Fuld transskription af 34 - Wait...since when do we send voice notes?

00:02:54.070 --> 00:02:56.870 Maybe not beating around the bush about about stuff. 00:02:57.110 --> 00:02:59.590 So so that's what we're gonna talk about, Dallas. 00:02:59.750 --> 00:03:00.950 Initial thoughts. 00:03:01.430 --> 00:03:02.390 Huge topic. 00:03:02.550 --> 00:03:04.310 There is there's so much to this. 00:03:04.469 --> 00:03:10.550 I I I just want to know after texting a woman 15 times in just a few minutes, did you and she didn't respond? 00:03:10.710 --> 00:03:12.790 Did you then poke her on Facebook? 00:03:13.030 --> 00:03:14.310 That's what I want to know. 00:03:14.710 --> 00:03:17.110 Basically, no poking at all happened, Dallas. 00:03:17.270 --> 00:03:18.310 Let's just put it that way. 00:03:18.390 --> 00:03:18.550 Okay. 00:03:18.870 --> 00:03:19.430 All right. 00:03:20.070 --> 00:03:21.270 Hey, you opened it up. 00:03:21.590 --> 00:03:21.990 I did. 00:03:22.150 --> 00:03:23.350 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 00:03:23.590 --> 00:03:31.590 So I kind of I want to approach this kind of a couple of different ways, and those are kind of the dating pathways ways. 00:03:31.670 --> 00:03:44.870 Like one is you're on the apps and you're communicating that way into dates and dating, and the other is you're in person and you're meeting and getting a number or setting up a date and then and then doing that. 00:03:45.030 --> 00:03:59.830 So let's start with the the app process because that seems to be like where everybody is, as much as we will continue to emphasize in person is great, is can is better, it's less less time consuming, it's more efficient. 00:03:59.990 --> 00:04:02.390 Like there's so many more benefits to that. 00:04:02.469 --> 00:04:06.550 But I know a lot of dads want to maybe just dip their toe in with the online dating. 00:04:06.630 --> 00:04:10.870 It's passive, it's like very risk-averse and easy to do. 00:04:10.950 --> 00:04:12.390 So that's understandable. 00:04:12.630 --> 00:04:14.390 Do you want to make a comment about that though? 00:04:14.710 --> 00:04:15.990 Um, it's also draining. 00:04:16.069 --> 00:04:18.469 The the online dating apps, it's a it's a bit of a grind. 00:04:18.550 --> 00:04:22.310 You're gonna put in a lot of time sending messages that you don't get a response to. 00:04:22.469 --> 00:04:23.589 Don't take that personally. 00:04:23.750 --> 00:04:28.550 That's just the nature of the beast, that's part of the the technology and the means of communication. 00:04:29.509 --> 00:04:33.750 Let me let me let me make one comment uh out there, and I'll probably come back to this several times. 00:04:33.990 --> 00:04:40.469 Is in the end, uh sorry, in the beginning, you know, the man and the woman are both strangers to each other. 00:04:40.629 --> 00:04:49.990 There's inherently risk, there's a whole lot of unknowns, and we as men have to remember that that the woman is innately more vulnerable than we are when we're a total stranger. 00:04:50.709 --> 00:05:05.189 And when we keep that in mind, we have to realize we have

to be a little bit more flexible and adaptable to whatever medium of communication that woman is the most comfortable with, as well as the pacing and the style of the communication that the woman is comfortable with. 00:05:05.430 --> 00:05:11.109 So when we talk about the online dating apps, some women want to chat on there for a while. 00:05:11.269 --> 00:05:16.229 They'll have a lot of messages back and forth, you'll ask them out, and then they're like, well, you know, I'm not really that comfortable. 00:05:16.310 --> 00:05:23.269 I don't like to meet a guy until, you know, I don't know, they've had three binders worth of texting back and forth through the dating app. 00:05:23.509 --> 00:05:23.750 Right. 00:05:23.990 --> 00:05:26.789 That that's her comfort level, you know, that's where it is. 00:05:26.949 --> 00:05:33.430 But for other women, you will get hardly any responses at all, but they will continue to respond when you reach out to them. 00:05:33.669 --> 00:05:35.669 They're just waiting for you to ask them out a lot of the time. 00:05:35.829 --> 00:05:36.229 Exactly. 00:05:36.549 --> 00:05:40.469 They're they want to take it from this digital format to in real life. 00:05:40.789 --> 00:05:47.189 And the the advice that I always give my clients is you you have to be flexible in the beginning. 00:05:47.430 --> 00:05:50.469 You have to set up, you have to let a woman be where she's comfortable. 00:05:50.629 --> 00:05:58.870 That woman that wants to meet in real life, you know, quickly, what she's most sensitive to is how much the the dating apps are draining her energy. 00:05:59.029 --> 00:06:01.349 And she's protecting herself from that drain. 00:06:01.589 --> 00:06:11.269 These other women that that want to message on there a whole bunch, they feel they feel like there's more danger in meeting in person, somebody that they haven't messaged with a whole lot. 00:06:11.430 --> 00:06:14.549 And that's where you have to, you know, make that accommodation. 00:06:14.709 --> 00:06:23.669 Uh, I'm not saying obviously to be a doormat and to keep doing this, you know, you know, several dates in, but in the beginning, be flexible, be adaptive. 00:06:23.909 --> 00:06:29.029 You know, you set your lead, you see how she responds, and then you adjust your lead accordingly. 00:06:29.829 --> 00:06:40.310 So is there so is there something to be said though, if somebody does want, because I find the with the women that I have met dating online that want to message back and forth and don't want to meet. 00:06:40.469 --> 00:06:47.269 And what I mean, and when I say meet sooner than than later, that doesn't mean you send a message and meet tomorrow, right? 00:06:47.430 --> 00:06:50.789 That means maybe sending some messages back and forth. 00:06:51.029 --> 00:07:07.349 Some women want to message for a day or two, and like you said, you can kind of get that that gauge if their responses are kind of minimal, etc., they're either not interested or they just want

to eat, they want to meet in in real life and not message back and forth. 00:07:07.589 --> 00:07:10.949 I found that I'm more compatible with somebody like that. 00:07:11.109 --> 00:07:26.389 So usually I will I will send, I I will I call it escalate, and maybe that's not a good word, but I will um initiate uh escalate to the next level of wanting to meet in person relatively quickly after some messages, some cordials, etc. 00:07:26.709 --> 00:07:40.069 Because after just some of the basic stuff, then you get into the you know the the deposition style questions of what's going on in your in your life, and then that just becomes well then I then and then you tell me what you think of that. 00:07:40.229 --> 00:07:48.229 I use that as an opportunity to then try to lead it into like you know, it's you know, it's it's much easier to depose me in person than it would be on, you know. 00:07:49.349 --> 00:07:50.149 Is it dude? 00:07:50.469 --> 00:07:56.469 Is it is it easier is it easier to depose them or is it easier for you to distract them away from the deposition? 00:07:56.870 --> 00:07:57.189 Exactly. 00:07:57.269 --> 00:08:00.069 I'm much more charming in person than over text, right? 00:08:00.149 --> 00:08:00.709 For sure. 00:08:00.870 --> 00:08:08.310 So so so there's something to be said, maybe uh for kind of if you find now I've done a lot of dating, right? 00:08:08.389 --> 00:08:09.909 So I've kind of seen the difference. 00:08:10.149 --> 00:08:11.750 Tell me what you think about that. 00:08:11.829 --> 00:08:19.430 And have you been inclined to uh a woman or somebody that is one way or the other, or do you think it just kind of crosses over? 00:08:19.750 --> 00:08:22.069 Okay, so uh first of all, there's personal preferences. 00:08:22.149 --> 00:08:24.870 I I do like a woman who's more verbose over text. 00:08:24.949 --> 00:08:25.990 I'm a words guy. 00:08:26.149 --> 00:08:28.629 Um, I I enjoy that that part of the communication. 00:08:28.789 --> 00:08:35.509 I try to be a little bit playful, and and uh in my nature, I get turned off if she's not playful in response to me. 00:08:35.830 --> 00:08:41.190 But there are many women that I've met in person, and it's a whole different vibe once we're in person. 00:08:41.350 --> 00:08:46.950 It's a whole different texting game after we've met in person than before, particularly after we've kissed. 00:08:47.110 --> 00:08:50.070 Suddenly, you know, that the texting and the messaging comes alive. 00:08:50.710 --> 00:08:53.509 I'm gonna come back to the the principle I I was stating earlier. 00:08:53.669 --> 00:08:55.990 You gotta cut a lot of slack in the beginning. 00:08:56.230 --> 00:09:05.750 Don't think that through this tiny little phone and these little profiles that are busy on your end and really busy on her end that you can somehow figure out who and what she really is. 00:09:05.990 --> 00:09:06.710 You can't. 00:09:07.029 --> 00:09:09.990 Um so I yeah, I think the word escalation is good. 00:09:10.069 --> 00:09:12.710 You know, it's it's maybe a little strong to this context, but that's what it is. 00:09:12.789 --> 00:09:13.669 You're escalating. 00:09:13.829 --> 00:09:15.350 You're trying to move the ball down the field. 00:09:15.509 --> 00:09:17.669 You're like, okay, cool, we've done this play. 00:09:17.750 --> 00:09:18.309 It was fine. 00:09:18.389 --> 00:09:19.189 We got a catch. 00:09:19.350 --> 00:09:21.669 It's time to move it's it's time to make another play. 00:09:21.829 --> 00:09:28.549 And and as a man, I think most women really enjoy it when the man initiates, puts himself out there, makes that invitation. 00:09:29.029 --> 00:09:31.590 You know, the question is, what does she do when you ask her out? 00:09:31.669 --> 00:09:33.909 You know, she's like, Oh, I'd like to text her some more. 00:09:33.990 --> 00:09:42.870 I mean, I will give, I will, you know, I'll I'll say, okay, cool, give a couple of few days, you know, for that to kind of sink in or whatever's going on. 00:09:43.189 --> 00:09:49.590 Sometimes I will ask, you know, if they're like that, you know, but I still want to not waste my time and I want to move things forward. 00:09:49.750 --> 00:09:50.789 I'll say, well, that's fine. 00:09:51.029 --> 00:09:53.509 Do you want to move this conversation over to texting? 00:09:53.750 --> 00:10:02.470 Because here's the other thing you got to remember with online dating people disappear at any time and any place out of nowhere. 00:10:02.710 --> 00:10:05.269 That woman could suddenly get exhausted, all kinds of things. 00:10:05.350 --> 00:10:11.829 You want to your goal on the dating apps is to get out of the dating apps as quickly as possible. 00:10:12.149 --> 00:10:15.909 Um some women don't want to share their phone number until they met you in person. 00:10:16.309 --> 00:10:17.350 I was just gonna say that. 00:10:17.509 --> 00:10:24.549 Some don't are like, no, I just want to message through this app until we meet, and then if I feel comfortable, I'll give you the number too. 00:10:24.710 --> 00:10:27.750 So I find like women are all over the place on this. 00:10:27.909 --> 00:10:30.069 Yes, like they're all over the place. 00:10:30.309 --> 00:10:31.750 So you got to cut a lot of slack. 00:10:32.069 --> 00:10:37.429 You have to understand that they're coming from different places because they're going to feel safe and comfortable in different places. 00:10:37.669 --> 00:10:39.110 And you got to be flexible. 00:10:39.269 --> 00:10:40.549 You got to be like, okay, cool. 00:10:40.629 --> 00:10:44.389 This woman wants to talk with me on the phone or FaceTime me before meeting in person. 00:10:44.629 --> 00:10:45.750 Fine, that's cool. 00:10:45.909 --> 00:10:49.990 You know, I'd like to get her number just so we can text showing up to the date. 00:10:50.069 --> 00:10:51.750 I it is a personal thing with me. 00:10:51.909 --> 00:10:59.750 It feels like a shoestring, you know, like a thread that we're hanging by to meet

