TRANSKRIPT 🔗
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So, if you've ever bought a car, you might have noticed this.
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You start looking for a specific model and you look at all the details to it, and then maybe you land on one and you end up buying it.
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And then all of a sudden, you start seeing that same car everywhere.
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Or maybe you've had one bad relationship and caught yourself thinking, why do I always end up with people like this?
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Our brains are incredible pattern-finding machines.
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In fact, they're so good at finding patterns that sometimes they find patterns that aren't really there.
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But here's the interesting part that ability isn't a flaw.
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It's actually one of the reasons our species has survived for so long.
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Welcome to Mental Health Potluck, where everyone brings something to the table.
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I'm Danny Clark, licensed clinical social worker and family therapist, and this podcast is all about serving up bite-sized mental health insights, practical wellness tips, and real conversations that nourish the mind and soul.
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And today, we're talking about why your brain is constantly looking for patterns, how those patterns shape the way you see yourself and the people around you, and why one of the biggest goals of therapy is helping you recognize the patterns that may be keeping you stuck.
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Okay, so imagine thousands of years ago you're walking through the woods.
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You hear a rustling in the bushes.
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Was it the wind or was it a predator?
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If you guessed wrong and assumed it was just the wind, there was a chance you didn't survive to make that mistake again.
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But if you assume there was danger, even if you were wrong, you probably lived to see another day.
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Our brains evolved to connect dots quickly.
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It was better to create a false connection than to miss a real threat.
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That instinct is still with us today.
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We recognize faces and clouds, we hear songs and random noises, we notice coincidences.
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Our brains are constantly asking one question.
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Have I seen something like this before?
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Because if the answer is yes, it can predict what happens next.
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And prediction is one of the brain's favorite jobs.
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But here's where things get interesting.
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Our brains don't just create patterns about the outside world, they also create patterns about ourselves.
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Maybe you caught yourself saying things like, I always mess things up, or nothing ever works out for me, people always leave, or I just have bad luck.
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That's a good one.
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Most of us treat these like facts, but here's another way to look at it.
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What if these patterns are your brain's thinking that it has discovered something?
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And there's an important distinction of that.
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A fact is something that's true, obviously.
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A pattern is simply something your brain believes is seen enough times to expect it to happen again.
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And sometimes those expectations can begin to shape a lot of things like our behaviors.
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So here's a little inside track on therapy.
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This is something I talk about with my clients quite a bit.
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People often ask me what therapy is really like or how does therapy work?
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And of course, every therapist works differently, but one of my jobs isn't to tell someone how to live their life or how to fix their problems.
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My job is to help people notice patterns they've stopped noticing.
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Because once a pattern becomes automatic, we rarely stop to question it.
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And we even stop noticing it's even there in the first place.
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It starts feeling like our reality.
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So here's an example.
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Imagine someone believes everyone eventually rejects me.
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Without realizing it, they might keep people at a distance.
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They might hesitate to be vulnerable.
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They may constantly look for signs that someone is pulling away.
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Maybe they overreact when a text message isn't returned quickly.
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And over time, those behaviors create distance in the relationships.
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Eventually, the relationship struggles.
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And the brain says, see, I knew it all along.
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The pattern feels confirmed.
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But was it really the relationship, or was it the pattern that quietly influenced the behavior all along?
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So this is the reason why therapy can be so powerful.
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Not because therapists have all the answers, but because it's incredibly difficult to see your own patterns while you're living inside of them.
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It's a little like driving the exact same route to work every single day.
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Eventually, you stop noticing the
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turns, you stop noticing the scenery.
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You've almost driven on autopilot.
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Our emotional lives work the same way.
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After enough experiences, the brain creates shortcuts.
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Conflict means abandonment.
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Making mistakes means failure.
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Asking for help means weakness.
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Whether these beliefs are true or not almost becomes irrelevant because we begin to act as though they are.
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Therapy is like taking a different route home.
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Suddenly you realize there were other roads available all along.
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So another thing we have to be really careful about is that recognizing patterns isn't always a bad thing.
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In fact, it's one of humanity's greatest strengths.
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It's how musicians improvise, it's how athletes anticipate what's about to happen, it's how doctors recognize symptoms, and it's how we learn languages.
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Pattern recognition is part of intelligence.
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The problem isn't recognizing patterns.
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The problem is holding on to patterns that no longer fit your life.
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Maybe growing up you learned that staying quiet kept you safe.
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That pattern probably served an important purpose, but years later, that same pattern may keep you from speaking up in your marriage or asking for the promotion or telling someone what you exactly need.
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Your brain isn't trying to sabotage you, it's trying to protect you using yesterday's map.
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The problem is you're living in today's world.
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So here's a question I'd encourage you to ask yourself this week.
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Instead of asking, why does this always happen to me?
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Try asking what pattern might I be participating in that I haven't noticed yet.
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Notice I didn't say blame yourself.
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This isn't about fault, it's about curiosity.
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Curiosity creates awareness.
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Awareness creates a choice, and choice creates a change.
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Maybe the goal of therapy isn't to change who you are, maybe it's to update the patterns your brain has been using to predict the world.
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Some of those patterns have served you well, others may have quietly outlived its usefulness.
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The moment you notice one, you have the opportunity to choose something different.
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And sometimes that small moment of awareness becomes the beginning of an entirely different life.
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Well, thanks for listening to Mental Health Potluck.
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If you know someone who's been feeling stuck or caught in the same cycle over and over again, I'd love it if you shared this with them.
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I'm Danny Clark, and until next time, stay curious, keep learning, and never stop asking questions.