UDSKRIFT 🔗
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Greetings. We offer these podcasts freely and your support really
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makes a difference. To make a donation, please visit tarabrach.com. Namaste. Welcome, friends.
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I am back recently from holiday with family, including my grandchildren,
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my two granddaughters, who happen to both believe in fairies.
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And it reminded me of the story of a woman
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who describes her seven-year-old saying to her, are you the
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tooth fairy? And it was after another tooth had fallen out.
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And the woman says, you know, I wasn't sure whether
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or not to end this magical part of childhood, but
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since she asked, I thought, yeah, this is time. So
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I let her know she was right, and she seemed
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to handle the information in a mature way. Several hours later,
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she took my hands in hers and said, Mama, so
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what I want to know is, how do you get
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into the other kids' houses? And I love that because,
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you know, I found for myself and many find this
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one of the gifts of being with children and for me,
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my grands, it's just so much easier to see spirit,
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you know, see the wonder, the light, the aliveness that
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really lives through them. I mean, their egos and personalities
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are totally there, but they're just not so solid, that
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inner purity. shines through. So of course when that happens,
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when we really see so directly this basic goodness, the
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loving flows so strong, so deep, so true. So I
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returned and I wanted to share this talk from the archives.
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I did it a few years back. It's called Namaste,
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which is namaste, seeing each other's light. And if we're
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honest with ourselves in daily life, we see each other
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more through this kind of egoic lens. We see the coverings,
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the things about them that draws or that we don't like.
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We see personality and intelligence or failures or successes, body,
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level of attractiveness. To perceive really essence, the light or
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spirit of a being, it takes deepening presence in a
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very intentional way. It takes on purpose looking towards what's
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behind the coverings, what's more, that which is more formless
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or subtle or essential. So this talk explores how we
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do this. We look at how our habitual ways of
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perceiving each other really do limit intimacy, connection, awakening. And
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then we look at the power and beauty of what
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happens when we see more deeply what's been hidden or
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invisible to us in the past. You know, seeing through
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to the buried innocence, the aliveness, the light. So it
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feels like a time, a practice that's really crucial to
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how our world is right now, deepening attention in this way,
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it serves our world and it's a real gift to
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our own hearts. Okay friends, a bow of love to
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each of you. You know, I've been putting my palms
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together and bowing now for about, I think about 45 years.
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ever since I first started teaching yoga. And namaste, it's
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derived from Sanskrit, it's an expression of reverence. And it's
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often translated that the light in me bows to the
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light in you. And I love this. I often think
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about how in the West, we have a handshake and
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some say it came from showing that we weren't carrying
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a weapon. And then in the East, I see the
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divine in you, I see the sacred in you. It's
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a tad of a different flavor. Now as you know
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there's a growing number of meditation cartoons and one I
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saw just a day or two ago, a woman's meditating
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and she's got a really angry expression and her thought
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bubble is saying, the light in me acknowledges the darkness
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in you. Many, many ways our psyche can tweak things,
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I know. Now, of course, the ritual of the namaste greeting,
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which is done all over the East, it can be
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done in a very perfunctory, mechanical way, and many in
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Asia describe it as really being a casual hello or goodbye.
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But consider for a moment the power of this ritual
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of encounter if we really do it with presence and heart.
Load full transcript
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You know, if here we are and Let's say there's
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two of us and we're really, you know, feeling ourselves
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right here and facing each other and very sincerely, you know,
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putting our hands together, this gesture of honoring, bowing our head,
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you know, sensing the purity, the light, the goodness that's
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living through each other, sensing that we're being received in
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that way. Wow. I mean, it's... Just imagine. And if
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we think of it that if more and more of
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us took to heart this ritual, the essence of this ritual,
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if we actually practiced in encounters pausing and really honoring
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the spirit shining through each other, how that would wake
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up our own hearts and each other's, it's really, I
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think of it in terms of the consciousness of the planet.
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Especially now, because I think Namaste is spreading in a
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certain way. Millions are taking yoga classes or meditation gatherings,
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it's happening. I mean, imagine if it really started spreading
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more collectively, this seeing past the mask or the affiliations,
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remembering our shared being. And it may sound idealistic, given
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how divided our world is, But if we start where
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it flows most easily, we can find our way to
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a more inclusive heart. This talk right now and the
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reflections we'll do really are about the potential of namaste.
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It's the essence of namaste, really learning to see the
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truth of who we are. Learning to feel a sense
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of reverence for the spirit that lives through all of life.
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And I often think about the most radical and profound
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teachings of Buddhism and all the spiritual paths, you know,
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the ground of it is that the light of awareness
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and its expression as love or compassion, that light of
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awareness is our shared essence. It's like the sun, it's
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always here even when clouds of emotion block it. It's
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always here. And these same paths describe the suffering when
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we live in a way that is totally cut off
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from that, from that sense of our essence, when we're
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in that kind of a trance and we're more living
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in a very limited sense of a self. And when
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we're in that, that's the lens we see others through.
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So really, it's the suffering of moving through our days
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cut off from a sense of the sacred. This is
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how Rumi puts it. He says, whatever comes into being
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gets lost in being, drunkenly forgetting its way home. I
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really love that. Whatever comes into being gets lost in being,
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drunkenly forgetting its way home. One of my favorite illustrative stories,
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which if you've been with me you might have heard,
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it came from when my son was in elementary school, actually,
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and there were these art classes and the children would
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divide up into groups of, be divided into tables where,
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you know, groups of four, and the teacher would just
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move around and look at what the energetically into it.
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And the teacher was watching from behind her and she
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asked her what she was drawing and the little girl said,
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I'm drawing God. And the teacher kind of chuckled and said, well, hon,
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no one knows what God looks like. Without skipping a beat,
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without even looking up, she said, they will in a moment.
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And I've always loved that. You know, Jono many of
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you know as a wonderful philosopher, poet, he says, what
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have we done with our wildness? He talks about the
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wildness of spirit of God. He says, we're so busy
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managing our life that we forget this great mystery we're
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involved with. So we do forget, you know, I think
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of spiritual life as forgetting and remembering. And we remember
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because there is very deep within each of us something
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that keeps calling us, some yearning, to reconnect with the
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sacredness that's here, to reconnect with a pure heart, reconnect
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with being awake. And it dwells within all of us.
