UDSKRIFT 🔗
WEBVTT
00:01:11.439 --> 00:01:17.739
Have you ever worked with a pupil who was obviously struggling, but they never put up their hand to ask for help?
00:01:18.039 --> 00:01:38.079
After working with hundreds of schools on behaviour and supporting tens of thousands of teachers through our website with SEND and SEMH, I've learned that those pupils often aren't coping well—and they certainly aren't coping better than anyone else—and sometimes their silence might actually be a sign that they need help.
00:01:38.259 --> 00:01:54.099
So today, I'm going to show you the hidden coping strategies those pupils use to stay under the radar, why asking for help can actually feel uncomfortable for them, and a simple method called the SAFE approach to find out what's really driving their behaviour.
00:02:33.159 --> 00:02:38.259
Hi there, my name's Simon Currigan, and welcome to this week's episode of School Behaviour Secrets.
00:02:38.379 --> 00:02:41.919
And yes, I am wearing my new pants—thank you for noticing.
00:02:42.219 --> 00:02:46.539
It must be the extra confidence in my voice that gave it away.
00:02:46.599 --> 00:02:51.399
Anyway, enough about my exciting new boxer shorts; they are silky smooth.
00:02:51.639 --> 00:03:01.719
In this episode, I want to talk about how kids use silence as camouflage in the classroom to hide that they're having difficulties, and talk about why that happens for some pupils.
00:03:02.319 --> 00:03:04.240
So, we've come back after the summer.
00:03:04.419 --> 00:03:14.919
September is a funny time of year in schools because you've got new classes, you've got new routines, lots of new relationships, actually, with new pupils and new staff.
00:03:14.979 --> 00:03:22.359
And as teachers, SENCOs, and school leaders, we're all trying to build a picture of the children in front of us as quickly as we can.
00:03:22.960 --> 00:03:28.539
And the loud pupils tend to get our attention first because, well, they're loud, right?
00:03:28.599 --> 00:03:34.780
They're hard to miss, even in the fog—like the deep fog, the sort of fog you find on a poster for Silent Hill.
00:03:35.079 --> 00:03:38.979
But today, I don't want to talk about the loud pupils.
00:03:39.039 --> 00:03:50.019
I want to talk about the children who kind of slip through the cracks, the ones who are struggling every bit as much, but never ask for help from the adults.
00:03:50.259 --> 00:03:58.479
Because understanding their behaviour and what's happening for those pupils on the inside can change the way we support them.
00:03:58.900 --> 00:04:08.439
If you find this episode useful, I'd really appreciate it if you could follow or subscribe, wherever you're listening, and share it with a colleague who would find it helpful too.
00:04:08.680 --> 00:04:14.199
It really helps more educators discover the podcast when you share it and when you subscribe.
00:04:14.319 --> 00:04:27.340
And I know we have a lot of people that listen to the show on our website, but I'd really encourage you to listen and subscribe to our podcast app, because it just makes it a lot easier to get new episodes.
00:04:28.000 --> 00:04:29.919
Right, so let me paint a picture.
00:04:30.039 --> 00:04:38.379
It's the second week back after the summer holidays, you're teaching a lesson, and you notice one pupil has hardly written anything.
00:04:38.680 --> 00:04:55.779
So you wander over and you say, "Are you okay?" and they smile politely and they say, "Yeah." Then you ask, "Do you need any help with that?" and they kind of just look at you and say, "No, thanks." And then you move on, because there are 29 other children who also need you, and you're being pulled in lots of different directions at the same time.
00:04:56.500 --> 00:05:06.939
But when, sort of at the end of the lesson, you go and check their work, you find out despite asking them if they needed help, they've completed almost no work.
00:05:07.180 --> 00:05:12.519
And then a week later, when you go through their book, you can see they're falling behind.
00:05:13.000 --> 00:05:23.919
They look confused during whole-class explanations, or, you know, they sit there with their face pointed in your direction, but you can tell from their eyes they're not really listening to what you're saying.
00:05:24.579 --> 00:05:30.580
They never ask a question, they never put their hand up, they never tell you they're stuck or confused or need help.
