Fuld transskription af EP: Bart Barkley - From Ritz-Carlton to Most People Don't: The Power of Being Seen and Humanality

I'm going to put the phone away and I'm going to try to look up just to observe life, to find my summit. 59 00:04:34.788 --> 00:04:41.411 And I saw a homeless gentleman and he was holding up his sign and it said, I might as well be invisible. 60 00:04:42.588 --> 00:04:48.609 Oh, like as soon as you see that homeless gentleman holding up the sign, I might as well be invisible. 61 00:04:49.250 --> 00:04:50.270 I stopped worrying. 62 00:04:50.510 --> 00:04:53.811 I stopped getting out of my own head, out of my own sorrows. 63 00:04:54.491 --> 00:04:58.552 And I went up to the gentleman and I travel with gratitude stones in my pocket. 64 00:04:58.612 --> 00:05:05.413 And I probably have some here in my drawer, but I share stones, little stones just to recognize people that I see. 65 00:05:05.633 --> 00:05:10.254 So whenever I meet you face to face, Mark, I'm going to give you a gratitude stone. 66 00:05:10.274 --> 00:05:12.315 I'm going to thank you for being the person that you are. 67 00:05:12.955 --> 00:05:15.337 But I shared this gratitude stone with this person. 68 00:05:15.777 --> 00:05:19.260 And all I said to him was, I see you. 69 00:05:20.180 --> 00:05:21.121 And I handed it to him. 70 00:05:21.321 --> 00:05:22.001 I see you. 71 00:05:22.522 --> 00:05:23.282 Remember the sign? 72 00:05:23.382 --> 00:05:24.263 I want to be invisible. 73 00:05:24.743 --> 00:05:25.384 I see you. 74 00:05:26.424 --> 00:05:26.945 He took it. 75 00:05:27.425 --> 00:05:28.006 He kissed it. 76 00:05:28.066 --> 00:05:29.947 He held it to his heart and he started to cry. 77 00:05:31.257 --> 00:05:33.538 That's all this gentleman wanted was to be seen. 78 00:05:34.039 --> 00:05:35.039 And the story goes on. 79 00:05:35.079 --> 00:05:36.240 We had a conversation. 80 00:05:36.280 --> 00:05:37.581 He introduced himself to me. 81 00:05:37.861 --> 00:05:38.581 What is your name? 82 00:05:38.621 --> 00:05:39.362 My name is Bart. 83 00:05:39.382 --> 00:05:39.962 What is your name? 84 00:05:40.142 --> 00:05:41.063 His name was Q. 85 00:05:41.783 --> 00:05:43.624 And we talked like you and I are talking. 86 00:05:43.684 --> 00:05:44.425 He wasn't drunk. 87 00:05:44.445 --> 00:05:45.786 He wasn't slurring his words. 88 00:05:45.826 --> 00:05:46.986 He wasn't high on drugs. 89 00:05:47.607 --> 00:05:49.348 He just wanted to be seen. 90 00:05:50.463 --> 00:05:58.087 Before I left, I told him what the gratitude stone meant, that things are not always easy, but we're connected to the universe, just like we were talking about being in nature. 91 00:05:58.367 --> 00:06:04.750 We're connected to the universe through stones, through kindness, through the air, through earth. 92 00:06:05.691 --> 00:06:07.732 And before I left, I tried to give him some money. 93 00:06:08.871 --> 00:06:09.652 And guess what he did? 94 00:06:11.155 --> 00:06:11.675 Refused. 95 00:06:12.917 --> 00:06:17.144 He refused money because he didn't want money for a sandwich, for a drink, for a whiskey. 96 00:06:17.865 --> 00:06:18.265 Nothing. 97 00:06:18.325 --> 00:06:19.287 He didn't want money. 98 00:06:19.848 --> 00:06:21.310 He just wanted to be seen. 99 00:06:22.211 --> 00:06:23.433 Just wanted to be seen. 100 00:06:24.074 --> 00:06:26.637 And I share that story with you because I think it really relates. 101 00:06:27.098 --> 00:06:35.749 It would be very easy for me to pass by that homeless gentleman, just like hundreds of people were doing when they were heading to New York Penn Station. 102 00:06:36.270 --> 00:06:39.975 Because I saw hundreds of people passing by, passing by, passing by. 103 00:06:41.437 --> 00:06:51.666 But I wanted to get out of my own head and do what was not easy and approach that gentleman and see him and give something to him that he needed to receive. 104 00:06:52.307 --> 00:06:54.529 And when I did that, I stopped worrying. 105 00:06:55.590 --> 00:06:58.712 So to answer your question, I think it's easier not to. 106 00:07:00.298 --> 00:07:11.468 Some people are lazy and some people are so consumed in what they do in their own thoughts that they're not stopping to look to see what else they can do for someone else. 107 00:07:12.088 --> 00:07:13.850 They're so busy in here. 108 00:07:14.650 --> 00:07:15.771 Does that resonate with you, Mark? 109 00:07:15.791 --> 00:07:16.472 Yeah, it sure does. 110 00:07:16.492 --> 00:07:19.294 You know, I want to mention this is a number of years ago. 111 00:07:19.334 --> 00:07:20.655 So there's a guy that I played with. 112 00:07:20.696 --> 00:07:25.720 He was an All-American at UCLA, went on, was an All-Pro coach. 113 00:07:27.601 --> 00:07:30.862 in the NFL and he was one of my Raider teammates. 114 00:07:30.882 --> 00:07:31.982 His name is Jerry Robinson. 115 00:07:32.002 --> 00:07:33.623 I had Jerry on the podcast. 116 00:07:33.663 --> 00:07:34.883 I go, hey, Jerry, how are you doing? 117 00:07:34.923 --> 00:07:38.705 This before we got into his career and what had happened and everything else. 118 00:07:39.125 --> 00:07:40.385 I go, Jerry, how are you doing? 119 00:07:40.806 --> 00:07:41.706 And he goes, you know what? 120 00:07:42.086 --> 00:07:45.908 Every single morning I wake up with an attitude of gratitude. 121 00:07:45.928 --> 00:07:46.828 Yeah. 122 00:07:47.638 --> 00:07:50.260 And that is so much about what you're saying. 123 00:07:50.300 --> 00:07:51.041 That's number one. 124 00:07:51.081 --> 00:07:58.287 Number two is it doesn't matter how big you are in the corporate world or whatever you're doing, what kind of athlete you are, what kind of person you are. 125 00:07:59.127 --> 00:08:00.488 But we all want to be seen. 126 00:08:01.369 --> 00:08:02.370 Right. 127 00:08:02.390 --> 00:08:03.151 In a certain way. 128 00:08:03.171 --> 00:08:14.480 And I think, you know, the motor starts going so fast that, you know, the intentionality of taking the time out and just go on really being excited. 129 00:08:15.480 --> 00:08:19.642 you know, more aware of what's going out