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One of my friends and beloved colleagues, Sylvia Borstein, describes
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a man, his name's Phil, he's a Buddhist practitioner in
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New York, and he was being mugged at gunpoint And
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he had been working with the loving-kindness practice for a year,
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you know, kind of namaste, seeing the goodness. So one
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evening on a small side street in Soho, a really
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disheveled man with a scraggly beard, dirty hair, costed Phil
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demanding money. And Phil gave him $ 600 he had carried
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in his wallet. And the mugger shook his gun and
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demanded more. And stalling for time, Phil handed him credit cards,
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his whole wallet. Looking dazed, maybe high on some drug,
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the mugger said, I'm going to shoot you. And Phil said, no, no, no, wait.
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Here's my watch. It's a really good one. So disoriented,
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the mugger took the watch and waved the gun again
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and said, I'm going to shoot you. And somehow Phil
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managed to look at him with genuine care and say,
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you don't have to shoot me. You did really good. Look,
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You got nearly $ 700. You got credit cards, expensive watch.
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You don't have to shoot me. You did good. The
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mugger's confused. He lowers the gun slowly. I did good?
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He half-assed. You did really good. Go and tell your
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friends you did good. Dazed, the mugger wandered off, saying
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softly to himself, I did good. I did good. That
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story always touched me. Each of us, we get trapped
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by our conditioning, act in ways that are driven by
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anxiety or fear, grasping or confusion, drunkenly forgetting our way home.
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And there's a longing to trust that basic goodness, to
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live from who we intuit we really are. Okay, so
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how does the forgetting happen? And I often imagine that
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we incarnate and we're incarnating into a challenging environment, all
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of us, you know, and it's part of our natural development,
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it's part of evolution to put on a spacesuit to
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help us navigate. And our survival brain uses a spacesuit
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to detect danger and to protect and aggress where we
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need to, and our egos, you
know, scouting for what
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will nourish and enhance and meet needs. And, you know,
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the more threats, the more unmet needs, the more active
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our spacesuit. But here's what's important about this metaphor. In
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the moments when you are identified with the space suit,
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with the defending and the judging and the getting something
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and the performing, whatever it is. You're forgetting the awareness
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and the love, the aliveness, the basic spirit looking through.
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You're forgetting your own true beingness and of course you'll
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be forgetting others as well. It is natural to get
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identified and to forget. That happens to all of us.
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And we have the capacity to wake up, to cultivate mindfulness,
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to see it's happening, to see, oh, okay, I was
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caught in that limbic hijack. I was in trance. Here's
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how I can notice it next time. Here's how I
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can be more present. I think one of the most
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powerful places to witness going into trance is and to
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explore waking up is in relating with each other and
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just really sense, well, how does our spacesuit self filter
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our experience of each other? And if we're witnessing, if
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we're paying attention, we'll start noticing that when we first meet,
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what's going on is that our survival brain instantly is
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scanning for difference and assessing how dangerous or safe the
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other is. That's the first scanning that goes on. It
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goes on like a flash. We notice the other's appearance
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because we are through the eons looking for difference, you know, color,
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how they dress, their face, their body, you know, how
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they speak, what they do, because we're very quickly placing
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them in a hierarchy, in a socioeconomic caste system, and
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sensing who's higher and who's lower. if it's safe enough
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and we get closer, then there's another level of witnessingness
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to notice that we often don't get much closer if
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the other is from a different part of the caste system.
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We don't
have that many close people outside our level,
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which is of course sad and something to change. But
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if we get closer, then the spacesuit self, the egoic
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spacesuit self, starts filtering other things like what we're attracted
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to or moving towards, for instance, drawn to those that
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are affirming us or those that have something to offer us,
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those that are stimulating, exciting. And we start noticing where
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we defend and move away from those who You know,
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we don't want to be around the grasping or the neediness.
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Maybe it's pulling away because of the other's judgments or
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anger or aversions, the way their insecurities express, pulling away
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because of a power differential. So we have these stories
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that we develop through our spacesuit self about who we
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are and who they are and who we are relationally.
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They're behind a lot of the ways we behave. And
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they're behind the way that we continue to look at
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each other because when we're living inside the spacesuit identities,
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we don't see so deeply. We don't keep wondering about
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who the person is. Okay, an illustration of this. Two
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priests decide to go to Hawaii on vacation and they're
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going to make it a real vacation by not weren't
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anything that would identify them as clergy. So as soon
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as they land, they head out and get some outrageous
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shirts and sandals and sunglasses, you know, the whole beach get-up.
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Next morning, they're on the beach dressed in their tourist
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garb and sitting on beach chairs enjoying the sunshine and
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seeing everyone a lovely-looking young woman in a bikini comes
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walking straight towards them and they couldn't help but stare
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and notice. And the woman passes them, she smiles and
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nods at each of them saying, good morning father, good
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morning father. They're stunned, how in the world did she
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know we're priests? So next day they go back to
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the stores, they buy even more outrageous garb, you know,
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and again they're sitting there in their disguise on the
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beach in the chairs enjoying the day. The next day
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after a while the same young woman taking her sweet time,
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comes walking right towards them, greets them individually. Good morning, father.
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Starts to walk away, but the priest couldn't stand any longer.
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And one of them says, just a moment, young woman. Yes,
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she replies. And he says, you know, we're priests and
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we're proud of it, but I have to know how
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in the world did you know we're priests? And she replies, father,
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it's me, sister Angela. So I know it's a bit
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of a stretch as an illustration, forgive me, but there
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is a point which is once we've locked into our
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stories about the other, especially when they fit in a
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hierarchy in our mind, which they usually do, we don't
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keep looking and attending. So I've mentioned that the first
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thing that happens when we meet each other, the brain
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scans for safety or danger, And then when we start
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getting to know each other, the ego is scanning for
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what we like, what we don't like, the roles. If
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we're mindful and we start with those that are closer
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and start asking, well, who's really here? You know, what's
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life like for you right now? What matters to you?
