Fuld transskription af Joy, Connection & the Courage to Be Yourself with Jacques Martiquet | The Party Scientist

all have inside of us? 00:02:51.039 --> 00:03:00.639 Well, so you're at these festivals where everybody's going to have a great time, and then you're seeing everything that's going wrong when people are trying to connect, trying to have fun. 00:03:01.759 --> 00:03:04.479 Gosh, what an incredible experience. 00:03:06.639 --> 00:03:10.800 So, how did that bring you to be the party scientist? 00:03:15.120 --> 00:03:21.199 It fired me up to question and challenge how we were celebrating. 00:03:21.520 --> 00:03:29.280 And I realized there was this huge need to promote parties that don't need substances. 00:03:29.680 --> 00:03:39.599 Um, better gatherings, better gatherings that are so interesting and energizing that no substances are needed. 00:03:39.759 --> 00:03:46.719 And so I started a Facebook page and uh it was called Party for Health. 00:03:46.960 --> 00:03:50.400 And that Facebook page blew up within a year. 00:03:50.560 --> 00:03:53.120 I had hundreds of people attending my events. 00:03:53.280 --> 00:04:03.120 I got interviewed by Vice Media, I was all over the news, and we invented these really creative events that some people liked, others didn't. 00:04:03.360 --> 00:04:09.919 But uh, it just absolutely exploded, and that eventually led to my career in public speaking. 00:04:10.240 --> 00:04:19.040 And now the form that it takes is joymaking, which is all about spreading joy, separate from screens, substances, and stuff. 00:04:19.279 --> 00:04:20.639 But uh it was a large journey. 00:04:21.120 --> 00:04:25.199 Anyway, separate from screens, substances, and stuff. 00:04:25.439 --> 00:04:30.240 So we can get joy without our screens, without any substances, and without all of our stuff. 00:04:30.399 --> 00:04:31.759 Is that what you're saying? 00:04:32.079 --> 00:04:37.600 Yeah, it's like a radical, a radical deconditioning, reverse conditioning. 00:04:38.000 --> 00:04:38.959 I love it. 00:04:39.439 --> 00:04:49.199 So how do you how does a party, how does bringing people together, creating joy, how do you do that without screens, substances, and stuff? 00:04:49.519 --> 00:04:59.600 Listen, our philosophy, my philosophy as a joymaker is that the like untapped, limitless source of joy is human connection. 00:04:59.920 --> 00:05:04.480 And we're often so uncreative when it comes to human connection. 00:05:04.639 --> 00:05:06.959 We just stay in conversation. 00:05:07.279 --> 00:05:10.240 And conversation had has its limitations. 00:05:10.480 --> 00:05:14.879 We used to be these nonverbal primates, according to my philosophy. 00:05:15.439 --> 00:05:19.759 And so we need to get more creative with how we socialize. 00:05:19.839 --> 00:05:37.199 And there's all these different practices that we can incorporate into our gatherings: play, singing, dance, movement, improv - like there's just this whole area of human connection that we don't explore because we're stuck in this conversation. 00:05:37.839 --> 00:05:44.480 Um, and conversation is beautiful, and especially when it's vulnerable and it incorporates storytelling. 00:05:44.959 --> 00:05:49.439 But really, we just need to get more creative with how we socialize. 00:05:49.600 --> 00:05:51.759 We need to get better at asking questions. 00:05:52.000 --> 00:05:59.600 We gotta do activities together, actually together, not together but separate. 00:05:59.759 --> 00:06:04.959 Like, you know, when you're in a fitness class, you're doing it together, but actually separate. 00:06:05.040 --> 00:06:06.879 You may have your headphones on or whatever. 00:06:07.120 --> 00:06:15.360 So, really, we just need to explore all the possible activities that we can bring in to our social behaviors. 00:06:15.519 --> 00:06:19.360 And it, and like, you know, as the party scientist, I've learned about these. 00:06:19.439 --> 00:06:24.879 And as I've studied them, I've realized, wow, I was scratching the surface. 00:06:25.199 --> 00:06:40.319 For like the first 27 years of my life, I was suppressed, and I was not really experiencing the true potential of human connection to really lift me up and create a meaningful life for me. 00:06:41.040 --> 00:06:46.639 God, I really resonate with that because I was a ballroom dancer for 20 years. 00:06:46.959 --> 00:06:53.600 And so I spent every day after work going in and dancing and dancing with all sorts of people. 00:06:53.839 --> 00:06:59.519 And sometimes you talked, sometimes you didn't, often you didn't, especially at social parties or during group lessons. 00:06:59.600 --> 00:07:05.279 And so you would be dancing with somebody before you ever knew who they were, what they did. 00:07:05.360 --> 00:07:09.360 Like you didn't have to have those conversations. 00:07:09.519 --> 00:07:10.639 Oh, oh, what do you do? 00:07:10.800 --> 00:07:13.600 Okay, you know, and hope you hit it off, hope there's chemistry. 00:07:13.759 --> 00:07:18.879 But in dance, automatically you felt this really amazing connection. 00:07:19.040 --> 00:07:22.560 And my love language is quality time and physical touch. 00:07:22.639 --> 00:07:26.560 So, like, perfect spot for me to feel really connected. 00:07:26.879 --> 00:07:36.879 But there is something about, like, I'm thinking like rhythm, whether it's just like you're getting in a rhythm or you're dancing, even just a smile, all of that transcends language. 00:07:37.120 --> 00:07:42.399 I can tell you how many people I've danced with that I we didn't talk at all because we spoke different languages. 00:07:42.639 --> 00:07:45.199 Um, so it's really powerful. 00:07:45.439 --> 00:07:48.639 So give me an example of something you would do. 00:07:48.879 --> 00:07:53.120 I know that for I don't know if you're still doing it, but you were doing flash mobs. 00:07:53.600 --> 00:07:54.079 Oh, yeah. 00:07:54.160 --> 00:07:54.959 We did a lot of money. 00:07:55.279 --> 00:07:59.360 Tell me about that because there's a bunch of movement and people just popping up. 00:07:59.600 --> 00:08:01.839 Tell us

about the joy that that created. 00:08:02.399 --> 00:08:07.199 Um, well, I first just want to emphasize the word you said quality time. 00:08:08.079 --> 00:08:11.040 And, you know, a lot of people misunderstand me. 00:08:11.199 --> 00:08:15.839 They think that I'm just this advocate for this wild, chaotic energy. 00:08:16.480 --> 00:08:19.439 And I think it's so important to let loose. 00:08:19.600 --> 00:08:24.079 And I think adults especially don't have the opportunity to let loose. 00:08:24.800 --> 00:08:36.960 But my favorite, like some of my favorite memories are two-hour-long one-on-one lunches with my friends where I get to understand their lives deeply. 00:08:37.279 --> 00:08:39.840 And this is an aspect of joymaking. 00:08:39.919 --> 00:08:44.240 It's how do we guide conversations to be more joyful and energizing as well. 00:08:44.879 --> 00:09:04.960 Um, but I think what you're referring to, I did this for years, but most recently, uh, during the World Cup, we had thousands of people following us through the streets, young kids and teenagers and old people, people from India and people from Latin America. 00:09:05.120 --> 00:09:06.639 It was just so remarkable. 00:09:06.879 --> 00:09:11.600 And we would do all sorts of activities involving movement and singing. 00:09:11.679 --> 00:09:15.759 Like often there'd be a circle of 200 people singing a song together. 00:09:15.919 --> 00:09:18.879 Um, we did give out maple syrup shots. 