Identity Is Best: Rewiring the False Beliefs Behind Every Behavior You're Trying to Change

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Willpower is good, but often incomplete, or at
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least it runs out of gas pretty quickly. Discipline
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seems to be better, especially according to people
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like Jocko Willink, but also seems to fall flat
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for some people. But today, I want to talk about
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how identity is best. And depending on how you
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use it, it can either help you or hurt you. There
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are so many beliefs that we all have that tie
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into our identity. They can be core beliefs that
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are true or false beliefs that will poison our
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perceptions for decades to come. unless recognized,
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worked on, and eventually eliminated. But many
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of these things can follow us decades into adulthood.
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and potentially color all aspects of our lives
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and perceptions affecting our jobs, our marriages,
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our families, our broader relationships, and
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really anything else you can think of. So today,
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I'd like to talk about how willpower, discipline,
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and identity aren't different ways of accomplishing
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a goal, but rather different stages of building
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layered growth, and that they can work together
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to establish meaningful change. Let's get into
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it. Welcome to the Optimizing Beyond podcast.
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I'm Josh Negron, and this show is all about sharing
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lessons, ideas, and strategies that sharpen your
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thinking, strengthen your habits, and push you
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to grow beyond comfort zones. Let's dive in.
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All right, welcome back to the show. I'd like
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to talk about applying the good, better, best
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framework from episode 43. to some things we've
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discussed previously about discipline, habit
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formation, and finally, identity. And I think
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the identity piece can sometimes leave people
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a little confused because when you talk about
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willpower and discipline, they kind of know what
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that means. You use both of those to build habits,
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to try to create some sort of meaningful change
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in people's lives. And when you talk about identity,
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that doesn't always get associated in the same
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lines. My point that I'm making is that identity,
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is that final piece of that puzzle that can create
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the most meaningful change. Because I hear people
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talking about how they're frustrated that their
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willpower, sometimes motivation is used in its
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place. Motivation runs out. Discipline isn't
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always enough. Now, people like Jocko will say
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that discipline is for when your willpower fails
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you. And the way he's using that description
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of discipline is that you get in the discipline
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or in the habit of doing something right. So
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it's easier, like Glenn Lundy said in our episode,
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it's easier to do than to not do or the inverse.
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And so when you've established that habit over
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a significant period of time, which he says is
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67 days. then the discipline itself overcomes
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lack of willpower, lack of motivation. And that
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is definitely true. And that's why I think it
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is better than sheer motivation or willpower.
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But have you ever ran out of steam on a discipline
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as well? I know I have. And so that's where I
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believe the identity piece comes into play because
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it fits like a puzzle piece as to why you are
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the person that does certain things. So I want
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to make this very fundamentally clear that I
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don't think these have to... compete against
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one another. Sometimes I think people get the
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message that willpower and motivation are useless
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and that discipline is all you need or that an
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identity change in who you believe yourself to
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be or how you view yourself, that that is all
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you need. And I don't think that is the best
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view of those things. Going to a conference and
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getting amped and pumped up. has value. It typically
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creates the moment where people can recognize
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as a potential opportunity for an impetus for
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change. And so they can use those moments to
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change their habits, to start new things. And
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then those habits can create a potential discipline.
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If you're also recognizing that that might plug
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into a certain false belief or a view of yourself
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that you may have that may not be the healthiest,
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then it's those sources of fuel that we're looking
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at to change. with the goal of creating meaningful,
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lasting change in that ever slow growing optimization
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of getting better every day. Now, why do I think
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that motivation or willpower gets sold as the
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main currency of the day? There's so many rah
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-rah videos out there and channels built around
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just motivation. And I think that's because it
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does have value. It gets people pumped up. It
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gets people to that point of wanting the change,
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wanting that desire. of change the most and the
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fastest. And so like I said, those moments can
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be a helpful spark to start something in someone's
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desire for change in finding a new direction
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or finding enough energy to start digging into
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like the things we're going to talk about today.
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And that's why I think it's layered growth rather
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than just giving up motivation and willpower
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for discipline or for a change in identity. And
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then as far as discipline is concerned, I feel
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like we all know what it's like to try to be
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disciplined. Even that sentence should feel unsettling
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in a certain respect. And that's why some gurus
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or advisors, they hate the word try because it
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implies that you aren't going to follow through.
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And while I'm a recovering perfectionist and
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I know that I can't do everything perfect, sometimes
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words matter. The word try has this connotation
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to it. We all know what it feels like. And so
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when you try to white knuckle discipline, it
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sometimes falls short. And I would say that's
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where in the good, better, best framework, the
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identity piece is the best part and the most
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powerful part because it works both ways for
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the good and for the bad. So why wouldn't you
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want to learn how to leverage it to your advantage
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or at least undoing the bad things that are bringing
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you down? So how do you find out what these underlying
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scripts are, these core beliefs that you may
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have of yourself? Now, you may have some very
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obvious ones, which means you may not have to
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dig very far. So depending on how negative or
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dark your self -talk is, a lot of your core beliefs
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will likely be pretty evident if you have an
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aggressive self -dialogue like that. So I'm not
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enough. I'm not worthy. People are just going
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to leave me. Nothing I ever do is good enough.
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I'll never succeed. I shouldn't even try. I don't
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want to look stupid. Or like we talked about
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in the last episode, certain promises that you
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make to yourself that I will never put myself
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in this situation again, insert scenario that
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was traumatic, and then completely limit yourself
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from experiencing the bad and the good that are
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possible in a particular scenario, relationship,
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et cetera. So in the last episode, I talked about
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an exercise that my therapist had me do a couple
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of years ago of going through my top 10 earliest
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memories don't have to be bad, don't have to
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be good. Most of them ended up being bad or just
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not positive. When you're young, sometimes they
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seem pretty trivial, but they were impactful.
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That's why you remember them. That's kind of
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the point. And one of the ones that I mentioned
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is feeling embarrassment and shame for the first
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time. Now it was a completely silly thing when
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you look at it from an adult perspective, but
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it was a birthday party at one of the old school
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pizza huts. That's right. With the whole like
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red roof thing, you know, miss those. And we
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went in, I was super excited to give my friend
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a awesome birthday gift. It was an RC car. I
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didn't have an RC car and I thought that was
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the coolest thing in the world. So it was kind
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of neat to get the opportunity to give someone
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that I cared about such an awesome gift that
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I would want myself. And I walked up and I didn't.
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have any sort of social awareness of anything
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that was around me. And I walked that gift straight
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up. I didn't notice the gift table that they
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had to the side. And I walked straight up to
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the main table. There were tons of kids there.
