One Wrong Move: The UTV Accident That Changed Everything for Years | Ft. Ashley Negron

WEBVTT
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I went to the bathroom at a gas station on the
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way home from the hospital and realized, I don't
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know how to do this one -handed. And that's,
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I think, the moment that it hit me. This is going
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to be a journey. And I was the one who put her
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there. Welcome to the Optimizing Beyond podcast.
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I'm Josh Negron, and this show's all about sharing
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lessons, ideas, and strategies that sharpen your
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thinking. strengthen your habits, and push you
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to grow beyond comfort zones. Let's dive in.
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Welcome back to the show. Today, we're going
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to cover more about that UTV accident and the
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aftermath from that accident and Ashley's elbow
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that limited her from that moment on. And so
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to set the stage, we had traveled to Little Sahara
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in Western Oklahoma. And if you don't know Little
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Sahara, you should Google it. It's crazy. It
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is basically what it sounds like. You've heard
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of the Sahara Desert, and it is, I believe, like...
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1200 square miles of sand dunes. And it is otherworldly
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to say the least. So we went over there and drove
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some amazing machines in the in the dunes in
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the sand dunes. And what's ironic about that
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is I remember thinking through that weekend that
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that was likely one of the funnest weekends I'd
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ever had in my entire life until everything went
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sideways the last morning. We were actually leaving
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that day, and that last morning is when things
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went from the highest high to crushing lows.
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And so to set that stage, we had been driving
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these UTVs side by sides all around the entire
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desert, through all the sand dunes, making jumps.
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We had a couple accidents that we had to work
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through that we weren't a part of. One of the
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people in our party jumped a dune and had their
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machine kind of come apart in certain areas and
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jarred them pretty hard when they landed. We
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had another one, one of the ones that seats four,
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get a little sideways in a very narrow area and
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they slid off into a ditch and we had to basically
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winch them out. And so we had had our share of
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difficulties that weekend, but the fun factor
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was still absolutely incredible. And then the
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morning of, they decided, Like, hey, do we want
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to go for one more run? Not everyone went. It
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was just a small group of us, maybe three or
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four machines. And we went out to an area that
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I could only describe as like a big sand bowl.
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And we were all zipping around doing things.
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And I had for the first time that weekend, one
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of the bigger ones that seats four. And it was
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a totally different driving experience. They're
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a little bit slower, but more horsepower. Throughout
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the weekend, we would put them in sometimes in
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two wheel drive mode. And so you could get a
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little bit more sideways and do donuts and figure
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eights. And it was just, it was. Sublime, amazing
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Tokyo Drift style. And so Ashley had grown pretty
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comfortable with us zipping around doing crazy
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stuff. And so in the bottom of that bowl, I was
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doing figure eights and doing donuts. And it
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was unlike any sensation that you can obviously
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do on the road. And so I just kept tightening
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those circles more and more and more till at
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some point we were just locked in that slip angle.
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And I thought everything was the most awesome
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thing. I had ever experienced. But unfortunately,
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at one point, the circle got so tight that we
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hit kind of like a little bit of a sand bump
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that bumped that rear right wheel and started
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tipping over the UTV. Now, what I should have
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done is simply let go and the UTV would have
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slammed back down on the left side and we would
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have been good. We'd have been like, wow, that
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was jarring. But I didn't. I held the angle because
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in my mind, it was like slow motion, but it wasn't.
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Didn't know quite what was happening. So I held
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on and the UTV slowly, what seemed like slowly
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rolled over and we found ourselves upside down.
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And in my mind, I was like, well, this is embarrassing.
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And I was like, no big deal. They'll just flip
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us over. We're good to go. And I remember. Again,
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Ashley is usually pretty good with anything.
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And she I remember her screaming on the passenger
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side. And I'm like, babe, it's fine. Like we're
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fully harnessed in. You know, we were hanging
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upside down. But like and I was like, oh, she's
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a little freaked out because she's hanging upside
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down. It was a weird sensation. So I was like,
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no, no, we're good. We've got helmets on. We're
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good. And I was like, hey, we're fine. It's OK.
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They'll just flip us over. We're good to go.
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And that's when I realized that things were not
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quite OK. And she was. screaming. I was realizing
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that pain was involved. I had no way of seeing
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anything because dust was everywhere because
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it was settling in that bowl area where we were.
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And so I had no idea what was going on. I was
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stuck in my harness and just looking over, trying
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to calm her down and realizing she was saying
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my elbow, something's wrong with her elbow. I'm
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like, man, how? Like maybe, maybe her arm was
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out, you know, and I was just racking my brain
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what was going on. And then we found out that
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we needed to get her back. Still had no idea
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what was going on. And so, Ashley, share a little
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bit about what it was like for you on the other
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side after we rotated over. Yeah, so I think
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I must have instinctively, like, grabbed the
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door handle. to like brace myself for flipping
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because it was kind of in slow motion, you know,
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when accidents happen, things are like really
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weirdly, yeah, slow motion. I must have grabbed
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the door handle or put my hand, I genuinely don't
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remember. And that was the most amount of pain
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I have ever felt in my entire life. I just sort
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of completely like passed out, blacked out, all
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the things, my body went into shock and just
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remember hanging there like trying to breathe.
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and breathe through the pain knowing like, okay,
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this day is taking a different kind of a turn.
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And genuinely just like being, honestly, I was
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afraid it was broken and that I was going to
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have to be in a cast for a really long time is
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my honest thought. Like I've broken multiple
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bones. I'm now going to be in a cast. This sucks.
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That was all I knew, right? So they flipped us
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back over and genuinely like everything sounded
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like it was underwater. Everything was this really
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like iridescent -y look to the sky and the sand
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and like everything just looked really weird.
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And we drove very slowly back to the campsite,
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which by the way, even if it's sand, it's not
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smooth. And every bump felt like we were being
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jarred. And I'm sure you went like next to nothing
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back. Like I'm sure. The whole party went back
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super, super slowly. That was the tough part
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too, because in a state of emergency, you want
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to hurry. Right. But the, the sand was like rippled
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from all the wind from the previous night. And
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so it was like, you know, and so we couldn't
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go very fast, but we wanted to go back. Yeah.
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So we get back to the campsite and they get me
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moved into a vehicle, you know, get a pillow
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put under my elbow. And we had gone out early
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in the morning, so we hadn't even finished packing
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our stuff back up from being in the camper for
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three days. So you rushed back into the camper
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and are packing all of our stuff up. And I don't
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even know if you finished packing all of it.
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Like, Tesson might have finished at some point.
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I genuinely have no idea. So I just stayed in
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the SUV. And they, yeah, propped my arm all up.
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And I just, like, laid there praying and breathing
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and just thinking about getting to the hospital.
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And honestly, some pain meds. Like, that's really
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about all I remember on the road. It was an hour
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and a half drive to the hospital. And I don't
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remember most of it. like no idea most of it.
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I am sure that your journey was very different
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than mine, but you know, this was a work trip.
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And so our, our owner had actually lost his thumb
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at this same little Sahara because he got it
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stuck in a winch several years ago, even before
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like a couple of years before my accident. And
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so I'll never forget him climbing into the backseat
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and praying over me and praying over us. And
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he's like, hey, you know, when you get to the
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hospital, they're going to take really good care
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of you. And he holds his thumb up and he goes,
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ask me how I know. Like, so it was just one of
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those moments, you know, and his wife came over
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also and just everybody making sure that we were
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taken care of and having so many people like
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praying over us all the way to the hospital.
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And honestly, like, that's probably like, I do
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think I actually like went to sleep. I genuinely
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don't remember most of the car ride. Well, I
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do. So the you're right, I went back into the
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camper and started packing. And I remember the
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shock was still very real. The adrenaline was
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still pumping from the experiencing the accident
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itself. And so I just remember packing just to
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be vulnerable. Packing is not something I love
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doing. It's something that you're so much better
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at it than I am. So it was like it was magnified
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in my mind about. how you weren't able to help
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me do it. And and that just magnified all the
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all the horrible feelings of guilt that I had
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that were starting because I was the cause of
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the accident. And it caused like I was fine and
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it caused you to get hurt. And so I think anyone
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that cares about anyone and that happens, that's
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a that's a very terrible feeling. And I just
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had this huge feeling of guilt and being alone
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as I was frantically trying to gather our things.
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And I remember my best friend, Tustin, coming
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into the camper, realizing that I likely felt
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that way. And so he's a big dude, 6 '3", and
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so I just remember him just stopping me. And
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just giving me a big old bear hug. And that's
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when I broke down. And that was a special moment
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I'll never forget. Just when you've had a friend
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there for you in that moment that you needed
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it and you felt more alone than anything. It's
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something I'll never forget. And it was incredibly
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powerful and special for me. Because I, again,
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I hurt the person I cared about most. And so...
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Got my things. We loaded up the car and then
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they gave me the directions to go. And I'm just
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I just start driving. And it was over an hour
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long. I was trying to speed responsibly. I knew
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that if I did get pulled over, I could be like,
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hey, we're rushing to the hospital. And they
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and they would obviously probably escort me or
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let me go. So I wasn't super worried about that.
