Fuld transskription af Never Alone: When Life Falls Apart, Family Helps You Heal (Episode 30)

00:04:49.920 --> 00:04:56.480 Number one, obviously he was the breadwinner, it was the early 1970s, right? 00:04:56.560 --> 00:05:07.519 And women did not have a stronghold to be able to be self-sufficient because many women at that time were limited or denied access to credit. 00:05:08.240 --> 00:05:12.240 I think it was 1974, Lance, because I was 14. 00:05:12.800 --> 00:05:16.560 And I just wanted to back up for just one second before you go on. 00:05:16.639 --> 00:05:22.160 I don't mean to interrupt, but you had talked about where you had talked about where you were when he left. 00:05:22.480 --> 00:05:27.439 Mommy told me to go to my friend Beverly Klein's house with her family. 00:05:27.680 --> 00:05:30.160 So they had sent me away the night before. 00:05:30.560 --> 00:05:36.480 I don't know why, if she felt like I needed to be with my friends, but I was grateful because they were very supportive. 00:05:36.720 --> 00:05:51.839 And so the night before I went to my friend Beverly's, slept over there, and I can remember coming back, and I had come in at a time when I looked in his closet and everything was gone, and I remember how my heart sank and how upsetting that was. 00:05:52.160 --> 00:06:01.439 And as I describe in my book, Never Alone, I remember coming in and seeing you, and I was really concerned because you were so young. 00:06:01.519 --> 00:06:04.959 I mean, I was only 14, I didn't really know much either. 00:06:05.040 --> 00:06:07.839 Uh but I knew that I loved you and I was I was concerned. 00:06:07.920 --> 00:06:09.759 You were just a little guy, you know. 00:06:09.920 --> 00:06:12.319 And you and you ran to me and you hugged me. 00:06:12.560 --> 00:06:22.399 And uh, you know, I just said, you know, I I asked mommy what happened, and she told me, and she told you, and three of us just kind of, you know, gathered together and hugged. 00:06:22.560 --> 00:06:23.839 I remember that. 00:06:24.240 --> 00:06:30.079 And uh just wanted to sort of interject what what I experienced because I wasn't home that night. 00:06:30.160 --> 00:06:32.800 And I re I regretted not being at home. 00:06:33.120 --> 00:06:43.199 But, you know, at my age, at at you know, being a teenager and being going through, you know, adolescence, I guess mommy was really concerned about my reaction. 00:06:43.360 --> 00:06:48.319 Not that she wasn't concerned about yours, but she wanted you to be close to her because you were so young. 00:06:48.639 --> 00:06:50.879 So in her way, she was trying to protect all of us. 00:06:51.439 --> 00:07:04.399 I don't remember where Alan she sent Alan away too, and he was our older brother who's been on my other podcasts, and he uh you know, went to a friend's house also, and our older sister by that time was already married. 00:07:04.639 --> 00:07:10.720 And so she was mainly concerned about where Alan was gonna be, where I was gonna be, and where you were gonna be. 00:07:10.800 --> 00:07:16.160 She kind of like little chess pieces,

she kind of positioned us as best she could. 00:07:16.399 --> 00:07:16.560 Right. 00:07:16.879 --> 00:07:18.560 But either way, it was a big blow. 00:07:18.639 --> 00:07:20.879 And I remember how upsetting it was. 00:07:21.040 --> 00:07:24.000 So I'm sorry, go ahead and take it from there. 00:07:25.279 --> 00:07:32.240 Oh, yeah, no, but going back to thank you for putting in the the year 1974, because that was a critical year. 00:07:32.399 --> 00:07:43.120 Um, for it was that year that the Equal Credit Opportunity Act was initiated, and that stopped the discrimination based on sex or marital status. 00:07:43.279 --> 00:07:48.399 Um that was still not in place really yet at that at the time for it to be helpful to her. 00:07:48.560 --> 00:07:54.079 And still, even after that act was developed, she still had lots of other issues. 00:07:54.399 --> 00:08:01.920 She was fortunate enough to get us, you know, when we had to leave the house that we were, we had that apartment on Chestnut Street. 00:08:02.079 --> 00:08:13.519 And that was, you know, an opportunity for us to be able to live that take take us from a big house to what was, I believe, a three-bedroom apartment, which was huge on Chestnut Street. 00:08:13.839 --> 00:08:16.399 Very dramatic, very, very traumatic, right? 