and the people that are there. 130 00:08:20.042 --> 00:08:27.564 And that's also one of the reasons why I do this podcast is because it makes me take a time out of stopping to run so fast, you know, all that. 131 00:08:27.684 --> 00:08:35.407 And so, you know, it's just a very unique, you know, interesting way of doing all this. 132 00:08:35.727 --> 00:08:39.230 So we're talking about being seen and certainly everybody wants to have that. 133 00:08:39.270 --> 00:08:41.852 But what I want to do is I want to go back for a minute, take a time out. 134 00:08:41.912 --> 00:08:48.156 I want to resume and come back to this conversation because it's so important, not only for everybody, but it's what you do and you're so good at it. 135 00:08:48.216 --> 00:08:52.219 But I want to go back to when you're a volleyball player back in the day at Penn State. 136 00:08:52.740 --> 00:08:55.282 And I want to talk about what coaching is. 137 00:08:55.722 --> 00:09:02.210 and the leadership that you found when you guys finished third in the country on the Penns volleyball men's volleyball team. 138 00:09:02.831 --> 00:09:07.978 Was there anything about your coach that that kind of started you to lead down that that path? 139 00:09:09.153 --> 00:09:12.195 Yeah, the coach was very flexible. 140 00:09:13.196 --> 00:09:15.997 Tom Tate was his name, and sadly he passed a few years ago. 141 00:09:16.638 --> 00:09:21.181 One of the winningest coaches for Penn State men's volleyball at the time. 142 00:09:22.261 --> 00:09:23.342 He was very flexible. 143 00:09:23.722 --> 00:09:24.663 He was very kind. 144 00:09:24.683 --> 00:09:26.604 It was very rare that he would get upset. 145 00:09:27.084 --> 00:09:30.667 And what I liked about the coach is that he made it fun for us. 146 00:09:32.148 --> 00:09:35.152 it was rare that we ever had to run sprints or countdowns. 147 00:09:35.913 --> 00:09:37.395 He made it fun for us. 148 00:09:37.415 --> 00:09:39.678 So that's one thing that I really appreciate about him. 149 00:09:40.138 --> 00:09:47.547 And then the other thing, I think when we're talking about seeing people and being empathetic, I came to him first year I was... 150 00:09:48.850 --> 00:09:52.172 I'm sad to admit this, but I was the 12th best player out of 13. 151 00:09:52.612 --> 00:09:53.953 So at least I got to travel. 152 00:09:54.413 --> 00:09:55.314 I'm six foot two. 153 00:09:55.354 --> 00:09:56.555 I could touch 11 feet. 154 00:09:56.875 --> 00:10:01.878 But there were gentlemen on my team that were six foot 10 that could touch 12 feet, right? 155 00:10:01.918 --> 00:10:03.919 So it was a different scenario. 156 00:10:04.339 --> 00:10:05.420 Very proud to be on the team. 157 00:10:05.460 --> 00:10:07.181 One of the best experiences of my life. 158 00:10:07.901 --> 00:10:11.904 After the first year, into the second year, 159 00:10:12.784 --> 00:10:19.890 Coach started recruiting some really amazing players, a lot of individuals from Puerto Rico that were just athletically better than me. 160 00:10:20.611 --> 00:10:23.133 Not, I'm not ashamed to admit that. 161 00:10:23.233 --> 00:10:26.395 They were just athletically more talented than me. 162 00:10:27.136 --> 00:10:34.422 And I had to make a decision because I found at one point there were, let's say 18 people on the roster, only 12 would travel. 163 00:10:34.822 --> 00:10:39.026 Well, when you're in a gym and at six on six, there are some people that are sitting on the sidelines. 164 00:10:39.626 --> 00:10:44.010 So here I am my junior year thinking about, I'm sitting on the side. 165 00:10:44.030 --> 00:10:45.031 I'm not traveling. 166 00:10:45.291 --> 00:10:46.312 Is this worth it? 167 00:10:46.512 --> 00:10:47.913 Is this worth the investment? 168 00:10:48.334 --> 00:10:49.655 Can I get any better? 169 00:10:50.195 --> 00:10:56.320 And I went to coach and I talked to him and I said, coach, you know, it's been one of the greatest joys of my life. 170 00:10:56.380 --> 00:10:59.783 Thank you for, and that was a walk on for giving me the opportunity. 171 00:11:00.204 --> 00:11:03.987 But I told him, I said, sadly, I need to leave the team. 172 00:11:04.047 --> 00:11:06.969 I just don't think it's the right thing for me right now. 173 00:11:08.057 --> 00:11:12.562 And empathetically, he saw me and he said, Bart, I appreciate that. 174 00:11:13.003 --> 00:11:14.224 And I will never forget this. 175 00:11:15.405 --> 00:11:18.669 He gave me a small scholarship for my second year. 176 00:11:18.689 --> 00:11:20.331 500 bucks. 177 00:11:20.451 --> 00:11:21.552 I still have the letter. 178 00:11:21.572 --> 00:11:21.672 Yeah. 179 00:11:23.481 --> 00:11:30.422 One of my proudest moments, I went to my dad and I said, dad, I'm being paid to play volleyball at Penn State University. 180 00:11:31.042 --> 00:11:31.942 I'm being paid. 181 00:11:33.183 --> 00:11:35.463 Coach said, I want you to keep your 500 bucks. 182 00:11:35.483 --> 00:11:36.863 I want you to keep your scholarship. 183 00:11:37.563 --> 00:11:42.784 And if you want to come to practice to stay with the team anytime you're invited, Bart, because he saw me. 184 00:11:43.424 --> 00:11:52.266 And the second thing that he did, he knew that the state college, the local high school there at Penn State was looking for a JV boys volleyball coach. 185 00:11:53.308 --> 00:12:02.635 And he made a few phone calls and gosh, within two weeks, I was still connected to the sport by being a coach for the JV team. 186 00:12:03.356 --> 00:12:04.416 So he saw me. 187 00:12:05.657 --> 00:12:06.938 He saw me as a human being. 188 00:12:07.359 --> 00:12:08.459 He saw me as a player. 189 00:12:09.473 --> 00:12:15.394 but he wanted to help me more as a human being than as a player, which was really interesting. 190 00:12:15.434 --> 00:12:21.835 He never really gave me much advice on how I could improve as a player, but he did give me advice on how I could improve as a human being. 191 00:12:22.215 --> 00:12:24.996 So let me

