UDSKRIFT 🔗
speaker-0: No Hi there, I'm Pastor Toot Whitley, and this is Conversion Therapy, a podcast where I help lost lambs back to the heterosexual pasture. As you may know, I myself am a reformed homosexual. In fact, I used to facilitate a coastal bukaki jamboree, wherein I'd feed various fruits to a dozen men to sweeten their nectar so a cub named Jamba, juicing the fellas, could make what he called a large gizamatazz for his consumption. Now the only semen I'm worried about being swallowed is Jonah, by the whale. So if I can get straight, so can you, and so can our guest. Please open your hearts to gay Giovanni Lanayo. Giovanni, it's so nice to have you here today. It's really a treat. And you know, I know you've been considering this journey for quite some time now. Yeah. You only really decided to jump on it, ⁓ recently. Yeah. And ⁓ that must have been a difficult experience for you to come to that conclusion, I imagine. It was easy to know that you wanted to come here and do this do conversion therapy, yeah.
speaker-1: Okay. I thought it was easy. I think it was really easy because I think it's too expensive to be a party gay. And I think that I've spent a lot of time with, you know, a lot of lovely artsy spectrum queers, gender queers. And I just think that, you know, the board games have too many rules and the the shows the shows they watch have too many episodes.
speaker-0: I've seen. Absolutely. ⁓ Yeah, they they're they often are invested in series that go on seasons and seasons. How are we supposed to keep track?
speaker-1: Just never not all good. No, no, no. They only like things where the lore is like very, very loaded and like really extensive and I just I don't have the I don't have the mental capacity to keep up with either group and I think that straits would be the middle ground that I'm looking for.
speaker-0: Absolutely. You know, I think we should all be watching more shows like you know, with just a straightforward, straight down the road message like home improvement. It's a show about a family. Yeah. No, not too many. I'm talking these queer series are twenty, thirty seasons. Who who's watching all that? This is lore spanning decades. There's Doctor Who's supernatural fans. I'm saying these are people who you have different castes rotating in and out. How am I supposed to remember all that? Can't. Exactly. So
speaker-1: Yes. Five seasons. Which is a lot but not too much.
speaker-0: I think that's very reasonable, especially with those board games. ⁓
speaker-1: I can't remember all the rules and then it's like, Well, I'll figure it out as we play but then it takes like six hours and it's like, Well I don't get another round. I don't wanna play it again and I never got it while we were playing. So I'd rather just not be gay.
speaker-0: Absolutely. Just six hours of your life wasted, you know, holding on to all these rules about who can do what when and what card triggers this thing. ⁓ it's it's just about enough. You should be playing Monopoly like everyone else. Yeah. Okay, so maybe maybe we're a boggle family?
speaker-1: That's also too hard. I think that straight people like bananograms.
speaker-0: Bananograms is huge in the straight community. Great. I think that's incredible. You know, Giovanni, to get a sense of where we're starting from, you know, to maybe get an idea of how far your homosexual proclivities extend. I am curious, how gay would you say you are on a scale of Harold to musical improv? You know, Harold leaning more towards the straight side and musical improv, of course, being incredibly homosexual.
speaker-1: I can't wait. I l I know musical theater and improv with great knowledge. So pretty gay.
speaker-0: Okay. All right. And that's okay. I'm glad you're being honest with me. It gives us a good place to jump off of to know where we're going. We have to know where we started.
speaker-1: I feel like if I lie then I might not get straight enough. Better if you know.
speaker-0: Absolutely. It's much better if you're open and honest with me about all of your homosexual experiences because we're gonna have to systematically root all of those experiences that may be in air quotes joyful and destroy them so you can be ⁓ welcome into the kingdom of heaven. And that's really what we're doing here. Just sort of adjacent to what we're talking about. You love group stuff? Okay.
speaker-1: No. Mm-hmm. You're asking me how gay I am?
speaker-0: ⁓ yeah, I'll note that. It says here you were also born in Germany, a place notorious for its little overalls. ⁓ do you think that contributed to your homosexuality? Yeah.
speaker-1: The little overalls aren't like corduroy or for work or anything. They've got designs on them. ⁓
speaker-0: Nothing gayer than an embroidery, that's for sure. Come on. Mm-hmm. Okay. So that probably contributed to your homosexuality. Okay. Well that's good to know, you know, that it's it it was learned. It was learned. You were round all these little overalls with all these little beads and thread through ⁓ and you know, that made you one day go, I need group stuff.
speaker-1: Really? If you say it's learned, then I'll say it's learned, but I don't know. This feels like it just runs through me pretty deep.
speaker-0: Mm-hmm. You know, that's something that ⁓ we talk a lot about here in conversion therapy of whether it's learned or whether you were born born with it. And the the answer to me is it don't matter either way. It's true. It's sinful. It's true. And and you know, if you feel like there's a part of you that's a part of your DNA and who you are, but I think that that part is specifically bad, then we should follow what I think and do what I say and destroy that part of you. Yes. Yeah, of course.
