Fuld transskription af Ep 102 - Finding Faith Beyond the Boundaries with Judy Lane-Boyer

adulthood I kind of thought that I would never get married actually and that I was just going to have to keep working jobs that I didn't like. 00:04:42.947 --> 00:04:53.529 And now realize I resented Because my dream of being married and, you know, being able to be a stay-at-home wife and mother was not happening. 00:04:54.071 --> 00:04:59.375 But you know, all these things some that I wanted and some that I never expected are true of me. 00:04:59.375 --> 00:05:06.314 Now I am very happily married almost five years and I own a business. 00:05:06.314 --> 00:05:11.449 Doing something like this morning, I was like I had to make myself stop. 00:05:11.449 --> 00:05:13.415 So, like I'm hungry I need to go eat. 00:05:13.415 --> 00:05:18.269 Like I am so into what I'm doing and enjoying it so much that it's, it's just. 00:05:18.269 --> 00:05:19.831 You know, I just love it. 00:05:20.180 --> 00:05:22.930 It could be like our diet workings went to what we love. 00:05:23.139 --> 00:05:24.463 Exactly exactly. 00:05:24.463 --> 00:05:26.226 So yeah, it's, it's you. 00:05:26.226 --> 00:05:28.733 Yeah, it's hard to say that I'm living the dream come true. 00:05:28.733 --> 00:05:35.899 That's not entirely accurate because some of these things are not really dreams. 00:05:35.899 --> 00:05:37.464 I would say the writing part. 00:05:37.464 --> 00:05:39.250 I'm a ghostwriter and a writing coach. 00:05:39.250 --> 00:05:40.625 That's my business. 00:05:40.625 --> 00:05:46.151 So writing, actually writing that part is maybe what I would call a fantasy. 00:05:46.151 --> 00:05:47.802 That I never thought could be true. 00:05:47.802 --> 00:05:55.064 But I never really expected to own my own business at all and you know it's still in the growing stages. 00:05:55.064 --> 00:05:58.600 So it's not like I've reached the heights of success or anything. 00:05:58.600 --> 00:06:00.387 I'm still in the growing phase. 00:06:00.387 --> 00:06:06.744 But just so many and so much of the pain and disappointment and frustration in my life has turned to blessing. 00:06:07.245 --> 00:06:14.672 Yeah, and I'm grateful for that and I love that you say that, that you know you're still growing and that you're still not exactly where you want to be yet. 00:06:14.672 --> 00:06:26.487 And I think that's really cool and powerful, because I sometimes meet people who you know they come in not just in the podcast but just in general and they're like, yeah, I'm already doing this and everything. 00:06:26.487 --> 00:06:34.867 But I think sometimes people can like see this thing on social or whatever, like, oh my god, I want that. 00:06:34.867 --> 00:06:42.889 But we don't really know the journey or where you're at in in your story, in that progress, in that growth. 00:06:42.889 --> 00:06:49.869 And so for you, you know what's been that chapter turn that has led you up to this point so far. 00:06:49.869 --> 00:06:55.269 That's going to lead you to who knows where else it leads you towards your success. 00:06:56.632 --> 00:07:00.043 You know, I wouldn't say there's been one chapter turn, there's been a few. 00:07:00.043 --> 00:07:03.690 You know, one of the biggest ones was back in 2013. 00:07:03.690 --> 00:07:07.161 So 12 years ago, you know one of the biggest ones was back in 2013,. 00:07:07.182 --> 00:07:11.764 So 12 years ago, when I went to England, to Oxford, england, kind of spur of the moment. 00:07:11.764 --> 00:07:14.507 Yeah, well, I heard the story. 00:07:14.507 --> 00:07:24.413 Yeah, maybe a month or two of planning, you know it was it just something came up and I was like I want to do this, and so I did it, and it was the first time in my life that. 00:07:24.413 --> 00:07:40.565 So back up a little bit, as we've talked about before, I grew up in a very strict church that you know, women had a very narrow role in life, what I described a minute or two ago, and so that's all I expected. 00:07:40.565 --> 00:07:59.701 And then I was watching many of my friends get married and start having children and I now realize I kind of resented the fact that I had to work and so I was working different things and I just a lot of depression, a lot of frustration, a lot of not getting along with people at work, and I realized a lot of that was me, because I was unhappy. 00:07:59.701 --> 00:08:06.492 So when I took this trip, it was the first time in my life that I ever made a decision on my own for me. 00:08:06.492 --> 00:08:08.781 Yeah, it was. 00:08:08.901 --> 00:08:10.968 You know, previous I'd taken some pretty cool trips. 00:08:10.968 --> 00:08:17.245 Before that I'd gone to Israel, I spent five months in Peru, but all of those things you know. 00:08:17.245 --> 00:08:18.088 I bought a house. 00:08:18.088 --> 00:08:23.875 I had never done anything major in my life without, like, going to a pastor and talking it out. 00:08:23.875 --> 00:08:24.398 Is this a good idea? 00:08:24.398 --> 00:08:24.918 Is this what good idea? 00:08:24.918 --> 00:08:26.021 Is this what God would want? 00:08:26.021 --> 00:08:33.043 Yeah, and I still think that it's important to get advice, but the problem is I was relying only on advice. 00:08:33.043 --> 00:08:37.131 I was never really thinking about what I wanted, or you know. 00:08:37.413 --> 00:08:43.431 So I took this trip to Oxford because I grew up reading lots of fairy tales. 00:08:43.431 --> 00:08:46.988 My grandmother had her business, even though she was in that church. 00:08:46.988 --> 00:08:51.905 My grandfather was disabled and so he was very limited, so I think that's how she got away with it. 00:08:51.905 --> 00:08:57.288 So she had a business buying and selling old and rare books, and so we weren't allowed to watch TV or anything. 00:08:57.288 --> 00:08:59.100 So I just spent my childhood reading. 00:08:59.100 --> 00:09:03.251 I was reading chapter books by the time I hit first grade and loved fairy tales. 00:09:09.080 --> 00:09:12.129 As I got older, I put it aside because the strictness of the religion