for a date when we're only messaging through the app. 00:11:00.069 --> 00:11:02.230 That that to me just feels very precarious. 00:11:02.549 --> 00:11:04.870 But some women that that's what they love to do. 00:11:05.590 --> 00:11:07.750 I but and here's the other thing. 00:11:07.909 --> 00:11:19.029 Don't worry about being perceived as, you know, as a creep or as being, I don't know, too forward or something when you invite them, you know, and go, hey, would you like to transition this over to text? 00:11:19.110 --> 00:11:22.389 They're like, no, you know, I really, you know, I prefer just to chat here. 00:11:22.549 --> 00:11:25.909 Let her set her boundaries with whatever's comfortable for her. 00:11:26.149 --> 00:11:37.029 But it's your job, you know, in the lead to to take your shot and to try to move the ball down the field, make another play, and as Jude says, escalate in poking her on Facebook. 00:11:37.350 --> 00:11:39.029 Yeah, exactly. 00:11:39.590 --> 00:11:45.029 Hopefully, you're not dating on Facebook, but hey, I guess there is a dating marketplace on Facebook. 00:11:45.110 --> 00:11:47.429 I have not entered into that, and I don't know that. 00:11:47.669 --> 00:11:49.750 I have to jump in and say that was the last one I used. 00:11:49.909 --> 00:11:54.949 You know, I really yeah, I haven't actively used a day any dating apps myself from my personal life. 00:11:55.110 --> 00:11:56.949 I think we're coming up on two years now. 00:11:57.110 --> 00:12:00.230 Um on a personal level, energetically, I it feels awesome. 00:12:00.470 --> 00:12:05.509 But the last one that I used, and I think I used it for about a year, was the was the Facebook dating app. 00:12:05.669 --> 00:12:15.590 And I person I personally liked it because it because the dating app in Facebook is there to promote just traffic on Facebook itself. 00:12:15.750 --> 00:12:17.269 So it's really a product. 00:12:17.429 --> 00:12:21.110 I don't even remember if there were any premium features that you could buy. 00:12:21.350 --> 00:12:26.549 It was just and and you know that anyone on there for the most part is going to be a real person. 00:12:26.789 --> 00:12:26.949 Right. 00:12:27.189 --> 00:12:28.789 This isn't just a training profile. 00:12:29.350 --> 00:12:38.389 And it and it it took the basic elements of all the dating apps, put them together, and it was just swipe on each other, send a conversation, meet in person. 00:12:38.549 --> 00:12:42.309 I I thought it was nice because it it cut out a lot of the baloney of the other apps. 00:12:42.710 --> 00:12:49.269 Yeah, the other apps have all these different, crazy different features that are not necessarily beneficial, right? 00:12:49.350 --> 00:12:57.829 It's just connect, see if you like each other and and and try to meet, but it doesn't benefit them if you get off the app and stop paying by month every month. 00:12:57.909 --> 00:13:12.389 So and to that point, I am to this day convinced that Facebook knew exactly the type of woman I was looking for and would show me women close to that, but never actually that, so that I would stay on, I would keep the app installed and I would keep using it. 00:13:12.710 --> 00:13:13.669 On Facebook, yeah. 00:13:13.829 --> 00:13:19.429 Maybe one episode we could go through some of the apps and talk about some of the apps and do that. 00:13:19.669 --> 00:13:19.990 Maybe. 00:13:20.230 --> 00:13:24.069 I mean, that sounds awful to you, I know, but that's okay. 00:13:24.309 --> 00:13:24.710 All right. 00:13:24.949 --> 00:13:27.029 So what about our safety though? 00:13:27.189 --> 00:13:28.949 So you talked about them, etc. 00:13:29.429 --> 00:13:35.750 Do you are you comfortable with using like a Google number or a burner number or something like that? 00:13:35.909 --> 00:13:50.949 Because we do have kids, and last thing we want is somebody that is blowing up our phones after you know one date or two dates, and you said, Oh, I don't think we're gonna match or whatever, and then it becomes a problem. 00:13:51.110 --> 00:13:55.590 You can link your phone numbers with addresses and and stuff like that online. 00:13:55.909 --> 00:13:56.309 Very true. 00:13:56.389 --> 00:14:00.309 Yeah, I got maybe I I just might have a story or two around that. 00:14:00.710 --> 00:14:08.870 That if you come to our our our our live event on the 19th, you might get to to hear some of that because we'll be at the the the view house. 00:14:08.949 --> 00:14:10.069 But what do you think about that? 00:14:10.230 --> 00:14:19.750 Is that is that fair to to be able to let her know that I've got this, you know, this this is my number, or or that you're just using that number for for dating? 00:14:20.069 --> 00:14:22.309 Yeah, I I I don't see a problem with it. 00:14:22.389 --> 00:14:37.189 I I haven't used it a whole lot myself in a long time, but particularly with children, you know, when when you reveal to her later you go on a date or two dates and you're like, hey, you know, I just want to let you know the number I gave you is a number I use just for the online dating. 00:14:37.269 --> 00:14:38.949 I'd like to give you my real number now. 00:14:39.189 --> 00:14:42.470 Okay, that sounds like you're stepping in deeper, you're trusting her more. 00:14:42.549 --> 00:14:43.669 That that doesn't feel bad. 00:14:43.750 --> 00:14:46.710 I've I've had many, many, many women do that to me. 00:14:46.870 --> 00:14:53.110 I'm not offended that they gave me a number that they're using to protect themselves, you know, that's that's disconnected from who they are. 00:14:53.189 --> 00:14:54.549 I I don't have a problem with it. 00:14:54.789 --> 00:15:01.189 And particularly if you're saying the reason I do this, you know, if you're curious, is just I want to be sure my kids are safe. 00:15:01.350 --> 00:15:03.829 I don't want I don't want people to be able to look at my address. 00:15:03.990 --> 00:15:10.309 I think any woman should look at that and go, well, that's a

good protective, nurturing, you know, instinct that you have. 00:15:10.470 --> 00:15:15.509 You're you're taking precautions, you're not being cavalier with your responsibilities as a father. 00:15:15.750 --> 00:15:17.029 I think that I think that's great. 00:15:17.110 --> 00:15:18.470 I don't see any reason not to. 00:15:18.789 --> 00:15:19.110 Okay. 00:15:19.429 --> 00:15:22.149 Well, I I I agree with that uh a hundred percent. 00:15:22.230 --> 00:15:39.429 And I think it's a it's a a good a good way, a good system have in place, dads, just uh to to make sure because there's so much information out there, and literally if you've got a phone number, you can literally trace somebody and find their address and where they work and everything else. 00:15:39.669 --> 00:15:45.669 So so I would recommend getting it, and it's easy to get a Google number, get a Google number, use that that that number. 00:15:45.829 --> 00:15:48.870 I use one, I use it for business too, like so I do that. 00:15:48.949 --> 00:15:50.949 So so definitely use that. 00:15:51.110 --> 00:15:56.069 So you talked about some also some of the the features on the app. 00:15:56.230 --> 00:16:06.870 So we kind of have these features, these communication features of the the the face timing, the video chats, as well as the the voice message as as well. 00:16:07.189 --> 00:16:11.590 Give us some feedback around those because I'll just give you I'll give you my take. 00:16:11.750 --> 00:16:12.629 I hate them. 00:16:13.509 --> 00:16:22.149 I despise I despise the video chats, yeah, and I despise the like the the the voice the voice recording things. 00:16:22.309 --> 00:16:24.789 Like I would rather just okay, let's have a phone call. 00:16:24.870 --> 00:16:28.470 If you want to have a phone call, like old school, we'll have a little chat. 00:16:28.629 --> 00:16:32.309 I don't know why we need to do it on video, like let's just have a chat. 00:16:32.470 --> 00:16:47.029 I've done it, it's uncomfortable, it's weird, it's kind of like where should I sit in my office, like right here, like I'm in a like I'm recording a podcast, or should I be laying, you know, should not probably be laying in my bed and talking in a bathtub, obviously. 00:16:47.269 --> 00:16:55.990 You want bubbles, you know, you want some candles going in the background, you want some like cheesy 1980s saxophone music playing. 00:16:56.230 --> 00:16:57.350 That's all you're supposed to do. 00:16:57.429 --> 00:17:00.389 No, absolutely some Luther Vandros playing, yeah. 00:17:01.429 --> 00:17:01.750 Okay. 00:17:02.389 --> 00:17:03.990 What are your thoughts on on that? 00:17:04.069 --> 00:17:13.269 And our yeah, so you hear a lot more than I do from from women, and I get and I get this request from women sometimes, like, hey, I'd love a video chat. 00:17:13.350 --> 00:17:13.750 Yeah. 00:17:13.990 --> 00:17:15.750 Like, what what do you feel? 00:17:16.230 --> 00:17:17.350 It's a vibe check. 00:17:17.590 --> 00:17:18.309 Um, okay.

00:17:18.549 --> 00:17:20.789 You know, they want to know, okay, what is this guy? 00:17:20.950 --> 00:17:23.670 You know, he's texting great, but what does he feel like in real time? 00:17:23.829 --> 00:17:25.190 What does he look like in real time? 00:17:25.349 --> 00:17:26.470 Is he super nervous? 00:17:26.710 --> 00:17:27.750 Does he show up? 00:17:27.910 --> 00:17:37.750 You know, in a lot of ways, these are these are time-saving tools to make sure that, you know, I as a woman, it's worth it for me to go on a date with this guy, and and vice versa. 00:17:37.990 --> 00:17:44.230 They they want you to kind of reveal a little more of yourself to them before making the jump to meeting in person. 00:17:44.389 --> 00:17:46.869 That's that's what's really at the heart of it. 00:17:47.109 --> 00:17:51.829 And I think when you see it that way, you know, you have to ask yourself, Oh, I'm this is so annoying. 00:17:51.910 --> 00:17:52.710 She wants me to do this. 00:17:52.789 --> 00:17:58.869 Well, if a woman that you're genuinely interested in, you're not going to be annoyed when she says, Well, I'd like to video chat with you first. 00:17:58.950 --> 00:18:00.389 You'll be like, Yeah, no problem. 00:18:00.549 --> 00:18:02.389 Now, on my end, I would keep it short. 00:18:02.629 --> 00:18:03.670 Sure about that. 00:18:03.910 --> 00:18:04.230 Okay. 00:18:04.470 --> 00:18:04.950 Well, okay. 00:18:05.109 --> 00:18:17.829 So my I flat out review, I like I will usually say something nice like, I just not really comfortable with video chatting, but I'd love to get in love to get together in person and buy a coffee or like what you know, whatever. 00:18:18.309 --> 00:18:20.150 And is that the same concept? 00:18:20.230 --> 00:18:24.309 It's the same concept of what she's trying to to do, which is get a vibe chat. 00:18:24.389 --> 00:18:25.750 It's a it's a public place. 00:18:26.069 --> 00:18:28.470 Like for for me, it's all the same. 00:18:28.629 --> 00:18:38.789 It accomplishes all the same things that I feel like she's looking for, and it gives me a better opportunity to really see if we we connect instead of just another thing. 00:18:39.029 --> 00:18:44.869 So, like, really, literally, no matter how hot she is, I'll be like, Yeah, I'm not really up for that. 00:18:45.109 --> 00:18:45.509 That's fine. 00:18:45.589 --> 00:18:47.109 And you can set it and you can say no. 00:18:47.269 --> 00:18:49.430 And you know, it plays out the way it plays out. 00:18:49.589 --> 00:18:59.349 From the woman's point of view, imagine this is a big sales funnel, and she as a woman has way more sales leads coming in the top of her funnel than we do as men. 00:18:59.750 --> 00:19:02.069 And she's gotta she's gotta percolate that down. 00:19:02.150 --> 00:19:05.269 She's gotta, she's gotta figure out how to weed out. 00:19:05.509 --> 00:19:16.389 And the cost for her of a five, 10 minute video chat versus the cost of a 30 to one hour conversation, closer to an hour probably, coffee date. 00:19:16.549 --> 00:19:19.670 I have to get ready, I have to go there, I have to come back. 00:19:19.990 --> 00:19:24.869 Realize she's trying, she's just working a sales funnel down to see the guys that really connect with her. 00:19:25.109 --> 00:19:34.389 Now, if you want to hop out of her sales funnel because you don't want to do step two or three, and you're trying to get to her step five, I mean, that that's your choice. 00:19:34.549 --> 00:19:41.829 But from her point of view, she she wants to whittle these down and you know, and and and save time and energy and all of that. 00:19:41.990 --> 00:19:45.029 And I, I mean, personally, I don't have a problem. 00:19:45.109 --> 00:20:02.150 Like if I'm if I look at it like a job that I'm interviewing for, and it's you know, and it's Google, you know, that I'm I'm you know, seeing if I can work for them, you know, or I'm you know, I what I am fine for a well-paid, high, you know, high-end job. 00:20:02.309 --> 00:20:08.150 I'm fine jumping through the damn hoops I gotta jump through in order for them to vet me properly for this position. 00:20:08.230 --> 00:20:16.710 You need me to pee in a cup for uh, you know, for a drug test, you know, you need me to talk to like have a series of four or five different interviews along the way. 00:20:16.950 --> 00:20:21.269 It's all a question of what I'm, you know, what I'm applying for, you know, what the process is. 00:20:21.509 --> 00:20:26.069 Because, you know, like Google, tons of people, you know, applying for these jobs. 00:20:26.389 --> 00:20:33.750 I think that's where my rub that where my rub comes is that I feel like I should be moving it in the direction I shouldn't be jumping through the hoops. 00:20:33.829 --> 00:20:37.750 So so for what you just described, I think is in my masculine nature. 00:20:37.990 --> 00:20:43.990 I'm not comfortable with, oh, let me jump through more of your hoops so that I can, you know, get to that to that first date. 00:20:44.069 --> 00:20:44.230 Yeah. 00:20:44.389 --> 00:20:47.190 So that's what one of the things that bugs me. 00:20:47.430 --> 00:20:52.869 Okay, so for me, jumping on a video call for five or 10 minutes, I'm not worried about where I am. 00:20:53.029 --> 00:20:54.869 I'm not worried about how I'm dressed. 00:20:55.109 --> 00:20:56.789 For me, this isn't jumping through a hoop. 00:20:56.869 --> 00:20:58.710 This is me making the woman feel safe. 00:20:58.950 --> 00:21:02.069 She's told me, you know, Dallas, I need a vibe check. 00:21:02.150 --> 00:21:05.829 Like I need to, I want to see your face, I want to see your mouth move, I want to see that you're real. 00:21:05.990 --> 00:21:14.629 I want to see that you aren't 15 years older than your photos on this profile because I've been on so many dates where I've been tricked this way and I'm sick of it as a woman. 00:21:14.710 --> 00:21:16.549 Like I'm tired of guys doing this. 00:21:16.710 --> 00:21:22.470 And me as a guy, I'm like, here,

