TRANSKRIPT 🔗
WEBVTT
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The phone rang that Monday and I picked up
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the receiver and the voice at the other end said, you have cancer,
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we want to book you for your surgery.
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I remember vividly when I hung up the phone,
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I said, thank you. I knew in my heart of hearts I was going to
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beat it. I was cancer-free in a year's time. Over the years,
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I've helped many people on their journey. Not bounce back, I say bounce
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forward.
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Not back? Because sometimes there is
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no going back. The job is done. The home is gone.
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The body you trusted has changed.
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And the person standing on the other side of it all— well,
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they've changed too. For Alexi Bracey,
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resilience isn't about pretending those things didn't
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happen. It was about deciding what
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she does with them now.
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Welcome, I'm Heather Holt, and this is Change
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Happened, Then What? Where change becomes
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the story. Today I'm going to introduce you
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to Alexi Bracey, who has had many seasons
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of change in her life— cancer,
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divorce, housing instability, Car accident,
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and a debilitating injury that ended her career.
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But when I talked with Alexi, I realized something.
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This isn't really a story about any one of those things.
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It's about what she kept doing afterwards.
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She kept finding ways to connect with people, sometimes with kindness,
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sometimes with food, and quite often— With a joke.
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Now, let's dive into Alexie's story.
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My parents were immigrants, so they didn't speak English.
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I didn't speak English until I started school.
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And, you know, we— they had immigrated to Canada after the
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war. You know, we had 3 or 4 families that
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we sort of chummed around with, so we certainly didn't have a huge network
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of community for support. And my mother was
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very much of a loner as well. So it was not a joint
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family. It was like everybody sort of did their own thing. I spent more time
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with my dad in the evenings because my mother worked evenings herself.
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And so, you know, he taught me how to appreciate the fine arts, whether it
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was music or— actually, he taught me how to dance the tango,
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believe
Load full transcript
it or not, in the kitchen when I was, I don't know, 12 years
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old, 14 years old, whatever, because he really likes music. And so I sort
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of would occupy myself, play by myself, because I was an only child.
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I didn't have any relatives. They were all behind communist
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bars on the other side of the world.
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There is something fantastical about that image,
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a little girl learning the tango with her dad in the kitchen.
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Because before resilience became a word Alexie would use
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to describe herself, there were already things being
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built: independence, curiosity,
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a drive, and the ability to make something
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out of whatever was available.
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So I guess that sort of became my strength. I would entertain myself,
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do little things. I was very driven. Like, I won— I sold
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the most donuts in school, in grade school. I sold the most chocolate
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bars in high school. And then I started A
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cake decorating course, and I started making cakes for people
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for birthdays, anniversaries, whatever, and Easter bunnies.
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And from my apartment— I worked at a hospital at
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the time, I was a lab technologist— I would rush home during coffee breaks
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or lunchtime to melt chocolate. And I made— through
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one Easter season, I used 500 pounds
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of chocolate working out of my kitchen in an apartment.
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I had employees from all over the hospital coming to see me in the lab
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to order their chocolate Easter bunnies. So it was— I sort of bounced around
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and just dabbled in stuff and, you know, food became really—
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500
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pounds of chocolate out of
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an apartment kitchen. I think it's fair to say Alexi
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didn't exactly ease her way into entrepreneurship.
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Food became important. Eventually,
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she would own a catering company and work professionally as a
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chef. But there were other changes along the way,
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including becoming a single mother.
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When I divorced with a 10-month daughter in tow,
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you know, I survived. I lived in another town
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and I had to commute to go to work to the city where I was.
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I just learned to bounce. I'd say probably somehow it was
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innate. If, you know, like I said before, if there is such
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a thing, I just never second-guessed myself.
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You know, sometimes, you know, there have been occasions where maybe
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I felt a little sorry for myself, but I always bounced back.
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At this
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point in Alexi's life, that was resilience.
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Keep moving, keep figuring out the next thing,
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and trust that somehow you will get through it.
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And then—
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The
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phone rang that Monday, and, uh, I picked up the receiver, and the
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voice at the other end said, you have cancer. We want to book you
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for your surgery.
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She was diagnosed with uterine cancer.
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She made her own decisions about how she wanted to respond
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to that diagnosis. Those decisions are part of
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Alexi's personal experience, but what matters to this
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story is what happened inside her when she
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heard those words.
