WEBVTT
00:00:00.560 --> 00:00:04.320
It's one of the most underestimated practices that exists.
00:00:04.559 --> 00:00:10.560
In just five minutes a day of focusing on what you're thankful for, it's like a booster shot.
00:00:10.800 --> 00:00:13.679
It increases overall long-term happiness by 10%.
00:00:14.240 --> 00:00:25.199
It's been shown to lead to better sleep, better mood, and even cardiovascular and neurological benefits, and helps shift your mind out of toxic patterns and focus on future goals.
00:00:25.440 --> 00:00:26.640
We all know this.
00:00:26.879 --> 00:00:31.679
We know that we should have a gratefulness practice, and we may try.
00:00:31.920 --> 00:00:40.640
But in times of great transition or great stress, when our nervous systems are in crisis mode, gratitude often just feels like a lie that we tell ourselves.
00:00:40.880 --> 00:00:42.000
Hi, this is Jordana.
00:00:42.159 --> 00:00:45.520
I'm the CEO of the Recon Network and host of the In Brief podcast.
00:00:45.600 --> 00:00:47.679
And today we're talking about gratitude.
00:00:47.920 --> 00:00:58.799
Why gratitude practices fall flat during big transition or a lot of chaos, while they feel hollow when your system is overloaded and what you actually need to pair with it to make it stick.
00:01:00.719 --> 00:01:01.759
This is in brief.
00:01:02.079 --> 00:01:03.280
Let's get to it.
00:01:14.319 --> 00:01:16.079
Be grateful for what you have.
00:01:16.319 --> 00:01:18.400
Being thankful rewires your brain.
00:01:18.560 --> 00:01:22.640
If you just focus on what's good, everything else will fall into place.
00:01:22.959 --> 00:01:27.280
Gratitude is the antidote to depression, anxiety, and dissatisfaction.
00:01:27.599 --> 00:01:32.239
And you may have heard of all of these things, and all of it is true.
00:01:32.879 --> 00:01:37.280
Gratitude, the process of being thankful, is very powerful.
00:01:37.519 --> 00:01:42.719
But there's a small problem with this narrative too, especially during times of great transition.
00:01:42.959 --> 00:01:46.959
It assumes that you're in a place where your nervous system can actually access it.
00:01:47.200 --> 00:01:50.159
And many people in transition aren't.
00:01:50.480 --> 00:01:58.400
Think of gratitude as a lens, a way of orienting our attention toward what we're working toward instead of what isn't.
00:01:58.640 --> 00:02:02.879
When your system is stable enough to use that lens, it's very powerful.
00:02:03.040 --> 00:02:11.680
It shifts perspective, it rewires your brain to notice the good stuff, creates a feedback loop where you start looking for more things to be grateful for.
00:02:11.840 --> 00:02:16.159
And over time, that genuinely changes how you move through the world.
00:02:16.400 --> 00:02:20.960
But that only works if your system is stable enough to access that lens.
00:02:21.120 --> 00:02:24.319
And during transition, most people's systems aren't.
00:02:24.400 --> 00:02:26.479
They're too busy scanning for threats.
00:02:26.639 --> 00:02:34.319
And when you try to force gratitude practice on a system that's in threat mode, it doesn't necessarily rewire your brain toward positivity.
00:02:34.479 --> 00:02:39.759
Instead, it might make you feel guilty for not being able to feel grateful.
00:02:39.919 --> 00:02:43.520
And guilt on top of crisis is just more load.
00:02:44.000 --> 00:02:49.039
This is where gratitude starts to feel heavy because you're not just dealing with the transition anymore.
00:02:49.120 --> 00:02:53.840
You're also dealing with the shame of not being able to feel thankful about it.
00:02:54.000 --> 00:03:01.280
You have a stack of things to be truly thankful for, a job, people who care about you, and you can still feel like you're drowning.
00:03:01.439 --> 00:03:12.719
And that gap between what you logically know you should be grateful for and what you actually feel feels humiliating and debilitating and makes everything feel worse.
00:03:13.199 --> 00:03:15.280
So, first let's break down the reality.
00:03:15.439 --> 00:03:18.800
You can be grateful and struggling at the same time.