tie a story together here really quickly. 192 00:12:25.016 --> 00:12:31.317 So back in the day when my daughters were, you know, they were going to grade school, I taught the volleyball team. 193 00:12:31.677 --> 00:12:33.417 There was actually 30 kids out there. 194 00:12:33.437 --> 00:12:34.418 So we split it in two. 195 00:12:35.298 --> 00:12:36.358 I coached both those, but, 196 00:12:36.798 --> 00:12:59.010 You know, what I always recognize, having been very blessed and fortunate to make it all the way to the top of the of the pyramid athletically in football, that that that most of the kids that were out there, there might have been one or two that I could see at that time when they're in fourth, fifth, sixth grade, seventh grade, that could maybe there was a high school, maybe, you know, maybe, you know, like, 197 00:13:00.210 --> 00:13:04.072 maybe, maybe, maybe that there was a college saying that was, they would go beyond that. 198 00:13:04.092 --> 00:13:08.854 But for the most part, this was going to be the peak of their athletic, you know, life. 199 00:13:09.334 --> 00:13:15.477 And so why not try to make each kid feel, um, as much as I wanted to win. 200 00:13:15.497 --> 00:13:21.720 And that was always the goal, but play each kid, um, uh, uh, empower each kid. 201 00:13:22.180 --> 00:13:28.505 make them, and more than anything, and everything that just centering away, exactly what you're saying, is make them feel seen. 202 00:13:28.925 --> 00:13:38.012 So now when now they're all these girls are now 28, 29, 30, they can at least look back, this is my hope that they can look back and go, you know, that was just a great moment in my life. 203 00:13:38.032 --> 00:13:46.838 But I'm asking you this kind of, from the pearls of wisdom that this guy, he saw you, he empowered you, he helped place you with this JV team. 204 00:13:47.439 --> 00:13:51.522 What do you think you brought now back coaching this new group of guys that 205 00:13:51.782 --> 00:13:54.724 You're all of a sudden going from a coach or a player to now a coach. 206 00:13:55.124 --> 00:13:55.924 Yes, amazing. 207 00:13:56.125 --> 00:13:57.765 And I'm still, I mean, a young kid, right? 208 00:13:57.805 --> 00:13:59.226 I'm a junior in college. 209 00:13:59.266 --> 00:14:02.248 I'm still a young kid, barely maybe 20 years old or so. 210 00:14:03.028 --> 00:14:08.592 What that gave me was the ability to truly see each kid, each player, 211 00:14:09.893 --> 00:14:10.933 And do my best. 212 00:14:10.993 --> 00:14:12.495 Yes, it was about winning. 213 00:14:12.515 --> 00:14:14.716 Okay, that the high school wanted to win. 214 00:14:15.077 --> 00:14:21.301 But I think very similar approach, Mark, to what you said, that I saw each individual for who they were. 215 00:14:21.742 --> 00:14:30.488 And I did my best to let them know that they were not only seen, and this is a topic that I speak to about on stages, it's called humanality. 216 00:14:31.309 --> 00:14:31.930 humanality. 217

00:14:31.970 --> 00:14:32.911 It's not a term. 218 00:14:33.251 --> 00:14:34.452 We are now coining it. 219 00:14:34.572 --> 00:14:36.394 We're trademarking it will be a term. 220 00:14:37.074 --> 00:14:48.285 It's making people feel cared for, valued, seen, and heard in a world that is often too competitive, highly transactional, and sometimes over-processed. 221 00:14:48.665 --> 00:14:50.627 And we can get into that discussion here in a 222 00:14:55.451 --> 00:15:08.000 Yes, I will never forget playing a kid that probably was the 10th best player because I learned that the grandparents were coming into town to see him play. 223 00:15:09.141 --> 00:15:11.603 So I made sure that I got him in for a few plays. 224 00:15:12.536 --> 00:15:14.216 We weren't winning, we were losing. 225 00:15:14.636 --> 00:15:22.738 I'm sure other parents were probably gonna be mad at me, but I remember getting that kid in at least for one or two plays so he could at least touch the court. 226 00:15:22.918 --> 00:15:30.580 Didn't touch the ball perhaps, but he touched the court because his grandparents were coming in to make the effort to see their grandson play. 227 00:15:31.300 --> 00:15:34.941 And I probably wouldn't have thought about that before, but it's important. 228 00:15:34.961 --> 00:15:39.642 And then the message for all of your listeners, every interaction, 229 00:15:40.382 --> 00:15:43.866 Every interaction is an opportunity to make someone feel a certain way. 230 00:15:45.027 --> 00:15:46.549 And that is coaching. 231 00:15:47.029 --> 00:15:48.711 That is in family. 232 00:15:48.831 --> 00:15:49.812 You had a busy day. 233 00:15:49.852 --> 00:15:51.594 Your daughters want to spend time with you. 234 00:15:51.714 --> 00:15:53.996 Your daughters are calling you three times a day, Mark. 235 00:15:54.909 --> 00:15:59.131 you make sure that you're available for them because you want to make sure that they feel seen, heard, valued. 236 00:15:59.792 --> 00:16:04.974 And if we think about things that are going on today, goodness, think about a coffee shop experience. 237 00:16:05.014 --> 00:16:09.717 Mark, you go into a coffee shop, and one happened to me recently that I'll share with you. 238 00:16:10.237 --> 00:16:13.019 Go into a coffee shop, and there's a little chime on the door. 239 00:16:13.379 --> 00:16:18.562 So every single time the door opens, there's a chime to signal to the employees, someone's coming through. 240 00:16:18.962 --> 00:16:19.222 Great. 241 00:16:19.802 --> 00:16:24.145 Well, they are trained when they hear that bell to say, welcome in. 242 00:16:24.885 --> 00:16:32.497 What they weren't taught, however, they were not empowered to do is actually look in the direction of where the people are coming in from. 243 00:16:32.577 --> 00:16:33.719 So this is what will happen. 244 00:16:34.560 --> 00:16:34.941 Chime. 