I was in was very much like. 00:09:12.129 --> 00:09:14.634 You know, you need to be practical, put away silly childish things, but I had gotten back into fantasy. 00:09:14.634 --> 00:09:22.626 It's a long story, I won't tell it, but I'd gotten back into it by just sort of a happenstance thing that happened at work and started realizing that you know, I love it. 00:09:22.626 --> 00:09:23.448 Number one. 00:09:23.448 --> 00:09:25.533 Number two there's some good spiritual. 00:09:25.533 --> 00:09:28.226 It was the Narnia series that got me back into it. 00:09:28.226 --> 00:09:29.389 Really, I love Narnia. 00:09:29.389 --> 00:09:35.864 It's a Christian, it's fantasy, but it's very Christian-based, and so I started seeing oh, there's some spiritual things that you can get out of fantasy. 00:09:35.864 --> 00:09:42.331 From there I jumped into Hobbit, lord of the Rings, which was written by CS Lewis's good friend, jrr Tolkien. 00:09:42.912 --> 00:09:58.833 And so anyway, this opportunity popped up for me to go to Oxford, england, to this conference that was a faith-based conference and spend a week talking about Tolkien and CS Lewis and their works, and so I just kind of did it. 00:09:58.833 --> 00:10:06.504 It was, like, I say, almost very spur of the moment and that I would say that trip is probably one of the most life-changing things I ever did. 00:10:06.504 --> 00:10:13.307 Again, it was a faith-based conference, so there were Christians from various denominations, which that was another thing. 00:10:13.307 --> 00:10:24.903 In our church we were not allowed to have friendships or relationships with people outside of our church, even if they were Christian, like other denominations or people that weren't part of our group. 00:10:24.903 --> 00:10:43.714 So it was my first time to be around a bunch of different Christians in a very social way for any length of time, you know, for a week, from different backgrounds in Christianity, and I started seeing that many of the things I'd been taught about Christians who weren't in our group were just not true. 00:10:43.714 --> 00:10:48.090 They were good people, they were dedicated people, they truly loved God. 00:10:48.309 --> 00:10:49.211 So that was one thing. 00:10:49.211 --> 00:10:54.389 But also they treated learning, academia, going to college, very seriously. 00:10:54.389 --> 00:11:03.802 They treated writing and being creative seriously and they treated fantasy seriously fantasy and science fiction, fantasy. 00:11:03.802 --> 00:11:11.926 So those three things were I had already kind of started going to community college because, again, I never expected to have a career, so I had never gone to college. 00:11:11.926 --> 00:11:18.947 So, yeah, I had started college just before I went on that trip and that confirmed that this is a good direction. 00:11:18.947 --> 00:11:30.333 And anyway, yeah, that's one of the big places my life changed and over the next three or four years I slowly but surely moved away

from the cult I was in. 00:11:30.754 --> 00:11:42.652 Yeah, and yeah, my life is just totally different now, like the old practices and everything, and this trip, then, has showed you like other possibilities and other things that you can do for yourself as well. 00:11:43.373 --> 00:11:45.124 Yes, and it showed me too, that I could. 00:11:45.124 --> 00:11:46.346 Still it wasn't. 00:11:46.346 --> 00:11:48.052 It was, you know, like God. 00:11:48.052 --> 00:11:54.008 The way I had learned about God was very much like he's in this box, that you can only please him this way. 00:11:54.008 --> 00:12:00.592 There's only you know, this very narrow way that you can follow him. 00:12:00.592 --> 00:12:02.062 You know, Instead of realizing. 00:12:02.062 --> 00:12:09.450 You know, he gave me this love for fantasy, yeah, and he gave me this love for writing for a reason to use, you know. 00:12:09.591 --> 00:12:09.691 Yeah. 00:12:09.811 --> 00:12:12.482 And so, yeah, that's I eventually it's. 00:12:12.523 --> 00:12:24.263 I think it's such a gift to to be like, to be someone who loves to read and to write, because I think that's something that I think nowadays it's almost getting lost. 00:12:24.263 --> 00:12:29.325 I want to say, say just from my outsider perspective of, like you know, we have audiobooks. 00:12:29.325 --> 00:12:41.445 I'm a very auditory person, so I love them anyway, but, like, I love holding a book right, but I think the practice of reading is going, not going away, but it's not as common as it used to. 00:12:41.445 --> 00:12:47.485 Like I remember fairs, like book fairs and everything that I would find out about and just so many things. 00:12:47.485 --> 00:13:01.304 And I think it's cool that you have that gift to be able to help people to, to say, hey, you can write your book too, so people can read this physical copy, you know, and and it stay in in a way in basically history. 00:13:01.304 --> 00:13:04.149 It's like your legacy or whatever it is that you create. 