Gratitude as a Strategy: Training the Brain to See Good

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Welcome to the Optimizing Beyond podcast. I'm
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Josh Negron, and this show's all about sharing
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lessons, ideas, and strategies that sharpen your
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thinking, strengthen your habits, and push you
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to grow beyond comfort zones. Let's dive in.
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Let's open with something that cuts through the
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noise. A Harvard -affiliated study in 2024 found
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that people with a higher gratitude had roughly
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9 % lower risk of death over three years. One
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habit and a 9 % swing. I don't think that's just
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a vibe. That's a measurable advantage. I hear
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so often skepticism or cynicism around the practice
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of gratitude. And I get it. It sounds pretty
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fluffy for sure. But let me set the tone clearly.
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Gratitude isn't denial. It's a disciplined perception,
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or a change in perception. It's training your
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attention to see what's true and useful, especially
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under pressure. You're not pretending the hard
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things don't exist, you're choosing to notice
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what gives you leverage. And when you train your
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brain to see good, your life gives you more to
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work with. Today, I'm giving you a simple, memorable
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model. Logic. faith, and practice, and then a
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five -minute daily protocol that you can use
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today. Here's the promise of the episode. If
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you run with the reps I give you today, you'll
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feel a shift in perception within weeks, and
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then a shift in reactions within months. Not
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because you got lucky, but because you trained
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the circuits that determine what you'll notice
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and how you respond. Here's what we'll cover.
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How gratitude moves from forced reps to automatic
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perception change. a practiced framework you
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can use mid -emotion, the science in playing
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English for why this sticks, the five -minute
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daily drill that rewires attention, and how this
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reshapes your team culture without cheesy posters.
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All right, let's do it. First, let's cover some
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misconceptions. Like I said before, I get a lot
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of resistance and dismissiveness around this
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habit. because surely it couldn't just be this
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simple. I get it. I had the same thoughts myself
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years ago. The first one is gratitude ignores
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real problems, like it's fake sunshine and rainbows.
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It's that meme of the cartoon dog saying everything's
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fine while the building's just engulfed in flames
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around him. Instead, I think mature gratitude
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faces pain and reframes it instead of ignoring
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it. It refuses denial and despair by sometimes
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adjusting your perspective or even beliefs. You
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can be both grateful and demand accountability
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and change. These two don't have to be enemies.
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Others might say, I've tried a gratitude journal
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and it didn't work. Hey. I get it. I can't take
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away from that experience. But maybe, maybe it
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was too vague. Vaguer mindless lists rarely move
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the needle. Specific narrative gratitude and
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received gratitude, what you receive from others,
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outperforms general core I'm thankful for lines.
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The practice must be concrete and consistent
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daily. I usually ask how long someone had practiced
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it, and usually the duration was not long enough
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to give the brain rewiring much time to progress.
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Remember, we're looking for at least 60 to 70
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days in a lot of the habits we talk about. Now,
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with that out of the way, let's anchor this to
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my own process. So context and credibility are
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important. I was skeptical of this positive vibes
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only approach, and if you've been with me a while,
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you know I don't do fluff. But at the time, I
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decided to trust high -level practitioners and
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mentors who were getting real outcomes, so I
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decided to test it myself. At first, I'll admit,
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the reps did feel forced. I started with three
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a day and eventually worked my way up to 10 gratitudes
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a day after several months. It wasn't poetic.
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It was basically a spreadsheet for my attention,
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but I will say, repetition does what repetition
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does. It made noticing good my default setting.
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I began assuming positive intent more quickly,
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lasting longer, and turning frustration into
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curiosity instead of control. There was a moment
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that sealed it for me when I thought back on
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this. I once led a car rally down the wrong road.
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Now, there were seven of my rental car fleet
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and also other supercars with us. And the road
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eventually turned into a rough, rough dirt road
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that was washed out in a valley. And we had no
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way of turning around. So the only way forward
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was through. And it was a horrible experience
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hearing all the rocks scratching the bottom of
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these lowered cars. And so we just kept plowing
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through until we got back to the road. and were
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able to turn around and take the right way. So
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we damaged the cars a little bit. We wasted a
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good amount of time. And if you can imagine how
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that felt like, anytime you make a mistake that
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you're responsible for leading others, you know
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what that feels like. You feel that familiar
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surge of shame. Two questions with a friend in
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my car named Greg helped me with. The first one
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was, did I do this intentionally? This seems
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like a dumb question because most of the time
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your answer is going to be no to this. But I
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do believe it's important to reflect on because
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shame doesn't care what the answer to this question
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is. So I think it's important for you to reflect
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on anyway. So my answer was obviously no. The
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next one was, can I change it now? I can't go
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back and change it, but I can own it, recover,
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and repair. So it made me grateful for the graciousness
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of the team that was with me, and we were able
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to regroup, and by the time we went to dinner
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about 30 minutes later, I was no longer beating
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myself up about it. I definitely wished it hadn't
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happened, but I wasn't going to dwell on it,
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let it ruin dinner with all the people that came
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with us, and it ended up being a great evening.
