UDSKRIFT 🔗
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I have so many cute, straight men around me. I've
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gained two new ones, three new ones. And it's just,
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it's too much. They're all so sweet and nice to
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me and funny and fun and They accept me for
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who I am and all this stuff, and it's great.
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I know it's like straight men and gay men can
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get along. It does happen. And with our election, it
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just happened, and everybody's in a better mood because the
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tides have turned. Right? Everybody's in a good mood these days.
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I don't know. I just, but I'm sitting there going,
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it's like being a kid at a candy store, and
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he can't buy any candy. I'm surrounded, seriously, by at
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least 10 to 15 for me straight men that I'm
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attracted to. Emotionally or physically or mentally, I'm just attracted
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to them. And it's just, I'm nothing, I mean, they're straight,
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I'm gay, there's nothing. And the thing is, I have
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nothing to balance that out. I normally would have We're
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dating somebody or talking to someone who's gay, obviously, or
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bi or whatever. But there's nobody for me to balance
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that out. So it's like, okay, I have this going on. However,
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I just have, I have no... How am I saying this?
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I have no outlets for myself besides... you know, going
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online and looking at something, whatever, take care of myself,
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or being in a bathtub, taking care of myself, one
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of the two, but it's just, it's, it's just so
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crazy to me, because I, I like men, I mean, like,
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just in general, I like hanging out with men, talking
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to men, hanging out with men, uh, I'm a big
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fan of that, just period, just period, no matter what
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kind of man it is. I'm a big fan of that.
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I have friends who hang out with girls all the time.
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I like girls, but I like men more. I just do.
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Our temperaments are similar. Everything's just different. I can say
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certain things to them or do that. It doesn't matter.
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It's just different for me. But I'm friendly to everyone,
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of course. I'm friendly to everybody. And that's, that's, but
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I'm home alone. I'm sitting here talking to you. After
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having had, been with one of my boys, had a
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good time with him earlier. Then I had a good
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time with another one who's just, through Zoom, he's so
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good looking. It's not even funny. He doesn't even know
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he's good looking. That's what makes it harder. And every
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time he flexes, he has a body, he's a bodybuilder.
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And he smiles at me. I'm just like, I melt
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every single time. I just melt. I do. I smell.
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And I'm just like, and... But I know the game.
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I mean, I'm 57 years old. I know the whole thing.
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I mean, nothing's going to happen. Nothing's going to happen.
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It's just me in their presence. The memories and friendship. And...
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being a good friend to them, them being a good
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friend to me, and that's all that is, right? And
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I just, and I do, I just every once in
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a while, because when this happens, every once in a
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while I do think back, at one point I was
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talking to like six, seven guys, and they all just disappeared,
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one by one, they disappeared for one reason or another.
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And one of the guys I talked about on this
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show last year, he left LA, he's never back. He's
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out there all over the country. I don't know what he,
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I see, I follow him. And we talk online, of course,
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the DM stuff. He's so, he's a nice guy. And
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the other guy who had, who had to meet me,
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that fizzled. I'm like, so fast. I'm like, you met me?
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And then it was like, I'm like, To be fair,
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he was saying that he was coming to town for
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something at the end of last month. But I was like,
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I'm out of town and I'm coming back. I'm not
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going to be able to meet up with you at
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some club or something. But I was like, I would
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want to see you separately. Just us. And that's the thing.
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These certain guys
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that I thought, okay. I thought we
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had a great time. I know I had a great time.
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And it was lovely. I just, you know, and I just,
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you know, but the straight guys are hanging around. Those
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are the ones that just, they hang out with me,
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hang out with me, and we're having a good time,
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and they call, you know, and I just, it is
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so perplexing to me. I'm sitting here, I have not
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had sex. I'll say it on here, I don't care,
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it's my show, I talk about stuff like this. I
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have not had any relations of that nature since 2020,
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beginning of 2020. So it's been six, almost seven years.
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I've made out with people since then, I've hugged a
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few people since then, groped a few people since then,
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but I have not had actual sex or cuddling or
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anybody in my bed or anything since the beginning of 2020.
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My last boyfriend was 2019. But in 2020, that's when
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I had any kind of anything. And then last year,
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I started dating some people I thought, she doesn't go down.
