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So if you think of your personality like a toolbox, inside of it there are some tools that you're really good at using and some that you may not use as often.
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In the Enneagram, these tools represent different parts of who you are, of how you think, feel, and do.
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Some people might naturally use one type of tool more than the others, whereas others tend to fall at the bottom of the toolbox.
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They kind of get lost in the shuffle, and they just aren't reached for as often.
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So this is where the repression centers come in.
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Hey there, I'm Amy Wicks, your guide by the side for your wholehearted journey.
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And friend, I get it.
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Life can be a whirlwind, juggling family, work, and all the in-betweens.
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As a wife, mom to three teenagers, and building a growing business, I felt the overwhelm, the doubts, and the struggles too.
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But here's the thing: the Lord took my broken-hearted pieces and turned them into a beautiful story of clarity, peace, and joy.
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And now I'm here to help you do the same.
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With years of experience as a certified Enneagram coach, spiritual director, and working genius facilitator, I am here to provide you with practical wisdom and inspiration.
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Through expert interviews and real life examples, you can uncover your strengths, motivations, and God's unwavering love.
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And together, we're gonna explore biblical truths, different personality profiles, and life rhythms that will empower you to break free from anxiety, shame, and frustration.
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I have walked the path, my friend, and I know the challenges you face.
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But that's why I'm here, by your side, cheering you on as you embrace wholehearted living.
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So grab your headphones, invite a friend, and let's embark on this transformative journey together.
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Welcome to Simply Wholehearted, where we laugh, learn, and flourish as a community.
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Hey friend, can you believe we are already in the final quarter of the year?
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I know, it's gone by so quickly.
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So I just wanted to take this opportunity to touch base with you and see how your year has been shaping up.
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I'm wondering if you are thrilled about your career growth and reaching all the personal goals that you've done and you feel very enthusiastic about this last quarter.
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Or are you looking back and thinking about all the hurdles and challenges and disappointments that you've experienced?
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Perhaps you're even in another camp, and you've experienced a mix of both achievements, but also setbacks, and both have really defined your year and your journey.
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Well, I am in that boat too.
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I have a lot to be thankful for, and there's numerous milestones to celebrate.
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And you know, I love to celebrate.
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However, amidst the accomplishments, I'm also facing a couple of tough situations.
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A few unexpected disappointments have emerged, and I'm learning and reminding myself that I have a lot to still understand and process, and I have to give time to that, right?
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Well, today I'm not going to dive into my unique and specific disappointments and failures, but I wanted to share this to just let you know I'm right there in the trenches with you.
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And also to share my gratitude for the Enneagram.
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Yep, it is a tool that I not only love to talk about and to help all my clients understand better, but it's a tool that I am using.
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It's been instrumental in my year and my ongoing continued growth.
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So this year I have spent time going deeper into my own story and applying the insights of the Enneagram to the situations that have been coming my way and that I'm unexpectedly finding myself in.
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Of course, I'm exploring the spiritual aspect as well, and coupling it with the intricate workings of my personality.
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And specifically, I've taken time to explore more about how I process, decide, and confront disappointment and failure.
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And ugh, I don't know about you, but I don't think any of us like to talk about disappointment and failure, but we can't avoid it.
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So I've discovered some fresh perspectives and revelations, so I wanted to share some of it with you, specifically because it aligns with understanding more about our communication patterns.
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So I'm going to continue to talk about those communication patterns, but we're going to go really deep.
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This is Enneagram 401.
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It will help you understand your unique relationship with failure and disappointment.
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But more importantly, I'm going to offer actionable steps to experience healing and wholeheartedness, right, as you face those and navigate those challenging situations.
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I'm not going to redefine an experience of failure, but I am going to encourage you and invite you to view it from a new angle.
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And before I jump in, a quick heads up.
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I am going to briefly recap the previous episode's content, but it's going to be really brief and short.
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So if you're not entirely confident about your communication pattern and Enneagram stance, consider checking out episodes 309 and 310 before you delve into this one.
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We're going to go back to the bustling corridors of hustle and grind where ambition echoes and papers shuffle.
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We're going to observe three employees who are about to face a challenge that is going to test their resilience and responses to disappointment.
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Alexa, the visionary project manager, known for her confident strides, could sense the storm brewing long before it hit.
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As the impending failure loomed, her assertive nature allowed her to address the situation head on.
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Yet, as she watched the project falter, her heart sank.
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Behind her positive exterior, her feelings swirled in a sea of turmoil.
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She grappled with the familiar struggle, and yet it was all she could do to stay busy and avoid exploring her feelings.
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Dana the dutiful executive admin found herself smack in the center of failure as it unfolded.
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With her detailed plans in hand, she had believed every contingency was covered, but the disappointment struck hard.
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Her dutiful nature led her to overanalyze every step, trying to find the missing pieces that she was responsible for.
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She also struggled with constantly thinking about how she had let her team down, and that everyone would blame her for her poor performance.
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The creative genius behind the project designs, Wanda, retreated into reflective silence while others around her focused on the present turmoil.
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The failure prompted a quiet ruminating on what she could have done differently, including unrelated past projects, which compounded the issues at hand.
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So the urge to take action remained dormant as Wanda grappled disappointment and processed the setback internally.
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As the days turned into weeks, it was clear that this project was going to be a failure.
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They weren't going to be able to turn the ship around, and they were going to have to deal with this disappointment.
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Each was lost in their own unique experience of this disappointment, and neither of them had clarity about how to navigate through it.
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Some of them wanted to go around it, some of them wanted to ignore it, and some of them were thinking about it way too much.
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It didn't take long for the HR manager to notice how this disappointment and workplace failure was affecting each of these women.
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She knew where to direct the women to get some help.
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After just a few coaching sessions, each of the women had a strategic plan in place to help them navigate this disappointment and to take proactive steps to help them move the other projects forward in a more successful manner.
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Alexa used some of the coaching sessions to help her untangle her complex feelings.
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The coach encouraged her to name some emotions that she was experiencing, whether in the past or during the current disappointment or failure.
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This was a tough step for Alexa, but she found it freeing.
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Over time, she began to embrace the notion that feelings could be a source of strength and help her take action.
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Dana started taking daily walks with the trusted friend.
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She voiced her inner thoughts and received honest feedback.
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As she spilled out the negative words taking up space in her mind, she quickly realized how much unproductive thinking that she had been engaged in.
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She had allowed her inner critic to override logic and blind her to the truth that no one held her solely responsible for the project's failure.
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Wanda started a kickboxing class at her coach's recommendation, and every morning she attended for three weeks at the local community center.
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This ultimately was igniting her creative energy.
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She began to realize that by moving and externalizing her frustration, she experienced more clarity compared to spending hours ruminating about what had gone wrong.
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As Wanda recognized the need for action, she began to start each morning with a small project, which helped her create momentum and she was able to channel fresh creativity with this revitalized approach.
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As the trio began a new project together, the impact of their past failure wasn't forgotten, but each woman was grateful for how the experience transformed them.
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Alexa learned to take time to name her feelings, even when facing possible disappointment.
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Dana felt empowered to spend more time thinking about what she had done right and accept the grace offered by her teammates.
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And Wanda's new daily movement routine continued to strengthen her focus and help her take strategic action with her projects.
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Back in the hallways of hustle and grind, a different energy hummed.
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The setback ultimately had become a catalyst for growth.
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While, of course, there's still obstacles to come, they had each found a way to navigate disappointment, uncovering hidden strengths within their failures.
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And together, they exemplified that setbacks weren't the end, but rather the beginning of a new chapter in their journey of growth and resilience.
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Well, I don't know about you, but I'm growing fond of our friends at the offices of Hustle and Grind.
