Heather Hester
00:00:06Welcome back to Just Breathe.
Heather Hester
00:00:08I am so happy you are here.
Heather Hester
00:00:12Every so often I get a little run down and begin to wonder why I'm doing all of this.
Heather Hester
00:00:20Whether it's the news of the day or the frustration from the business side of building a business that's led by passion, I have a feeling most of you can completely relate to that.
Heather Hester
00:00:37So a few weeks back, maybe a few months back, a friend made the following suggestion to me.
Heather Hester
00:00:44And what she suggested is that whenever I'm feeling defeated or just worn down, to read the reviews of my podcast and the testimonials from people who I've worked with and done different speaking engagements for, to remind me and connect me with my why, with my purpose.
Heather Hester
00:01:09So I tried it.
Heather Hester
00:01:11And honestly, to my surprise, it worked.
Heather Hester
00:01:14I did not.
Heather Hester
00:01:15I was not sure if it would.
Heather Hester
00:01:17So each time since then that I've read through the kind thoughts, I found that I almost instantly began to relax and to breathe and to have that, ah, yes, moment, that reminder moment.
Heather Hester
00:01:36And I know, I know that confidence is supposed to come from within, not without.
Heather Hester
00:01:42But I think this is a both and situation.
Heather Hester
00:01:46So when I was starting to do today's episode, I thought I would begin to take this one step further and begin reading one review during the intro to every show.
Heather Hester
00:02:02I really want each of you to know how grateful I am for you and how integral you are to everything that I do.
Heather Hester
00:02:12So to make it just a little bit more fun, if I read your review, DM me or email me and I will email you a free copy of the ebook the Language of lgbtqia.
Heather Hester
00:02:29So here is today's lovely review.
Heather Hester
00:02:34This is a safe space to be and learn.
Heather Hester
00:02:38This podcast is a great place to educate myself and it's a warm, safe space to be in the world.
Heather Hester
00:02:46At a time when the world feels unsafe and out of control, Listening to Heather and her guests helps me feel connected to the strongest part of all of us.
Heather Hester
00:02:57Love.
Heather Hester
00:02:59And I just want to say thank you, thank you, thank you and spread the word.
Heather Hester
00:03:06Just thank you.
Heather Hester
00:03:09So moving on to today's episode, my guest today is a truly lovely human being.
Heather Hester
00:03:17A mutual acquaintance connected us about a year ago and from the moment we first talked, we had this really beautiful connection and ease of conversation.
Heather Hester
00:03:29Isn't it so wonderful when you meet people like this, the ones who just restore your faith in humanity.
Heather Hester
00:03:37So as Maureen and I talked, we learned of all the ways our lives and interests intersected.
Heather Hester
00:03:43Maureen launched her podcast Mystical Sisterhood a few months ago and I had the honor of being a guest just a few weeks ago and in the show notes I have a link so you can listen to that talk as well.
Heather Hester
00:03:58So who is Maureen Spielman?
Heather Hester
00:04:01Well, she is a conscious life coach who was trained by Dr.
Heather Hester
00:04:06Shefali's Conscious Parenting Institute and Susie Lula's Soul Care Certification and mastery programs.
Heather Hester
00:04:14Maureen is passionate about supporting individuals and families on the journey of finding their true authentic selves and purpose.
Heather Hester
00:04:22She guides and supports people in looking at how their pasts inform their present, understanding their emotional landscape, and learning to apply self compassion to the hurting parts, amongst other methods through experiential processes and learning to be in the present moment as much as possible.
Heather Hester
00:04:43Her clients experience transformation within and it positively impacts their outer relationships.
Heather Hester
00:04:51In addition to founding the Mystical Sisterhood podcast, she also has a community by the same name built on joy and healing and connection.
Heather Hester
00:05:02I'm delighted to share our conversation with you.
Heather Hester 2
00:05:17Welcome to Just Breathe Parenting, your LGBTQ team, the podcast transforming the conversation around loving and raising an LGBTQ child.
Heather Hester 2
00:05:30My name is Heather Hester and I am so grateful you are here.
Maureen Spielman
00:05:34I want you to take a deep.
Heather Hester 2
00:05:36Breath and know that for the time we are together, you are in the safe of the Just Breathe nest.
