UDSKRIFT 🔗
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you
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Dynamic Duel Podcast, a weekly show where we
review superhero films and debate the superiority
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between Marvel and DC by comparing their characters
in stat-based battle simulations. I'm Johnny
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DC. And I'm his twin brother, Marvelous Joe.
And welcome to the 2021 holiday animal battle,
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that sounds weird, charity episode. Yeah, every
year around Giving Tuesday, which is today,
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Jonathan and I like to host a charity duel between
two of the more whimsical Marvel and DC characters.
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This episode, we're going to find out who would
win in a fight between Gleek and Hitmonkey.
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They're both monkey characters for their respective
universes, and we think it'll be pretty funny
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considering, you know, monkeys are just hilarious.
Yeah, especially little tiny monkeys like these
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guys. You know what's not hilarious though?
COVID-19. Which I have right now recovering
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from. So if it sounds like I'm out of breath,
it's because I am. And if it sounds echoey,
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it's because I'm in my quarantine space recording.
So apologies for the audio this time. Yeah,
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I mean, I told Jonathan that we could skip this
week, but he was willing to push forward and
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keep our record of never missing an episode
of this podcast going on six years now. Yeah,
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I mean, I don't feel terrible. I do encourage
anyone who can get vaccinated to get vaccinated.
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I think that's really helped me. So yeah, I
didn't want to miss this episode, especially
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this one, because this one's gonna be fun. Yeah,
I can't wait to get into it before we go into
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the histories and backstories of Gleek and Hitmonkey.
we're gonna go over the comic book movie news
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from the past week, of which there was just
one news item, and that's the DC League of
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Super Pets official trailer. So we'll talk about
that, then get into the duel. As always, we
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list our segment times and our episode description,
so feel free to check out the show notes if
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you wanna skip ahead to a particular topic.
And guys, if you listened to one of our charity
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duel episodes before, you know that every year
we give to a different organization. For the
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past couple of years, we've given to Pop Culture
Classroom, but this year, in light of COVID,
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we're switching it up a
Load full transcript
bit. What we're going
to do is raise money for the HealthWell Foundation,
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which is a leading nonprofit dedicated to improving
access to care for America's underinsured.
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If you're listening to us from outside of the
US, you probably don't get this, but we have
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a shitty healthcare system and some people can't
afford to pay for the healthcare services they
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receive, especially during these trying times.
So with this organization, when health insurance
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is not enough, they fill the gap by assisting
with copays, premiums, deductibles, and out-of-pocket
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expenses. through their crowd-sourced disease-related
funds. What this podcast is gonna do is set
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up a Facebook fundraiser. So if you guys aren't
following us on Facebook, go ahead and search
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for Dynamic Duel DC versus Marvel, and you can
find the fundraiser there. Go ahead and donate
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any amount between today, giving Tuesday, and
Christmas Day. And at the end of December,
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Jonathan and I will pick two random donors to
award a free Dynamic Duel card game to. Jonathan
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and I have made a couple of card games. that
are Marvel and DC based, and we wanna give
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it to two of you donors. So if you feel so inclined
to this Giving Tuesday, again, visit this podcast's
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Facebook page and donate to the HealthWell Foundation
using that pinned post. And because we want
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you guys so badly to donate to this organization,
we are currently making all of our archived
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episodes available to the listening public.
Instead of subscribing to our show, we want
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you guys to instead put that money toward our
fundraiser. And it doesn't matter what amount
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you donate, anything helps. But during this
giving season, we appreciate any amount of
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giving. So those of you who are currently subscribed
to this show on Spotify, I don't believe you'll
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get charged for the month of December. And those
who are currently subscribed to us on Patreon,
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you'll still get access to all of your standard
bonus perks, including the bonus episodes,
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access to our Discord server, blooper reels,
and more. I just wanna give a quick special
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shout out to one of our patrons, Dustin Balcom,
when he found out that I had COVID. His family
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sent my family a couple of pizzas, which was
just awesome. My family and I are super grateful
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for the act of generosity. We really appreciate
it, and I just wanted to give you a shout out
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and say thank you very much. But with that out
of the way, quick to the No Prize. A No Prize
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is an award Marvel used to give out up until
the 90s to fans. Our version, the dynamic dual
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No Prize, is a digital award we post on social
media that Jonathan personally draws for those
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who we feel gave the best answer to our question
of the week. Last week's question was in regards
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to the Spider-Man No Way Home trailer that we
got a few weeks ago. We asked you guys who
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has been your favorite live action Spider-Man
villain and why. We got a few great answers
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for this. Let's go ahead and run down our honorable
mentions as well as the no prize winner. Our
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first honorable mention goes to Jacob Bell who
said, Hey guys, this is Jacob Bell. My favorite
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live action Spider-Man villain has got to be
the vulture. I think Michael Keaton. plays
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a great villain and I honestly think that the
Vulture and his motivations are probably the
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best just because, I mean, you can really almost
get on board with what he's doing and also
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the twist with him being Liz's dad was just
incredible and so I love Michael Keaton as
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the Vulture, that's my favorite. And yeah, I
would have to agree. I'd say the Vulture is
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probably one of the MCU's like top three villains.
Yeah, while most Spider-Man villains are seeking
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power, the vulture in Spider-Man Homecoming
was really motivated by survival and providing
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for his family. Of course, it got a little bit
out of hand and he needed to be stopped, but
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it was really easy to identify with the character.
And Michael Keaton just gave great performance.