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I hope that you are too.
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I also hope that as you listened, the illustrations of self-awareness and action are becoming memorable.
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Because as you know, stories get inside of us and they help us remember the lesson.
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As I was praying for the content of this episode, two ideas came to mind that I wanted to share with you and connect to your communication pattern.
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At first it seemed disconnected, but then as I started working with the story and specifically with our friends at Hustle and Grind, it became really clear to me while I was helping our friends navigate this disappointment.
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Of course, I could just share lists with you about all these different Enneagram facts that I'm about to unveil, but I just don't think that reading down a list ultimately leads to transformation.
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The deeper and lasting work does happen in small groups or one-on-one coaching, but I do want this podcast to offer the next best thing.
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So that's why the story.
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And today I'm going to unpack the concepts in a way that ties into your understanding of your communication pattern and orientation to time.
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If you listened to last week, Sarah and I barely scratched the surface of how your communication pattern or Enneagram stance is connected with how you engage with the past, present, and future.
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So I wanted to pick up the conversation where we left off and dive into deeper understanding about how you navigate disappointment, loss, and grief, and then specifically how your area of repression can help you take the hardships you face and turn them into resilience.
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Okay, I used a lot of words there, and some of them are big words.
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I promise I will unpack them and help you understand.
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Also, as an aside, I know a topic of loss and disappointment goes way beyond the workplace.
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And it's kind of unique to approach this topic within that experience.
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So I'm talking about it now so we can understand navigating workplace failure.
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And I'll probably be talking about it in the coming Advent season of the podcast because, well, as we know, celebration and grief tend to coexist, or we need help with them coexisting.
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All right, I'm going to give you a recap of the summary of the communication patterns and the orientation to time.
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And then when we're done with that, I'm going to dive into these new concepts that I keep hinting about.
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Okay, first, the withdrawn stance, those are the types four, five, and nine.
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They move away from people to examine their thoughts and feelings to create a sense of calm.
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If you are a four, five, or nine, you tend to react to stress by retreating into an inner world of imagination or potentially zoning out, even when you're amongst a crowd.
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You may ask yourself often, how can I find what I need within myself?
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Your orientation to time is past focus, and so you tend to focus on memories, history, and even the impact of past events in your present situation.
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The dutiful stance are the types one, two, and six, and they move alongside people to get their needs met.
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If you are a type one, two, or six, your healthy intention is to cooperate with others.
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But you tend to react to stress by serving others out of duty or a sense of obligation.
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You might find yourself asking, how can I satisfy the expectations others have of me?
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You are also present focused.
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You prioritize the here and now, focusing on the task and the responsibilities at hand.
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The assertive stance are the types three, seven, and eight.
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They move toward people to try to get their needs met.
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If you are a type three, seven, or eight, your healthy intention is to assert your opinion and idea in a healthy way.
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But you often react to stress by boosting or expanding your sense of self rather than backing down and withdrawing.
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You may ask yourself often, how can others help me get what I need?
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Your orientation to time is future focus.
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You will likely focus on planning, setting targets and goals, and envisioning outcomes that will happen in the days or even years to come.
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So, what stuck out to you most this time as you listen to the summaries?
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Are some aspects of your personality and specifically your orientation to time becoming more clear to you?
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I hope you're experiencing more aha's about your communication pattern, or even about someone who is close to you.
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All right, now we're gonna get into the nitty-gritty about how your communication pattern and orientation to time impact your response to disappointment, failure, and even loss.
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And because I don't want to leave you hanging, and I don't want to, you know, just talk about the sad stuff, I'm gonna empower you to help you understand your area of repression, which provides a critical step to getting unstuck.
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Okay, are you ready?
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Buckle up, it's about to get a little nerdy.
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So if you're multitasking, do your best to lean in and take a few minutes to process these insights.
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And before I give you the details of all three communication patterns and the specifics on each type, I think the term area of repression needs a little explaining.
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So the Enneagram Repression Centers refers to certain aspects of your thoughts, emotions, or actions that are not as naturally emphasized or expressed within your personality type.
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These aspects might be underdeveloped or just less accessible to you, which leads to certain patterns or tendencies in your behavior.
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So imagine with me that you have a toolbox full of different tools.
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That's what a toolbox is for, right?
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And each tool helps you do something specific, like it fixes or takes apart things or helps you put it together.
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So if you think of your personality like a toolbox, inside of it there are some tools that you're really good at using and some that you may not use as often.
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In the Enneagram, these tools represent different parts of who you are, of how you think, feel, and do.
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Some people might naturally use one type of tool more than the others, whereas others tend to fall at the bottom of the toolbox.
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They kind of get lost in the shuffle, and they just aren't reached for as often.
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This is where the repression centers come in.
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Repression centers show you the tools that you may not use or reach for as often in your personality toolbox.
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It helps you understand why you have certain habits or consistent ways of reacting.
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It's like knowing why you're good at some things and why other things might be more challenging.
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The gift of understanding which tools you overuse and underuse is that you can intentionally decide to use the underused tools to get you through tough times like disappointment, loss, and grief.
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It's honestly like having that secret weapon that helps you heal and grow even stronger.
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So, with this awesome analogy in mind, let's dive into how your communication pattern and orientation to time impact your response to disappointment, failure, and loss.
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And then I'll give you the insights about your repression center or the descriptions of the tool that tends to fall to the bottom of the toolbox and what habit can help you reach for it more often, or remind you to reach for it more often.
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First up is the withdrawn stance, or past-oriented communication pattern.
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These are the types who dwell on memories, replaying the past to understand and process their emotions.
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While these types find comfort in nostalgia and cherished moments, they also may struggle to accept regrets or missed opportunities.
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Even amid current failures, loss, or disappointment, they may be more focused on the past pain because it feels connected to their current experiences.
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And when they experience disappointment, they may find it challenging to let it go and move forward.
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And they dwell on what went wrong or the rumination.
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So the tool that is less often used is their doing center.
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That seems really rude and maybe even insulting, but stay with me to hear how this plays out for each of the withdrawn types, and then I'm going to offer you the most powerful step to help you get unstuck.
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So we're going to talk about the four, five, and nine because they're in the withdrawn stance.
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First up, the type four emotions and thoughts often center on what has already happened, what they regret, or the ideal experience that they have romanticized.
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So if you're a type four, what costs you the most is not finishing what is essential.
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This is not the same pattern as a seven who is known to bounce from thing to thing.
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Instead, you, if you're a four, you tend to give up because you give up on yourself.
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You only see your inability or ability in emotional extremes.
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So when you deal with disappointment, engage in simple tasks that ground you and historically spark a sense of creativity that help you move forward and channel your emotions constructively.
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For the type five, their thoughts center most on analyzing what has already happened.
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And they they choose to use their energy to try to make sense of previous experiences and feelings in hopes to come up with logical solutions to earlier problems.
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So if you're a five, you plan to do many things, but you use up almost all of your energy in the planning.
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You are driven to find the answer, but not as driven for production in the moment or to give time to find the answer for the current situation.
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Typically, you're not aware how much time you plan doing something instead of doing something.
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So the challenge for you is to take small concrete steps to follow your plan, to follow a plan of action, any action.
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This might even involve seeking advice from others, asking for help, or taking direct actions to improve the current circumstances.
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The type 9s ruminate about how their past experiences were positive and negative, and often they feel stuck and unable to alter negative patterns or improve or recreate the good ones.
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So as a nine, when you are stuck, you still might do lots of things or even write lots of lists, but you are frequently working from the middle or the bottom of the list.
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So when possible, you need to pick a physical activity of your choice to start the day.
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So you not only exercise your physical body, but you exercise voicing your opinion.