00:08:16.560 --> 00:08:17.199 Yeah. 00:08:18.000 --> 00:08:18.959 Yeah, it was. 00:08:19.120 --> 00:08:19.519 It was. 00:08:19.680 --> 00:08:24.959 And uh there were a lot of traumatic things that happened during that time too, that I remember at that at that place. 00:08:25.120 --> 00:08:48.240 But really, not only did she was she facing that, but she was also blessed in that she not only uh was able to get an apartment, um, whether it was and it certainly wasn't through uh, I believe daddy's help at that point, she was also able to get a job at Cumberland Farms, which at that point in time too, workplace discrimination and lower earnings for women was rampant, right? 00:08:48.799 --> 00:08:49.279 Go ahead. 00:08:49.600 --> 00:08:58.960 I was just gonna say that the reason she was able to get the apartment is she had uh her friends, her her friend Frida Pond, and another woman that she were, you know, was uh friendly with. 00:08:59.039 --> 00:09:02.399 I can't remember her name, but she had Fumi, she had Putsy. 00:09:02.559 --> 00:09:03.759 These were all her friends. 00:09:04.000 --> 00:09:13.919 For me and Putsy were her childhood friends that stuck with her through this, and they used to come over and visit, and they helped her a lot, and then she had her mother helping her as well. 00:09:14.159 --> 00:09:20.799 So I wanted to kind of just emphasize that she wasn't alone and she had a lot of support. 00:09:21.039 --> 00:09:30.720 She wasn't alone in it, and you know, she taught us to be uh very, very social and to um, you know, make you know, friendship and family so important. 00:09:31.120 --> 00:09:36.879 And if she hadn't cultivated those relationships, you know, she wouldn't have had so much support. 00:09:37.039 --> 00:09:40.399 She had her cousins, you know, she had a lot of support. 00:09:40.559 --> 00:09:44.559 And I have found the same thing by cultivating relationships, and I know you have too. 00:09:44.799 --> 00:09:50.480 So um we we learned that we we learned that from her for sure for sure. 00:09:50.639 --> 00:10:06.879 Yeah, but you know, it's not with notwithstanding the fact that she had serious things working against her during that time, which could which which you know she needed to have that courage to be able to uh take her stance and to defend what she thought was right. 00:10:07.039 --> 00:10:09.679 I mean, everything from economic risk, right? 00:10:09.840 --> 00:10:12.720 Uh especially still having to bring bring me up. 00:10:12.799 --> 00:10:15.600 And and of course, I wasn't free of charge, right? 00:10:15.679 --> 00:10:24.399 Uh the social stigma that she had to uh back at the time, the divorcees had um, you know, uh a stigma uh associated with it. 00:10:24.480 --> 00:10:30.080 But but 1974 really was that that that turning point year, um, thankfully. 00:10:30.399 --> 00:10:33.600 However, it just she didn't feel it, is is my point. 00:10:33.679 --> 00:10:40.559 Like I don't know if she really felt the uh relief, if you will, yeah, that she deserved, I think, in that moment. 00:10:40.720 --> 00:10:44.159 And uh, or realized, you know. 00:10:44.399 --> 00:10:46.480 I don't think she realized how much support she had. 00:10:46.720 --> 00:10:51.759 Even though she had the support, Lance, she ultimately still had to make the decisions. 00:10:52.000 --> 00:10:53.279 But it was her it was nice. 00:10:53.440 --> 00:10:53.600 Right. 00:10:53.840 --> 00:10:57.279 I remember it was nice for her to be able to have people to bounce off of. 00:10:57.440 --> 00:10:58.240 Like, is this right? 00:10:58.320 --> 00:10:58.960 Is that right? 00:10:59.200 --> 00:10:59.840 Should I do this? 00:11:00.000 --> 00:11:00.799 Should I do that? 00:11:00.960 --> 00:11:03.440 And then she was getting the affirmations that she needed. 00:11:03.519 --> 00:11:04.240 But you're right. 00:11:04.399 --> 00:11:08.320 Ultimately, she was in a position where she had to make those decisions very suddenly. 00:11:08.480 --> 00:11:32.879 I mean, she was a stay-at-home mom, and and now all of a sudden she went from having a beautiful home, a Cadillac, boat, all these trips, and a nice family life to very suddenly and this was suddenly, you know, to it took me a long time to not feel like I was gonna lose something all the time, you know, because it was so incredibly uh there was a lot of loss all at once. 00:11:33.039 --> 00:11:37.919 We lost our father, we lost a lot of possessions, and we lost a full-time mother. 00:11:38.080 --> 00:11:41.679 You know, which she was a full-time mother, and then all of a sudden she wasn't. 00:11:41.840 --> 00:11:54.879 And I found myself gravitating toward other older mentors, aunts, friends,