yes, you know, I'm fine validating who I am. 00:21:22.629 --> 00:21:26.069 I'm fine showing you that I am exactly what I present to be. 00:21:26.230 --> 00:21:29.349 You you can feel it and you go, yeah, okay, this is solid, this checks out. 00:21:29.670 --> 00:21:33.029 For me, five, 10 minutes somewhere doesn't matter. 00:21:33.269 --> 00:21:42.789 And I'm just I again, I'm I I see what you mean by jumping through hoops, but I mean, if she's trying to you know have a long conversation for 30 minutes, I'll be like, hey, look, I I gotta go. 00:21:42.950 --> 00:21:45.670 I would love to continue this conversation, let's do it in person. 00:21:46.069 --> 00:21:50.710 But I'm I'm giving her I'm giving her what she needs to feel safe. 00:21:50.789 --> 00:21:52.789 And every woman needs something different. 00:21:53.190 --> 00:22:01.589 Yeah, that's that's understandable, which I think leads us to what we mentioned before, which is in person is so much better because you're not dealing with all this monkey business. 00:22:02.309 --> 00:22:06.470 So if you're meeting in person, there's already a vibe check automatically happening. 00:22:06.549 --> 00:22:08.549 Yeah, she sees you, you see her. 00:22:08.869 --> 00:22:18.869 The it like all that crap that goes on the with the with the dating apps and the people not showing up or ghosting or like all that stuff, just it it goes away. 00:22:19.349 --> 00:22:19.589 Right. 00:22:19.750 --> 00:22:24.470 So so that that is just a perfect example of all all of this. 00:22:24.549 --> 00:22:31.910 And then and then to your point, there are there are women that are are truly just trying to get that vibe check and feeling feeling comfortable. 00:22:32.150 --> 00:22:38.389 And there are the women that are actually making you jump through hoops and yeah and and making it difficult. 00:22:38.629 --> 00:22:43.109 You know, and you don't really know why they're asking beforehand or when they ask the question. 00:22:43.190 --> 00:22:43.750 You don't know. 00:22:43.910 --> 00:22:55.349 I again for me, if if a woman wants me to jump on a video call, be sure, you know, and you know, and and you let it go, and then about five minutes, ten minutes in, you go, hey, you know, I gotta run, I've got other things I'm, you know, that I gotta do. 00:22:55.509 --> 00:22:56.710 I'm gonna cut it off. 00:22:56.869 --> 00:23:00.069 I'm not gonna keep giving her all that she asks for. 00:23:00.309 --> 00:23:07.029 You know, me, me saying, okay, you know, I'm I'm setting a boundary here, I'm not gonna let you feed off of me more than this. 00:23:07.269 --> 00:23:09.910 That for me is me staying in my masculine frame. 00:23:10.150 --> 00:23:16.389 But me saying, What do you, you know, sure, I'm I'm you know, now does she need a second one of those or a third one of those? 00:23:16.629 --> 00:23:21.029 Yeah, I would be like, You've seen me, you know where we are, let's move this forward. 00:23:21.269 --> 00:23:27.509 But if but if she needs it for whatever reason, and again, this is where I feel that we really need to think about her perspective. 00:23:27.750 --> 00:23:34.549 She's seen so many guys that are carrying 40, 50 pounds more in real life than they are in their photos. 00:23:34.789 --> 00:23:41.990 You know, they've got 10 plus years, you know, more on them on them than they do in their, you know, than they do in their photos. 00:23:42.230 --> 00:23:46.150 Women are sick and tired of being drained by the process. 00:23:46.629 --> 00:23:49.589 And and and this is this is the thing you need to appreciate. 00:23:49.670 --> 00:23:55.829 How much does it really cost me as a man to give her five minutes on a video call for her to see Dallas doesn't drain you? 00:23:55.990 --> 00:23:56.389 Hold on. 00:23:56.549 --> 00:23:59.750 What woman have you ever talked to for five minutes on a video call? 00:23:59.910 --> 00:24:05.670 Like that's gonna be way more than five minutes unless you're not unless you're just answering yes or no. 00:24:05.910 --> 00:24:07.190 Well, all the come on, man. 00:24:07.430 --> 00:24:10.710 Okay, all the ones, all the ones that I said, this is great talking to you. 00:24:10.789 --> 00:24:12.230 I'm sorry, but I gotta run. 00:24:12.470 --> 00:24:13.029 Oh, okay. 00:24:13.349 --> 00:24:14.309 I'm cutting it off. 00:24:15.509 --> 00:24:16.869 Okay, so you can then all right. 00:24:16.950 --> 00:24:17.829 So let's talk about it now. 00:24:18.150 --> 00:24:19.509 That's my masculine, you know. 00:24:19.589 --> 00:24:24.389 When you talk about the masculine frame, that's the masculine frame is saying, hey, I gotta run. 00:24:24.470 --> 00:24:26.309 I, you know, we just had a quick chat. 00:24:26.389 --> 00:24:27.670 It's it's been five minutes. 00:24:27.829 --> 00:24:29.190 I gotta get going here. 00:24:29.430 --> 00:24:32.309 And and that creates scarcity, you know, on your end. 00:24:32.470 --> 00:24:34.950 That says you're going other places, you're doing other things. 00:24:35.109 --> 00:24:39.349 You know, you don't have to get all dressed up, you know, you don't have to have the bubble bath going, you know. 00:24:39.430 --> 00:24:41.109 It's obviously that's a joke. 00:24:41.349 --> 00:24:43.269 You can do it wherever you need to do. 00:24:43.430 --> 00:24:46.950 She just wants to make sure that you're you're what you appear to be. 00:24:47.190 --> 00:24:47.750 That's it. 00:24:48.309 --> 00:24:49.430 Well, that makes sense. 00:24:49.589 --> 00:25:01.829 So that would be that would be more understandable because then if it is because then I also what that does is if she asks for another one, then you know it's just jumping through hoops. 00:25:02.069 --> 00:25:14.710 If she doesn't, and then you're already then you're able to to you know escalate it to the next the next point or the the next level, which is asking her out and meeting in person, then you know that it was just truly a vibe check. 00:25:14.789 --> 00:25:15.990 And it was only five minutes.

00:25:16.150 --> 00:25:16.789 Yeah, yeah. 00:25:16.869 --> 00:25:23.190 And if she, you know, and if she wants, you know, to have another video call or another video call, you go, hey, look, I'm really looking to meet somebody in person. 00:25:23.349 --> 00:25:24.629 Notice I'm saying I. 00:25:25.029 --> 00:25:26.549 I'm talking about me, not her. 00:25:26.629 --> 00:25:30.789 I'm not saying, well, you know, it seems like you really, I'm not saying anything like that. 00:25:30.950 --> 00:25:33.910 That that's putting a burden, that's putting that's creating all kinds of resistance. 00:25:34.069 --> 00:25:36.470 I say, look, I'm really looking to meet somebody in person. 00:25:36.789 --> 00:25:40.710 You know, I would love to meet you in person, but for me, that that's what I'd like to do next. 00:25:41.190 --> 00:25:44.629 And I just you you just said it square and let her deal with it. 00:25:44.789 --> 00:25:48.309 She's not going to get anything new off of a second or third call that she hasn't met already. 00:25:48.710 --> 00:25:53.589 This is assuming, by the way, that she's in town, you know, and that that getting coffee isn't something. 00:25:54.309 --> 00:26:00.549 You know, if she lives like, you know, a two-hour flight from you, I would hope you would adjust these rules accordingly. 00:26:00.629 --> 00:26:17.670 And you know, um that's a whole nother, you know, that's well, and and so some of that stuff is important to to lay out and ask because I can't tell you the number of times I get, oh, but I'm in Phoenix, or oh, I'm I'm like, why are you dating and why do you have your app set to to Denver? 00:26:17.990 --> 00:26:19.029 Oh, I'm a flight attendant. 00:26:19.269 --> 00:26:19.910 Okay, great. 00:26:20.069 --> 00:26:35.750 Well, you know, so some of those things, and that's part of that that back and forth kind of texting thing or the messaging thing in the beginning, and just kind of getting the cordials and talking about stuff, some stuff, but you really need to kind of dive into like you can do it. 00:26:35.829 --> 00:26:41.430 I feel like you can do it in a in a fun, silly way that kind of tests, well, are are you in town? 00:26:41.589 --> 00:26:42.470 Are you available? 00:26:42.629 --> 00:26:49.190 Like some of the basic things that you can't get like without really talking to her or asking her out. 00:26:49.509 --> 00:26:55.910 Yeah, and if you want to make those fun and light and not and not heavy, say, yeah, so I just need to check. 00:26:55.990 --> 00:27:01.029 I've I've I've met several women, turns out they're not living, you know, in my city to actually live here. 00:27:01.190 --> 00:27:09.349 You know, and you you you you're basically sharing in you know this past experience that you've had, you're like, look, I'm looking for this type of experience. 00:27:09.589 --> 00:27:09.750 Yeah. 00:27:09.990 --> 00:27:11.910 And you, you know, and you lead the questions that way. 00:27:11.990 --> 00:27:15.750 That that even makes

it so that you're not being a hard ass yourself as a man. 00:27:15.829 --> 00:27:20.869 You're just kind of kind of like using, you know, the burner number, you know, the Google number or whatever. 00:27:20.950 --> 00:27:27.029 You're doing it to protect yourself, you're doing it to protect your time, you know, you're you're you're vetting properly. 00:27:27.190 --> 00:27:28.869 I think that's a good way to frame it. 00:27:29.190 --> 00:27:29.509 Yeah. 00:27:29.670 --> 00:27:29.990 Okay. 00:27:30.230 --> 00:27:30.470 All right. 00:27:30.549 --> 00:27:36.309 One one last thing on the dating apps, and then let's switch over and talk about more communication in person. 00:27:36.470 --> 00:27:39.829 I know you you've suffered through this for half the episode. 00:27:39.910 --> 00:27:41.190 I appreciate you, Dallas. 00:27:42.069 --> 00:27:55.829 The those those voice to text or things that are on all the apps, and then they're actually on like you could do it on text messages too, which like I've got a friend, and she knows that I hate them, so now she just does them all the time. 00:27:55.910 --> 00:28:00.629 She'll like send me a text message with a voice message, like, I'm gonna kill you. 00:28:00.789 --> 00:28:01.430 Just call me. 00:28:01.589 --> 00:28:02.629 This is ridiculous. 00:28:02.950 --> 00:28:03.269 Okay. 00:28:03.670 --> 00:28:06.309 That this is just another, this is another vibe check. 00:28:06.470 --> 00:28:12.549 This is another her getting getting the information that she needs of her experience of you. 00:28:12.710 --> 00:28:14.150 That's what this comes down to. 00:28:14.389 --> 00:28:22.470 I'm I'm I'm gonna guess most of the men listening to this have had situations where a woman says, Dallas, I just want to hear your voice. 00:28:23.269 --> 00:28:27.430 She gets all the words she wants over texting, but she doesn't get my voice. 00:28:28.230 --> 00:28:33.349 The voice has a huge impact, it has a reality, it has a time to achieve there. 00:28:33.509 --> 00:28:37.430 It it you know, texting drains a lot of information out of it. 00:28:37.509 --> 00:28:38.789 It's easy to misread. 00:28:39.269 --> 00:28:50.950 Yeah, well, when you're leaving a voice message like that, that where she's listening to an audio of you for 25 seconds, 45 seconds, she is getting a fuller picture of you all at once. 00:28:51.509 --> 00:29:00.470 Now, here's the thing, and and I I I should have mentioned this earlier with the video calls, but is guys, you need to be comfortable putting yourself out there. 00:29:00.950 --> 00:29:06.950 I'm, you know, it's like, do I, you know, did I initially like leaving my first voice notes for a woman? 00:29:07.109 --> 00:29:07.990 No, I didn't. 00:29:08.230 --> 00:29:13.829 But now I'm realizing how incredibly impactful they are to a woman, and I use them. 00:29:14.069 --> 00:29:15.750 They are they are heavy hitters. 00:29:16.069 --> 00:29:26.150 You know, woman gets a bunch of texts from me back and forth, and then they drop, and then I drop a voice note, she's like, oh, wait, wait, and she'll save that for like a special treat after the workday. 00:29:26.309 --> 00:29:28.869 She'll check her phone real quick, you know, for the text messages. 00:29:29.029 --> 00:29:35.670 But wait, no, there's there's this guy's voice because he really wants to say something to me and he wants me to hear his voice. 00:29:36.150 --> 00:29:38.710 That that has impact that goes deeper. 00:29:39.029 --> 00:29:46.069 When uh use this because most men are not, most men are shy, most men are like, I don't, I don't see why I should have to. 00:29:46.470 --> 00:29:49.829 You don't have to, but use it because it has impact. 00:29:50.150 --> 00:29:59.990 That that will make when you leave that voicemail and it's like, oh, well, I've heard this guy's voice, and these other 26 guys that message me today on the dating app, I don't know what they sound like. 00:30:00.230 --> 00:30:00.950 Well, guess what? 00:30:01.029 --> 00:30:03.430 You just became higher resolution to that woman. 00:30:03.670 --> 00:30:05.509 You just become a few-differentiated yourself. 00:30:05.750 --> 00:30:07.269 You differentiated yourself. 00:30:07.430 --> 00:30:16.150 You know, you're you know, you're the you're the job candidate that recorded a video and sent it with the resume, as opposed to here's the resume. 00:30:16.309 --> 00:30:17.509 It's it's just impact. 00:30:17.670 --> 00:30:24.150 It's it's you know, and you, you know, they had these tools there because it's part of all of our communication these days. 00:31:38.749 --> 00:31:47.789 Learn how to use them, learn how to use them effectively, and you know, and you're giving a woman a little preview, a little slice, you know, of who you are. 00:31:48.029 --> 00:31:57.229 Don't keep playing into it, you know, all the time when you have never met in person, but you know, this is part of you uh becoming provocative to her. 00:31:57.549 --> 00:32:02.349 Dallas, do you think it's confusing if I record that in my Cartman voice from South Park? 00:32:04.269 --> 00:32:16.829 If you have not already mentioned South Park as part of it, but if you're having a super playful exchange, I know you, I know that was a joke and gusting, but the truth is if you're having a super playful exchange, um well, I'll I'll give you an example of this. 00:32:17.149 --> 00:32:18.109 Emerald Sinclair. 00:32:18.349 --> 00:32:19.949 She's a female dating coach here in Denver. 00:32:20.029 --> 00:32:20.989 I collaborate with her. 00:32:21.149 --> 00:32:25.949 She tells the story about when she met her current boyfriend that she lives with. 00:32:26.349 --> 00:32:28.669 And they met at a party, they were having a lot of fun. 00:32:28.829 --> 00:32:33.949 He mentioned this thing where you know you stack the quarters on your elbow and then you catch them in midair. 00:32:34.509 --> 00:32:34.669 Yeah. 00:32:35.229 --> 00:32:38.669 She'd never seen it or done it, so she didn't completely