00:09:19.120 --> 00:09:20.879 That was hilarious. 00:09:21.120 --> 00:09:35.039 But one of my favorite activities is it's called uh a celebration runway, and essentially you just have two lines of people, and then one at a time, people go down the runway and dance, and everyone claps and celebrates and dances with them. 00:09:35.200 --> 00:09:36.480 So that's one of my favorite. 00:09:36.879 --> 00:09:40.960 We have some games that are based on the variation of the conga line. 00:09:41.120 --> 00:09:43.600 Sometimes we'll carry people down the street. 00:09:43.679 --> 00:09:46.080 It's like crowdsurfing, but really controlled. 00:09:46.240 --> 00:09:53.679 And then, but these are flash mobs, so like people have limited attention span to play like the more complicated games. 00:09:53.919 --> 00:10:06.879 But some of the complicated games that we like to play at Joymaker Camp, um, there's a bunch of like improv games where people will like suggest an activity to the group. 00:10:06.960 --> 00:10:19.200 We have a game called Yes Let's, where one person screams, yes, let's pretend to clean the house, and then the whole group pretends to clean the house. 00:10:19.440 --> 00:10:30.799 So it's like a creative, active, constructive responding exercise where you learn to like really respond constructively to what people are sharing. 00:10:31.039 --> 00:10:43.840 And this is really important because when people take social risks around us, how we respond predicts how much risk they will take in the future. 00:10:44.080 -->

00:10:54.879 And my belief is that the more risks people can take around us, the better the party will be and the better the relationship will be. 00:10:55.039 --> 00:10:57.759 And it all relates to social risk. 00:10:57.919 --> 00:11:07.519 And so if we can increase the amount of social risk in our interactions, we're gonna be more vulnerable with each other. 00:11:08.159 --> 00:11:09.039 Right, right. 00:11:09.200 --> 00:11:17.200 What are ways that people who gather can welcome and encourage people to take that social risk? 00:11:17.919 --> 00:11:21.200 The first thing that comes to mind is the vulnerable introduction. 00:11:21.440 --> 00:11:26.480 The way that we introduce ourselves, I mean, most hosts, they don't even introduce themselves. 00:11:26.639 --> 00:11:29.440 They're called invisible hosts. 00:11:29.840 --> 00:11:32.960 And that is just a missed opportunity. 00:11:33.200 --> 00:11:39.120 People are so afraid of being labeled an ecomaniac and an attention seeker. 00:11:39.279 --> 00:11:45.840 But the reality is in this world, if you don't have attention, you have limited impact. 00:11:46.159 --> 00:11:51.600 With attention on you, you can dramatically shift the social norms of the room. 00:11:51.840 --> 00:12:11.200 And so when you are introducing yourself, when you're welcoming everyone at your gathering, the way that you introduce yourself, and if you are imperfect and you are unpolished and you share something vulnerable about yourself, that's gonna dramatically change how people feel in the room. 00:12:11.519 --> 00:12:16.159 The the second thing is by leading vitalizers. 00:12:16.320 --> 00:12:24.480 We call them vitalizers, and these are structured activities that energize the social dynamic. 00:12:24.559 --> 00:12:31.200 And what I mean by energize, it means make it more meaningful, make it more joyful, make it more emotional. 00:12:31.440 --> 00:12:43.519 The games, the activities, the authentic relating where it would be a guided conversation, those are the things that made people feel safe to take risks. 00:12:44.320 --> 00:12:54.399 And the final thing I'll say is just when we demonstrate the social norms, like people are always following our lead for what is acceptable in the room. 00:12:54.720 --> 00:13:00.240 And the way that you demonstrate, if you're perfect, I mean, you're a ballroom dancer. 00:13:00.559 --> 00:13:13.120 If you were to dance really well in a group of people on the street, my guess is that they would think it was a performance instead of something that they could join in. 00:13:13.679 --> 00:13:17.759 And you're demonstrating in a way that intimidates people. 00:13:17.919 --> 00:13:22.000 And so you gotta demonstrate, we gotta demonstrate in a way that's goofy and imperfect. 00:13:22.080 --> 00:13:31.519 And like the more human and imperfect we are in our speech and in our behaviors, people are gonna want to participate and take risks. 00:13:31.679 --> 00:13:33.120 Do you have anything to add? 00:13:33.759 --> 00:13:35.200 That makes so much sense. 00:13:35.360 --> 00:13:36.720 Oh, it's so, so true. 00:13:36.879 --> 00:13:53.360 I'm thinking kind of what's coming up for me as I'm listening to you is also fast forward to like this day from my dance time till now, this day of AI, everything is so perfect and curated that just real humanness, like just let's not say the perfect thing. 00:13:53.519 --> 00:13:59.120 Let's not have the perfect contoured makeup, let's not like let's just be real. 00:13:59.440 --> 00:14:06.159 Because I think as we continue on over the next few years, things are gonna get less and less and less and less real. 00:14:06.320 --> 00:14:08.879 So us as humans showing up just to be real. 00:14:09.039 --> 00:14:29.679 But yeah, I think that was a very good point you made that if you're trying to engage people to join in, you have to allow that goofy or silly or untrained so that other people so we're setting the bar pretty low so that everyone feels they can join join in. 00:14:30.639 --> 00:14:31.440 Absolutely. 00:14:31.600 --> 00:14:40.399 And I'll also add, you know, when you're at a corporate conference, um, the approach is different, right? 00:14:40.799 --> 00:14:50.240 Uh I per I performed at uh conferences at five star hotels and I've opened the conferences, and that's a little different, right? 00:14:50.480 --> 00:14:55.440 Versus being on the street and hosting a flash mob. 00:14:55.840 --> 00:15:06.639 And sometimes I dress really nicely and I dress super high class, and that's that's what works for that audience, right? 00:15:07.120 --> 00:15:08.480 Know your audience for sure. 00:15:10.159 --> 00:15:10.799 Yeah. 00:15:11.919 --> 00:15:15.679 So let's talk, let's shift a little bit to the topic of belonging. 00:15:15.840 --> 00:15:18.799 I think that joy and belonging are kind of meshed together. 00:15:19.039 --> 00:15:25.360 First off, what is your personal definition or reflection on belonging? 00:15:27.840 --> 00:15:28.480 Hmm. 00:15:28.799 --> 00:15:33.600 What comes to mind is a few things. 00:15:34.000 --> 00:15:43.519 We can label belonging, we can try and define it by these objective things, like, oh, we share values or we do the same thing. 00:15:43.759 --> 00:15:46.480 But I think it's really about a feeling. 00:15:46.799 --> 00:15:59.519 And it's a feeling that I can be myself without risking being abandoned or criticized or um removed from the group. 00:15:59.759 --> 00:16:09.120 Uh, when I've experienced the most belonging, I've been able to make jokes without fearing um offending people, as an example. 00:16:09.279 --> 00:16:15.919 I've I've been able to be this really goofy, silly version, and I haven't been concerned about being punished. 00:16:16.000 --> 00:16:21.440 And so there's a relationship between belonging and psychological safety, absolutely. 00:16:21.600 --> 00:16:28.320 And psychological safety is a shared belief that we can take risks and we're not going to get punished.

