, the fire alarms go off in the hotel.
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So we'd been asleep for like four hours or something.
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And these fucking alarms go off.
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And we're like, well, we're awake now.
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And we decided that we would go back up to the room, pack everything up.
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Like it was just one of those fault alarms that had kind of gone off.
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But of course, everyone had to evacuate.
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Got back up to the room, said, fuck it, let's jump in the car and we'll drive home.
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And we got in the car, we got about 45 minutes out of Perth, and we're like, no, we need to sleep.
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So we parked up, slept for a couple of hours, and then drove home.
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And got home and I went and played hockey that afternoon, because that's what you do.
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Mostly because I love my hockey girls.
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But it I feel like it's like I went to Bali, was home for a few weeks, and when you're away and everything's so disjointed, and then you're super involved in all sorts of different things, you get behind on shit.
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And so all of my work stuff was really behind, you know, when you're doing accounts and financials and stuff like that.
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It's hard to talk about this stuff for me because I've never really said this out loud before.
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So I have this story around money where I'm like, yeah, it'll be fine.
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Like, so I like just splash it around and do all the things, and it's like it's not going to actually always be fine.
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And I think that's an ADHD thing, is like having issues with around impulse control and impulsivity and stuff like that.
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Is I'm just like, it'll be fine, like it'll be totally okay.
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I feel like that's my motto, is it'll be fine, like it'll be okay.
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And I'm like, it will be okay.
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But it's like I was saying to my mum yesterday, she's like, Well, you know you've got these deadlines, and I'm like, Yeah, I know I've got these deadlines, but my brain wants to go and chase the rabbits.
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Doesn't want to, like, it wants to go down the rabbit hole.
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He doesn't want to sit there and do deadline-y things.
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It's really hard.
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So a couple of weeks ago, I was in Perth again for the Biz Revolution Gullah, my beautiful friend Emily, MG, as you all know her.
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She runs the Biz Revolution, which is a co-working, networking, online platform for women in business.
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But it's like women in business that are a little bit rebellious.
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Like, we question everything.
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And I suppose this is a really cool thing.
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I'm like, question everything, even the thoughts in your mind.
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So, like the story that I'm telling myself around my money stuff is that I'm really shit at it.
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But I'm in the middle of working with that.
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I'm even doing some shadow work.
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Like, if you're a bit woo-woo, I clearly need to do a bit more on that, but we're getting there.
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I met this amazing lady, this lovely lady, Vicky, and she is like a financial strategist.
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And I was just kind of talking to her, and she's like, Look, I am actually an accountant by trade, but I don't do the behind stuff.
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Like, we don't look backwards because you know, most tax accountants and BASS agents and stuff like that are looking backwards and they're trying to do compliance and blah, blah, blah.
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Whereas what businesses really need is like proper forecasting where you can have a bit of a budget and a bit of a plan, and that's where you can see on paper or on a spreadsheet just exactly where things are going if you spend X, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
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And I'm like, where have you been all my life?
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I literally all my life have wanted someone that can sit there and properly forecast the data with me.
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And it's taken me like this long to be able to find someone that's like, yeah, I'm actually an accountant by trade, but we look forward.
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I've now set up a few different bank accounts so that I've got like my P A Y G in one and my super in another one, and all of these things just to make sure that, and I've changed my zero dashboard so that I can see exactly what's where when.
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And I'm not having to fucking guess.
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Please just give me the black and white.
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And I actually had to ring the ATO yesterday to talk to them, and they're like, no, look, we need to go a bit further into this.
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I'm like, for fuck's sake.
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Anyway, I know that it's gonna be okay.
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I've been speaking to our team, it's just a business thing, and I suppose this is why, like, she's honestly mental, because like my best friend, I love her, she has been petrified of the ATO because of stuff that her parents have said around it.
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And it's like they'll come for you, they'll put you in jail, they'll take all of your stuff away from you, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
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Yeah, dickhead.
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That's if you don't talk to them and don't communicate to them.
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And so I've learned that a lot.
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I'm like, I have to be up front and I have to be honest, because if I'm not, it just fucks everything off.
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Like it just makes it worse, but then it also makes the stories that I'm telling myself more real when really that's not the reality.
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And so, one little trick, I'm like, if you've got stuff ruminating in here, you have to get that out of your head because it's probably just a story that you're saying.
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And I'm like, Cool story bro needs more dragons.
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Actually, is that true?
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Oh, it's not actually.
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So, you know, I did the hard things, I had the hard conversations, all will be okay.
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It's gonna be a little bit rough for a little while, but that's okay.
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Like, we've got a plan.
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And so now I'm, you know, working with Vicky to try and get myself sorted.