understand. 00:32:38.829 --> 00:32:42.989 And, you know, big, big surprise, nobody has any pocket change there at the party. 00:32:43.229 --> 00:32:56.589 So the next day, rather than go, hey, it was great meeting you and sending him a text, he took a video of himself with those coins, catching them and sent them to her, and then probably said something as well in the video. 00:32:56.829 --> 00:33:01.469 Okay, what he did was he he didn't go all polite interview style. 00:33:01.709 --> 00:33:05.309 He continued the play and the exchange and the experience right there. 00:33:05.389 --> 00:33:09.389 And he, you know, and he had a mic drop video moment for her. 00:33:09.789 --> 00:33:16.509 And she, you know, she watched it, and look, she doesn't, there's no pressure on her, she could be in her jammy, she could be in the tub, doesn't matter. 00:33:16.749 --> 00:33:25.069 And she's like, Well, there's a video coming, you know, from this guy, and she watches it, and it was she knew immediately, you know, when he did that, she was like, Oh, this is my kind of guy. 00:33:25.309 --> 00:33:36.589 If you're talking about some kind of South Park stuff or being playful, and you do want to do something that's more fun and entertaining, that's just a preview for the date to come that she's going to now say yes to. 00:33:36.829 --> 00:33:44.989 Actually, I might create my profile with my pictures as Cartman's personality and see how many dates I get. 00:33:45.149 --> 00:33:49.069 We should I might test that one and we can we can come back and report that. 00:33:49.149 --> 00:33:54.829 And then I'll talk like Cartman and I'll act like Cartman, but I'll just have my pictures and see how many dates I get. 00:33:55.869 --> 00:33:59.389 I hope there is an abundance of charts and and empirical data. 00:34:01.229 --> 00:34:03.389 Oh, yeah, I'll write a book like Dataclysm. 00:34:03.469 --> 00:34:05.389 My you know, my life is Cartman. 00:34:05.549 --> 00:34:07.149 Okay, I digress. 00:34:07.549 --> 00:34:10.030 So let's let's let's switch over. 00:34:10.190 --> 00:34:13.949 You start you talked about about the in in-person now. 00:34:14.190 --> 00:34:16.909 Whole whole different ball game, right? 00:34:17.070 --> 00:34:27.869 Because basically, what you're doing now with your communication, 90% of this has already happened, like that we've just talked about. 00:34:27.949 --> 00:34:38.110 It has already happened because you've met the person face to face, you've had a conversation, that that vibe check has already happened. 00:34:38.269 --> 00:34:52.190 You like how she looks, she likes how you look, and then hopefully we're gonna take it from the point of you've you've asked her, like, hey, I'd love to get together, or let's go, there's this coffee shop, would you like to? 00:34:52.349 --> 00:34:54.590 And she says yes, and you got her number. 00:34:54.750 --> 00:34:55.070 Okay. 00:34:55.309 --> 00:34:57.070 So we're gonna take it from you've already done that. 00:34:57.230 --> 00:35:09.869 If you guys don't feel comfortable figuring that out, we've already recorded a bunch of podcasts and episodes about how you know called approach, how to do that, how to communicate effectively, how to dress to do it, like all that stuff. 00:35:10.030 --> 00:35:10.989 Go back and listen to that. 00:35:11.070 --> 00:35:20.030 We're gonna take it from here with you got the number, and then you walk away, and then how do you start that text communication? 00:35:20.110 --> 00:35:25.710 You know, there used to be this old school thing of like wait three to five days and communicate. 00:35:25.790 --> 00:35:28.670 I think that's BS kind of now these days, right? 00:35:28.830 --> 00:35:32.830 Maybe don't uh go in the parking lot and send the 15 messages like I did. 00:35:33.150 --> 00:35:35.630 But but you know, what's what do you start doing after that? 00:35:35.870 --> 00:35:37.150 Again, dude, let me clarify. 00:35:37.310 --> 00:35:43.150 So you've you've met her in real life, you have her phone number, but okay, but have you been on a date yet or no date yet? 00:35:43.390 --> 00:35:43.789 No, yeah. 00:35:43.869 --> 00:36:00.030 No, I you've met you've met you met this person, and however you met them, maybe you were at work, maybe you met them at work, maybe you met them through somebody else, maybe you called approach them, but you've got their number, you said something about getting together, and then yeah, now you need to do something. 00:36:00.269 --> 00:36:01.150 What do you do? 00:36:01.550 --> 00:36:01.869 Okay. 00:36:02.190 --> 00:36:11.070 Well, I mean, it depends a little bit on that first interaction, how much was exchanged, how much commonality was established, or did you just think she was attractive in the supermarket? 00:36:11.230 --> 00:36:17.070 You you know, you chatted her up for a minute, you got her name, you got her number, and then you, you know, you went on your way. 00:36:17.789 --> 00:36:21.230 You're gonna you're going to follow up differently, depending on that. 00:36:21.470 --> 00:36:27.789 I think it's good to follow up in a just short, close the loop. 00:36:27.869 --> 00:36:30.030 She now has your number sort of way. 00:36:30.269 --> 00:36:32.590 So, you know, hey Sarah, great to meet you. 00:36:32.670 --> 00:36:35.789 You know, hey Sarah, you know, great meeting you at the supermarket yesterday. 00:36:36.030 --> 00:36:40.430 Let me look at my schedule, you know, for what's going on next week and would love to get together with you. 00:36:40.670 --> 00:36:45.309 So notice how I kicked the can down the road and I took all the pressure off by doing that. 00:36:45.630 --> 00:36:48.430 And you can do that whenever you want, right? 00:36:48.510 --> 00:36:50.190 Like, yeah, yeah, you can do that whenever. 00:36:50.349 --> 00:36:53.150 I think, I think, I think I would probably do that. 00:36:53.230 --> 00:36:55.950 You know, if I met her in the morning, I might do that at the end of the day.

00:36:56.110 --> 00:37:01.869 Or, you know, if I met her in the second half of the day, I might wait and do that the next morning, or preferably probably afternoon. 00:37:02.190 --> 00:37:04.750 Um, what I'm doing there is I'm closing the loop. 00:37:04.990 --> 00:37:12.910 I I and what I'm doing is I'm demonstrating to her that Dallas is the kind of guy that when he says he'll do something, he does it. 00:37:13.150 --> 00:37:14.910 That's what I'm demonstrating. 00:37:15.150 --> 00:37:19.070 Because again, we have, you know, in her mind, she's like, Am I safe? 00:37:19.309 --> 00:37:21.309 Okay, this guy did what he said he would do. 00:37:21.470 --> 00:37:22.670 That's a that's a green check. 00:37:22.750 --> 00:37:24.030 That that's a good thing. 00:37:24.269 --> 00:37:31.150 I'm just giving her that green check, and then I'm actually taking the pressure off of like, yeah, and also what are you doing, you know, tomorrow night? 00:37:31.230 --> 00:37:32.910 And you know, do you want to grab a drink? 00:37:33.070 --> 00:37:38.829 That's kind of like I'm trying to do it like all in one rush, you know, of energy, all in one, all in one flow. 00:37:39.070 --> 00:37:43.150 You want to let her settle down just a minute, you want to let yourself settle down just a minute. 00:37:43.230 --> 00:37:55.230 I think that's what the three-day rule is all about, is about you don't want to feel needy, like I just got this, and if I don't make it happen in this, in this one thrust, you know, of of you know that's a bad word to use. 00:37:55.390 --> 00:37:57.710 If I don't use this in this one, in this one. 00:38:03.550 --> 00:38:05.869 No comment, no comment, no comment. 00:38:07.070 --> 00:38:11.950 You you don't want her to feel like you're trying to like make it happen now before she slips away. 00:38:12.190 --> 00:38:14.110 You no, you want to let it all settle down. 00:38:14.269 --> 00:38:16.829 You know, my clients, the word I use for this is your baseline. 00:38:16.910 --> 00:38:21.630 You want to re-establish your baseline, you know, and you say, hey, you know, let me see what's going on next week. 00:38:21.710 --> 00:38:24.910 You know, would love to would love to get together with you for whatever. 00:38:25.070 --> 00:38:29.869 You know, I need to check my schedule, I need to see what events are going on, what whatever you want to use. 00:38:30.110 --> 00:38:36.110 But I'm kicking the can down the road and I'm letting her off the hook by by telling her that. 00:38:36.269 --> 00:38:37.950 I find that that's very effective. 00:38:38.190 --> 00:38:46.430 Um, and uh let me just say for the three-day rule, I've well I'm not sure, I'm not sure how necessary it is. 00:38:46.670 --> 00:38:48.829 I've actually never seen it fail. 00:38:49.630 --> 00:38:50.510 Oh, interesting. 00:38:50.750 --> 00:39:01.710 Yeah, so there have been times that you know, I'll be at a singles event, I'll get a woman's number, and for whatever reason, you know, you know, I might text

