The Drunk and The Ugly

The Drunk and The Ugly
By Matt Campen
About this podcast
The Drunk and the Ugly is a role playing game (RPG) podcast with a focus on narrative gaming systems. These systems utilize a wide variety of rules and settings to create fantastic stories for both players and listeners. The cast relies on improvisation, weaving compelling narratives from disparate characters and viewpoints. From science fiction to fantasy, mystery to slice-of-life, the podcast covers all genres. While similar to a radio drama on the surface, the rules and randomization mechanics of the RPG systems affect the flow and decisions of the stories. There are no scripts and no filters. We invite you to join us twice weekly as we celebrate narrative, gaming, and storytelling. Also dogs.

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Latest episodes
Nov. 20, 2017
It’s a Friday night for Anthony Redhorn, Doug Price, and Alpha Torres.  In their circle, that means it’s time to pop up some fresh hot corn and pop an awful film into the DVD player.  Tonight’s movie is something Anthony special ordered from the web a few weeks back: Nightlight Harbor, A low budget kids show from the early eighties involving pirates.  Playing the disc, there appear to be numerous issues with the playback quality, but surely that comes with the territory of bootleg discs. Adapted from one of the later sessions of our Road Trip campaign, this scenario has been changed into a standalone for con games, and was tested at this Gen Con on some genre savvy players. The post MaOCT – Nightlight Harbor at Gen Con 2017 appeared first on The Drunk and The Ugly.
Nov. 17, 2017
You try making something even approaching tasty with this Emperor-forsaken mold. I don’t care that there’s a planet full of it – nothing kills morale quite like a bowl full of green, flavorless paste at the end of the day. There’s got to be a better way… -“Chef” Aldo Gaston, Dominate Ration Distribution Adept, Camp Kleins. A much-needed night’s rest finally comes for the Aetherian Rex Auxilliary Corps. Or at least as close to one as they’re likely to find in the war-torn village-turned-depot of Kleins. After an early rising, the squad needs to resupply, tinker with their gear, and try to trade away the rest of their ill-gotten “weaponry.” United in purpose under the Dominate – as they surely are – one would expect cordial relations with the local chapter of the Priesthood of Mars. But offended machine spirits – and more importantly, offended tech-priests – are fickle creatures. PLAYERS Alex – Cornelius. Operator for the Severan Dominate. Content to spend his life navigating an armored coffin behind enemy lines; nonchalantly melting the Enemies of the Emperor while yelling at his latest comrade for perceived incompetence. James – Vorgen Nowak. A Heavy Gunner for the Severan Dominate. Always tries to be a reliable foundation for the team, either with his calm, collected style or his suite of heavy weaponry. Josh – Aloysius Vance.  A quiet psyker from an aggri-world, saved from the Black Ships of the Empire by the timely revolt. He largely keeps to himself, fully aware that the rank and file are disturbed by his presence. Kevin – Otho Valerius. Untested squad leader for the Severan Dominate. Still has a lot to learn about the ways of the Imperial Guard, but is determined to lead from the front with dignity and honor. Max – Fortunus “Fort” Diggles.  Ogryn soldier for the Severan Dominate. Large among even his inhuman kind, Fort is mountain of a man that more closely resembles the mountain. He is always happy to fight alongside his fellow soldiers and support them in their ambitions. The complexities of war often escape him, but he serves with his own blend of loyalty, commitment, and inhuman strength. Music Credits “District Four” Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ The post Only War – Severan Dominate Episode 4 appeared first on The Drunk and The Ugly.