00:16:28.559 --> 00:16:33.840 But I also think that belonging has this continuity to it. 00:16:34.080 --> 00:16:40.399 It's like I'm in a group and these people are present in my life. 00:16:40.720 --> 00:16:50.399 And I think there's um we have a concept in the joymaking curriculum called social wealth. 00:16:50.639 --> 00:16:56.559 And the more you invest in your social wealth, the more risks you can take in the world. 00:16:56.720 --> 00:17:06.720 And social wealth is this belief like I have my people, they're not gonna abandon me for me making mistakes, and they're gonna stick around. 00:17:06.880 --> 00:17:19.440 And so I think that belonging also relies on this future expectation that my community is gonna be around for me and it's not gonna suddenly disappear if I make a mistake. 00:17:19.680 --> 00:17:21.200 So those are a few aspects. 00:17:21.279 --> 00:17:21.519 Yeah. 00:17:21.759 --> 00:17:22.319 Wow, I love that. 00:17:22.640 --> 00:17:24.799 This is the first time I've described it that way. 00:17:25.759 --> 00:17:26.559 So good. 00:17:26.799 --> 00:17:33.920 Um yeah, I don't talk about elevate villages a lot on the podcast, but this really brings in a really important piece of it. 00:17:34.400 --> 00:17:55.599 So youth who've been in the foster system and most of these most of their lives, they've been in 20 to 30 placements, whether homes or group homes, and all of a sudden they're 18, 19, and the state's signs off, and now they have to go figure out life, having never belonged, having never had consistency belonging. 00:17:55.839 --> 00:18:04.480 And so what I find happens is there's a lot of programs afterwards that will come in and it's a year-long program and a two-year program. 00:18:04.640 --> 00:18:14.640 But all of these things, just like what you said, that future of I'm gonna belong here for a long time is never there for the youth. 00:18:14.880 --> 00:18:20.319 And so with the Elevate Villages model, we're building villages where there is no end date. 00:18:20.480 --> 00:18:23.519 They don't come for one year, they come until they want to leave. 00:18:23.759 --> 00:18:25.839 And when they leave, they can still come back. 00:18:26.000 --> 00:18:29.039 Come back, celebrate holidays with us, come back for your birthday. 00:18:29.119 --> 00:18:32.720 Like we want to see you, we want to celebrate your successes with you. 00:18:32.960 --> 00:18:35.920 And that's why it is a village because we're their people. 00:18:36.000 --> 00:18:36.720 We're your family. 00:18:36.880 --> 00:18:44.960 We're not gonna, this isn't just a short-term thing for us to get you one more step further in life before you crash and burn. 00:18:45.279 --> 00:18:52.640 No, we're not gonna let you crash and burn because you're gonna stay here forever, um, connected to us in whatever way you choose. 00:18:52.960 --> 00:18:54.799 So I love that you brought that up. 00:18:54.880 --> 00:19:10.000 That part of belonging is feeling like this is a long-term, like where I'm at, and while belonging can be momentary in a group, but still like who I am doesn't need to change. 00:19:10.960 --> 00:19:17.039 I don't have to be on some timeline and you're choosing me, and I'm choosing you, and we're here in this space. 00:19:17.200 --> 00:19:21.039 I think there's something really kind of profound and and deep about that. 00:19:22.240 --> 00:19:26.160 Can you remember some times, Jacques, when you didn't feel like you belonged? 00:19:26.319 --> 00:19:32.480 You felt disconnected or unable to show up as as the brilliant you. 00:19:33.279 --> 00:19:33.920 Well. 00:19:36.720 --> 00:19:44.480 Um Yeah, I mean, there's there's a few memories that come to mind, but I just want to echo something that you've shared. 00:19:45.839 --> 00:19:57.440 I think there's there's a lot of conditions that we put on belonging, and I think some of those conditions are we have to be similar to the people around us. 00:19:57.920 --> 00:20:25.599 And I just compare that version to this other version of like rural belonging, where not everyone's like you because there's so few people, yet it has this aspect of functionality, meaning people may be totally different, yet people are making the decision to come together and to help each other and to share resources. 00:20:25.759 --> 00:20:34.720 And so I think what I want to emphasize here is that there's easy belonging and then there's like chosen belonging. 00:20:34.880 --> 00:20:47.680 And easy belonging is when you speak the same language and you have the same values and you have the same degree and level of education, and that's like a great thing to have. 00:20:47.920 --> 00:20:48.160 You do. 00:20:48.480 --> 00:20:50.960 And the same thing, kind of a proximity belonging. 00:20:51.039 --> 00:20:58.799 I belong because all of our stuff is the same and it's easy because I understand you and you understand me, and we don't have to work at discovering each other. 00:20:59.200 --> 00:20:59.839 Absolutely. 00:21:00.000 --> 00:21:07.519 And I think what you're describing is this more like needs-based belonging, which is so natural to our species. 00:21:07.680 --> 00:21:14.160 We would not exist if we did not learn how to socialize and help each other fulfill our needs. 00:21:14.400 --> 00:21:22.319 Um, and when we choose that, we no longer ask ourselves, oh, is this someone who I want to be around? 00:21:22.640 --> 00:21:23.839 Is this someone I like? 00:21:24.000 --> 00:21:31.839 It's more like, no, like they're a part of my community and we have a shared goal of thriving as a community. 00:21:32.000 --> 00:21:40.000 And I guess what I really want to get at is so often we think our way out of belonging. 00:21:40.319 --> 00:21:47.119 We come up with all these reasons why we are not like other people. 00:21:47.759 --> 00:21:54.480 And we we we just manufacture it in our heads because people are different than us. 00:21:55.039 --> 00:22:03.920 Um, but I like you said with dance, you didn't