her right there on the spot, she has my number, but for whatever reason, I I don't follow up. 00:39:02.670 --> 00:39:03.630 There's a lot going on. 00:39:03.710 --> 00:39:07.070 I'm I'm I'm not sure she didn't reply to something, I don't know. 00:39:07.230 --> 00:39:11.390 But but I'll wait until the middle of next week, you know, three, four, even five days. 00:39:11.630 --> 00:39:15.630 I honestly, those messages get very fast responses. 00:39:16.030 --> 00:39:16.750 Interesting. 00:39:17.070 --> 00:39:27.950 And I've never and I've never had one psychology around that because these polls come up for usually some some good reason, but I've never heard any kind of psychology around it that I've read. 00:39:28.110 --> 00:39:34.750 Well, I don't know that I don't know that this is like formal psychology, but I think it I think it's pretty well known that women love anticipation. 00:39:35.150 --> 00:39:44.750 And when I when I don't just try to follow through on the act with her of let's go out, let's do this, let's do that. 00:39:44.910 --> 00:39:51.470 And instead, I you know, I'm taking a moment coming back to my baseline, she's slowly starting to bubble up inside, well, am I gonna hear from him? 00:39:51.550 --> 00:39:53.710 Oh, there was like guy, oh, it's a shame I didn't hear from him. 00:39:53.869 --> 00:39:58.190 I was kind of hoping he would, I don't want to reach out because if I do, then he's gonna maybe think that I'm too eager. 00:39:58.269 --> 00:40:04.349 This is all the thoughts going through a woman's head, and that energy is building up inside her if she's interested. 00:40:04.510 --> 00:40:10.750 And then three, four, five days later, you're like, hey, you know, I was I was wondering if maybe you were free this weekend, you know. 00:40:10.829 --> 00:40:12.990 I really enjoyed meeting you at the event last week. 00:40:13.150 --> 00:40:14.910 Yeah, what are you up to on Friday? 00:40:15.230 --> 00:40:21.869 She's you know, after that buildup happens, she's gonna be like, Yes, hi, definitely, so good to hear from you. 00:40:22.030 --> 00:40:23.309 Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 00:40:23.470 --> 00:40:27.309 Maybe you even get one of those voice notes back in return that Jude hates to get. 00:40:28.190 --> 00:40:29.550 Just call me, damn it. 00:40:29.710 --> 00:40:29.950 Yeah. 00:40:30.110 --> 00:40:32.910 I actually, I actually want to give one thing that I that I did. 00:40:32.990 --> 00:40:37.630 There was a woman that I met, you know, and it was I was I wasn't quite sure there were some complications going on. 00:40:37.710 --> 00:40:40.430 I messaged her uh after I got her number. 00:40:40.670 --> 00:40:45.789 I think it was oh, I think it was actually on the spot, and her friend was really encouraging me to ask her out. 00:40:45.869 --> 00:40:50.990 And I I sent a message, I didn't get anything back, and I think this was like a Friday night or a Saturday night. 00:40:51.309 --> 00:40:56.510 I waited until the following Wednesday, and I was waiting, just to be clear, not to message her. 00:40:56.829 --> 00:41:00.269 I was waiting for me to see if I was still thinking about her. 00:41:00.750 --> 00:41:10.670 I wanted to see if I was still interested, and that's a good reason to use this three to five day rule, is for you to re-establish your base and ask yourself, okay, was it just in the moment or is this woman still in the back of my mind? 00:41:10.829 --> 00:41:15.150 Because if she's still in the back of my of your mind, you should pursue that and see where it goes. 00:41:15.390 --> 00:41:15.550 Right. 00:41:15.789 --> 00:41:22.269 So I I waited and you know, and I waited and I was busy on Monday and Susan, and I, oh yeah, you know, I I do want to reach out. 00:41:22.430 --> 00:41:25.869 And so on Wednesday, I dropped a voice message from her. 00:41:26.510 --> 00:41:31.070 I got a message back within minutes of leaving that voice message. 00:41:31.309 --> 00:41:34.510 If I had just sent her a text message, that would have felt kind of passive. 00:41:34.590 --> 00:41:36.829 That would have felt like I'm waiting for her to come to the middle. 00:41:36.910 --> 00:41:39.230 And I was like, no, I'm gonna drop this. 00:41:39.309 --> 00:41:42.590 I want her to hear my voice, I want her to experience me again. 00:41:42.910 --> 00:41:53.550 And and the impact, it cut, you know, it it shot me to the top of the pile because she was like, Oh, this guy must be not just casually interested. 00:41:53.789 --> 00:41:54.829 I can hear his voice. 00:41:54.910 --> 00:42:00.030 He's reminding me, I'm suddenly I'm back in his world the way I was, you know, five days earlier. 00:42:00.349 --> 00:42:07.070 That was waiting, waiting that certain amount of time, checking in with myself, and then I use the voice note and it totally works. 00:42:07.390 --> 00:42:08.110 Interesting. 00:42:08.430 --> 00:42:16.670 So I I think the point that I want to get that we should get across to the dads is, and you say it all the time, slow is good. 00:42:17.309 --> 00:42:20.269 Like, don't think that you need to to to rush things. 00:42:20.349 --> 00:42:29.470 So if you do meet and you get a number and you're and you do that follow-up, like, hey, looking forward to getting together, and then you wait three days, that's okay. 00:42:29.550 --> 00:42:31.150 Like, you don't have to next day. 00:42:31.309 --> 00:42:45.869 You don't have to lock this in, you don't have to like build that anticipation, allow her to to think about your conversation, and then do something unique, like the the the voice, the the voice met the what do they call it? 00:42:46.030 --> 00:42:46.670 Voice to text. 00:42:46.829 --> 00:42:47.150 Voice note. 00:42:48.349 --> 00:42:51.150 No, no, text-to-voice voice text is the technology where it types right. 00:42:51.630 --> 00:42:52.590 I think it's a voice note. 00:42:52.990 --> 00:42:55.150 Voice like a a voice note. 00:42:55.309 --> 00:42:57.070 What about a phone call

at that point? 00:42:57.230 --> 00:42:58.349 Like old school, Dallas. 00:42:58.510 --> 00:43:03.550 Like we used to pick up the phone and be like, hey, you want to go out with me on Thursday at two o'clock? 00:43:03.789 --> 00:43:04.030 Right. 00:43:04.110 --> 00:43:04.269 Okay. 00:43:04.510 --> 00:43:05.550 Can you still do that? 00:43:05.710 --> 00:43:06.110 Yeah. 00:43:06.269 --> 00:43:07.630 Oh, you totally can. 00:43:07.789 --> 00:43:13.550 Okay, but here's and and this is what I've realized about the voice note, which is just an audio recording you're sending her. 00:43:13.710 --> 00:43:14.030 Okay. 00:43:14.430 --> 00:43:18.030 I have had plenty of people that never check their voice mail. 00:43:18.190 --> 00:43:19.630 Uh, actually, let me back that up. 00:43:19.789 --> 00:43:22.829 Okay, it's very, very, very easy for someone not to answer a phone. 00:43:22.910 --> 00:43:26.510 The woman doesn't want that pressure of, I have to talk to this guy right now. 00:43:26.750 --> 00:43:34.430 You know, sometimes if they're super ready, eager, they know you've got a big green check mark, yes, you know, next to your name on their phone, they will answer. 00:43:34.590 --> 00:43:36.510 But a lot of times that won't be the case. 00:43:36.750 --> 00:43:42.510 And you calling is is kind of forward, and it is making a certain demand on her when you do that. 00:43:42.829 --> 00:43:45.309 And if and then if I see you, is that the demand? 00:43:45.470 --> 00:43:47.950 Well, is that too much of a demand? 00:43:48.190 --> 00:43:51.150 Well, especially if you've already talked to her in person, though. 00:43:51.230 --> 00:43:53.550 Like, okay, but we haven't met in person again. 00:43:53.630 --> 00:43:53.950 I see. 00:43:54.269 --> 00:43:55.789 No, no, this is you have met in person. 00:43:55.869 --> 00:43:58.269 We're yeah, yeah, you've met in person, but you haven't had a date yet. 00:43:58.510 --> 00:43:59.070 Right, right. 00:43:59.230 --> 00:43:59.470 Yeah. 00:43:59.630 --> 00:43:59.950 Okay. 00:44:00.269 --> 00:44:08.269 Again, I want to give a woman every opportunity to warm up in her time and feel safe according to her rules, not mine. 00:44:08.829 --> 00:44:11.710 My rules do not apply to this situation. 00:44:11.869 --> 00:44:12.910 I mean, they do on my end. 00:44:12.990 --> 00:44:16.750 You know, I'm not gonna do like four video calls that are, you know, 20 minutes each. 00:44:16.829 --> 00:44:17.869 Like, I'm not gonna do that. 00:44:17.950 --> 00:44:18.829 That's my rule. 00:44:18.990 --> 00:44:23.390 But I'm not gonna set rules around what she needs to feel safe. 00:44:23.630 --> 00:44:26.910 And so, you know, and and what I want is to give her a gift. 00:44:26.990 --> 00:44:29.390 I want to entice her, you know, and that's what I'm doing. 00:44:29.630 --> 00:44:39.550 Now, if I if I make that phone call, there is, I think, social expectation of the other person to pick up, and she has to be kind of like, oh, I'm not going to, I'm gonna hang up

on him. 00:44:39.710 --> 00:44:45.710 You know, like there's a little bit of her having to be in a place that she doesn't that where it's a little bit stressful inside of her. 00:44:46.030 --> 00:44:49.390 And the voicemail is the same thing as the voice note. 00:44:50.510 --> 00:44:56.269 So I'm just bypassing the stress on her end of ringing her phone. 00:44:56.430 --> 00:45:04.829 I'm jumping right into the voicemail message that we are all planning to leave anyway, as a dude, because he's probably not gonna pick up in a lot of these situations. 00:45:05.470 --> 00:45:06.590 So that's just the voice note. 00:45:06.670 --> 00:45:12.349 It's just a voicemail where I where I said, you know what, honey, you don't have to pick up the phone. 00:45:12.510 --> 00:45:14.190 I'm not making that demand of you. 00:45:14.269 --> 00:45:20.510 This is a gift, this is a one sided, completely gratuitous something. 00:45:20.670 --> 00:45:22.750 I just want you to hear my voice and what I have to say. 00:45:22.910 --> 00:45:23.550 Here it is. 00:45:24.030 --> 00:45:28.910 Can then so can a phone call be kind of a a vibe check for for you? 00:45:29.230 --> 00:45:44.910 If if somebody is not comfortable enough to be able to pick up a phone and have a brief Like less than like the vice versa, like what you were talking about with the the the woman wanting to have a vibe check with you and can he articulate and speak in full sentences and does he have all of his teeth, right? 00:45:45.070 --> 00:45:48.030 Like, like same thing with a phone call. 00:45:48.190 --> 00:45:55.070 Is she of the type of personality that can pick up the phone and talk for five minutes or less? 00:45:55.150 --> 00:45:57.869 You're not gonna be going on about your family and talking about stuff. 00:45:57.950 --> 00:46:00.990 You're just gonna like, hey, so she doesn't know that. 00:46:01.230 --> 00:46:04.349 Okay, she doesn't know that this is only gonna be a five-minute phone call. 00:46:04.430 --> 00:46:06.110 She doesn't know that if you just call her. 00:46:06.349 --> 00:46:11.150 Okay, she also as a guy you want to talk about like your lineage and and all that. 00:46:11.950 --> 00:46:12.829 She doesn't know. 00:46:12.990 --> 00:46:13.710 That's the thing. 00:46:13.950 --> 00:46:19.710 And women don't want to walk into situations where they don't know, they want to walk into situations where they feel safe. 00:46:19.950 --> 00:46:22.190 And that phone call is an unknown situation. 00:46:22.349 --> 00:46:22.910 She doesn't know. 00:46:23.070 --> 00:46:31.309 She doesn't want what if you what if she quote unquote says the wrong thing, it tips you off, you start yelling at her, and she has to hang up. 00:46:31.710 --> 00:46:35.309 Okay, that that is a very stressful place for a woman to be in. 00:46:35.710 --> 00:46:36.269 Of course. 00:46:36.510 --> 00:46:42.269 This seems like such like we've we've diminished things to such a low bar. 00:46:42.670 --> 00:46:53.550 Like, I don't feel like a

phone call is really that like that stressful and anxiety inducing that you're gonna need a therapy session after if it really goes wrong. 00:46:53.630 --> 00:47:00.349 It just really seems like in our society it's gotten to like lowest com and that's why we're on the maps and doing it that way. 00:47:00.510 --> 00:47:01.710 Like lowest common. 00:47:01.789 --> 00:47:04.510 I understand everything and I agree with everything you're saying. 00:47:04.829 --> 00:47:09.789 Um, like a hundred percent, but like at this point, like how much further are we gonna digress down? 00:47:09.869 --> 00:47:12.590 And and maybe this is just a rhetorical question that we can't answer. 00:47:12.829 --> 00:47:15.390 Like a phone call does not seem like that big of a deal to me. 00:47:15.710 --> 00:47:17.869 Okay, so let me let me reframe this. 00:47:18.269 --> 00:47:21.950 Back in the day, phone calls were the only way to communicate with each other. 00:47:22.110 --> 00:47:26.670 And this episode is about all the tons of different ways that we can now communicate with people. 00:47:26.910 --> 00:47:27.150 Right. 00:47:27.309 --> 00:47:38.990 We we used to call when because we couldn't text, and we used to call or text because we couldn't leave that voice note, which is actually like a voicemail because someone didn't pick up, and we had to get in person because we didn't have the video calls. 00:47:39.150 --> 00:47:46.430 Well, look, rather than everything being stacked up in the phone call category the way it used to be, we've spread it out over a lot of different mediums. 00:47:46.590 --> 00:47:49.309 The the channels of communication have simply changed. 00:47:49.470 --> 00:47:52.750 Now, back to your point about her being comfortable with a phone call. 00:47:52.910 --> 00:47:56.750 Now, I would say you've been out on two or three dates, go right ahead and call her. 00:47:56.910 --> 00:47:58.829 I would say you want to integrate that into it. 00:47:58.910 --> 00:48:04.510 And if she has a problem being on the phone, okay, that's something about her as a person, because she's seen you a couple times. 00:48:04.750 --> 00:48:08.670 You know, like there should be some trust that's established there. 00:48:08.829 --> 00:48:11.869 You know, it similarly would be uh, you know, you've been on a few dates. 00:48:12.030 --> 00:48:14.590 Is she comfortable with you picking her up on that date? 00:48:14.910 --> 00:48:18.349 You know, or is she like, no, no, no, I can't, you know, I can't do that. 00:48:18.590 --> 00:48:21.470 I I, you know, but but you have to give the woman a chance. 00:48:21.630 --> 00:48:22.990 Again, let me paint a picture. 00:48:23.230 --> 00:48:25.789 I'm a five foot, I'm let me just let me paint this picture. 00:48:25.950 --> 00:48:34.510 I am a five foot two petite woman, and Jude is approaching me who is over six feet tall, and he seems really nice. 00:48:34.670 --> 00:48:37.070 Again, emphasis on seems really nice. 00:48:37.230 --> 00:48:40.030 And