speaker-1: Okay. I wanna get out from under this pile of women.
speaker-0: Mm-hmm. Yeah. You know, I think that that's the most unfortunate part about this is I understand you're you're very successful in your queer pursuits and so you're gonna
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really have to be free.
speaker-1: Yeah, it's not like hard, you know? Uh-huh. It's like if I want something then I'm like, I line it. Yeah.
speaker-0: ⁓ It's just sort of happening immediately. Yeah. All right. Yeah. And and actually in in straight sexuality it should feel very difficult and bad all the time. Okay. And so we're gonna be focusing on that.
speaker-1: I think I would sleep more if that was the case. If it wasn't so easy
speaker-0: Gotta get your eight hours, you know, you can't just be up all night, ⁓ having homosexual sex. I learned that the hard way. Okay, what do you think will be the hardest thing to let go of about being gay? You know, like I I understand that you're here of your own volition and you're excited to go on this journey, but I imagine there are some things that are gonna be particularly difficult to let go of.
speaker-1: I think that the ⁓ the like food setups at parties won't be as good. I do think that ⁓ just like food is better in the gay community.
speaker-0: Absolutely. Absolutely. You have to understand that when you become straight there will be no consideration of different allergies or preferences. It'll sort of just be a a stone table ⁓ covered in ⁓ lion meat, rabbit.
speaker-1: I'm picturing Lion the Witch in the wardrobe. Who's that Lion? Yeah. Aslan. Aslan on the stone table.
speaker-0: ⁓ Yeah, yeah, when they trim his mane as sort of ⁓ allusion to Jesus. The parties. Yeah, that they're gonna shear you. Yeah, lion's gonna be there laying on the table, apple in the mouth, you know, and you're eating that raw, obviously. Mm mm. I'd say lion probably goes with something more like I don't know pineapple. Pineapple. Yeah. Some spiky.
speaker-1: So that's what I think is absolutely No, I'll lie. I don't think that Apple goes with Lion.
speaker-0: It's not nice the way that they're pairing their, you know, their sort of fruits and their proteins. So it will be a hard thing to let go of, but it will absolutely be worth it when one day you are welcomed into the kingdom of heaven.
speaker-1: Goodbye, good charcuterie. Goodbye. ⁓ So to get a f
speaker-0: Full idea of how far you've strayed from God's light. We're gonna do a couple of exercises. So I'm gonna have you finish this sentence. I'm gonna give you the first half of the sentence and you complete it. Now again, there's no wrong answers because we're just gauging here, you know, mm how far your ⁓ sexual homosexual proclivities are rooted, okay? Okay. Okay. I always bow my head when
speaker-1: Grace is too long and the legs beside me are long, and I want to see what's under the table.
speaker-0: Okay. ⁓ I mean I guess it's not necessarily inherently homosexual, it's a wanna see what's under the two. Okay, okay. We'll go we'll
speaker-1: Like between the legs, the long legs.
speaker-0: Okay, so you did make it gay there at the end. That's all You have a chamber. Okay, finish this sentence. Sin is how Satan you are
speaker-1: That's what I meant the first time. Eats you out.
speaker-0: You know, that's straight. That's straight. Okay, good, good, very good. Okay. I'm doing good. So you were doing very good. I serve the Lord faithfully by
speaker-1: Fork on the right?
speaker-0: ⁓ okay, I see what you mean. They're sort of like a dining setup on a dining table that you put the fork on the right.
speaker-1: I haven't served God before.
speaker-0: I don't know, I've heard some rumors in the community that you've been serving.
speaker-1: Mm-hmm.
speaker-0: Okay, finish the sentence. If I met Judas I
speaker-1: I would say hello, Judas. It's okay. I'm doing the right hand. That's a ⁓
speaker-0: I feel inherently that might not be homosexual, but the way you said it was That's alright, that's alright. We're gonna move on.
speaker-1: The Lady Gaga song I don't know what to prove it.
speaker-0: It's okay. I'll tell you right now, Lady Gaga's song reference is absolutely homosexual, but you s we still got a couple more. We got a couple more. Okay.
speaker-1: I just won't want you to give up on me. I
speaker-0: Will not give up on you. I promise you that the most important thing in my life is making sure other people are not doing things that I disagree with. Okay? So I'm not gonna let you walk out of here. Finish this sentence. I know God is watching me when.
speaker-1: I get on a train to Cincinnati.
speaker-0: All right. Sort of a neutral answer if I'm honest. Cincinnati's a kind of a heterosexual city in my opinion. So no no, you're doing great. You do don't cry. You're doing great. This is I know, I know.
