Fuld transskription af We Learn How Lived Experience Turns Pain Into Practical Healing with Victoria Cuore and special guest Jessie Tylre Williams

anybody can read a book. 00:04:38.240 --> 00:04:45.519 Anybody can read a book and go through it, but people don't understand it if they haven't been through it. 00:04:45.600 --> 00:04:53.199 Like you would never understand what it's like to go through brain cancer if you've never had a brain tumor, right? 00:04:53.360 --> 00:04:59.920 You'll never understand what it's like to be an empowering survivor of abuse if you've never been in it. 00:05:00.160 --> 00:05:01.519 And I hope nobody is. 00:05:01.600 --> 00:05:04.959 I would love for domestic violence to be a thing of the past, but is that a reality? 00:05:05.199 --> 00:05:05.519 No. 00:05:05.759 --> 00:05:09.120 But you know, statistically, it's one in four, and that's reported. 00:05:09.199 --> 00:05:10.720 So what are the real numbers? 00:05:10.879 --> 00:05:12.000 You know it. 00:05:12.319 --> 00:05:13.120 This is it. 00:05:13.439 --> 00:05:15.839 And then to go and to ask for help. 00:05:16.000 --> 00:05:18.160 And people are like, Well, why'd you make him mad? 00:05:18.240 --> 00:05:18.879 What did you do? 00:05:18.959 --> 00:05:21.040 Why didn't you just give in and give him what he needed? 00:05:21.199 --> 00:05:22.879 Or they turn the other way. 00:05:23.040 --> 00:05:36.639 I was helping somebody this weekend, and I just had surgery Thursday, and and I was helping somebody, and I I will be very generic when I discussed this part of it, but she called the police and she was the one arrested. 00:05:36.959 --> 00:05:43.439 And she was the one that was victimized, and they victimized her all over again. 00:05:43.519 --> 00:05:51.920 I mean, she got arrested and she didn't do anything, and she was like, he got away with it scot-free, and they're not gonna do a doggone thing to him. 00:05:52.000 --> 00:05:53.839 And she's like, Why should I go after this? 00:05:53.920 --> 00:05:55.199 You know, it's never gonna end. 00:05:55.279 --> 00:05:56.639 I'm never gonna be safe. 00:05:56.879 --> 00:06:00.639 And that's what's so wrong in our society is they come into the situation. 00:06:00.800 --> 00:06:04.560 The most dangerous call for a law enforcement officer is domestic violence. 00:06:04.800 --> 00:06:07.519 You go in there, and that's why there's normally two officers. 00:06:07.680 --> 00:06:13.120 They separate the two parties and they each get each other's side and then they switch and then they converse among themselves. 00:06:13.439 --> 00:06:20.639 But it's the person who has just been assaulted who is justifiably upset. 00:06:20.800 --> 00:06:26.879 And then they're like, Well, they're a little out of sorts, or they're a little agitated, and the other one is very calm. 00:06:27.040 --> 00:06:28.160 Of course, they're calm. 00:06:28.319 --> 00:06:30.000 You just fed them a buffet. 00:06:30.160 --> 00:06:31.600 This is what they live for. 00:06:31.839 --> 00:06:37.439 This is what the problem is, is what happens so many times, and it's happened to me. 00:06:37.920 --> 00:07:02.720 So, and half the time I wasn't even the person calling the police, it was neighbors or people that heard the screaming and the and the, you know, like, help me, help me, you know, like, and so the police would come and I'd be like, Yes, you know what, to arrest him or whatever, because you get so like that, and you're already looking like it's evident what happened, and then he's like, you know what? 00:07:03.279 --> 00:07:10.480 She does this all the time, and you know what, she's a drug user, and so she does these things to herself. 00:07:10.639 --> 00:07:12.639 And I'm so sorry you were called. 00:07:12.800 --> 00:07:29.920 I know that you've got more important things to do, and they're so good at that manipulation that, and so I think that automatically in a domestic violence situation, because it's not always the man and it's not always the woman, right? 00:07:30.079 --> 00:07:45.680 And so I think in those times, and this is just again me talking in my opinions, they should both be arrested, put in separate places, and once it's determined what the situation is, based on evidence and information, everybody's got cameras now. 00:07:45.839 --> 00:08:00.879 Yes, and if you don't sneak one in, I know how hard it would be for like I know there's a lot of women that have been in our position, and so or are currently as we speak, we're not there anymore. 00:08:01.120 --> 00:08:07.920 But there's ways that you can find a way to hide a camera in there, get the evidence and the supporting documentation. 00:08:08.160 --> 00:08:25.040 And so I encourage anybody to try to hide a camera somewhere because I know it's scary, very scary, because if you get caught hiding that camera, or if he finds that camera, these are life or death situations. 00:08:25.279 --> 00:08:29.360 Yes, you know, for something that sounds so simple, oh just put a camera in a house. 00:08:29.519 --> 00:08:31.120 That sounds like a fucking great idea. 00:08:31.199 --> 00:08:33.440 Oh sorry, that sounds like a great idea. 00:08:34.080 --> 00:08:37.279 But what happens if if you get caught? 00:08:37.600 --> 00:08:37.840 Right. 00:08:38.399 --> 00:08:40.000 What do you think is gonna happen? 00:08:40.320 --> 00:08:43.360 Yeah, you might not live to see the footage of that camera. 00:08:43.679 --> 00:08:44.240 That's right. 00:08:45.039 --> 00:08:59.679 So it it's all these different things, but I think and and when I said they should both be arrested, what I meant is they should both be put somewhere where and cops need to be trained better in these. 00:09:00.559 --> 00:09:21.039 They need to be trained in mental health, manipulation, what these domestic violence situations actually look like, and and have reenactments in the training programs for police officers so that they can do proper assessments when they come into a situation like this. 00:09:21.360 --> 00:09:22.000 Yes. 00:09:22.720 --> 00:09:23.200 Yes. 00:09:23.440 --> 00:09:30.240 Once you go through your certification process

at the police academy, you have to do what's called in-service training. 00:09:30.559 --> 00:09:37.039 And I can tell you mo I can tell you that our state requires 20 hours a year, and that's it. 00:09:37.120 --> 00:09:39.519 And it's in-servicing of 20 hours of what? 00:09:39.840 --> 00:09:42.399 Retraining of recertification, that's it. 00:09:42.559 --> 00:09:52.799 And what it is is uh you have to re-qualify at the range, the gun range, and you have to do your first aid in CPR when your card is expired. 00:09:52.960 --> 00:09:58.320 But they don't do that, they don't go through, you know, what it's like to deal with someone who's on the spectrum. 00:09:58.399 --> 00:10:10.960 And if you listened and listen to the parent who's advocating and says, don't touch him, but approach him this way, or let me, you know, he's not a threat to you, then you know, they don't have to tase him, they don't have to irritate him and agitate him. 00:10:11.039 --> 00:10:13.840 And that's what happens, that's what ends up happening. 00:10:13.919 --> 00:10:15.200 And it's it shouldn't be. 00:10:15.279 --> 00:10:20.240 They're they're escalating a situation that really never needed to be escalated. 00:10:20.399 --> 00:10:21.440 You know, that's the thing. 00:10:21.519 --> 00:10:26.399 And then, you know, I just put on the resources for for us. 00:10:26.720 --> 00:10:29.360 I I actually have just released three other books. 00:10:29.519 --> 00:10:32.720 One is for kids five to eight, another is nine to twelve. 00:10:32.879 --> 00:10:42.399 And it is the five to eight is for kids that it's weathering the storm, where you know, it's a beautiful sunny day, and then all of a sudden the clouds are coming in. 00:10:42.559 --> 00:10:49.600 Metaphorically, it's somebody's coming home and it's getting dark, and then the thunder and the lightning and the scared and what happened. 00:10:49.759 --> 00:10:56.080 And and the little sweet-faced little kid is, you know, I it's not their fault. 00:10:56.320 --> 00:11:02.639 And the book is written on the perspective of the age of that child and how the storm wasn't their fault. 00:11:02.799 --> 00:11:06.799 And if they walked in with wet shoes and the floor got wet, it's not their fault. 00:11:07.039 --> 00:11:11.039 And then the next book for the next age is, you know, nine to twelve. 00:11:11.120 --> 00:11:21.440 And then I wrote one for kids that both ages are in there about like all of the parameters of everything from walking into a courtroom and seeing that man or woman up on that bench. 00:11:21.600 --> 00:11:23.200 Who is that in the bathrobe? 00:11:23.360 --> 00:11:25.039 You know, who is that up there? 00:11:25.279 --> 00:11:34.720 Why do I have to get into that box next to that person in a bathrobe and talk bad about say my dad, he's gonna hate me, he's gonna be mad at me. 00:11:35.039 --> 00:11:36.480 He's sitting right there. 