Heather Hester 2
00:05:44Whether today's show is an amazing guest or me sharing stories, resources, strategies, or lessons I've learned along our journey, I want you to feel like we're just hanging out at a coffee shop having a cozy chat.
Heather Hester 2
00:06:01Most of all, I want you to remember that wherever you are on this journey right now, in this moment in time, you are not alone.
Maureen Spielman
00:06:19Maureen, thank you so much for being with us here today.
Maureen Spielman
00:06:22I am really excited to have this conversation with you and just to have you share your really beautiful story and share with everyone what it is that you do, because I think that everyone listening will really be interested.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:06:41Thank you.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:06:42Thank you so much for having me today, Heather.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:06:45Well, I'm a conscious parenting coach.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:06:47I often call myself a conscious life coach because I think most of the skills in parenting pertain to our life as well.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:06:55We can use them as overall life skills.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:06:59And I got into the field just a few years ago, but after, I'd say a long period of time, my former career was speech language pathologist.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:07:09And, you know, I worked in children's hospitals and outpatient centers helping kids with speech and language.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:07:17And then I took many years off to raise my own three children.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:07:21And when I went back to work, I thought, what do I really want to do?
Maureen Spielman 2
00:07:25And I went down the coaching path, tried a couple programs, and they weren't really speaking to me yet.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:07:32And then I found Dr.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:07:33Shefali Sapari's conscious Parenting Institute.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:07:36And I knew that it was for me, it was just going to be perfect for me.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:07:41And spent almost half a year in the virtual classroom learning from Dr.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:07:47Shefali.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:07:48And so she's been my teacher in terms of the conscious parenting and then just going down the path of soul care coaching and just diving deeper all the time into how we can form intimate connections with ourselves in order to really serve and support the people around us too.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:08:08But just this idea that even though this is called conscious parenting, that it really begins it looking inward and taking care of ourselves and meeting our own needs first.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:08:20So that's kind of how I got started.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:08:23And I just love the work.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:08:25And I think it's a great partner for what you, you know, your work is.
Maureen Spielman
00:08:31It absolutely is.
Maureen Spielman
00:08:33And I think that's such a it.
Maureen Spielman
00:08:35It's hard.
Maureen Spielman
00:08:35I'm watching because we're both smiling as you say that, because we know how hard it is to make a conscious effort to take care of ourselves.
Maureen Spielman
00:08:45Yeah, right.
Maureen Spielman
00:08:47And so I'm wondering if we could actually talk about that a little bit before we talk about the parenting piece.
Maureen Spielman
00:08:53Because I think that often, especially if we're in any kind of crisis with our kids, our families or ourselves, it's very difficult to kind of stop and pull ourselves out of that and think, okay, what do I need to do first?
Maureen Spielman
00:09:09Like, how do, how do I care for myself so that I can then care for those around me and be more calm in this crisis or whatever is going on?
Maureen Spielman 2
00:09:22Yeah, I hear you.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:09:23And it's so, so important.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:09:25As we all know, and time is limited, we feel stressed, and so sometimes it's even hard to find the time.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:09:33But I think first I'll say that the way that I think I used to think of self care was along the lines of, and this certainly is.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:09:43But being able to have a few moments alone or take a walk or be with a friend or just any kind of a walk in nature, let's say.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:09:53And those are really self care principles for sure.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:09:58And what I've learned through the work is that it's a process.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:10:03When I sit down with a client and they come to me sort of bearing awe, like these are all the things that are going on.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:10:12I start to focus in on really a lot of emotional self care.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:10:17And so what that sort of looks like I'm going to just say a little bit about it and it's going to say, well, that doesn't Seem like I can manage that.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:10:28But what it is, it's a process that you can pull tools out of, but it's based on the premise that our emotions are here for us.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:10:37So when we're feeling all the feels and whether if it's the anger, the frustration, the sadness, the overwhelm, the resentment, the just flat out fatigue, sometimes it's all there for us.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:10:51And you know, my teacher, Susie Lula, she has a class called the Emotional Messenger System.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:10:57And it's the basis for a lot of what I talk about.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:11:00And it's that, yeah, those emotions are here for you and they're.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:11:03But they're not just, I think when we were young, and this is the part of conscious parenting where our lineage does come in, how we were parented and therefore, like, how do we show up with a child in front of us?