Nov. 10, 2017
It was tiring waiting that long. Strephan Maurer ponderously set his chin in his hands on another tired day. Progress was stilted. The land remained clutched in his elegant grasp, the fools in the towns wary but feeling their trivial safety. A hiss of dismissal poured from his pursed lips. And yet they stood in his way. His fingers tapped against his pale skin, feeling the beat through his jaw and gleaming teeth. Tatyana was still there. And there was no easy way to collect her with elegance. The town needed to remain, shepherds need their sheep. And that crazed Inquisitor wouldn’t simply relinquish the town. And even more still were that would be group of hunters, stomping through the forest like a frightened boar. Their lack of subtlety was adorable, but could prove troublesome. So perhaps… Yes. Standing to his full height, he held out a hand as parchment and quill traveled loyally to his grip caught in invisible eddies. Across the room Rahadin, clad in black fur with his deep skin eyed his lord carefully, but didn’t speak. The rapid scratching of the feather on paper wasn’t something he’d disturb. Minutes later as the flurry of strokes ended and the wax seal was set to envelope, he finally felt the space to clear his throat subtly from the edge of the candlelit room. Maurer held the envelope out, looking his loyal servant in the eye. “Deliver this to Inghild.” he said in meticulous deep words. His face was placid for but a moment more, his mouth splitting into a sharp humorless grin. “It’s time we followed through on our plans.” Side Chatter MUSIC CREDITS: Dark Walk Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ PLAYERS James – Conrad Starkherz – Paladin: An inquisitor of the Avacynian church, dedicated to the destruction of evil by all available means. His fighting skills are weathered by his age, but he has come to rely on his holy powers to protect him from both his foes and the memories of his past. Susan – Elyria – Druid: A young lady who made her home in the terrifying forest of the Ulvenwald. She is a thin girl of medium height with wild ginger curls all over her head. The first things noticed are always her red hair and her large green eyes. She was a young girl from Kessig who found she had fantastical abilities fled to live in nature when some disastrous things happened. She has fantastical powers that can change nature, but these powers cannot change her past. Axe – Niccolo Argenti – Rogue: A former Midnight Duelist, sworn to protect the streets of his home city of Nephalia from vampires and corpse-traders. After his brother Jacomo died in service of the Church of Avacyn, he became disillusioned and forsook his duties, becoming an apostate and blade for hire. Thirty-five years old, he’s managed to live to what passes for middle age on the blighted plane of Innistrad with the sharpness of his wits and the speed of his blade. Kevin – Faustus Pent – Wizard: University educated among the Ivory Towers of Nephalia, Faustus Pent made a career of creating clockwork devices for the well-off, from toys to complicated weaponry. Betrothed to Inquisitor Arcelia Bright, his life took a terrible turn when she led an ill-fated raid against Strefan Maurer two years ago. On learning the news, he immediately closed his shop and devoted himself to single-minded study of battle magic.  Now, spellbook and strange magics in tow, he has finally made his way to Stensia to find the lost pieces of a life denied to him… Travis – Grove Hecker – Ranger: Folk hero of Kessig. Grove is known for solving mysterious investigations and surviving deadly monsters attacks around the province . His last investigation ended with him befriending a wolf mongrel, Yew, and being asked politely to leave Kessig. His gruff demeanor and combat prowess make him a fantastic huntsman but his years in the Ulvenwald have made him a terrible people person. With his unusual new partner Yew, Grove left Kessig to challenge the Somberwald of Stensia. Josh – Grimhild – Fighter: A taciturn monster hunter from the grim mountains of Stensia. A pale skinned, fair haired, and athletically muscular woman with a permanent scowl. With an obscured past and a chip on her shoulder she hunts many of the fiends of the dark. Though her relationship with the church and its angels is strained at best, she has become a stalwart, if grim, defender of the people they forgot. The post Dungeons and Dragons – Curse of Innistrahd Episode 15 appeared first on The Drunk and The Ugly.
