Fuld transskription af A Very Special Show

being at the satellite ER other 76 00:04:14.129 --> 00:04:16.180 than knowing that they were going to transfer me to 77 00:04:16.209 --> 00:04:21.399 the cardiac unit at the main hospital. And I knew 78 00:04:21.620 --> 00:04:24.480 that my heart rate was still in funky. One of 79 00:04:24.500 --> 00:04:27.279 the things that I do remember them saying to me is, 80 00:04:27.699 --> 00:04:31.889 you're trembling all over because you're in septic shock. And 81 00:04:31.970 --> 00:04:33.569 I didn't know what that meant. I mean, I heard 82 00:04:33.610 --> 00:04:35.350 that phrase, but I didn't know what that really meant. 83 00:04:37.019 --> 00:04:43.850 So at some point in that time, in that satellite ER, 84 00:04:44.990 --> 00:04:47.709 everybody left the room. The hospital staff, my sister, I 85 00:04:47.750 --> 00:04:52.209 was alone. And I had the presence of mind to 86 00:04:52.290 --> 00:04:56.250 pick up my cell phone and call my cardiologist nurse 87 00:04:57.290 --> 00:05:00.509 and tell her what was going on and say, please 88 00:05:00.629 --> 00:05:04.189 send somebody on his team to meet me at the hospital. 89 00:05:04.310 --> 00:05:06.930 I don't want a cardiologist there. team that I don't know. 90 00:05:08.269 --> 00:05:10.730 And bless her heart, she said, I'm on it. So 91 00:05:10.769 --> 00:05:13.569 they took me by ambulance to the main hospital, which 92 00:05:13.629 --> 00:05:19.620 is about 25 miles away. And when they wheeled me into, 93 00:05:19.680 --> 00:05:24.019 the ambulance drivers were just wonderful. When they wheeled me 94 00:05:24.220 --> 00:05:28.720 into the corridor in the emergency room, you have a 95 00:05:28.800 --> 00:05:31.160 terrible situation as I know a lot of cities do 96 00:05:31.220 --> 00:05:36.019 with folks Just hospitals overworked and overfilled and not places 97 00:05:36.079 --> 00:05:38.310 for people in the emergency room. But in any case, 98 00:05:38.750 --> 00:05:43.750 they wheeled me directly into a room in the emergency 99 00:05:43.790 --> 00:05:46.310 room with a sliding glass door that could be closed. 100 00:05:46.930 --> 00:05:49.069 And they hooked me up to all these IVs. At 101 00:05:49.170 --> 00:05:52.779 one point, I had four IVs in my body. And 102 00:05:52.819 --> 00:05:55.339 by the time the nurse and whatever had sort of 103 00:05:55.399 --> 00:05:59.339 done all that and done the basic intake, a member 104 00:05:59.379 --> 00:06:03.120 of my doctor's team and a physician's assistant were in 105 00:06:03.160 --> 00:06:07.879 the room. And she, the PA, looked at me and said, 106 00:06:08.500 --> 00:06:12.730 do you know you've almost died? And I said, no, 107 00:06:13.589 --> 00:06:15.529 I have no idea. I don't know what you're talking about. 108 00:06:16.170 --> 00:06:20.529 She said, most people don't survive septic shock. And I 109 00:06:20.750 --> 00:06:24.610 still was like, okay, what is going on here? And so, 110 00:06:24.670 --> 00:06:26.649 you know, there's a lot of stuff that was really 111 00:06:26.709 --> 00:06:28.569 fuzzy and not necessarily a lot of stuff that I 112 00:06:28.610 --> 00:06:32.899 need to go into other than to say, that everybody 113 00:06:33.620 --> 00:06:37.490 from the people who cleaned the room to doctors to 114 00:06:37.550 --> 00:06:41.810 nurses to aides to everybody in the whole process were 115 00:06:41.930 --> 00:06:50.040 kind and conscientious and clear and absolutely caring. And I 116 00:06:50.120 --> 00:06:53.660 am so, so grateful for the care that I got 117 00:06:53.740 --> 00:06:57.920 from so many different people. I was overnight in the ER, 118 00:06:58.430 --> 00:06:59.550 and I want to come back and tell you a 119 00:06:59.560 --> 00:07:02.839 story about that. But then they eventually, later in the 120 00:07:02.899 --> 00:07:05.819 afternoon the next day, moved me into a room in 121 00:07:05.839 --> 00:07:11.720 the cardiac unit and still pumping me full of tons 122 00:07:11.779 --> 00:07:15.899 of antibiotics to get rid of the infection and to 123 00:07:16.439 --> 00:07:20.019 stabilize my heart. And I think it was maybe this 124 00:07:20.199 --> 00:07:23.170 first or second night, I don't remember when, that I 125 00:07:23.209 --> 00:07:25.829 was just lying in the bed behaving. I wouldn't do anything. 126 00:07:26.490 --> 00:07:28.910 And I could feel my heart beating out of my chest. 127 00:07:29.699 --> 00:07:32.540 And by the time I felt it, the nurse and 128 00:07:32.600 --> 00:07:34.779 somebody else was in the room and they were doing 129 00:07:34.819 --> 00:07:38.819 all sorts of stuff to add more medication to my IV, 130 00:07:39.259 --> 00:07:41.490 to bring my heart rate down and to stabilize me. 131 00:07:41.569 --> 00:07:45.290 And they did. So I was very grateful for all 132 00:07:45.329 --> 00:07:47.370 of that. They had one of those, I can't say 133 00:07:47.410 --> 00:07:50.129 the word correctly, telomeric machines. I don't think that's the 134 00:07:50.149 --> 00:07:52.550 right word, but something like that. I was all rigged 135 00:07:52.610 --> 00:07:56.449 up to a computer somewhere. So that was all absolutely wonderful. 136 00:07:56.610 --> 00:07:58.410 The folks who took care of me were just great. 137 00:07:59.430 --> 00:08:02.750 And I was there for three, three and a half days. 138 00:08:02.769 --> 00:08:05.629 It felt longer. 139 00:08:06.769 --> 00:08:08.980 It did feel longer. And when I look back at 140 00:08:09.009 --> 00:08:11.699 my calendar and see when all of that was, it 141 00:08:11.819 --> 00:08:14.759 felt like so much longer. Of course it did. But 142 00:08:14.779 --> 00:08:16.920 I will tell you a couple of things, folks, that 143 00:08:17.000 --> 00:08:23.800 really got me through it all. On the night I 144 00:08:23.899 --> 00:08:26.939 spent in the emergency room, again, I don't remember a 145 00:08:26.959 --> 00:08:30.620 whole lot. but I was on a gurney kind of 146 00:08:30.819 --> 00:08:34.690 bed in this room in