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And I had this kind of mental expectation. Just
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walk away. And what do you do? You walk the gift
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up to the person, give it to them and watch them
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open it. And it's awesome. And it was quickly
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stopped by a, I'm assuming his parent. And she
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said, no, that's not where the gifts go. They
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go over on the table. And it was a moment. I
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don't remember how old I was, but it was pretty
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young. And I remember just feeling like everyone
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was looking at me because she made it kind of
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a big deal. I remember being very self -conscious
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for the first time that I could remember and
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felt silly, stupid, embarrassed, like I somehow
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should have known. That's kind of how she was
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talking to me. And so that created a natural
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script of hesitation, of anxiety when I'm not
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sure what to do, where to go, entering a new
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building, for example. All of those things carried
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through multiple decades past, wanting to be
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overly prepared. Because clearly I should have
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known something. I should have gotten some sort
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of memo way back then before cell phones, email,
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any of that sort of thing. Maybe my parents didn't
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relay to me the postcard that they received on
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the proper instructions of the birthday party.
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I don't even know if that was a thing. It probably
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wasn't. But I carried with me the expectation
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that I somehow missed something. And if I hadn't,
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I would have potentially avoided that scenario.
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And I could avoid those kinds of scenarios in
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the future. That's a seemingly silly, lighthearted
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example, and it's something I can laugh about
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now because I have looked back and recognized
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that moment is the root of what caused that experience
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and then that hesitation, that anxiety, and all
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those things attached to it at that point. But
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that created a very core definition. in a mode
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of operating that until I recognized it and then
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started dissecting it, I was really powerless
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to its effects that were holding me back in multiple
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ways. And this is naturally one main reason why
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so many therapists go back to when you were young,
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because a lot of these things, these things that
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we learned, whether we learned them correctly
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or incorrectly, shape how we view the world and
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how we operate within it. And so they do a lot
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of that work to try to find out Those earliest
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experiences, those earliest memories, again,
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because they were probably formative. And you
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might be blessed and have a list of a lot of
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great things that you remember that taught you
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really good foundational, secure lessons that
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shaped a lot of positive beliefs of yourself.
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That's awesome. For the rest of us, like I said,
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most of the 10 are not very positive. And that's
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okay. We can go back, we can look, and we can
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start to dig and find some threads. that have
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some consistency and fit inside of our negative
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self -talk or the things that we believe about
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ourselves or others and the perception that we
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have in our relationships, for example. These
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kinds of things are very, very common and typical,
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which is, again, why therapists get a lot of
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mileage of helping you in looking at those things.
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And what's really cool when you recognize these
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scripts, I remember going through that exercise,
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recognizing that memory, realizing how it potentially
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shaped certain ways I viewed the world. and how
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I engaged with it, and ultimately, I would say,
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likely robbed me of opportunity or experiencing
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certain things because I was too anxious or uncertain
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about said experience or interaction or location,
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and so the decision was often not to participate
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or to find an excuse and eventually miss out.
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And so I started recognizing that that was a
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pattern that had followed me all the way into
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my 30s. And after you recognize a certain false
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belief, you can really start to reverse engineer
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it. You can recognize it when it's happening
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and you can say, no, it's all good. It's a new
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building. I don't know where to go. I'll just
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ask somebody. And you can really take away a
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lot of the power that those scripts actually
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have when even you just recognize them. Like
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that is step one. It's a cliche for a reason.
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Recognizing you have a problem is the first step.
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And I would say it's similar to the phenomenon
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when you buy a certain make and model of a car,
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you start seeing those things everywhere. So
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when you recognize a pattern like this, a false
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belief like this, a thing that you think often
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that colors your perceptions and reality, you
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start to realize, oh, there it is again. There
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it is again. Oh my gosh. And that can start to
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really help you in combating it. Now, sometimes
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I get asked, how do I know this is something
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I need to fix? What if it's something that is
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true? Well, it could be. And this is sometimes
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where the help of another person is useful. I
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said at the end of the last episode, this is
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where a professional sometimes comes in handy
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because some of the lessons that we've learned
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through our pasts come out of very real experiences
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that happened. And sometimes we need the help
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of a professional to help us understand what
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pieces of truth need to apply broadly to everything
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versus, yes, this is a true thing that you need
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to be careful of or be aware of in your adult
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life in these circumstances. Here's why it doesn't
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apply to everything. This also applies to these
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vows or promises that we make of ourselves to
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never allow ourselves to be in these situations
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ever again. If that limits you from having any
00:12:58.200 --> 00:13:00.779
meaningful relationship, that's too broad of
00:13:00.779 --> 00:13:02.480
an application. See where I'm going with that?
00:13:02.620 --> 00:13:04.940
So sometimes a professional can come alongside
00:13:04.940 --> 00:13:08.220
because maybe we don't feel in step one or two,
00:13:08.320 --> 00:13:10.200
we don't feel like we can make that judgment
00:13:10.200 --> 00:13:12.360
call. Like, how do I know where this rule stops,
00:13:12.639 --> 00:13:15.000
where this vow is appropriate and where it's
00:13:15.000 --> 00:13:17.659
too? far and sometimes a professional can come
00:13:17.659 --> 00:13:20.299
alongside who has experience with those kinds
00:13:20.299 --> 00:13:22.840
of things and can can kind of really define where
00:13:22.840 --> 00:13:26.980
the safety needs to be and where it's okay to
00:13:26.980 --> 00:13:29.899
let those promises or those standards go because
00:13:29.899 --> 00:13:32.120
they don't belong there so at this point you
00:13:32.120 --> 00:13:33.720
probably have some things rattling around in
00:13:33.720 --> 00:13:36.059
your brain if you don't some common ones that
00:13:36.059 --> 00:13:39.779
i wrote down were for some people they have words
00:13:39.779 --> 00:13:43.480
that were spoken over them by a coach a parent
00:13:43.480 --> 00:13:47.289
a teacher Now, sometimes you can hear those entrepreneurs
00:13:47.289 --> 00:13:50.169
tell like a teacher said something really encouraging
00:13:50.169 --> 00:13:52.590
or powerful and it just kind of was the impetus
00:13:52.590 --> 00:13:55.730
for everything. Noice. For others, it's the opposite.
00:13:55.950 --> 00:13:57.769
You'll never amount to anything. You'll never
00:13:57.769 --> 00:14:00.389
become anything. Whatever those things that those
00:14:00.389 --> 00:14:02.710
people taught us and those words that were spoken
00:14:02.710 --> 00:14:05.529
over us. And like the episode I had with Greg
00:14:05.529 --> 00:14:08.169
Hall with the power of words, those kinds of
00:14:08.169 --> 00:14:11.629
things fuel people in certain ways and to have
00:14:11.629 --> 00:14:14.029
certain beliefs about themselves. Sometimes it
00:14:14.029 --> 00:14:16.629
can cause people to work really hard, but other
00:14:16.629 --> 00:14:19.330
times it can cause people to never try hard,
00:14:19.429 --> 00:14:21.690
not feel like they're qualified, always count
00:14:21.690 --> 00:14:23.970
themselves out, and all these other things. Maybe
00:14:23.970 --> 00:14:26.360
it's an early failure. something in business
00:14:26.360 --> 00:14:29.620
or a relationship or a trauma that occurred that
00:14:29.620 --> 00:14:32.919
got filed away and tied into that person's identity.