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you know, what's making you laugh, what makes you cry,
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the trance starts thinning. We're no longer living from our
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spacesuit self. There's some deeper presence that is emerging. And
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we start becoming aware that, well, just like me, you're
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experiencing human vulnerability. Just like me, you feel the pain
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of separation. Just like me, you have longings for loving connection, understanding,
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being peaceful, being happy, we get to a deeper dimension
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than the spacesuit self. And then when we really start
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living in that presence with each other, that's where the
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true sense of namaste unfolds. Because we sense even under
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the waves of vulnerability and longing, we start sensing
fundamental
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innocence or purity, a kind of a light, a spirit
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that's shining through this being. We start to be able
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to see that and sense that. So let me slow
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down here, pause and invite you to reflect. It's interesting
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to scan and perhaps bring to mind someone you know,
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a friend or a colleague bringing someone to mind. And
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notice what you attend to when they come to mind,
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whether you're seeing a visual image and you're kind of
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remembering what they look like, or maybe it's the story
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of their work, what they do, or maybe you're noticing
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things about their personality, what what makes them appealing or
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things that are irritating. So just to notice, you know,
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how much filtering from the spacesuit, the story about who
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they are, that you always carry in your mind. And
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how much do you sense as you bring them to
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mind that there's that kind of inquiry and interest and
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openness to, well, who's really here? To sense their vulnerabilities,
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their yearnings, what matters to this person, and to sense
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their heart, their spirit, the consciousness or awareness that looks
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through those eyes. Just as we attend to others, in
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either a habitual way or perhaps with more mindful attention.
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It's the same in how we're relating to our inner life.
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You know, often we go around in a kind of
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habitual way, identified as a small self who's doing something,
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who's got to get something done, who's either doing it
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well or not well, who's fearing something. You know, a
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familiar sense of the role that you're playing. And that's
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the who you're identified with. And it can require pausing
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and deepening presence to sense beyond that spacesuit self, who's
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really here? That formless presence and love that's way beyond
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any story we could ever tell ourselves. So this is
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our inquiry, you know, this pathway of how do we
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deepen attention so we can learn to truly inhabit namaste,
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that sense of seeing the sacred in ourselves and each other,
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and having some reverence, some true honoring towards what's beyond
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the spacesuit. And this will be for the rest of
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this reflection together, we'll be looking at two completely related
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pathways that wake us up to this. And one is
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we start right where we are and we notice the
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pain of trance, the suffering of identifying as a spacesuit, yourself,
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you know, smaller than what we really are. And the
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second pathway is intentionally looking towards spirit, towards the good,
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towards what's beautiful, towards what we cherish. Okay, so we'll
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start with the first. And you see the first one,
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this pathway towards namaste by paying attention to, well, here's
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where I'm suffering. Here's where I'm actually blocked from sensing
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who I am. And you sense this process. If you
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think of a chick breaking out of an egg or
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a fetus coming out of the womb or a butterfly
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emerging from a chrysalis, that there's pressure. there's pain of
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too tight a container, that we have to respond to
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that tension, that tightness, that pressure in order to grow
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and wake up. This is that first approach, responding to
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the suffering. And if you think of all the adaptations
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through evolution, all the evolving that we do it arises
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from stress, it arises from pressure, from pain, from something
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out of balance or not working. So this also goes
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to the process of evolving human consciousness, that the way
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we evolve is we're alerted by stress or pain that
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we're living in too small a container, we're identified with
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limiting thoughts and beliefs, we're identified with spacesuit self and
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forgetting the larger sense of who we can be. So
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what that means is if you're suffering, you're pressing against
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the chrysalis, there's a pressure of living in too small
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an identity. And the primary expression of this, I find,
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is really the limiting beliefs that
we're believing we're a
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failing self, we're a threatened self, we're an unlovable self.
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And these block or obscure the realization of who we
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really are. They block namaste. So if we don't pay attention,
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if we just go on believing the beliefs, we stay
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in prison and the squeeze is very painful. And it
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only gets more painful because there's something in us that
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really wants to grow and be who we are. So
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we sometimes act in ways to find comfort and soothe
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that through addictive behaviors or dominating others or trying to
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control or defend, but that just plays into the suffering,
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that actually builds it. The prison that we all find
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that we're in when we're identified as a small self
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is created by society and by our caregivers that give
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us messages about who we are, basically that the self
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you are is not okay, And in a caste system,
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which we all live in, it's inevitable. It doesn't matter
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where you are in the caste system. We all have
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intersecting identities. Still, it's an identity that keeps us separate.
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And we're stuck, if we're higher up the hierarchy, we're
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stuck having to defend the position because there's insecurity in
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maintaining it. through dominating, through violence, through grasping, through greed.
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And you can see that right now with white supremacy
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in so much of the world that as there's some
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waking up to the cruelty and ignorance of racism, white supremacy,
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and I wish it were true that it's a final
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throes of grasping on, but you can sense how intense
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it's getting. any struggle with feeling like we have to
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defend our position and we tighten. Or for those that
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are lower on the hierarchy, there's the pain of oppression,
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of fear, shame, anger, addiction. And of course this is
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all deepened by caregivers who send the messages through family
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systems and raising us. So there's trauma, there's especially when
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lower on the hierarchy there's that
message of this is
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a dangerous world and you are less than. Again I
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want to just say for all of us the society
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reinforces a spacesuit self. It gives us standards we're supposed
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to meet, like success, like looking a certain way, having
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a certain body, achieving. It keeps us striving and monitoring
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and afraid of falling short or feeling like we are
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falling short. it stops us from seeing who we really are.
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So the waking up, bringing mindfulness to the place of suffering.
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Let me share, we'll look at this, but I'll share
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a story of one man's prison which was created both
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by our society's racial caste system and also through caregiving
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and his caregivers. And this was a friend from college.
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he contacted me some years ago. You know, we both
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were practicing meditation and he needed some support in a
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life situation and I was active as a clinical psychologist then.
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So this man is African-American, he's a photojournalist, and he
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married a Caucasian woman. And as it turned out, her
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mother was outwardly hostile. They'd visit and she'd she'd be rude,
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she'd ignore him, and her view was basically, this is
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a man of a different race, it's going to mean
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trouble and unhappiness for both of them. He was hurt,
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he felt angry, his wife was outraged, didn't want to
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visit anymore, said, this is it, let's just sever. But
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his path, his spiritual path, basically had taught him that to...