00:05:30.939 --> 00:05:35.200
They just kind of disappear into the background.
00:05:35.980 --> 00:05:45.460
Now, it's easy to assume they're unmotivated, or they lack confidence, or they're simply not trying hard enough, they must just have a poor work ethic.
00:05:46.059 --> 00:05:48.939
And those things can—they can be true.
00:05:48.939 --> 00:05:52.360
I'm not saying every behaviour has a complex explanation, because it doesn't.
00:05:53.080 --> 00:05:56.019
But often, none of those explanations are true.
00:05:56.019 --> 00:06:05.740
And when you dig down, what you find is those kids are working incredibly hard during the lesson, just not on their learning.
00:06:06.220 --> 00:06:09.100
They're working hard to kind of protect themselves.
00:06:09.220 --> 00:06:13.299
And that's the first big idea I want you to take away from today.
00:06:13.840 --> 00:06:16.600
Sometimes their silence is camouflage.
00:06:17.139 --> 00:06:17.919
So say that with me.
00:06:17.980 --> 00:06:22.659
sometimes silence is camouflage.
00:06:22.960 --> 00:06:24.039
Okay, I'll stop doing that.
00:06:24.100 --> 00:06:30.279
It makes me sound like a cult leader trying to program you remotely. And you deserve better. Right, where was I? Right.
00:06:30.639 --> 00:06:38.919
Some pupils don't stay quiet because they're okay, or they're happy with a poor work ethic, or they don't care about the work.
00:06:39.340 --> 00:06:46.779
Sometimes they stay quiet because there's safety in not being seen, not being noticed, in being invisible.
00:06:46.899 --> 00:06:55.480
Once you
Load full transcript
start looking at their behaviour through that prism, you start noticing all sorts of coping strategies they're being using.
00:06:55.840 --> 00:07:00.879
Instead of asking for help, they copy the work from the person who's sitting next to them.
00:07:01.000 --> 00:07:06.340
They wait until everyone else has started before pretending to know what they're doing with a task.
00:07:06.700 --> 00:07:13.720
They spend five minutes sharpening a pencil or organising their equipment while they're watching what everyone else is doing.
00:07:14.259 --> 00:07:28.539
They suddenly become fascinated by helping someone else, or they ask to go to the toilet, or they stare at the page as you go by, eyes down, hoping you'll think that they're busy thinking and that you'll move on and go and help another child.
00:07:28.659 --> 00:07:33.879
They smile, they nod, they say, "I'm fine," but actually they aren't.
00:07:34.779 --> 00:07:38.500
These aren't necessarily kids who are refusing to learn.
00:07:39.039 --> 00:07:46.419
They feel uncomfortable and are trying to reduce some sort of perceived threat they're experiencing in the classroom.
00:07:46.840 --> 00:07:49.720
And that's where I think we sometimes ask the wrong question.
00:07:50.200 --> 00:07:57.220
We ask, "Why won't they ask for help?" But that's not necessarily the most useful question to ask.
00:07:57.399 --> 00:08:08.679
A better question is, "What makes asking for help feel unsafe for them?" Because some pupils, putting up their hand isn't a neutral action.
00:08:08.860 --> 00:08:15.939
It puts them under the spotlight and exposes them to a social danger or risk.
00:08:16.000 --> 00:08:19.960
Maybe they're worried that everyone will think they're stupid when they share their opinion.
00:08:20.080 --> 00:08:23.679
Maybe they've been laughed at before when they've got something wrong when they're answering a question.
00:08:24.279 --> 00:08:28.240
Maybe they're frightened you'll think that they weren't listening.
00:08:28.419 --> 00:08:33.879
Maybe they're a perfectionist who'd rather not attempt the work than chance-making a mistake.
00:08:33.939 --> 00:08:38.980
Maybe they're overwhelmed and don't even know how to explain what they're feeling.
00:08:39.039 --> 00:08:40.059
They can't put it into words.
00:08:40.179 --> 00:08:44.860
Maybe they're new to the school or the class, and they don't trust the adults around them yet.