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And it really sucks because it's kind of something that my family's been having to help me with get out of for a really long time, is my stuff with money.
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So, yeah, what are the kids?
00:17:53.359 --> 00:17:54.240
They're like, psych.
00:17:54.240 --> 00:17:57.920
Karina's really good with like financials, but she's not actually really good with money.
00:17:57.920 --> 00:18:10.480
But I am like, I'm getting much better, and it's just one of those things, but it's one of those things that weighs on me, and it's like really airing out my dirty laundry if people want to look at my bank statements.
00:18:10.480 --> 00:18:12.960
I'm like, oh, that's really where it's at.
00:18:12.960 --> 00:18:14.160
And people do say that.
00:18:14.160 --> 00:18:17.680
I'm supposed if you want to look at your values and stuff like that, you just look at someone's bank statement.
00:18:17.680 --> 00:18:24.559
I'm like, I just value beautiful things, but then comes the major emotional guilt over that.
00:18:24.559 --> 00:18:29.599
So here I am back in Perth, go-karts this weekend.
00:18:29.599 --> 00:18:33.759
That's a whole other episode, governance.
00:18:33.759 --> 00:18:34.960
But yeah.
00:18:34.960 --> 00:18:39.119
Welcome to I don't know what are we up to, episode six.
00:18:39.119 --> 00:18:41.920
I actually had another episode recorded for episode six.
00:18:41.920 --> 00:18:48.559
It was my first guest podcast, and it was around a good friend of mine that I've been working with for a little while.
00:18:48.559 --> 00:18:59.279
This is what happens, you end up working with these people, and they become good friends and you get to know them, and it's really beautiful having these different people, particularly when you're living in such a small country town, it becomes really isolating.
00:18:59.279 --> 00:19:07.200
Anyway, she's actually someone who's come into my life through a mutual friend, and her area of expertise is something.
00:19:07.359 --> 00:19:09.039
I know, I wish I could share more.
00:19:09.039 --> 00:19:21.279
Her area of expertise is something that's been really, really valuable in our lives when it comes to business HR operations and really streamlining how our business actually works.
00:19:21.519 --> 00:19:27.519
When we're in Perth for the Biz Revolution Gala, which also she's honestly mental sponsored, it was just great.
00:19:27.519 --> 00:19:30.799
We got to give away $5,000 to two different women in business.
00:19:30.799 --> 00:19:32.240
It was just amazing.
00:19:32.240 --> 00:19:37.119
I sat down and had this guest episode, and my friend was like, right, we're doing it.
00:19:37.119 --> 00:19:38.160
We're doing a guest episode.
00:19:38.160 --> 00:19:39.119
It's going to be a first one.
00:19:39.119 --> 00:19:40.480
I'm going to pop the cherry.
00:19:40.480 --> 00:19:43.680
And it was an epic, epic episode.
00:19:43.680 --> 00:19:55.519
But because of the context of it, which is around like domestic violence, coercive relationships, and currently there's issues around custody of children, etc., we've had to just put a little pin in that one.
00:19:55.519 --> 00:20:03.920
And hopefully, sometime in the future, we are able to actually share that epic episode because I think it would be something that's really valuable to a lot of people.
00:20:03.920 --> 00:20:06.240
So, yeah, that's where I'm at.
00:20:06.319 --> 00:20:10.960
It's been big, it's been messy, but also if you're caring a lot, just know you're not doing it wrong.
00:20:10.960 --> 00:20:13.279
Life is just heavy sometimes, and you're still here.
00:20:13.279 --> 00:20:15.200
That counts for something.
00:20:15.200 --> 00:20:19.839
Thanks for hanging out with me on She's Honestly Mental.
00:20:19.839 --> 00:20:29.599
If today's episode cracked open something inside of you or gave you space to exhale, come say hi over at Instagram at She's Honestly Mentor.
00:20:29.599 --> 00:20:33.359
Or send this to someone who needs to hear that they're not alone.
00:20:33.359 --> 00:20:39.920
And if you haven't yet, hit that follow button so the next episode lands in your messy feed right where it belongs.
00:20:39.920 --> 00:20:42.400
Until next time, take care of your brain.
00:20:42.400 --> 00:20:43.519
You're not broken.
00:20:43.519 --> 00:20:45.119
You're just honestly mental.
00:20:45.119 --> 00:20:46.799
And all the best people are.
00:00:01.600 --> 00:00:09.039
Welcome to She's Honestly Mental, a podcast for women who are done pretending they're fine when they're falling apart on the inside.
00:00:09.039 --> 00:00:16.640
I'm your host, Karina Rawlinson, ADHD Brain, Medicated Mind, and proud mental health hospital alumni.