Maureen Spielman 2
00:11:16There is sort of like a.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:11:18There's a deconstructing of a lot of that.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:11:20But just in terms of our emotional worlds, like learning that our bodies are this intelligent system.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:11:28And so what's coming up for us is here for us to take a look at and say thank you for being here.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:11:35And it's signaling you to something that's underneath.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:11:40So there's some unmet need.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:11:42And I think that that's such a part of the self.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:11:45Care is like, what is really my unmet need here in my anger?
Maureen Spielman 2
00:11:51Am I feeling, you know, disconnected?
Maureen Spielman 2
00:11:53Am I feeling.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:11:54I'm like.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:11:55I'm not being heard, I'm not being seen.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:11:58That's an emotional.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:11:59That's an emotional need, anxiety.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:12:02I feel uncertain about it.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:12:04I need to connect with somebody.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:12:06So there's this like whole learning process, like when I do my work, but just in, you know, just in general, just for the listeners to know, everything that's coming to you is material for you.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:12:19That's actually kind of like gold.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:12:21It's like a.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:12:22It's like it's a gift.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:12:23And it doesn't feel like it in the moment, but it's there to, you know, unlayer.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:12:29I don't want to say unwrap, because sometimes it doesn't feel like a gift.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:12:32But to unlayer and say, like, what do I need?
Maureen Spielman 2
00:12:35Because so often as parents too, especially if it's like a crisis, we just go to the side.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:12:41We just, you know, we're the last person we take care of.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:12:44I'm sure you've addressed that before.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:12:46And so, you know, creating this quiet space for this kind of introspection.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:12:54And then, you know, the work too is learning to replace the voices that may have been judgmental or we had an underlying shame and just replace that with a newer sort of upgraded, compassionate way of being with ourselves.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:13:15Because, you know, we've all been indoctrinated into the ways in which we're not enough or we did something wrong or we didn't show up for our child in the right way.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:13:26And then those voices can really take us down.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:13:28So a retraining of coming to ourselves.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:13:32Self care with compassion.
Maureen Spielman
00:13:35Right.
Maureen Spielman
00:13:36Because that so easily loops if you're not aware and it just becomes the messaging that is constantly rolling in your subconscious.
Maureen Spielman
00:13:46Yeah, right.
Maureen Spielman
00:13:49I think one of the, one of the first things I remember learning this and I think this is so common, especially for parents who are of our age group, the Gen Xers out there, that we were never kind of.
Maureen Spielman
00:14:08We're never taught to be self aware.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:14:10Right.
Maureen Spielman
00:14:11To look inward for an answer.
Maureen Spielman
00:14:15Right.
Maureen Spielman
00:14:16It was always looking out outside of us.
Maureen Spielman
00:14:18There's gotta be the answer out there.
Maureen Spielman
00:14:20If, even if we slowed down to do that.
Maureen Spielman
00:14:22But oftentimes we didn't slow down for even that.
Maureen Spielman
00:14:25So I think what I love so much about your work and about what you're talking about is this whole such a great tool of being self aware, of being aware of your emotions and not being afraid of them.
Maureen Spielman
00:14:44Because I think that's the other thing is that any emotion that is perceived to be a negative emotion, like fear or anger or overwhelm is just go away.
Maureen Spielman
00:14:56Right.
Maureen Spielman
00:14:56Like that's the instant, like I just don't want to feel that.
Maureen Spielman
00:14:59So you don't feel it.
Maureen Spielman
00:15:01But I love that, you know, you're talking about leaning into that.
Maureen Spielman
00:15:09Really?
Maureen Spielman
00:15:09Yeah.
Maureen Spielman
00:15:09Right.
Maureen Spielman
00:15:10Like taking that deep breath and being like, okay, okay.
Maureen Spielman
00:15:14Anger.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:15:16Yeah.
Maureen Spielman
00:15:16Why are you here?
Maureen Spielman
00:15:17What are you trying to tell me?
Maureen Spielman
00:15:18What am I, what do I need to learn?
Maureen Spielman
00:15:20That's hard.