the ER. My sister was 147 00:08:34.750 --> 00:08:40.289 asleep in a recliner next to me. And I dozed off, 148 00:08:41.429 --> 00:08:46.240 I think. Anyway, I was not conscious. And I heard, wait, 149 00:08:46.259 --> 00:08:50.799 before I do that, my mama, my daddy, my sister, 150 00:08:51.299 --> 00:08:54.559 and Granny Jean the palm reader, as I grew up 151 00:08:55.480 --> 00:09:01.000 and quit being called Debbie, and moved to Deb. Those 152 00:09:01.080 --> 00:09:04.259 four people refused to go with me until the day 153 00:09:04.399 --> 00:09:09.379 she died. Granny Jean called me Debbie. My sister still does. 154 00:09:10.580 --> 00:09:14.000 So I'm laying in this bed. I'm not conscious particularly. 155 00:09:14.019 --> 00:09:17.539 And I hear this voice. As clear as I'm getting 156 00:09:17.580 --> 00:09:21.350 ready to say it to you, this voice said, Debbie. 157 00:09:22.950 --> 00:09:27.850 And it was this command. And I woke up and 158 00:09:28.570 --> 00:09:31.309 came to and looked over and my sister was asleep. 159 00:09:33.480 --> 00:09:36.039 And I could tell from that voice that it was 160 00:09:36.100 --> 00:09:38.840 either my mom or Jean. I knew it was one 161 00:09:38.860 --> 00:09:41.500 of the two of them. They were very close in age. 162 00:09:41.539 --> 00:09:46.080 They sounded very much like good old Southern ladies. I thought, wow, 163 00:09:46.419 --> 00:09:48.820 wonder what that was all about. But I knew it 164 00:09:48.860 --> 00:09:51.820 was clear and I knew it was important. And I'll 165 00:09:51.840 --> 00:09:55.080 come back and tell you what has transpired about that 166 00:09:55.139 --> 00:09:57.600 part of the story later. But I also will tell 167 00:09:57.639 --> 00:10:00.600 you I didn't want visitors. I was not up for 168 00:10:00.659 --> 00:10:06.039 company I did have I am blessed beyond blessed with 169 00:10:06.220 --> 00:10:11.600 a really sizable number of wonderful wonderful close friends I 170 00:10:11.659 --> 00:10:13.500 can't even tell you how blessed I know I am 171 00:10:13.559 --> 00:10:16.320 for that and so I had my sister making some 172 00:10:16.340 --> 00:10:19.649 phone calls because I knew that folks would be calling 173 00:10:19.690 --> 00:10:21.549 me on a kind of a daily basis and trying 174 00:10:21.570 --> 00:10:23.409 to figure out why I wasn't returning the calls. So 175 00:10:23.450 --> 00:10:25.480 I knew that was happening. So she took care of that. 176 00:10:26.840 --> 00:10:30.360 And another friend, I knew my sister really needed to 177 00:10:30.399 --> 00:10:32.379 go home. She just couldn't stay there all the time. 178 00:10:32.419 --> 00:10:35.860 And I was stable enough to be coherent to talk 179 00:10:35.899 --> 00:10:39.139 to the staff. But another friend came and, you know, 180 00:10:39.179 --> 00:10:43.740 there are some people who just sit well. I am 181 00:10:43.759 --> 00:10:44.139 not one of them. 182 00:10:44.159 --> 00:10:46.659 You would never think Joyce was someone who sits well. 183 00:10:46.750 --> 00:10:48.909 She's so alive and fun. 184 00:10:50.210 --> 00:10:52.559 She is all of those things my wonderful friend Joyce 185 00:10:53.019 --> 00:10:57.019 but she offered to come the nights I was in 186 00:10:57.039 --> 00:11:00.240 the hospital so my sister could go home and she 187 00:11:00.440 --> 00:11:02.779 would we would talk for a little while and she 188 00:11:02.820 --> 00:11:05.149 brought a book and she's so funny folks she brought 189 00:11:05.169 --> 00:11:07.230 a she has one of those reading lights that you 190 00:11:07.250 --> 00:11:09.830 clip onto a book and so she brought her book 191 00:11:09.889 --> 00:11:13.490 in her light and as I was trying to go 192 00:11:13.549 --> 00:11:16.470 off to sleep she just read she just sat over 193 00:11:16.610 --> 00:11:19.179 on a little sofa in the room and read until 194 00:11:19.320 --> 00:11:21.539 I went to sleep. I don't remember her leaving, but 195 00:11:21.580 --> 00:11:24.440 she sits well. And I'm so grateful for her for that. 196 00:11:25.440 --> 00:11:29.360 The other person that I, I don't know whether or 197 00:11:29.399 --> 00:11:32.080 not you, you must've talked to my sister. Yeah. 198 00:11:32.139 --> 00:11:33.299 I kept up with her a lot. 199 00:11:33.679 --> 00:11:38.470 I figured you did. So Samantha shows up y'all now. Uninvited. 200 00:11:38.490 --> 00:11:39.429 Yeah. 201 00:11:39.490 --> 00:11:43.950 Uninvited. But that's, that was fine. But I have to 202 00:11:44.009 --> 00:11:46.850 tell you, the only other time I've actually been in 203 00:11:46.889 --> 00:11:49.159 the hospital in the years that Samantha and I have 204 00:11:49.179 --> 00:11:51.740 been friends. She showed up that day, too. You know, 205 00:11:51.779 --> 00:11:55.399 she did. But this time, she walked into the room 206 00:11:56.659 --> 00:12:01.850 with this basket. And it had Coca-Cola in it, y'all. 207 00:12:01.970 --> 00:12:03.789 I cannot tell you how happy I was to see 208 00:12:03.809 --> 00:12:08.470 that Coca-Cola. And it had candy. And it had shampoo 209 00:12:08.490 --> 00:12:13.769 and conditioner and deodorant and face wipes and lip balm 210 00:12:14.289 --> 00:12:16.220 and lotion. I can't even tell you all what was 211 00:12:16.250 --> 00:12:18.960 in this basket. But it was so lovely and so 212 00:12:19.019 --> 00:12:23.450 kind and so thoughtful. And listeners, you will never guess 213 00:12:23.500 --> 00:12:27.909 what color that basket was. Want to tell them, Samantha? 214 00:12:28.110 --> 00:12:30.129 It was pink. And that was not planned. 215 00:12:33.669 --> 00:12:37.649 Of course it was pink. I just love it. I 216 00:12:37.669 --> 00:12:39.850 just love it. It was just so much wonderful things. 217 00:12:40.009 --> 00:12:43.690 But in any case, eventually I was sent home with 218 00:12:43.730 --> 00:12:46.389 a bunch of medications and a bunch of craziness. and 219 00:12:46.409 --> 00:12:48.330 a bunch of rules, and

all this stuff, and I 220 00:12:48.389 --> 00:12:51.450 am trying so hard to be so very good. But 221 00:12:51.490 --> 00:12:55.460 I met with my cardiologist yesterday, and all of the 222 00:12:55.500 --> 00:12:58.299 tests and all of the numbers are great, and we're 223 00:12:58.340 --> 00:13:02.279 moving along, and things are progressing, and we think that 224 00:13:02.399 --> 00:13:04.659 I'm really on the mend. I certainly feel better. I 225 00:13:05.559 --> 00:13:09.059 mostly have my brain. I don't have all of it. 226 00:13:09.649 --> 00:13:12.470 One of the strange side effects of the heart meds 227 00:13:13.289 --> 00:13:16.409 is that There's brain fog. And I always heard that 228 00:13:16.470 --> 00:13:20.610 phrase and thought, oh, that's bad. But I really don't 229 00:13:20.629 --> 00:13:23.740 think I ever really thought about what it means. Let 230 00:13:23.779 --> 00:13:26.419 me tell you. It means that when you're trying to type, 231 00:13:27.259 --> 00:13:29.159 like if I were writing you an email, Samantha, and 232 00:13:29.179 --> 00:13:32.019 I would say, I'm going to the store, that's what 233 00:13:32.039 --> 00:13:34.779 I would think I was typing, what I actually typed 234 00:13:34.820 --> 00:13:39.100 were the words go store. Y'all, I'm working on a book, 235 00:13:39.299 --> 00:13:42.000 and that's not a good thing not to be able 236 00:13:42.019 --> 00:13:42.360 to write. 237 00:13:42.799 --> 00:13:45.590 But anyway, it's scary too and frustrating. 