00:11:36.879 --> 00:11:39.679 I have to tell the, you know, am I gonna get in trouble too? 00:11:39.840 --> 00:11:40.960 Is he gonna hit me? 00:11:41.200 --> 00:11:49.840 And and the ways for the parents to talk to their children, respectively, at that age group, so that they can help prepare them every step of the way. 00:11:50.320 --> 00:12:00.639 But the problem is in most situations like that, Victoria, and I again I'm just speaking from my experience and what I've what I've been a witness to. 00:12:01.120 --> 00:12:15.200 When the parents do end up going to court, which you know as well as I do, a lot of these things don't make it to court because of fear, and there's children involved, the child doesn't see a lot of times the abuse. 00:12:15.840 --> 00:12:17.200 Or they hear it sometimes, yes. 00:12:17.519 --> 00:12:19.759 Sometimes they hear it, but you know what? 00:12:20.080 --> 00:12:53.279 They don't see it a lot of times, you know, it'll be in the bedroom or after they go to bed, and there'll be physical, mental, and emotional uh violence happening to them, and they'll get the bruises where like the the rib shots, the constant rib shots, or the pulling of the hair, or uh like the kicking, and you know, you get bruises on your legs and and your stomach, you know, like all these places, and the kid doesn't really know what's going on. 00:12:53.440 --> 00:13:02.799 The kid knows and sees the anger because most of the times the father will react in situations with anger that startles the children. 00:13:03.039 --> 00:13:21.440 But in a courthouse, and when it comes to, like, for example, the kid has to testify against the father, chances of that happening, except in severe cases, are very minimal because the child wants, doesn't want the father mad at them, doesn't want the mother mad at them. 00:13:21.600 --> 00:13:28.159 There the child is either scared of one or the other, no matter what his answer. 00:13:28.559 --> 00:13:34.480 Yeah, or no matter what his or her answer is going to be, it's not going to be the right answer. 00:13:34.639 --> 00:13:34.960 Right. 00:13:35.120 --> 00:13:43.440 And so I don't believe unless it's unless the children are willing to testify on the truth of what's going on. 00:13:43.600 --> 00:13:47.519 But again, remember there's so much manipulation that goes on. 00:13:47.679 --> 00:13:59.039 Parents are in these situations, it's so toxic because these parents are planting seeds in the children's heads already before anything happens. 00:13:59.279 --> 00:13:59.600 Right. 00:13:59.759 --> 00:14:00.320 Absolutely. 00:14:00.559 --> 00:14:05.120 You know, like, oh, did you see what your mom did to me yesterday? 00:14:05.440 --> 00:14:05.759 No. 00:14:06.320 --> 00:14:08.320 Oh my gosh, she must have missed it. 00:14:08.399 --> 00:14:09.759 I thought you were here. 00:14:10.080 --> 00:14:15.279 Didn't you see when when she kicked me or when she threw the food at me? 00:14:15.600 --> 00:14:16.639 No, I didn't. 00:14:16.720 --> 00:14:17.519 Did she do that? 00:14:17.600 --> 00:14:20.080 So now this is

memory bank. 00:14:20.240 --> 00:14:22.559 Oh, yeah, but then now the child's not gonna remember. 00:14:22.879 --> 00:14:24.320 Did I actually see that? 00:14:24.559 --> 00:14:27.200 Because it's repeated, right? 00:14:27.759 --> 00:14:33.759 You repeat something to somebody long enough, they're not gonna be able to over time, they'll go, Did that really happen? 00:14:33.919 --> 00:14:35.759 Did somebody tell me that happened? 00:14:35.919 --> 00:14:36.879 You know what I mean? 00:14:37.120 --> 00:14:49.919 Absolutely, absolutely, and that's the one of the reasons is because if they go to the lawyers, I want I want these kids to have it, and and it's done in a way in play therapy so that the kids, even if it's only one percent, I want to be able to help that one percent. 00:14:50.159 --> 00:14:55.039 When I'm working with kids now and I do play therapy with the children, I don't take it in the approach of abuse. 00:14:55.200 --> 00:14:57.679 You know, we talk about oh, you love to color, let's color, teach me. 00:14:57.759 --> 00:15:03.039 I can't draw a stick person, and and I let them do things, but I mean it it's which is great. 00:15:03.120 --> 00:15:04.559 That's an amazing method. 00:15:04.799 --> 00:15:11.679 And so to have them be able to even have that resource where it's you know, who is that person and why is there another man with my mom? 00:15:11.840 --> 00:15:12.480 Well, it's our lawyer. 00:15:12.559 --> 00:15:13.279 Well, what's a lawyer? 00:15:13.360 --> 00:15:14.480 I don't know what a lawyer is, you know. 00:15:14.639 --> 00:15:16.080 Why are my parents getting divorced? 00:15:16.159 --> 00:15:18.000 You know, I have to decide where I want to live. 00:15:18.080 --> 00:15:20.720 Why do I have to be a suitcase kid and they don't, you know? 00:15:20.960 --> 00:15:24.240 And it goes through how to help your kids in that angle of it. 00:15:24.480 --> 00:15:25.679 But that's absolutely right. 00:15:25.759 --> 00:15:28.960 Like, oh, you walked in at the minute, did you see her hit me? 00:15:29.039 --> 00:15:30.240 And then I defended myself. 00:15:30.320 --> 00:15:35.759 And you know, I saw you hit mommy dad, but two seconds before she hit me first. 00:15:35.919 --> 00:15:42.960 You didn't see that, and it's right, it's playing those mind games on those kids, and it's not fair, it's absolutely not fair. 00:15:43.200 --> 00:15:50.159 I know, and that's where like what you're doing is just absolutely phenomenal, and I have so much admiration for you. 00:15:50.799 --> 00:16:00.720 And I've often I've often thought about writing a book geared at that, but you know, there's only so many things a person can do, and you're really good at it. 00:16:00.879 --> 00:16:18.720 So, you know, there's some people that should just do certain things, and some people that should do other things, but exactly that, or even aiding being a co-writer in in a book like that, and and and educating the children from a very young age, right? 00:16:19.679 --> 00:16:25.759 If these children are already in therapy, there's a reason. 00:16:26.240 --> 00:16:26.960 Absolutely. 00:16:27.279 --> 00:16:50.639 So it needs to start young, and we need to train them in a way that doesn't make it look like therapy, like how you said, how you do it, where where you teach them how to draw feelings, how to and and a lot of this stuff you don't even have to teach. 00:16:50.960 --> 00:16:52.639 Because I'll tell you something. 00:16:52.879 --> 00:17:25.440 If you put art on any kind of level, whether it's the most elementary or the most advanced, you put art in front of somebody, and even in writing, but kids with drawing pictures are the biggest indicator of where they're at here, yes, yes, and there's so many other ways that you can you can kind of see where things go and just by by those kind types of methods, right? 00:17:25.759 --> 00:17:48.240 And so I guess my point is just that there's so much work out there to do, and and and the the kids are our future, yes, and we have to teach these kids now, obviously, and and I mean this in the nicest possible way, but and you know me, I'm as real as they get. 00:17:48.319 --> 00:17:53.359 We have so many snowflakes in the world right now, we do, and you know what? 00:17:53.839 --> 00:18:18.160 I totally believe in in everybody having that sensitive, soft, loving side, but I also believe in preparing kids for real life, not over-guarding them, not over-protecting them, being uh suffocating your children because that just creates addiction in its worst possible way, right? 00:18:18.400 --> 00:18:28.799 But but and again, it's education for all these things because people only know what they know, right? 00:18:29.039 --> 00:18:29.759 And that's it. 00:18:29.920 --> 00:18:56.160 And it doesn't matter how you look at it when people do things and they know better is one thing, but a lot of people, it's astounding numbers of people that just simply don't know the effects they have on other people, just by simple words, like looking at a woman and saying, Oh my, you have gray hair, you really look old. 00:18:56.400 --> 00:18:57.440 Something like that. 00:18:57.680 --> 00:19:07.119 People don't understand how detrimental that could be to somebody that might be 40 years old and look 60 because of the life they've had. 00:19:07.359 --> 00:19:16.480 Okay, or or being sensitive, but not being it's it's such a fine line. 00:19:16.559 --> 00:19:17.519 Do you know what I mean? 00:19:17.680 --> 00:19:22.720 Like we gotta teach, we gotta arm them also to be to to toughen up. 00:19:23.039 --> 00:19:24.000 Like, you know what? 00:19:24.960 --> 00:19:33.359 Crying is a great thing, but teaching kids to cry over every little emotion is not healthy behavior. 00:19:33.519 --> 00:19:33.759 Right. 00:19:33.920 --> 00:19:45.759 You know, and I'm really glad you brought that up because I've I've had a conversation previously with with someone who said, you know, it to me, we've never been victims