he asks me for my number, he's making me laugh, you know. 00:48:40.190 --> 00:48:43.230 But gosh, you know, I've had I've had toxic boyfriends in my past. 00:48:43.309 --> 00:48:45.230 I've had guys that like harass me. 00:48:45.309 --> 00:48:52.590 I have guys like they get my number and they're doing it, and I'm taking a chance here by giving this guy my number, you know, and I don't know what he's gonna have to do with it, you know. 00:48:52.670 --> 00:48:56.829 And it's like I like him and I want to trust him, but like I've been burned and really messed up, you know. 00:48:56.910 --> 00:49:05.230 Like, okay, do I want that guy calling me or do I want that guy just giving me a voice that I can listen to and relax into and go, yeah? 00:49:05.470 --> 00:49:09.550 Okay, like like that's the position that women are in. 00:49:09.789 --> 00:49:12.990 We have to appreciate this. 00:49:13.230 --> 00:49:15.630 I think it's time for a rule. 00:49:15.869 --> 00:49:18.990 Okay, because yeah, like Jews gotta have rules. 00:49:19.070 --> 00:49:21.710 So the rule is don't call, right? 00:49:21.789 --> 00:49:26.990 Like, use the the the voice in this circumstance, like you haven't been out yet, you just met her. 00:49:27.309 --> 00:49:39.950 Use the the voice notes, don't make a phone call because if the voice notes gonna serve the same purpose, like I talked about before, with the meeting as as a vote as opposed to a vibe check. 00:49:40.110 --> 00:49:59.230 It's gonna serve the same purpose as a call, but it's going to potentially create the circumstances and the comfort zone that she feels where she can either call back if she does feel comfortable, or text back if she wants to do it that route. 00:49:59.470 --> 00:50:01.550 Yeah, that yeah, that that is a good rule. 00:50:01.710 --> 00:50:08.430 My rule, I well, I it's not it's it's not a rule, it's the there are two ingredients to create the chemistry magic with a woman. 00:50:08.590 --> 00:50:12.269 The first ingredient is safety first, okay. 00:50:12.670 --> 00:50:20.110 Nothing can happen nowhere, no how with no woman until she feels and experiences a deep sense of safety. 00:50:20.349 --> 00:50:25.070 And when somebody says, Well, you should be able to just talk on the phone, that's making a demand of her. 00:50:25.230 --> 00:50:27.550 That is not giving her a sense of safety. 00:50:28.349 --> 00:50:34.190 She needs to experience a safety and she needs time to open up and relax into that safety. 00:50:34.750 --> 00:50:41.950 Especially if you are a beast of a man and you've got your game on and you're attractive, and she's like, Can I trust this guy? 00:50:42.110 --> 00:50:56.829 You know, I mean, it seems like he could ask out any woman he wants, you know, or you know, the this we have to we have to allow, and what a woman needs for safety, unfortunately, is not going to be the same as the woman next to her and the woman next to her and the woman next to her. 00:50:56.910 --> 00:51:06.670 It is going to be different, and that's why I'm saying we have to be flexible, understanding, chill, and at the yo, give, you know, certain women need this, other women need that. 00:51:07.150 --> 00:51:09.869 Be, you know, and this isn't jumping through hoop hoops. 00:51:09.950 --> 00:51:13.710 This is saying, check, I got that in my go bag as a man. 00:51:14.030 --> 00:51:14.670 No problem. 00:51:14.910 --> 00:51:20.349 I can talk on the phone, I can do a video call, I can leave a note, I can do this, I can do that. 00:51:20.510 --> 00:51:24.829 You're just showing her that you're well-rounded and competent in all these areas. 00:51:25.470 --> 00:51:32.030 And when she knows you're competent and cool and chill about it, she's gonna be like, Oh, I feel safe around him. 00:51:32.190 --> 00:51:34.190 And that's where things start to open up. 00:51:34.910 --> 00:51:35.230 Okay. 00:51:35.789 --> 00:51:40.190 So so, yeah, the I I understand all that. 00:51:40.269 --> 00:51:50.030 It's just like deciphering all that and figuring it out with a woman in real time is like absolutely frustrating. 00:51:50.110 --> 00:51:50.990 And it's a dance. 00:51:51.950 --> 00:51:56.110 It is it is no, it's like a calculus freaking problem, Alice. 00:51:56.190 --> 00:51:58.910 It's not a it's well stop trying to figure out then. 00:51:59.150 --> 00:52:02.510 Like trying to well, trying to understand what she what she needs. 00:52:02.670 --> 00:52:09.789 Like, if you can't call, you can call, you do a voice note, she is responding, she's not responding. 00:52:09.950 --> 00:52:16.670 Like some of the like the next ones is well, like if you don't get a response, do you do you wait? 00:52:17.230 --> 00:52:18.349 Is that ghosting? 00:52:18.750 --> 00:52:20.910 She's likely a mom, so she's probably busy. 00:52:21.070 --> 00:52:23.390 Some grace, like like we talk about. 00:52:23.630 --> 00:52:24.990 How do you follow up with that? 00:52:25.070 --> 00:52:26.910 How long before you follow up with that? 00:52:27.070 --> 00:52:29.550 And like, what are some follow-ups to to this? 00:52:29.630 --> 00:52:34.430 If you kind of feel like you've gone, like, oh, maybe this isn't working. 00:52:34.590 --> 00:52:35.869 How do I redirect? 00:52:35.950 --> 00:52:37.789 And what do I what does that look like? 00:52:38.030 --> 00:52:38.190 Yeah. 00:52:38.430 --> 00:52:43.550 Okay, really, really, really good questions that go through damn near every single guy's mind all the time. 00:52:43.789 --> 00:52:48.110 And the and the the emotional state we get into is the one that you just labeled, frustration. 00:52:48.269 --> 00:52:48.430 Right. 00:52:48.750 --> 00:52:51.630 Frustration, though, is a huge turn off to women. 00:52:51.950 --> 00:52:53.630 So we have to reframe that. 00:52:53.789 --> 00:52:55.950 We have to, we have to look at it a different way. 00:52:56.110 --> 00:52:59.789 Rather be because most of the statements used you just said were questions about her. 00:52:59.950 -->

00:53:00.670 Is she this? 00:53:00.829 --> 00:53:01.550 What does she want? 00:53:01.710 --> 00:53:02.269 How does this? 00:53:02.430 --> 00:53:04.750 I'm she, she, she, her, her, her. 00:53:04.910 --> 00:53:09.789 That's a dependent mindset revealed through my my sentence patterns. 00:53:09.950 --> 00:53:23.550 My neurolingucming about myself is revealing itself as being more centered on her, which is needy, rather than me being centered on myself saying, Well, I invited her out this weekend and I haven't heard back. 00:53:23.869 --> 00:53:25.710 I'm going to move on. 00:53:25.950 --> 00:53:28.990 I'm I'm going, you know, I'm still thinking about her three days later. 00:53:29.150 --> 00:53:32.110 She didn't reply to me in the messages I sent in that event. 00:53:32.349 --> 00:53:32.910 That's okay. 00:53:32.990 --> 00:53:35.390 I'm going to drop a voice note and see if that goes forward. 00:53:35.550 --> 00:53:43.309 I'm going to make from a grounded-centered place my invitations, and I'm going to wait and see how she responds to my invitations. 00:53:43.550 --> 00:53:43.789 Okay. 00:53:44.030 --> 00:53:44.349 Period. 00:53:44.590 --> 00:53:45.630 So full stop. 00:53:45.950 --> 00:53:46.590 Let me just say this. 00:53:46.750 --> 00:53:48.750 I am not trying to figure her out. 00:53:49.070 --> 00:53:49.390 Right. 00:53:49.550 --> 00:54:01.869 Well, so well, but that's a little bit different than what you were saying beginning in the beginning, because you're saying that everybody's got something, every woman has a different way in which they want to do it. 00:54:02.269 --> 00:54:09.150 And being flexible and under and just being, you know, having grace around that so that she can find the way to do that. 00:54:09.309 --> 00:54:16.910 The she the challenge though, Dallas, is as we know, women don't communicate that uh quite effectively, right? 00:54:17.070 --> 00:54:18.110 So they might know. 00:54:18.349 --> 00:54:23.550 So if we're trying making the invitations, like you said, that's all we can do. 00:54:23.710 --> 00:54:29.470 Like we can't, like, we can just try make the invitations, how we feel comfortable with making the invitations. 00:54:29.550 --> 00:54:38.829 They might be wrong, uh, and she might be comfortable with it, but that's incumbent upon her then to say, hey, can we have a phone call or can we do a face call or whatever? 00:54:39.150 --> 00:54:45.950 Like, you can't be figured trying to figure out what it is that she needs in order to entice her. 00:54:46.030 --> 00:54:46.510 Yeah, right. 00:54:46.590 --> 00:54:47.869 Yeah, that's what I just want to be. 00:54:47.950 --> 00:54:54.030 I would just want to be clear because yes, what I described to you is frustration because I hear it all the time from guys, right? 00:54:54.190 --> 00:54:56.030 Like, well, I don't understand, I don't understand. 00:54:56.269 --> 00:54:59.869 And what you said earlier was trying to understand what it is she needs. 00:55:00.030 --> 00:55:07.230 We just want to be clear that guys, you it continue to lead from your masculine frame by making invitations. 00:55:07.309 --> 00:55:13.309 Yeah, and so maybe you try something different, and if it doesn't work, then you just then you pretty much have your answer then. 00:55:13.390 --> 00:55:24.269 Because if she wants to see you, if she wants to spend time with you, yeah, she is going to react, even if it's not the perfect way for you to exactly for her to do it, or that you needed to do it. 00:55:24.430 --> 00:55:27.950 Yeah, here's the thing her response is her communication. 00:55:28.990 --> 00:55:31.309 You're saying, you know, that we know women don't communicate. 00:55:31.390 --> 00:55:36.750 Well, they're they are communicating, they're just not communicating verbally, consciously on a level. 00:55:36.910 --> 00:55:39.309 She's communicating by how she responds to you. 00:55:39.470 --> 00:55:44.190 This you know, and this applies in the you know, in the early invitations when you get a number you haven't had a date. 00:55:44.349 --> 00:55:46.430 This applies all the way to the bedroom. 00:55:46.670 --> 00:55:49.309 She communicates by how she responds to you. 00:55:49.470 --> 00:55:52.269 She's not going to well, dude, can you touch me here and can you do this? 00:55:52.349 --> 00:55:56.110 And will you hold me for 18 minutes before we then begin to take off my clothes? 00:55:56.430 --> 00:55:57.710 Like she's not gonna say that. 00:55:57.789 --> 00:55:59.630 And really, do you want her to say that? 00:55:59.710 --> 00:56:01.070 Do you want her up in her head? 00:56:01.390 --> 00:56:02.190 No, right. 00:56:02.430 --> 00:56:10.430 You want, you need to, as a man, be grounded in yourself, make the invitations, and then her response that is her communication. 00:56:10.590 --> 00:56:12.190 That tells you what you need to know. 00:56:12.510 --> 00:56:15.309 And maybe try some different invitations. 00:56:15.390 --> 00:56:21.150 If your interest level in her is high enough, make some other invitations and see where she goes with it. 00:56:21.309 --> 00:56:22.510 See how she responds to it. 00:56:22.590 --> 00:56:26.269 And if she isn't responding, dude, stop spending your energy on it. 00:56:26.430 --> 00:56:31.070 And and here's the other thing: we're shooting in the dark, and she knows that. 00:56:31.309 --> 00:56:35.390 She knows that we don't know what her favorite place to go is for ice cream. 00:56:35.550 --> 00:56:38.750 She knows that we don't know everything about her, she knows this. 00:56:38.990 --> 00:56:56.590 Women cut a slack, most of them anyway, cut a slack for not reading their minds and knowing, well, actually, I love to go to, you know, like rooftop hotel bars and do this and that's like most of them, most of them know that, and they're willing to be adaptive as long as we are making a good faith invitation. 00:56:56.910 --> 00:57:04.430 If we are getting frustrated, though, realize that frustration is because we're not getting

