Mastering Communication: Insights from Joel Silverstone

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Hey everybody wendy sellers here the
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hr lady welcome back we are
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here with a very special guest joel silverstone hey joel hey wendy hey jc thanks
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for coming i am i am so excited to hear about this feels right so we're here
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today talking about effective communication skills skills.
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And it's the number one problem, in my opinion, in the entire world,
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not just in the, you know, in the workplace.
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And so talk to us a little bit before we get into that about,
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you know, about yourself. How did you get to where you are now?
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You know, as I'm hearing JC's radio voice,
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this is one of the reasons I actually, not because of your radio voice,
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JC, we're probably about the same age, but that's one One of the reasons I got
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into this business was actually it was one word and that word was a and that was the Fonz.
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So there's a similarity here in that, you know, JC's radio voice and the Fonz
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going, hey, I want to be an actor.
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I want to be the Fonz or I want to be Jack Tripper.
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And those in your audience who don't know, Google it.
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Those are the reasons we stayed home was to watch must see TV on those nights. Right.
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And so I went into acting and then like a lot of actors didn't quite pan out.
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I started teaching acting.
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And what was interesting was that people in the business world started coming
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to the acting classes because, yeah, how do you be?
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You know, as you said, communication, how do you be present?
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How do you really listen? How do you make quick decisions?
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And for over 25 years now, I've been in the corporate world doing this feels
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right, which is based on the idea of that.
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We make our decisions emotionally, trying to communicate. And we miss it.
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We miss the emotions because we're so task focused and we're so driven by our
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policies or procedures that we miss those key moments that when people are deciding
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in a communication standpoint,
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whether they want to move forward with the conversation, the first thing they're
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asking themselves is, does this feel right?
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And so I said, I'm going to call the company. This feels right.
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There we go. That's it. I absolutely love it.
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And just on a little side note here, referring to JC's radio voice,
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folks that are listening, did you know that he's an experienced event emcee?
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So if you need an emcee for your event around the United States,
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reach out by visiting jimconnors.net.
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Oh, Wendy. Little infomercial there. Hey, you know what? He opened that up.
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I had to slide that in. You're too kind.
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You're too kind. And with that, I couldn't be on air right now without a real quick statistic.
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That's what I'm here for. So workplace communication statistics show that 86%
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of employees and executives cite the lack of effective collaboration and communication
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as the main cause of workplace failures. Back to you.
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Well, Joel, talk to us about that. Yeah.
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Oh, you nailed it. That that's, you know, from the world of acting,
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what will always amaze me was coming into the business world was,
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you know, as an actor, you're looking at the script and it's on purpose and
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things are happening on purpose.
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So as an actor, you have to be really, really present.
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You don't see, because if you're
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not being present, then everyone in the audience knows you're acting.
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So you have to be very present, especially in the world of virtual and the cameras
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on you is the same world thing of film and TV.
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It's catching our reactions. So I agree. I was always amazed in the business world.
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I can't believe you just missed that clue. Did you not hear what the person just said?
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The clues and cues that people miss because, again, we're so task-focused.
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And then, so when we're doing some practice scenarios, cause we'll,
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I'll bring some of that into the training.
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I'll always, I'll always sort
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of do, you know, that was the clue bird that somebody was dropping a hint.
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You know, for example, I was working with a manager and.
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What was interesting was they were surprised that HR was called into the situation.
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Because what happened, and I'll give you the background of this person,
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but what happened in a nutshell was this manager, let's give them a name.
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I'll ask, give me a name of a manager.
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Stewart. Okay, Stewart.
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So Stewart, and Stewart likes to be called Stu. So Stu is, has an employee that
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comes up to them and says, Stu, I'm struggling with someone.
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I need your help with them. They're really kind of driving me crazy.
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And Stu just says, you know what? Just do it on your own.
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And then that employee leaves, goes to his HR, says they weren't being supported.
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Now, Stu is shocked and surprised that this happened because for them,
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Stu, you know, of left home when they were 17, did everything on their own,
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self-motivated, self-focused.
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And so they were just thinking they weren't able to communicate it.
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They were just thinking, you'll figure it out. I'm not going to hold your hand.
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And so that's one of the biggest challenges of communication is not recognizing
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maybe that one, my superpowers are maybe not your superpowers.
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So that's number one, you know, and being empathetic.
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Two, we don't always say what we're thinking.
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And we expect people to read our mind. So Stu was thinking the employee was
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reading their mind and going, oh, Stu probably is thinking you got this. I believe in you.
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I know you could do this. And that's really what Stu was thinking,
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but did not verbalize that.
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And so Stu had said that and said, hey, employee, you know, A,
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this sounds really difficult.
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We could do two things. One is, you know, I believe in you. I know you got this.