Nov. 3, 2017
Encounters with other cultures under the Dominate’s protection is inevitable. While your own commanders, in concert with the Legate Corps, will do their best to integrate you, it is your own duty to seek to understand those who will fight alongside you. Depend upon each other, no matter your differences – the Dogs of Terra will exploit any weakness they can. -Severan Soldier’s Guide to Battle, Chapter XIV: The Fraternity of War Lucilla Acton, Ducal Legate Primaris The empty manufactorium seems like a good place to recover. But distrust within the squad, the ever-belligerent orks, and the fallout of the drop-ship crash all threaten the Aetherian Rex‘s ability to rest, even for a moment. When a sudden evacuation becomes necessary, the scramble to get the VIPs and the rest of the soldiers out in one piece begins. . . Check out Gobblin’: The Goblin RPG on Kickstarter! PLAYERS Alex – Cornelius. Operator for the Severan Dominate. Content to spend his life navigating an armored coffin behind enemy lines; nonchalantly melting the Enemies of the Emperor while yelling at his latest comrade for perceived incompetence. James – Vorgen Nowak. A Heavy Gunner for the Severan Dominate. Always tries to be a reliable foundation for the team, either with his calm, collected style or his suite of heavy weaponry. Josh – Aloysius Vance.  A quiet psyker from an aggri-world, saved from the Black Ships of the Empire by the timely revolt. He largely keeps to himself, fully aware that the rank and file are disturbed by his presence. Kevin – Otho Valerius. Untested squad leader for the Severan Dominate. Still has a lot to learn about the ways of the Imperial Guard, but is determined to lead from the front with dignity and honor. Max – Fortunus “Fort” Diggles.  Ogryn soldier for the Severan Dominate. Large among even his inhuman kind, Fort is mountain of a man that more closely resembles the mountain. He is always happy to fight alongside his fellow soldiers and support them in their ambitions. The complexities of war often escape him, but he serves with his own blend of loyalty, commitment, and inhuman strength. Music Credits “District Four” Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ The post Only War – Severan Dominate Episode 3 appeared first on The Drunk and The Ugly.
Oct. 31, 2017
In the bygone year of 2007, paranormal investigations flooded the airwaves of deep cable stations. One such station assembled its own team to set itself apart from the others: A former child star turned spirit medium, a time traveler equipped with high tech ghost hunting and capturing gear, and a twenty-something white guy with no relevant skills or interesting qualities. Together they would spend a full hour in the possible proximity of a ghost while yelling and drinking crisp, refreshing coca-cola. This is their story. Check out Gobblin’: The Goblin RPG on Kickstarter! Side Chatter PLAYERS Matt – Ryan LeBeau.  Bro and ghost adventurer.  Wants to punch a ghost. Max – Helena Sinclair St. Clair aka “Gloaming Wyoming”.  Former child star.  Not just medium, but great. Kevin – Obsidian Star.  Time Traveler returning to the past to solve an unknown crime involving ghosts. The post InSpectres – The Ecto Cooler Power Hour appeared first on The Drunk and The Ugly.
Oct. 27, 2017
Sitting in his decrepit shack, Bluto pondered his life’s direction. He plucked a silvery fish scale desiccated with time from his beard, staring at it as if it would lead him to an answer. It was little secret that over the last couple of years things had only gotten worse. The land didn’t have much kindness in it, but here it felt as if even the waters he had known since childhood were deciding to spite him. The other fishermen had given up, hunting or farming showing better results, and eventually the only results at all. The lake seemed so placid with it’s gray green surface. But no matter how far his body or eyes traveled from it’s seemingly empty waters, he could feel his mind floating and still in the grasp of the lake. But perhaps it was time. Time to leave like the rest. He stood up from the rickety gray wood of his hovel, and went out to pull in the nets for the last time. It was this day he would find the gray surface of the water torn open, ripped to unveil a creature of a size he never could’ve imagined. And as the beast sunk beneath the still frothing wake, Bluto knew a chance was being offered. The waters had more to give to the loyal. Check out Gobblin’: The Goblin RPG on Kickstarter! Side Chatter MUSIC CREDITS: Dark Walk Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ PLAYERS James – Conrad Starkherz – Paladin: An inquisitor of the Avacynian church, dedicated to the destruction of evil by all available means. His fighting skills are weathered by his age, but he has come to rely on his holy powers to protect him from both his foes and the memories of his past. Susan – Elyria – Druid: A young lady who made her home in the terrifying forest of the Ulvenwald. She is a thin girl of medium height with wild ginger curls all over her head. The first