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open to whatever circumstances are arising, and basically have the prayer,
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and this is called the Bodhisattva prayer, it's the prayer
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of an awakening being, may whatever arises awaken this heart
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and mind, no matter what it is. So that was
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his kind of approach to life. He also had a
395
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Tibetan teacher who sent the message, he gave out the teaching,
396
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never give up on anybody. Okay, so these combined, basically
397
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he wanted to stay in the game, but he needed
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some support on how to do it. So we met
399
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and we did some processes of him getting in touch
400
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with where, you know, behind the anger that he was
401
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feeling and hurt now, how that had lived in his
402
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body and in his system for his whole life. He
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had a single mom and He felt like to be
404
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an okay person, he had to live up to who
405
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his father might have been if he was home. In
406
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other words, replace his father. And he always felt like
407
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he was falling short, felt not seen, not valued, not enough,
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not belonging. And that intensified. He went to a white,
409
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primarily white college. He was in a professionally white world.
410
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So he was always trying to prove his worth. and
411
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feeling a sense of not belonging. And of course this
412
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situation with his new mother-in-law was just brought right up
413
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to the surface. So that's what we practice with. And
414
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he brought a lot of presence to it, a lot
415
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of kindness to it, you know, really, really holding with
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tenderness that old feeling of shame and not belonging and pain.
417
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And After some weeks of really being with himself in
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this way, he felt stronger. It wasn't healed, but he
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felt stronger. And he wanted to do the next visit
420
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with his wife, it was Thanksgiving, and she was his
421
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ally and he also brought his camera as kind of
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a resource so he could stay behind his camera and
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have something he could do that would give him a
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way to engage, interact and be there, but still take
425
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care of himself. Well, they went. The mother-in-law was still rude,
426
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wouldn't respond to questions. He was trying to bring her
427
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out some. Refused to go out to dinner one night
428
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because she didn't want to be seen in public, the
429
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mixed family. He had his camera. He stayed present with himself.
430
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When he emailed me about it, he said, you know,
431
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I was able to see her more. It didn't feel
432
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quite as personal. and she's a really frightened woman, a
433
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very controlling, frightened person, real tight heart. Next holiday, Christmas,
434
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and he increasingly was feeling more strength as he did
435
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a practice with himself that was really staying right at
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the edge of that place of suffering and bringing kindness
437
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and coming home as he did it. Each time he'd
438
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bring care to the place of hurt and shame, he
439
00:34:48.800 --> 00:34:52.190
felt like he shifted and became that caring presence. He
440
00:34:52.230 --> 00:34:55.909
could feel his own light. He could feel who he
441
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was beyond the spacesuit. Okay. Christmas holidays, they go, there's
442
00:35:03.809 --> 00:35:08.269
a gift exchange and the mother-in-law and family, they gave
443
00:35:08.329 --> 00:35:11.070
him socks that didn't fit and a box of candy
444
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and he's a health nut. He gave her gifts and
445
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she was sitting across the room opening them, and there
446
00:35:18.260 --> 00:35:23.030
were two framed pictures. It was from Thanksgiving. And in
447
00:35:23.170 --> 00:35:26.449
one of the pictures, well, before I tell you the pictures,
448
00:35:27.170 --> 00:35:30.869
when she was looking at them, she started weeping. So
449
00:35:30.929 --> 00:35:34.320
others came around back to see what they were. Well,
450
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one was her playing with her new granddaughter. The wife
451
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of this man, her sister brought the daughter. So there's
452
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the mother playing with her new granddaughter. And the other,
453
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she's in her husband's lap and they're being playful. He
454
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had caught her goodness during that past holiday. He had
455
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caught her goodness. So I'm going to fast forward a
456
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bit and say that the relationship did not do an
457
00:36:07.800 --> 00:36:12.199
immediate thaw. There was not a kind of magic like that.
458
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But over the next few years, there was the grounds
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of a growing respect. He had found an inner refuge.
460
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In other words, he was in touch with who he
461
00:36:26.789 --> 00:36:33.510
was beyond that spacesuit self, the small self. And he
462
00:36:33.590 --> 00:36:36.739
had seen her in a way that, and let her
463
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know that, put her more in touch with her better self,
464
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who she was a little bit beyond her spacesuit. So
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there was a movement towards healing connection. These are the
466
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seeds of Namaste, of what's possible. And it's important to
467
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know that when we're suffering, no matter what it is,
468
00:37:02.449 --> 00:37:07.489
when we're suffering, it's not bad. It's a wake up
469
00:37:07.530 --> 00:37:14.039
that something needs attention. There's something we're not remembering. And
470
00:37:14.059 --> 00:37:18.280
if it's a societal suffering, it's the racial caste system
471
00:37:18.320 --> 00:37:23.889
that's forgotten the intrinsic value of all beings. And on
472
00:37:23.929 --> 00:37:30.730
an individual level, when we've internalized messages that we're not okay,
473
00:37:30.789 --> 00:37:34.449
we're failing, we should be more. In other words, when
474
00:37:34.469 --> 00:37:39.840
we're living inside beliefs that are not true, it's going
475
00:37:39.860 --> 00:37:44.699
to feel like suffering. If you're suffering, you're believing something
476
00:37:44.719 --> 00:37:49.340
that's not true. And the suffering is a wake-up to
477
00:37:49.400 --> 00:37:54.059
challenge that, to open to something more. It's a portal
478
00:37:54.099 --> 00:37:58.389
to freedom. And you might just take a moment to
479
00:37:58.449 --> 00:38:03.010
pause here. And you might let your attention go inward.
480
00:38:07.159 --> 00:38:18.920
Take a few full breaths. You might bring to mind
481
00:38:18.960 --> 00:38:23.460
a situation where, as you witness right now, you're aware
482
00:38:23.500 --> 00:38:28.300
you are living in a spacesuit self, where you're living
483
00:38:28.360 --> 00:38:32.880
and reacting and caught in beliefs and feelings that make
484
00:38:32.920 --> 00:38:38.760
you insecure and reactive, where you do feel stuck, small, separate.
