UDSKRIFT 🔗
WEBVTT
00:00:00.239 --> 00:00:03.120
She has lived both outcomes of early intervention.
00:00:03.279 --> 00:00:07.919
When her kids struggled with depression and anxiety, she caught it early and watched them heal.
00:00:08.160 --> 00:00:12.240
With her sister, the signs were missed and she lost her to suicide.
00:00:12.480 --> 00:00:18.480
Today we'll sh today she'll tell you the quiet signs that show up long before a crisis and what to say when you see them.
00:00:18.800 --> 00:00:22.079
Stay for the part on why fixing is the wrong instinct.
00:00:22.239 --> 00:00:24.800
Your kids struggle probably won't look like a breakdown.
00:00:24.879 --> 00:00:29.600
It might look like irritability, a closed door, or quitting the thing they used to love.
00:00:29.920 --> 00:00:38.640
She wrote, Hope starts at home and owns a mental health clinic, and she's going to teach dads to read those signals before they're in a therapist's waiting room.
00:00:38.960 --> 00:00:41.840
Hope starts at home, not in the therapist office.
00:00:42.000 --> 00:00:47.280
If you've ever wondered whether your kid is just a moody teen or something more, this is a conversation.
00:00:47.439 --> 00:00:50.640
She's lived it as a mom, a sister, and a clinic owner.
00:00:50.880 --> 00:00:59.359
If you don't mind just kind of like giving us a little bit of the backstory, the history of like what kind of got you into this work and you know what what your clinic is about too.
00:00:59.759 --> 00:01:00.960
Absolutely, Ryan.
00:01:01.119 --> 00:01:11.760
Uh, first of all, very nice to meet your acquaintance and wonderful work that you're doing, spreading awareness and destigmatizing and helping parents understand the science.
00:01:12.000 --> 00:01:14.079
It's a similar goal of mine.
00:01:14.400 --> 00:01:26.719
And, you know, when I got into the mental health space, definitely was not expecting someday to own a business where I'm running a clinic, an outpatient mental health care clinic.
00:01:26.959 --> 00:01:35.439
But in in 2021, during the pandemic, I had family members who were struggling with their mental health.
00:01:35.680 --> 00:01:44.799
And one of those people close to my heart is my sister, who we lost to suicide in uh 2022.
00:01:45.040 --> 00:01:53.280
Uh, but in 2021, post-pandemic, she really spiraled, as did many, many people who have mental health struggles in general.
00:01:53.599 --> 00:01:59.680
Um, and so that was like the first thing is when she attempted suicide and she survived.
00:01:59.840 --> 00:02:08.080
We just learned so much about diagnosis, is so important, the right diagnosis is important, treatment is important.
00:02:08.479 --> 00:02:11.680
What are the signs we missed since she was a teenager?
00:02:11.919 --> 00:02:19.599
And uh coincidentally, my son was a teenager, he he just had turned 14 and he was struggling.
00:02:19.759 --> 00:02:21.680
And so he was showing signs.
00:02:21.759 --> 00:02:26.000
And and so all of it, you know how they they say
Load full transcript
it's a perfect storm?
00:02:26.159 --> 00:02:28.240
Like everything was happening at the same time.
00:02:28.400 --> 00:02:42.960
And my my daughter, six months later, had signs of anxiety, and so you know, each of my children we navigated differently only because we, as we gained more knowledge, we we kind of figured out the path to take.
00:02:43.199 --> 00:02:50.319
And, you know, my sister helped along the way, and her own diagnosis just connected so many dots for us.
00:02:50.560 --> 00:03:05.039
So when this opportunity came to own a franchise uh called LE Mental Health, their mission was to destigmatize, to spread awareness, and to provide access to care before it becomes a crisis.
00:03:05.520 --> 00:03:19.199
So that was it resonated with our mission, like what we were trying to, as we were navigating the system ourselves, we just decided to take the plunge and and just, you know, be part of the change, as they say.
00:03:19.520 --> 00:03:22.560
Um, and and and then the rest is history.
00:03:22.719 --> 00:03:29.680
Um when I did open my clinic in 2023, um I was able to open it in my sister's memory and honor.
00:03:29.840 --> 00:03:32.400
And we still do this work, you know, in her memory.
00:03:32.479 --> 00:03:34.319
And uh that that's very special.