00:03:19.039 --> 00:03:23.039
What's actually missing from gratitude-only approaches is acknowledgement.
00:03:23.280 --> 00:03:28.479
You can't jump straight into gratitude without first acknowledging what may be hard.
00:03:28.719 --> 00:03:36.879
Let your system register that something has changed and that that change is real and that that change might not be fun.
00:03:37.120 --> 00:03:41.680
When you skip the acknowledgement and go straight to gratitude, you're bypassing grief.
00:03:41.840 --> 00:03:48.400
We talked about this in the last episode and how bypass grief doesn't just disappear, it just goes underground.
00:03:48.639 --> 00:03:52.400
But your nervous system needs safety before it can relax.
00:03:52.560 --> 00:03:55.280
And gratitude on its own doesn't create safety.
00:03:55.599 --> 00:04:01.120
Telling someone in chaos to be grateful is a lot like asking someone who's drowning to think positive thoughts.
00:04:01.280 --> 00:04:05.280
It's not the positive thinking that's bad, it's that the drowning is the problem.
00:04:05.520 --> 00:04:10.560
And this isn't to say you can't be grateful before you are physically, mentally, and emotionally in a better place.
00:04:10.800 --> 00:04:12.400
Quite the opposite, in fact.
00:04:12.639 --> 00:04:22.079
It only means that if building a practice or a habit of gratefulness is one of your goals, don't stress yourself out even more trying to force it.
00:04:22.319 --> 00:04:29.120
And then when you're ready, here's how to start building a practice of thankfulness that actually has the potential to change your entire life.
00:04:29.439 --> 00:04:35.120
First, acknowledge where you are, name what's hard and write it down or say it out loud.
00:04:35.360 --> 00:04:36.720
This transition is difficult.
00:04:36.800 --> 00:04:39.759
I didn't choose this, but I'm allowed to feel the weight of it.
00:04:40.079 --> 00:04:44.560
It may feel negative in the moment, but it's not the opposite of gratitude.
00:04:44.639 --> 00:04:46.319
It's the foundation for it.
00:04:46.560 --> 00:04:49.120
The second thing you're going to do is stabilize.
00:04:49.360 --> 00:04:52.000
Do the things that make your system feel safe.
00:04:52.160 --> 00:04:56.079
Build routine, protect sleep, create predictability.
00:04:56.319 --> 00:05:01.360
It's practical work, but it matters more than any other practice until it's in place.
00:05:02.000 --> 00:05:05.519
Third, give yourself permission to feel mixed emotions.
00:05:05.759 --> 00:05:08.720
You can be grateful and sad or hopeful and scared.
00:05:08.959 --> 00:05:11.759
Holding both at the same time isn't contradiction.
00:05:12.000 --> 00:05:14.240
It's human and it's honest.
00:05:15.040 --> 00:05:19.120
So wherever you are right now, remember, you don't have to be grateful right now.
00:05:19.199 --> 00:05:26.879
You don't have to find the silver lining or focus on what's good when what's hard is taking up all of the space in your mind and in your chest.
00:05:27.120 --> 00:05:31.439
That's because when the conditions are right, you won't have to force it.
00:05:31.600 --> 00:05:32.800
It will just show up.
00:05:33.040 --> 00:05:36.480
Not specifically as a practice or a five-minute journaling exercise.
00:05:36.560 --> 00:05:43.600
You will have to create those or work at those, but more as a quiet shift in how you move through ordinary moments.
00:05:43.920 --> 00:05:51.040
You'll start to notice the little things, the coffee, the phone call, the tough things you push through in a hard season.
00:05:51.279 --> 00:05:55.920
And eventually, gratitude becomes less of a tool and more of a reflex.
00:05:56.240 --> 00:06:03.600
And that version of it, the unforced, honest kind, is the one that actually changes things.
00:06:03.759 --> 00:06:10.959
Not because you worked harder at being positive, but because you did the hard work first and became positive in the process.
00:06:49.759 --> 00:06:51.920
There's no cost, no pressure.
00:06:52.079 --> 00:06:54.240
Just support when you need it.
00:06:54.480 --> 00:07:00.480
So find your next event at recon.bet and join us for something new.