because we are the survivors, we are the thrivers. 00:19:45.839 --> 00:19:50.480 You know, I look down at, you know, I never had any tattoos until I was 30. 00:19:50.640 --> 00:19:54.799 And I covered up all of my scars from what happened. 00:19:54.880 --> 00:19:58.160 Because at that point, I didn't want to see on me what he left. 00:19:58.319 --> 00:20:00.240 I wanted to see my journey with my daughter. 00:20:00.319 --> 00:20:02.720 And so I covered 90% of them. 00:20:02.880 --> 00:20:04.960 But then I had all the surgeries and things like that. 00:20:05.119 --> 00:20:08.960 So, you know, I'm I'm we actually, my doctors did the same. 00:20:09.039 --> 00:20:12.000 I'm 80 to 83% scarred over my whole body. 00:20:12.240 --> 00:20:19.839 And with that being said, you know, I'm very cautious with every word I say because those words will last a lifetime. 00:20:20.079 --> 00:20:29.759 And like my daughter who's sitting here eating, and I won't embarrass her and ask her to say anything, but you know, she can tell you that for her entire life, I've never said anything that I regret to her. 00:20:30.000 --> 00:20:39.039 Like if she's like when she was in school, and I would say, Hey, you know, Faith, you've got to do your school project, and she would say, Okay, and I'd say it's due tomorrow. 00:20:39.119 --> 00:20:40.720 And then tomorrow came she didn't do it. 00:20:40.880 --> 00:20:42.079 And I would say, you know what? 00:20:42.240 --> 00:20:46.559 I love you, but I'm not happy at the choice you made not to complete your work assignment. 00:20:46.720 --> 00:20:46.960 Yeah. 00:20:47.200 --> 00:20:49.200 I and that's it's how you deliver it, right? 00:20:49.279 --> 00:20:52.720 And I would say, I love you, but I don't like the choice you made and not completing your work. 00:20:53.119 --> 00:20:58.559 Or I love you, but I really don't like your behavior right now, and I don't like how you're dealing with this. 00:20:58.720 --> 00:20:58.880 Right. 00:20:59.039 --> 00:21:03.119 And so she said, Mom, you've never in my life said anything to me that hurts me. 00:21:03.200 --> 00:21:08.720 Like I grew up and was told at nine by my egg donor that she wish she had, you know, miscarried me. 00:21:08.880 --> 00:21:10.160 And that still stays with me. 00:21:10.319 --> 00:21:19.759 It, you know, what what I'm saying is it's like I had a conversation with someone and I was told, you know, you need to toughen up that you shouldn't be walking on eggshells all this time. 00:21:19.839 --> 00:21:27.759 And I was like, but the thing is, is you can't use trigger words because not everybody's on the same place in their healing journey. 00:21:28.000 --> 00:21:28.880 Well, you know what? 00:21:29.039 --> 00:21:35.839 It's like it's like when, for example, okay, I'll I'll give you a prime example, and I hope you don't mind me using you as the example. 00:21:37.279 --> 00:21:38.400 You're an amputee. 00:21:38.799 --> 00:21:41.200 Oh, hang on her second. 00:21:45.519 --> 00:21:47.279 Sorry, everyone, she had a cough. 00:21:47.519 --> 00:21:50.319 She's so polite, she doesn't want us to hear her coughing. 00:21:53.519 --> 00:21:54.079 Sorry. 00:21:54.400 --> 00:21:55.680 No, you're fine. 00:21:56.799 --> 00:21:58.720 Oh my god, I totally lost my train of that. 00:21:58.880 --> 00:22:00.720 He said, Okay. 00:22:01.279 --> 00:22:03.039 So you know what? 00:22:03.359 --> 00:22:13.440 I know that you're a light-hearted person, and I've heard you make fun of yourself in a light-hearted way just to laugh because people like us love to laugh. 00:22:13.599 --> 00:22:14.079 Absolutely. 00:22:14.319 --> 00:22:16.319 And we'll get into that a little bit later. 00:22:16.480 --> 00:22:17.599 But you know what? 00:22:18.000 --> 00:22:27.839 When somebody uses that and and says something like, you know, I don't know, give me a high five, right? 00:22:27.920 --> 00:22:28.799 Or high 10. 00:22:28.960 --> 00:22:29.759 Come on, let's do it. 00:22:29.920 --> 00:22:31.200 Give it to me both sides. 00:22:31.440 --> 00:22:32.160 That's been sent. 00:22:32.799 --> 00:22:35.039 And they do it to crush you. 00:22:35.119 --> 00:22:35.440 Yes. 00:22:35.599 --> 00:22:40.400 Because you can tell in the delivery of that message if they're being a doucheknuckle. 00:22:40.559 --> 00:22:40.960 You can tell. 00:22:42.079 --> 00:22:42.480 Yeah. 00:22:43.119 --> 00:22:47.839 And so, or the other thing is for women that have been beaten before. 00:22:48.319 --> 00:22:48.640 Okay. 00:22:49.039 --> 00:22:49.359 Right. 00:22:49.599 --> 00:22:54.799 If somebody says to me, Oh, don't be so stupid, or I'm going to smack you upside the head. 00:22:55.119 --> 00:22:55.759 What? 00:22:56.240 --> 00:22:56.640 Right. 00:22:57.759 --> 00:23:01.039 Now I'm in a position where I would like to see anybody try. 00:23:01.440 --> 00:23:01.759 Right. 00:23:02.000 --> 00:23:16.079 But the point of somebody saying that to somebody that they know matter-of-factly has survived domestic violence, I've had some people say a few things to me and it didn't turn out well for them. 00:23:16.319 --> 00:23:17.119 And you know what? 00:23:17.279 --> 00:23:21.519 For people, and especially if it comes from a man, yes. 00:23:22.400 --> 00:23:37.519 And for them to think that it's okay to say shit like that to you, knowing the situation and using it to dig, those are the guys that should be taken in a back alley somewhere and taught. 00:23:38.079 --> 00:23:40.640 Okay, where's your mouth now, buddy? 00:23:41.440 --> 00:23:44.720 And so I am not for violence at all. 00:23:45.759 --> 00:23:52.079 But also, I believe an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth, or whatever that saying is. 00:23:52.240 --> 00:23:53.519 I'm pretty sure that's what it is. 00:23:53.759 --> 00:24:00.720 It is so, and I believe in you get what you give in a lot of cases. 00:24:00.960 --> 00:24:10.079 I still try to figure out all that karma shit because truthful be known, that a lot of people really don't get

what they deserve. 00:24:10.400 --> 00:24:10.559 Right. 00:24:10.720 --> 00:24:19.839 You know, uh an episode that I test I did with Mike Makniak not long ago, we got into a very heated conversation about pedophiles. 00:24:19.920 --> 00:24:22.160 And I told him, I said they want to be identified as maps. 00:24:22.319 --> 00:24:22.960 And he was like, What? 00:24:23.119 --> 00:24:25.599 And I said, It's called the Minor Attracted Persons. 00:24:25.680 --> 00:24:28.480 That's their new acronym, it's Minor Attracted Persons. 00:24:28.640 --> 00:24:33.279 And I said, I'm never giving them the the possibility of me calling them that. 00:24:33.519 --> 00:24:36.079 And I said I just I have never heard of this. 00:24:36.319 --> 00:24:43.440 I actually interviewed a pedophile and he Oh my god, how uh yeah, that that's one thing. 00:24:43.599 --> 00:24:44.079 You know what? 00:24:44.160 --> 00:24:55.519 I'm all my podcasts are all real, but just because of what has happened to me as a child, yep, and and I don't know, I don't know if I could, but I would like to get into the mind. 00:24:56.720 --> 00:24:59.519 I don't know, that's a very touchy subject for me. 00:25:00.000 --> 00:25:02.640 But give me what he said. 00:25:03.039 --> 00:25:10.559 What he really I had this pedophile on, and he murdered the person who molested him as a child. 00:25:10.799 --> 00:25:27.200 He actually killed the person who molested him and his brother, and then he went and was incarcerated, and he came out a pedophile, and he said that he advocates for pedophilia now and that they should not have a sex registry and that they should be able to go to the schools and they should do all these things. 00:25:27.440 --> 00:25:36.319 Well, anyway, so I'm on a podcast with Mike Magniak and I'm talking to him, and I was like, Look, you know, in Alabama they do chemical castration now. 00:25:36.559 --> 00:25:38.480 And I he was like, Well, that's ridiculous. 00:25:38.559 --> 00:25:39.359 And I said, you know what? 00:25:39.440 --> 00:25:43.599 Here's the thing people are up in arms, and he's like, you know, why? 00:25:43.759 --> 00:25:54.000 And and he said, I said, because people don't think it's fair that if you are a convicted pedophile that you get castrated because you're taking away their right to have children. 00:25:54.079 --> 00:26:00.559 And I said, I'm sorry, but the day you touch a child, in my opinion, you no longer have the right to have children. 00:26:00.720 --> 00:26:10.240 Yeah, you have no right because it's our responsibility to bring our children to the next phase of life, not make them suffer their entire adulthood recovering from their childhood. 