00:13:04.229 --> 00:13:12.721 So I think that's the cool thing about what you do too yeah, no, and actually you said it correctly reading is not going away, it is. 00:13:12.721 --> 00:13:14.145 It is changing. 00:13:14.145 --> 00:13:29.807 Yeah, um, and some of that I don't like, but I think, just like, writing was one of the first ways that developed where people could express themselves to a much broader audience than just the people they knew, the people around them. 00:13:29.807 --> 00:13:41.792 You know, the printing press was invented, you know, several hundred years ago, and then people had the ability to start writing books, and so that was one way that people learned to and became that's how you would learn things. 00:13:41.792 --> 00:13:51.993 And then we had know, the telephone, telegraph, radio, and it became very auditory, right, yeah, and now we've added video with movies and films and tv. 00:13:51.993 --> 00:13:54.506 And now what we're doing right now? 00:13:54.527

--> 00:14:14.120 video, yeah, video stuff video anybody can do that documentaries and history, you know right so I like, I think it's really cool and I like to write, but sometimes my life is so fast-paced that I'm like, okay, I'm gonna record this for now, because this is my thoughts right now. 00:14:14.120 --> 00:14:15.924 Maybe I can write it on paper after you know. 00:14:15.924 --> 00:14:16.888 So, yeah, I think that's. 00:14:16.888 --> 00:14:34.135 That's such a gift and, and you know, I think, like I said, I read somewhere that, like kids, kids ability to read or the percentages or grade levels that they're reading at now are not at the same level of like probably my generation. 00:14:34.236 --> 00:14:34.537 Right. 00:14:34.860 --> 00:14:36.852 We still had so many books to read, right. 00:14:36.852 --> 00:14:41.312 Because, reading from the screen still affects our brain in some kind of way. 00:14:41.312 --> 00:14:42.979 I don't have all the science behind it right now. 00:14:43.120 --> 00:14:52.527 But like it's affected their brains in a way that it doesn't process the same way Interesting Because of the screen, and so I need to look for this. 00:14:52.527 --> 00:15:11.360 This is where I found this, but I just found that interesting, and so let me ask you this in this, in this process, you know of you finding yourself right and you it's, it sounds like, and what I heard is that you know you would go to somebody to make sure that it was okay and like, hey, should I do this or should I not? 00:15:11.360 --> 00:15:14.869 Or what would God say, or how can he lead me, which is great. 00:15:14.869 --> 00:15:20.326 You're that spiritual part of you, that that part of you that is like there. 00:15:20.326 --> 00:15:27.400 But what do you think in this process that the like how do I want to ask this? 00:15:27.400 --> 00:15:32.782 Like this of like mental, physical health, emotional health, spiritual health you know, how does that play out into your life? 00:15:32.782 --> 00:15:39.486 Now that you did find your own, I want to say like, maybe self-reliance versus outside of you. 00:15:40.931 --> 00:15:45.575 So, excuse me, that is still an ongoing process and I won't say that I don't struggle with it. 00:15:45.575 --> 00:15:48.758 I do almost daily, but it's getting easier. 00:15:48.758 --> 00:15:52.221 And I think the big thing was not that. 00:15:52.221 --> 00:15:56.245 The one thing that hasn't changed is that I want God's will in my life more than anything. 00:15:56.245 --> 00:15:57.846 That has not changed. 00:15:57.846 --> 00:16:08.118 But you know, he's okay if I go do something that he'd rather me not do, but it's okay, that's not. 00:16:08.118 --> 00:16:08.599 That's not where I am. 00:16:08.599 --> 00:16:11.086 I really want to do what he wants like the best thing for me, right. 00:16:11.086 --> 00:16:30.144 But what has changed is that I have a much broader view of what that is now, and part of that is I've always had a relation or I shouldn't say always, but mean I developed a relationship with God when in my teens and a real love for him and a prayer life, yeah. 00:16:30.985 --> 00:16:49.302 But I honestly believe that around that saying or shortly into that, like a year or two into that, where I was was getting to where I was praying and talking to God on my own, a lot is when a lot of my friends started getting married and I got really depressed and I kind of lost that and so I started feeling like I don't know. 00:16:49.302 --> 00:16:51.731 You know, I want to make sure I'm doing the right thing. 00:16:51.731 --> 00:16:56.513 A lot of times, when things don't go the way you want or expect, you think I must be doing something wrong. 00:16:56.513 --> 00:16:58.217 Right, I'm not doing it right. 00:16:58.217 --> 00:17:15.560 And so, to make sure that I was doing it right, I was going and talking and even even though the church it's funny even though the church was really strict and, you know, pretty uber conservative and whatnot, I remember, even even with that, one of the pastors telling me he was like you worry way too much about what. 00:17:15.560 --> 00:17:20.881 I think you need to think it out and like, talk to God and figure it out for yourself. 00:17:20.881 --> 00:17:23.253 But I was just too scared to do that. 00:17:23.253 --> 00:17:36.760 And so it's been, you know, the last 12 years, I guess, of learning more that God hears me, he sees me, he is very merciful and compassionate, he's not waiting to bring the hammer down if I step out of line. 00:17:36.760 --> 00:17:50.771 And one of the biggest, there was kind of two things, that really kind of two points about a year apart, that helped me with that. 00:17:50.771 --> 00:17:58.872 One was in 2016, when, well, they were both in 2017, but it started in 2016. 