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I did notice on the way to the hospital. Again,
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you're talking about bumps. I think there were
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400 railroad crossings that we went over. I was
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like, what is this place? I mean, each one was
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like, you know, and you were like exclaiming
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in pain every time or wincing when those were
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going on. And I also remember I'm not a proponent
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for texting and driving. I hope I was doing some
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form of voice texting or whatever, but I was
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messaging. core group of friends, of core people
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of like, hey, I'm trying not to mentally spiral
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right now. We call it telling on ourselves when
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you know that you're not quite right in the head
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and that you need some help, some encouraging
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words, some prayers, or any combination of those
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things. We have our people that we say, you know,
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hey, I want to tell myself here. This is what,
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this is what's happening. I need some help. And
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it's been really a powerful tool. We learned
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that in premarital counseling a billion years
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ago, and we still use that today. So I was in
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communication with those people and they were
00:11:32.429 --> 00:11:34.789
encouraging me like, Hey, don't blame yourself.
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It's not your fault. You didn't mean to do it.
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All those things. And I, and the way I describe
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it. I really do think that it was partially a
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spiritual experience. And that's obviously also
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coming from my faith. I do believe that in the
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way that I also believe in God, I also believe
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in an opposite, right? I do believe there's an
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enemy after us that has an agenda. And why would
00:11:55.460 --> 00:11:57.620
he not want to capitalize in a scenario like
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this? I know I would if I was up to bad things.
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And so I can tell you the amount of negative
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feelings, especially because I had done a tremendous
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amount of work against negative self -talk and
00:12:08.559 --> 00:12:11.179
had pretty much at that point eliminated it and
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gotten over my self -loathing and gathered some
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healthy confidence in the right ways. I could
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definitely spot things that were no longer common
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in my mind that were entering in because of that
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accident. And so that was for me, I think that
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was you can call them intrusive thoughts. You
00:12:29.389 --> 00:12:31.350
can call them whatever you want. But my label
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is going to be I knew the enemy was like, yeah,
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I got him. I got him right where I want him.
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I'm going after him. So I remember that. And
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then we got to the hospital and got you checked
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in. And they were they were pretty. pretty incredible.
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One of the main things I remember from that time
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was the the. the proximity of our community during
00:12:53.360 --> 00:12:55.740
that time. And that's a thread that continues
00:12:55.740 --> 00:12:58.679
to pull through this entire journey. And that
00:12:58.679 --> 00:13:02.639
community was critical for me to keep me in the
00:13:02.639 --> 00:13:05.179
correct mindset. I had learned that I couldn't
00:13:05.179 --> 00:13:07.200
do things on my own and surrounding. That's why
00:13:07.200 --> 00:13:10.080
we talk so much here in Optimizing Beyond about
00:13:10.080 --> 00:13:12.419
community friendships and the people you keep
00:13:12.419 --> 00:13:15.159
closest to you and making sure you select amazing
00:13:15.159 --> 00:13:18.200
people to gather yourself around to also help
00:13:18.200 --> 00:13:21.740
you in these times. oftentimes in moments like
00:13:21.740 --> 00:13:24.659
this, if you surrender to those dark thoughts,
00:13:24.799 --> 00:13:27.460
to all that guilt, if I had done that, I knew
00:13:27.460 --> 00:13:30.220
that the depression that was going to come after
00:13:30.220 --> 00:13:33.419
that, the inability to move forward was going
00:13:33.419 --> 00:13:36.960
to be serious and risky. And in a lot of scenarios
00:13:36.960 --> 00:13:38.820
like this, especially when you hurt someone you
00:13:38.820 --> 00:13:41.179
care about, there's all sorts of things that
00:13:41.179 --> 00:13:43.299
people find themselves at the end of a bottle,
00:13:43.399 --> 00:13:46.120
at casinos, you know, on endless porn sites,
00:13:46.279 --> 00:13:49.460
whatever, whatever vice you want to select. It's
00:13:49.460 --> 00:13:52.059
just what people find themselves doing to cope
00:13:52.059 --> 00:13:55.039
with something like this. And so I knew that
00:13:55.039 --> 00:13:58.820
the stakes were high even in just that hour drive.
00:13:58.980 --> 00:14:01.580
And I needed I needed help and I needed to not
00:14:01.580 --> 00:14:04.860
be alone. And obviously, my wife was being in
00:14:04.860 --> 00:14:07.639
her pain, was being amazing, knew what I was
00:14:07.639 --> 00:14:10.200
going through. I was able to sense and understand.
00:14:10.600 --> 00:14:13.779
She knew me well enough and was already saying
00:14:13.779 --> 00:14:16.720
the things that I knew she was feeling by telling
00:14:16.720 --> 00:14:19.629
me like, hey, it is not your. fault. Do not blame
00:14:19.629 --> 00:14:23.029
yourself. And so those were helpful to hear to
00:14:23.029 --> 00:14:26.669
help me fight those negative emotions from multiple
00:14:26.669 --> 00:14:29.549
angles as well. And so I think all of those things,
00:14:29.570 --> 00:14:33.330
even in the first day, were useful to me to set.
00:14:33.659 --> 00:14:36.659
that foundation to be able to allow me to function
00:14:36.659 --> 00:14:39.940
and start the journey uh figuring out what our
00:14:39.940 --> 00:14:42.820
new normal was going to be because i knew looking
00:14:42.820 --> 00:14:45.659
at her arm even before we had a diagnosis that
00:14:45.659 --> 00:14:47.679
something was very wrong this would have been
00:14:47.679 --> 00:14:52.019
september of 2020. And so we would have been
00:14:52.019 --> 00:14:55.860
smack dab in the middle of COVID and COVID protocols
00:14:55.860 --> 00:15:00.080
in hospitals. And so that did mean having to,
00:15:00.080 --> 00:15:01.600
you know, we had to wear a mask in the hospital
00:15:01.600 --> 00:15:03.539
and all those things. And then that meant that
00:15:03.539 --> 00:15:06.019
our friends, after they finished packing up that
00:15:06.019 --> 00:15:09.100
came with us, they couldn't come into the hospital.
00:15:09.139 --> 00:15:11.279
They had to wait outside until they released
00:15:11.279 --> 00:15:13.820
us. Those kinds of things too. So, you know,
00:15:13.820 --> 00:15:15.679
sitting in the hospital room, it was just you
00:15:15.679 --> 00:15:18.600
and I. But also one of the byproducts is that
00:15:18.600 --> 00:15:21.259
meant that hospitals weren't genuinely as full
00:15:21.259 --> 00:15:24.340
at that point i think by september and so the
00:15:24.340 --> 00:15:28.279
emergency room they actually moved so much faster
00:15:28.279 --> 00:15:31.000
than i thought that they were going to You know,
00:15:31.019 --> 00:15:33.399
I felt like we were barely in the room by ourselves
00:15:33.399 --> 00:15:36.379
for not even like 10 minutes before here comes
00:15:36.379 --> 00:15:38.059
the doctor and she's like, okay, I'm going to
00:15:38.059 --> 00:15:39.759
order an x -ray and I think this is what you
00:15:39.759 --> 00:15:41.799
did and all the things and then we'll get a game
00:15:41.799 --> 00:15:44.019
plan after we have an x -ray. Great. She orders
00:15:44.019 --> 00:15:46.940
pain meds. She leaves. I haven't even gotten
00:15:46.940 --> 00:15:48.700
the pain meds when they come in and they're like,
00:15:48.759 --> 00:15:51.259
hey, we're here for your x -ray and they take
00:15:51.259 --> 00:15:53.200
me and wheel me down the hallway for the x -ray.
00:15:53.639 --> 00:15:56.539
Oh, by the way, this x -ray requires me to like
00:15:56.539 --> 00:16:00.620
hold my arm and put it on the table and all these
00:16:00.620 --> 00:16:03.960
different directions. Mind you, no pain meds
00:16:03.960 --> 00:16:06.840
yet. Like still in the most amount of pain I've
00:16:06.840 --> 00:16:10.120
ever been in yet. No, no pain meds. So they do
00:16:10.120 --> 00:16:12.259
the x -rays. They bring me back. They're hooking
00:16:12.259 --> 00:16:14.100
me, you know, re -hooking me back up in my room.
00:16:14.200 --> 00:16:16.600
They show up with the pain meds and my blood
00:16:16.600 --> 00:16:19.570
pressure is too high. And my heart rate is too
00:16:19.570 --> 00:16:22.429
high. And they're like, we can't give you this
00:16:22.429 --> 00:16:25.830
right now. Okay, cool. So they have to wait for
00:16:25.830 --> 00:16:28.070
it all to kind of level itself out because I've
00:16:28.070 --> 00:16:30.549
now stressed my body from taking this x -ray.
00:16:30.940 --> 00:16:34.460
So before all of that can come down, the doctor
00:16:34.460 --> 00:16:36.259
comes back in, pulls up the x -ray. She goes,
00:16:36.360 --> 00:16:38.419
yeah, no, you just dislocated it. We're great.
00:16:38.500 --> 00:16:40.700
There's no fractures. Everything's good. So I'm
00:16:40.700 --> 00:16:42.419
going to put you under. We're going to reset
00:16:42.419 --> 00:16:44.539
it. We're going to bandage you all up, splint
00:16:44.539 --> 00:16:47.259
it, and put you in a sling and send you home
00:16:47.259 --> 00:16:50.399
to do a follow -up like on Monday. Okay, cool.
00:16:50.500 --> 00:16:53.759
Oh, I'm sorry. I can't give you any pain meds
00:16:53.759 --> 00:16:56.279
because the ketamine that I'm going to need to
00:16:56.279 --> 00:16:58.980
give you to put you under lowers your heart rate
00:16:58.980 --> 00:17:01.519
and... Couldn't give me pain meds on top of the
00:17:01.519 --> 00:17:03.419
ketamine. She's like, but you'll be fine. It'll
00:17:03.419 --> 00:17:05.920
feel so much better when you wake up. Uh, elbows
00:17:05.920 --> 00:17:09.559
are not like knees and shoulders when you reset
00:17:09.559 --> 00:17:12.599
them. It's still very, very, very, very painful.