whatever, to get the affirmations that I needed because she was quite inundated at the time, which is understandable, right? 00:11:56.399 --> 00:11:58.240 Oh, absolutely, absolutely. 00:11:58.320 --> 00:12:00.960 Yeah, she she was never alone, Iris, right? 00:12:01.039 --> 00:12:02.639 I mean, that's the whole title of your book. 00:12:02.720 --> 00:12:11.600 Yeah, is that she had those resources, and because she had those resources, she was able to weather a really, really difficult storm storm because of that. 00:12:11.759 --> 00:12:12.000 Yeah. 00:12:12.399 --> 00:12:13.360 It was a huge storm. 00:12:13.440 --> 00:12:20.000 And you know, there are other people who are viewing this and listening to this who have had similar storms in their lives. 00:12:20.240 --> 00:12:32.559 And, you know, this is what my hope is every time we get together and have a podcast and discuss these things, that other people gain something from it, maybe a little bit of uh encouragement, you know, if you will, you know. 00:12:33.600 --> 00:12:34.320 Exactly. 00:12:34.559 --> 00:12:35.440 Exactly. 00:12:35.679 --> 00:12:36.000 Yeah. 00:12:36.159 --> 00:12:41.919 Yeah, but I mean, even though she was very she was very courageous and and so forth, uh very courageous. 00:12:42.240 --> 00:12:47.679 She also woman obviously made a lot, she she also made a lot of mistakes, right? 00:12:47.840 --> 00:12:50.399 Um, as everybody did back in the day. 00:12:50.639 --> 00:13:08.639 And um something No, I know, I know, but but to your point, you know, I was really young, and I don't think that she processed how young I was in the moment uh in the way that she utilized. 00:13:08.960 --> 00:13:12.960 I remember that she was trying to get her her life in order, right? 00:13:13.120 --> 00:13:15.200 And she started to go on dates. 00:13:15.360 --> 00:13:22.000 And I remember when she would go out on dates, I would be sitting by the window waiting for her to come home, you know. 00:13:22.320 --> 00:13:25.039 I don't remember the dates when I don't remember the dates. 00:13:25.120 --> 00:13:25.919 I remember her not one. 00:13:26.320 --> 00:13:26.799 I do, I do. 00:13:26.879 --> 00:13:27.200 I do. 00:13:27.279 --> 00:13:30.720 There were there were there, there weren't a lot of them, but there were a couple of dates. 00:13:30.879 --> 00:13:37.440 And as soon as they saw that she hadn't, and she would say this too, in a you know, in a funny way, but it was somewhat hurtful. 00:13:37.600 --> 00:13:41.440 But she said, you know, as soon as they came in the door and they saw you, that was it. 00:13:41.600 --> 00:13:43.279 They were out and gone. 00:13:44.639 --> 00:13:49.840 She didn't mean anything by it, but she had that would explain why she was young kids. 00:13:50.240 --> 00:13:50.480 Yeah. 00:13:50.639 --> 00:13:53.279 And that would explain why after that she never dated again. 00:13:53.519 --> 00:13:55.440 Because I said to her once, why don't you date? 00:13:55.600 --> 00:13:57.120

And you know what she said to me? 00:13:57.279 --> 00:14:01.919 And and I could understand what she meant because she felt that way while she was married to dad, you know. 00:14:02.159 --> 00:14:05.039 She said, I don't need another baby to take care of. 00:14:06.320 --> 00:14:07.120 That's what she said. 00:14:07.759 --> 00:14:08.879 She was right about that. 00:14:08.960 --> 00:14:13.200 I mean, that's it's it's kind of like that's how relationships can be at times, right? 00:14:13.519 --> 00:14:18.639 And where one person is the caretaker and she's gonna need another baby. 00:14:18.799 --> 00:14:23.679 That was her sense of humor, though, and it was funny, sometimes you know, maybe not appropriate. 00:14:24.879 --> 00:14:29.360 I want to emphasize that, Lance, she did have a great sense of humor, and she was such a funny woman. 00:14:29.440 --> 00:14:38.879 I mean, coming from a Russian Yiddish background, and the thing that was so funny about her is she didn't mean to be funny half the time, but she was hilarious, and I talk about that in my book. 00:14:39.120 --> 00:14:43.919 She was you know that she sounded so much like Fran the Nanny, you know? 00:14:44.159 --> 00:14:48.000 And um, you know, from that television show, you know. 00:14:48.159 --> 00:14:51.840 In fact, my friends have all said to me, Your mother sounds just like Fran Dreshner. 00:14:51.919 --> 00:14:54.480 I said, Yeah, that's because they're both, you know, Yiddish. 