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Key, choose the activity, but do it.
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I encourage you to ask for accountability or even direction on prioritizing the items on your daily list.
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Now, for the type four, five, and nine, the most powerful step to help you reach for the right tool in your toolbox is to find a physical activity to start your day every day.
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And when it comes to doing on purpose, I encourage you to seize the power of inertia.
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Use that momentum that you find from taking that first physical step that will motivate you throughout the day.
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All right, the present-oriented or the dutiful types, the types one, two, and six, approach grief in the moment and they focus on immediate feelings and responsibilities.
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They may keenly feel the pain of their loss and seek support from their present connections.
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While they find solace in being present with their emotions, they may also need to consciously set aside time to process their feelings amidst helping everybody or all those dutiful obligations.
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Those with present orientation may navigate disappointment by focusing on what might make the most immediate impact.
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So they might excel at finding solutions within the moment, but may need some help to remember that they need to look at the bigger picture and long-term growth.
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The tool that they tend to use less often is their thinking center.
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I know that might really surprise you, especially if you are a one, two, or six, but let me tell you how it specifically looks for these three types, and then I'm going to give you a powerful step for the one, two, and six to get unstuck.
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The type one tends to act either in a flurry of movement or methodical, precise steps to correct and perfect things that come to their attention moment by moment.
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Now, if you're one, you might feel defensive about the idea that you could be thinking repressed.
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And the reality is you do think all the time, but it's not productive thinking.
00:23:42.559 --> 00:23:48.000
Your inner critic, aka mean girl, or taskmaster, demands action.
00:23:48.160 --> 00:23:53.599
Most likely you keep all of this negative thinking to yourself so no one else can see this mess.
00:23:53.839 --> 00:23:57.440
And then you count it as thinking because it's just internal.
00:23:57.680 --> 00:24:02.720
But ultimately, these negative thoughts do not propel you to take calm action, right?
00:24:02.880 --> 00:24:08.400
You go back into these precise steps of correction or a flurry of movement.
00:24:08.720 --> 00:24:18.960
So instead of going into a frenzy trying to fix it and meet the demands of the inner critic, allow yourself to see the bigger picture and step back from the critical thoughts.
00:24:19.200 --> 00:24:26.000
Remind yourself to consider various perspectives and possibilities before taking all the responsibility.
00:24:26.480 --> 00:24:41.119
The type two's emotion and thoughts often center on what someone else needs, seeking to fulfill it immediately without regard to past experiences, future consequences, or concern for their needs.
00:24:41.359 --> 00:24:51.039
Like the type one, if you are a two, you engage in unproductive thinking because of the amount of time you spend wondering about relationships.
00:24:51.200 --> 00:24:58.720
And specifically, you're questioning yourself if you've helped others enough, if you've met others' needs, and is everyone else okay?
00:24:59.039 --> 00:25:07.039
And obviously, as nice as this is, it's going to hinder your focus and distract you from what is the most important thing, right?
00:25:07.200 --> 00:25:11.519
The most demanding or loudest voices end up dominating you.
00:25:11.839 --> 00:25:24.960
This also can distract you from caring for the people who are with you in the moment and who really need you to tend to their needs, aka the little people in your home, or maybe the not so little people, but the people in your home.
00:25:25.200 --> 00:25:34.480
So the invitation when you are facing disappointment is to reflect on what you need and what your specific boundaries are for this situation.
00:25:34.720 --> 00:25:38.240
And then you can decide how you're going to help others.
00:25:38.799 --> 00:25:45.519
So the type six is going to immerse themselves in whatever current situation triggers their danger warning.
00:25:45.759 --> 00:25:52.480
And you know, the alarms are going off, they're going to be spending all their energy to manage potential worst-case scenarios.
00:25:52.720 --> 00:25:55.759
Worse, this results in fear and anxiety.
00:25:56.079 --> 00:26:03.920
But my friend, if you are a six, this is not productive thinking, because often what you think and plan for doesn't actually happen.
00:26:04.160 --> 00:26:13.599
You also may spend too much energy on seeking everyone else's opinions and ideas, which creates a lack of confidence in your ability to make a good decision.
00:26:13.920 --> 00:26:25.680
So when facing disappointment, take time for reflection and journal about your instincts and the knowledge that you have already gathered, rather than just seeking constant reassurance from others.
00:26:26.000 --> 00:26:35.119
I would love to reassure you that if you are asking, the Lord will give you wisdom and you will be able to make a great decision.
00:26:35.440 --> 00:26:48.000
The most powerful step for each of the doodleful types to help you reach for the right tool in your toolbox is to meditate on scripture and speak out what is true to start your day every day.
00:26:48.240 --> 00:26:59.279
And when it comes to thinking on purpose, you need to get the overthinking out on paper or voiced to others so you can focus your mind on what is good, lovely, and praiseworthy.
00:26:59.920 --> 00:27:04.480
Alrighty, last up is the future-oriented assertive stances.
00:27:04.720 --> 00:27:07.359
These are the types three, seven, and eight.
00:27:07.599 --> 00:27:17.599
These are individuals with a future orientation and they anticipate disappointment and failure, as well as if they view it as a natural part of life experience and growth.
00:27:18.000 --> 00:27:21.680
Unfortunately, they do their utmost to circumvent it.
00:27:21.920 --> 00:27:29.920
They are likely to channel their energy into planning for the future and seeking ways to overcome challenges and avoid their feelings.
00:27:30.240 --> 00:27:37.839
Future-oriented types may approach disappointment as a temporary setback and they'll focus on what can be achieved in the long run.
00:27:38.079 --> 00:27:45.200
So, based on what I just shared, it probably won't surprise you that the less often tool used is their feeling center.
00:27:45.440 --> 00:27:59.759
Of course, these types express and experience plenty of feeling and emotions, but let me tell you how it specifically looks for the three assertive types, and then once again, I'll offer a powerful step for the three, seven, and eight to get unstuck.
00:28:00.240 --> 00:28:12.000
The type three is going to focus on reframing or completely avoiding their disappointment by completing the next task efficiently and planning ways to achieve their next goals successfully.
00:28:12.319 --> 00:28:20.559
If you're a three, you may not believe that you're feeling repressed because you do take in information as a heart-centered or a feeling triad type.
00:28:20.799 --> 00:28:22.640
But here is the key.
00:28:22.880 --> 00:28:26.799
You don't use your feelings to process your personal information.
00:28:27.039 --> 00:28:36.000
You tend to hide from the failure or the emotions surrounding that failure, and you work hard to turn it into something else or reframe it.
00:28:36.400 --> 00:28:41.440
You feel driven to accomplish, achieve, and act as if you have it all together.
00:28:41.759 --> 00:28:47.200
So that drive makes you feel like you don't have time to process your feelings.
00:28:47.440 --> 00:29:02.640
Some of the best work you can do to grow in these times of trial and disappointment and actual failure is to just allow yourself to acknowledge and express your genuine feelings when things don't go as planned, rather than immediately putting on a positive facade.
00:29:03.440 --> 00:29:12.559
The type sevens will focus on staying constantly in motion, and they're going to think about what next fun thing to do and move toward more positive possibilities.
00:29:12.880 --> 00:29:23.839
So, fellow seven, it's not that you aren't experiencing feelings, it's just that you'd rather prefer not to experience those downsides of emotions, right?
00:29:24.000 --> 00:29:25.279
The negative things.
00:29:25.599 --> 00:29:34.720
You are likely to reframe disappointment or sadness and mentally or physically do what you can to avoid or even run from negative emotions.
00:29:34.960 --> 00:29:41.680
In your attempt to avoid, you may even overcompensate with loud exuberance and happiness to mask how you really feel.