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Yeah, the way they adapted his costume from
the comics too, like, mwah, chef's kiss, so
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well done. Oh yeah, movie version of the vulture
was a huge improvement over the comic book
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version. Although we'll be getting to a vulture
duel before long on this podcast. Our next
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honorable mention goes to Benjamin Alves, who
said, Hi guys, I think Alfred Molina as Doc
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Ock was the best Spider-Man villain. He's such
a great actor. I love all his movies. And I
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love the part where he was with Otme on the
building. So menacing. It was awesome. I think,
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and it's just, there's no other word to describe
it. Bye. Great answer, Benjamin. Yeah, Doctor
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Octopus is definitely one of Spider-Man's best
villains to ever appear in live action. We
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all know that Spider-Man 2 is one of the best
Spider-Man movies ever made, mainly because
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of how great Doc Ock was in that film. Alfred
Molina just knocked it out of the park. He
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also created a Spider-Man villain that we could
sympathize with. And there's no discounting
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the design of those tentacles, right? Those
were badass looking. Oh, man. Yeah, those were
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really well designed. It's no surprise that
Doctor Octopus is many people's favorite Spider-Man
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villain. Yeah, and one of the reasons why he's
playing such a big role in Spider-Man No Way
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Home allegedly. Our final honorable mention
goes to Marquis High, who said, Hello gentlemen,
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so Marquis High here. Just give me a call. I'd
say for the villain, must off-top go with Michael
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Keaton. Always just a great actor, even if he
doesn't really know too much about the characters
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that he's acting. But besides that, I definitely
would have to go with Doc Ock. He's always
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just... had more of a human aspect, very relatable.
And the fact that he turns into a potential
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hero is something big. Marquis has a great radio
voice, doesn't he? Yeah, he does. Yeah, but
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great answer. This is kind of a combination
of the previous two where he mentioned both
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Vulture and Doctor Octopus. I think those two
guys are widely regarded among the Spider-Man
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fan community as the best villains to appear
in these movies. Hopefully. We get to see them
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team up in the upcoming Spider-Man No Way Home
movie, but we don't know yet what kind of role
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Vulture will play in that film. We want to give
a quick shout out to Evan Tompke for visiting
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our website to record an answer, but the winner
of this week's No Prize is Miggy Mathengian
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who said, Hey guys, this is Miggy and my favorite
live action Spider-Man villain is Green Goblin.
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In my opinion, it's best when the villain makes
it personal. And he definitely did that when
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he attacked his aunt and girlfriend. He also
endangered a lot of innocent lives, like when
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he attacked the Macy's Day Parade and dropped
those kids off the
Washington Bridge and attacked
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the Daily Bugle. And he continued to ruin Peter's
life by deteriorating his relationship with
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Harry even after his death. More so than any
other Spider-Man villain, I would say that
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Green Goblin has a knack for making it personal,
not just in the movies, but also the comics.
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Oh yeah, he makes Peter Parker's life a living
hell. I really like the way they exemplified
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that in these movies. Like Miggy said, even
affecting Peter Parker after his death. When
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you have a villain that not only attacks the
hero's grandma, but also drops a bunch of kids
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in a cable car off a bridge, you know you're
dealing with some hardcore shit. Yeah, he's
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like borderline Joker, right? Yeah, if like
the Joker were way better and on Marvel. Just
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like that, for sure. He's a villain that's so
good they included him twice in both Spider-Man
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and The Amazing Spider-Man 2. But I'm really
looking forward to Willem Dafoe's return as
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the character in the upcoming No Way Home film.
So congrats again to Mickey, Matt, and Keon
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for winning this week's No Prize. If you, the
listener, want a shot at winning your own No
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Prize, stay tuned to later on this episode when
we'll be asking another Question of the Week.
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And now that that's done, onto the news!
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Okay, so last week we got our first official
trailer of the DC League of Super Pets film.
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And I gotta say it's different from what I thought
it was going to be. I was hoping it was going
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to be based on the children's book series DC
Super Pets that is pretty faithful to the comic
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books. This movie however is not. Yeah, it seems
like it's not about a super team of pets of
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the main DC superheroes. It looks like it's
a film about these shelter animals that happen
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to get powers. So it seems like this isn't like
Ace the Bat Hound or the terrific What's It,
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they're entirely original characters. Well,
I mean, Kevin Hart's character is named Ace
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in the movie, who's not supposed to have any
powers, looks like he has invulnerability.
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They have Chip the Squirrel, but he doesn't
have Green Lantern powers, he has electricity
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powers apparently. The Turtle is the only one
that makes sense, because the Turtle's apparently
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named Merton, you know, Merton McSnurdle, the
Turtle. You know, we talked about him in our
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What's It versus Spider-Man episode, Still one
of my favorite episodes. I love that guy. But
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in the movie he's called Shell on Wheels. Yeah,
I guess the pig whose name is PB for pot belly.
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It doesn't even look like it's Wonder Woman's
pet. Just gives the characters like random
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names. I don't think those will stick. Do you
think by the end of this movie each of these
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shelter pets will be adopted by the Justice
League? I hope so, honestly. You know, I think
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the turtle should be adopted by the Flash. You
know, the pig by Wonder Woman. Chip becomes
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a Green Lantern. And we get to see Wonder Woman,
Green Lantern, Cyborg, Batman in this trailer,
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which was a huge surprise. They have different
costumes. Not really in love with the designs
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here, but that's fine. I imagine we won't be
seeing too much of them. I like the designs
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of the DC characters. You know, they're very
like Incredibles-esque. It was cool to hear
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John Krasinski as Superman. Yeah, I think he
sounds pretty good as the character. What did
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you think of the rocks depiction of Krypto?