00:26:10.400 --> 00:26:21.759 You have no right to take away the innocence of a child because they serve, quote unquote, you know, 10, 12, 15, whatever, eight years, and then they come out and I serve my time, it's all behind me. 00:26:21.920 --> 00:26:23.119 We have a life sentence. 00:26:23.279 --> 00:26:27.759 We don't get eight or 10 years, and then that you know goes away and all is hunky-gory. 00:26:27.920 --> 00:26:28.960 It doesn't work that way. 00:26:29.200 --> 00:26:38.480 And I said, I'm sorry, but if they're such billy badasses, you know, in the pedophilial world, tell me why they have to go into solitary confinement. 00:26:38.720 --> 00:26:40.960 Why can't we put them in gin pop? 00:26:41.440 --> 00:26:44.000 Put them right in the middle of everybody else. 00:26:44.160 --> 00:26:44.480 Why? 00:26:44.640 --> 00:26:46.480 Because we know what'll happen to them. 00:26:46.640 --> 00:26:48.240 Why do they get special treatment? 00:26:48.400 --> 00:26:50.079 Where did our kids get any treatment? 00:26:50.240 --> 00:26:52.400 Where did we give our kids any safety? 00:26:52.559 --> 00:26:53.119 We didn't. 00:26:53.279 --> 00:26:56.400 So why do we have to pay for them to be in solitary confinement? 00:26:56.640 --> 00:26:58.480 And that's a fine line. 00:26:58.799 --> 00:27:05.680 So you know, I mean, the world knows now it's out in my book. 00:27:05.759 --> 00:27:09.200 Uh I was a victim of childhood sexual abuse. 00:27:09.920 --> 00:27:21.200 And I have forgiven the people that did these things to me, in including the rape, including everything throughout my life. 00:27:21.519 --> 00:27:35.599 And you know, it's funny because I still I still wouldn't want them to suffer because you know what? 00:27:36.400 --> 00:27:40.319 They are mentally screwed up. 00:27:40.559 --> 00:28:21.599 There has to be, like I said, I am not a doctor, but I know for a fact that a person, uh well, we're gonna use the word normal, which is a word that I despise, but I don't know what the word to use, but a person that somewhat has it together, normal, whatever, would never do that because they would be able to, and even the people that do it, they know the difference, they know that they're most of the most of them, okay, know that what they're doing is wrong, and it is really a sickness. 00:28:22.079 --> 00:28:29.599 And I am not defending them at all because you know, there's that part of me that you know, the devil and the angel, right? 00:28:30.000 --> 00:28:53.519 And it's like it's awful what a child has to go through and experience, especially when the people that are supposed to protect them don't believe them because it's a family member, or they don't protect you, they let it continue on, they have this kind of thing, you know. 00:28:54.240 --> 00:28:58.319 Don't say nothing, don't see nothing, don't hear nothing kind of mentality. 00:28:58.640 --> 00:29:12.000 And and then so there's so much that goes along with that, and that when it starts that young, that continues throughout your life. 00:29:12.160 --> 00:29:20.799 Yes, because now you've always been told to shut the hell up, go outside and play, stop making shit up, blah blah blah. 00:29:21.119 --> 00:29:28.240 And so then you learn that it's not okay to say anything, keep your mouth shut. 00:29:28.400 -->

00:29:33.599 Whatever these men can do to you, let them do because that's what you're worth. 00:29:33.759 --> 00:29:35.839 You're worth nothing to us. 00:29:36.160 --> 00:30:13.119 So this is where it all is a cycle and it's a toxic cycle, it's a dangerous cycle, and it took me so many years to get over so many different things, and I'll tell you, I still every single day I have to work on this stuff to make sure that I check myself, to make sure that I'm okay, and I'll tell you, I mean, my therapist is definitely my writing and my singing and everything else that I do. 00:30:13.359 --> 00:30:18.079 And my daughter, well, she'll be 12 in 13 days. 00:30:19.839 --> 00:30:36.400 She keeps me so grounded, and and so I don't ever want her to feel for one minute that there is nothing that she can't come to me with, and I'm gonna believe her. 00:30:36.640 --> 00:30:50.400 Because one thing I taught her from very young was, and it was it was something simple that happened with her and a friend, and you know how kids are, they try, no, I didn't do that, you know. 00:30:50.720 --> 00:30:53.359 And that's when I had the that was my opportunity. 00:30:53.519 --> 00:30:58.240 If she knew how to do that, then it was my opportunity to teach her something there. 00:30:58.559 --> 00:31:13.680 So I used that as an opportunity, and I sat down with her and I said, Listen, I said, I cannot ever trust you if you're not always honest with me. 00:31:14.000 --> 00:31:20.079 And anything that comes out of your mouth, I never for one second want to doubt it. 00:31:20.400 --> 00:31:26.319 So no matter what, even if you get in trouble, you'll get in more way more trouble if you lie to me. 00:31:26.480 --> 00:31:32.799 But if you tell me the truth, we can work with that, we can get over it, and it's gonna be okay. 00:31:33.119 --> 00:31:37.519 But if you lie to me, then I don't know when to believe you. 00:31:37.759 --> 00:31:40.400 So you must always tell me the truth. 00:31:40.640 --> 00:31:41.680 And you know what? 00:31:41.920 --> 00:31:42.960 That kid does. 00:31:43.279 --> 00:31:51.680 Even if she knows she's gonna, even if she knows she's gonna get in trouble, she will always tell me the truth, and I never have to doubt her. 00:31:51.839 --> 00:31:58.319 And you never, I mean, what I'm I'm talking about everything, right? 00:31:58.559 --> 00:32:10.400 But I don't believe that kids have the capacity, especially when they're really young, yeah, to lie about stuff like that, because you don't even know what that stuff is, yeah, absolutely. 00:32:10.640 --> 00:32:14.480 You know, yeah, and unless you're subjected to it in some way. 00:32:14.640 --> 00:32:36.960 So, so for people not to believe, especially your parents, not to believe when a child comes to you and says, mommy or daddy or whoever, you know, that person touched me inappropriately, or that person just did something to me that made me feel really bad. 00:32:37.519 --> 00:32:44.000 And so again, you know how life is people take everything to the fucking extreme, you know. 00:32:44.160 --> 00:32:55.680 They've got like now they've got in some places where like the uncles or the grandpas or whatever, they can't even hug their their nieces and nephews and grandchildren. 00:32:55.839 --> 00:32:58.079 I think that's just a bunch of hodwash. 00:32:58.160 --> 00:33:05.200 I think that's absolutely ridiculous because what we're missing most right now on this planet is human connection. 00:33:05.519 --> 00:33:30.720 Absolutely, absolutely, and so again, you know, there has to be you know education for the children and education for the parents, and education for everybody else that uh shows people like you know what, this hug is okay, but you know what? 00:33:30.880 --> 00:33:37.359 When you hug and you touch her bum or or whatever, like teach people these things, right? 00:33:37.759 --> 00:33:41.440 So that a child never has to feel uncomfortable, right? 00:33:42.160 --> 00:33:43.920 And they shouldn't, and you know what? 00:33:44.079 --> 00:33:57.599 Sometimes you can get a hug, the right hug, yep, from somebody, and you still know the energy that you're getting from that person, it's not gonna be good if you're alone with them, right? 00:33:57.839 --> 00:33:59.920 Because you can feel that, right? 00:34:00.079 --> 00:34:05.200 And that's the thing, is it's you you sit there and you feel that energy and you know that they need it. 00:34:05.279 --> 00:34:10.480 And why is it so many people will say, I had a bad day today, get away from me. 00:34:10.639 --> 00:34:14.000 Our kids can have a bad day too, but they're so quick to say, you can't have a bad day. 00:34:14.079 --> 00:34:14.960 What's wrong with your life? 00:34:15.039 --> 00:34:17.360 You have the perfect life, you have no idea how easy you have it. 00:34:17.440 --> 00:34:18.719 They can have a bad day too. 00:34:18.880 --> 00:34:21.760 They studied really hard for a test and missed, you know, whatever. 00:34:21.840 --> 00:34:23.119 And that's the thing, you know. 00:34:23.360 --> 00:34:29.519 I wrote a book, and one thing I want to reiterate is that Jesse and I are unfiltered. 00:34:29.599 --> 00:34:32.639 We don't talk about what we're gonna say before we come on. 00:34:32.800 --> 00:34:35.199 I I wrote a book called Dear Silence. 00:34:35.760 --> 00:34:37.760 You lost, we have the last word. 00:34:38.000 --> 00:34:46.480 And what it was is it it's the cover of it is a woman with tape across her mouth and it's getting pulled off because we are silenced when this happens. 00:34:46.559 --> 00:34:53.920 And I opened this up years ago and I told my listeners, I said, I want you to write to me and tell me your story. 00:34:54.079 --> 00:34:57.440 And I did not have a clue how big this is gonna be. 00:34:57.599 --> 00:35:05.519 And I said, I I want, you know, if I pick your story, I will change your name and your geographic location if you want. 00:35:05.679 --> 00:35:08.079 Uh and I said, I want to put