485
00:38:40.480 --> 00:38:44.260
It might be a situation at work or something to
486
00:38:44.300 --> 00:39:00.670
do with a relationship. and addictive behavior. So bringing to
487
00:39:00.730 --> 00:39:07.170
mind the situation and just sensing the signs of the
488
00:39:07.230 --> 00:39:14.530
spacesuit self where you're believing you're failing, unworthy, not loved,
489
00:39:16.989 --> 00:39:19.880
that something's gonna go wrong, so you're living in that
490
00:39:20.139 --> 00:39:39.780
defensive mode or maybe judgment. And since you are the
491
00:39:39.840 --> 00:39:44.619
witness right now, you're noticing this. This is what happens
492
00:39:44.719 --> 00:39:49.639
when there's an identification with a small self. the pain
493
00:39:49.679 --> 00:39:53.800
of that. And just feel your prayer. You can perhaps
494
00:39:53.940 --> 00:39:59.530
try the words of the Bodhisattva prayer. May this suffering
495
00:39:59.590 --> 00:40:05.030
serve to awaken my heart and mind. May I realize
496
00:40:05.110 --> 00:40:24.059
who I am beyond the small self. It helps to
497
00:40:24.099 --> 00:40:28.070
remember that the spacesuit self, when we identify with it,
498
00:40:28.090 --> 00:40:32.230
it feels very real, but it's not the truth of
499
00:40:32.289 --> 00:40:37.260
who you are. You can find your way to namaste,
500
00:40:37.340 --> 00:40:42.519
that sense of honoring a spirit, a formless awareness, a
501
00:40:42.559 --> 00:40:46.619
love that's beyond the spacesuit self, that's living through you.
502
00:40:52.480 --> 00:40:54.840
Okay friends, if your eyes are closed and you want
503
00:40:54.860 --> 00:40:59.570
to open them, please do. So I mentioned two pathways
504
00:40:59.670 --> 00:41:03.070
for cultivating the spirit of Namaste and one is, as
505
00:41:03.130 --> 00:41:06.219
I just mentioned, seeing where we're cut off from it
506
00:41:07.340 --> 00:41:11.639
and bringing presence to that. The second is to intentionally
507
00:41:11.880 --> 00:41:18.239
turn towards the light, towards goodness. we're not only alerted
508
00:41:18.320 --> 00:41:22.840
by suffering, we're also called by that goodness, called by
509
00:41:22.860 --> 00:41:27.500
a wisdom that knows we're more. You wouldn't be here
510
00:41:27.579 --> 00:41:31.829
right now, you wouldn't be listening if there wasn't something
511
00:41:31.929 --> 00:41:36.909
in you that sensed a more mysterious and sacred dimension
512
00:41:37.550 --> 00:41:42.289
to what you are, to what we are. That intuition's
513
00:41:42.369 --> 00:41:45.860
in us. So take a moment, we'll go back to
514
00:41:45.889 --> 00:41:49.400
the caterpillar and the chrysalis, okay? And science is so
515
00:41:49.480 --> 00:41:53.119
fascinating on this one. I mentioned how, you know, when
516
00:41:53.360 --> 00:41:57.739
the butterfly is ready to fly, it feels the pressure
517
00:41:58.210 --> 00:42:02.369
of the chrysalis and that lets it know to break loose. Well,
518
00:42:03.489 --> 00:42:08.070
before that, when the butterfly is a caterpillar within the chrysalis,
519
00:42:08.909 --> 00:42:15.099
the structure of the caterpillar dissolves into this soupy organic mush.
520
00:42:16.360 --> 00:42:21.210
You know, all the organs, everything dissolves. And these dormant
521
00:42:21.550 --> 00:42:25.889
imaginal cells start to cluster and develop into the new
522
00:42:25.929 --> 00:42:28.989
structure of the butterfly. In other words, a totally new
523
00:42:29.050 --> 00:42:34.179
being emerges. And it's pretty amazing that scientists name these
524
00:42:34.760 --> 00:42:39.599
imaginal cells because they're cells that have the potential to
525
00:42:39.659 --> 00:42:44.469
manifest what we really are. in this case the butterfly,
526
00:42:44.489 --> 00:42:49.590
and that that's intrinsic, it's already there. And just to think,
527
00:42:49.650 --> 00:42:52.469
I mean, here we are as humans, we wake up
528
00:42:52.530 --> 00:42:55.269
to evolve our consciousness, we don't have to dissolve all
529
00:42:55.329 --> 00:42:59.969
our organs, we just have to release the grip of
530
00:43:00.030 --> 00:43:07.159
those pesky negative beliefs, you know, to get that as
531
00:43:07.320 --> 00:43:10.820
much as the spacesuit and those beliefs feel real, they're
532
00:43:10.960 --> 00:43:14.579
not the truth of who we are You are
not
533
00:43:14.639 --> 00:43:18.139
who you think you are. And then to turn towards
534
00:43:18.159 --> 00:43:23.320
the goodness that's already here. And it takes intention. It
535
00:43:24.530 --> 00:43:28.190
takes intention to do that. But I do think of
536
00:43:28.929 --> 00:43:32.650
learning to turn towards the goodness, towards beauty, to feel
537
00:43:32.730 --> 00:43:37.949
our gratitude, to feel our love, to cultivate that. It's
538
00:43:37.989 --> 00:43:42.530
a superpower. And the reason it's a superpower is because
539
00:43:43.659 --> 00:43:46.860
The goodness is already here but when we turn towards it,
540
00:43:46.880 --> 00:43:49.420
when we bring the light of awareness to it, it
541
00:43:49.539 --> 00:43:55.400
calls it forward, it brings it forth. Okay, another story.
542
00:43:55.539 --> 00:43:59.559
And this was shared by a man from my area,
543
00:43:59.579 --> 00:44:04.519
from DC, who runs a rehab program for juvenile offenders.