00:00:00.560 --> 00:00:04.320
It's one of the most underestimated practices that exists.
00:00:04.559 --> 00:00:10.560
In just five minutes a day of focusing on what you're thankful for, it's like a booster shot.
00:00:10.800 --> 00:00:13.679
It increases overall long-term happiness by 10%.
00:00:14.240 --> 00:00:25.199
It's been shown to lead to better sleep, better mood, and even cardiovascular and neurological benefits, and helps shift your mind out of toxic patterns and focus on future goals.
00:00:25.440 --> 00:00:26.640
We all know this.
00:00:26.879 --> 00:00:31.679
We know that we should have a gratefulness practice, and we may try.
00:00:31.920 --> 00:00:40.640
But in times of great transition or great stress, when our nervous systems are in crisis mode, gratitude often just feels like a lie that we tell ourselves.
00:00:40.880 --> 00:00:42.000
Hi, this is Jordana.
00:00:42.159 --> 00:00:45.520
I'm the CEO of the Recon Network and host of the In Brief podcast.
00:00:45.600 --> 00:00:47.679
And today we're talking about gratitude.
00:00:47.920 --> 00:00:58.799
Why gratitude practices fall flat during big transition or a lot of chaos, while they feel hollow when your system is overloaded and what you actually need to pair with it to make it stick.
00:01:00.719 --> 00:01:01.759
This is in brief.
00:01:02.079 --> 00:01:03.280
Let's get to it.
00:01:14.319 --> 00:01:16.079
Be grateful for what you have.
00:01:16.319 --> 00:01:18.400
Being thankful rewires your brain.
00:01:18.560 --> 00:01:22.640
If you just focus on what's good, everything else will fall into place.
00:01:22.959 --> 00:01:27.280
Gratitude is the antidote to depression, anxiety, and dissatisfaction.
00:01:27.599 --> 00:01:32.239
And you may have heard of all of these things, and all of it is true.
00:01:32.879 --> 00:01:37.280
Gratitude, the process of being thankful, is very powerful.
00:01:37.519 --> 00:01:42.719
But there's a small problem with this narrative too, especially during times of great transition.
00:01:42.959 --> 00:01:46.959
It assumes that you're in a place where your nervous system can actually access it.
00:01:47.200 --> 00:01:50.159
And many people in transition aren't.
00:01:50.480 --> 00:01:58.400
Think of gratitude as a lens, a way of orienting our attention toward what we're working toward instead of what isn't.
00:01:58.640 --> 00:02:02.879
When your system is stable enough to use that lens, it's very powerful.
00:02:03.040 --> 00:02:11.680
It shifts perspective, it rewires your brain to notice the good stuff, creates a feedback loop where you start looking for more things to be grateful for.
00:02:11.840 --> 00:02:16.159
And over time, that genuinely changes how you move through the world.
00:02:16.400 --> 00:02:20.960
But that only works if your system is stable enough to access that lens.
00:02:21.120 --> 00:02:24.319
And during transition, most people's systems aren't.
00:02:24.400 --> 00:02:26.479
They're too busy scanning for threats.
00:02:26.639 --> 00:02:34.319
And when you try to force gratitude practice on a system that's in threat mode, it doesn't necessarily rewire your brain toward positivity.
00:02:34.479 --> 00:02:39.759
Instead, it might make you feel guilty for not being able to feel grateful.
00:02:39.919 --> 00:02:43.520
And guilt on top of crisis is just more load.
00:02:44.000 --> 00:02:49.039
This is where gratitude starts to feel heavy because you're not just dealing with the transition anymore.
00:02:49.120 --> 00:02:53.840
You're also dealing with the shame of not being able to feel thankful about it.
00:02:54.000 --> 00:03:01.280
You have a stack of things to be truly thankful for, a job, people who care about you, and you can still feel like you're drowning.
00:03:01.439 --> 00:03:12.719
And that gap between what you logically know you should be grateful for and what you actually feel feels humiliating and debilitating and makes everything feel worse.
00:03:13.199 --> 00:03:15.280
So, first let's break down the reality.
00:03:15.439 --> 00:03:18.800
You can be grateful and struggling at the same time.