Maureen Spielman
00:15:21That's really hard.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:15:22It's hard.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:15:22Yeah.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:15:23And when you're sharing, I'm thinking of, you know, when we have that, when our.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:15:29The world around us seems like it's falling apart, that taking.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:15:34It's so essential for us to take up space during that time.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:15:38I don't know if you found that for yourself.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:15:40And it's one of the hardest things to do.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:15:42And it reminds me too, just like the smallest tool of self care is related to just what you said.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:15:49Like I need a time out myself.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:15:52And just to remove.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:15:54If there's a situation that's escalating and it is calling to be diffused in some way.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:16:01Sometimes walking away and saying, I need that you know, time to myself and mom's going to.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:16:07Then you know what a model self care too.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:16:09I think if we can say we need space for ourselves.
Maureen Spielman
00:16:13I need a minute.
Maureen Spielman
00:16:14Yeah.
Maureen Spielman
00:16:14That was one of the best lessons that I learned that it not only to do that for myself, but that it was okay to do that.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:16:22Yeah.
Maureen Spielman
00:16:22Like not only okay but like encouraged.
Maureen Spielman
00:16:24Right.
Maureen Spielman
00:16:24That when you're in those moments to be like, you know what?
Maureen Spielman
00:16:28I just.
Maureen Spielman
00:16:30Instead of trying to find the perfect response or not having the perfect response and flying off the handle.
Maureen Spielman
00:16:37Right.
Maureen Spielman
00:16:38So when you're in those moments just to be like, I need five minutes, let me.
Maureen Spielman
00:16:46Whether it's walk away, go lock yourself in the bathroom for a minute, go scream in a pillow, go take a quick walk around the block.
Maureen Spielman
00:16:53Right.
Maureen Spielman
00:16:54Whatever it is, whatever you need.
Maureen Spielman
00:16:56But to do that because then that also allows, whether it's your child or your partner or whomever them the space to take a breath.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:17:07I'm remembering a time even when one of my children was young and being in the car with them, they were like a little like probably five or six and they were screaming and I was so like supercharged and probably put into fight or flight.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:17:27And me just being in the car and screaming my head off and not knowing like remembering at that time in my life I had no tools, I had nothing, I had no.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:17:40And that's where, you know, we do take a look at like, oh, how, how did I grow up?
Maureen Spielman 2
00:17:45Well, I grew up really suppressed.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:17:47I grew up more authoritative, more disciplinary in household, you know, and that.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:17:53And, and I knew that I greatly wanted to change it, but I didn't have any way to kind of learn how to deal with the emotions.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:18:00And I think I had a therapist, but I think with the parenting stuff, it's just so hard.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:18:05We can name it, it's really hard.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:18:07And there's so many components to it.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:18:10And even though the things we're saying may seem like low hanging fruit simple, they're really big in terms of that awareness and taking the initial steps to say I'm going to step out and take care of myself and it's going to, as you build upon that, that's where it has that positive ripple effect, I think.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:18:31And we all start somewhere.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:18:33I mean, and I think where, you know, your listeners, all parents, where we find ourselves at is just where we're supposed to be.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:18:42And if we can honor and bless that and just know that that's fine.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:18:46I think that there's part of this work, it's just like, hey, let's let's make an agreement that we're going to take away as much as possible the self judgment and the self, you know, any sort of blame.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:18:58Because it's not, like I said, it's not the easiest to be a parent.
Maureen Spielman
00:19:04No, no.
Maureen Spielman
00:19:05My gosh.
Maureen Spielman
00:19:05And this is not.
Maureen Spielman
00:19:08And one of my bigger things is this is not about shooting on yourself or you know, looking back and being like, oh, I should have done these 12 things and I am such a bad parent for.
Maureen Spielman
00:19:21Right.
Maureen Spielman
00:19:22Bad parent.
Maureen Spielman
00:19:22Like just the shaming and the revisionist.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:19:26Yeah.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:19:26Like going back.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:19:27I should have back then what if I would.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:19:29That's all would have turned out differently.
Maureen Spielman
00:19:30Right.
Maureen Spielman
00:19:31Oh my goodness.
Maureen Spielman
00:19:32I mean.