00:14:33.159 --> 00:14:36.059
I'm a failure because this failed, because I
00:14:36.059 --> 00:14:40.100
couldn't accomplish X. And so in that, rather
00:14:40.100 --> 00:14:43.899
than failing forward, that failure defined them
00:14:43.899 --> 00:14:46.720
and became a part of their identity. Sometimes
00:14:46.720 --> 00:14:50.320
it can be a simple philosophy like the idea of
00:14:50.320 --> 00:14:53.539
scarcity versus growth mindset, where scarcity
00:14:53.539 --> 00:14:56.200
says there's... limited resources of anything
00:14:56.200 --> 00:14:59.519
out there. And because of that, in order to gain
00:14:59.519 --> 00:15:01.399
something, you have to take it away from someone
00:15:01.399 --> 00:15:03.700
else or vice versa. If someone has something
00:15:03.700 --> 00:15:05.879
that they took it away from someone else. And
00:15:05.879 --> 00:15:08.799
so that can really affect you in the way you
00:15:08.799 --> 00:15:11.580
view success, in the way you view even attention
00:15:11.580 --> 00:15:14.759
or love, that these transactions are limited
00:15:14.759 --> 00:15:17.860
and they're scarce and can really start to distort
00:15:17.860 --> 00:15:19.860
some perceptions. And this is really where I
00:15:19.860 --> 00:15:22.970
want to bring in Glenn Lundy's philosophy of
00:15:22.970 --> 00:15:26.389
controlling the second thought is how he's coined
00:15:26.389 --> 00:15:29.769
it and the basic premise is that you cannot control
00:15:29.769 --> 00:15:32.909
most of the time your first thought and we all
00:15:32.909 --> 00:15:35.590
know we think some mean things about ourselves
00:15:35.590 --> 00:15:38.909
and others and so with those first thoughts they
00:15:38.909 --> 00:15:42.149
can sometimes make us feel pretty bad Like, man,
00:15:42.309 --> 00:15:44.370
I'm a terrible person. If only people knew the
00:15:44.370 --> 00:15:46.629
things I was thinking, the judgy things I was
00:15:46.629 --> 00:15:48.470
thinking when I saw people, you know, like when
00:15:48.470 --> 00:15:50.629
you go to Walmart or whatever. And so he said,
00:15:50.669 --> 00:15:52.929
don't feel guilty about the first thought. We
00:15:52.929 --> 00:15:55.759
all have crazy first thoughts. Instead. Just
00:15:55.759 --> 00:15:58.240
put the effort in controlling the second thought,
00:15:58.320 --> 00:16:00.960
which arguably could be labeled as the response.
00:16:01.259 --> 00:16:04.700
Not a reaction, but the response. You choosing
00:16:04.700 --> 00:16:07.539
how you want to respond and how you want to think.
00:16:07.659 --> 00:16:09.620
So a lighthearted example, you see someone at
00:16:09.620 --> 00:16:11.320
Walmart who's comfortable wearing their pajamas
00:16:11.320 --> 00:16:14.000
to the store. Your first thought may be a very
00:16:14.000 --> 00:16:17.399
judgy one that we won't say right now. And instead
00:16:17.399 --> 00:16:19.539
of being harsh with yourself and thinking, shame
00:16:19.539 --> 00:16:22.159
on me, you don't waste any of that effort and
00:16:22.159 --> 00:16:24.840
you just have a second thought of giving them.
00:16:24.909 --> 00:16:26.990
the benefit of the doubt or just not caring enough
00:16:26.990 --> 00:16:29.549
to be judgy. This can function on its own without
00:16:29.549 --> 00:16:33.250
applying to a broader core belief, but I love
00:16:33.250 --> 00:16:35.450
it because it can also plug into this. So you
00:16:35.450 --> 00:16:37.549
can take the first thought, second thought principle
00:16:37.549 --> 00:16:39.970
and apply it to pretty much anything in isolated
00:16:39.970 --> 00:16:42.570
thoughts that you may have that you may want
00:16:42.570 --> 00:16:44.940
to change, which is super useful. But specifically
00:16:44.940 --> 00:16:47.080
in this conversation, you can use it as you're
00:16:47.080 --> 00:16:49.039
starting to recognize that car that you just
00:16:49.039 --> 00:16:51.779
bought per se in the false belief that we're
00:16:51.779 --> 00:16:55.019
trying to address. The goal isn't to focus on
00:16:55.019 --> 00:16:58.279
eliminating that false belief at first. It's
00:16:58.279 --> 00:17:02.820
more of, is there a way we can reforge it and
00:17:02.820 --> 00:17:05.440
control the second thought, your response? to
00:17:05.440 --> 00:17:07.880
that first thought. And in scenarios like this,
00:17:07.900 --> 00:17:10.539
a lot of times the first thought is part of the
00:17:10.539 --> 00:17:12.579
limbic response. And if you're like, I don't
00:17:12.579 --> 00:17:14.759
know what that is, that's the system responsible
00:17:14.759 --> 00:17:18.920
for fight or flight. And so in those instances,
00:17:19.160 --> 00:17:22.279
that's exactly a reaction, not a response. And
00:17:22.279 --> 00:17:24.839
a lot of times it's not the best, especially
00:17:24.839 --> 00:17:27.180
when it's connected to the things we talked about
00:17:27.180 --> 00:17:30.319
earlier. So this is where taking a pause, breath
00:17:30.319 --> 00:17:33.160
work is super helpful. Deep breaths and pattern
00:17:33.160 --> 00:17:36.079
breathing is... the easiest way to lower your
00:17:36.079 --> 00:17:38.900
heart rate and to get you out of a limbic response,
00:17:39.039 --> 00:17:41.019
get you out of fight or flight so that you can
00:17:41.019 --> 00:17:43.440
actually use the front part of your brain, your
00:17:43.440 --> 00:17:46.519
prefrontal cortex, which is very useful in more
00:17:46.519 --> 00:17:49.460
rational decision -making and allows you to choose
00:17:49.460 --> 00:17:53.380
a response, a second thought. to whatever you're
00:17:53.380 --> 00:17:55.079
facing. Now, like most of the things we talk
00:17:55.079 --> 00:17:58.579
about on this show, a lot of this is progressive
00:17:58.579 --> 00:18:01.160
and learned. When I was working on things like
00:18:01.160 --> 00:18:04.079
negative self -talk and attacking my false beliefs
00:18:04.079 --> 00:18:07.220
that I was identifying. A lot of times the number,
00:18:07.400 --> 00:18:11.119
the total count of first thoughts that I wanted
00:18:11.119 --> 00:18:14.920
to change were numerous and seemingly overwhelming.
