TRANSKRIPT 🔗
WEBVTT
00:00:00.880 --> 00:00:11.199
Bonjour, good tag, prevent, hello, and welcome back to the Despoir Podcast! Alright, alright, we don't have time for that.
00:00:11.439 --> 00:00:20.239
We are literally hours away from semifinal one of 2026, Eurovision.
00:00:20.480 --> 00:00:27.359
As promised, we have had one more country to review for semi-final one before it kicks off.
00:00:27.600 --> 00:00:44.320
So as you're getting ready applying that lipstick and applying that lipstick an environmentally friendly glitter, let's tell you a little bit about what Estonia has been going through for the last 12 months and a little bit of a look at their act.
00:00:44.560 --> 00:00:52.560
First of all, Estonia in the last year has basically been like, we're a small country, but we are done being chill.
00:00:52.719 --> 00:00:59.119
Because right now, Estonia's main hobby is staring directly at Russia and going, don't even try it.
00:00:59.280 --> 00:01:07.200
First of all, Estonia in this last year has basically been like, we're a small country, but we are done being chill.
00:01:07.359 --> 00:01:14.799
Because right now, Estonia's main hobby is staring directly at Russia and saying, don't even try it.
00:01:14.879 --> 00:01:17.519
Oh, you you thought Ukraine was the final boss?
00:01:17.760 --> 00:01:20.000
Buddy, we're the bonus level.
00:01:20.239 --> 00:01:23.920
We're talking Russian jets popping into their airspace.
00:01:24.159 --> 00:01:25.359
Finger waggle.
00:01:25.599 --> 00:01:29.280
Accidentally entering Estonian airspace.
00:01:29.439 --> 00:01:32.239
Yeah, because nothing says whoopsie daisy.
00:01:32.319 --> 00:01:36.079
Like a fighter jet crossing a border at 900 kilometers an hour.
00:01:36.239 --> 00:01:42.159
They've had spy scandals popping up like it's a Netflix category because you watched Cold War tension.
00:01:42.319 --> 00:01:50.000
At one point, Estonia literally called NATO and said, Hi, yeah, uh, we'd like to speak to the manager, please.
00:01:50.319 --> 00:01:53.280
Yeah, you guys might want to come over like now.
00:01:53.519 --> 00:02:00.239
Meanwhile, Estonia has decided, you know what fixes anxiety about a giant aggressive neighbor?
00:02:00.719 --> 00:02:03.840
Spending all your money on defense.
00:02:04.000 --> 00:02:06.079
They're boosting defense spending.
00:02:06.239 --> 00:02:10.400
It's now over 5% of the country's GDP.
00:02:10.719 --> 00:02:22.639
5%! At that point, your national budget starts looking like healthcare, tick, education, tick, tanks, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick.
00:02:22.800 --> 00:02:26.479
They're buying rockets, building drone labs, making ammunition.
00:02:26.719 --> 00:02:31.280
Estonia right now is basically Silicon Valley meets Call of Duty.
00:02:31.520 --> 00:02:34.159
And politically, they're not subtle.
00:02:34.319 --> 00:02:38.800
They passed a rule saying certain foreign nationals can't vote locally anymore.
00:02:38.960 --> 00:02:40.800
They've expelled a Russian diplomat.
00:02:40.960 --> 00:02:47.280
Meanwhile, inside the country, they're uncovering Russian spies left, right, center, mainly on the right.
00:02:47.439 --> 00:02:52.159
At this point, Estonia's intelligence service isn't even investigating anymore.
00:02:52.240 --> 00:02:56.879
They're just walking into rooms going, all right, who here is secretly working for Moscow?
00:02:57.039 --> 00:02:59.120
Show of hands, come on, let's save times.
00:02:59.280 --> 00:02:59.919
Chop chub.
00:03:00.080 --> 00:03:00.719
But here's the twist.
00:03:00.879 --> 00:03:03.840
While all this is happening, the economy is just kinda eh.
00:03:04.319 --> 00:03:08.240
Growth about 0.6% in 2025.
00:03:08.479 --> 00:03:10.960
Inflation still annoying.