Maureen Spielman
00:19:33And that does absolutely no good.
Maureen Spielman
00:19:35In fact, it does harm.
Maureen Spielman
00:19:36So being able to be gentle and just start today, one small thing today, one positive thing that you can do for yourself today.
Maureen Spielman
00:19:51Right.
Maureen Spielman
00:19:52And just the past is the past and it is, it informs us, but we don't have to be defined by it.
Maureen Spielman
00:20:03So I think that that is just, it's.
Maureen Spielman
00:20:11While it does seem like this is a small and simple thing, I also think it's.
Maureen Spielman
00:20:16It is hard because when you do first step into the whole idea of being aware of yourself and your needs, that's hard.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:21:22It is.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:21:23And I.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:21:24And I.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:21:24What's coming to mind too is that sometimes we have to put down the stories that we have and they can be the stories about how we show up as parents and if we don't show up in a certain way, then they're not going to listen or you know, sometimes we take a look at that they might be stories about our child.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:21:44Well, they've always been like this or this is how they're showing up in the relationship.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:21:49But I'm a big believer that when we get to the basics of we all want to be connected with our children.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:21:58We all.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:21:59That's at the basis we all want that, they want that with us.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:22:02And so, you know, how can we kind of come together and meet in the middle so we both feel heard and we both feel seen.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:22:10But I.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:22:11The underlying.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:22:12Really the biggest cornerstone of the conscious parenting is connection.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:22:16And it's.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:22:18We were talking about that a little bit before we started, but that I think there is a lot of with Dr.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:22:24Shefali's work for sure, but a present moment awareness.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:22:28And you know, it's not that like, oh, you need to be a big meditator.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:22:31You need to know exactly what that means or how to be in the present moment.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:22:35However, it is calling us to be present and you know, really like different kind of principles of conscious parenting around are around non hierarchical.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:22:48We were, most of us were cultured where the parent was the hierarchy, definitely the generation before that.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:22:54And there was, I think there was in the ethers there was a lot of like, oh, you can't be friends with your children.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:22:58Like there's all these kind of things put on it.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:23:01But I mean.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:23:02But does your child wanting to be connected to you, could that look like being friends?
Maureen Spielman 2
00:23:07Probably.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:23:08And is that a bad thing?
Maureen Spielman 2
00:23:09Probably not.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:23:10So.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:23:10But I was going to say too and I know it's.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:23:13It's a nuts and bolts of your work is just like that child in front of you is their own sovereign being.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:23:21They are in their unique spirit and getting.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:23:26I think at the end of the day it's just we all want to be honored for who we truly are.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:23:31And I think going down the conscious parenting and the work you're doing too.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:23:35So parallel is the beauty of it is your child gets to, you know, be exalted in the process.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:23:42But so do you.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:23:43So do you.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:23:44I think that it's that journey of self discovery that it's almost a gift that's for ourselves as much it is for them.
Maureen Spielman
00:23:54Absolutely.
Maureen Spielman
00:23:54Oh my goodness, absolutely.
Maureen Spielman
00:23:56And I think too, I mean what I have seen and my kids and I'm sure you've seen the same thing.
Maureen Spielman
00:24:03They see it, they realize and now they're, you know, all old enough.
Maureen Spielman
00:24:08You know, my older, oldest ones for sure will comment on just the growth that's occurred.
Maureen Spielman
00:24:14Right.
Maureen Spielman
00:24:15And do you remember 10 years ago you would have done this, but now you do this, you know.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:24:20Yes.
Maureen Spielman
00:24:21And that's humbling and also it's awesome and humbling at the same time.
Maureen Spielman
00:24:25Right.
Maureen Spielman
00:24:25But it is such a.
Maureen Spielman
00:24:27The way that it shifts your relationship and that the connection into something that is so much more authentic and I think also gives you that permission just both of you to just be human.
Maureen Spielman
00:24:44Because I think a lot of what we've done to ourselves and again is something we've learned from prior generations is that the parent is supposed to be perfect.
Maureen Spielman
00:24:52We're not supposed to make mistakes.
Maureen Spielman
00:24:53We're not, you know, here are all the list of rules for being a parent.
Maureen Spielman
00:24:57Right.