00:00:16.640 --> 00:00:20.320
Still here, still showing up somehow.
00:00:20.320 --> 00:00:27.039
This is the space for the fillers, the fixers, and the ones who carry it all and still wonder if it's enough.
00:00:27.039 --> 00:00:33.119
We talk about the chaos, the connection, and everything in between because silence nearly killed me.
00:00:33.119 --> 00:00:35.920
And these conversations save lives.
00:00:35.920 --> 00:00:43.759
Alright, cacao in hand, headphones on, chaos semi-contained, let's get honestly mental.
00:00:45.359 --> 00:00:49.840
Welcome to today's episode of She's Honestly Mental.
00:00:50.079 --> 00:00:56.079
This one's a bit of a messy catch-up, but if you've ever had to keep functioning while everything's falling apart, this will hit home.
00:00:56.079 --> 00:00:58.799
I'm sharing what the last few months have been like.
00:00:58.799 --> 00:01:04.640
From parenting chaos to brand shoots, burnout and money meltdowns, and how I'm still standing.
00:01:05.439 --> 00:01:09.040
I am currently sitting in Perth in a hotel room.
00:01:09.040 --> 00:01:10.400
Up here again.
00:01:10.400 --> 00:01:13.439
Feels like it's just been absolutely insane.
00:01:13.439 --> 00:01:16.799
The last, gosh, I feel like since June.
00:01:16.799 --> 00:01:18.640
So were there like four months?
00:01:18.640 --> 00:01:23.280
The last four months, I probably have been to Perth on average twice a month.
00:01:23.280 --> 00:01:27.200
And one of those months, I was three weeks on the road to Broome.
00:01:27.200 --> 00:01:28.319
So math that.
00:01:28.319 --> 00:02:17.120
So I suppose it's a little bit of, you know, what I'm hoping to teach through the podcast is being aware of the language that we're using when we're talking to ourselves, but also educating people around what it's like for someone who is living with some mental health struggles and ways that those that are living with the mental health struggles can build some more tools to be able to get through life, right?
00:02:17.120 --> 00:02:20.080
And I've been doing some work.
00:02:20.080 --> 00:02:24.879
There's gonna be lots of like going from one thing to the other, but that's just the point of the podcast, right?
00:02:24.879 --> 00:02:31.199
I've been doing a lot of work on me, I suppose, and people are like, How long have you been in this business?
00:02:31.199 --> 00:02:39.120
I'm like, Well, about six years, because my first admission was in 2019, and we're now 2025.
00:02:39.120 --> 00:02:43.360
So yeah, I feel like I've been in business with this for about six years.
00:02:43.360 --> 00:02:47.280
How long have I actually been sharing She's Honestly Mental properly?
00:02:47.280 --> 00:02:56.639
Actually, it's been since we did the photo shoot with Belle and Cass and Casey and M.
00:02:56.639 --> 00:02:57.919
And that was wild.
00:02:57.919 --> 00:02:58.800
Did I tell you?
00:02:58.800 --> 00:03:02.800
I've done a massive fun photo shoot at Karen up.
00:03:02.800 --> 00:03:04.319
It was amazing.
00:03:04.319 --> 00:03:08.080
So Belle's a photographer, she's a fucking hoot.
00:03:08.080 --> 00:03:12.639
We did that in June, and what a ride that was.
00:03:12.639 --> 00:03:27.840
I'd supposed to have this photo shoot with Belle for the last two years, and it was when I was gonna be like focusing on my dual business or actually life coaching, and it was just gonna be a real like kind of aesthetic, sit there with my laptop kind of vibe.
00:03:27.840 --> 00:03:35.439
But then obviously two years happened and things have changed, and I really thought, fuck, she's honestly mental's gotta come to life.
00:03:35.439 --> 00:03:41.280
And so I worked with Cass from Emerson on the brand.
00:03:41.280 --> 00:03:48.080
I really committed to getting shit to look professional because I wanted it to be a professional.
00:03:48.080 --> 00:03:50.560
I didn't want it to be just like a hobby thing anymore.
00:03:50.560 --> 00:03:54.240
Like I really wanted She's Honestly Mental to be something in the world.
00:03:54.240 --> 00:04:04.319
And I suppose that's like kind of like the weight that I've been carrying a lot and what's kind of got me to this day specifically.
00:04:04.319 --> 00:04:06.719
But yeah, anyway, I digress.
00:04:06.719 --> 00:04:08.960
Worked on the brand with Cass.
00:04:08.960 --> 00:04:10.159
She's fucking epic.
00:04:10.159 --> 00:04:17.120
She just really pulled things out of my head that I know innately, but I haven't been able to put on paper.