00:18:15.019 --> 00:18:17.000
Like how am I ever going to tackle all of these
00:18:17.000 --> 00:18:20.180
things? This is crazy. And so the distance sometimes
00:18:20.180 --> 00:18:22.539
between the first and second thought were huge.
00:18:22.700 --> 00:18:25.339
And my second thoughts weren't always much better
00:18:25.339 --> 00:18:27.259
than the first thoughts, at least initially.
00:18:27.319 --> 00:18:31.910
And so this is kind of a habitual daily. progression
00:18:31.910 --> 00:18:35.250
into recognizing those things, starting to see
00:18:35.250 --> 00:18:38.569
what maybe we would like to think or our responses
00:18:38.569 --> 00:18:41.009
would like to be. and what our second thoughts
00:18:41.009 --> 00:18:43.829
need to be in those progressions. So as you're
00:18:43.829 --> 00:18:46.509
going through that, that is the next step in
00:18:46.509 --> 00:18:49.650
trying to identify the future paths that you
00:18:49.650 --> 00:18:51.450
would like to go. Now, some people might ask,
00:18:51.529 --> 00:18:56.170
what cue do you use to do this? And I think really
00:18:56.170 --> 00:18:59.349
that illustration of recognizing the cars everywhere
00:18:59.349 --> 00:19:02.789
is really what is useful in this scenario. I
00:19:02.789 --> 00:19:05.809
try to find one or two things that I'm working
00:19:05.809 --> 00:19:08.309
on actively. It's a little overwhelming to try
00:19:08.309 --> 00:19:12.170
to tackle every... So there is usually only one
00:19:12.170 --> 00:19:14.730
or two of them I'm working on at a time. And
00:19:14.730 --> 00:19:17.910
when I do that, it starts to become the car that
00:19:17.910 --> 00:19:20.690
I see everywhere. And then the recognition is
00:19:20.690 --> 00:19:23.150
the number one. critical part, which is why we
00:19:23.150 --> 00:19:25.369
talked about it first, seeing it, recognizing
00:19:25.369 --> 00:19:28.769
it. And then once you start seeing it everywhere,
00:19:29.009 --> 00:19:32.349
start to realize, okay, given this specific circumstance,
00:19:32.609 --> 00:19:34.470
because it's all unique to everyone, what is
00:19:34.470 --> 00:19:37.190
my preferred response? What is my preferred thought
00:19:37.190 --> 00:19:39.910
instead of this one? And so that sounds a little
00:19:39.910 --> 00:19:41.549
bit like up in the sky. You're like, how do I
00:19:41.549 --> 00:19:43.589
get practical about this? Or do you have specific
00:19:43.589 --> 00:19:46.069
examples? What does this look like? And it is,
00:19:46.069 --> 00:19:48.829
it is all dependent on what that first thought
00:19:48.829 --> 00:19:52.680
is, what the root false belief potentially is.
00:19:52.839 --> 00:19:55.420
And so it can be something as simple as the first
00:19:55.420 --> 00:19:57.539
thought. You see someone walking in late to a
00:19:57.539 --> 00:20:00.420
meeting and you assume maybe you're their boss
00:20:00.420 --> 00:20:02.640
or their colleague and you assume your initial
00:20:02.640 --> 00:20:04.420
first thought is like, man, they don't really
00:20:04.420 --> 00:20:07.160
care about being punctual at all. What in the
00:20:07.160 --> 00:20:09.859
world? And the second thought might incorporate
00:20:09.859 --> 00:20:12.259
some things like the law of positive intent that
00:20:12.259 --> 00:20:14.640
we've talked about before, where you give people
00:20:14.640 --> 00:20:16.519
the benefit of the doubt, where you say, well,
00:20:16.910 --> 00:20:19.589
hang on, I don't know if they were caught up
00:20:19.589 --> 00:20:22.549
by a customer on the way to the meeting. And
00:20:22.549 --> 00:20:25.470
I would rather them take care of that guest rather
00:20:25.470 --> 00:20:28.430
than say, hey, I don't want to be late to a meeting.
00:20:28.490 --> 00:20:30.750
I can't help you right now. That's crazy. And
00:20:30.750 --> 00:20:33.769
so using the law of positive intent, being curious,
00:20:33.809 --> 00:20:36.309
not judgmental, to borrow a Ted Lasso phrase.
00:20:36.490 --> 00:20:38.769
We just need to insert a Ted Lasso quote into
00:20:38.769 --> 00:20:41.410
every episode. That'd be great. So, so important
00:20:41.410 --> 00:20:44.049
to be curious, ask questions before making assumptions.
00:20:44.859 --> 00:20:46.819
The appropriate response is sometimes dependent
00:20:46.819 --> 00:20:49.640
on the circumstance, the situation that you're
00:20:49.640 --> 00:20:51.980
trying to battle, or the false belief that you're
00:20:51.980 --> 00:20:54.420
trying to reverse. So that leads us to the next
00:20:54.420 --> 00:20:57.819
step, which is what I will label as the replacement
00:20:57.819 --> 00:21:01.359
principle. So often it's described that when
00:21:01.359 --> 00:21:03.380
you're trying to rewire your brain, especially
00:21:03.380 --> 00:21:06.220
patterns that have followed you around for decades,
00:21:06.420 --> 00:21:09.880
you can't just subtract. That leaves an empty
00:21:09.880 --> 00:21:12.670
void. The brain doesn't like that. You typically
00:21:12.670 --> 00:21:15.970
have a lot of issues with things you're trying
00:21:15.970 --> 00:21:18.269
to correct mentally if you're just trying to
00:21:18.269 --> 00:21:20.710
subtract and you don't put anything else in there.
00:21:20.769 --> 00:21:22.569
And that's where the replacement principle comes
00:21:22.569 --> 00:21:25.049
into play, where if you're looking to remove
00:21:25.049 --> 00:21:28.789
something or take a false belief out, what positive
00:21:28.789 --> 00:21:31.109
belief are you putting in its place? Sometimes
00:21:31.109 --> 00:21:34.490
it's as easy as replacing whatever the inverse,
00:21:34.650 --> 00:21:36.809
whatever the opposite is of the false belief.