245 00:16:36.223 --> 00:16:36.824 Welcome in. 246 00:16:38.206 --> 00:16:38.687 Welcome in. 247 00:16:39.932 --> 00:16:41.452 Well, welcome in, right? 248 00:16:41.492 --> 00:16:41.692 Right. 249 00:16:41.753 --> 00:16:44.413 It's there is no human connection. 250 00:16:45.053 --> 00:16:45.333 I don't. 251 00:16:45.514 --> 00:16:49.315 They're saying the words welcome in that should make me feel welcome. 252 00:16:50.135 --> 00:16:52.075 But but I don't because they're not even looking at me. 253 00:16:52.275 --> 00:16:53.776 Then you go and you order your drink. 254 00:16:54.336 --> 00:16:55.976 And what do they do as soon as you pay? 255 00:16:56.076 --> 00:16:57.997 Pay with a loyalty card so they know my name. 256 00:16:59.097 --> 00:17:01.178 I give them my name, Bart for the order. 257 00:17:02.078 --> 00:17:05.542 They flip the screen and they want a gratuity. 258 00:17:06.142 --> 00:17:08.524 They want a gratuity before the coffee comes out. 259 00:17:08.905 --> 00:17:11.147 What if they give me decaf and I want caffeinated? 260 00:17:11.207 --> 00:17:13.529 What if they give me milk and I'm lactose intolerant? 261 00:17:13.849 --> 00:17:15.651 Like they're processing me. 262 00:17:16.091 --> 00:17:20.395 And then when the drink comes out, Mark, the drink comes out, this is what they do. 263 00:17:21.016 --> 00:17:21.857 They know my name. 264 00:17:23.041 --> 00:17:24.082 They asked me for my name. 265 00:17:24.122 --> 00:17:25.283 They wrote my name on the cup. 266 00:17:25.644 --> 00:17:26.405 This is what they do. 267 00:17:26.845 --> 00:17:40.960 Whoever ordered the Americano with whipped cream, a little steamed milk, and some cinnamon on top, whoever ordered the Americano with whipped cream, a little steamed milk, and cinnamon, whoever, and you just look at that. 268 00:17:41.000 --> 00:17:45.785 There were like 10 opportunities to make me feel cared for, valued, seen, and heard. 269 00:17:47.057 --> 00:17:49.519 And they failed on every single lens. 270 00:17:50.199 --> 00:17:53.562 And I think that's kind of the way that things are happening in the world. 271 00:17:53.962 --> 00:17:59.246 Because people are so busy, busy, busy that they're like, okay, well, let me process you. 272 00:18:00.747 --> 00:18:03.569 Let me not take care of you. 273 00:18:04.678 --> 00:18:06.899 Let me just, let me transact you. 274 00:18:07.859 --> 00:18:09.219 And that applies to coaching. 275 00:18:09.299 --> 00:18:10.619 That applies to family life. 276 00:18:10.659 --> 00:18:12.080 That applies to leadership. 277 00:18:12.700 --> 00:18:25.283 You know, if I'm talking to you and all of a sudden, this is more important than the person that I'm trying to lead on a one-on-one conversation, you don't feel cared for, valued, seen, or heard. 278 00:18:25.843 --> 00:18:30.764 So it's coaching, it's family, it's service, it's life. 279 00:18:35.785 --> 00:18:38.486 people are not making people feel good. 280 00:18:38.927 --> 00:18:42.408 Yeah, well, certainly I think we've all had that experience. 281 00:18:42.548 --> 00:18:48.270 And to me, that kind of leads back to, I don't

blame the barista for that. 282 00:18:48.450 --> 00:18:55.273 I blame the leadership, if it's Starbucks, down to whatever big name, coffee, and even small independent shops too, right? 283 00:18:55.633 --> 00:19:01.596 This is they hire people that somebody wants to create a new coffee shop and they create that experience. 284 00:19:01.636 --> 00:19:05.678 And there's a lot of good things that go on there, you know, between the pastries and the coffee or whatever else. 285 00:19:05.718 --> 00:19:13.062 But it's, you know, the thing that is you were talking about right now is that people feel valued the most when they were seen and heard. 286 00:19:13.782 --> 00:19:16.984 And there's some small little stupid interaction that goes on here. 287 00:19:17.604 --> 00:19:38.036 I want to take your next kind of jump up into the hospitality world, because, again, I think this is this is likely a key indicator where you really as much as you learn from your coach, which was the question I asked you back at Penn State and then led to your JV deal, you know, where you really started to elevate maybe. 288 00:19:38.416 --> 00:19:49.519 understand that there's 5,000 different choices when you've come into a city from a little travel lodge to the Marriott to you pick your but you happen to be with the Ritz Carlton. 289 00:19:49.939 --> 00:19:56.741 So tell me what that experience did for you in terms of really starting to make you even more aware than you were because we all know that even though that you're 290 00:19:57.121 --> 00:19:59.203 You're 20, all 20 year olds. 291 00:19:59.443 --> 00:20:06.908 I was, everybody, like you're in this, the world, the land of selfishness for the most part, because you're so, you're having fun and you're independent. 292 00:20:06.928 --> 00:20:09.050 You're trying to like find your way in the world. 293 00:20:09.090 --> 00:20:20.638 And so you don't take that much credence that often to take a time out and start thinking about all these things that you're talking about to really see other people because you're on your journey of trying to chase whatever thing that you're going after. 294 00:20:20.678 --> 00:20:23.080 So tell me about Ritz-Carlton, what kind of experience that was. 295 00:20:23.540 --> 00:20:25.242 Yes, when I joined Ritz-Carlton, 296 00:20:26.592 --> 00:20:32.715 I grew up in Pittsburgh and lower middle class, let's just say. 297 00:20:33.015 --> 00:20:37.478 I had never walked into a Ritz-Carlton before until I interviewed for the position. 298 00:20:37.818 --> 00:20:46.422 So I was with Hyatt Hotels for a long time and a couple of other tourism-related, travel-related companies before I was asked to interview for Ritz-Carlton. 299 00:20:47.123 --> 00:20:50.925 And when I got the job, absolutely thrilled. 300 00:20:51.665 --> 00:20:58.619 What it taught me was that you don't need to come from luxury to be able to be in luxury. 