00:03:11.120 --> 00:03:14.639
The economy is like, hey guys, maybe we should focus on growth.
00:03:14.719 --> 00:03:17.199
And Estonia is like, yeah, cool, cool.
00:03:17.360 --> 00:03:20.319
But have you considered more rockets?
00:03:20.560 --> 00:03:30.719
So Estonia is basically like, we're rebuilding our military, preparing for possible geopolitical chaos, and also trying to afford groceries, maybe.
00:03:31.039 --> 00:03:36.879
It's the only country where the national vibe is existential threat, but also, why is butter$8?
00:03:37.680 --> 00:03:38.719
Oh, and energy?
00:03:38.879 --> 00:03:42.159
They literally unplugged themselves from the Russian power grip.
00:03:42.319 --> 00:03:43.840
Things are just getting surreal.
00:03:44.000 --> 00:03:50.560
Random drones falling out of the sky, GPS signals getting jammed, oil pollution drifts into their shores.
00:03:50.719 --> 00:03:52.960
At this point, Estonia isn't a country.
00:03:53.039 --> 00:03:56.479
It's a season of a very stressful HBO series.
00:03:56.639 --> 00:04:01.840
But here's the thing: underneath all the chaos, Estonia is doing something kind of remarkable.
00:04:02.000 --> 00:04:12.800
They're small, but they're doubling down on NATO, investing in tech, staying politically loud, and basically saying, we may be tiny, but we will absolutely ruin your day.
00:04:12.960 --> 00:04:15.599
So yeah, Estonia in the last 12 months.
00:04:15.759 --> 00:04:17.600
A little bit Cold War sequel.
00:04:17.759 --> 00:04:19.199
A little bit startup nation.
00:04:19.360 --> 00:04:21.439
A little bit, we might need more missiles.
00:04:21.600 --> 00:04:26.160
All we know is if things go sideways, Estonia won't be the first country to fall.
00:04:26.240 --> 00:04:28.319
It'll be the one standing out there at the end.
00:04:28.560 --> 00:04:30.879
Ha, you thought we were locked in here with you.
00:04:31.040 --> 00:04:33.040
You're locked in here with us.
00:04:33.360 --> 00:04:39.680
So who has Estonia picked to represent them on the Eurovision stage this year?
00:04:39.920 --> 00:04:41.279
The one, the only.
00:04:41.600 --> 00:04:45.279
Back again for another shot of Vanilla Ninja.
00:04:45.519 --> 00:04:55.680
Alright, buckle up because the story of Vanilla Ninja
Load full transcript
is exactly what happens when early 2000s pop culture drinks five Red Bulls and moves to Estonia.
00:04:55.839 --> 00:04:56.399
Picture it.
00:04:56.560 --> 00:04:58.000
It's the early 2000s.
00:04:58.240 --> 00:05:01.199
The world is healing from Y2K.
00:05:01.439 --> 00:05:06.560
Low rise genes are everywhere and a crime against humanity.
00:05:06.800 --> 00:05:10.639
Estonia looks around and says, hmm, you know what we need?
00:05:10.800 --> 00:05:15.439
A rock band made of blonde women from Estonia, singing in English.
00:05:15.600 --> 00:05:18.160
Who will represent Switzerland?
00:05:18.959 --> 00:05:21.199
Well, because obviously.
00:05:21.360 --> 00:05:26.720
So Vanilla Ninja, their band is half pop, half rock, half shampoo commercial.
00:05:26.800 --> 00:05:27.839
Yes, three halves.
00:05:27.920 --> 00:05:29.360
That's how powerful they were.
00:05:29.519 --> 00:05:37.279
And in Eurovision 2025, Vanilla Ninja from Estonia represents Switzerland.
00:05:37.439 --> 00:05:41.839
And they actually come in eighth place with their song Cool Vibes.
00:05:42.000 --> 00:05:43.839
Why don't you kill me now?
00:05:44.240 --> 00:05:45.199
Cool Vibes.
00:05:45.360 --> 00:05:48.639
After that, the band lineup changes constantly.
00:05:48.800 --> 00:05:51.680
Like more changes than a Marvel movie timeline.