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I remember vividly when I hung up the phone,
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And said, thank you. I knew in my heart of hearts I was gonna beat
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it. There was no way. I didn't know how, but that voice
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in my head said, you're gonna beat it. And so without medical intervention,
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a few lifestyle changes, I was cancer-free in a year's time.
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It was a no-brainer for me in that capacity.
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I never doubted myself once. I just knew I was gonna beat
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it. Over the years, I've helped many people on their journey.
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She didn't know how, but she had decided something
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about herself. She was going forward.
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And then life gave another test of exactly
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what that meant.
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When I was homeless,
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I ended up moving numerous times.
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I slept on couches for part of that.
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I, um, Didn't have wheels for part of that,
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which made it more challenging.
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Couches,
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uncertainty, not knowing where
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the next place would be. And eventually, a friend
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Alexia had known for more than 30 years offered her
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a place to stay. Well, sort of.
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You know, I didn't know from week to week where the next
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pillow was going to be that I was going to lay my head on.
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And then a friend invited me to stay at
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his place, sort of.
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He had a barn that had not been used in like 10
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years. He and his wife set up a tent in the barn.
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I slept on an air mattress, and I had no running water
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nor indoor plumbing. You know, it's— you know, the resilience
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sort of comes down a little bit to how much you will tolerate
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based on your self-worth. Mm-hmm.
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There it is.
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Not the cancer diagnosis, not 6 moves,
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not even sleeping in a tent inside a barn.
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The question underneath all of it was,
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how much are you willing to tolerate? And what
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does the answer say about what you believe you are
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worthy of?
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You know, I only stayed there a couple months. I had somebody else
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that rescued me out of there.
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That changes
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the meaning of resilience, because staying isn't
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always strength. Enduring one more thing isn't
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always strength. Sometimes resilience
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is leaving, and sometimes it's recognizing
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that surviving somewhere doesn't mean you have to
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keep living there. And she did leave, but She
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didn't want to carry everyone who had hurt her or disappointed
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her with her.
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You know, I mean, I don't have any ill feelings
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against anybody. I have forgiven everybody.
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That's really key in my life. But I feel
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sorry for them that they have to resort to such tactics,
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treating another human being in that fashion. But our world is
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filled with things like that. That's why I like to bring the joy and the
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happiness to people's lives. But we need the skills to To
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overcome, to not bounce back, I say bounce forward.
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Bounce forward.
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It keeps coming back to those 2 words because bouncing
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back assumes the goal is to return to
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where you started. Alexi doesn't believe that's the point.
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And eventually she had another reason not to look
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backward. Just as COVID was beginning,
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Alexi was in a car accident.
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The only thing I remember from the accident was my
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head sort of swirling back and forth like so.
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But I couldn't go to the hospital. I didn't want to go to the hospital
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because I had my 2 dogs with me. And so it impacted my balance.
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And 2 weeks later, I was working as a chef at a nursing
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home. And I fell and
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I broke my femur. So that ended my chef career.
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The career that had grown from cakes and chocolate in
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an apartment kitchen, the catering business she once
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thought she'd run until the cows came home,
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done, finished.
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And once again, she had to decide what forward
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looked like when going backwards wasn't available.
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Somebody was tapping me on the shoulder saying, enough as a chef,
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I've got something better for you.
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From my conversation with her,
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that is so Alexi. She doesn't
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spend much time asking why the old door closed.
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She starts looking around for the next door, and eventually
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the thing she had been doing almost instinctively
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for years became a part of that answer: making
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people smile. We'll be
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right back.
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list. Now back to Alexi.
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Somewhere along the way, Alexi realized
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that one of the things she could give people didn't require
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a business or even that much time.
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Sometimes it was just a joke,
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and she traces some of that back to her years working at remote
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fishing lodges in northern Canada.
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When I worked at
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remote fishing lodges across northern Canada, I was at one lodge
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for 4 summers, and 90% of the
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guests were repeats. These fishermen were now bringing their
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grandsons, and so During dinnertime, I'm not
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--> 14:21.562
going to talk to them about fishing, so I started telling jokes. And so when
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I came back the next year, they, they saw me and they said, Alexi,
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do you have jokes? So I started accumulating jokes,
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and everywhere I go, any opportunity I have just
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to put a smile on somebody's face, because, you know, laughter increases
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longevity, it lowers cortisol, it raises serotonin
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and dopamine. And everybody can use a bit of a joke no matter what you're
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going through.
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I had to ask her to give me one
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of those jokes, and here's what she shared.