301 00:20:59.672 --> 00:21:07.676 From a hospitality lens, luxury was, and I'm using these terms, not Ritz-Carlton terms, but noticing, anticipating, and over-delivering. 302 00:21:08.496 --> 00:21:11.577 It is seeing other people and then anticipating their needs. 303 00:21:11.617 --> 00:21:12.798 That's a Ritz-Carlton term. 304 00:21:13.278 --> 00:21:18.440 It is providing the warm welcome, fulfilling even their unexpressed wishes and needs. 305 00:21:19.761 --> 00:21:23.823 That was the sense that I got immediately the culture of Ritz-Carlton. 306 00:21:24.743 --> 00:21:31.464 When I joined, a lot of my hospitality friends were teasing me and they said, you're joining Ritz Carlton, you're joining a cult. 307 00:21:33.005 --> 00:21:34.625 And I didn't feel that way at all. 308 00:21:34.685 --> 00:21:45.947 And I had to explain it to them that Ritz Carlton, it was at the time was able to find people that had the heart to give great service to help others. 309 00:21:46.727 --> 00:21:49.268 That's it, a service mentality. 310 00:21:50.168 --> 00:21:50.648 That's it. 311 00:21:51.309 --> 00:22:04.496 And because everyone was surrounded by like-minded, heart-minded people, that's how Ritz-Carlton is able to over-deliver to this day to exceed expectations for guests and for travelers. 312 00:22:05.536 --> 00:22:13.981 So I learned that finding, I'll call it your tribe, finding a group of people with a similar mindset means everything. 313 00:22:14.741 --> 00:22:17.084 And it was encouraged every single day. 314 00:22:17.144 --> 00:22:21.128 We enliven certain basics of what Ritz Carlton stood for. 315 00:22:21.628 --> 00:22:25.132 And so on day one, we might talk about the warm welcome. 316 00:22:25.853 --> 00:22:28.235 Day two, we might talk about the fond farewell. 317 00:22:28.315 --> 00:22:30.457 And day three, we might talk about our motto. 318 00:22:30.818 --> 00:22:33.460 We are ladies and gentlemen serving ladies and gentlemen. 319 00:22:34.334 --> 00:22:49.526 And what that did, Mark, it created a culture in which if every single department at every single hotel was talking about the motto on day three, we are ladies and gentlemen serving ladies and gentlemen, then it becomes contagious. 320 00:22:50.442 --> 00:22:54.608 And then you start to find and celebrate exceptional service stories. 321 00:22:54.668 --> 00:22:57.071 And with Ritz-Carlton, we would call them wild stories. 322 00:22:57.732 --> 00:23:06.984 And it's the story of when someone left their stuffed animal behind in Fort Lauderdale and the security team found it. 323 00:23:08.225 --> 00:23:09.786 The family lived in New York. 324 00:23:10.006 --> 00:23:11.267 They called back to the hotel. 325 00:23:11.607 --> 00:23:22.392 Yes, we found your teddy bear and we're going to mail it to you, but we're also taking good care of your teddy bear for your three-year-old who misses it until you get it back in the mail. 326 00:23:22.872 --> 00:23:27.234 And security was then dressing up the teddy bear in sunglasses and putting them aside. 327 00:23:27.914 -->

00:23:37.697 And it was putting it with cucumber slices on its eyes in the spa and sending pictures back to the family saying, look, we're taking great care of Greeny, your teddy bear. 328 00:23:38.157 --> 00:23:38.917 He's on his way. 329 00:23:38.957 --> 00:23:41.938 We're sending him first class, but we're taking good care now. 330 00:23:41.978 --> 00:23:43.478 Like, that's a wild story. 331 00:23:44.078 --> 00:23:48.180 And it goes back to it's easier not to, Mark. 332 00:23:48.640 --> 00:23:52.921 It's easier just for security to put it in a box and mail it. 333 00:23:53.601 --> 00:23:58.825 Not to take pictures of this greeny teddy bear doing fun things in Fort Lauderdale. 334 00:23:59.545 --> 00:24:00.446 It's easier not to. 335 00:24:00.746 --> 00:24:10.793 But when you realize the joy that you can receive by giving good things like this, by giving good service, by surprising and delighting other people. 336 00:24:11.573 --> 00:24:20.879 And in fact, there's a study that shows one act of kindness a day for seven days in a row given will increase my personal happiness by 8%. 337 00:24:22.998 --> 00:24:28.266 So I can give something, I can show kindness, and I can feel more happy. 338 00:24:29.268 --> 00:24:31.772 Why wouldn't I do that? 339 00:24:31.892 --> 00:24:32.673 But it takes time. 340 00:24:32.913 --> 00:24:38.302 It takes time to pause to think and notice, anticipate, and over deliver for others. 341 00:24:39.880 --> 00:24:41.301 This is my thesis on the whole thing. 342 00:24:41.321 --> 00:24:46.244 I've talked a little bit about this, but, you know, I've been in corporate America now for quite some time. 343 00:24:46.484 --> 00:24:48.885 And and I go around like you and I do. 344 00:24:49.186 --> 00:24:50.306 I speak at different places. 345 00:24:50.526 --> 00:25:03.014 And the one thing that that, you know, just in general, like the way that our culture here in the States is set up is that and these are the people that I'm talking about go to a trade school or go to college. 346 00:25:03.754 --> 00:25:06.135 And they go and they learn their craft. 347 00:25:06.215 --> 00:25:13.599 And I think it's better than ever now in terms of you're not talking about, you know, poli sci or geography. 348 00:25:13.699 --> 00:25:22.003 There are more actual things that are applicable to things you might do becoming a social media manager or, you know, 349 00:25:22.503 --> 00:25:30.111 marketing manager or accounting or something like an engineer, computer software, things like that, which is great. 350 00:25:30.572 --> 00:25:33.455 But what they don't have is a course for leadership. 351 00:25:34.195 --> 00:25:41.183 And so what you have is this gigantic vacuum from people at the top that have never learned. 352 00:25:41.383 --> 00:25:44.506 They're good at what they do as a task, but they've never learned what they're doing. 