00:04:17.120 --> 00:04:26.959
So when you see all the fancy branding and pretty colours and a few keywords and stuff like that, that's like it's come from my bones, like my genes.
00:04:26.959 --> 00:04:35.120
But it's like Cass has been the one that's been talented to be able to pull that information out of me, which is just like fuck man.
00:04:35.120 --> 00:04:41.199
And then so we went and did this photo shoot with Belle and the girls, and we were at Karen Up.
00:04:41.199 --> 00:04:45.920
We went to Archie Brothers, which is like a time zone kind of thing, but really epic.
00:04:45.920 --> 00:04:59.040
And I just was a big kid and it was fun and it was loud, and we literally like walked around the West Deck at Karen Up and just did wild photo things, and it was amazing because it was me.
00:04:59.040 --> 00:05:03.600
There's even some photos of my son like pushing me around in a trolley.
00:05:03.600 --> 00:05:10.480
This photo shoot happened, no shit, an hour after we got some news about my son that he potentially has this.
00:05:10.480 --> 00:05:11.920
I don't know.
00:05:11.920 --> 00:05:13.360
Anyway, he's been really struggling.
00:05:13.360 --> 00:05:14.879
He's never really slept well.
00:05:14.879 --> 00:05:20.560
He has these hallucinations, delirious episodes when he's extremely stressed or unwell.
00:05:20.560 --> 00:05:33.279
And it just happens for like days on end, like for nights and nights and nights, and it's really hard, and I feel really horrible for him because there's nothing that we can really do about it, and he's aware of it too.
00:05:33.279 --> 00:05:48.000
So we've been back and forth in Perth, we've seen a neurologist, and when we saw the neurologist this couple of hours before the photo shoot, she was going through everything, and she's like, oh, okay, well, this sounds like yeah, potentially ADHD anxiety, which we already knew about.
00:05:48.000 --> 00:05:57.600
He's dyslexic and like such a smart, sweet kid, but obviously I feel the same when it comes to school stuff, just such a struggle.
00:05:57.600 --> 00:06:03.839
And so then when we saw the neurologist, she's doing the whole like once-over check.
00:06:03.839 --> 00:06:08.319
And then she says, All right, cool, needs to do like a physical look.
00:06:08.319 --> 00:06:10.000
And she goes, Oh, do you have any birthmarks?
00:06:10.000 --> 00:06:11.519
And he's like, Yeah, I've got two.
00:06:11.519 --> 00:06:25.680
And I was like, I know that he's got one on the back of his leg, but then he's also got one on his hip, which we hadn't really looked at for a little while, but the one on his hip has actually freckled over the top of the birthmark, like over the they call it cafe au lay spots.
00:06:25.680 --> 00:06:47.839
And when you've got them like that, they can say that it's a sign of neurofibromatosis, and that's where you can have like tumours and stuff going on your nervous system, you can have them in your brain, they can be in your eyes, you can have these like lich nodules in your eyes, and so she was like, right, you're in Perth, let's get you an MRI, like let's get it done really quickly.
00:06:47.839 --> 00:06:52.240
And I'm just like, Oh, supposed to be at a photo shoot in an hour.
00:06:52.240 --> 00:06:55.519
Seriously, the photo shoot, it wasn't important.
00:06:55.519 --> 00:06:59.519
Like it was important, but when it comes to this stuff, like it wasn't important.
00:06:59.519 --> 00:07:03.839
But I was like, fuck, okay, how do I make this work?
00:07:03.839 --> 00:07:12.079
And also try and not fall apart at this potential thing that your child could have tumours, not have tumours, who fucking knows.
00:07:12.079 --> 00:07:14.959
But this neurologist wants you to get checked ASAP.
00:07:14.959 --> 00:07:19.759
She's like, okay, well, you're you're up from the country, we'll just get this done while you're here.
00:07:19.759 --> 00:07:32.480
And no shit, she rang the MRI place because of course she wanted like a particular model of machine so that they can get the images that they needed, and she rang and she's like, Yep, they can see you at 3.30 this afternoon.
00:07:32.480 --> 00:07:33.600
I'm like, fuck.
00:07:33.600 --> 00:07:40.000
So if you're in Perth, like I had to get from wherever this appointment was, it was kind of like just north of the city.
00:07:40.000 --> 00:07:44.240
I don't really know Perth, but then up to Caranot, which is kind of like out on the coast-ish.
00:07:44.240 --> 00:07:52.319
And then I had to get back down south for this MRI and still somehow do my photo shoot.
00:07:52.319 --> 00:07:55.920
And it was only then going to be about an hour, and I was like, fuck, fuck, fuck.
00:07:55.920 --> 00:08:02.959
Anyway, got in the car, started driving, and I thought, let me just ring the MRI place back again.