00:08:45.639 --> 00:08:50.620
Maybe speaking up in front of 30 other children feels scary.
00:08:50.620 --> 00:08:57.939
And you know, that makes sense, because most adults would hate to stand up before 30 of their peers and start speaking in public.
00:08:58.000 --> 00:09:04.179
It's the number one phobia of adults, because the adult fears ridicule or embarrassment in that situation.
00:09:04.480 --> 00:09:10.480
But we ask kids in school to pipe up all the time in that exact scenario.
00:09:11.080 --> 00:09:16.720
So suddenly, the silence starts making sense as a protection mechanism.
00:09:16.779 --> 00:09:22.120
It's not lack of motivation. It's armour or self-protection.
00:09:23.019 --> 00:09:32.679
And if you've listened to this podcast for a while, you know that I always like digging beneath the behaviour to understand the need that behaviour reflects underneath.
00:09:32.740 --> 00:09:36.220
And this is exactly where the PAIN framework becomes useful.
00:09:36.399 --> 00:09:46.060
Rather than seeing their silence as a problem, it encourages us to ask, "What does their silence tell us?
00:09:46.240 --> 00:09:49.420
What need or stress does it reveal?
00:09:49.600 --> 00:09:51.820
Is this about integration and belonging?
00:09:51.820 --> 00:10:00.759
Do they worry about what other people will think, or that other people will overlook their contribution, or if their contribution will be rejected, full stop?
00:10:00.820 --> 00:10:02.259
Is it about mental processing?
00:10:02.259 --> 00:10:07.300
Are they so overloaded by the task they don't even know where to begin?
00:10:07.899 --> 00:10:09.940
Is it to do with anxiety and emotions?
00:10:09.940 --> 00:10:18.580
Have they become so overwhelmed that staying quiet so they don't get noticed feels like the safest option to them?
00:10:18.759 --> 00:10:29.920
Or are there SEN-specific needs affecting communication, language processing, or recognising and expressing emotions that are in play?" It's going to be individual to the student, obviously.
00:10:30.040 --> 00:10:34.899
That's why in school, sometimes we need to question what we're seeing and look beyond the obvious.
00:10:35.019 --> 00:10:47.080
So instead of asking, "They did very little work, why didn't they understand the task or ask for help?" we shift to the question, "Why did they feel the need to go under the radar when they were struggling?
00:10:47.200 --> 00:11:06.040
What were they trying to escape?" And by the way, if you'd like a practical way to start looking beneath behaviour, to understand the needs that are driving it, we've put together a free SEND Behaviour Handbook packed with strategies, ideas, and practical advice for supporting pupils with behaviour, SEND, and SEMH needs.
00:11:06.040 --> 00:11:12.460
You can download it completely free using the link in the episode description, or you can go there manually.
00:11:12.460 --> 00:11:23.139
You can go to our website, beaconschoolsupport.co.uk, click on the Free Resources tab, and you'll find it at the top of the page. That's beaconschoolsupport.co.uk.
00:11:23.379 --> 00:11:28.180
Click on Free Resources at the top, and you'll see it near the top of the Free Resources page.
00:11:29.139 --> 00:11:34.960
So, what should you do when you go back into school? Here's three simple ideas.
00:11:35.680 --> 00:11:44.680
First, pick one quiet pupil in your class who is struggling with their work and deliberately observe their behaviour for a week.
00:11:45.159 --> 00:11:47.620
Not the loudest pupil, the quietest one.
00:11:47.800 --> 00:11:58.960
And when I say observe them, you know, not a creepy weaker standing in front of their desk and staring at them like that girl from Paranormal Activity who just watched her parents sleep all night. That'd be weird.
00:11:59.320 --> 00:12:10.480
But for one week, just pay more attention to what they're doing in class, because that will give you information and clues about what's going on underneath the surface.
00:12:11.259 --> 00:12:14.620
Second, look for their coping strategies.
00:12:14.740 --> 00:12:18.879
And remember, sometimes silence is camouflage.