00:29:41.839 --> 00:29:46.400
And then when you deal with disappointment, allow yourself to feel sadness or frustration.
00:29:46.640 --> 00:29:50.640
Sit with and process difficult emotions instead of avoiding them.
00:29:50.880 --> 00:29:58.400
And I know that sounds like torture, but I do promise I can testify that it does get easier over time.
00:30:00.799 --> 00:30:08.880
The type 8's will often ignore the disappointment or failure and purposely focus on actions to help them overcome obstacles.
00:30:09.200 --> 00:30:15.839
If you are an eight, you may not believe that you're feeling repressed because your natural bent is expressing passion.
00:30:16.240 --> 00:30:19.279
But passion itself is not a full range of emotion.
00:30:19.440 --> 00:30:21.519
It's just one emotional expression.
00:30:21.680 --> 00:30:29.920
So beware that you have a desire to not appear weak or vulnerable, or this whole sad, disappointed, over failure thing.
00:30:30.240 --> 00:30:35.440
So this may cause you to push through instead of taking time to process or express your emotions.
00:30:35.759 --> 00:30:50.480
Compounding this struggle of voicing your emotion is that in the past, others may have proven themselves untrustworthy and you tend to pull back relationally or avoid interactions that cause you to be vulnerable about your feelings.
00:30:50.799 --> 00:31:00.319
So the invitation for you during these challenging times is to allow yourself to open up to just a few trusted individuals and express how you really feel.
00:31:00.559 --> 00:31:07.599
Express a greater range of emotions, which over time can foster deeper connections and more freedom for you.
00:31:08.400 --> 00:31:20.079
Now, the most powerful step for each of the assertive types to help you reach for the right tool in your toolbox is to pause and intentionally explore and name the feelings that you are experiencing during these setbacks.
00:31:20.319 --> 00:31:29.119
This might be through creative expression, like cooking or an actual art project, or sharing your honest emotions with a trusted few.
00:31:29.359 --> 00:31:38.480
And when it comes to feeling on purpose, you might be surprised that when you try to express what you're experiencing, relief does follow.
00:31:53.599 --> 00:31:58.720
So if your communication pattern is withdrawn, you're going to naturally be present-oriented.
00:31:58.960 --> 00:32:05.920
You're going to have to intentionally choose to experience the present moment and thoughtfully plan for future goals.
00:32:06.240 --> 00:32:12.720
This intention, combined with physical movement, will help you process failure, disappointment, and loss.
00:32:12.960 --> 00:32:18.000
If your communication pattern is dutiful, you will be naturally present-oriented.
00:32:18.240 --> 00:32:24.960
So intentionally choose to reflect on the past goodness and take time to imagine future possibilities.
00:32:25.200 --> 00:32:34.400
When you couple this intention with meditation and declaration of God's truth, you will build more resilience when things don't go as you had planned.
00:32:34.799 --> 00:32:51.039
If your communication pattern is assertive, you'll naturally be future-oriented, but intentionally pause and reflect on the past, what went well or wrong, and what you can learn from those experiences, as well as practicing being present in each moment.
00:32:51.440 --> 00:33:02.880
When you couple this with pausing to name your feelings and sharing them with a trusted few, you'll be amazed how much easier it is to navigate those moments when the outcome doesn't match your expectations.
00:33:03.599 --> 00:33:16.480
Friend, even though I approach this challenging topic with as much lightheartedness as I can, I do deeply understand what it's like to navigate failure, disappointment, and loss with my business, and of course, my personal life too.
00:33:16.720 --> 00:33:30.319
But I hope that by inviting you to take a step back with me and reflect on how you navigate these tough situations, you will see an illuminated path that helps you step forward and guides you to the deeper work.
00:33:30.960 --> 00:33:35.680
And honestly, you know that there's no way to avoid challenging experiences.
00:33:35.839 --> 00:33:38.559
They just come our way whether we want them or not.
00:33:38.720 --> 00:33:44.559
But I hope that these tips for transforming work will help you build the resilience to persevere.
00:33:44.960 --> 00:33:54.000
And as I finish out, the best word of encouragement that can do more than all the words I've shared so far come from the one who loves you most.
00:33:54.240 --> 00:34:05.680
Romans 5, verses 3 through 5 in the Holy Scripture says, we can rejoice too when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance.
00:34:06.000 --> 00:34:12.159
And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation.
00:34:12.400 --> 00:34:23.119
And this hope will not lead to disappointment, for we know how dearly God loves us because He has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.
00:34:23.760 --> 00:34:29.760
If this episode was insightful, I imagine you might have a coworker or friend who would also enjoy this.
00:34:29.920 --> 00:34:36.079
I'd love for you to take a moment and send them a link to this in a text, or maybe even post it on social media.
00:34:36.320 --> 00:34:50.400
And then with maybe a couple of friends, you can talk about the different ways you focus on time, how you navigate disappointment, and then maybe even hold each other accountable to doing, thinking, or feeling on purpose.
00:34:50.719 --> 00:34:58.880
So until next time, friend, continue to pursue God's perspective, purpose, and plans for your simply wholehearted life.
00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:09.759
So if you think of your personality like a toolbox, inside of it there are some tools that you're really good at using and some that you may not use as often.
00:00:10.000 --> 00:00:16.719
In the Enneagram, these tools represent different parts of who you are, of how you think, feel, and do.
00:00:17.280 --> 00:00:25.199
Some people might naturally use one type of tool more than the others, whereas others tend to fall at the bottom of the toolbox.
00:00:25.359 --> 00:00:30.480
They kind of get lost in the shuffle, and they just aren't reached for as often.
00:00:30.719 --> 00:00:33.920
So this is where the repression centers come in.
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Hey there, I'm Amy Wicks, your guide by the side for your wholehearted journey.
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And friend, I get it.
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Life can be a whirlwind, juggling family, work, and all the in-betweens.
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As a wife, mom to three teenagers, and building a growing business, I felt the overwhelm, the doubts, and the struggles too.
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But here's the thing: the Lord took my broken-hearted pieces and turned them into a beautiful story of clarity, peace, and joy.
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And now I'm here to help you do the same.
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With years of experience as a certified Enneagram coach, spiritual director, and working genius facilitator, I am here to provide you with practical wisdom and inspiration.
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Through expert interviews and real life examples, you can uncover your strengths, motivations, and God's unwavering love.
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And together, we're gonna explore biblical truths, different personality profiles, and life rhythms that will empower you to break free from anxiety, shame, and frustration.
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I have walked the path, my friend, and I know the challenges you face.
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But that's why I'm here, by your side, cheering you on as you embrace wholehearted living.
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So grab your headphones, invite a friend, and let's embark on this transformative journey together.
00:01:55.760 --> 00:02:01.599
Welcome to Simply Wholehearted, where we laugh, learn, and flourish as a community.
00:02:04.719 --> 00:02:09.439
Hey friend, can you believe we are already in the final quarter of the year?
00:02:09.680 --> 00:02:12.240
I know, it's gone by so quickly.
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So I just wanted to take this opportunity to touch base with you and see how your year has been shaping up.
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I'm wondering if you are thrilled about your career growth and reaching all the personal goals that you've done and you feel very enthusiastic about this last quarter.
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Or are you looking back and thinking about all the hurdles and challenges and disappointments that you've experienced?
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Perhaps you're even in another camp, and you've experienced a mix of both achievements, but also setbacks, and both have really defined your year and your journey.
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Well, I am in that boat too.
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I have a lot to be thankful for, and there's numerous milestones to celebrate.
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And you know, I love to celebrate.
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However, amidst the accomplishments, I'm also facing a couple of tough situations.