00:08:02.959 --> 00:08:08.079
And they said to me, Yeah, actually, we can see you first thing tomorrow.
00:08:08.079 --> 00:08:09.920
And I'm like, brilliant.
00:08:09.920 --> 00:08:14.319
So I was able to go and do the photo shoot, knowing that we had an appointment for tomorrow.
00:08:14.319 --> 00:08:18.240
I had to change flights, rebook accommodation, extend the car hire, blah, blah, blah.
00:08:18.240 --> 00:08:28.160
But right now I had to go and like pull the mask on of like, you're a really fun, cool person who's super honest about mental health, and go and pull that essence into a brand shoot.
00:08:28.160 --> 00:08:29.360
Fuck.
00:08:29.360 --> 00:08:31.120
But I did.
00:08:31.120 --> 00:08:34.639
I told the girls about it and they were amazing and really supportive.
00:08:34.639 --> 00:08:37.679
But then we were like, right, let's go, let's get this shit done.
00:08:37.679 --> 00:08:40.960
And it was so much fun.
00:08:40.960 --> 00:08:47.200
And then as soon as we finished and they all walked away, I just broke down a bit.
00:08:47.200 --> 00:08:50.159
But I couldn't fully break down because my son was there.
00:08:50.159 --> 00:09:00.639
And it just was like as a mummy, you have all of these emotions, and you're trying to protect your child, you don't want them to freak out.
00:09:00.639 --> 00:09:03.279
And I mean, he's 12, like he's a smart kid.
00:09:03.279 --> 00:09:07.200
But at the time, I was like, hey mate, we're just going to Archie Brothers.
00:09:07.200 --> 00:09:09.600
Like he knew that we had the photo shoot, and I was like, here's $200.
00:09:09.600 --> 00:09:14.159
You can spend two hours at Archie Brothers while we do the photo shoot and have the fucking best time.
00:09:14.159 --> 00:09:15.279
And he did.
00:09:15.279 --> 00:09:20.080
But then once the photo shoot was done, I was like, fuck, we don't have pajamas.
00:09:20.080 --> 00:09:22.799
Like we were literally just flying up for the day.
00:09:22.799 --> 00:09:24.799
We didn't have spare clothes.
00:09:24.799 --> 00:09:28.799
So, you know, it was like, fuck, we need to go get some clothes.
00:09:28.799 --> 00:09:32.960
We need to go and get some socks, some jocks, I need to get another night's accommodation.
00:09:32.960 --> 00:09:35.519
And it just was a lot.
00:09:35.519 --> 00:09:41.360
I'm sharing this because I know I'm not the only one trying to hold it all together while everything feels like it's too much.
00:09:41.360 --> 00:09:44.799
And so then we had his appointments.
00:09:44.799 --> 00:09:47.679
We flew home that next afternoon.
00:09:47.679 --> 00:09:51.200
And then I was home for two days and we jumped in the car and went to broom.
00:09:51.200 --> 00:09:52.080
And it was fine.
00:09:52.080 --> 00:09:53.039
I just got the shit done.
00:09:53.039 --> 00:09:55.360
Jared carried a lot of the load at home.
00:09:55.360 --> 00:09:57.360
He's like, just pack your clothes.
00:09:57.360 --> 00:09:58.879
That's all you've got to do.
00:09:58.879 --> 00:10:00.879
So I was like, clothes and books.
00:10:00.879 --> 00:10:01.679
That's it.
00:10:01.679 --> 00:10:03.120
I had it all in there.
00:10:03.120 --> 00:10:07.519
And we went and spent three weeks up north, and it was amazing.
00:10:07.519 --> 00:10:08.799
It was so good.
00:10:08.799 --> 00:10:12.559
And then came home and I was home for a week and a half.
00:10:12.559 --> 00:10:18.399
And then I went to Bali, which is obviously where I recorded the first few episodes of the podcast.
00:10:18.399 --> 00:10:20.159
That was a whirlwind.
00:10:20.159 --> 00:10:22.159
I had to come home.
00:10:22.159 --> 00:10:24.320
Well, I didn't have to come home early.
00:10:24.320 --> 00:10:32.399
I actually left 12 hours early or whatever because Nula, our family daycare lady, she was actually sick the entire time we were in Bali.
00:10:32.399 --> 00:10:35.120
So Ruben couldn't go to daycare.
00:10:35.120 --> 00:10:37.919
And then there was other stuff going on as well.
00:10:37.919 --> 00:10:40.720
And it was just insane.
00:10:40.720 --> 00:10:57.840
And I felt so, so horrible because Jared was at home carrying that load of being a dad and running our business and all of the other things, which do not get me wrong, like he is the goat when it comes to being a dad and doing all of the things.