00:17:12.799 --> 00:17:16.109
Uh, so. They kick you out of the room, put me
00:17:16.109 --> 00:17:18.410
under. I have the trippiest dream of my life.
00:17:18.470 --> 00:17:21.230
I am high as a flipping kite. And they reset
00:17:21.230 --> 00:17:23.890
my elbow. And she did an incredible job. There
00:17:23.890 --> 00:17:27.210
are no breaks, no fractures. Like, it is crazy.
00:17:27.450 --> 00:17:30.170
I find out later it is because I have been strength
00:17:30.170 --> 00:17:33.500
training. And I'm double jointed. So those two
00:17:33.500 --> 00:17:36.180
things, the doctor later told me when he checked
00:17:36.180 --> 00:17:38.119
the x -rays and looked everything over back here
00:17:38.119 --> 00:17:40.140
at home, that those are the two things that kept
00:17:40.140 --> 00:17:42.599
me from seriously breaking any bones. And I've
00:17:42.599 --> 00:17:45.619
never been more grateful for those two things,
00:17:45.619 --> 00:17:47.460
you know, that I had been working hard and had
00:17:47.460 --> 00:17:50.559
muscle built up. And then that double jointed
00:17:50.559 --> 00:17:53.180
came in handy in my life. And so, you know, we
00:17:53.180 --> 00:17:55.900
got home. It was better because I didn't have
00:17:55.900 --> 00:17:58.359
to try to hold it up. I could use the sling.
00:17:58.839 --> 00:18:01.480
you know, and had it all wrapped and it was in
00:18:01.480 --> 00:18:04.500
this splint and the whole, whole thing. And yeah,
00:18:04.559 --> 00:18:07.660
we stopped at a gas station to get a snack and
00:18:07.660 --> 00:18:09.539
a drink. And I think our friends had been at
00:18:09.539 --> 00:18:11.420
the hospital and they, I wanted a smoothie. And
00:18:11.420 --> 00:18:13.440
so they brought that to me and we stopped to
00:18:13.440 --> 00:18:15.819
go to the bathroom and I went into the bathroom
00:18:15.819 --> 00:18:18.670
and I don't even remember. Oh, I do remember
00:18:18.670 --> 00:18:20.829
the pants I had on. They had a zipper and a button.
00:18:20.930 --> 00:18:24.289
And fortunately, Holly, one of my coworkers was
00:18:24.289 --> 00:18:26.890
with us and she's in the stall next to me. And
00:18:26.890 --> 00:18:30.769
I have this realization that I cannot get my
00:18:30.769 --> 00:18:33.289
pants back up one handed. Like I'm going to have
00:18:33.289 --> 00:18:36.089
to figure out a different method to this. And
00:18:36.089 --> 00:18:38.549
so she just helped me, you know, obviously like
00:18:38.549 --> 00:18:40.769
we're fresh off of this injury. So by the time
00:18:40.769 --> 00:18:42.069
two, a couple of days rolled around, I figured
00:18:42.069 --> 00:18:44.529
it out pretty quickly. But that mental, like
00:18:44.529 --> 00:18:47.640
I couldn't process that right away. So we got
00:18:47.640 --> 00:18:50.900
home. I immediately got into the recliner and
00:18:50.900 --> 00:18:54.039
I don't remember moving for a hot minute. And
00:18:54.039 --> 00:18:56.519
people showed up with meals and took care of
00:18:56.519 --> 00:18:58.779
us and had a pillow that traveled everywhere
00:18:58.779 --> 00:19:00.960
with us for a long time that I had to rest my
00:19:00.960 --> 00:19:03.180
elbow on because I couldn't let it bump and jar
00:19:03.180 --> 00:19:06.180
a lot of things. I actually ended up borrowing
00:19:06.180 --> 00:19:09.359
someone's like boppy nursing pillow and that
00:19:09.359 --> 00:19:10.960
worked really great because it tucked around
00:19:10.960 --> 00:19:12.920
and was there and it would fit under my desk
00:19:12.920 --> 00:19:14.700
even because I'd have to sit at my desk with
00:19:14.700 --> 00:19:18.059
that and just so. many things but yeah that was
00:19:18.059 --> 00:19:19.839
that was a day that's like that's one of those
00:19:19.839 --> 00:19:22.140
core memories for me like that day is pretty
00:19:22.140 --> 00:19:27.920
burned into my brain so um the crazy thing after
00:19:27.920 --> 00:19:30.559
that was I think that accident was on a Friday
00:19:30.559 --> 00:19:33.740
maybe Saturday we came home and you actually
00:19:33.740 --> 00:19:36.299
left like three days after the accident for a
00:19:36.299 --> 00:19:38.319
work trip that had been planned for a long time
00:19:38.319 --> 00:19:41.539
and so at that point in time your mom was still
00:19:41.539 --> 00:19:43.940
living with us and so I would have to have her
00:19:43.940 --> 00:19:46.640
help me get dressed and do some things you know
00:19:46.640 --> 00:19:49.640
to take care of that also in that period of time
00:19:49.640 --> 00:19:52.299
I had gotten to where I could I could drive and
00:19:52.299 --> 00:19:55.180
do okay left -handed but I'll never forget one
00:19:55.180 --> 00:19:58.079
of the mornings getting ready for work and the
00:19:58.079 --> 00:20:00.660
dog was laying in the bathroom floor and I stepped
00:20:00.660 --> 00:20:03.559
over her to leave the bathroom and at that exact
00:20:03.559 --> 00:20:07.380
moment she went to stand up and tripped me. Yeah,
00:20:07.440 --> 00:20:09.380
I think one of the biggest things that came out
00:20:09.380 --> 00:20:14.039
of that was the realization of like how injury
00:20:14.039 --> 00:20:17.339
and trauma works with your body. And then like
00:20:17.339 --> 00:20:19.400
how long it actually takes your body to recover
00:20:19.400 --> 00:20:21.859
from something like that. You know, I don't know
00:20:21.859 --> 00:20:24.299
if it's the combination of the shock and being
00:20:24.299 --> 00:20:27.339
put under and all of those things. But yeah,
00:20:27.420 --> 00:20:29.940
my body just, it wore out very, very quickly.
00:20:30.059 --> 00:20:32.019
You know, I would try to go to work and I would
00:20:32.019 --> 00:20:33.640
maybe only be able to work like three or four
00:20:33.640 --> 00:20:35.579
hours at a time. And I would just hit a wall
00:20:35.579 --> 00:20:38.400
and be completely fatigued, completely done.
00:20:38.779 --> 00:20:41.940
Fortunately, I am left -handed and I dislocated
00:20:41.940 --> 00:20:44.640
my right elbow. So there was a little bit of,
00:20:44.640 --> 00:20:47.420
you know, the silver lining and gratitude in
00:20:47.420 --> 00:20:49.640
that way as well. I had to learn how to do things
00:20:49.640 --> 00:20:52.180
at work one handed and realizing like, oh, I
00:20:52.180 --> 00:20:54.380
do accounting for a living. Like I use the tin
00:20:54.380 --> 00:20:57.619
key with my right hand. I can't do that right
00:20:57.619 --> 00:21:00.880
now. Like just all those random things. And we
00:21:00.880 --> 00:21:03.480
we kind of had to restructure our lives for a
00:21:03.480 --> 00:21:06.220
while. And it became about like maybe we were
00:21:06.220 --> 00:21:07.900
going to go meet someone for dinner, but we weren't
00:21:07.900 --> 00:21:09.539
going to go and like stay at their house for
00:21:09.539 --> 00:21:14.259
a long period of time. Or we. We were gonna take
00:21:14.259 --> 00:21:17.380
our weekends and just be at home, you know. I
00:21:17.380 --> 00:21:18.920
think at that point in time, you were still working
00:21:18.920 --> 00:21:21.039
every Saturday. And so I would spend the day
00:21:21.039 --> 00:21:23.480
just like resting and not doing anything and
00:21:23.480 --> 00:21:26.200
trying to recover. You know, we stayed at home
00:21:26.200 --> 00:21:29.039
on Sundays and watched church online because
00:21:29.039 --> 00:21:33.599
I was just so tired emotionally, physically,
00:21:33.779 --> 00:21:37.839
mentally. Also, I was doing, you know, PT multiple
00:21:37.839 --> 00:21:40.940
times a week and that was exhausting. And so...