the response that we're expecting and wanting from them. 00:57:04.670 --> 00:57:06.269 That is not an invitation. 00:57:06.430 --> 00:57:09.710 That is a exactly, yeah. 00:57:09.950 --> 00:57:15.470 And and that's the thing I want to point out like that is when you're getting into a frustrated place, why isn't she? 00:57:16.030 --> 00:57:23.710 Guys, you we're being dependent on her behavior, not a sexy place, not the place a woman wants to be. 00:57:23.869 --> 00:57:27.390 Uh, you know, because that you know, you're you were having that in the beginning. 00:57:27.710 --> 00:57:33.470 She doesn't think that's going to suddenly stop once you guys are exclusive or once you guys are sleeping together. 00:57:33.789 --> 00:57:36.750 We gotta start out on the right foot. 00:57:36.910 --> 00:57:40.110 We make an invitation, we see the response, and we adjust accordingly. 00:57:40.190 --> 00:57:41.869 That's why we call this a dance. 00:57:42.269 --> 00:57:42.829 Got it. 00:57:42.990 --> 00:57:43.309 Okay. 00:57:43.470 --> 00:57:43.869 All right. 00:57:44.030 --> 00:57:49.309 So we're almost running out of time, and I want to just run through a few more scenarios. 00:57:49.390 --> 00:58:05.230 I think we did a really good job of both dating app and in real life and like how to communicate up to the effect of communication in getting securing the day, securing the dates and communicating around that. 00:58:05.390 --> 00:58:14.990 Now, I want to just talk about like we did talk a little bit about uh about follow-up also, but like frequency and and pacing. 00:58:15.150 --> 00:58:26.349 We're busy dads, and oftentimes we'll get messages in, and we're talking, you know, whether it's a phone call or a text message or an email or or something. 00:58:26.510 --> 00:58:31.470 Like what is the like like I call it the the the batching rule? 00:58:31.550 --> 00:58:35.710 Like maybe you get something of you know, I like rules, right? 00:58:35.869 --> 00:58:43.710 You know, it's better to send like maybe one thoughtful text at the end of the day, hey, I got your message, I've been really busy today. 00:58:43.950 --> 00:58:50.030 You know, maybe we can schedule a time to talk, or maybe we can go out tomorrow and catch up or or or whatever. 00:58:50.269 --> 00:58:52.190 Is that fair communication? 00:58:52.349 --> 00:59:00.110 Just because we are dads, like there's times between work and kids and like everything that's going on, like I literally just I don't have time. 00:59:00.269 --> 00:59:04.750 Or is it better to be like, hey, just want to recognize that you sent me a message. 00:59:04.829 --> 00:59:09.950 I'm so busy today, I'll follow up with you tomorrow, or we'll chat tomorrow, or something like that. 00:59:10.110 --> 00:59:11.470 How do you how do you handle that? 00:59:11.869 --> 00:59:15.070 It when it's in the early stages when you haven't even been on a first date yet. 00:59:15.230 --> 00:59:16.990 I mean, people are busy, we don't know each other. 00:59:17.070 --> 00:59:21.309 I think you started to maybe have a date or a couple dates. 00:59:21.550 --> 00:59:21.950 Yeah, yeah. 00:59:22.190 --> 00:59:22.670 Yeah, okay. 00:59:22.750 --> 00:59:30.750 So once you've had a couple of dates, I think the idea is you need to communicate effectively what your reality is like and to set proper expectations, you know. 00:59:31.070 --> 00:59:37.550 And, you know, because some people they've got their phone with them and they text back, you know, always within, you know, five to thirty minutes. 00:59:37.710 --> 00:59:38.829 You know, they're they're just like that. 00:59:38.990 --> 00:59:40.750 They have a job that allows them to do that. 00:59:40.910 --> 00:59:47.550 Other people are my phone is off and in my bag because I am out making sales calls and driving all day, and I just I can't do that. 00:59:47.869 --> 00:59:54.110 Um, I you know, different people have different things and and uh different demands that they have on a daily basis. 00:59:54.349 --> 00:59:59.070 I think helping her share and know what to expect from you. 00:59:59.309 --> 01:00:03.070 Again, this this is women want to know what to expect. 01:00:03.230 --> 01:00:11.869 You know, it's like, okay, well, I you know, I can't hear from Jude, but Jude, by the way, I like to get, you know, a message from you in the evening just saying goodnight, touching bass. 01:00:12.030 --> 01:00:15.630 If I go two or three days, it makes me freak out inside as a woman. 01:00:15.869 --> 01:00:20.110 Okay, you want to be sensitive to that and you know, communicate with her. 01:00:20.190 --> 01:00:25.550 You know, look, I can't text message you that much in the day, but definitely in the evening you can always count on hearing from me. 01:00:25.710 --> 01:00:27.550 And then she does hear from you. 01:00:27.789 --> 01:00:33.309 You're setting expectations and you're finding a way that the communication can work between the two of you. 01:00:33.710 --> 01:00:35.950 Some people want to communicate all day long. 01:00:36.030 --> 01:00:46.829 And you know, I've I've heard therapy sessions where it's like, well, he, you know, he never responds, and she's upset that he isn't responding within the hour while he's at work, and he has a job that doesn't allow him to do it. 01:00:47.070 --> 01:00:49.869 Well, that's a that that's an issue on her end, you know. 01:00:50.269 --> 01:00:51.630 It's it's perfectly fine. 01:00:51.710 --> 01:00:58.110 And and I think it's this is your masculine frame is you need to set you tell the world what to expect from you. 01:00:58.349 --> 01:01:00.829 You tell the world how you're going to engage with it. 01:01:01.070 --> 01:01:03.550 You show up and say that you know, this is how I do this. 01:01:03.630 --> 01:01:09.070 I I don't do 30-minute video calls on a dating app, I do five-minute video calls on a dating app. 01:01:09.470 --> 01:01:20.030 And if the world, you know, and for the most part, and I think this is the thing

that a lot of a lot of people and men don't understand is the world is ready to accept you telling it how it's gonna be. 01:01:20.590 --> 01:01:30.030 And and when you you know, the world is just like, well, but the reason it doesn't is because we haven't communicated to the world how it's gonna be, what to expect from us. 01:01:30.269 --> 01:01:33.869 Set those expectations and and again embrace them positively. 01:01:33.950 --> 01:01:41.789 This isn't like, oh, I can't, it's really hard when you're saying it's like, no, like, look, I'm really focused on whatever I'm doing during the day. 01:01:41.950 --> 01:01:44.430 I give my full attention to the people when I'm with them. 01:01:44.590 --> 01:01:48.190 I'm not going, I don't check my phone when I'm with somebody. 01:01:48.349 --> 01:01:52.750 And when I'm with clients, I don't check my phone that this is this is a rule that I have. 01:01:52.910 --> 01:01:54.269 This is how I am. 01:01:54.670 --> 01:01:58.030 The how is that how is a woman not going to respect that? 01:01:58.190 --> 01:02:03.070 You know, as long as you then close the loop with her and and provide the the the communication. 01:02:03.630 --> 01:02:06.829 Maybe she doesn't like that and maybe that doesn't work, and then that's gonna be fine. 01:02:06.910 --> 01:02:13.630 She's gonna let you know, and or you're gonna let her know that that's just not something you you can do. 01:02:13.789 --> 01:02:23.789 You can't you can't trade uh text message conversations throughout a full day while you're working, taking care of the kids, doing all the all the stuff. 01:02:23.950 --> 01:02:32.349 So that just comes in where when then when you're learning about each other through the relationship and understanding how each other communicates and what your needs are. 01:02:32.430 --> 01:02:32.990 Yeah, right. 01:02:33.070 --> 01:02:33.550 Okay, yeah. 01:02:33.630 --> 01:02:37.070 When I'm yeah, when I'm with my kids, I'm a hundred percent with my kids. 01:02:37.230 --> 01:02:38.430 I do not check my phone. 01:02:38.590 --> 01:02:39.150 Um right. 01:02:39.390 --> 01:02:42.590 I mean, a woman that's like, oh, well, that that doesn't seem like the way it should be. 01:02:42.910 --> 01:02:48.750 Yeah, you can you could the door's over there, you can check out because you're not understanding the value of my connection with my children. 01:02:48.910 --> 01:02:53.230 Yeah, present yourself to the world the way you are and let the world for the most part accept it. 01:02:53.470 --> 01:02:53.710 Right. 01:02:53.869 --> 01:02:56.190 And for the when when it doesn't, it doesn't. 01:02:56.510 --> 01:02:57.070 Right. 01:02:57.390 --> 01:03:03.390 So what about emojis and periods? 01:03:03.630 --> 01:03:03.950 Okay. 01:03:04.510 --> 01:03:05.230 Well, I didn't wait. 01:03:05.309 --> 01:03:06.910 Which periods are we talking about here? 01:03:07.150 --> 01:03:08.990 No, no, like a period at the end of a sentence. 01:03:09.230 --> 01:03:11.470 Punctuation,

punctuation, yeah. 01:03:11.550 --> 01:03:39.309 Well, period, like actually, so apparently this is a thing, and I didn't know it, especially with like millennials, is that that is like overly rigid, like so, and then and then sometimes the emojis apparently mean you're much more emotional, like yeah, so and so like this seems like a whole like it is, it is like a communication, like like a language that I don't like. 01:03:39.390 --> 01:04:11.869 Sometimes I yeah, like I have just learned that you write in full sentences and use proper grammar and quite and I use commas after where they're supposed to be commas and periods at the end, and then but I do use emojis too, so that maybe that's real, maybe that's my problem, Dallas, is like I've really confused the feminine population because I do text in full sentences with proper grammar and punctuation, but I do use a lot of emojis, so I can see why that maybe is confusing people. 01:04:12.030 --> 01:04:12.990 Oh, yeah, okay. 01:04:13.230 --> 01:04:15.150 Rich, this is actually a very rich topic. 01:04:15.309 --> 01:04:16.670 You and I fall into the same camp. 01:04:16.750 --> 01:04:21.309 I also write in complete sentences, capitalize, punctuation in the middle and at the end. 01:04:21.630 --> 01:04:23.550 I do use emojis to a certain extent. 01:04:23.710 --> 01:04:35.230 Emerald and I actually uh we just recorded a podcast episode that's going to be airing probably in March about men's emojis and how to use them effectively and not and what do you do with it? 01:04:35.470 --> 01:04:37.550 For the most part, you want to use emojis. 01:04:37.630 --> 01:04:45.710 The the short, short version is use them uh less than she does, use them sparingly and have a few that are kind of your go-tos. 01:04:46.110 --> 01:04:50.670 The sunglass emoji thumbs up are good, particularly as a reaction to her message. 01:04:50.829 --> 01:04:52.829 The upside down smiley face is a good one. 01:04:52.910 --> 01:05:00.190 Uh, if you use them all the time, or you know, as much or more than she does, yes, you are gonna come off as rather emotional. 01:05:00.430 --> 01:05:02.910 That's just that's just the style and the feel of it. 01:05:03.070 --> 01:05:10.590 I would say look at her amount of emojis and you know, dial it back, I don't know, 30 to 60 percent from where she is, something like that. 01:05:10.910 --> 01:05:13.869 So if she uses none, you should not use any either. 01:05:14.190 --> 01:05:15.789 Well, no, I'm so okay. 01:05:15.869 --> 01:05:18.829 So then the emoji becomes more of a punch. 01:05:19.070 --> 01:05:21.070 So it's like, well, screw this. 01:05:21.150 --> 01:05:24.750 I'm not interested in having a completely dry text conversation. 01:05:24.990 --> 01:05:33.230 I'm going to go ahead and throw in this ironic emoji, you know, to like do a mic drop moment or something. 01:05:33.309 --> 01:05:37.789 Um, I do the same thing with words, I write in full sentences, punctuation, all that stuff. 01:05:37.950 --> 01:05:46.910 And then sometimes I will just drop something that's completely improper because it breaks the pattern of how I have been messaging and that has a huge impact. 01:05:47.230 --> 01:05:48.750 Like a picture of Cartman. 01:05:49.070 --> 01:05:49.550 Exactly. 01:05:49.630 --> 01:05:49.950 Yes. 01:05:50.110 --> 01:05:54.829 If you're Jude and you're conducting research on your online dating ads, and a picture of Cartman. 01:05:55.309 --> 01:05:55.710 There you go. 01:05:55.950 --> 01:05:57.869 Why you are still single is beyond me, dude. 01:05:57.950 --> 01:05:58.590 It's beyond me. 01:05:58.910 --> 01:05:59.470 I know. 01:05:59.710 --> 01:06:00.829 Every woman asks me that. 01:06:00.910 --> 01:06:02.510 I'm like, I don't know, I don't have any idea. 01:06:02.670 --> 01:06:03.789 Maybe you can ask Dallas. 01:06:04.190 --> 01:06:05.550 Listen to our show. 01:06:05.950 --> 01:06:14.750 So, so uh that that's the short version of what it is with punctuation, but I'm gonna bring it back to again the idea of there isn't a right or wrong way. 01:06:14.910 --> 01:06:22.430 I know I said adapt to her level of emojis, and I do feel that that helps the two of you sort of stay in sync. 01:06:22.750 --> 01:06:25.630 That also often goes with frequency of communication. 01:06:25.869 --> 01:06:37.789 A woman will communicate to you how often or not often you know she'd like to talk on the phone or with text messages, she'll kind of show you that pace, and we want to respond accordingly in a way that's effective for both of us. 01:06:38.110 --> 01:06:47.710 Yeah, there, yeah, but you write in complete sentence, you write in complete sentences, you tell the world this is the kind of guy that I am. 01:06:47.869 --> 01:06:54.910 Dallas, I'm the kind of guy that I wear dress shoes when I'm on a date, unless, you know, unless there's a good reason otherwise. 01:06:55.070 --> 01:06:56.750 I usually wear button-up shirts. 01:06:56.910 --> 01:06:58.510 I write in complete sentences. 01:06:58.670 --> 01:07:01.309 I like this is me presenting myself to the world. 01:07:01.390 --> 01:07:08.190 I'm right, I'm not going to, I'm not going to hide it because some millennial thinks, oh, well, you're out of date. 01:07:08.269 --> 01:07:11.390 And I'm like, well, yeah, and I think you don't show respect. 01:07:11.470 --> 01:07:14.190 I mean, like, it's like there's different points of view on this. 01:07:14.430 --> 01:07:16.030 It's just all it's all feedback, right? 01:07:16.110 --> 01:07:17.150 We talk about it before. 01:07:17.230 --> 01:07:18.430 It's all it's all feedback. 01:07:18.590 --> 01:07:32.430 You put out if you're in your masculine frame and you're who you are, and you've done the work to understand what your values and beliefs are, and you put your life together, and then you put that out there, you're gonna get you're gonna get the feedback. 01:07:32.590 --> 01:07:33.390 Not all feedback is. 01:07:34.030 --> 01:07:36.670 Is going to be like, oh,