238 00:13:45.990 --> 00:13:48.710 It is frustrating and it is really scary. But I 239 00:13:48.769 --> 00:13:51.149 understand that that will decrease and would be better as 240 00:13:51.190 --> 00:13:55.090 that medication gets out of my system. So the long 241 00:13:55.129 --> 00:13:58.409 and short of that long story is I've been very, 242 00:13:58.450 --> 00:14:02.629 very sick. I almost died. I'm really grateful to be alive. 243 00:14:03.049 --> 00:14:04.789 And that's what we really want to talk about. 244 00:14:05.429 --> 00:14:07.470 And in the midst of all that, you had a birthday. 245 00:14:08.470 --> 00:14:10.879 You know, and Samantha, I have no memory of my birthday. 246 00:14:11.220 --> 00:14:12.149 I'm sure you don't. 247 00:14:12.710 --> 00:14:15.850 We're going to have a party sometimes before the end 248 00:14:15.889 --> 00:14:17.950 of the year and celebrate. I have a lot of 249 00:14:17.970 --> 00:14:20.789 friends whose birthdays are real close to mine. And so 250 00:14:20.840 --> 00:14:22.440 we thought it would be really fun to just have 251 00:14:22.940 --> 00:14:25.639 a party and celebrate all of my friends whose birthday 252 00:14:25.659 --> 00:14:27.940 I normally would have celebrated with while I was in 253 00:14:27.960 --> 00:14:32.799 the hospital. So it's coming. But I don't remember my birthday. 254 00:14:33.000 --> 00:14:38.070 I do remember my sister went to this little tiny 255 00:14:38.830 --> 00:14:42.379 walk-up restaurant-y sort of place here. And they make these 256 00:14:42.570 --> 00:14:46.110 wonderful acai bowls. And she went and got me an 257 00:14:46.149 --> 00:14:49.470 acai bowl. And that was probably the first thing I 258 00:14:49.610 --> 00:14:53.549 actually ate that tasted normal. Because another side effect of 259 00:14:53.570 --> 00:14:56.509 the medication is things taste weird. I mean, I have 260 00:14:56.549 --> 00:14:57.549 yet to have a cup of coffee. 261 00:14:58.870 --> 00:14:59.950 Whoa. 262 00:15:00.029 --> 00:15:03.370 I know. God, it's so hard for you. Let me 263 00:15:03.409 --> 00:15:05.710 tell you something. If I had my way, that coffee 264 00:15:05.730 --> 00:15:10.929 would have been one of those IVs. Yeah. But the 265 00:15:10.970 --> 00:15:14.549 first morning I was home, I made a cup of 266 00:15:14.590 --> 00:15:18.889 coffee and it smelled horrible. It was this terrible bitter. 267 00:15:18.960 --> 00:15:20.840 But I think that was also partly because of the 268 00:15:21.259 --> 00:15:23.639 antibiotics that they sent me home with. So in any case, 269 00:15:24.100 --> 00:15:29.980 all that aside, my question now for myself and a 270 00:15:30.200 --> 00:15:35.769 question I would invite you all to ponder is how 271 00:15:35.789 --> 00:15:41.659 do I make Every single moment of my life count. 272 00:15:42.580 --> 00:15:44.519 And I don't mean in terms of being productive and 273 00:15:44.559 --> 00:15:47.740 doing stuff. I mean in terms of paying attention and 274 00:15:47.779 --> 00:15:52.610 being aware and certainly being grateful. Oh, I cannot tell 275 00:15:52.639 --> 00:15:55.149 you how grateful. I promised myself I would not cry 276 00:15:55.389 --> 00:15:58.830 in this conversation. Samantha and I may not make it, but. 277 00:15:58.850 --> 00:16:01.490 That's okay. 278 00:16:01.669 --> 00:16:07.460 Many years ago, Bob Dylan... wrote a song called The 279 00:16:07.500 --> 00:16:10.549 Ballad of Easy Rider for a movie called Easy Rider. 280 00:16:11.210 --> 00:16:14.750 And there's a line in that song that says, he 281 00:16:14.789 --> 00:16:21.149 not busy being born is busy dying. And I have 282 00:16:21.190 --> 00:16:23.570 given that line a lot of thought. Lots of music 283 00:16:23.830 --> 00:16:25.610 has run through my head in the past few weeks. 284 00:16:25.629 --> 00:16:30.820 That's been an interesting phenomenon of music perseverating in my head. 285 00:16:30.960 --> 00:16:33.139 But that line from Dylan, he not busy being born 286 00:16:33.200 --> 00:16:37.409 is busy dying. And what does it mean to be 287 00:16:38.090 --> 00:16:41.809 born over and over and over again with every minute 288 00:16:41.870 --> 00:16:47.590 of our lives? What does it mean to cherish the 289 00:16:47.610 --> 00:16:50.710 here and the now and the people who are in 290 00:16:50.750 --> 00:16:55.909 your lives? There are not enough words to say how 291 00:16:55.970 --> 00:16:58.710 grateful I am to all the people who love me. 292 00:17:00.029

--> 00:17:02.730 I really, really am grateful for so much of that. 293 00:17:03.860 --> 00:17:06.079 And how do I show it? How do I live that? 294 00:17:07.039 --> 00:17:11.220 And how do we do that every day when, you know, 295 00:17:11.240 --> 00:17:12.769 you gotta go to work and you gotta wash the 296 00:17:12.809 --> 00:17:14.430 dishes and you gotta go to the grocery store and 297 00:17:14.450 --> 00:17:18.230 you need the tires rotated and all that stuff that 298 00:17:18.309 --> 00:17:23.609 we do every day. How do we live into that 299 00:17:23.789 --> 00:17:31.730 as a part of being grateful and being present? My 300 00:17:31.779 --> 00:17:35.890 sister says, I'm a lot nicer than I was six 301 00:17:36.009 --> 00:17:40.559 weeks ago. And she's probably right about that because I 302 00:17:40.599 --> 00:17:45.220 can be a little bitchy. No. I'll push. See what 303 00:17:45.259 --> 00:17:50.319 I mean, y'all? But it's true. It's like there's no 304 00:17:50.339 --> 00:17:55.119 reason to be unkind. There's, well, maybe most of the time. 305 00:17:55.160 --> 00:17:58.380 Let me rephrase that. It's a matter of an awareness 306 00:17:58.619 --> 00:18:03.250 of a true knowing of connection. You know, You all 307 00:18:03.269 --> 00:18:05.990 have heard me say a thousand times on this podcast, 308 00:18:06.390 --> 00:18:10.609 quoting my Lakota friends, Matakiasi. I finally had it tattooed 309 00:18:10.670 --> 00:18:15.130 on my arm. But I do need to live, Matakiasi. 310 00:18:15.970 --> 00:18:18.890 I really do. I did go out the night of 311 00:18:18.930 --> 00:18:21.440 the full moon. I did go out to the beach 312 00:18:21.660 --> 00:18:24.339 and watch the moon rise and sent up a lot 313 00:18:24.359 --> 00:18:27.940 of prayers of gratitude on that night for the full moon. 314 00:18:28.519 --> 00:18:31.480 And then the other place I drove probably before I 315 00:18:31.519 --> 00:18:34.769 was supposed to was to vote. I did do that. 316 00:18:35.549 --> 00:18:38.069 I know that when I was sitting and talking to 317 00:18:38.109 --> 00:18:42.569 your sister, she said, I hope the one thing she 318 00:18:42.630 --> 00:18:46.069 learns out of this is that she is loved, that 319 00:18:46.109 --> 00:18:50.029 she is truly loved. And I just think that's so true. 320 00:18:50.069 --> 00:18:52.450 I think that everyone who showed up for you and 321 00:18:52.509 --> 00:18:56.990 rallied and is still always around you, I think it's 322 00:18:57.099 --> 00:18:59.740 terrible that you had to go through this. And I'm 323 00:19:00.119 --> 00:19:03.900 sure you're still processing it. I know I am. But 324 00:19:03.960 --> 00:19:07.519 I think that the lesson and the message that came 325 00:19:07.680 --> 00:19:10.039 out of that is really beautiful. 326 00:19:11.859 --> 00:19:14.369 It really is, Samantha. And you know, I mean, good God, 327 00:19:14.549 --> 00:19:18.430 I thought a bunch about all of the health issues 328 00:19:18.589 --> 00:19:21.289 and