00:17:58.912 --> 00:18:03.541 My best friend in the world, her mother and my mother were friends before we were born. 00:18:03.541 --> 00:18:04.615 So we were really. 00:18:04.615 --> 00:18:08.215 We were friends from birth, yeah, and we were best friends. 00:18:08.215 --> 00:18:16.836 And she'd gotten married a little later she was 30, I think, when she got married, yeah, and moved away. 00:18:16.836 --> 00:18:24.662 Anyway, during that time is when I started moving away from the cult and started doing. 00:18:24.662 --> 00:18:26.484 I started going to a movie here and there. 00:18:26.484 --> 00:18:31.239 I started wearing jeans instead of just skirts all the time Things like that. 00:18:31.239 --> 00:18:32.101 I started dating. 00:18:32.101 --> 00:18:37.000 I never dated, so she knew those things. 00:18:37.089 --> 00:18:54.663 And so in 2016, she was in town visiting her parents and I found out through the grapevine, which really kind of hurt, because we always communicated and, like in the past, she would have called me and told me. 00:18:54.663 --> 00:18:59.280 So I called her and I said, hey, let's get together, it's your birthday, let's go out. 00:18:59.280

--> 00:19:03.237 And she was, she was really hesitant, but finally she said you know what, let out, let's go out. 00:19:03.237 --> 00:19:13.160 And so we met for lunch, she and her husband and I, and she told me that I was no longer following God and so I can no longer talk to her. 00:19:13.160 --> 00:19:28.472 I can't send her birthday cards, I can't call her, I can't have any communication with her Until, and unless I go back to the cult and I'm like there all the time and doing everything the way they do things, wow, which is never going to happen. 00:19:28.472 --> 00:19:31.055 But so I mean, that is that's still. 00:19:31.055 --> 00:19:36.299 One of the biggest griefs in my life is I don't have her. 00:19:36.299 --> 00:19:42.785 You know we were, we were friends till, you know, till our, till 40, age 40. 00:19:43.566 --> 00:19:48.473 And so so there's a lot of processing that's still happening. 00:19:48.494 --> 00:19:49.578 Well, I mean, I think I'm pretty. 00:19:49.578 --> 00:19:52.671 I still have to think about it and like, forgive her, and I realize I need to. 00:19:52.671 --> 00:19:59.234 Even more than her, I need to forgive her husband because, in my mind, like she would never have done that if it weren't for him. 00:19:59.234 --> 00:20:00.778 But yeah, that's a whole nother story. 00:20:00.778 --> 00:20:18.651 Yeah, over the next few months I fell into this just horrible existential depression and anxiety, like, scared I was going to go to hell, just like, confused about like, and by that time I had moved far enough away from the cult that I didn't know who I could talk to to process things. 00:20:18.651 --> 00:20:26.155 Because I was like, if I talk to anybody that I know who's still in it, of course they're going to tell me well, I need to come back, right, yeah. 00:20:26.656 --> 00:20:29.242 But I didn't know very many people outside the cult. 00:20:29.242 --> 00:20:33.077 I knew a few people, but not well enough that I could trust them. 00:20:33.077 --> 00:20:36.044 Yeah, so it was a lot of me. 00:20:36.044 --> 00:20:52.335 I just remember bawling my eyes out in the kitchen one day and just really literally screaming at the ceiling Like I don't know what you to do, I don't know what you want me to do, I don't know what you want me to do, and these words just came into my head so clearly why don't you let me handle it? 00:20:52.335 --> 00:20:53.896 Nice, wow. 00:20:53.896 --> 00:21:01.137 And it was just so clear, like not out loud but just very clear in my mind, like why don't you let me handle it? 00:21:01.137 --> 00:21:03.443 And I had to trust that that was God. 00:21:03.443 --> 00:21:09.679 And so the next few months was me learning to trust him and wait, like I wanted an answer right then. 00:21:09.679 --> 00:21:10.622 What do I do right now? 00:21:10.622 --> 00:21:12.699 Yeah, but I had to learn to wait. 00:21:12.699 --> 00:21:14.613 Yeah, and it was a few months later. 00:21:14.813 --> 00:21:19.131 I was working, I had been

sent to on a month-long project to upstate New York. 00:21:19.131 --> 00:21:26.423 It was January, so it was like three feet of snow on the ground and I went to a little church up there and they were talking about faith and just believing God. 00:21:26.423 --> 00:21:30.800 And so after that I went walking in the snow. 00:21:30.800 --> 00:21:37.681 It was a beautiful sunny day and I just I remember telling God like okay, I'm going to trust you. 00:21:37.681 --> 00:21:49.439 I am doing things with my life I never thought I would do, but I'm going to trust that not just you, but that you love me enough that if I'm going the wrong direction you'll let me know. 00:21:49.439 --> 00:21:53.117 And I mean, from then on, it was like my life took off. 00:21:53.117 --> 00:21:57.453 The next month I got to go on this really cool mission trip like helping Bible. 00:21:57.453 --> 00:22:05.580 I was a Spanish language translator at the time so I got to go, you know like translate in Africa, help people like translate the Bible. 00:22:05.580 --> 00:22:07.045 Then I got to go, you know like translate in Africa. 00:22:07.065 --> 00:22:07.385 Help people like. 00:22:07.385 --> 00:22:07.807 Translate the Bible. 00:22:07.807 --> 00:22:08.067 It's amazing. 