it out there. 00:35:08.159 --> 00:35:14.800 And all the money goes, I mean, every single cent goes right back into the scholarships that I offer and everything. 00:35:15.039 --> 00:35:24.079 And so I wrote it and I I had to like cut it off because I had thousands of stories come in, and it was amazing. 00:35:24.159 --> 00:35:34.800 And I I really want to do a second one, maybe because I mean, people felt they thanked me for letting them be therapeutic and write it out and feel like it was getting out there, you know. 00:35:34.880 --> 00:35:38.239 And they were just like, I can't thank you enough for giving me this opportunity. 00:35:38.400 --> 00:35:54.159 I never would have thought about doing this, or you know, but one of them that really got to me, and I spoke with them, and I have this way that I do when I'm speaking to any survivor that I tell them right off the bat we can record and I don't do interviews, I have conversations. 00:35:54.239 --> 00:35:56.559 And if they are uncomfortable, I will scratch it. 00:35:56.639 --> 00:36:01.519 I'll never put it out there because my first responsibility is to is to my guest. 00:36:01.920 --> 00:36:08.639 And he came on and we talked and talked and talked, and he told me his story, and his story is in the book. 00:36:08.960 --> 00:36:13.440 Jesse, it absolutely brought me down to my knees, and he said, I hate my mom. 00:36:13.599 --> 00:36:15.679 I've hated my mom my entire life. 00:36:15.920 --> 00:36:29.199 I don't want to tell the whole story of his story, but basically he was like, I knew that my mom was getting beaten every night, and she would send me to my room and tell me not to come out under any circumstance whatsoever. 00:36:29.440 --> 00:36:32.480 And I kept asking her, Why can't we leave? 00:36:32.639 --> 00:36:33.440 Why can't we leave? 00:36:33.519 --> 00:36:34.159 You know, why? 00:36:34.320 --> 00:36:35.679 Why are you making me stay here? 00:36:35.760 --> 00:36:37.039 I hate you, I hate you. 00:36:37.280 --> 00:36:39.760 And he adamantly hated his mom. 00:36:40.000 --> 00:36:41.519 Well, this just kept going on. 00:36:41.599 --> 00:36:44.079 Like I said, I don't want to give all the stuff away of his story. 00:36:44.320 --> 00:36:49.519 And ends up that she passes away later on. 00:36:49.599 --> 00:36:53.280 He's an adult, and he finds a letter that she wrote. 00:36:53.440 --> 00:37:06.000 And in the letter said, I wanted to tell you why, because that's a question you asked me almost every day for 12 years or 14 years, I think, why we didn't leave. 00:37:06.480 --> 00:37:21.440 And she said, The reason that I stayed until you were able to go to college was because your father, who you did see beat me every day, told me that if I left him every other weekend when he got you, he would beat you. 00:37:21.679 --> 00:37:22.719 And I knew he would. 00:37:23.440 --> 00:37:28.719 And so I stayed with him so that he would never touch my unborn child. 00:37:28.880 --> 00:37:30.400 Or I'm sorry, my my son. 00:37:30.480 --> 00:37:31.679 He would never touch you. 00:37:31.920 --> 00:37:33.599 And he that's what she said. 00:37:33.760 --> 00:37:43.199 And she said, So the reason I never left was because he made it very clear that he would do to you what he was doing to me every other weekend. 00:37:43.440 --> 00:37:47.840 And so I stayed so that I could protect you because that's what a parent does. 00:37:48.000 --> 00:37:52.880 And he said, Victoria, I spent my life hating my mom and telling her I hate you, I hate you. 00:37:52.960 --> 00:37:54.000 Why won't you get me out of here? 00:37:54.079 --> 00:37:54.559 Why won't you get? 00:37:54.800 --> 00:37:56.880 He goes, And I have to live with that for the rest of my life. 00:37:56.960 --> 00:37:58.000 And I said, You know what? 00:37:58.239 --> 00:37:58.880 She knows. 00:37:59.119 --> 00:38:00.400 Trust me, she knows. 00:38:00.639 --> 00:38:02.079 She knows you were confused. 00:38:02.159 --> 00:38:05.039 And because she knows, that's why she wrote you that letter. 00:38:05.199 --> 00:38:07.360 Like she knew, she knew you didn't hate her. 00:38:07.440 --> 00:38:10.079 And he said, I had no idea. 00:38:10.320 --> 00:38:11.440 I had no idea. 00:38:11.599 --> 00:38:25.440 I was just so angry at her why he was put why she was putting up with the abuse, why she was letting other women come into our house, why you know she would tell me to get into my room and she would stand at my door and I would hear him hit her. 00:38:25.679 --> 00:38:26.320 Why? 00:38:26.559 --> 00:38:29.519 And then he said, and now I know, and I forever live with that pain. 00:38:29.679 --> 00:38:35.280 And I was like, that is a mom who really loves her son, and she knows that you don't hate her. 00:38:35.440 --> 00:38:35.920 She knows. 00:38:36.480 --> 00:38:48.480 But it was stories like that that really, because this book is written in the eyes of those that went through it, from kids to teens to you know, women. 00:38:48.639 --> 00:38:57.280 I had an officer who said I went to a call and got there, and it was another officer, it was a higher-ranking officer from my department. 00:38:57.440 --> 00:39:07.840 He had obviously hit his wife, and it was the good old boy thing, and we were cutting up, having a good time, and I'm sitting there watching her, and she's bleeding, and I can't make a report, I can't do anything. 00:39:07.920 --> 00:39:17.280 And we cover up for him, and he said, To this day, I I blame myself because I don't want to ruin her his story about what happened, but it it didn't end well. 00:39:17.440 --> 00:39:21.519 And he said, you know, we had the good old boy system and it protected their own. 00:39:21.679 --> 00:39:23.119 And he said, I forever hold that. 00:39:23.199 --> 00:39:34.880 And I'm an all I was a police officer, you know, and I was like, to have these people be so authentic and write in and tell these stories was just so amazing. 00:39:35.039 --> 00:39:51.840 And I, you know, I

really think about you know doing another one like that because they are really hard to read, but when you read them and you you see you see what is going on with these other people and you get a real insight to it, it it's it's it's really sad. 00:39:52.159 --> 00:39:56.960 And then you just want to reach out and and gently hug everybody and help them. 00:39:58.719 --> 00:40:07.280 And you are, I mean, I always say, so I wear this starfish that I wear all the time. 00:40:07.440 --> 00:40:09.920 Well, not all the time, but most of the time. 00:40:10.960 --> 00:40:17.920 And my godparents, whom I absolutely love and adore, and they gave this to me. 00:40:18.320 --> 00:40:28.639 And they when they gave it to me, they said, Have you ever heard about the story about the little boy on the beach and the starfish? 00:40:28.800 --> 00:40:29.679 And I said, No. 00:40:29.920 --> 00:40:40.320 So they told me the story and they said, Well, this little boy would go, uh, so when you when the high tide comes, and now I know it's because I live so close to the ocean. 00:40:40.559 --> 00:40:48.320 The high tide comes and it brings up all these starfish, but a lot of them don't get washed back up to sea. 00:40:48.400 --> 00:40:56.400 So when the high tide comes and the water draws back, there's hundreds of thousands of starfish on the beach, okay? 00:40:56.639 --> 00:41:00.559 And a lot of them don't make it back to the water, so they end up drying up and dying. 00:41:01.519 --> 00:41:10.159 So this little boy would go out every time after high tide, and he would just walk along the beach and throw the starfish back into the water. 00:41:10.480 --> 00:41:16.000 And one day this fellow walks by him, an older fella, and he says, What are you doing, son? 00:41:16.239 --> 00:41:21.599 And he says, Well, he says, if I don't put the starfish back in the water, they're gonna die. 00:41:21.760 --> 00:41:25.039 And he says, You like you see all these thousands of starfish? 00:41:25.280 --> 00:41:28.239 He goes, You think you're gonna make a difference? 00:41:28.320 --> 00:41:29.679 There's thousands of them. 00:41:29.920 --> 00:41:35.519 And he picks up a starfish and he throws it in the water, and he goes, It made a difference to that one. 00:41:36.000 --> 00:41:49.280 And so when my parents gave me this, they said, and you remind us of that little boy on the beach, and he and they go, I don't ever want you to forget that you are making a difference. 00:41:49.599 --> 00:41:53.920 I love that, it yeah, and it is so special to me. 00:41:54.079 --> 00:41:58.719 And I mean, I I am uh one of the lucky ones. 00:41:58.880 --> 00:42:13.440 I mean, my godparents didn't come into my life, it's it's a crazy story, but it is actually in my book when I was about 23, and so they are the parents that I always wanted. 