353 00:25:44.826 --> 00:25:52.688 how to lead by example and the different principles that are needed to actually have a company grow and thrive. 354 00:25:53.088 --> 00:26:10.672 So I would say to you that, you know, certainly Ritz Carlton was doing something right to have that leadership and really taking the time out and having seminars or whatever they had to do at the top to really understand how we're going to lead this band of people. 355 00:26:11.352 --> 00:26:14.413 And in your case, especially spread out all over the world and in the country. 356 00:26:15.514 --> 00:26:17.356 where they can do the exact same. 357 00:26:17.376 --> 00:26:22.841 So you don't end up back at that coffee shop where there's these four or five different touch points and they miss every single one. 358 00:26:23.101 --> 00:26:24.423 We all check into the hotel. 359 00:26:24.703 --> 00:26:26.244 We all say, I am here to check in. 360 00:26:26.284 --> 00:26:31.870 And so now it's that person, the first touch point and for them to give you some water and welcome and what can I do for you? 361 00:26:31.890 --> 00:26:35.293 And here's where the gym is and all these different things versus saying nothing, right? 362 00:26:35.693 --> 00:26:36.074 Yeah. 363 00:26:36.214 --> 00:26:38.936 And I think like, so where I'm going with this is that I think 364 00:26:39.697 --> 00:26:46.581 There's like people are listening to this, like really trying to be conscientious because most companies don't offer that kind of leadership. 365 00:26:47.041 --> 00:26:48.061 Yes, agreed. 366 00:26:48.281 --> 00:26:55.025 And in fact, when you're talking about hotel experiences, just last week, we were at a hotel and this is how it went. 367 00:26:55.585 --> 00:26:56.886 Mark, get to the front desk. 368 00:26:57.813 --> 00:27:00.014 We were not greeted, we were not welcomed. 369 00:27:00.314 --> 00:27:03.355 We were given this, not really even a question. 370 00:27:03.836 --> 00:27:05.676 Checking in, I guess that's a question. 371 00:27:05.716 --> 00:27:11.619 Checking in, ID, kind of question mark, form of payment, question mark. 372 00:27:12.379 --> 00:27:18.902 And then, and I've shared this story recently, but we were then informed that we were the last task 373 00:27:19.642 --> 00:27:24.386 that this person at the front desk had to do before they went home for the day. 374 00:27:25.026 --> 00:27:25.907 And they told us that. 375 00:27:26.808 --> 00:27:30.991 You are the last person that I need to check in before I go home for the day. 376 00:27:32.117 --> 00:27:34.598 How did that make me feel processed? 377 00:27:35.259 --> 00:27:36.019 Just processed. 378 00:27:36.139 --> 00:27:36.359 Yeah. 379 00:27:36.840 --> 00:27:52.608 So along those lines, I absolutely agree with you that there needs to be more focus from a leadership lens and from a humanality lens of how we treat each other, how we treat our customers, how we lead people. 380 00:27:53.209 --> 00:27:59.532 And what we're finding in our research also, Mark, is that the leaders, you know, 381 00:27:59.732 --> 00:28:02.213 During COVID, a lot

of the leaders were let go. 382 00:28:03.494 --> 00:28:05.734 So you had this level that was let go. 383 00:28:05.774 --> 00:28:08.996 So you had mid-level managers when this team was let go. 384 00:28:10.276 --> 00:28:15.718 Mid-level managers that had no training were then given the responsibility to lead. 385 00:28:17.696 --> 00:28:26.483 without any training, without any guidance, without any, are you a buffalo or a goose, which is another story. 386 00:28:27.323 --> 00:28:33.388 And so what we have created, and I don't want this to be a plug, but we have created an online class that will be released in a couple of weeks. 387 00:28:33.868 --> 00:28:35.649 And it is called the Humanality System. 388 00:28:36.210 --> 00:28:46.478 And it walks through 11 pillars of how we can make each other and our customers and the people that we lead and our family feel cared for, seen, valued, and heard. 389 00:28:47.118 --> 00:28:50.840 And it's just reminders, everything from step one, I see you. 390 00:28:51.361 --> 00:28:53.082 Step two, be where your feet are. 391 00:28:53.342 --> 00:28:55.824 Step three, just ask. 392 00:28:55.944 --> 00:29:00.126 So common, simple things that we sometimes forget about. 393 00:29:00.607 --> 00:29:05.029 So I appreciate you having me on and us walking through this and talking through it. 394 00:29:05.110 --> 00:29:10.353 And hopefully your listeners will be able to pick up on a few things of just being able to see people. 395 00:29:10.773 --> 00:29:13.374 I put the phone down, take time to pause. 396 00:29:14.294 --> 00:29:21.257 And I'll never forget, I interviewed a gentleman several, this was several months ago, retired from a very big tech company. 397 00:29:21.937 --> 00:29:23.658 And I asked him about his career. 398 00:29:23.698 --> 00:29:25.019 What was he most proud of? 399 00:29:25.059 --> 00:29:26.299 And he shared some stories. 400 00:29:26.779 --> 00:29:28.420 And what were you least proud of? 401 00:29:28.580 --> 00:29:30.261 And he said, I will never forget. 402 00:29:31.041 --> 00:29:32.642 This was like probably 20 years ago. 403 00:29:33.183 --> 00:29:40.187 He said, I was on a Zoom call at home and my nine-year-old son wanted to come and talk to me. 404 00:29:40.207 --> 00:29:41.068 He needed something. 405 00:29:42.149 --> 00:29:45.191 And he will never forget that he shut the door on his son. 406 00:29:46.371 --> 00:29:48.373 That's what he remembers 20 years later. 407 00:29:50.359 --> 00:29:50.739 right? 408 00:29:51.140 --> 00:29:52.760 Biggest success, biggest failure. 409 00:29:53.640 --> 00:29:58.902 His failure was not seeing his son, making his son feel less than. 410 00:29:59.963 --> 00:30:08.086 He goes on to share that he doesn't remember what the Zoom call was about, if it was important, if it was a new product launch, has no idea, has no relevance. 411 00:30:08.626 --> 00:30:11.607 But he remembers shutting the door on his nine-year-old son. 412 00:30:12.267 --> 00:30:15.010 didn't see