00:03:34.479 --> 00:03:45.919
Uh everything I do now is really to keep her memory alive and and and to really spread the knowledge because in my life you can see the the two extremes.
00:03:46.000 --> 00:03:53.680
You know, if you have knowledge, you have awareness, you know what needs to be done, you can you can quite literally save lives.
00:03:53.759 --> 00:04:00.479
And so it's become a very big mission of ours to, of mine and my my husband, my family to do just that.
00:04:01.120 --> 00:04:11.680
And so ever since then, um that was 10 years ago, I've been sort of very in tune with with the community trying to help, trying to um find, you know, find sources for people.
00:04:11.759 --> 00:04:13.919
But also now that I have kids, it's different, right?
00:04:14.000 --> 00:04:18.319
It's like you're kind of looking out for your own, making sure we're not missing any of these signs.
00:04:18.560 --> 00:04:26.560
What are some of the signs that you feel like we should be aware of if if you know our kids are experiencing anything going on?
00:04:26.639 --> 00:04:30.319
What should be one of the first things we look out for to get them help?
00:04:30.720 --> 00:04:38.160
You know, I'm so uh glad you asked that question because it's so easy to say, um, you know, hey, these are the signs you should be looking for.
00:04:38.319 --> 00:04:39.839
One, two, and three, right?
00:04:40.079 --> 00:04:41.519
Which, you know, there are signs.
00:04:41.680 --> 00:04:46.079
You can honestly Google it, chat GPT it, you'll get the signs, right?
00:04:46.399 --> 00:04:57.439
But what what are what I am what I'll tell you this, what I have experienced is one thing you know, what one thing is the signs behind
it, right?
00:04:57.519 --> 00:05:00.639
What are the signs and what are the things that you need to look out for?
00:05:00.879 --> 00:05:11.759
But it's quite another thing to have a connection with your child in in such a way that you know your child the best, right?
00:05:11.920 --> 00:05:18.319
So you know when a sign is pertains to your child, if you know what I mean.
00:05:18.480 --> 00:05:34.800
So, for example, there's signs that are documented today if if your child has retreated or if they're quiet, or if there are so many other signs you can look for, you know, that that may not really pertain to your child, right?
00:05:35.040 --> 00:05:43.920
So the first thing I I always say is, you know, having that really deeper level of human connection with your child.
00:05:44.240 --> 00:05:55.199
And for that to happen, you your uh I don't know, I'm a Gen Xer, so I know there's a lot of Gen X out there who have to really connect with themselves at the deepest level.
00:05:55.360 --> 00:06:11.839
I had to do that, and I'm still doing that, which also means I had to unlearn a lot of ways that I was parented, and I had to learn new ways, and I had to learn new methods, and how do you connect with myself so I can connect with my child?
00:06:12.079 --> 00:06:19.040
And then and then you can really start to see okay, something is not right, something doesn't feel right.
00:06:19.199 --> 00:06:24.800
And in the case of my son, it was self-harm, which we didn't know until much later.
00:06:25.120 --> 00:06:31.279
But if I had just thought about the signs that I read about, like, you know, is he doing bad at school?
00:06:31.439 --> 00:06:32.399
Is he retreating?
00:06:32.560 --> 00:06:33.680
Is he not talking?
00:06:33.920 --> 00:06:35.759
No, he was high functioning.
00:06:35.920 --> 00:06:41.759
He was on the outside, he looked fine, but didn't know he was self-harming, right?
00:06:41.839 --> 00:06:43.360
So, what was that behind that?
00:06:43.439 --> 00:06:44.639
What why did that happen?
00:06:44.800 --> 00:06:56.319
What uh and a lot of times parents who don't know they may find out their child is doing that and immediately blame themselves, that which I know I did with my son.
00:06:56.480 --> 00:06:57.920
Oh, I must be the worst parent.
00:06:58.000 --> 00:06:59.519
Like, you know, what am I doing wrong?
00:06:59.680 --> 00:07:08.480
And and you just later on learn that it is a clinical, it is a clinical problem that needs clinical attention, you know.
00:07:08.639 --> 00:07:20.000
Um and that's that's what I'm really big on is connecting with yourself, connecting with your child at such a deep level that you start to see something that's not right with your child, like something that's different.