00:14:55.679 --> 00:14:56.879 And from the Northeast. 00:14:57.120 --> 00:15:02.480 Yeah, and have that Yeah, and have a have a little bit of that that wine to their tone, right? 00:15:02.720 --> 00:15:02.960 As well. 00:15:03.200 --> 00:15:03.360 Yeah. 00:15:03.679 --> 00:15:04.399 But that's fine. 00:15:04.720 --> 00:15:04.879 Yeah. 00:15:05.200 --> 00:15:07.919 I hated having her call me in a grocery store. 00:15:08.240 --> 00:15:08.879 Iris. 00:15:09.279 --> 00:15:21.360 And I was like, I would I would pretend I didn't know her, you know, and and I would go to a different island to get away from her, and people would look at me and I and I'd look around and go, I don't see any iris. 00:15:22.480 --> 00:15:26.799 And she would find me and people would be like, That's you, isn't it? 00:15:29.279 --> 00:15:35.840 She would yell, Lance, Lance, not Lance, but La L A Y A N C E. 00:15:36.000 --> 00:15:36.399 Lance. 00:15:36.960 --> 00:15:37.440 That was her accent. 00:15:38.080 --> 00:15:38.799 That was her accent. 00:15:39.039 --> 00:15:39.200 Yeah. 00:15:39.519 --> 00:15:39.919 Yeah. 00:15:40.320 --> 00:15:47.440 Well, remember, she grew up with a with a mother who had a very strong Russian accent, you know, who could barely speak English. 00:15:47.600 --> 00:15:51.759 And so she had a mixed accent there, but boy, she was definitely funny. 00:15:52.000 --> 00:16:09.039 And you know, in in spite of all the divorce stuff and uh things that we went through, she was not only incredibly loyal and and would have died for her children, literally, but she was fun to use she was funny, and she still remained fun loving. 00:16:09.120 --> 00:16:12.639 She used to still love to play with us and take us on trips in the middle of working. 00:16:13.120 --> 00:16:21.440 She took care of her mother, she had a sister with developmental disabilities, and she found a way to l to let us have a good time, you know. 00:16:21.919 --> 00:16:24.159 It was just uh she that was just ingrained in there. 00:16:24.320 --> 00:16:25.440 She loved it, you know. 00:16:26.559 --> 00:16:30.480 Please excuse this brief interruption for a shameless commercial. 00:16:31.440 --> 00:16:38.639 Remember, you can get your own copy of Iris' book, Never Alone, at irisfsmith.com. 00:16:38.960 --> 00:16:41.600 At irisfsmith.com. 00:16:41.919 --> 00:16:43.919 There was something I just want to say this. 00:16:44.159 --> 00:16:48.080 During the course of their marriage, they did have a lot of fun together in all the years. 00:16:48.559 --> 00:16:50.399 I think they were married 23 years. 00:16:50.559 --> 00:16:56.480 And in the course of that time, they had a lot of friends, a lot of outings together with the kids. 00:16:56.639 --> 00:16:59.840 Everything was the kids and and families and having fun. 00:17:00.000 --> 00:17:06.400 And so she she that's what she liked, that's what drew her to Daddy in the first place, is he was fun loving. 00:17:06.640 --> 00:17:12.240 And she came from a very serious situation where her family came out of the Bolshevik Revolution. 00:17:12.480 --> 00:17:16.079 So she was all about, oh, show me the party, you know. 00:17:16.319 --> 00:17:21.519 And uh he was he was very jovial, dad, and he was he was a good father in some in many ways. 00:17:21.680 --> 00:17:24.240 You know, but when parents bring twelve. 00:17:24.480 --> 00:17:24.880 Huh? 00:17:25.680 --> 00:17:26.240 What's that? 00:17:27.680 --> 00:17:27.920 He did. 00:17:29.039 --> 00:17:29.359 Yeah. 00:17:29.519 --> 00:17:35.839 And the thing is, when parents part like that, uh they don't always handle it in the best way, correct? 00:17:36.160 --> 00:17:38.400 You know, it just not everybody thinks it through that. 00:17:38.559 --> 00:17:43.759 It becomes more about emotion rather than uh what was I trying to say? 00:17:44.079 --> 00:17:46.000 I wrote something down about that. 00:17:46.480 --> 00:17:52.640 Yeah, instead of being reasonable, it would become more about emotion, you know, and trying to put it in perspective. 00:17:52.960 --> 00:17:53.440 Right. 00:17:53.680 --> 00:17:59.759 You know, I I don't know if I was in the middle of a divorce if I would be able to handle it so reasonably either. 00:18:00.079 --> 00:18:01.359 Because it's very upsetting. 00:18:01.440 --> 00:18:04.079 You know, splitting up isn't easy, you know. 00:18:04.319 --> 00:18:08.400 Especially when you've been with somebody for twenty-three years and had four children with them. 00:18:08.559 --> 00:18:10.319 It's a lot, you know.