00:21:41.200 --> 00:21:44.500
Just learning to listen to my body and to read
00:21:44.500 --> 00:21:48.420
those signs of that trauma and that fatigue and
00:21:48.420 --> 00:21:51.480
yeah, not pushing it too far. And you know, as,
00:21:51.619 --> 00:21:53.680
as you're recovering and as your body is healing,
00:21:53.740 --> 00:21:56.460
like you can push it to a certain point and you
00:21:56.460 --> 00:21:59.319
find a new, okay, here's my line. And now this
00:21:59.319 --> 00:22:02.349
is, this is the new, this is the new. way I can
00:22:02.349 --> 00:22:05.309
push it and then I'm gonna you know keep keep
00:22:05.309 --> 00:22:07.369
it here and I'm gonna maybe dial back a little
00:22:07.369 --> 00:22:08.789
bit and then the next time you're gonna push
00:22:08.789 --> 00:22:11.089
it a little bit farther and you just it's like
00:22:11.089 --> 00:22:12.990
coming back from when you have a cold you know
00:22:12.990 --> 00:22:14.190
like you're like all of a sudden you're like
00:22:14.190 --> 00:22:17.069
oh I feel pretty good okay cool. It was just
00:22:17.069 --> 00:22:18.789
learning to listen to my body and all the things
00:22:18.789 --> 00:22:21.589
that it was telling me and to for once in my
00:22:21.589 --> 00:22:24.029
life, not just push through that wall because
00:22:24.029 --> 00:22:27.849
I knew I couldn't and I knew the long term ramifications
00:22:27.849 --> 00:22:32.609
of if I tried to do too much too soon and what
00:22:32.609 --> 00:22:36.390
might happen long term if I overdid it and pushed
00:22:36.390 --> 00:22:38.569
it too far. Yeah. And I think for me during that
00:22:38.569 --> 00:22:42.690
time, the focus was to obviously be as helpful
00:22:42.690 --> 00:22:45.470
as I could possibly be. And I think that was
00:22:45.470 --> 00:22:49.230
good. because in seasons of difficulty and challenge,
00:22:49.430 --> 00:22:52.950
a lot of times people will choose to do. They're
00:22:52.950 --> 00:22:55.329
doers, right? They're fixers. They're like, well,
00:22:55.329 --> 00:22:57.269
just give me something to do. Even in times of
00:22:57.269 --> 00:22:59.849
grief, they'll bury themselves in their work
00:22:59.849 --> 00:23:01.650
and those kinds of things. But from an healthy
00:23:01.650 --> 00:23:04.470
standpoint, I think it was good for me to be
00:23:04.470 --> 00:23:07.789
able to serve you. And I think that was a helpful
00:23:07.789 --> 00:23:10.910
piece of the equation in keeping the negative
00:23:10.910 --> 00:23:13.710
thoughts at bay and fighting and combating the
00:23:13.710 --> 00:23:17.269
guilt and regret. that we're trying to attack
00:23:17.269 --> 00:23:19.029
that we talked about earlier. And I think that
00:23:19.029 --> 00:23:23.130
when I was able to help you do whatever, whether
00:23:23.130 --> 00:23:27.549
that is wash your hair or cook or get ready in
00:23:27.549 --> 00:23:29.549
the mornings or whatever, those kinds of things
00:23:29.549 --> 00:23:32.509
were just very practical ways for me to be present
00:23:32.509 --> 00:23:35.410
and help you. And it was tough to leave, especially
00:23:35.410 --> 00:23:37.970
three days after the accident and just be like,
00:23:38.069 --> 00:23:40.430
well, I hope she's okay. And so, obviously you
00:23:40.430 --> 00:23:42.730
mentioned we were caretaking for mom at that
00:23:42.730 --> 00:23:45.460
point. So she was present. helpful in in that
00:23:45.460 --> 00:23:47.299
regard to you. And so that gave me a lot of peace
00:23:47.299 --> 00:23:49.859
for sure. And so that is one detail that I'll
00:23:49.859 --> 00:23:53.420
highlight that that serving you wasn't out of.
00:23:53.900 --> 00:23:55.380
Because some would say, well, yeah, but you were
00:23:55.380 --> 00:23:57.220
probably just serving out of guilt. And I can
00:23:57.220 --> 00:23:59.900
honestly say that's not true. I think that was
00:23:59.900 --> 00:24:02.740
actually helpful in combating those kinds of
00:24:02.740 --> 00:24:05.960
things because I was able to put my energy into
00:24:05.960 --> 00:24:08.740
not trying to make things right or make up for
00:24:08.740 --> 00:24:11.319
whatever. It was more just like, no, this is
00:24:11.319 --> 00:24:14.079
my opportunity to be there, to be present and
00:24:14.079 --> 00:24:15.619
to serve. Yeah, because we definitely did have
00:24:15.619 --> 00:24:18.079
to learn a new normal. You know, I had always
00:24:18.079 --> 00:24:20.480
done all of the cooking. And so I think we've
00:24:20.480 --> 00:24:22.059
kind of highlighted on this a little bit before,
00:24:22.160 --> 00:24:24.200
but like that dynamic. had to change because
00:24:24.200 --> 00:24:26.200
you know there's only so much cooking you can
00:24:26.200 --> 00:24:28.759
do with one hand and so I would sit at the counter
00:24:28.759 --> 00:24:31.799
and walk you through like what I had done so
00:24:31.799 --> 00:24:34.140
that we weren't just eating like whatever fast
00:24:34.140 --> 00:24:36.700
food kinds of things or eating out all the time
00:24:36.700 --> 00:24:39.380
you know trying to still stay healthy and you
00:24:39.380 --> 00:24:41.660
know walk walk through that process but yeah
00:24:41.660 --> 00:24:44.279
that would that was just honestly there are so
00:24:44.279 --> 00:24:46.839
many times I have moments of like us just laughing
00:24:46.839 --> 00:24:50.349
because what else are you going to do like We
00:24:50.349 --> 00:24:52.410
can either laugh or we can get mad at each other
00:24:52.410 --> 00:24:54.509
and getting mad at each other was not going to
00:24:54.509 --> 00:24:57.230
solve any problems. What good would that have
00:24:57.230 --> 00:24:59.730
done? We learned to find laughter in the pain
00:24:59.730 --> 00:25:02.750
and in those, in those moments. And, um, yeah,
00:25:02.910 --> 00:25:05.809
but it was, it was just, I also have like some
00:25:05.809 --> 00:25:09.150
of the sweetest memories from 2020 coming out
00:25:09.150 --> 00:25:12.440
of that. that season of our life and watching
00:25:12.440 --> 00:25:15.160
you, you know, help, help take care of me and
00:25:15.160 --> 00:25:18.660
serve me in that way. And knowing like we were
00:25:18.660 --> 00:25:20.759
in this for the long haul, right? Like we're
00:25:20.759 --> 00:25:22.259
going to make it through, we're going to make
00:25:22.259 --> 00:25:24.079
it through something like this. And so, yeah,
00:25:24.200 --> 00:25:26.259
I don't, I don't even necessarily look back on
00:25:26.259 --> 00:25:28.779
that entire season with like being frustrated
00:25:28.779 --> 00:25:31.160
or bitter or any of those things. Like, yeah,
00:25:31.220 --> 00:25:34.819
it did change really like my gym life. It's really
00:25:34.819 --> 00:25:37.359
the only thing that it changed, but it also.
00:25:37.849 --> 00:25:40.549
brought us closer together and changed our marriage
00:25:40.549 --> 00:25:43.230
in so many good ways. And so, you know, that's
00:25:43.230 --> 00:25:45.150
honestly one of the things I'm thankful for on
00:25:45.150 --> 00:25:47.630
this side of it. Well, and you say that it really
00:25:47.630 --> 00:25:49.910
only changed your gym life. Obviously, that's
00:25:49.910 --> 00:25:53.529
long -term change after you recovered, right?
00:25:53.690 --> 00:25:57.190
I mean, when you regained your function to cook
00:25:57.190 --> 00:26:01.190
and do the other things outside of the gym that
00:26:01.190 --> 00:26:04.390
are considered like normal function. Yeah, no,
00:26:04.470 --> 00:26:07.480
for sure. That journey to even get there was
00:26:07.480 --> 00:26:09.779
was was very painful. Now, I want to highlight
00:26:09.779 --> 00:26:12.900
before we get too far into your recovery, the
00:26:12.900 --> 00:26:16.119
PT, like we are in the fitness space. We know
00:26:16.119 --> 00:26:18.480
a lot of physical therapists and the follow through
00:26:18.480 --> 00:26:22.299
rate on PT after surgery, after injury, whatever,
00:26:22.420 --> 00:26:25.650
whatever is like compliance is like. crazy low.
00:26:25.750 --> 00:26:28.329
It sucks. It's painful. It's time consuming.
00:26:28.529 --> 00:26:31.230
It's easy to forget. And once the pain goes away,
00:26:31.289 --> 00:26:33.329
like I've had shoulder issues before that have
00:26:33.329 --> 00:26:36.309
nagged me and gone away. And I've had PTs give
00:26:36.309 --> 00:26:39.130
me stuff to do. And if I remember to do them
00:26:39.130 --> 00:26:41.390
at all, which again, tough to remember, then
00:26:41.390 --> 00:26:43.650
once the pain goes away, that like the pain was
00:26:43.650 --> 00:26:45.910
almost your reminder to keep going. But I saw
00:26:45.910 --> 00:26:49.230
you doing it every single day. And I was like.
00:26:49.480 --> 00:26:53.559
So share a little bit about why you had that
00:26:53.559 --> 00:26:56.779
commitment, why it was abnormal, and why you
00:26:56.779 --> 00:26:58.839
could beat the norm in that scenario. Yeah, I
00:26:58.839 --> 00:27:02.039
think I just decided from the get -go that not
00:27:02.039 --> 00:27:05.400
getting back my full range of motion and not
00:27:05.400 --> 00:27:08.880
fully recovering was not an option. I was going
00:27:08.880 --> 00:27:13.019
to figure this out, and I was going to do the
00:27:13.019 --> 00:27:15.160
hard things to make it happen. And as we were
00:27:15.160 --> 00:27:17.079
thinking and talking through this yesterday,
00:27:17.420 --> 00:27:20.660
I think I told you, Like I realized because I
00:27:20.660 --> 00:27:23.480
had done the hard thing like running a marathon
00:27:23.480 --> 00:27:25.599
and I had done one of the most physically challenging
00:27:25.599 --> 00:27:28.299
things that there is to do with your body. I
00:27:28.299 --> 00:27:31.640
knew that I could do this and I knew that I had
00:27:31.640 --> 00:27:34.420
it in me to do the hard thing, you know? And
00:27:34.420 --> 00:27:37.079
so I, physical therapists can tell if you've
00:27:37.079 --> 00:27:39.039
done your homework or not, right? Like when you
00:27:39.039 --> 00:27:40.759
go three times, I think I was going like three
00:27:40.759 --> 00:27:42.700
times a week. When you go three times a week,
00:27:42.759 --> 00:27:46.519
they can tell. right? And I made sure that I
00:27:46.519 --> 00:27:49.900
was doing my homework. There's nights that I
00:27:49.900 --> 00:27:52.099
would sit in the chair and while we were watching
00:27:52.099 --> 00:27:54.779
TV, I've got my band out and I'm doing all my
00:27:54.779 --> 00:27:56.619
things and I'm moving my fingers and I'm doing
00:27:56.619 --> 00:27:59.200
my stuff and I'm stretching my elbow and I'm
00:27:59.200 --> 00:28:01.599
all the things because, you know, it had been
00:28:01.599 --> 00:28:03.680
in a sling for, I don't know, like five days.