speaker-1: I so
speaker-0: It's okay, okay. The greatest lesson I've learned from the Bible is
speaker-1: Loaves and fish. Loaves
speaker-0: Okay, the grass good
speaker-1: Really? I'll do it. Loves and fish. Wait. ⁓ Jesus. Jesus. Okay. Jesus said, I will make the blind man see. Jesus said. Jesus said. ⁓ we bring it up the lame the lame beggar to walk. Jesus Jesus said, ⁓ blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. Wow.
speaker-0: Speaking through you. Now, I must say in all my years of conversion therapy, I ain't never seen divine intervention like that. Jesus and God really spoke through you right there in that moment. You are a vessel. You are a vessel. I mean that might have been a frightening experience, but I think that's a sign that we're on the right path. Clearly somebody up there's listening.
speaker-1: I feel like I'm not too gay.
speaker-0: Say that. Just sort of your general energy, vibe, and the fact that you opened with saying that you're into group stuff, sort of lets me know that we have a lot more work to do here. But you're doing great so far. Okay. Okay. So we're gonna do another exercise to see where you're where you're standing. Finish this Bible quote. I'm gonna say the beginning of a Bible quote.
speaker-1: Yes. And I will say the end of it. Perfe That wasn't the Bible.
speaker-0: Perfect. You know that's great. No, that's not the quote. That's that quote's not in
the Bible, no. ⁓ but it was still good. Two are better than one because
speaker-1: Stones be killin' birds.
speaker-0: ⁓ okay. Well the end of that quote is actually they have a good return for their labor, but what you said wasn't necessarily it was wrong, but it wasn't necessarily gay. So that's good. That's good. Okay. Be strong and let your heart take courage, all you who
speaker-1: Be a star. Love yourself for who you are. You're a star. You're a Johnson's kid.
speaker-0: You have a very beautiful tone of voice. Anyone ever tell you that?
speaker-1: People only tell me to watch my tone.
speaker-0: Cast all your anxieties on him, because he
speaker-1: Is the best for the part.
speaker-0: Okay, yeah, it's cares for you, but best for the part works too if we're talking about God and Jesus. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Cast. All your anxieties on him is the role, because he is best for the part. Okay. Well, a reference to casting does sort of seem homosexual to me if I'm being honest, but that's all right. That's true.
speaker-1: Casting couches are mostly straight. Because I don't think I've seen well, I don't know. I don't know what the algorithm's giving me, but I feel like it's always a guy casting director and a young, young lady. ⁓
speaker-0: And that is, you know, biblically how a relationship should be. It should sort of be a man who ⁓ with a receding hairline, ⁓ who works at a law firm for corporations. Absolutely. You should be really excited about that part, I think, actually. The things that are impossible with people are possible with
speaker-1: Is that what I should look forward to? A plain yellow pumpkin joy and marriage and four white mice will never be four white horses. Such fall roll and fildee of courses. Impassible, impossible for the world's full Zainees and fools who don't believe in sensible rules and don't believe what sensible people say. And because they do keep building it for possible. It's impossible things are happening every day.
speaker-0: Well I I don't think I have to tell you that that's not the end of the quote.
speaker-1: I couldn't remember. There's a section of words that I always said is gibberish as a child. And then as an adult I found out what the words were and then I forgot them as I was singing it. As this moment came. It's from Rogerson Hammerside and Cinderella. ⁓ specifically the one with Whitney Houston and There's another version, but it's not as
speaker-0: And what song is that again? I was gonna say Whitney Houston and Brand Interest I've seen a video where Whitney Houston and Brandy are in the studio go back and forth going, Impossible, impossible. So I do know that, but I don't think I heard the whole song before. That's the song. But that's probably because, you know, I'm a reformed homosexual, so I ain't I ain't been watching or looking at no musicals recently.
speaker-1: ⁓ it goes. Impossible.
speaker-0: That's nice. Thanks for showing me out. That was really brief. That's gorgeous. And our last one
is a short one. All right. Our faith can move. Yeah, sorry. We this chur we we are in the basement of course of Saint Paul's Church, but we're right next door to a frat house. ⁓ The Lord really trying to lead me in temptation, I'll tell you that much.
speaker-1: Well then it can move to a new part of town.
speaker-0: Our faith can move to a new part of town. Okay, I would say that I mean the answer's mountains, but I think our faith can move to a new part of town as good. It means our faith can follow With faith, I I mean is what the Bible's saying. I guess that's a good question, a quote don't say that. Is that what you're really here to talk about today?
speaker-1: Who's a mountain? I think California's gonna drop into the ocean because of sinners.