00:42:13.519 --> 00:42:17.599 Like, uh, don't get me wrong, I love my biological father. 00:42:17.679 --> 00:42:35.119 He passed away in the 90s, and so but my godparents have been everything I've always wanted in parents, and they've never had any children, so I was like their lost daughter kind of thing, right? 00:42:35.360 --> 00:42:37.519 So fortunately, I have them. 00:42:37.679 --> 00:42:49.840 A lot of people aren't as fortunate as me to to be able to get that, and you know, my my biological mother is still alive, but you know, very it's just a very toxic situation. 00:42:50.079 --> 00:42:53.039 So I've uh I still love my mother. 00:42:53.280 --> 00:42:59.199 I I don't like at all who she is, but she is my mother and I love her. 00:42:59.599 --> 00:43:11.840 But yeah, it's the point of this whole story is the fact that you are making a huge difference in everything that you do, Victoria. 00:43:12.079 --> 00:43:14.639 And I see it's just a ripple effect. 00:43:14.800 --> 00:43:55.599 I mean, a contagious smile, it it couldn't be a better title for anything that you do, because your smile lights up any room that you go in, and you are contagious, you're so contagious, and I hope that contagion ripples through the whole entire universe, and I know it's already doing that, and so you're making a huge difference, and everything that you do with all these different programs, these scholarships, and everything else, and who you are and what you are all about is making a significant impact in this whole fucked up world that we live in. 00:43:55.840 --> 00:43:57.440 So thank you for 00:44:00.480 --> 00:44:01.440 She's so sweet. 00:44:01.679 --> 00:44:10.239 You know, and I have to tell you, Jesse's been such a rock for me because, like, you know, I went through this phase a month ago, my hair was down past my butt. 00:44:10.480 --> 00:44:13.119 And then I cut it and it was like to my shoulders. 00:44:13.199 --> 00:44:15.119 And she's like, oh my God, you cut your hair. 00:44:15.280 --> 00:44:17.119 And then I was like, it's not short enough. 00:44:17.199 --> 00:44:18.159 So then I cut it again. 00:44:18.239 --> 00:44:20.079 And then I was like, yeah, I'm gonna cut it again. 00:44:20.239 --> 00:44:24.960 So I cut it now, and I have that very, very short, short, short hair going on. 00:44:25.280 --> 00:44:26.480 And I love it. 00:44:26.559 --> 00:44:27.920 And it's the second time I've done it. 00:44:28.000 --> 00:44:32.400 I've donated it both times to sweet little girls, both had cancer. 00:44:32.639 --> 00:44:33.679 And I love that. 00:44:33.840 --> 00:44:38.800 But then, you know, I had surgery and I went live before my surgery on the first. 00:44:38.880 --> 00:44:39.440 And it's so funny. 00:44:39.519 --> 00:44:43.440 And I'm still very swollen, but you can see, look, you can see all my stitches, they go all the way. 00:44:43.519 --> 00:44:46.159 I know she's like, oh my God, look, I look so swollen. 00:44:46.239 --> 00:44:49.360 It's so that's all swelling, but it goes all the way up to here. 00:44:49.519 --> 00:44:51.199 My stitches go all the way up to here. 00:44:51.440 --> 00:44:54.000 And I just took it off

because I'm wanting it to breathe. 00:44:54.159 --> 00:44:58.960 But you know, no matter what, she always has such a smile on her face, and she's got such a beautiful soul. 00:44:59.039 --> 00:45:04.639 And when we were talking, I was like, you would be so amazing as a peer-to-peer specialist. 00:45:04.800 --> 00:45:07.199 I mean, and she was like, You think so? 00:45:07.440 --> 00:45:08.320 Yeah, I think so. 00:45:08.480 --> 00:45:09.519 I absolutely think so. 00:45:09.599 --> 00:45:10.639 Are you kidding me? 00:45:10.880 --> 00:45:24.480 Like, I've had conversations, I've had more conversations with her off air than I've had on air, and she has such a spirit that, like, her spirit hugs you without physically being in front of her and geographically in front. 00:45:24.800 --> 00:45:25.519 And she does. 00:45:25.760 --> 00:45:32.480 And you know, she has this way about her that's soothing and calming and just genuine. 00:45:32.639 --> 00:45:35.360 And it's like she's like me in a lot of regards. 00:45:35.440 --> 00:45:37.039 Like, you don't want to piss on her cornflakes. 00:45:37.119 --> 00:45:38.159 I mean, I can tell you that. 00:45:38.320 --> 00:45:39.519 I mean, that's for sure. 00:45:39.760 --> 00:45:42.639 But you know, she has that gentle soul that cares. 00:45:42.719 --> 00:45:45.840 Her daughter is just amazing. 00:45:46.000 --> 00:45:47.199 I love her daughter so much. 00:45:47.280 --> 00:45:55.920 She, I've had the privilege and honor of talking with her a bunch of times and talking with her, and it she's a riot, like she's just a chip off that old block right there, let me tell you. 00:45:56.079 --> 00:45:58.960 And it's just she is, and she's so sweet. 00:45:59.039 --> 00:46:01.360 And to listen to you and to have you in there. 00:46:01.440 --> 00:46:03.519 And I told her I was like, You're stuck with me for life. 00:46:03.599 --> 00:46:04.719 I don't care, you know. 00:46:05.039 --> 00:46:11.920 It's so hard to find really true unconditional friends these days, because it's all what can you do for me? 00:46:12.079 --> 00:46:12.880 What can you do for me? 00:46:12.960 --> 00:46:17.039 And then when you can't at that moment, it's well to hell with you, I don't need you anymore. 00:46:17.280 --> 00:46:17.599 100%. 00:46:18.000 --> 00:46:18.559 And you know what? 00:46:18.719 --> 00:46:47.840 You and I were just talking this not too long ago when I was telling you, and again, I said it tonight about a contagious smile, and so because of the pain that we have, and the pain that we've lived with, and the trauma that we've been through, we smile authentically, but there's a lot of pain behind that smile, too. 00:46:48.079 --> 00:46:59.280 And so when we can offer even a glimpse of a smile to show somebody that we actually, because a lot of people think, why is she being so nice to me? 00:46:59.519 --> 00:47:01.679 You know, what's in it for her? 00:47:01.840 --> 00:47:03.599 Well, why is she doing this? 00:47:03.760 --> 00:47:07.039 And it's so this is how screwed up our world is. 00:47:07.280 --> 00:47:19.760 People are more surprised when you're truly authentic and compassionate and and willing to do something and bend over backwards to do something for somebody with no agenda, right? 00:47:19.920 --> 00:47:25.920 They're more surprised when you do that than if you do something with a hidden motive. 00:47:26.159 --> 00:47:26.559 Absolutely. 00:47:26.719 --> 00:47:29.519 And you know that is a big problem. 00:47:29.920 --> 00:47:31.199 It is, it's a huge problem. 00:47:31.280 --> 00:47:40.960 And you know, I my husband laughs all the time because when we go places, people will come up and say, Oh my god, I know you, or I know that voice, or you know, and I'll be like, the first thing I say every time, how can I help you? 00:47:41.119 --> 00:47:46.159 Because if you know me, it's because something's going on with you that would put you in the realm of who I'm at. 00:47:46.239 --> 00:47:46.480 Yeah. 00:47:46.960 --> 00:47:52.400 And my husband is like, babe, you know, here you are at the hospital getting lab work done for your upcoming surgery. 00:47:52.480 --> 00:47:54.079 And you're like, wait, nope, how can I help you? 00:47:54.159 --> 00:47:54.800 What can you do? 00:47:55.039 --> 00:48:01.760 I was going into surgery last year, and I had my phone and I'm waiting to go back and I don't do the for set or anything. 00:48:01.840 --> 00:48:03.599 So I'm completely coherent. 00:48:03.760 --> 00:48:08.559 And my phone rang, and it was one of the ladies that I had gone to court for helping her advocate. 00:48:08.800 --> 00:48:10.000 And then they start to come in. 00:48:10.079 --> 00:48:11.280 I'm like, y'all have to hold on a minute. 00:48:11.360 --> 00:48:13.119 I'm like, look, I am I'm so sorry, I have to go in. 00:48:13.199 --> 00:48:14.559 And they're all like, Are you kidding me? 00:48:14.639 --> 00:48:16.159 And I'm like, you can't start without me. 00:48:16.320 --> 00:48:16.800 Hold on. 00:48:17.039 --> 00:48:22.480 And so, you know, like I'm talking to her and I'm like, I'm so sorry, I'm about to get wheeled to surgery, but here's what you can do in the interim. 00:48:22.639 --> 00:48:26.079 And my husband and my daughter are like, That's that's who she is, you know. 00:48:26.159 --> 00:48:32.639 And it's like, but then I go to the grocery store, and if I have someone who's in one of those motorized carts, I'll say, Can I help you unload your cart? 00:48:32.800 --> 00:48:34.800 And they look at me like you only have one arm. 00:48:34.880 --> 00:48:36.960 And I'm like, but I have one arm I can help you. 00:48:37.119 --> 00:48:39.840 Like, I am happy to give you this one arm to help. 00:48:40.079 --> 00:48:41.920 And people stare at me all the time. 00:48:42.079 --> 00:48:46.960 It's this is my better season because like Halloween, I'll go and say I'm Captain Hook's sister. 00:48:47.199 --> 00:48:50.639 Um, you know, I like Of course you would. 00:48:50.880 --> 00:48:51.679