even, you didn't even share a Word with some of these people, yet you felt so connected with them. 00:22:04.160 --> 00:22:08.559 Now, I think like my standard of belonging is very high. 00:22:08.640 --> 00:22:14.640 So I want to be deeply understood by people that are in my strong ties, right? 00:22:14.720 --> 00:22:18.720 This is another concept that I think we can touch on is weak ties versus strong ties. 00:22:19.119 --> 00:22:25.039 I'm very selective about my strong ties, and I'm very non-selective about my weak ties. 00:22:25.279 --> 00:22:28.640 Meaning I will have conversations with strangers all the time. 00:22:28.799 --> 00:22:34.240 I will have deep, enriching conversations, and they may be totally different than me. 00:22:34.400 --> 00:22:43.759 They may be wackos, but yet I have a beautiful interaction with them and it lifts my entire day versus strong ties. 00:22:44.240 --> 00:22:52.720 But but the point I'm really making is we want to learn how to access this feeling of belonging like in more places. 00:22:53.279 --> 00:23:17.359 And I think part of my purpose on this earth is how can I equip people with the skills and the leadership and the courage so that they can create that sense of belonging with anyone and they can feel safe and they can create rapport and they can they can like facilitate that that deep understanding. 00:23:17.920 --> 00:23:26.960 Um, but I don't think it's it what I'm getting, it's not necessary to be similar to people to access this feeling of belonging, right? 00:23:27.279 --> 00:23:27.920 Absolutely. 00:23:28.079 --> 00:23:34.799 And I think one I what's what I'm noticing when you're talking about that, and first off, the what did you call it? 00:23:34.960 --> 00:23:37.680 The person that's maybe just a one-time connection. 00:23:38.000 --> 00:23:38.640 Weak ties. 00:23:38.880 --> 00:23:40.240 The weak ties and the strong ties. 00:23:40.319 --> 00:23:40.640 I love it. 00:23:40.720 --> 00:23:53.920 In this on this podcast, we've talked a lot about like the circles, like you have different circles to belonging or the pyramid, like you have so yes, I love that the weak ties and strong ties, because there's a lot of different ways we can belong. 00:23:54.000 --> 00:23:59.599 You can't have an forever intimate and know everybody at the same level. 00:23:59.839 --> 00:24:08.400 Um and I think what we can do is everyone that's a human being, we're human. 00:24:08.559 --> 00:24:11.200 Like that is our connection, that is our commonality. 00:24:11.359 --> 00:24:15.039 And I believe that we're all responsible for each other. 00:24:15.359 --> 00:24:26.079 So if someone is completely not like me, maybe believes different than me and looks different than me and acts different than me and talks different than me, doesn't mean that they don't belong to me. 00:24:26.240 --> 00:24:34.720 I still have the responsibility as a human in that moment that our paths cross, that we're walking, maybe one step, maybe five steps. 00:24:35.039 --> 00:24:40.400 It's my responsibility as a human to walk with that person that they belong to me in that moment. 00:24:40.559 --> 00:24:47.279 And I act completely different when I show up as you belong to me in the grocery store. 00:24:47.359 --> 00:24:55.680 I might only see you in one aisle, but that aisle, if we can if our eyes connect, if you're reaching for a can and you can't reach it, if you drop some, you belong to me. 00:24:55.839 --> 00:24:58.960 How would I treat you if you were my dearest friend? 00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:02.880 Um, yeah, that's the level I take belonging to. 00:25:03.119 --> 00:25:05.200 That that's that's so powerful. 00:25:05.440 --> 00:25:11.200 And I'm I'm really curious about that because I think there's a parallel between you and I. 00:25:11.440 --> 00:25:24.000 For me, I choose to spread joy with people, and my joy in my life, I'm responsible for that joy, and I don't wait for it to happen. 00:25:24.240 --> 00:25:32.319 And I feel like one of the objections I get is like, don't you feel like you're always on and you're not at yourself? 00:25:32.640 --> 00:25:33.359 Are you performing? 00:25:33.680 --> 00:25:34.160 Yeah, yeah. 00:25:34.400 --> 00:25:35.279 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 00:25:35.359 --> 00:25:44.079 So, so like, do you ever like just turn off the belonging facilitator and like put your blinders on? 00:25:44.240 --> 00:25:48.960 I'm sure it's like yeah, that's a great question. 00:25:49.599 --> 00:25:54.880 Yes, because I I don't think my natural inclination is to look at everyone like I belong to them. 00:25:54.960 --> 00:25:59.599 Sometimes I'll leave the grocery store and I'll realize that I didn't see anybody. 00:26:00.319 --> 00:26:05.279 They were there, but I didn't take the time and the effort and the energy to see them. 00:26:05.440 --> 00:26:11.920 I think saying that everyone belongs to me and I choose to make them feel that way is a goal. 00:26:12.240 --> 00:26:14.559 And I don't, I am not there a hundred percent. 00:26:14.799 --> 00:26:14.960 Yeah. 00:26:15.119 --> 00:26:15.920 I try to be. 00:26:16.079 --> 00:26:20.400 I've chosen to live a more still life. 00:26:20.559 --> 00:26:23.839 Like I leave spaciousness in my life so that I can take time. 00:26:23.920 --> 00:26:31.119 If if you're running, if you have your schedule jam-packed and you have three minutes to get into the grocery store and grab milk, you're not gonna see anybody. 00:26:31.200 --> 00:26:32.000 You're not gonna have time. 00:26:32.160 --> 00:26:33.599 I mean, and you don't have a lot of time. 00:26:33.680 --> 00:26:35.839 I'm not saying sit down and have conversations. 00:26:36.160 --> 00:26:37.039 Eye contact. 00:26:37.200 --> 00:26:37.759 Eye contact. 00:26:38.079 --> 00:26:39.759 Smile, like just that. 00:26:40.240 --> 00:26:42.000 I gotta add to something you just said. 00:26:42.079 --> 00:26:42.400 Yeah. 00:26:42.559 --> 00:26:46.079 It's this concept of time famine. 00:26:46.559 --> 00:26:47.680 Have you