00:07:20.160 --> 00:07:24.800
And being able to have those open conversations and ask the questions directly.
00:07:25.040 --> 00:07:33.040
Um, a big myth, as you may know, is if you ask your child if they're having suicidal thoughts, it's like you're planting that idea in their mind.
00:07:33.199 --> 00:07:34.000
You're not.
00:07:34.240 --> 00:07:50.720
Uh if they are having those thoughts, to be able to finally get it off their chest, like, oh my God, yes, mom or yes, dad, I am, and and I don't know why, because it's very much followed up with guilt that they don't know why they're feeling that way.
00:07:50.879 --> 00:07:54.160
It it really opens up that conversation for them.
00:07:54.240 --> 00:07:56.560
Uh, and they feel so much lighter now.
00:07:57.040 --> 00:08:04.079
You know, there is obviously they'll need help, but at least they don't feel like they have to go about it alone, you know.
00:08:04.480 --> 00:08:10.240
Speaking of those interventions though, like, you know, let's say we realize there is a problem, there's something that needs to be done.
00:08:10.480 --> 00:08:14.560
The mental health system sometimes is a little confusing, at least especially for me.
00:08:14.639 --> 00:08:18.800
There's pediatricians, you got counselors, you got therapists, you got psychiatrists.
00:08:19.360 --> 00:08:21.040
Yeah, and how does a parent start?
00:08:21.199 --> 00:08:27.199
Like, what's the first step they they you know, what what's the first intervention or line of intervention they they even start with?
00:08:27.519 --> 00:08:29.439
I learned this the hard way.
00:08:29.680 --> 00:08:32.559
It is with your child's pediatrician.
00:08:32.720 --> 00:08:34.320
That's where you start.
00:08:34.720 --> 00:08:38.159
The first thing you do is you visit your child's pediatrician.
00:08:38.320 --> 00:08:54.480
If you call them with uh their their office and tell them that your child is going is, you know, self-harming or going through suicidal thoughts or ideations, they generally will make an appointment right away.
00:08:54.720 --> 00:09:10.399
Now, sometimes what happened recently with my child, with my with my younger child, she was not feeling herself, you know, she just turned 13, even though she had treatment for anxiety when she was 10, 11.
00:09:10.639 --> 00:09:12.000
She was doing well for a while.
00:09:12.080 --> 00:09:14.320
She was doing play therapy, all of that.
00:09:14.480 --> 00:09:21.919
But when when they reach another age, like puberty, things may come back, and things may come back in a different way.
00:09:22.320 --> 00:09:29.200
So after her wellness checkup, we knew that she might need some help from a might need to see a psychiatrist.
00:09:29.519 --> 00:09:32.879
We couldn't get any appointments at all.
00:09:33.120 --> 00:09:37.440
Like every all the psychiatrists, psychologists were full.
00:09:37.679 --> 00:09:43.679
And so I tried to find then I'm like, okay, I need to find a therapist who sees adolescents, not nine-year-olds, but adolescents.
00:09:43.919 --> 00:09:46.000
You have to change your therapist too.
00:09:46.639 --> 00:09:51.360
And finally found one much like maybe two months later, July.
00:09:51.919 --> 00:10:03.120
Well, it turned out
that her her emotions and moods were getting more, you know, to the sense to the point where she was having suicidal thoughts.
00:10:03.519 --> 00:10:19.759
So one of the things I want to tell your audience is I know this is scary, but when you take your child to a hospital emergency, to the behavioral section, it's it it sounds scary.
00:10:19.840 --> 00:10:22.320
It's like, oh my god, I don't want to take them to the emergency.
00:10:22.399 --> 00:10:25.919
Um, that's how I felt with my son too, but I didn't have to.
00:10:26.000 --> 00:10:28.799
I finally did find a psychiatrist appointment with him.
00:10:29.600 --> 00:10:35.919
So just case in point, Ryan, that's one way of getting immediate access to to care.
00:10:36.799 --> 00:10:38.639
You know, that's something I learned.
00:10:39.200 --> 00:10:39.759
Yeah.
00:10:40.879 --> 00:10:42.080
Appreciate you breaking that down.
00:10:42.240 --> 00:10:48.080
How did you hold it together yourself going through it sounds like your son's mental health crisis?
00:10:48.240 --> 00:10:52.399
How did you take care of your own mental health during that that season?