Of course I do. 00:48:51.840 --> 00:48:54.639 And I had the cutest little girl say, Can I help you find your arm? 00:48:54.800 --> 00:48:57.280 And I'm like, if you could, I'll buy you every toy. 00:48:57.920 --> 00:49:02.719 But then it during Christmas, I make cookies and I make gingerbread cookies, and I take one of the arms off. 00:49:02.800 --> 00:49:05.280 And I'm like, hey, you know, it's a self-portrait. 00:49:05.599 --> 00:49:12.239 Because, you know, the thing is is that I was told so many times, Jesse, that you're not gonna make it through the night. 00:49:12.320 --> 00:49:13.679 You have a 2% chance of survival. 00:49:13.760 --> 00:49:15.599 And I'm like, it's better than one, let's go. 00:49:15.760 --> 00:49:17.119 I know I'm here for a reason. 00:49:17.280 --> 00:49:17.760 I know it. 00:49:17.840 --> 00:49:19.039 I mean, you bet you are. 00:49:19.280 --> 00:49:31.840 You know, and I keep telling people we have one heart and we can fill it with negativity and drama and toxicity and bullshit, or we can fill it with help and and love and laughter. 00:49:32.000 --> 00:49:33.679 And which one would you rather have? 00:49:33.760 --> 00:49:36.960 And you know, people have asked me, how do you come up with a contagious smell name? 00:49:37.119 --> 00:49:44.639 Well, when Faith was born and I finally got out of ICU and I got to her where she was airlifted, she was airlifted. 00:49:44.800 --> 00:50:00.079 And so, you know, her chief cranial facial doctor came in and said, Every time you have something for her and it outgrows, she outgrows it or whatever, you're passing it on to other NICU kids, and you're helping the other NICU families and you're doing all of these things. 00:50:00.320 --> 00:50:03.119 And he's like, You need to do like a support group. 00:50:03.360 --> 00:50:07.039 And at that time, my jaw was still broken, my nose was still broken. 00:50:07.280 --> 00:50:11.440 And so when I would try to smile, it was all messed up. 00:50:11.519 --> 00:50:13.840 The conformant of my face was not normal. 00:50:14.079 --> 00:50:19.360 When she tried to smile, you know, she had cranial facial things, and so I was like, you know what? 00:50:19.519 --> 00:50:23.199 Every smile tells a story, no matter what it is, every smile is gonna tell a story. 00:50:23.360 --> 00:50:27.360 And if I smile, she'll smile, and if she smiles, I'll smile, and it's contagious. 00:50:27.519 --> 00:50:33.760 And with everything bad that goes on in this world, let's put something out there that's good, and that's how a contagious smile came. 00:50:33.920 --> 00:50:35.599 That's how the name came about. 00:50:35.840 --> 00:50:36.960 That's amazing. 00:50:37.119 --> 00:50:38.960 That's that's just amazing. 00:50:39.039 --> 00:50:41.920 And and it you couldn't have a more fitting name. 00:50:42.079 --> 00:51:03.760 I mean, it's it's just it's you, and it is contagious, and you know, I'll tell you an exercise that I teach a lot of people to do, especially women that are

early in recovery, and whether they're recovering from drug addiction or whether they're recovering from domestic violence, whatever the situation is. 00:51:03.920 --> 00:51:08.639 I have these exercises that I get them to do. 00:51:08.800 --> 00:51:16.960 And I tell them it's gonna make you feel uncomfortable as hell in the beginning, and you're gonna feel really stupid. 00:51:17.599 --> 00:51:29.519 And I said, I want you when you get up in the morning, wash your face, brush your teeth, do what you gotta do, and and then look at yourself and just smile. 00:51:29.679 --> 00:51:38.480 As hard as it is to do, just smile, even if you start like this, you know, and that exercise alone changes everything. 00:51:38.639 --> 00:51:43.119 And so then just do a big one, just go what does that do? 00:51:43.280 --> 00:51:43.840 What right? 00:51:43.920 --> 00:51:45.039 What did you just do? 00:51:45.280 --> 00:51:45.679 Right? 00:51:45.920 --> 00:51:51.039 Yeah, so if you turn to somebody and you go, you know what? 00:51:51.679 --> 00:52:02.320 No matter what, you're there's very few people that you'll be able to give a smile to that won't at least smile or nod or feel something from that. 00:52:02.639 --> 00:52:02.880 Right. 00:52:03.039 --> 00:52:20.400 And so the first person that you have to do that with is yourself because that starts the whole other process that I help them with in terms of the the building self-confidence and building all these other things that we need. 00:52:20.480 --> 00:52:28.320 I don't want to get too much into it, but building all these other things we need to regain ourselves again after trauma. 00:52:28.639 --> 00:52:49.360 And so it's these exercises, but it is contagious, and it is contagious within us, it has a ripple effect, it has it sets off its own dorphines in in your body, and and it just not gonna hurt you right, right. 00:52:50.639 --> 00:52:53.920 Absolutely dopamine, not dorphines, dopamine's. 00:52:54.159 --> 00:52:54.960 I knew what you like. 00:52:55.519 --> 00:53:00.880 Yeah, dopamine's see now. 00:53:00.960 --> 00:53:08.960 You know why I'm so honored to have her as a peer support specialist, because she's amazing, and I want to tell you that her book is amazing. 00:53:09.119 --> 00:53:19.039 I I have been reading it, I have not finished it yet, because it's even harder for me because I love her dearly, and for me to sit there and and read it and know I know her, it is harder to read it that way. 00:53:19.280 --> 00:53:24.639 But she is doing something amazing that if you can't even afford her book, that she'll give you one for free. 00:53:24.800 --> 00:53:28.079 Like that is the genuine beauty in this woman. 00:53:28.239 --> 00:53:29.760 Like that's as real as it gets. 00:53:29.920 --> 00:53:33.360 And you know, that's what is just that's what makes her her. 00:53:33.519 --> 00:53:34.639 That's what makes well. 00:53:34.719 --> 00:53:44.639 I don't want anybody to ever feel like, oh my god, I'd really like

to get that book because I know if I know if they read the book and do the work in the in the book, it'll help them. 00:53:44.800 --> 00:53:45.199 Absolutely. 00:53:45.360 --> 00:53:46.400 But they gotta do the work. 00:53:46.480 --> 00:53:47.679 Yes, they gotta do the work. 00:53:47.840 --> 00:53:56.960 If they come to me and say, I read your book and it's great or it's sad, it's whatever they feel or got out of it, and I'm like, Did you do the workbook sections? 00:53:57.119 --> 00:53:57.280 Right. 00:53:57.440 --> 00:53:58.559 No, no, I haven't got there yet. 00:53:58.639 --> 00:54:01.679 Okay, talk to me after you finish the first workbook. 00:54:02.400 --> 00:54:11.840 You have to do the work, nobody's gonna do it for you, and it's it sucks and it's really shitty, but you know what? 00:54:12.000 --> 00:54:14.480 If you do the work, you can heal. 00:54:14.719 --> 00:54:25.360 Yes, and so and so I don't believe that anybody should not be able to recover from whatever because they can't afford it. 00:54:25.760 --> 00:54:36.639 And so I also have on that same wall, so I have a on my website, so it's uh www.jessie with an IE, hyphenwilliams.com. 00:54:38.400 --> 00:54:42.239 If you go to my website, there's a tab called Rachel's Light. 00:54:43.039 --> 00:54:48.480 I just recently lost my daughter, and it was three months yesterday. 00:54:48.800 --> 00:54:50.719 No way, it's been three months. 00:54:50.880 --> 00:54:51.360 I know. 00:54:51.519 --> 00:54:53.119 I remember when it happened. 00:54:53.360 --> 00:54:54.800 Oh, yeah, me too. 00:54:55.039 --> 00:54:56.159 Oh, of course. 00:54:56.559 --> 00:55:01.599 Yeah, and so I have a page dedicated to my daughter. 00:55:01.679 --> 00:55:09.519 It's called Rachel's Light, and within that page, I have a thing called Light a Candle. 00:55:09.760 --> 00:55:16.159 So you go to my website and you click light a candle, and there you can put, and nobody will be turned away. 00:55:16.400 --> 00:55:16.719 Okay. 00:55:17.199 --> 00:55:34.159 I have a place where you light a candle in memory of somebody that you've lost, either to addiction or domestic violence or to suicide or to whatever it is, and you light a candle, and their name will stay there for as long as my website forever will be there. 00:55:34.480 --> 00:55:37.119 And and then I have past the light. 00:55:37.280 --> 00:55:38.480 It's all about light. 00:55:38.559 --> 00:55:41.920 I really want to shed light in such a dark world. 00:55:42.079 --> 00:55:47.519 And so then I have past the light, and so this is where you can actually donate a book. 00:55:47.679 --> 00:55:49.199 You can donate directly. 00:55:49.360 --> 00:55:54.400 There's a donate button on my website if you want to get books out for people or whatever. 