changes that you have had in your life since 329 00:19:21.329 --> 00:19:24.029 you and I have been friends and working together. And 330 00:19:24.089 --> 00:19:26.559 how much of all of that had to have been 331 00:19:26.670 --> 00:19:31.329 horrible and frightening and terrifying and All those words for 332 00:19:31.390 --> 00:19:33.359 you and thinking about, you know, you had three young 333 00:19:33.390 --> 00:19:36.700 children when you were going through your breast cancer, for example. 334 00:19:36.839 --> 00:19:41.380 And I think about your situation and what that must 335 00:19:41.420 --> 00:19:44.430 have been like for you living through all of that 336 00:19:45.650 --> 00:19:48.750 for a long time. I mean, it was a while. 337 00:19:48.930 --> 00:19:53.220 How did you navigate? all of that? And how does 338 00:19:53.359 --> 00:19:59.250 that impact how you are in the world as you 339 00:19:59.289 --> 00:20:03.230 have all of that time to sit with a traumatic situation? 340 00:20:03.250 --> 00:20:07.519 I didn't have any time. What do you mean I'm dying? No, 341 00:20:07.559 --> 00:20:09.640 I'm not dying. I don't have time to die. I 342 00:20:09.680 --> 00:20:10.940 got a book to write. I got stuff to do. 343 00:20:11.490 --> 00:20:14.130 That was exactly what was going through my mind. It 344 00:20:14.250 --> 00:20:17.670 never crossed my mind that there was an immediacy of 345 00:20:17.730 --> 00:20:21.329 I might not be here. That never crossed my mind. 346 00:20:21.930 --> 00:20:24.910 It took me a long time to process what that 347 00:20:25.559 --> 00:20:28.920 physician's assistant said in that room. But I will tell 348 00:20:28.940 --> 00:20:32.440 you that when I came sort of to my senses 349 00:20:33.160 --> 00:20:37.640 a few days ago, I called my friend Dale, the medium, 350 00:20:38.700 --> 00:20:42.019 and said, I know you're busy. She's got some issues 351 00:20:42.039 --> 00:20:43.920 with her husband's health at the moment. And I said, 352 00:20:43.940 --> 00:20:47.079 so I know I'm imposing, but, you know, Jean won't 353 00:20:47.119 --> 00:20:49.400 talk to me. Jean won't talk to Samantha. Jean won't 354 00:20:49.420 --> 00:20:52.569 talk to Joel, but she talks to Dale. I said, 355 00:20:52.630 --> 00:20:55.509 would you check in with her and see if you 356 00:20:55.549 --> 00:21:00.490 can find out what this was all about? And she did. 357 00:21:01.509 --> 00:21:03.869 And she called me back and she said, it was Jean. 358 00:21:03.950 --> 00:21:06.569 It was not your mother. But your mother was afraid 359 00:21:06.730 --> 00:21:09.910 if she said something to you, you would take that 360 00:21:10.009 --> 00:21:14.589 as come on over. Whereas Jean, in that commanding Jean voice, 361 00:21:14.650 --> 00:21:17.609 would say, no, girlfriend, it's not your time. Don't come. 362 00:21:18.589 --> 00:21:21.430 Don't come back. Go back to your other world. And 363 00:21:21.470 --> 00:21:24.279 that makes sense to me. Does it to you, Samantha? 364 00:21:25.019 --> 00:21:25.519 It does. 365 00:21:25.539 --> 00:21:30.079 I also think the timing of hearing her say, Debbie... 366 00:21:30.490 --> 00:21:33.730 as you were waking up is symbolic because this really 367 00:21:33.839 --> 00:21:36.559 was a wake-up call for you. 368 00:21:37.059 --> 00:21:37.900 Who was it not? 369 00:21:38.420 --> 00:21:41.480 You know, I mean, cause that's something Joel and I 370 00:21:41.519 --> 00:21:43.940 have been talking about you behind your back, Debbie. 371 00:21:44.500 --> 00:21:47.269 Okay, Samantha, what have you all been saying about me? 372 00:21:48.589 --> 00:21:51.529 No, but we were just saying like, cause you're so busy. 373 00:21:51.549 --> 00:21:54.809 I mean, you're writing your second book, you're writing a play. 374 00:21:54.869 --> 00:22:00.559 It's got approved for production. You're, writing for local magazines 375 00:22:00.680 --> 00:22:04.970 and national publications. You just have your finger in so 376 00:22:05.009 --> 00:22:07.289 many different pots. And we were like, when is she 377 00:22:07.369 --> 00:22:08.809 ever going to slow down? 378 00:22:09.450 --> 00:22:14.089 Oh, don't forget the teaching of the classes. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 379 00:22:14.150 --> 00:22:17.069 Getting back in the university stuff. So much going on. 380 00:22:17.970 --> 00:22:20.690 And I think that this was a wake-up call to 381 00:22:20.759 --> 00:22:24.440 help you realize and tell me if I'm overstepping. But 382 00:22:25.140 --> 00:22:28.430 I think The universe and your family and your friends 383 00:22:28.470 --> 00:22:32.880 want you to just be present for yourself and for everyone, 384 00:22:32.960 --> 00:22:37.359 not all these projects. Not to discount those projects. 385 00:22:37.920 --> 00:22:39.779 I hear you. I understand what you're saying. And I 386 00:22:39.859 --> 00:22:42.819 absolutely agree that that is absolutely true. For those of 387 00:22:42.859 --> 00:22:46.710 you who subscribe to my newsletter, you know that I 388 00:22:46.789 --> 00:22:50.210 wrote about this very briefly in the newsletter. And I 389 00:22:50.329 --> 00:22:54.230 also wrote a note that said, here's what I'm not 390 00:22:54.329 --> 00:22:59.269 doing this fall. Because there were several courses and workshops 391 00:22:59.369 --> 00:23:02.119 and events that I had promised folks I would be 392 00:23:02.160 --> 00:23:04.940 doing this fall. And I wrote and said, I am 393 00:23:04.980 --> 00:23:06.819 just as sorry as I can be, but all of 394 00:23:06.839 --> 00:23:11.240 that's got to go to January. I'm truly giving myself, 395 00:23:12.519 --> 00:23:15.200 other than the responsibility I have for the deadline for 396 00:23:15.220 --> 00:23:19.230 the book, I really am taking a break from all 397 00:23:19.250 --> 00:23:22.369 of the classes and so forth for this time. I 398 00:23:22.450 --> 00:23:26.150 am going to my favorite island on the planet for Thanksgiving. 399 00:23:26.920 -->