It was fine, it was fine. As was Kevin Hart
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as Ace and Vanessa Bayer as PB. Diego Luna,
I guess, does the voice for Chip, which this
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trailer revealed. Mark Maron, apparently, is
the voice of Lex Luthor in this film. Oh, interesting.
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Yeah. The same guy that was in the Joker movie
and who also like was dissing comic book films?
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Yes. Okay. He just likes DC. What can I say?
But there's a few more cast members that we
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still don't know what role they're going to
play, like Kate McKinnon, Keanu Reeves, Ben
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Schwartz and Jamila Jamil. Maybe there's gonna
be like other members of the Justice League
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we don't know yet. Maybe one of them is gonna
be the cat, Streaky, who has a very different
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superpower in this movie. That was weird. Yeah,
the tail like shoots out rockets and flames
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and stuff. I was like, what? It can't be Streaky.
I'm not sure I'm loving like the random power
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assignment that a lot of these guys have. Me
neither. But you know, it's a movie for kids.
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It's supposed to be as whimsical as possible.
I think that also explains the
jokes, which
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I'm also not in love with. A lot of them didn't
really land for me. I think felt like the timing
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was off. Like when Crypto was talking to that
other dog about like the federation of exes,
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the dog was like, why it's taking my owner so
long? I was like, okay. Yeah, that was horrible
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delivery. Yeah. It was a little bit too slow.
Also the joke about like, they should call
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me Iron Man. Nah. Dude, what is up with DC animation's
obsession with Iron Man? Like you get the Iron
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Man reference in this movie and in Lego Batman
you had the reference with Batman's Batcave
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password. Iron Man sucks, what can I say? They're
just jealous as hell. They're just jealous.
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There was also another Marvel reference in this
when Krypto was basically saying with great
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power comes great responsibility. Wait, what?
He says when one has an abundance of power,
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they have a certain duty to use that power.
Exactly. Same thing. Sure. Yeah. I don't know.
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I can't quite say I'm looking forward to this
movie just yet. Well, I'm guessing this is
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going to be an origin story where we see these
characters evolve into the team you know and
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love, just maybe with different powers. Maybe.
Maybe I need another trailer or two, which
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we'll probably get. The movie doesn't come out
until May of next year, so we have some time.
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But this all brings us to our question of the
week.
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Who is your favorite DC or Marvel animal hero
and why? There's a lot of them to choose from,
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both on DC and Marvel, but let us know which
one you like the most. Yeah, record your answer
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at dynamicduel.com by clicking on the red microphone
button in the bottom right hand corner, which
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will prompt you to leave us a voicemail. Your
message could be up to 30 seconds long, and
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don't forget to leave your name in case we include
you on the podcast. We'll pick our favorite
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answer and draw that person a dynamic duel no
prize that we'll post to social media. Be sure
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to answer before December 4th. But I think that
does it for all the news for this episode,
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so let's go ahead and hear from our sponsor,
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But now let's get into the main event of this
episode where we find out who would win in
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a fight between the Wonder Twins' pet monkey,
Gleek, and Deadpool's rival, Pit Monkey.
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Okay, Gleek versus Hitmonkey. This matchup was
actually a fairly last minute decision. You
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could tell because this year we didn't commission
an artist to do artwork for this episode because
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it was so last minute. Yeah, but we were inspired
by one of our patrons on our Discord who asked
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us who would be good in a matchup against Hitmonkey
since that character now has his own television
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show currently on Hulu, which is actually pretty
good. I've been watching it. Yeah, they both
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have their own cartoons. It's pretty awesome.
And Jonathan and I have been trying to get
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Gleek in a matchup for the longest time. We
thought he might be good in a fight against
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Spider Ham, but eventually we went with the
terrific What's It for that matchup. I think
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when you have an alien monkey who can stretch
his tail infinitely long against a monkey who's
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really good with guns, you have a pretty solid
matchup there, right? Yeah. I have no idea
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who's going to come out on top. I just know
it's going to be fun. Again, this is our charity
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matchup as we do every year. So if you feel
inclined to give this holiday season, Again,
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visit us on Facebook and donate to
the HealthWell
Foundation, which is a nonprofit dedicated
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to helping America pay their health bills. So
let's get into it. If you've never listened
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to one of our dual episodes before, the way
we determine a winner between these two characters
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is by running 1000 Monte Carlo simulations using
their statistics. Now a Monte Carlo simulation
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is a probabilistic model used to determine outcomes
through random sampling. In our case, it randomizes
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statistics along a normal distribution, which
is a bell curve. as a way to simulate the many
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variables that can occur during battle. The
stat parameters we use are based on the official
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Marvel power grid, and we use that criteria
to extrapolate the DC character's stats. We've
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included some additional stat categories of
our own, such as range, damage potential, versatility,
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and perception, in order to create a more complete
and robust simulation. Running these 1000 simulations
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gives us a percentage of wins for each character,
and we declare the one with the higher percentage
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to be the ultimate victor. considering that
they're more likely to win any given battle.
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No character ever wins 100% of the time. Comics
have shown that there's always a way for Batman
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to defeat Superman. We feel our method falls
in line with the precedents that have been
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established in the comic book stories. And we
use this method because it was the least subjective,
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most unbiased way to determine who would win.