things noticed are always her red hair and her large green eyes. She was a young girl from Kessig who found she had fantastical abilities fled to live in nature when some disastrous things happened. She has fantastical powers that can change nature, but these powers cannot change her past. Axe – Niccolo Argenti – Rogue: A former Midnight Duelist, sworn to protect the streets of his home city of Nephalia from vampires and corpse-traders. After his brother Jacomo died in service of the Church of Avacyn, he became disillusioned and forsook his duties, becoming an apostate and blade for hire. Thirty-five years old, he’s managed to live to what passes for middle age on the blighted plane of Innistrad with the sharpness of his wits and the speed of his blade. Kevin – Faustus Pent – Wizard: University educated among the Ivory Towers of Nephalia, Faustus Pent made a career of creating clockwork devices for the well-off, from toys to complicated weaponry. Betrothed to Inquisitor Arcelia Bright, his life took a terrible turn when she led an ill-fated raid against Strefan Maurer two years ago. On learning the news, he immediately closed his shop and devoted himself to single-minded study of battle magic.  Now, spellbook and strange magics in tow, he has finally made his way to Stensia to find the lost pieces of a life denied to him… Travis – Grove Hecker – Ranger: Folk hero of Kessig. Grove is known for solving mysterious investigations and surviving deadly monsters attacks around the province . His last investigation ended with him befriending a wolf mongrel, Yew, and being asked politely to leave Kessig. His gruff demeanor and combat prowess make him a fantastic huntsman but his years in the Ulvenwald have made him a terrible people person. With his unusual new partner Yew, Grove left Kessig to challenge the Somberwald of Stensia. Josh – Grimhild – Fighter: A taciturn monster hunter from the grim mountains of Stensia. A pale skinned, fair haired, and athletically muscular woman with a permanent scowl. With an obscured past and a chip on her shoulder she hunts many of the fiends of the dark. Though her relationship with the church and its angels is strained at best, she has become a stalwart, if grim, defender of the people they forgot. The post Dungeons and Dragons – Curse of Innistrahd Episode 14 appeared first on The Drunk and The Ugly.
Oct. 20, 2017
The Dogs of Terra may seem to have an unlikely ally in the brutal Orks. Beset as our worlds were by the xenos’ attacks when the Great Secession occured, your likelihood of being engaged in a three-way fight on any battlefield you’re deployed too is high. But fear not – orks are war-hungry creatures, and they care not from where their fights come. High Command will ensure that wherever possible, your efforts will drive the two forces against one another. Trust in the Dominate – our Interdependence gives us strength. -Severan Soldier’s Guide to Battle, Chapter IX: On the Nature of our Fight for Freedom Lucilla Acton, Ducal Legate Primaris —– After a relatively safe drop, things quickly became complicated for the Aetherian Rex 1st Auxilliary Corps and their first mission. The section of mazelike honeycombed mining tunnels that they were assigned to examine have become home to strange orkish slave camps, a kilometer-long crashed imperial dropship, and Emperor knows what else. Initial reports from the newly-freed Excavatory Warriors have been… of mixed value. Still, they push onwards towards the Corbin-Danziger line, ready to administer their deadly payload to whatever lies on the other side. All they have to do is make it there. Check out Gobblin’: The Goblin RPG on Kickstarter! PLAYERS Alex – Cornelius. Operator for the Severan Dominate. Content to spend his life navigating an armored coffin behind enemy lines; nonchalantly melting the Enemies of the Emperor while yelling at his latest comrade for perceived incompetence. James – Vorgen Nowak. A Heavy Gunner for the Severan Dominate. Always tries to be a reliable foundation for the team, either with his calm, collected style or his suite of heavy weaponry. Josh – Aloysius Vance.  A quiet psyker from an aggri-world, saved from the Black Ships of the Empire by the timely revolt. He largely keeps to himself, fully aware that the rank and file are disturbed by his presence. Kevin – Otho Valerius. Untested squad leader for the Severan Dominate. Still has a lot to learn about the ways of the Imperial Guard, but is determined to lead from the front with dignity and honor. Max – Fortunus “Fort” Diggles.  Ogryn soldier for the Severan Dominate. Large among even his inhuman kind, Fort is mountain of a man that more closely resembles the mountain. He is always happy to fight alongside his fellow soldiers and support them in their ambitions. The complexities of war often escape him, but he serves with his own blend of loyalty, commitment, and inhuman strength. Music Credits “District Four” Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ The post Only War – Severan Dominate Episode 2 appeared first on The Drunk and The Ugly.