you're the best, Dallas. 01:07:36.829 --> 01:07:37.869 Oh, you're the best, dude. 01:07:37.950 --> 01:07:38.030 Right? 01:07:38.190 --> 01:07:39.070 Like, no, you're not. 01:07:39.150 --> 01:07:40.190 You're just not going to get that. 01:07:40.269 --> 01:07:41.309 But that's not a bad thing. 01:07:41.550 --> 01:07:45.070 Actually, I would contend that that's a good thing. 01:07:45.150 --> 01:07:45.390 Yeah. 01:07:45.630 --> 01:07:48.269 Because that means that you are different and that you are unique. 01:07:48.430 --> 01:07:51.070 And so there's going to be that's going to rub people wrong sometimes. 01:07:51.309 --> 01:07:53.710 And wrong, but just not be their cup of tea. 01:07:53.789 --> 01:07:54.030 Yeah. 01:07:54.190 --> 01:07:56.510 And it could be something that is different about you. 01:07:56.670 --> 01:07:59.470 Maybe they're teasing you about it, but maybe they secretly like it. 01:07:59.630 --> 01:08:00.750 Maybe they actually like it. 01:08:00.829 --> 01:08:02.190 And over time, they're like, you know what? 01:08:02.349 --> 01:08:09.630 I love that Dallas actually takes the time, you know, even though he's I'm doing speech to text, I'm actually saying, you know, hey there, comma. 01:08:09.869 --> 01:08:10.750 So and such and such. 01:08:13.950 --> 01:08:20.029 You know, and then I go, and then I go back and proofread what I wrote before I send it because the phone doesn't always get it right. 01:08:20.269 --> 01:08:25.869 You know, question mark, it actually puts the words question and space in the or comma. 01:08:26.109 --> 01:08:26.430 Yeah. 01:08:26.750 --> 01:08:28.269 I know, makes me crazy. 01:08:28.430 --> 01:08:29.069 That's funny. 01:08:29.229 --> 01:08:29.470 Okay. 01:08:29.550 --> 01:08:30.829 We're running really long. 01:08:31.069 --> 01:08:31.309 Okay. 01:08:31.470 --> 01:08:32.430 Did you want to make a point? 01:08:32.590 --> 01:08:32.829 Nope. 01:08:32.909 --> 01:08:33.470 Go for it. 01:08:33.710 --> 01:08:33.949 Okay. 01:08:34.109 --> 01:08:44.349 We're running really long, but I did want to just hit on the ghosting and the slow fade of communication that that starts to happen, right? 01:08:44.430 --> 01:08:48.269 The the no response response, what do you do? 01:08:49.149 --> 01:08:54.909 You know, the the the dad standard of breaking up if you're not feeling it, what do you say? 01:08:55.149 --> 01:08:59.069 And then those two, like those, those kind of two things. 01:08:59.229 --> 01:09:11.470 When when you start to feel her like starting to not respond or fade away, and when you start to be like, yeah, like you said, I'm not thinking about you, and it's been a weight. 01:09:12.349 --> 01:09:12.989 Yeah. 01:09:13.229 --> 01:09:20.510 Okay, so when she's starting to fade away, you feel like you know it's kind of drifting or something, make bold invitations, strong invitations. 01:09:20.590 --> 01:09:21.710 Don't go subtle. 01:09:21.869 --> 01:09:24.909 You know, leave a voice note, and you have you hadn't left them for a while. 01:09:25.069 --> 01:09:27.869 Invite her out to, hey, you know, there's this concert I really want to go to. 01:09:27.949 --> 01:09:28.829 Would you like to come with me? 01:09:29.069 --> 01:09:31.149 Not like, hey, would you like to grab another drink? 01:09:31.390 --> 01:09:35.789 Like make it, make it a bold invitation to see how she responds to it. 01:09:36.029 --> 01:09:44.829 If she doesn't respond to it, the question I would ask myself is, do I want to keep pouring energy into a person that is not reciprocating it? 01:09:44.989 --> 01:09:47.390 And the answer most of the time is going to be no, I don't. 01:09:47.550 --> 01:09:47.869 No. 01:09:48.510 --> 01:09:52.109 And you know, and if she's fading off, you know, and she's not responding to you. 01:09:52.190 --> 01:09:57.390 I mean, yeah, it's nice to get closure, but dude, you you're you're getting the information you need. 01:09:57.550 --> 01:10:00.270 Is she filling up your tank or is she draining your energy? 01:10:00.430 --> 01:10:06.190 If she's draining your energy and she doesn't want to give you quote unquote closure, dude, just let her wander off. 01:10:06.350 --> 01:10:09.949 Like you already know what you need to know that she's not giving you what you need. 01:10:10.109 --> 01:10:11.069 That's your closure. 01:10:11.150 --> 01:10:14.350 And ultimately, you know, in relationships, we have to find our own closure. 01:10:14.430 --> 01:10:16.670 It's not really with the other person that we get it. 01:10:16.909 --> 01:10:19.949 Um anybody who's dealt with their parents knows that. 01:10:20.350 --> 01:10:25.630 When it when it comes the other way around, where you have, yeah, where you're not really feeling it. 01:10:25.789 --> 01:10:33.470 Okay, so like I if it's super early, you've only been on one date and it's just high or whatever, you know, I don't worry about it. 01:10:33.630 --> 01:10:40.989 If she asks you out and you're not feeling it, do the girl a favor and just say, look, you know, I appreciate the invitation, but I'm just not really feeling the connection. 01:10:41.150 --> 01:10:42.989 You know, I wish you the best of luck. 01:10:43.550 --> 01:10:53.710 If you've been dating and you know, doing stuff and everything, you know, and you're again not really feeling it, and you feel like she wants more energy from you that you're doing it, heal her. 01:10:53.869 --> 01:10:54.909 Make her complete again. 01:10:54.989 --> 01:10:58.510 She is opening herself, she is inviting you in that as a precious resource. 01:10:58.670 --> 01:11:03.069 You know, be a good camper and leave the campsite better than you found it when you rolled up. 01:11:03.789 --> 01:11:05.230 What does that sound like, Dallas? 01:11:05.550 --> 01:11:11.789 It's so it's like, look, you know, I really, you know, you know, I've I've I've really appreciated getting to know you. 01:11:11.949 --> 01:11:14.750 I don't feel like this, I don't feel like this is the right fit for me. 01:11:14.989

--> 01:11:20.670 Or you can say what women say to us a lot of the time is like, you know, I really, I would really rather just be friends. 01:11:21.869 --> 01:11:31.710 Which is again transitioning and you're removing the romantic, you know, element, but you're you're telling her no in you know in ways that can give her closure. 01:11:31.789 --> 01:11:33.949 And she's not just like, oh, did he just want her off? 01:11:34.109 --> 01:11:35.789 Is he is he just sleeping with somebody else? 01:11:35.869 --> 01:11:38.590 And is he gonna come back and want to have sex with me again? 01:11:38.750 --> 01:11:40.909 Like where what what's happening here? 01:11:41.069 --> 01:11:55.069 You know, you know, be a be a be a responsible camper and pack it up and give her back to herself, you know, and and it can be hard because who doesn't like to get uh attention and affection and know that they're desired? 01:11:55.150 --> 01:11:56.190 Like everybody does. 01:11:56.590 --> 01:12:04.270 But don't be that person that drains other people's batteries just to feed you selfishly when you're not really reciprocating. 01:12:05.069 --> 01:12:09.470 Step up, do the hard thing, you know, and and you know, I think we mentioned this in another episode. 01:12:09.630 --> 01:12:15.710 You know, you be the one to exit the situation, leave her in a warm place, leave her in shelter. 01:12:15.949 --> 01:12:21.949 You're the one that wants to leave, get in your car and have to drive home because you're the man that faces nature the way it is. 01:12:22.270 --> 01:12:27.550 Yeah, and maybe we need to do a a whole episode on how to do that, right? 01:12:27.630 --> 01:12:30.029 Because that's a delicate, really delicate balance. 01:12:30.109 --> 01:12:39.150 And you brought up, well, if it's only a a couple or a few dates, yeah, saying something like, Hey, I just am not feeling it, and I really appreciate the time we spend. 01:12:39.230 --> 01:12:55.069 If it's more than that, probably entails having a face-to-face conversation where you need to do some things, make her feel comfortable, hopefully have it be where she feels comfortable and you can exit, uh, like some some stuff uh around that. 01:12:55.150 --> 01:13:12.109 So there's a lot of nuance to to that if you're going, if you're gonna do it in a mature manner, which I hope everybody listening is gonna do, because we've all had it go down the opposite way where they either ghost or or just say, Hey, I'm not interested anymore, and that just feels like shit. 01:13:12.350 --> 01:13:15.230 Yeah, and let's just say ghosting is for cowards. 01:13:15.390 --> 01:13:19.230 Yeah, ghosting is for particular, yeah, particularly for when we're talking about men. 01:13:19.390 --> 01:13:21.869 Ghosting is for men that cannot deal with conflict. 01:13:22.029 --> 01:13:24.989 I if you can't deal with conflict, you're not a man, you're a coward. 01:13:25.150 --> 01:13:25.949 Full stuff. 01:13:26.350 --> 01:13:27.310 Yeah, yep, yeah. 01:13:27.390

--> 01:13:28.909 I think that's a that's a good way to end it. 01:13:28.989 --> 01:13:29.710 Do not ghost. 01:13:29.789 --> 01:13:32.350 That's just that's that's stupid and childish. 01:13:32.430 --> 01:13:40.909 And if you're if you're ghosting somebody, you need to stop dating, reassess, do the work that we talk about before, your values and everything else. 01:13:41.230 --> 01:13:45.550 Maybe spend some time in some therapy and and and mature yourself a little bit. 01:13:45.789 --> 01:13:46.909 Um, no kidding, though. 01:13:46.989 --> 01:13:52.989 Seriously, like if you're doing that, that's there's seriously something that's that's just yeah, that's just not the the right way to act. 01:13:53.150 --> 01:13:53.310 Okay. 01:13:53.470 --> 01:13:56.350 Well, we'll we'll we'll leave it on we'll leave it on that high note. 01:13:56.590 --> 01:14:04.510 Um I do want to put a challenge out there though, Dallas, to to any of the dads that are listening, and I'm calling it the one tax challenge. 01:14:04.670 --> 01:14:12.590 So you've listened to a lot of us, a lot of what we've like what we've talked about and a lot of Dallas's advice, which is always really great. 01:14:12.750 --> 01:14:16.270 I want you guys to get out of your head and and not overthink this. 01:14:16.350 --> 01:14:25.869 But if there's somebody that you've been maybe dating, or you've got a number of or you're interested in, I want you to send that one text this week. 01:14:26.029 --> 01:14:30.190 It could be just something like, hey, I've been thinking of you, or hey, let's do this again. 01:14:30.270 --> 01:14:32.270 Like, or we had such a great time, let's do it. 01:14:32.350 --> 01:14:34.510 Like, don't overthink it, just do it. 01:14:34.670 --> 01:14:47.069 And then you know, send us messages, comments, or or whatever, or join us next week, the 19th of February at the View House here in Centennials, just south of uh Denver metro uh area. 01:14:47.230 --> 01:14:51.390 We're gonna do uh an in-person QA with Dallas there. 01:14:51.470 --> 01:14:58.430 You can go to thedivorcedavicate.com and check out the events page uh for all the information on that. 01:14:58.670 --> 01:15:00.430 And then yeah, what else, Dallas? 01:15:00.670 --> 01:15:01.390 That's it, man. 01:15:01.470 --> 01:15:04.989 Just want to see all the guys you know coming out to uh to interact in person. 01:15:05.150 --> 01:15:06.909 And I'm just gonna add a little bit of a challenge. 01:15:06.989 --> 01:15:14.270 If you're cool texting, you you know, this isn't a challenge for you, and you haven't listed any voice notes for somebody, that should be your stretch. 01:15:14.510 --> 01:15:18.029 Leave your first voice note and even ask for later mine, I guess. 01:15:18.350 --> 01:15:24.350 Later, later, later down the road, you know, not right after you send it, but later and you're on a date and you're like, So by the way, I left that voice note. 01:15:24.510 --> 01:15:25.550 How did that how did that land? 01:15:25.630 --> 01:15:26.270 Did you like it? 01:15:26.510 --> 01:15:26.989 Get the feedback. 01:15:27.150 --> 01:15:27.230 Okay. 01:15:28.109 --> 01:15:29.710 That's my that's my challenge, Dallas. 01:15:30.109 --> 01:15:32.829 I got my challenge now from this episode, too. 01:15:32.909 --> 01:15:33.710 So thank you. 01:15:33.949 --> 01:15:34.430 All right. 01:15:34.670 --> 01:15:36.270 Great, as always, Dallas. 01:15:36.430 --> 01:15:36.989 Appreciate it. 01:15:37.069 --> 01:15:48.109 And gentlemen, if you found some value in what uh what we shared and all Dallas's pearls of wisdom, please give us a star rating on whatever podcast platform or wherever you're listening, even better. 01:15:48.350 --> 01:16:10.109 Give us a write a brief comment that just helps proliferate the podcast and and helps get dads more of the information that they need to uh have a successful relationship post divorce, which is our all of our ultimate goals is to have a healthy and healthy and fun and excellent relationship. 01:16:10.350 --> 01:16:12.430 So Dallas, next week we'll talk to you. 01:16:12.670 --> 01:16:12.989 Thank you, dude. 01:16:13.069 --> 01:16:13.710 Talk to you next week. 01:16:13.949 --> 01:16:14.350 Bye.