speaker-0: You know what? I'd say you're right. There's all sorts of sin happening in California. Hell, there's ⁓ that that ⁓ gay musician Chapel Rowan can't stop singing about California, which makes me feel nervous about it. Okay, I will say, we definitely have our work cut out for us. You know, these answers you've been given definitely indicate that you have a pretty heavy case of homosexuality. But that's okay. I've invited a friend and heterosexuality expert named Vanessa Thigap to join us and she'll join us after this short break. ⁓
speaker-1: ⁓
speaker-0: Hi. Sorry, I'm late. I was editing a TikTok where I'm doing the percolator as misinformation about seed oils appears on the screen. But I'm here now. What's your name again? Lena? Giovanni. Okay, great. I'm Vanessa Thaigap. So I'm your femininity coach.
speaker-1: And Giovanni. I'm really excited to be straight. I'm really excited to be more feminine. My goal is to be like a ⁓ a British widow, like a young British widow in at like the turn of the century.
speaker-0: Mm, wow. So you want some sort of like sort of like temporal connection to your straightness, sort of a different time period.
speaker-1: I guess so. I don't know. I guess it's just like I maybe it's abstract, but that's how I feel.
speaker-0: Okay, do you feel that maybe deciding to be a widow is sort of like a cop out on your straightness? 'Cause then you wouldn't have to be married to like a straight man. You think maybe that that's part of it? You got really shy just now.
speaker-1: I guess I guess I could be with a live man. Okay. I just thought the widow life sounded cool, but I didn't think about what that probably meant for me psychological. Uh-huh.
speaker-0: You seem really disappointed about that if I'm honest. What do you find particularly cool about the widow life also just as a sidebar?
speaker-1: Well, people are you know, they're less judgmental about your courtship practices than before your cotillion, you know? Like before you come out to society you can't see anybody and then like and then you you're in your courtship phase and you marry someone and then there's all these rules, but it's just like it's just a lot it's a lot easier once you're a widow and then you don't have to like
speaker-0: This is really historically accurate.
speaker-1: sit at dinner with them and do a bunch of stuff. You can just like hang out with your other widow friends. You can date men. And you have run of your own estate.
speaker-0: Mm-hmm. Well. Okay, so really what it sounds like to me is that you're looking for a loophole where you're straight but you can kinda just keep doing all the other stuff that you're doing. Sorry. That's okay. I mean you don't have to apologize for it. I just mean like I know you're committed to this journey and you're here to like try and get right with God. God. Yeah, we're just gonna like get you on that path. But we can aim for widow, we just need to aim for like married with a husband who's alive first and then you can kinda get to widow at some point. Okay. Thank you. So I want you to do some visualizations, okay? So I'm gonna have you close your eyes. Just close your eyes. Take some deep breaths. I want you to picture an incredibly handsome, straight man in front of you, okay? Just picture have you got your eyes closed. Why is that the hardest part for you? Close your eyes closed.
speaker-1: He closed them. It just feels a little invasive. Uh-huh. ⁓ mind. For him to be there. Can do.
speaker-0: So you scared, you keep your eyes open because when you close your eyes you're alone.
speaker-1: He's in my mind room. He's not invited there. But I did invite him there because you invited him there, so that's what you say is me. Okay. Okay. Going back in. Close your eyes
speaker-0: Okay, Plus you really you keep it open?
speaker-1: They
speaker-0: I'm in the room with you and I can see your eyes are still
speaker-1: They feel close, hang on. They What do you mean? I'm in a closing. There's a belt and soccer. ⁓
speaker-0: Look. Okay, okay. Picture. Okay, he has a belt and dockers on. Okay. Picture a handsome man. Picture a handsome man. His hair's hair's ray Okay, eyes back open. Sort of flashing it.
speaker-1: Well you be like a prince. I can only stand this long as I can.
speaker-0: Okay. Okay, you know what? Let's I okay, I realize I feel like I've absolutely framed you to your core.
speaker-1: It's not you. It's fine to look at you.
speaker-0: I feel like I framed you into your course so what we're gonna do you keep your eyes open, we're gonna have you visualize in the cell, okay? Okay, but you can visualize in like maybe in this room, so we're both there together. You have some of the chaperone. I'm there too. I'm there too. ⁓ So we're
speaker-1: You're safe. Okay. Okay, okay.
speaker-0: He can be drawn. Still can be drawn. Maybe like a p you're you're saying that you can only do this exercise if you're picturing a picture of a man in the robots. Okay, yeah, you know what? Yeah, we're gonna work with we're gonna work with what we've got and so we'll do that. Okay, so okay. So I want you to picture a straight man, a picture you're crying, you're literally crying.
speaker-1: Still not animated.