00:28:03.720 --> 00:28:06.279
And then, then they are splinted for like five
00:28:06.279 --> 00:28:08.339
days. They took it out of the splint. back in
00:28:08.339 --> 00:28:10.339
a sling for like a week just to kind of let it
00:28:10.339 --> 00:28:12.960
like settle down a little bit and do that. And
00:28:12.960 --> 00:28:16.039
then I'll never forget the first night that I
00:28:16.039 --> 00:28:17.940
went without a sling. The doctor was like, okay,
00:28:17.940 --> 00:28:19.740
be done. We don't want your elbow to stiffen
00:28:19.740 --> 00:28:21.319
up too much. We want you to start physical therapy
00:28:21.319 --> 00:28:24.569
right away. all the things. I was so terrified
00:28:24.569 --> 00:28:27.190
of sleeping that I was gonna hurt it. Like I
00:28:27.190 --> 00:28:29.230
think I had kind of gone back to sleeping in
00:28:29.230 --> 00:28:30.690
bed by that point because I had figured out like
00:28:30.690 --> 00:28:32.509
how to prop it all up and how to protect it and
00:28:32.509 --> 00:28:35.049
be in a pillow and like it was in the sling so
00:28:35.049 --> 00:28:36.809
it was protected and I could do all the thing
00:28:36.809 --> 00:28:40.690
and then I was without all of that. And so it
00:28:40.690 --> 00:28:43.950
really like freaked me out and was back in the
00:28:43.950 --> 00:28:45.970
chair because I was afraid of hurting it or rolling
00:28:45.970 --> 00:28:48.529
over or, you know, doing whatever. But I did
00:28:48.529 --> 00:28:51.289
every single day. My gym time every morning.
00:28:51.470 --> 00:28:53.470
We still get up. We still went to the gym. My
00:28:53.470 --> 00:28:56.549
gym time every day was I was doing my physical
00:28:56.549 --> 00:28:59.190
therapy and I was spending my time doing that.
00:28:59.289 --> 00:29:02.470
I was riding a bike. I was doing some, you know,
00:29:02.470 --> 00:29:05.329
leg things that I could do one handed. But I
00:29:05.329 --> 00:29:08.009
made sure that I did that, you know, and I it
00:29:08.009 --> 00:29:10.200
was like, I think. it was four to six months
00:29:10.200 --> 00:29:12.440
of physical therapy. I think I finally was done
00:29:12.440 --> 00:29:15.380
maybe right after Thanksgiving, right before
00:29:15.380 --> 00:29:18.440
Christmas, somewhere in there. And she was like,
00:29:18.500 --> 00:29:20.680
I've done everything that I can do for you. And
00:29:20.680 --> 00:29:22.859
you know, Shannon, the lady I saw specialized
00:29:22.859 --> 00:29:25.740
in elbows and wrists. And so she really knew
00:29:25.740 --> 00:29:28.700
what she was doing and was just such a, such
00:29:28.700 --> 00:29:31.039
a blessing to get her and to, you know, be able
00:29:31.039 --> 00:29:33.359
to have her help me walk, walk along this journey.
00:29:33.460 --> 00:29:36.579
And so did all of that. And then she's like,
00:29:36.619 --> 00:29:38.500
I've got you as good as I can get you. everyday
00:29:38.500 --> 00:29:40.759
life. She's like, my specialty isn't getting
00:29:40.759 --> 00:29:45.099
you back to CrossFit, that level of gym kinds
00:29:45.099 --> 00:29:47.680
of things. So one of our friends is a physical
00:29:47.680 --> 00:29:50.279
therapist. And so I started seeing her outside
00:29:50.279 --> 00:29:54.339
of just, you know, she has her own practice.
00:29:54.460 --> 00:29:56.660
And so I started seeing her to try to get it
00:29:56.660 --> 00:29:59.359
back to like, okay, we're going to pick up a
00:29:59.359 --> 00:30:01.299
barbell and we're going to be able to do a clean
00:30:01.299 --> 00:30:03.220
and we're going to try to do snatches and we're
00:30:03.220 --> 00:30:04.779
going to try to get back on a pull -up bar and
00:30:04.779 --> 00:30:09.410
we're we had been doing and all of this stuff.
00:30:09.589 --> 00:30:11.990
And so, you know, we continued that journey well
00:30:11.990 --> 00:30:16.289
into April, May, all those things. And then that
00:30:16.289 --> 00:30:19.049
was when I started having a lot of nerve pain
00:30:19.049 --> 00:30:22.470
and like random shooting nerve pain out of nowhere.
00:30:22.529 --> 00:30:24.730
It would hit me at the weirdest times. I would
00:30:24.730 --> 00:30:26.430
be doing nothing and it would hit me. And it
00:30:26.430 --> 00:30:29.430
was unlike any sensation that I have ever experienced.
00:30:29.630 --> 00:30:31.410
And it gave me a whole new understanding for
00:30:31.410 --> 00:30:33.769
people who deal with any kind of like chronic
00:30:33.769 --> 00:30:37.289
nerve disorder or pain or... know, whatever that
00:30:37.289 --> 00:30:39.829
that might look like. It was crazy. And it got
00:30:39.829 --> 00:30:42.170
bad enough that Jen's like, okay, we need to
00:30:42.170 --> 00:30:44.130
do an MRI because it's not calming down. Like
00:30:44.130 --> 00:30:46.869
she had given me some, you know, arthritis cream
00:30:46.869 --> 00:30:49.329
to try putting on. I was taking ibuprofen. We
00:30:49.329 --> 00:30:50.769
were trying to get the swelling down. We were
00:30:50.769 --> 00:30:53.329
trying some dry needling. We were scraping all
00:30:53.329 --> 00:30:55.690
the things, nothing, like nothing was working.
00:30:55.730 --> 00:30:58.150
I was resting it and then going back to it, nothing
00:30:58.150 --> 00:31:00.910
worked. And so I ordered an MRI and discovered
00:31:00.910 --> 00:31:03.970
that I had a grade one tear in my ulnar ligament.
00:31:04.130 --> 00:31:06.720
And you know, the reason that it show up initially
00:31:06.720 --> 00:31:09.380
was because for most average people, just your
00:31:09.380 --> 00:31:12.329
normal everyday human, that It's totally fine.
00:31:12.450 --> 00:31:14.390
You can live your entire life with that and not
00:31:14.390 --> 00:31:16.890
even have symptoms and not even notice it. But
00:31:16.890 --> 00:31:20.069
because I was choosing to be in the CrossFit
00:31:20.069 --> 00:31:23.490
space and to be in the gym space, it was rearing
00:31:23.490 --> 00:31:26.049
its ugly head. And so she's like, you know, do
00:31:26.049 --> 00:31:28.210
you want to continue doing gym things? I'm like,
00:31:28.210 --> 00:31:33.130
well, yeah, like I need this in my life. I needed,
00:31:33.130 --> 00:31:35.269
you know, that consistency. I needed that outlet,
00:31:35.369 --> 00:31:38.150
all of those things to continue to stay fit and
00:31:38.150 --> 00:31:40.450
healthy. And so we found a doctor who specialized.
00:31:40.880 --> 00:31:44.539
in PRP, which is plasma rich platelets. It is
00:31:44.539 --> 00:31:48.460
a not covered by insurance procedure because
00:31:48.460 --> 00:31:51.099
it's kind of considered like... Yeah, fringy.
00:31:51.259 --> 00:31:53.359
Fringy, yeah. It's kind of considered like fringe
00:31:53.359 --> 00:31:56.500
medicine kind of things. And so insurances don't
00:31:56.500 --> 00:31:58.619
want to pay for it. But honestly, like it was
00:31:58.619 --> 00:32:00.279
one of those things that once we learned about
00:32:00.279 --> 00:32:02.039
it and started doing some research, it was really
00:32:02.039 --> 00:32:04.039
a no brainer because he said, surgery is not
00:32:04.039 --> 00:32:05.460
an option for you. He's like, I actually think
00:32:05.460 --> 00:32:07.619
you'll have less mobility and more pain after
00:32:07.619 --> 00:32:10.160
surgery than you do right now. Okay, great. So
00:32:10.160 --> 00:32:12.119
it was either a, you're going to learn to live
00:32:12.119 --> 00:32:13.680
with it and back off the gym, or we're going
00:32:13.680 --> 00:32:17.460
to try this PRP injections. So I had two of them
00:32:17.460 --> 00:32:21.099
and they drew my blood and brought in a thing
00:32:21.099 --> 00:32:23.359
that spun my blood and separated out my platelets
00:32:23.359 --> 00:32:26.400
and my blood. And then they took those and injected
00:32:26.400 --> 00:32:29.480
those platelets back into the site of my injury.