Maureen Spielman
00:24:57Well.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:24:58And no one ever really taught us anything necessarily around parenting.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:25:03So we're all, you know, as all by modeling whatever we saw.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:25:07And I just think that where we are in, you know, this time in history, there's so much that's being called to be to let's go back and look at it.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:25:19Is there a better way?
Maureen Spielman 2
00:25:21Is there, you know, a more upgraded way?
Maureen Spielman 2
00:25:24And especially today, we see a lot of kids requiring, you know, they need more from us right now.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:25:31But it's, it's rewriting the rules.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:25:34It's kind of going back and allowing ourselves to question, is this really working for me anymore?
Maureen Spielman
00:25:40Right, right.
Maureen Spielman
00:25:42And I also think the fact that, and I'm sure this is very debatable and there are a lot of different ways to look at this, but one thing that I do hear so much and people question is, why are specific to my work?
Maureen Spielman
00:25:55Why are kids coming out earlier?
Maureen Spielman
00:25:57Why does this seem like it's such a bigger thing now?
Maureen Spielman
00:26:00And you could say that about a lot of different, different things.
Maureen Spielman
00:26:03Right.
Maureen Spielman
00:26:03But I don't think it's that any more kids are coming out now than were perhaps 30 years ago.
Maureen Spielman
00:26:09It's just, it's in a lot of place.
Maureen Spielman
00:26:14In some places and in some homes, it is much more safe.
Maureen Spielman
00:26:17Right.
Maureen Spielman
00:26:17And just as far as the media they're consuming it is more modeled for them.
Maureen Spielman
00:26:23Right.
Maureen Spielman
00:26:23They see or they're starting to see representation.
Maureen Spielman
00:26:26So there is that model where they are feeling like, oh, okay, so it's not that it's anymore.
Heather Hester
00:26:34It's just.
Maureen Spielman
00:26:35Right.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:26:36That's.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:26:37That's beautiful.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:26:38Yep.
Maureen Spielman
00:26:39And it, and it asks us, you know, we have, it gives us the option of, you know, making that shift into parenting more consciously of being more aware of this human being who is completely separate from us.
Maureen Spielman
00:26:54Right.
Maureen Spielman
00:26:55We are here to like get them safely to flown.
Maureen Spielman
00:26:59Right?
Maureen Spielman 2
00:27:00Yes, yes.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:27:01And I, I don't know if you were speaking.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:27:03I feel like you spoke to it in one of the podcasts, but this whole idea.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:27:06And Dr.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:27:07Shefali, she can just riff on this one, but that, you know, we had a fantasy about what parenting was going to be and gosh, maybe even childbirth, but certainly marriage.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:27:21Right.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:27:21And that it was all this fantasy and the white dress and the, and whatever it was for people and like the happily ever after or that your child's gonna do all these things.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:27:32But then we start going down the path and that's really not how life is.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:27:37And that's okay.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:27:38We were just.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:27:39My mom always used to say we were sold a bill of goods.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:27:43It's an older saying, but I always think that because.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:27:47Right.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:27:48We never know what's around the corner and we can't always be prepared.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:27:52But like we're saying, the more self care, the more we do this work, the better we're going to come to it.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:27:59The better prepared we're Going to be.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:28:01That is true, I believe.
Maureen Spielman
00:28:03Absolutely.
Maureen Spielman
00:28:04Absolutely.
Maureen Spielman
00:28:06And I think to the whole being present thing, I do.
Maureen Spielman
00:28:13I know the people find that to be difficult just in general.
Maureen Spielman
00:28:20Right.
Maureen Spielman
00:28:20That is a difficult because we're going in a million directions all the time.
Maureen Spielman
00:28:24That, that is something that our present world makes it very difficult for us to remain present in the moment.
Maureen Spielman
00:28:32But the thing that I have found to be very helpful for me, and that has been helpful for clients of mine, is the work around validating because that requires you to really stay present and listen and to respond in a way that's not just repeating, but really understanding what's going on.
Maureen Spielman
00:28:56So that's been a huge.