544
00:44:05.539 --> 00:44:09.800
And most of the young people he works with were
545
00:44:10.159 --> 00:44:15.539
gang members and most had committed homicide Okay, so one
546
00:44:16.739 --> 00:44:20.969
of these is a 14-year-old boy in the program had
547
00:44:21.010 --> 00:44:24.170
shot and killed an innocent teenager to prove himself to
548
00:44:24.210 --> 00:44:29.369
his gang. And at his trial, the victim's mother sat
549
00:44:29.429 --> 00:44:32.340
there impassively silent until the end. And then when the
550
00:44:32.360 --> 00:44:35.579
youth was convicted of the killing, after the verdict was announced,
551
00:44:35.619 --> 00:44:37.920
she stood up slowly and stared at him and said,
552
00:44:38.579 --> 00:44:41.909
I'm going to kill you. then the youth was taken
553
00:44:41.949 --> 00:44:46.679
away to serve several years in a juvenile facility. Now,
554
00:44:46.800 --> 00:44:49.199
after the first half a year, the mother of the
555
00:44:49.219 --> 00:44:52.599
slain child began to visit him. And, you know, he
556
00:44:52.639 --> 00:44:56.280
had been living on the streets, didn't have other visitors,
557
00:44:56.340 --> 00:44:58.900
so for a time they'd talk, and she gave him money,
558
00:44:59.679 --> 00:45:03.320
came back several more times, and each time she'd bring
559
00:45:04.420 --> 00:45:08.230
some food, some small gifts. Near the end of his
560
00:45:08.289 --> 00:45:11.789
three-year sentence. She asked him what he'd be doing when
561
00:45:11.829 --> 00:45:15.570
he got out and he was uncertain, confused. So she
562
00:45:15.690 --> 00:45:18.630
offered to set him up with a job with a
563
00:45:18.949 --> 00:45:22.360
friend's company. And then she asked where he was going
564
00:45:22.380 --> 00:45:24.980
to live and since he didn't have a family to
565
00:45:25.039 --> 00:45:29.019
return to she offered him temporary use of a spare
566
00:45:29.059 --> 00:45:33.679
room in her home. So for eight months he lived
567
00:45:33.699 --> 00:45:36.670
there and he ate her food and worked at the job.
568
00:45:37.369 --> 00:45:40.079
Then one evening she called him in to living room
569
00:45:40.119 --> 00:45:43.460
to talk and sat down opposite him, just kind of
570
00:45:43.480 --> 00:45:45.159
waited a bit. And then she said, do you remember
571
00:45:45.219 --> 00:45:47.260
in the courtroom when I said I was going to
572
00:45:47.280 --> 00:45:52.969
kill you? I sure do, he replied. Well, I did,
573
00:45:53.070 --> 00:45:55.070
she went on. I did not want the boy who
574
00:45:55.110 --> 00:45:58.090
could kill my son for no reason to remain alive
575
00:45:58.150 --> 00:46:00.849
on this earth. I wanted him to die. So that's
576
00:46:00.889 --> 00:46:03.400
why I started to visit you and bring you things.
577
00:46:03.460 --> 00:46:05.699
And that's why I got you the job and let
578
00:46:05.719 --> 00:46:07.420
you live in my house. And that's how I set
579
00:46:07.460 --> 00:46:12.969
about changing you. And that old boy, he's gone. So
580
00:46:12.989 --> 00:46:14.929
what I want to ask you, since my son is
581
00:46:14.969 --> 00:46:18.269
gone and that killer is gone, if you'll stay here.
582
00:46:19.150 --> 00:46:21.110
I've got a room and I'd like to adopt you
583
00:46:21.150 --> 00:46:26.130
if you'll let me. And she became the mother of
584
00:46:26.190 --> 00:46:37.659
her son's killer, the mother he had never had. Each
585
00:46:38.059 --> 00:46:47.349
time I share this. I'm humbled because it's rare to
586
00:46:47.409 --> 00:46:51.030
see deeply to the soul of one who's caused us
587
00:46:51.639 --> 00:47:02.599
such horrific suffering and that takes a real deep, deep capacity.
588
00:47:02.860 --> 00:47:07.590
She changed him by having confidence in who he really was.
589
00:47:10.380 --> 00:47:14.420
what she really did, what she killed was his identification
590
00:47:14.460 --> 00:47:21.369
with the spacesuit self that was so violent so it's
591
00:47:21.429 --> 00:47:26.909
inspiring to know this is possible and we each can
592
00:47:26.969 --> 00:47:31.210
train our capacity to see goodness in ourselves and others
593
00:47:32.489 --> 00:47:35.139
to feel our love, to feel our gratitude where it
594
00:47:35.199 --> 00:47:39.199
comes most easily and naturally and build from there You know,
595
00:47:39.239 --> 00:47:44.250
we can trust what we practice gets stronger. The capacity
596
00:47:44.730 --> 00:47:47.789
for seeing the sacred really does wake up in us.
597
00:47:49.550 --> 00:47:54.690
So I emphasize that it needs to be an intentional practice. That,
598
00:47:54.989 --> 00:48:00.639
I mean, if you consider our evolutionary negativity bias, you know,
599
00:48:00.659 --> 00:48:05.019
the survival brain's habit of fixating on what's wrong, even
600
00:48:05.119 --> 00:48:08.880
with those closest to us, you know, And when we're
601
00:48:08.909 --> 00:48:12.019
not even in a strong reaction, still there's this habit
602
00:48:12.059 --> 00:48:16.219
of
wanting others and ourselves to be different. We keep
603
00:48:16.280 --> 00:48:22.900
having that inclination. And at any moment that there's an
604
00:48:23.000 --> 00:48:26.739
undercurrent that you're not enough or you need to change,
605
00:48:27.980 --> 00:48:31.619
it blocks the capacity for namaste where we are really
606
00:48:31.679 --> 00:48:41.000
remembering their spirit, their goodness. I often think of parenting
607
00:48:41.500 --> 00:48:47.900
in this. I've always been entertained by Florida Maxwell who writes,
608
00:48:48.039 --> 00:48:51.889
no matter how old a mother is, she watches her
609
00:48:51.949 --> 00:48:57.070
middle-aged children for signs of improvement. I think of that
610
00:48:57.130 --> 00:49:00.969
because my son's now 35 and I watch myself watching him.