Shooting hell okay.
speaker-0: Okay, now describe ⁓ Describe him to me. Just describe ⁓ I'm here.
speaker-1: Jaw is chiseled and his nose is straight.
speaker-0: Okay, you seem kind of upset about that. A lot of women would love that, but that's fine.
speaker-1: I don't always hate a chiseled jaw, but on a man it's so aggressive.
speaker-0: Actual tears pouring down your face. Okay, okay. Shane knows okay. And what is he? You said he's wearing dockers. ⁓
speaker-1: clipboard. ⁓ he has the head of the barbecue. But he doesn't grill. His head is a He's the head of a bar He's the head of the barbecue. No, he doesn't grill. He's like the wedding planner but at the barbecue 'cause it's so mess.
speaker-0: Barbecue. so he's like at a grill. We ⁓ understood. So he's the one who's organizing like who's gonna bring what to go on the grill?
speaker-1: Yeah, I guess. I don't know what's on the clipboard. I've never been to a straight barbecue before. I don't know what happened.
speaker-0: Okay. Literally crying in real tears thinking about having to go to a straight barbie.
speaker-1: The music's so bad. It's the song it's the song that you know the one that's like that's like I'm parked out by the lake. That one that's like that's like thirty miles from Santa Fe. I'm out here parked out by the lake. But it's a joke. But it's a song that they're playing not a joke
speaker-0: What are they playing? Do you can you hear it? ⁓ like a country song? Okay, I thought.
speaker-1: Risk material for the parody.
speaker-0: The risk of causing you more psychic damage. I do need to ask, like, okay, so what sort of what sort of food is in the spread at this straight barbecue?
speaker-1: The potato salad has raisins in it.
speaker-0: Okay, so it's kind of specifically a white shape barbecue, certainly, is what you're describing, which does sound Okay. Okay, take a deep breath, you're back, you're here. You're here with me in this room right here in the basement of the church. Hey okay, immediately feel more comforted by that. But that's me. Okay, that's ⁓ I was gonna ask you like maybe what you wanted to do with this man that you were picturing, but I
speaker-1: Is there a difference Nazica. No.
speaker-0: Okay, we're right back to sort of misery. Misery and death.
speaker-1: I don't want to do anything with that. Not ready.
speaker-0: No, okay. Okay, okay. You don't have to do anything with this man. Okay. Okay, that's fine. Well, you know what? We did gather some really interesting information there, which is ⁓ we will look for a man for you that doesn't make potato salad. Okay. Okay. Okay. We could do that. We could do that. Okay. We'll move to the next this is some role play. Okay. So this is gonna help you find a proper husband. Okay.
speaker-1: I want a proper husband. I want the man that God has in store for me. Absolutely. I want my future husband. I want a purity ring until then.
speaker-0: Wow. That is beautiful. That as soon as you become street, you're gonna get a purity ring. Sort of feels like again avoiding. Okay, that's fine. ⁓ this is gonna help you find a proper husband. We're gonna do some role play. So you are getting drinks at a bar with a man in skinny jeans who works in private equity.
speaker-1: ⁓ god! Yeah.
speaker-0: ⁓ Okay. Okay, you're nodding and saying okay, but you just you retched and you choked. Smiling really hard.
speaker-1: Rat. Did I you're smiling because I love this.
speaker-0: Okay, you're enjoying this. I could tell. Okay, so we're gonna do some role play.
speaker-1: Hey.
speaker-0: So you're getting drinks at a bar with a man in skinny jeans who works in private equity. I'm gonna play the I'ma play the man and I just want you to seduce me, okay? Okay. So yeah, we merged a deal today. That was pretty impressive. I made a company that like forty billion forty million dollars. You okay?
speaker-1: Yeah. So Yeah like
speaker-0: Like Do I like you? Is that what you're asking? Yeah. Well could I get you to drink? You seem like maybe you need somebody to drink.
speaker-1: ⁓ Pure gasoline.
speaker-0: You want a glass of gasoline? Yeah, okay, I'll get that yeah, bartender can you get one beer glass of beer gasoline and then can I also get one big beer? Thanks so much. Okay. Alright, so what'd you do with your day today? Are you did your areolas today? What'd you do with them?
speaker-1: My airless. Whatever you like.
speaker-0: No, I can get behind that. ⁓ thanks so much. Here's your gasoline. Let's grab my beer. Well, whatever I like. Well, I'm a ⁓ I'm a big areola guy. I'm a big areola guy. I love areolas. It's the main part of sex to me. It's actually the areola. Okay. Okay, so you don't like that. You did a really long time. You did I would say arguably twenty nine seconds. Which is a new record for you, I'm assuming.
speaker-1: We're not Yeah. It's friggin'.
speaker-0: Okay, ⁓ so what did you learn from that experience? Like how might you seduce a man? Did you learn anything? What would you say you learned?
speaker-1: I mean I think I assume everybody likes boobs. So I figure
speaker-0: I mean some people I ⁓ whoever likes some, like, you do have to be a specific, ⁓ gender for it to be okay and that gender is straight man. But you did do a good job of mentioning your areolas, you know, like men love that.
speaker-1: Okay. Is it better if the areolas are on my butt?
speaker-0: No. I mean, no. And also no. Areolas should be on your boobs and they should be looked at only by your husband. And your husband should be like, Whoa, those areolas are like yet me so hard and just gonna make my penis come, but I don't even know what coming would be for you. So you don't even have to worry about coming, which is like kind of a relaxing experience of being in a straight marriage, because you don't even have to worry about that.