00:18:12.400 --> 00:18:15.599 Stacy and I are going on 20 years this July. 00:18:15.759 --> 00:18:15.920 Yeah. 00:18:16.079 --> 00:18:17.759 And I certainly can understand that. 00:18:17.839 --> 00:18:24.480 Even though we don't have any children, we we we do have, you know, a family unit with our with our animals and so forth. 00:18:24.559 --> 00:18:33.200 So if you made a family unit, and with us, we're married 46 years, and uh we were actually married, if you remember, on the day that Mount St. 00:18:33.279 --> 00:18:36.480 Helens erupted, and we were in Boston at the time. 00:18:37.039 --> 00:18:44.079 And I can remember everybody coming into my wedding, and instead of going, Oh, how look how beautiful you look, they were like, Did you hear that Mount St. 00:18:44.160 --> 00:18:44.960 Helens erupted? 00:18:45.279 --> 00:18:48.720 And I was like, Great figures, you know. 00:18:48.960 --> 00:18:59.759 But yeah, here we are 46 years later, and uh we now have grandchildren, and we've made our own family unit, you know, from Boston all the way out to the West Coast as well, just like you. 00:18:59.920 --> 00:19:02.880 You know, we all kind of gravitated toward the West. 00:19:04.240 --> 00:19:04.640 Yeah. 00:19:04.880 --> 00:19:05.200 Yeah. 00:19:05.519 --> 00:19:13.200 I don't know, but I don't know what it is, but but definitely uh the West is uh the place to be for me, anyways, that's for sure. 00:19:13.599 --> 00:19:14.000 Yeah. 00:19:14.319 --> 00:19:23.599 But I just remember as mummy was, you know, navigating through the divorce, she it was first of all, it was something she was unfamiliar with. 00:19:23.839 --> 00:19:26.559 And then she's getting divorced from a man that she really loved. 00:19:26.640 --> 00:19:28.079 She never really got over him. 00:19:28.240 --> 00:19:33.839 You know, she really she was a very loyal woman, and uh she had such a tough time. 00:19:34.079 --> 00:19:44.799 And so again, instead, you know who the heck could go through something like that and be appropriate and make all the right decisions at the right time and you know, talk to the kids very appropriately. 00:19:44.960 --> 00:19:48.319 You're you're caught up in, oh my god, now what do I do? 00:19:48.640 --> 00:19:48.960 Right. 00:19:49.519 --> 00:19:51.039 And and that's the very reason. 00:19:52.400 --> 00:19:57.599 That's the very reason we need other people around us to help us to get centered and focused. 00:19:57.839 --> 00:20:18.000 And when she became really overwhelmed, you know, with trying to raise you and and me and Alan still at home, I can remember she would call one of her friends and her friends from high school, it was Formi and Patsy, they both graduated with her, they grew up with her, and they both were named Florence, and they and back then a lot of people had nicknames, you know. 00:20:18.160 --> 00:20:26.559 But anyway, they would they would come over from the other side of Boston, you know, they were on the North Shore and and we were

on the South Shore, correct? 00:20:27.759 --> 00:20:28.079 Yeah. 00:20:28.480 --> 00:20:32.799 So they would they they they dropped everything and ran because she she needed them. 00:20:33.039 --> 00:20:36.720 That's that's true friendship, you know, and that's how it should be. 00:20:37.359 --> 00:20:42.480 You know, friendship and and you know, sacrificing is never convenient, is it? 00:20:42.799 --> 00:20:47.359 True sacrifice is when you drop everything of your own and say, This person needs me. 00:20:47.759 --> 00:20:49.200 You know, I'm gonna be there. 00:20:49.519 --> 00:20:55.440 Um I I I the any time I've ever sacrificed to help somebody else, it was never at a convenient time. 00:20:55.519 --> 00:21:00.880 I had to just drop what I was doing if I could, you know, and and just run to to help. 00:21:01.680 --> 00:21:02.079 You know. 00:21:02.799 --> 00:21:13.039 And you and I have done that even on the phone, you know, if if you were in need and I was in need or whatever, we would drop what we were doing and talk and talk it out and and just help each other, you know. 00:21:13.920 --> 00:21:22.559 And so this is this is the whole reason I'm doing this podcast is to emphasize the importance of being together and not being alone. 00:21:22.799 --> 00:21:33.279 I just you know, when when I think it was when COVID broke out and everybody had to be, you know, locked away in their homes and separated. 00:21:33.519 --> 00:21:37.119 I think that's where all this, you know, isolation and separation began. 00:21:37.279 --> 00:21:43.920 Do you remember all that and how it kind of you know, has it ever really recovered, Lance, in terms of people getting together? 00:21:44.079 --> 00:21:45.599 I mean, I know people are trying. 00:21:45.759 --> 00:21:47.359 I see people trying all the time. 00:21:47.599 --> 00:21:48.640 What do you think? 00:21:49.119 --> 00:21:49.599 Yeah. 00:21:50.000 --> 00:21:51.920 Oh, yeah, no, COVID definitely. 