00:10:57.840 --> 00:11:02.080
But I have learnt that there's certain times of the year, i.e.
00:11:02.080 --> 00:11:05.840
harvest, that putting the pressure on is not ideal.
00:11:05.840 --> 00:11:11.360
And so I flew home a little bit earlier from Bali because we had an event in Perth.
00:11:11.360 --> 00:11:14.320
He ended up driving up because he's like, well, like Ruben's sick.
00:11:14.320 --> 00:11:15.360
I can't send him to Daycar.
00:11:15.360 --> 00:11:16.879
I can't do anything.
00:11:16.879 --> 00:11:19.200
So I'm just gonna jump in the car and come to Perth.
00:11:19.200 --> 00:11:20.159
And I was like, perfect.
00:11:20.159 --> 00:11:21.840
I might actually fly in a little bit earlier.
00:11:21.840 --> 00:11:26.159
Gives me time for the next day to prep myself for the events for the next night.
00:11:26.159 --> 00:11:30.000
And it just was this one thing after the next.
00:11:30.000 --> 00:11:33.600
So flew home early, met them in Perth.
00:11:33.600 --> 00:11:35.039
Ruben was kind of okay.
00:11:35.039 --> 00:11:36.480
He'd been having those temps and stuff.
00:11:36.480 --> 00:11:40.559
Turns out he had influenza and he had it for two weeks and it was shit.
00:11:40.559 --> 00:11:48.320
And the funniest thing, so we had the event on the Friday night, which was my brother and my sister-in-law were having an engagement party.
00:11:48.320 --> 00:11:50.399
They got married, which was amazing.
00:11:50.399 --> 00:11:52.159
I was so stoked for them.
00:11:52.159 --> 00:11:56.879
And then our plan was the next morning to get up at three to drive back to Esmerance.
00:11:56.879 --> 00:12:02.480
And so when you live 800 kilometres from anywhere, you're traveling at dumb hours of the day and night.
00:12:02.480 --> 00:12:06.399
And so we were like, right, we'll leave at three, it'll be fine.
00:12:06.399 --> 00:12:11.759
Fucking 1.30 in the morning, the fire alarms go off in the hotel.
00:12:11.759 --> 00:12:14.559
So we'd been asleep for like four hours or something.
00:12:14.559 --> 00:12:16.559
And these fucking alarms go off.
00:12:16.559 --> 00:12:19.519
And we're like, well, we're awake now.
00:12:19.519 --> 00:12:23.200
And we decided that we would go back up to the room, pack everything up.
00:12:23.200 --> 00:12:25.679
Like it was just one of those fault alarms that had kind of gone off.
00:12:25.679 --> 00:12:27.840
But of course, everyone had to evacuate.
00:12:27.840 --> 00:12:32.960
Got back up to the room, said, fuck it, let's jump in the car and we'll drive home.
00:12:32.960 --> 00:12:40.000
And we got in the car, we got about 45 minutes out of Perth, and we're like, no, we need to sleep.
00:12:40.000 --> 00:12:44.159
So we parked up, slept for a couple of hours, and then drove home.
00:12:44.159 --> 00:12:48.559
And got home and I went and played hockey that afternoon, because that's what you do.
00:12:48.559 --> 00:12:50.879
Mostly because I love my hockey girls.
00:12:50.879 --> 00:13:06.080
But it I feel like it's like I went to Bali, was home for a few weeks, and when you're away and everything's so disjointed, and then you're super involved in all sorts of different things, you get behind on shit.
00:13:06.080 --> 00:13:13.120
And so all of my work stuff was really behind, you know, when you're doing accounts and financials and stuff like that.
00:13:13.120 --> 00:13:21.440
It's hard to talk about this stuff for me because I've never really said this out loud before.
00:13:21.440 --> 00:13:25.120
So I have this story around money where I'm like, yeah, it'll be fine.
00:13:25.120 --> 00:13:31.679
Like, so I like just splash it around and do all the things, and it's like it's not going to actually always be fine.
00:13:31.679 --> 00:13:38.639
And I think that's an ADHD thing, is like having issues with around impulse control and impulsivity and stuff like that.
00:13:38.639 --> 00:13:41.440
Is I'm just like, it'll be fine, like it'll be totally okay.
00:13:41.440 --> 00:13:44.399
I feel like that's my motto, is it'll be fine, like it'll be okay.
00:13:44.399 --> 00:13:46.720
And I'm like, it will be okay.
00:13:46.720 --> 00:13:56.559
But it's like I was saying to my mum yesterday, she's like, Well, you know you've got these deadlines, and I'm like, Yeah, I know I've got these deadlines, but my brain wants to go and chase the rabbits.