611
00:49:02.710 --> 00:49:07.000
Most stages while he was growing up, there was really
612
00:49:07.059 --> 00:49:09.599
some problem I was focused on that I thought needed
613
00:49:10.059 --> 00:49:12.599
attention and should be different. You know, he needs to
614
00:49:12.639 --> 00:49:16.690
be more disciplined at school and less computer games and,
615
00:49:17.190 --> 00:49:19.889
you know, more responsible around the house. You know, the
616
00:49:20.179 --> 00:49:25.119
common list that probably most every parent knows. And I
617
00:49:25.139 --> 00:49:27.780
realized looking back that in the moments when I locked
618
00:49:27.900 --> 00:49:32.250
into judging where my spacesuit self was judging his spacesuit self,
619
00:49:34.190 --> 00:49:38.130
I wasn't feeling connected. My heart wasn't open. And I
620
00:49:38.170 --> 00:49:42.300
realized looking back that the greatest gift I offered him
621
00:49:42.380 --> 00:49:45.699
were the moments that I was just beholding and trusting
622
00:49:46.219 --> 00:49:50.760
his innate goodness. When on some level, you know, my
623
00:49:50.800 --> 00:49:58.670
heart was, namaste. Last week, a parent was worried about
624
00:49:59.469 --> 00:50:02.530
her son. And I asked her, you know, what do
625
00:50:02.550 --> 00:50:05.989
you really love about him? What do you most trust
626
00:50:06.090 --> 00:50:10.440
or honor? And she started naming things, you know, as humor,
627
00:50:10.519 --> 00:50:14.679
as kindness. And I said, reflect on that. Really do
628
00:50:14.719 --> 00:50:19.639
this namaste practice where you honor that. It helps them
629
00:50:19.699 --> 00:50:27.239
to trust who they are. We become a mirror of goodness. Okay,
630
00:50:27.280 --> 00:50:32.139
this is a poem from Santatukaram. He says, I could
631
00:50:32.179 --> 00:50:36.119
not lie anymore, so I started to call my dog God.
632
00:50:37.159 --> 00:50:41.639
First he looked confused. Then he started smiling. Then he
633
00:50:41.699 --> 00:50:44.630
even danced. I kept at it. Now he doesn't even bite.
634
00:50:44.650 --> 00:50:52.030
I'm wondering if this might work on people. Well, it does.
635
00:50:52.750 --> 00:50:56.699
It
is a superpower and it's really an intentional practice.
636
00:50:56.840 --> 00:50:59.079
And there are some steps that the first thing we
637
00:50:59.119 --> 00:51:04.280
do if we want to look towards goodness, cultivate that capacity,
638
00:51:04.889 --> 00:51:08.510
is intentionally pause and reflect and see what we love,
639
00:51:09.050 --> 00:51:13.179
see what we're grateful for. The second step is to
640
00:51:13.360 --> 00:51:17.400
actually take the time to feel and savor the appreciation
641
00:51:18.579 --> 00:51:21.239
so that we're not just bowing, so to speak, and
642
00:51:21.280 --> 00:51:25.039
saying namaste, but our body and heart is feeling that
643
00:51:25.119 --> 00:51:30.309
sense of love, gratitude, devotion, reverence, whatever word we want
644
00:51:30.349 --> 00:51:33.989
to call it. And then the third is to express it.
645
00:51:34.969 --> 00:51:40.039
in some way. So this is intuitive that we would
646
00:51:40.099 --> 00:51:44.320
need to do these things, but it's also neuroscience that
647
00:51:44.940 --> 00:51:48.679
painful experiences, the sense of what's wrong and the pain
648
00:51:48.739 --> 00:51:53.139
around that, very sticky. In fact, that's what's saved in
649
00:51:53.159 --> 00:51:58.219
the implicit memory when something bad happens, when something goes wrong,
650
00:51:58.260 --> 00:52:01.750
that we do something wrong or somebody else misbehaves. And
651
00:52:01.809 --> 00:52:05.230
that's what shapes our ongoing experience of our self and others.
652
00:52:06.690 --> 00:52:11.610
Positive experiences, you know, the ones that deepen our trust
653
00:52:11.699 --> 00:52:15.880
in who we are beyond the spacesuit self, positive experiences
654
00:52:17.039 --> 00:52:20.760
require staying with. And they say 15 to 30 seconds
655
00:52:21.340 --> 00:52:25.199
where we're actually experiencing our sense of ourselves or each
656
00:52:25.280 --> 00:52:29.460
other in a deep way. That's what leaves the imprint.
657
00:52:30.119 --> 00:52:34.170
And each round that we do that. Each round that
658
00:52:34.210 --> 00:52:38.739
we sense the sacredness, sense the beauty and stay with it,
659
00:52:38.849 --> 00:52:43.179
it nourishes those imaginal cells and there's really a transmission
660
00:52:43.199 --> 00:52:47.139
to the other person when we're seeing their goodness. As
661
00:52:47.219 --> 00:52:51.119
I mentioned, it works because the sacredness is there but
662
00:52:51.139 --> 00:52:55.739
we're calling it forward. You know, it's like that man
663
00:52:55.800 --> 00:52:58.150
in the story where he was saying, I did good.
664
00:52:59.530 --> 00:53:04.179
Even when it's covered over, by the spacesuit self, even
665
00:53:04.199 --> 00:53:09.219
when it's covered over by your confusion or self-aversion, you
666
00:53:09.300 --> 00:53:12.679
still have a longing to live from a pure heart.
667
00:53:12.719 --> 00:53:15.570
You still want to live from that goodness. You intuit
668
00:53:15.619 -->
00:53:19.469
that goodness. It comes alive when we attend to it.
669
00:53:22.429 --> 00:53:26.349
So I started with that image of more and more
670
00:53:26.389 --> 00:53:30.179
of us practicing, and we can customize and sense our
671
00:53:30.239 --> 00:53:35.519
way of practicing, but in some way we're taking the
672
00:53:35.719 --> 00:53:39.119
time to pause, to see the goodness, see the beauty,
673
00:53:39.739 --> 00:53:45.190
and honor it, to cultivate that spirit of namaste. And
674
00:53:45.250 --> 00:53:47.869
if we're in reactivity, then clearly we're not going to
675
00:53:48.250 --> 00:53:51.210
bypass that. We start there. Let the suffering be our
676
00:53:51.289 --> 00:53:58.210
portal back into presence and tenderness. And if we aren't
677
00:53:58.289 --> 00:54:03.989
suffering and we look towards the goodness, that namaste becomes
678
00:54:04.090 --> 00:54:08.250
more and more of a pathway to living from an
679
00:54:08.289 --> 00:54:13.030
awake heart. So I'd like to close with a brief reflection.