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A few unexpected disappointments have emerged, and I'm learning and reminding myself that I have a lot to still understand and process, and I have to give time to that, right?
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Well, today I'm not going to dive into my unique and specific disappointments and failures, but I wanted to share this to just let you know I'm right there in the trenches with you.
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And also to share my gratitude for the Enneagram.
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Yep, it is a tool that I not only love to talk about and to help all my clients understand better, but it's a tool that I am using.
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It's been instrumental in my year and my ongoing continued growth.
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So this year I have spent time going deeper into my own story and applying the insights of the Enneagram to the situations that have been coming my way and that I'm unexpectedly finding myself in.
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Of course, I'm exploring the spiritual aspect as well, and coupling it with the intricate workings of my personality.
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And specifically, I've taken time to explore more about how I process, decide, and confront disappointment and failure.
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And ugh, I don't know about you, but I don't think any of us like to talk about disappointment and failure, but we can't avoid it.
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So I've discovered some fresh perspectives and revelations, so I wanted to share some of it with you, specifically because it aligns with understanding more about our communication patterns.
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So I'm going to continue to talk about those communication patterns, but we're going to go really deep.
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This is Enneagram 401.
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It will help you understand your unique relationship with failure and disappointment.
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But more importantly, I'm going to offer actionable steps to experience healing and wholeheartedness, right, as you face those and navigate those challenging situations.
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I'm not going to redefine an experience of failure, but I am going to encourage you and invite you to view it from a new angle.
00:05:10.240 --> 00:05:12.720
And before I jump in, a quick heads up.
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I am going to briefly recap the previous episode's content, but it's going to be really brief and short.
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So if you're not entirely confident about your communication pattern and Enneagram stance, consider checking out episodes 309 and 310 before you delve into this one.
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We're going to go back to the bustling corridors of hustle and grind where ambition echoes and papers shuffle.
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We're going to observe three employees who are about to face a challenge that is going to test their resilience and responses to disappointment.
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Alexa, the visionary project manager, known for her confident strides, could sense the storm brewing long before it hit.
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As the impending failure loomed, her assertive nature allowed her to address the situation head on.
00:06:01.839 --> 00:06:06.160
Yet, as she watched the project falter, her heart sank.
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Behind her positive exterior, her feelings swirled in a sea of turmoil.
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She grappled with the familiar struggle, and yet it was all she could do to stay busy and avoid exploring her feelings.
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Dana the dutiful executive admin found herself smack in the center of failure as it unfolded.
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With her detailed plans in hand, she had believed every contingency was covered, but the disappointment struck hard.
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Her dutiful nature led her to overanalyze every step, trying to find the missing pieces that she was responsible for.
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She also struggled with constantly thinking about how she had let her team down, and that everyone would blame her for her poor performance.
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The creative genius behind the project designs, Wanda, retreated into reflective silence while others around her focused on the present turmoil.
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The failure prompted a quiet ruminating on what she could have done differently, including unrelated past projects, which compounded the issues at hand.
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So the urge to take action remained dormant as Wanda grappled disappointment and processed the setback internally.
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As the days turned into weeks, it was clear that this project was going to be a failure.
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They weren't going to be able to turn the ship around, and they were going to have to deal with this disappointment.
00:07:28.079 --> 00:07:36.639
Each was lost in their own unique experience of this disappointment, and neither of them had clarity about how to navigate through it.
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Some of them wanted to go around it, some of them wanted to ignore it, and some of them were thinking about it way too much.
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It didn't take long for the HR manager to notice how this disappointment and workplace failure was affecting each of these women.
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She knew where to direct the women to get some help.
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After just a few coaching sessions, each of the women had a strategic plan in place to help them navigate this disappointment and to take proactive steps to help them move the other projects forward in a more successful manner.
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Alexa used some of the coaching sessions to help her untangle her complex feelings.
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The coach encouraged her to name some emotions that she was experiencing, whether in the past or during the current disappointment or failure.
00:08:29.839 --> 00:08:33.440
This was a tough step for Alexa, but she found it freeing.
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Over time, she began to embrace the notion that feelings could be a source of strength and help her take action.
00:08:41.279 --> 00:08:44.240
Dana started taking daily walks with the trusted friend.
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She voiced her inner thoughts and received honest feedback.
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As she spilled out the negative words taking up space in her mind, she quickly realized how much unproductive thinking that she had been engaged in.
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She had allowed her inner critic to override logic and blind her to the truth that no one held her solely responsible for the project's failure.
00:09:02.879 --> 00:09:10.639
Wanda started a kickboxing class at her coach's recommendation, and every morning she attended for three weeks at the local community center.
00:09:11.039 --> 00:09:14.000
This ultimately was igniting her creative energy.
00:09:14.240 --> 00:09:24.399
She began to realize that by moving and externalizing her frustration, she experienced more clarity compared to spending hours ruminating about what had gone wrong.
00:09:24.720 --> 00:09:37.440
As Wanda recognized the need for action, she began to start each morning with a small project, which helped her create momentum and she was able to channel fresh creativity with this revitalized approach.
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As the trio began a new project together, the impact of their past failure wasn't forgotten, but each woman was grateful for how the experience transformed them.
00:09:47.919 --> 00:09:53.039
Alexa learned to take time to name her feelings, even when facing possible disappointment.
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Dana felt empowered to spend more time thinking about what she had done right and accept the grace offered by her teammates.
00:09:59.759 --> 00:10:07.039
And Wanda's new daily movement routine continued to strengthen her focus and help her take strategic action with her projects.
00:10:07.360 --> 00:10:11.279
Back in the hallways of hustle and grind, a different energy hummed.
00:10:11.519 --> 00:10:14.639
The setback ultimately had become a catalyst for growth.
00:10:14.879 --> 00:10:22.879
While, of course, there's still obstacles to come, they had each found a way to navigate disappointment, uncovering hidden strengths within their failures.
00:10:23.039 --> 00:10:31.600
And together, they exemplified that setbacks weren't the end, but rather the beginning of a new chapter in their journey of growth and resilience.
00:10:32.159 --> 00:10:37.759
Well, I don't know about you, but I'm growing fond of our friends at the offices of Hustle and Grind.
00:10:38.000 --> 00:10:39.440
I hope that you are too.
00:10:39.759 --> 00:10:46.000
I also hope that as you listened, the illustrations of self-awareness and action are becoming memorable.
00:10:46.240 --> 00:10:51.600
Because as you know, stories get inside of us and they help us remember the lesson.
00:10:52.080 --> 00:11:00.399
As I was praying for the content of this episode, two ideas came to mind that I wanted to share with you and connect to your communication pattern.
00:11:00.639 --> 00:11:14.960
At first it seemed disconnected, but then as I started working with the story and specifically with our friends at Hustle and Grind, it became really clear to me while I was helping our friends navigate this disappointment.
00:11:15.200 --> 00:11:26.879
Of course, I could just share lists with you about all these different Enneagram facts that I'm about to unveil, but I just don't think that reading down a list ultimately leads to transformation.
00:11:27.120 --> 00:11:34.720
The deeper and lasting work does happen in small groups or one-on-one coaching, but I do want this podcast to offer the next best thing.
00:11:34.960 --> 00:11:36.960
So that's why the story.
00:11:37.120 --> 00:11:46.960
And today I'm going to unpack the concepts in a way that ties into your understanding of your communication pattern and orientation to time.
00:11:47.440 --> 00:11:58.080
If you listened to last week, Sarah and I barely scratched the surface of how your communication pattern or Enneagram stance is connected with how you engage with the past, present, and future.