speaker-1: So when me and my husband are at an orgy that also has men in it, ⁓ how do I not let anybody else see my areolas?
speaker-0: I'm gonna be honest with
you. When you're talking about this scenario I'm sort of having the same reaction as when ⁓ I asked you to picture being alone with a man in your brain. I'm not gonna make you do it again. I'm just saying like you shouldn't be going to orgy's, like the only
speaker-1: You said it was over. But there's men at them.
speaker-0: It it's you and the rest are street men? Okay, well that's what
speaker-1: No. No, it's my it's my husband, another guy, and eighteen to nineteen women.
speaker-0: Yeah, unfortunately that's ⁓ gonna be illegal in the eyes of the Lord. And you go to hell and gender queer. You don't even recognize that. That's not I don't know what that is. So what I'm s what I'm saying is like it would have to be sex with you and your straight husband or your straight husband with anyone he wants. Anyone he wants. ⁓ and that's what it
speaker-1: Gender fluid gender. And I and I'm there and I have sex with them too with the girls.
speaker-0: And and you're not there. And you're at home sort of under grilling it. Well he can have sex with anyone he wants. But any sex for you there's no
speaker-1: Yeah. You're having sex without me?
speaker-0: Yeah, I mean, logistically, statistically, people would be having sex without you. It looks like that's kind of the harder truth for you to swallow today that there are people in this world having sex that you're not involved in, more that more than the fact that you could be going straight to hell for being gay.
speaker-1: said I wanted to do something new and that's why I'm here. So I will just I will process that in my own
speaker-0: Okay, you know what, don't worry about it. We're gonna move on to straight affirmations. Okay.
speaker-1: I love affirmations because mirrors.
speaker-0: Mm. Okay, so this is, you know, the first time we're meeting, so if any of these feel personal, just know that they're not. Okay? So please re repeat after me. I do not want to consider gender a performance.
speaker-1: I do not want to consider gender a performance.
speaker-0: Feels like you're maybe performing in that very moment, but okay. I want to be too invested in my 20-year high school reunion.
speaker-1: want to be too invested in my 20 year high school re
speaker-0: New York Okay, sounding a little French, which is obviously gay, but that's fine. I do not want to wear statement makeup. I don't want That's a big part of this, you have to agree. You won't be doing any of that. A party will be you cooking oatmeal with no acutima in it for yourself to eat. Can't have no spices. And definitely no butter. The only thing you could put in there is like maybe like you could like whisk. But I mean if you're gonna be like a real straight woman, you can't ha No, you can't even have margin. What you can have is like somebody holding the pot and being like
speaker-1: Not a savory oatmeal and butter. Mardreen?
speaker-0: I'm
speaker-1: I mean, I don't wanna wear no steam in my company.
speaker-0: Okay, good, good. I want to define womanhood by my experience specifically. That would seem a way to make it seem f fun. I do not want you go go dance at drag events.
speaker-1: I don't wanna go go dance a dragomant.
speaker-0: You yeah, I don't want to, is what you're supposed to be saying.
speaker-1: Don't I don't
speaker-0: You can't you have to say the whole sentence.
speaker-1: I don't wanna go go dance at drag events for tips where I'm not being funny just being rewarded directly monetarily for my sexiness. Okay.
speaker-0: I feel that you found a way to make that sort of sexual but I mean you did a say what I asked you to say. Okay. I want to eat at a US chain restaurant while on a vacation abroad. Mm-hmm. And for that reason
speaker-1: For that reason.
speaker-0: I want to eat at a US chain restaurant abroad while I'm on vacation.
speaker-1: I wanna I wanna eat at a US chain restaurant abroad while I'm on vacation in Canada.
speaker-0: Yeah.
speaker-1: In Delaware. That's
speaker-0: Not abroad from the States, Deliver's in America.
speaker-1: I will no longer vacation.
speaker-0: All right, you what that I can accept that I can accept that. Okay, you know, it sounds like you've been having a tough time with a lot of this. Do you have any questions for me, like of how to how to channel your stream
speaker-1: It's more orgy again, I don't think you're not gonna like it. Okay, so if a lot of women are coming on me
speaker-0: Mm-hmm. What's the question? Okay, I'm gonna stop you right there. Y there's no women coming on you. Well, I'm just trying to you know, you're trying to get straight. And I'm trying to help you.
speaker-1: You wouldn't like it. Just I would just I wanted I just thought there would be some kind of ⁓ like training wheels, you know. Uhhuh. You start with the ratios of the orgy.
speaker-0: And sort of wean yourself off. Yeah. I mean the fact that you're starting in a scenario where women are coming on you anyways, like that's we have a lot more work here than I thought we did, you know? What do you you seem really disgruntled at this. You are here by your own volition 'cause you want to enter the kingdom of God, right?