680
00:54:14.590 --> 00:54:18.519
You might take some moments to let the attention go inward.
681
00:54:26.289 --> 00:54:28.650
Take a few moments to let the breath help to
682
00:54:28.710 --> 00:54:44.400
collect your attention, perhaps a long deep breath. And then
683
00:54:44.440 --> 00:54:48.059
letting the breath be in its natural rhythm, feeling the
684
00:54:48.119 --> 00:54:52.960
breath at the heart. And you might sense a slight
685
00:54:53.039 --> 00:54:57.699
smile at the mouth and smile into the heart. So
686
00:54:57.719 --> 00:55:07.260
you can start to feel heart space. And bring to
687
00:55:07.340 --> 00:55:13.349
mind someone you love where the loving's fairly uncomplicated, where
688
00:55:13.389 --> 00:55:32.719
it's easy to feel your love for that person. And
689
00:55:32.760 --> 00:55:35.369
let that person be close in, in your mind, in
690
00:55:35.389 --> 00:55:41.869
your imagination. Feel them right here. Perhaps seeing what their
691
00:55:42.010 --> 00:55:48.230
eyes look like when they're smiling, when they're experiencing love
692
00:55:48.289 --> 00:55:55.860
for you, when they're happy. And sensing what you love
693
00:55:55.920 --> 00:56:01.119
about them, what their goodness is, how it expresses, whether
694
00:56:01.159 --> 00:56:13.730
it's through their humor, their bright mind, their generosity. Sense
695
00:56:13.750 --> 00:56:25.000
the awareness in that being, spirit. And you might mentally
696
00:56:25.059 --> 00:56:28.679
whisper or whisper out loud, thank you and I love you.
697
00:56:34.780 --> 00:56:40.000
And you might whisper it again. Just feeling the sincerity
698
00:56:40.059 --> 00:56:47.309
in your heart deepen. And you might even explore putting
699
00:56:47.349 --> 00:56:51.949
your palms together and imagining you and that person offering
700
00:56:51.989 --> 00:56:56.889
each other the blessing of Namaste. You know, I see
701
00:56:56.949 --> 00:57:24.199
the sacred. I see
the divine in you. and letting
702
00:57:24.699 --> 00:57:27.730
your attention go to the experience of your own being
703
00:57:27.789 --> 00:57:33.730
right now, perhaps a sense of tenderness or warmth, the
704
00:57:33.769 --> 00:57:41.489
heart space that's here. And sense a namaste, a bow,
705
00:57:43.170 --> 00:57:51.300
just honoring the goodness of what's living through you, who
706
00:57:51.340 --> 00:58:07.119
you are beyond any story of self. And you might
707
00:58:07.139 --> 00:58:10.210
bring to mind someone who you care about but where
708
00:58:10.250 --> 00:58:16.469
there's more challenge, more difficulty, more edges. Perhaps someone who
709
00:58:17.139 --> 00:58:35.989
brings up irritation or guilt or anxiety or judgment. And
710
00:58:36.010 --> 00:58:40.090
let yourself feel what gets brought up, whatever gets triggered,
711
00:58:40.150 --> 00:58:42.429
and just breathe with it and offer a gesture of
712
00:58:42.489 --> 00:59:08.500
kindness inwardly, acknowledging the spacesuit conditioning that's here. and looking
713
00:59:08.539 --> 00:59:13.320
more deeply. sensing you could look right into their eyes,
714
00:59:14.960 --> 00:59:20.199
sensing this person when they're happy, when they're feeling safe,
715
00:59:22.510 --> 00:59:27.650
when they're feeling love. Just to see past the spacesuit
716
00:59:27.710 --> 00:59:41.960
to the goodness that's there. And in the same way
717
00:59:42.019 --> 00:59:46.489
as before, you might imagine you and this person with
718
00:59:46.530 --> 00:59:55.150
your palms together, slight bow of the head, namaste, seeing,
719
00:59:55.989 --> 01:00:02.280
honoring the goodness, the basic goodness, the spirit that's here.
720
01:00:13.679 --> 01:00:17.500
And finally, you might bring to mind a non-human animal.
721
01:00:17.519 --> 01:00:35.570
Or it could be a tree, plant. And sensing the
722
01:00:35.630 --> 01:00:49.989
form of this being. and also the intrinsic aliveness, consciousness,
723
01:00:50.090 --> 01:01:03.090
spirit that lives through. And with tenderness, as you did before,
724
01:01:03.590 --> 01:01:27.559
that namaste, that honoring of the sacred, from Thomas Merton,
725
01:01:28.559 --> 01:01:32.000
it was as if I suddenly saw the secret beauty
726
01:01:32.059 --> 01:01:35.760
of their hearts, the depth of their hearts where neither
727
01:01:35.840 --> 01:01:40.889
sin nor knowledge could reach, the core of reality, the
728
01:01:40.909 --> 01:01:43.590
person that each one is in the eyes of the divine.
729
01:01:45.010 --> 01:01:47.949
If only they could see themselves as they really are,
730
01:01:48.150 --> 01:01:51.170
if only we could see each other that way all
731
01:01:51.230 --> 01:01:54.730
the time, there would be no more need for war,
732
01:01:55.590 --> 01:02:01.159
for hatred, for greed, for cruelty. I suppose the big
733
01:02:01.219 --> 01:02:04.639
problem would be that we would fall down and worship
734
01:02:04.940 --> 01:02:17.230
each other. As a way of closing, you might sense
735
01:02:17.269 --> 01:02:22.889
in the near future someone you might offer namaste to
736
01:02:25.090 --> 01:02:34.460
when you're together Just sense how pausing and seeing the
737
01:02:34.500 --> 01:02:42.110
goodness can wake up the hearts that are here, that
738
01:02:42.210 --> 01:02:45.610
can begin to bring freedom to us in our relationships
739
01:02:45.650 --> 01:02:59.260
with each other and healing to our world. Okay, my friends,
740
01:02:59.440 --> 01:03:02.219
if your eyes are closed, please feel free to open them.
741
01:03:02.239 --> 01:03:07.289
I want to thank you for your kind attention and
742
01:03:07.329 --> 01:03:12.269
wish you all the blessings of this path. A deep
743
01:03:12.730 --> 01:03:20.610
bow of namaste to each. Thank you.