heard of this concept? 00:26:48.000 --> 00:26:48.799 Time famine. 00:26:49.119 --> 00:26:49.759 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 00:26:49.839 --> 00:26:50.640 So bring it on. 00:26:50.880 --> 00:26:53.920 This is a this is a concept in the science of happiness. 00:26:54.079 --> 00:27:02.079 And it turns out that when we have time famine, we do not help people who need help on the side of the street. 00:27:02.240 --> 00:27:05.200 We we put our blinders on and we don't talk to strangers. 00:27:05.359 --> 00:27:24.480 And this is one of the factors I I think, like I think this is one of the mechanisms by which people who have less financial resources, they don't have the capacity to be kind sometimes or because they're in survival mode. 00:27:24.799 --> 00:27:26.319 Basically, yeah, yeah. 00:27:26.559 --> 00:27:40.079 So when we have time famine and when we're in a rush, it dramatically reduces the amount of joy that we can create in our day-to-day lives with strangers, with the cashier, with the person in the sauna with us, right? 00:27:40.160 --> 00:27:46.720 Like I'm a I'm I talk to everyone in the sauna and I've had the most, the best conversations in the sauna ever. 00:27:47.039 --> 00:27:54.559 Um so, so I love that time famine is both logistical and it's mental. 00:27:54.880 --> 00:27:58.400 Some people feel like they just don't have enough time. 00:27:58.480 --> 00:27:59.119 And guess what? 00:27:59.279 --> 00:28:02.640 Then they go home and they watch movies, right? 00:28:02.720 --> 00:28:04.559 And it's so interesting to me. 00:28:04.640 --> 00:28:04.799 Right. 00:28:05.039 --> 00:28:17.039 Like it's so interesting to me that we were in a rush, and then we will just go waste time on things that just give us pleasure instead of this more rewarding form of joy. 00:28:17.200 --> 00:28:20.799 Like when, and and I love what you said about the eye contact. 00:28:21.119 --> 00:28:26.079 I will just smile at people on the street and I feel so good. 00:28:26.319 --> 00:28:28.400 I feel so good after that. 00:28:28.640 --> 00:28:37.279 And it doesn't require much time to boost our mood through these small interactions. 00:28:37.359 --> 00:28:39.359 So, so I yeah, I love it. 00:28:39.519 --> 00:28:40.640 I absolutely love it. 00:28:40.720 --> 00:28:43.599 And I love what you said about your aspiration too. 00:28:43.920 --> 00:28:52.640 My aspiration, I believe that every small interaction I have with people, every single person I light up, oh, it's fuel. 00:28:52.880 --> 00:28:53.920 I get more energy. 00:28:54.079 --> 00:28:54.160 Yes. 00:28:54.480 --> 00:29:01.200 And when people, when people say to me, Oh, Jacques, you're gonna burn out because you're always in this like facilitator mode. 00:29:01.359 --> 00:29:06.720 And I'm like, sorry, have you experienced what it feels like to make someone's day? 00:29:06.960 --> 00:29:09.440 Like it's addictive, it's the best thing ever. 00:29:09.519 --> 00:29:11.599 It gives me energy for the rest of the day. 00:29:11.759

--> 00:29:12.799 I'm not gonna burn out. 00:29:12.880 --> 00:29:16.319 I'm gonna be doing this till I'm like 200 years old. 00:29:16.640 --> 00:29:18.400 And you'll probably live to 200. 00:29:18.480 --> 00:29:24.160 So tell us on the uh scientific side what happens when we create joy? 00:29:24.319 --> 00:29:26.000 What happens when we smile at somebody? 00:29:26.160 --> 00:29:28.240 What's going on in our in our system? 00:29:28.400 --> 00:29:30.559 Because I know you come from a basis of science. 00:29:30.720 --> 00:29:35.200 So let's talk joy and connection and belonging through science. 00:29:35.680 --> 00:29:36.799 Absolutely. 00:29:37.119 --> 00:29:41.680 So the acronym, okay, there's there's two acronyms I want to share with you. 00:29:41.759 --> 00:29:41.920 Okay. 00:29:42.160 --> 00:29:44.160 The first one, it's quite funny. 00:29:44.319 --> 00:29:49.359 The first one is called LSD Laughing, Singing, Dancing. 00:29:51.359 --> 00:29:52.319 I love that. 00:29:52.640 --> 00:29:56.799 I was presenting at a Laughter Yoga conference last weekend. 00:29:56.880 --> 00:29:57.039 Yeah. 00:29:57.200 --> 00:30:07.200 And these laughter yogis, they are the most unself-conscious, uh, shamelessly positive, goofy people I've ever met. 00:30:07.519 --> 00:30:12.799 And they woke me up to the fact that I still put limitations on myself. 00:30:12.880 --> 00:30:15.200 It was, it was a beautiful experience. 00:30:15.519 --> 00:30:17.759 DOS is the second acronym. 00:30:17.920 --> 00:30:18.160 DOS. 00:30:18.400 --> 00:30:22.319 And that stands for dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, and endorphins. 00:30:22.559 --> 00:30:28.799 Now, dopamine gets a bad rap, but dopamine is a feel-good chemical. 00:30:29.599 --> 00:30:34.400 And we we want to learn how to naturally elevate our dopamine. 00:30:34.640 --> 00:30:38.319 And it increases our focus and our energy. 00:30:38.640 --> 00:30:44.720 Endorphins and oxytocin, those are the social bonding neurotransmitters. 00:30:45.039 --> 00:30:52.880 Oxytocin is primarily responsible for pair bonding, and it's usually present in those one-on-one connections. 00:30:53.039 --> 00:30:57.119 And then endorphins are the ones that we don't often talk about. 00:30:57.200 --> 00:31:02.960 And endorphins get released when we touch each other at 2.5 centimeters per second. 00:31:03.119 --> 00:31:04.799 I know, really specific. 00:31:05.519 --> 00:31:08.960 And this is from the grooming of the chimpanzees. 00:31:10.000 --> 00:31:13.359 Oh, like, oh, interesting. 00:31:13.759 --> 00:31:21.920 So, yeah, there's tactile receptors in our skin that get activated at 2.5 centimeters per second. 00:31:22.000 --> 00:31:22.880 Isn't that crazy? 00:31:23.039 --> 00:31:24.480 The body is a wire. 00:31:25.359 --> 00:31:28.799 What I really want to emphasize is the power of synchrony. 00:31:29.039 --> 00:31:39.440 When we laugh together, when we sing together, and when we move together, synchrony happens and that releases endorphins. 00:31:39.839 -->

00:31:45.359 And that's why when we sing together, we feel much closer to people. 00:31:45.680 --> 00:31:54.319 When we jump in unison together, when we laugh in unison, this happens in conversations all the time, these synchrony uh moments. 00:31:54.720 --> 00:32:06.000 Um, I think the most under-leveraged neurotransmitter-based activity for facilitating human connection is the movement piece. 00:32:06.160 --> 00:32:10.799 The movement piece because it also elevates our physical energy and our focus. 00:32:11.039 --> 00:32:16.319 And so often we're just in a low energy state that is just lethargic. 00:32:16.480 --> 00:32:26.480 If you go to an average gathering, it's like people are caffeinated, they're drinking alcohol, and they're doing a lot of these substances to keep their energy high. 00:32:26.640 --> 00:32:36.319 But if we were to just use physical movement, and this is why I'm such a big advocate for play and movement-based play, is because it really elevates people's energy. 