00:13:56.559 --> 00:13:58.879
Doesn't want to, like, it wants to go down the rabbit hole.
00:13:58.879 --> 00:14:01.600
He doesn't want to sit there and do deadline-y things.
00:14:01.600 --> 00:14:04.159
It's really hard.
00:14:04.159 --> 00:14:15.600
So a couple of weeks ago, I was in Perth again for the Biz Revolution Gullah, my beautiful friend Emily, MG, as you all know her.
00:14:15.600 --> 00:14:23.840
She runs the Biz Revolution, which is a co-working, networking, online platform for women in business.
00:14:23.840 --> 00:14:26.799
But it's like women in business that are a little bit rebellious.
00:14:26.799 --> 00:14:29.279
Like, we question everything.
00:14:29.279 --> 00:14:31.759
And I suppose this is a really cool thing.
00:14:31.759 --> 00:14:34.720
I'm like, question everything, even the thoughts in your mind.
00:14:34.720 --> 00:14:40.559
So, like the story that I'm telling myself around my money stuff is that I'm really shit at it.
00:14:40.559 --> 00:14:44.639
But I'm in the middle of working with that.
00:14:44.639 --> 00:14:46.080
I'm even doing some shadow work.
00:14:46.080 --> 00:14:51.679
Like, if you're a bit woo-woo, I clearly need to do a bit more on that, but we're getting there.
00:14:51.679 --> 00:14:59.519
I met this amazing lady, this lovely lady, Vicky, and she is like a financial strategist.
00:14:59.519 --> 00:15:08.000
And I was just kind of talking to her, and she's like, Look, I am actually an accountant by trade, but I don't do the behind stuff.
00:15:08.000 --> 00:15:15.759
Like, we don't look backwards because you know, most tax accountants and BASS agents and stuff like that are looking backwards and they're trying to do compliance and blah, blah, blah.
00:15:15.759 --> 00:15:32.000
Whereas what businesses really need is like proper forecasting where you can have a bit of a budget and a bit of a plan, and that's where you can see on paper or on a spreadsheet just exactly where things are going if you spend X, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:15:32.000 --> 00:15:35.039
And I'm like, where have you been all my life?
00:15:35.039 --> 00:15:41.120
I literally all my life have wanted someone that can sit there and properly forecast the data with me.
00:15:41.120 --> 00:15:48.320
And it's taken me like this long to be able to find someone that's like, yeah, I'm actually an accountant by trade, but we look forward.
00:15:48.320 --> 00:16:03.120
I've now set up a few different bank accounts so that I've got like my P A Y G in one and my super in another one, and all of these things just to make sure that, and I've changed my zero dashboard so that I can see exactly what's where when.
00:16:03.120 --> 00:16:05.120
And I'm not having to fucking guess.
00:16:05.120 --> 00:16:07.360
Please just give me the black and white.
00:16:07.360 --> 00:16:14.559
And I actually had to ring the ATO yesterday to talk to them, and they're like, no, look, we need to go a bit further into this.
00:16:14.639 --> 00:16:16.240
I'm like, for fuck's sake.
00:16:16.559 --> 00:16:19.039
Anyway, I know that it's gonna be okay.
00:16:19.039 --> 00:16:38.399
I've been speaking to our team, it's just a business thing, and I suppose this is why, like, she's honestly mental, because like my best friend, I love her, she has been petrified of the ATO because of stuff that her parents have said around it.
00:16:38.399 --> 00:16:45.279
And it's like they'll come for you, they'll put you in jail, they'll take all of your stuff away from you, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:16:45.279 --> 00:16:46.480
Yeah, dickhead.
00:16:46.480 --> 00:16:50.240
That's if you don't talk to them and don't communicate to them.
00:16:50.240 --> 00:16:52.720
And so I've learned that a lot.
00:16:52.720 --> 00:16:58.879
I'm like, I have to be up front and I have to be honest, because if I'm not, it just fucks everything off.
00:16:58.879 --> 00:17:08.880
Like it just makes it worse, but then it also makes the stories that I'm telling myself more real when really that's not the reality.
00:17:08.880 --> 00:17:19.599
And so, one little trick, I'm like, if you've got stuff ruminating in here, you have to get that out of your head because it's probably just a story that you're saying.
00:17:19.599 --> 00:17:23.119
And I'm like, Cool story bro needs more dragons.
00:17:23.119 --> 00:17:25.119
Actually, is that true?
00:17:25.119 --> 00:17:27.119
Oh, it's not actually.
00:17:27.119 --> 00:17:32.000
So, you know, I did the hard things, I had the hard conversations, all will be okay.
00:17:32.000 --> 00:17:34.640
It's gonna be a little bit rough for a little while, but that's okay.