00:22:08.087 --> 00:22:09.671 Then I got to go on this so and then. 00:22:09.671 --> 00:22:18.541 So about a year, eight months after that, I went on this really cool retreat where God, just it was, it was miraculous. 00:22:18.541 --> 00:22:26.371 I'd really been looking forward to the retreat and then we got there and it was so structured that was, it was kind of, and there was a lot of noise. 00:22:26.371 --> 00:22:37.051 The church I grew up in, you know, our worship service was like somebody playing the piano and we all sang out of the old hymn book, so like modern worship with all the drums and everything is like really it's. 00:22:37.051 --> 00:22:38.115 I'm more used to it now. 00:22:38.115 --> 00:22:39.798 It's still a little overwhelming for me. 00:22:39.798 --> 00:22:41.692 So, but that was all there was at this root. 00:22:41.692 --> 00:22:50.009 Every time we had a worship or any sort of anything, there was like this worship music and it was like, and then we had to stay with everybody the whole time. 00:22:50.009 --> 00:23:10.920 We weren't allowed to like go by ourselves anywhere and I was about to lose my mind and so one of the ladies I was at the point where I'm like I'm leaving, but one of the ladies was like, hey, there was a bunch of people there from different churches serving and she, she said, what if we get you up like before everybody else so you can have, like, go walk around and just have some you time. 00:23:10.920 --> 00:23:12.502 And I said sure, so I did that. 00:23:12.650 --> 00:23:13.732 And the next morning I got up. 00:23:13.732 --> 00:23:18.430 She got me up at like five o'clock or something and so I was outside, you know, walking around. 00:23:18.430 --> 00:23:29.843 It was still dark and I just was like God, I really thought you wanted me to come to this retreat, but I'm not enjoying it at all, I'm not getting anything out of it. 00:23:29.843 --> 00:23:31.106 It's causing a lot of anxiety. 00:23:31.106 --> 00:23:39.335 Yeah, and I stood in this field and I just looked up and I love shooting stars and yeah, I love shooting stars, and there's a big every August. 00:23:39.335 --> 00:23:45.239 There's a big like event over a couple of nights when there's lots of shooting stars, and I'd wanted to do it but I'd missed it anyway. 00:23:45.298 --> 00:23:52.342 And so I'm standing there and I was looking up at the sky and I was like, okay, god, if you really wanted me to be here, send me a shooting star. 00:23:52.342 --> 00:23:57.134 And I just I just kept looking and waiting and of course, nothing happened and I'm waiting. 00:23:57.134 --> 00:24:01.700 And I thought then, like I just had this thought like, if you know I'm, I was afraid to miss it. 00:24:01.700 --> 00:24:07.847 I was afraid like what if I keep walking and I'm not looking at the sky and the shooting star comes and I don't see it Right. 00:24:07.847 --> 00:24:16.973 So that's, I was just standing there waiting and you know, this thought came to me was if God, if you ask God for something and he gives it to you, you're not going to miss it. 00:24:16.973 --> 00:24:20.220 So I was like okay. 00:24:20.220 --> 00:24:36.013 So I turned around and started walking again and this enormous shooting star just zipped across the horizon in front of my face, like just like right low down, yeah, across the horizon, and I can't explain it. 00:24:36.013 --> 00:24:40.223 If you've ever seen like in a movie where somebody is like in another dimension, yeah. 00:24:40.529 --> 00:24:41.595 Like they're astral. 00:24:41.595 --> 00:24:42.136 What is it? 00:24:42.136 --> 00:24:43.294 Astral presence? 00:24:43.294 --> 00:24:48.040 Like Doctor Strange, they're still in the same place, but it's like they're in a different dimension. 00:24:49.231 --> 00:24:52.400 Their being is like seeing you kind of thing. 00:24:53.080 --> 00:24:53.603 Like you're out. 00:24:54.832 --> 00:24:56.659 I felt like I was in the same place. 00:24:57.090 --> 00:24:58.656 I didn't go somewhere else. 00:24:58.656 --> 00:25:05.902 But I felt like I was in a totally different place and it was just me and it was just me and it was just God. 00:25:05.902 --> 00:25:19.892 Yeah, and I felt seen, and your answer, and I felt, well, I felt seen and I felt known and I I kind of you know it's kind of funny because you know I was God revealed himself to me and my, my thought was shit, it's real. 00:25:21.334 --> 00:25:24.440 I love that, you know, and it was. 00:25:24.460 --> 00:25:24.559 Did. 00:25:24.599 --> 00:25:25.662 I really want the answer. 00:25:26.523 --> 00:25:37.114 Yeah, I mean, but when you, I mean I've had faith for a long time, but having faith and having the reality, like feeling like you're in the presence of