00:32:29.640 --> 00:32:32.650
And like, I think like moved the needle around
00:32:32.650 --> 00:32:36.890
in my elbow to induce trauma so that the blood
00:32:36.890 --> 00:32:39.549
rushes to that area. And what's already there
00:32:39.549 --> 00:32:42.210
is all of these platelets to be able to help
00:32:42.210 --> 00:32:44.190
like immediately start that healing process.
00:32:44.509 --> 00:32:46.869
And so we did two of those. I did more physical
00:32:46.869 --> 00:32:50.390
therapy, still kind of having some nerve pain,
00:32:50.569 --> 00:32:54.170
better, significantly better. I also did a 90
00:32:54.170 --> 00:32:57.869
day regimen of a peptide that is known to be
00:32:57.869 --> 00:33:01.079
helpful in strengthening. ligaments and tendons.
00:33:01.079 --> 00:33:03.420
And so there was a doctor here in town that would
00:33:03.420 --> 00:33:06.400
prescribe those. And so was able to do some things
00:33:06.400 --> 00:33:09.500
that not. traditional quote unquote medicine
00:33:09.500 --> 00:33:12.980
would allow, but that gave me that my life back.
00:33:13.160 --> 00:33:15.539
And so after those two injections, after all
00:33:15.539 --> 00:33:18.680
of that peptide therapy, I really was able to
00:33:18.680 --> 00:33:21.359
get back a large chunk of that. The downside
00:33:21.359 --> 00:33:24.880
is that in that season of all of that, trying
00:33:24.880 --> 00:33:28.279
to get it all okay, my shoulder and back had
00:33:28.279 --> 00:33:31.660
atrophied so badly, you know, cause I was still
00:33:31.660 --> 00:33:33.259
able to do a lot of things on my left side. So
00:33:33.259 --> 00:33:34.960
I kept doing all of those things, but that right
00:33:34.960 --> 00:33:37.750
side had atrophied and every time that I tried
00:33:37.750 --> 00:33:39.630
to be on the pull -up bar or I tried to put a
00:33:39.630 --> 00:33:42.450
bar up overhead or anything like that, it would
00:33:42.450 --> 00:33:45.750
lock up my shoulder and my back for like a week.
00:33:45.890 --> 00:33:48.309
And I was continually spending time in the chiropractor.
00:33:48.309 --> 00:33:50.670
I was having my ribs out. The muscles would just
00:33:50.670 --> 00:33:53.089
like get so knotted up. I was having to have
00:33:53.089 --> 00:33:55.569
a lot of massages to like re -loosen those up.
00:33:55.690 --> 00:33:57.690
And finally, you know, Jen's like, we can keep
00:33:57.690 --> 00:33:59.630
working on this. We can keep trying. I finally
00:33:59.630 --> 00:34:03.029
was just like, I'm okay. I don't need to be on
00:34:03.029 --> 00:34:04.970
a pull -up bar and to do pull -ups and toes to
00:34:04.970 --> 00:34:07.059
bar. There's other ways to do abs. There's other
00:34:07.059 --> 00:34:09.619
ways to get that same thing with a machine. In
00:34:09.619 --> 00:34:12.159
my full body weight, you know, I don't need to
00:34:12.159 --> 00:34:14.559
snatch. Didn't really like it before. Wasn't
00:34:14.559 --> 00:34:16.420
really good at it before. It's okay if I don't
00:34:16.420 --> 00:34:19.519
do that. I still can go like straight up overhead
00:34:19.519 --> 00:34:22.659
just fine. But it was the out and then bringing
00:34:22.659 --> 00:34:26.780
that barbell back down. The down and out is what
00:34:26.780 --> 00:34:31.139
really just, I never, I never got that. You know,
00:34:31.139 --> 00:34:34.769
and we would, we would try all the things. just
00:34:34.769 --> 00:34:36.909
never came back. And that's okay. You know, it
00:34:36.909 --> 00:34:38.969
became a new normal. And I found a new a new
00:34:38.969 --> 00:34:41.250
way to do the gym, or I would modify a lot of
00:34:41.250 --> 00:34:43.530
CrossFit stuff, or I would spend a lot of time
00:34:43.530 --> 00:34:45.989
with dumbbells or machines or whatever that that
00:34:45.989 --> 00:34:49.010
looked like, and just figured out what new gym
00:34:49.010 --> 00:34:51.469
routine was going to look like. That's so true.
00:34:51.550 --> 00:34:54.590
And I remember helping you find those limits,
00:34:54.710 --> 00:34:58.429
you know, and it was, again, from my side, still
00:34:58.429 --> 00:35:02.010
that nagging frustration that because of that
00:35:02.010 --> 00:35:05.550
event. your life wasn't the same and how you
00:35:05.550 --> 00:35:08.469
how you were before, what you could enjoy before,
00:35:08.630 --> 00:35:10.550
what you could challenge yourself in before.
00:35:10.630 --> 00:35:14.809
And so it was a constant reminder to stay on
00:35:14.809 --> 00:35:18.389
top of my mental game, because each time you
00:35:18.389 --> 00:35:21.289
you know, we went six to nine months and we're
00:35:21.289 --> 00:35:23.690
like, OK, everything's good now. I mean, as you
00:35:23.690 --> 00:35:26.849
started encroaching back into gym life and the
00:35:26.849 --> 00:35:29.050
things that you wanted to do. And then, you know,
00:35:29.050 --> 00:35:30.670
it's like we thought we were out of the woods.
00:35:31.119 --> 00:35:32.820
But then it was like, nope, something else is
00:35:32.820 --> 00:35:35.400
wrong. And then, you know, like who gets an MRI
00:35:35.400 --> 00:35:38.139
six to nine months later after an incident? You
00:35:38.139 --> 00:35:39.900
know, there was no reason to have one before.
00:35:40.079 --> 00:35:42.659
And so then we were like, oh, crap. OK, there's
00:35:42.659 --> 00:35:45.360
more to this. And that was that was another again
00:35:45.360 --> 00:35:49.510
and just a continuous layer of. tough in going,
00:35:49.789 --> 00:35:52.329
okay, this is just another thing. Let's figure
00:35:52.329 --> 00:35:55.150
it out and figure out our way through it and
00:35:55.150 --> 00:35:57.869
ultimately find the new normal. Because there
00:35:57.869 --> 00:36:00.429
are some things, we're all fixers. We want to
00:36:00.429 --> 00:36:03.130
put things back. And sometimes that's not reality.
00:36:03.389 --> 00:36:06.409
And sometimes the only way forward is a new path.
00:36:06.550 --> 00:36:09.849
And that is challenging from all angles. From
00:36:09.849 --> 00:36:12.489
you, the person who is having to accept that
00:36:12.489 --> 00:36:15.610
new normal and to avoid the negative emotions
00:36:15.610 --> 00:36:18.559
of bitterness and resentment, And then me on
00:36:18.559 --> 00:36:21.760
the other end of guilt and regret involved in
00:36:21.760 --> 00:36:23.719
those negative emotions that try to swallow you
00:36:23.719 --> 00:36:26.900
from those things. So you mentioned that one
00:36:26.900 --> 00:36:29.860
of the gifts from all this was the benefit of
00:36:29.860 --> 00:36:33.500
you feeling that mind body connection so much
00:36:33.500 --> 00:36:36.300
more and just being aware of your body because
00:36:36.300 --> 00:36:39.239
you were having to always find that new normal,
00:36:39.300 --> 00:36:42.619
find that new limit, not push beyond the cliff
00:36:42.619 --> 00:36:45.500
per se, but always trying to, you know, the body
00:36:45.500 --> 00:36:48.340
is incredible and we'll find. and adapt really,
00:36:48.480 --> 00:36:51.039
really well. And so discerning for yourself what
00:36:51.039 --> 00:36:54.500
was a boundary to be pushed and what was a boundary
00:36:54.500 --> 00:36:57.340
to be respected. It was cool to hear you kind
00:36:57.340 --> 00:36:59.900
of reflect on that in how that serves you now,
00:37:00.039 --> 00:37:02.139
even today. Yeah, I will say, I think that that's
00:37:02.139 --> 00:37:03.820
one of the, yeah, that's one of the coolest things
00:37:03.820 --> 00:37:06.059
that came out of that. Anytime I go to the chiropractor
00:37:06.059 --> 00:37:08.579
now, I'm like, I can tell you exactly where it
00:37:08.579 --> 00:37:11.059
hurts or what's out or whatever. And he always
00:37:11.059 --> 00:37:12.460
just laughs because he's been on this journey
00:37:12.460 --> 00:37:14.619
with me for this, you know, been seeing him long
00:37:14.619 --> 00:37:17.010
before this whole thing happened. So yeah. that
00:37:17.010 --> 00:37:19.829
awareness and learning how to isolate. Honestly,
00:37:19.969 --> 00:37:22.010
like I didn't grow up doing any kind of like
00:37:22.010 --> 00:37:25.050
physical activity. And so, you know, I've been
00:37:25.050 --> 00:37:27.170
running and whatever for a while, but like learning
00:37:27.170 --> 00:37:29.829
how to isolate muscle groups and how to target
00:37:29.829 --> 00:37:33.030
certain things and learning how to engage, you
00:37:33.030 --> 00:37:35.190
know, my lats and my traps and all these different
00:37:35.190 --> 00:37:37.590
things in my back very differently than what
00:37:37.590 --> 00:37:39.710
I'd ever had to worry about or think about before.