Oct. 13, 2017
No one knew where the howlpacks came from. The inquisition bristling with blades and silver say they understand this curse. But what is the good of a lie to sooth the masses when you’re living proof that their faith is misplaced. Maritte was angry. It was long past a fury that had a true direction. The scars on her arms had healed, but the scars on her mind had been there before they ever arrived. She spat, hot saliva impacting the ground next to the trail of blood, steaming lightly in the chilly Stensian morning. Force of will had gotten her this far, too much on her mind to stay in the wilds. But even though the full moon was waning, it’s call would bring her back again on baleful droning tolls like honey to her ears. Just like all those nights ago. The church was confused. They knew the blessing of silver in form and spirit seared at the flesh of the wolf. But the moon in it’s austere brilliance pulled that savagery free, rending man and beast into a horror betwixt. Maritte didn’t see it as they did though. She pulled herself bodily over a branch, her torn and slack clothing catching on burrs and splinters as she approached the outskirts of Pallas. She knew that it was silver that could destroy her. And that moon, in it’s own insidious way planned the same. She grit her teeth and stared at the wooden walls of the standing barricade. Hopefully they would be enough to protect the next one. She doubted it. Check out Gobblin’: The Goblin RPG on Kickstarter! Happy Episode 600! Side Chatter MUSIC CREDITS: Dark Walk Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ PLAYERS James – Conrad Starkherz – Paladin: An inquisitor of the Avacynian church, dedicated to the destruction of evil by all available means. His fighting skills are weathered by his age, but he has come to rely on his holy powers to protect him from both his foes and the memories of his past. Susan – Elyria – Druid: A young lady who made her home in the terrifying forest of the Ulvenwald. She is a thin girl of medium height with wild ginger curls all over her head. The first things noticed are always her red hair and her large green eyes. She was a young girl from Kessig who found she had fantastical abilities fled to live in nature when some disastrous things happened. She has fantastical powers that can change nature, but these powers cannot change her past. Axe – Niccolo Argenti – Rogue: A former Midnight Duelist, sworn to protect the streets of his home city of Nephalia from vampires and corpse-traders. After his brother Jacomo died in service of the Church of Avacyn, he became disillusioned and forsook his duties, becoming an apostate and blade for hire. Thirty-five years old, he’s managed to live to what passes for middle age on the blighted plane of Innistrad with the sharpness of his wits and the speed of his blade. Kevin – Faustus Pent – Wizard: University educated among the Ivory Towers of Nephalia, Faustus Pent made a career of creating clockwork devices for the well-off, from toys to complicated weaponry. Betrothed to Inquisitor Arcelia Bright, his life took a terrible turn when she led an ill-fated raid against Strefan Maurer two years ago. On learning the news, he immediately closed his shop and devoted himself to single-minded study of battle magic.  Now, spellbook and strange magics in tow, he has finally made his way to Stensia to find the lost pieces of a life denied to him… Travis – Grove Hecker – Ranger: Folk hero of Kessig. Grove is known for solving mysterious investigations and surviving deadly monsters attacks around the province . His last investigation ended with him befriending a wolf mongrel, Yew, and being asked politely to leave Kessig. His gruff demeanor and combat prowess make him a fantastic huntsman but his years in the Ulvenwald have made him a terrible people person. With his unusual new partner Yew, Grove left Kessig to challenge the Somberwald of Stensia. Josh – Grimhild – Fighter: A taciturn monster hunter from the grim mountains of Stensia. A pale skinned, fair haired, and athletically muscular woman with a permanent scowl. With an obscured past and a chip on her shoulder she hunts many of the fiends of the dark. Though her relationship with the church and its angels is strained at best, she has become a stalwart, if grim, defender of the people they forgot. The post Dungeons and Dragons – Curse of Innistrahd Episode 13 appeared first on The Drunk and The Ugly.