00:11:58.320 --> 00:12:16.320
So I wanted to pick up the conversation where we left off and dive into deeper understanding about how you navigate disappointment, loss, and grief, and then specifically how your area of repression can help you take the hardships you face and turn them into resilience.
00:12:16.559 --> 00:12:20.240
Okay, I used a lot of words there, and some of them are big words.
00:12:20.399 --> 00:12:23.679
I promise I will unpack them and help you understand.
00:12:24.480 --> 00:12:30.399
Also, as an aside, I know a topic of loss and disappointment goes way beyond the workplace.
00:12:30.559 --> 00:12:35.120
And it's kind of unique to approach this topic within that experience.
00:12:35.360 --> 00:12:40.639
So I'm talking about it now so we can understand navigating workplace failure.
00:12:40.799 --> 00:12:52.399
And I'll probably be talking about it in the coming Advent season of the podcast because, well, as we know, celebration and grief tend to coexist, or we need help with them coexisting.
00:12:52.720 --> 00:12:59.279
All right, I'm going to give you a recap of the summary of the communication patterns and the orientation to time.
00:12:59.440 --> 00:13:04.240
And then when we're done with that, I'm going to dive into these new concepts that I keep hinting about.
00:13:04.480 --> 00:13:09.039
Okay, first, the withdrawn stance, those are the types four, five, and nine.
00:13:09.279 --> 00:13:14.559
They move away from people to examine their thoughts and feelings to create a sense of calm.
00:13:14.799 --> 00:13:25.759
If you are a four, five, or nine, you tend to react to stress by retreating into an inner world of imagination or potentially zoning out, even when you're amongst a crowd.
00:13:26.080 --> 00:13:30.639
You may ask yourself often, how can I find what I need within myself?
00:13:30.879 --> 00:13:41.919
Your orientation to time is past focus, and so you tend to focus on memories, history, and even the impact of past events in your present situation.
00:13:42.559 --> 00:13:49.120
The dutiful stance are the types one, two, and six, and they move alongside people to get their needs met.
00:13:49.519 --> 00:13:54.559
If you are a type one, two, or six, your healthy intention is to cooperate with others.
00:13:54.720 --> 00:14:00.799
But you tend to react to stress by serving others out of duty or a sense of obligation.
00:14:01.200 --> 00:14:06.960
You might find yourself asking, how can I satisfy the expectations others have of me?
00:14:07.600 --> 00:14:09.600
You are also present focused.
00:14:09.919 --> 00:14:15.039
You prioritize the here and now, focusing on the task and the responsibilities at hand.
00:14:16.159 --> 00:14:19.679
The assertive stance are the types three, seven, and eight.
00:14:19.919 --> 00:14:23.440
They move toward people to try to get their needs met.
00:14:23.840 --> 00:14:31.120
If you are a type three, seven, or eight, your healthy intention is to assert your opinion and idea in a healthy way.
00:14:31.360 --> 00:14:37.919
But you often react to stress by boosting or expanding your sense of self rather than backing down and withdrawing.
00:14:38.159 --> 00:14:42.159
You may ask yourself often, how can others help me get what I need?
00:14:42.480 --> 00:14:45.360
Your orientation to time is future focus.
00:14:45.679 --> 00:14:54.720
You will likely focus on planning, setting targets and goals, and envisioning outcomes that will happen in the days or even years to come.
00:14:55.759 --> 00:15:00.639
So, what stuck out to you most this time as you listen to the summaries?
00:15:00.960 --> 00:15:07.600
Are some aspects of your personality and specifically your orientation to time becoming more clear to you?
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I hope you're experiencing more aha's about your communication pattern, or even about someone who is close to you.
00:15:16.000 --> 00:15:27.759
All right, now we're gonna get into the nitty-gritty about how your communication pattern and orientation to time impact your response to disappointment, failure, and even loss.
00:15:28.080 --> 00:15:42.080
And because I don't want to leave you hanging, and I don't want to, you know, just talk about the sad stuff, I'm gonna empower you to help you understand your area of repression, which provides a critical step to getting unstuck.
00:15:42.399 --> 00:15:43.519
Okay, are you ready?
00:15:43.679 --> 00:15:46.559
Buckle up, it's about to get a little nerdy.
00:15:46.720 --> 00:15:52.799
So if you're multitasking, do your best to lean in and take a few minutes to process these insights.
00:15:53.039 --> 00:16:04.399
And before I give you the details of all three communication patterns and the specifics on each type, I think the term area of repression needs a little explaining.
00:16:04.639 --> 00:16:16.639
So the Enneagram Repression Centers refers to certain aspects of your thoughts, emotions, or actions that are not as naturally emphasized or expressed within your personality type.
00:16:16.960 --> 00:16:25.919
These aspects might be underdeveloped or just less accessible to you, which leads to certain patterns or tendencies in your behavior.
00:16:26.240 --> 00:16:30.480
So imagine with me that you have a toolbox full of different tools.
00:16:30.639 --> 00:16:32.720
That's what a toolbox is for, right?
00:16:32.960 --> 00:16:40.480
And each tool helps you do something specific, like it fixes or takes apart things or helps you put it together.
00:16:40.720 --> 00:16:50.559
So if you think of your personality like a toolbox, inside of it there are some tools that you're really good at using and some that you may not use as often.
00:16:50.799 --> 00:16:57.600
In the Enneagram, these tools represent different parts of who you are, of how you think, feel, and do.
00:16:58.080 --> 00:17:06.000
Some people might naturally use one type of tool more than the others, whereas others tend to fall at the bottom of the toolbox.
00:17:06.160 --> 00:17:11.200
They kind of get lost in the shuffle, and they just aren't reached for as often.
00:17:11.519 --> 00:17:14.240
This is where the repression centers come in.
00:17:14.720 --> 00:17:22.079
Repression centers show you the tools that you may not use or reach for as often in your personality toolbox.
00:17:22.240 --> 00:17:27.519
It helps you understand why you have certain habits or consistent ways of reacting.
00:17:27.759 --> 00:17:32.799
It's like knowing why you're good at some things and why other things might be more challenging.
00:17:33.039 --> 00:17:44.960
The gift of understanding which tools you overuse and underuse is that you can intentionally decide to use the underused tools to get you through tough times like disappointment, loss, and grief.
00:17:45.279 --> 00:17:50.480
It's honestly like having that secret weapon that helps you heal and grow even stronger.
00:17:51.039 --> 00:18:01.359
So, with this awesome analogy in mind, let's dive into how your communication pattern and orientation to time impact your response to disappointment, failure, and loss.
00:18:01.680 --> 00:18:15.440
And then I'll give you the insights about your repression center or the descriptions of the tool that tends to fall to the bottom of the toolbox and what habit can help you reach for it more often, or remind you to reach for it more often.
00:18:15.759 --> 00:18:20.799
First up is the withdrawn stance, or past-oriented communication pattern.
00:18:20.960 --> 00:18:26.319
These are the types who dwell on memories, replaying the past to understand and process their emotions.
00:18:26.559 --> 00:18:35.039
While these types find comfort in nostalgia and cherished moments, they also may struggle to accept regrets or missed opportunities.
00:18:35.279 --> 00:18:44.720
Even amid current failures, loss, or disappointment, they may be more focused on the past pain because it feels connected to their current experiences.
00:18:44.960 --> 00:18:51.039
And when they experience disappointment, they may find it challenging to let it go and move forward.
00:18:51.200 --> 00:18:54.960
And they dwell on what went wrong or the rumination.
00:18:55.200 --> 00:18:59.279
So the tool that is less often used is their doing center.
00:18:59.519 --> 00:19:12.799
That seems really rude and maybe even insulting, but stay with me to hear how this plays out for each of the withdrawn types, and then I'm going to offer you the most powerful step to help you get unstuck.