00:55:54.559 --> 00:56:04.000 I've already got two amazing people on the past the light, and so we'll put a little acknowledgement to you on our site. 00:56:05.440 --> 00:56:14.559 There is no reason why somebody shouldn't have the book, and you're gonna get your bunch of books here right away, too, so people can contact you directly. 00:56:14.800 --> 00:56:26.239 100% and so you'll be getting those probably within the next uh three days to a week, and so people can reach out to you if they like for that book. 00:56:26.320 --> 00:56:34.079 Uh, same thing, and so we just gotta, you know, get our books out into the hands of the people that need it. 00:56:34.320 --> 00:56:42.559 I know you've got some incredible work and books and stuff that I know have helped people exponentially. 00:56:42.800 --> 00:56:51.519 And so I think truth be known, there's enough fucked up people in this world that we could all be authors and still be successful. 00:56:51.760 --> 00:56:56.079 So, you know, the world is a very messy place, especially right now. 00:56:56.320 --> 00:57:12.079 And all I want to do is take that darkness and show them a flicker of light because darkness cannot survive even with the smallest inkling of light. 00:57:12.320 --> 00:57:12.719 That's right. 00:57:12.960 --> 00:57:19.760 So the more light that we can shine on in this world, the brighter it will be for all of us. 00:57:19.920 --> 00:57:30.320 And I think it's so important right now, especially to really, really push light into the world. 00:57:31.199 --> 00:57:35.360 Well, I was going to save this, but this is how I want to wrap up tonight's episode. 00:57:35.599 --> 00:57:39.119 And like I said, this is unfiltered, not she has no idea. 00:57:39.280 --> 00:57:42.639 And she's either gonna like reach over at me. 00:57:42.880 --> 00:57:44.000 Oh no, I'm scared. 00:57:44.079 --> 00:57:47.599 Every time she starts with a sentence like this, I'm like, oh my god. 00:57:48.559 --> 00:57:50.800 Well, you know, I'd say you leave me in stitches. 00:57:53.119 --> 00:57:54.239 You're such a dork. 00:57:54.880 --> 00:57:55.840 I know I'm such a dork. 00:57:56.400 --> 00:57:56.960 I'm a dork. 00:57:57.119 --> 00:57:57.760 I I am a dork. 00:57:58.400 --> 00:57:58.880 Me too. 00:57:59.199 --> 00:57:59.360 Yeah. 00:57:59.840 --> 00:58:01.199 Two dorks in a pub. 00:58:01.599 --> 00:58:11.679 So I want to I have revamped a contagious smile because we had the contagious smile and then we had a contagious smile academy on two different websites, and I'm I'm merging them together. 00:58:11.920 --> 00:58:19.039 And I would like your permission and your help designing a page for a contagious smile that I want to dedicate to Rachel. 00:58:19.440 --> 00:58:19.760 Oh. 00:58:20.719 --> 00:58:24.320 And I want it to be Rachel's light, whatever you want to call it. 00:58:24.480 --> 00:58:34.559 I want it to be on there, hopefully with a picture of her, a little synopsis of her story, how we will make sure that they can get this book. 00:58:34.719 --> 00:58:36.400 I want to promote it everywhere. 00:58:36.559 --> 00:58:42.320 I I do not want to remove your light, your candle for everybody on your page. 00:58:42.480 --> 00:58:49.760 I want to

spread that light and say that this is in conjunction with yours and that we want to spread Rachel's light. 00:58:50.000 --> 00:58:56.079 And, you know, I I'm upset that I never got the honor to meet her, but I know how amazing she was because I know her mom. 00:58:56.239 --> 00:59:09.440 And so to be able to do that and and have her own dedicated page and design it however you want, and we'll say whatever we want you want on it, and we can light a candle and do however you want, if you want it completely the same or completely different. 00:59:09.519 --> 00:59:14.400 I don't care, but I want to put that light out there as well in her honor. 00:59:17.599 --> 00:59:18.719 There you go again. 00:59:18.960 --> 00:59:34.800 You just you just you know, you never stop, and you're always trying to do something for everybody else, and you have no idea how much gratitude I have for everything you do, but especially this. 00:59:34.880 --> 00:59:36.320 This is my child. 00:59:36.559 --> 00:59:40.320 This is my beautiful girl, absolutely beautiful. 00:59:41.360 --> 00:59:44.320 I'm kind of speechless and uh choked up all at once. 00:59:44.480 --> 00:59:48.480 That's unbelievable because she's ever speechless. 00:59:49.440 --> 00:59:50.800 You're absolutely right. 00:59:50.880 --> 01:00:04.000 I am not, and I'm I'm truly honored, and I know that Rachel, I can feel her now just smiling and knowing that yeah. 01:00:04.719 --> 01:00:05.280 Thank you. 01:00:05.440 --> 01:00:05.760 Thank you. 01:00:06.239 --> 01:00:07.360 Absolutely, absolutely. 01:00:07.440 --> 01:00:09.679 You know, I'm sorry, I just don't know what to say. 01:00:09.760 --> 01:00:11.920 I just other than thank you so much. 01:00:12.239 --> 01:00:27.360 No, we have you know some amazing celebrity friends, and I'm I'm gonna I didn't want to do any of this without talking to you, and I want to reach out to them and see if they will also talk about Rachel's page and then put their videos out there and you know help bring the book to people who need it as well. 01:00:27.519 --> 01:00:36.239 And anything that we can do, I I just I don't want to take away the light and the candlelight you're giving on yours, but I want to find another way to embrace it and shine it. 01:00:36.719 --> 01:01:08.480 You would never take away from it because you know what, every place that we can get that and shed light in the world, it's not taking away from anything, all it is doing is enhancing it and creating something beautiful throughout the world, and so thank you for that because Rachel is thanking you for that, and every other person that gets to light a candle or pass the light or receive the light, you know, because they're receiving the light that we're emitting, and that's what it's all about. 01:01:08.639 --> 01:01:21.519 And the rest doesn't even matter, it's just when we get to the point where we can bring that light to somebody that opens up all these doors for them and it gives them a chance at life, right? 01:01:21.679 --> 01:01:36.559 And I always I have a tattoo across my rib cage here, and it's in Latin, and what it means is where there is life, there is hope, and as long as there is a breath left in you, there is hope. 01:01:36.800 --> 01:01:40.639 And as long as there is hope, you're still here. 01:01:40.880 --> 01:01:42.800 That's right, that's right. 01:01:42.960 --> 01:01:58.800 So I want you to help me dedicate this, and I want to make this page huge, and I want it ready to launch on the 17th of October for we built this, and I want to launch it for them and put it out there publicly for the first time for everyone to see on the 17th of October. 01:01:59.039 --> 01:01:59.840 Which is amazing. 01:02:00.000 --> 01:02:08.000 I'm really looking forward to your finally heard, and uh I think it's just phenomenal. 01:02:08.159 --> 01:02:12.079 Everything that you touch, it just ripples through the world. 01:02:12.239 --> 01:02:16.159 And you yeah, you're a pretty special lady. 01:02:16.480 --> 01:02:22.639 Oh well, you're amazing and you're beautiful, and I love you, and I adore you, and and I thank you. 01:02:22.800 --> 01:02:32.159 And so we got oh stop, oh stop, stop, and so I just everybody needs to see your light. 01:02:32.239 --> 01:02:33.519 There's too much darkness in this world. 01:02:33.679 --> 01:02:38.559 I tell people all the time that flickering little light within can start a wildfire, you know. 01:02:38.639 --> 01:02:43.039 You can't and you can't respect the darkness if you don't look up and see the stars, right? 01:02:43.199 --> 01:02:47.440 And those are shining lights, and so you have to like you have to be able to, you know, to do this. 01:02:47.519 --> 01:02:55.599 And people are like, oh, you know, all you do is for you, but you know, there's people out there who tell you I'm the horror worst person in the world, like you know, that I'm a horrible human being. 01:02:55.840 --> 01:03:03.360 And it's the they are there are there are people out there, and that's because I I no longer was gonna be the black sheep. 01:03:03.440 --> 01:03:05.519 I wasn't gonna sit back anymore. 01:03:05.760 --> 01:03:07.360 So that's the thing. 01:03:07.440 --> 01:03:13.920 And like I we gotta get going because I wanna I want to promote this and I'm gonna launch it live on the 17th. 01:03:14.239 --> 01:03:30.079 So well, thank you again so much for having me today and for just being here with me and and uh yeah, being a light for me and for everything that you do, and uh not just for me, but for the world. 01:03:30.320 --> 01:03:30.719 Thank you. 01:03:31.039 --> 01:03:34.960 Thank you for this podcast, and I love you to pieces. 01:03:35.199 --> 01:03:36.000 I love you. 01:03:36.320 --> 01:03:37.119 Thank you.