00:21:52.079 --> 00:21:59.440 In fact, you know, I'm writing a book about how COVID impacted the hospitality industry, but it not it wasn't just the hospitality industry. 00:22:00.240 --> 00:22:02.720 Everybody was affected somehow, some way. 00:22:03.119 --> 00:22:08.880 And you know, and I remember during that time period, I worked from, I was blessed enough to be able to work from home at that time. 00:22:09.039 --> 00:22:12.640 I had started my own digital digital agency at that time. 00:22:12.880 --> 00:22:18.960 And so we just made do with what we had under extreme circumstances. 00:22:19.119 --> 00:22:30.000 But I but I I've noticed people in the workforce, and now that I'm a hotel general manager, that I'm seeing uh damaged psych people are really damaged psychologically. 00:22:30.160 --> 00:22:30.480 Yes. 00:22:30.720 --> 00:22:32.079 And it's unfortunate. 00:22:32.160 --> 00:22:33.119 And the poor kids. 00:22:34.640 --> 00:22:39.440 The two not being able to go to school. 00:22:39.519 --> 00:22:41.279 It's so vital, you know. 00:22:41.680 --> 00:22:42.640 It was unbelievable. 00:22:42.960 --> 00:22:43.359 It really is. 00:22:43.759 --> 00:23:00.480 Because going to school, it's not just to learn from the books, it's but it's also to learn the social aspect and the integration in the community and and community service and things like that that uh that you just can't do in front of a computer, right? 00:23:00.640 --> 00:23:03.279 And what are you seeing as much as everybody tried? 00:23:03.680 --> 00:23:03.920 Yeah. 00:23:04.079 --> 00:23:08.400 And so what are you what are you seeing that you said people are struggling emotionally? 00:23:08.480 --> 00:23:09.599 And what what do you see? 00:23:09.920 --> 00:23:20.400 Oh, emotionally anxiety, uh, inability to make uh problem solve, and uh without obviously having some sort of an anxious response to it. 00:23:20.480 --> 00:23:38.319 And and that's really what makes being a service provider difficult when you have anxious people not being able to problem solve in a hotel it makes it incredibly challenging to provide good guest service to the public now. 00:23:38.480 --> 00:23:50.400 And and and a lot of the times it's it's difficult to uh to deliver service to the public because the public is is also damaged, not just the workforce, but the guests that are checking into our hotels are coming to the hotels with problems, right? 00:23:50.559 --> 00:23:56.240 And and so we're here to help them through their journey as they stay with us. 00:23:56.400 --> 00:24:01.359 But but I'm telling you, the things that people that we're experiencing now in hotels is just crazy. 00:24:01.519 --> 00:24:11.039 That the drug use, the all of the symptoms that you would see when you see that people have been somehow disconnected, right? 00:24:11.359 --> 00:24:13.839 Or or alone in the world. 00:24:14.000 --> 00:24:22.640 And and again, getting back to your book, never being alone, how that can impact and help people through an awful crisis like COVID was, right? 00:24:22.960 --> 00:24:35.680 It brings tears to my eyes because in the book of Ecclesiastes in the Bible, and all my viewers know that you know, I grew up, you know, learning the Catholic religion, learning about Judaism. 00:24:35.920 --> 00:24:38.480 I had a lot of religious examples. 00:24:38.640 --> 00:24:39.119 I did. 00:24:39.359 --> 00:24:47.119 And so in the I I've always looked at the book of Ecclesiastes where, and my book is based on that, where it says, two are better than one. 00:24:47.359 --> 00:24:53.279 And this is God talking, you know, and he knows what he's doing because he I believe he created the earth, okay? 00:24:53.519 --> 00:24:58.480 And so he says, Two are better than one, for when one falls, the other one picks the other one up. 00:24:58.559 --> 00:25:01.119 And pity, pity the man who's alone. 00:25:01.440 --> 00:25:08.240 God never created us to do this life alone because life comes at us, and it comes at us in many ways. 00:25:08.400 -->

00:25:14.240 Divorce is just one way, you know, grieving the death of loved ones is another way. 00:25:14.400 --> 00:25:19.839 Talking about what you're talking about, dealing with people who are hurting on a daily basis. 00:25:20.000 --> 00:25:28.000 I mean, if you think about it, and people are that anxious, Lance, how in the world can they stop and make accurate decisions? 00:25:28.400 --> 00:25:32.319 You you can't, you're so you're so beside yourself, you know. 00:25:32.640 --> 00:25:34.799 You can't be yourself when you feel like that. 00:25:34.960 --> 00:25:36.000 That is such a shame. 00:25:36.079 --> 00:25:44.480 And I gotta tell you, I'm constantly praying for the for our culture today because it's, you know, everybody is is struggling in one way or another. 00:25:44.559 --> 00:25:50.000 And this is the whole reason we need to give each other grace and try to stick together as best we can. 00:25:50.160 --> 00:25:53.599 I run into people every day that are very different than I am. 00:25:53.759 --> 00:25:56.559 I grew up in Boston in a certain culture. 