Maureen Spielman
00:28:57An incredibly helpful tool for me in a million ways, but definitely to being present.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:29:06I love it because the validating is such a skill of listening to what someone has to say and then repeating back what you're hearing is, I think, what I understand and, and the predecessor for that for me is always that sacred listening.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:29:23So letting go my agenda and what I need to get from somebody and just create an open space with no, it doesn't matter if nothing comes.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:29:33But that's the safety you're talking about, right?
Maureen Spielman 2
00:29:36And they can enter in and have space held for them around just like, oh, wait, she doesn't want anything from me.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:29:44Dad doesn't need anything from me.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:29:46It begins to transform.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:29:47And that's what I was saying about it doesn't happen overnight.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:29:50We know that there's a lot of deposits in the bank, but if we can be in the place and you're such a, such a mentor for people around this, that it's going to be okay.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:30:02I'm here to tell you, I'm here to like, hold that space for you and hold that.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:30:06And I'm not saying it's not going to be without.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:30:08It's really uncomfortable times.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:30:10But I'm going to hold that space for you.
Maureen Spielman
00:30:13Right?
Maureen Spielman
00:30:13Yes, exactly.
Maureen Spielman
00:30:15And just.
Maureen Spielman
00:30:15And I think holding space for that being uncomfortable, like, that's hard and you can do it.
Maureen Spielman
00:30:23Right.
Maureen Spielman
00:30:24I was thinking about it just this week, actually.
Maureen Spielman
00:30:26I'm.
Maureen Spielman
00:30:28We all continue to shift and grow and I have some shifting that I can feel going on right now for me.
Maureen Spielman
00:30:34And it is incredibly uncomfortable.
Maureen Spielman
00:30:37And I keep just like sitting through it and I'm like, okay, here it is like just, you know, doing, doing the breathing, doing, you know, the things that I know work for me.
Maureen Spielman
00:30:51And now that I understand what's going on, and I think that's, you know, half of it too, is understanding what's Going on when you're like uncomfortable and you're like, what is this?
Maureen Spielman
00:30:59Yes.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:31:00Yeah.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:31:01And I know.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:31:02And you know, are there parts of you now or your former self that like, I know for me, one of my distractions to not feel the feelings to call people and just stay busy because we've got, you know, people have different kind of numbing out ways that they can avoid the feelings.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:31:20But when you truly.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:31:21When I, when I truly have those moments and I'll go and just like sit in a chair in my front room or just try to just be with it, it's uncomfortable because for most of us, we've been putting that stuff down.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:31:34And so, yeah, it's a, it's a process.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:31:37But even, even if it can be 30 seconds.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:31:40Right.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:31:40Or like just becoming more aware because like you're saying you're.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:31:45That's self care that, that's even being in the discomfort, that's taking care of what your needs are.
Maureen Spielman
00:31:52Right, exactly.
Maureen Spielman
00:31:53And it's such a, it is such a gift to be able to do that and to not feel shame around taking care of yourself.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:32:07Yeah.
Maureen Spielman
00:32:07Because there's that whole piece too.
Maureen Spielman
00:32:10Right.
Maureen Spielman
00:32:11And so I think that, you know, that's.
Maureen Spielman
00:32:15I.
Maureen Spielman
00:32:16One of my biggest things that I just want everyone to know is to take that time.
Maureen Spielman
00:32:22You are absolutely 100% worth it.
Maureen Spielman
00:32:24Yeah.
Maureen Spielman
00:32:25And the dividends are endless.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:32:32Absolutely.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:32:33Yeah.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:32:33And it's just, I think about you and your community that you're building, that's been building for a while and just leaning into the support and listen, listen.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:32:43I really feel like that.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:32:45Listen to the messages.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:32:46Listen to what you want to surround yourself with.
Maureen Spielman
00:32:49Right, Right.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:32:50I think that's really important.
Maureen Spielman
00:32:53So important.
Maureen Spielman
00:32:54Because it is so easy to get caught up in the negative messaging that is very loud right now and can be discouraging at.
Maureen Spielman
00:33:09At the least.
Maureen Spielman
00:33:10Right.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:33:10Yeah, I know.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:33:12And I'm just to add, I remember years ago, someone told me I had gone through a health journey and they said, why don't people, instead of saying this diagnosis prognosis, why don't they say like, name of the diagnosis plus success stories?