00:19:13.039 --> 00:19:16.960
So we're going to talk about the four, five, and nine because they're in the withdrawn stance.
00:19:17.200 --> 00:19:27.599
First up, the type four emotions and thoughts often center on what has already happened, what they regret, or the ideal experience that they have romanticized.
00:19:27.759 --> 00:19:32.640
So if you're a type four, what costs you the most is not finishing what is essential.
00:19:32.960 --> 00:19:37.920
This is not the same pattern as a seven who is known to bounce from thing to thing.
00:19:38.079 --> 00:19:44.400
Instead, you, if you're a four, you tend to give up because you give up on yourself.
00:19:44.720 --> 00:19:49.519
You only see your inability or ability in emotional extremes.
00:19:49.680 --> 00:20:01.279
So when you deal with disappointment, engage in simple tasks that ground you and historically spark a sense of creativity that help you move forward and channel your emotions constructively.
00:20:01.759 --> 00:20:06.960
For the type five, their thoughts center most on analyzing what has already happened.
00:20:07.119 --> 00:20:16.799
And they they choose to use their energy to try to make sense of previous experiences and feelings in hopes to come up with logical solutions to earlier problems.
00:20:17.039 --> 00:20:23.599
So if you're a five, you plan to do many things, but you use up almost all of your energy in the planning.
00:20:23.839 --> 00:20:33.200
You are driven to find the answer, but not as driven for production in the moment or to give time to find the answer for the current situation.
00:20:33.759 --> 00:20:39.519
Typically, you're not aware how much time you plan doing something instead of doing something.
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So the challenge for you is to take small concrete steps to follow your plan, to follow a plan of action, any action.
00:20:48.400 --> 00:20:56.319
This might even involve seeking advice from others, asking for help, or taking direct actions to improve the current circumstances.
00:20:57.039 --> 00:21:11.440
The type 9s ruminate about how their past experiences were positive and negative, and often they feel stuck and unable to alter negative patterns or improve or recreate the good ones.
00:21:11.680 --> 00:21:21.920
So as a nine, when you are stuck, you still might do lots of things or even write lots of lists, but you are frequently working from the middle or the bottom of the list.
00:21:22.079 --> 00:21:27.599
So when possible, you need to pick a physical activity of your choice to start the day.
00:21:27.759 --> 00:21:33.359
So you not only exercise your physical body, but you exercise voicing your opinion.
00:21:33.519 --> 00:21:36.319
Key, choose the activity, but do it.
00:21:36.640 --> 00:21:42.720
I encourage you to ask for accountability or even direction on prioritizing the items on your daily list.
00:21:43.519 --> 00:21:53.519
Now, for the type four, five, and nine, the most powerful step to help you reach for the right tool in your toolbox is to find a physical activity to start your day every day.
00:21:53.680 --> 00:21:59.680
And when it comes to doing on purpose, I encourage you to seize the power of inertia.
00:22:00.319 --> 00:22:07.920
Use that momentum that you find from taking that first physical step that will motivate you throughout the day.
00:22:08.400 --> 00:22:20.319
All right, the present-oriented or the dutiful types, the types one, two, and six, approach grief in the moment and they focus on immediate feelings and responsibilities.
00:22:20.559 --> 00:22:26.640
They may keenly feel the pain of their loss and seek support from their present connections.
00:22:26.880 --> 00:22:39.599
While they find solace in being present with their emotions, they may also need to consciously set aside time to process their feelings amidst helping everybody or all those dutiful obligations.
00:22:40.000 --> 00:22:47.519
Those with present orientation may navigate disappointment by focusing on what might make the most immediate impact.
00:22:47.759 --> 00:22:57.680
So they might excel at finding solutions within the moment, but may need some help to remember that they need to look at the bigger picture and long-term growth.
00:22:58.000 --> 00:23:02.960
The tool that they tend to use less often is their thinking center.
00:23:03.279 --> 00:23:18.799
I know that might really surprise you, especially if you are a one, two, or six, but let me tell you how it specifically looks for these three types, and then I'm going to give you a powerful step for the one, two, and six to get unstuck.
00:23:19.519 --> 00:23:31.839
The type one tends to act either in a flurry of movement or methodical, precise steps to correct and perfect things that come to their attention moment by moment.
00:23:32.480 --> 00:23:37.839
Now, if you're one, you might feel defensive about the idea that you could be thinking repressed.
00:23:37.920 --> 00:23:42.400
And the reality is you do think all the time, but it's not productive thinking.
00:23:42.559 --> 00:23:48.000
Your inner critic, aka mean girl, or taskmaster, demands action.
00:23:48.160 --> 00:23:53.599
Most likely you keep all of this negative thinking to yourself so no one else can see this mess.
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And then you count it as thinking because it's just internal.
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But ultimately, these negative thoughts do not propel you to take calm action, right?
00:24:02.880 --> 00:24:08.400
You go back into these precise steps of correction or a flurry of movement.
00:24:08.720 --> 00:24:18.960
So instead of going into a frenzy trying to fix it and meet the demands of the inner critic, allow yourself to see the bigger picture and step back from the critical thoughts.
00:24:19.200 --> 00:24:26.000
Remind yourself to consider various perspectives and possibilities before taking all the responsibility.
00:24:26.480 --> 00:24:41.119
The type two's emotion and thoughts often center on what someone else needs, seeking to fulfill it immediately without regard to past experiences, future consequences, or concern for their needs.
00:24:41.359 --> 00:24:51.039
Like the type one, if you are a two, you engage in unproductive thinking because of the amount of time you spend wondering about relationships.
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And specifically, you're questioning yourself if you've helped others enough, if you've met others' needs, and is everyone else okay?
00:24:59.039 --> 00:25:07.039
And obviously, as nice as this is, it's going to hinder your focus and distract you from what is the most important thing, right?
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The most demanding or loudest voices end up dominating you.
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This also can distract you from caring for the people who are with you in the moment and who really need you to tend to their needs, aka the little people in your home, or maybe the not so little people, but the people in your home.
00:25:25.200 --> 00:25:34.480
So the invitation when you are facing disappointment is to reflect on what you need and what your specific boundaries are for this situation.
00:25:34.720 --> 00:25:38.240
And then you can decide how you're going to help others.
00:25:38.799 --> 00:25:45.519
So the type six is going to immerse themselves in whatever current situation triggers their danger warning.
00:25:45.759 --> 00:25:52.480
And you know, the alarms are going off, they're going to be spending all their energy to manage potential worst-case scenarios.
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Worse, this results in fear and anxiety.
00:25:56.079 --> 00:26:03.920
But my friend, if you are a six, this is not productive thinking, because often what you think and plan for doesn't actually happen.
00:26:04.160 --> 00:26:13.599
You also may spend too much energy on seeking everyone else's opinions and ideas, which creates a lack of confidence in your ability to make a good decision.
00:26:13.920 --> 00:26:25.680
So when facing disappointment, take time for reflection and journal about your instincts and the knowledge that you have already gathered, rather than just seeking constant reassurance from others.
00:26:26.000 --> 00:26:35.119
I would love to reassure you that if you are asking, the Lord will give you wisdom and you will be able to make a great decision.
00:26:35.440 --> 00:26:48.000
The most powerful step for each of the doodleful types to help you reach for the right tool in your toolbox is to meditate on scripture and speak out what is true to start your day every day.
00:26:48.240 --> 00:26:59.279
And when it comes to thinking on purpose, you need to get the overthinking out on paper or voiced to others so you can focus your mind on what is good, lovely, and praiseworthy.