00:23:29.529 I'm so excited about that. I don't know what to do. Actually, 400 00:23:29.910 --> 00:23:33.349 one of our listeners also goes there on Thanksgiving, and 401 00:23:33.390 --> 00:23:35.769 she and I will actually get to meet in person. 402 00:23:35.849 --> 00:23:36.470 So I'm excited. 403 00:23:36.490 --> 00:23:37.650 I'm so excited for that. 404 00:23:37.670 --> 00:23:39.289 It is. I'm so looking forward to meeting her in 405 00:23:39.329 --> 00:23:42.289 real life. But I'm doing some of that for Thanksgiving. 406 00:23:43.910 --> 00:23:46.160 Who knows what December will look like, but I'm trying 407 00:23:46.200 --> 00:23:48.220 very hard to be present in the moment. But I 408 00:23:48.319 --> 00:23:52.240 know that it can't look like what it's been looking like. 409 00:23:53.579 --> 00:23:58.000 I can't continue to be a human doing. But you know, 410 00:23:58.059 --> 00:24:01.420 that has been my mindset for so many years is 411 00:24:01.500 --> 00:24:06.859 that I am valued because of what I produce, what 412 00:24:06.900 --> 00:24:10.009 I do. And I've written to, I've gotten to the 413 00:24:10.049 --> 00:24:11.809 point now where I don't care whether, what you think 414 00:24:11.829 --> 00:24:14.730 about what I do. I care about our relationships. 415 00:24:16.470 --> 00:24:21.430 That's huge. That's huge. It is. I mean, that really is. 416 00:24:21.750 --> 00:24:25.730 That's a very big, pronouncement and it's very vulnerable. And 417 00:24:25.769 --> 00:24:28.509 I think that's amazing and wonderful that you can share 418 00:24:28.569 --> 00:24:31.430 that and embrace it. Because I think so many of 419 00:24:31.670 --> 00:24:36.410 us were raised with that belief. You're valued for what 420 00:24:36.450 --> 00:24:37.230 you produce. 421 00:24:37.759 --> 00:24:38.599 Absolutely. 422 00:24:39.230 --> 00:24:42.059 Especially so many of us women. I can't tell you 423 00:24:42.119 --> 00:24:45.039 how many friends we've, this has just been a topic 424 00:24:45.079 --> 00:24:48.480 of conversation lately where we have a really hard time sitting. 425 00:24:49.000 --> 00:24:51.700 Like we feel guilty if you just sit to watch 426 00:24:51.759 --> 00:24:56.579 a show. And so we'll knit or needlepoint or fold 427 00:24:56.700 --> 00:25:00.339 laundry or empty the dishwasher while we watch a show. 428 00:25:00.500 --> 00:25:03.880 You know, and it's like, the hell? When you think 429 00:25:03.940 --> 00:25:06.680 about it, it makes no sense. And yet we get 430 00:25:06.740 --> 00:25:09.589 in these routines of gotta go, gotta go, gotta go. 431 00:25:11.109 --> 00:25:15.390 And then sometimes we need these terrible, terrifying wake-up calls 432 00:25:15.589 --> 00:25:18.490 to get us to sit down and shut up and 433 00:25:18.509 --> 00:25:18.950 just be. 434 00:25:18.970 --> 00:25:22.039 That's exactly true. The night that I went out to 435 00:25:22.079 --> 00:25:25.160 watch the moon rise, my instinct was to pick up 436 00:25:25.210 -->

00:25:27.470 my cell phone and take lots of pictures as it 437 00:25:27.509 --> 00:25:30.609 was rising in the sky. And I made myself put 438 00:25:30.670 --> 00:25:34.329 the phone down. So I just look at the moon. 439 00:25:35.049 --> 00:25:38.349 How many moon rises in your lifetime before cell phones 440 00:25:38.710 --> 00:25:40.650 did you sit on the beach and watch it rise? 441 00:25:41.339 --> 00:25:44.380 And we're just really present. You can do that again tonight. 442 00:25:44.960 --> 00:25:47.059 So I did do that. The other thing that I 443 00:25:47.119 --> 00:25:51.670 did was on Samhain. Of course, that's the Celtic New Year. 444 00:25:51.710 --> 00:25:54.349 And so for me, it was about New Year, which 445 00:25:54.410 --> 00:25:58.269 I think is a really wonderful metaphor for where I'm 446 00:25:58.309 --> 00:26:00.789 trying to go is to be at a brave new year, basically. 447 00:26:01.269 --> 00:26:04.690 But I did a lot of ritual work. I made a, 448 00:26:04.819 --> 00:26:06.859 I don't know what you call these, but I make 449 00:26:06.900 --> 00:26:12.140 them to help with olfactory skills. And I made a 450 00:26:12.180 --> 00:26:16.619 little bag of herbs and essential oils that I have. 451 00:26:16.640 --> 00:26:19.690 I'm holding it in my hand as we're recording. And 452 00:26:19.730 --> 00:26:23.690 it helps me, I tell you, the overriding, overarching fragrances 453 00:26:23.819 --> 00:26:28.359 in it are Vervain, Frankincense, and Myrrh. And I just 454 00:26:28.799 --> 00:26:32.900 find it very comforting and a very good reminder of 455 00:26:33.799 --> 00:26:38.960 be here now, basically. So I invite you to light 456 00:26:39.000 --> 00:26:46.009 a candle, do some kind of conscious ritual time where 457 00:26:46.049 --> 00:26:52.240 you make room and space for silence or connection and 458 00:26:53.259 --> 00:26:56.539 give yourself the grace that's a whole other word that's 459 00:26:56.599 --> 00:27:00.460 been a part of this process for me give yourself 460 00:27:00.980 --> 00:27:05.519 grace to be and particularly as we're coming up on 461 00:27:05.559 --> 00:27:08.720 this whole crazy busy time of the year with the 462 00:27:08.759 --> 00:27:14.009 holidays and so forth give yourself the grace and i 463 00:27:14.049 --> 00:27:15.910 think one of the things that's been hardest for me 464 00:27:16.029 --> 00:27:21.329 and all of this samantha Is to say no. Just no. 465 00:27:21.490 --> 00:27:23.890 I'm not doing that. I don't want to do that. 466 00:27:25.349 --> 00:27:25.930 And that's really. 467 00:27:26.089 --> 00:27:28.390 To say no is very, very hard. 468 00:27:28.849 --> 00:27:29.289 It is. 469 00:27:29.630 --> 00:27:33.369 And I think especially if your worth is tied up 470 00:27:33.609 --> 00:27:36.910 in what you produce, it's going to be extra hard. 471 00:27:37.769 --> 00:27:39.410 So I'm very, very proud of you for that. 472 00:27:39.769 --> 00:27:42.349 Thank you. Let me just point out to invite our 473 00:27:42.390 --> 00:27:46.089 listeners to think about this too, is to give yourself 474 00:27:46.150 --> 00:27:49.460 that grace. to give yourself permission to say no. The 475 00:27:49.519 --> 00:27:52.279 world will not come to an end. That's been a 476 00:27:52.400 --> 00:27:54.690 big thing for me to learn. And I bet a 477 00:27:54.710 --> 00:27:56.809 lot of y'all need to learn that too. Yeah. 478 00:27:57.349 --> 00:27:59.970 I could not agree more. But I think the flip 479 00:28:00.009 --> 00:28:03.430 side of saying no is learning to ask for what 480 00:28:03.470 --> 00:28:07.690 you need. And I think that's hard for a lot 481 00:28:07.730 --> 00:28:08.009 of us. 482 00:28:10.990 --> 00:28:15.289 I'm laughing because my sister would call When I would say, no, 483 00:28:15.329 --> 00:28:17.910 you just go, because she is an amazing caregiver. She 484 00:28:17.990 --> 00:28:20.150 has a mother-in-law who is quite ill that she takes 485 00:28:20.210 --> 00:28:22.289 care of, and a lot of other folks. I mean, 486 00:28:22.490 --> 00:28:24.730 a lot of things happened with my sister's world in 487 00:28:24.750 --> 00:28:28.569 the past few weeks as well. But she calls and says, 488 00:28:28.690 --> 00:28:31.170 can I come help you do anything? And, you know, 489 00:28:31.190 --> 00:28:33.460 that first week at home, I'm like, no, I'm fine. 490 00:28:33.920 --> 00:28:36.420 She said, it's Sunday. Do you want me to come 491 00:28:36.460 --> 00:28:39.940 take your trash out to the road to be picked 492 00:28:39.980 --> 00:28:43.720 up Monday morning? And my initial thought was, well, no, 493 00:28:43.779 --> 00:28:45.619 thank you, I can do that. And then I thought, 494 00:28:46.240 --> 00:28:48.079 it's probably too soon for me to try to get 495 00:28:48.119 --> 00:28:54.130 down those steps. So I said, yes, please, whenever it's convenient. 