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It didn't. Fizzled out. One was too weird, and the
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other one, great, I don't have any. I talked about
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it on the show, too. There's my guy from North
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Carolina who I just, every once in a while, I
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think about him. I haven't thought about him in a
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long time, just now. I don't watch him on everything,
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so I don't follow him anywhere. I just, I wonder
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how he's doing. I wonder how his kids are doing.
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I wonder how he's doing. Yeah, I don't, I don't,
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it but we had a real connection. And I'm telling you,
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part of me wishes, I'm probably smarter than nothing did happen.
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Part of me wishes I should have made a stronger effort.
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I should have came over that night that he invited
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me to his hotel room. I should have went over
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there and let whatever happened, happen. I should have. And
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I didn't. It's probably better for my self esteem or whatever.
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Probably I didn't. And then I, it's, yeah, it's,
and,
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And then I was seeing that other guy, and after
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the fires happened, everything changed. You know, we were talking,
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last year we were talking and trying to get together
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for dinner. There's always something that would come up or whatever.
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And I realized after a while, I'm like, yeah, he's,
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and the other guy from Arizona, that one too, I'm like,
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oh my God. So I've had some interest in the
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last seven years. But I couldn't get any of them to...
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And that's the thing about men. Usually it's like it's
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always all sex and no relationship. I can't even get
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to the sex part. It's like we're getting there and
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I'm like, I'm ready and let's just do this. And
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it doesn't even happen. There's one person who wants to
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have sex with me. But I don't want to have
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sex with them. I thought I did. I thought I
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wanted it. And I realized when I went, no, I don't.
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And they're married. I don't want that bad juju. You're married.
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I don't want to do anything. I'm not attracted to
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you that way like I was before. That's gone. And
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there's one guy, I guess he finally got the hit.
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He's left me alone this last year or so. I've
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not heard from him. And I'm like, thank you. Because
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he wanted me, then I didn't want him. Now, then
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I wanted him, he didn't want me. Like, I don't
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know what happened. I was like, okay, well, I guess
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our time passed. And I don't want to be friends.
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I don't want to hang out with friends. I don't
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want to cuddle. I'm like, nah, I don't do that stuff.
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It's all bullshit. So, I just, I try all these
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straight guys. It's just, you know, it's tough as a
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man of a certain age where you're kind of invisible
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in certain communities. That's just a fact. And many of
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the guys of my age are doing what they can
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to get noticed. And to some degree, I think it's sad.
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Because I've seen them work so hard to try to
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fit in these spaces that They're not really accepted in
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the long run. That's why I kind of appreciate the
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folks that go out to like Key West or go
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out to Palm Springs or Russian River. They're just who
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they are. They're older. They're who they are. They're like,
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we're just going to live together and hang out together
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and party together and eat together and entertain together. And
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it's like, no one's invisible. I don't live in those places,
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so But I don't know, I feel... I posted a
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picture the other day of me saying, since I don't
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got nobody, I had to buy these myself. And they
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were yellow roses, which I did, I bought some for myself.
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And people were just like, oh, I love you, or
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I don't know, they're beautiful. I'm like, you guys are
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just totally glossy over the fact that I said I
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don't got nobody. And my original piece of man in
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Indiana Just laughed at it. Thought it was so funny. And, again,
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I saw him one time. The whole month and a
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half I was there. He was too busy to see me.
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For one time. Nice back to, like, I don't text
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him that much. I let him text me first, and
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then I text. I'm like, when he comes online and stuff.
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I'm like, oh, my God. I don't know. So... I
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guess I'm just speechless. I just have all these guys.
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It's like I have all this water and not a
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drop to drink, so to speak, kind of situation. And
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I got myself in this situation, and it's how it is.
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But I guess the bottom line is I'm completely lonely
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for a special affection. And I have no idea what's
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ever going to happen ever again. Because I've done looking
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and trying to find it. I stopped doing that months ago.
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Because I don't trust my judgment. I guess I'm a
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bad picker. I have no idea. It just does not
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work for me. So I have no idea. I just
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work every day, seven days a week. All the time.
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That's all I do.