God, I can't describe it. 00:25:37.114 --> 00:25:40.298 It's just and it's like it was so healing. 00:25:40.298 --> 00:25:45.219 It was so healing not just for that moment, but for everything I'd been worried about. 00:25:45.219 --> 00:25:49.421 You know, like what, if I wasn't supposed to leave the cult or what you know, all those things. 00:25:49.421 --> 00:25:50.492 It's like no, I know you. 00:25:51.015 --> 00:25:51.214 Yeah. 00:25:51.255 --> 00:26:22.111 I know your heart, I've got you and so, anyway, a year after that I moved to Austin, transferred to UT, did a really it was just my bachelor's, but I did the honors track so I was able to do a thesis where I got to interview women in Guatemala and Tajikistan whose husbands travel to other countries to work and they're supposed to send money back but a lot of times they don't, and that was just really good experience learning to interview people and put things together that prepare me for what I do now actually. 00:26:22.151 --> 00:26:25.278 Yeah, yeah, which is the writing for. 00:26:25.278 --> 00:26:27.823 Right ghost writing yeah, one of those people. 00:26:28.789 --> 00:26:42.955 Yes, exactly, and I think that's so beautiful, and I think what I'm hearing too is like some people say you know, for you it's God, but I know some people are like universe or source or whoever, and what's interesting about that? 00:26:42.955 --> 00:27:07.652 It's like sometimes we just want to control the situation and their circumstance and sometimes if we just let it go and turn around, maybe just pivot, like it's gonna happen right there, you know, sooner than maybe you expected it, and I think that's the beautiful message that I'm hearing here is like you just kind of like had to turn around and trust that it would come to you and it did. 00:27:07.652 --> 00:27:08.875 Right, yes, yeah. 00:27:09.455 --> 00:27:18.784 And I think that's you know you've heard the phrase paralysis by over analysis, you know or you're afraid to move, and so that has and it still is. 00:27:18.784 --> 00:27:22.673 It's something I still have to fight, like when I'm I need to make a decision. 00:27:22.673 --> 00:27:39.819 I read somewhere just recently that a lot of successful people, their success, a lot of times comes from the fact not that they make the absolute most perfect decision, but that they make a decision and they go with it and they just do it. 00:27:39.819 --> 00:27:46.303 And if they need to adjust, if they need to, as you say, pivot or adapt, they can. 00:27:46.303 --> 00:27:57.945 But another phrase that I've heard that was really helpful I heard it in church, actually from a pastor in about that somewhere in that same time period was it's hard to turn a car that's not already in motion. 00:27:57.945 --> 00:28:06.820 So like if you have a car and it's just sitting still like it's a lot harder to turn than if you're already moving and you can turn it. 00:28:06.820 --> 00:28:07.161 Yeah. 00:28:07.461 --> 00:28:16.240 Yeah, it's the momentum, and sometimes it feels scary being in that moment, like, oh shoot, I got to like do a U-turn or something, right. 00:28:16.240 --> 00:28:22.980 I just started picking up the motorcycle again and I'm like, oh my God, I got to go do a left turn and a right turn. 00:28:22.980 --> 00:28:26.090 Am I going to? 00:28:26.090 --> 00:28:27.113 I gotta go do a left turn and a right turn. 00:28:27.113 --> 00:28:27.473 Am I gonna? 00:28:27.473 --> 00:28:31.201 And I'm trying, I'm working on not thinking about I'm gonna fall, because once it's in motion you have balance, like it's. 00:28:31.201 --> 00:28:35.076 It's interesting like people are like aren't you gonna fall or anything. 00:28:35.136 --> 00:28:45.231 I'm like no, like it's kind of like a bike with a motorcycle, right with a motor where, once you're going like it's you're going, you're balanced right, you just gotta focus. 00:28:45.231 --> 00:28:50.281 And the thing about that is that, with motorcycles, you have to look where, once you're going like it's you're going, you're balanced Right, you just got to focus. 00:28:50.281 --> 00:28:53.147 And the thing about that is that, with motorcycles, you have to look where you're going to go, where you're going to turn. 00:28:53.147 --> 00:28:58.440 If you look right in front of you, yes, that's where you're going to go If you look right here that's the direction it's going to go. 00:28:58.730 --> 00:29:07.493 And so it's about, like you said, that movement, it's movement, it's it's gonna, it's it's interesting. 00:29:07.493 --> 00:29:08.115 But yeah, I've heard that. 00:29:08.115 --> 00:29:24.811 I think I've heard Cody Sanchez say that one of the best lessons of some one of her mentors or someone was that he's like the reason that a lot of people don't succeed or it was probably a different phrase, but in the sense, in the lines of the reason is that I succeed is because I take action fast, you know. 00:29:24.811 --> 00:29:27.459 And so I think that's what that's about. 00:29:27.459 --> 00:29:28.320 So I think that's cool. 00:29:28.320 --> 00:29:42.298 And so let me ask you, with action and what's happening and momentum and movement, like what is something that you're excited about, or goals coming up for you, either personally or like with your business, your writing, like what's coming up for you? 00:29:43.040 --> 00:29:44.676 Yeah, so I am. 00:29:44.676 --> 00:29:49.441 I hate to use the word excited or super excited, because I feel like it gets way overused. 00:29:49.441 --> 00:29:51.650 In the business world, people are always excited. 00:29:51.650 --> 00:29:53.817 They've got this offer and they're so excited to present it. 00:29:53.817 --> 00:29:55.892 And they've got this webinar and they're so excited to present it. 00:29:55.892 --> 00:29:58.458 But he's excited a lot in this case. 00:29:58.458 --> 00:29:59.840 It is absolutely true. 00:29:59.840 --> 00:30:01.111 I am thrilled. 00:30:01.111 --> 00:30:01.692 How about