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This turns you into a leader who learns. The
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emotions didn't just vanish, but they obeyed,
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and that was a huge shift for me. What starts
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as a discipline can transform into your default.
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Remember, daily anything changes everything,
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right? Here's a big idea. From logic to faith
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to practice. This framework is the backbone that
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helps when emotion spikes. Emotions have a tendency
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to crescendo much sooner than our thoughts and
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rationale, which is why I think it's so hard
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for many of us to think through our emotions.
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To help with that, run this three -step loop.
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Number one is logic. Like I did, start by questioning
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the feelings. The first thing to do is ask that
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question. Did I do this intentionally? And remember,
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it might feel dumb because the answer to this
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question is almost always no. But again, I think
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it's important to rehearse this question and
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answer it truthfully. No, of course I didn't
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do it intentionally. And this helps fight things
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like shame and guilt. And of course, the next
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question is, can I change it? And if the answer
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is no, or not right now, that helps you release
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it and move on to the next step. And if the answer
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is yes, that gives you the opportunity to take
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responsibility and act. Logic helps lower the
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temperature of the hot spiked emotions. It doesn't
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get rid of them, but again, it subjects them
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under control. Number two is faith. Renewing
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the mind on purpose. The idea of taking your
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thoughts captive. Choose one sentence of truth
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that aligns you with hope and reality. It's hard
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to remove something you no longer want to think
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about without replacing it with a truth. Here's
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an example for mistakes and failure. I'm learning
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and failure is feedback. Or this closed door
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directs me, not defines me. These are two triggers
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for people of mistakes and failure or closed
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doors and rejection. And instead, you can replace
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it with a truth that helps moving you forward.
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This isn't magic language. It's attention realignment.
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Remember, we talked about the importance of focus
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and attention in episode three. The third one
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is practice. The reps build automatically in
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the background and compound over time. It's not
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linear growth. It's actually exponential. But
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you have to do it daily, and you have to do it
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genuinely. Do 3 to 10 specific, unique gratitudes
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daily. Do it for at least the last 24 hours.
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Because that makes it very tangible and focused.
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The more broad they are, the more you will write
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vague, repetitive things like my faith, my spouse,
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my kids, my home, my job. I'm not saying you
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can't write those down, but if you do, make them
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specific to that last day. What made you thankful
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for those things specifically that day? That'll
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make you write something different about your
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spouse than you did the day before. If you already
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do Gratitudes daily, here are three pro tips
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to level up your game. The first one is, on hard
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days, run the Gratitude 100. Break the negative
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loop by writing a hundred things you're grateful
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for about that horrible day. It might take you
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a minute, just go fast and go hard and see how
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you can reframe a tough day. The second one is,
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if you're having a hard conflict or even find
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yourself disliking or hating someone, I encourage
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you to write 10 things you're grateful for about
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them every day for a week. And here's the thing,
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you can't repeat a single one. And see if that
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changes how you view them. And finally, if you
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struggle to love, appreciate, and forgive yourself,
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you guessed it, write 10 things you're grateful
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for about yourself. Mental, physical, emotional,
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any of those attributes and more. Same thing,
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you cannot repeat. See if this helps your self
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-loathing. And like James Clear talks about in
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Atomic Habits, anytime you start a brand new
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habit, it's helpful to anchor it to something
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you already have going, like say your morning
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coffee or your evening shutdown, maybe your quiet
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time or your lunch break. Your identity follows
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repetition. The next idea is about neuroplasticity
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and training your attention trains emotion. There's
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a lot of neuroscience concepts that struggle
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with plain English, but we'll work through a
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few. Did you know that moderate to severe trauma
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can affect the physical structure of the brain?
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It's been discovered that in cases like this,
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the hypothalamus can be physically reduced by
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10 to 15%. This is the regulator of emotion,
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well -being, and calm. So if this brain damage
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exists, it can impair someone's ability to be
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calm, to regulate anxiety, fear, hopelessness,
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and more. The good news is this damage can be
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reversed through practices like, you guessed
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it, gratitude, breathwork, meditation, and visualization.
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Another concept is that neurons that fire together
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wire together. Attention plus repetition sculpts
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new pathways, and what you rehearse you remember,
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and eventually you become. So you have to have
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some patience and grace for yourself. If you've
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been doing or thinking things a certain way for
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your whole life, you spent decades reinforcing
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that pathway. So if you're going to make lasting
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change, it's going to take some time and some
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daily dedication. Across large samples of many
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countries, Gratitude practices produce small
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but consistent boosts in well -being. Small changes
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repeated daily become structural advantages.
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And finally, neuroimaging shows that gratitude
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training can shift brain sensitivity for months.
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That means the system that notices and values
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good stays warmer even after formal practice
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ends. None of that says you won't feel hard emotions
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or have hard days. It says that your first micro
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appraisal gets more accurate and less reactive.
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That's one thing you're wanting to do. Turn reactions
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into responses. You stop telling yourself the
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worst possible story by default. What you rehearse,
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you remember and eventually become. So let's
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train our attention and make our emotions follow.
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So here's a practical playbook. With just 5 to
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10 minutes and one page. Remember, as recovering
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perfectionists, there's no perfection required
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here. So here's our simple gratitude framework.