Of course, we are both heavily biased toward
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our respective allegiances, so instead of debating
these matches forever, we just let the math
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decide for us. So there's no fan votes here
and no relying on just feats. Before we run
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these simulations though, we like to break down
each character's histories and abilities before
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improvising a scenario on how we imagine one
of the 1,000 simulations we run would play
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out beat for beat. And I think it's my turn
to go first with the Marvel character, so let
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me go ahead and tell you all about the comic
book backstory of Hitmonkey. So much is steeped
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in legend surrounding the origins of the assassin
known as Hitmonkey. The tale regarding this
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mysterious killer of killers is said to begin
in the snowy mountains of Japan, where an
unnamed
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assassin fled after being double-crossed in
a failed political coup. In the freezing wilderness,
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the lost and injured man was discovered by a
group of Japanese macaques. The primates took
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the assassin to their hot springs and nursed
him back to health with their herbal remedies.
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Though the macaques were willing to accept the
man into their monkey clan, One skeptical monkey
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didn't trust the outsider and watched him closely.
This monkey observed as the assassin healed
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from his wounds and prepared for revenge against
those who betrayed him by honing his skills
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in the snowy mountains. The monkey watched and
learned as the man demonstrated his various
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lethal maneuvers in hand-to-hand and weapons
combat. And he watched how easy killing was
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for the outsider. The monkey tried to warn his
clan that harboring the assassin was only going
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to bring more violence their way. When the clan
rejected this notion, the monkey accidentally
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injured one of his fellow primates during his
effort to convince them of the oncoming danger.
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This monkey was cast out of his clan and into
the wilderness on his own. Several days into
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his exile, he noticed a group of soldiers headed
up the mountains toward his former home, and
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he rushed back to the hot springs to warn his
fellow primates. The monkey was too late, however,
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as he arrived only in time to witness the soldiers
gun down the assassin and all of his macaque
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family. The Monkey picked up the weapons of
the Assassin and used the skills he learned
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from observing him to shoot and kill the soldiers
there that murdered his clan. At that moment,
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he became Hitmonkey. The spirit of the Outsider
Assassin appeared before Hitmonkey and told
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him how the soldiers were sent by a politician
named Hideki Hayashi, who in turn worked for
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General Kato. The spirit told Hitmonkey that
by killing these men, he would achieve vengeance
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not only for his dead Monkey brethren, but also
for the Assassin himself. Hitmonkey traveled
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to Tokyo and, under the assassin's guidance,
stole a truck and crashed it into Hayashi's
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limo. Barely clinging to life, the politician
was sent to the hospital where he was smothered
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by the assassin Bullseye, who was
hired by General
Kato to cover his tracks. The following day,
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Hitmonkey snuck into General Kato's daughter's
wedding and stole the suit from the child ring
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bearer, pretending to be part of the ceremony
to get in close. He managed to decapitate General
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Kato despite Bullseye's efforts to stop causing
Bullseye to kill the rest of Kato's men to
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avoid the humiliation of being bested by a primate.
Bullseye found and hurled a knife at Hitmonkey,
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though the blade was intercepted by the ring
bearer child, who annoyingly stepped in the
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way. From then on, Hitmonkey, having achieved
his own vengeance, vowed to seek revenge for
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those innocents whose blood had been spilled,
and he became a killer of killers. He fell
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into urban legend, believed only by the very
few who had ever seen him in action, and disregarded
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as a joke by everyone else. Spider-Man was one
such non-believer who refused to buy Deadpool's
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story about the legendary hit monkey who was
targeting him. Spider-Man then witnessed the
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merciless primate bust in, and like a furry
blur, filled Deadpool full of lead. What? To
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get back at the monkey, Deadpool stole Spider-Man's
spare costume, and pretended that Spider-Man
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was a victim of collateral damage from Hitmonkey's
attack. A funeral was held for the wall-crawler,
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which Hitmonkey attended out of remorse, believing
he had accidentally killed Spidey. As the primate
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approached the casket to pay his respects, Deadpool
burst out and tried to gun down the monkey,
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but Spider-Man swung in and stopped their fight,
leading to Hitmonkey's escape and to the long-lasting
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rivalry between the two murderers. Eventually,
however, Deadpool and Hitmonkey talked it out,
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and Hitmonkey turned over a new leaf, joining
SHIELD's howling commando subdivision that
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dealt with supernatural threats. Hitmonkey later
joined Deadpool and Domino's mercenary team
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called the Mercs for Money, though the primate's
mission was to monitor the team on behalf of
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SHIELD. At one point, Deadpool inadvertently
assisted the evil organization HYDRA during
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its takeover of the United States, and he put
a 20 million dollar bounty on his own head
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as a means of Punishment. Hitmonkey was brought
in alongside other heroes to help put a stop
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to the resulting chaos caused by villains out
to collect Deadpool's head. And that's Hitmonkey's
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backstory so far. Now, he has no powers to speak
of, save for his simian physiology that makes
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him stronger and faster than your average human.
He has opposable thumbs on his hands and feet,
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allowing him to wield weapons such as guns and
swords with extreme dexterity no matter which
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limb he uses. This ability, combined with his
mastery of martial arts and marksmanship skills,
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make him an unpredictable and dangerous killer.
He carries two handguns and often uses a samurai
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sword in battle. Occasionally, Hitmonkey has
been known to commune with the spirit of the
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deceased assassin that instructed him in how
to kill. And that's Hitmonkey. So he's like
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a small version of John Wick. Exactly, that
is a fantastic way to put it. He's a small
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version of John Wick if John Wick couldn't speak
any human language. and also had thumbs on
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his feet, even though Hitmonkey would annihilate
John Wick because he's just that little bit
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better. This actually makes me like really interested
in the cartoon. I haven't started watching
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it yet, but that sounded like a lot of fun.
Not going to lie. And honestly, now that I
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have covid, like I have all day to watch it.