that? 00:30:01.692 --> 00:30:02.634 I'm so thrilled. 00:30:02.634 --> 00:30:10.416 I I am thrilled to be hosting my first writing retreat at the end of September. 00:30:10.416 --> 00:30:11.582 Last weekend of September. 00:30:11.663 --> 00:30:13.170 I did see that that you shared that. 00:30:13.170 --> 00:30:14.393 That's exciting. 00:30:15.174 --> 00:30:20.207 No, I'm just, you know, kind of still struggling to believe it, right? 00:30:20.207 --> 00:30:26.500 Yeah, so the last two years so there's a church here, a local church, austin Stone. 00:30:26.500 --> 00:30:33.823 It's big, it's got several campuses and they've done a really good job over the years of supporting creatives, christian creatives. 00:30:33.823 --> 00:30:40.539 They've got like a production, they've got a… I don't even know music and everything. 00:30:40.539 --> 00:30:46.030 In fact, some of the Chris Tomlin, if you know who he is, he's a very big name in Christian music. 00:30:46.030 --> 00:30:47.840 He got his start there and anyway. 00:30:47.840 --> 00:30:51.432 So one thing they've supported over the years is writers. 00:30:51.599 --> 00:31:00.853 And so the last two years I've gone to a writing retreat that they hold and it has been incredible, just phenomenal. 00:31:00.853 --> 00:31:02.422 I mean, I come on what. 00:31:02.422 --> 00:31:16.032 You're there with other, you know fellow writers, and all different skill levels, all different stages of writing, all different experience, but just the energy of being able to feed off other creatives and rub shoulders and just chit chat about writing. 00:31:16.032 --> 00:31:25.015 And they do offer some, you know, learning or you know, like a little presentation or a forum or something. 00:31:25.015 --> 00:31:27.444 But all of it's optional, all that was optional. 00:31:27.444 --> 00:31:29.891 So this year they are not able to do that. 00:31:29.891 --> 00:31:32.144 They've got some other things going on. 00:31:32.144 --> 00:31:37.643 They weren't able to host it, so I'd kind of been toying with the idea and I thought, well, maybe this is a year to do it, yeah. 00:31:37.643 --> 00:31:40.246 So yeah, I put it together. 00:31:40.246 --> 00:31:44.010 It's going to be at Camp Buckner, which is about an hour northwest of here. 00:31:44.010 --> 00:31:45.432 I think it's Leander Leander. 00:31:45.653 --> 00:31:45.993 Okay, or. 00:31:46.013 --> 00:31:48.121 Burnett Somewhere in there, Burnett. 00:31:48.240 --> 00:31:49.084 Leander, somewhere up there In the. 00:31:49.104 --> 00:31:49.364 North Area. 00:31:49.364 --> 00:31:54.868 Yeah, it's up there and I've been there for a church retreat, so I already know it's beautiful. 00:31:54.868 --> 00:32:05.122 Yeah, I've already. 00:32:05.122 --> 00:32:15.023 I mean, as soon as I kind of started saying, okay, this is happening, you know, was talking with the camp and putting things together, I reached out to several professionals in the writing book industry and immediately I had three of them say, oh, I want to come, and two of them were like I want to. 00:32:15.023 --> 00:32:17.089 If you want me to, I can give a talk. 00:32:17.089 --> 00:32:22.891 And I'm like, wow, Okay, yeah, I guess this is this is it. 00:32:22.891 --> 00:32:25.321 This is it, this is you know. 00:32:25.321 --> 00:32:28.369 And so, yeah, so far I have I had. 00:32:28.549 --> 00:32:29.813 I didn't know who all would be. 00:32:29.813 --> 00:32:35.827 It's because I'm putting it on and not the church is actually going to be more expensive, way more expensive than what the church could do. 00:32:35.827 --> 00:32:36.580 It's still pretty. 00:32:36.580 --> 00:32:41.853 A lot of people are still telling me that's pretty inexpensive, but compared to what the church could do, it's a lot more expensive. 00:32:41.853 --> 00:32:44.659 So I didn't really know, like, how many rooms to reserve. 00:32:44.659 --> 00:32:48.855 I reserved two rooms, with two more like on hold, which I need to let them know. 00:32:48.855 --> 00:32:52.144 Anyway, I've got 12 people coming, so I need to let them know that. 00:32:52.144 --> 00:33:01.365 I need to let them know that you know, yes, we need all those rooms, and we may need to put a couple more on hold, because people are still talking to me about it. 00:33:01.505 --> 00:33:07.511 So no, I just yeah, no, it's. 00:33:08.272 --> 00:33:14.730 You know, I just didn't know what would happen, but it's like it's happening and it's so cool and hopefully I can. 00:33:14.730 --> 00:33:16.990 We'll see how it goes, but I'm hoping it can be a yearly thing. 00:33:17.079 --> 00:33:36.074 Well, and I'm glad we're doing this today again, because I don't think you, I don't know that you were having this in January no, no so you know, I think it was just maybe meant to be that I'll get to share this, yeah with my audience and yes yes, and readers that, hey, this retreat is coming in. 00:33:36.255 --> 00:33:36.654 September. 00:33:36.654 --> 00:33:46.932 Right, yes, in last weekend of September, Friday evening through Sunday morning, I have one friend coming who is she works with self-published. 00:33:46.932 --> 00:33:49.836 She has an agency that works with self-published authors. 00:33:49.836 --> 00:33:58.012 They do everything from editing cover, design, interior layout through helping you publish, set up your royalty account, market. 00:33:58.012 --> 00:33:58.573 You know. 00:33:58.814 --> 00:34:00.256 All of those things. 00:34:00.840 --> 00:34:01.323 Yeah, no. 00:34:01.323 --> 00:34:03.068 So she's coming and she's going to talk. 00:34:03.068 --> 00:34:13.572 Another lady who's been doing book marketing for over 20 years unfortunately has a conflict that weekend, but she sent me two excellent videos that anybody who attends the retreat will get for free. 00:34:13.572 --> 00:34:14.559 Nice. 00:34:14.559 --> 00:34:25.155 And then I have a she hasn't confirmed yet, but I have a fantasy author who has six books out and also works for a publishing company.