00:21:36.869 --> 00:21:40.140
So if you feel like you're not enough or... nothing
00:21:40.140 --> 00:21:42.240
you ever do is good enough. I mean, you're really
00:21:42.240 --> 00:21:44.859
just adjusting those statements to be more truthful,
00:21:44.960 --> 00:21:47.460
to be more honest than the garbage that you're
00:21:47.460 --> 00:21:49.839
saying to yourself. An exercise that I did when
00:21:49.839 --> 00:21:52.940
I didn't like my negative self -talk was in addition
00:21:52.940 --> 00:21:55.319
to what I've shared before, I would enlist my
00:21:55.319 --> 00:21:57.900
friends to catch me and yell at me when they
00:21:57.900 --> 00:22:00.799
heard me say things out loud. And then me committing
00:22:00.799 --> 00:22:04.339
to even myself, anytime I said anything out loud,
00:22:04.400 --> 00:22:08.279
I would verbally say, no, that's not true. And
00:22:08.279 --> 00:22:10.400
then I would say, whatever the truth was that
00:22:10.400 --> 00:22:12.480
applied to that specific statement. It kind of
00:22:12.480 --> 00:22:14.619
plugs into the difference between guilt and shame.
00:22:14.720 --> 00:22:17.480
Like guilt says I did bad. Shame says I am bad.
00:22:17.519 --> 00:22:20.259
So trying to remove those negative statements
00:22:20.259 --> 00:22:23.720
from being identity shame -based statements and
00:22:23.720 --> 00:22:26.500
moving them more at least into the guilt column.
00:22:26.599 --> 00:22:29.000
Like, hey, you messed up. You made a mistake.
00:22:29.200 --> 00:22:31.460
You failed. That doesn't mean you're a bad person.
00:22:31.539 --> 00:22:34.440
So shifting it out of the shame. tar pit and
00:22:34.440 --> 00:22:36.940
at least shifting it into you know if you do
00:22:36.940 --> 00:22:38.960
recognize you did make a mistake that's okay
00:22:38.960 --> 00:22:41.279
to do but you don't need to heap on the identity
00:22:41.279 --> 00:22:43.670
statements on top of that So there is a verbal
00:22:43.670 --> 00:22:46.089
component to this that I think has power. We
00:22:46.089 --> 00:22:47.869
talked about on the last episode how writing
00:22:47.869 --> 00:22:50.890
things down has power and has potential unlocking
00:22:50.890 --> 00:22:53.650
power to processing different things in different
00:22:53.650 --> 00:22:55.609
hemispheres. Like I said then, I don't know all
00:22:55.609 --> 00:22:57.569
the brain science about handwriting, those kinds
00:22:57.569 --> 00:23:01.269
of things, but the verbal spoken word also has
00:23:01.269 --> 00:23:03.670
tremendous power. If you're a person of faith,
00:23:03.769 --> 00:23:06.529
this probably lights you up in the brain in multiple
00:23:06.529 --> 00:23:09.029
ways and you're like, yes. If you're not, that's
00:23:09.029 --> 00:23:12.130
okay. I think most people believe that the spoken
00:23:12.130 --> 00:23:15.250
word has some sort of influence and power. And
00:23:15.250 --> 00:23:17.930
so if that's true, if that even has a possibility
00:23:17.930 --> 00:23:21.369
of being true, then speaking the truth, speaking
00:23:21.369 --> 00:23:24.569
the antidote, if you will, to the false belief,
00:23:24.609 --> 00:23:26.569
to the things that we're trying to change has
00:23:26.569 --> 00:23:28.869
a lot of power. Now you can't always do that
00:23:28.869 --> 00:23:31.109
in like, if you're having a conflict or you're
00:23:31.109 --> 00:23:32.849
in a conversation with somebody, they're going
00:23:32.849 --> 00:23:34.609
to think you're crazy and having all these like,
00:23:34.730 --> 00:23:38.069
no. That's not true. So you're going to have
00:23:38.069 --> 00:23:40.589
to kind of judge when those moments are appropriate.
00:23:40.789 --> 00:23:42.890
Sometimes maybe you do it in your inner voice,
00:23:43.029 --> 00:23:45.730
but catching those things out loud and saying
00:23:45.730 --> 00:23:48.450
the corrective statements for me was really helpful
00:23:48.450 --> 00:23:50.690
when I was addressing a lot of this negative
00:23:50.690 --> 00:23:53.009
dialogue that was following me around. Now I'll
00:23:53.009 --> 00:23:56.250
say this, when you first start addressing the
00:23:56.250 --> 00:23:58.829
negative self -talk and you start trying the
00:23:58.829 --> 00:24:00.890
replacement principle and trying to speak truth,
00:24:01.109 --> 00:24:03.849
there's a couple of ways that I've done it to
00:24:03.849 --> 00:24:06.390
add additional. bullets to the magazine, if you
00:24:06.390 --> 00:24:09.230
will, to help me here. One of them was asking
00:24:09.230 --> 00:24:12.809
people that I trusted in my life to list specific
00:24:12.809 --> 00:24:16.190
ways or have them text me or write an email or
00:24:16.190 --> 00:24:19.529
send a voice memo on how they viewed me. Because
00:24:19.529 --> 00:24:22.210
my perception was, if the way I look at myself
00:24:22.210 --> 00:24:26.150
is broken, then help me see myself through your
00:24:26.150 --> 00:24:29.789
eyes, which I also trust. And so I wanted to
00:24:29.789 --> 00:24:32.329
see more than from one person because it's easy
00:24:32.329 --> 00:24:34.960
to dismiss when one person compliments you. right?
00:24:35.039 --> 00:24:37.319
So if your spouse says, you know, you're great.
00:24:37.359 --> 00:24:39.220
I love you. You're awesome. You're like, yeah,
00:24:39.240 --> 00:24:40.500
I mean, you're kind of supposed to say that,
00:24:40.579 --> 00:24:42.779
right? So it's easy to dismiss the onesie twosies.
00:24:42.839 --> 00:24:46.299
And so the goal was I had, I think it was, I
00:24:46.299 --> 00:24:49.880
think I messaged 20 people and 12 to 15 gave
00:24:49.880 --> 00:24:53.339
me really detailed responses that were very powerful.
00:24:53.480 --> 00:24:56.200
And then I just had like Siri read them to me
00:24:56.200 --> 00:24:58.940
every day. It was crazy. And so that was super
00:24:58.940 --> 00:25:01.680
powerful. I got to use other people's words and
00:25:01.680 --> 00:25:04.359
speak them over me. And I, you know, even put
00:25:04.359 --> 00:25:06.519
those in AI and distilled certain themes. Like
00:25:06.519 --> 00:25:08.599
people said similar things. And so it's like,
00:25:08.660 --> 00:25:11.059
what is the main things that they're saying?