You know, I don't know any Marvel fans that
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have caught covid. It's only DC fans that I
know of. What? Yeah. Wow. Interesting, huh?
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DC must stand for like Delta covid. I'm going
to go cough in your face. I think that's illegal,
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isn't it? Yeah. Okay, nevermind. Go ahead, I'll
sue your ass. Well, you know what else I've
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been watching on TV this past week? Super Friends
as research for this episode. And I gotta say,
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I love those classic Justice League cartoons.
They're great. How big is Gleek's role in the
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Super Friends cartoon? It depends on episode
to episode. They're all kind of like anthological
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in a way. But he is one of the recurring characters.
He's in almost like every episode. Since we
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began doing these charity animal duels. I would
say all of the DC characters have been pretty
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obscure. Gleek is probably the least obscure
character I've done since he was a regular
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on the Super Friends cartoon, but he also
has,
I would say, the least amount of incontinuity
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backstory for a character I've ever written
about. Like all in all, he's had around 20
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issues of canonical appearances, with the vast
majority of them being minor cameos. Gleek
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and his Wonder Twin owners first appeared in
1977. during the Hanna-Barbera animated series,
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The All-New Super Friends Hour, which was a
spin-off of 1973's Super Friends. The Super
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Friends have had a total of six spin-off series
that lasted until 1986, and of all the series,
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Gleek and his Wonder Twin owners appeared regularly
in five of them. The All-New Super Friends
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Hour series also notably introduced a more diverse
cast of new characters in Black Vulcan, Apache
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Chief, Samurai, and El Dorado. As I mentioned
in our Wonder Twins vs Cloak and Dagger episode,
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the Wonder Twins and Gleek supplanted the powerless
characters of Wendy, Marvin, and their Wonder
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Dog from the original Super Friends series as
the young audience surrogates on the show,
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as Gleek and the twins were able to take a more
active part in the stories since they had superpowers.
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Gleek, like the Wonder Twins Xan and Jaina,
was from the planet Exor, where, according
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to the Super Friends show, many monkeys existed
just like him. In fact, in one episode, they
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all visited Earth in spaceships in an attempt
to take over the planet because X-Or doesn't
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have bananas. They had been monitoring Gleek
for some time and sought from him information
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on how to destroy the Super Friends. Bombarded
by a banana brain blaster, Gleek was forced
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to reveal the team's secrets and nearly succeeded
in destroying Superman, Batman, and Wonder
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Woman with a disintegrator ray, but was stopped
by Jan and Xana, after they broke free from
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the clutches of a giant Gleek robot. Jaina immediately
transformed into an electric eel and zapped
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Gleek free from his mind control. Once the Water
Twins and Gleek rescued the Justice League,
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the Exorian Monkeys were returned to their ships
and escorted back to the planet Exor. The episode
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ended, as most Super France episodes did, with
a gag from Gleek, who this time confused a
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banana blaster for an edible banana, zapping
himself silly. In the non-canonical Super Friends
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comic, it was revealed that members of Gleek's
species are known as Elastomunks. Gleek was
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first owned by an Exorian clown named Illic,
who trained him as part of a traveling intergalactic
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circus from Exor. Illic was a good man who helped
educate the Wonder Twins when they were brought
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on as part of the show. Gleek took a liking
to the twins and escaped the circus with them
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when they found out they weren't getting paid
for their performances. After their escape,
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the twins discovered on a nearby planet that
the Superman villain, Grax, was going to attack
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Earth, and Gleek traveled with the twins to
Earth in order to warn the Super Friends, and
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they stayed on the planet in order to learn
to use their powers as superheroes. After the
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Super Friends cartoon and comic ended, the Wonder
Twins would enter mainstream DC continuity
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in the mid-90s in the title, Extreme Justice.
But Gleek, unfortunately, did not appear with
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them. He did appear, however, in the line of
children's books based on the DC superpets
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where he helped Beppo the super monkey defeat
Gorilla Grodd when the circus came to Metropolis.
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It wasn't until 2019 that Gleek made his official
DC comics debut in a 12 issue Wonder Twins
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miniseries. In this post-Flashpoint continuity
it was established that Xan and Jaina weren't
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circus performers but the grandchildren of Exor's
equivalent of Hitler. Their father sent them
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to earth with Superman, so that they wouldn't
have to suffer the shame and sense of their
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grandfather. While on Earth, Zand bought Gleek
through a magazine ad that some circus performers
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put together in order to save Gleek from his
abusive circus environment. Gleek's circus
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was run by a supervillain known as the Ringmaster,
who would force Gleek to ride a tiny bicycle
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through flaming hoops and other hazards. Because
of the kindness Zand showed Gleek, he single-handedly
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rescued the twins when they were captured by
the League of Annoyance. a small-time cadre
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of villains organized by Lex Luthor to cultivate
sporadic chaos around Washington, D.C. Later,
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when the League of Annoyance tried to get a
Phantom Zone projector from the Wonder Twins,
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their recent recruit, Ringmaster, succeeded
in ring-tossing the
twins into another trap,
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only for Gleek to emerge from Zan's backpack
and start punching out his former abusive owner,
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Ringmaster. Gleek was tased by cell phone Sylvia
during the pummeling. but the distraction worked,
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and the Wonder Twins were able to send the bad
guys to the Phantom Zone. Most recently, Gleek
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and the twins were seen helping Young Justice
bring down rogue scientists within Star Labs,
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and became official members of that team by
its conclusion. Powers-wise, Gleek has the
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physiology of an Exorian Elastomonk, granting
him his blue-furred appearance and prehensile
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tail that he's able to extend to any length,
with a tensile strength that allows him to
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lift up to a quarter ton. He's also smarter
than your average Earth Monkey, capable of
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understanding human speech, average human, often
to humorous effect. Well, same thing with Hitmonkey.