Maureen Spielman 2
00:33:30So it just reminded me of like, let's like almost where the first with a medical thing, it's always like, oh, what?
Maureen Spielman 2
00:33:37What's the worst case scenario?
Maureen Spielman 2
00:33:39And it's like, let's reach for the best case scenario.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:33:42What could this look like?
Maureen Spielman 2
00:33:44And I just always remember that because that is.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:33:46And I've seen others after me do that and it's like, no, no, no, stay away from that.
Maureen Spielman
00:33:51Just.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:33:51We want it, we want to find you the resources that are the most, you know, resourceful, replenishing, nourishing, and that are just going to support you.
Maureen Spielman
00:34:01Exactly, exactly.
Maureen Spielman
00:34:03Yes.
Maureen Spielman
00:34:03Neither one of us want to be the WebMD of what we do.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:34:07No.
Maureen Spielman
00:34:10My daughter is a big WebMD and I'm like, stop going on there because it literally will tell you the same 10 ways you're going to die from, like, pink eye or something.
Maureen Spielman
00:34:19You know what I mean?
Maureen Spielman 2
00:34:20Oh, yeah.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:34:21I've got some good ones, too.
Maureen Spielman
00:34:24Oh, my goodness.
Maureen Spielman
00:34:26So I would love to talk really quickly about really how people can.
Maureen Spielman
00:34:32I know you're doing some just amazing things, first of all with your podcast and then second of all with your business, and I would love for everyone to know how they can find you.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:34:43Yeah, thank you.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:34:45Well, I have my Maureen Spielman coaching business where I do one on one coaching, and that's a great joy of mine.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:34:54You can find me@maureen spielman.com on Instagram at.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:34:58Maureen Spielman, you are an inspiration.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:35:01You are one of the first people that came into my world.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:35:05We didn't know each other at all.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:35:06When I thought about starting a podcast.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:35:09It's called Mystical Sisterhood.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:35:11Just began it in January.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:35:13And, you know, if your listeners want to tap into that, it's the premise of it is joy, healing, and community.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:35:19And so my vision is just pulling in a lot of different healers, intuitives, and courageous souls that are doing the work.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:35:30And we've got a few, I think two in particular episodes on parenting so far, one on parenting your adult children, and one in really attuning to your children that I highly recommend.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:35:42But yeah, that's been a lot of fun.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:35:45And that's Mystical Sisterhood on all podcast platforms.
Maureen Spielman
00:35:50It's beautiful.
Maureen Spielman
00:35:51It really is beautiful.
Maureen Spielman
00:35:52You have done such an amazing job with it and especially for just putting it out there in the world.
Maureen Spielman
00:36:01I mean, not bumpy at all.
Maureen Spielman
00:36:04So just I highly, highly recommend it.
Maureen Spielman
00:36:08And all of this information will be in my show notes and out on social media and all of that.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:36:14So thank you.
Maureen Spielman
00:36:16You will all be able to find Maureen and just.
Maureen Spielman
00:36:19I do.
Maureen Spielman
00:36:20As you add different podcasts to your.
Maureen Spielman
00:36:23Your playlist, definitely add Maureen's because.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:36:27Thank you.
Maureen Spielman
00:36:27Good one.
Maureen Spielman
00:36:29You know, sometimes you need one that's like, just fills your soul and that's.
Maureen Spielman
00:36:33That's what it is.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:36:35So thank you.
Maureen Spielman
00:36:36Of course.
Maureen Spielman
00:36:37So thank you so much for being with me today.
Maureen Spielman
00:36:40I really, I'm so glad we got to do this.
Maureen Spielman
00:36:42And I loved.
Maureen Spielman
00:36:43I loved chatting with you.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:36:45Yes, thank you, Heather.
Maureen Spielman 2
00:36:46It's been a pleasure.
Heather Hester 2
00:36:48Thanks so much for joining me today.
Heather Hester 2
00:36:51If you enjoyed today's episode, I would be so grateful.
Heather Hester 2
00:36:56For a rating or a review, click on the link in the show notes or go to my website chrysalismama.com to stay up to date on my latest resources as well as to learn how you can work with me.
Heather Hester 2
00:37:11Please share this podcast with anyone who needs to know that they are not alone and remember to just breathe until next time.