00:32:36.480 --> 00:32:44.880 And then what happens is it becomes easier to have a rich conversation because our neurochemistry is changed, right? 00:32:45.200 --> 00:32:45.680 Yeah. 00:32:45.920 --> 00:32:46.559 Yeah. 00:32:47.359 --> 00:32:54.160 So that leads me back to kind of where we started of being able, people, we want to be together. 00:32:54.319 --> 00:32:55.519 We want to have fun. 00:32:55.680 --> 00:33:01.680 And I think no one wants that more than youth, like getting to your teenage years, college. 00:33:02.079 --> 00:33:09.200 And so at the time that we're recording this podcast, the Cornell 7 has just is everywhere in the news. 00:33:09.920 --> 00:33:11.759 And this has been a problem for decades. 00:33:11.839 --> 00:33:12.960 It's not a new thing. 00:33:13.200 --> 00:33:13.519 Yep. 00:33:13.839 --> 00:33:18.559 That college drinking on college campuses, and I assume also in high school. 00:33:19.279 --> 00:33:25.359 Now you have a bunch of people whose frontal lobes aren't even fully developed yet, and now you're adding alcohol and substance to it. 00:33:25.519 --> 00:33:28.240 And so really horrible things happen. 00:33:28.559 --> 00:33:30.640 You obviously saw that in festivals. 00:33:31.599 --> 00:33:42.799 I'm very passionate about this subject because in Elevate Villages, the youth that we will be working with, how do we reimagine what people think is fun? 00:33:42.960 --> 00:33:44.640 Oh, I'm gonna go get wasted. 00:33:44.960 --> 00:33:47.200 Why has that been what we think is fun? 00:33:47.359 --> 00:34:00.799 And how can we instead create healthy environments where we can connect and have fun, but not be compromising our health, not be compromising our self-respect, not feel like we have to do something that we don't want to do? 00:34:00.880 --> 00:34:06.960 Like, what would a pure, honest, natural thing of having fun, what might that look like? 00:34:07.359 --> 00:34:09.280 You can pick anything in that to talk about. 00:34:09.360 --> 00:34:10.800 I know I just threw a lot at you. 00:34:11.679 --> 00:34:14.880 I'm so passionate about this subject. 00:34:15.440 --> 00:34:21.119 When we deactivate our frontal lobe, we lose connection with the person in front of us. 00:34:22.719 --> 00:34:23.519 We lose attunement. 00:34:23.840 --> 00:34:24.400 Say that again. 00:34:24.559 --> 00:34:25.519 Say that again. 00:34:25.920 --> 00:34:34.239 When we deactivate our frontal lobe, we lose our empathy, our attunement, our connection with the person in front of us. 00:34:34.880 --> 00:34:41.199 Naturally, humans are empathetic and we feel, we feel another person's pain. 00:34:41.360 --> 00:34:50.880 There's a few out there who are total psychopaths, yes, but the majority of us, we are reciprocal, we are kind, we respond, we respond. 00:34:51.039 --> 00:34:53.679 We can't, it's hard to hurt people. 00:34:53.840 --> 00:34:55.760 That's my belief about human nature. 00:34:55.920 --> 00:34:59.519 And so when we deactivate that frontal lobe, we lose that. 00:34:59.760 --> 00:35:01.280 And I witnessed this. 00:35:01.440 --> 00:35:06.639 I was a sexual health educator during Me Too on a university campus. 00:35:06.800 --> 00:35:09.280 I was leading workshops about consent. 00:35:09.519 --> 00:35:10.400 Powerful work. 00:35:10.480 --> 00:35:17.039 I actually remember speaking in front of the first-year residents about safe sex. 00:35:17.519 --> 00:35:25.519 And uh I smile now because you know, there were some some some really just graphic subjects discussed. 00:35:26.000 --> 00:35:26.320 No doubt. 00:35:27.440 --> 00:35:37.760 But I'm I'm so proud and I'm so happy that my mentor, she really brought me into sober partying before I was even a medic through this work of sexual assault prevention. 00:35:38.079 --> 00:35:41.440 Um, now let's come back to your question. 00:35:42.480 --> 00:35:56.719 How do we help people feel safe to have fun, feel safe to open up, express themselves without alcohol, drugs, and ideally screens as well? 00:35:57.599 --> 00:36:08.800 And I think the simple answer is we must learn how to design more psychologically safe environments. 00:36:09.199 --> 00:36:09.519 Okay. 00:36:10.400 --> 00:36:18.639 That's one aspect is how can we empower young leaders to become better gatherers and hosts? 00:36:18.880 --> 00:36:21.360 And so they become the alcohol for people. 00:36:21.519 --> 00:36:21.920 You know what? 00:36:22.000 --> 00:36:26.400 One of my mantras is I am people's alcohol. 00:36:26.639 --> 00:36:26.960 Okay. 00:36:27.440 --> 00:36:29.599 I help them disinhibit. 00:36:29.840 --> 00:36:32.880 Listen, alcohol has great aspects to it. 00:36:33.039 --> 00:36:37.599 Some people, you will never see them hug unless they're drunk. 00:36:37.840 --> 00:36:41.599 Okay, so I don't wanna I don't wanna say that alcohol is universally bad. 00:36:41.760 --> 00:36:50.079 I think for for a lot of men, especially men, we struggle to be affectionate with each other and dance and and express

ourselves. 00:36:50.400 --> 00:36:53.119 And I think both genders have their stuff. 00:36:53.360 --> 00:37:02.880 But uh I think what we need to think about is how do we design gatherings that just naturally disinhibit people, make people feel safe to open up, be goofy. 00:37:03.119 --> 00:37:13.599 And what we need to do is we need to empower, we need to give more leaders the skills to step up and lead people with authority. 00:37:13.840 --> 00:37:18.719 And I wish, I wish when I was in high school I had the skills that I have right now. 00:37:18.880 --> 00:37:28.079 Because what I would have done for my high school, I would have created the most rich learning community environment ever because I have the skills now, right? 00:37:28.159 --> 00:37:32.400 I have the skills to bring people together and make people feel safe. 00:37:32.639 --> 00:37:36.000 The second thing I think is already happening. 00:37:36.239 --> 00:37:42.079 I think drinking is losing its glamour and health consciousness is becoming more cool. 00:37:42.320 --> 00:37:47.840 And so there's this whole like status programming and it's shadow. 00:37:48.000 --> 00:37:52.480 It's a shadow of our species, the fact that we're so driven by status. 00:37:52.719 --> 00:37:55.360 We care so much about how we're perceived. 00:37:55.519 --> 00:38:01.679 But let's use those neural circuits to uplift humanity. 