496 00:28:54.630 --> 00:28:55.369 Did it feel weird? 497 00:28:55.910 --> 00:28:56.990 Yes. Yeah. 498 00:28:57.569 --> 00:28:58.089 I get that. 499 00:28:58.589 --> 00:29:01.359 She was perfectly gracious and delightful about it. She said, yeah, 500 00:29:01.380 --> 00:29:03.400 I'll see you in a little while. And she came 501 00:29:03.500 --> 00:29:06.960 over and took the trash out. That's hard. 502 00:29:07.740 --> 00:29:07.920 Yeah. 503 00:29:07.940 --> 00:29:08.039 Yeah. 504 00:29:08.789 --> 00:29:11.470 It is. I have an acquaintance who's going through some stuff, 505 00:29:11.849 --> 00:29:15.789 and she texted in the group chat, you know, dealing 506 00:29:15.809 --> 00:29:18.109 with this, this, this, and this. Here's what I need. 507 00:29:18.829 --> 00:29:22.299 And she wrote down, like, she wants meals delivered every Friday, 508 00:29:22.990 --> 00:29:25.359 and she needs help picking up her kids on these days. 509 00:29:25.500 --> 00:29:26.920 And I was like, oh, look at you. 510 00:29:27.420 --> 00:29:27.779 Okay. 511 00:29:28.240 --> 00:29:30.500 And then I thought, that's what we should do

is 512 00:29:30.579 --> 00:29:33.460 state our needs and ask for them. But that's so 513 00:29:33.619 --> 00:29:35.980 foreign to me. But you just don't see that a lot. 514 00:29:36.079 --> 00:29:36.849 Do you agree? No. 515 00:29:38.720 --> 00:29:38.880 No. 516 00:29:39.319 --> 00:29:42.519 And people have called and offered to do, you know, 517 00:29:42.599 --> 00:29:43.859 let me know what I can do for you. I'll 518 00:29:43.880 --> 00:29:47.440 be right there. And I'm like, I don't need anything. 519 00:29:47.579 --> 00:29:51.259 Thank you. And I've been to the grocery store. You know, 520 00:29:51.299 --> 00:29:54.000 I've been to the post office. I went yesterday to 521 00:29:54.039 --> 00:29:57.500 the doctor's. I have an appointment later in the week 522 00:29:57.539 --> 00:30:00.029 to go get my tires rotated. I mean, I can 523 00:30:00.069 --> 00:30:02.549 do things. It's not like I'm not able to do. 524 00:30:03.769 --> 00:30:08.710 But even if I couldn't, I probably wouldn't ask. Right. 525 00:30:09.470 --> 00:30:10.230 But now you will. 526 00:30:11.690 --> 00:30:11.930 Yes. 527 00:30:13.450 --> 00:30:15.539 There was a little hesitation there, Ms. Bowen. 528 00:30:16.619 --> 00:30:20.319 Well, it's still, that's, and maybe that's a point that 529 00:30:20.339 --> 00:30:23.359 I would also, when we think about grace, is giving 530 00:30:23.420 --> 00:30:28.589 ourselves grace to be patient with ourselves as we relearn 531 00:30:28.690 --> 00:30:32.210 and really trying to relearn so much and to learn 532 00:30:32.269 --> 00:30:36.839 something new and different. And that kind of asking for 533 00:30:36.890 --> 00:30:40.859 help is really hard. Well, one of the things that 534 00:30:40.880 --> 00:30:43.680 happened in the hospital that I do remember is the 535 00:30:43.740 --> 00:30:46.819 hospital social worker came in to do what we call 536 00:30:46.839 --> 00:30:50.569 an ADL assessment, an activity of daily living assessment. And 537 00:30:50.619 --> 00:30:54.190 when he started asking me questions, I said, oh, you've got, 538 00:30:54.230 --> 00:30:56.710 you're writing down the ADL chart. And he looked at 539 00:30:56.759 --> 00:30:58.700 me real funny, and I said, I used to be 540 00:30:58.740 --> 00:31:02.640 a social worker. I know about that. And he said, okay, 541 00:31:02.680 --> 00:31:06.799 will you be honest with me? And I said, I will. 542 00:31:07.359 --> 00:31:10.259 And how safe am I at home, basically, was his question. 543 00:31:10.299 --> 00:31:12.940 And how much was I able to take care of myself? 544 00:31:13.299 --> 00:31:16.319 And the answers to all of those were yes. I 545 00:31:16.380 --> 00:31:18.359 can do all of those things. I am fine. Or 546 00:31:18.400 --> 00:31:21.240 at least I had been until this craziness happened. But 547 00:31:21.279 --> 00:31:25.619 I will be again. And so that's good to know. 548 00:31:26.769 --> 00:31:30.750 So yeah, it's a process. That's what I'm trying to say. 549 00:31:31.390 --> 00:31:35.170 And I think part of learning how to be spiritual 550 00:31:35.269 --> 00:31:39.109 and present and grateful in these moments and always, I 551 00:31:40.029 --> 00:31:44.009 really think it's about knowing yourself and knowing who you 552 00:31:44.210 --> 00:31:49.500 are and knowing what's important to you. I remember when 553 00:31:49.539 --> 00:31:52.819 I was going through all that stuff, I kept thinking like, 554 00:31:53.119 --> 00:31:57.559 all that matters is my family. and my closest friends, 555 00:31:58.559 --> 00:32:02.779 and nothing else matters. And when you clear away all 556 00:32:02.819 --> 00:32:07.079 of that, and you just hone it down to who matters, 557 00:32:08.900 --> 00:32:14.380 saying no, prioritizing yourself and the people you love, asking 558 00:32:14.440 --> 00:32:20.240 for what you need, it does become easier. For example, 559 00:32:20.380 --> 00:32:23.279 my sister is a lot like your sister, just super 560 00:32:23.700 --> 00:32:28.579 extroverted and has like 50 best friends, and that's not 561 00:32:28.619 --> 00:32:30.880 a lie. And I know your sister's the same way. 562 00:32:32.000 --> 00:32:34.680 And she really can't keep up with all of those friends. 563 00:32:34.900 --> 00:32:37.000 I can't. Like, I have to know myself. I can't 564 00:32:37.019 --> 00:32:39.299 have more close friends than I can count on one hand. 565 00:32:39.319 --> 00:32:41.359 Because I like to be able to keep up with 566 00:32:42.019 --> 00:32:47.480 the doctor's appointment coming up or remembering that this anniversary 567 00:32:47.599 --> 00:32:49.829 of your parents' passing is coming up. I like to 568 00:32:49.880 --> 00:32:52.930 be really connected to my close friends. And if I 569 00:32:52.950 --> 00:32:56.910 have 50, I can't do that. So I just... prioritized 570 00:32:56.950 --> 00:33:00.880 and kept honing and shaving off extra stuff that was 571 00:33:01.339 --> 00:33:07.240 weighing me down or taking time away from who really matters. 572 00:33:08.259 --> 00:33:10.500 And on the other side of that, what I learned 573 00:33:11.940 --> 00:33:15.769 in life, it is so important to just show up. 574 00:33:16.849 --> 00:33:18.509 Just show up for the people you love. 575 00:33:19.650 --> 00:33:20.269 That is true. 576 00:33:20.569 --> 00:33:24.109 Work can wait. You know, cleaning the house can wait. 577 00:33:24.150 --> 00:33:27.210 Paying the bills can wait. Just show up for the 578 00:33:27.269 --> 00:33:28.170 people that matter. 579 00:33:29.490 --> 00:33:33.130 One of my sister's best friends is a couple that 580 00:33:33.150 --> 00:33:36.150 she grew up with. They'd been married more than 50 years. 581 00:33:36.880 --> 00:33:41.980 And he died last week. And somewhere along the way, 582 00:33:42.000 --> 00:33:44.880 I got in my sister's car and went to that 583 00:33:44.920 --> 00:33:49.619 visitation for this person we've known for all these years, 584 00:33:49.660 --> 00:33:53.200 you