00:05:51.839 --> 00:05:55.600
Members leave, new ones join, things happen, people vanish.
00:05:55.759 --> 00:06:02.000
At one point, following Vanilla Ninja required a flowchart, a spreadsheet, and emotional resilience.
00:06:02.240 --> 00:06:04.480
Fans weren't even asking who's singing anymore.
00:06:04.560 --> 00:06:07.360
They were asking, is this still Vanilla Ninja?
00:06:07.519 --> 00:06:09.759
Or just ninja adjacent?
00:06:09.920 --> 00:06:15.680
And then, like all early 2000 bands, they just disappear.
00:06:15.920 --> 00:06:21.600
No dramatic breakup, no big farewell tour, they just faded into the great MySpace void.
00:06:21.839 --> 00:06:24.399
Years go by, the world changes.
00:06:24.639 --> 00:06:29.600
Streaming replaces CDs, fashion improves slightly at Eurovision.
00:06:29.680 --> 00:06:33.759
We all pretend like we didn't own the low-cut jeans.
00:06:33.920 --> 00:06:41.040
And then suddenly, in the darkness, as the world cries out, boom! Vanilla Ninja comes back.
00:06:41.199 --> 00:06:42.639
Because of course they do.
00:06:42.800 --> 00:06:46.800
Because no early 2000s band ever truly dies.
00:06:47.199 --> 00:06:50.160
They just wait like a Nokia phone.
00:06:50.399 --> 00:06:54.000
Patiently until it's time to ring again.
00:06:54.319 --> 00:07:01.920
So they are back and somehow still named Vanilla Ninja, because at this point, changing the name would just be cowardice.
00:07:02.079 --> 00:07:05.360
But that's the story of Vanilla Ninja.
00:07:05.519 --> 00:07:13.360
Slightly confusing, surprisingly ambitious, international for no clear reason, and powered mostly by vibes.
00:07:13.519 --> 00:07:21.439
But probably one of their biggest achievements is they have crossed into that sacred, iconic category of celebrity achievement.
00:07:21.600 --> 00:07:23.040
They got their own ice cream.
00:07:23.199 --> 00:07:23.759
That's right.
00:07:23.920 --> 00:07:27.439
Not a fragrance, not a fashion line, ice cream.
00:07:27.600 --> 00:07:35.040
Because somewhere in Estonia, a marketing executive looked at a rock band and said, you know what pairs perfectly with electric guitars?
00:07:35.279 --> 00:07:36.000
Dairy.
00:07:36.160 --> 00:07:37.519
That's not a music career.
00:07:37.600 --> 00:07:41.360
That's a Ben and Jerry's origin story that got out of hand.
00:07:41.519 --> 00:07:47.040
And to be honest, not many artists can say our legacy lives on in the freezer aisle.
00:07:47.199 --> 00:07:53.360
Of course, unless you're a Lordie, who also went on to sell frozen fish fingers.
00:07:53.519 --> 00:08:01.279
But this is Vanilla Ninja back at Eurovision 2026 with too epic to be true.
00:08:01.439 --> 00:08:10.959
I know that's what they're hoping their story will be, but let's be honest, this song, this performance, is run 100% on nostalgia.
00:08:11.120 --> 00:08:14.639
Will nostalgia alone be enough to get them into the grand final?
00:08:14.879 --> 00:08:16.639
I'm actually torn about it.
00:08:16.800 --> 00:08:25.439
If this was any other generic song by anyone else, I'd be like, no way this is going through, but that nostalgia is there.
00:08:25.839 --> 00:08:28.480
Oh, I've I've still can't, I still can't decide.
00:08:28.560 --> 00:08:31.759
I'm still trying to write my top 10 list.
00:08:32.320 --> 00:08:34.159
I mean, I've already picked all the good ones.
00:08:34.320 --> 00:08:35.440
It's the bottom one.
00:08:35.519 --> 00:08:36.480
It's filling it out.
00:08:36.559 --> 00:08:37.600
It's gonna be difficult.
00:08:37.759 --> 00:08:39.200
All right, a few more hours.
00:08:39.360 --> 00:08:44.399
We'll find out how far nostalgia gets you at Eurovision.