00:38:01.920 --> 00:38:05.199 Let's let's let's re-engineer what cool is. 00:38:05.360 --> 00:38:15.920 Let's make cool being able to be confident without alcohol and being able to dance without substances and and being the one who makes people laugh. 00:38:16.079 --> 00:38:26.000 And I don't have all the answers for that one, so maybe you have some, but young people respond to what is socially desirable, right? 00:38:26.159 --> 00:38:31.840 And so I think really what we're talking about right now, Melissa, is public health. 00:38:32.559 --> 00:38:38.239 And we go back to the public health victory over smoking. 00:38:38.480 --> 00:38:41.440 How did public health beat smoking? 00:38:41.760 --> 00:38:53.440 Well, one aspect is that the young people hated that old corporate snobs were profiting off them. 00:38:53.519 --> 00:38:55.599 And the young people wanted to rebel. 00:38:55.840 --> 00:38:57.119 Okay, that's one aspect. 00:38:57.199 --> 00:38:58.480 There's many aspects. 00:38:58.639 --> 00:39:00.400 The other one was accessibility. 00:39:00.559 --> 00:39:04.000 Smoking became really hard to get and purchase. 00:39:04.159 --> 00:39:16.000 There's all these different public health levers that we can pull, but I think the most powerful one, and you and I, we're we're social engineers, we're interested in how to how to engineer social dynamics. 00:39:16.239 --> 00:39:23.280 How do we redefine what is cool, what is high status, what is rewarded in a room? 00:39:23.440 --> 00:39:34.960 That's something that I think we need to think about, and and university administrators need to think about is how can they get into this like status hierarchy psychology? 00:39:35.280 --> 00:39:36.239 Yeah, yeah. 00:39:36.480 --> 00:39:38.000 Yeah, what do you think? 00:39:38.480 --> 00:39:58.159 I think it's I'm encouraged to talk to someone like you, a couple decades younger than I am, I'm imagining, and you're like leading this new younger generation, and you're saying this is normal, this is cool, this is how we can gather. 00:39:58.320 --> 00:40:02.480 Um, so that to me is there's hope, there's possibility. 00:40:02.800 --> 00:40:12.960 So I'd like you to, if you would, to imagine with me that you are walking beside me as we're designing elevate villages. 00:40:13.119 --> 00:40:18.960 We have the land, maybe there's a path through it, and we're designing different pieces of it. 00:40:19.920 --> 00:40:24.880 What would be knowing that we're gonna have youth from 18 on up? 00:40:25.039 --> 00:40:31.360 We're also gonna have adult other people coming in and living in the village so that we have neighbors. 00:40:31.599 --> 00:40:40.400 What is the one thing that you would make absolutely sure we don't forget in the architecture of our village? 00:40:44.800 --> 00:40:45.280 Wow. 00:40:45.440 --> 00:40:48.960 Well, I'm first so excited about this vision you have. 00:40:49.760 --> 00:40:55.599 And I love the word village, and I crave to live in a village. 00:40:56.000 --> 00:41:00.400 So, and this is absolutely what I want to do as well. 00:41:00.559 --> 00:41:05.519 I want to live in a village that celebrates joy and personal growth. 00:41:05.840 --> 00:41:16.480 Um I think the most important part of the community building process is the onboarding. 00:41:17.679 --> 00:41:18.000 Okay. 00:41:18.320 --> 00:41:21.280 How do people join? 00:41:22.159 --> 00:41:24.960 How do we educate new members? 00:41:25.840 --> 00:41:29.519 How do we set them up for success? 00:41:29.920 --> 00:41:37.039 What is that first connection that they have, that first one-on-one connection that they have with someone there? 00:41:37.519 --> 00:41:44.960 I have these these small villages, they're called Joymaker camps, and I have people sign a social contract. 00:41:45.519 --> 00:41:54.480 I have people go through, and one of them is I pledge to be, I I even swear in it. 00:41:54.559 --> 00:42:00.400 I it's like I pledge to be fucking fun, forgiving, and one other word or something. 00:42:00.559 --> 00:42:19.599 And of course, it's playful and there's room for negotiation, but I just think it's so important to this is gonna sound harsh, but uh someone who's not ready to be in community. 00:42:19.760 --> 00:42:26.559 If we are forcing people to be in the village, it is it is so much more challenging to create belonging. 00:42:26.880 --> 00:42:34.960 And so I think the most important aspect is to really educate people about what this is. 00:42:35.519 --> 00:42:46.400 And if they are eager and they they really want to be a part of it and they wanna learn the social norms and

they want to contribute, we need to bring those people in. 00:42:46.480 --> 00:42:57.760 We need to give them the tools to contribute, and we need to connect them with one or two people and facilitate deep one-on-one conversations with those one or two people. 00:42:57.920 --> 00:43:06.880 And then they're gonna have, they're gonna feel like they have someone watching their back and they're gonna start to become themselves and they're gonna start to reach out to other people in the community. 00:43:07.039 --> 00:43:12.480 But I think it's those, it only takes one best friend to transform our lives. 00:43:12.719 --> 00:43:20.480 It only takes one person to have our back and really care about us to create that sense of psychological safety. 00:43:20.639 --> 00:43:27.840 So I think it's that intentional pairing and that really intentional educational onboarding system. 00:43:28.000 --> 00:43:29.280 That what do you think of that? 00:43:29.440 --> 00:43:32.719 It's there's a little bit of uh selection there, right? 00:43:32.960 --> 00:43:33.840 No, I love it. 00:43:33.920 --> 00:43:50.480 I it's interesting this is coming up now because for the last, I don't know, little while of time, as we're moving this process forward and getting closer and closer to Brunky Ground on the first village, what's come up for me is that we can't build the village and then bring people in. 00:43:50.719 --> 00:43:56.000 So we're thinking of having something called the landing zone where people will come. 00:43:56.159 --> 00:43:59.760 The first group of youth will actually help us envision the village and help us build it. 00:44:00.639 --> 00:44:09.599 But in order to come into the village, whether you're youth or adult, you have to live at that landing zone for X amount of time, a week, six weeks. 