00:26:59.920 --> 00:27:04.480
Alrighty, last up is the future-oriented assertive stances.
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These are the types three, seven, and eight.
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These are individuals with a future orientation and they anticipate disappointment and failure, as well as if they view it as a natural part of life experience and growth.
00:27:18.000 --> 00:27:21.680
Unfortunately, they do their utmost to circumvent it.
00:27:21.920 --> 00:27:29.920
They are likely to channel their energy into planning for the future and seeking ways to overcome challenges and avoid their feelings.
00:27:30.240 --> 00:27:37.839
Future-oriented types may approach disappointment as a temporary setback and they'll focus on what can be achieved in the long run.
00:27:38.079 --> 00:27:45.200
So, based on what I just shared, it probably won't surprise you that the less often tool used is their feeling center.
00:27:45.440 --> 00:27:59.759
Of course, these types express and experience plenty of feeling and emotions, but let me tell you how it specifically looks for the three assertive types, and then once again, I'll offer a powerful step for the three, seven, and eight to get unstuck.
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The type three is going to focus on reframing or completely avoiding their disappointment by completing the next task efficiently and planning ways to achieve their next goals successfully.
00:28:12.319 --> 00:28:20.559
If you're a three, you may not believe that you're feeling repressed because you do take in information as a heart-centered or a feeling triad type.
00:28:20.799 --> 00:28:22.640
But here is the key.
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You don't use your feelings to process your personal information.
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You tend to hide from the failure or the emotions surrounding that failure, and you work hard to turn it into something else or reframe it.
00:28:36.400 --> 00:28:41.440
You feel driven to accomplish, achieve, and act as if you have it all together.
00:28:41.759 --> 00:28:47.200
So that drive makes you feel like you don't have time to process your feelings.
00:28:47.440 --> 00:29:02.640
Some of the best work you can do to grow in these times of trial and disappointment and actual failure is to just allow yourself to acknowledge and express your genuine feelings when things don't go as planned, rather than immediately putting on a positive facade.
00:29:03.440 --> 00:29:12.559
The type sevens will focus on staying constantly in motion, and they're going to think about what next fun thing to do and move toward more positive possibilities.
00:29:12.880 --> 00:29:23.839
So, fellow seven, it's not that you aren't experiencing feelings, it's just that you'd rather prefer not to experience those downsides of emotions, right?
00:29:24.000 --> 00:29:25.279
The negative things.
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You are likely to reframe disappointment or sadness and mentally or physically do what you can to avoid or even run from negative emotions.
00:29:34.960 --> 00:29:41.680
In your attempt to avoid, you may even overcompensate with loud exuberance and happiness to mask how you really feel.
00:29:41.839 --> 00:29:46.400
And then when you deal with disappointment, allow yourself to feel sadness or frustration.
00:29:46.640 --> 00:29:50.640
Sit with and process difficult emotions instead of avoiding them.
00:29:50.880 --> 00:29:58.400
And I know that sounds like torture, but I do promise I can testify that it does get easier over time.
00:30:00.799 --> 00:30:08.880
The type 8's will often ignore the disappointment or failure and purposely focus on actions to help them overcome obstacles.
00:30:09.200 --> 00:30:15.839
If you are an eight, you may not believe that you're feeling repressed because your natural bent is expressing passion.
00:30:16.240 --> 00:30:19.279
But passion itself is not a full range of emotion.
00:30:19.440 --> 00:30:21.519
It's just one emotional expression.
00:30:21.680 --> 00:30:29.920
So beware that you have a desire to not appear weak or vulnerable, or this whole sad, disappointed, over failure thing.
00:30:30.240 --> 00:30:35.440
So this may cause you to push through instead of taking time to process or express your emotions.
00:30:35.759 --> 00:30:50.480
Compounding this struggle of voicing your emotion is that in the past, others may have proven themselves untrustworthy and you tend to pull back relationally or avoid interactions that cause you to be vulnerable about your feelings.
00:30:50.799 --> 00:31:00.319
So the invitation for you during these challenging times is to allow yourself to open up to just a few trusted individuals and express how you really feel.
00:31:00.559 --> 00:31:07.599
Express a greater range of emotions, which over time can foster deeper connections and more freedom for you.
00:31:08.400 --> 00:31:20.079
Now, the most powerful step for each of the assertive types to help you reach for the right tool in your toolbox is to pause and intentionally explore and name the feelings that you are experiencing during these setbacks.
00:31:20.319 --> 00:31:29.119
This might be through creative expression, like cooking or an actual art project, or sharing your honest emotions with a trusted few.
00:31:29.359 --> 00:31:38.480
And when it comes to feeling on purpose, you might be surprised that when you try to express what you're experiencing, relief does follow.
00:31:53.599 --> 00:31:58.720
So if your communication pattern is withdrawn, you're going to naturally be present-oriented.
00:31:58.960 --> 00:32:05.920
You're going to have to intentionally choose to experience the present moment and thoughtfully plan for future goals.
00:32:06.240 --> 00:32:12.720
This intention, combined with physical movement, will help you process failure, disappointment, and loss.
00:32:12.960 --> 00:32:18.000
If your communication pattern is dutiful, you will be naturally present-oriented.
00:32:18.240 --> 00:32:24.960
So intentionally choose to reflect on the past goodness and take time to imagine future possibilities.
00:32:25.200 --> 00:32:34.400
When you couple this intention with meditation and declaration of God's truth, you will build more resilience when things don't go as you had planned.
00:32:34.799 --> 00:32:51.039
If your communication pattern is assertive, you'll naturally be future-oriented, but intentionally pause and reflect on the past, what went well or wrong, and what you can learn from those experiences, as well as practicing being present in each moment.
00:32:51.440 --> 00:33:02.880
When you couple this with pausing to name your feelings and sharing them with a trusted few, you'll be amazed how much easier it is to navigate those moments when the outcome doesn't match your expectations.
00:33:03.599 --> 00:33:16.480
Friend, even though I approach this challenging topic with as much lightheartedness as I can, I do deeply understand what it's like to navigate failure, disappointment, and loss with my business, and of course, my personal life too.
00:33:16.720 --> 00:33:30.319
But I hope that by inviting you to take a step back with me and reflect on how you navigate these tough situations, you will see an illuminated path that helps you step forward and guides you to the deeper work.
00:33:30.960 --> 00:33:35.680
And honestly, you know that there's no way to avoid challenging experiences.
00:33:35.839 --> 00:33:38.559
They just come our way whether we want them or not.
00:33:38.720 --> 00:33:44.559
But I hope that these tips for transforming work will help you build the resilience to persevere.
00:33:44.960 --> 00:33:54.000
And as I finish out, the best word of encouragement that can do more than all the words I've shared so far come from the one who loves you most.
00:33:54.240 --> 00:34:05.680
Romans 5, verses 3 through 5 in the Holy Scripture says, we can rejoice too when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance.
00:34:06.000 --> 00:34:12.159
And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation.
00:34:12.400 --> 00:34:23.119
And this hope will not lead to disappointment, for we know how dearly God loves us because He has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.
00:34:23.760 --> 00:34:29.760
If this episode was insightful, I imagine you might have a coworker or friend who would also enjoy this.
00:34:29.920 --> 00:34:36.079
I'd love for you to take a moment and send them a link to this in a text, or maybe even post it on social media.
00:34:36.320 --> 00:34:50.400
And then with maybe a couple of friends, you can talk about the different ways you focus on time, how you navigate disappointment, and then maybe even hold each other accountable to doing, thinking, or feeling on purpose.
00:34:50.719 --> 00:34:58.880
So until next time, friend, continue to pursue God's perspective, purpose, and plans for your simply wholehearted life.
