TRANSKRIPT 🔗
WEBVTT
00:00:00.719 --> 00:00:11.599
Welcome to Breakthrough, the podcast that helps you to get unstuck, move forward, move on, and finally breakthrough to that next level that you have been looking for.
00:00:11.759 --> 00:00:19.760
I'm Mickey Ruthman, transformational breakthrough coach, speaker, and author, and your host right here on the Breakthrough Podcast.
00:00:19.920 --> 00:00:23.519
So get ready to break the barriers and break the limitations.
00:00:23.600 --> 00:00:28.320
And let's dive right on into this week's episode of Breakthrough.
00:00:30.399 --> 00:00:32.560
Here comes your breakthrough moment.
00:00:33.119 --> 00:00:34.560
Let's dive in.
00:00:36.399 --> 00:00:42.880
Have you ever noticed how when life just starts going well for you, you suddenly seem to pull back?
00:00:43.119 --> 00:00:48.640
Or as a lot of my clients will describe it, I suddenly seem to do something to just screw it all up again.
00:00:48.799 --> 00:00:56.399
You procrastinate on the things that are important, you become hyper-focused on small things that suddenly begin to bother you.
00:00:56.560 --> 00:00:59.600
You create tension in a relationship that's going great.
00:00:59.759 --> 00:01:04.959
You talk yourself out of an opportunity that you were excited about just weeks ago.
00:01:05.120 --> 00:01:09.359
And it's almost like you're tripping yourself right before the finish line.
00:01:09.599 --> 00:01:15.519
Now, most people explain this as bad timing, poor discipline, or a lack of confidence.
00:01:15.760 --> 00:01:20.719
But psychology has another explanation, and it's far more interesting.
00:01:20.879 --> 00:01:24.640
Self-sabotage doesn't always look dramatic and obvious.
00:01:24.879 --> 00:01:26.159
It's subtle.
00:01:26.319 --> 00:01:33.920
It's delaying the project that you said you were going to start it's pulling away from someone who's actually good for you.
00:01:34.159 --> 00:01:39.280
It's second-guessing yourself or situations when success begins to show up.
00:01:39.439 --> 00:01:51.680
And the worst part is you want the progress, you want the relationship, you want the breakthrough, but yet something inside you seems to disrupt it every single time.
00:01:52.000 --> 00:01:56.879
This internal conflict and contradiction confuses a lot of people.
00:01:57.200 --> 00:02:03.280
Because if someone truly wants success, then why would they stand in their own way?
00:02:03.519 --> 00:02:05.280
Here's where it gets interesting.
00:02:05.519 --> 00:02:09.039
Most self-sabotagers aren't trying to fail.
00:02:09.199 --> 00:02:14.319
They're actually just trying to protect themselves without even knowing it.
00:02:14.560 --> 00:02:18.000
Your brain can sometimes protect you from the wrong things.
00:02:18.240 --> 00:02:22.400
So the real question isn't why do I ruin good opportunities?
00:02:22.639 --> 00:02:30.800
The real question is why does my mind interpret success, stability, or happiness as something to be cautious about?
00:02:30.960 -->
Load full transcript
00:02:34.159
The human brain isn't designed to chase happiness.
00:02:34.400 --> 00:02:39.280
Its primary job is to detect potential threats and then keep you safe from them.
00:02:39.439 --> 00:02:42.800
And the brain often uses a very simple rule to do that.
00:02:43.039 --> 00:02:46.319
It assumes that what's familiar is safe.
00:02:46.479 --> 00:02:50.879
Not what's good, not what's healthy, just what's familiar.
00:02:51.039 --> 00:03:05.199
And if you grew up in an environment where life felt unpredictable, where relationships were unstable, approval was inconsistent, or tension was common, your nervous system learns to expect that pattern.
00:03:05.439 --> 00:03:08.879
It becomes your emotional baseline as a grown-up.
00:03:09.039 --> 00:03:16.639
So when life becomes calm, supportive, or stable, your brain doesn't immediately recognize it as safe.