00:25:11.180 --> 00:25:13.140
What are the main themes that are related to
00:25:13.140 --> 00:25:16.160
me and how they view me? Again, super, super
00:25:16.160 --> 00:25:19.779
powerful. And it equipped me with some horsepower
00:25:19.779 --> 00:25:23.039
to battle these negative beliefs with truth.
00:25:23.160 --> 00:25:25.019
And I was able to replace those. And I could
00:25:25.019 --> 00:25:27.470
do those verbally. I could handwrite them. And
00:25:27.470 --> 00:25:30.089
I think listening to those out loud while Siri
00:25:30.089 --> 00:25:33.410
was reading them also had an added layer of benefit
00:25:33.410 --> 00:25:35.670
there too. So this is where it gets pretty practical.
00:25:35.809 --> 00:25:38.690
I highly encourage people to just keep this up.
00:25:38.769 --> 00:25:42.069
Keep finding things that you can reverse and
00:25:42.069 --> 00:25:45.730
speak truth into, replace, say out loud, identify
00:25:45.730 --> 00:25:48.490
and repeat. Just keep doing it. Because when
00:25:48.490 --> 00:25:52.390
you identify aspects of your identity that aren't
00:25:52.390 --> 00:25:55.109
optimal and you can begin to reverse engineer
00:25:55.109 --> 00:25:58.710
and become the person that is fill in the blank,
00:25:58.849 --> 00:26:02.730
that is an entirely different way of getting
00:26:02.730 --> 00:26:05.029
things done. Discipline still has its place.
00:26:05.210 --> 00:26:07.470
Willpower and motivation still have their place.
00:26:07.589 --> 00:26:09.630
There can be a tremendous amount of freedom that
00:26:09.630 --> 00:26:12.549
you can find from many things when you start
00:26:12.549 --> 00:26:15.430
reverse engineering. And the way I know that
00:26:15.430 --> 00:26:18.990
this works is that that's how you have a lot
00:26:18.990 --> 00:26:21.359
of your false beliefs to begin with. All those
00:26:21.359 --> 00:26:23.240
things we mentioned at the beginning of the episode
00:26:23.240 --> 00:26:25.980
that are common of people believing about themselves
00:26:25.980 --> 00:26:30.339
are true today because of an identity -based
00:26:30.339 --> 00:26:33.299
pattern of thinking that has just been repeated
00:26:33.299 --> 00:26:36.079
excessively over time. So we can leverage that
00:26:36.079 --> 00:26:38.940
same mechanism to our advantage by doing the
00:26:38.940 --> 00:26:41.920
opposite of identifying things that we want to
00:26:41.920 --> 00:26:44.299
remove and replacing them with things that we
00:26:44.299 --> 00:26:47.019
do want there and getting the reps in. Now, this
00:26:47.019 --> 00:26:49.099
is just like what James Clear talks about in
00:26:49.099 --> 00:26:51.990
Atomic Habits. People ask, how many days does
00:26:51.990 --> 00:26:54.170
it take to establish a habit? And Glenn Lundy
00:26:54.170 --> 00:26:57.710
would say, with one rep a day, 67 days, sure.
00:26:57.849 --> 00:27:00.930
You may have heard 21. There's all sorts of combination,
00:27:01.109 --> 00:27:03.869
but anything between 21 and 67, but that's one
00:27:03.869 --> 00:27:06.450
rep a day. James Clear also talks about in his
00:27:06.450 --> 00:27:09.529
book about how you can create meaningful change
00:27:09.529 --> 00:27:12.269
by just getting meaningful reps. So sometimes,
00:27:12.410 --> 00:27:14.609
depending on the habit, this is part of that,
00:27:14.730 --> 00:27:16.710
I wouldn't recommend working out seven times
00:27:16.710 --> 00:27:20.000
a day to get healthy. Not a good idea. This is
00:27:20.000 --> 00:27:22.279
something that you could do multiple times a
00:27:22.279 --> 00:27:25.619
day. How many times do you talk crap on yourself?
00:27:25.880 --> 00:27:28.980
I know for me, it was a ton. So I got a bunch
00:27:28.980 --> 00:27:31.420
of reps in every single day. So by the end of
00:27:31.420 --> 00:27:34.900
three weeks, it was meaningful if I kept identifying,
00:27:35.279 --> 00:27:38.839
replacing, saying out loud, and repeating over
00:27:38.839 --> 00:27:42.440
and over. You will be surprised how fast that
00:27:42.440 --> 00:27:44.400
you can start to reverse engineer some of this
00:27:44.400 --> 00:27:46.839
stuff. One example is the fear of abandonment.
00:27:47.079 --> 00:27:49.440
There's plenty of people who have that false
00:27:49.440 --> 00:27:52.039
belief and they apply that in multiple different
00:27:52.039 --> 00:27:54.220
ways in their relationships. But one way can
00:27:54.220 --> 00:27:56.980
be in avoiding conflict or even how they view
00:27:56.980 --> 00:28:00.259
it in a relationship. So they may avoid conflict,
00:28:00.359 --> 00:28:04.059
for example, because they feel like if I engage
00:28:04.059 --> 00:28:06.720
in this conflict, then they'll leave me. For
00:28:06.720 --> 00:28:08.660
others, it could be, and we talked about this
00:28:08.660 --> 00:28:11.859
many episodes ago, but doing all the right things
00:28:11.859 --> 00:28:14.880
for the wrong reasons, over -serving, over -loving
00:28:14.880 --> 00:28:16.819
people because you're afraid they're going to
00:28:16.819 --> 00:28:19.460
leave you if you don't do that. That is, all
00:28:19.460 --> 00:28:21.859
those things are extremely common, and I speak
00:28:21.859 --> 00:28:25.119
from those from experience as well. So in those
00:28:25.119 --> 00:28:27.980
things, when you have a conflict and you start
00:28:27.980 --> 00:28:30.519
to feel anxious about, oh my gosh, if I keep
00:28:30.519 --> 00:28:32.980
going with this, they're going to whatever, you
00:28:32.980 --> 00:28:36.299
can pause, breathe, and speak truth to that.
00:28:36.640 --> 00:28:39.140
No, healthy relationships can have conflict,
00:28:39.240 --> 00:28:41.700
they can endure conflict, and they can survive
00:28:41.700 --> 00:28:45.539
conflict. In fact, if iron sharpens iron, that
00:28:45.539 --> 00:28:48.259
means there has to be friction. And if sparks
00:28:48.259 --> 00:28:50.440
aren't flying, iron's not getting sharpened,
00:28:50.440 --> 00:28:52.900
to quote the Live Free podcast. Shout out, guys.