speaker-1: He didn't always have to eat at chain restaurants abroad.
speaker-0: I know that's a hard part. Seems like that you're mo that's almost hitting harder than the orgy stuff. To know that you'd have to go to like a TGI Fridays in France or something. I will say I have to go. My granite kitchen island is being installed in my Mick Mansion today, so I need to be there to micromanage the workers. Okay, do you have any last questions for me? Anything I could help you with?
speaker-1: The bread is so good there. I don't know, like a forehead kiss.
speaker-0: I can't kiss any women. I don't even kiss my own mum.
speaker-1: What if she's wants it?
speaker-0: I can't 'cause I go to hell. Meet back here in six months, okay, and Toot's gonna assess your journey, all right? Good luck.
speaker-1: Bye.
speaker-0: Welcome back. It's been six
long months, but we've been working hard in our conversion therapy, and I'm proud to say we have our guests back and it looks like with some incredible progress. Our guest, Giovanni. Is it still Giovanni? Do you go by something different now? No.
speaker-1: I go by Sister Mary Clarence.
speaker-0: Okay, I am noticing right away you have your full bra out and you go by Sister Mary Clarence.
speaker-1: I just love I love being straight. I love the Lord Jesus Christ and all of his dying for my sins. And I love my undergarments being out for my husband can only see what is beneath them. But on the outside of them that's fine for others. There's still some stuff out.
speaker-0: You say your husband, so you have a husband now, is that ⁓ so you're like you you you're in a convent now, you mean? So you sort of live in a big house with a bunch of women dedicated to God? No, no, no, it's not bad. Listen, we're six months in, your transformation's been great, and we have a hundred percent success rate here at conversion therapy, and I'd say you fall right into that. Right. Hm?
speaker-1: I am married to the Lord Jesus Christ. ⁓ Is that bad? having a lovely time at the convent. Mm-hmm.
speaker-0: That's nice. So what what do you do sort of daily ⁓ at the convent? Soccer. ⁓ It's a lot of soccer based convent behavior. Okay. And it sounds like, you know, you're there with quite a few other ⁓ women of Christ. One hundred and forty eight women. Wow, when you play soccer, it must be like a little tournament going on over there. Yeah, that's beautiful. That must be nice, though. Makes for good competition too. ⁓
speaker-1: Hundred forty eight. A lot of people. I dn I lose, but I like to lose.
speaker-0: You're okay to lose the game. Why wha what what ⁓ attracts you to losing?
speaker-1: Sometimes when you're not very good at soccer and you're playing with a lot of women who are very competitive and you sorta get in their way, sometimes they tackle you down.
speaker-0: Okay, so you don't mind losing because a woman will tackle you. All right. Now, some of these women that you're at the convent with sounds like maybe you got close to ⁓ Are there are there certain sisters that you that you that are closer to you than others? Maybe something you're Mhm. You love your sisters? And h ⁓ can you name name a couple of them for me?
speaker-1: You love it. Well, Sister Mary Renard
speaker-0: Sister Mary Renata. I think I actually know her.
speaker-1: Yeah. She used to be a sex worker and a very good one.
speaker-0: And she renounced that line of work to join the the the home of Christ and become a nun. Mm-hmm.
speaker-1: Yeah. She's very good at soccer.
speaker-0: Okay, and are there are there other women that you're spending time with over there at all? Other sisters that you feel particularly connected with?
speaker-1: ⁓ I mean, I don't know all of their names. I mostly know how they make me feel and they know how I make them feel.
speaker-0: I'm starting to think maybe soccer means something different to you than it does to me. But I I know, I'm sure when you walked into this room that you were a woman of the lore and that conversion therapy's been successful for you. Okay. All right, well why don't
speaker-1: love being a woman of the Lord. I love serving ⁓ serving wine. Mm-hmm.
speaker-0: Surfing wine, okay. And how do you feel about what are what are like I know as a nun you're doing a lot of praying. Are there prayers that are particularly praying and pranks. You're pranking each other over there. It's just silly. You're joking around with each other.
speaker-1: Rain and prank.
speaker-0: Okay, so you're doing panty raids, all right. So that's a sort of prank. All right, when you're praying, what what sort of environment are you in when you're praying, you and your sisters? What do you what what does the what does the room look like when you're all in there praying together?
speaker-1: Darkness, candlelight, echoes.
speaker-0: All right, I guess there's nothing inherently gay about that, though. Does some some it's raising some suspicion. All right, and I I will say, you know, from time to time I'm sure there must be some sort of temptation for men. Are they brought around or something? Just Jesus and God.
speaker-1: There's no men. Yeah, but I would be tempted. I would be tempted. If you could see me now when I close my eyes to picture a man.