know. And that mattered to my sister not to 585 00:33:53.240 --> 00:33:56.549 be alone. And it mattered for me to be there 586 00:33:56.609 --> 00:34:01.410 because I care about these people too. And I'm so 587 00:34:01.450 --> 00:34:02.849 glad I did that, you know? 588 00:34:02.869 --> 00:34:04.430 Yeah. 589 00:34:04.670 --> 00:34:07.970 And it's not always easy because sometimes you're like, should 590 00:34:08.030 --> 00:34:10.730 I show up? Are they going to go, why is 591 00:34:10.750 --> 00:34:14.170 Deb here? But at the end of the day, you're 592 00:34:14.230 --> 00:34:18.349 never wrong if you just show up to be there 593 00:34:18.389 --> 00:34:18.909 for someone. 594 00:34:19.489 --> 00:34:24.429 Absolutely. Absolutely true. I really hope that what we have 595 00:34:24.650 --> 00:34:27.739 done in this time of talking about this, and we 596 00:34:27.780 --> 00:34:33.019 hope you'll forgive Samantha for lying, okay? Because the truth is, 597 00:34:33.539 --> 00:34:35.619 I really didn't want the whole world to know about 598 00:34:35.659 --> 00:34:38.719 this while it was happening. I was overwhelmed. I mean, 599 00:34:38.760 --> 00:34:41.710 I don't have 50 BFFs like my sister does, but 600 00:34:41.769 --> 00:34:44.030 I got a lot, and I'm very grateful for every 601 00:34:44.090 --> 00:34:46.329 single one of them. And that was all I could do. 602 00:34:46.349 --> 00:34:48.849 That was it. But I appreciate all of it. 603 00:34:51.590 --> 00:34:53.369 And I wanted to respect that. 604 00:34:53.889 --> 00:34:57.010 And I appreciate that. But in any case, the long 605 00:34:57.070 --> 00:35:01.989 and short of this is it really has brought me 606 00:35:02.050 --> 00:35:07.150 to a place of rethinking and to evaluate what and 607 00:35:07.210 --> 00:35:09.650 who really matter and what I really need and what 608 00:35:09.690 --> 00:35:12.429 I need to give. And how do I want that 609 00:35:12.469 --> 00:35:16.130 to happen? And the rest of it. 610 00:35:16.170 --> 00:35:18.030 And how to receive. 611 00:35:18.929 --> 00:35:22.230 Okay. Okay. And the rest of it will all take 612 00:35:22.269 --> 00:35:23.869 care of itself in some way somehow. 613 00:35:24.849 --> 00:35:29.889 There are some listener stories that stay with me always. 614 00:35:31.139 --> 00:35:33.860 And there's one, I don't know if you remember, Deb. 615 00:35:33.920 --> 00:35:37.780 It was probably eight, nine years ago. But she had 616 00:35:37.820 --> 00:35:40.719 a need. I think it was one of her children 617 00:35:40.780 --> 00:35:44.980 needed an electric wheelchair. And those things are expensive. 618 00:35:45.309 --> 00:35:46.010 They sure are. 619 00:35:46.269 --> 00:35:48.809 And she had gone to her church and told her 620 00:35:48.849 --> 00:35:50.969 pastor what she was going through. And the pastor said, well, 621 00:35:50.989 --> 00:35:52.570 I'm going to put out a call and just see 622 00:35:52.630 --> 00:35:54.739 if we could like start a little donation for you. 623 00:35:55.719 --> 00:35:58.780 And she felt really, really weird about that, but she 624 00:35:59.420 --> 00:36:02.320 needed the help. And so he put a notice in 625 00:36:02.340 --> 00:36:06.820 the church bulletin and a man rang her doorbell in 626 00:36:06.860 --> 00:36:11.550 a van and said, my wife just passed and I don't, 627 00:36:12.130 --> 00:36:14.969 need her electric wheelchair anymore, so I'm going to give 628 00:36:15.010 --> 00:36:17.510 it to you. And she said, no, no, no, like 629 00:36:17.550 --> 00:36:20.690 the church members have already raised, let me give you this. 630 00:36:20.800 --> 00:36:22.929 And she kept saying, why don't you just sell it? 631 00:36:22.940 --> 00:36:26.019 It's so expensive. And, you know, you could give me 632 00:36:26.059 --> 00:36:29.219 a portion of it towards this GoFundMe I'm trying to 633 00:36:29.260 --> 00:36:34.389 do for this wheelchair. And he said, would you deny 634 00:36:34.489 --> 00:36:39.730 me the gift of giving? That has always stayed with me. 635 00:36:40.550 --> 00:36:43.579 And it really struck our listener. And she was like, wow, 636 00:36:44.019 --> 00:36:46.219 because she was like us, like just always doing and 637 00:36:46.280 --> 00:36:51.000 being there for everyone. And she didn't realize giving and receiving, it's, 638 00:36:51.420 --> 00:36:53.440 you know, two sides of the same coin and you 639 00:36:53.480 --> 00:36:54.219 have to do both. 640 00:36:54.880 --> 00:36:59.519 I love that because the person who gives gets just 641 00:36:59.579 --> 00:37:03.079 as much or more as the person who gets, right? Yes, yes. 642 00:37:03.960 --> 00:37:07.119 And so don't deny anyone the gift of giving to you. 643 00:37:09.119 --> 00:37:10.579 All of us. Yes. 644 00:37:11.940 --> 00:37:15.619 And we don't necessarily mean tangible things. I think the biggest. 645 00:37:15.659 --> 00:37:20.429 No, giving time, giving your presence, giving your love, giving, 646 00:37:20.449 --> 00:37:23.670 you know, whatever it is, you have it within you 647 00:37:23.809 --> 00:37:27.349 that people are trying to shower onto you. I think 648 00:37:27.530 --> 00:37:30.929 as much as we focus on giving, it's important to 649 00:37:30.969 --> 00:37:33.849 focus on receiving too. And that's hard. 650 00:37:34.710 --> 00:37:37.070 It is hard. And I think maybe one of the 651 00:37:37.110 --> 00:37:40.420 things I'm most grateful for is the folks who Who 652 00:37:40.440 --> 00:37:42.820 were so willing to give. And still are willing to 653 00:37:42.860 --> 00:37:46.679 give time. Because I know. I mean we all know 654 00:37:46.719 --> 00:37:48.969 how busy people are. We know all that stuff. And 655 00:37:48.989 --> 00:37:52.030 yet there are folks who have given time. And I'm 656 00:37:52.070 --> 00:37:55.489 grateful for that. So we invite you to think about. 657 00:37:55.929 --> 00:37:59.719 What you're grateful for. And how you want to spend. 658 00:38:00.280 --> 00:38:04.639 Your