00:25:56.720 --> 00:26:12.960 I'm way out here on the West Coast, and people are different than I am, but it's okay because one of the things that I learned was really instrumental in getting people together is meeting the other person where they're at and listening and being, you know, and just saying, you know, it's okay. 00:26:13.279 --> 00:26:16.640 You know, and you know, there was too much too much of this. 00:26:16.799 --> 00:26:20.799 Well, I'm this and you're that, so therefore you're not going to accept me. 00:26:20.960 --> 00:26:22.640 Well, that's not true, you know. 00:26:22.880 --> 00:26:23.920 You know what I'm trying to say? 00:26:24.160 --> 00:26:25.279 Oh, yeah, no. 00:26:25.599 --> 00:26:26.720 I do, I do. 00:26:27.039 --> 00:26:42.240 It's just uh, you know, and and and getting back to you know, mommy and what she had to deal with, you know, obviously in the early 1970s, it was different circumstances, but the uh resources are still the same. 00:26:42.400 --> 00:26:46.079 And and the resources are are that of not being alone, right? 00:26:46.480 --> 00:26:58.160 And making sure that you have a lot of friends, that you have a solid family unit to be able to rely on, and and that's really where the rubber meets the road, right? 00:26:58.240 --> 00:27:00.880 When it comes to the street, well, and having friends you can count on. 00:27:01.279 --> 00:27:12.079 Having having yeah, having a but having a strong persona um that can deal with the the impending issues that uh that that we face every day, right? 00:27:12.319 --> 00:27:13.519 Yeah, yeah. 00:27:14.240 --> 00:27:20.799 So I guess one of the things that I thought of is you were talking about uh, you know, mommy kind of leaning on you at a very early age. 00:27:20.880 --> 00:27:22.240 I think you might have been eight. 00:27:22.480 --> 00:27:24.160 Were you about eight at the time, I think? 00:27:24.480 --> 00:27:26.000

Seven, seven or eight. 00:27:26.480 --> 00:27:28.799 If it's right around seven, yeah. 00:27:29.119 --> 00:27:35.039 It's really easy for a parent who loves the child to look to the child because now the the father's gone. 00:27:35.359 --> 00:27:36.720 Who am I going to lean on now? 00:27:36.960 --> 00:27:37.279 Right. 00:27:37.599 --> 00:27:53.359 And so I guess I think what happened with you, because I know you well, you're my brother, we're we're together a lot in terms of communication, and um, we've seen each other through a lot of things, and I've watched you navigate through some major challenges in your life. 00:27:53.599 --> 00:28:08.559 And so I wonder, Lance, if when that happened, where she leaned on you and you had to grow up a little quicker than expected, how that impacted your life today and as you were growing up, because you're I think you're very strong. 00:28:08.720 --> 00:28:11.119 I think you're very uh loyal and strong. 00:28:11.279 --> 00:28:12.240 And of course, you're my brother. 00:28:12.319 --> 00:28:14.000 I'm gonna say these things, but they're true. 00:28:14.160 --> 00:28:18.559 I see you as a very strong individual who has a lot of integrity. 00:28:18.799 --> 00:28:20.079 Where did that come from? 00:28:20.240 --> 00:28:29.279 Don't you think it came from going through some things and maybe mommy leaning on you and you had to learn how to uh hope and how to be a good leader, right? 00:28:29.599 --> 00:28:31.119 And that's what makes you the leader you are. 00:28:31.599 --> 00:28:32.079 Absolutely. 00:28:32.319 --> 00:28:32.960 Yeah. 00:28:33.359 --> 00:28:34.240 That's how I love it. 00:28:34.559 --> 00:28:34.880 Absolutely. 00:28:34.960 --> 00:28:37.200 And that's exactly and that's exactly it. 00:28:37.359 --> 00:28:42.400 She those life experiences prepared me to be what I call a servant leader, right? 00:28:42.640 --> 00:28:55.279 Somebody who is there to serve, to serve the people that are working for you versus the other way around, uh, exp expecting the entitlement and so forth and so forth. 00:28:55.440 --> 00:29:02.799 So I just think that uh that that my experiences baked me into who I am today. 00:29:02.880 --> 00:29:17.359 And uh it's it's made my life as a leader a lot uh more palatable, I guess, because some people can look at being a leader as being very, very, you know, taxing and and and challenging and difficult. 00:29:17.440 --> 00:29:24.480 But I I think when you invest in people, and just like you always say, meet people where they're at, you can't go wrong, right? 00:29:24.880 --> 00:29:27.440 And as long as you're truthful and and up front. 00:29:27.599 --> 00:29:35.359 And it's those those characteristics that I did receive from mummy and daddy, basically, yeah. 00:29:39.920 --> 00:29:44.720 I guess uh the word I'm looking for, uh the focal point of who I am today. 00:29:44.960 --> 00:29:46.240 And I'm very proud. 00:29:46.400 --> 00:29:48.799 I'm I'm proud of myself because of that, right?