00:03:19.039 --> 00:03:23.039
What's actually missing from gratitude-only approaches is acknowledgement.
00:03:23.280 --> 00:03:28.479
You can't jump straight into gratitude without first acknowledging what may be hard.
00:03:28.719 --> 00:03:36.879
Let your system register that something has changed and that that change is real and that that change might not be fun.
00:03:37.120 --> 00:03:41.680
When you skip the acknowledgement and go straight to gratitude, you're bypassing grief.
00:03:41.840 --> 00:03:48.400
We talked about this in the last episode and how bypass grief doesn't just disappear, it just goes underground.
00:03:48.639 --> 00:03:52.400
But your nervous system needs safety before it can relax.
00:03:52.560 --> 00:03:55.280
And gratitude on its own doesn't create safety.
00:03:55.599 --> 00:04:01.120
Telling someone in chaos to be grateful is a lot like asking someone who's drowning to think positive thoughts.
00:04:01.280 --> 00:04:05.280
It's not the positive thinking that's bad, it's that the drowning is the problem.
00:04:05.520 --> 00:04:10.560
And this isn't to say you can't be grateful before you are physically, mentally, and emotionally in a better place.
00:04:10.800 --> 00:04:12.400
Quite the opposite, in fact.
00:04:12.639 --> 00:04:22.079
It only means that if building a practice or a habit of gratefulness is one of your goals, don't stress yourself out even more trying to force it.
00:04:22.319 --> 00:04:29.120
And then when you're ready, here's how to start building a practice of thankfulness that actually has the potential to change your entire life.
00:04:29.439 --> 00:04:35.120
First, acknowledge where you are, name what's hard and write it down or say it out loud.
00:04:35.360 --> 00:04:36.720
This transition is difficult.
00:04:36.800 --> 00:04:39.759
I didn't choose this, but I'm allowed to feel the weight of it.
00:04:40.079 --> 00:04:44.560
It may feel negative in the moment, but it's not the opposite of gratitude.
00:04:44.639 --> 00:04:46.319
It's the foundation for it.
00:04:46.560 --> 00:04:49.120
The second thing you're going to do is stabilize.
00:04:49.360 --> 00:04:52.000
Do the things that make your system feel safe.
00:04:52.160 --> 00:04:56.079
Build routine, protect sleep, create predictability.
00:04:56.319 --> 00:05:01.360
It's practical work, but it matters more than any other practice until it's in place.
00:05:02.000 --> 00:05:05.519
Third, give yourself permission to feel mixed emotions.
00:05:05.759 --> 00:05:08.720
You can be grateful and sad or hopeful and scared.
00:05:08.959 --> 00:05:11.759
Holding both at the same time isn't contradiction.
00:05:12.000 --> 00:05:14.240
It's human and it's honest.
00:05:15.040 --> 00:05:19.120
So wherever you are right now, remember, you don't have to be grateful right now.
00:05:19.199 --> 00:05:26.879
You don't have to find the silver lining or focus on what's good when what's hard is taking up all of the space in your mind and in your chest.
00:05:27.120 --> 00:05:31.439
That's because when the conditions are right, you won't have to force it.
00:05:31.600 --> 00:05:32.800
It will just show up.
00:05:33.040 --> 00:05:36.480
Not specifically as a practice or a five-minute journaling exercise.
00:05:36.560 --> 00:05:43.600
You will have to create those or work at those, but more as a quiet shift in how you move through ordinary moments.
00:05:43.920 --> 00:05:51.040
You'll start to notice the little things, the coffee, the phone call, the tough things you push through in a hard season.
00:05:51.279 --> 00:05:55.920
And eventually, gratitude becomes less of a tool and more of a reflex.
00:05:56.240 --> 00:06:03.600
And that version of it, the unforced, honest kind, is the one that actually changes things.
00:06:03.759 --> 00:06:10.959
Not because you worked harder at being positive, but because you did the hard work first and became positive in the process.
00:06:49.759 --> 00:06:51.920
There's no cost, no pressure.
00:06:52.079 --> 00:06:54.240
Just support when you need it.
00:06:54.480 --> 00:07:00.480
So find your next event at recon.bet and join us for something new.