00:28:53.039 --> 00:28:55.279
So this is the exact pattern that I want you
00:28:55.279 --> 00:28:57.700
to recognize. Recognize it in the moment. You
00:28:57.700 --> 00:29:00.220
can do some breathing if that is necessary, especially
00:29:00.220 --> 00:29:03.079
in that conflict example. Fight or flight's going
00:29:03.079 --> 00:29:06.059
to be going crazy. And then speaking that truth
00:29:06.059 --> 00:29:09.119
and then continuing through rather than giving
00:29:09.119 --> 00:29:12.440
up or somehow escaping the situation. Now, sometimes
00:29:12.440 --> 00:29:15.559
those reps are going to be high effort and high
00:29:15.559 --> 00:29:17.859
yield. Other times, they're going to be micro
00:29:17.859 --> 00:29:21.109
wins, and that's okay. Remember, a lot of optimization
00:29:21.109 --> 00:29:24.670
is micro -wins, and that's okay. That builds
00:29:24.670 --> 00:29:27.450
that foundation of growth over time, and that
00:29:27.450 --> 00:29:30.210
compound growth is so powerful. The last thing
00:29:30.210 --> 00:29:32.069
we'll say about the replacement principle is
00:29:32.069 --> 00:29:34.809
think about the concept of when someone is trying
00:29:34.809 --> 00:29:37.789
to get healthier, getting fitter, and a lot of
00:29:37.789 --> 00:29:41.789
times taking the fad diet route or now the route
00:29:41.789 --> 00:29:44.849
of pharmaceuticals can sometimes be tricky because
00:29:44.849 --> 00:29:48.349
if they don't do it the... old -fashioned way,
00:29:48.490 --> 00:29:52.009
quote -unquote, then sometimes what is critiqued
00:29:52.009 --> 00:29:55.230
is that they may not have learned the lifestyle
00:29:55.230 --> 00:29:58.910
skills in order to equip them to become the person
00:29:58.910 --> 00:30:03.470
that is now someone that values movement or sweating
00:30:03.470 --> 00:30:06.849
every day, as well as having their nutrition
00:30:06.849 --> 00:30:10.509
dialed in to a point where their health doesn't
00:30:10.509 --> 00:30:13.009
suffer. And sometimes getting to a destination
00:30:13.009 --> 00:30:16.589
or a goal faster can sometimes hinder those things.
00:30:16.750 --> 00:30:18.430
So we've all seen those people who go on the
00:30:18.430 --> 00:30:20.930
diet, they lose the weight. And once they get
00:30:20.930 --> 00:30:24.210
off the diet, the diet didn't teach them a lifestyle
00:30:24.210 --> 00:30:27.349
of eating better. It taught them how to eat to
00:30:27.349 --> 00:30:29.029
get to their goal. Well, once they reach their
00:30:29.029 --> 00:30:31.650
goal, what now? That diet sucked. They're not
00:30:31.650 --> 00:30:33.970
going to keep doing it. And so then what happens?
00:30:34.049 --> 00:30:36.269
They gain all the weight back. Pharmaceuticals,
00:30:36.269 --> 00:30:38.829
I could say the same thing. So certain pharmaceuticals,
00:30:38.829 --> 00:30:40.549
you can take them. You can still eat whatever
00:30:40.549 --> 00:30:42.289
you want. You don't have to sweat every day.
00:30:42.450 --> 00:30:44.430
You can certainly do those things and probably
00:30:44.430 --> 00:30:46.349
get to your goal even faster. But then at that
00:30:46.349 --> 00:30:50.009
point, once that's over, if someone hasn't established
00:30:50.009 --> 00:30:54.079
those habits or better yet, become the person
00:30:54.079 --> 00:30:57.599
that eats better and moves or sweats every day,
00:30:57.759 --> 00:31:00.940
then they will just regress. And it's the same
00:31:00.940 --> 00:31:03.079
thing that applies to all these things. If we're
00:31:03.079 --> 00:31:05.980
not replacing those things with something positive,
00:31:06.079 --> 00:31:08.019
with something constructive, with something better,
00:31:08.119 --> 00:31:10.220
then it can be really challenging to push those
00:31:10.220 --> 00:31:11.960
things out because you're not pushing it out
00:31:11.960 --> 00:31:13.940
with something to take its place. So I know it's
00:31:13.940 --> 00:31:15.980
cheesy to people say it's the journey, not the
00:31:15.980 --> 00:31:18.480
destination, but in certain aspects, that's kind
00:31:18.480 --> 00:31:19.920
of what we're talking about. So what kind of
00:31:19.920 --> 00:31:22.380
people is this really for? I would say this is
00:31:22.380 --> 00:31:25.440
for anyone who's looking to change who they are
00:31:25.440 --> 00:31:28.119
in relation to what they do. If you don't like
00:31:28.119 --> 00:31:30.440
what you do, you can certainly stop doing or
00:31:30.440 --> 00:31:32.819
start doing different things. But oftentimes,
00:31:33.079 --> 00:31:36.180
identity is what feeds beliefs and behavior.
00:31:36.809 --> 00:31:38.910
And so if you're just doing behavior management,
00:31:39.190 --> 00:31:42.589
that's not enough. Ask any group counselor or
00:31:42.589 --> 00:31:45.309
go to any addiction program and they will discuss
00:31:45.309 --> 00:31:48.990
this on purpose because those kinds of behaviors
00:31:48.990 --> 00:31:52.890
are ones that are fed by more underlying things.
00:31:53.049 --> 00:31:55.990
Typically, think of the identity piece as the
00:31:55.990 --> 00:31:58.390
iceberg. Those false beliefs, those things that
00:31:58.390 --> 00:32:01.509
come from usually trauma, those define people
00:32:01.509 --> 00:32:04.069
and cause those behaviors. So behavior management
00:32:04.069 --> 00:32:07.309
really falls short. willpower and discipline
00:32:07.309 --> 00:32:10.029
are just not enough to overcome. You really have
00:32:10.029 --> 00:32:13.650
to engage in transformation in order to see lasting
00:32:13.650 --> 00:32:16.089
results. And that's what we're after when we're
00:32:16.089 --> 00:32:18.569
optimizing. So step one is recognizing that,
00:32:18.650 --> 00:32:20.950
trying to find that automobile that you're going
00:32:20.950 --> 00:32:23.230
to start to spot everywhere. The second step
00:32:23.230 --> 00:32:26.809
is to find a way that you can, once you see that
00:32:26.809 --> 00:32:29.329
first thought that you don't want, how can you
00:32:29.329 --> 00:32:31.869
replace it with the second thought, one that
00:32:31.869 --> 00:32:34.269
is more constructive, one that is more powerful.
00:32:34.720 --> 00:32:36.880
And that's leveraging the replacement principle.