00:37:39.849 --> 00:37:42.429
And figuring out like I had maybe been lazy in
00:37:42.429 --> 00:37:44.650
the way I had been doing this particular movement
00:37:44.650 --> 00:37:47.329
and wasn't actually using the muscles it was
00:37:47.329 --> 00:37:49.989
supposed to be, but I could like just push through
00:37:49.989 --> 00:37:52.090
it because I was strong. And so, you know, learning
00:37:52.090 --> 00:37:56.429
to do that and spending the time to, yeah, just
00:37:56.429 --> 00:37:58.289
be more body aware. And so that's been, yeah,
00:37:58.349 --> 00:37:59.590
that's been a cool thing that's come out of it.
00:37:59.690 --> 00:38:02.710
Yeah, for sure. And we were talking about yesterday
00:38:02.710 --> 00:38:05.429
about how you're the only one that can control
00:38:05.429 --> 00:38:07.469
your inner work. That was something I thought
00:38:07.469 --> 00:38:09.849
was really key that I wanted to highlight is
00:38:09.849 --> 00:38:13.849
that, you know, we say often that you're responsible
00:38:13.849 --> 00:38:16.980
for you. And you can't control anybody else.
00:38:17.019 --> 00:38:19.599
So you have to give up that obsession. You and
00:38:19.599 --> 00:38:22.079
I are two different personality types, but those
00:38:22.079 --> 00:38:25.820
types still have the quality of liking control
00:38:25.820 --> 00:38:28.219
just in their different ways. But in something
00:38:28.219 --> 00:38:31.880
like this, I had to, I think trust was extremely
00:38:31.880 --> 00:38:35.519
important. So I had to do my inner work and trust
00:38:35.519 --> 00:38:38.800
that you were doing yours. Because in an unhealthy
00:38:38.800 --> 00:38:42.590
dynamic, where there's things like codependency,
00:38:42.750 --> 00:38:46.690
insecurity, lack of confidence, self -loathing,
00:38:46.710 --> 00:38:49.030
guilt, shame, all those things, it doesn't leave
00:38:49.030 --> 00:38:51.090
place for trust. Because if you're insecure,
00:38:51.309 --> 00:38:54.989
you naturally distrust others. And so if this
00:38:54.989 --> 00:38:56.920
accident would have happened... 10 plus years
00:38:56.920 --> 00:39:00.119
ago, I would have been very insecure, not confident.
00:39:00.239 --> 00:39:03.280
And I would have had a harder time to trust that
00:39:03.280 --> 00:39:06.579
you were doing your work. And I would have even
00:39:06.579 --> 00:39:10.039
maybe been trying to find ways to verify and
00:39:10.039 --> 00:39:13.420
maybe even ask you or find ways to ask you to
00:39:13.420 --> 00:39:15.699
find out if you were blaming me or resenting
00:39:15.699 --> 00:39:18.099
me, or if you were really truly forgiving me.
00:39:18.280 --> 00:39:20.659
And so I say that, that that's a very important
00:39:20.659 --> 00:39:24.019
thing that I was doing my part in working on
00:39:24.019 --> 00:39:27.690
myself. And then I had I had to just trust that
00:39:27.690 --> 00:39:30.730
you were doing your part because we have built
00:39:30.730 --> 00:39:33.289
this culture together in our marriage that we
00:39:33.289 --> 00:39:36.090
were doing the hard things from the mental side
00:39:36.090 --> 00:39:39.130
in fighting those battles to win those battles
00:39:39.130 --> 00:39:42.320
over time, daily, every single day. It's not
00:39:42.320 --> 00:39:44.500
about perfection. It's about that pursuit of
00:39:44.500 --> 00:39:46.780
excellence. So maybe two steps forward, one step
00:39:46.780 --> 00:39:49.500
back. But each day, if we're making that progress,
00:39:49.679 --> 00:39:52.900
then the mental fortitude is going to be amazing
00:39:52.900 --> 00:39:56.219
at three, five years. And it really was. And
00:39:56.219 --> 00:39:58.900
I think that that was one thing, the trust piece.
00:39:58.940 --> 00:40:01.059
And I guess that's where trust and faith come
00:40:01.059 --> 00:40:03.239
together. Because one thing that I wrote down
00:40:03.239 --> 00:40:07.679
was I wasn't able to verify that you didn't resent
00:40:07.679 --> 00:40:10.400
me or you weren't bitter. Right. I mean, there's
00:40:10.400 --> 00:40:12.840
cues like I get it. You know, you're like you're
00:40:12.840 --> 00:40:14.340
going to you might be able to pick that up if
00:40:14.340 --> 00:40:16.539
your partners is feeling those things. And so
00:40:16.539 --> 00:40:19.230
but. But I just remember thinking that was key
00:40:19.230 --> 00:40:22.550
for me as I was reflecting back on my side. And
00:40:22.550 --> 00:40:25.289
I remember you mentioned some things about how
00:40:25.289 --> 00:40:30.050
it helped you that I was so involved and so intentional,
00:40:30.190 --> 00:40:33.170
right? Versus like maybe five years ago or before,
00:40:33.250 --> 00:40:35.489
if I would have like collapsed into myself. Can
00:40:35.489 --> 00:40:37.989
you walk us through a little bit about how that
00:40:37.989 --> 00:40:40.969
helped you and how if I had done the opposite,
00:40:41.090 --> 00:40:43.829
how that would have actually... fulfilled what
00:40:43.829 --> 00:40:46.269
I was afraid of, what I would have been afraid
00:40:46.269 --> 00:40:48.849
of in the, in that past, I call it the past life.
00:40:49.409 --> 00:40:51.989
Yeah. I think, you know, as we were talking through
00:40:51.989 --> 00:40:54.090
this and reflecting yesterday, you know, I told
00:40:54.090 --> 00:40:56.909
you, I said, I wasn't, I wasn't bitter or resentful
00:40:56.909 --> 00:40:59.349
about the accident itself. Like it happens, things
00:40:59.349 --> 00:41:02.150
are, they're gonna happen, you know, but I think
00:41:02.150 --> 00:41:05.110
for me, the, the bitterness would have sat in
00:41:05.110 --> 00:41:08.280
post accident if. You know, when we got home,
00:41:08.340 --> 00:41:11.679
if you weren't as willing to help me wash my
00:41:11.679 --> 00:41:14.480
hair, help do the laundry, figure out how to
00:41:14.480 --> 00:41:17.460
cook. Like, if you just had, like, self -collapsed
00:41:17.460 --> 00:41:20.920
and been in this deep, dark place and just left
00:41:20.920 --> 00:41:24.519
me to figure it out on my own. You know, I think
00:41:24.519 --> 00:41:26.739
that is when the bitterness would have sat in
00:41:26.739 --> 00:41:28.880
and that's when it would have been hard because
00:41:28.880 --> 00:41:31.619
it would have felt like then I was an inconvenience
00:41:31.619 --> 00:41:34.860
to you and taking care of me was an inconvenience.
00:41:35.039 --> 00:41:38.360
And the reality is, is that a sacrificial selfless
00:41:38.360 --> 00:41:41.199
marriage is never convenient and it's never going
00:41:41.199 --> 00:41:43.539
to come on your terms or when you have time or
00:41:43.539 --> 00:41:46.219
when you feel like it. It's going to be in the
00:41:46.219 --> 00:41:48.920
hardest moments. And so I think that was one
00:41:48.920 --> 00:41:51.739
of those like practically living out those vows
00:41:51.739 --> 00:41:54.730
of in sickness. and in health, right? Regardless
00:41:54.730 --> 00:41:57.070
of the fact that maybe you had caused that, you
00:41:57.070 --> 00:42:01.230
still chose to show up every day and to help
00:42:01.230 --> 00:42:03.909
do the things that... that I couldn't do anymore,
00:42:04.130 --> 00:42:06.309
you know? And so I think, think for me, it was,
00:42:06.309 --> 00:42:08.289
it was one of those moments of like, not that
00:42:08.289 --> 00:42:12.050
I ever doubted, but you proved in the middle
00:42:12.050 --> 00:42:14.489
of the pit that you were willing to live out
00:42:14.489 --> 00:42:16.429
your vows. And I think that the, the accident
00:42:16.429 --> 00:42:19.110
actually ended up bringing us closer, um, and,
00:42:19.170 --> 00:42:22.269
and helped us develop, you know, new, a new language
00:42:22.269 --> 00:42:25.750
and a new way of doing our schedule and of doing
00:42:25.750 --> 00:42:28.530
life. And right, like I had to have your help.
00:42:28.570 --> 00:42:32.690
And so, you know, it, it genuinely was. was something
00:42:32.690 --> 00:42:34.590
that brought us closer together. You know, I,
00:42:34.690 --> 00:42:38.329
I actually saw not that long ago on Instagram,
00:42:38.489 --> 00:42:41.989
a post that said, don't marry someone that you
00:42:41.989 --> 00:42:44.210
can have fun with, marry someone that you're
00:42:44.210 --> 00:42:46.289
willing to suffer with, you know, and it, and
00:42:46.289 --> 00:42:48.949
it made me think about, um, it made me think
00:42:48.949 --> 00:42:51.289
about that, that situation in particular. And
00:42:51.289 --> 00:42:53.250
there've been several other things in moments
00:42:53.250 --> 00:42:55.389
in our lives of, of, of our marriage together
00:42:55.389 --> 00:42:58.929
of suffering. And the fun is important. I mean,
00:42:58.969 --> 00:43:00.630
we talked about that last week, the rest and
00:43:00.630 --> 00:43:03.010
the fun, those things are important, but where
00:43:03.010 --> 00:43:06.750
your relationship is really forged and who you
00:43:06.750 --> 00:43:10.030
become individually and who you become as a couple
00:43:10.030 --> 00:43:14.590
is forged in the pit. And we can either choose
00:43:14.590 --> 00:43:18.349
to wake up every day, tackle it and work to figure
00:43:18.349 --> 00:43:20.570
out how to get out of the pit. Or we can just
00:43:20.570 --> 00:43:22.769
sit at the bottom of it and just let it rain
00:43:22.769 --> 00:43:26.170
down on us. Like we, we have two choices, right?
