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francine veilleux:
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Hello and welcome to the Spiritual Connections for the Soul Podcast. I am your host, Francine Veilleux. Join me as I dive into the big questions, explore different perspectives and offer practical insights for living a more spiritual life. I will also offer tips as well as practical advice to help you navigate the path ahead. Whether you are a seasoned spiritual practitioner or just starting out, this podcast is for you. So sit back, relax and let's connect on a deeper level. Hello and welcome back to Spiritual Connections for the Soul Podcast. I am your host, francine. I want to thank you all for listening today. So in the last episode I interviewed Nicky Karn, aka the Golden Phoenix, and she talks a lot about trauma bonding and her line of work, and I, for one, didn't understand exactly what trauma bonding was. So I looked into it and I figured maybe there's other people that don't understand exactly what it is. So I figured I would do a show today on trauma bonding and what it is. I feel that it is a very important subject because it does deal with abuse, which happens more often than I care to think about. Now let me ask you guys have you ever found yourself like in a toxic relationship, unable to leave despite the pain and suffering you could be going through Now. That can be a sign of trauma bonding. Now, trauma bonding is a psychological phenomenon that occurs when a person forms a really powerful attachment to someone who's abusive or harmful to them, and this type of bond can be extremely difficult to break and often it leads to a cycle of abuse and forgiveness. So in this episode, we are going to explore various aspects of trauma bonding, including its causes, its symptoms and, especially, how to overcome it. Okay so, understanding trauma bonding, it's a complex psychological process and it occurs when a person becomes emotionally attached to someone who is abusive or harmful to them. The bond can be reinforced by something called intermittent reinforcement. Now, what that means is that the abuser will alternate between being affectionate and abusive, and the inconsistency can create a sense of uncertainty and unpredictability, and that keeps the victim emotionally invested in the relationship. Another aspect of trauma bonding is the victim's belief that they are responsible for the abuser's behavior. That's often reinforced by the abuser, who often blames the victim for their own abusive actions or can make them feel guilty for causing the abuse. That can lead the victim to feel like they deserve the abuse or even that somehow they're responsible for it, which we know isn't true. And finally, trauma bonding is often driven by a sense of powerlessness and dependency. The victim may not feel like they can survive without the abuser, or that they're too weak to leave the relationship. This can be especially true in the cases where the abuser has isolated the victim from their support system, leaving them with no one to turn to for help or even guidance. Now, there's several signs that can indicate a person may be experiencing trauma bonding. The first one would be rationalization of the abuse, and that's where the victim will make excuses for the abuser's behavior or they're even going to believe that it's their fault and that they caused the abuse. Okay so. Number two is intense emotional reactions, and that's where the victim may experience very intense feelings of love, fear or anger towards the abuser, and often shifting rapidly between those different emotions. Number three difficulty leaving the relationship. This is where the victim may feel that they can't leave the relationship, even though they know it's harmful to them. Number four would be isolation from the support system, and that's where the victim either has very few friends or family or none at all, and then they have no one that they can turn to for help or support. The last symptom that I have here is loss of sense of self, and that's where the victim may feel like they've lost their sense of identity or self-worth as a result of the abuse. So I'm sure you guys have got to be asking yourselves but how does it happen? How does somebody become used to this behavior, or how come they don't walk away the first time they're abused? Okay, well, some of these people have patterns, right, and one thing that they could start doing, like when you first meet them, is what's called love bombing. Okay, so love bombing is it's usually at the start of a new relationship and this person is going to shower you with love and affection to excess Gifts. I mean, it sounds good, right, but what they're doing it's really not normal For one. They'll want to rush the relationship. They will fall in love with you quickly. It's done to impress you people that you know, maybe your friends or family. It's done with malicious intent. Well, if you start dating somebody and you think that this person is too good to be true, it could be because they probably are. It's really, not, quote, normal to rush into that deep of a relationship that quickly. There's usually a reason the person wants to rush you. They want to overwhelm you. It keeps you off balance. They're going to try and get you to trust them right away and then choose you done by validating you, overvalidating you, telling you that they love you so much more than anyone ever could. So this person's also going to want to agree with all your likes and dislikes so that we guys have everything in common. They're going to want to spend all their time with you. So one big red flag is if, within a very short period of time, you two are basically inseparable, because you'll soon find that you almost depend on this person for your happiness You'll start to think that no one understands you like they do. Nobody can understand this connection that you have. Well, the connection that you have is based on lies and manipulation Now. So while you're going along,