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And I think if you take ownership, you'll probably feel more responsible for it.
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Or two, we could discuss it and I could give you some guidance or I could step
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in and do a mediation between the two.
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But Stu didn't say that. Right, because he was expecting them to read his mind.
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That's right. Because in communication, you know, the 86%, we expect people to have ESP.
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We expect people to be mind readers.
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Right. Now, is this what you mean by high-stake conversations?
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Yes, because what's interesting is that we always think a high stake conversation
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is basically you're fired. I have to let you go.
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For sure, those are high stakes. But say so many of our conversations feel like
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high stakes and we don't even realize that they were high stakes at the moment.
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And so that was an example where a conversation became high stakes,
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something that seemed was very normal on the surface, seemed like a regular conversation,
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quickly escalated, quickly became dramatic because we're, again,
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task-focused and we expect people to read our mind.
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Yeah. At home too. Oh, 100%. 100%. Yeah. Yeah.
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We, we do like, you know, at home we do so many passive aggressive things,
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but, but, you know, but it's all about connection too.
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Right. So let's, let me ask you like Wendy and JC, let me ask you a question
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because you're, you're in different locations.
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You've been doing this podcast for a while and I'm sure you have differences,
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but how have you figured out how to collaborate?
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Yeah, so that's a very good question.
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You know, it takes some trial and error, for sure, a lot of error.
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And it's also saying, hey, we're going to make mistakes, and we're going to screw this up.
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But then we're going to learn, hey, let's not do that again,
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because that didn't feel good.
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I think it's mutual respect, and then figuring out how are we going to communicate?
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I'm in Florida, JC is practically in Canada and upstate New York.
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And, you know, we use an online system to communicate where I start an agenda and then he finishes it.
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And then we kind of, you know, both work on it together and share,
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share it with the guests such as yourself.
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And it's, it's not easy at first, if you haven't worked together or if you haven't
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worked together in this capacity.
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So my advice is really to allow for mistakes, know that there's going to be
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some, so build, you know, build like a balloon around that, knowing that there's
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going to be mistakes. What about you, JC?
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Flexibility and trust. Without the trust, we don't have the opportunity for
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the flexibility that we need to make mistakes.
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And it's okay to iterate. It doesn't matter where you are in life,
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in what position you're in, or what the situation is that you're in.
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Some people prefer to be planners. They want to have everything laid out and
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know what is exactly ahead of them, and I know what is coming next.
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And others are good with the 80% solution. they're willing to get it out there
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and get it going and change as things move forward and that.
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Is the flexibility that compounds with the trust, which is also the basis of
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being able to sit down with Wendy, have a glass of wine and tell a few jokes
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at the same time. And know that when it's work, it's work. When it's play, it's play.
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And at the end of the day, we're both okay. I didn't mean to make that rhyme
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at this time during the show, you know.
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And remember, JC is available for your bar mitzvahs, weddings, corporate events.
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And there's more. What you both said, there's so much gold in what you just
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said. You know, one is that mutual respect.
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Mutual respect comes because it
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sounds like you've made an agreement that you're going to make mistakes.
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So there's no judgment. Oh, no, Joel, she said that.
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She said, yeah, she wants me to respect her. She doesn't respect me, so don't worry about it.
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I'm only kidding. Okay, so one person is the boss.
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One person just listens and goes, yep, absolutely. The HR lady in the stance
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guy. Yeah, no, I know. I get it.
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But it is, you know, one of the first things you said was mutual respect.
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The mutual respect comes because you've agreed on some similarities.
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And as JC said, you know, when you're at work, you decide that you're going to take it seriously.
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When you decide you're going to be at play, you decide you're going to do that as well.
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So you're also deciding what kind of conversations you're going to be having.
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Are we having a work conversation? Are we having a fun conversation?
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And you're okay with that. There's also no judgment what I'm hearing.
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And that's the mutual respect because you're allowing each other to make mistakes
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and you've agreed that those mistakes are going to be learning because you both
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have a mutual goal, which is make this the best darn podcast around.
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Right, right. Which by the way, we are now on Podcast Radio USA.
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Four channels in the United States are on the radio now. So it's amazing.
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Hey, I have a stat that I was looking up before the show here,
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and it said that 70% of people believe that wasted time is one of the worst
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consequences of poor communication.
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What are your thoughts on that? Wasted time? Yep. Oh, yeah. Sure.
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Again, it reminds me of this executive at the C-level.
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Let's give this person a name. That was Wendy last time. JC,
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give this person a name, please. Lance. Executive?
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Lance? Perfect. Yeah. Yeah. Lance used to be in a boy band and now has become an executive.
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He changed his name at that point. He goes by Gord now. That's fine, though. Go on.
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That's right. Yeah. Okay. So Gord, formerly Lance from the boy band. Yeah.