00:43:26.289 --> 00:43:29.210
And so I think, you know, we chose to figure
00:43:29.210 --> 00:43:31.710
out how to get out of it and to find, to get
00:43:31.710 --> 00:43:33.989
ourselves to a place of healing. Now that's not
00:43:33.989 --> 00:43:36.170
always an option. Healing isn't always an option.
00:43:36.190 --> 00:43:38.150
Maybe this side of heaven, if you're a believer,
00:43:38.230 --> 00:43:40.409
but you know, you can still choose every day
00:43:40.409 --> 00:43:42.570
to show up and to fight and to keep pushing.
00:43:42.710 --> 00:43:45.429
Well, and that's why I think it's so important.
00:43:45.929 --> 00:43:49.610
to do the work in all times, right? Because you
00:43:49.610 --> 00:43:52.030
say there's two choices and we made the choice
00:43:52.030 --> 00:43:56.309
to fight. However, I would say that in the same
00:43:56.309 --> 00:43:59.489
way it's wise to prepare for storms, we all know
00:43:59.489 --> 00:44:02.510
that challenges, trials, and suffering happen
00:44:02.510 --> 00:44:04.989
in this life. And, you know, we don't want to
00:44:04.989 --> 00:44:07.329
like expect them. We talk about the expectation
00:44:07.329 --> 00:44:10.550
effect in that one of my first episodes and that
00:44:10.550 --> 00:44:13.869
book is crazy and it's super powerful. So I'm
00:44:13.869 --> 00:44:15.360
not talking about that. But we're talking about
00:44:15.360 --> 00:44:19.219
being wise, shrewd, prepared. And the reason
00:44:19.219 --> 00:44:21.940
why it's so important to work on your mindset
00:44:21.940 --> 00:44:25.739
daily is because when the storm comes, whatever
00:44:25.739 --> 00:44:27.960
storm it is, there's so many different versions.
00:44:28.099 --> 00:44:30.500
But when the storm happens, when there's an accident,
00:44:30.599 --> 00:44:32.420
when there's a tragedy, when there's something
00:44:32.420 --> 00:44:35.000
you have to cope with, as a couple, especially
00:44:35.000 --> 00:44:39.000
in this context, it made it so much easier to
00:44:39.000 --> 00:44:43.210
make that choice and make it. automatic or experienced
00:44:43.210 --> 00:44:46.409
or successful because we could have made the
00:44:46.409 --> 00:44:49.429
choice to fight and then like lost the fight.
00:44:49.530 --> 00:44:51.710
And so, you know, and if I would have been all
00:44:51.710 --> 00:44:53.949
self -consumed like you described, it would have
00:44:53.949 --> 00:44:55.949
had a totally different outcome. Again, if this
00:44:55.949 --> 00:44:58.630
would have happened five plus years ago, I don't
00:44:58.630 --> 00:45:00.849
know if I can confidently say that I wouldn't
00:45:00.849 --> 00:45:03.710
have self -collapsed under that guilt and regret.
00:45:03.829 --> 00:45:05.750
And then it would have been like double trouble.
00:45:06.119 --> 00:45:07.940
I caused the accident and then I was completely
00:45:07.940 --> 00:45:11.159
unhelpful in helping you get through it because
00:45:11.159 --> 00:45:14.639
I was so shattered inside myself is what that
00:45:14.639 --> 00:45:17.260
would have been years ago. And so I think, again,
00:45:17.380 --> 00:45:19.280
that's why it's so important. That's why this
00:45:19.280 --> 00:45:22.159
channel even exists. We're continually trying
00:45:22.159 --> 00:45:24.559
to optimize. And one of the reasons we do that
00:45:24.559 --> 00:45:27.820
is to prep for times of difficulty. times of
00:45:27.820 --> 00:45:30.380
challenge. Like we talked about in Eric Dwyer's
00:45:30.380 --> 00:45:34.559
episode, the whole premise was how to optimize
00:45:34.559 --> 00:45:37.940
when life isn't optimal. How do you take care
00:45:37.940 --> 00:45:40.820
of your wife who's suffering from cancer and
00:45:40.820 --> 00:45:43.619
it doesn't look good? And that episode, many
00:45:43.619 --> 00:45:46.420
people don't know, but that episode was shortly
00:45:46.420 --> 00:45:50.619
before we lost her. And I highly encourage people
00:45:50.619 --> 00:45:52.820
to go back and watch that episode with Eric.
00:45:52.940 --> 00:45:55.199
I'll link it right here. And the reason why that's
00:45:55.199 --> 00:45:57.059
so powerful is you wouldn't necessarily necessarily
00:45:57.059 --> 00:45:59.800
know that that husband is being a version of
00:45:59.800 --> 00:46:03.079
a hospice nurse in that during the filming of
00:46:03.079 --> 00:46:05.599
that episode. And you can see if you're not a
00:46:05.599 --> 00:46:07.880
believer, look at that guy and tell me something.
00:46:08.019 --> 00:46:09.940
I mean, he's a preacher, so maybe he has a superpower
00:46:09.940 --> 00:46:12.000
or something. He absolutely does. He's an incredible
00:46:12.000 --> 00:46:15.489
human. It's one of my most watched episodes and
00:46:15.489 --> 00:46:18.449
listened to episodes because this is a guy who's
00:46:18.449 --> 00:46:22.550
living out his faith, living out his beliefs,
00:46:22.809 --> 00:46:25.650
his mindset, and what he has worked towards.
00:46:25.769 --> 00:46:28.309
He's not a perfect human, but he's an inspirational
00:46:28.309 --> 00:46:31.780
human who was choosing to fight. to support his
00:46:31.780 --> 00:46:35.139
wife and to sit down and talk with us about why
00:46:35.139 --> 00:46:38.199
optimizing is important for so many reasons in
00:46:38.199 --> 00:46:41.000
business, in life, in marriage. And it was just
00:46:41.000 --> 00:46:43.639
a beautiful picture of watching what fighting
00:46:43.639 --> 00:46:45.960
looks like when you don't get the result that
00:46:45.960 --> 00:46:48.239
you want. Now for us, the consequence was you
00:46:48.239 --> 00:46:50.960
don't get to have the gym life that you had before.
00:46:51.139 --> 00:46:54.039
And ultimately through that journey, you restored
00:46:54.039 --> 00:46:57.019
so many aspects of your life. But that's an important
00:46:57.019 --> 00:47:00.320
thing to remember that while we don't expect,
00:47:00.460 --> 00:47:03.960
the worst. Sometimes there isn't the full restoration
00:47:03.960 --> 00:47:07.179
on this side of the veil, right? So again, that's
00:47:07.179 --> 00:47:09.900
why she also came to mind when we were discussing
00:47:09.900 --> 00:47:12.599
this yesterday, because Sweet Sarah was an inspiration
00:47:12.599 --> 00:47:15.579
for us to choose to fight every single day. And
00:47:15.579 --> 00:47:18.440
that's what made it so beautiful. And so you're
00:47:18.440 --> 00:47:21.510
right. We do have two choices, the choice to
00:47:21.510 --> 00:47:25.269
roll over and accept it and not fight or to choose
00:47:25.269 --> 00:47:28.170
to fight, to pivot, to find alternatives, right?
00:47:28.289 --> 00:47:30.150
Like surgery wasn't an option for you. You're
00:47:30.150 --> 00:47:32.070
like, and we had good practitioners that were
00:47:32.070 --> 00:47:34.210
like, it's the surgery's terrible. They're like,
00:47:34.250 --> 00:47:36.250
do not do it. It's the last resort, whatever.
00:47:36.329 --> 00:47:38.469
But choosing to be like, no, like what other
00:47:38.469 --> 00:47:40.670
things are out there? What can we explore? And,
00:47:40.670 --> 00:47:43.010
uh, and it kind of being stubborn in that way,
00:47:43.090 --> 00:47:45.309
right? To like, no, there has to be another way
00:47:45.309 --> 00:47:48.320
to choose every single day. to make that call,
00:47:48.480 --> 00:47:51.000
to fight, to find a new way, to forge a new path.
00:47:51.179 --> 00:47:54.860
And so that is why it's so important and why
00:47:54.860 --> 00:47:58.460
we say daily anything does really change everything.
00:47:58.599 --> 00:48:01.400
And that includes what you choose to do on your
00:48:01.400 --> 00:48:04.579
hardest days, as we've experienced in our story,
00:48:04.679 --> 00:48:07.579
but then also in that inspirational story with
00:48:07.579 --> 00:48:10.420
the Dwires. So thanks for listening to the Optimizing
00:48:10.420 --> 00:48:12.840
Beyond podcast. Remember, growth happens when
00:48:12.840 --> 00:48:15.010
you take action. So share this with a friend,
00:48:15.050 --> 00:48:17.550
subscribe, and most importantly, put what you
00:48:17.550 --> 00:48:20.170
learned into practice. And until next time, remember,
00:48:20.469 --> 00:48:23.030
daily anything changes everything.