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While he can understand humans, he's not as
smart as them. But Gleek is also clever by
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nature, capable of hiding empty buckets and
bananas and drawing them out from seemingly
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nowhere at will. His ass? We'll never know,
but probably. Not gonna lie. He has that infinitely
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stretchable tail, but also probably an infinite
stretchable colon, is my guess. And that's
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Gleek. This will be pretty good, it kind of
reminds me of like Mr. Fantastic vs. The Punisher
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or something like that. But now that we got
these monkeys' histories and abilities out
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of the way, let's speculate on how one of the
1000 simulated matches will go. The winner
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is determined by simulations, not the speculation,
but it's fun to imagine how this fight could
351
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play out. Now we don't set any rules for this
match other than the characters don't know
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anything about each other going in. Except that
the other character is a threat that needs
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to be put down. We say that they start off about
50 meters apart in an environment that has
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no bearing on the match itself because we don't
take stats for the environment. Plus, certain
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characters have advantages in some environments
over others, and we want these characters to
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win on their own merit. So let's get into it.
Gleek and Hitmonkey meet on the battlefield.
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Who goes first? Okay, I'm gonna say Hitmonkey
goes first because he's kind of like this little
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ball of fury. Okay? So he's gonna start off
by reaching into his suit jacket, and with
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one hand, he's gonna pull out his cool shades.
and put him on, and with the other hand, he's
360
00:31:54,778 --> 00:31:59,840
gonna pull out a fucking Glock 19. And he's
gonna point it right at Gleek, like badass
361
00:31:59,880 --> 00:32:05,242
sideways gangster style, and he's just gonna
start unloading rounds. Okay, once Gleek sees
362
00:32:05,283 --> 00:32:10,805
the gun, he's gonna be like, wow! He's gonna
use his tail to like spring away as Hitmonkey
363
00:32:10,825 --> 00:32:16,127
is shooting. And while Hitmonkey is like focusing
on hitting center mass as Gleek is just like
364
00:32:16,167 --> 00:32:21,349
bouncing around like a pinball, Gleek is going
to stretch out his tail and just whip the gun
365
00:32:21,409 --> 00:32:25,338
right out of Hitmonkey's hand. Well that pisses
Hitmonkey off, you know, he's gonna screech
366
00:32:25,658 --> 00:32:31,260
in frustration and then he's gonna charge Gleek
on all fours with his monkey speed and he's
367
00:32:31,280 --> 00:32:36,181
gonna leap through the air and he's gonna do
this flying kick that, well, I guess, is it
368
00:32:36,201 --> 00:32:41,403
a kick or is it a punch? Right, yeah, with the
monkey it's probably always a punch But it's
369
00:32:41,423 --> 00:32:46,464
gonna connect and hit Gleek right in his dome
piece Okay, okay so Gleek probably drops to
370
00:32:46,484 --> 00:32:50,485
the floor and he's gonna retract his tail but
when he gets up to his feet he's gonna put
371
00:32:50,505 --> 00:32:58,275
his arms up like a boxer and start hopping back
and forth like, wah-wah-wah-wah, wah-
372
00:33:18,902 --> 00:33:23,384
I'm trying to add insult to injury. That's gonna
infuriate Hitmonkey. So he's gonna screech
373
00:33:23,424 --> 00:33:28,287
again, and he's gonna reach toward his back
and ensheath the samurai sword that he has.
374
00:33:28,647 --> 00:33:32,629
What? And he's gonna spin it around, and he's
gonna swing it at Gleek and just slice off
375
00:33:32,669 --> 00:33:37,972
his tail. How does Hitmonkey have a samurai
sword small enough for his body? You know,
376
00:33:37,992 --> 00:33:42,074
it's one of those short swords. Oh, like the,
what is it called, the Shoto? Yeah, sure. One
377
00:33:42,094 --> 00:33:49,602
of the, okay. Okay, that's dumb. So Gleek, he's
gonna yell. and run away. And I'm sure Hitmonkey
378
00:33:49,622 --> 00:33:54,784
is gonna be chasing after him, just swinging
that sword around wildly. But Gleek, he's gonna
379
00:33:54,824 --> 00:33:59,366
conjure a banana, all right? And he's gonna
peel it, eat the banana, then throw the peel
380
00:33:59,386 --> 00:34:05,569
behind him, causing Hitmonkey to slip and drop
his sword, which Gleek grabs with this still
381
00:34:05,669 --> 00:34:09,611
functional stretchy tail, even though it's been
cut, he can still stretch it. And he's gonna
382
00:34:09,631 --> 00:34:14,874
start swinging that around like crazy. So Gleek
is still able to stretch his tail, even though
383
00:34:15,134 --> 00:34:20,276
it's been cut. Yeah, essentially you did nothing
by cutting it. Gleek is, you know, trying to
384
00:34:20,356 --> 00:34:25,459
swipe at Hitmonkey with his katana sword, but
Hitmonkey is agile, you know, he dodges these
385
00:34:25,499 --> 00:34:31,462
slashes and he runs around Gleek, and by running
around him, Hitmonkey causes Gleek to wrap
386
00:34:31,482 --> 00:34:37,304
himself up with his own tail and drop the sword.
Then with Gleek all wrapped up, Hitmonkey's
387
00:34:37,324 --> 00:34:42,475
just gonna punch him right in his face. And
that's gonna send Gleek flying back, but Hitmonkey's
388
00:34:42,515 --> 00:34:47,977
gonna grab his tail and just yo-yo him back.