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Billy Graham gets off
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the plane after his speaking tour, and his limo driver
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is waiting to take him home. And so he says to the limo driver,
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he says, you know, I've never driven a limo before. Do you think I could
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drive it for a while? And the driver says, yeah, no problem.
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So the children get in the limo, they're bombing down the highway, and Billy's
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doing 50, 60, and 70. Well, lo and behold, a state
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trooper spots him, stops the car, and when he approaches the car and Billy
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rolls the windows down, he does a double take and he says, excuse me for
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a minute. And so he goes back to his cruiser, he calls his
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supervisor, and he says, you know, there's always different circumstances on when
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we give tickets, and I've got this I'm here with this really important person and
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I don't know what to do. And the supervisor says, so is it
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a dignitary? He says, no, more important. He says, is it the president?
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He says, no, more important. He says, well then who is it? He says,
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well, I think it's Jesus because Billy Graham is his chauffeur.
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Okay, I laughed, which I suppose proves
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her point. Underneath Alexi's jokes is
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something Much more serious. She pays attention
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to people— the person holding the door, the stranger
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walking by, the neighbor in the hallway— someone
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who might need one small moment of
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connection. And sometimes she never knows
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what that moment did until one day while
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walking her dogs.
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And I noticed a young man standing
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on the corner having a cigarette. He had come from the Philippines
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to look after his brother who was suffering from cancer. I
became sort of
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like his Canadian aunt. And then one day he said to me that
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his brother had passed and would I come to the funeral reception.
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And so when I arrived at the funeral home, there were about 30
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Filipino women kneeling in the chapel. I made
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my way up to my friend, and he explained that they were
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waiting to make arrangements to ship the body back to the Philippines so
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their mother could be there for burial. So we exchanged a few words
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and I left. Several weeks later, I'm walking down the street
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and a young Filipino woman approaches me and she says,
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were you at so-and-so's funeral a few weeks ago? I said,
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yes, I was. She says—
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You have no idea.
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How much your presence there impacted
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our community.
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It's something I
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will take to my grave. It so touched my heart.
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Like I said, you never know how some small act can
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really make a profound impact on someone.
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Alexi hadn't
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gone there to make an impact. She went because somebody she knew
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was grieving. And she showed up.
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That's all. And someone remembered.
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Maybe that's part of what happened after everything Alexi
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has survived. The big things taught her to
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pay attention to the small ones.
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Today she lives in a senior community, she'll tell you pretty
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quickly that retirement isn't exactly her style.
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She still speaks, mentors, and she still writes.
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Most of all, she still leaves little pieces of
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herself around the building, and sometimes quite
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literally.
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They all know I'm the person that tells jokes,
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you know, and so when they see me, okay, you know, Alexie, what's your joke
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for today? And You know, sometimes I'll post a quote
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on the board in the foyer, and it's always
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something to do with kindness or gratitude or,
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you know, something motivational. And they all know it's from me.
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You can never really know the true impact you have on those around
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you. You never know how much someone needed that smile
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you gave them. You never know how much your kindness turned someone's
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life around. You never know how much someone needed that
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long hug or deep talk. So don't wait to be
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kind, just be kind, because you never know how much someone
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needs it. So, you know, I'm dropping little things like this,
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you know, whether it was for Valentine's Day or for Christmas or
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Easter, like these little posters. Or, you know, I also make these
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heart-shaped bite-sized chocolate macaroon and the
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other one is a cashew truffle. I've got a little sticker that says Happiness Matters.
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So I'm always doing like these little things everywhere I go,
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and people know me for these certain little things. That doesn't necessarily mean they
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comment on it, but they'll,
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they'll give me a smile and I know they appreciate it. Not everybody,
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but that's okay.
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Not everybody, but that's
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okay. Maybe That's another piece of bouncing forward
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too. You stop needing every person to respond.
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Stop measuring the value of what you give by whether somebody
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applauds. You give it because it reflects who
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you've become.
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Yeah, I still, I'm, you know,
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speaking on stages and doing a little bit of mentoring. And then
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I have several newsletters that I publish on Social
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media pretty much every day. And I'm looking to start
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a women's group for support because my work is
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really heart-focused. You know, it's— yeah, I still like what I'm doing.
20:39.570 --> 20:43.665
You know, I'd like to speak more. And, you know, because I approach resilience
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from an emotional standpoint, not a scientific background.
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You know, it's— I've lived it. I've walked it. I've seen it.
20:50.893 --> 20:53.799
I've lived it. I've walked it. I've seen it.