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As I said earlier, write down, I'd rather you
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not type, 3 to 10 gratitudes. Here are a few
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loose ground rules. Reflect over the last 24
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hours. Don't repeat items specifically. I like
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to do them in the morning before picking up my
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phone. I find that I have the best clarity and
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start my day in gratitude and gratefulness, and
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I really like that. My wife, on the other hand,
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does it in the evening and reflects on her day
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before she goes to sleep. Another great way to
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do it, ending your day reframed in gratefulness.
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If you're wanting some specific, structured ideas
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of what you could do to be regularly grateful
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for, here are some additional ideas. and write
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down a specific event from the last 24 hours
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and why it mattered to you. For example, I had
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lunch with someone today, and that person slowed
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down, put their phone down, and asked about my
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family. I felt very seen. Another option is converting
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failure into data. Is there a recent mistake
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or failure that you can reflect on? This is a
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great opportunity. Ask questions like, what did
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this teach me? Make it memorable and useful.
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Like for me, I need to triple check that route
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before we launch the rally. Another one is a
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rational pass. Did you have an interaction today
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that filled you with negative emotion? Explore
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how you could assume positive intent once with
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that situation. Ask clarifying questions before
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judging them, and even see if you can find a
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way to clarify it with them. Using the question
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we talked about last week, the, hey, when you
00:14:28.899 --> 00:14:32.580
said X, it made me feel Y. Is that what you wanted
00:14:32.580 --> 00:14:36.899
me to feel? This is curiosity over control. And
00:14:36.899 --> 00:14:40.059
here's step four, the faith line. Write one sentence
00:14:40.059 --> 00:14:42.620
of truth or hope that you can rehearse today,
00:14:42.799 --> 00:14:45.279
like I'm the kind of person who gives thanks
00:14:45.279 --> 00:14:48.259
and grows. And like we talked about earlier,
00:14:48.440 --> 00:14:52.220
the hard day override, the gratitude 100. Hey,
00:14:52.360 --> 00:14:55.179
we all have moments where we spiral. If you're
00:14:55.179 --> 00:14:58.299
spiraling, run the gratitude 100. Rapid fire
00:14:58.299 --> 00:15:01.269
100 specific gratitudes. It doesn't have to be
00:15:01.269 --> 00:15:04.210
pretty. It's just designed to be a circuit breaker.
00:15:05.129 --> 00:15:07.110
And like we always talk about with optimization,
00:15:07.549 --> 00:15:11.210
remember small daily reps beat motivational spikes.
00:15:11.509 --> 00:15:14.409
Just do it every single day. If that means you
00:15:14.409 --> 00:15:16.789
start with three, that's totally fine. I did.
00:15:17.009 --> 00:15:21.169
I didn't want to do 10. Just do three. So let's
00:15:21.169 --> 00:15:23.590
do a momentum check. Let's pull that lens back.
00:15:24.389 --> 00:15:26.970
Identity goes into habits, which goes into character.
00:15:27.649 --> 00:15:30.399
Be the kind of person who gives thanks. Then
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act like it, daily. The boundaries still apply.
00:15:33.759 --> 00:15:36.759
Gratitude doesn't excuse harm. It keeps your
00:15:36.759 --> 00:15:38.919
perception clean enough to actually probably
00:15:38.919 --> 00:15:42.139
address it better, and curiosity helps us do
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that, like we discussed in episode six. And for
00:15:45.519 --> 00:15:49.080
my leaders out there, teams mirror leaders. Remember
00:15:49.080 --> 00:15:51.620
that. If you lead with gratitude, your team will
00:15:51.620 --> 00:15:54.779
borrow your eyes. They'll assume goodwill, ask
00:15:54.779 --> 00:15:57.720
better questions, and spend less time fighting
00:15:57.720 --> 00:16:01.409
ghost stories. Gratitude fuels the curiosity
00:16:01.409 --> 00:16:05.409
that turns conflict into clarity. I truly believe
00:16:05.409 --> 00:16:08.289
this practice can make some tremendous changes
00:16:08.289 --> 00:16:11.129
in your life if you let it, but you just need
00:16:11.129 --> 00:16:14.809
to put in the reps to see the results. I'm excited
00:16:14.809 --> 00:16:16.549
about next week. We're going to talk about the
00:16:16.549 --> 00:16:19.710
art of letting go and releasing control to gain
00:16:19.710 --> 00:16:22.789
peace. Is there something you need to figure
00:16:22.789 --> 00:16:25.529
out how to let go? Join me next week as we work
00:16:25.529 --> 00:16:28.870
through it. Thanks for listening to the Optimizing
00:16:28.870 --> 00:16:31.629
Beyond podcast. Remember, growth happens when
00:16:31.629 --> 00:16:34.529
you take action. So subscribe, share this with
00:16:34.529 --> 00:16:36.750
a friend, and most importantly, put what you
00:16:36.750 --> 00:16:39.049
learned into practice. Until next time, keep
00:16:39.049 --> 00:16:41.750
moving forward because daily anything changes
00:16:41.750 --> 00:16:42.509
everything.