him, didn't make him feel cared for, valued, seen or heard. 413 00:30:15.911 --> 00:30:18.253 And we all can just think about that. 414 00:30:18.914 --> 00:30:20.375 Put everything through the filter. 415 00:30:20.676 --> 00:30:24.159 When we're on the call right now, you see me, Mark. 416 00:30:24.179 --> 00:30:26.382 You are using my name, Mark. 417 00:30:26.502 --> 00:30:28.524 You have reference to what we spoke about. 418 00:30:28.784 --> 00:30:31.427 You are making me feel valued, seen, cared for, and heard. 419 00:30:31.687 --> 00:30:32.168 Excellent. 420 00:30:33.310 --> 00:30:35.372 We can put everything through that filter. 421 00:30:35.452 --> 00:30:42.019 When you get home after a long day and your family wants to spend time with you, just put that through the filter. 422 00:30:42.079 --> 00:30:43.221 How am I making them feel? 423 00:30:43.561 --> 00:30:44.522 Cared for or not? 424 00:30:45.960 --> 00:30:47.761 cared for or not, that's it. 425 00:30:48.321 --> 00:30:51.763 When you check into a hotel, or they meet you feel cared for or processed. 426 00:30:52.143 --> 00:30:54.805 When you buy a coffee, cared for or processed. 427 00:30:55.145 --> 00:30:58.046 When you're being coached, cared for or processed. 428 00:30:59.007 --> 00:31:00.908 And we can, we are human beings. 429 00:31:01.608 --> 00:31:05.110 We can make sure that we can tilt that filter. 430 00:31:05.610 --> 00:31:08.632 We can change it to make people feel cared for. 431 00:31:08.752 --> 00:31:10.413 It's not that difficult. 432 00:31:11.614 --> 00:31:19.183 And the response and the relationships and the feeling that you can get when you're making people feel good. 433 00:31:20.966 --> 00:31:21.526 That's the best. 434 00:31:21.546 --> 00:31:22.568 That's why we're here on earth. 435 00:31:23.959 --> 00:31:28.503 Well, I think if you sat every single person down, they would say the same thing. 436 00:31:28.944 --> 00:31:35.089 Although, you know, actions speak much louder than words. 437 00:31:35.510 --> 00:31:37.451 And that's what you're talking about. 438 00:31:37.511 --> 00:31:38.492 It's really the combination. 439 00:31:39.253 --> 00:31:40.955 It's both the actions and the words together. 440 00:31:41.775 --> 00:31:47.378 of all the things that we just talked about, you know, that reception when you come into the hotel and you can multiply that. 441 00:31:47.418 --> 00:31:50.519 I was listening to a podcast this morning and they were talking about the airline experience. 442 00:31:50.579 --> 00:31:50.799 Right. 443 00:31:51.179 --> 00:31:58.743 And having having the girls or the guys come down with the chips and the drinks and, you know, what kind of experience because we can all choose a different airline. 444 00:31:58.943 --> 00:31:59.163 Right. 445 00:31:59.223 --> 00:31:59.543 And so. 446 00:31:59.983 --> 00:32:06.406 You know, you've got a captured moment in time where you can make everybody's experience phenomenal or like this sucks. 447 00:32:06.486 -->

00:32:06.766 Right. 448 00:32:06.986 --> 00:32:09.068 And sometimes things aren't all that pleasant. 449 00:32:09.088 --> 00:32:09.988 You'll have to write them out. 450 00:32:10.008 --> 00:32:11.629 But we're trying to make things the best way. 451 00:32:12.169 --> 00:32:15.531 And I guess finally, you know, you've got this whole tagline. 452 00:32:16.991 --> 00:32:17.912 Most people don't. 453 00:32:18.512 --> 00:32:24.918 And, you know, I'd love to have you back on in the future and start talking about most people do. 454 00:32:25.499 --> 00:32:28.822 And I mean, I think that's the ultimate goal. 455 00:32:29.182 --> 00:32:29.743 Yes. 456 00:32:29.943 --> 00:32:32.906 Kindness, happiness, being joyful. 457 00:32:33.386 --> 00:32:36.169 Gratitude, empathy, sympathy, kindness. 458 00:32:36.269 --> 00:32:36.569 Yes. 459 00:32:36.910 --> 00:32:38.271 They're all great words, right? 460 00:32:38.311 --> 00:32:38.531 Yes. 461 00:32:38.731 --> 00:32:39.212 And they're real. 462 00:32:39.232 --> 00:32:39.332 Yes. 463 00:32:39.692 --> 00:32:39.912 Yeah. 464 00:32:39.992 --> 00:32:44.275 And Mark, let me just share a little positivity from your perspective. 465 00:32:44.795 --> 00:32:50.078 The people that I have on our podcast, most people don't, but you do are people that do. 466 00:32:50.979 --> 00:32:53.680 And like looking at you, yeah, you wrote a book. 467 00:32:53.881 --> 00:32:54.161 Yes. 468 00:32:54.641 --> 00:32:55.722 You made it to the NFL. 469 00:32:56.322 --> 00:33:01.323 Yes, you have created great teams within Sports Illustrated. 470 00:33:01.723 --> 00:33:03.764 Yes, you're on to new adventures. 471 00:33:03.844 --> 00:33:06.324 Yes, you talk to your daughters three times a day. 472 00:33:06.764 --> 00:33:09.305 Yes, you have great relationship with your ex-wife. 473 00:33:09.385 --> 00:33:11.125 Yes, you're remarried 11 months. 474 00:33:11.526 --> 00:33:13.506 Yes, you continue to be active. 475 00:33:13.866 --> 00:33:14.966 Yes, right? 476 00:33:15.046 --> 00:33:16.127 Like, are you kidding me? 477 00:33:16.227 --> 00:33:18.747 You are doing, you are choosing those actions. 478 00:33:19.467 --> 00:33:20.528 And it is possible. 479 00:33:21.148 --> 00:33:24.789 And that's why I think the message is so really critically important 480 00:33:27.191 --> 00:33:28.854 it does take effort to do. 481 00:33:29.965 --> 00:33:34.667 But there are great benefits when you are doing what most people don't. 482 00:33:35.148 --> 00:33:37.349 You have the ability to choose and decide. 483 00:33:37.809 --> 00:33:39.810 And so I'm so proud to know you, Mark. 484 00:33:39.990 --> 00:33:42.171 I'm thrilled to call you a new friend. 