What? Causing him to come winding back up and
389
00:34:48,017 --> 00:34:52,059
then get hit again. And Hitmonkey just keeps
doing this. That's a pretty good move. You
390
00:34:52,079 --> 00:34:56,921
know, Gleek, he's probably dizzy and seeing
stars, but he's just gonna shake it off. Since
391
00:34:56,941 --> 00:35:01,263
Hitmonkey is holding onto his tail, Gleek is
just gonna loop his tail around Hitmonkey's
392
00:35:01,343 --> 00:35:04,964
wrist, and he's just gonna lift him into the
air and start slamming him into the ground
393
00:35:05,004 --> 00:35:12,845
repeatedly, like, bam bam! Well, after getting
slammed a few times, I'm gonna say that Hitmonkey
394
00:35:12,965 --> 00:35:18,509
reaches into his suit with his feet. And he's
gonna pull out another Glock. And then before
395
00:35:18,549 --> 00:35:23,793
Gleek can slam him again, he shoots that blue
monkey right through one of his eyes. Dang!
396
00:35:23,853 --> 00:35:31,315
Why? Jeez. No, I mean, that would kill Gleek.
I'm gonna say that once Gleek sees the gun,
397
00:35:31,696 --> 00:35:36,179
he's gonna pull out his trusty metal pail and
put it over his head like a helmet, blocking
398
00:35:36,219 --> 00:35:36,660
the bullet.
399
00:35:40,054 --> 00:35:45,878
That pale, he uses that to carry Xan, right?
Yeah, whenever he's like in a water form. Okay,
400
00:35:45,898 --> 00:35:51,082
so this metal pale blocks the bullet from killing
him, but Gleek is gonna be rattled by this,
401
00:35:51,162 --> 00:35:55,626
you know? And therefore he's gonna let go of
Hitmonkey with his tail. So Hitmonkey falls
402
00:35:55,646 --> 00:36:00,810
to the ground, probably drops his gun, but when
Gleek removes his metal pale helmet, he's gonna
403
00:36:00,850 --> 00:36:05,034
see like multiple Hitmonkeys like vibrating
around just because he was so rattled. And
404
00:36:05,054 --> 00:36:12,174
in addition to seeing multiple Hitmonkeys, he
also sees multiple brown gooey masses flying
405
00:36:12,235 --> 00:36:18,457
at his face. What? Yeah, that's right. Hitmonkey
just threw some feces, and it blinds Gleek,
406
00:36:18,538 --> 00:36:23,640
hits him right in the eye. I had a feeling this
was gonna turn into a shit show. Ha ha ha.
407
00:36:24,040 --> 00:36:30,183
And when Gleek wipes the monkey poo away from
his face, he sees nothing. Hitmonkey has vanished
408
00:36:30,243 --> 00:36:35,906
from the battlefield. He's gone? Yeah, like
Batman. He's stealthy like that. Okay. Gleeky,
409
00:36:35,946 --> 00:36:39,968
you know, he's probably gonna be clutching his
pale helmet and just like looking around for
410
00:36:40,168 --> 00:36:46,872
Hitmonkey. I don't know. Well, Hitmonkey suddenly
appears behind Gleek with like this loud screech.
411
00:36:47,232 --> 00:36:54,576
He unleashes a flurry of shit missiles that
just pelt Gleek to death like being stoned.
412
00:36:54,596 --> 00:36:59,399
Dude, why is this monkey so constipated that
his shit is so hard and sharp that it would
413
00:36:59,559 --> 00:37:06,854
kill someone? He had a lot of dairy. Okay. But
you said he screeches, so Gleek is gonna hear
414
00:37:06,894 --> 00:37:12,156
that screech, and he's just gonna instantly
begin twirling his tail like a fan blade, just
415
00:37:12,196 --> 00:37:20,699
generating a gust that's strong enough to redirect
these turd torpedoes back at Hitmonkey, killing
416
00:37:20,739 --> 00:37:28,470
him instead. Hitmonkey's not gonna go down by
his own poo, alright? He just did. Wha- Can
417
00:37:28,490 --> 00:37:34,253
we just end it here then? So either Gleek dies
from getting pelted to death from Hitmonkey's
418
00:37:34,293 --> 00:37:40,557
poo, or Gleek is able to redirect the turds
back at Hitmonkey who dies. I'm fine with that.
419
00:37:40,638 --> 00:37:46,962
I honestly have no idea how you could top poo
flinging in a monkey battle. Alright, so let's
420
00:37:46,982 --> 00:37:50,104
go ahead and run these characters through the
Monte-Caller simulations and come back with
421
00:37:50,124 --> 00:37:50,384
a winner.
422
00:37:55,082 --> 00:38:01,104
In what other Marvel vs DC matchup can you do
a poof linking battle? Besides this one. Yeah,
423
00:38:01,124 --> 00:38:07,787
I don't know. I guess technically you could
do it for any battle, but why would you? That's
424
00:38:07,827 --> 00:38:13,830
true. These guys were fairly comparable. I thought
that Hitmonkey was absolutely going to have
425
00:38:13,850 --> 00:38:19,452
an advantage due to the fact that he has fucking
guns, you know, and he could shoot at Gleek
426
00:38:19,492 --> 00:38:24,976
from a long range. But surprisingly, Gleek has
an even longer range than Hitmonkey with his
427
00:38:25,016 --> 00:38:30,160
stretchable tail. Right, right. Also, Gleek
is stronger than Hitmonkey because of that
428
00:38:30,200 --> 00:38:35,025
same tail. Yeah, yeah, the tail is his strongest
weapon. It's his only weapon, and it's no joke.