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thinking this is great, they're eventually going to start to criticize you. They may talk about your appearance, try and get you to change your appearance because they don't like the way you dress or, all of a sudden, they don't like your behavior. Think this person loves you. So you think that they're telling you these things, maybe for your own benefit. And remember, these things happen gradually. This stuff doesn't happen overnight. They do not change overnight, typically, and that's why a lot of people don't even realize what's happening. Also, they'll start gaslighting you. Everything's going to be your fault. You're always going to be the one wrong, maybe to the point that you start to doubt your perception of things. You may not even realize that while they're doing all this, they're separating you from your friends and family. They're isolating you. Start, at this point, wanting to go through your phone All of a sudden. They don't trust you, but the whole time they'll be telling you that they love you and that they would never hurt you. Meanwhile, that's exactly what they're doing, and then the victim will eventually just start to give control to this person, usually without even realizing it, and a lot of times it's because they start to doubt themselves because of what the abusers have been telling them and manipulating them. Or it's also that It's just easier to let them take control, because it makes things easier, though it will be maybe not as turbulent in the relationship, and eventually the victim's gonna lose himself in this relationship and then that's where a lot of times, physical abuse will kick in. So it is quite a process and that's why a lot of times victims don't think they have any way out or they don't walk away the first time, because at this point they're more likely to make an excuse as to why it happened or maybe even blame themselves as to why it happened, because they're used to being told it's their fault. And also, what can happen is the victim becomes genuinely addicted to these cycles. Like your body becomes used to the highs and the lows. Your body could be like in on a constant, like stress high, and then your body will start to crave that dopamine which is like chemical dependency, and it can feel like substance addiction, and then that's when this person is genuinely addicted to this relationship. So what do they do? All right, so let's talk about how to overcome trauma bonding. Okay, so one thing about overcoming trauma bonding breaking free from it can be a long and difficult process, but it is possible with the right support and resources. You may want to seek professional help, and that would consist of maybe working with a therapist or a counselor, someone who specializes in trauma bonding, and that can be extremely beneficial to the victim. Also, the victim is going to need to build a support system They could reach out to family or friends, family members, someone who can offer them emotional support and guidance as they work through the trauma bonding process. They're going to need to establish boundaries, and that's going to consist of setting clear boundaries with the abuser, and that can help to create some distance and reduce the impact of their behavior. Okay, another one is practicing self-care. The victim needs to engage in self-care activities like exercise, meditation or journaling Something that can help reduce their stress and promote healing. They're also going to want to create a safety plan. Now, if you're in immediate danger, it's important to have a safety plan in place, and that could involve contacting a domestic abuse hotline or maybe staying with a friend or family member. The bottom line would be their safety, so whatever it takes to keep them safe. So we do know now that trauma bonding is devastating. It's a devastating experience, but you can get through it. You can heal from it. So if you or anyone else you know is experiencing this, know that you're not alone. Reach out to somebody who can support you, and if you feel you don't have anybody, feel free to reach out to me. Okay, i am here for you. All right, guys? Well, that was this week's episode. Thank you again for listening. I appreciate you all so very much And join me next week for the episode on meditation and its benefits. All right, guys. So once again, thank you so much for joining me and don't forget to take questions so you can find all the information in the description and also feel free to stop by and visit my website. Okay, guys, till next time, little time.