20:55.068 --> 20:58.295
There is a difference between telling someone that life will
20:58.795 --> 21:02.245
be okay and sitting across from someone who has had to find
21:02.309 --> 21:05.280
out what okay means more than once.
21:06.307 --> 21:09.198
Alexi doesn't have the same life she started with.
21:09.920 --> 21:13.485
Not the same career. She isn't even living where she
21:13.533 --> 21:16.937
once imagined she would. She's been sick,
21:17.482 --> 21:21.249
Lost stability, and has had to start over
21:21.749 --> 21:25.818
again more than once. But listen to what she talks about
21:26.318 --> 21:28.784
now. A joke, a note,
21:29.890 --> 21:32.920
a chocolate, showing up for a friend.
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Small things, portable things,
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things you can still give when life has taken some
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of the bigger things away.
21:49.224 --> 21:52.453
Maybe becoming the light doesn't always look
21:52.744 --> 21:54.746
like some enormous transformation.
21:55.660 --> 21:59.121
Maybe it's just deciding sometimes
21:59.637 --> 22:03.388
that whatever happened to you will not be the only
22:03.421 --> 22:05.893
thing you hand to the next person.
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So I asked Alexi before we wrapped up our conversation,
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What keeps you smiling today?
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Sharing a joke with somebody.
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Well, that answer could not possibly be more Alexi.
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And I asked her if she had one piece of wisdom to give to
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everybody listening, what would it be?
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Start every single
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day with a self-hug. Absolutely very important.
22:32.415 --> 22:33.216
Very important.
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Because I was a little curious
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to know Whether she meant that literally or metaphorically,
22:41.062 --> 22:41.721
I asked her.
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Look at yourself in the mirror if you can, and cross
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your arms, cross your shoulders, make eye contact,
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and say to yourself whatever your favorite affirmation is.
22:54.634 --> 22:57.910
Alexi, thank you for sharing your story with us
22:58.344 --> 23:01.765
and reminding us that resilience doesn't always
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have to look heroic. Sometimes it's getting up
23:05.761 --> 23:09.027
again, walking away from something you never should
23:09.527 --> 23:12.953
have had to tolerate, or finding a new purpose when
23:13.001 --> 23:15.116
the old one is no longer available.
23:16.366 --> 23:20.212
And sometimes it's as simple as making a stranger
23:20.712 --> 23:24.058
laugh. You can learn more about Alexi and find
23:24.558 --> 23:28.929
the resources connected to her story at changehappenedpodcast.com.
23:29.507 --> 23:33.665
And don't forget to follow
23:33.841 --> 23:37.003
the show so you don't miss this Friday's Smile Drop
23:37.389 --> 23:41.706
or next Tuesday's episode, Beyond Everything Is
23:41.722 --> 23:45.382
Love, where we'll hear about the moment that changed
23:45.559 --> 23:46.056
her life.
23:46.602 --> 23:49.235
So may the rest of your day bring smiles to your face and
23:49.267 --> 23:49.957
joy to your heart.
23:59.138 --> 24:02.749
I keep thinking about that woman who stopped Alexei on the
24:03.249 --> 24:06.681
street. She had gone to a funeral, paid her respects,
24:06.826 --> 24:09.987
and gone home. And as far as she knew,
24:10.758 --> 24:14.722
that was the end of it. But someone had noticed.
24:15.123 --> 24:17.755
Someone remembered. And weeks later,
24:18.381 --> 24:21.816
that person made sure she knew that simply being
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there had mattered. Most of us will probably never
24:26.265 --> 24:29.684
get that conversation. We'll hold a door, we'll send a text,
24:30.198 --> 24:34.213
make somebody laugh, or sit beside someone when there isn't anything useful
24:34.713 --> 24:38.613
to say. And we'll probably never know what happened after
24:39.113 --> 24:42.146
we walked away. But do we really need to know?
24:43.109 --> 24:47.108
Alexi calls it bouncing forward, and maybe part of that is realizing
24:47.381 --> 24:51.958
we don't have to wait until our own lives are
24:52.458 --> 24:54.062
completely put back together before we have something worth giving.
24:57.160 --> 25:00.950
Change Happened, Then What? is written, edited, and produced by
25:01.450 --> 25:04.883
me, Heather Holt, at Holt Hill Studios, with supervision
25:05.301 --> 25:09.805
and multiple interruptions from Waylon and
25:10.368 --> 25:13.490
Dalton. Until next week, change happened,
25:14.294 --> 25:14.868
then what?