00:12:19.000 --> 00:12:19.899
Have I said that enough?
00:12:20.440 --> 00:12:23.019
Use that to prompt your thinking.
00:12:23.620 --> 00:12:37.960
And thirdly, the next time you notice a pupil struggling and they don't ask for help, pause before jumping in with solutions and ask yourself, "Why do they feel uncomfortable asking for help in this moment?
00:12:38.019 --> 00:12:50.800
Why are they sitting there, struggling, failing, and not asking me for support?" And when I'm thinking about that question, I often use the word "safe" to kind of help structure my thinking.
00:12:51.220 --> 00:12:56.019
It's not a formal assessment tool or a framework, but it's a quick mental checklist.
00:12:56.139 --> 00:12:59.259
So in that acronym, S stands for Social Threat.
00:12:59.440 --> 00:13:05.500
Is the pupil worried about what their classmates will think if they admit that they're stuck on a piece of work?
00:13:06.220 --> 00:13:08.259
A is for Adult Threat.
00:13:08.620 --> 00:13:17.620
Are they worried that I, as the adult, will be disappointed with them or impatient or just think they weren't listening and tell them off? F is for Failure.
00:13:17.740 --> 00:13:24.460
Would they rather avoid trying the work altogether than risk making mistakes or getting the answer wrong?
00:13:25.000 --> 00:13:27.220
And E is for Expression.
00:13:27.639 --> 00:13:34.480
Do they actually have the words to explain what's confusing them or to express how they're feeling?
00:13:34.600 --> 00:13:41.440
And if the answer to any of those is yes, then asking for help suddenly becomes much more difficult than just putting your hand up.
00:13:41.860 --> 00:13:47.320
It comes with potential social danger or ridicule, with an emotional downside.
00:13:47.740 --> 00:13:55.060
Safe doesn't tell us why the pupil feels that way, but it gives you an idea about where to start looking.
00:13:55.540 --> 00:14:07.240
And that's when I reach for the PAIN framework, because they work really well together, because the PAIN framework will help you uncover the deeper need that's sparking that sense of threat or perceived danger in the first place.
00:14:07.240 --> 00:14:16.659
If you've not come across the PAIN framework before, I suggest you go back to earlier episodes where I've dug into what the PAIN framework is and how to use it to understand your child's needs.
00:14:16.659 --> 00:14:20.620
We've got loads of episodes on it now. So let's quickly recap.
00:14:21.040 --> 00:14:25.779
A pupil being quiet doesn't necessarily mean that they're okay.
00:14:26.019 --> 00:14:37.000
Some will be okay, but many anxious pupils develop silent coping strategies that help them avoid situations that they perceive as uncomfortable or threatening.
00:14:37.540 --> 00:14:53.379
Rather than asking, "Why doesn't this child ask for help?" ask, "What makes asking for help worry them or concern them?" Then use that understanding to explore the need underneath, rather than simply focusing on the behaviour you can see on the surface.
00:14:53.920 --> 00:14:55.180
Thanks so much for listening today.
00:14:55.240 --> 00:14:56.139
I hope you found that useful.
00:14:56.259 --> 00:15:04.899
And if you've enjoyed the podcast, please do hit follow or subscribe, leave us a review, or tell a colleague about our work.
00:15:05.139 --> 00:15:10.600
Apparently, podcast algorithms reward that sort of thing with their crazy internet magic.
00:15:10.720 --> 00:15:19.480
I still don't understand it, but who am I to argue with a probabilistic algorithm or a neural net that literally no one understands how it works, not even the coders who programmed it?
00:15:19.779 --> 00:15:22.720
The podcasting sky net is here, and I know my place.
00:15:24.340 --> 00:15:31.060
So if you do find it useful, sharing or leaving a review or subscribing does help us find new listeners.
00:15:31.180 --> 00:15:40.540
And remember, if you're listening on the website, jump to listening on a podcasting app, and then you can take my Dulsetones with you everywhere.
00:15:40.840 --> 00:15:47.259
I hope you have a brilliant week, and I can't wait to see you on the next episode of School Behaviour Secrets.