00:10:52.879 --> 00:10:57.039
I did find a therapist myself through BetterHelp.
00:10:57.200 --> 00:11:01.840
I found it good that I could just virtually, you know, chat or talk.
00:11:02.080 --> 00:11:20.159
That helped me very much during the time when I was supporting my entire family, like trying to explain it to my parents, and they're all the way in India, and then my sister is in Canada, and my son is here, and very quickly learned that I was going through what you call compassion fatigue, which is actually a thing.
00:11:20.399 --> 00:11:23.200
I don't even know that, but I was like, okay, that makes sense.
00:11:23.440 --> 00:11:38.240
And then later on, after my sister passed on, and I was running this business, I did I was seeking some sort of a spiritual outlet, and I did find uh a practice of Buddhism that I that really connected with me.
00:11:38.320 --> 00:11:43.840
And so that's one of the things that really has carried me forward uh in my mission.
00:11:44.159 --> 00:11:48.080
No matter what, my son is 20 now and he's doing really well.
00:11:48.480 --> 00:11:53.279
He discovered bodybuilding in his whole journey of his life.
00:11:53.919 --> 00:11:56.639
And we're so incredibly proud of him.
00:11:56.879 --> 00:12:00.399
He's he's gonna be in a competition very soon next week, actually.
00:12:00.480 --> 00:12:01.759
And oh my goodness.
00:12:01.840 --> 00:12:03.679
I love that how how he's doing now.
00:12:03.840 --> 00:12:05.279
Now, I mean, that's just incredible.
00:12:05.600 --> 00:12:13.279
And so that just speaks to the interventions you did and and all the care that you took into building him back up to to what he is now.
00:12:13.440 --> 00:12:14.159
That's amazing.
00:12:14.399 --> 00:12:28.879
What are some of the things that you know because I feel like it's hard from from to be on the outside, like you said, you
can kind of get a little bit uh I I forget how you phrase it, but I think you said like overloaded with like kind of like people condolences, right?
00:12:29.039 --> 00:12:31.039
People saying sorry and all that stuff.
00:12:31.200 --> 00:12:40.000
Like what what what are how do people sort of go about that that are in your circle, that obviously you you've got you've gone through great loss?
00:12:40.240 --> 00:12:43.120
How do they um console you in the appropriate way?
00:12:43.279 --> 00:12:51.200
What's something that people do that's just you wish they wouldn't um when you're going through emotional turmoil and sadness?
00:12:52.399 --> 00:12:57.120
Yeah, it's but so hard to and remember, Ryan.
00:12:57.360 --> 00:13:00.799
I think you might have gone through this, is it was so traumatic.
00:13:00.879 --> 00:13:09.120
There's I really honestly don't remember all the details, but but I do remember friends being very understanding and close.
00:13:09.279 --> 00:13:14.639
But yeah, some questions you know that it comes from ignorance that they don't understand.
00:13:14.720 --> 00:13:20.320
Uh, you know, where you know a friend might ask you, you know, was she lonely?
00:13:20.960 --> 00:13:22.879
Did she have any friends?
00:13:23.440 --> 00:13:38.879
You know, because that's kind of the idea people have is oh, if someone is has depression and then they take their life, they must be just really lonely and not have any, you know, and so so those were some of the things that we had to break the stigma.
00:13:39.039 --> 00:13:47.440
And I I took to social media almost immediately because I didn't want any stories going around about my sister that were not true.
00:13:47.600 --> 00:13:52.960
Um and I didn't want her life to be just about how she how how the how her life ended.
00:13:53.120 --> 00:13:59.039
So she I I needed people to know she was a successful pediatric occupational therapist.
00:13:59.279 --> 00:14:02.960
She had 60 people show up at her celebration of life.
00:14:03.200 --> 00:14:10.879
She didn't have a uh life partner, but she had a very full life, and you know, she lived in a beautiful city, Vancouver.
00:14:11.039 --> 00:14:17.679
So, so you know, she wasn't lonely, but yes, did she have struggles, mental health struggles?
00:14:17.759 --> 00:14:19.919
Did her mind lie to her every single day?
00:14:20.080 --> 00:14:34.080
Yes, you know, and so just educating people on the differences that just because you know they they have done something like that doesn't mean that they were lonely people.