00:29:49.119 --> 00:29:50.319 You should be, yeah. 00:29:50.480 --> 00:29:51.680 Well, here's the thing, Lance. 00:29:51.920 --> 00:29:53.440 I think that we're the people that we are today. 00:29:53.839 --> 00:29:54.240 Grateful. 00:29:55.200 --> 00:29:55.599 Huh? 00:29:56.559 --> 00:29:57.119 What's that? 00:29:57.359 --> 00:29:57.759 Grateful. 00:29:58.000 --> 00:30:00.079 Yeah, grateful and proud and grateful. 00:30:00.240 --> 00:30:02.079 That's those experiences, yeah. 00:30:02.400 --> 00:30:17.599 But I think that we're the people that we are today because we allowed those life's challenges to cause us to become refined, better people, better able to serve others, you know, better able to think about others, because that's a key. 00:30:18.079 --> 00:30:24.799 One of the keys to depression, I believe, and I've had depression at times, is to reach out and think about somebody else. 00:30:24.960 --> 00:30:26.640 How can I make somebody else's life better? 00:30:26.799 --> 00:30:29.039 And before I knew it, the depression would lift. 00:30:29.200 --> 00:30:35.039 Because my my focus was no longer on myself, it was on helping someone else, you know. 00:30:35.279 --> 00:30:37.359 And I know you feel the same way, don't you? 00:30:37.519 --> 00:30:40.079 And Alan, our brother Alan is like that too. 00:30:40.240 --> 00:30:51.039 He's always trying to see what he can do in terms of making someone else's life better, whether it's his wife or his grandchildren, his children, and we're the same way. 00:30:51.119 --> 00:30:51.839 And guess what? 00:30:52.000 --> 00:30:55.119 Our children are emulating what we did, you know. 00:30:55.359 --> 00:31:03.359 And in in spite of the fact that our that our parents got divorced, our mother still set that example of thinking of others, didn't she? 00:31:03.680 --> 00:31:05.039 You know, she was always like that. 00:31:05.279 --> 00:31:06.160 She always did, yeah. 00:31:06.240 --> 00:31:06.400 Yeah. 00:31:06.720 --> 00:31:08.240 Always others-oriented, yeah. 00:31:08.559 --> 00:31:08.799 Yeah. 00:31:09.359 --> 00:31:10.079 Well, you know what? 00:31:10.160 --> 00:31:18.400 Yesterday was Memorial Day, and as we're remembering her, we're remembering a very strong woman who raised us with a lot of love. 00:31:18.720 --> 00:31:24.400 And there were times when we had nothing, you know, in terms of, you know, economics and financial. 00:31:24.720 --> 00:31:30.240 But I'll tell you what, there was never any doubt in my mind that she and Daddy both still loved us. 00:31:30.480 --> 00:31:34.720 And we taught we learned Yeah, we learned to love each other, right? 00:31:36.079 --> 00:31:36.880 That's right. 00:31:37.119 --> 00:31:37.839 That's right. 00:31:38.480 --> 00:31:42.240 So, do you have any final thoughts before we uh you know close for today? 00:31:43.759 --> 00:32:03.599 No, I just think that I'm blessed that you know, as a result of our experiences, and and and and I want to make sure that that those that are watching this understand that she was there for me in in so many other ways and at different iterative points of my upbringing. 00:32:03.759 --> 00:32:13.359 And while maybe initially she was trying to figure out, you know, her way, uh, the one thing that remained constant was her love for me and commitment. 00:32:13.839 --> 00:32:15.920 Her love for all of us, yeah. 00:32:16.319 --> 00:32:25.839 Yeah, she she was able to spread it between, you know, you and me and and Alan and our older sister, and then the grandchildren that were coming along, you know, she loved her grandchildren. 00:32:25.920 --> 00:32:29.519 She just loved, she loved family and she passed that on to me. 00:32:29.680 --> 00:32:31.119 And it came from our grandmother. 00:32:31.200 --> 00:32:32.640 Her mother was the same way. 00:32:32.799 --> 00:32:38.799 And her her mother unfortunately lost 11 sisters and brothers in the Bolshevik Revolution. 00:32:38.960 --> 00:32:48.240 And so, don't you know that family was such a an intricate part of what she was always trying to uh, you know, go toward is for a goal, you know? 00:32:48.559 --> 00:33:05.920 So and with that, I'll just if you unless you have another thought, Lance, I'll just say that uh, you know, this has been a uh heavy topic, but I believe that it's one that yeah, I believe that it's one that might encourage a number of people because if you look around, everybody's got something going on that's big. 00:33:06.160 --> 00:33:15.519 And I would encourage our viewers that if you see someone in need, reach out to them because you may be the only hand of mercy they ever receive. 00:33:15.680 --> 00:33:16.720 You just don't know. 00:33:17.200 --> 00:33:20.400 You know, there's lots of people out there that need a friend and need love. 00:33:20.720 --> 00:33:23.200 And so uh I want to thank you for joining us. 00:33:23.359 --> 00:33:29.599 Lance, thank you for joining me tonight and of course and talking with uh you know our family's history. 00:33:29.839 --> 00:33:42.880 And uh if you gain something from this as our viewers and listeners, I would love it if you would like and share it, and also give us a comment and let us know what your thoughts are because we would love to hear from you too. 00:33:43.279 --> 00:33:48.079 So until next time, again, thanks for joining us, and we'll talk to you again. 00:33:48.400 --> 00:33:49.119 Thanks again. 00:33:49.279 --> 00:33:50.000 Bye-bye. 00:33:50.880 --> 00:33:51.359 Thank you. 00:33:51.519 --> 00:33:52.400 Bye-bye now. 00:33:54.880 --> 00:33:57.119 Wow, that was awesome, wasn't it? 00:33:57.839 --> 00:34:00.160 I know those stories were really something. 00:34:01.039 --> 00:34:02.640 Thanks everyone for joining us. 00:34:02.799 --> 00:34:08.079 We'll see you next time when we share more stories from Iris' book, Never Alone. 00:34:08.719 --> 00:34:13.519 Order your copy of Never Alone at irisefsmith.com today. 00:34:13.679 --> 00:34:15.280 At irisepsmith.com.