speaker-0: Well, your eyes are still keeping them open most of the time. But no crying, actually. There was no crying, you know. Yeah. And what kind of man were you picturing when you had your eyes closed about fifty percent of the time? Okay. That's fine. All right. Well that's great. And you know, I do hear that sisters are very enterprising there over at the convent, that they have you doing some work from time to time to keep your mind off of sin between prayers and is there I I've heard of, you know, ⁓ sisters making ⁓ cookies that they bake and sell to the community, or sisters making candles. Would you be able to explain what a pillow sister is? You just don't have a job?
speaker-1: just kinda lay around and let other people do the work and they like that.
speaker-0: Yeah. Okay. Capillo sister. That's interesting. All right. And you know, I do I know you said you've been playing a lot of soccer over there. Is there other kind of hobbies that you and the sisters do together, you know? Things that you yeah, I I've heard of sisters, you know, ⁓ putting together groups for Carolyn over the holidays at times or, you know?
speaker-1: There's a couple of people named Carol, but
speaker-0: But Sister Carol and Sister Carol, of course. ⁓ I know her too. She's lovely.
speaker-1: Yeah, and then Sister Carol. But mostly we like r shootin' dice.
speaker-0: Wow, shooting dice. Ain't nothing wrong with a little holly rolling, that's for sure. I feel like as long as you know there's no money changing hands and you're just rolling dice for fun, that's all right. Really
concerned in making sure your bra is fully out of your
speaker-1: That's what they said. I wasn't checking my bra, I was checking my tits.
speaker-0: Okay. ⁓ and how do you feel ⁓ has been the reaction to, you know, people in your community? You're very well known as a as having a queer presence around town and
speaker-1: Not anymore. Wow. Not anymore. People I walk down the street and people say, Who's that lady? Non lady laden. Who's that lady?
speaker-0: People I see you and they're saying Nunly Lighting to the tune of sexy lighting. That's the tune. Sexy lighting, who's that lighting? Okay.
speaker-1: What I never heard that song. I just hear the song that the people are singing and I say, Mm and that's me.
speaker-0: You say top of the nunly to ya Okay, so mine isn't you know what, that's fine. Okay, so you're walk people are surprised to see ya, but you're
speaker-1: I'm surprised to see someone so, so drippin' with God. Is that what you're dreaming with? They say Ooh, I wanna stone her, but I can't pure. Let him who is without come cast the first stone.
speaker-0: Just too. But him who is without what?
speaker-1: I'm learning scriptures.
speaker-0: Okay, that's good. Yeah, let him who is without sin cast the first stone, I think is what you said or s what I'm hoping you said. ⁓ I am curious, what do you think the biggest lesson you've learned in leaving homosexuality behind? I mean, I know that you went on a long journey to make sure that your straightness was at the center of your You know, for the audience at home, ⁓ the the sister here is sort of pressing so the chest is creating cleavage, which I
speaker-1: You said this was video only. ⁓ well, that's too bad for the audio. Can they hear this?
speaker-0: It's video and audio. Mm-hmm. You shuffling, shaking your bits around? I I mean I guess so. What now I do have a question. D now you're flicking your tongue in and out. Can they hear that? Can they hear that you're flicking your tongue in and out and shaking your bits around? Okay, so I am gonna say something here, and that's that it seems like you've held on to a lot of the behavior pre pre-conversion, you know, into your
speaker-1: said proof conversion because I'm so prudish.
speaker-0: You are now. I mean, that's a big switch to go from orgies to, you know, living in a house with a hundred and forty eight women playing soccer all the time. You felt afraid there for a second? Okay, yeah, it is a little bit cold in here in the church basement in Saint Paul's. I do apologize for that, but you know, our money does go towards the more important things. ⁓
speaker-1: I don't know what you want from me. You know. I feel like I did everything you said. You did. And I even sounded like you.
speaker-0: ⁓ you y you're not doing the axe anymore and you put your boobs away. Yeah.
speaker-1: I got tired. I just feel like you don't seem convinced. I'm
speaker-0: convinced. I mean you look like a woman of the Lord. Okay. Well the boobs came back at us immediately as I said that. Okay, you know what? We'll wrap up here before we yug into anything too unchrist like. There was one thing I do need to ask you though, is that, you know, this is something I ask everybody who I have come through and do conversion therapy. Social media is really a ⁓ can be a a scourge of devil's temptations. Are there any social media channels, TikTok or Instagram accounts that we should absolutely avoid moving forward?
speaker-1: Never look at at Gihabani on Instagram, J I A V A N I. Never, never. If you you might see some setting pictures of me painted blue.
speaker-0: Well well I'll be sure to steer clear of that because I of course am a God fearing man. Well, thank you so much for coming on. I'm so glad we've improved your life so much. You seem so much happier now that you're living with a hundred and forty eight women. I
speaker-1: I switched my gay earring from my right ear to the left. Right.
speaker-0: Thank you so much.