00:03:16.800 --> 00:03:19.759
It just recognizes it as unfamiliar.
00:03:20.000 --> 00:03:26.960
The amygdala of the brain, which is the brain's alarm system, reacts strongly to unfamiliar situations.
00:03:27.199 --> 00:03:30.479
And even positive change can trigger that alarm.
00:03:30.800 --> 00:03:40.400
So your mind unconsciously tries to bring that back to what it understands or back to that emotional baseline that you're used to.
00:03:40.639 --> 00:03:47.120
Not because it prefers suffering, but because predictability feels safer than uncertainty.
00:03:47.280 --> 00:03:51.039
And because familiarity to your brain equals safety.
00:03:51.280 --> 00:03:59.599
This is why self-sabotage is rarely about laziness, lack of discipline, or even you screwing up again somehow.
00:03:59.840 --> 00:04:01.759
It's often about control.
00:04:02.159 --> 00:04:10.639
When you've experienced disappointment, rejection, or instability in the past, your mind tries to avoid being caught off guard again.
00:04:10.800 --> 00:04:13.120
So it creates the ending first.
00:04:13.360 --> 00:04:16.639
Ending the relationship before abandonment becomes possible.
00:04:16.879 --> 00:04:20.000
Avoiding the opportunity before failure can happen.
00:04:20.240 --> 00:04:24.560
Delaying progress so expectations never become too high.
00:04:24.800 --> 00:04:28.240
And from the outside, it looks like self-destruction.
00:04:28.319 --> 00:04:31.600
But from the inside, it feels like protection.
00:04:32.000 --> 00:04:38.800
Because chosen disappointment feels safer than unexpected or even inevitable disappointment.
00:04:38.959 --> 00:04:42.480
So how do you begin to break this cycle?
00:04:42.720 --> 00:04:50.000
How do you change the automatic programming that your brain learned and now sees as familiar and safe?
00:04:50.240 --> 00:04:54.720
This may sound very simple to you, but I promise you it works.
00:04:55.040 --> 00:04:57.439
And it starts with awareness.
00:04:57.759 --> 00:05:08.959
The next time that things start going well and you feel that urge to withdraw, to procrastinate, or to disrupt the progress, I want you to pause.
00:05:09.360 --> 00:05:16.000
And in that pause, I just want you to notice your reaction instead of immediately acting on it.
00:05:16.160 --> 00:05:20.000
And then I want you to ask yourself this one simple question.
00:05:20.319 --> 00:05:25.360
Is this actually danger or is this just unfamiliar?
00:05:25.519 --> 00:05:28.000
Now, growth often feels uncomfortable.
00:05:28.160 --> 00:05:32.319
Healthy relationships can feel strange at first when you're not used to them.
00:05:32.480 --> 00:05:37.360
Success can feel unsettling when you have never experienced that or you're not used to that.
00:05:37.519 --> 00:05:40.959
But unfamiliar doesn't mean unsafe.
00:05:41.120 --> 00:05:55.920
And over time, as you allow yourself to stay present, instead of escaping the moment and just allowing your brain's programming to automatically take over and just do what it's used to doing, your brain begins to update its internal map.
00:05:56.079 --> 00:06:01.360
And slowly but surely, stability stops feeling suspicious.
00:06:01.600 --> 00:06:11.120
Self-sabotage isn't proof that something's wrong with you, it's simply proof that your mind learned to protect you from anything that's unfamiliar.
00:06:11.360 --> 00:06:17.839
The challenge is that survival strategies can continue long after the environment that caused them is gone.
00:06:18.000 --> 00:06:21.279
And that's where awareness creates the breakthrough.
00:06:21.439 --> 00:06:26.240
Because once you acknowledge and recognize that pattern, you can interrupt it.
00:06:26.399 --> 00:06:39.920
And sometimes the biggest breakthrough isn't pushing harder, it's simply choosing to live more self-aware, noticing when your mind tries to protect you, and choosing a different response.