quote time. And I want to close Samantha. With 659 00:38:05.059 --> 00:38:08.480 one little verse. From a song I love so much. 660 00:38:08.719 --> 00:38:11.000 And I'm going to. find it here as I'm talking. 661 00:38:11.280 --> 00:38:16.460 So while I was in the hospital, I mentioned earlier 662 00:38:17.139 --> 00:38:23.989 that these lines kept flying through my head. These whole songs. 663 00:38:24.630 --> 00:38:28.710 There were four songs that would not go away. And 664 00:38:28.949 --> 00:38:32.030 one of them is a song by Mary Chapin Carpenter. 665 00:38:33.030 --> 00:38:35.039 And the name of the song is Why Walk When 666 00:38:35.079 --> 00:38:40.159 You Can Fly. And the Last verse of the song 667 00:38:40.320 --> 00:38:44.880 is this. In this world, you've a soul for a 668 00:38:44.940 --> 00:38:49.579 compass and a heart for a pair of wings. There's 669 00:38:49.619 --> 00:38:53.570 a star on the far horizon rising bright in an 670 00:38:53.739 --> 00:38:57.250 azure sky. For the rest of the time that you've 671 00:38:57.309 --> 00:39:00.050 been given, why walk when you can fly? 672 00:39:01.869 --> 00:39:02.269 Wow. 673 00:39:04.329 --> 00:39:05.610 Thank you, Mary Chapin Carpenter. 674 00:39:06.309 --> 00:39:07.130 That is beautiful. 675 00:39:07.739 --> 00:39:10.940 It is beautiful. And there was a time when I 676 00:39:10.980 --> 00:39:12.920 would read that and think, well, I've got so much 677 00:39:12.980 --> 00:39:14.539 to do. I want to fly. I have so much 678 00:39:14.579 --> 00:39:17.519 to do. And while I was in the hospital hearing 679 00:39:17.559 --> 00:39:21.190 this song over and over and over in my head, 680 00:39:22.610 --> 00:39:28.469 that verse took on a whole new meaning. And I 681 00:39:28.530 --> 00:39:30.639 invite our listeners to go with that too. 682 00:39:31.199 --> 00:39:33.900 Well, tell me what it means to you now. Does 683 00:39:33.960 --> 00:39:36.980 it mean to soar above the nonsense, the mundane, or 684 00:39:37.019 --> 00:39:37.719 does it mean to glide? 685 00:39:37.739 --> 00:39:40.739 Yes, that's part of it. It certainly means that. It's 686 00:39:40.800 --> 00:39:44.840 like life is too short to get caught up in 687 00:39:45.440 --> 00:39:50.409 what doesn't really matter. And when we give ourselves... permission 688 00:39:50.469 --> 00:39:55.590 to fly in a way that is above the mundane and, 689 00:39:56.610 --> 00:39:59.260 you know, soaring with a hawk flew over my head, 690 00:39:59.320 --> 00:40:01.070 by the way, while I was sitting out watching the 691 00:40:01.090 --> 00:40:04.760 moon rise, and to really fly with who we're meant 692 00:40:04.860 --> 00:40:07.559 to be and to give ourselves permission to really live 693 00:40:07.619 --> 00:40:08.360 our best lives. 694 00:40:09.659 --> 00:40:12.920 Well, what is the quote Joel always uses? To be 695 00:40:13.099 --> 00:40:14.619 of the world, not in the world. 696 00:40:15.039 --> 00:40:17.219 He does. Yes, to be of the world, not in

697 00:40:17.260 --> 00:40:18.340 the world. He does say that. 698 00:40:18.880 --> 00:40:23.579 I think that's very, very connected to what Mary Chapin 699 00:40:23.599 --> 00:40:25.119 Carpenter was saying, you know? 700 00:40:25.139 --> 00:40:25.889 I think so too. 701 00:40:26.250 --> 00:40:26.929 Rise above. 702 00:40:27.530 --> 00:40:28.449 Yeah, exactly. 703 00:40:29.150 --> 00:40:33.030 Well, I'm very, very grateful that you are a stubborn 704 00:40:33.530 --> 00:40:40.099 fighter and that you did not go gently into that 705 00:40:40.179 --> 00:40:40.760 good night. 706 00:40:40.780 --> 00:40:44.460 No, kicking and screaming, dear heart. Well, I didn't even 707 00:40:44.500 --> 00:40:46.360 know I was going, I guess, is a thing to say, 708 00:40:46.400 --> 00:40:48.329 but No, and I forget who said it to me, 709 00:40:48.369 --> 00:40:51.400 but somebody did in the past couple of weeks. You 710 00:40:51.460 --> 00:40:54.179 didn't die because you still are needed here on Earth. 711 00:40:55.000 --> 00:40:57.179 You are needed here on Earth. I need you. 712 00:40:57.199 --> 00:40:59.340 I know you do, and I need you. 713 00:41:01.210 --> 00:41:05.090 And I haven't really processed that whole sentence that PA 714 00:41:05.150 --> 00:41:05.789 said to you. 715 00:41:05.809 --> 00:41:06.789 Me either. 716 00:41:07.070 --> 00:41:09.880 It gives me chills. Yeah, I can't imagine what, you know, 717 00:41:09.909 --> 00:41:13.650 what that's making you think, but My prayer and my 718 00:41:13.750 --> 00:41:16.610 hope is that out of this, what your sister said 719 00:41:16.670 --> 00:41:20.250 is true, that you realize how truly loved you are. 720 00:41:20.269 --> 00:41:25.010 And not because of anything you do or anything you produce, 721 00:41:25.349 --> 00:41:30.070 but simply because you are probably the most authentic person 722 00:41:30.190 --> 00:41:34.590 I know. I always say that when I'm talking about you. 723 00:41:34.670 --> 00:41:37.610 You walk the walk, you talk the talk. All the 724 00:41:37.650 --> 00:41:40.949 stuff you say you do and you're spiritual with your rituals, 725 00:41:40.969 --> 00:41:47.400 you do. And you have convictions and passions and beliefs 726 00:41:47.619 --> 00:41:53.059 and such beautiful, beautiful, beautiful ideals. And you actually go 727 00:41:54.030 --> 00:41:58.909 out into the world to teach people how to be 728 00:41:59.389 --> 00:42:05.309 conscientious activists, how to be peaceful people, how to be, 729 00:42:05.329 --> 00:42:11.000 how to really be the light. And I just, I 730 00:42:11.079 --> 00:42:13.619 love that about you and I respect that about you. 731 00:42:14.440 --> 00:42:15.659 And I treasure you. 732 00:42:15.679 --> 00:42:19.179 Oh, now I really am crying. Y'all, I can't say 733 00:42:19.199 --> 00:42:23.300 anything else, okay? Thank you. Thank you for that. 734 00:42:24.139 --> 00:42:27.329 And thank you everyone so much for listening. We're going 735 00:42:27.349 --> 00:42:32.530 to go grab some Kleenex. Kleenex and some water. 736 00:42:32.849 --> 00:42:33.190 Yes. 737 00:42:33.829 --> 00:42:37.849 We will be back with you next week. In the meantime, 738 00:42:37.869 --> 00:42:40.260 be the light. for yourself and others. 739 00:42:40.699 --> 00:42:41.800 Take care, everyone. 740 00:42:48.460 --> 00:42:53.309 Thank you for listening to Psychic Teachers, your podcast for seekers, lightworkers, mystics, 741 00:42:53.369 --> 00:42:56.250 and magical thinkers. If you like the show, please tell 742 00:42:56.289 --> 00:42:58.469 a friend or leave us a review wherever you listen 743 00:42:58.489 --> 00:43:01.989 to your podcast. For more information, check out our Facebook page, 744 00:43:02.030 --> 00:43:07.880 Psychic Teachers, or our websites, SamanthaFay.com and DebBowen.com. Thanks for 745 00:43:07.949 --> 00:43:09.409 listening and have a great week.