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So Gord is, Gord is, I love Gord because Gord writes the script for everybody.
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So when Gord Gord communicates.
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Gord will always say, Gord's a talker.
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This is another problem with communication is that people are talkers.
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They're not actually working on communicating just to connect with another person.
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So Gord is a talker and Gord will go on and on and go, okay,
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Wendy, so this is what we're going to do.
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And I know you're probably going to say, I don't think we could do that.
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Well, here's what I'm thinking, Wendy.
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And I'm going to, I'm going to
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share with that. I know you're probably thinking, oh, here he goes again.
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Gord fills in the blanks. Now Gord was sharing the other day that Gordon,
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he was really struggling with someone and he told this person,
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because they were going to present their PowerPoint, and he told them like over
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and over and over again, you know, what the problem was.
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Basically, you know, if you present this, you're going to implode at that meeting.
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It's just, it's not going to, it's not going to fly.
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And it kept going on and on. But because they basically filled in all the blanks,
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the other person just went to silence.
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And so then Gordon just goes, well, that's it. I tried everything. Okay.
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And that's the waste of time. Gord doesn't realize that how much time they wasted
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trying to make their point. You know, and that's, again, Brahman communication.
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Why aren't you seeing my point of view? Why aren't you getting what I'm telling
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you is gold? Why aren't you listening?
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Because Gord, you know, is such a big person in the sense of talking a lot, filling up the room.
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The other person was more, you know, an analytical type.
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And they needed silence. They needed to feel empowered.
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And the more Gord spoke, the more they became silent.
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And Gord did not try to connect with that person, not try to communicate with
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that person, did not try to understand what do they need, didn't even ask a question.
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And then exactly that, it was a waste of time for both parties.
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Waste of time for both of them. That's a great example.
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And I just wanted to add another thing too, Another waste of time is when you
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failure to communicate at all and then people make assumptions and are going
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down the project path over here, the wrong path,
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but nobody told them which way to go or gave them a little thing of like,
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oh, by the way, the deadlines changed or the pieces have changed or the materials
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not here or you're not even on this project anymore. more.
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So communication is so, so important from that same statistics of saying 70%
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of people believe that wasted time is a consequence of poor communication.
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They also said that teams that do communicate effectively can increase their productivity.
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And we know that if you increase your productivity, you're going to affect the
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bottom line eventually one one way or the other? Huge.
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I always say to people, answer the questions that people are asking themselves
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because people are not always good maybe at asking what they need.
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So for that project, people might not always be able to say,
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when is it due? Who else is involved?
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If I need support, who else can I contact?
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Is there any other changes? And so when you're communicating something,
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you basically want to answer all of the questions possible when you're giving
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a project as an example of that.
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So this is due. These are the people that are involved. These are the people that could support you.
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Because when people feel that they're part of something, part of the community,
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it makes it easier for people to come and ask questions.
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And then the other problem with sometimes with the managers,
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they'll say, well, you know what? My door is always open.
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And the challenge with that is then the manager, you know, talking about waste
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of time, then the manager is like, oh, I'm being inundated, constantly being asked questions.
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Or people never take advantage of it because they don't want to interrupt.
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They don't want to interfere.
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They want to seem like they've got it under control.
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So what I'll always suggest is to a manager is say, you know,
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my door is open if there's an emergency, but here's our checkpoints.
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On Monday, we're going to be from 9 to 9.15. team are going to have a checkpoint
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and Tuesday, three o'clock. So they know.
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So again, people know people will just want to know what are the expectations.
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And when the expectations are clear, you can feel safe to ask questions because
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again, it's feeling safe.
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I think that's why that's why miscommunication happens. Yeah.
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And also teach your managers to answer the questions, the popular questions
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over and over again in advance.
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So maybe every time you roll roll out a project or every meeting,
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that meeting that you're talking about, to answer the questions before they're
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asked so that people know where to go back and find it.
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What's the time? Who's the main person in charge?
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How long do we have to do this done? Blah, blah, blah. Teach managers to answer them in advance.
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Joel, you're a rock star. You're a speaker, a trainer, a coach,
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a podcaster too, and the founder of This Feels Right.
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How can our listeners reach you?
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Well, come on over. Come I'm on over to the website, thisfeelsright.ca because I'm in Canada.
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So I'm promoting the CA. So thisfeelsright.ca.
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And then of course, the easiest thing, connect with me on LinkedIn.
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I think there's two Joel Silverstones. You'll know I'm the one that says this feels right.
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The other one I think is in your state, JC, is in New York.
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Yeah, that's not the good one. Go with this one.
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That's right. That's right, yeah.
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Well, thank you so much for this information and being here today.
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We hope this information has been helpful to our listeners. Thanks for joining us.
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Music.