00:17:34.640 --> 00:17:35.680
Like, we've got a plan.
00:17:35.680 --> 00:17:42.640
And so now I'm, you know, working with Vicky to try and get myself sorted.
00:17:42.640 --> 00:17:51.119
And it really sucks because it's kind of something that my family's been having to help me with get out of for a really long time, is my stuff with money.
00:17:51.119 --> 00:17:53.359
So, yeah, what are the kids?
00:17:53.359 --> 00:17:54.240
They're like, psych.
00:17:54.240 --> 00:17:57.920
Karina's really good with like financials, but she's not actually really good with money.
00:17:57.920 --> 00:18:10.480
But I am like, I'm getting much better, and it's just one of those things, but it's one of those things that weighs on me, and it's like really airing out my dirty laundry if people want to look at my bank statements.
00:18:10.480 --> 00:18:12.960
I'm like, oh, that's really where it's at.
00:18:12.960 --> 00:18:14.160
And people do say that.
00:18:14.160 --> 00:18:17.680
I'm supposed if you want to look at your values and stuff like that, you just look at someone's bank statement.
00:18:17.680 --> 00:18:24.559
I'm like, I just value beautiful things, but then comes the major emotional guilt over that.
00:18:24.559 --> 00:18:29.599
So here I am back in Perth, go-karts this weekend.
00:18:29.599 --> 00:18:33.759
That's a whole other episode, governance.
00:18:33.759 --> 00:18:34.960
But yeah.
00:18:34.960 --> 00:18:39.119
Welcome to I don't know what are we up to, episode six.
00:18:39.119 --> 00:18:41.920
I actually had another episode recorded for episode six.
00:18:41.920 --> 00:18:48.559
It was my first guest podcast, and it was around a good friend of mine that I've been working with for a little while.
00:18:48.559 --> 00:18:59.279
This is what happens, you end up working with these people, and they become good friends and you get to know them, and it's really beautiful having these different people, particularly when you're living in such a small country town, it becomes really isolating.
00:18:59.279 --> 00:19:07.200
Anyway, she's actually someone who's come into my life through a mutual friend, and her area of expertise is something.
00:19:07.359 --> 00:19:09.039
I know, I wish I could share more.
00:19:09.039 --> 00:19:21.279
Her area of expertise is something that's been really, really valuable in our lives when it comes to business HR operations and really streamlining how our business actually works.
00:19:21.519 --> 00:19:27.519
When we're in Perth for the Biz Revolution Gala, which also she's honestly mental sponsored, it was just great.
00:19:27.519 --> 00:19:30.799
We got to give away $5,000 to two different women in business.
00:19:30.799 --> 00:19:32.240
It was just amazing.
00:19:32.240 --> 00:19:37.119
I sat down and had this guest episode, and my friend was like, right, we're doing it.
00:19:37.119 --> 00:19:38.160
We're doing a guest episode.
00:19:38.160 --> 00:19:39.119
It's going to be a first one.
00:19:39.119 --> 00:19:40.480
I'm going to pop the cherry.
00:19:40.480 --> 00:19:43.680
And it was an epic, epic episode.
00:19:43.680 --> 00:19:55.519
But because of the context of it, which is around like domestic violence, coercive relationships, and currently there's issues around custody of children, etc., we've had to just put a little pin in that one.
00:19:55.519 --> 00:20:03.920
And hopefully, sometime in the future, we are able to actually share that epic episode because I think it would be something that's really valuable to a lot of people.
00:20:03.920 --> 00:20:06.240
So, yeah, that's where I'm at.
00:20:06.319 --> 00:20:10.960
It's been big, it's been messy, but also if you're caring a lot, just know you're not doing it wrong.
00:20:10.960 --> 00:20:13.279
Life is just heavy sometimes, and you're still here.
00:20:13.279 --> 00:20:15.200
That counts for something.
00:20:15.200 --> 00:20:19.839
Thanks for hanging out with me on She's Honestly Mental.
00:20:19.839 --> 00:20:29.599
If today's episode cracked open something inside of you or gave you space to exhale, come say hi over at Instagram at She's Honestly Mentor.
00:20:29.599 --> 00:20:33.359
Or send this to someone who needs to hear that they're not alone.
00:20:33.359 --> 00:20:39.920
And if you haven't yet, hit that follow button so the next episode lands in your messy feed right where it belongs.
00:20:39.920 --> 00:20:42.400
Until next time, take care of your brain.
00:20:42.400 --> 00:20:43.519
You're not broken.
00:20:43.519 --> 00:20:45.119
You're just honestly mental.
00:20:45.119 --> 00:20:46.799
And all the best people are.