Oct. 11, 2017
Check out the Kickstarter here! Gobblin’ is an original RPG setting and system where players control goblins settling and exploring a post-apocalyptic Earth. The creatures who crave violence, stupidity and chaos have just found the perfect means to obtain it. Everyone knows about goblins. They’re violent and stupid little green guys who with just enough brain cells to know what they’re doing and black enough hearts not to care. They live in fantastic worlds where wizards battle dragons, kingdoms rise and fall, and armies of swordsmen clash to save the world from evil. All the while, there’s always goblins looting corpses and stealing cabbages. When the higher races grew tired of the chaotic creatures so obnoxious that even the forces of evil didn’t want them around, they banded together to form a spell so powerful that it would reach across the entire realm. With what was essentially a magical, interdimensional eviction notice, every single goblin was hurled through time and space until they landed in what they would come to know as their new home. There were no humans or elves there, but those that had lived there before had left behind a strange world ravaged by war. The least cowardly of the goblins started to prod at the mysterious devices until they roared to life and the goblins cheered to realize their fate! This world had guns and cars, bazookas and robots! Things that exploded if you poked them enough! Exciting mutants and bombed out apartments that were MUCH cozier than any goblin hut. The goblins had a whole world of abandoned toys to discover, many of which could kill their fellow goblin from twenty paces away. The goblins ran wholeheartedly into their new world, wanting to be the first to discover the strangest mysteries, deadliest weapons and tastiest expired snack cakes of the world they would call Goblin House. The humans were gone from this place. The goblins would thrive in their ruins. Music Credits “Intuit” Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ The post Goblin Kickstarter is Live! appeared first on The Drunk and The Ugly.
Oct. 6, 2017
In the far future of the forty-first millenium, there is only war. But the Imperium of Man is not united. In a prosperous but isolated sub-sector, sector governor Duke Severus XIII secedes, claiming that the High Lords of Terra have bled the sector dry, only to leave its citizens to the tender mercies of an approaching Waaaagh!. And there are men and women willing to kill and die for the newly minted Severan Dominate and its principles of Interdependence, Justice, and Honesty. The -Aetherian Rex- 1st Auxilliary Corps approaches the mineral-rich battlefield of Hervara, a planet that – if lost – could spell the end of the Dominate’s dreams. They have the length of a single warp voyage to familiarize themselves with their new equipment, and for the Voidborn that form the core of the squad to meet their support specialists and allies from far-flung Severan worlds. Grav-chutes and repurposed mining lasers will take some getting used to, of course. But is it even possible to accustom oneself to the mysteries of the witch, or the strange ways of the abhuman Ogryn? PLAYERS Alex – Cornelius. Operator for the Severan Dominate. Content to spend his life navigating an armored coffin behind enemy lines; nonchalantly melting the Enemies of the Emperor while yelling at his latest comrade for perceived incompetence. James – Vorgen Nowak. A Heavy Gunner for the Severan Dominate. Always tries to be a reliable foundation for the team, either with his calm, collected style or his suite of heavy weaponry. Josh – Aloysius Vance.  A quiet psyker from an aggri-world, saved from the Black Ships of the Empire by the timely revolt. He largely keeps to himself, fully aware that the rank and file are disturbed by his presence. Kevin – Otho Valerius. Untested squad leader for the Severan Dominate. Still has a lot to learn about the ways of the Imperial Guard, but is determined to lead from the front with dignity and honor. Max – Fortunus “Fort” Diggles.  Ogryn soldier for the Severan Dominate. Large among even his inhuman kind, Fort is mountain of a man that more closely resembles the mountain. He is always happy to fight alongside his fellow soldiers and support them in their ambitions. The complexities of war often escape him, but he serves with his own blend of loyalty, commitment, and inhuman strength. Music Credits “District Four” Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/ The post Only War – Severan Dominate Episode 1 appeared first on The Drunk and The Ugly.
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