00:32:37.039 --> 00:32:39.839
And sometimes it's as simple as an opposite thought
00:32:39.839 --> 00:32:42.859
or one that's a better thought, like giving someone
00:32:42.859 --> 00:32:44.680
the benefit of the doubt or things like that.
00:32:44.720 --> 00:32:48.299
Other times it really digs into who you are and
00:32:48.299 --> 00:32:51.200
in your identity. And so when the fear of abandonment...
00:32:51.339 --> 00:32:55.720
wants to influence how you engage in a hard conversation
00:32:55.720 --> 00:32:58.519
with somebody, you can take a pause, take a moment,
00:32:58.640 --> 00:33:01.279
replace that with truth and recognize that, no,
00:33:01.359 --> 00:33:03.500
that's not what this is. This relationship can
00:33:03.500 --> 00:33:06.319
stand this disagreement, this conflict, and I
00:33:06.319 --> 00:33:08.619
can see it through. And in fact, it's arguable
00:33:08.619 --> 00:33:11.200
it will be stronger because you engaged in it.
00:33:11.240 --> 00:33:13.880
And you just start doing those things on a loop,
00:33:13.900 --> 00:33:17.539
on repeat, and you can start to see Those false
00:33:17.539 --> 00:33:21.440
beliefs lose power because when you follow through
00:33:21.440 --> 00:33:24.059
with actually, for example, having that conflict
00:33:24.059 --> 00:33:26.599
and having those disagreements or hard conversations
00:33:26.599 --> 00:33:29.799
and your relationships don't fall apart, people
00:33:29.799 --> 00:33:33.220
don't leave you, and the lie doesn't come true,
00:33:33.299 --> 00:33:35.000
then you're like, oh man, this is something.
00:33:35.059 --> 00:33:37.460
It reinforces it. in the other way. Again, we're
00:33:37.460 --> 00:33:40.279
leveraging that same principle with time on that
00:33:40.279 --> 00:33:42.740
end. So trying to get those reps in, trying to
00:33:42.740 --> 00:33:45.960
accelerate that path the other way has a tremendous
00:33:45.960 --> 00:33:48.900
amount of power in the inverse. So you're like,
00:33:48.980 --> 00:33:50.680
okay, I've got the thing. I know what I want
00:33:50.680 --> 00:33:53.369
to do. Now what? It's like, well, now we're going
00:33:53.369 --> 00:33:55.910
to want to recognize it. So first step is that
00:33:55.910 --> 00:33:57.730
automobile, right? What's the car we're going
00:33:57.730 --> 00:34:00.430
to spot everywhere? Pick it, find it and leverage
00:34:00.430 --> 00:34:03.289
those different tools. Write it down, say it
00:34:03.289 --> 00:34:05.769
out loud and know what you want to attack. And
00:34:05.769 --> 00:34:08.239
then. find out what the truth is. If it's not
00:34:08.239 --> 00:34:10.519
very obvious to you, depending on what it is,
00:34:10.579 --> 00:34:13.219
maybe get with someone you trust or even with
00:34:13.219 --> 00:34:15.559
a licensed professional and say, okay, this is
00:34:15.559 --> 00:34:18.659
kind of what I'm thinking. I have no idea what
00:34:18.659 --> 00:34:21.440
a good replacement would be for this. What do
00:34:21.440 --> 00:34:23.860
you think? What's a better thought? What's a
00:34:23.860 --> 00:34:26.579
second thought for this? And then whatever that
00:34:26.579 --> 00:34:28.579
is, write it down, say it out loud. And then
00:34:28.579 --> 00:34:31.719
anytime you see that car, you're writing and
00:34:31.719 --> 00:34:34.400
or saying in your mind, preferably out loud if
00:34:34.400 --> 00:34:36.500
you can, just trying to leverage as many avenues
00:34:36.500 --> 00:34:39.099
as you can to make the reps as effective as possible.
00:34:39.219 --> 00:34:42.199
The more effective the rep and the more reps
00:34:42.199 --> 00:34:44.820
compounds the most growth. So why wouldn't you
00:34:44.820 --> 00:34:46.639
try to leverage as much as you can? Of course.
00:34:46.719 --> 00:34:48.380
So essentially we're looking for the highest
00:34:48.380 --> 00:34:51.059
quality reps. Now reps matter. I'd rather you
00:34:51.059 --> 00:34:53.119
get reps no matter what, but anything you can
00:34:53.119 --> 00:34:55.800
do to make those reps more high quality as much
00:34:55.800 --> 00:34:58.070
as you can. just helps you get to your goal faster.
00:34:58.190 --> 00:35:00.929
One example might be that I used to say I'm bad
00:35:00.929 --> 00:35:04.030
with money. Now, when I catch it, I say I'm someone
00:35:04.030 --> 00:35:06.429
who's learning how to manage money well. And
00:35:06.429 --> 00:35:08.570
then you actually have the energy to look at
00:35:08.570 --> 00:35:10.250
your budget because you're looking at yourself
00:35:10.250 --> 00:35:13.030
differently and you're not ignoring your finances
00:35:13.030 --> 00:35:14.750
because you're like, well, I'm bad at money anyway,
00:35:14.809 --> 00:35:16.510
so why do I even look at it? Why am I gonna try
00:35:16.510 --> 00:35:18.449
a budget? I can't do that. So when you start
00:35:18.449 --> 00:35:20.489
changing your identity, you also start opening
00:35:20.489 --> 00:35:23.250
possibilities of like, well, I'm learning, so
00:35:23.250 --> 00:35:25.610
I'm gonna try. I'm gonna, I'm gonna get. dry.
00:35:25.710 --> 00:35:27.750
I'm going to give it a fair shot. I am learning
00:35:27.750 --> 00:35:31.590
and learning allows for not being perfect and
00:35:31.590 --> 00:35:33.869
to get those reps in, that safety to get better.
00:35:33.949 --> 00:35:35.889
So good luck catching those things. If there's
00:35:35.889 --> 00:35:38.110
certain things that you want to share about the
00:35:38.110 --> 00:35:40.489
false beliefs that you're battling with or the
00:35:40.489 --> 00:35:42.630
true things that you've established, let me know
00:35:42.630 --> 00:35:44.429
in the comments. I'd love to know and start getting
00:35:44.429 --> 00:35:47.130
those reps in. You've got this. Thanks for listening
00:35:47.130 --> 00:35:49.449
to the Optimizing Beyond podcast. Remember, growth
00:35:49.449 --> 00:35:52.250
happens when you take action. So subscribe, share
00:35:52.250 --> 00:35:54.289
this with a friend, and most importantly, put
00:35:54.289 --> 00:35:55.969
what you learned into practice. Because as we
00:35:55.969 --> 00:35:58.730
know, daily anything changes everything.