00:34:25.155 --> 00:34:27.126 She also is part of a publishing company. 00:34:27.268 --> 00:34:27.509 Yeah. 00:34:28.601 --> 00:34:29.684 Very interested in coming. 00:34:29.684 --> 00:34:31.070 That's amazing. 00:34:31.661 --> 00:34:33.869 I'm so happy for you, it's going to be really good. 00:34:33.869 --> 00:34:35.465 Yes, it is going to be good. 00:34:35.465 --> 00:34:39.382 I would go, but I have something that same weekend, so maybe next year because I do like. 00:34:39.382 --> 00:35:01.326 Personally, I do want to write a book and and I may have shared this with you back in January, but one of my goals is to record my mom so I can write her book, or so I can help her, you know and so I just want to ask her questions about her life and all these things you know, so it can be put into like something tangible that maybe yeah just for me, maybe you know we'll publish it right 00:35:01.425 --> 00:35:02.971 right, um, but yeah, that's one of the goals. 00:35:02.971 --> 00:35:14.052 So yeah, if when I'm not gonna say if when you do this retreat, again, definitely let me know, because I've been wanting to write a book or a couple books. 00:35:14.052 --> 00:35:15.114 I always get ideas. 00:35:15.114 --> 00:35:24.704 And so let me ask you this If somebody wanted to work with you for ghostwriting or for, and, of course, for the retreats, where can they find you? 00:35:24.724 --> 00:35:25.646 so they can find me. 00:35:25.646 --> 00:35:28.295 My website is audience granted, mom. 00:35:28.295 --> 00:35:30.380 And again, I offer ghostwriting services. 00:35:30.380 --> 00:35:33.146 I offer writing coaching, cool. 00:35:33.146 --> 00:35:42.144 So if people want to do the writing themselves, but they want the same process that I do for my ghostwriting to help them organize their material and get through it, I I also do the coaching. 00:35:42.144 --> 00:35:45.581 I'm on Facebook, I'm on LinkedIn. 00:35:45.601 --> 00:35:45.840 Yeah. 00:35:46.742 --> 00:35:49.726 So yeah, both of those places, the writing retreat, same thing. 00:35:49.726 --> 00:35:50.507 You can go there. 00:35:50.507 --> 00:35:53.110 It's on all of those places. 00:35:53.630 --> 00:35:55.572 Cool, and I'll put all the links in the show notes. 00:35:55.572 --> 00:36:04.141 And let me ask you one last thing If someone were to want to learn something from you, what's something that you would share with them like a piece of wisdom? 00:36:04.141 --> 00:36:05.445 Oh okay. 00:36:05.465 --> 00:36:06.306 So this is. 00:36:06.306 --> 00:36:08.913 This is something that I believe with all my heart. 00:36:08.913 --> 00:36:13.972 But if you don't know jesus christ, you need to get to know him and trust him and believe in him. 00:36:13.972 --> 00:36:21.989 He loves you, he died to save you from your sins and all the brokenness that's in this world, and when you live with him, you you know. 00:36:21.989 --> 00:36:29.864 A lot of times people give advice or they say well, you know, whether it's religion, whether it's a mindset or perspective or whatever. 00:36:29.864 --> 00:36:31.929 You know and this your life will be so much better. 00:36:31.929 --> 00:36:34.463 The way I look at it is life is going to be hard. 00:36:34.463 --> 00:36:38.041 There's going to be hardships that come up, whether you follow Jesus, whether you don't. 00:36:38.041 --> 00:36:39.603 There's going to be great things, whether you follow Jesus, whether you don't. 00:36:39.603 --> 00:36:41.648 There's going to be great things, whether you follow Jesus, whether you don't. 00:36:41.648 --> 00:36:51.670 But it's 100% better to have him beside you through everything and you know, for guidance, for love, and then you know, so you can go to heaven when this life is over. 00:36:52.070 --> 00:36:52.974 Right, yeah. 00:36:52.974 --> 00:36:54.907 So thank you so much for sharing that. 00:36:54.907 --> 00:37:03.570 It's so important because I know that someone's going to listen to that and it's going to change their life in some kind of way or they're going to take action in some kind of way. 00:37:03.570 --> 00:37:14.742 So I'm so grateful, Judy, for having you back on here for like third attempt or something and, you know, finally making this work, even with all my issues in the beginning. 00:37:14.742 --> 00:37:21.106 I truly appreciate you and I can't wait till this podcast is listened to and for everybody listening. 00:37:21.106 --> 00:37:26.045 Go follow Judy, go to her website, go, do all the things and write a book. 00:37:26.547 --> 00:37:27.768 So write a book. 00:37:27.768 --> 00:37:28.650 Thank you, Carla. 00:37:28.650 --> 00:37:29.293 We'll talk to you soon. 00:37:31.001 --> 00:37:33.226 Thank you so much for tuning in to today's episode. 00:37:33.226 --> 00:37:39.561 Remember, the conversations we have here are meant to spark growth, connection and awareness that you can bring into your own journey. 00:37:39.561 --> 00:37:45.208 If you love this episode, please make sure to like, subscribe and share with someone who needs to hear this message. 00:37:45.208 --> 00:37:49.527 Remember, follow the podcast on Instagram at MetaFit MetaMind Podcast. 00:37:49.527 --> 00:38:01.768 Connect with me on my other page at Coach Carlita, and now on TikTok at Coach Carlita as well, where I share different content on mindset, communication, health and all the things a little more personal. 00:38:01.768 --> 00:38:04.300 Until next time, keep raising your voice and