485 00:33:42.712 --> 00:33:45.633 And yeah, most people don't, but you do. 486 00:33:46.393 --> 00:33:51.896 The book, again, on Amazon, didn't mean to not share that, but most people don't. 487 00:33:52.557 --> 00:33:55.718 And why you should is the book on Amazon, easy to find. 488 00:33:55.738 --> 00:33:58.940 And then when we were talking about leadership, 489 00:33:59.580 --> 00:34:06.745 And kind of the youth group, we will be releasing within the next two weeks a new children's book. 490 00:34:07.226 --> 00:34:12.309 And it is called Most Gorillas Don't, But You Are Not Most Gorillas. 491 00:34:13.130 --> 00:34:18.274 And it's the story of Plum the Purple Gorilla, who is a little different because Plum is purple. 492 00:34:18.954 --> 00:34:22.377 And Plum is purple in a troop of gray gorillas. 493 00:34:23.537 --> 00:34:25.959 Plum happens to be representative of me. 494 00:34:26.860 --> 00:34:28.441 And Plum is different. 495 00:34:28.521 --> 00:34:32.144 And Plum tries to run from his worries. 496 00:34:32.605 --> 00:34:36.708 But he finds that the worries are also pretty darn quick and they kind of stay with them. 497 00:34:37.509 --> 00:34:48.017 And Plum tries to find happiness by going over the next mountain, chasing happiness, running away from worries and chasing happiness until he runs into Grandma Gray. 498 00:34:48.037 --> 00:34:48.258 Okay. 499 00:34:48.918 --> 00:34:54.360 And Grandma Gray happens to be representative of my 91-year-old mother who shares the lesson. 500 00:34:54.520 --> 00:34:55.960 And this is the lesson for everyone. 501 00:34:56.801 --> 00:34:58.061 Be where your feet are. 502 00:34:59.101 --> 00:35:00.782 You don't need to run from your worries. 503 00:35:01.042 --> 00:35:02.222 Worries are going to stay with you. 504 00:35:02.303 --> 00:35:03.103 You can handle it. 505 00:35:03.583 --> 00:35:07.464 Don't chase happiness because happiness is right in front of you. 506 00:35:08.385 --> 00:35:09.885 Be in the present moment. 507 00:35:10.045 --> 00:35:11.125 Be where your feet are. 508 00:35:11.606 --> 00:35:13.906 Everything is as it should be. 509 00:35:14.347 --> 00:35:15.427 And nothing is wrong. 510 00:35:17.492 --> 00:35:20.075 You know, yeah, it's great stuff. 511 00:35:20.095 --> 00:35:26.001 You know, I mean, from my standpoint, you know, when people start dealing with, well, I know that's easy to say and hard to do. 512 00:35:26.962 --> 00:35:33.229 I can say this from personal experience that everybody's anxiety about freaking out about whatever's going on in their life. 513 00:35:33.789 --> 00:35:41.191 All has to do with what's out there in the future that you have no idea how that's going to play or something that's happened in the past, which you can't control. 514 00:35:41.471 --> 00:35:42.211 Yes, sir. 515 00:35:42.371 --> 00:35:42.591 Right. 516 00:35:42.671 --> 00:35:49.873 So it just feeds right back into that, which your 91 year old mother is saying is just like focus on the present and good things can happen. 517 00:35:50.313 --> 00:35:57.615 And also trying to be in that blue zone, right, where it's just like so much of the nurture and the nature of the way you want to live your life. 518 00:35:58.135 --> 00:36:02.616 Happiness can take you a long way if you choose to live that type of life. 519 00:36:03.616 --> 00:36:04.036 I love it. 520 00:36:04.196 --> 00:36:04.577 I choose. 521 00:36:04.637 --> 00:36:04.857 Yeah. 522 00:36:05.457 --> 00:36:09.818 Choose pick positive as my friend Kelly Bishop says, pick positive. 523 00:36:09.999 --> 00:36:12.800 And then I like to say, choose happy, right? 524 00:36:12.960 --> 00:36:13.580 It's our choice. 525 00:36:13.740 --> 00:36:14.900 Life is not easy. 526 00:36:15.060 --> 00:36:16.741 We know that, right? 527 00:36:16.761 --> 00:36:21.963 There's going to be ups and downs, but a newsletter story that we're featuring you in today. 528 00:36:22.563 --> 00:36:28.746 The title is along the lines of, you can't be in the same river twice. 529 00:36:29.326 --> 00:36:29.546 Yeah. 530 00:36:29.946 --> 00:36:30.627 Just think about that. 531 00:36:30.647 --> 00:36:36.512 You can't be in the same river twice because water flows and life flows in different directions. 532 00:36:37.413 --> 00:36:39.315 So we are where we are meant to be. 533 00:36:39.995 --> 00:36:41.297 And everything is temporary. 534 00:36:41.497 --> 00:36:42.738 Goodness is temporary. 535 00:36:43.078 --> 00:36:44.520 Sadness is temporary. 536 00:36:45.521 --> 00:36:47.843 What's important is where we are right now. 537 00:36:48.215 --> 00:36:52.017 Yeah, you know, my little, you know, you just gave me your little nugget for the day. 538 00:36:52.037 --> 00:36:55.138 And my nugget of the day is it takes a little more to make a champion. 539 00:36:55.358 --> 00:36:58.780 And so what that really boils down to is effort, effort, effort. 540 00:36:58.920 --> 00:37:03.842 And so if you want to be a champion and you want to be the best version of yourself, it's going to take effort. 541 00:37:03.902 --> 00:37:05.323 And it takes effort to... 542 00:37:06.003 --> 00:37:06.684 have gratitude. 543 00:37:06.724 --> 00:37:08.025 It takes effort to see people. 544 00:37:08.065 --> 00:37:10.568 It takes effort to have happiness, right? 545 00:37:10.708 --> 00:37:12.330 And those don't just fall out of the sky. 546 00:37:12.410 --> 00:37:18.798 So that'd be my, along with everything, your pearls of wisdom that you shared today, that's my last parting. 547 00:37:19.899 --> 00:37:23.783 So anyways, on that note, buddy, Bart, thank you so much for coming on. 548 00:37:23.863 --> 00:37:26.887 You've been a star and just what a great conversation. 549 00:37:27.500 --> 00:37:29.262 Yeah, so thrilled, Mark. 550 00:37:29.382 --> 00:37:31.445 And we'll continue the conversation later. 551 00:37:31.485 --> 00:37:32.066 But thank you. 552 00:37:32.086 --> 00:37:35.910 Thank you to all your listeners that are caring about finding their summit too. 553 00:37:36.091 --> 00:37:36.812 Thank you so much. 554 00:37:37.072 --> 00:37:37.492 I love it. 555 00:37:37.512 --> 00:37:40.776 There he is, the one, the only, Bart Barkley.