429
00:38:35,205 --> 00:38:40,349
And it's so versatile too, like able to form
a spring to like a helicopter twirl. Yeah,
430
00:38:40,389 --> 00:38:45,714
that's right. But where Gleek couldn't touch
Hitmonkey at all was in his martial arts ability.
431
00:38:45,994 --> 00:38:52,627
Hitmonkey is vastly superior in his hand combat.
in every other category, these monkeys were
432
00:38:52,647 --> 00:38:57,729
comparable. Considering that, who do you think
won this match? I think it's Gleek. I think
433
00:38:57,769 --> 00:39:03,112
his tail is way more special than, you know,
a couple of guns and maybe a knife. Though
434
00:39:03,132 --> 00:39:09,336
I have to say, Instagram does not agree with
me. 73% of our Instagram followers who voted,
435
00:39:09,696 --> 00:39:15,419
voted in favor of Hitmonkey, which I'm not surprised.
Like, how many of them actually watched the
436
00:39:15,439 --> 00:39:19,821
Super Friends cartoon? How many of them actually
know about Gleek? I'm gonna assume all of them.
437
00:39:20,158 --> 00:39:24,660
and that they are very smart and well versed.
Maybe. Hitmonkey does have a show that is like
438
00:39:24,740 --> 00:39:30,143
on Hulu right now. So I'm sure his popularity
factor played a part in why he won this poll.
439
00:39:30,563 --> 00:39:36,226
Well, he won the poll, did he win the matches?
I have the results here. Let's find out. The
440
00:39:36,307 --> 00:39:45,812
winner of the duel between Gleek and Hitmonkey
is Hitmonkey. Damn it! But it was fairly close.
441
00:39:46,152 --> 00:39:53,236
This was a commendable fight. Hitmonkey won.
534 matches out of the 1000, whereas Gleek
442
00:39:53,297 --> 00:40:01,842
won 466, so that's 53.4% to 46.6. Fairly close,
but Hitmonkey is a straight up killer, and
443
00:40:02,003 --> 00:40:07,987
just way more badass than Gleek. I can't even
argue with that, honestly. Like Gleek is anything
444
00:40:08,087 --> 00:40:13,230
but badass. He's silly though, he's cute and
silly. I am surprised by the results though,
445
00:40:13,451 --> 00:40:19,818
I thought Gleek was gonna just spank that monkey's
red ass tail. Oh, we didn't do that in speculation
446
00:40:19,858 --> 00:40:25,301
then. We should have done that. Well, Hitmonkey
is just on top of the world now. Not only did
447
00:40:25,341 --> 00:40:29,922
he win this duel against Gleek, he of course
has that show on Hulu, which has been doing
448
00:40:29,962 --> 00:40:34,524
really well. It has like a 90 percent audience
score on Rotten Tomatoes and an 80 percent
449
00:40:34,564 --> 00:40:38,846
critic score. I'm like five episodes in. It's
pretty good. We're going to review that show
450
00:40:38,926 --> 00:40:43,768
in our next episode. So look forward to that.
And when it comes to Gleek, I would actually
451
00:40:43,828 --> 00:40:49,835
recommend checking out Adult Swim's parody of
the wonder twins? Yeah, they did these wonder
452
00:40:49,875 --> 00:40:56,838
twins shorts based off of like old quote unquote
lost footage of their adventures. There's like
453
00:40:56,898 --> 00:41:00,579
five of them. They're hilarious. You could find
them on YouTube. But that does it for this
454
00:41:00,619 --> 00:41:05,121
duel. Let us know what you guys thought about
the Gleek versus Hitmonkey results by writing
455
00:41:05,161 --> 00:41:10,823
to us at dynamicduelpodcast at gmail.com or
by visiting us on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter.
456
00:41:11,283 --> 00:41:14,565
You can find links to all of our accounts by
checking out our show notes or visiting our
457
00:41:14,605 --> 00:41:20,177
website dynamicduel.com. And also don't forget,
since this is our charity duel episode, to
458
00:41:20,237 --> 00:41:26,022
check out our Facebook specifically in order
to donate to the Healthwell Foundation. Again,
459
00:41:26,162 --> 00:41:31,247
it doesn't matter how much you donate. We were
not asking for large amounts. Right. We will
460
00:41:31,287 --> 00:41:36,111
randomly pick two donors when this fundraiser
ends on Christmas day and we'll be gifting
461
00:41:36,151 --> 00:41:42,077
them a dynamic duel Marvel vs. DC card game
that we created. And remember for the duration
462
00:41:42,117 --> 00:41:46,691
of this fundraiser, all of our archived episodes,
every episode that we've done at this podcast
463
00:41:46,711 --> 00:41:51,034
will be available again to the listening public.
So if you haven't checked out our back episodes,
464
00:41:51,074 --> 00:41:54,696
go ahead and do that. But that does it for this
episode. We want to give a big thanks to our
465
00:41:54,736 --> 00:42:01,079
executive producers, John Spies, Ken Johnson,
Jace Crump, John Staroski, Zachary Hepburn,
466
00:42:01,339 --> 00:42:07,303
John Bechinina, Mitchell Phipps, Dustin Belcombe,
Salvador Hernandez Contreras Jr., and Levi
467
00:42:07,343 --> 00:42:12,045
Yeaton for helping make this podcast possible.
We'll talk to you guys next week. Up up and
468
00:42:12,065 --> 00:42:13,254
away. True believers?