00:44:09.679 --> 00:44:11.039 And during it is your program. 00:44:11.199 --> 00:44:12.320 How is the governance working? 00:44:12.480 --> 00:44:15.519 How do we facilitate conflict resolution? 00:44:15.679 --> 00:44:17.599 Like we learn all of this. 00:44:17.840 --> 00:44:23.119 And at the end of that period of time, if it's not a good fit for you, we bless you and send you on. 00:44:23.199 --> 00:44:25.519 If you're a youth, we're going to make sure you're safe for a few months. 00:44:25.599 --> 00:44:27.920 You can get, you know, get your life going. 00:44:28.320 --> 00:44:35.440 If you're our people, if you want to build this with us, if you're okay with saying, I'm going to do it new, I'm going to do it a different way, then come on in. 00:44:35.599 --> 00:44:36.880 And now you've been trained. 00:44:36.960 --> 00:44:40.320 And so anyway, it's interesting that those are the things we've been talking about. 00:44:40.480 --> 00:44:44.079 And now to have you say this, which is not what I expected you to say. 00:44:44.159 --> 00:44:54.639 And I love that you did because it confirms that we're definitely on the right path, thinking about this landing zone experience before you

would actually come into the full village. 00:44:55.199 --> 00:44:55.840 Yeah, yeah. 00:44:55.920 --> 00:44:58.079 I love, I love that system. 00:44:58.239 --> 00:45:03.360 One thing I want to add is eagerness to contribute. 00:45:04.880 --> 00:45:11.280 I think that's got to be the most important aspect and health marker for a community. 00:45:12.079 --> 00:45:13.679 Eagerness to contribute. 00:45:13.920 --> 00:45:20.400 If you have people who come in and they're they don't really want to be there, they don't really want to contribute. 00:45:20.800 --> 00:45:23.920 Absolutely, you can boost their eagerness to contribute. 00:45:24.239 --> 00:45:24.880 You can. 00:45:25.199 --> 00:45:29.119 And I've done that with thousands of people in the streets, right? 00:45:29.280 --> 00:45:39.199 People who don't want to participate, they they think I'm crazy, they think I'm on drugs, but I get them to participate because my my joy is contagious. 00:45:39.679 --> 00:45:41.360 Now that is a harder path. 00:45:41.519 --> 00:45:46.079 The easier path is to select for people who are eager to contribute. 00:45:46.400 --> 00:45:52.559 And then once you have that critical mass, then other people really want to contribute as well because they start joining in, right? 00:45:53.039 --> 00:45:53.440 Got it. 00:45:54.159 --> 00:45:59.840 But absolutely, there are things we can do to boost that eagerness to contribute. 00:46:00.000 --> 00:46:06.880 And one of which is giving them a small experience of the rewards of contribution. 00:46:07.199 --> 00:46:11.840 I give people a small experience of what it's like to dance with strangers. 00:46:12.000 --> 00:46:13.280 And then they feel it. 00:46:13.440 --> 00:46:18.639 And within 10 minutes, they're galloping around a street swinging people. 00:46:18.800 --> 00:46:19.360 You know what I mean? 00:46:19.679 --> 00:46:21.280 I've done that to Cotton Joe, right? 00:46:24.400 --> 00:46:25.039 You know? 00:46:25.599 --> 00:46:26.800 Right there with you. 00:46:27.840 --> 00:46:36.559 So I feel like there's two approaches, but I think the other piece is that the core group of people needs to be so solid. 00:46:37.280 --> 00:46:44.239 And that core group needs to role model the social norms in their perfection. 00:46:44.880 --> 00:46:53.760 And ideally, they're trained in like nonviolent communication because you know, the thing that we don't talk about is like conflict is a natural part of a healthy community. 00:46:54.159 --> 00:46:55.679 And a necessary part. 00:46:56.079 --> 00:46:57.360 It's so necessary. 00:46:57.519 --> 00:46:57.840 Yeah. 00:46:58.079 --> 00:46:58.239 Yeah. 00:46:58.639 --> 00:47:11.199 It's been something I've been circling around lately, is this one of my podcast guests says you can't have a community that doesn't have conflict and doesn't know how to deal with conflict is not a community. 00:47:11.280 --> 00:47:14.000 It's a pseudo-community and it will not last. 00:47:14.639 --> 00:47:25.199 A community that's gonna last long term has to know how to um honorably handle conflict for both parties. 00:47:25.440 --> 00:47:26.800 And it's not a win-lose. 00:47:26.880 --> 00:47:30.320 This is a how do we come together as humans and create the best of both? 00:47:30.960 --> 00:47:32.400 Okay, to wrap it up. 00:47:32.639 --> 00:47:37.440 So Jacques, I love having you on the podcast today. 00:47:37.519 --> 00:47:40.239 I think there is more for us to explore together. 00:47:40.559 --> 00:47:45.119 But before we sign off for our audience today, what do you want to leave them with? 00:47:48.880 --> 00:48:06.400 The social world is far more exciting than we can ever imagine when we learn to step up, take the risk, and lead people. 00:48:18.320 --> 00:48:37.360 And when you learn to create that energy, that joy, that connection, wow, the whole world of opportunity, invitations, promotions, it's just like you see the world in a totally different way. 00:48:37.440 --> 00:49:03.039 And so I encourage everyone to develop the skill of social leadership and and to guide more conversations and to step up and speak up and to be that person who ignites what's possible in a room because no one is doing it, and we're losing our social skills because we're chatting with AI bots and we're on social media. 00:49:03.199 --> 00:49:06.480 And so this skill is only gonna become more valuable. 00:49:06.880 --> 00:49:17.440 And of course, as a joymaker would say, if you want to spice up that skill even more, add some joymaking because people love joy. 00:49:19.840 --> 00:49:23.280 Well, well, well said, Party scientist. 00:49:23.519 --> 00:49:25.840 Jacques, thank you so much for being here. 00:49:26.000 --> 00:49:28.079 For my audience, find Jacques. 00:49:28.159 --> 00:49:30.800 All of his links are down below in the show notes. 00:49:30.960 --> 00:49:33.199 Thank you, audience, for being with us today. 00:49:33.360 --> 00:49:41.360 This has been the Belonging Podcast by Elevate Villages, and thank you to our patron, Deanna Laughlin, for making these conversations possible. 00:49:41.599 --> 00:49:47.039 Until next time, go out there and let's all build belonging together.