00:14:34.480 --> 00:14:42.799
But yes, they were definitely, you know, mental illness is a sickness, you know, it's like just like any other physical sickness.
00:14:42.960 --> 00:14:45.840
Someone dies by with cancer, right?
00:14:46.000 --> 00:14:47.759
You don't ask them, Hey, were you lonely?
00:14:47.919 --> 00:14:49.440
Did you try yoga, meditation?
00:14:49.600 --> 00:14:50.159
You know what I mean?
00:14:50.240 --> 00:14:50.879
You don't do that.
00:14:51.039 --> 00:14:57.279
That's so so just educating people, it it was it was an illness she had, I think was the biggest thing.
00:14:57.600 --> 00:15:26.240
Yeah, and it's it's such a yeah, people don't treat it like an illness, they they definitely treat it as there's there's definitely a lot of ignorance in that in that I've had that too, that that, you know, when I had a family member um when I was younger, I was a teenager and just uh yeah, it was kind of rough because a lot of people were they'd bring up the the oh that's a selfish thing or or whatever, and it's just it just made me more angry at what was already happening, you know what I mean?
00:15:26.320 --> 00:15:35.360
And it kind of just made me more upset about the whole situation, and so I wish people were a little bit more understanding, but but again, it is a stigma, and it's like how do we break that stigma?
00:15:35.440 --> 00:15:46.000
How do we get the word out so people are we can now open this dialogue and have a conversation about mental health and and really help people that are in that dark place?
00:15:47.919 --> 00:16:07.759
Yeah, I I feel like there are a lot of people who are afraid to speak up, and I know that I can't bring courage into them, but at least I can live by my example that if you have the courage to speak up, you'll be amazed at how many people will will come out and say me too.
00:16:07.919 --> 00:16:17.600
And I went through so and so, and and so I make it my life's mission to just go out on social media and just lit quite literally.
00:16:17.679 --> 00:16:30.879
I I actually talked about what you just did, which is you know, not be stigmatized by the word and meant by the phrase mental illness, uh, because it's it's a any type of sickness, right?
00:16:30.960 --> 00:16:34.639
That you have to diagnose and treat uh like anything else.
00:16:34.799 --> 00:17:02.720
So hopefully looking at it from that angle, people don't feel ashamed or it it I try to look help people see it from a very scientific and medical way, even though this is something I say, Ryan, in my in my posts and my speaking engagements is you know, when you have a physical illness with mental illness and mental health struggles, your symptoms are behavioral, right?
00:17:02.960 --> 00:17:07.599
So they do show up as moods, emotions, feelings.
00:17:08.160 --> 00:17:17.920
They may not have a blood test you quickly do when you figure out that that, but they are symptoms, and the symptoms show up in different behaviors.
00:17:18.400 --> 00:17:19.920
Yeah, that's so true.
00:17:20.240 --> 00:17:21.119
Yeah, of course.
00:17:21.279 --> 00:17:24.640
My website is Saroni Kundu.com.
00:17:24.880 --> 00:17:29.039
Hope starts at home was a book that I wrote last year and I published it.
00:17:29.279 --> 00:17:35.119
I had never written a book before, and my Path to Hope podcast is is newborn.
00:17:35.359 --> 00:17:46.880
Just done one recording so far, and I feel like podcasting is a way to reach um you know different parts of the world and in people's living rooms, you know, which is what we need.
00:17:47.039 --> 00:17:48.480
It's been open for three years now.
00:17:48.640 --> 00:17:55.200
I I'm in the state of Missouri, so uh in all the therapists, they see people in in this Missouri-St.
00:17:55.359 --> 00:18:01.200
Louis area, and we've seen thousands and thousands of clients, all ages, you know, five and up.
00:18:01.359 --> 00:18:08.319
Uh, we're just now starting to do more group therapy sessions and also support group and education series.
00:18:08.559 --> 00:18:11.839
It's called the Path to Hope Education series.
00:18:12.400 --> 00:18:18.720
The one that we're starting with is parents with parents who have children with ADHD.
00:18:18.960 --> 00:18:20.720
How do they navigate that space?
00:18:20.799 --> 00:18:22.319
How do they support their children?
00:18:22.640 --> 00:18:23.759
It's an eight week program.
00:18:23.839 --> 00:18:25.279
We're very excited about that.